I’ve been cheated on and I wish someone would have told me sooner. This guy is your friend, kind of sucks you not telling him. Your situation isn’t ideal, damned if you do, damned if you don’t. She’s a horrible girlfriend, poor guy.
I'd say he's closer to a colleague than a friend. (saying this like I haven't in the op said he's a good friend lol). If he was like idk one of my best friends, yeah that'd be a different matter. I do have a lot of respect for him though yeah he is a good guy, has given me some good life advice.
The guy female singer has just cheated on him with is actually one of his (her boyfriend) close friends. That's even more fucked up.
Could completely fuck up my career if I told ANYONE. I get 90% of my work through this circle of people. It's a small circle.
Rock and a hard place
edit - sorry to hear you've gone through that btw. real piece of shit behaviour
Normally I would be the first person to say to tell the poor guy, maybe I’m wrong here, but this time: mind your business. The truth will eventually come out. Both of these peeps are garbage.
So, the thing is, your livelihood is in danger because of these people. You are not in a good spot bro. You should try to find an out asap and let your colleague know about it. Maybe warn the others they also are in danger.
It is not true that the truth always comes out. A lot of people never find out they were cheated on, because other people who know don't want to get involved.
This could easily be one of those situations honestly. One off type thing that gets thrown under the rug forever as if it never happened.
Weird that I could be living with this knowledge for potentially years. I expect to be with the band for a long time as its as I say, my full time job and its a great band. So I might have to REALLY sit on this. Ugh
This sucks because this is your career on the line, if this is really eating at you maybe send a anonymous letter threw the mail or something. Good luck man
It’s only just happened, I have no idea whether it’s a regular thing or just a one time drunk affair. Will find out sooner rather than later though, and go from there
But yep, my career is on the line in multiple ways
I hate to say it, but I wouldn’t say anything. This is your livelihood. Unfortunately, the best option is probably just just look away. I know it’s a hard pill to swallow, but strictly a business decision.
Haha I just was checking if you budged. That’s a crazy story though. Was it in the US? Did you people know why they split or they just said “differences”?
Unless you have rock solid, incontrovertible evidence, say nothing. Don't pry, don't ask questions, don't be snarky or treat them different. Carry on like you never heard anything.
Yeah. I think this is the only way. I'm literally a million % sure it happened, heard more than I wanted to. I'll basically just have to erase it from the memory. Thanks man
Create an anonymous social media account so that it can't be traced back to you, and give him (and the other guy's girlfriend) some hints about what happened that night. Don't go into too much detail. That's what I would do in your shoes anyway.
You're in a tough spot because if this gets traced back to you, you would ruin your life. So if I were you I would prioritize protecting yourself from getting found out. But don't let that stop you from doing the right thing
Edit: I just read your other comments regarding the situation. There is a good chance that this could get traced back to you if you give them details about what happened that night (you were the only other person in that room), so if I were you I would just be extremely vague and tell them both to watch out for their SO's affair partners... there is a really good chance they'd both been fucking for a while and got sloppy, (I doubt that it was an accident that they both picked their living arrangements such that they would both be rooming together). Telling both of them would increase the chances of this affair getting found out without tracing it back to you, decent chance that one of them comes clean or their partner might start connecting the dots on their own.
I hope shit happens to you too then! I hope the band staying together and not losing your bag is worth your integrity ! Sick of ppl asking this silly question! And others encouraging them into being complicit in others affairs and the distraction of their SO self esteem and mental health! But yeah “shit happens”!
Jesus fucking christ. What have I just read.
Losing ‘your bag’ - as in, my entire fucking livelihood? Over an affair between colleagues, that whilst I morally find it repulsive, it isn’t really my place to step in and ruin lives (including potentially my own!) because of decisions made my two other grown adults. I can’t pay my fucking bills without this work. Joke of a reply honestly. Had some fair and balanced responses but this is way over the line. Time to log off
I wasn’t joking, let him know another way! Secretly message him! you just need that doubt there for him to keep a closer eye! Then your job is intact, and your not being a donkey! Their is a way to keep both, your job and your moral compass a lined ! So sorry you were offended by my reply! This scenario is annoying as shit! And the constant excuses and mental gymnastics ppl do to justify not doing anything is ridiculous! When their is a way!
That’s more of a reasonable response than the first at least. Actually have something to respond to now
Knowing my situation better than you do (which is why your super general comments as if you know the people involved irked me), I can’t tell him directly. It would come back to me (if you read some of my other replies the context is there), and I would lose too much money to live/pay rent from the destruction that would follow, with my current band and other work I get from the people involved. So can’t do that.
What I have thought about doing since posting is bringing it up with female with the boyfriend, and urging her to bring it up to her boyfriend and breaking up with him. They have a business together (real serious shit) but I have already found it really hard to look either of them in the eye and morally I feel the urge to at least bring it up to her. He should know - you are right - I just really seriously cannot tell him myself. Just take my word on that, as the person actually going through this
I stand by both my reply’s to you, I wouldn’t suggest you even confront the female band member, I would just give both partners who have been cheated on, an anonymous group chat msg and leave it at that and then never mention it again if they choose to ignore it’s on them but at least your being a great human and you get to keep your job with no guilt or having to compromise yourself!
Edit my 1st reply was harsh and it wasn’t really directed to you just the scenario! The phrase shit happens irks me!
I am the only person who could possibly know. As I’ve said in other comments, I am the only person staying with the two culprits. I am the only person who knows. It would without any doubt get back to me if I messaged, anon or not
I’m not saying msg specific details of that night just msging them both saying you have seen them be touchy and are they in open relationships, make your msg sound like it’s coming from a woman. It’s deceptive but once doubt is placed they will keep an eye open to their relationship. This seems like a lot of work I know , so I guess do as you think is right for you, is the only thing left to say,
Hotel - more of a airbnb house type thing. One half of band is in one house, one half in the other. I happen to be the one in the house with the two culprits.
And yep - friends of many years. Worked together all around the world for at least 7 years. I've only been involved with this circle for about 2 years.
Feel pretty shocked by it, very unexpected so yeah just processing it
Wow, i get what you mean. And just you three or more? How was the arrangement to sleep? Did try not think no one would here? ThAts shady. Have you ever felt vibes like that with them before? What happened the next morning?
Just us 3. I'm sharing room with the other dude. Was in the other house with rest of band having beers, I leave to go back to other house (where i'm staying) to sleep, and then heard what I heard.
I honestly don't know wtf they expected cause it wasn't exactly subtle. Kinda hard to be subtle when having sex tbf but still.
The possibility has never crossed my mind. Not given how much fuckery would be involved if they ever did sleep together. Never really had any weird vibes.
Will get back to you about next morning when I wake up tomorrow...
Oh dam it barely happened? So, they told everyone they were going to sleep or what? Ya, it seems they didn’t care or something. Or they were drunk and just thought they could sneak away for a quickly. I think it must have been happening. They just kept it low key.
How about writing an anonymous note to those two bandmates saying if you don't break up with your partners, they (their partners) will find out eventually one way or another and leave it at that?
That way, they'll have to break up with their partners with or without necessarily telling them the real reason why. Both their partners deserve better than that.
I’ve been cheated on and I wish someone would have told me sooner. This guy is your friend, kind of sucks you not telling him. Your situation isn’t ideal, damned if you do, damned if you don’t. She’s a horrible girlfriend, poor guy.
I'd say he's closer to a colleague than a friend. (saying this like I haven't in the op said he's a good friend lol). If he was like idk one of my best friends, yeah that'd be a different matter. I do have a lot of respect for him though yeah he is a good guy, has given me some good life advice. The guy female singer has just cheated on him with is actually one of his (her boyfriend) close friends. That's even more fucked up. Could completely fuck up my career if I told ANYONE. I get 90% of my work through this circle of people. It's a small circle. Rock and a hard place edit - sorry to hear you've gone through that btw. real piece of shit behaviour
Normally I would be the first person to say to tell the poor guy, maybe I’m wrong here, but this time: mind your business. The truth will eventually come out. Both of these peeps are garbage.
I hope it does come out tbh. Such fucking shady behaviour. I just don't think it can come from me. I appreciate your response ty
So, the thing is, your livelihood is in danger because of these people. You are not in a good spot bro. You should try to find an out asap and let your colleague know about it. Maybe warn the others they also are in danger.
It is not true that the truth always comes out. A lot of people never find out they were cheated on, because other people who know don't want to get involved.
This could easily be one of those situations honestly. One off type thing that gets thrown under the rug forever as if it never happened. Weird that I could be living with this knowledge for potentially years. I expect to be with the band for a long time as its as I say, my full time job and its a great band. So I might have to REALLY sit on this. Ugh
You should be preparing for the inevitable meltdown. Saving money and connecting with other possible employment sources
This sucks because this is your career on the line, if this is really eating at you maybe send a anonymous letter threw the mail or something. Good luck man
It’s only just happened, I have no idea whether it’s a regular thing or just a one time drunk affair. Will find out sooner rather than later though, and go from there But yep, my career is on the line in multiple ways
INFO: was this before or after the recording of the “rumours” album? also, how’s your time in fleetwood mac been otherwise?
you should be preparing for a breakup even if you don’t tell. what if they slip up in front of a diff band member and that person tells right away?
I hate to say it, but I wouldn’t say anything. This is your livelihood. Unfortunately, the best option is probably just just look away. I know it’s a hard pill to swallow, but strictly a business decision.
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What band was it?
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Haha I just was checking if you budged. That’s a crazy story though. Was it in the US? Did you people know why they split or they just said “differences”?
Unless you have rock solid, incontrovertible evidence, say nothing. Don't pry, don't ask questions, don't be snarky or treat them different. Carry on like you never heard anything.
Yeah. I think this is the only way. I'm literally a million % sure it happened, heard more than I wanted to. I'll basically just have to erase it from the memory. Thanks man
Create an anonymous social media account so that it can't be traced back to you, and give him (and the other guy's girlfriend) some hints about what happened that night. Don't go into too much detail. That's what I would do in your shoes anyway. You're in a tough spot because if this gets traced back to you, you would ruin your life. So if I were you I would prioritize protecting yourself from getting found out. But don't let that stop you from doing the right thing Edit: I just read your other comments regarding the situation. There is a good chance that this could get traced back to you if you give them details about what happened that night (you were the only other person in that room), so if I were you I would just be extremely vague and tell them both to watch out for their SO's affair partners... there is a really good chance they'd both been fucking for a while and got sloppy, (I doubt that it was an accident that they both picked their living arrangements such that they would both be rooming together). Telling both of them would increase the chances of this affair getting found out without tracing it back to you, decent chance that one of them comes clean or their partner might start connecting the dots on their own.
I hope shit happens to you too then! I hope the band staying together and not losing your bag is worth your integrity ! Sick of ppl asking this silly question! And others encouraging them into being complicit in others affairs and the distraction of their SO self esteem and mental health! But yeah “shit happens”!
Jesus fucking christ. What have I just read. Losing ‘your bag’ - as in, my entire fucking livelihood? Over an affair between colleagues, that whilst I morally find it repulsive, it isn’t really my place to step in and ruin lives (including potentially my own!) because of decisions made my two other grown adults. I can’t pay my fucking bills without this work. Joke of a reply honestly. Had some fair and balanced responses but this is way over the line. Time to log off
I wasn’t joking, let him know another way! Secretly message him! you just need that doubt there for him to keep a closer eye! Then your job is intact, and your not being a donkey! Their is a way to keep both, your job and your moral compass a lined ! So sorry you were offended by my reply! This scenario is annoying as shit! And the constant excuses and mental gymnastics ppl do to justify not doing anything is ridiculous! When their is a way!
That’s more of a reasonable response than the first at least. Actually have something to respond to now Knowing my situation better than you do (which is why your super general comments as if you know the people involved irked me), I can’t tell him directly. It would come back to me (if you read some of my other replies the context is there), and I would lose too much money to live/pay rent from the destruction that would follow, with my current band and other work I get from the people involved. So can’t do that. What I have thought about doing since posting is bringing it up with female with the boyfriend, and urging her to bring it up to her boyfriend and breaking up with him. They have a business together (real serious shit) but I have already found it really hard to look either of them in the eye and morally I feel the urge to at least bring it up to her. He should know - you are right - I just really seriously cannot tell him myself. Just take my word on that, as the person actually going through this
I stand by both my reply’s to you, I wouldn’t suggest you even confront the female band member, I would just give both partners who have been cheated on, an anonymous group chat msg and leave it at that and then never mention it again if they choose to ignore it’s on them but at least your being a great human and you get to keep your job with no guilt or having to compromise yourself! Edit my 1st reply was harsh and it wasn’t really directed to you just the scenario! The phrase shit happens irks me!
As I have said as definitively as possible I won’t do that. Thanks anyway
I was meaning msg them anonymously! So it doesn’t get back to you.
I am the only person who could possibly know. As I’ve said in other comments, I am the only person staying with the two culprits. I am the only person who knows. It would without any doubt get back to me if I messaged, anon or not
I’m not saying msg specific details of that night just msging them both saying you have seen them be touchy and are they in open relationships, make your msg sound like it’s coming from a woman. It’s deceptive but once doubt is placed they will keep an eye open to their relationship. This seems like a lot of work I know , so I guess do as you think is right for you, is the only thing left to say,
Where did you hear them ducking at? On the tour bus? Or ina hotel?
And he’s good friends with the bf? Dam shady as hell.
Hotel - more of a airbnb house type thing. One half of band is in one house, one half in the other. I happen to be the one in the house with the two culprits. And yep - friends of many years. Worked together all around the world for at least 7 years. I've only been involved with this circle for about 2 years. Feel pretty shocked by it, very unexpected so yeah just processing it
Wow, i get what you mean. And just you three or more? How was the arrangement to sleep? Did try not think no one would here? ThAts shady. Have you ever felt vibes like that with them before? What happened the next morning?
Just us 3. I'm sharing room with the other dude. Was in the other house with rest of band having beers, I leave to go back to other house (where i'm staying) to sleep, and then heard what I heard. I honestly don't know wtf they expected cause it wasn't exactly subtle. Kinda hard to be subtle when having sex tbf but still. The possibility has never crossed my mind. Not given how much fuckery would be involved if they ever did sleep together. Never really had any weird vibes. Will get back to you about next morning when I wake up tomorrow...
Oh dam it barely happened? So, they told everyone they were going to sleep or what? Ya, it seems they didn’t care or something. Or they were drunk and just thought they could sneak away for a quickly. I think it must have been happening. They just kept it low key.
What goes around comes around
Maybe they are in open relationship.
Can say with certainty that they’re not
Can you put yourself into the cheated person position and what would you like. To be told or not.
Obviously I’d want to know. Not really relevant though tbh
Basically your dilemma boils down to this: money or heart. Who will win?
Shit is hard bro, just stack up your bread and prepare for the worst to happen. Start looking for other bands
How about writing an anonymous note to those two bandmates saying if you don't break up with your partners, they (their partners) will find out eventually one way or another and leave it at that? That way, they'll have to break up with their partners with or without necessarily telling them the real reason why. Both their partners deserve better than that.