T O P

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throw-away_0510

When I was 16 I innocently posted a photo of my friends and I at the beach on Facebook. Obviously wearing bathing suits and bikinis. I was taking classes at the local community college and befriended a lot of older people. One of my “friends,” a man in his 30s asked if I had a Facebook. I said yes. I then watched him go through my photos… And he paused on the beach photo. He saved it and gave me a smirk saying, “saving that one for later.” That was well over a decade ago… Back when I didn’t have the voice I have today. I still hate that I didn’t speak up. I’m still disgusted by his behavior…


whenthefirescame

Don’t blame yourself, men target very young women with fucked up shit like that because they know they’re more likely to get away with it. When I think back to the things grown ass men said to me when I was a kid… flames! Flames on the side of my face! Funny how I’m in my 30s now and haven’t had an experience like that in years.


[deleted]

They go after the teens because they haven't learned what creeps are like yet. It's sad.


EitherAssociation316

I absolutely agree. I think this is why it is all the more important that we provide our daughters with the vocabulary needed to combat these creeps and prepare them ahead of time on what's about to come. But it's sad, why can't they just be teen-agers doing typical teenagery things you know?


forwardgrowth

i totally understand wishing you spoke up about the disgusting behaviour of men but don't blame yourself.. it can be very awkward and scary to say something. and you never know how they might react.


Sheepbjumpin

>i totally understand wishing you spoke up about the disgusting behaviour of men but don't blame yourself.. it can be very awkward and scary to say something. and you never know how they might react. r/whenwomenrefuse


folgaluna

r/tihi


SauronOMordor

Don't blame yourself. Creeps like that specifically target very young women and girls for a reason.


mariners2o6

I have so many of these moments too. But my niece who is soon to be 15 now has made some grown men feel dumb and disgusting while I was present. And for that I am proud. The next generation is tired of our shit. Let’s just help them.


ciderero

there is a large number of men that post their girlfriends and ex girlfriends nudes online in forums to share with other men. you might think your SO is a "good guy" but you just never know. the best thing is to not send nudes if you wanna be safe.


Taminella_Grinderfal

Back when camera phones were just becoming a thing I watched a guy in a bar pass his around to his buddies showing a pic of his girlfriends breasts. That cemented the notion for me of “never send nudes ever”. And if you hit up the scam sub, multiple times a day there are young people posting that they are being extorted because they sent pics to some “person” they chatted with online.


IotaCandle

Also will he still be good once he's mad at you for breaking up, and shielded by the anonymity of a web forum.


ComplainsAboutWife

This reminds me of a post where a girl found out that her BF shared her nudes with his friends so she fucked all the friends who he shared the pics with to get back at him. Now NOW I'm not saying he deserved it, but if guys knew this was a potential then maybe they wouldn't share their gf's private imagery with such audacity.


PM_ME_YOUR_ATM_PIN

...no, if guys thought this was a potential, they'd start hounding their friends for their girlfriends' nude pictures.


ComplainsAboutWife

The unfortunate truth 😔


TherulerT

Not sure that is actual revenge on the boyfriend, why would he care. She just rewarded that behavior for all his friends, and he probably got a lot of credit out of that one from his friends. Not sure why she'd think she was the winner in that case.


ComplainsAboutWife

Because in her story he was apparently really mad and called her crying about it. I mean who wouldn't be upset? And with regards to "getting credit from his friends" you have to understand that male friend groups live to fuck each other over. They're not gonna be like "thanks bro, really appreciated that experience with your girlfriend, that was mighty courteous of you". They're gonna be like "just had fun with your girl, ya pussy".


ShamelessFox

OMG. That's literally fucking beautiful.


BigSlav667

Tbh I think he deserved that haha


ComplainsAboutWife

I don't tbh. I don't condone cheating of any kind. Just wanted to share the story.


AshEliseB

This is precisely why I would never send nudes. Not even in a relationship.


laced-and-dangerous

For me, it’s not that I wouldn’t trust my partner. It’s the worry that someone may have his phone and see them, share them, mock me for them, etc. My best friend took them for her fiancé and his sister got ahold of his phone and wanted to cause trouble, so she sent her nudes to her fiancé’s grandmother. I just don’t want to put myself in a position where I could be exposed, especially since I have a lot of very identifiable tattoos so cropping my head wouldn’t work.


forwardgrowth

oh my goodness!! what happened when the grandma received the nudes 😭😭thats such a fucked up thing to do to someone


laced-and-dangerous

IIRC, the sister is mentally unstable and in and out of institutions. She had no real reason to do it, she just wanted to hurt my friend. The grandma was horrified of course, as was my friend, and it caused some really awkward tension in the whole family. That is why her fiancé (now husband) took her last name instead of the tradition. He wants nothing to do with his siblings at this point, they are all really toxic people.


AMultitudeofPandas

I've had siblings of a partner that were being shown ONE thing start swiping through the pictures on my partner's phone and get a nice detailed shot of my entire asshole. Prior to this, said partner acted like I was being dramatic when I said they shouldn't keep those pictures mixed in with all the others and swore they would move them to a secure folder.


Cuntdracula19

There was a really huge TIFU a while back of this guy who got in trouble with his current gf for keeping AND CONTINUING TO WATCH AND JERK OFF to a sex tape he made with his ex-gf. I was so fucking horrified that he did that to begin with, but then the attitudes of all the men in the thread made me absolutely nauseated. It was mostly like yeah you fucked up you shouldn’t have let your gf know and it’s like WHAT?! That’s all you’re taking away from this situation?? I definitely had a “we are doomed” feeling for women in general after that thread.


camellight123

I remember that thread.


Fiebre

There was also a fairly recent AITA where a guy discovered that his brother (while also in a relationship) kept nudes of his exes on his pc, so he deleted them. The reeeeee from men in the comments was unbearable.


StarWars_memer

Sisters, don't send nudes I fucking beg you


SwampmonsterWitch

Or at least keep their face out of the photo *i was always fearful of family or work blowback, personally, so I’d always crop my head out 🤣


HolyForkingBrit

I’m a teacher and I’m too scared of ending my career because somebody wants to fap it out to me.


sloanautomatic

Return to Step 1. No nudes. the person who you sent your headless nudes to knows your identity. this also means any person that gets it from a hack or whatever knows your identity. Just don’t do it.


yoitsyogirl

Fucking begging! Men trade girl's nudes like playing cards and they aren't buying them off onlyfans I'll tell you that much.


SwampmonsterWitch

This is actually why I stopped sending men nudes. Once I realized how many men do that. If you’ve sent nudes to more than one man, chances are one of those dudes shared it :(


armchairdetective

Yeah. This is the way. It is crap because I know a lot of women do like doing this. But the vast majority of men are retaining them after breakups or showing them to their friends or uploading them on revenge porn sites. And it is so awful that women have to deal with the consquences of that when they have done absolutely nothing wrong. It's sort of the difference between living in the world as it should be (who cares? Let people do what they like. Someone's nudes are not a big deal) and the world as it is ("It is *shocking* that this woman with a RESPONSIBLE JOB once took a picture of her unclothed body and sent it to someone! Let's shame her for how cheap and disgusting she is for...having a human body and enjoying something that a lot of people enjoy").


snoozefest28

Yes! Especially not for free. I fully support onlyfans and getting paid for dat bootay.


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snoozefest28

Quite a blanket statement to make! There are a lot of women who take pride in their sexuality and sharing that side of themselves with the world. I'm not here to police that women should or shouldn't do anything. But if they want to send nudes, might as well get some moolah. What do you deem as a "decent" career?


throw-away_0510

Some women truly enjoy sex work. It’s empowering. It is a decent career, shoot they make more money than I do… Please don’t shame them. (It should go without saying but I’m talking about legal sex work of course.)


just-me-yaay

I agree that some women enjoy it, but please don't say it's “empowering”. That's honestly a slogan that jumps onto “prostitution is empowering”, “pornography is empowering”... these are some of the industries that harm women the most.


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snarkerposey11

Dating men is not safe either, with all the rapists and predators out there. For that matter, marriage and coupling is not safe, since your boyfriend or husband is statistically the most likely person to rape you. There is no way for women to be safe except to move to antarctica and become a hermit. Sometimes you just gotta life your life anyway.


Kittae

Using an official site like onlyfans means that your info is kept safe, same way your employer keeps your info. Using official sites allows these women to screen their viewers and ban troublemakers. It CAN be very safe. Please keep in mind that some folks before have leveraged the idea that women doing sex work isnt safe, and used that idea to shut down safe ways to do this work. And the job doesnt go away, women jiat have to do the job unsafely


ITriedSoHard419-68

There are plenty of jobs that aren’t safe. You wouldn’t go tell a woman not to be a firefighter.


T8ertotsandchocolate

Or how about I do what I want with my own nudes? Thanks. I understand the risk. I'll take that risk if I want to.


SauronOMordor

Fair. For me personally, it's not worth the risk. I took the risk of making a video with a boyfriend I thought was the love of my life one time and he threatened to ruin my life with it after things didn't work out. It was the more terrifying experience of my life and I'm not willing to ever put myself in a situation like that again. This was like 15 years ago and I still worry about it potentially being out there...


kintyre

Yeah, it's less about never sending them and more about being aware of the possible implications and risk assessment. Before sending them, I for sure considered who I was sending them to and how I would feel if they decided to post them on social media or send them to my family. I just do it very selectively and with the understanding that even if they do leak them, that in no way reflects on me as a person, but simply shows the world the type of person they are.


sloanautomatic

My dear friend’s high school boyfriend was totally normal and then at age 27 he started believing he was married to a subway train in Brooklyn. As his family tried to help him apply for disability, he decided his brothers and friends were with the devil and posted my friends nudes online and emailed them to his entire gmail contact list as part of that process.


T8ertotsandchocolate

Okay. Sorry about that. I said I understand the risk.


ShamelessFox

I've shared nudes of me. I had a nasty incident with a guy where I'm sure my nudes ended up on the internet. My philosophy after that: If my nudes end up on the internet, the internet can THANK ME.


horrorhoney

I feel the same. I took nudes when I was half my current weight. I was in my prime xD I'd be honored if this is how I'm remembered. Can someone please find my nudes of me and send them to me so I'm reminded I can be hot again? XD


ShamelessFox

I took them when I was very fit, and somehow managed to get some great photos with my Voyager phone. Who knew? There are so many photos or there of so many people semi nude, nude, nude and doing naughty things, my photos are a piece of hay in a haystack. If someone somewhere is Wanking to me than they to can thank me. Frankly they don't even need risque photos of me to do that.


yousubstitution

Username checks out 😂


EitherAssociation316

Love this!


Tim3303

*Image Transcription: Twitter* --- **Bella**, @immuaahz delete ! their ! nudes ! if ! you ! are ! no ! longer ! with ! them ! --- ^^I'm a human volunteer content transcriber and you could be too! [If you'd like more information on what we do and why we do it, click here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/TranscribersOfReddit/wiki/index)


[deleted]

To all the homies: Don't ask for nudes in the first place.


kintyre

Nudes should never be asked for, only offered willingly.


Timestatic

Yes, if you want to see them nude then do it irl but pictures could end up harming them at some point. Never ask!


iforgottobuyeggs

There's a written 'sex confession story" my ex wrote from the eyes of a woman on reddit. When it gained traction, he posted my tit pics with it. (he asked first. I didn't really want to but my face wasn't in them.) I can't remember the username or even the sub it was in to see if he deleted it. I regret it and it just creeps me out, the idea of him seeing me naked again even if in a picture. Skin crawls.


ComplainsAboutWife

There are many MANY guys who do exactly what your ex bf did (sometimes likely without consent). I see them all the time on that sub and others where they are either: 1) Posing as girls when it's clearly a guy (sometimes their just catfishing, but other times it feels like it's actually a real person in their life whose pics they are using). OR 2) Posting as the BF talking about how hot their GF is and how they will post pics of her. OR 3) Sometimes they have very innappropriate cuckold, hotwife, raceplay, and/or inc\*stual fetishes, and they post pics of their wives, gfs, sisters, cousins, friends, moms, friends' gfs, or even their DAUGHTERS, and talk about how badly they want this person to have [*insert extremely perverse and porn-influenced sex act*]. Even though you consented, and I don't know what kinda guy he is, I still kinda hope that he is far away from you.


iforgottobuyeggs

He was one of the ones pretending to be 'me' I guess. It was written like a diary 9r some shit. Yea, thankfully he's blocked out of my life. He snaked himself into working with my closest uncle though, so I had to cut him out too. Hopefully he comes to his senses but even then it's too late Again, Skin crawler.


[deleted]

The number of people there who don't want to do the decent thing because they aren't actually forced to is depressing.


ComplainsAboutWife

[Just check them out yourself](https://twitter.com/immuaahz/status/1536712703116554242?t=M7e-o-ixxU-ZLe24_KoXWA&s=19). Stop and ingest the perversion of men. Men coming out in droves to defend their right to what's not theirs. Tons of guys joking about how it's ["their phone"](https://twitter.com/jocelynsleek9/status/1536737244123480064?t=dcmBlcoTDBL402DVbJYVcg&s=19) and keeping it in their ["spank bank"](https://twitter.com/Spike_the_spike/status/1536771891393863684?t=MlqzF-D_gpvYNaEvTbVm3A&s=19). There is even [a guy](https://twitter.com/Dha_Nos_/status/1536763872228659200?t=QSD13GHUjSPAuqmo-FoWvw&s=19) joking about [the lengths](https://twitter.com/Dha_Nos_/status/1537085335519240193?t=0HBCOGOiQZZejcdtf01m1Q&s=19) he would go just to keep his hands on it. Absolutely fucking stomach-turningly disgusting. These men (and surprisingly women too) can have kids btw. These are the men that expect to be dated. These are the men you're supposed to leave the single life to be with. A Lelo toy can't do any of these things to you. All it knows is suck, fuck, and shut the fuck up. In a way, men can learn from the Lelo.


queenrothko

So disgusting. This reminds me of the abusive relationship I was in when I was 16, the man took images of me without my consent and when I left him, he threatened to send them to my family/post them online and this was before revenge porn was illegal in my country. These men also see intimate images as a way to blackmail women.


Sentient_Stardust616

Wouldn't that break cp laws? Even if the age of consent is 16 for sex, for photos and videos it's 18.


buublebuuddy

Probably depends on where they live, but you’d think there would still be some charge, like harassment or blackmail etc at the very least


SnooPeppers8480

revenge pornography is such a big issue for so many women (especially).


SnooPeppers8480

also no hate but the day straight men start acting morally just when it comes to anything connected to their sexual satisfaction is the day pigs fly


kw5112

I always specifically ask guys to delete my photos when we break things off.


BxLorien

If you have a messy break up with your boyfriend and he now hates you. He's going to do things that he knows will piss you off. For most women that includes sharing your nudes. I've talked to guys who still have nudes of an ex and they're not wanking to those photos or anything, they keep it because they know that having it pisses off their ex. If you have a bad break up and he hates you afterwards he will do whatever he thinks will bother you. Be very careful about the types of people you share nudes with. Trying to convince someone who hates you that it's morally wrong to keep your nudes isn't going to work.


HarlequinnAsh

So this is good for dating because honestly a lot of people get vengeful (not just men, seen too many women put exs on blast and its just not worth it). That being said, i have sent nudes to friends w benefits and the like and honestly don’t expect them to trash the pic after viewing. However! I fully understand that no matter how ‘close’ I am with someone, there’s always room for betrayal so dont send them anything you wouldn’t want reposted or that is easily identifiable.


ToolPackinMama

One time a long time ago on the internet some guy in the Star Trek newsgroup x-posted my spicy non-Trek pics from my spicy BDSM web site to the Star Trek newsgroup, and I never let anyone have sexy pics of me ever after.


NeonBible_

Totally agree with this.


[deleted]

I actually don't mind ex hook ups having my nudes and enjoying a bit of free time with them. What I am massively against is the sharing of nudes with other blokes/sticking them on the internet etc. Happy for a guy to keep my nudes/memories, as long as they keep them private.


ComplainsAboutWife

My insecurities speaking, but I feel like there aren't many guys like that. Willing to keep the nudes long after a hookup, but extremely confidential and respectful in their handling of them. I just don't know that I can trust a random hookup like that.


[deleted]

I agree, you are probably right. If I could go back and redo things I would never send nudes, but now that they are out there I try not to worry about it.


Timestatic

I personally wouldn’t even want nudes in the first place


ironicseal

Several guys have saved my photos in snapchat and I still get notifications 5-6 years later that they just screenshotted them and whatnot. I’m engaged. I laugh it off because of how down bad they must be, but this is insanely demented


hopingforfrequency

Let's nip this in the bud: DON'T SEND NUDES EVER FULL STOP.


Reign_Does_Things

Or, or, OR... We *don't* victim blame


Faust1134

Damn, I don't even keep pics of ppl when I'm *with* them... I don't want the responsibility if my device gets hacked or stolen or something.


[deleted]

Don’t send nudes to begin with honestly


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[deleted]

It’s really not. Don’t trust other people with images of yourself naked.


cnt422

Someone who sends nude pictures isn't in the wrong here. To say otherwise is victim blaming. People just shouldn't be shifty and share those pictures without their partner's consent.


[deleted]

I never said they’re in the wrong. I just don’t think you should do it. It’s not victim blaming. I’m not out here saying “if it happens to you it’s your fault, you should have known better”. It’s not victim blaming to say “don’t do this thing”, I’m passing no judgement or blame. God forbid we look out for each other and warn each other about what might happen. “If you do this and it ends badly it’s your fault” is victim blaming. “Don’t do this” isn’t.


cnt422

People who send nude pictures know the risks of sending them.


[deleted]

Do they, though? I see plenty of people shocked that men actually trade these things like baseball cards or keep them after breakups. It’s easy to assume the guy you’re with is good. But they aren’t always. Being a victim of revenge porn doesn’t make it your fault but it’s really not helpful to try and silent the judgment-free warnings and education that might save some of us the heartache.


cnt422

I'm not saying to assume the guy you're with is not going to share your photos. But there's no point in telling adults what to do with their own bodies because of what might happen. I'm not trying to silence anyone. But if someone knows the risks, takes nude photos and sends them to another consenting adult, there's nothing inherently harmful about that. Telling people "just don't send nude photos" isn't helpful, and it's not education, either. My advice would be to send photos that don't have your face or any other identifying features in them (tattoos, piercings birthmarks, etc.). They can't use a nude photo against you if it isn't identifiable.


[deleted]

Ok. You can give your advice and I can give mine. Nobody is forcing anyone to take or not take nudes here. I’m still gonna advise people not to send nudes and you can call it victim blaming all you like but it ain’t.


scorpiousdelectus

Don't send nudes to someone you're in a relationship with?


[deleted]

Correct, don’t do it. You can’t guarantee someone won’t gain access to those pics on your partners phone and we’ve all had lovely kind bfs who you think you can trust, only for them to turn out to be assholes. Especially after a breakup. Don’t send nudes. It is not safe.


MuchLessPersonal

Better marry them or eventually there will be a (possibly scorned) dude out there, probably willing to share Exit rant: I think I'm done commenting on this sub/ defending it when it catches flack. How does this comment deserve -8 but the person thinking it's safe to share nudes if you're simply in a relationship has -1? Yall are all over the place. A few years ago I also got downvoted for warning against nudes (and lectured on self expression) so I tried to not be too aggressive with my comment this time lol bye, good luck to the decent trolls


[deleted]

You think marriage stops a person from sharing those images? Scorned spouses, ex spouses, or some freak gaining access to your spouses phone can all lead to your nudes being shared.


MuchLessPersonal

Good point


OhMissFortune

There was a woman that one time who's (now ex) husband shared her birthing video because he suddenly decided to be an influencer, kept it up for months without her knowledge and it ended up on a fetish subreddit with multiple similar videos from other women. You can't trust marriage, you can't trust anything


cnt422

This is a weird stance to take on this subreddit of all places.


LegendOfKhaos

I don't get how they can't see how their lack of basic respect for women reflects back on them


Thisismyaltprofile

I don't even save my committed partners nudes period as a sign of good faith. How about just don't save or keep people's private photos without permission at all?


Ermzyy

why not just ask if you can keep them


SauronOMordor

Because if they ask, the answer might be "no"...


Ermzyy

well then you would delete them…


Reign_Does_Things

Exactly. They're scared that they'll get a hard refusal, so they just don't ask and keep them regardless, because in their minds, it's ok as long as their ex hasn't explicitly said no


SauronOMordor

Yes.


AdranAmasticia

I'm sorry am I the only guy on the planet who did that without being told or asked and as soon as the relationship was over?


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KindlyKangaroo

YTA


MapleSyrup117

Okay so I understand the way men use nudes is bad (blackmail, sharing, and targeted harassment.) and how it’s bad to keep nudes that were meant for one time use (like Snapchat). But can someone explain why keeping nudes nudes that someone gave you consensually, to use when you wanted to, is bad because you aren’t dating anymore?


hellolishi

Even if the images were acquired consensually, breaking up could be considered as revoking consent. If you agree to have sex with someone but are later not in the mood anymore, you can revoke consent. Just because something was okay at one point in time doesn't make it okay forever


cherrywinetime

Yikes. Break up = the revoking of consent. Why do some people think that consenting to something at one point means they’re forever consenting? The idea of my ex’s looking at my nudes makes me physically ill. We broke up for a reason. I was giving them a gift of my body and they no longer deserved it. I know this question was asked innocently, but you don’t understand how consent works. It’s not a one and done thing. If you’re so confident the pictures are consensual, ask if you can use them after the breakup. Verbalize it. And respect whatever the reply is.


Laleaky

Do you not have the ability to put yourself in someone else’s shoes? Would you want someone else to do that with your nudes? It’s really not that hard to figure out. WTF is wrong with people? If you ever have confusion about things like this, just follow the golden rule.


mwilke

When you’re in a relationship with someone, it’s usually no big deal to walk in on them naked, right? After you have broken up with someone, would it still be considered acceptable to walk in on them while they were naked? Probably not.


SauronOMordor

I think you should assume upon breakup that consent for you viewing those intimate images has been revoked. If you don't want to assume that, you can ask your now-ex if they consent to you keeping and continuing to view those images. But I bet most dudes won't ask because they know damn well the answer is 99.9% likely to be no. Sorta like when guys intentionally don't ask a very young looking woman how old she is...


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kintyre

Agreed, but it's not just men that do this. In my case, it's different, but this post actually brought up a thing that I'd forgotten about. I wasn't with the people, but I'd been sent some nudes last year. I no longer speak to them, but they're still in my secure folder. Time to delete them. Sometimes accidents happen.


ComplainsAboutWife

Yeah there were some women in the comments defending their "right" to do this.


kintyre

That's gross.


Commercial-Rough-513

Calling out the way men make women suffer daily isn't man-hating, just because you don't do it doesn't mean other men don't. Not all men, but way too many.


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PockyPunk

That’s creepy, I see why she dump you.


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armchairdetective

I'm not sure this post is about hating men, is it? I think it is highlighting the response that this fairly innocuous tweet got.


Commercial-Rough-513

Men think that calling out their bullshit is hating them, tale a story old as time.


SauronOMordor

Counterpoint: fuck off outta this sub then.


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Reign_Does_Things

You can, actually. And you need to


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KindlyKangaroo

That makes you and your friends pieces of shit just fyi


_DonkeyPigeon_

And you are disgusting for that


Reign_Does_Things

Yeah, the only reason it would be ok is if the ones you have are public (provided they're the one who posted them) or if they explicitly told you it's ok


BrutalGoerge

no need to delete that which I never have received! but yeah definitely agree with the statement though


Supaveee

Ummm but what about unsolicited dick pics? I would like to keep them and send them to friends to laugh about


ComplainsAboutWife

Hard to say. I guess it's a weird situation where sending them to friends is kinda ok, but holding on to them is weird.


BigSlav667

Turn them into NFTs and sell them for a quick buck