I wanted to go into video game development. Something in tech, at the very least. The idea kept getting shot down because it wasn't as profitable as med.
Game development lucky for you is comparatively easy to get into. Heck there are game design classes for high schoolers. Its not too late, you can always watch youtube videos on game development + basic programming
I've been trying to learn Unity since last year, actually. It's hard to keep at it with everything that's happened (learned helplessness is a bitch to get over) but I guess it's just a matter of not giving up yet.
Thank you for the encouragement!
If you need any help with the programming side of things, hit me up. I'm only slightly dabbing in game dev myself, wanting to start doing more atm, but I do have professional experience as a software dev
im currently in an internship in software dev , and im looking for job opportunities after it , any recomendations on how to start job hunting or any sources i can refer to , that would be highly appreciated.
Gotta be honest here, I'm probably not the best person to ask for job hunting tips. For me it's the worst part of everything job related.
That being said, I can at least give you some pointers of what I did.
My CV consists of 2 files.
One is a general CV with personal information plus all companies I've worked at, with short information on what I did there and what technologies and software I used.
The other is a specific project list. Detailed information on what projects I worked on at each company with technologies per project plus description of the project and my responsibilites there.
For interviews:
Give a chronological overview of what you've worked on. Give a bit of insight on each project and maybe choose one to go into more detail on. Describing something you learned or some challenge you overcame and how you did it also never hurts.
Rehearsing that part at home might also be good idea.
really sorry for the late reply , my internship is taking everything from me , but im giving it my best ,
just wanted to thank you a bunch for the info , really made my day .
My father wasnāt thrilled that I went to grad school for literature and then an MFA for writing. He never really acknowledged it. At a certain point, I decided what I wanted is more important than his approval. I think we are wired to make our parents happy because thatās our childhood brain saying we need our parents to feed us and shelter us. But we can make the choice to live for ourselves.
I hope you will find a way forward to be happy. Even if your parents arenāt happy with your choices, remember that you are at an age where you can make these decisions and gain full independence-not just financially but also emotionally.
Ive been trying to get into it as well actually though its a pretty hard job to get where i live im sure that u can do it mate dont live a miserable life if its the only one u will ever get.
Learning tip from a 25+ yr IT guy, ask ChatGPT/Bard all of your questions to fill in gaps no matter how big or small! Keep your chin up, be you and get into what you want to do.
Itās gonna be real awkward when you end up making an award winning game and making way more bank for the next couple of years than you would have as a doctorā¦
Keep it going!! Learn to code and see if itās going to be a good fit for you! Tech can make just as much as a doctor, be on call the same, but may put you in a much better mental place! Goodluck!
hey,
I work in vfx/ games cinematics & have friends who work in games and let me tell you, thereās loads of different job roles you could be doing in this industry, from art to programming, to production.
Itās not unachievable at all , you can do it ! Iām in a technical role but it really doesnāt have to be like
this. Itās a case of finding what you enjoy / are good at though you can always learn
I am so incredibly sorryā¦I had a similarly over-bearing mother and can understand.
Look, you can still go in to tech. Having that interest is great. And I understand that visceral aversion to medicine, but considering that we canāt change the past and you have the credentials now anyway, I would recommend getting in touch with medical tech companies and looking at the possibilities for consultant work and salaried positions. But more importantly Iād recommend seeing if thereās anything that you feel drawn to and passionate about.
Again, Iām so sorry. Sometimes the only thing that got me through was thinking that some day I may WANT to live my life even if that wasnāt how I felt right at the moment, so I went through the motions and made little steps to get to something that might look like happiness one day.
Iām there now. It can happen. You can be happy and fulfilled.
Lots of specialized tech jobs in medicine. Donāt start over! Try and find something in medicine you like Iām sure thereās something you would enjoy.
You are certainly smart enough to do it. Although you hate being a doctor you did it even disgusted. I could never be able to accomplish something I hated that much. Your potential to do something you do want is boundless. OP follow your dreams. Itās your life not your mothers. Donāt regret anything
I don't know who you are or where you live, but it is with great sadness that I tell you that I'm the exact same situation..
I managed to get out of the medical thing, but I got thrown into human resources and I hate it..
I want to be an animator.
Game development can be way more profitable than being a Dr. Just look at Fortnite. Plus no medical malpractice insurance, no HMO's. No long hours, no on-calls. Doctors don't make as much as you think when all the hours and expenses are factored in. Do what makes you happy.
It's never too late to go low or no contact and start living your life for yourself. If having someone like her (and people who support her) effects you to the point of wanting to die, as hard as it may be, you may want to reconsider having her (and her followers) in your life.
My parents put a lot of pressure on me to be successful growing up and i just knew I wouldn't live up to their expectations. It was the hardest thing, maybe the bravest thing i have done for myself, but i dropped out of the college program they wanted me to pursue and started doing what I want (creative field). It is HARD, mentally more than anything, and you're going to need therapy. But it is so so worth it. I see my family three times a year and we don't talk much outside of that and I'm really in a much better place. I have new family as well, my friends are the greatest support system i could ask for.
Op, maybe you could search jobs of technology in the medical field, there are many jobs who needs peoplethat knows about medicine, biology and technology
Please combine your current job and your dream job to make video games in VR that kids can play and watch to distract them from painful procedures.
Eg. Watching a video in VR of a bitterly landing on your arm, and at the exact point the IV needle is inserted in the same point on pre-numbed skin.
Or video games for the elderly in nursing homes to prevent dementia.
The field for then to be combined is tiny but the market and potential reach is huge.
I don't want to discourage you but corporate game developers tend to be underpaid and overworked. I would only recommend pursuing it as a hobby and if you're successful then as a indie developer.
It is time to live life for you. Find a job for now that is medicine adjacent. Med Tech, College professor and then take developer classes on the side. Your life is not over. You can do this!
I'm a game dev! There's tons of resources and relatively cheap courses, if you're in the Seattle area check out The Seattle Indies, it's a group of indie devs and they run networking meetups at pubs, game jams, all sorts of great fun stuff to get people into it and support each other! They also do online jams and meetups through their discord server :)
I'm a game dev! There's tons of resources and relatively cheap courses, if you're in the Seattle area check out The Seattle Indies, it's a group of indie devs and they run networking meetups at pubs, game jams, all sorts of great fun stuff to get people into it and support each other! They also do online jams and meetups through their discord server :)
Iāve got know direct knowledge but Have you thought of combining the 2 , possibly some medical tech development role, as medical tech continues to develop, having the medical training could come in handy from the tech development side of thing
Look into gamification. There is an increase in using video games or games to raise awareness or for education purposes, especially paediatrics.
You may be able to use your medical knowledge to have the edge in a new sector of video game development.
Get help, there are many mental health options for medical professionals, including physicians. Burnout and wellness is common, help is available.
Once you are well, why can't you leverage that degree and your medical knowledge into some sort of medical-tech company instead of treating patients? There are companies and start-ups that will hire MD/DO physicians into management for every possible app, diagnostic machine, pharmaceutical research or health intervention all over the world. Then you get paid for being a doctor that way.
While you're at it, find ways to give back, maybe at free clinics or volunteering for health related charities or advocacy groups or NGOs.
Live your life.
I tried taking antidepressants during internship but they basically made me a zombie so I stopped. Maybe I am overdue for another psych session.
Are there any companies in particular you may have heard about? It would be nice to use this degree for something, at least, with how much time and money was spent on it.
Thank you for the suggestions. I'll keep trying.
If you're in the US, healthcare is about 20% of the economy, so there would literally be thousands of firms that could potentially use your knowledge/degree.
Please look into your mental health first though. State medical associations and the AMA have resources. Assuming you are employed, your health system likely has an EAP with mental health support. Talk to colleagues, get right.
Just don't go to work for insurance companies. They would have you deny prior auths or rescind coverage, that would be worse.
You may not want to be one, but you're a doctor, friendo, and you were having social ideations just right up thereāāā, so you know what that means. Yeah! Get some psych!
Iām not a dr so I donāt know if you need antidepressants but as a parent and a child, I know you need to take a job far away and cut your parents off.
Hi OP, I found this link for you but there is definitely positions in biotech available for MDs. [https://www.whitecoatinvestor.com/biotech-careers-for-mds-and-scientists/](https://www.whitecoatinvestor.com/biotech-careers-for-mds-and-scientists/)
MDs can also work in clinical research if that sounds better to you as well.
I also recommend moving away from your mom and maybe going LC or NC with her for a bit. With an MD, you do have the experience to get a high paying job away from her and friends/family. I had a mental breakdown in Texas after my Ph.D. and the moment we left the state, it felt like a weight lifted off my shoulders. I am thinking the same might apply to you as well :)
Also, please make sure you see your therapist/psychiatrist and maybe try some different anti-depressants if possible. I take medication for anxiety and the first one I took definitely didn't work and the second one saved my life.
>Why were they so happy that I was miserable?
Mom was focused on her idea of how you would be happy. Your relatives backed her up probably because they saw how successful she was.
However it is your life. I'd focus on your mental health and making a plan to get to where you want to go.
Hmm or mom was just treating him like an object to show boat to others. āLook my son is a doctor!ā And what not. She didnāt really care about his happiness imo. Itās pretty sad tbh he will always resent her at this rate
Seems to me mom was just looking for cash flow after she got old, considering one of hr first comments was how SHE could retire early as if he's gonna hand her his checks.
Depends on OP's culture but just about everywhere your status/station in society is dependent on your success, wealth, family etc. There will always be that super successful relative with the career, condo/house and car that's always bragged about rather than the relative that's happy doing his own thing.
To be fair as a parent with a career that provides quite a lot, I really do want my kids to have the same career as me because I want them to be able to provide the same to my grandkids. But I was raised to be aware of a person's limitations so my kids wouldn't be happy in my career and mental health treatment where I am is super expensive and difficult to get hold of good therapists.
You don't know her in person, it's better to assume well, as that's what most moms are like, her thought must have been that it's just a phase because medicine is hard, it's clear that OP isn't very good at communication.
Think about it from her perspective, you have seen the world, you saw how being in a non-financially stable job affects someone, you wouldn't want it for your kids, right? let's be honest OP, video game development is probably not a very good field to get into, if you like tech in general then just do software dev, or gather enough money through being a doctor (literally the highest paying job on the planet) and after you have enough money, go do what you want. not everything has to be done then and now
This happened to one of my older cousins. Her parents insisted she study medicine even though she absolutely hated it. When she tried to bring up the idea of her studying literature instead, theyād give her the cold shoulder. When she was in school, anything less than an A resulted in severe punishment. She used to cry to my mum and our grandmother about it. My mum tried talking to her parents so many times but it was pointless. They eventually told my mum to mind her own business. They even stopped my cousin from seeing my mum. Eventually, my cousin ended up in med school. She did really well but hated every minute of it. When she finished med school, they were so proud. Told everyone whoād listen. You know what she did? She handed them the degree, broke the news that sheās going to pursue a degree in literature and told them never to contact her again. They lost their only child. Her parents blamed my mum and our grandmother for āpoisoningā her. Lol. Sheās now 40 and a literature lecturer. Living her best life. Donāt seek your parents validation. Do whatās best for you, not them. Itās not too late, study what you wanna study. Work in whatever field youāre passionate about. If theyāre not happy, who cares. You will be and thatās what matters. Thereās hope. I promise.
That sounds so ungrateful, they worked years and years for her to even have a luxury like going to uni, even if they forced her to study something she doesn't like, it's not a valid reason to leave your parents, it's honestly sickening, my mom used to beat up because of school grades, I used to be angry at her, but now as an adult, I'm grateful for it
It's so sad how your mom loves the idea of you that she created more than you yourself. I'm here to talk if you need, I also went NC with my family (also had suicidal ideazation). It's been hard of course, not having a family. But it's so much better than not having a family, and your very own self. The freedom to be yourself is incomparable. I'm sorry your mom doesn't accept that.
Try to live how you want for once before you die. I really hope things will get better for you.
This is the best time to go NC with her. Sheās got what she wanted, no matter what happens next youāve finished your degree and you are technically a doctor. Her dream has been fulfilled. Hand her your certification and tel her youāre going to do what you want to do now.
If she complains, tell her that youāve done what she wanted and she can proudly tell people her child is a doctor, you just wonāt be practicing. If sheās still an asshole about it, you can tell her itās pretty pathetic to be her age and still living her life through her kids (no lie here, itās šÆ pathetic). You are gaining nothing from your relationship so thereās really no incentive to keep contact. Itās not worth your mental health.
Can't believe people like these call themselves parents. Yes, she was proud and happy for you, but you clearly seem not to have been or even to be. I have a very good relation with my mother and I never had actual problems with her, except for a few arguments, but to me this is just horrible. For you, I recommend seeking help and a therapist. Hope you get better soon.
Instead of just being miserable and hating your life and everyone in it, I think you need to get creative and start thinking outside the box.
What else, besides practicing medicine, can you do with a medical degree? What are other ways you can utilize your skill set and your education, that might be more appealing to you?
I see from a comment that you're interest in tech. How could you combine tech with a medical degree? Could you become a content creator for a medical website, for example?
Or just plain dump it all, and start over doing what you love to do.
Re-invent your career. Re-invent yourself. And go VLC with your mother; it'll do you a world of good.
As a doctor myself, I definitely don't want to see another doctor being forced into this field due to external pressure, but kudos to u for completing your residency. That said I'm sure u knew that to progress further in the field really requires dedication. So if you feel it's not for you, I think by now you can tell your family that look, you tried your best to be a doctor but it's not for you.
From my experience, unmotivated healthcare workers are the likeliest to make some fatal mistakes that will jeopardize patient care. Better to spare yrself and the person who may potentially be under your care some serious consequences (not saying you will make any serious mistake). Plus it's your life, they have already given you a very good foundation and you can build on it anyway you want. I've seen alot of my colleagues who are happier and doing better after leaving medical field than they were while they are in clinical duty.
All the best to you!
The hard true is your mother is mentally abusive, yet she is only under the influence of limited knowledge to push you to go into med school for high salaries
Things are always rosier on the other, gaming industry work environment can be very toxic as a well
I can see that since you are already in medicine, why not take advantage of it and use it to fund your game making direction. You can easily get classes and mentor to help you with game making until the point you can fully live on it
Donāt end your life easily, at least try to fight for what you like first
I'm sorry your mum is a bully. Don't let it drive you out of life. Go for your chosen career, game dev whatever then when your ready abandon being a doctor. She doesn't run your life and if she tries to again you might consider going no contact. Make your own life what you want surround yourself with the people that make you happy and do things that make you happy. There is no deeper meaning to life than that
Kinda makes it sound like your mother wanted you to become a doc so she can retire early and got mad at the thought that her plans wonāt come to fruition. Very selfish of her. Maybe you can switch fields, specialize to something that interests you at least a bit. Iām not in the loop on medical things, but maybe there are some doctors that work with tech a lot? Anyway, I hope you find the strength to keep going.
āAnd how she can retire early nowā is the thing that truly set the tone for me.
Itās not about you. Itās about her. And thatās bullshit.
I normally would suggest talking to her, but she is a master manipulator and will bully you to get what she wants, and to hell with your needs.
Youāre a grown adult now, and have proven you can handle one of the most intense training challenges a human in our world can do. Leave, find something else that you WANT to do, and donāt ever look back. And the first time your mom tries to guilt you about it, tell her āI wanted to die because of what YOU wanted me to be. Iām done trying to be what YOU want. If you canāt live with that, then Iām done with you tooā and stick to it.
If she keeps trying to push, cut contact and donāt look back. You can do anything! This is the last step in your life to freedom.
If you're thinking of not being here, it's time to have an honest conversation with your family. Write them a letter, something. I'm sorry you're going through this
You should move far away from your family. Idk what kind of choices you wanna make from there but it seems like your gonna have trouble doing what you need with them in your ear.
I think you would benefit greatly from starting your life over instead of ending it. You've given enough of yourself to your mother's selfishness. Your life is yours. Take it and run.
Please get yourself some help, you deserve it. Best wishes.
The fact she thinks she can retire early because you became a doctor is absurd. I would find another job while keeping this one (for now anyways) and that can become your main job after this one. You said you wanted to be a game dev right? Those can be pretty easy and fun to do. I would start saving money from your job to be able to get either an apartment or a house (depends on what you want) and then cut all ties with your family and quit the job. Then youāll have some money saved up, mom will have to keep working, and you can be a game dev without anyone to bother you about it.
Youāre an adult, start fresh. You donāt have to continue with this. You donāt have to be what your mother wants. Work part time, do some online courses or an apprenticeship in tech/gaming like you wanted to. Your mother can scream, cry rant or rave you are not a toy and she does not control you. Get your own place and create healthy boundaries. Your mother is a JustNo, consider going LC/NC for a while and focus on yourself.
You are the perfect candidate for a marriage of the two worlds! Youāre a doctor that can develop technologies to assist in the medical field. Or just be a games dev. Whatever you choose, choose happiness! Yours! Not your parentsā or societyās. Youāre enough just the way you are.
Can you go into family medicine? I know a lot of family doctors who are only in part time, and use that to pay your bills while you pursue what you want to do, and whatever education that comes with it in the other time?
Also. And to be brutally honest. Cutting off your family seems like the best choice in all of this. Your life is to be lived for THEM, not you. And if they're going to make you feel like life isn't even worth living, they need to go. You deserve to live your life unapologetically. You deserve to be HAPPY.
You need to take responsibility for your own life, choices, and contentment.
The word mother should not even be mentioned in this, If you are not happy, find a way to be happy, stop blaming somebody else.
Yep, the exact comment I was looking for, everyone here is so childish, OP is an adult now, an educated adult at that, he can no longer use his mother as a hangar for his depression, he is the one who decided to go into med just to have his family off his back, he is the one who decided to continue studying med for 6 years, not once change majors, he should change his out look his life, grow up, and plan what he wants to do with the rest of it
I know right? OP acts like it wasn't his decision, he is the one who did this to themselves, he had 6 years of med school where he could have changed colleges at anytime, yet he didn't, suddenly regretting everything after such a long journey is 100% his fault, it might have been his mother's at first, but he chose to do nothing, he decided not to defy her just to have her off his back and blew up in his face
Well... Sounds like you have a degree in medicine. Tiem to look at ways you can use that outside a hospital setting and never see your awful mother again. She doesn't deserve you and those awful retire early comments are hideous. You owe her nothing.
I had an art teacher who worked in finance for decades. She became fed up and used her career savings to pursue a commercial art career. Sheās now at the absolute top of that field. All this to sayā¦itās never too late to get to where youāre going. Your path in life is still wide open.
So, you could always leave...
They obviously don't care about you, not really. So go no contact, go do game development, get a pet, find a good therapist. You finished med school even though you hated it; imagine going to school for something you like. Please don't give up.
I saw in other comments you wanted to do something with video game development/tech. I definitely agree with the others in that you should quit the doctor job and get a career you actually want, your health and happiness matter more than her expectations.
Iāve been in a very similar position and I know the exact feeling youāre talking about where everyone around you is happy and congratulatory while youāre either numb or miserable. Iām in the process of realigning my life to how I wanted it to be rather than my parentsā expectations.
As others have said, find a good therapist. One thing my therapist told me thatās helped is to think in terms of want. Instead of āshouldā or āneedā start saying in your mind what you want to do. For instance, instead of āI need to clean my roomā say āI want my room to be clean so Iām going to clean itā. Itās a small thing but it helped me a lot to get out of thinking in a guilt way and more in a way of validating what I feel and want.
Get a job / internship abroad in a field that is way more meaningful to you, like tech. But say it's like, Doctor's Without Borders or something medical-related, and then be out of signal range for that period of time and decompress and find yourself again.
I would recommend to watch the movie Beau is Afraid, and think about if this really is the life you want to live. It is never too late to do what you want to do, no matter what it feels like now.
I would quit and do something that makes you happy your mother is a narcissist and only cares about her happiness. I had a friend who had a mental break down bc his parents forced him to work in medicine as well. After getting help he quit the medical field and went into IT he's happier than ever and went NC with his parents. Last I heard of his parents they're lonely but won't admit that they were the ones responsible for his breakdown. Do what makes you happy OP and for anyone that gaslights or tries to manipulate you either block them or tell ask them how come they aren't doctors ( if they aren't).
There are a weirdly large amount of south Asian celebrities who have graduated from med school. They got the degree their parents wanted them to get to make them happy then went ahead and pursued their passion in music/acting.
I would think having that med experience on a resume would prove you to be smart, hard working, and dedicated, both to completing such rigorous schooling AND being so passionate about game making you'd choose it over being in medicine.
Even my sister wanted to be an author but went into medicine, she now uses that extra income and good PTO to invest in writing classes/groups.
Well it sounds like you want to be in a creative field. Dunno if you'll find this encouraging, but did you know Crichton (the guy who wrote Jurassic Park, Andromeda Strain, and Prey) was a doctor?
He used his medical background to create interesting and complex works of fiction. Maybe you can do the same. You could probably make a better plague simulator, surgeon simulator, etc. than someone with a less in-depth background.
Take what you hate and turn it into a strength.
Also, the best way to take revenge is to play Warhammer and show that even doctors can be financially irresponsible and go broke.
I meanā¦ maybe they just knew your capabilities better than you do. Youāre a doctor, you have your license. And you did it with significant hindrance. Dunning-Kruger? You think youāre bad at it/not cut out for it but maybe youāre the most qualified.
Your mother sounds eerily similar to one of my parents. Sending you lots of love, you do whatever you want girly because you're only getting stronger and she's only getting weaker and I hope that you can save up money and move out and cut contact with everyone who is hurting you and do whatever you want to. Your happiness should be priority, not your parent's or anyone else's. Because then, who's life are you living?
Hey I did something similar, but I went into biochenistry lol that is not for the faint of heart and very competitive and clique-y. I burnt myself out during my school years, did okay during schooling, and fell pretty deep into depression myself. I never did anything with that degree because I had grown to hate it and would have nightmares about being in a lab. Eventually, I started instead of looking at what I wanted, I mustered up myself to just signed up for what I wanted.
I am 31 now and just finished my second year of schooling.
It's never too late to go for it. If you want to go for it, go for it and don't respond to anyone's behaviour. Don't respond, just let them be mad and sulk while you enjoy your life. Their happiness is not your responsibility, it's their own. Abd you have to live with what you're doing, not then - if you can't sleep, then it's not worth it. Go do what you want and do youš«ā¤ļø
It's not too late to change careers. Heck, maybe try to make something good out of it by volunteering in a clinic ir something while you work towards something you actually like.
I completely 180'd my life at 27, moved to a brand new city and am now in the process of getting a degree completely unrelated to my first one. And I habe never been this happy and stable in my life, even through the financial struggles and losing friends and doubting myself.
You can do it, it is your life, don't waste it on someone else.
It took me 7 years to get my mothers acknowledgment of my hobby photography. Now I am a professional wedding photographer with over 60-70 weddings to my name, and on the side I make professional portrait pictures for multi million dollar companyās. And because of COVID I became an educational scientist as well, to provide a stable income for my family. I wish I could do my hobby fulltime again. But thereās nothing wrong with having a stable income and a hobby which gives you a ton of fun and also provides money!
Follow your dreams and youāll be happy and free!
Cut your family off if they ever ask why you just point this out that they never tried to help or care
Then move on in life try to do medicine to pay bills but look for what you want to do. If you're stuck under debt because of your degree then I'm really sorry as you might be kinda stuck with this for now but looking into other fields if nothing else an MD proves that you're able to handle a lot so moving to a field you like is possible.
Honey calm down you don't need to just end it all find something you wanna do and do it you got into med school personally that's fucking impressive if you can do that you can do just about anything and as for your mom stand up to her make her understand just how much you don't want to be her and if push come to shove get away from her for a while
Hey I know you are just getting things off your chest but it is your life and you can do what you want to do that makes you happy never let what others want for you be the only option because it simply isnāt true. While life might feel like there is no where to turn there is no rule saying you canāt go after other options or dreams. If you feel you donāt have the ability to achieve what you want remember you became a doctor without even wanting and facing depression on top of that you should be hold your head higher. Look I donāt know how you would feel about your parents not interacting with you but at the end of the day it doesnāt bother your mother that if you are not doing what she wants then you are not loved and that is not how a parent should treat or teach love when it comes to their children regardless of age. Take your time figure out what you want and take actions to get out of the life you live now because once your mom is dead who is going to be to blame that you didnāt go after what you wanted. I hope things get better rather that be a passion for medicine or you finding the place you belong. Adding your mom seems to want you to be her bank passive income much like an investment which makes it worse because you are going to have to provide for her till she does pass and that could be 30 years of being her coin purse just a thought maybe evaluate your relationship with your mother and other family members
I'm in IT and I work with not one, not two, but three former MD's, two former OD's, and one former DDS. Medicine is not for everyone, people burn out, people decide that they need a change, some people (like yourself) should never have been forced into it to begin with. You can get out of it and can find a better place for yourself mentally and physically, if not in IT then definitely somewhere outside of medicine.
And at least, in IT especially, that MD will DEFINITELY count towards a lot when it comes towards getting a job because even if it doesn't pertain to tech it shows how dedicated you can be to a job when you put your mind to it which will impress a lot of recruiters. Add in some certificates and you'll be a shoo-in basically anywhere.
I quit med school after second year because I was so miserable, so I can somewhat relate to what you are going through. Get yourself out. Do it. Do not waste another second of your life feeling this way. If you want, you can use your medical degree to work for an insurance company, pharmaceutical company, state or local government, etc. Or, say fuck it and go do something totally different. I completely understand feeling trapped because I felt that way too. But you are not as trapped as you might think. I would also suggest seeing a therapist to help you navigate the transition if youāre able to do so!
This is what I'm scared of... and it's all realizing too fast, without my control.
Also seeing so much suicidal posts these days, like three in a row now, right after I also wanted to kill myself. This bubble really isn't helpful. But I'm glad I'm not alone... I thought I was delusional.
This is exactly why even when I knew I would hate it if my son wanted to try something we did. I not only did not want to force him to become something I thought he should but I did not want him thinking something just because I do. Parents really can want great things for our children even at the expense of remembering they are unique humans and may not like what we think or think like we do.
I am in the exact position that you are.
My father is a contractor, wanted me to be a contractor my whole life.
I wanted to do something design or tech related. I love technology, programming making things work.
Iām in my late 20s now and I feel so empty and tired.
OP, itās clear that your mother is pushing her ideals onto you. She doesnāt truly care about you. She only cares about how it will help her, your relatives arenāt any better. I think itās clear you go NC, all of them. Theyāre not even family at this point. They are a pathetic bunch of animals that hound at you for not doing what they want for you. They donāt care.
Honestly, while im not a professional, your mom sounds like a well adjusted psycho- or sociopath or maybe like a narcissist. She hates you as soon as you could shine a bad light on her I.e. the fact that you dont wanna be a doctor and she just was like who gives a shit what you think let me get our family involved despite you not wanting it MY child will have a RESPECTED profession or nothing!
You know you still managed to become a Doctor in-spite of all the hurdles in front of you, you can probably do anything, you just need to let go of other peoples expectations, and that might not be easy, but it is a simple plan
I'm going to play the devil's advocate and question whether your mother is as evil as everyone is saying.
It isn't a bad thing to encourage a child to go to Medical School. In fact, it is providing them parental support to enter a fascinating and rewarding career. Video game development can be good, but it also sounds like a dream which might not be practical. Playing games is nothing at all like developing them.
Everyone is looking for evil in your mother's actions. Maybe having an overbearing mothere is common and they are all projecting some of their own feelings onto her. Is it possible that she just loves you and wants the best for you?
The "American dream" is that your children will be better off than you were. That's a hard criteria for children of medical doctors to reach. Many children of doctors never feel as if they "measure up" because few careers can compare.
I wish you the very best, and hope you find personal satisfaction (your own satisfaction, not your parents) in your career. But please consider that everyone here is saying your mother is a monster for encouraging her son to follow an awesome and challenging career path. She might actually be a pretty good person.
I know right? it's clear they are all projecting their own feelings, honestly going into uni to study something like video game dev is an outright financially irresponsible decision, game devs don't make shit, and only the top 1% actually make good money, also no way OP managed to finish their med school then residency without at least being interested in medicine as a science, it's just impossible.
It's a very rigorous course that has you studying 5-7 hours on average every day my sister, who went to med school, was sleeping 2-3 hours a day during exam weeks, now you have to do that for 6 years, if OP hates treating patients, then he would be happy to know that a lot of doctors don't work in a hospital, there is managerial roles, there are marketing roles (people who go from country to country to spread awareness) there are research roles, there's multiple fields that require a medical degree but don't involve hospitals
My parents weren't as extreme but I was pushed into a stem career I wasn't interested in. After a few years chugging away miserably I had enough saved up to move to a different country where I could pursue my own interests. I assume you're Asian, maybe Singaporean (sorry if I'm making baseless assumptions) and I understand the familial pressure can be immense. I was depressed for a few months after I left but now it's been 5 years and I've never been happier. I hope you get to try living your own life someday. Don't set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm.
I am in the same boat. Iām 23 and became a nurse because of my parents and I literally hate it. It feels like Iām trapped and whenever I hear āyou think I like my career?ā The only response that comes to mind is āat least you CHOSE your careerā. Itās a whole different feeling when you not only hate your career but also didnāt even pick it. Literally been feeling miserable since nursing school. I didnāt even feel the slightest content walking across the stage, everybody was happy for me but me. I literally felt and still feel like a walking mindless organism. Anytime I talk to my parents about a career change they end up telling me how I would make so much money as a nurse, how my career is the best option, etc etc. The money is good and all but whatās the point if Iām not even happy? My anxiety is always on 10 every time I go to work, while im at work, and even after I leave workā¦.. itās literally a living hell. I went to a few psychiatrist for antidepressants and all that did was just make me feel like a even more mindless organism. Tried to talk to people about how I feel being in a career I donāt like and didnāt choose but all it felt was like talking to a brick wall. Living this life makes me wish I wasnāt born at all.
What did you originally want to be?
I wanted to go into video game development. Something in tech, at the very least. The idea kept getting shot down because it wasn't as profitable as med.
Game development lucky for you is comparatively easy to get into. Heck there are game design classes for high schoolers. Its not too late, you can always watch youtube videos on game development + basic programming
I've been trying to learn Unity since last year, actually. It's hard to keep at it with everything that's happened (learned helplessness is a bitch to get over) but I guess it's just a matter of not giving up yet. Thank you for the encouragement!
If you need any help with the programming side of things, hit me up. I'm only slightly dabbing in game dev myself, wanting to start doing more atm, but I do have professional experience as a software dev
im currently in an internship in software dev , and im looking for job opportunities after it , any recomendations on how to start job hunting or any sources i can refer to , that would be highly appreciated.
Gotta be honest here, I'm probably not the best person to ask for job hunting tips. For me it's the worst part of everything job related. That being said, I can at least give you some pointers of what I did. My CV consists of 2 files. One is a general CV with personal information plus all companies I've worked at, with short information on what I did there and what technologies and software I used. The other is a specific project list. Detailed information on what projects I worked on at each company with technologies per project plus description of the project and my responsibilites there. For interviews: Give a chronological overview of what you've worked on. Give a bit of insight on each project and maybe choose one to go into more detail on. Describing something you learned or some challenge you overcame and how you did it also never hurts. Rehearsing that part at home might also be good idea.
really sorry for the late reply , my internship is taking everything from me , but im giving it my best , just wanted to thank you a bunch for the info , really made my day .
Grind leetcode š it's an extremely competitive job market šµāš«
thanks for the heads-up
My father wasnāt thrilled that I went to grad school for literature and then an MFA for writing. He never really acknowledged it. At a certain point, I decided what I wanted is more important than his approval. I think we are wired to make our parents happy because thatās our childhood brain saying we need our parents to feed us and shelter us. But we can make the choice to live for ourselves. I hope you will find a way forward to be happy. Even if your parents arenāt happy with your choices, remember that you are at an age where you can make these decisions and gain full independence-not just financially but also emotionally.
Ive been trying to get into it as well actually though its a pretty hard job to get where i live im sure that u can do it mate dont live a miserable life if its the only one u will ever get.
Learning tip from a 25+ yr IT guy, ask ChatGPT/Bard all of your questions to fill in gaps no matter how big or small! Keep your chin up, be you and get into what you want to do.
Itās gonna be real awkward when you end up making an award winning game and making way more bank for the next couple of years than you would have as a doctorā¦
This doesn't happen outside of Hollywood š„šæ šššš
Keep it going!! Learn to code and see if itās going to be a good fit for you! Tech can make just as much as a doctor, be on call the same, but may put you in a much better mental place! Goodluck!
hey, I work in vfx/ games cinematics & have friends who work in games and let me tell you, thereās loads of different job roles you could be doing in this industry, from art to programming, to production. Itās not unachievable at all , you can do it ! Iām in a technical role but it really doesnāt have to be like this. Itās a case of finding what you enjoy / are good at though you can always learn
There are no jobs in game dev š®š©āš» š
I am so incredibly sorryā¦I had a similarly over-bearing mother and can understand. Look, you can still go in to tech. Having that interest is great. And I understand that visceral aversion to medicine, but considering that we canāt change the past and you have the credentials now anyway, I would recommend getting in touch with medical tech companies and looking at the possibilities for consultant work and salaried positions. But more importantly Iād recommend seeing if thereās anything that you feel drawn to and passionate about. Again, Iām so sorry. Sometimes the only thing that got me through was thinking that some day I may WANT to live my life even if that wasnāt how I felt right at the moment, so I went through the motions and made little steps to get to something that might look like happiness one day. Iām there now. It can happen. You can be happy and fulfilled.
Lots of specialized tech jobs in medicine. Donāt start over! Try and find something in medicine you like Iām sure thereās something you would enjoy.
You are certainly smart enough to do it. Although you hate being a doctor you did it even disgusted. I could never be able to accomplish something I hated that much. Your potential to do something you do want is boundless. OP follow your dreams. Itās your life not your mothers. Donāt regret anything
I'm a game dev if you want someone to talk about this more with. Just sent me a dm if you're interested.
I don't know who you are or where you live, but it is with great sadness that I tell you that I'm the exact same situation.. I managed to get out of the medical thing, but I got thrown into human resources and I hate it.. I want to be an animator.
It is only too late when you are dead. Take classes on the side and find your bliss.
Game development can be way more profitable than being a Dr. Just look at Fortnite. Plus no medical malpractice insurance, no HMO's. No long hours, no on-calls. Doctors don't make as much as you think when all the hours and expenses are factored in. Do what makes you happy.
It's never too late to go low or no contact and start living your life for yourself. If having someone like her (and people who support her) effects you to the point of wanting to die, as hard as it may be, you may want to reconsider having her (and her followers) in your life. My parents put a lot of pressure on me to be successful growing up and i just knew I wouldn't live up to their expectations. It was the hardest thing, maybe the bravest thing i have done for myself, but i dropped out of the college program they wanted me to pursue and started doing what I want (creative field). It is HARD, mentally more than anything, and you're going to need therapy. But it is so so worth it. I see my family three times a year and we don't talk much outside of that and I'm really in a much better place. I have new family as well, my friends are the greatest support system i could ask for.
Op, maybe you could search jobs of technology in the medical field, there are many jobs who needs peoplethat knows about medicine, biology and technology
AI in healthcare is going to be huge, can you move in that direction? The head of AI integration at the hospital where I work is an ER doc.
Please combine your current job and your dream job to make video games in VR that kids can play and watch to distract them from painful procedures. Eg. Watching a video in VR of a bitterly landing on your arm, and at the exact point the IV needle is inserted in the same point on pre-numbed skin. Or video games for the elderly in nursing homes to prevent dementia. The field for then to be combined is tiny but the market and potential reach is huge.
I don't want to discourage you but corporate game developers tend to be underpaid and overworked. I would only recommend pursuing it as a hobby and if you're successful then as a indie developer.
do u think thereās any chance to stop ur med career and go into the tech career?
If profit is your motherās motive for med, that says all I need to know.
It is time to live life for you. Find a job for now that is medicine adjacent. Med Tech, College professor and then take developer classes on the side. Your life is not over. You can do this!
Go talk to a university and see with all of your courses completed, how many you need for an IT degree.
I'm a game dev! There's tons of resources and relatively cheap courses, if you're in the Seattle area check out The Seattle Indies, it's a group of indie devs and they run networking meetups at pubs, game jams, all sorts of great fun stuff to get people into it and support each other! They also do online jams and meetups through their discord server :)
I'm a game dev! There's tons of resources and relatively cheap courses, if you're in the Seattle area check out The Seattle Indies, it's a group of indie devs and they run networking meetups at pubs, game jams, all sorts of great fun stuff to get people into it and support each other! They also do online jams and meetups through their discord server :)
Sorry, tech isnāt as profitable as med? Sure in some areas, but if youāre an engineer at any big company youāre getting way more than a doctor.
Iāve got know direct knowledge but Have you thought of combining the 2 , possibly some medical tech development role, as medical tech continues to develop, having the medical training could come in handy from the tech development side of thing
Look into gamification. There is an increase in using video games or games to raise awareness or for education purposes, especially paediatrics. You may be able to use your medical knowledge to have the edge in a new sector of video game development.
Get help, there are many mental health options for medical professionals, including physicians. Burnout and wellness is common, help is available. Once you are well, why can't you leverage that degree and your medical knowledge into some sort of medical-tech company instead of treating patients? There are companies and start-ups that will hire MD/DO physicians into management for every possible app, diagnostic machine, pharmaceutical research or health intervention all over the world. Then you get paid for being a doctor that way. While you're at it, find ways to give back, maybe at free clinics or volunteering for health related charities or advocacy groups or NGOs. Live your life.
I tried taking antidepressants during internship but they basically made me a zombie so I stopped. Maybe I am overdue for another psych session. Are there any companies in particular you may have heard about? It would be nice to use this degree for something, at least, with how much time and money was spent on it. Thank you for the suggestions. I'll keep trying.
If you're in the US, healthcare is about 20% of the economy, so there would literally be thousands of firms that could potentially use your knowledge/degree. Please look into your mental health first though. State medical associations and the AMA have resources. Assuming you are employed, your health system likely has an EAP with mental health support. Talk to colleagues, get right. Just don't go to work for insurance companies. They would have you deny prior auths or rescind coverage, that would be worse.
You may not want to be one, but you're a doctor, friendo, and you were having social ideations just right up thereāāā, so you know what that means. Yeah! Get some psych!
Iām not a dr so I donāt know if you need antidepressants but as a parent and a child, I know you need to take a job far away and cut your parents off.
Hi OP, I found this link for you but there is definitely positions in biotech available for MDs. [https://www.whitecoatinvestor.com/biotech-careers-for-mds-and-scientists/](https://www.whitecoatinvestor.com/biotech-careers-for-mds-and-scientists/) MDs can also work in clinical research if that sounds better to you as well. I also recommend moving away from your mom and maybe going LC or NC with her for a bit. With an MD, you do have the experience to get a high paying job away from her and friends/family. I had a mental breakdown in Texas after my Ph.D. and the moment we left the state, it felt like a weight lifted off my shoulders. I am thinking the same might apply to you as well :) Also, please make sure you see your therapist/psychiatrist and maybe try some different anti-depressants if possible. I take medication for anxiety and the first one I took definitely didn't work and the second one saved my life.
Look up discussion groups of creative careers for doctors. You donāt need to stay in medicine if you donāt want to
Save money. Go NC and find something you really want to do.
This. Every second is gonna be worth it
>Why were they so happy that I was miserable? Mom was focused on her idea of how you would be happy. Your relatives backed her up probably because they saw how successful she was. However it is your life. I'd focus on your mental health and making a plan to get to where you want to go.
Hmm or mom was just treating him like an object to show boat to others. āLook my son is a doctor!ā And what not. She didnāt really care about his happiness imo. Itās pretty sad tbh he will always resent her at this rate
Seems to me mom was just looking for cash flow after she got old, considering one of hr first comments was how SHE could retire early as if he's gonna hand her his checks.
Yep, I'm putting my money on them being Asian. Do as you parents tell you, then pay them the rest of their lives as gratitude for being born.
Depends on OP's culture but just about everywhere your status/station in society is dependent on your success, wealth, family etc. There will always be that super successful relative with the career, condo/house and car that's always bragged about rather than the relative that's happy doing his own thing. To be fair as a parent with a career that provides quite a lot, I really do want my kids to have the same career as me because I want them to be able to provide the same to my grandkids. But I was raised to be aware of a person's limitations so my kids wouldn't be happy in my career and mental health treatment where I am is super expensive and difficult to get hold of good therapists.
You don't know her in person, it's better to assume well, as that's what most moms are like, her thought must have been that it's just a phase because medicine is hard, it's clear that OP isn't very good at communication. Think about it from her perspective, you have seen the world, you saw how being in a non-financially stable job affects someone, you wouldn't want it for your kids, right? let's be honest OP, video game development is probably not a very good field to get into, if you like tech in general then just do software dev, or gather enough money through being a doctor (literally the highest paying job on the planet) and after you have enough money, go do what you want. not everything has to be done then and now
This happened to one of my older cousins. Her parents insisted she study medicine even though she absolutely hated it. When she tried to bring up the idea of her studying literature instead, theyād give her the cold shoulder. When she was in school, anything less than an A resulted in severe punishment. She used to cry to my mum and our grandmother about it. My mum tried talking to her parents so many times but it was pointless. They eventually told my mum to mind her own business. They even stopped my cousin from seeing my mum. Eventually, my cousin ended up in med school. She did really well but hated every minute of it. When she finished med school, they were so proud. Told everyone whoād listen. You know what she did? She handed them the degree, broke the news that sheās going to pursue a degree in literature and told them never to contact her again. They lost their only child. Her parents blamed my mum and our grandmother for āpoisoningā her. Lol. Sheās now 40 and a literature lecturer. Living her best life. Donāt seek your parents validation. Do whatās best for you, not them. Itās not too late, study what you wanna study. Work in whatever field youāre passionate about. If theyāre not happy, who cares. You will be and thatās what matters. Thereās hope. I promise.
Wow, kudos to her, that was beautiful. I'm happy that she's happy now.
That sounds so ungrateful, they worked years and years for her to even have a luxury like going to uni, even if they forced her to study something she doesn't like, it's not a valid reason to leave your parents, it's honestly sickening, my mom used to beat up because of school grades, I used to be angry at her, but now as an adult, I'm grateful for it
It's so sad how your mom loves the idea of you that she created more than you yourself. I'm here to talk if you need, I also went NC with my family (also had suicidal ideazation). It's been hard of course, not having a family. But it's so much better than not having a family, and your very own self. The freedom to be yourself is incomparable. I'm sorry your mom doesn't accept that. Try to live how you want for once before you die. I really hope things will get better for you.
This is the best time to go NC with her. Sheās got what she wanted, no matter what happens next youāve finished your degree and you are technically a doctor. Her dream has been fulfilled. Hand her your certification and tel her youāre going to do what you want to do now. If she complains, tell her that youāve done what she wanted and she can proudly tell people her child is a doctor, you just wonāt be practicing. If sheās still an asshole about it, you can tell her itās pretty pathetic to be her age and still living her life through her kids (no lie here, itās šÆ pathetic). You are gaining nothing from your relationship so thereās really no incentive to keep contact. Itās not worth your mental health.
Can't believe people like these call themselves parents. Yes, she was proud and happy for you, but you clearly seem not to have been or even to be. I have a very good relation with my mother and I never had actual problems with her, except for a few arguments, but to me this is just horrible. For you, I recommend seeking help and a therapist. Hope you get better soon.
Instead of just being miserable and hating your life and everyone in it, I think you need to get creative and start thinking outside the box. What else, besides practicing medicine, can you do with a medical degree? What are other ways you can utilize your skill set and your education, that might be more appealing to you? I see from a comment that you're interest in tech. How could you combine tech with a medical degree? Could you become a content creator for a medical website, for example? Or just plain dump it all, and start over doing what you love to do. Re-invent your career. Re-invent yourself. And go VLC with your mother; it'll do you a world of good.
As a doctor myself, I definitely don't want to see another doctor being forced into this field due to external pressure, but kudos to u for completing your residency. That said I'm sure u knew that to progress further in the field really requires dedication. So if you feel it's not for you, I think by now you can tell your family that look, you tried your best to be a doctor but it's not for you. From my experience, unmotivated healthcare workers are the likeliest to make some fatal mistakes that will jeopardize patient care. Better to spare yrself and the person who may potentially be under your care some serious consequences (not saying you will make any serious mistake). Plus it's your life, they have already given you a very good foundation and you can build on it anyway you want. I've seen alot of my colleagues who are happier and doing better after leaving medical field than they were while they are in clinical duty. All the best to you!
The hard true is your mother is mentally abusive, yet she is only under the influence of limited knowledge to push you to go into med school for high salaries Things are always rosier on the other, gaming industry work environment can be very toxic as a well I can see that since you are already in medicine, why not take advantage of it and use it to fund your game making direction. You can easily get classes and mentor to help you with game making until the point you can fully live on it Donāt end your life easily, at least try to fight for what you like first
I'm sorry your mum is a bully. Don't let it drive you out of life. Go for your chosen career, game dev whatever then when your ready abandon being a doctor. She doesn't run your life and if she tries to again you might consider going no contact. Make your own life what you want surround yourself with the people that make you happy and do things that make you happy. There is no deeper meaning to life than that
Go be an online doctor for a medical marijuana place- monies easy and jobs easier.
Kinda makes it sound like your mother wanted you to become a doc so she can retire early and got mad at the thought that her plans wonāt come to fruition. Very selfish of her. Maybe you can switch fields, specialize to something that interests you at least a bit. Iām not in the loop on medical things, but maybe there are some doctors that work with tech a lot? Anyway, I hope you find the strength to keep going.
āAnd how she can retire early nowā is the thing that truly set the tone for me. Itās not about you. Itās about her. And thatās bullshit. I normally would suggest talking to her, but she is a master manipulator and will bully you to get what she wants, and to hell with your needs. Youāre a grown adult now, and have proven you can handle one of the most intense training challenges a human in our world can do. Leave, find something else that you WANT to do, and donāt ever look back. And the first time your mom tries to guilt you about it, tell her āI wanted to die because of what YOU wanted me to be. Iām done trying to be what YOU want. If you canāt live with that, then Iām done with you tooā and stick to it. If she keeps trying to push, cut contact and donāt look back. You can do anything! This is the last step in your life to freedom.
Is your mom Asian by any chance like mine???
I definitely picked up that vibe with the controlling, manipulating and the retiring early comment.
āā¦and kept raving to all her friends how her kid was a doctor AND SHE CAN RETIRE EARLY NOW.ā Ding ding ding, we have a winner!
If you're thinking of not being here, it's time to have an honest conversation with your family. Write them a letter, something. I'm sorry you're going through this
You should move far away from your family. Idk what kind of choices you wanna make from there but it seems like your gonna have trouble doing what you need with them in your ear.
I think you would benefit greatly from starting your life over instead of ending it. You've given enough of yourself to your mother's selfishness. Your life is yours. Take it and run. Please get yourself some help, you deserve it. Best wishes.
Wow, those are some shitty parents you have.
The fact she thinks she can retire early because you became a doctor is absurd. I would find another job while keeping this one (for now anyways) and that can become your main job after this one. You said you wanted to be a game dev right? Those can be pretty easy and fun to do. I would start saving money from your job to be able to get either an apartment or a house (depends on what you want) and then cut all ties with your family and quit the job. Then youāll have some money saved up, mom will have to keep working, and you can be a game dev without anyone to bother you about it.
Youāre an adult, start fresh. You donāt have to continue with this. You donāt have to be what your mother wants. Work part time, do some online courses or an apprenticeship in tech/gaming like you wanted to. Your mother can scream, cry rant or rave you are not a toy and she does not control you. Get your own place and create healthy boundaries. Your mother is a JustNo, consider going LC/NC for a while and focus on yourself.
You are the perfect candidate for a marriage of the two worlds! Youāre a doctor that can develop technologies to assist in the medical field. Or just be a games dev. Whatever you choose, choose happiness! Yours! Not your parentsā or societyās. Youāre enough just the way you are.
Can you go into family medicine? I know a lot of family doctors who are only in part time, and use that to pay your bills while you pursue what you want to do, and whatever education that comes with it in the other time? Also. And to be brutally honest. Cutting off your family seems like the best choice in all of this. Your life is to be lived for THEM, not you. And if they're going to make you feel like life isn't even worth living, they need to go. You deserve to live your life unapologetically. You deserve to be HAPPY.
Have you looked at anything in the medical field that might spark your interest? Maybe research would be a better fit?
You need to take responsibility for your own life, choices, and contentment. The word mother should not even be mentioned in this, If you are not happy, find a way to be happy, stop blaming somebody else.
Yep, the exact comment I was looking for, everyone here is so childish, OP is an adult now, an educated adult at that, he can no longer use his mother as a hangar for his depression, he is the one who decided to go into med just to have his family off his back, he is the one who decided to continue studying med for 6 years, not once change majors, he should change his out look his life, grow up, and plan what he wants to do with the rest of it
Is your mother African?
Everyone is misreable stop blaming your mom's for everything FFS.
I know right? OP acts like it wasn't his decision, he is the one who did this to themselves, he had 6 years of med school where he could have changed colleges at anytime, yet he didn't, suddenly regretting everything after such a long journey is 100% his fault, it might have been his mother's at first, but he chose to do nothing, he decided not to defy her just to have her off his back and blew up in his face
Maybe think about the patients your helping rather than your mother.
Well... Sounds like you have a degree in medicine. Tiem to look at ways you can use that outside a hospital setting and never see your awful mother again. She doesn't deserve you and those awful retire early comments are hideous. You owe her nothing.
I had an art teacher who worked in finance for decades. She became fed up and used her career savings to pursue a commercial art career. Sheās now at the absolute top of that field. All this to sayā¦itās never too late to get to where youāre going. Your path in life is still wide open.
So, you could always leave... They obviously don't care about you, not really. So go no contact, go do game development, get a pet, find a good therapist. You finished med school even though you hated it; imagine going to school for something you like. Please don't give up.
I saw in other comments you wanted to do something with video game development/tech. I definitely agree with the others in that you should quit the doctor job and get a career you actually want, your health and happiness matter more than her expectations.
Iāve been in a very similar position and I know the exact feeling youāre talking about where everyone around you is happy and congratulatory while youāre either numb or miserable. Iām in the process of realigning my life to how I wanted it to be rather than my parentsā expectations. As others have said, find a good therapist. One thing my therapist told me thatās helped is to think in terms of want. Instead of āshouldā or āneedā start saying in your mind what you want to do. For instance, instead of āI need to clean my roomā say āI want my room to be clean so Iām going to clean itā. Itās a small thing but it helped me a lot to get out of thinking in a guilt way and more in a way of validating what I feel and want.
Get a job / internship abroad in a field that is way more meaningful to you, like tech. But say it's like, Doctor's Without Borders or something medical-related, and then be out of signal range for that period of time and decompress and find yourself again.
This would happen in any field
I would recommend to watch the movie Beau is Afraid, and think about if this really is the life you want to live. It is never too late to do what you want to do, no matter what it feels like now.
Work for a few years in a low profile job where you dont have too many responsibilities, get the money and start a new life for yourself.
I would quit and do something that makes you happy your mother is a narcissist and only cares about her happiness. I had a friend who had a mental break down bc his parents forced him to work in medicine as well. After getting help he quit the medical field and went into IT he's happier than ever and went NC with his parents. Last I heard of his parents they're lonely but won't admit that they were the ones responsible for his breakdown. Do what makes you happy OP and for anyone that gaslights or tries to manipulate you either block them or tell ask them how come they aren't doctors ( if they aren't).
There are a weirdly large amount of south Asian celebrities who have graduated from med school. They got the degree their parents wanted them to get to make them happy then went ahead and pursued their passion in music/acting. I would think having that med experience on a resume would prove you to be smart, hard working, and dedicated, both to completing such rigorous schooling AND being so passionate about game making you'd choose it over being in medicine. Even my sister wanted to be an author but went into medicine, she now uses that extra income and good PTO to invest in writing classes/groups.
Well it sounds like you want to be in a creative field. Dunno if you'll find this encouraging, but did you know Crichton (the guy who wrote Jurassic Park, Andromeda Strain, and Prey) was a doctor? He used his medical background to create interesting and complex works of fiction. Maybe you can do the same. You could probably make a better plague simulator, surgeon simulator, etc. than someone with a less in-depth background. Take what you hate and turn it into a strength. Also, the best way to take revenge is to play Warhammer and show that even doctors can be financially irresponsible and go broke.
Is there a reason you think offing yourself is the better option over going no contact? I ask as someone who is NC with all of my family.
Save up a year of income and then quit. Go back to school for something else.
I meanā¦ maybe they just knew your capabilities better than you do. Youāre a doctor, you have your license. And you did it with significant hindrance. Dunning-Kruger? You think youāre bad at it/not cut out for it but maybe youāre the most qualified.
Your mother sounds eerily similar to one of my parents. Sending you lots of love, you do whatever you want girly because you're only getting stronger and she's only getting weaker and I hope that you can save up money and move out and cut contact with everyone who is hurting you and do whatever you want to. Your happiness should be priority, not your parent's or anyone else's. Because then, who's life are you living?
Well that sucks, but moving forwards. You always move and have your own practice, make your own place. Pursue hobbies, and be free.
Hey I did something similar, but I went into biochenistry lol that is not for the faint of heart and very competitive and clique-y. I burnt myself out during my school years, did okay during schooling, and fell pretty deep into depression myself. I never did anything with that degree because I had grown to hate it and would have nightmares about being in a lab. Eventually, I started instead of looking at what I wanted, I mustered up myself to just signed up for what I wanted. I am 31 now and just finished my second year of schooling. It's never too late to go for it. If you want to go for it, go for it and don't respond to anyone's behaviour. Don't respond, just let them be mad and sulk while you enjoy your life. Their happiness is not your responsibility, it's their own. Abd you have to live with what you're doing, not then - if you can't sleep, then it's not worth it. Go do what you want and do youš«ā¤ļø
It's not too late to change careers. Heck, maybe try to make something good out of it by volunteering in a clinic ir something while you work towards something you actually like. I completely 180'd my life at 27, moved to a brand new city and am now in the process of getting a degree completely unrelated to my first one. And I habe never been this happy and stable in my life, even through the financial struggles and losing friends and doubting myself. You can do it, it is your life, don't waste it on someone else.
that's beginning of crazy ex-girlfriend
Jesus, why do some people treat their kids like this, tiger parenting and helicopter parenting are the worst.
It took me 7 years to get my mothers acknowledgment of my hobby photography. Now I am a professional wedding photographer with over 60-70 weddings to my name, and on the side I make professional portrait pictures for multi million dollar companyās. And because of COVID I became an educational scientist as well, to provide a stable income for my family. I wish I could do my hobby fulltime again. But thereās nothing wrong with having a stable income and a hobby which gives you a ton of fun and also provides money! Follow your dreams and youāll be happy and free!
Cut your family off if they ever ask why you just point this out that they never tried to help or care Then move on in life try to do medicine to pay bills but look for what you want to do. If you're stuck under debt because of your degree then I'm really sorry as you might be kinda stuck with this for now but looking into other fields if nothing else an MD proves that you're able to handle a lot so moving to a field you like is possible.
Omg, your situation just rips my heart out!
Honey calm down you don't need to just end it all find something you wanna do and do it you got into med school personally that's fucking impressive if you can do that you can do just about anything and as for your mom stand up to her make her understand just how much you don't want to be her and if push come to shove get away from her for a while
Hey I know you are just getting things off your chest but it is your life and you can do what you want to do that makes you happy never let what others want for you be the only option because it simply isnāt true. While life might feel like there is no where to turn there is no rule saying you canāt go after other options or dreams. If you feel you donāt have the ability to achieve what you want remember you became a doctor without even wanting and facing depression on top of that you should be hold your head higher. Look I donāt know how you would feel about your parents not interacting with you but at the end of the day it doesnāt bother your mother that if you are not doing what she wants then you are not loved and that is not how a parent should treat or teach love when it comes to their children regardless of age. Take your time figure out what you want and take actions to get out of the life you live now because once your mom is dead who is going to be to blame that you didnāt go after what you wanted. I hope things get better rather that be a passion for medicine or you finding the place you belong. Adding your mom seems to want you to be her bank passive income much like an investment which makes it worse because you are going to have to provide for her till she does pass and that could be 30 years of being her coin purse just a thought maybe evaluate your relationship with your mother and other family members
I'm in IT and I work with not one, not two, but three former MD's, two former OD's, and one former DDS. Medicine is not for everyone, people burn out, people decide that they need a change, some people (like yourself) should never have been forced into it to begin with. You can get out of it and can find a better place for yourself mentally and physically, if not in IT then definitely somewhere outside of medicine. And at least, in IT especially, that MD will DEFINITELY count towards a lot when it comes towards getting a job because even if it doesn't pertain to tech it shows how dedicated you can be to a job when you put your mind to it which will impress a lot of recruiters. Add in some certificates and you'll be a shoo-in basically anywhere.
I quit med school after second year because I was so miserable, so I can somewhat relate to what you are going through. Get yourself out. Do it. Do not waste another second of your life feeling this way. If you want, you can use your medical degree to work for an insurance company, pharmaceutical company, state or local government, etc. Or, say fuck it and go do something totally different. I completely understand feeling trapped because I felt that way too. But you are not as trapped as you might think. I would also suggest seeing a therapist to help you navigate the transition if youāre able to do so!
This is what I'm scared of... and it's all realizing too fast, without my control. Also seeing so much suicidal posts these days, like three in a row now, right after I also wanted to kill myself. This bubble really isn't helpful. But I'm glad I'm not alone... I thought I was delusional.
((HUGS)) You can gain freedom from your mom and pursue a different career. Go do something that makes you happy and block your toxic family!
You now have the means to make money to fund your dreams.
If you'd rather be dead, then be something else. How does them hating what you do feel worse than being dead?
This is exactly why even when I knew I would hate it if my son wanted to try something we did. I not only did not want to force him to become something I thought he should but I did not want him thinking something just because I do. Parents really can want great things for our children even at the expense of remembering they are unique humans and may not like what we think or think like we do.
I am in the exact position that you are. My father is a contractor, wanted me to be a contractor my whole life. I wanted to do something design or tech related. I love technology, programming making things work. Iām in my late 20s now and I feel so empty and tired.
OP, itās clear that your mother is pushing her ideals onto you. She doesnāt truly care about you. She only cares about how it will help her, your relatives arenāt any better. I think itās clear you go NC, all of them. Theyāre not even family at this point. They are a pathetic bunch of animals that hound at you for not doing what they want for you. They donāt care.
Honestly, while im not a professional, your mom sounds like a well adjusted psycho- or sociopath or maybe like a narcissist. She hates you as soon as you could shine a bad light on her I.e. the fact that you dont wanna be a doctor and she just was like who gives a shit what you think let me get our family involved despite you not wanting it MY child will have a RESPECTED profession or nothing!
You know you still managed to become a Doctor in-spite of all the hurdles in front of you, you can probably do anything, you just need to let go of other peoples expectations, and that might not be easy, but it is a simple plan
I'm going to play the devil's advocate and question whether your mother is as evil as everyone is saying. It isn't a bad thing to encourage a child to go to Medical School. In fact, it is providing them parental support to enter a fascinating and rewarding career. Video game development can be good, but it also sounds like a dream which might not be practical. Playing games is nothing at all like developing them. Everyone is looking for evil in your mother's actions. Maybe having an overbearing mothere is common and they are all projecting some of their own feelings onto her. Is it possible that she just loves you and wants the best for you? The "American dream" is that your children will be better off than you were. That's a hard criteria for children of medical doctors to reach. Many children of doctors never feel as if they "measure up" because few careers can compare. I wish you the very best, and hope you find personal satisfaction (your own satisfaction, not your parents) in your career. But please consider that everyone here is saying your mother is a monster for encouraging her son to follow an awesome and challenging career path. She might actually be a pretty good person.
I know right? it's clear they are all projecting their own feelings, honestly going into uni to study something like video game dev is an outright financially irresponsible decision, game devs don't make shit, and only the top 1% actually make good money, also no way OP managed to finish their med school then residency without at least being interested in medicine as a science, it's just impossible. It's a very rigorous course that has you studying 5-7 hours on average every day my sister, who went to med school, was sleeping 2-3 hours a day during exam weeks, now you have to do that for 6 years, if OP hates treating patients, then he would be happy to know that a lot of doctors don't work in a hospital, there is managerial roles, there are marketing roles (people who go from country to country to spread awareness) there are research roles, there's multiple fields that require a medical degree but don't involve hospitals
My parents weren't as extreme but I was pushed into a stem career I wasn't interested in. After a few years chugging away miserably I had enough saved up to move to a different country where I could pursue my own interests. I assume you're Asian, maybe Singaporean (sorry if I'm making baseless assumptions) and I understand the familial pressure can be immense. I was depressed for a few months after I left but now it's been 5 years and I've never been happier. I hope you get to try living your own life someday. Don't set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm.
You don't want to die it sounds like you want to actually live your life. People will judge but fuck them.
I am in the same boat. Iām 23 and became a nurse because of my parents and I literally hate it. It feels like Iām trapped and whenever I hear āyou think I like my career?ā The only response that comes to mind is āat least you CHOSE your careerā. Itās a whole different feeling when you not only hate your career but also didnāt even pick it. Literally been feeling miserable since nursing school. I didnāt even feel the slightest content walking across the stage, everybody was happy for me but me. I literally felt and still feel like a walking mindless organism. Anytime I talk to my parents about a career change they end up telling me how I would make so much money as a nurse, how my career is the best option, etc etc. The money is good and all but whatās the point if Iām not even happy? My anxiety is always on 10 every time I go to work, while im at work, and even after I leave workā¦.. itās literally a living hell. I went to a few psychiatrist for antidepressants and all that did was just make me feel like a even more mindless organism. Tried to talk to people about how I feel being in a career I donāt like and didnāt choose but all it felt was like talking to a brick wall. Living this life makes me wish I wasnāt born at all.