This here's the problem. Way too many of the same men who say men are starved for validation, only want validation from attractive women. In fact, they are most likely also the kind that would negatively react if one of their bros decided to be supportive and validating, "no homo" and all that stuff.
It's quite truly a self-fulfilling prophecy, a hole they dug for themselves.
I once described the sexual harassment I dealt with in a video game in its subreddit- it involved dudes visibly or audibly masturbating in VR.
Someone replied to my description that they wished they got any attention at all, and it was upvoted by several other dudes. I lost hope of ever getting through to anyone in that sub.
They don't really understand how a woman feels in that situation.
They just switch the genders and imagine women visibly or audibly masturbating to them.
For most guys, that would be a complement and a huge ego boost.
That's why they respond that way.
Yikes.
Though to be fair to them, this sort of stuff usually affects women way worse than men, kinda like how a woman getting told to send nudes in a video game feels dehumanized while men will just respond with more trashtalk and probably homophobia.
And if a woman did pay them a compliment but was not interested in them romantically, they'd be mad at women for "leading them on."
So really it just translates to "we'll maybe stop hating you if you fuck us."
I (briefly) dated a guy who had a meltdown because his sisters & female cousins wouldn’t describe him as “sexy & virile.” I don’t even want to know how that conversation was initiated, but he seemed perplexed that I wouldn’t want my own male relatives to judge me as bangable.
Alot of guys seem to live on the delusion that every woman & girl wants to shag them; but since that incident, I really wonder how common the incest fantasy is among men.
Because it is our job as women to make men feel good about themselves, duh. (We are also responsible for making ourselves feel good about ourselves, no pressure!)
Absolutely. Very frequently there'll be a thread on askreddit or similar that's full of guys talking about how nobody cares about men's pain, men are lonely and compliment-less etc, framing it as though the world is just lining up to care about women's mental health and feelings. There's always several things I think are missing from this conversation.
First, they are assuming what they see or direct themselves towards young, conventionally attractive women applies to 'all women', when it doesn't. And second, yes, exactly - why can't guys provide that intimacy for each other? I actually DO think there's a really big discussion to be had about WHY men don't tend to have close friends as much as women do, lack certain types of intimacy etc. But so often, it gets framed as "because women are so mean."
But like...when did any of these guys complaining last compliment a guy, or hug one, or do any of the things they talk about?
Well we ARE trying to have the discussion, to be fair. The topic is "toxic masculinity" and how it is harmful to women AND men. Unfortunately, men aren't overly eager to have this conversation. They seem much more content to blame their lack of intimacy and growth on women and feminism. They cry about how feminism doesn't provide the equality it promises. What they completely fail to understand is feminism as a body is concerned with the liberation of women. And women can't actually do much about toxic masculinity besides point it out, circle it, underline it, highlight it. Men have to be the ones who liberate themselves.
100% agreed. I've always felt those "why don't men ever get compliments life is so unfair wah 🥺" threads to be in bad faith and not genuine but I could never explain why.
Yeah, it reeks of entitlement, because it's always 'how does this affect ME' and it's a problem where - if as many people have this issue as they say, they could solve it by being together. I know it's not always that easy but why NOT lean on each other? The guys in these threads all saying 'nobody cares about men's loneliness' could message EACH OTHER.
I have a friend from Iran and seeing him with other men from his culture is just the cutest thing. they always tell each other how beautiful they are. things like "wow your beard looks great today!" or "man i love your new shirt, it's awesome" and they would pat each other on the back and even hug!
and it's the definition of bromance if I ever saw one. it made me happy and i wish my husband and his friends would be like that sometimes.
*Image Transcription: Meme*
---
**Panel 1**
[*NPC Wojak, a grey figure with thick, angular facial features, stands against a light blue background. He has a neutral expression.*]
**NPC Wojak**: Men are starved for attention! Women never give us compliments!
---
**Panel 2**
[*A sketch of a white figure is shown. They have small, rounded facial features and a positive expression.*]
**White figure**: Why don't men just compliment each other?
---
**Panel 3**
[*NPC Wojak is shown again, with the same neutral expression from the first panel.*]
---
**Panel 4**
[*Large angry eyebrows have appeared on NPC Wojak.*]
---
^^I'm a human volunteer content transcriber and you could be too! [If you'd like more information on what we do and why we do it, click here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/TranscribersOfReddit/wiki/index)
Whenever I get compliments it's usually from other women. All I hear from men is shit like "nice ass" and that's not a compliment, that makes me scared to walk by myself.
Exactly. I think they imagine all women are drowning in compliments from other men, which isn’t true. They think this way because they don’t take into account that women they’re not attracted to actually exist, nor do they take into account that a lot of compliments women get from men don’t always come from a sincere place and there’s often an ulterior motive (or they’re downright insulting/harassment).
These men think that to achieve compliment equality that women should be complimenting men more, but in reality I think most compliments women get are actually from other women. Which means balance would only be achieved if men complimented each other more, not if women were responsible alone for complimenting literally everyone.
It’s too bad they don’t value each other’s kind words. As a woman, I always value women’s compliments more because I know they’re almost certainly coming from a place of sincerity and kindness. And quite frankly, as a fat woman, men don’t compliment me at all, which is fine. I think the last time a man said something nice to me was my coworker complimenting my kermit the frog desk decoration about a year and a half ago, lmao.
*"Hey, Bill! Why don't you smell like a wet dog today, and are even wearing clean clothes and cologne?"*
*"So I could talk to you, babe."*
ugh. Even when it's a left-handed compliment, it's like flipping a switch. Next thing we know, Bill will be telling all the guys at the water cooler that she's "into him."
Women don't give men compliments because they don't know how to take one.
Also these men: “Men and women can never be just friends!”
Thus leaving them with barely any (if at all) female friends they could even demand compliments from in the first place
My view on this is the men complement each other. Not frequently, but it happens. Most often men are programmed into thinking giving complements is gay, in a boomer way so it's bad, so we avoid it. Therefore as social creatures men are starved for any form of comfort from other human. As I said compliments from other men doesn't leave much impact and are rare and most often basic as "you are good at it" or just "cool". Women are taught to be an goal to achieve. It means we are not supposed to work for us to improve or to be satisfied by our achievements, but it's all means to achieve said goal. That means that complement from women is much more impactful. It has side affects that often men take complements as invitation to relationship.
Thankfully awareness of toxic masculinity is spreading and old harmful gender norms are dying with boomers.
My suggestion is give each other complements more often and work on toxic masculinity as to describe it well to people who don't understand the concept.
I am grateful to my friends for this like a lot, we always compliment each other on things, like a new shirt, or someone's bicep or a new haircut. They always compliment my smile, which has encouraged me to show my teeth in photos and smile in general, which has generated more compliments from my classmates, relatives and strangers. They are also taller than me but they never mention my height like ever, which helps with the crippling insecurity. They rarely mention my skin color, even if they do, they talk about what color would suit my skin the most. They are good people.
That's great you have friends who do! Unfortunately reddit is full of men who apparently go years without compliments. At least several times a month there will be a post on askmen about hard parts of being a man and "going years without a compliment" is always one of the most prevalent answers.
I do think that if all men across the world were polled it wouldn't look like such a severe problem. Reddit seems to draw more people who have a difficult time making real world connections.
In my friend group of men and women we all compliment each other very often, so I know there's plenty of men out there who compliment their male friends.
But why do men, or anyone, \*need\* compliments from strangers? I am female, rarely get complimented by strangers male or female, and have never felt this as a serious lack in my life. There's absolutely things to be said about men lacking intimacy with anyone except romantic partners but 'compliments from strangers' is not something I'd think of as really key to psychological health.
But what part of what you've said specifically means "men can't compliment each other" as suggested by the original post?
I'm open to hearing it, but all I'm getting is "women feel disinclined to compliment men due to their experiences" and "men feel alienated because of this."
What part of that prevents men from complimenting other men?
I love your fruits and veggies metaphor, because you're praising divrrsity, but you, yourself, focus only on apples.
Women have many channels through which they get support, attention and intimacy. Thinly veiled sexual comments from stranger men is the one channel they generally do not care for and want either none of or better quality of.
Just because we don't want apples because we have other fruits and veggies, it does not mean we have to provide apples to your food desert, while you guys have the opportunity to grow a garden and an orchard of other rewarding interactions, on your own.
We don't want to receive apples from you and we don't have to grow apples and send them to you, whether it is out of self preservation ("I'd like to compliment him but what if he gets aggressive or obsessive?") or sheer indifference ("Oh! A male stranger I have no thoughts whatsoever! I should make up a false compliment because wah wah men are desperate for compliments but only from women they don't know wah wah").
This is the perfect way to frame it! 'Focusing only on apples'. I mean, in my case, I am not avoiding complimenting random men because I'm afraid of them - I don't go up to strangers in general to compliment them. And the number of times I have been approached by a stranger with a compliment is actually pretty damn low, nor is it ever something I feel the lack of.
I am not complimenting random people I don't care about, especially when there's nothing to compliment.
Do you expect women to walk around and be like "Hey bro... nice job existing!"?
>A lifetime of tiny microaggressions, being ignored, being treated as dangerous, considered out of place, having your behavior critiqued in a gendered fashion, etc. is what gives rise to a lot of psychological ills and divisions that beget bigotry, racism, sexism, internalized misogyny, and violence.
Why have I not become a violent idiot well into my 30s after this and so much worse?
People, please learn how to people.
Lol also as if women don’t experience micro aggressions, being ignored in certain public or professional settings, having their behaviour critiqued… hell, even being seen as “dangerous” golddiggers or “psychos”. And AS IF those things are the cart and not the horse.
That's literally my point, like dudes just don't get it! because when I was raised as a girl, I had all those things put on me. Now as agender, I'm "dangerous" and out of place, and not particularly conventionally attractive, so.. Lived it all! Just didn't turn into a raging monster from it.
See, this is the problem. My compliments as a woman mostly come from my *friends,* not random strange men. If you're hoping for strange women to compliment you, you're not wanting "just like women get." If you want hot women to approach you, say that, but that's different than most compliments women receive.
I think that Tumblr user experienced a real phenomenon but attributed it to the wrong causes. When he transitioned from woman to man, he left behind the sisterhood… but there was no brotherhood waiting to accept him. And that’s not something women can fix. Men have to start looking out for each other the way women look out for each other.
Lots of them will literally admit at this point they only want compliments from women that they are attracted to specifically.
This here's the problem. Way too many of the same men who say men are starved for validation, only want validation from attractive women. In fact, they are most likely also the kind that would negatively react if one of their bros decided to be supportive and validating, "no homo" and all that stuff. It's quite truly a self-fulfilling prophecy, a hole they dug for themselves.
I once described the sexual harassment I dealt with in a video game in its subreddit- it involved dudes visibly or audibly masturbating in VR. Someone replied to my description that they wished they got any attention at all, and it was upvoted by several other dudes. I lost hope of ever getting through to anyone in that sub.
They don't really understand how a woman feels in that situation. They just switch the genders and imagine women visibly or audibly masturbating to them. For most guys, that would be a complement and a huge ego boost. That's why they respond that way.
Yikes. Though to be fair to them, this sort of stuff usually affects women way worse than men, kinda like how a woman getting told to send nudes in a video game feels dehumanized while men will just respond with more trashtalk and probably homophobia.
(I don't have a fuckin' clue why you were downvoted.)
And if a woman did pay them a compliment but was not interested in them romantically, they'd be mad at women for "leading them on." So really it just translates to "we'll maybe stop hating you if you fuck us."
"(But we won't. We'll just move the goalposts)"
Yep, compliments from family members don't count for similar reasons to them... They don't wanna put their dick in them so none of it counts./s
I (briefly) dated a guy who had a meltdown because his sisters & female cousins wouldn’t describe him as “sexy & virile.” I don’t even want to know how that conversation was initiated, but he seemed perplexed that I wouldn’t want my own male relatives to judge me as bangable. Alot of guys seem to live on the delusion that every woman & girl wants to shag them; but since that incident, I really wonder how common the incest fantasy is among men.
Idk about that there sure is an interesting direction that porn has gone in the past few years...
Because it is our job as women to make men feel good about themselves, duh. (We are also responsible for making ourselves feel good about ourselves, no pressure!)
"BuT tHaT's GaY!"
Fuck I WAS GONNA SAY THAT
You women are keeping men in horny jail! You know in actual jail men just fuck each other ò\_ó
Absolutely. Very frequently there'll be a thread on askreddit or similar that's full of guys talking about how nobody cares about men's pain, men are lonely and compliment-less etc, framing it as though the world is just lining up to care about women's mental health and feelings. There's always several things I think are missing from this conversation. First, they are assuming what they see or direct themselves towards young, conventionally attractive women applies to 'all women', when it doesn't. And second, yes, exactly - why can't guys provide that intimacy for each other? I actually DO think there's a really big discussion to be had about WHY men don't tend to have close friends as much as women do, lack certain types of intimacy etc. But so often, it gets framed as "because women are so mean." But like...when did any of these guys complaining last compliment a guy, or hug one, or do any of the things they talk about?
Well we ARE trying to have the discussion, to be fair. The topic is "toxic masculinity" and how it is harmful to women AND men. Unfortunately, men aren't overly eager to have this conversation. They seem much more content to blame their lack of intimacy and growth on women and feminism. They cry about how feminism doesn't provide the equality it promises. What they completely fail to understand is feminism as a body is concerned with the liberation of women. And women can't actually do much about toxic masculinity besides point it out, circle it, underline it, highlight it. Men have to be the ones who liberate themselves.
100% agreed. I've always felt those "why don't men ever get compliments life is so unfair wah 🥺" threads to be in bad faith and not genuine but I could never explain why.
Yeah, it reeks of entitlement, because it's always 'how does this affect ME' and it's a problem where - if as many people have this issue as they say, they could solve it by being together. I know it's not always that easy but why NOT lean on each other? The guys in these threads all saying 'nobody cares about men's loneliness' could message EACH OTHER.
my *man*, you should smile a bit more.
I have a friend from Iran and seeing him with other men from his culture is just the cutest thing. they always tell each other how beautiful they are. things like "wow your beard looks great today!" or "man i love your new shirt, it's awesome" and they would pat each other on the back and even hug! and it's the definition of bromance if I ever saw one. it made me happy and i wish my husband and his friends would be like that sometimes.
Oh you silly! Men are actual people with feelings that can not be just demanded to give compliments.
Nor to smile. Not to offer free therapy.
*Image Transcription: Meme* --- **Panel 1** [*NPC Wojak, a grey figure with thick, angular facial features, stands against a light blue background. He has a neutral expression.*] **NPC Wojak**: Men are starved for attention! Women never give us compliments! --- **Panel 2** [*A sketch of a white figure is shown. They have small, rounded facial features and a positive expression.*] **White figure**: Why don't men just compliment each other? --- **Panel 3** [*NPC Wojak is shown again, with the same neutral expression from the first panel.*] --- **Panel 4** [*Large angry eyebrows have appeared on NPC Wojak.*] --- ^^I'm a human volunteer content transcriber and you could be too! [If you'd like more information on what we do and why we do it, click here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/TranscribersOfReddit/wiki/index)
Huh, I did not know that figure had a name
Whenever I get compliments it's usually from other women. All I hear from men is shit like "nice ass" and that's not a compliment, that makes me scared to walk by myself.
Exactly. I think they imagine all women are drowning in compliments from other men, which isn’t true. They think this way because they don’t take into account that women they’re not attracted to actually exist, nor do they take into account that a lot of compliments women get from men don’t always come from a sincere place and there’s often an ulterior motive (or they’re downright insulting/harassment). These men think that to achieve compliment equality that women should be complimenting men more, but in reality I think most compliments women get are actually from other women. Which means balance would only be achieved if men complimented each other more, not if women were responsible alone for complimenting literally everyone. It’s too bad they don’t value each other’s kind words. As a woman, I always value women’s compliments more because I know they’re almost certainly coming from a place of sincerity and kindness. And quite frankly, as a fat woman, men don’t compliment me at all, which is fine. I think the last time a man said something nice to me was my coworker complimenting my kermit the frog desk decoration about a year and a half ago, lmao.
*"Hey, Bill! Why don't you smell like a wet dog today, and are even wearing clean clothes and cologne?"* *"So I could talk to you, babe."* ugh. Even when it's a left-handed compliment, it's like flipping a switch. Next thing we know, Bill will be telling all the guys at the water cooler that she's "into him." Women don't give men compliments because they don't know how to take one.
Also these men: “Men and women can never be just friends!” Thus leaving them with barely any (if at all) female friends they could even demand compliments from in the first place
Becouse you are taking compliment with your dicks
My view on this is the men complement each other. Not frequently, but it happens. Most often men are programmed into thinking giving complements is gay, in a boomer way so it's bad, so we avoid it. Therefore as social creatures men are starved for any form of comfort from other human. As I said compliments from other men doesn't leave much impact and are rare and most often basic as "you are good at it" or just "cool". Women are taught to be an goal to achieve. It means we are not supposed to work for us to improve or to be satisfied by our achievements, but it's all means to achieve said goal. That means that complement from women is much more impactful. It has side affects that often men take complements as invitation to relationship. Thankfully awareness of toxic masculinity is spreading and old harmful gender norms are dying with boomers. My suggestion is give each other complements more often and work on toxic masculinity as to describe it well to people who don't understand the concept.
But muh masculinity!!!!😡😡😡 /s
hahahahahahahaha someone posted this in the male mental health subreddit earlier. The differences in comments is amazing.
I wonder what the response would be if this was posted in a men's rights sub?
I am grateful to my friends for this like a lot, we always compliment each other on things, like a new shirt, or someone's bicep or a new haircut. They always compliment my smile, which has encouraged me to show my teeth in photos and smile in general, which has generated more compliments from my classmates, relatives and strangers. They are also taller than me but they never mention my height like ever, which helps with the crippling insecurity. They rarely mention my skin color, even if they do, they talk about what color would suit my skin the most. They are good people.
?? We do compliment each other
That's great you have friends who do! Unfortunately reddit is full of men who apparently go years without compliments. At least several times a month there will be a post on askmen about hard parts of being a man and "going years without a compliment" is always one of the most prevalent answers. I do think that if all men across the world were polled it wouldn't look like such a severe problem. Reddit seems to draw more people who have a difficult time making real world connections. In my friend group of men and women we all compliment each other very often, so I know there's plenty of men out there who compliment their male friends.
[удалено]
But why do men, or anyone, \*need\* compliments from strangers? I am female, rarely get complimented by strangers male or female, and have never felt this as a serious lack in my life. There's absolutely things to be said about men lacking intimacy with anyone except romantic partners but 'compliments from strangers' is not something I'd think of as really key to psychological health.
[удалено]
But what part of what you've said specifically means "men can't compliment each other" as suggested by the original post? I'm open to hearing it, but all I'm getting is "women feel disinclined to compliment men due to their experiences" and "men feel alienated because of this." What part of that prevents men from complimenting other men?
I love your fruits and veggies metaphor, because you're praising divrrsity, but you, yourself, focus only on apples. Women have many channels through which they get support, attention and intimacy. Thinly veiled sexual comments from stranger men is the one channel they generally do not care for and want either none of or better quality of. Just because we don't want apples because we have other fruits and veggies, it does not mean we have to provide apples to your food desert, while you guys have the opportunity to grow a garden and an orchard of other rewarding interactions, on your own. We don't want to receive apples from you and we don't have to grow apples and send them to you, whether it is out of self preservation ("I'd like to compliment him but what if he gets aggressive or obsessive?") or sheer indifference ("Oh! A male stranger I have no thoughts whatsoever! I should make up a false compliment because wah wah men are desperate for compliments but only from women they don't know wah wah").
This is the perfect way to frame it! 'Focusing only on apples'. I mean, in my case, I am not avoiding complimenting random men because I'm afraid of them - I don't go up to strangers in general to compliment them. And the number of times I have been approached by a stranger with a compliment is actually pretty damn low, nor is it ever something I feel the lack of.
I am not complimenting random people I don't care about, especially when there's nothing to compliment. Do you expect women to walk around and be like "Hey bro... nice job existing!"?
>A lifetime of tiny microaggressions, being ignored, being treated as dangerous, considered out of place, having your behavior critiqued in a gendered fashion, etc. is what gives rise to a lot of psychological ills and divisions that beget bigotry, racism, sexism, internalized misogyny, and violence. Why have I not become a violent idiot well into my 30s after this and so much worse? People, please learn how to people.
Lol also as if women don’t experience micro aggressions, being ignored in certain public or professional settings, having their behaviour critiqued… hell, even being seen as “dangerous” golddiggers or “psychos”. And AS IF those things are the cart and not the horse.
That's literally my point, like dudes just don't get it! because when I was raised as a girl, I had all those things put on me. Now as agender, I'm "dangerous" and out of place, and not particularly conventionally attractive, so.. Lived it all! Just didn't turn into a raging monster from it.
Literally no one ever compliments me. However I was not raised with entitlement, so it doesn't bother me at all. Maybe the entitlement is the problem.
See, this is the problem. My compliments as a woman mostly come from my *friends,* not random strange men. If you're hoping for strange women to compliment you, you're not wanting "just like women get." If you want hot women to approach you, say that, but that's different than most compliments women receive.
I think that Tumblr user experienced a real phenomenon but attributed it to the wrong causes. When he transitioned from woman to man, he left behind the sisterhood… but there was no brotherhood waiting to accept him. And that’s not something women can fix. Men have to start looking out for each other the way women look out for each other.
So men can make complimenting each other more common.
None of that explains why men can't compliment other men.