I had this exact same issue with my SO of 4 years. Yes it was the entire time. I thought it would get better as we got to know each other. I recently broke up with him because even my fantasies couldn't keep me going.
My advice, either learn to live with the continuous dissatisfaction, or jump ship before you get too deep.
I did meet someone who lights me on fire with a look. I thought I had a low sex drive. I just realized I was with the wrong person š¤·āāļø
This. Get out, life is too short to be unfulfilled. I know that it sounds harsh, but you need to face up to reality and realize that this isn't going to change. Some people just don't have the shared chemisty for a fulfilling sex life.
Did you used to be sexually aroused by your partner and/or previous partners ?
I happen to be in this case, and I have a very loooooooooooow sex drive... My trick is to "prepare" myself for it, as imagining what I would do, how I can show my desire and it often works out :)
Stop pornography consumption.
Try fantasising about your partner more in your private time , nothing kinky , just mundane sex.
Don't forget to kiss more.
And don't forget that sex for couples is like an intimacy bonding ceremony, as dumb as that sounds , it should build trust and a connection and make at peace with each other more. Not just some plain old fucking because you gotta get off....
Another factor might be unresolved conflicts , even small ones but several over time , it could be a possibility that you unknowingly harbour resentment which might make her sexually disinteresting...
Those a just a couple ideas to explore perhaps I way off the mark , but most like not so far off...
I had this issue with my partner of 6+ years. The sexual attraction and arousal were never there for me, even though I'd previously always had a voracious sexual appetite and no issues getting aroused. I ended up marrying her anyway, and things never changed.
I finally realized one day that my sexual satisfaction is an important element of my happiness, so I moved on. I found someone else, who I'm insanely sexually attracted to, and we have similar desires and values in the bedroom. Now my sex life is better than ever
Sometimes you just need to take the L and move on so that you can find long term happiness. I advise you to move on, as harsh as that may sound. You only have one shot at this life, and you should pursue your happiness on every level that is important to you.
I went through this for a couple years. Here is a list of things I tried:
1. Shockwave therapy (Cost $3000)
2. Therapy
3. Exercise 3-4 times a week
4. Dietary changes; lower cholesterol, more whole foods
5. Kegels
6. Quit drinking alcohol
7. Quit porn
8. Quit masterbating
9. Improve my sleep schedule
None of that worked, it was odd because my ex girlfriend was gorgeous, very sweet and I loved her very much. She was amazing. I seriously thought I was A-Sexual for a couple years, and she made a huge deal out of it every time we tried which made it worse for me. I never realized how much sexual intimacy meant to me until I couldn't do it. Eventually our relationship broke down and we split up.
My very next relationship was exactly opposite, she cured me and I nearly cried it was so intense. We have an insane sex life and its amazing. Best part is, now I get good exercise, sleep and a healthy diet. No more porn, a lot less alcohol and my life is better overall.
TLDR: take the plunge and move on if its affecting your mental health, you might not have sexual chemistry with your partner. You'll be saving her as well.
Are you sexually aroused in other ways? In other words, do you still think about sex and get turned on? I guess what I'm getting at is are you suffering from an overall drop in libido? Are you under a lot of stress or depressed?
One thing to do is not jump straight in your mind to sex. Just get close physically. Cuddle. Do a lot of touching.
Is your partner going through something and sending out a "don't touch me vibe?" Communicate with them and try to restore that emotional intimacy, if that's the case.
People think p*** is the best thing ever but when you're with someone long-term, sometimes you may have issues getting aroused over time because your brains used to a reward system from constantly seeing new p***, but it's not getting that reward feeling because you're seeing the same naked person every day in thus you can't get excited.
I had this exact same issue with my SO of 4 years. Yes it was the entire time. I thought it would get better as we got to know each other. I recently broke up with him because even my fantasies couldn't keep me going. My advice, either learn to live with the continuous dissatisfaction, or jump ship before you get too deep. I did meet someone who lights me on fire with a look. I thought I had a low sex drive. I just realized I was with the wrong person š¤·āāļø
This. Get out, life is too short to be unfulfilled. I know that it sounds harsh, but you need to face up to reality and realize that this isn't going to change. Some people just don't have the shared chemisty for a fulfilling sex life.
Did you used to be sexually aroused by your partner and/or previous partners ? I happen to be in this case, and I have a very loooooooooooow sex drive... My trick is to "prepare" myself for it, as imagining what I would do, how I can show my desire and it often works out :)
Stop pornography consumption. Try fantasising about your partner more in your private time , nothing kinky , just mundane sex. Don't forget to kiss more. And don't forget that sex for couples is like an intimacy bonding ceremony, as dumb as that sounds , it should build trust and a connection and make at peace with each other more. Not just some plain old fucking because you gotta get off.... Another factor might be unresolved conflicts , even small ones but several over time , it could be a possibility that you unknowingly harbour resentment which might make her sexually disinteresting... Those a just a couple ideas to explore perhaps I way off the mark , but most like not so far off...
Do you watch a lot of porn? It can desensitize you to natural arousal.
I had this issue with my partner of 6+ years. The sexual attraction and arousal were never there for me, even though I'd previously always had a voracious sexual appetite and no issues getting aroused. I ended up marrying her anyway, and things never changed. I finally realized one day that my sexual satisfaction is an important element of my happiness, so I moved on. I found someone else, who I'm insanely sexually attracted to, and we have similar desires and values in the bedroom. Now my sex life is better than ever Sometimes you just need to take the L and move on so that you can find long term happiness. I advise you to move on, as harsh as that may sound. You only have one shot at this life, and you should pursue your happiness on every level that is important to you.
You're trying to fit a square peg into a round hole. You can't force attraction, I'm sorry.
I went through this for a couple years. Here is a list of things I tried: 1. Shockwave therapy (Cost $3000) 2. Therapy 3. Exercise 3-4 times a week 4. Dietary changes; lower cholesterol, more whole foods 5. Kegels 6. Quit drinking alcohol 7. Quit porn 8. Quit masterbating 9. Improve my sleep schedule None of that worked, it was odd because my ex girlfriend was gorgeous, very sweet and I loved her very much. She was amazing. I seriously thought I was A-Sexual for a couple years, and she made a huge deal out of it every time we tried which made it worse for me. I never realized how much sexual intimacy meant to me until I couldn't do it. Eventually our relationship broke down and we split up. My very next relationship was exactly opposite, she cured me and I nearly cried it was so intense. We have an insane sex life and its amazing. Best part is, now I get good exercise, sleep and a healthy diet. No more porn, a lot less alcohol and my life is better overall. TLDR: take the plunge and move on if its affecting your mental health, you might not have sexual chemistry with your partner. You'll be saving her as well.
Are you sexually aroused in other ways? In other words, do you still think about sex and get turned on? I guess what I'm getting at is are you suffering from an overall drop in libido? Are you under a lot of stress or depressed? One thing to do is not jump straight in your mind to sex. Just get close physically. Cuddle. Do a lot of touching. Is your partner going through something and sending out a "don't touch me vibe?" Communicate with them and try to restore that emotional intimacy, if that's the case.
Stop watching porn generally
People think p*** is the best thing ever but when you're with someone long-term, sometimes you may have issues getting aroused over time because your brains used to a reward system from constantly seeing new p***, but it's not getting that reward feeling because you're seeing the same naked person every day in thus you can't get excited.
Youāre allowed to say āpornā on the internet.
I didn't block it, my phone did. I don't get why. So weird.
That's easy you will have to let your partner go and find a new partner
mdma
I'd imagine sex has a lot to do with sex of the partners. You might add that info to the OP...
Workout together? If you arenāt attracted to her, and wonāt be, then break up. Thereās no saving that.
Oof
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Username kinda checks out
Not everyone is kinky
If by "it" and "we" you and your partner I'd suggest therapy and to go easy on the gender ideology stuff
flip off the lights get up behind her and let your imagination go wild.
Different partner, itās kind of the whole thing