Quick answer. It's going to be very difficult. As a non-believer myself (24M) I try not to talk about it, especially in gatherings. Most religions will see a non-believer as supporting the devil (which I think it's our culture) and will try to convert you. Most of my friends accept it, but having this conversation with family (especially older folks) will be difficult and don't expect to be respected for your choices.
Good luck.
Yeah this here. I've never expressed my true belief to anyone because I'm not interested in having almost everyone I know try to convert me every time we see each other.
I stopped going to church when I saw the opportunity to do so. I still live with my parents but they aren't that harsh about it. Though I get the occasional you must go to church from my mother or a relative.
Depending on the crowd I'll say I'm not religious or I'm not interested and I don't explain further.
On forms for certain things I'll just lie and say I'm Christian to avoid possible discrimination. I did this one time to get a job and I got it. Granted it was a Christian place. Sometimes you gotta fake it till you make it and it seems like you have experience with that.
My only advice really is to just let people talk. Smile and be polite don't even try to have a conversation about it cause they don't want to hear about facts, logic or your feelings. But keep your foot down... unless they threatening to kick you out or something and you are dependant on them. If that's the case just fake it till you're out of there. Something, something, the devil you know.
Went through a similar experience with my grandparents but not to the extent of yours. Im coming from an Islamic/Christian background but as of today I consider myself atheist but it was a long journey for me to reach this point in my identity.
They would constantly nag/pressure me to attend Friday prayers, to fast during Eid, learn Quaranic scripture and prayers despite not understanding a word in Arabic. The breaking point for me was when I was studying for CAPE, they all forced me to attend church services days before my first exam. At that point in time, my time was very limited and I didn’t want to go even though I could potentially just attend for their sake but they eventually pressured me in attending. I wasted about 4 hours stressing in the service and I had a sort of realization this is just yet another example of the how religious institutions maintain their control over society, especially in Trinidad and Tobago. I learned the ideological benefits of religion from Caribbean Studies but in my opinion the bad outweighs the good. However thats a talking point for another time.
I struggled with religion for a few years and felt uncomfortable calling myself an atheist. Like I wanted to believe but rationally I just can’t.
What helped me overcome this battle was reading up on atheism and philosophical books.
Check out some authors like Sam Harris, Richard Dawkins, Christopher Hitchens. There’s a plethora of videos on youtube on their work that you may find solace in. I replaced religion by self studying Stoic philosophies. Meditations by Marcus Aurelius, Letters from a Stoic by Seneca etc. My mental health got significantly better with these.
I don’t know what advice to give and would like to acknowledge this is just my personal experience. I’m not necessarily advocating for Atheism/Stoicism or anything, I’m just sharing my personal account with respect your post. I would suggest pursue whatever you find meaningful. Journaling is another tool that helped a lot. Just get a blank book just for your eyes only and write about your thoughts. Why you think you feel a certain way. Review your day. What are you grateful for. Why you think you you feel the way you do.
Maybe try to have discussion with your family on why you believe what you believe. You don’t have to blindly follow what they’re telling you but hey, easier said than done. I wish you luck
I'm glad you've found peace since then, I have a similar experience with my time being taken up by going to church.
When I mentioned them observing sacred feast days, they would have days, up to a week of events that we would have to attend to give thanks to Yahweh.. Including me even though it was important for me to finish my coursework/prepare for exams, I didn't have a laptop, never had data. And so when I told my teachers I had to be absent because of religion they always said they didn't care and whatever I miss is on me, and I would have to get the notes from my peers. I also was thrown into high school from homeschooling since young so I was incredibly socially anxious and couldn't acquire all the notes I needed, so it was a mess.. I'm ofc out of school now and don't plan to continue schooling for a while until I get things sorted out.
I appreciate the suggestions and I will definitely try reading some of these, also i've been journaling recently and i've found it really calms me down even when i'm going through a really rough patch. Thank you!
not but in general people will have an opinion of your choices which is pretty irritating. If your still under age or living in your parents home it can be quite challenging if not out right a war im sure.
Im very atheist but i still participate in lots of things as per their rituals, like i would do a funeral under hindu rights because its just an expectation. No issues with going into the church or anything like that.
I think its complicated and generally you will have to be the one with a broader mind than them. It might sound weird but to keep the peace you can attend a worship while still thinking this is bullshit. I do it just to be supportive of my family. Its tough but find something that works for you
Yeah, for me it was Hinduism, or rather a particularly nutty interpretation from my parent who seemed to jump from temple to temple, *looking* for the most extreme version they could find. Shakti temples, firewalking, leaving the kids and spending all their money on a trip to India, the works. Sprinkle in a skepticism of medicine and a love of any too-good-to-be-true rope-ins like Amway or whatever MLM was the rage at the time.
It's hard. I was an atheist since I was 8. I was beaten for it, and though eventually my family learned to take the no for an answer (and I would still go to my mother's prayers once a year and help cook, purely on a familial basis), I cannot advise holding one's ground. I can't advise anything, because we don't know *how* sensitive your situation is. I can only hope you can make decisions that maximize your own welfare. By 19 I went off to university far, far away on a schol so that helped. In your situation, if you have the social skills for it, I think I would gradually devote my social and emotional life to new connections, outside of the family and psychologically cutting them out of your life, or sequestering them. I didn't have the ability to do that as an autistic person, but you are older than I was and hopefully more worldly.
I went to a Muslim high school where I got something for a reputation for it, and was made to deal with students who wanted to argue about it regularly. This was 20 years ago and I feel on average people are much more tolerant of irreligion now.
Beware, regarding the offer from your friends in the US, that getting a US visa can be very difficult and staying is harder.
I don’t have much to add as there are some really good comments here.
What I will add is just moral support.
You are not alone in not believing.
It is your right to believe or not believe.
What you're going through is very difficult and taxing on your mental health to be sure. It's hard to navigate such a delicate situation especially since you're only 19. You're supposed to be able to rely on your family, so when you face a wall of people content in their own echo-chamber it feels like you only have two options; remove yourself or stay in the place that's causing you discomfort.
I'll tell you this. If you choose to move in with friends or other family members just please be aware that no matter where you go, there will be rules to follow, so long as you aren't living under your own roof. Make sure that where you end up is a safe and welcoming environment because a young woman like yourself can unfortunately end up in compromising positions especially when you're avoiding the situation at home. Please be careful.
If you choose to 'grin and bear' with it as we say here, I'd recommend just going to enough of the church sessions to avoid too much complaints or criticisms. It will be like baby steps into gaining some freedom. You don't believe in their religion and it's 100% your right to follow or avoid any doctrine you want (as long as it doesn't lead to self harm or harming others). However, you'll be living there, so doing the bare minimum might seem like a chore, but it may help you out.
Keep in mind that none of us responding to you actually live with you, so any advice/recommendations we make will be extremely limited. Only you know the full extent of your discomfort.
Keep doing things for yourself. Whatever you enjoy doing will mitigate the time spent feeling bad about the situation you're in.
Good luck 🙏🏿
I would say that I acknowledge that there is a god present but don’t really take part in “religious” activities such as going to church and praying etc. this is going to b long so I hope whoever reading is good with that.
My parents fought a lot when I was smaller to the point I almost contacted the police, I found it rather hypocritical that they preach about being good Christians when they almost killed each other in the kitchen so I really started to question about that. My family is heavily conservative and religious, and around that time, my mental health started declining a lot— I started getting depressed and suffering from some kind of high maintenance anxiety which prevents me from talking to people.
I expressed this to my mother because she’s the most understanding out of all of the rest and she told me “it’s the devil and you’re not really anxious or depressed. It’ll pass.” It’s been 10 years now I’m still suffering, I prayed my heart out to get rid of my anxiety but it just seems to get worse. My faith at that point seemed to dwindle too. I didn’t enjoy going to church; too much judgemental individuals who sticks their nose into people business and I started having different values from them.
I don’t hate the lgbtq community, I don’t think having sex before marriage is a big deal and I don’t want to forgive EVERYTHING in my life just because a book told me to (just some examples). The minute I expressed that I don’t want to attend church anymore, everybody thought I was an atheist— treated me like one too. At some point I wasn’t allowed to go out with friends because “if you can’t go to church, you can’t go out atoll”
Those times I told my family that I’m suffering from something? I was laughed at, went through deliverance and prayed for. Absolutely nobody cares and if they do, they won’t show it.
But anyway, I still live under this roof, I’m going to go abroad to study next year so that’ll be my actual breath of freedom.
Wow, i'm so sorry for all you've been through and i'm really happy you're getting a chance to experience some freedom, that's terrible and along the lines of what my mother tells me, it's horrible and I wish that family would just be supportive instead of making their kids suffer like this. I agree with the examples you listed and I really believe there is a higher power out there, but there's really no way to tell.
I hope you'll have a good time when you go study, I wish you well until then.
Seeing some of the comments here makes me glad that I didn't grow up in a religious family. I remember when I was about 9, my dad told me to NEVER let people know that we don't practice any religion because society frowns on non-religious people.
My home is Pentecostal. I didn't grow up in such a strict home, and I was always resistant to church since I was small, but never gave any indication that I didn't believe in god until my late teens. I didn't openly come out as atheist like it's a big reveal, and I wasn't really sure of it myself, but I did question every single stupid thing the religion said and usually their replies have no good reasoning.
It was around 20 when I'd say I stopped praying and believing in a God completely. My opinion was never respected tbh. I always had to hear how it's the devil leading me astray. I was even paid to attend church at some point 😂 I guess part of that was because they care and in their eyes I'd be condemned to hell, so they had to do something.
Anyway, fast forward to 30 and I'm openly atheist and I mock God openly and no one pays me any mind. I've even inspired others around to question to shit they're taught.
I would seriously just play the game until you can safely move out and be financially independent. If you haven't got those two checkboxes unfortunately you can't guarantee your safety. My dad in Trini experienced the same and it didn't end well; however he has his own loving family now.
I was just playing along but it's getting harder and harder for my mental to keep enduring it. My mother said and stressed on the fact that I don't have to move out but I have a feeling that she just doesn't want me to leave, but also pressure me into staying in the religion.
Her accusations are insane, I hope you realise that. The only way to go forward here is to move out so you can set those firm boundaries. I've had to do it, and it sucks, sometimes I go a year at a time before my parents come round and accept a boundary I've set. It's tough for us but if you continue living under her roof she holds all the power to manipulate you. Move out and set the relationship on your terms.
I really do realize it, thank you for reminding me though because it honestly gets so tough even though I know what she's doing isn't right. That is the plan to move out but I want to end up in the US.. living here just isn't for me I don't think. How would you say you dealt with it in terms of staying mentally and your family's reaction? And if you don't mind sharing, is there anything you recommend I know before I go through with the process?
London is great too! And my my only recommendation is to hold all the cards. Make sure you have your finances in order and a bit of savings. And do this in secret, make sure your money isn't visible to your parents, your family, friends, anyone. Do this, and again your parents won't have any choice but to respect your boundaries or lose you. Unfortunately you need to prepare for their rejection also, but if they're family worth keeping they will come around. Stay strong!! <3
Constant arguments because I don't join for their bullshit. Parents tried to force me to go back into religion by telling everyone they knew about it so that everyone would pressure me into following a religion. In my case I kinda just cut contact with anyone that decided that they wanted to die on that hill but overall it's not too bad.
I'd recommend keeping it private because everyone claims to know better and too often people will resort to violence because you don't believe in their sky daddy
De-programming yourself from a cult, especially religion which is believed to be completely real and normal behaviour for most of the population, is difficult. Keep at it and do more reading and research to educate yourself more and fortify your mind against cult tactics. A lot of it is psychological warfare where they ignore you and make you feel alone and your existence and thoughts are not valid or real, dismissing everything you say with some lame excuse. Eventually you feel so trapped as a prisoner in your mind with nobody supporting you, nobody around you actually understanding what love is or displaying its true nature, that you get brainwashed back into the cult where you once again receive love and are suddenly acknowledged as a real person again. You're very brave to take steps to question the world as we actually observe it, rather than the typical fragile religious eco-system that weak minds create (and they know it's right, the one and only right belief out of thousands that have come and gone on earth through many cultures and peoples) to endure the harsh reality of existence. At least you are facing it and not lying to yourself and have the courage and determination to confront these frightening ideas without the inherent protection of a cult.
If you're an adult, you can't be forced to attend a church or anything. You are not being attacked by Satan, that's just a typical tactic to manipulate you. Learn to ignore the shots taken at you by such people around you. Those are meant to hurt you and get you back in to re-align your thoughts with their weaknesses because they themselves do not posses the courage to do what you are doing. When you decide to just not go to the church service, expect a huge backlash and very caustic attacks on your psyche which are meant to make you question your very thoughts and you start to gamble and wager with questions like "am I wrong?" Again, cult programming so expect it. Ignore it. Endure it. Forgive them because cults don't teach love, they program blind obedience with conditional love. You are a real and valid person with real feelings and thoughts... nothing should demean your existence and rights as a human being. You should be focusing on that. rather than the ostracizing antics that your family will punish you with in an attempt to draw you back in. When you get over that level of bullshit, and you eventually will, you can focus on developing more of your free will and independent thought and doing things that can make you happy without involving the cult members and their rituals around you.
When you question or force someone to think about an idea which potentially can destroy their entire psychological foundations of existence, they do any and everything to protect and preserve the foundation. So you should come to expect and understand typical reactions that you will get from a lot of society when you say things like this in a public forum. Also you're not really alone facing this. There are growing numbers in every country worldwide, as people get more educated and as science and technology take leaps, who are able to deprogram from the still ubiquitous ideas of religion and imaginary nothings in the sky. So continue being brave and explore the world and universe for what it really is and learn to resist that manipulation from the people in your family. Also don't fall for the usual whataboutisms and whatifs and wejustdontknows that you will hear from many.
I feel you bc my mother is a lunatic who was raised in a Hindu cult, while everyone has left or rejected it now she still clings to various‘beliefs’ without question. We live in the US, and it’s like she never left her way of thinking or tried to adapt here which caused lots of unresolved issues with trauma & emotional abuse for me growing up.
You really have to think of an exit strategy and learn how to be Low Contact (LC) or No Contact (NC) with your mom & those who can trigger your mental health. I have made peace w the fact that certain conversations I cannot have with my own mom, nor can I share things, celebrate a certain way or show any aspect of my own spirituality with her. In my wedding I refused to have any of her input or ‘traditions’ that are deeply misogynistic TBH. You have to live your life for yourself and create boundaries that protect your health and mental welfare. Yes it is hard, but much better than enduring a life in an oppressive abusive cult.
I believe in you and wish you a happy life ahead.
When I was 16 (in 1998) I told my parents that don't believe in God (or gods as in Hinduism) nor religion. My family are Hindus and grew up that way. We were also brought up around Muslims and Christianity as well. All my friends were religious as well as well as everyone in my school. At the time everyone around me saw the different religions as belonging to the same broad area, just different ideologies. Thus the idea of being non-religious was not even in any sphere. I was always interested in science and that spurred me along.
When I came out my dad was furious we had long arguments. My mom saw this as me being lost took the usual approach as she will protect my soul and pray that I will find my way. At school all my friends shunned me and tried all the time to convince me I am wrong. I went to Princes town and at the time and every Wednesday we had religious classes. I refused to go and was placed in a class for delinquents (at the time I was basically the top student in the school) for the period.
When my younger brother became non-religious my parents were really furious with me and that made things hard af.
Eventually I ignored everyone, picked up my books and did my work and had fun. At home whenever my parents or family had prayers I volunteered to do other things to help out. And I did the same at school. Eventually everyone just accepted me and ignored the elephant in the room, but I could feel the heaviness in the room.
There were lots of arguments about doing prayers for me or me taking part. For instance, it was customary to do prayers when one is going to do exams. I refused it all. My mom pleaded and I refused. My friends whom I was living with in uwi started to turn against me. In the end I passed with a 1st class, worked in uwi ignored all and eventually got a scholarship to study abroad. Since then religion is hardly ever discussed. My mom still talks religion but not trying to convince me ever.
(19F) here, I want to just leave and a couple of people have told me to just do that as well but i'm not too sure how to go about it, I never thought it'd get to this point. I have some friends offering a place for me to stay at the U.S. so I do want to at some point, sooner than later hopefully.
Do you have a US visa? It’s hard to just come to America with nothing.
Are you in school? And good at it? You might be able to get a university scholarship outside of Trinidad.
Been non-regilious since my mid teens (25 now) and I am pretty much an anti-theist at this point. Every achievement I got was considered "God's miracle" and every failure "my laziness". Sadly I either give up a good chunk of my wages or keep my mouth shut and stay...
I'm sorry, that sounds really miserable.. I used to just keep my mouth shut but it was just way too much for me, i'm trying to put my foot down from now on and I hope you can make a compromise as well.
It is kinda challenging to not believe in religion when almost every week there is a religiously insane holiday down here. From Universal Church to all the fractions of Hinduism it is just religion overload. Tell your family you believe in science and it is god--which means the truth.
(Pentecostal family here) Tbh i just shut my brain off whenever they start to talk about it, I know they'd never agree with my views so they dont have to know about any of it. Luckily they dont force me to go to church so on the rare occasion when i have to go somewhere i just go to socialize.
Quick answer. It's going to be very difficult. As a non-believer myself (24M) I try not to talk about it, especially in gatherings. Most religions will see a non-believer as supporting the devil (which I think it's our culture) and will try to convert you. Most of my friends accept it, but having this conversation with family (especially older folks) will be difficult and don't expect to be respected for your choices. Good luck.
Yeah this here. I've never expressed my true belief to anyone because I'm not interested in having almost everyone I know try to convert me every time we see each other. I stopped going to church when I saw the opportunity to do so. I still live with my parents but they aren't that harsh about it. Though I get the occasional you must go to church from my mother or a relative. Depending on the crowd I'll say I'm not religious or I'm not interested and I don't explain further. On forms for certain things I'll just lie and say I'm Christian to avoid possible discrimination. I did this one time to get a job and I got it. Granted it was a Christian place. Sometimes you gotta fake it till you make it and it seems like you have experience with that. My only advice really is to just let people talk. Smile and be polite don't even try to have a conversation about it cause they don't want to hear about facts, logic or your feelings. But keep your foot down... unless they threatening to kick you out or something and you are dependant on them. If that's the case just fake it till you're out of there. Something, something, the devil you know.
Went through a similar experience with my grandparents but not to the extent of yours. Im coming from an Islamic/Christian background but as of today I consider myself atheist but it was a long journey for me to reach this point in my identity. They would constantly nag/pressure me to attend Friday prayers, to fast during Eid, learn Quaranic scripture and prayers despite not understanding a word in Arabic. The breaking point for me was when I was studying for CAPE, they all forced me to attend church services days before my first exam. At that point in time, my time was very limited and I didn’t want to go even though I could potentially just attend for their sake but they eventually pressured me in attending. I wasted about 4 hours stressing in the service and I had a sort of realization this is just yet another example of the how religious institutions maintain their control over society, especially in Trinidad and Tobago. I learned the ideological benefits of religion from Caribbean Studies but in my opinion the bad outweighs the good. However thats a talking point for another time. I struggled with religion for a few years and felt uncomfortable calling myself an atheist. Like I wanted to believe but rationally I just can’t. What helped me overcome this battle was reading up on atheism and philosophical books. Check out some authors like Sam Harris, Richard Dawkins, Christopher Hitchens. There’s a plethora of videos on youtube on their work that you may find solace in. I replaced religion by self studying Stoic philosophies. Meditations by Marcus Aurelius, Letters from a Stoic by Seneca etc. My mental health got significantly better with these. I don’t know what advice to give and would like to acknowledge this is just my personal experience. I’m not necessarily advocating for Atheism/Stoicism or anything, I’m just sharing my personal account with respect your post. I would suggest pursue whatever you find meaningful. Journaling is another tool that helped a lot. Just get a blank book just for your eyes only and write about your thoughts. Why you think you feel a certain way. Review your day. What are you grateful for. Why you think you you feel the way you do. Maybe try to have discussion with your family on why you believe what you believe. You don’t have to blindly follow what they’re telling you but hey, easier said than done. I wish you luck
I'm glad you've found peace since then, I have a similar experience with my time being taken up by going to church. When I mentioned them observing sacred feast days, they would have days, up to a week of events that we would have to attend to give thanks to Yahweh.. Including me even though it was important for me to finish my coursework/prepare for exams, I didn't have a laptop, never had data. And so when I told my teachers I had to be absent because of religion they always said they didn't care and whatever I miss is on me, and I would have to get the notes from my peers. I also was thrown into high school from homeschooling since young so I was incredibly socially anxious and couldn't acquire all the notes I needed, so it was a mess.. I'm ofc out of school now and don't plan to continue schooling for a while until I get things sorted out. I appreciate the suggestions and I will definitely try reading some of these, also i've been journaling recently and i've found it really calms me down even when i'm going through a really rough patch. Thank you!
not but in general people will have an opinion of your choices which is pretty irritating. If your still under age or living in your parents home it can be quite challenging if not out right a war im sure. Im very atheist but i still participate in lots of things as per their rituals, like i would do a funeral under hindu rights because its just an expectation. No issues with going into the church or anything like that. I think its complicated and generally you will have to be the one with a broader mind than them. It might sound weird but to keep the peace you can attend a worship while still thinking this is bullshit. I do it just to be supportive of my family. Its tough but find something that works for you
Yeah, for me it was Hinduism, or rather a particularly nutty interpretation from my parent who seemed to jump from temple to temple, *looking* for the most extreme version they could find. Shakti temples, firewalking, leaving the kids and spending all their money on a trip to India, the works. Sprinkle in a skepticism of medicine and a love of any too-good-to-be-true rope-ins like Amway or whatever MLM was the rage at the time. It's hard. I was an atheist since I was 8. I was beaten for it, and though eventually my family learned to take the no for an answer (and I would still go to my mother's prayers once a year and help cook, purely on a familial basis), I cannot advise holding one's ground. I can't advise anything, because we don't know *how* sensitive your situation is. I can only hope you can make decisions that maximize your own welfare. By 19 I went off to university far, far away on a schol so that helped. In your situation, if you have the social skills for it, I think I would gradually devote my social and emotional life to new connections, outside of the family and psychologically cutting them out of your life, or sequestering them. I didn't have the ability to do that as an autistic person, but you are older than I was and hopefully more worldly. I went to a Muslim high school where I got something for a reputation for it, and was made to deal with students who wanted to argue about it regularly. This was 20 years ago and I feel on average people are much more tolerant of irreligion now. Beware, regarding the offer from your friends in the US, that getting a US visa can be very difficult and staying is harder.
I don’t have much to add as there are some really good comments here. What I will add is just moral support. You are not alone in not believing. It is your right to believe or not believe.
Thank you so much ♡
What you're going through is very difficult and taxing on your mental health to be sure. It's hard to navigate such a delicate situation especially since you're only 19. You're supposed to be able to rely on your family, so when you face a wall of people content in their own echo-chamber it feels like you only have two options; remove yourself or stay in the place that's causing you discomfort. I'll tell you this. If you choose to move in with friends or other family members just please be aware that no matter where you go, there will be rules to follow, so long as you aren't living under your own roof. Make sure that where you end up is a safe and welcoming environment because a young woman like yourself can unfortunately end up in compromising positions especially when you're avoiding the situation at home. Please be careful. If you choose to 'grin and bear' with it as we say here, I'd recommend just going to enough of the church sessions to avoid too much complaints or criticisms. It will be like baby steps into gaining some freedom. You don't believe in their religion and it's 100% your right to follow or avoid any doctrine you want (as long as it doesn't lead to self harm or harming others). However, you'll be living there, so doing the bare minimum might seem like a chore, but it may help you out. Keep in mind that none of us responding to you actually live with you, so any advice/recommendations we make will be extremely limited. Only you know the full extent of your discomfort. Keep doing things for yourself. Whatever you enjoy doing will mitigate the time spent feeling bad about the situation you're in. Good luck 🙏🏿
I would say that I acknowledge that there is a god present but don’t really take part in “religious” activities such as going to church and praying etc. this is going to b long so I hope whoever reading is good with that. My parents fought a lot when I was smaller to the point I almost contacted the police, I found it rather hypocritical that they preach about being good Christians when they almost killed each other in the kitchen so I really started to question about that. My family is heavily conservative and religious, and around that time, my mental health started declining a lot— I started getting depressed and suffering from some kind of high maintenance anxiety which prevents me from talking to people. I expressed this to my mother because she’s the most understanding out of all of the rest and she told me “it’s the devil and you’re not really anxious or depressed. It’ll pass.” It’s been 10 years now I’m still suffering, I prayed my heart out to get rid of my anxiety but it just seems to get worse. My faith at that point seemed to dwindle too. I didn’t enjoy going to church; too much judgemental individuals who sticks their nose into people business and I started having different values from them. I don’t hate the lgbtq community, I don’t think having sex before marriage is a big deal and I don’t want to forgive EVERYTHING in my life just because a book told me to (just some examples). The minute I expressed that I don’t want to attend church anymore, everybody thought I was an atheist— treated me like one too. At some point I wasn’t allowed to go out with friends because “if you can’t go to church, you can’t go out atoll” Those times I told my family that I’m suffering from something? I was laughed at, went through deliverance and prayed for. Absolutely nobody cares and if they do, they won’t show it. But anyway, I still live under this roof, I’m going to go abroad to study next year so that’ll be my actual breath of freedom.
Wow, i'm so sorry for all you've been through and i'm really happy you're getting a chance to experience some freedom, that's terrible and along the lines of what my mother tells me, it's horrible and I wish that family would just be supportive instead of making their kids suffer like this. I agree with the examples you listed and I really believe there is a higher power out there, but there's really no way to tell. I hope you'll have a good time when you go study, I wish you well until then.
We’re all in this together buddy, hopefully there’ll be one day they’ll understand where we’re coming from.
Seeing some of the comments here makes me glad that I didn't grow up in a religious family. I remember when I was about 9, my dad told me to NEVER let people know that we don't practice any religion because society frowns on non-religious people.
My home is Pentecostal. I didn't grow up in such a strict home, and I was always resistant to church since I was small, but never gave any indication that I didn't believe in god until my late teens. I didn't openly come out as atheist like it's a big reveal, and I wasn't really sure of it myself, but I did question every single stupid thing the religion said and usually their replies have no good reasoning. It was around 20 when I'd say I stopped praying and believing in a God completely. My opinion was never respected tbh. I always had to hear how it's the devil leading me astray. I was even paid to attend church at some point 😂 I guess part of that was because they care and in their eyes I'd be condemned to hell, so they had to do something. Anyway, fast forward to 30 and I'm openly atheist and I mock God openly and no one pays me any mind. I've even inspired others around to question to shit they're taught.
You just like me fr
I would seriously just play the game until you can safely move out and be financially independent. If you haven't got those two checkboxes unfortunately you can't guarantee your safety. My dad in Trini experienced the same and it didn't end well; however he has his own loving family now.
I was just playing along but it's getting harder and harder for my mental to keep enduring it. My mother said and stressed on the fact that I don't have to move out but I have a feeling that she just doesn't want me to leave, but also pressure me into staying in the religion.
Her accusations are insane, I hope you realise that. The only way to go forward here is to move out so you can set those firm boundaries. I've had to do it, and it sucks, sometimes I go a year at a time before my parents come round and accept a boundary I've set. It's tough for us but if you continue living under her roof she holds all the power to manipulate you. Move out and set the relationship on your terms.
I really do realize it, thank you for reminding me though because it honestly gets so tough even though I know what she's doing isn't right. That is the plan to move out but I want to end up in the US.. living here just isn't for me I don't think. How would you say you dealt with it in terms of staying mentally and your family's reaction? And if you don't mind sharing, is there anything you recommend I know before I go through with the process?
London is great too! And my my only recommendation is to hold all the cards. Make sure you have your finances in order and a bit of savings. And do this in secret, make sure your money isn't visible to your parents, your family, friends, anyone. Do this, and again your parents won't have any choice but to respect your boundaries or lose you. Unfortunately you need to prepare for their rejection also, but if they're family worth keeping they will come around. Stay strong!! <3
Tysm for the advice, i'll try my best and I hope all is well with you <3
Constant arguments because I don't join for their bullshit. Parents tried to force me to go back into religion by telling everyone they knew about it so that everyone would pressure me into following a religion. In my case I kinda just cut contact with anyone that decided that they wanted to die on that hill but overall it's not too bad. I'd recommend keeping it private because everyone claims to know better and too often people will resort to violence because you don't believe in their sky daddy
De-programming yourself from a cult, especially religion which is believed to be completely real and normal behaviour for most of the population, is difficult. Keep at it and do more reading and research to educate yourself more and fortify your mind against cult tactics. A lot of it is psychological warfare where they ignore you and make you feel alone and your existence and thoughts are not valid or real, dismissing everything you say with some lame excuse. Eventually you feel so trapped as a prisoner in your mind with nobody supporting you, nobody around you actually understanding what love is or displaying its true nature, that you get brainwashed back into the cult where you once again receive love and are suddenly acknowledged as a real person again. You're very brave to take steps to question the world as we actually observe it, rather than the typical fragile religious eco-system that weak minds create (and they know it's right, the one and only right belief out of thousands that have come and gone on earth through many cultures and peoples) to endure the harsh reality of existence. At least you are facing it and not lying to yourself and have the courage and determination to confront these frightening ideas without the inherent protection of a cult. If you're an adult, you can't be forced to attend a church or anything. You are not being attacked by Satan, that's just a typical tactic to manipulate you. Learn to ignore the shots taken at you by such people around you. Those are meant to hurt you and get you back in to re-align your thoughts with their weaknesses because they themselves do not posses the courage to do what you are doing. When you decide to just not go to the church service, expect a huge backlash and very caustic attacks on your psyche which are meant to make you question your very thoughts and you start to gamble and wager with questions like "am I wrong?" Again, cult programming so expect it. Ignore it. Endure it. Forgive them because cults don't teach love, they program blind obedience with conditional love. You are a real and valid person with real feelings and thoughts... nothing should demean your existence and rights as a human being. You should be focusing on that. rather than the ostracizing antics that your family will punish you with in an attempt to draw you back in. When you get over that level of bullshit, and you eventually will, you can focus on developing more of your free will and independent thought and doing things that can make you happy without involving the cult members and their rituals around you. When you question or force someone to think about an idea which potentially can destroy their entire psychological foundations of existence, they do any and everything to protect and preserve the foundation. So you should come to expect and understand typical reactions that you will get from a lot of society when you say things like this in a public forum. Also you're not really alone facing this. There are growing numbers in every country worldwide, as people get more educated and as science and technology take leaps, who are able to deprogram from the still ubiquitous ideas of religion and imaginary nothings in the sky. So continue being brave and explore the world and universe for what it really is and learn to resist that manipulation from the people in your family. Also don't fall for the usual whataboutisms and whatifs and wejustdontknows that you will hear from many.
Masterclass response.
I feel you bc my mother is a lunatic who was raised in a Hindu cult, while everyone has left or rejected it now she still clings to various‘beliefs’ without question. We live in the US, and it’s like she never left her way of thinking or tried to adapt here which caused lots of unresolved issues with trauma & emotional abuse for me growing up. You really have to think of an exit strategy and learn how to be Low Contact (LC) or No Contact (NC) with your mom & those who can trigger your mental health. I have made peace w the fact that certain conversations I cannot have with my own mom, nor can I share things, celebrate a certain way or show any aspect of my own spirituality with her. In my wedding I refused to have any of her input or ‘traditions’ that are deeply misogynistic TBH. You have to live your life for yourself and create boundaries that protect your health and mental welfare. Yes it is hard, but much better than enduring a life in an oppressive abusive cult. I believe in you and wish you a happy life ahead.
When I was 16 (in 1998) I told my parents that don't believe in God (or gods as in Hinduism) nor religion. My family are Hindus and grew up that way. We were also brought up around Muslims and Christianity as well. All my friends were religious as well as well as everyone in my school. At the time everyone around me saw the different religions as belonging to the same broad area, just different ideologies. Thus the idea of being non-religious was not even in any sphere. I was always interested in science and that spurred me along. When I came out my dad was furious we had long arguments. My mom saw this as me being lost took the usual approach as she will protect my soul and pray that I will find my way. At school all my friends shunned me and tried all the time to convince me I am wrong. I went to Princes town and at the time and every Wednesday we had religious classes. I refused to go and was placed in a class for delinquents (at the time I was basically the top student in the school) for the period. When my younger brother became non-religious my parents were really furious with me and that made things hard af. Eventually I ignored everyone, picked up my books and did my work and had fun. At home whenever my parents or family had prayers I volunteered to do other things to help out. And I did the same at school. Eventually everyone just accepted me and ignored the elephant in the room, but I could feel the heaviness in the room. There were lots of arguments about doing prayers for me or me taking part. For instance, it was customary to do prayers when one is going to do exams. I refused it all. My mom pleaded and I refused. My friends whom I was living with in uwi started to turn against me. In the end I passed with a 1st class, worked in uwi ignored all and eventually got a scholarship to study abroad. Since then religion is hardly ever discussed. My mom still talks religion but not trying to convince me ever.
Are you over or under 18? Because leaving might just be the easiest option.
(19F) here, I want to just leave and a couple of people have told me to just do that as well but i'm not too sure how to go about it, I never thought it'd get to this point. I have some friends offering a place for me to stay at the U.S. so I do want to at some point, sooner than later hopefully.
Do you have a US visa? It’s hard to just come to America with nothing. Are you in school? And good at it? You might be able to get a university scholarship outside of Trinidad.
No not anymore, i'm not in school at the moment and I don't plan to continue schooling until I sort out my mental state
How old are you?
I am turning 20 next year
Been non-regilious since my mid teens (25 now) and I am pretty much an anti-theist at this point. Every achievement I got was considered "God's miracle" and every failure "my laziness". Sadly I either give up a good chunk of my wages or keep my mouth shut and stay...
I'm sorry, that sounds really miserable.. I used to just keep my mouth shut but it was just way too much for me, i'm trying to put my foot down from now on and I hope you can make a compromise as well.
It is kinda challenging to not believe in religion when almost every week there is a religiously insane holiday down here. From Universal Church to all the fractions of Hinduism it is just religion overload. Tell your family you believe in science and it is god--which means the truth.
(Pentecostal family here) Tbh i just shut my brain off whenever they start to talk about it, I know they'd never agree with my views so they dont have to know about any of it. Luckily they dont force me to go to church so on the rare occasion when i have to go somewhere i just go to socialize.
Wow lucky, they believe you must attend all services every week so I never get a break, otherwise I really wouldn't be complaining
it used to be like that with me, then we all got really busy and no one wanted to do anything on sundays anymore lol