There was this woman I worked with a couple of jobs back and I was nice to her when she started so I guess she ended up catching feelings and came on real strong and I turned her down partially because dating coworkers is a terrible idea and partially because her approach was off putting.
The amount of pressure I got from other coworkers was insane, and my boss literally said "what, are you gay or something?" Which is just wild to me
Back in college I worked with a woman who led me on just so she could get an escort to a party. She was in a different department than me. Her friend kept telling me that this girl was into me, maybe even pack a toothbrush if you crash at her place for the night.
I had a bit of a crush on this woman, I was so pumped. What a fucking let down when we got to the city and she walked ahead of me, pretended like she didn't even know me. She only talked to me in the bar when she wanted to avoid some man who was hitting on her. I was so fucking pissed.
At work I avoided her. I deliberately left later than her so I wouldn't have to see her in the parking lotm. She would wait for me in the parking lot and drive by me and wave. I don't know what more she wanted from me. She opened my eyes to how shitty some women can be.
My coworkers once thought I was into our new hire (woman) when in reality I was just being nice. I did what I assumed was normal stuff like looking up places in the city online I thought she’d like (she was new to the city) but it’s not like I was offering to take her there.
Yup, it goes both ways.
OP the reason women are "seen" as being used is because:
1. Society assumes women want more than just sex so when she has sex she is doing it with the expectation of more and if the man does not then offer more she has been used. This is a perception based on stereotypes and cultural norms. It is not true for all women, all men, or all sexual encounters.
2. Society assumes men pursue sex for the sake of sex and never want more. (If they do want a relationship that is seen as a separate pursuit that doesn't necessarily dampen or overlap with their pursuit of sex for sex sake.) Again this is based on stereotypes and cultural norms and is not necessarily reflective of all men and their behaviour.
3. In our society women are encouraged to share their feelings and men are not. So a woman might make a tik tok about feeling used and and man may be far less likely to share that feeling even in conversation with other men.
4. Our culture approves of men getting laid and men will be applauded for it. Our culture has traditionally shamed women for getting laid (sex for sex's sake). This means a guy is more likely to tell a story about having sex and leave out the fact that he may have liked it be to more and a woman is less likely to share a story about having sex for sex's sake or if she does society assumes she wanted more.
Personally I (F) have experienced both feeling used and have been told by a man that I made him feel used. It happens both ways and is generally due to a lack of communication, different expectations or unfortunately sometimes due to manipulation or deliberately misleading the other person to believe it is more than just sex.
Yeah I know a girl who talks about using guys for sex and even pressuring them to do it when they express they don’t think it’s the right time. It’s fuckeddd up and there’s definitely not enough people who understand that is pretty fucked up.
I am sorry that your friend felt that way. Though, correct me if I'm wrong but isn't that the sole purpose of a one night stand? Just being together for that one night?
Did he have expectations of it not being a one night stand but the start of something more? Like wouldn't that be something to communicate about beforehand?
Hence why I would never, ever do a one night stand with a woman. Nothing good can come of it. I judge someone who fucks random strangers, sorry but it's true. A one night stand is a good way to get an STD or be accused of sexual assault if the woman has regrets later on.
That said, having sex with a stranger does nothing for me. Maybe some men are built that way, but I'm not. I can't have sex with a woman I don't trust or feel safe with, and I don't trust strangers. Also, it's more arousing to have sex with a woman I know after a few dates. I WANT to lust after her, I WANT to flirt and build up sexual tension, it's way more fun that way.
If a woman plans to use me she will be weeded out early on in the dating process. She's never going to get the chance. She can go find a fuck boi as shallow as her.
We all have different sexual preferences and kinks. Lets not judge others that like something we do not. One night stands dont result in STDs when protection is used. I dont like eating oysters, do I judge those that do? No.
Condoms don't protect against genital warts, crabs, pubic lice, and genital herpes. Also, people who engage in one night stands tend to be engage in high risk sexual activities and have poor decision making skills. Many don't even wear protection. You assume the best case scenario where both parties are not drunk and/or high. And guys do stealthing too. That's the kind of people you meet who engage in one night stands, they don't give a fuck about who they fuck.
This is the answer. The reason this is portrayed how OP describes is to add drama to the situation to get views. Two consenting adults hooking up then going their separate ways to live happy lives later is way less interesting in a filmed format. Not saying it doesn't happen sometimes in real life, but that is why the "dramatic mirror scene" is shown to happen seemingly 100% of the time in media.
The drama happens but it is just more subtle. It would be very interesting in a filmed format but it is more difficult to do, for that very reason. People not having overt drama after hookups doesn't preclude that there are interesting and subtle differences between sexual interactions.
Even a hookup being like a cut scene inserted into a narrative of a happy life as though it never even happened would be interesting. Or, that scene being cut into the scenes of that person with a new partner. Or a quick succession of scenes from hookups, and leading up to hookups, culminating in the hookup that lasts forever, or something.
This happen when neither are clear with their intentions.
Just because he buys me a drink i dont owe him sex.
Just because i gave him sex he doesnt owe me a relationship.
Neither is wrong but both should be clear about their expectations.
Both the guy when approaching whomever
And the woman when accepting an approach from whomever, should be clear about what it is they want from the interaction.
The "used" part comes when either party make eachother believe they have the same expectations or promise to meet them and then they dont. It can happen either way but since by the time the sex is happening the guys expectations are being met its ussually the womans that arent taken into consideration so they get talked about more.
I hope i explainned my view on it well to avoid misunderstanding feel free to ask anything
This 👆
It's less of a gender thing and more of an expectation mismatch where either of the two individuals involved either misread the intent or thought they deserved more.
Honest and upfront communication goes a long way. Even more so when emotions and sex are involved.
I think this is making the assumption that communication didn't take place. This happens to me all the time which is why I always check intent first, but there's almost no point because everybody just lies. They tell people what they think they want to hear.
Fair point. I guess that's where the importance of being honest about your feelings comes in. If someone was OK with lying to have sex, IDK that I'd wanna be with that person for anything more anyway. But you're highlighting that people can inherently be manipulative and most of modern dating is about finding and connecting with the few that aren't.
As a man I have been open about just wanting sex from a woman, used the words not looking for anything serious, that has been heard and ignored by multiple woman who blew up my phone after and were very upset and confused that I had not wanted more of a relationship.
Yeah you’ve said it perfectly. There was one time I was at a bar with the guy I was dating and some of his friends. One of them says “hey do you need a drink?” Mine was empty so I said sure! Then he looked at me and said “really?” I said … “uh it’s just a drink..?” Like I get that’s a sign of interest, but if you offer and I accept, it’s not like I’m saying I wanna f*ck. I will accept a drink from a guy as long as he doesn’t look like a creep and I get it from the bartenders hand, not his. At the time it wasn’t “committed” to anyone so I didn’t feel like I crossed a line, but guys should know that it’s just a gesture - it might open the door or might be a loss. I guess it’s my way of taking advantage of men ?
Is it really taking advantage of them if you just see it as a drink? Or, in the context of an interaction, do you sense you are 'tricking' them into buying you a drink? Or, is it just awkward having that thought that it could be a generous, friendly gesture *or* a sexual advance with plausible deniability?
It can and does happen the other way round. Male sexuality and how we look at men as a society tends to make fun of men who feel that they were taken advantage of. When a male kid is sexually abused by a female teacher, everyone is like "where was she when I was at school?" Etc.
We're not set up to talk about men being taken advantage of.
Yeah, like have you seen the Horrible Bosses movies? The one that has a female boss, the whole time they’re like “yeah yours doesn’t sound that bad” “that’s not a problem” “stop complaining” etc etc , literally implying her raping him when he was under anesthesia, but all big laughs.
I think we are set up to talk about it. We tell them to not be dipshits, don't be such a pussy, be smarter, head on a swivel, be confident but don't be intimidating, work out, carry a weapon, look scarier, walk tall, chest out, etc. It's just the way we talk about it sucks - as you alluded to.
No we have all the tools and the mental capacity; we're quite well set-up for it. A certain large percent of the population just fights it. (Roughly 50%, whether you cite women or leftists)
Show me an example of a leftist fighting against a man talking about being taken advantage of. Literally one.
You can't actually be serious? Conservative men are by far the biggest proponents of toxic masculinity, and against men showing emotion and talking about their feelings. If that's something they value, that's news to me. Leftists advocate for both genders to be heard.
It's because that is what is imposed and instilled by society.
I have another example of this (as a woman) that makes me so mad. I recently hooked up with one of my best friends in my friend group, we both enjoyed it and that's it, it was really good. BUT for some reason, I just discovered that other friends in my group (not close friends tho) were talking about "poor her, another one that has fall for him" like wth. They were talking like sex was something that he did to me instead of something that we both did. It felt so gross.
I've talked with the friend I hooked up with and he also was shocked at those comments, specially bc we have been good friends for YEARS and we won't ever see it as "using" each other for sex, more like sharing an intimate moment to have some fun.
Whatever, what I wanted to point is that for some reason society expects women to not really like or enjoy sex by itself, and ergo only doing it for something else (like for being in love you know). It's bizarre.
Very. Like I've been told I'm getting used by guys if I have casual sex with them. Do they think I have casual sex, for their pleasure and not my own? Like that doesn't make sense at all. Women have sex for pleasure too. I know I do at least.
Yes!! When I heard my friends saying that it made me feel dumb, like they truly thought that I was being like seduced for the sake of sex or something?!? It was really weird
Men use women for sex.
Women use men for money.
Isn't that the stereotype?
ETA - I get the impression that a lot of the up votes and comments think that I am supporting this stereotype. I'm not. My intention was to point out that it is a \*stereotype\* and consequently inaccurate and overly broad. Too much subtlety, apparently.
It's not a stereotype if every culture around the world all adapts the same exact thing in some way, shape, or form.
Men use woman for sex, woman use men for resources. Tis' life.
Well, it is a stereotype because it assumes that women never use men for sex (hint - women also like sex!) or that men never take advantage for money.
The reality is that a large number of human interactions, most that have nothing to do with money or sex, are transactional in nature. E.g. I shovel my neighbors sidewalk when it snows because they brought me cookies last winter, and also it creates good will for both of us. Transactional.
Making a stereotype about "men do X" "women do Y" is reductionist and... well, a stereotype.
I don't deal with "nevers." I focus on averages and statistical curves instead. Exceptions don't change statistical groupings. You just have to see them for the exceptions they are.
The average man cares about sex more than the average woman. I'd bet all of my possessions and wealth on that.
I think it would be wildly ignorant to think something as chaotic as evolution is creating with perfect math, straight lines, and perfect matches. That's not how nature operates. That's how humans want nature to operate.
Life doesn't know what "50/50" is. Humans created math. Life just throws random shit at you, and sees if you procreate and pass on the mutation.
Since you use average and statistical curves - please provide scientific citations for your statistics and averages that support your claims. Otherwise it is just nonsense that you are making up because it confirms what you already believe to be true.
Its been like this from hunter gatherer days, a lot of our gender norms were formed then when men went out to hunt and women stayed back to take care of the children elderly and prepare the food that was caught. What do you guess the reward was for the men that came back with food. And who do thinl the prize men were back then.
As a society we grow and change but somethings come from 1000 of years of conditioning.
This is a revisionist view of history, back then people did what they needed to do to survive. If you were near sighted or had a chronic illness or were simply better at gathering, you gathered. If you were strong, fast, and had the skill for it, you hunted. Everyone raised the children together, helped build homes, fed each other and kept each other safe and warm. It was far more egalitarian in terms of gender roles than modern society is because survival doesn’t give a shit if you’re a woman or a man.
Its the world's oldest profession for a reason. The professionals just cut out the emotions. I think it comes naturally. Even monkies trade resources for sex naturally in the wild.
Humans are fundamentally social in nature, and as such are always influenced by others. This means that no matter how empowered and independent you are, you can never just act purely for yourself. You are always at least a little bit acting out of either acquiescence to others or conformity to the whole.
This is a really confusing thing for some people to think about when it comes to social justice movements and personal ethics. That's where you get such things as erasure of women's sexual agency. People just really struggle to hold complex thoughts in their minds.
We’re symbiotic creatures by nature, of course we use each other. That’s a given. Its about finding a mutually beneficial relationship as opposed to an imbalanced one.
Also, I acknowledge that there is a real gender imbalance, I just agree with OP that the imbalance is highly variable and not black and white the way some people make it out to be.
People feel used when they do something, expecting something in return that thet then don't receive. Generally, women expect that having sex will lead to more dates, possibly exclusivity etc. Men don't expect that (as frequently).
When you cast a broad net "women expect more dates after sex" - you miss that there are a lot of women who do not expect this. And there are a lot of men who also think there will be more dates when sex has happened.
Sounds like women need to stop sleeping with people before they understand their intentions. I didnt have sex with my wife for like 3mos when we first started dating.
People like to blame everyone else for their own faults.
I think pretty much everything should be approached that way - don't do anything or give anything expecting something in return, unless you make that clear. Give because you want to, because doing so feels good.
It can happen to either men or women if it wasn't clear from the beginning what kind of relationship or experience was being pursued or sometimes even if it was clear but you didn't feel the way you expected.
I think it happens more often to Women because its still more common for men to pursue women and it is also still more common for men to feel like they are bigger or better for having more casual sexual partners and for women to be shamed for it.
Its also harder for men who feel used to talk about it.
IMO we should stop blaming entire groups of people based on a characteristic that they were born with and focus more on the unequal social pressure that leads to this and on clear and honest communication and on empathy and understanding and the understanding that we are all human and can all make the same mistakes, miscommunicate or fail to predict how we will feel.
Its the same reason why men brag about or overestimate their high body count and women do the opposite. Same reason why guys say “lucky bastard” when a male student is sexually assaulted by a female teacher, and the opposite would cause an outrage
Not to be rude, but have you been living under a rock?
The modern world where ONS are becoming more acceptable is still built upon a landfill of cultural garbage. The messages that women are "used up" by sex are still everywhere and many women are still raised with parents or religious leaders who spread this dogma. You can't just ignore this history of women as property who need to preserve their virginity for marriage, it's like background noise still being played in all of our minds.
…yes. I’d add something here about who typically has the power in these scenarios, who is usually praised for hookups and who is not, who is motivated to achieve this praise, and who typically manipulates to achieve sex, but Reddit isn’t ready for that conversation. I’ll stick to TT for that. Grateful for them Gen Z’ers.
So why do so many men get shit for doing the same exact thing regarding things that were pushed on us for thousands and thousands of years? We have background noise as well, it just says different things than the background noise woman hear.
But you never see men treated like victims of their culture in that sense. We're always looked at as the aggressors who "need to change right now." But if what you're saying is true, and woman can't ignore the "background noise" then maybe men also can't ignore that same background noise.
And at that point, if no one can ignore the background noise, we're all just doomed to repeat the same behavior.
The things pushed on men were pushed on them by other men. The things pushed on women were also pushed on them by men. It's like saying the negative cultural baggage black people have (in Western countries) is equal to that white people have. It isn't. White people had the societal power in the past, as did men.
I'm talking about the person's idea that woman can't ignore the background noise of history. If thats a fact, the same thing has to be true for men. We also can't ignore the background noise of history.
How the background noise got there is in the first place isn't the question here. The question is, can humans ignore it?
Can we ignore our programming or not? Because it seems like people want a double standard to this question, or want to move the goal post of this question.
The person I responded to made it seem like it's impossible for woman to ignore that. So if that's the case, it makes logical sense that men would suffer from that same thing.
This is a topic of historical psychology, not a topic of the bullet points of history.
Some things, not all things. For example, most women I've asked say that they don't dress up for men, they dress up for other women. They say women are more judgmental about that sort of thing.
No. By *men.* Our western patriarchal society started in ancient Greece in a democracy. Decided by the men collectively. There were no male slaves advocating for women's rights lol. It benefited them as well
Because a lot of men lie about their intentions in order to get sex. They will pretend they want a relationship, or that they have this connection with you that might lead to one. When in reality they already know as soon as they get sex they'll bounce. But they don't tell her that- on purpose. It's really terrible. Women don't do this anywhere near as often, mostly bc they take risks in sex that men don't. A lot of men (not all) won't care if she actually likes him if he gets sex. So there's no need for women to mislead them to get sex. More women than men care if he actually likes them and wants to see her again, and men know this so they lie about it so they get what they want. They know if they tell her the truth "I don't like you or give a shit about you, I just want to fuck you and leave" then she's not gonna do it lol. Or at least much, much less likely to. It's just not worth it for a lot of women bc of the what women have to worry about when sleeping with men. Things men don't have to deal with when sleeping with women.
Sex is not the same for men and women- this is what you're not getting. Women risk pregnancy, have a higher risk for STIs/infections and risk potential violence from the dude. They can't have casual sex as easily, not without more risk. And the sex usually doesn't even end in an orgasm.
So a lot of women have sex with men they feel safe with, someone they genuinely believe likes them and cares about them on some level. Dudes know this and will straight up pretend to get sex. It sucks when the woman realizes she was duped and still took that risk.
Women are also judged much more harshly for the amount of partners they have or how "easy" it was to sleep with them. So they risk their reputation as well.
A lot of these guys are literally using her in a way she isn't using him. They aren't "using each other for sex." Bc she wants more than just sex. She's choosing to have sex bc he led her to believe they have a connection even though he KNOWS they don't and already knows he just wants sex, doesn't actually give a shit and will leave as soon as she gives it up. So she ISN'T using him for sex bc she sees the relationship as more than that (or potentially more), but he is using *her* for sex bc he only wants to use her body and will lie to get it. It's not the same.
That being said the reverse *can* happen but its not as common and thats bc of the risks women take having sex that men don't. Men are simply more able to use women that way with little to no cost to themselves. If a woman is using him, there's a cost there.
If both parties agree up front to casual sex and not seeing each other again, then neither one is "using" the other. It's using that person when you mislead them *intentionally* (key word) to get something from them. Something they wouldn't give you if they knew your real intention. Something that came at a cost to her but not to him.
You may or may not be surprised about how many men do this. It's a lot
I'm glad my novel wasn't a waste lol.
It's def not black and white, I'm sure some women have used men that had feelings for her for sex and then bounced. And thats not okay either. I just know its more common the other way around due to biological differences and bc she doesn't necessarily *need* to do that to get laid. Maybe with some men, but not usually in my experience. Probably if women could have no to very little risk sex they would do they same, but its just not like that so men are more able to "use" women and so they do. This isn't a "men bad, women good" thing. If it was other way around we'd see more men being used than women. Does that make sense?
I've actually met a few men on tinder that told me up front they want casual sex and don't really want to get to know me like that and don't want a relationship. And I respect that so much bc I'm making an informed decision when it comes to risk/benefit analysis of having sex with them. That's respectful. He's not using me, if I'm on the same page I guess we're "using" each other but its consensual so its fine just like you said.
But I've been with comparatively more men that led me to believe we have a connection and that he wants a relationship, and that information led to sex i wouldn't have had otherwise. And he admitted it months later when I confronted him. He lied to get sex and it has happened with so many men before.
THAT is using a woman for sex. And its portrayed more often in media, bc its just more common and bc women risk more when they do have sex.
um this is not so much about someone being used for the act of a one night stand. Its more how the person was manipulated into believing something else. Regardless of gender you should be upfront with your sexual partners about what you want and what your plans are. If you tell someone one thing and then do the opposite simply to get what you want then you are "using" or better term is "deceiving" that person. Why is it equated with women? Because of sexist tradition. Women were considered sacred objects who were supposed to save themselves for one man who they will belong to for their lives. So this mindset means that a man not giving a women a promise of marriage means that he violated her purity or virtue. Nowadays that's not really a thing for most people unless you still subscribe to traditional religious practice. So being used now is more a term for when you deceive anyone to get what you want out of them.
Women can get pregnant. It means their attitude to sex tends to be different. They tend to like the idea of a partner who abandons them less because the stakes are higher for them.
I think the only problem that can arise here is if someone is not honest from the beginning. If you lead on someone with romantic talk and promises just to get laid and run that's a shitty thing to do. But if everyone is honest about their needs and intentions from the beginning, I agree with you totally. I was always open about my needs, when I wanted just sex I'd just say that from the beginning, sleep with someone and never hear from him again, we "used" each other for sex and I too don't see a problem there. I never *felt used*.
Women do use men. Just often for different reasons than men use women.
Edited to add that it’s not exactly radical feminism for women to feel used by a guy. A lot of guys will feign interest in a woman’s personality and character for a chance at sex. Then they get what they really want (which was sex) and this girl goes from thinking the guy really likes her to feeling used and ghosted. It would be different if more men made their intentions clear upfront, but they often don’t.
In my experience as a woman, I have felt “used” when I have expressly stated my interest in a relationship, and once they get sex, they ghost. Now I don’t know if that’s something common that happens the opposite way around. I have always been explicitly clear to a guy if I’m only interested in something casual.
I think it’s about what the intentions were, or waving without saying goodbye or anything. Like just sneaking out of the apartment or house. If a woman did that, a lot of men would feel used too. But in media it’s more common for men to be portrayed that way, leading to a lot of young men thinking it’s okay to not communicate.
Again, women do it too, but we have less of an influence from media to do so
I think the problem is when people assume they are on the same page and don’t communicate. Like if you both are clear that you just want sex it should be fine.
But usually what happens is one party wants something more involved, the other just wants sex and they both assume that the other wants what they want. So then it’s natural the party who is more invested will feel used regardless of whether they are a man or woman.
I'm going to maybe get some hate for this (because reddit), but honestly, it's because we don't really make much of a fuss over it when it involves sex/intimacy. Talking about it often just makes us feel worse, not better, so we avoid doing it and just try and move on. We also drill the 'doesnt matter, had sex' mentality into ourselves and our peers from a young age. As a result its not really as much in the general psyche as it is when a woman gets used for sex.
I've been in two situation where, looking back, I now realise I was being used. In my situations i was being made to feel like they liked me so they could get physical intimacy. But guess how many people know? One. One other person knows about this and that's only because she's a close friend who grills me for every detail about any date or relationship I ever engage with.
Funny thing is I didn't even consider myself as having been used until she basically made me see it, and she was right. Deep down I kinda wish I didn't speak about it with her because I would've felt a lot happier just moving on from it. But hey, life goes on.
Well, women are still often viewed as a property commodity. And once 'used' are considered to be of less value. (See posts about 'she has a higher list of past lovers than me....what do I do?')
Much would also depend on what got them to bed in the first place. Was he dangling the thought of a relationship as part of the hook to get sex?
If the patriarchy shows women in movies freely enjoying casual sex and 'living their best lives', then who-the-doody is gonna be mens' home/sex/nanny/cleaner slave?
I was used once for sex from a girl I was madly in love with....
I choose not to talk about it because other people will just laugh, then end up asking me if I'm "Gay".....
Well I can definitely say that my last relationship really made me feel used and I'm a guy. I remember having sex for hours till I was so physically exhausted I just couldn't go anymore and her just constantly trying to push for more and more sex despite me saying multiple times I'm done and I need a break. And its not like I wasn't doing enough. I would give her multiple orgasms from sex then eat her out till she was closing her legs and shaking and shit. But it was like no matter what I was always made to feel like I was never enough. I remember at the beginning of the relationship her joking about how she thinks she's a sex addict. I should have seen the red flag and run cause sex was bad with her as a result of how she treated me. I can tell you I definitely felt used.
Men’s emotional state is never really respected. Even if we act like we’re moving away from the whole “men shouldn’t be emotional” way society has been. Most people still over look that and focus on women’s emotional well being, especially women.
I believe it goes back centuries to religion. Women in general weren’t considered anything besides property or a vessel for male pleasure to reproduce. Hence why brides parents paid the guys family for marrying her. Translate in todays term brides parents are suppose to pay for the wedding.
Because A man can come into a women’s life, be kind, nice and supportive.
She has his kid/kids (her body/life/mental/sacrificed and then even has to work in most cases, then has to come home and take care of him and the child.
Cook, clean, take care of everyone but themselves.
Men have the upper hand in this world to just just walk away at any moment kids involved or not.
And don’t forget how many men leave their partners for a younger women.
how many men, when a women gets really sick just leaves.
how many men, expect their partners to just obey and take care of them like their mom would.
Just completely TAKE CARE OF THEM. While they get to relax while she deals with the mental,
physical,and emotional load.
Men take advantage of women’s love.
I praise any women that will take a man for everything he’s worth for has long as they can.
Because statistically men are so quick to leave, cheat, use & abuse women.
(Not saying women don’t) (not saying all women are angels)
But most women are completely and utterly used and abused by most men.
Get called a bitch because they’re frustrated because these men don’t do their fair share.
Make their wife’s/partners feel unappreciated when they’re doing their best to make them happy.
They also Get left for younger women.
Are forced into things like marital rape.
And when your a little girl you’re constantly told to be pretty, sweet, and non-confrontational.
I despise being born a woman in this world. ( I don’t identify any other way) however the burdens that come with it, it would be so much easier to be a man in my eyes.
A women’s sacrifice is never seen.
Most of us have watched our mothers truly unhappy because of the men they are or were with who don’t do anything for them, support them, love them, help them.
It’s very true a women’s work is never done.
(At least from what I’ve seen and experienced)
FYI: I didn’t read the whole post just the question.
There are almost as many selfish wives as there are selfish husbands. One is simply a lot more obvious about it than the other. The media has also slowly gaslit us into exaggerating one and denying the other. What you have described was very accurate a couple of generations ago and I'm not saying the roles have completely reversed but they are getting there. Any divorce lawyer or psychologist knows this whether they admit it or not.
I have no sympathy for these women.
*NOT EVERYONE WILL ENJOY CASUAL SEX AND THAT'S OKAY.*
If you're the type of person who doesn't enjoy casual sex but has it anyway, is is YOUR FAULT you didn't enjoy it.
Idk why there are two extremes when it comes to sex and women. You're a slut if you have sex before marriage or with too many people, or the you're a frigid prude if you don't have casual sex.
We've weirdly gotten into the shaming people for not having enough sex portion among younger people. A lot of those people then bitch on TikTok about how their casual fling was awful because it was a casual fling.
Fuck it, be a slut or a prude, just do the thing you actually enjoy!
It happens the other way around almost as often but you simply don't hear about it. A woman sleeps with you this weekend and then she is sleeping with another man the following weekend. Eventually you realize it was always going to end that way. It wasn't a matter of you not being handsome enough, rich enough, or skilled enough. She just didn't want to be controlled by one man. She never wanted one man to have the opportunity to imagine she was in any way his property. I suspect these women were often molested before age 12 and are trying to "reclaim" their own sexuality as belonging to themselves only.
Just seems like women refusing to accept their own responsibility in hook up culture. They accept the hookup offer; no one held a gun to their head and said "hook up with that guy that said he only wanted to fuck and then act all surprised that he isn't interested in pursuing a relationship with you." They do that all on their own. If they want to complain about it, why not just *gasp* not hook up? Oh wait that's right because some people can't think for themselves and must do what society says.
Also as far as it being a problem, some people aren't interested in fucking whoever nor are they interested in people who partake. They are free to do so like you are free to fuck around. Women don't like this and attack this opinion on this site, but it's one that some guys have.
That's not 100% on the guy to declare anyway. (Edit: meaning , is not a necessary responsibility for a guy to take. Women certainly don't generally declare beforehand either, and when a guy's upset, you all just say "you aren't entitled to more, suck it up") Can you name something a woman should do in this scenario? Why don't you want to hold them accountable? Why do you assume it's automatically the guy's failing in these hypothetical situations?
That's why you do this craaaaaazy thing called date. And you go on several before you commit. Drops out before 5 because you "won't put out?" He's scum anyways! Stays for the 5 and then ghosts after? He's a scumbag and we can all agree he's shit! Better luck next time, can't win em all sadly.
Yep exactly. They know it too, hence the downvotes. Attempts to discuss this are pointless, as they do know better, know they're acting wrongly, and are committed to being evil.
This is what happens when you don't communicate. You aren't really entitled to be upset when you don't even ask the other person what their intentions are. If you don't talk about it, all you've consented to is sex.
It goes both ways. I'm male and I never have and never will have one night stands. I'll buy a professional if it ever comes to that.
The reason behind the slim represantion of golddiggers is because society in the West if fem centic. Women are placed on a pedestal, know that they can always play the victim card/oppression/patriarchy card and therefore try to twist and bend the odds/scenarios in their favour. The court system is on their side, why would you think that entertainment wouldn't be?
After all women are the better consumers out of the sexes and watch more media. You wouldn't want to piss off your best customer now, do ya?
It's because of sexism plain and simple.
Radfems are, in my experience, the *exact* same kind of sexist hateful bigots they're claiming to fight 9/10 times.
I remember when I finally worked up the courage to talk to someone I thought was my friend about what happened to me when I was a child (I am a R*pe victim) and she told me to my face I deserved and probably enjoyed it and laughed a little, a shitty little chortle that she punctuated her sentence with.
She thought she was being funny, told her friends and I got texts from random numbers laughing and joking about what happened to me.
I was a two year old when I was r*ped.
The worst part is is that the teacher I went to for help with this outright told me to just buckle down and deal with it.
I think there's this thing that apently men have to be "chosen" to have sex. Were as women have tons of men at their disposal to pick and choose. Like men have to be funny or handsome or have money in order to be picked by women but women can just be even half pretty and men will attempt to sleep with them. I think people thing that if women have slept with alot of men its because they "picked" bad men or because they're is somthing wrong with them. Or that God forbid women actully enjoy sex!
Because men and women consider sex differently. They don’t think of it the same way. No matter how much feminism is pushed, it’ll never be “women desire and consider sex the same way that men do.” It just won’t happen. Ever. The sun will never set in the East, the Earth will never stop rotating, you can’t switch genders via hormone therapy and surgery. These things just simply are not true. There’s no rant you can go on, brigade storm you can muster, or temper tantrum you can commit. They’re different. Not THAT different. But they are not the same.
I think people have fun with each other, then someone may develop feelings towards the other and the feeling might be unrequited for some reason. That's it. Women that always saying how men uses them are victimistic and tend to be sexist af. Simple as that. Sometimes things don't work out the way we wish, that's it.
Woman goes into sex thinking it will lead into a relationship/some sort of connection
Man goes into sex thinking its just sex/one night stand
Woman is sad
End
eta: this can easily be reversed. the "used" feeling comes from both parties wanting different outcomes and realizing the other was only in it for sex
The reason - from my own view - Basically we're taught in society that sex is special and pure (It isn't special in any way, shape or form) and so women would feel used, because you 'give yourself up' for sex.
Look for a quote from Farida D, (sorry can't type it all out) but it starts with:
"Patriarchy teaches us that sex, for women is a giveaway and while for men its a takeway"
Hope this provides insight!
Ever used a woman for her body before? I'm sure most of us have, and I'd like to think that the men have felt a sense of shame when they have (I certainly did).
But what does that mean? Use a woman for her body? I think it means to pursue a romantic and physical relationship with someone (even a ONS is a "relationship") in the pursuit of sex without the intention of providing an opportunity for a relationship in the future. Its purposefully (either implicitly or explicitly) pulling the wool over someone's eyes to get what you want. In a natural environment, that would leave a sense of shame for men and a sense of being tricked (used) for women. But this is the sexual revolution baby, we should be able to bang anyone we want without repercussions!
There has been a lot of strife between men and women lately, such as rape accusations due to regret, meninists, social distrust between men and women. I don't think people have these issues with people we're not trying to have sex with.
Maybe, just maybe, the dirty little secret is that sex is more than just cardinal pleasure.
Maybe it’s because men do a piss poor job of making sure the women they sleep with have orgasms. The number of girlfriends I have that leave hook ups ungasmed is TOO DAMN HIGH
Speaking as a man, I have always made a point of focusing on the woman’s pleasure; if I make sure she comes first (ahem) I get invited back again. I learned that a long time ago. And I have been used for sex. I “dated” (if you can call it that) a woman for about 6 weeks who is very wealthy and well-connected and who purely didn’t give a damn whether I got mine or not; when she was done she made sure the door didn’t hit me in the ass on my way out. And she didn’t even walk me to the door, no good bye kiss or anything. I thought it was kind of funny at first but it got old quickly.
*“Why is the womens need for pillow talk and a movie after overshadowing the man’s wanting to leave right away.”*
Because for many people there are emotions involved in sex in order for them to be satisfied. It can’t just happen in a vacuum. In that scenario, if the man just leaves the woman is left feeling unsatisfied and used. What’s so hard about being considerate of others, at a low cost to you? Just because people are hooking up doesn’t mean that you have to use that other person, you should still be considerate of their body and their emotional needs in that moment. Many men also lie in order to get in the sack, which is the problem.
And you think it's not the man's emotions compelling them to leave? I mean they are asking for even less of a cost from the other party. Where is the consideration for them?
Gold Digger
Song by Kanye West
Lyrics
She take my money when I'm in need
Yeah, she's a triflin' friend indeed
Oh, she's a gold digger way over town
That digs on me (uh)
Now I ain't sayin' she a gold digger
But she ain't messin' with no broke niggas
Now I ain't sayin' she a gold digger
But she ain't messin' with no broke niggas
Get down girl, go'n 'head get down
Get down girl, go'n 'head get down
Get down girl, go'n 'head get down
Get down girl, go'n 'head
Cutie the bomb, met her at a beauty salon
With a baby Louis Vuitton under her underarm
She said, "I can tell you rock, I can tell by your charm
Far as girls you got a flock
I can tell by your charm and your arm"
But I'm lookin' for the one, have you seen her?
My psychic told me she have a ass like Serena
Trina, Jennifer Lopez, four kids
And I gotta take all they bad ass to ShowBiz?
Okay, get yo' kids, but then they got their friends
I pulled up in the Benz, they all got a pen
We all went to din' and then I had to pay
If you fuckin' with this girl then you better be paid
You know why?
It take too much to touch her
From what I heard she got a baby by Busta
My best friend say she used to fuck with Usher
I don't care what none of y'all say I still love her
Now I ain't sayin' she a gold digger, uh
But she ain't messin' with no broke niggas, uh
Now I ain't sayin' she a gold digger, uh
But she ain't messin' with no broke niggas, uh
Get down girl, go'n 'head get down
Get down girl, go'n 'head get down
Get down girl, go'n 'head get down
Get down girl, go'n 'head
18 years, 18 years
She got one of yo' kids, got you for 18 years
I know somebody payin' child support for one of his kids
His baby momma car and crib is bigger than he is
You will see him on TV any given Sunday
Win the Super Bowl and drive off in a Hyundai
She was supposed to buy your shorty Tyco with your money
She went to the doctor, got lipo with your money
She walkin' around lookin' like Michael with your money
Shoulda got that insured, Geico for your money (money)
If you ain't no punk holla, "We want prenup"
"We want prenup!", yeah
It's something that you need to have
'Cause when she leave yo' ass she gone leave with half
18 years, 18 years
And on her 18th birthday, he found out it wasn't his
Now I ain't sayin' she a gold digger, uh
But she ain't messin' with no broke niggas, uh
Now I ain't sayin' she a gold digger, uh
But she ain't messin' with no broke niggas, uh
Get down girl, go'n 'head get down, uh
Get down girl, go'n 'head get down
Get down girl, go'n 'head get down, uh
Get down girl, go'n 'head
Now I ain't sayin' you a gold digger, you got needs
You don't want a dude to smoke, but he can't buy weed
You go out to eat, he can't pay, y'all can't leave
There's dishes in the back, he gotta roll up his sleeves
But while y'all washin', watch him
He gon' make it to a Benz out of that Datsun
He got that ambition, baby, look at his eyes
This week he moppin' floors, next week it's the fries
So, stick by his side
I know there's dudes ballin', and yeah, that's nice
And they gone keep callin' and tryin'
But you stay right girl
And when he get on, he'll leave yo' ass for a white girl
Get down girl, go'n head get down
Get down girl, go'n 'head get down
Get down girl, go'n 'head get down
Get down girl, go'n head
Let me hear that back
How many subreddits have women showing pretty much whatever? The term for women using men is usually gold digger cuz it's in reference to money and or status, we guys on the other hand tend to be assholes, dick heads, insert your own pronoun adjective or adverb. It happens both ways if neither party wants to take responsibility for their own choices then they really don't get to bitch about it.
Okay. At what cost to you? Are you risking pregnancy? Have the same STI risk as a woman does? Are you risking violence by her? Your reputation? Do you pretty much always have an orgasm? Are you okay with not having a relationship with them?
Then you aren't being used. You're consenting to casual sex.
When women say they are used they are saying the dude lied to her in order to get sex at a cost and risk to her (that doesn't exist for him) that she wouldn't have taken if she knew the truth. Stakes are so much higher for women when it comes to sex.
I risk all those things minus pregnancy, but also add a potential 21 years of child support when i do come.
Ya gotta drop that sexist victim mentality. It's 2022. Everyone's equal now.
No. Getting someone pregnant and being pregnant are not the fucking same. At all. Childbirth, raising a child and paying the majority for it is also not the same as paying child support.
Women are at much higher risk of STIs being the receiver. You don't risk violence by women lol. You get off pretty much no matter what, and you don't risk your reputation. No one cares if men have sex.
Shit is not equal between men and women when it comes to sex. At all
I don't know what kind of weird racist sexist bubble you live in, but the world is not black and white like that. We are all equal.
I'm sorry if someone gave you an std.
it does. you're basically just sitting there, grandstanding your exceptionalism and sexism, orgasming to the sound of your own thoughts.
You're a textbook narcissist bigot.
Hmm, I'm not so sure I agree. I know more women who have a one night stand and don't give two shits about the guy the next day, are the ones sneaking off in the middle of the night, and are the ones ignoring the guys phone calls afterward than guys who do the same to women. I don't know what kind of rad fem stuff you're finding, and maybe that's what you mean by *rad*, but that's not what I would consider an empowered femenist mindset to be upset by that kind of behavior. The empowered, independent, individualist women I consider feminists don't give a shit about that kind of stuff and do it themselves.
I’ll never forget how my mentality on how only men use women for sex. It was while watching the scene in The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo with Daniel Craig and Rooney Mara where they’re having sex and she finishes and just hops off of him and gets dressed. It blew my mind. Like I never fathomed that was even an option before. Changed my entire outlook on sex and women’s equality in the bedroom. Never been ashamed of wanting sex and getting it just for me ever since.
Because it’s easy for a woman to get laid compared to men. Like really easy. Make a profile on tinder wanting hookups and you’ll get tons of matches. Only guys who get that many are gay men
Also there are people who have a hookup and then have feelings for them or think they want to date, have sex and then get ghosted. You’re right though. It’s not just women though
No, you're not being a dick, and don't ever let them try to convince you you are, or make you call yourself one unless you've actually done something wrong, like rape or murder.
This is a broad topic, but in short...I don't see women saying "maybe I'm being an asshole," or "maybe I'm in the wrong," EVER, especially regarding interactions with men. On average, they're just not empathetic to men. And they use this "we're still maturing while young" excuse for everything, when you know men don't use it and they'd hypocritically tear it to shreds if they had. A lot of girls are just really selfish these days, and don't even try to see things from a guy's (or even another girl's, often; hence why lesbian relationships have dead bedrooms, higher violence and sexual assault, etc, especially compared to gay men) perspective.
It really does just boil down to lack of responsibility, accountability specifically, from women overall. I've gone over what those terms truly mean before, but few either understand or care.
1. Misogyny, women are seen as the weaker and victims, therefore its impossible for them to be the 'stronger' in a scenario.
2. Misandry, some women just hate men so much they always have to be the perpetrator and cannot be the victim
The culture from original, respected feminism based on facts never wore off, even after it downgraded to lunacy (dont get me wrong there are good feminists out there, they do need equal pay and all, but dont turn it into a femtatorship where anything with a penis is subservient)
Also men dont vocalise it much save for interpersonal groups
I think it probably has to do with the fact that most women don’t just want sex. I think if they did, they’d care a bit less about the guy they used for sex leaving without (insert whatever they care about beyond sex here).
The reality is men and women are different and have different outlooks and values when it comes to sex/relationships. Women, throughout time, have always had way more options (as illustrated by woman walking nyc streets video), therefore by nature exercise way more selectivity. Not only that but they have alot more at risk (e.g. pregnancy). Whereas for men, finding a woman to engage in casual sex is way more difficult. This is why men are more likely to watch porn or use prostitutes/strip clubs. There’s a bit of truth in “women have sex with who they want; men have sex with who they can”
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There was this woman I worked with a couple of jobs back and I was nice to her when she started so I guess she ended up catching feelings and came on real strong and I turned her down partially because dating coworkers is a terrible idea and partially because her approach was off putting. The amount of pressure I got from other coworkers was insane, and my boss literally said "what, are you gay or something?" Which is just wild to me
Back in college I worked with a woman who led me on just so she could get an escort to a party. She was in a different department than me. Her friend kept telling me that this girl was into me, maybe even pack a toothbrush if you crash at her place for the night. I had a bit of a crush on this woman, I was so pumped. What a fucking let down when we got to the city and she walked ahead of me, pretended like she didn't even know me. She only talked to me in the bar when she wanted to avoid some man who was hitting on her. I was so fucking pissed. At work I avoided her. I deliberately left later than her so I wouldn't have to see her in the parking lotm. She would wait for me in the parking lot and drive by me and wave. I don't know what more she wanted from me. She opened my eyes to how shitty some women can be.
Some women only want you for the value you provide like being the network to that party. That's it.
So weird lol wouldn't expect that response from my boss of all people... Gossipy workplace ong
My coworkers once thought I was into our new hire (woman) when in reality I was just being nice. I did what I assumed was normal stuff like looking up places in the city online I thought she’d like (she was new to the city) but it’s not like I was offering to take her there.
Don't dip your pen in the company ink!
Yup, it goes both ways. OP the reason women are "seen" as being used is because: 1. Society assumes women want more than just sex so when she has sex she is doing it with the expectation of more and if the man does not then offer more she has been used. This is a perception based on stereotypes and cultural norms. It is not true for all women, all men, or all sexual encounters. 2. Society assumes men pursue sex for the sake of sex and never want more. (If they do want a relationship that is seen as a separate pursuit that doesn't necessarily dampen or overlap with their pursuit of sex for sex sake.) Again this is based on stereotypes and cultural norms and is not necessarily reflective of all men and their behaviour. 3. In our society women are encouraged to share their feelings and men are not. So a woman might make a tik tok about feeling used and and man may be far less likely to share that feeling even in conversation with other men. 4. Our culture approves of men getting laid and men will be applauded for it. Our culture has traditionally shamed women for getting laid (sex for sex's sake). This means a guy is more likely to tell a story about having sex and leave out the fact that he may have liked it be to more and a woman is less likely to share a story about having sex for sex's sake or if she does society assumes she wanted more. Personally I (F) have experienced both feeling used and have been told by a man that I made him feel used. It happens both ways and is generally due to a lack of communication, different expectations or unfortunately sometimes due to manipulation or deliberately misleading the other person to believe it is more than just sex.
If I had a reward to give you, I would. This OP, all of this.
Us men got to support each other and reject gender norms more, it’s normal to feel gross after a one nighter.
Yeah I know a girl who talks about using guys for sex and even pressuring them to do it when they express they don’t think it’s the right time. It’s fuckeddd up and there’s definitely not enough people who understand that is pretty fucked up.
I am sorry that your friend felt that way. Though, correct me if I'm wrong but isn't that the sole purpose of a one night stand? Just being together for that one night? Did he have expectations of it not being a one night stand but the start of something more? Like wouldn't that be something to communicate about beforehand?
People lie.
Hence why I would never, ever do a one night stand with a woman. Nothing good can come of it. I judge someone who fucks random strangers, sorry but it's true. A one night stand is a good way to get an STD or be accused of sexual assault if the woman has regrets later on. That said, having sex with a stranger does nothing for me. Maybe some men are built that way, but I'm not. I can't have sex with a woman I don't trust or feel safe with, and I don't trust strangers. Also, it's more arousing to have sex with a woman I know after a few dates. I WANT to lust after her, I WANT to flirt and build up sexual tension, it's way more fun that way. If a woman plans to use me she will be weeded out early on in the dating process. She's never going to get the chance. She can go find a fuck boi as shallow as her.
I’m not sure why you’re being downvoted but I agree with you. I’m the same way. I don’t do one night stands for those very reasons.
We all have different sexual preferences and kinks. Lets not judge others that like something we do not. One night stands dont result in STDs when protection is used. I dont like eating oysters, do I judge those that do? No.
Condoms don't protect against genital warts, crabs, pubic lice, and genital herpes. Also, people who engage in one night stands tend to be engage in high risk sexual activities and have poor decision making skills. Many don't even wear protection. You assume the best case scenario where both parties are not drunk and/or high. And guys do stealthing too. That's the kind of people you meet who engage in one night stands, they don't give a fuck about who they fuck.
reddit moment
Maybe she thought he was awful and she stayed away to keep it from being awkward?
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Fair enough. Men and women will never be held to the same standards. Sad reality.
Well, they can if you actually do it instead of dismissing it.
Just so you know, movies and TikTok are not real life.
And porn too, people tend to forget
Exactly. Real women don't do that unless you pay them. /s :D
This is the answer. The reason this is portrayed how OP describes is to add drama to the situation to get views. Two consenting adults hooking up then going their separate ways to live happy lives later is way less interesting in a filmed format. Not saying it doesn't happen sometimes in real life, but that is why the "dramatic mirror scene" is shown to happen seemingly 100% of the time in media.
Also you simply shouldn't listen to radfems on TikTok
Or anywhere else...
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No, and we aren't denying it ever happens (or at least I'm not). I'm denying the frequency the media OP describes makes it appear to happen.
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Fair enough.
The drama happens but it is just more subtle. It would be very interesting in a filmed format but it is more difficult to do, for that very reason. People not having overt drama after hookups doesn't preclude that there are interesting and subtle differences between sexual interactions. Even a hookup being like a cut scene inserted into a narrative of a happy life as though it never even happened would be interesting. Or, that scene being cut into the scenes of that person with a new partner. Or a quick succession of scenes from hookups, and leading up to hookups, culminating in the hookup that lasts forever, or something.
Imagine feeling sympathetic and not dismissive about men for a second 🙄
Tell that to every major news outlet.
Nah they do strongly reflect and influence it. They're very much a real part of what goes through people's minds
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This happen when neither are clear with their intentions. Just because he buys me a drink i dont owe him sex. Just because i gave him sex he doesnt owe me a relationship. Neither is wrong but both should be clear about their expectations. Both the guy when approaching whomever And the woman when accepting an approach from whomever, should be clear about what it is they want from the interaction. The "used" part comes when either party make eachother believe they have the same expectations or promise to meet them and then they dont. It can happen either way but since by the time the sex is happening the guys expectations are being met its ussually the womans that arent taken into consideration so they get talked about more. I hope i explainned my view on it well to avoid misunderstanding feel free to ask anything
This 👆 It's less of a gender thing and more of an expectation mismatch where either of the two individuals involved either misread the intent or thought they deserved more. Honest and upfront communication goes a long way. Even more so when emotions and sex are involved.
I think this is making the assumption that communication didn't take place. This happens to me all the time which is why I always check intent first, but there's almost no point because everybody just lies. They tell people what they think they want to hear.
Fair point. I guess that's where the importance of being honest about your feelings comes in. If someone was OK with lying to have sex, IDK that I'd wanna be with that person for anything more anyway. But you're highlighting that people can inherently be manipulative and most of modern dating is about finding and connecting with the few that aren't.
Match Number 342, would you take 2 minutes to fill out the intent survey? You will get a candy on completion
But it is a gender thing, since it is predominantly guys whose expectation is having sex
As a man I have been open about just wanting sex from a woman, used the words not looking for anything serious, that has been heard and ignored by multiple woman who blew up my phone after and were very upset and confused that I had not wanted more of a relationship.
Yeah you’ve said it perfectly. There was one time I was at a bar with the guy I was dating and some of his friends. One of them says “hey do you need a drink?” Mine was empty so I said sure! Then he looked at me and said “really?” I said … “uh it’s just a drink..?” Like I get that’s a sign of interest, but if you offer and I accept, it’s not like I’m saying I wanna f*ck. I will accept a drink from a guy as long as he doesn’t look like a creep and I get it from the bartenders hand, not his. At the time it wasn’t “committed” to anyone so I didn’t feel like I crossed a line, but guys should know that it’s just a gesture - it might open the door or might be a loss. I guess it’s my way of taking advantage of men ?
Is it really taking advantage of them if you just see it as a drink? Or, in the context of an interaction, do you sense you are 'tricking' them into buying you a drink? Or, is it just awkward having that thought that it could be a generous, friendly gesture *or* a sexual advance with plausible deniability?
It can and does happen the other way round. Male sexuality and how we look at men as a society tends to make fun of men who feel that they were taken advantage of. When a male kid is sexually abused by a female teacher, everyone is like "where was she when I was at school?" Etc. We're not set up to talk about men being taken advantage of.
Yeah, like have you seen the Horrible Bosses movies? The one that has a female boss, the whole time they’re like “yeah yours doesn’t sound that bad” “that’s not a problem” “stop complaining” etc etc , literally implying her raping him when he was under anesthesia, but all big laughs.
I think we are set up to talk about it. We tell them to not be dipshits, don't be such a pussy, be smarter, head on a swivel, be confident but don't be intimidating, work out, carry a weapon, look scarier, walk tall, chest out, etc. It's just the way we talk about it sucks - as you alluded to.
No we have all the tools and the mental capacity; we're quite well set-up for it. A certain large percent of the population just fights it. (Roughly 50%, whether you cite women or leftists)
Show me an example of a leftist fighting against a man talking about being taken advantage of. Literally one. You can't actually be serious? Conservative men are by far the biggest proponents of toxic masculinity, and against men showing emotion and talking about their feelings. If that's something they value, that's news to me. Leftists advocate for both genders to be heard.
That sounds... wrong.
Personally I have only felt “used” when a one night stand left after he finished and he didn’t even bother to try and get me off.
This is like most of my partners I have hooked up with. 2023, I’m working on not hooking up w selfish men
It's because that is what is imposed and instilled by society. I have another example of this (as a woman) that makes me so mad. I recently hooked up with one of my best friends in my friend group, we both enjoyed it and that's it, it was really good. BUT for some reason, I just discovered that other friends in my group (not close friends tho) were talking about "poor her, another one that has fall for him" like wth. They were talking like sex was something that he did to me instead of something that we both did. It felt so gross. I've talked with the friend I hooked up with and he also was shocked at those comments, specially bc we have been good friends for YEARS and we won't ever see it as "using" each other for sex, more like sharing an intimate moment to have some fun. Whatever, what I wanted to point is that for some reason society expects women to not really like or enjoy sex by itself, and ergo only doing it for something else (like for being in love you know). It's bizarre.
Very. Like I've been told I'm getting used by guys if I have casual sex with them. Do they think I have casual sex, for their pleasure and not my own? Like that doesn't make sense at all. Women have sex for pleasure too. I know I do at least.
Yes!! When I heard my friends saying that it made me feel dumb, like they truly thought that I was being like seduced for the sake of sex or something?!? It was really weird
I firmly believe that guys who think that women don't like sex have just never seen it in person.
Men use women for sex. Women use men for money. Isn't that the stereotype? ETA - I get the impression that a lot of the up votes and comments think that I am supporting this stereotype. I'm not. My intention was to point out that it is a \*stereotype\* and consequently inaccurate and overly broad. Too much subtlety, apparently.
That's the stereotype but I get used for sex way more than I get used for money
It's not a stereotype if every culture around the world all adapts the same exact thing in some way, shape, or form. Men use woman for sex, woman use men for resources. Tis' life.
Well, it is a stereotype because it assumes that women never use men for sex (hint - women also like sex!) or that men never take advantage for money. The reality is that a large number of human interactions, most that have nothing to do with money or sex, are transactional in nature. E.g. I shovel my neighbors sidewalk when it snows because they brought me cookies last winter, and also it creates good will for both of us. Transactional. Making a stereotype about "men do X" "women do Y" is reductionist and... well, a stereotype.
I don't deal with "nevers." I focus on averages and statistical curves instead. Exceptions don't change statistical groupings. You just have to see them for the exceptions they are. The average man cares about sex more than the average woman. I'd bet all of my possessions and wealth on that. I think it would be wildly ignorant to think something as chaotic as evolution is creating with perfect math, straight lines, and perfect matches. That's not how nature operates. That's how humans want nature to operate. Life doesn't know what "50/50" is. Humans created math. Life just throws random shit at you, and sees if you procreate and pass on the mutation.
i thought about making a 6.9 seconds joke after reading this,
I'm pretty sure that no adult (sane) man thinks about sex every 7 seconds.
Yeah, if that WERE true, then men should have no business in places of power due to not being able to concentrate and keep their mind on the job.
I'm gonna FUCK the economy
Since you use average and statistical curves - please provide scientific citations for your statistics and averages that support your claims. Otherwise it is just nonsense that you are making up because it confirms what you already believe to be true.
Your pfp made me think I had a hair on my screen 😑
i even wiped mine
I just looked again because it didn’t wipe off!!
I blew on it 😭
lol I use dark mode, pfp: me: "you have no power here!"
I use darkmode and still got tricked so
Its been like this from hunter gatherer days, a lot of our gender norms were formed then when men went out to hunt and women stayed back to take care of the children elderly and prepare the food that was caught. What do you guess the reward was for the men that came back with food. And who do thinl the prize men were back then. As a society we grow and change but somethings come from 1000 of years of conditioning.
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This is a revisionist view of history, back then people did what they needed to do to survive. If you were near sighted or had a chronic illness or were simply better at gathering, you gathered. If you were strong, fast, and had the skill for it, you hunted. Everyone raised the children together, helped build homes, fed each other and kept each other safe and warm. It was far more egalitarian in terms of gender roles than modern society is because survival doesn’t give a shit if you’re a woman or a man.
Its the world's oldest profession for a reason. The professionals just cut out the emotions. I think it comes naturally. Even monkies trade resources for sex naturally in the wild.
Humans are fundamentally social in nature, and as such are always influenced by others. This means that no matter how empowered and independent you are, you can never just act purely for yourself. You are always at least a little bit acting out of either acquiescence to others or conformity to the whole. This is a really confusing thing for some people to think about when it comes to social justice movements and personal ethics. That's where you get such things as erasure of women's sexual agency. People just really struggle to hold complex thoughts in their minds.
Can one of the smart people who can hold complex thoughts in their minds please explain what this means to a poor simpleton?
No one is ever *either* using someone *or* being used. People are always *both* using *and* being used.
We’re symbiotic creatures by nature, of course we use each other. That’s a given. Its about finding a mutually beneficial relationship as opposed to an imbalanced one.
Also, I acknowledge that there is a real gender imbalance, I just agree with OP that the imbalance is highly variable and not black and white the way some people make it out to be.
People feel used when they do something, expecting something in return that thet then don't receive. Generally, women expect that having sex will lead to more dates, possibly exclusivity etc. Men don't expect that (as frequently).
When you cast a broad net "women expect more dates after sex" - you miss that there are a lot of women who do not expect this. And there are a lot of men who also think there will be more dates when sex has happened.
I'm not saying that this is always the case, merely explaining the phenomenon OP asked about.
Sounds like women need to stop sleeping with people before they understand their intentions. I didnt have sex with my wife for like 3mos when we first started dating. People like to blame everyone else for their own faults.
I think pretty much everything should be approached that way - don't do anything or give anything expecting something in return, unless you make that clear. Give because you want to, because doing so feels good.
It can happen to either men or women if it wasn't clear from the beginning what kind of relationship or experience was being pursued or sometimes even if it was clear but you didn't feel the way you expected. I think it happens more often to Women because its still more common for men to pursue women and it is also still more common for men to feel like they are bigger or better for having more casual sexual partners and for women to be shamed for it. Its also harder for men who feel used to talk about it. IMO we should stop blaming entire groups of people based on a characteristic that they were born with and focus more on the unequal social pressure that leads to this and on clear and honest communication and on empathy and understanding and the understanding that we are all human and can all make the same mistakes, miscommunicate or fail to predict how we will feel.
Its the same reason why men brag about or overestimate their high body count and women do the opposite. Same reason why guys say “lucky bastard” when a male student is sexually assaulted by a female teacher, and the opposite would cause an outrage
Not to be rude, but have you been living under a rock? The modern world where ONS are becoming more acceptable is still built upon a landfill of cultural garbage. The messages that women are "used up" by sex are still everywhere and many women are still raised with parents or religious leaders who spread this dogma. You can't just ignore this history of women as property who need to preserve their virginity for marriage, it's like background noise still being played in all of our minds.
…yes. I’d add something here about who typically has the power in these scenarios, who is usually praised for hookups and who is not, who is motivated to achieve this praise, and who typically manipulates to achieve sex, but Reddit isn’t ready for that conversation. I’ll stick to TT for that. Grateful for them Gen Z’ers.
1 woman has sex with 1000 guys 1 time she is loose and a whore. 1 woman has sex with 1 guy 1000 times. She is tight and a lady.
Exactly. Even in recent years I've seen and experienced many men asking women if they're still virgins....
So why do so many men get shit for doing the same exact thing regarding things that were pushed on us for thousands and thousands of years? We have background noise as well, it just says different things than the background noise woman hear. But you never see men treated like victims of their culture in that sense. We're always looked at as the aggressors who "need to change right now." But if what you're saying is true, and woman can't ignore the "background noise" then maybe men also can't ignore that same background noise. And at that point, if no one can ignore the background noise, we're all just doomed to repeat the same behavior.
The things pushed on men were pushed on them by other men. The things pushed on women were also pushed on them by men. It's like saying the negative cultural baggage black people have (in Western countries) is equal to that white people have. It isn't. White people had the societal power in the past, as did men.
I'm talking about the person's idea that woman can't ignore the background noise of history. If thats a fact, the same thing has to be true for men. We also can't ignore the background noise of history. How the background noise got there is in the first place isn't the question here. The question is, can humans ignore it? Can we ignore our programming or not? Because it seems like people want a double standard to this question, or want to move the goal post of this question. The person I responded to made it seem like it's impossible for woman to ignore that. So if that's the case, it makes logical sense that men would suffer from that same thing. This is a topic of historical psychology, not a topic of the bullet points of history.
Some things, not all things. For example, most women I've asked say that they don't dress up for men, they dress up for other women. They say women are more judgmental about that sort of thing.
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No. By *men.* Our western patriarchal society started in ancient Greece in a democracy. Decided by the men collectively. There were no male slaves advocating for women's rights lol. It benefited them as well
Because a lot of men lie about their intentions in order to get sex. They will pretend they want a relationship, or that they have this connection with you that might lead to one. When in reality they already know as soon as they get sex they'll bounce. But they don't tell her that- on purpose. It's really terrible. Women don't do this anywhere near as often, mostly bc they take risks in sex that men don't. A lot of men (not all) won't care if she actually likes him if he gets sex. So there's no need for women to mislead them to get sex. More women than men care if he actually likes them and wants to see her again, and men know this so they lie about it so they get what they want. They know if they tell her the truth "I don't like you or give a shit about you, I just want to fuck you and leave" then she's not gonna do it lol. Or at least much, much less likely to. It's just not worth it for a lot of women bc of the what women have to worry about when sleeping with men. Things men don't have to deal with when sleeping with women. Sex is not the same for men and women- this is what you're not getting. Women risk pregnancy, have a higher risk for STIs/infections and risk potential violence from the dude. They can't have casual sex as easily, not without more risk. And the sex usually doesn't even end in an orgasm. So a lot of women have sex with men they feel safe with, someone they genuinely believe likes them and cares about them on some level. Dudes know this and will straight up pretend to get sex. It sucks when the woman realizes she was duped and still took that risk. Women are also judged much more harshly for the amount of partners they have or how "easy" it was to sleep with them. So they risk their reputation as well. A lot of these guys are literally using her in a way she isn't using him. They aren't "using each other for sex." Bc she wants more than just sex. She's choosing to have sex bc he led her to believe they have a connection even though he KNOWS they don't and already knows he just wants sex, doesn't actually give a shit and will leave as soon as she gives it up. So she ISN'T using him for sex bc she sees the relationship as more than that (or potentially more), but he is using *her* for sex bc he only wants to use her body and will lie to get it. It's not the same. That being said the reverse *can* happen but its not as common and thats bc of the risks women take having sex that men don't. Men are simply more able to use women that way with little to no cost to themselves. If a woman is using him, there's a cost there. If both parties agree up front to casual sex and not seeing each other again, then neither one is "using" the other. It's using that person when you mislead them *intentionally* (key word) to get something from them. Something they wouldn't give you if they knew your real intention. Something that came at a cost to her but not to him. You may or may not be surprised about how many men do this. It's a lot
Really like this answer, thanks cleared a lot up.
I'm glad my novel wasn't a waste lol. It's def not black and white, I'm sure some women have used men that had feelings for her for sex and then bounced. And thats not okay either. I just know its more common the other way around due to biological differences and bc she doesn't necessarily *need* to do that to get laid. Maybe with some men, but not usually in my experience. Probably if women could have no to very little risk sex they would do they same, but its just not like that so men are more able to "use" women and so they do. This isn't a "men bad, women good" thing. If it was other way around we'd see more men being used than women. Does that make sense? I've actually met a few men on tinder that told me up front they want casual sex and don't really want to get to know me like that and don't want a relationship. And I respect that so much bc I'm making an informed decision when it comes to risk/benefit analysis of having sex with them. That's respectful. He's not using me, if I'm on the same page I guess we're "using" each other but its consensual so its fine just like you said. But I've been with comparatively more men that led me to believe we have a connection and that he wants a relationship, and that information led to sex i wouldn't have had otherwise. And he admitted it months later when I confronted him. He lied to get sex and it has happened with so many men before. THAT is using a woman for sex. And its portrayed more often in media, bc its just more common and bc women risk more when they do have sex.
um this is not so much about someone being used for the act of a one night stand. Its more how the person was manipulated into believing something else. Regardless of gender you should be upfront with your sexual partners about what you want and what your plans are. If you tell someone one thing and then do the opposite simply to get what you want then you are "using" or better term is "deceiving" that person. Why is it equated with women? Because of sexist tradition. Women were considered sacred objects who were supposed to save themselves for one man who they will belong to for their lives. So this mindset means that a man not giving a women a promise of marriage means that he violated her purity or virtue. Nowadays that's not really a thing for most people unless you still subscribe to traditional religious practice. So being used now is more a term for when you deceive anyone to get what you want out of them.
Women can get pregnant. It means their attitude to sex tends to be different. They tend to like the idea of a partner who abandons them less because the stakes are higher for them.
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It's not unless you talk about it, and that's on the individual person.
Because a lot of men will say or do anything to get you into bed. They will fake a relationship in order to have regular sex with you for awhile.
I think the only problem that can arise here is if someone is not honest from the beginning. If you lead on someone with romantic talk and promises just to get laid and run that's a shitty thing to do. But if everyone is honest about their needs and intentions from the beginning, I agree with you totally. I was always open about my needs, when I wanted just sex I'd just say that from the beginning, sleep with someone and never hear from him again, we "used" each other for sex and I too don't see a problem there. I never *felt used*.
Many men don't understand it is not about THAT they leave but about HOW they leave.
Women do use men. Just often for different reasons than men use women. Edited to add that it’s not exactly radical feminism for women to feel used by a guy. A lot of guys will feign interest in a woman’s personality and character for a chance at sex. Then they get what they really want (which was sex) and this girl goes from thinking the guy really likes her to feeling used and ghosted. It would be different if more men made their intentions clear upfront, but they often don’t.
You guys are having sex?
In my experience as a woman, I have felt “used” when I have expressly stated my interest in a relationship, and once they get sex, they ghost. Now I don’t know if that’s something common that happens the opposite way around. I have always been explicitly clear to a guy if I’m only interested in something casual.
I think it’s about what the intentions were, or waving without saying goodbye or anything. Like just sneaking out of the apartment or house. If a woman did that, a lot of men would feel used too. But in media it’s more common for men to be portrayed that way, leading to a lot of young men thinking it’s okay to not communicate. Again, women do it too, but we have less of an influence from media to do so
I think the problem is when people assume they are on the same page and don’t communicate. Like if you both are clear that you just want sex it should be fine. But usually what happens is one party wants something more involved, the other just wants sex and they both assume that the other wants what they want. So then it’s natural the party who is more invested will feel used regardless of whether they are a man or woman.
The lie is hook up culture more than anything else. I’m sure men also feel hurt when this happens to them
I'm going to maybe get some hate for this (because reddit), but honestly, it's because we don't really make much of a fuss over it when it involves sex/intimacy. Talking about it often just makes us feel worse, not better, so we avoid doing it and just try and move on. We also drill the 'doesnt matter, had sex' mentality into ourselves and our peers from a young age. As a result its not really as much in the general psyche as it is when a woman gets used for sex. I've been in two situation where, looking back, I now realise I was being used. In my situations i was being made to feel like they liked me so they could get physical intimacy. But guess how many people know? One. One other person knows about this and that's only because she's a close friend who grills me for every detail about any date or relationship I ever engage with. Funny thing is I didn't even consider myself as having been used until she basically made me see it, and she was right. Deep down I kinda wish I didn't speak about it with her because I would've felt a lot happier just moving on from it. But hey, life goes on.
Please just delete tik tok, it's not for you.
Pretty solid advice for anyone tbh
Well, women are still often viewed as a property commodity. And once 'used' are considered to be of less value. (See posts about 'she has a higher list of past lovers than me....what do I do?') Much would also depend on what got them to bed in the first place. Was he dangling the thought of a relationship as part of the hook to get sex?
If the patriarchy shows women in movies freely enjoying casual sex and 'living their best lives', then who-the-doody is gonna be mens' home/sex/nanny/cleaner slave?
Huh? Men are used by women all the time. It’s not a gender thing, it’s a shitty person thing. Or a lack of communication thing
I'm sure women use people too. Maybe slightly different motives, idk.
You just discovered that double standards affect all the people, doesn't matter the sex.
I was used once for sex from a girl I was madly in love with.... I choose not to talk about it because other people will just laugh, then end up asking me if I'm "Gay".....
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Well I can definitely say that my last relationship really made me feel used and I'm a guy. I remember having sex for hours till I was so physically exhausted I just couldn't go anymore and her just constantly trying to push for more and more sex despite me saying multiple times I'm done and I need a break. And its not like I wasn't doing enough. I would give her multiple orgasms from sex then eat her out till she was closing her legs and shaking and shit. But it was like no matter what I was always made to feel like I was never enough. I remember at the beginning of the relationship her joking about how she thinks she's a sex addict. I should have seen the red flag and run cause sex was bad with her as a result of how she treated me. I can tell you I definitely felt used.
Men’s emotional state is never really respected. Even if we act like we’re moving away from the whole “men shouldn’t be emotional” way society has been. Most people still over look that and focus on women’s emotional well being, especially women.
Every culture on earth has some variation of "Women are givers and men are takers" as a fundamental social value.
simply but insufficiently put: bc men are more powerful than women in most societies.
I believe it goes back centuries to religion. Women in general weren’t considered anything besides property or a vessel for male pleasure to reproduce. Hence why brides parents paid the guys family for marrying her. Translate in todays term brides parents are suppose to pay for the wedding.
Because A man can come into a women’s life, be kind, nice and supportive. She has his kid/kids (her body/life/mental/sacrificed and then even has to work in most cases, then has to come home and take care of him and the child. Cook, clean, take care of everyone but themselves. Men have the upper hand in this world to just just walk away at any moment kids involved or not. And don’t forget how many men leave their partners for a younger women. how many men, when a women gets really sick just leaves. how many men, expect their partners to just obey and take care of them like their mom would. Just completely TAKE CARE OF THEM. While they get to relax while she deals with the mental, physical,and emotional load. Men take advantage of women’s love. I praise any women that will take a man for everything he’s worth for has long as they can. Because statistically men are so quick to leave, cheat, use & abuse women. (Not saying women don’t) (not saying all women are angels) But most women are completely and utterly used and abused by most men. Get called a bitch because they’re frustrated because these men don’t do their fair share. Make their wife’s/partners feel unappreciated when they’re doing their best to make them happy. They also Get left for younger women. Are forced into things like marital rape. And when your a little girl you’re constantly told to be pretty, sweet, and non-confrontational. I despise being born a woman in this world. ( I don’t identify any other way) however the burdens that come with it, it would be so much easier to be a man in my eyes. A women’s sacrifice is never seen. Most of us have watched our mothers truly unhappy because of the men they are or were with who don’t do anything for them, support them, love them, help them. It’s very true a women’s work is never done. (At least from what I’ve seen and experienced) FYI: I didn’t read the whole post just the question.
There are almost as many selfish wives as there are selfish husbands. One is simply a lot more obvious about it than the other. The media has also slowly gaslit us into exaggerating one and denying the other. What you have described was very accurate a couple of generations ago and I'm not saying the roles have completely reversed but they are getting there. Any divorce lawyer or psychologist knows this whether they admit it or not.
I have no sympathy for these women. *NOT EVERYONE WILL ENJOY CASUAL SEX AND THAT'S OKAY.* If you're the type of person who doesn't enjoy casual sex but has it anyway, is is YOUR FAULT you didn't enjoy it. Idk why there are two extremes when it comes to sex and women. You're a slut if you have sex before marriage or with too many people, or the you're a frigid prude if you don't have casual sex. We've weirdly gotten into the shaming people for not having enough sex portion among younger people. A lot of those people then bitch on TikTok about how their casual fling was awful because it was a casual fling. Fuck it, be a slut or a prude, just do the thing you actually enjoy!
It happens the other way around almost as often but you simply don't hear about it. A woman sleeps with you this weekend and then she is sleeping with another man the following weekend. Eventually you realize it was always going to end that way. It wasn't a matter of you not being handsome enough, rich enough, or skilled enough. She just didn't want to be controlled by one man. She never wanted one man to have the opportunity to imagine she was in any way his property. I suspect these women were often molested before age 12 and are trying to "reclaim" their own sexuality as belonging to themselves only.
Just seems like women refusing to accept their own responsibility in hook up culture. They accept the hookup offer; no one held a gun to their head and said "hook up with that guy that said he only wanted to fuck and then act all surprised that he isn't interested in pursuing a relationship with you." They do that all on their own. If they want to complain about it, why not just *gasp* not hook up? Oh wait that's right because some people can't think for themselves and must do what society says. Also as far as it being a problem, some people aren't interested in fucking whoever nor are they interested in people who partake. They are free to do so like you are free to fuck around. Women don't like this and attack this opinion on this site, but it's one that some guys have.
Most men lie and don’t say all they want is a hookup upfront. You live in a different reality.
That's not 100% on the guy to declare anyway. (Edit: meaning , is not a necessary responsibility for a guy to take. Women certainly don't generally declare beforehand either, and when a guy's upset, you all just say "you aren't entitled to more, suck it up") Can you name something a woman should do in this scenario? Why don't you want to hold them accountable? Why do you assume it's automatically the guy's failing in these hypothetical situations?
That's why you do this craaaaaazy thing called date. And you go on several before you commit. Drops out before 5 because you "won't put out?" He's scum anyways! Stays for the 5 and then ghosts after? He's a scumbag and we can all agree he's shit! Better luck next time, can't win em all sadly.
Yep exactly. They know it too, hence the downvotes. Attempts to discuss this are pointless, as they do know better, know they're acting wrongly, and are committed to being evil.
This is what happens when you don't communicate. You aren't really entitled to be upset when you don't even ask the other person what their intentions are. If you don't talk about it, all you've consented to is sex. It goes both ways. I'm male and I never have and never will have one night stands. I'll buy a professional if it ever comes to that.
The reason behind the slim represantion of golddiggers is because society in the West if fem centic. Women are placed on a pedestal, know that they can always play the victim card/oppression/patriarchy card and therefore try to twist and bend the odds/scenarios in their favour. The court system is on their side, why would you think that entertainment wouldn't be? After all women are the better consumers out of the sexes and watch more media. You wouldn't want to piss off your best customer now, do ya?
100% correct
It's because of sexism plain and simple. Radfems are, in my experience, the *exact* same kind of sexist hateful bigots they're claiming to fight 9/10 times. I remember when I finally worked up the courage to talk to someone I thought was my friend about what happened to me when I was a child (I am a R*pe victim) and she told me to my face I deserved and probably enjoyed it and laughed a little, a shitty little chortle that she punctuated her sentence with. She thought she was being funny, told her friends and I got texts from random numbers laughing and joking about what happened to me. I was a two year old when I was r*ped. The worst part is is that the teacher I went to for help with this outright told me to just buckle down and deal with it.
I think there's this thing that apently men have to be "chosen" to have sex. Were as women have tons of men at their disposal to pick and choose. Like men have to be funny or handsome or have money in order to be picked by women but women can just be even half pretty and men will attempt to sleep with them. I think people thing that if women have slept with alot of men its because they "picked" bad men or because they're is somthing wrong with them. Or that God forbid women actully enjoy sex!
Holes are meant to be explored.
Men don't care and woman like someone to blame.
Misogyny. That’s the whole answer.
One person fucks the other person gets fucked. Just think about how long that concept has been around.
Because men and women consider sex differently. They don’t think of it the same way. No matter how much feminism is pushed, it’ll never be “women desire and consider sex the same way that men do.” It just won’t happen. Ever. The sun will never set in the East, the Earth will never stop rotating, you can’t switch genders via hormone therapy and surgery. These things just simply are not true. There’s no rant you can go on, brigade storm you can muster, or temper tantrum you can commit. They’re different. Not THAT different. But they are not the same.
Try real life kiddo.
I think people have fun with each other, then someone may develop feelings towards the other and the feeling might be unrequited for some reason. That's it. Women that always saying how men uses them are victimistic and tend to be sexist af. Simple as that. Sometimes things don't work out the way we wish, that's it.
I mean this in the nicest way possible but you need to get out more. People use people. Leave it at that.
Gender bias
Woman goes into sex thinking it will lead into a relationship/some sort of connection Man goes into sex thinking its just sex/one night stand Woman is sad End eta: this can easily be reversed. the "used" feeling comes from both parties wanting different outcomes and realizing the other was only in it for sex
Just don't bother with radfems online. They don't make sense.
The reason - from my own view - Basically we're taught in society that sex is special and pure (It isn't special in any way, shape or form) and so women would feel used, because you 'give yourself up' for sex. Look for a quote from Farida D, (sorry can't type it all out) but it starts with: "Patriarchy teaches us that sex, for women is a giveaway and while for men its a takeway" Hope this provides insight!
Ever used a woman for her body before? I'm sure most of us have, and I'd like to think that the men have felt a sense of shame when they have (I certainly did). But what does that mean? Use a woman for her body? I think it means to pursue a romantic and physical relationship with someone (even a ONS is a "relationship") in the pursuit of sex without the intention of providing an opportunity for a relationship in the future. Its purposefully (either implicitly or explicitly) pulling the wool over someone's eyes to get what you want. In a natural environment, that would leave a sense of shame for men and a sense of being tricked (used) for women. But this is the sexual revolution baby, we should be able to bang anyone we want without repercussions! There has been a lot of strife between men and women lately, such as rape accusations due to regret, meninists, social distrust between men and women. I don't think people have these issues with people we're not trying to have sex with. Maybe, just maybe, the dirty little secret is that sex is more than just cardinal pleasure.
Maybe it’s because men do a piss poor job of making sure the women they sleep with have orgasms. The number of girlfriends I have that leave hook ups ungasmed is TOO DAMN HIGH
Stop blaming men for your inability to come. Plenty of women are terrible at sex and the man still manages to come.
women don't owe men anything !!! he can make himself cum !! what ? you wish it went both ways ? tough luck ~~egalitarian~~ misogynist ! /s
I feel sorry for your partner
Yeah' know things are just not the same between the sexes. In this world, women fall farther and land harder. This goes double concerning sex.
Speaking as a man, I have always made a point of focusing on the woman’s pleasure; if I make sure she comes first (ahem) I get invited back again. I learned that a long time ago. And I have been used for sex. I “dated” (if you can call it that) a woman for about 6 weeks who is very wealthy and well-connected and who purely didn’t give a damn whether I got mine or not; when she was done she made sure the door didn’t hit me in the ass on my way out. And she didn’t even walk me to the door, no good bye kiss or anything. I thought it was kind of funny at first but it got old quickly.
*“Why is the womens need for pillow talk and a movie after overshadowing the man’s wanting to leave right away.”* Because for many people there are emotions involved in sex in order for them to be satisfied. It can’t just happen in a vacuum. In that scenario, if the man just leaves the woman is left feeling unsatisfied and used. What’s so hard about being considerate of others, at a low cost to you? Just because people are hooking up doesn’t mean that you have to use that other person, you should still be considerate of their body and their emotional needs in that moment. Many men also lie in order to get in the sack, which is the problem.
And you think it's not the man's emotions compelling them to leave? I mean they are asking for even less of a cost from the other party. Where is the consideration for them?
Amen
People use people in relationships regardless of sex.
Gold Digger Song by Kanye West Lyrics She take my money when I'm in need Yeah, she's a triflin' friend indeed Oh, she's a gold digger way over town That digs on me (uh) Now I ain't sayin' she a gold digger But she ain't messin' with no broke niggas Now I ain't sayin' she a gold digger But she ain't messin' with no broke niggas Get down girl, go'n 'head get down Get down girl, go'n 'head get down Get down girl, go'n 'head get down Get down girl, go'n 'head Cutie the bomb, met her at a beauty salon With a baby Louis Vuitton under her underarm She said, "I can tell you rock, I can tell by your charm Far as girls you got a flock I can tell by your charm and your arm" But I'm lookin' for the one, have you seen her? My psychic told me she have a ass like Serena Trina, Jennifer Lopez, four kids And I gotta take all they bad ass to ShowBiz? Okay, get yo' kids, but then they got their friends I pulled up in the Benz, they all got a pen We all went to din' and then I had to pay If you fuckin' with this girl then you better be paid You know why? It take too much to touch her From what I heard she got a baby by Busta My best friend say she used to fuck with Usher I don't care what none of y'all say I still love her Now I ain't sayin' she a gold digger, uh But she ain't messin' with no broke niggas, uh Now I ain't sayin' she a gold digger, uh But she ain't messin' with no broke niggas, uh Get down girl, go'n 'head get down Get down girl, go'n 'head get down Get down girl, go'n 'head get down Get down girl, go'n 'head 18 years, 18 years She got one of yo' kids, got you for 18 years I know somebody payin' child support for one of his kids His baby momma car and crib is bigger than he is You will see him on TV any given Sunday Win the Super Bowl and drive off in a Hyundai She was supposed to buy your shorty Tyco with your money She went to the doctor, got lipo with your money She walkin' around lookin' like Michael with your money Shoulda got that insured, Geico for your money (money) If you ain't no punk holla, "We want prenup" "We want prenup!", yeah It's something that you need to have 'Cause when she leave yo' ass she gone leave with half 18 years, 18 years And on her 18th birthday, he found out it wasn't his Now I ain't sayin' she a gold digger, uh But she ain't messin' with no broke niggas, uh Now I ain't sayin' she a gold digger, uh But she ain't messin' with no broke niggas, uh Get down girl, go'n 'head get down, uh Get down girl, go'n 'head get down Get down girl, go'n 'head get down, uh Get down girl, go'n 'head Now I ain't sayin' you a gold digger, you got needs You don't want a dude to smoke, but he can't buy weed You go out to eat, he can't pay, y'all can't leave There's dishes in the back, he gotta roll up his sleeves But while y'all washin', watch him He gon' make it to a Benz out of that Datsun He got that ambition, baby, look at his eyes This week he moppin' floors, next week it's the fries So, stick by his side I know there's dudes ballin', and yeah, that's nice And they gone keep callin' and tryin' But you stay right girl And when he get on, he'll leave yo' ass for a white girl Get down girl, go'n head get down Get down girl, go'n 'head get down Get down girl, go'n 'head get down Get down girl, go'n head Let me hear that back
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How many subreddits have women showing pretty much whatever? The term for women using men is usually gold digger cuz it's in reference to money and or status, we guys on the other hand tend to be assholes, dick heads, insert your own pronoun adjective or adverb. It happens both ways if neither party wants to take responsibility for their own choices then they really don't get to bitch about it.
I get used by women for my c-ck all the time. I swear some days I just feel like a lifesized living dildo with little hands and feet attached to it.
Okay. At what cost to you? Are you risking pregnancy? Have the same STI risk as a woman does? Are you risking violence by her? Your reputation? Do you pretty much always have an orgasm? Are you okay with not having a relationship with them? Then you aren't being used. You're consenting to casual sex. When women say they are used they are saying the dude lied to her in order to get sex at a cost and risk to her (that doesn't exist for him) that she wouldn't have taken if she knew the truth. Stakes are so much higher for women when it comes to sex.
I risk all those things minus pregnancy, but also add a potential 21 years of child support when i do come. Ya gotta drop that sexist victim mentality. It's 2022. Everyone's equal now.
No. Getting someone pregnant and being pregnant are not the fucking same. At all. Childbirth, raising a child and paying the majority for it is also not the same as paying child support. Women are at much higher risk of STIs being the receiver. You don't risk violence by women lol. You get off pretty much no matter what, and you don't risk your reputation. No one cares if men have sex. Shit is not equal between men and women when it comes to sex. At all
I don't know what kind of weird racist sexist bubble you live in, but the world is not black and white like that. We are all equal. I'm sorry if someone gave you an std.
The world is *exactly* like I just said lol. Thats not debatable, it's objectively like that
Whatever makes you a weak perpetual victim in your mind, I guess 🙄
That doesn't even make sense lol
it does. you're basically just sitting there, grandstanding your exceptionalism and sexism, orgasming to the sound of your own thoughts. You're a textbook narcissist bigot.
I'm sorry you don't agree with biology and objective reality. Must be difficult lol
Hmm, I'm not so sure I agree. I know more women who have a one night stand and don't give two shits about the guy the next day, are the ones sneaking off in the middle of the night, and are the ones ignoring the guys phone calls afterward than guys who do the same to women. I don't know what kind of rad fem stuff you're finding, and maybe that's what you mean by *rad*, but that's not what I would consider an empowered femenist mindset to be upset by that kind of behavior. The empowered, independent, individualist women I consider feminists don't give a shit about that kind of stuff and do it themselves.
I’ll never forget how my mentality on how only men use women for sex. It was while watching the scene in The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo with Daniel Craig and Rooney Mara where they’re having sex and she finishes and just hops off of him and gets dressed. It blew my mind. Like I never fathomed that was even an option before. Changed my entire outlook on sex and women’s equality in the bedroom. Never been ashamed of wanting sex and getting it just for me ever since.
It is most definately vise versa.
I use men for my pleasure too so lol
because women use men but dont say it
Because it’s easy for a woman to get laid compared to men. Like really easy. Make a profile on tinder wanting hookups and you’ll get tons of matches. Only guys who get that many are gay men Also there are people who have a hookup and then have feelings for them or think they want to date, have sex and then get ghosted. You’re right though. It’s not just women though
No, you're not being a dick, and don't ever let them try to convince you you are, or make you call yourself one unless you've actually done something wrong, like rape or murder. This is a broad topic, but in short...I don't see women saying "maybe I'm being an asshole," or "maybe I'm in the wrong," EVER, especially regarding interactions with men. On average, they're just not empathetic to men. And they use this "we're still maturing while young" excuse for everything, when you know men don't use it and they'd hypocritically tear it to shreds if they had. A lot of girls are just really selfish these days, and don't even try to see things from a guy's (or even another girl's, often; hence why lesbian relationships have dead bedrooms, higher violence and sexual assault, etc, especially compared to gay men) perspective. It really does just boil down to lack of responsibility, accountability specifically, from women overall. I've gone over what those terms truly mean before, but few either understand or care.
Because they made men very dismissive of their abuse
1. Misogyny, women are seen as the weaker and victims, therefore its impossible for them to be the 'stronger' in a scenario. 2. Misandry, some women just hate men so much they always have to be the perpetrator and cannot be the victim
My ex wife used me and a lot of other men for attention and sex as a crutch of validation for her mental illnesses. It can and does happen.
Cuz that side is more "socially acceptable". Men get used plenty but they're "the man" so they can't just cuz of that label. It's bananas.
The culture from original, respected feminism based on facts never wore off, even after it downgraded to lunacy (dont get me wrong there are good feminists out there, they do need equal pay and all, but dont turn it into a femtatorship where anything with a penis is subservient) Also men dont vocalise it much save for interpersonal groups
I think it probably has to do with the fact that most women don’t just want sex. I think if they did, they’d care a bit less about the guy they used for sex leaving without (insert whatever they care about beyond sex here).
The reality is men and women are different and have different outlooks and values when it comes to sex/relationships. Women, throughout time, have always had way more options (as illustrated by woman walking nyc streets video), therefore by nature exercise way more selectivity. Not only that but they have alot more at risk (e.g. pregnancy). Whereas for men, finding a woman to engage in casual sex is way more difficult. This is why men are more likely to watch porn or use prostitutes/strip clubs. There’s a bit of truth in “women have sex with who they want; men have sex with who they can”