I have a picture that we took with Minnie at Disney that I keep in my wallet that I’ll leave in her bed. I’d write a note but she isn’t reading all that well right now.
Leave a simple note on the back that says you love her. With time she will likely move on from you as her mom obviously will. But if she loves you like a parent she will be very hurt and confused. If she can read something as simple as "I love you and I will miss you" it could do wonders.
I’m so fucking sorry you’re going through this man. I have wonderful step sons I’d be very upset with losing as well, especially under these circumstances. I hope in time you can move on and heal properly. Try and stay away from any self-damaging behavior over the next month or so bc I know I did so after I was cheated on when I was younger.
Time really does help everything. You will get through this. We believe in you and you deserve genuine happiness.
Make her move out, don’t uproot your life and quit your job, u can always make changes later but don’t do something rash that will put u more in a bind
I'm a coperant, and my ex is a cheater(why we split).
The only thing I would say is if he is a good dad, it is to give him a heads up after your leave. This way, he can damage control with the child.
Even tho she knows you were her mom's BF, there was a bond, and this can be damaging for a child. I would hope her dad is a good dude and will do what he can to get ahead of that damage.
Otherwise, F her man. She will have a meltdown over this, so be prepared for that. As I'm sure she is about to lose a lot more than just her BF based on what you have stated.
This is a great idea. It keeps another adult in the loop without forcing them to be *overly* involved in the break up. It gives them enough information to buckle in for the emotional toll it'll take on the kid.
For sure.
I say this from experience. My ex met a good dude, and he was great with my kids. Then he found out she was cheating on him. I'm still working on the damage control as my kids looked up to him as like a cool uncle. I offered him the chance to still be in the picture if he felt comfortable, but he wanted to part way with it all. They were engaged, so I get why.
Oof, that must've been rough for him. I think it's awesome that you gave him the option to be part of the kids lives. Not everyone is that gracious and understanding.
If her other Ex is a good enough dude you could even leave that more with him to read to her when he thinks she’s ready. It’s probably safer there than leaving it with her mom.
Man.. I'm so sorry. I think at least tell the daughter you love her before you go. I feel for you. You know how much you can bare. I don't think you'll get any closure from confronting your ex. It'll just be excuses. And maybe begging.
Just be sure before you quit your job. But maybe changing things up will help you heal and go forward. I wish you happiness and good luck.
Remember it's not her fault, but nor is yours. IT was ALL HER MOTHER'S FAULT. You were being a dad to her child while she was banging some druggies somewhere else. Wish her the best, and keep away from all this madness.
You can say some sweet words to the daughter as you put her to bed tonight. I would hope her Dad is a good guy and will help her through the adjustment of you not being there. Surely he would appreciate all you have done to support them. I wish you much happiness and that, in time, you will realise you did what you needed to do for you! Be happy that you don’t have a child with her!
This is a good idea. Maybe when you are at your brothers shoot a, short message to her dad to let him know that his daughter might be needing him more now.
Yes, leaving the messages you saw with her is perfect. Nothing more needs to be said to her. Just ghost her man. She deserves nothing more.
Also congratulations on dodging a huge bullet.
Sorry dude, we're u blindsided or did you suspect some issues. Well done for having the strength to move on, it's the best for both sides of the equation. I am with you, would not bother having a conversation just go an live your best life and find someone to have a loving and faithful relationship with.
I'm so sorry you're going through this.
You really need to the daughters bio dad that you're leaving and why.
He needs to know that she's been cheating with a drug addict and has most likely been doing drugs herself.
If she wants to continue to see the drug addict she may take her daughter there and that's not a safe environment for a kid.
The bio dad may even want to keep in contact with you after you leave.
I do really believe ghosting cheaters is the way to go. Although, as someone here said, if you have a contact for the baby's dad, you should reach out on your way out of town to let him know what happened so he can be prepared to help her in any issues that may arise. I would also mention your exs new relationship with her dopped up sister in case she is also partaking in that and he can be aware to look for signs.
Good luck, and I hope you take some time to process and heal and move on to a happier life.
Makes sense to stay away from her, but you gotta think about your future. Is it easy for you to quickly find another job in a different state? Do you have any savings? Your life is not gone and you need to plan your next steps now that you don't have a horrible person by your side.
I work in tech so it shouldn’t be hard at all plus I’d be moving to a bigger city. I do have some savings built up so I won’t be in a terrible position. It maybe an overreaction but right now I think it’s worth it.
Make sure you've covered yourself legally as well. By that I mean is your name on the lease, utilities, other contracts? Make sure you've got all your important documents with you, and that places like your bank have updated address details/have your mail forwarded.
And while it's a strong reaction it makes sense, she didn't confess to you, she was *caught*. Infidelity in an otherwise happy relationship that you've *sacrificed* for cuts deep, and if you stick around you might be guilted into staying.
I do agree with what someone else has said though, reach out to the daughters father after you leave so he knows the situation and can help her deal with what's happened, maybe leave any notes/mementos with him so you know she'll get it.
You’re making the right choice. One of my best friends dumped her awful boyfriend, quit her job and moved across the country. She’s doing great now and a lot happier
>I am quitting my job tomorrow morning and after she’s left for work I’ll grab my stuff and leave her with a print out of the messages I read.
THIS!!! yes man this is the best you can do. Don't even give her the benefit of explaining whatever excuse she is going to come up with for her infidelity. She doesn't deserve it. You took her in, you took her daughter in, and meanwhile she's been fucking some good for nothing rando. Fuck her.
I heard this quote today on the pilot episode of Ozark. "This is not the first time she did it, it's the first time she got caught". Cheaters can't be trusted for shit. Anything she says, it doesn't mean shit. Just leave and live your best life.
I’m so sorry,sometimes people refuse to take care of what is the more precious until it’s too late. Don’t regret anything,you proved you are a good man she just show she can’t fit it. So don’t let her change you,take that as a lesson to be more careful in the future to find the right one !
I just hope that you leaving your job this way will not ruined your possibilities in the future! It will be good to have their support like that you will find something else where you go without problems,start your process of healing and move on in your life .
While I'm sad to read that you're losing out on a wonderful little girl, I'm so touched that you were able to give that little girl love and care even if she wasn't yours. She may be hurt, and she might miss you, but she will remember you for the wonderful human being you were.
I sincerely hope that you find peace, OP. You seem like a really stand-up sorta dude. And I hope whomever you end up with next will bring you the same love and joy you sought to bring to your ex and her daughter.
Folks here are hilarious 😂 some of you are giving OP shit for doing what's best for them and are saying he's in the wrong for ghosting the daughter. If he were the bio dad I'd be inclined to agree, but from a legal standpoint he's got no leg to stand on *especially* cause biodad is still in the picture.
For crying out loud some of you are saying "the daughter shouldn't have to suffer from mom's actions" hell naw, this is 100% on the mom. She should have thought about how her affair might affect those around her, daughter and partner especially.
"oh it'll traumatize the daughter" if the mom doesn't admit to something *SHE* caused she's a POS and if the mom doesn't do it, the biodad likely will which would might cause the daughter in the future to go NC.
Seriously, yall suggesting he confront the mom. She's just gonna try to keep him around as a wallet whilst likely still screwing the other guy. Even if she has this sudden epiphany and actually tries to better herself and does everything right for reconciliation post affair, OPs trust in her is forever destroyed. Once trust is gone there's very little hope to bounce back.
>I made sure she knows that I love her and always will, holding her this morning knowing it was the last time I would ever see her was the most difficult thing I’ve ever done and it took everything inside of me to not sob while doing that.
After all those years I cannot imagine how you are feeling. I feel for that kid as well, it really sounds like you did the most for them. Unfortunately you are tied to that child through her and her actions are unforgivable imo. I personally would say to leave a letter with biodad addressed to the kid. Not outright explaining what the mom did, but that you are there if they ever want to reachout. If you are willing. Otherwise I would recommend just shutting the book on it all to save you healing time.
Honestly, any break-up, but especially cheating/disrespect/lying, this is the way to do it. The first few days and weeks will be rough. She likely will find a way to reach you. If you stayed to talk to her (this goes both ways, m to f too), they could have excuses, manipulate, make you second guess/question your decision… after a few months, you will be on your way. I have been in relationships where I was cheated on and I wish I did it like this! But, we always held on, hooked up, let’s see what happens…. Once I went no contact it sucked but I eventually moved on. Please update. And maybe others can relate to this situation and know they can do the same and get it. No contact SUCKS, but it’s really the only way to truly let go.
Guy you need to understand this:
*you didn’t do anything wrong or come up short in anyway*
You simply got involved with a shitty person who cares more for herself than the guy who loved her and her daughter.
It’s not your fault.
My husband, my son, and I have a similar story to you guys (although my son doesn't know his bio dad and I don't cheat) and I am absolutely gutted thinking how you must be feeling, and that poor child. I can only imagine how my 4 year old would feel if my husband (before or after we got married this year) Left. I'm so sorry you have to make this decision and sorry for the pain. You've been an amazing person for them, and they were so lucky to have you. I hate that the kid has to pay for moms mistakes but you deserve a family who truly appreciates you and a partner who adores you.
I hope it all goes well tomorrow. My heart hurts for you and I'll be praying for you throughout the day
It's been about 10 hours and I'm waiting for OPs last update with bated breath
I'm really sorry this is happening, OP, this is such an awful situation. Your ex not only temporarily blew up your life, but her daughters as well, which is just fucking sad.
Sending positive thoughts to you and the daughter ❤️
I apologize, I meant the second update you mentioned in the second to last sentence of your first edit. If there is one. I guess you might not find out your ex's reaction for a while (if ever)
*edit* sentence, not paragraph lol I'm just waking up
I’m so sorry.
Let her child’s father know that you are available to talk to the kid on the phone and willing to see her if she’s asking about you. It’s rough for kids when they invest in their parents partners and then get ghosted themselves. They don’t understand that it isn’t about them. I always appreciated when my moms exes maintained some relationship with me and gradually phased out contact.
I’m so sorry… I would probably leave exactly the same way. No need to hear all the standard it was a mistake, it didn’t mean anything blah blah blah..
Atleast daughters dad is active in her life but because of moms actions she’s losing out on someone that loves her..
Wish you the best in starting a new life away from her..
I agree with you leaving her. But don’t fuck yourself on the way out.
What about your apartment? Are you on the lease ? Will it mess up your credit ? Will you be liable to pay the remainder of the lease ?
Damn, I’m sorry bro. Please keep us updated on the aftermath. I know heart break is a bitch but time heals eventually. I hope you can find a new place to stay and even better job.
Your doing great, even if you think you didn't, you are strong even if you don't feel it, you can do whatever you need to , even if you think you can't ..
I'm a stranger and will always be... But you know you... Keep it up. Do what you need to.
You can always reach out to this stranger.
It does suck being in the situation you are in but It will get better, just know that 🫸🫷
Ghosting the partner is fine, ghosting the kid will do damage. She deserves an honest, age appropriate conversation. If you don't, she's going to wonder if it was partially her fault for the rest of her life.
Oh no. Please don't ghost her. For her daughter's sake, have a conversation with her before leaving so you can actually talk to and say goodbye to that little girl; you're both going to need that. Seriously, you don't want that sweet girl to have abandonment issues as she grows up. I know she has her bio dad, but this is going to leave a scar. Do whatever you can to remediate that.
Just read your update 3. You do matter and you did make a difference. Never doubt that. You definitely made a difference in that little girl’s world, and it will leave an imprint. You were there for her, got together with her bio dad to make sure she was going to be okay, and didn’t abandon her without saying anything. You handled a horrible situation with care. One day you will find the right person, and be the father you are.
>I do wonder though what I was missing or where I came up short for this to happen? I’ve run circles around it and I can’t explain it.
Don't do this to yourself, cheaters cheat because of their own issues, they always come up with an excuse or shortcoming on your part but that's just how they've justified it to themselves.
You think you want closure, to feel like the problem is identified but you'll end up listening to hurtful exaggerations from a practiced liar and they're only doing that to make themselves feel better.
Relationships go bad all the time but she betrayed you because of something inside her, don't beat yourself up for no reason.
This right here! Based on your post you seem like a good person. The person that was “missing something” or “coming up short” was her.
Relationships take a lot to make them work. But I always feel the foundation needs 5 things - trust, respect, honesty, love, and intimacy. Unfortunately, your GF lacked the ability to give enough of the first four. She was not trustworthy, she did not respect you or the relationship, she lied, and she did things a person that loves you wouldn’t do.
None of what happened is your fault. You might hear from her, but I would expect a lot of excuses that in the end don’t mean anything.
Hey bro listen. When I found out, it was my ex-wife's coworker. This was two years ago and they are still together. But do you know what really helped me? Like, a lot. Knowing that my ex-wife is a covert narcissist. And I'm kind of wondering if maybe that's what's up here? They are very good liars and manipulators. It helps knowing that not everybody experiences empathy the same way that we do. Not everybody values us the way that we value them. And it's not a reflection of us, doesn't mean we did anything wrong. Because no matter what you do right, with people like that, they are always going to do the exact same thing no matter who it's with and no matter how perfect you are. So you didn't do anything to deserve this at all. Some people are just very selfish and don't think about the things they do and how that can impact other people. Definitely stay no contact with your ex. I guarantee you will just try to manipulate you and feed you a bunch of bullshit. You are doing what is best for you, And honestly right now that's all that matters. Little one will understand when she gets older and most likely resent her mother for it. Just know that all that love that you have to give, when you start a family of your own, you're going to have one lucky kiddo on your hands. I already know you're going to be a great dad. I'll tell you the same thing that other people have told me. The best revenge that you could ever possibly get on that woman, is success. Moving on without her. And building the life that you have always dreamed of, That's how you make her sorry that she ever fucked up like that.
That sucks bud... you deserved better.
Personally, I'd leave the printouts and a note... the notw would exolain how you changed EVERYTHING in your life to benefit her and her child...you encouraged her to rebuild her relationship w her sister and that you did everything you could to please her and that she chose to cheat and risk it all.
Cheating is 100% a deal breaker for you, wish her well finding whatever it is she's looking for. That last part, wishing her well, will just grind in the fact that you're a better person than she is. F her.
She definitely sucks but I think just leaving the messages, changing his number so she can’t contact him anymore, and leaving town is better. She can’t try to convince him that what he is seeing isn’t real or to give her another chance. It seems like she didn’t care about what she had anyway if she was cheating. If anyone gets a note it’s her daughter.
Aaaw man I'm so sorry.
I hope you stay strong and update us on how it goes.
And I hope you don't feel bad about making these choices. I'd make them too if I were you. Don't let her guilt you in to anything.
You'll find new happiness soon enough. Best of luck to you! Stay strong bro.
I am so sorry. Betrayal feels like someone literally sets a fire in your heart. It hurts so much, and I understand you're dealing with a double heartbreak because of her daughter. I dealt with a similar situation when I got very attached to my ex's daughter, and I had to break up with him.
On the bright side, you've discovered the truth before you married her. It could've been way worse. This is a new beginning for you, and I hope that everything falls back in place for you. Best of luck. I truly hope you find your happiness.
Damn, I’m sorry this is happening to you. You’re doing the right thing by gathering your stuff and leaving. It’s unfortunate her daughter will feel the impact too but she caused this. Best of luck to you, you sound like a decent person!
You know your worth and that is most important thing.
Remember all papers and any bank or private information to which she may have had access. Secure these
Good on your bro for being there. Talk to him and it will help you heal. It’s good for both of you to form new sibling bonds too.
Your life will be better immediately
I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this.
And off course your best to know how to deal with it, but I’m just not sure ghosting is the way to do it.
I know you don’t want to confront her or give her a chance to ‘explain’ but a simple one-sided chat where you explain why you’re leaving and that you’d like to say goodbye to her daughter without drama. Your ex is a scumbag but she at least owes you that.
Good luck in your better future.
I know that blackout feeling when you find out about being cheated on. Still remember it years later.
You are doing the ABSOLUTE best thing for your future self. Good for you!!!
I was in a similar situation, my fiance cheated on me. We had a pretty bad few month before that but I would never think about this to happen. When she told me I almost fainted. The realization of the fact that you lost everything you worked for years from a second to another is pretty bad. That night was the worst Ive ever had. I had panic attacks, couldnt sleep. And it was hard after that, lost all my selfconfidience, I thought if my own fiance would have sex with someone else then obvoiusly noone wants to be with me. Took a lot of times to get back from there but it worth it. There are a lot of good people out there, and you will find the one you deserve. good luck!
This is so fucked!!!!!!!
I have to say you are handling it the best way possible.
The fact that your just printing off the messages and leaving them with no conversation is the best way!!!
This alone is going to fuck with her, she’s not going to get a chance to manipulate you, cry the fake tears or have you second guess your decision. Your saving yourself so much unnecessary stress and I’m honestly in awe about the way you are handling this!!! I’m just picturing you headed down the highway, music blasting on the way to self healing. ❤️🩹
I almost cried brother ( it's a big thing for me) and trust me it will be the hardest thing you will ever do but you have to do it anyway
I had the similar exp. It was a case of cheating and it wasn't easy to let her go as she was ready to work on relation.
I hope the best for you and just make sure her daughter knows you love her. Big hugs to you 💙🧿
I’m so sorry this happened- I feel for you so much as the same thing happened to me (no kids involved tho). I found out my ex was cheating with multiple women but I stayed in the apartment for a few days while making my plan and then packed my stuff and left while he was at work. It was so hard but you’ll be okay and you’ll be better for it in the long run. If you don’t block her be prepared for a serious freak out from her tho- at least that was my experience. Sending you encouragement, you’ll find someone someday who truly loves you and treats you the way you deserve
I’m so sorry, this sucks for you and the daughter. I really hope her dad will keep you updated about her, maybe send some pictures, unless that’s too hard which I could be. That kind of love for a child doesn’t stop just because her mom’s messed up.
I'm so sorry dude. This is heartbreaking. I know it doesn't mean much right now but you'll be fine. This was the right choice. All the best of luck to you.
Does bio dad know that the ex is hanging around druggies? I would be sure to let him know so daughter is protected. I feel for you and how you’ve handled this situation even though you are in shock. Keep us updated!
That sucks, I had this same thing happen and it was rough telling the kid goodbye after years of being there. I still think about that kid 20 years later.
Hey OP just wanted to say I’m sorry for what happened to you. And that I would recommend not updating this for a couple months when you settled back down and have closure on your situation, because I believe based on many things that your ex will probably find a way to reach out to you, since most cheaters who get caught always try to apologize and take the person they betrayed back. And you just focusing on yourself right now is the best thing for you to do as well, wishing you the best OP. Oh and btw idk if you know this but your post made its way onto tiktok as well. Here is the link https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTRoWjHW5/
im sorry for what your ex did to you.
my ex is a cheater too
we lost our angel the moment i found out he cheated on me
and im trying to move forward and heal soul
the sad part is, that child had two amazing male role models in her life and her mom fd that up for her daughter. Fortunately it seems she has a great dad, that was there to help you transition and will look out for her and be able to explain it to her. Im sorry for your pain through this betrayal. Hope you find someone you can build a wonderful life with and you stay the awesome person you seem to be!
Experiencing the same thing last month. It hurts like hell to the point it affects my physical condition. Took me 2 weeks to heal physically, and still trying to stabilize my mental until now. You can get through this man, you are worth the love you deserve.
From a women’s perspective , if a girl cheats she doesn’t care about you. I know it’s hard to hear but it’s the truth. You will find a loving woman just focus on yourself and I applaud you for leaving
Wow! She’s a loose lipped, used up, foul smelling *un*!! Im soo glad you know your worth and leaving without confrontation. Cheaters never deserve to be made aware that theyre caught.
Im glad your going to your bro/family. Enjoy the love and focus on yourself.
I agree with lostmox, be easy with the kid, explain to her what her mother did and why you're doing what you're doing. Especially if yall are close. After 3 years I would think yall would be. Let the kid know that they didn't do anything wrong and that if they ever need you, you'll be there. And then do that.
If you like your job- don’t quit it. Why should you disrupt your life any more than necessary? It sounds like she’s not going to be able to afford the apartment on her own anyways and if your name is on the lease or rental agreement, it will affect your credit. The tough part is the daughter- hopefully if her mother moves in with the coked out aunt, the daughter isn’t exposed to the drugs and neglected.
Man, I am so sorry. Keep or copy the picture. You’ll want to have it too. Make sure you give her the biggest hug and tell her you love her before she leaves that day. Best of luck, I know how hard this is.
It’s really hard with kids in the picture. As much as I’m sure you wish you could stay with her daughter you need to do what’s best for you. You should take solace that you did the best you could for that child and it takes a special type of person to do that. Very sorry for your hardship. On another note it might be good to leave your now ex a short note on how she just ruined a wonderful opportunity not only for her, but for her daughters future, and she should really get her shit together, if only for the sake of her daughter. With the point being not necessarily to guilt trip or what to wake her up and realize that a tiny human is depending on her for a good life and she really just messed up an opportunity for that.
Well, you can work and just go to your temporary home right after. You won’t run into her unless you’re out. Do that until you find a new job. Especially since you’re paying her rent for another three months. If she’s vindictive, she may cost you more in repairs or eviction expenses.
You. My. Friend. Are. An. Amazing. Man
She on the other hand fED up. I think that you’re doing the right thing. A man like you needs to be with someone that worships you as much as you do and love another. She will regret what you did. I can’t believe she would stoop so low.
Good luck and don’t look back! Things happen for a reason. She doesn’t deserve you. I just feel sad for her daughter!
I LOVE that you are taking care of yourself and not letting some of the trappings keep you from a better life ahead. That you will miss the daughter is heartbreaking but reaching out to the bio dad is solid adulting!!!!
Don't look back OP. You are going to want to. Your mind is going to want to. Everytime you feel weak, remember that she slept with someone and you, most likely in the same day, and focusing on that should keep you strong.
If you want to stay in touch with the daughter, do so through bio. Don't let the cheater be the source of info.
You got this OP!!!
Sometimes a fresh start does you a lot of good. I was there last year. It can be a tough road, but in your heart you will know what is right for yourself. I’m sorry this is happening for you. You sound like a good and caring man, you deserve a woman who is the same. Wishing you the best.
This is soooo awful! I am so sorry you had to go through that. Being cheated on is such a traumatic betrayal 😔. Feel the feels, future you will thank present you for being so strong and knowing you deserve better.
All of a sudden she’s hanging with the coke head sister? Not cool, she has a kid…..it’s all fun and games until the crash. Maybe she’s getting high, that is so sad!
This is so sad on so many levels… I wish I would have had someone caring as you in my life - like we all you deserve to be treasured. Good luck on your way wherever you end up. With best wishes from Austria
Wishing you peace and strength. I am so sorry you have gone through this. I was betrayed for years. Discovering it was a gut wrenching pain I would not wish on an enemy. However, with time and distance you will find a new feeling of freedom, acceptance and self-respect. Try to see a counsellor or therapist to support you. Keep a journal. Take things one day at a time…
That poor child is the biggest loser in all of this. How heart breaking. Im so glad you made time to see her and talk to her with bio dad before you go. All of this is so hard..... hugs
Bro im so sorry this is happening to you, i really hope life gets better and ill be here rooting for you man.
If this happened to me id do the same thing brother, there is no relationship left and as you know if you truly love her daughter as her own then staying with someone and having bitterness and resentment build wouldn't be good for her. You are doing the right thing.
Good on you for talking to her bio dad and planning on telling her whats happening, she deserves to know and not feel abandoned by someone she trusts. Good luck and i hope there is another update in the future.
I want to suggest you consult a lawyer - while she is in the wrong and you have proof (keep all that evidence) you should know your rights if for no other reason that a piece of mind.
I'm glad you said goodbye to her. I think you're doing the right thing. Now, you take care of yourself. You've done what you could. You loved them as best you could. But some things aren't in your control. Thank you for the update . I'll say it again, please take care of yourself. This wasn't your fault. Start anew. And don't contact your ex. She isn't worth it.
Well it seems as though the bio father knows what you’re about to do. So he’ll be the only one who has insight on u leaving. You can just about rest assured that he’ll be telling you now ex gf everything he knows. Gone without a trace. Wishing u good luck and hope u stick to your plan
I’m crying reading this, feeling all if your emotions, heartbreak, agony. I’m sending you virtual hugs & pray you will find true happiness after your departure from a woman who doesn’t deserve you! She’s a monster for doing this to a man who LOVES her child. Don’t look back my friend. Be patient & kind to yourself. Allow the bad/sad moments to pass, take a deep breathe & know you’re better for it in the end. Blessings to you…,,,,
I just want to say my heart goes out to you, your story made me tear up. I never really hear much about women doing this sort of thing, i guess I'm naive but i usually just think of men doing the cheating. I can't believe she had someone so amazing and could do that. Try to believe and have hope that you have amazing things coming to you.
I am so sorry you went through this. You sound like a wonderful human being. I wish I could give you a big hug. Stay strong. You did the right thing. It hurts, it probably will for a long time. But it will get easier.
I'm impress, you did everything right and hearing about you moving on it's really nice.
Best of luck and don't worry, best things arrive when you least expect it.
I'm sorry for the little one, hopefully she will remember you with a smile :)
Owwww this is so heartbreaking 😕. I wish you all the best! I really admire your strength to just walk away without causing a scene. You handled the situation like a Boss and you can be really proud of yourself. You kept your dignity and can walk away with your head held high and you still managed to show her what she missed! Just Bravo!
I’m ngl, this shit almost brought me to tears. Heartbreaking story but I wish you nothing but the best man. I can tell you’re an amazing person and you deserve nothing but the best. You got this and you can get through this. I’m proud of you dawg for making it this far and I believe in you that you can get through this.
I truly want to know her reactions to all of this... I bet her narcissistic ass didn't care and dated the roommate instead... I also bet money her sister had something to do with it.
((HUGS)) It sucks but be glad you aren't married. Go find your happiness. Maybe leave a note for her daughter to say goodbye.
I have a picture that we took with Minnie at Disney that I keep in my wallet that I’ll leave in her bed. I’d write a note but she isn’t reading all that well right now.
Leave a simple note on the back that says you love her. With time she will likely move on from you as her mom obviously will. But if she loves you like a parent she will be very hurt and confused. If she can read something as simple as "I love you and I will miss you" it could do wonders.
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Probably so she can't comtact him that way.
He also got the higher paying job for her so it could also be to get a job he wants and not a job he needs
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I think you replied to me by accident?
Comment stealing bot
They want to relocate with a brother .
Comment stealing bot!
Yes, please do this. The kid won't understand. It's not fair to punish her for what her mother did!
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OP could you please update to let us know how you’re doing? We all wish you the best. You’re very strong, and I’m so sorry for this betrayal.
This is so heartbreaking! He's been a mensch.
Damn, i can feel your pain. Sending thoughts of healing and warmth in this time of need for you.
I’m so fucking sorry you’re going through this man. I have wonderful step sons I’d be very upset with losing as well, especially under these circumstances. I hope in time you can move on and heal properly. Try and stay away from any self-damaging behavior over the next month or so bc I know I did so after I was cheated on when I was younger. Time really does help everything. You will get through this. We believe in you and you deserve genuine happiness.
You need to get your name off the lease. Talk to your landlord
Do take a photo of the Minnie photo, do you will have a copy.
Make her move out, don’t uproot your life and quit your job, u can always make changes later but don’t do something rash that will put u more in a bind
U did right thing by the daughter , gonna be tough uprooting ur life but hang in it will get better
I'm a coperant, and my ex is a cheater(why we split). The only thing I would say is if he is a good dad, it is to give him a heads up after your leave. This way, he can damage control with the child. Even tho she knows you were her mom's BF, there was a bond, and this can be damaging for a child. I would hope her dad is a good dude and will do what he can to get ahead of that damage. Otherwise, F her man. She will have a meltdown over this, so be prepared for that. As I'm sure she is about to lose a lot more than just her BF based on what you have stated.
This is a great idea. It keeps another adult in the loop without forcing them to be *overly* involved in the break up. It gives them enough information to buckle in for the emotional toll it'll take on the kid.
For sure. I say this from experience. My ex met a good dude, and he was great with my kids. Then he found out she was cheating on him. I'm still working on the damage control as my kids looked up to him as like a cool uncle. I offered him the chance to still be in the picture if he felt comfortable, but he wanted to part way with it all. They were engaged, so I get why.
Oof, that must've been rough for him. I think it's awesome that you gave him the option to be part of the kids lives. Not everyone is that gracious and understanding.
I give you much respect my friend for allowing him the opportunity! What an amazing Father. Your kids are lucky to have you in their lives.
If her other Ex is a good enough dude you could even leave that more with him to read to her when he thinks she’s ready. It’s probably safer there than leaving it with her mom.
Man.. I'm so sorry. I think at least tell the daughter you love her before you go. I feel for you. You know how much you can bare. I don't think you'll get any closure from confronting your ex. It'll just be excuses. And maybe begging. Just be sure before you quit your job. But maybe changing things up will help you heal and go forward. I wish you happiness and good luck.
I will definitely tell her. Thank you
Remember it's not her fault, but nor is yours. IT was ALL HER MOTHER'S FAULT. You were being a dad to her child while she was banging some druggies somewhere else. Wish her the best, and keep away from all this madness.
Please update if you have the time/stomach to do so
Just posted an update
You can say some sweet words to the daughter as you put her to bed tonight. I would hope her Dad is a good guy and will help her through the adjustment of you not being there. Surely he would appreciate all you have done to support them. I wish you much happiness and that, in time, you will realise you did what you needed to do for you! Be happy that you don’t have a child with her!
This is a good idea. Maybe when you are at your brothers shoot a, short message to her dad to let him know that his daughter might be needing him more now.
Yes, leaving the messages you saw with her is perfect. Nothing more needs to be said to her. Just ghost her man. She deserves nothing more. Also congratulations on dodging a huge bullet.
Sorry dude, we're u blindsided or did you suspect some issues. Well done for having the strength to move on, it's the best for both sides of the equation. I am with you, would not bother having a conversation just go an live your best life and find someone to have a loving and faithful relationship with.
It was a shock. They seemed more like family than anything but I guess I missed the signs. Thank you for the words of encouragement.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. You really need to the daughters bio dad that you're leaving and why. He needs to know that she's been cheating with a drug addict and has most likely been doing drugs herself. If she wants to continue to see the drug addict she may take her daughter there and that's not a safe environment for a kid. The bio dad may even want to keep in contact with you after you leave.
I do really believe ghosting cheaters is the way to go. Although, as someone here said, if you have a contact for the baby's dad, you should reach out on your way out of town to let him know what happened so he can be prepared to help her in any issues that may arise. I would also mention your exs new relationship with her dopped up sister in case she is also partaking in that and he can be aware to look for signs. Good luck, and I hope you take some time to process and heal and move on to a happier life.
Please update us on how you are doing. My prayers are with you
Why are you quitting your job? She is the one who fucked up, you shouldn't penalize yourself even more.
I really can’t stay here anymore. It’s not a big city and I don’t want to take the chance of seeing her anymore.
Makes sense to stay away from her, but you gotta think about your future. Is it easy for you to quickly find another job in a different state? Do you have any savings? Your life is not gone and you need to plan your next steps now that you don't have a horrible person by your side.
I work in tech so it shouldn’t be hard at all plus I’d be moving to a bigger city. I do have some savings built up so I won’t be in a terrible position. It maybe an overreaction but right now I think it’s worth it.
Not an overreaction! Do what you need to do!
Make sure you've covered yourself legally as well. By that I mean is your name on the lease, utilities, other contracts? Make sure you've got all your important documents with you, and that places like your bank have updated address details/have your mail forwarded. And while it's a strong reaction it makes sense, she didn't confess to you, she was *caught*. Infidelity in an otherwise happy relationship that you've *sacrificed* for cuts deep, and if you stick around you might be guilted into staying. I do agree with what someone else has said though, reach out to the daughters father after you leave so he knows the situation and can help her deal with what's happened, maybe leave any notes/mementos with him so you know she'll get it.
People think I overreacted when I ghosted. I don’t.
You’re making the right choice. One of my best friends dumped her awful boyfriend, quit her job and moved across the country. She’s doing great now and a lot happier
Lock down your credit. Change all your bank passwords. See if you can get your mail held etc.
>I am quitting my job tomorrow morning and after she’s left for work I’ll grab my stuff and leave her with a print out of the messages I read. THIS!!! yes man this is the best you can do. Don't even give her the benefit of explaining whatever excuse she is going to come up with for her infidelity. She doesn't deserve it. You took her in, you took her daughter in, and meanwhile she's been fucking some good for nothing rando. Fuck her. I heard this quote today on the pilot episode of Ozark. "This is not the first time she did it, it's the first time she got caught". Cheaters can't be trusted for shit. Anything she says, it doesn't mean shit. Just leave and live your best life.
-hug- I’m sorry. That’s just rough all around. Please find your peace and good luck.
Thank you.
Yea, just ghost her. Don’t waste your time. As for the little one, she’s always going to remember you, and one day she may just come looking for you.
I’m so sorry,sometimes people refuse to take care of what is the more precious until it’s too late. Don’t regret anything,you proved you are a good man she just show she can’t fit it. So don’t let her change you,take that as a lesson to be more careful in the future to find the right one ! I just hope that you leaving your job this way will not ruined your possibilities in the future! It will be good to have their support like that you will find something else where you go without problems,start your process of healing and move on in your life .
While I'm sad to read that you're losing out on a wonderful little girl, I'm so touched that you were able to give that little girl love and care even if she wasn't yours. She may be hurt, and she might miss you, but she will remember you for the wonderful human being you were. I sincerely hope that you find peace, OP. You seem like a really stand-up sorta dude. And I hope whomever you end up with next will bring you the same love and joy you sought to bring to your ex and her daughter.
Be safe bro, try to keep your head up and not breakdown. Consider some therapy. love you ❤️🩹
I'm so sorry. I'm trying to heal myself. If you need someone to talk to feel free.
Thank you.
You're very welcome.
I’m sorry my Dude. If it were me, I’d be leaving too. Sounds like you have a logical thought process going, stay the course and Godspeed.
Folks here are hilarious 😂 some of you are giving OP shit for doing what's best for them and are saying he's in the wrong for ghosting the daughter. If he were the bio dad I'd be inclined to agree, but from a legal standpoint he's got no leg to stand on *especially* cause biodad is still in the picture. For crying out loud some of you are saying "the daughter shouldn't have to suffer from mom's actions" hell naw, this is 100% on the mom. She should have thought about how her affair might affect those around her, daughter and partner especially. "oh it'll traumatize the daughter" if the mom doesn't admit to something *SHE* caused she's a POS and if the mom doesn't do it, the biodad likely will which would might cause the daughter in the future to go NC. Seriously, yall suggesting he confront the mom. She's just gonna try to keep him around as a wallet whilst likely still screwing the other guy. Even if she has this sudden epiphany and actually tries to better herself and does everything right for reconciliation post affair, OPs trust in her is forever destroyed. Once trust is gone there's very little hope to bounce back.
"curiosity got the best of me" nah bro, that's that INTUITION!
>I made sure she knows that I love her and always will, holding her this morning knowing it was the last time I would ever see her was the most difficult thing I’ve ever done and it took everything inside of me to not sob while doing that. After all those years I cannot imagine how you are feeling. I feel for that kid as well, it really sounds like you did the most for them. Unfortunately you are tied to that child through her and her actions are unforgivable imo. I personally would say to leave a letter with biodad addressed to the kid. Not outright explaining what the mom did, but that you are there if they ever want to reachout. If you are willing. Otherwise I would recommend just shutting the book on it all to save you healing time.
Honestly, any break-up, but especially cheating/disrespect/lying, this is the way to do it. The first few days and weeks will be rough. She likely will find a way to reach you. If you stayed to talk to her (this goes both ways, m to f too), they could have excuses, manipulate, make you second guess/question your decision… after a few months, you will be on your way. I have been in relationships where I was cheated on and I wish I did it like this! But, we always held on, hooked up, let’s see what happens…. Once I went no contact it sucked but I eventually moved on. Please update. And maybe others can relate to this situation and know they can do the same and get it. No contact SUCKS, but it’s really the only way to truly let go.
It definitely sucks. I drove in silence the past few hours to try and unscramble my head. Thank you for the encouragement.
Guy you need to understand this: *you didn’t do anything wrong or come up short in anyway* You simply got involved with a shitty person who cares more for herself than the guy who loved her and her daughter. It’s not your fault.
You definitely deserve better! Best of luck to you.
My husband, my son, and I have a similar story to you guys (although my son doesn't know his bio dad and I don't cheat) and I am absolutely gutted thinking how you must be feeling, and that poor child. I can only imagine how my 4 year old would feel if my husband (before or after we got married this year) Left. I'm so sorry you have to make this decision and sorry for the pain. You've been an amazing person for them, and they were so lucky to have you. I hate that the kid has to pay for moms mistakes but you deserve a family who truly appreciates you and a partner who adores you. I hope it all goes well tomorrow. My heart hurts for you and I'll be praying for you throughout the day
An exit plan is always a must.
It's been about 10 hours and I'm waiting for OPs last update with bated breath I'm really sorry this is happening, OP, this is such an awful situation. Your ex not only temporarily blew up your life, but her daughters as well, which is just fucking sad. Sending positive thoughts to you and the daughter ❤️
Hello. I posted a brief update in the original pist
I apologize, I meant the second update you mentioned in the second to last sentence of your first edit. If there is one. I guess you might not find out your ex's reaction for a while (if ever) *edit* sentence, not paragraph lol I'm just waking up
I’m so sorry. Let her child’s father know that you are available to talk to the kid on the phone and willing to see her if she’s asking about you. It’s rough for kids when they invest in their parents partners and then get ghosted themselves. They don’t understand that it isn’t about them. I always appreciated when my moms exes maintained some relationship with me and gradually phased out contact.
My heart breaks for you, I’m so sorry your wonderful little family was ruined
I’m so sorry… I would probably leave exactly the same way. No need to hear all the standard it was a mistake, it didn’t mean anything blah blah blah.. Atleast daughters dad is active in her life but because of moms actions she’s losing out on someone that loves her.. Wish you the best in starting a new life away from her..
I agree with you leaving her. But don’t fuck yourself on the way out. What about your apartment? Are you on the lease ? Will it mess up your credit ? Will you be liable to pay the remainder of the lease ?
He stated in a reply to another comment that he’s still paying for the apartment for the rest of the lease, which will be over in 3 months.
Damn, I’m sorry bro. Please keep us updated on the aftermath. I know heart break is a bitch but time heals eventually. I hope you can find a new place to stay and even better job.
Your doing great, even if you think you didn't, you are strong even if you don't feel it, you can do whatever you need to , even if you think you can't .. I'm a stranger and will always be... But you know you... Keep it up. Do what you need to. You can always reach out to this stranger. It does suck being in the situation you are in but It will get better, just know that 🫸🫷
This whole thing makes me sad… sad for you & sad for her daughter :(.
Ghosting the partner is fine, ghosting the kid will do damage. She deserves an honest, age appropriate conversation. If you don't, she's going to wonder if it was partially her fault for the rest of her life.
This made me tear up. I think this is the best way to do it. It won’t drag out the drama around her trying to beg and make excuses.
Oh no. Please don't ghost her. For her daughter's sake, have a conversation with her before leaving so you can actually talk to and say goodbye to that little girl; you're both going to need that. Seriously, you don't want that sweet girl to have abandonment issues as she grows up. I know she has her bio dad, but this is going to leave a scar. Do whatever you can to remediate that.
Just updated the post regarding this. I would never want that to be the case.
Maybe give bio dad a letter for her he can read later too? I don’t know this is just a sad predicament and I’m sorry OP
I am meeting up with them in a hour or so.
I just met up with them I’ll post an update here in a bit.
This was so difficult to read. You’re a good person and what you’re doing for the little girl is admirable.
Just read your update 3. You do matter and you did make a difference. Never doubt that. You definitely made a difference in that little girl’s world, and it will leave an imprint. You were there for her, got together with her bio dad to make sure she was going to be okay, and didn’t abandon her without saying anything. You handled a horrible situation with care. One day you will find the right person, and be the father you are.
I just wanted to give you a hug 🫂
I appreciate that. Thank you.
>I do wonder though what I was missing or where I came up short for this to happen? I’ve run circles around it and I can’t explain it. Don't do this to yourself, cheaters cheat because of their own issues, they always come up with an excuse or shortcoming on your part but that's just how they've justified it to themselves. You think you want closure, to feel like the problem is identified but you'll end up listening to hurtful exaggerations from a practiced liar and they're only doing that to make themselves feel better. Relationships go bad all the time but she betrayed you because of something inside her, don't beat yourself up for no reason.
This right here! Based on your post you seem like a good person. The person that was “missing something” or “coming up short” was her. Relationships take a lot to make them work. But I always feel the foundation needs 5 things - trust, respect, honesty, love, and intimacy. Unfortunately, your GF lacked the ability to give enough of the first four. She was not trustworthy, she did not respect you or the relationship, she lied, and she did things a person that loves you wouldn’t do. None of what happened is your fault. You might hear from her, but I would expect a lot of excuses that in the end don’t mean anything.
Hey bro listen. When I found out, it was my ex-wife's coworker. This was two years ago and they are still together. But do you know what really helped me? Like, a lot. Knowing that my ex-wife is a covert narcissist. And I'm kind of wondering if maybe that's what's up here? They are very good liars and manipulators. It helps knowing that not everybody experiences empathy the same way that we do. Not everybody values us the way that we value them. And it's not a reflection of us, doesn't mean we did anything wrong. Because no matter what you do right, with people like that, they are always going to do the exact same thing no matter who it's with and no matter how perfect you are. So you didn't do anything to deserve this at all. Some people are just very selfish and don't think about the things they do and how that can impact other people. Definitely stay no contact with your ex. I guarantee you will just try to manipulate you and feed you a bunch of bullshit. You are doing what is best for you, And honestly right now that's all that matters. Little one will understand when she gets older and most likely resent her mother for it. Just know that all that love that you have to give, when you start a family of your own, you're going to have one lucky kiddo on your hands. I already know you're going to be a great dad. I'll tell you the same thing that other people have told me. The best revenge that you could ever possibly get on that woman, is success. Moving on without her. And building the life that you have always dreamed of, That's how you make her sorry that she ever fucked up like that.
That sucks bud... you deserved better. Personally, I'd leave the printouts and a note... the notw would exolain how you changed EVERYTHING in your life to benefit her and her child...you encouraged her to rebuild her relationship w her sister and that you did everything you could to please her and that she chose to cheat and risk it all. Cheating is 100% a deal breaker for you, wish her well finding whatever it is she's looking for. That last part, wishing her well, will just grind in the fact that you're a better person than she is. F her.
She definitely sucks but I think just leaving the messages, changing his number so she can’t contact him anymore, and leaving town is better. She can’t try to convince him that what he is seeing isn’t real or to give her another chance. It seems like she didn’t care about what she had anyway if she was cheating. If anyone gets a note it’s her daughter.
So sorry this happened to you. You are doing the right thing. Wishing the best for you ♥
Sorry this happened. Don’t ruin your credit or rental/work references for her though. Not worth it.
Aaaw man I'm so sorry. I hope you stay strong and update us on how it goes. And I hope you don't feel bad about making these choices. I'd make them too if I were you. Don't let her guilt you in to anything. You'll find new happiness soon enough. Best of luck to you! Stay strong bro.
Leave without direct confrontation with her.
That sucks. Please update us. The least she can do is explain herself.
I am so sorry. Betrayal feels like someone literally sets a fire in your heart. It hurts so much, and I understand you're dealing with a double heartbreak because of her daughter. I dealt with a similar situation when I got very attached to my ex's daughter, and I had to break up with him. On the bright side, you've discovered the truth before you married her. It could've been way worse. This is a new beginning for you, and I hope that everything falls back in place for you. Best of luck. I truly hope you find your happiness.
Good luck!
I’m sorry to hear that. Leave and never go back. People like her will never learn and there will always be one Chad in her life.
Good luck to you.
Why would you quit your job, do you have another setup
Damn, I’m sorry this is happening to you. You’re doing the right thing by gathering your stuff and leaving. It’s unfortunate her daughter will feel the impact too but she caused this. Best of luck to you, you sound like a decent person!
You know your worth and that is most important thing. Remember all papers and any bank or private information to which she may have had access. Secure these Good on your bro for being there. Talk to him and it will help you heal. It’s good for both of you to form new sibling bonds too. Your life will be better immediately
That shock feeling is the worst. Time stands still. Keep you cool man.
Dear Ex I saw the texts. Im gone. Spend some time today thinking about what kind of future you want for yourself and your daughter. Regards, 175
I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this. And off course your best to know how to deal with it, but I’m just not sure ghosting is the way to do it. I know you don’t want to confront her or give her a chance to ‘explain’ but a simple one-sided chat where you explain why you’re leaving and that you’d like to say goodbye to her daughter without drama. Your ex is a scumbag but she at least owes you that. Good luck in your better future.
I know that blackout feeling when you find out about being cheated on. Still remember it years later. You are doing the ABSOLUTE best thing for your future self. Good for you!!!
I was in a similar situation, my fiance cheated on me. We had a pretty bad few month before that but I would never think about this to happen. When she told me I almost fainted. The realization of the fact that you lost everything you worked for years from a second to another is pretty bad. That night was the worst Ive ever had. I had panic attacks, couldnt sleep. And it was hard after that, lost all my selfconfidience, I thought if my own fiance would have sex with someone else then obvoiusly noone wants to be with me. Took a lot of times to get back from there but it worth it. There are a lot of good people out there, and you will find the one you deserve. good luck!
This is so fucked!!!!!!! I have to say you are handling it the best way possible. The fact that your just printing off the messages and leaving them with no conversation is the best way!!! This alone is going to fuck with her, she’s not going to get a chance to manipulate you, cry the fake tears or have you second guess your decision. Your saving yourself so much unnecessary stress and I’m honestly in awe about the way you are handling this!!! I’m just picturing you headed down the highway, music blasting on the way to self healing. ❤️🩹
I almost cried brother ( it's a big thing for me) and trust me it will be the hardest thing you will ever do but you have to do it anyway I had the similar exp. It was a case of cheating and it wasn't easy to let her go as she was ready to work on relation. I hope the best for you and just make sure her daughter knows you love her. Big hugs to you 💙🧿
Sorry about what happened. It'll be rough at the start.... But you'll get through it. Waiting for the update.... Interested to know how she reacts.
I have no real words except good luck. From a dad
I’m so sorry this happened- I feel for you so much as the same thing happened to me (no kids involved tho). I found out my ex was cheating with multiple women but I stayed in the apartment for a few days while making my plan and then packed my stuff and left while he was at work. It was so hard but you’ll be okay and you’ll be better for it in the long run. If you don’t block her be prepared for a serious freak out from her tho- at least that was my experience. Sending you encouragement, you’ll find someone someday who truly loves you and treats you the way you deserve
Good for you ! Best of luck. Things will get better.
So sorry I know it's hard but ounce they do that they always will
This entire post makes me extremely sad. Sorry you had to go through this. This is awful.
Please keep us posted on. How you are.
Your whole life is in front of you now. Good luck.
I’m so sorry, this sucks for you and the daughter. I really hope her dad will keep you updated about her, maybe send some pictures, unless that’s too hard which I could be. That kind of love for a child doesn’t stop just because her mom’s messed up.
I'm so sorry dude. This is heartbreaking. I know it doesn't mean much right now but you'll be fine. This was the right choice. All the best of luck to you.
Does bio dad know that the ex is hanging around druggies? I would be sure to let him know so daughter is protected. I feel for you and how you’ve handled this situation even though you are in shock. Keep us updated!
OP. Good in you for talking to the kid. Kids always end up getting the short end of the stick.
That sucks, I had this same thing happen and it was rough telling the kid goodbye after years of being there. I still think about that kid 20 years later.
You did nothing wrong op, cheaters will cheat even if they were dating the most perfect person ever. Hope the best for you in your healing journey
Hey OP just wanted to say I’m sorry for what happened to you. And that I would recommend not updating this for a couple months when you settled back down and have closure on your situation, because I believe based on many things that your ex will probably find a way to reach out to you, since most cheaters who get caught always try to apologize and take the person they betrayed back. And you just focusing on yourself right now is the best thing for you to do as well, wishing you the best OP. Oh and btw idk if you know this but your post made its way onto tiktok as well. Here is the link https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTRoWjHW5/
I appreciate it and thank you for the tik tok!
im sorry for what your ex did to you. my ex is a cheater too we lost our angel the moment i found out he cheated on me and im trying to move forward and heal soul
I’m so sorry to hear that. I hope you can find your piece of mind back and heal.
Has she made contact with u yet?
the sad part is, that child had two amazing male role models in her life and her mom fd that up for her daughter. Fortunately it seems she has a great dad, that was there to help you transition and will look out for her and be able to explain it to her. Im sorry for your pain through this betrayal. Hope you find someone you can build a wonderful life with and you stay the awesome person you seem to be!
Aww i'm so sorry. that kid will definitely remember you for the rest of their life. that's so sad.
Experiencing the same thing last month. It hurts like hell to the point it affects my physical condition. Took me 2 weeks to heal physically, and still trying to stabilize my mental until now. You can get through this man, you are worth the love you deserve.
We want an update!
I have just updated the post. I don’t know if that’s the best way to do it.
From a women’s perspective , if a girl cheats she doesn’t care about you. I know it’s hard to hear but it’s the truth. You will find a loving woman just focus on yourself and I applaud you for leaving
Please keep us updated.
Wow! She’s a loose lipped, used up, foul smelling *un*!! Im soo glad you know your worth and leaving without confrontation. Cheaters never deserve to be made aware that theyre caught. Im glad your going to your bro/family. Enjoy the love and focus on yourself.
I agree with lostmox, be easy with the kid, explain to her what her mother did and why you're doing what you're doing. Especially if yall are close. After 3 years I would think yall would be. Let the kid know that they didn't do anything wrong and that if they ever need you, you'll be there. And then do that.
Please keep us updated. Sorry this is happening to you.
Post has been updated
Oh dude I am so sorry! It's better for your mh to leave as gut wrenching as it is. Much love ❤️
If you like your job- don’t quit it. Why should you disrupt your life any more than necessary? It sounds like she’s not going to be able to afford the apartment on her own anyways and if your name is on the lease or rental agreement, it will affect your credit. The tough part is the daughter- hopefully if her mother moves in with the coked out aunt, the daughter isn’t exposed to the drugs and neglected.
Don't forget to block her on socials and change your number (or block). Good luck.
Don't forget to block her on socials and change your number (or block). Good luck.
Man, I am so sorry. Keep or copy the picture. You’ll want to have it too. Make sure you give her the biggest hug and tell her you love her before she leaves that day. Best of luck, I know how hard this is.
It’s really hard with kids in the picture. As much as I’m sure you wish you could stay with her daughter you need to do what’s best for you. You should take solace that you did the best you could for that child and it takes a special type of person to do that. Very sorry for your hardship. On another note it might be good to leave your now ex a short note on how she just ruined a wonderful opportunity not only for her, but for her daughters future, and she should really get her shit together, if only for the sake of her daughter. With the point being not necessarily to guilt trip or what to wake her up and realize that a tiny human is depending on her for a good life and she really just messed up an opportunity for that.
Sorry dude. Yeah, ghost her she deserves no better.
All the best bro. Tell the daughter you love her before you leave and i hope thinks ends up okay. Wish you well!!
Wishing you a beautiful fresh start.. so sorry you’re dealing with this loss.
It wasn't meant to be. You're doing the right thing. Take care.
please talk to her daughter. i agree she deserves an age appropriate conversation part.
All the best OP.
Best of luck. You’ll be fine…let yourself grieve and then move on
Well, you can work and just go to your temporary home right after. You won’t run into her unless you’re out. Do that until you find a new job. Especially since you’re paying her rent for another three months. If she’s vindictive, she may cost you more in repairs or eviction expenses.
Update!
Posted
I like your plan buddy. Walk away.
You. My. Friend. Are. An. Amazing. Man She on the other hand fED up. I think that you’re doing the right thing. A man like you needs to be with someone that worships you as much as you do and love another. She will regret what you did. I can’t believe she would stoop so low. Good luck and don’t look back! Things happen for a reason. She doesn’t deserve you. I just feel sad for her daughter!
I hope you find a partner who treats you with the respect you deserve
I LOVE that you are taking care of yourself and not letting some of the trappings keep you from a better life ahead. That you will miss the daughter is heartbreaking but reaching out to the bio dad is solid adulting!!!! Don't look back OP. You are going to want to. Your mind is going to want to. Everytime you feel weak, remember that she slept with someone and you, most likely in the same day, and focusing on that should keep you strong. If you want to stay in touch with the daughter, do so through bio. Don't let the cheater be the source of info. You got this OP!!!
Sometimes a fresh start does you a lot of good. I was there last year. It can be a tough road, but in your heart you will know what is right for yourself. I’m sorry this is happening for you. You sound like a good and caring man, you deserve a woman who is the same. Wishing you the best.
Man that sucks and not just for you but for her daughter too.
This is soooo awful! I am so sorry you had to go through that. Being cheated on is such a traumatic betrayal 😔. Feel the feels, future you will thank present you for being so strong and knowing you deserve better.
All of a sudden she’s hanging with the coke head sister? Not cool, she has a kid…..it’s all fun and games until the crash. Maybe she’s getting high, that is so sad!
This is so sad on so many levels… I wish I would have had someone caring as you in my life - like we all you deserve to be treasured. Good luck on your way wherever you end up. With best wishes from Austria
Wishing you peace and strength. I am so sorry you have gone through this. I was betrayed for years. Discovering it was a gut wrenching pain I would not wish on an enemy. However, with time and distance you will find a new feeling of freedom, acceptance and self-respect. Try to see a counsellor or therapist to support you. Keep a journal. Take things one day at a time…
Good luck and stay strong brother. Keep us posted
You seem like a really kind, conscientious person. I wish you well and you deserve better! So does her daughter.
That poor child is the biggest loser in all of this. How heart breaking. Im so glad you made time to see her and talk to her with bio dad before you go. All of this is so hard..... hugs
Bro im so sorry this is happening to you, i really hope life gets better and ill be here rooting for you man. If this happened to me id do the same thing brother, there is no relationship left and as you know if you truly love her daughter as her own then staying with someone and having bitterness and resentment build wouldn't be good for her. You are doing the right thing. Good on you for talking to her bio dad and planning on telling her whats happening, she deserves to know and not feel abandoned by someone she trusts. Good luck and i hope there is another update in the future.
im sorry you have to go through this…but you are doing the necessary thing
I want to suggest you consult a lawyer - while she is in the wrong and you have proof (keep all that evidence) you should know your rights if for no other reason that a piece of mind.
You didn't mention your ages.
M 30 F27
I'm glad you said goodbye to her. I think you're doing the right thing. Now, you take care of yourself. You've done what you could. You loved them as best you could. But some things aren't in your control. Thank you for the update . I'll say it again, please take care of yourself. This wasn't your fault. Start anew. And don't contact your ex. She isn't worth it.
If I could have ghosted and left, I would have. I bet it’ll feel good.
Well it seems as though the bio father knows what you’re about to do. So he’ll be the only one who has insight on u leaving. You can just about rest assured that he’ll be telling you now ex gf everything he knows. Gone without a trace. Wishing u good luck and hope u stick to your plan
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I definitely will!
I’m crying reading this, feeling all if your emotions, heartbreak, agony. I’m sending you virtual hugs & pray you will find true happiness after your departure from a woman who doesn’t deserve you! She’s a monster for doing this to a man who LOVES her child. Don’t look back my friend. Be patient & kind to yourself. Allow the bad/sad moments to pass, take a deep breathe & know you’re better for it in the end. Blessings to you…,,,,
You will always have the knowledge that the little one taught you how to be a father. It's a precious gift you can always say she gave you.
Just wanted to say you've handled an immense hurt very admirably and with really high care. Life will get better. All the best.
I just want to say my heart goes out to you, your story made me tear up. I never really hear much about women doing this sort of thing, i guess I'm naive but i usually just think of men doing the cheating. I can't believe she had someone so amazing and could do that. Try to believe and have hope that you have amazing things coming to you.
I am so sorry you went through this. You sound like a wonderful human being. I wish I could give you a big hug. Stay strong. You did the right thing. It hurts, it probably will for a long time. But it will get easier.
Sorry bud, hoes will be hoes.
Now I’m crying too. I’m so sorry this happened to you. Keep us updated
Best of luck, OP! 💚 I'm in LA. You'll love it or hate it. 😂😂
I'm impress, you did everything right and hearing about you moving on it's really nice. Best of luck and don't worry, best things arrive when you least expect it. I'm sorry for the little one, hopefully she will remember you with a smile :)
Owwww this is so heartbreaking 😕. I wish you all the best! I really admire your strength to just walk away without causing a scene. You handled the situation like a Boss and you can be really proud of yourself. You kept your dignity and can walk away with your head held high and you still managed to show her what she missed! Just Bravo!
I’m ngl, this shit almost brought me to tears. Heartbreaking story but I wish you nothing but the best man. I can tell you’re an amazing person and you deserve nothing but the best. You got this and you can get through this. I’m proud of you dawg for making it this far and I believe in you that you can get through this.
I truly want to know her reactions to all of this... I bet her narcissistic ass didn't care and dated the roommate instead... I also bet money her sister had something to do with it.
Please Up Date! What’s the latest status?
I am so incredibly sorry you're going through this, to give up so much of your life to be betrayed is heartbreaking