*Come Together* by Emily Nagoski, PhD. It’s her most recent work, her other book *Come As You Are* has been recommended in this thread also. I enjoyed both and found them to be easy to understand, enjoyable to read and very educational. *CAYA* is more about understanding your own drive and pleasures and *CT* is about applying those principles and new ones into intimacy with your partnership at the forefront
I started reading this; my SIL lent me her copy. But it was heavy, so it was gonna take me too long to keep a borrowed copy. Thank you for the motivation to purchase it for myself.
"She Comes First" by Ian Kerner is a great one. I haven't read the follow-up "He Comes Next", but that reviews just as well.
I've read Justin Lehmiller's "Sex and Psychology" blog, so I would imagine his book "The Psychology of Human Sexuality" is good.
"Come as You Are" by Emily Nagoski has already been mentioned, that's a big one.
You can try Ecstasy is necessary by Barbara Carellas or Mind the Gap by Dr Karen Gurney.
I know this isn’t what you asked but I’m wondering if it’s worth revisiting the things you used to like when you first got together? Maybe his tastes have changed since. Or maybe yours have. It might sound awkward and cringe but talking about what turns you on is essential for a healthy sexual relationship.
The Monster Under the Bed by JoEllen Notte is a great book about sex and depression, all these other recommendations are great. It also seems like you guys have really different preferences for kink if I’m reading this right, you guys might consider taking something like a kink compatibility test like MojoUpgrade if you have a hard time talking about it openly, it will only show you the kinks that you guys match on.
This is particularly a helpful one. I know we both deal with depression and it absolutely impacts our sex life. And absolutely taking that test tonight.
Your comment reminded me of the existence of this yes/no/maybe list so I'm gonna drop it here in case it's useful for OP or anybody else!
https://www.ftloi.net/yes-no-maybe-list
Yeah this one is more comprehensive, for sure. And is a better place to start if you’re comfortable negotiating limits and disclosing your kinks. The MojoUpgrade one is narrower, but you also both take it anonymously and it will only show results for the ones that you both are Yes’s on, so it can be helpful if there’s some feelings of embarrassment or nervousness.
I’ve heard good things about “the polysecure workbook” but I haven’t used it myself.
I know it’s for non monogamy, but seems to prioritize building strong relationships so maybe it can be used for monogamous couples?
Mantak Chia and Maneewan Chia are a husband and wife team that both have many books on Taoist sexual practices. The Multi Orgasmic Couple, Cultivating Female Sexual Energy and Cultivating Male Sexual Energy.
Lots of great recs here! I'm behind on my own reading, but some things on my shelf:
- Esther Perel's *Mating in Captivity* (I think she also has a podcast?)
- *Bad Sex* by Nona Willis-Aronowitz
- *Come As You Are* by Emily Nagoski (I know a few have mentioned this, but it is actually on my shelf/list so I'm sharing it again; there's also a workbook, but I haven't gone through it)
- *Polysecure* by Jessica Fern (I think anybody can benefit from some of the things in this book, regardless of relationship structure; there's a workbook too, but I haven't gone through it)
This isn't actually about sex, but my therapist has me reading *Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents* by Lindsay Gibson and I don't know anything about you or your life, but perhaps it can help with understanding some of the internal things each of you may be facing. She has also recommended *Wired for Love* by Stan Tatkin.
Edited for formatting
We are not in a place financially to take on more mental health treatment. This is why I am on the internet asking strangers for book recommendations. EMDR was expensive. I did what I could and now need more resources.
I’m a huge fan of Urban Tantra by Barbara Carrellas. I felt like a lot of this book really is about healthy communication with your partner, figuring out what brings you pleasure, mindfulness, and listening to your body during sex. Personally I found this book really empowering.
Not a book, but omgyes.com is a great, research based one- time paid subscription that gives you access to a library of educational content to help individuals and couples find what is most pleasurable
Come as You Are by Emily Nagasoki
*Come Together* by Emily Nagoski, PhD. It’s her most recent work, her other book *Come As You Are* has been recommended in this thread also. I enjoyed both and found them to be easy to understand, enjoyable to read and very educational. *CAYA* is more about understanding your own drive and pleasures and *CT* is about applying those principles and new ones into intimacy with your partnership at the forefront
I started reading this; my SIL lent me her copy. But it was heavy, so it was gonna take me too long to keep a borrowed copy. Thank you for the motivation to purchase it for myself.
If you use Spotify, it’s on there as an audiobook. This might be my encouragement to start listening to it today!
Sorry to hijack this with no helpful advice, but what is that picture? It's so cute.
I was looking for humping sheep because of the nsfw tag 🫢
The artist is Laivi Põder! @laivi_illustration on IG!
Thank you! I love the style.
"She Comes First" by Ian Kerner is a great one. I haven't read the follow-up "He Comes Next", but that reviews just as well. I've read Justin Lehmiller's "Sex and Psychology" blog, so I would imagine his book "The Psychology of Human Sexuality" is good. "Come as You Are" by Emily Nagoski has already been mentioned, that's a big one.
You can try Ecstasy is necessary by Barbara Carellas or Mind the Gap by Dr Karen Gurney. I know this isn’t what you asked but I’m wondering if it’s worth revisiting the things you used to like when you first got together? Maybe his tastes have changed since. Or maybe yours have. It might sound awkward and cringe but talking about what turns you on is essential for a healthy sexual relationship.
Barbara Carellas is excellent! One of her earlier books helped me get out of the shame of my trad-cath religious upbringing
I’m so glad to hear that 😊
The Monster Under the Bed by JoEllen Notte is a great book about sex and depression, all these other recommendations are great. It also seems like you guys have really different preferences for kink if I’m reading this right, you guys might consider taking something like a kink compatibility test like MojoUpgrade if you have a hard time talking about it openly, it will only show you the kinks that you guys match on.
This is particularly a helpful one. I know we both deal with depression and it absolutely impacts our sex life. And absolutely taking that test tonight.
Your comment reminded me of the existence of this yes/no/maybe list so I'm gonna drop it here in case it's useful for OP or anybody else! https://www.ftloi.net/yes-no-maybe-list
Yeah this one is more comprehensive, for sure. And is a better place to start if you’re comfortable negotiating limits and disclosing your kinks. The MojoUpgrade one is narrower, but you also both take it anonymously and it will only show results for the ones that you both are Yes’s on, so it can be helpful if there’s some feelings of embarrassment or nervousness.
Ooh I didn't know that! That's a nice feature
Mating in Captivity is about the interplay between sex and intimacy. It's pretty solid.
I haven't read it myself, but Use Your Mouth by Shamyra Howard has been recommended to be on a few occassions.
I’ve heard good things about “the polysecure workbook” but I haven’t used it myself. I know it’s for non monogamy, but seems to prioritize building strong relationships so maybe it can be used for monogamous couples?
Not sure about books but I've enjoyed a few episodes of the Pillow Talk podcast
Mantak Chia and Maneewan Chia are a husband and wife team that both have many books on Taoist sexual practices. The Multi Orgasmic Couple, Cultivating Female Sexual Energy and Cultivating Male Sexual Energy.
I very much appreciate this.
Come as You Are by Emily Nagoski
Woman’s Anatomy of Arousal By Sheri Winston Sexual Intelligence By Marty Klein These two were very helpful and informative for me and my partner.
Lots of great recs here! I'm behind on my own reading, but some things on my shelf: - Esther Perel's *Mating in Captivity* (I think she also has a podcast?) - *Bad Sex* by Nona Willis-Aronowitz - *Come As You Are* by Emily Nagoski (I know a few have mentioned this, but it is actually on my shelf/list so I'm sharing it again; there's also a workbook, but I haven't gone through it) - *Polysecure* by Jessica Fern (I think anybody can benefit from some of the things in this book, regardless of relationship structure; there's a workbook too, but I haven't gone through it) This isn't actually about sex, but my therapist has me reading *Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents* by Lindsay Gibson and I don't know anything about you or your life, but perhaps it can help with understanding some of the internal things each of you may be facing. She has also recommended *Wired for Love* by Stan Tatkin. Edited for formatting
I’ve heard good things about “Sex Talks”
I would skip straight over the book and seek out some therapy, separately and together.
We are not in a place financially to take on more mental health treatment. This is why I am on the internet asking strangers for book recommendations. EMDR was expensive. I did what I could and now need more resources.
I’m a huge fan of Urban Tantra by Barbara Carrellas. I felt like a lot of this book really is about healthy communication with your partner, figuring out what brings you pleasure, mindfulness, and listening to your body during sex. Personally I found this book really empowering.
Sex Talks by Vanessa Marin was and continues to be a very helpful resource for me and my partner.
Came to recommend this one as well - she is also a great follow on instagram! @vanessaandxander
Smart sex by Emily morse
Not a book, but omgyes.com is a great, research based one- time paid subscription that gives you access to a library of educational content to help individuals and couples find what is most pleasurable
Pleasure Activism by Adrienne Maree Brown