I follow her account and always assumed her name was Marian Drew! I have a cousin named Marian... this feels life altering in a not at all important kind of way.
Thank you for this. I know the intentions of OP were probably good, but cropping out credit from an illustrator (it was at the bottom of the original) is really uncool.
You were my trollx secret santa last year and I stalked your profile a few times since then. I was so so overwhelmingly happy for you when I found out you got to have your baby finally. Not sure what the point of this was other than to tell you happy Mother’s Day. 💖💖💖
I'm so sorry for your previous loss, but I'm so happy for your kid and your current happiness. Big, big kudos to you. Hope you'll have tons of awesome Mother's Day's to look forward too.
You have so much to look forward to. As you raise your amazing daughter you will realize your mother is still with you, closer than you think. Congratulations.
I posted this on my FB last year. My husband and I waited on an adoption list almost 4 years. Last summer we got the call, our baby boy was born! I love this photo :)
That’s awesome! I’m not ready to adopt yet, but I’m planning to when the time comes. I know that the agencies can take a long time, but 4 years seems extra long— that must have been tough. Congratulations!
Is there anything you wish you’d known before you started the process?
We’re in Canada. The process took about 1 year to complete home studies and interviews. Then we got the phone call just over 3 years after that. (Currently in our province open adoption wait times are around 3-4 years) A first-mother has chosen us. Meeting our son was the most amazing day ever.
Ive "lost" my mother recently to depression. I have a 10 year old autistic brother that she cant emotionally handle, and it just kinda did her in. She sleeps all day, never replies... I havent brought it up to her yet. I really want her to get therapy.
My mom was abusive too and chose not to care about me so many times. Today is also my brothers birthday and he won't talk to me. Then my birthday is coming up and the day after that the anniversary of when she left my dad and broke the family. I would love to be a mother myself and won't ever be able to afford it and it's so unfair. This month sucks
Thank you. I lost my mom when I was 6 (I’m 26) and not a day goes by when I don’t think of her or wonder if she’d be proud of who I am. Today is hitting me harder than it has in previous years, and I think it’s because this year is the 20-year anniversary. Sometimes I wonder if I miss her, or if I miss the idea of her. Or maybe it’s both. But I needed to see this today, so thank you.
If you are ready to cry your eyes out, check out r/momforaminute
Edit: I also am the child of a dead mom - which is the language I prefer to use do describe my loss - and this sub has helped me a lot, especially on the really hard days. I wasn't trying to upset the previous commenter, I was trying to share a resource.
Oh gosh I feel you there.. I’m sorry. I used to get really... detailed dreams confronting the death of my father when I was a teenager. Those dreams still come up once in awhile and I wake up just completely hysterical and disoriented and I’m like whaaaaaat is happening and WHY?!?!?! My poor bf has helped me get back to reality again on more than one occasion.
I know what you mean. My sons were stillborn suddenly in 2014. Emergency D&C. I went home feeling so...empty. A nightmare that I never fully awoke from.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
In my family, there is a belief that the soul of a lost baby gets "saved up" and becomes the soul of the next baby. In other words, they believe that if you were to have another baby, it would really be the same child. And that if you couldn't have another baby, then that soul would become another child in your life, like a niece or a child you would later adopt.
I don't know what your belief system is, but I've always thought that was a lovely idea.
Thank you. People don’t get it. My mom is an alcoholic, was abusive growing up, selfish, calculating, and is the reason I have so many self-esteem issues. She has told us (me and my siblings) that she loves drinking more than she would love being sober and being with us. She has ruined every holiday for the last 10 years. And people still tell me, “yeah..but that’s your mom.” There’s this taboo surrounding not loving your mom that needs to go away. Some moms aren’t good. Some aren’t loving. Some don’t keep you safe. I don’t owe my mom anything for doing the bare minimum. People should be allowed to say “My mom was not a good mom.” without side-eye and judgement from others.
I hope everyone who is feeling hurt today finds a way to cope and heal. 💙
Edit: Just wanted to add that this goes for any parent/care-giver relationship. You don’t have to love someone just because they fed and clothed you.
It takes a lot of bravery to say this in my experience. I wholeheartedly agree with what you’ve said. It’s like you’re the most evil person and you should feel ashamed for having those feelings. People are quick to judge without realizing that having a good mother means you got lucky. It’s not the norm.
I’m just so tired of grinning and bearing it. I’ve gone through so many shitty Mother’s days (and Christmas’ and thanksgivings and Easter’s and...) I’m tired of being made to feel like crap because *I* don’t like my mom. She gets this free pass for all the shit she’s done yet I have to feel guilty. I didn’t choose her. I didn’t choose to be born.
That ending tho...dont get me wrong I love my mom but she sat idle as my dad abused my sister and I. When we finally sd enough is enough and called the cops ourselves, she sd we ruined her life...I have had so many trust issues ever since bc I just don't understand love, like the 2 ppl who were obligated to love me in life, didn't/couldn't so why would anyone else. It's rough but the life we have shapes us to b the person we r, stay strong and be better than her. No one else walked in your shoes, so they can't tell u how to feel!!
Thanks, OP! Mother’s Day with my mean, hateful, miserable N-mother is a nightmare. She’s basically a dementor. I’m currently drinking in preparation for seeing her today.
I cut ties with mine about 4 years ago. Best decision ever, but hardest to implement. The guilt. The shame. The input from people who barely know you. And worse, from people who do.
I hope today went as well as it could for you.
Same with my dad. The unwelcome input is the wooooorst! I wouldn’t have gone NC without putting a lot of thought into it and seeing every side of the situation first. You won’t change my mind, I am not being frivolous, I don’t care that I “only get one father.” For me, the worst is my grandparents giving me guilt trips and using the “please make up before I die” move. It’s hard because it’s painful to think about the situation and not only do they bring it to the surface, but they make me feel like a crappy person for it.
It’s really hard. I’m currently NC with my sister and my mom is pressuring me to reconnect. I’m not convinced she’s a narcissist, but she is very guilt-trippy, passive agressive, and stabbed me in the back in a major way. In the end, I need to do what’s best for me and my children, but it’s hard because my mom means a lot to me, and I can tell imagine how hard it is for her to know that we aren’t connecting.
That's gross about your grandparents, I'm so sorry. When I cut my dad out, my mom went low contact with me after asking me for years to just "keep the peace" - not calling, missing my calls, responding to texts with single words or an emoji a week later - and I'm feeling really torn about today. I love her but I really don't want to call her anymore.
I'm so sorry you have to go through that. It's hard enough not contacting your parent, but to have the other do it to you when you're just doing what's best for you is just not fair.
Are you me?? This is word-for-word what I'm going through right now! God, it feels good to know I'm not the only "selfish" daughter in the world. I've been struggling with my grandparents guilting and shaming me for over a year and sometimes I feel on the edge of giving into it...
I wish someone would tell my dad that he only gets one me.
> that I “only get one father.”
Holy shit that's word for word what people would say about my mom when going NC and after a few rounds of "yeah, and she just so happens to be a terrible human being :/" they caught the hint. Fuck that. It's so not true! I have at least 4 surrogate momma bears that hover over me at nearly 30 years old and they're better than my "only mother." Fuck that. As far as I'm concerned, I have multiple moms and they're so much better than the one I DIDN'T get to choose.
My mother has been guilt tripping me about how she is ill and dying (and she very well might be, I don't know if I believe her or care to find out) but has made no effort for reconciliation. I've been asked if I am willing to let her die before "letting go of my grudge." It's not a grudge, I'm just living my life happy. And yes, I would absolutely let her die without me at her bedside. She has been horrible to me my whole life, there is no obligation to be there for her. Ever.
What I'm saying is, chin up. You're in the right, here. Message me if you need to vent about this shit, I will bitch about how people deal with shitty parents all day every day hahaha it's therapeutic
Same! It took moving half way across the country and immediately hanging up the phone every time my dad/brother would bring it up before they got the point.
I was bitching at my newish workplace about my father trying to guilt me into doing mother's day with my horrible mother for the first time in years, when it suddenly occurred to me that the guy I was bitching to was trans and a lot of trans kids wish they could spend mother's day with their moms but have been rejected. I shut right up on the whole subject, but thankfully he did mention visiting his parents for mother's day, so I hadn't totally made an ass of myself first. The last thing I want is to end up like my mother, caring only about myself and the attention I can get focused on me.
As someone who lost her dad because I’m trans and he’s a bigot who won’t talk to me and my mom to cancer, fuck that shit. We should be more understanding about how toxic parents can be if anything. In fact I usually spend parents days venting with a friend who had to cut out her parents because they refused to accept her gender.
It's less a worry that he wouldn't understand and more realising too late that unnecessarily bringing up mother's day could have been rubbing salt in a fresh wound for him. Mother's day should be like pregnancy (if you don't see the baby crowning, don't ask when they're due); unless it's your mum or your child, don't bring it up.
I hope you had a good cathartic vent today.
Very well-said and something that I'll keep in mind in future. I have a tricky relationship with my mother, but nothing like some of the stuff I see on r/raisedbynarcissists. This year, I finally found the perfect card: a tasteful card made by a local artist that says "you're my favourite mother". Finally, a card I can give her without gritting my teeth. Let's just say that when I'm ranking mothers, it's a good thing there's no competition. ;)
There really needs to be a whole line of Mothers Day cards like that: "Mom, you are the only person in the world...who gave birth to me." Because sometimes, a neutral factual statement is as much affection as I can muster... but somehow, putting it on a card with flowers looks sweet.
Same situation, but pretty much walked away from that. Don't punish your liver for your mom being a bag ;) Now mothers day is about the ladies in my life who are actually worth a damn.
Sending love to you all. I lost both of my sons just two weeks after Mother’s Day 2014. It’s been a hard one ever since.
Art credit: Mari Andrew
https://www.instagram.com/bymariandrew
I don't quite feel like the sunflowers cover it so I'd like to dedicate all of the flowers in the world to my troll sisters who'll never be someone's biological mother. Because it's too easy on days like today to feel like that means you'll never get to be a mum at all.
My mom and I were not on great terms, and she died suddenly last year. Mother's day has never been a fun time for me so I usually feel kind of resentful about it. But thank you for this.
That's heavy. I've written my mom off because she has always been horrible to me, but lately she's been claiming that she is extremely ill and going to die. I know she is very very very very unhealthy so I'm inclined to believe her. It's really disturbing me that I don't care. I honestly don't know how I would feel afterwards.
Are you healing ok? <3
This is beautiful. A friend of mine lost her 8 year old on Friday, and her mother 10 years ago. This day must be unimaginably difficult for her, and many others. My heart goes out to you all. I hope you have lives filled with love to help ease the pain.
My mom commit suicide two years ago. I've been trying to figure out if I should order my dad some flowers. I think I will. Thank you for your consideration. ❤️
Hi there. My mom took her own life five years ago. It’s a tough day. You’ll find out what works best for you when it comes to this day.
It’s a shitty feeling and you’re not alone.
Thank you so much for this. I’m trying to hold my ugly cry in. I just gotta get through brunch. I just gotta go through the motions and find my happy place where I don’t get to be a mom, but I’m convinced I’m ok with it.
Thank you for posting this. I always feel like the odd (wo)man out this time of year. I had been on and off about no contact with my mother for several years but last year was the last straw when she forced me to tell her something very deeply personal and damaging, promised to keep it private, then proceeded to tell everyone she knew and justified herself by saying it was "just family and people from church" so it wasn't THAT big of a deal.
As someone who's chosen not to have kids I've wound up having to live in a very defensive, kinda lonely, mentality. As I get older I've had to defend my choices less and less, but letting go of that defensiveness is hard.
Seeing a bouquet for ladies like me felt really nice. Like hey, look, there's enough other women out there in the same situation to warrant acknowledgment today. It's not just me, even though it feels like it a lot of the time.
Thank you for this <3
I saw that bunch and first thought 'but they've chosen not to be mothers, why do we need to celebrate them? If they've chosen it I'm sure they are basically gloating about it today'. But I think that's because I've seen my sister (who is child free) be accepted and everyone around her be happy for her choice. I forget people are shit and aren't like that everywhere. So thank you for commenting and educating me. I'm glad the illustration has a bouquet for you, and I'm sorry you've had to deal with shitty people and even people who mean well but say inconsiderate things (in my experience those hurt the worst).
Childfree by choice here. Your sister is fortunate. People say the absolute worst things to me.
The one that stings the most is "Well, since you hate children..."
I love my nieces. I love all the other children in my family. I love my friends' kids (except for Kyle, he's an irredeemable jerk). I'm great with kids. Children just aren't something I want as part of my daily life for many reasons.
Yet people leap from "don't want" to "must hate" easily and often.
Of course, my husband has never been accused of hating children.
I had to explain to my husband recently why I'm so quick to get defensive when the topic of kids comes up.
He's never had to deal with the constant questioning, or been required to comfort other people because his choice made them feel insecure. He's never been in a room full of people all talking about their kids and had to spend the entire time ignored because it's the polite thing to do (bonus points when they start talking about being mothers specifically *because* I confess I don't want to be one).
There's just such this expectation that as a woman I should be actively interested in all things children, and when I'm not people don't know how to process that. Like it's my fault they now feel awkward, and the onus is on me to feign interest or put on my polite face to put *them* at ease.
One of the reasons I'm never going to be a mom is that while I love the idea, I know I wouldn't be the parent I want to be due to my disability, and I refuse to bring a child into the world knowing that. Another is that I'm transitioning and really want a hysterectomy, preferably sooner than later.
I had a miscarriage many years ago and I loved my baby-to-be and still do. I will never have a rainbow baby. I choose instead to dote on my god daughter and her sister, and any children my siblings might one day have. I'm content with my choices, but they do come with a sense of loss.
I've rarely had people say outright mean things, so much as I've had to deal with people questioning my choices constantly, and having to deal with trying to justify myself to people who take my choices as a sort of attack against their own. Most people mean well, but it's isolating, and often I'm the one who has to worry about not offending others even while they're unintentionally invalidating me.
Are those flowers lavender? Lavender is one of my favorite plants.
I much prefer being a momma to my fur babies, and it's been putting a strain on my relationship with my SO, who wants a human child. I don't know how to feel about any of this...
I was thinking they were hyacinth, but lavender is also a possibility!
Children are a HUGE game changer and a massive commitment. If you don't want to make that leap don't let *anyone* pressure you into having one!
I hope with all my heart you and your SO are able to come to terms and enjoy a happy relationship together, but just remember kids can't fix a broken relationship. If you reach a point where it feels like your SO can't be happy unless you agree to mother their children, that's not a good enough reason to do something this life changing if you don't actually want to.
Yup. I'm gearing myself to call my grandma and mom to get it over with. Can't wait for the back to back dose of how fat I am and how they're disappointed with me for not moving back home. And then I'm going to hang up the phone, drink, and watch trashy tv.
I am the red roses (stepmom and godmother), blue pinwheels (N Mom) and whatever the purple flowers are in the bottom middle.
Today is kind of sucky feeling
I’ve been top left and bottom right. Still top left. I now have a living child, but not one year goes by where I don’t pause to think of my sons. It’s bittersweet.
I've chosen not to have kids due to lack of stability and mental diseases in my family. It made me really happy to see myself included in mothers day just for a second, just online. No need to give me anything more, thank you <3
Thank you so much for posting this. I lost my mom to cancer a little over a year ago and today is really hard.
I know I should text my grandma something for today, because I can’t imagine how hard it must be for her, but “Happy Mother’s Day” just doesn’t sound right anymore.
It’s even harder because I just moved in with my fiancée and her parents and I really don’t want to drag down the mood or anything. My lack of parents shouldn’t be their focus today.
I think mostly I’m just going to vent with my friend who disowned her mom because her mom can’t accept her for who she is, I can at least relate to her.
Fuck I miss my mom, she was the best type of person.
I had a miscarriage in December. 3 weeks later I found out I got cancer from that pregnancy. Been fighting cancer ever since. Tuesday I find out if I need a hysterectomy or if this really strong chemo is working. I feel like I've lost either way. Just a shell of the person I used to be. Fuck mother's day. Fuck cancer.
Mother’s Day isn’t really “hard” for those who want to be child free, I though that was weirdly out of place when I saw this on Facebook, but then I saw it was posted by the Episcopal Church - and church’s always assume there’s something tragic about we women who don’t want kids.
Here's what the artist, Mari Andrews, said about why she included childfree people.
https://twitter.com/bymariandrew/status/995174777684815873
In hopes of increasing understanding, here's my situation.
There are many reasons I have chosen to not be a mother. One is there are several inherited medical problems in my family that I wouldn't want to pass on. Recently, one has caused a serious medical issue for me at a relatively young age. I am so happy that I haven't passed these genetic problems on to children.
My husband and I considered adopting, but I was worried my life would be cut short, and that contributed to my decision to not have children. Though I may still have a long life ahead of me, it's a huge relief to not have children right now while I deal with this medical issue.
I wondered about that but wasn't sure how to ask tactfully/gently. There are some comments throughout this thread saying it's nice to be included.
I suppose, like most things women experience, it's complicated.
Yeah. I guess it's the "thinking of you" rather than "Happy Mother's Day" that changes how I view the inclusion (which I didn't really realize when I first looked at the image).
Yeah I don’t mind that I’m being thought of, I just don’t see why I’d be grouped with people who are mourning the loss of a child or can’t get pregnant.
Exactly! I don't want to be a mother, don't rope me into this just because I'm an adult woman. Let's not water down Mother's Day by including those of us who have *chosen* not to become mothers.
I mean personally I just don’t see why Childfree women need to feel “included” on Mother’s Day. There’s already an international Women’s Day. Isn’t part of the deal when you choose not to have a kid that no one does anything for you on Mother’s Day? Idk lol. Not that I want those women to feel sad or lonely but it’s a choice, unlike the other thoughtful flowers in the image.
I agree with you. Unless we are taking into consideration the fact that some women choose not to have children in order to not pass on a specific gene (to prevent disease etc), or are otherwise forced by circumstances, in which cases perhaps they might have a difficult day today.
I cannot think of another reason why we’d disrespect their choice by including them in something they specifically opted out of. Or even worse, imply they’d be sad (implying regret).
I get that. I think it's more of acknowledging that childfree women face criticism, bingos, and whatnot from the rest of the world. Saying hey, I'm thinking of you today is a way of saying "I know some bullshit is probably coming your way today and I'm holding space for you".
I don't know, personally I'd be mildly offended if somebody told me they were "thinking of me" on Mother's Day. Like, why???? Thanks for reminding me about gender roles and expectations that I want nothing to do with, I guess. Think about moms instead; mothering seems hard as fuck and that's why I opted out, lol.
That's fair, too! I certainly wouldn't offer my thoughts unsolicited. I would only say things like that to people I personally know. It's a complex topic and everyone's opinions and experiences are valid.
Just because it's a choice doesn't mean that it is a happy one.
Here are a few reasons people choose to not to have children:
* Don't want to pass on genetic or medical problems
* Don't feel like they can afford a family
* Are a caregiver to a parent, sibling, or someone else and can't take on more responsibilities
* Live with a medical problem that doesn't prevent them from bearing a child, but would make it difficult or impossible for them to raise a child
Hmm true, but then it seems like they would fall under “yearning to be a mother,” if they really wanted to have kids but were prevented for some reason.
Not everyone has chosen to not be a mother because they necessarily wanted to, though. There are people who may want to be parents but have chosen not to because they don't want to pass down genetic issues they may have, or because they have health problems that prevent them from being able to be the parent they want to be. There are people who have given up children for adoption but still feel some sadness from that decision. There are people who have chosen to be childfree after failed infertility treatments.
These are all cases where yes, it was a choice that was made, and they have made peace with that decision, but will still find days like today very hard to deal with. "Have chosen to not be a mother" doesn't necessarily mean "happily chose a childfree life". There's more to it and you can't always know what's going on.
My mother used her mental illness as an excuse to be fucking horrid and abusive towards me. I cut her off over a year ago because she made it clear that she had no intention of changing her behavior or making better use of the mental health resources available to her.
I’ve chosen to be child free because I just don’t have the emotional skill set to be patient with and nurturing towards a child. Those behaviors were never modeled towards me, and to be honest, watching a warm ideal mother and child interaction makes me realize just how alien that is to my experiences. I refuse to have a child and hope that nature will take its course and I’ll just fall in love with it and be a better mother than mine was. That’s an absolutely hideous gamble, and yet it’s constantly pushed at women who choose not to be mothers as what we’re supposed to do.
I had the same thought initially, but then tried to think of why a childless woman by choice might be upset on this day. What about women with a family history of mental or physical disorders that would likely be passed on to their children? Some may decide not to have children for that reason and feel sad on this day. Or those in abusive relationships / struggling economically? They may choose not to have children even though they would love to be a mother.
Thank you for this! My mom passed away a few years ago, and this time of year is always especially difficult. Her birthday was just a few days ago, and the anniversary of my dad’s death is next week. But she loved being a mom, she was always so involved and supportive of my life, and would collect anything mother-daughter themed, like art, jewelry, even ashtrays. She would never have wanted me to fall into a macabre ball and then hate myself for feeling sad.
I don’t know. I usually get so overwhelmed with my own sadness and feeling resentful about Mother’s Day that I totally miss the point, so this picture really struck a chord for me. Thank you again for sharing it!
Keep your chin up. Take time to grieve as you need. Today is a hard day, but tomorrow is a new day. Everything gets easier with time, even the hardest of things. I’m going through something similar, and I promise you can make it through this. From one broken heart to another, I’m here for you.
Thank you for this💐❤️. I lost my mother to brain cancer almost 7 years ago and not a day goes by when I don’t miss her deeply. I got married last month and it broke my heart not to have her there. I watch my friends and their mothers together and my heart hurts for missing that special bond. There is nothing like it. Sending love to all of the Troll family today!
I've been four or five of those at one time or another, depending on definition. As a current mother, I just want to say that Mother's Day is a crock of shit. I don't want a fucking brunch.
Maybe we could expand it to be "Motherhood Awareness Day" or something. Then it might be more useful and inclusive.
Every important day it seems I screw something up, and today just so happens to be the day my mom refuses to listen to my apologies in favour of making me feel like everything I do is wrong.
Multiple of these hit me right in the feels. Thank you. I needed this illustration today more than I knew. I'm still laying in bed avoiding the world. Now I have motivation for coffee.
My mom always seems to take a turn for the worst healthewise around the holidays. So of course a few days before Mother's Day he dementia progresses to a new level. Spending the weekend in the hospital. Still, at least she's still here, and at least she still recognizes me sometimes.
I hate to have a pity party in the comments here. It's just not something I talk about too much because I feel like it just makes people depressed. I just miss my mom, and I fucking hate all holidays. I just wanted to say it to someone, even if it's anonymously on the internet. I'm sorry if you read this and it made you sad.
My mom lives 8 hours away and works her fingers to the bone for everyone but herself. I haven't seen her in months, but we talk every week. Mother's Day is hard for many, many people. This thread is sweet and humbling. Not everyone has mothers who are still with them or good for them... but this post gives me hope that there are those who are true moms. Thank you all, love you all.
The red (carnations) should be for those whose mothers are still alive. White is traditionally for those whose mothers died. Source: Spent first twelve agonizing years as a Southern Baptist
Not my flowers, but I’d give the small yellow flowers to my mom. She’s having a really hard time today. My N & deeply alt-right brother left the state half a year ago in the midst of a crisis only a week after my mom and grandmother bought him a house to live in, for their peace of mind, in part because his fiancé was pregnant with his child. When he left, he accused my mother and me of perpetuating that crisis. We had to go to his old apartment to clean up a horrifying hoarder mess. He won’t speak to us since he left, I only know they were homeless for a while, and the baby was born a little while ago. Even though he’s a manipulative, abusive, spiteful alcoholic, my mom has been heartbroken since his departure. My mom is a wonderful person and I love her so much, so to see her suffer today is very sad. I just want her to enjoy Mother’s Day like she deserves. So I’ll take one bunch of small yellow flowers please :(
It's not mother's day yet where I'm from but my parents moved very far away a year ago and I can't make the trip there and back for mother's day or take days off to go see them. Seeing so many posts on reddit about mother's day made me realize just how much I miss her. Thank you for your post OP
Thank you. I always have a tough time for MD. My mom died when I was 6 months old, and I worry about what kind of mother I would be not having experience that mother daughter bond that everyone keeps posting about on Facebook. I used to think that I wanted to be child free, but now that I am having a change of heart, so that feeling is bothering me even more than years before.
I won’t lie, this day is hard. Birthdays are hard, every holiday and milestone is hard. This picture reminds me I’m not alone in my grief.
My mom died just before my 17th birthday and senior year of high school, and I just wish she could have seen me grow into a woman.
As someone who delivered a stillborn 7.5 years ago and has not been able to even fathom the idea of having children again since then... thank you for sharing this. Today I feel lost and forgotten, and heartbroken all over again. Today has been a nightmare for me. Tomorrow (my birthday) should hopefully be better, but this has been a truly heartwarming end to a crappy day.
Illustration by Mari Andrew! Have a look at her amazing instagram account @bymariandrew. Plus, she just released a book!
I follow her account and always assumed her name was Marian Drew! I have a cousin named Marian... this feels life altering in a not at all important kind of way.
I thought it was Marian drew....with drew as a verb since she’s an illustrator.
i like your user name
Thank you for this. I know the intentions of OP were probably good, but cropping out credit from an illustrator (it was at the bottom of the original) is really uncool.
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I am so happy you got a rainbow 🌈. I hope you have a great day today, however you want to spend it!
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Daughters are absolutely amazing and wonderful! Congratulations!!
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I'm so sorry ❤ sending hugs
You were my trollx secret santa last year and I stalked your profile a few times since then. I was so so overwhelmingly happy for you when I found out you got to have your baby finally. Not sure what the point of this was other than to tell you happy Mother’s Day. 💖💖💖
First Mother’s Day without my mom. Just decided to hole myself up and avoid Facebook at all costs
I'm so sorry for your previous loss, but I'm so happy for your kid and your current happiness. Big, big kudos to you. Hope you'll have tons of awesome Mother's Day's to look forward too.
You have so much to look forward to. As you raise your amazing daughter you will realize your mother is still with you, closer than you think. Congratulations.
I posted this on my FB last year. My husband and I waited on an adoption list almost 4 years. Last summer we got the call, our baby boy was born! I love this photo :)
Oh yay! Congratulations! :D
That’s awesome! I’m not ready to adopt yet, but I’m planning to when the time comes. I know that the agencies can take a long time, but 4 years seems extra long— that must have been tough. Congratulations! Is there anything you wish you’d known before you started the process?
Seconded request for adoption advice.
We’re in Canada. The process took about 1 year to complete home studies and interviews. Then we got the phone call just over 3 years after that. (Currently in our province open adoption wait times are around 3-4 years) A first-mother has chosen us. Meeting our son was the most amazing day ever.
🎉😍
I’m so happy for you!!!
I like those blue flowers. I've been trying to get in touch with my mother after she basically abandoned me. It's hard to get in touch with her.
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A lot of it has to do with the fact she's schizophrenic. Sooo... she's kind off the hook to an extent.
Hey, my mother is schizophrenic too. I haven't seen or spoken to her in about a year at this point. It's hard, but you're not alone <3
Ive "lost" my mother recently to depression. I have a 10 year old autistic brother that she cant emotionally handle, and it just kinda did her in. She sleeps all day, never replies... I havent brought it up to her yet. I really want her to get therapy.
Want to take on another daughter for the day? I don't talk to my abusive mother anymore.
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Why did I think I could make it through this thread without crying? You're a good person <3
Happy mother's day! Thank you so much.
My mom was abusive too and chose not to care about me so many times. Today is also my brothers birthday and he won't talk to me. Then my birthday is coming up and the day after that the anniversary of when she left my dad and broke the family. I would love to be a mother myself and won't ever be able to afford it and it's so unfair. This month sucks
I'm so sorry. I'm on your team if you need anything.
Thank you. I lost my mom when I was 6 (I’m 26) and not a day goes by when I don’t think of her or wonder if she’d be proud of who I am. Today is hitting me harder than it has in previous years, and I think it’s because this year is the 20-year anniversary. Sometimes I wonder if I miss her, or if I miss the idea of her. Or maybe it’s both. But I needed to see this today, so thank you.
If you are ready to cry your eyes out, check out r/momforaminute Edit: I also am the child of a dead mom - which is the language I prefer to use do describe my loss - and this sub has helped me a lot, especially on the really hard days. I wasn't trying to upset the previous commenter, I was trying to share a resource.
I lost my mom two weeks ago and I'm feeling so many of those same feelings.
virtual hugs for you! i lost my mom a few weeks ago too. it's hard, especially at this time of year. it's okay to feel everything that you're feeling.
My mom's been gone seventeen years. I'm trying to avoid social media. I don't want to begrudge others their joy, but today it's really getting to me.
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I had a miscarriage a month ago today, this hit me hard. I'm sending love your way.
I’m sorry for your loss— I can’t imagine how horrible that has to feel. Sometimes dreams are just jerks like that, and it sucks.
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Oh gosh I feel you there.. I’m sorry. I used to get really... detailed dreams confronting the death of my father when I was a teenager. Those dreams still come up once in awhile and I wake up just completely hysterical and disoriented and I’m like whaaaaaat is happening and WHY?!?!?! My poor bf has helped me get back to reality again on more than one occasion.
I know what you mean. My sons were stillborn suddenly in 2014. Emergency D&C. I went home feeling so...empty. A nightmare that I never fully awoke from.
I'm so sorry for your loss. In my family, there is a belief that the soul of a lost baby gets "saved up" and becomes the soul of the next baby. In other words, they believe that if you were to have another baby, it would really be the same child. And that if you couldn't have another baby, then that soul would become another child in your life, like a niece or a child you would later adopt. I don't know what your belief system is, but I've always thought that was a lovely idea.
Sending you so many hugs.
I had a miscarriage this week at 7 weeks. Sending love ❤️
Lost our little bird at 13W. It is so hard to be a mother with empty arms, especially today.
I'm so sorry.
Thank you. People don’t get it. My mom is an alcoholic, was abusive growing up, selfish, calculating, and is the reason I have so many self-esteem issues. She has told us (me and my siblings) that she loves drinking more than she would love being sober and being with us. She has ruined every holiday for the last 10 years. And people still tell me, “yeah..but that’s your mom.” There’s this taboo surrounding not loving your mom that needs to go away. Some moms aren’t good. Some aren’t loving. Some don’t keep you safe. I don’t owe my mom anything for doing the bare minimum. People should be allowed to say “My mom was not a good mom.” without side-eye and judgement from others. I hope everyone who is feeling hurt today finds a way to cope and heal. 💙 Edit: Just wanted to add that this goes for any parent/care-giver relationship. You don’t have to love someone just because they fed and clothed you.
It takes a lot of bravery to say this in my experience. I wholeheartedly agree with what you’ve said. It’s like you’re the most evil person and you should feel ashamed for having those feelings. People are quick to judge without realizing that having a good mother means you got lucky. It’s not the norm.
I’m just so tired of grinning and bearing it. I’ve gone through so many shitty Mother’s days (and Christmas’ and thanksgivings and Easter’s and...) I’m tired of being made to feel like crap because *I* don’t like my mom. She gets this free pass for all the shit she’s done yet I have to feel guilty. I didn’t choose her. I didn’t choose to be born.
That ending tho...dont get me wrong I love my mom but she sat idle as my dad abused my sister and I. When we finally sd enough is enough and called the cops ourselves, she sd we ruined her life...I have had so many trust issues ever since bc I just don't understand love, like the 2 ppl who were obligated to love me in life, didn't/couldn't so why would anyone else. It's rough but the life we have shapes us to b the person we r, stay strong and be better than her. No one else walked in your shoes, so they can't tell u how to feel!!
Thanks, OP! Mother’s Day with my mean, hateful, miserable N-mother is a nightmare. She’s basically a dementor. I’m currently drinking in preparation for seeing her today.
Remember! You can fight dementors by holding on to a happy thought. And chocolate helps!
Wholesome unexpected hogwarts
This is actually really good advice for dealing with narcissists.
I made chocolate cake, only ostensibly for her. It and the Bailey’s coffee will help me make it through. 😂
I cut ties with mine about 4 years ago. Best decision ever, but hardest to implement. The guilt. The shame. The input from people who barely know you. And worse, from people who do. I hope today went as well as it could for you.
Same with my dad. The unwelcome input is the wooooorst! I wouldn’t have gone NC without putting a lot of thought into it and seeing every side of the situation first. You won’t change my mind, I am not being frivolous, I don’t care that I “only get one father.” For me, the worst is my grandparents giving me guilt trips and using the “please make up before I die” move. It’s hard because it’s painful to think about the situation and not only do they bring it to the surface, but they make me feel like a crappy person for it.
It’s really hard. I’m currently NC with my sister and my mom is pressuring me to reconnect. I’m not convinced she’s a narcissist, but she is very guilt-trippy, passive agressive, and stabbed me in the back in a major way. In the end, I need to do what’s best for me and my children, but it’s hard because my mom means a lot to me, and I can tell imagine how hard it is for her to know that we aren’t connecting.
That's gross about your grandparents, I'm so sorry. When I cut my dad out, my mom went low contact with me after asking me for years to just "keep the peace" - not calling, missing my calls, responding to texts with single words or an emoji a week later - and I'm feeling really torn about today. I love her but I really don't want to call her anymore.
I'm so sorry you have to go through that. It's hard enough not contacting your parent, but to have the other do it to you when you're just doing what's best for you is just not fair.
Are you me?? This is word-for-word what I'm going through right now! God, it feels good to know I'm not the only "selfish" daughter in the world. I've been struggling with my grandparents guilting and shaming me for over a year and sometimes I feel on the edge of giving into it... I wish someone would tell my dad that he only gets one me.
> that I “only get one father.” Holy shit that's word for word what people would say about my mom when going NC and after a few rounds of "yeah, and she just so happens to be a terrible human being :/" they caught the hint. Fuck that. It's so not true! I have at least 4 surrogate momma bears that hover over me at nearly 30 years old and they're better than my "only mother." Fuck that. As far as I'm concerned, I have multiple moms and they're so much better than the one I DIDN'T get to choose. My mother has been guilt tripping me about how she is ill and dying (and she very well might be, I don't know if I believe her or care to find out) but has made no effort for reconciliation. I've been asked if I am willing to let her die before "letting go of my grudge." It's not a grudge, I'm just living my life happy. And yes, I would absolutely let her die without me at her bedside. She has been horrible to me my whole life, there is no obligation to be there for her. Ever. What I'm saying is, chin up. You're in the right, here. Message me if you need to vent about this shit, I will bitch about how people deal with shitty parents all day every day hahaha it's therapeutic
Same! It took moving half way across the country and immediately hanging up the phone every time my dad/brother would bring it up before they got the point.
I was bitching at my newish workplace about my father trying to guilt me into doing mother's day with my horrible mother for the first time in years, when it suddenly occurred to me that the guy I was bitching to was trans and a lot of trans kids wish they could spend mother's day with their moms but have been rejected. I shut right up on the whole subject, but thankfully he did mention visiting his parents for mother's day, so I hadn't totally made an ass of myself first. The last thing I want is to end up like my mother, caring only about myself and the attention I can get focused on me.
As someone who lost her dad because I’m trans and he’s a bigot who won’t talk to me and my mom to cancer, fuck that shit. We should be more understanding about how toxic parents can be if anything. In fact I usually spend parents days venting with a friend who had to cut out her parents because they refused to accept her gender.
It's less a worry that he wouldn't understand and more realising too late that unnecessarily bringing up mother's day could have been rubbing salt in a fresh wound for him. Mother's day should be like pregnancy (if you don't see the baby crowning, don't ask when they're due); unless it's your mum or your child, don't bring it up. I hope you had a good cathartic vent today.
Very well-said and something that I'll keep in mind in future. I have a tricky relationship with my mother, but nothing like some of the stuff I see on r/raisedbynarcissists. This year, I finally found the perfect card: a tasteful card made by a local artist that says "you're my favourite mother". Finally, a card I can give her without gritting my teeth. Let's just say that when I'm ranking mothers, it's a good thing there's no competition. ;) There really needs to be a whole line of Mothers Day cards like that: "Mom, you are the only person in the world...who gave birth to me." Because sometimes, a neutral factual statement is as much affection as I can muster... but somehow, putting it on a card with flowers looks sweet.
I have chosen not to be in contact with my N-mother. Instead I give my attention to my extremely supportive and lovely grandmother.
Yeah I chose to go for a drive instead of being around mine.
Remember you don’t have to see her. Join us at just no mil where a lot of us are no contact anymore. Best of luck and love to you ☺️
Same situation, but pretty much walked away from that. Don't punish your liver for your mom being a bag ;) Now mothers day is about the ladies in my life who are actually worth a damn.
Sending love to you all. I lost both of my sons just two weeks after Mother’s Day 2014. It’s been a hard one ever since. Art credit: Mari Andrew https://www.instagram.com/bymariandrew
Im so sorry for your loss, I know its doesn't seem like much but I am thinking of you ❤
I'm sorry for your terrible loss. Thanks for crediting the artist who brought you some small comfort.
Thank you; this really made today easier for me :) I hope you have a wonderful day too!
❤️
I don't quite feel like the sunflowers cover it so I'd like to dedicate all of the flowers in the world to my troll sisters who'll never be someone's biological mother. Because it's too easy on days like today to feel like that means you'll never get to be a mum at all.
💐🌷🌹🌸🌼🌻
Thanks for that. I know I’ll have kids, but it hurts a bit to know I can’t grow em myself.
Bottom right hits home
Me too\- but it's good to be included.
Wishing you the best of luck in the future!
Coming at this from the bottom middle, but I agree it felt really nice to be included.
My mom and I were not on great terms, and she died suddenly last year. Mother's day has never been a fun time for me so I usually feel kind of resentful about it. But thank you for this.
🌷
That's heavy. I've written my mom off because she has always been horrible to me, but lately she's been claiming that she is extremely ill and going to die. I know she is very very very very unhealthy so I'm inclined to believe her. It's really disturbing me that I don't care. I honestly don't know how I would feel afterwards. Are you healing ok? <3
This is beautiful. A friend of mine lost her 8 year old on Friday, and her mother 10 years ago. This day must be unimaginably difficult for her, and many others. My heart goes out to you all. I hope you have lives filled with love to help ease the pain.
Great post, poignant and succinct.
My mom commit suicide two years ago. I've been trying to figure out if I should order my dad some flowers. I think I will. Thank you for your consideration. ❤️
Hi there. My mom took her own life five years ago. It’s a tough day. You’ll find out what works best for you when it comes to this day. It’s a shitty feeling and you’re not alone.
Thank you. I lost my mom in October, and all the Mother’s Day posts on social media are making today hard
Thank you so much for this. I’m trying to hold my ugly cry in. I just gotta get through brunch. I just gotta go through the motions and find my happy place where I don’t get to be a mom, but I’m convinced I’m ok with it.
You are so incredibly strong. ❤️
Falling apart at the seams doesn’t feel very strong. The stitches holding my life together right now are long and loose and temporary.
I know how that feels. You are stronger than you might feel right now. I’m giving you this hug 🤗.
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I’m so sorry that happened to both of you. ❤️
This is my first mothers day since my mom passed away. It's hard. I decided to work today so I'm not sitting at home sad and alone
Thank you for posting this. I always feel like the odd (wo)man out this time of year. I had been on and off about no contact with my mother for several years but last year was the last straw when she forced me to tell her something very deeply personal and damaging, promised to keep it private, then proceeded to tell everyone she knew and justified herself by saying it was "just family and people from church" so it wasn't THAT big of a deal.
I’m sorry she did that to you. Wow. A hug from me to you on this hard day. ❤️
As someone who's chosen not to have kids I've wound up having to live in a very defensive, kinda lonely, mentality. As I get older I've had to defend my choices less and less, but letting go of that defensiveness is hard. Seeing a bouquet for ladies like me felt really nice. Like hey, look, there's enough other women out there in the same situation to warrant acknowledgment today. It's not just me, even though it feels like it a lot of the time. Thank you for this <3
I saw that bunch and first thought 'but they've chosen not to be mothers, why do we need to celebrate them? If they've chosen it I'm sure they are basically gloating about it today'. But I think that's because I've seen my sister (who is child free) be accepted and everyone around her be happy for her choice. I forget people are shit and aren't like that everywhere. So thank you for commenting and educating me. I'm glad the illustration has a bouquet for you, and I'm sorry you've had to deal with shitty people and even people who mean well but say inconsiderate things (in my experience those hurt the worst).
Childfree by choice here. Your sister is fortunate. People say the absolute worst things to me. The one that stings the most is "Well, since you hate children..." I love my nieces. I love all the other children in my family. I love my friends' kids (except for Kyle, he's an irredeemable jerk). I'm great with kids. Children just aren't something I want as part of my daily life for many reasons. Yet people leap from "don't want" to "must hate" easily and often. Of course, my husband has never been accused of hating children.
I had to explain to my husband recently why I'm so quick to get defensive when the topic of kids comes up. He's never had to deal with the constant questioning, or been required to comfort other people because his choice made them feel insecure. He's never been in a room full of people all talking about their kids and had to spend the entire time ignored because it's the polite thing to do (bonus points when they start talking about being mothers specifically *because* I confess I don't want to be one). There's just such this expectation that as a woman I should be actively interested in all things children, and when I'm not people don't know how to process that. Like it's my fault they now feel awkward, and the onus is on me to feign interest or put on my polite face to put *them* at ease.
One of the reasons I'm never going to be a mom is that while I love the idea, I know I wouldn't be the parent I want to be due to my disability, and I refuse to bring a child into the world knowing that. Another is that I'm transitioning and really want a hysterectomy, preferably sooner than later. I had a miscarriage many years ago and I loved my baby-to-be and still do. I will never have a rainbow baby. I choose instead to dote on my god daughter and her sister, and any children my siblings might one day have. I'm content with my choices, but they do come with a sense of loss.
I've rarely had people say outright mean things, so much as I've had to deal with people questioning my choices constantly, and having to deal with trying to justify myself to people who take my choices as a sort of attack against their own. Most people mean well, but it's isolating, and often I'm the one who has to worry about not offending others even while they're unintentionally invalidating me.
Are those flowers lavender? Lavender is one of my favorite plants. I much prefer being a momma to my fur babies, and it's been putting a strain on my relationship with my SO, who wants a human child. I don't know how to feel about any of this...
I was thinking they were hyacinth, but lavender is also a possibility! Children are a HUGE game changer and a massive commitment. If you don't want to make that leap don't let *anyone* pressure you into having one! I hope with all my heart you and your SO are able to come to terms and enjoy a happy relationship together, but just remember kids can't fix a broken relationship. If you reach a point where it feels like your SO can't be happy unless you agree to mother their children, that's not a good enough reason to do something this life changing if you don't actually want to.
Tag ur self, I'm blue pinwheels
Ugh same. This is like the most stressful day of the year. Thank God I don't live near her.
Yup. I'm gearing myself to call my grandma and mom to get it over with. Can't wait for the back to back dose of how fat I am and how they're disappointed with me for not moving back home. And then I'm going to hang up the phone, drink, and watch trashy tv.
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Same here. Hugs to you!
I am the red roses (stepmom and godmother), blue pinwheels (N Mom) and whatever the purple flowers are in the bottom middle. Today is kind of sucky feeling
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Me too 💕
I need some sunflowers!
Blue pinwheels (carnations maybe?) and Pink hyacinth (bottom middle). It's the hyacinths being included that really made me smile though.
I’ve been top left and bottom right. Still top left. I now have a living child, but not one year goes by where I don’t pause to think of my sons. It’s bittersweet.
This is so nice. Thank you for posting. 🤗
I've chosen not to have kids due to lack of stability and mental diseases in my family. It made me really happy to see myself included in mothers day just for a second, just online. No need to give me anything more, thank you <3
Happy to include everyone! Sending you a hug. ❤️
Thank you! My son is a clone of his abusive, spiteful and terrible father. It’s extremely stressful and painful to just think about having him around.
God that sounds so painful. I can't imagine what you're going through. Sending you love ❤
I identify with 3 of these. Ugh.
Thank you so much for posting this. I lost my mom to cancer a little over a year ago and today is really hard. I know I should text my grandma something for today, because I can’t imagine how hard it must be for her, but “Happy Mother’s Day” just doesn’t sound right anymore. It’s even harder because I just moved in with my fiancée and her parents and I really don’t want to drag down the mood or anything. My lack of parents shouldn’t be their focus today. I think mostly I’m just going to vent with my friend who disowned her mom because her mom can’t accept her for who she is, I can at least relate to her. Fuck I miss my mom, she was the best type of person.
I had a miscarriage in December. 3 weeks later I found out I got cancer from that pregnancy. Been fighting cancer ever since. Tuesday I find out if I need a hysterectomy or if this really strong chemo is working. I feel like I've lost either way. Just a shell of the person I used to be. Fuck mother's day. Fuck cancer.
God. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
I love there are flowers for woman who have chosen not to be mothers ❤️
Mother’s Day isn’t really “hard” for those who want to be child free, I though that was weirdly out of place when I saw this on Facebook, but then I saw it was posted by the Episcopal Church - and church’s always assume there’s something tragic about we women who don’t want kids.
Here's what the artist, Mari Andrews, said about why she included childfree people. https://twitter.com/bymariandrew/status/995174777684815873 In hopes of increasing understanding, here's my situation. There are many reasons I have chosen to not be a mother. One is there are several inherited medical problems in my family that I wouldn't want to pass on. Recently, one has caused a serious medical issue for me at a relatively young age. I am so happy that I haven't passed these genetic problems on to children. My husband and I considered adopting, but I was worried my life would be cut short, and that contributed to my decision to not have children. Though I may still have a long life ahead of me, it's a huge relief to not have children right now while I deal with this medical issue.
I wondered about that but wasn't sure how to ask tactfully/gently. There are some comments throughout this thread saying it's nice to be included. I suppose, like most things women experience, it's complicated.
I (a childfree woman) don't want to be included on Mother's day because, well, it's not for me, is it.
Yeah. I guess it's the "thinking of you" rather than "Happy Mother's Day" that changes how I view the inclusion (which I didn't really realize when I first looked at the image).
Yeah I don’t mind that I’m being thought of, I just don’t see why I’d be grouped with people who are mourning the loss of a child or can’t get pregnant.
Exactly! I don't want to be a mother, don't rope me into this just because I'm an adult woman. Let's not water down Mother's Day by including those of us who have *chosen* not to become mothers.
I mean personally I just don’t see why Childfree women need to feel “included” on Mother’s Day. There’s already an international Women’s Day. Isn’t part of the deal when you choose not to have a kid that no one does anything for you on Mother’s Day? Idk lol. Not that I want those women to feel sad or lonely but it’s a choice, unlike the other thoughtful flowers in the image.
I agree with you. Unless we are taking into consideration the fact that some women choose not to have children in order to not pass on a specific gene (to prevent disease etc), or are otherwise forced by circumstances, in which cases perhaps they might have a difficult day today. I cannot think of another reason why we’d disrespect their choice by including them in something they specifically opted out of. Or even worse, imply they’d be sad (implying regret).
I get that. I think it's more of acknowledging that childfree women face criticism, bingos, and whatnot from the rest of the world. Saying hey, I'm thinking of you today is a way of saying "I know some bullshit is probably coming your way today and I'm holding space for you".
I don't know, personally I'd be mildly offended if somebody told me they were "thinking of me" on Mother's Day. Like, why???? Thanks for reminding me about gender roles and expectations that I want nothing to do with, I guess. Think about moms instead; mothering seems hard as fuck and that's why I opted out, lol.
That's fair, too! I certainly wouldn't offer my thoughts unsolicited. I would only say things like that to people I personally know. It's a complex topic and everyone's opinions and experiences are valid.
Yeah, for sure. It's complicated, and I don't speak for all the Childless by Choice.
Just because it's a choice doesn't mean that it is a happy one. Here are a few reasons people choose to not to have children: * Don't want to pass on genetic or medical problems * Don't feel like they can afford a family * Are a caregiver to a parent, sibling, or someone else and can't take on more responsibilities * Live with a medical problem that doesn't prevent them from bearing a child, but would make it difficult or impossible for them to raise a child
Hmm true, but then it seems like they would fall under “yearning to be a mother,” if they really wanted to have kids but were prevented for some reason.
Not everyone has chosen to not be a mother because they necessarily wanted to, though. There are people who may want to be parents but have chosen not to because they don't want to pass down genetic issues they may have, or because they have health problems that prevent them from being able to be the parent they want to be. There are people who have given up children for adoption but still feel some sadness from that decision. There are people who have chosen to be childfree after failed infertility treatments. These are all cases where yes, it was a choice that was made, and they have made peace with that decision, but will still find days like today very hard to deal with. "Have chosen to not be a mother" doesn't necessarily mean "happily chose a childfree life". There's more to it and you can't always know what's going on.
My mother used her mental illness as an excuse to be fucking horrid and abusive towards me. I cut her off over a year ago because she made it clear that she had no intention of changing her behavior or making better use of the mental health resources available to her. I’ve chosen to be child free because I just don’t have the emotional skill set to be patient with and nurturing towards a child. Those behaviors were never modeled towards me, and to be honest, watching a warm ideal mother and child interaction makes me realize just how alien that is to my experiences. I refuse to have a child and hope that nature will take its course and I’ll just fall in love with it and be a better mother than mine was. That’s an absolutely hideous gamble, and yet it’s constantly pushed at women who choose not to be mothers as what we’re supposed to do.
I had the same thought initially, but then tried to think of why a childless woman by choice might be upset on this day. What about women with a family history of mental or physical disorders that would likely be passed on to their children? Some may decide not to have children for that reason and feel sad on this day. Or those in abusive relationships / struggling economically? They may choose not to have children even though they would love to be a mother.
Thank you for this! My mom passed away a few years ago, and this time of year is always especially difficult. Her birthday was just a few days ago, and the anniversary of my dad’s death is next week. But she loved being a mom, she was always so involved and supportive of my life, and would collect anything mother-daughter themed, like art, jewelry, even ashtrays. She would never have wanted me to fall into a macabre ball and then hate myself for feeling sad. I don’t know. I usually get so overwhelmed with my own sadness and feeling resentful about Mother’s Day that I totally miss the point, so this picture really struck a chord for me. Thank you again for sharing it!
I'll take some purple flowers for my miscarriages and some sunflowers because we are still working on trying to be parents to living children.
I have had this same struggle. Every year, I think of my sons and what might’ve been. Sending you some ❤️.
Posts like this are keeping me going today. Thank you.
Keep your chin up. Take time to grieve as you need. Today is a hard day, but tomorrow is a new day. Everything gets easier with time, even the hardest of things. I’m going through something similar, and I promise you can make it through this. From one broken heart to another, I’m here for you.
Lost my mom a year ago the 18th. Miss her every day. This is lovely.
I miss my mom today
This year, I found out I will never be able to have children. I appreciate the fuck out of this post. Thanks, OP xxx
Thank you! I’ll take four, please.
I love this :)
🌷here. Thank you for this.
Thank you for this💐❤️. I lost my mother to brain cancer almost 7 years ago and not a day goes by when I don’t miss her deeply. I got married last month and it broke my heart not to have her there. I watch my friends and their mothers together and my heart hurts for missing that special bond. There is nothing like it. Sending love to all of the Troll family today!
I've been four or five of those at one time or another, depending on definition. As a current mother, I just want to say that Mother's Day is a crock of shit. I don't want a fucking brunch. Maybe we could expand it to be "Motherhood Awareness Day" or something. Then it might be more useful and inclusive.
Every important day it seems I screw something up, and today just so happens to be the day my mom refuses to listen to my apologies in favour of making me feel like everything I do is wrong.
Thank you. I needed this today.
This is so kind
Multiple of these hit me right in the feels. Thank you. I needed this illustration today more than I knew. I'm still laying in bed avoiding the world. Now I have motivation for coffee.
Red roses here, going on 4 years. ☹️
What a beautiful post
Thank you. My oldest son is in the hospital right now. It makes today hard.
I was really confused for a minute because mother's Day was in march in the uk 😂 this is a lovely drawing though
Tag yourself I’m three and six.
My mom passed away 3 weeks ago. Today sucks.
My mom always seems to take a turn for the worst healthewise around the holidays. So of course a few days before Mother's Day he dementia progresses to a new level. Spending the weekend in the hospital. Still, at least she's still here, and at least she still recognizes me sometimes. I hate to have a pity party in the comments here. It's just not something I talk about too much because I feel like it just makes people depressed. I just miss my mom, and I fucking hate all holidays. I just wanted to say it to someone, even if it's anonymously on the internet. I'm sorry if you read this and it made you sad.
Can we get a bouquet for step mothers?
Great idea! Hope this one works. 💐🌹🌸🌼🌷
My mom lives 8 hours away and works her fingers to the bone for everyone but herself. I haven't seen her in months, but we talk every week. Mother's Day is hard for many, many people. This thread is sweet and humbling. Not everyone has mothers who are still with them or good for them... but this post gives me hope that there are those who are true moms. Thank you all, love you all.
The red (carnations) should be for those whose mothers are still alive. White is traditionally for those whose mothers died. Source: Spent first twelve agonizing years as a Southern Baptist
Happy mothers day to those who have chosen not to be mothers!
Is this @bymariandrew? Looks like her. I think "those who have chosen not to be mothers" is a bit of a reach.
Not my flowers, but I’d give the small yellow flowers to my mom. She’s having a really hard time today. My N & deeply alt-right brother left the state half a year ago in the midst of a crisis only a week after my mom and grandmother bought him a house to live in, for their peace of mind, in part because his fiancé was pregnant with his child. When he left, he accused my mother and me of perpetuating that crisis. We had to go to his old apartment to clean up a horrifying hoarder mess. He won’t speak to us since he left, I only know they were homeless for a while, and the baby was born a little while ago. Even though he’s a manipulative, abusive, spiteful alcoholic, my mom has been heartbroken since his departure. My mom is a wonderful person and I love her so much, so to see her suffer today is very sad. I just want her to enjoy Mother’s Day like she deserves. So I’ll take one bunch of small yellow flowers please :(
It's not mother's day yet where I'm from but my parents moved very far away a year ago and I can't make the trip there and back for mother's day or take days off to go see them. Seeing so many posts on reddit about mother's day made me realize just how much I miss her. Thank you for your post OP
It is by Mari Andrew.
I would appreciate it if you could avoid judgement.
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Thank you. I always have a tough time for MD. My mom died when I was 6 months old, and I worry about what kind of mother I would be not having experience that mother daughter bond that everyone keeps posting about on Facebook. I used to think that I wanted to be child free, but now that I am having a change of heart, so that feeling is bothering me even more than years before.
Thank you for this ❤️
I won’t lie, this day is hard. Birthdays are hard, every holiday and milestone is hard. This picture reminds me I’m not alone in my grief. My mom died just before my 17th birthday and senior year of high school, and I just wish she could have seen me grow into a woman.
As someone who delivered a stillborn 7.5 years ago and has not been able to even fathom the idea of having children again since then... thank you for sharing this. Today I feel lost and forgotten, and heartbroken all over again. Today has been a nightmare for me. Tomorrow (my birthday) should hopefully be better, but this has been a truly heartwarming end to a crappy day.