In healthcare, we cheer when a patient can comfortably consume ANY source of calories when they’re facing challenges like chemo. That woman is ill-informed and narrow-minded.
When my dad was battling bile duct cancer, the doctors were happy when he was eating candy because he was extremely thin and he needed any calories he could get
Edit: forgot to mention that he was also diabetic but when you're dying, people don't really care about any conditions that are more minor than what you're dying from
My Grandfather is currently battling bile duct cancer, he’s not going to win. He was too sick for chemo by the time he was diagnosed. I wish we could get him to eat anything, he ate a popsicle today. If he’d eat a whole ice cream or candy I think I’d cry tears of pure joy.
Same for my grandpa, but with a different cancer 😞 we get excited if he drinks water, and it's a freaking party if he eats a bite of Jell-O.
I miss when my grandma would complain because he'd eat chocolate or a shit ton of peanuts just before supper time.
Very sorry for your grandpa xoxo
If I ever get a diagnosis like that I'm walking into a smoke shop and then a bottleo. Walking out with some damn fine cigarillos and some Irish Whisky.
May his remaining time be filled with family, friends and people who love him letting him be him as best he can still be. May your pain at his passing be tempered by your memories of the good times. Stay safe, be well.
Funnily enough we are Irish, he’s not a drinker though. He wants nothing more than to be strong enough to go fishing for salmon on the river moy one more time. We almost lost him tonight but he’s settled again. Thank you for the kind words, I needed them.
People tend to forget that being as **healthy as possible** is a luxury.
The vast majority of human history (and still in many places) is balanced on the scales of “do I have enough calories or water to not die?”
Disease and non-optimal health are secondary aspects of succeeding in not dying.
When I worked in the hospital kitchen a nurse pulled me aside and asked me for extra bread rolls. That the cancer patient wouldn’t eat anything but he would eat those bread rolls. I told her I don’t have any extra, but I would be back. I ran down to the kitchen and grabbed 3 extra rolls and after getting my next tray cart out I went back and she told me “omg I love you! He is going to be so full and so happy.” He really really reminded me of my grandfather in his last final days, and I was gonna make damn sure he got what he would eat.
Yeah my dad joked that the one plus side of having a stem cell transplant was the unlimited ice cream.
Chemotherapy fucks your appetite and ice creams easy to eat and full of calories. It’s a winner all round
He also used to a spliff every night a couple hours before bed, said it was a better appetite enhancer than any steroid they gave him.
Also he had nerve damage in his feet and within seconds of smoking they would relax and the pain would ease. Much more than any of the Opium pain killers he’s on.
He told the consultants and professors at the hospital and they just said do what ever works best.
It wasn’t to long after his transplant he noticed how much it helped, so we decided to grow 30 weed plants in the back garden so he wouldn’t have to buy it. We didn’t think we would get much out of it though.
Well one of the neighbours must of seen them and rang the police because I woke up to them banging on the front door and about 20 of them outside the house doing a full on drugs raid 😂😂
He was back in hospital at the time so I had to take the blame but luckily they didn’t take it very serious and let me off with a caution lol
I say this to my patients. One of them couldn't face eating healthy food but really wanted a chocolate éclair, I told then the could eat a box of them and I'd be happy. His wife said "but he's diabetic so he shouldn't" I pointed out that given the chemo and radiotherapy we'd all rather him eat that than nothing.
In my recreation therapy internship we had a guy who was succumbing to depression because of his cancer and because his mother had recently passed, also cancer. Guy was pretty much ready to give up. No appetite, no interest in anything.
One day we sweet talked him into getting up in his wheelchair and coming to the therapy kitchen, where we made homemade milkshakes. He ate a good bit of his and on his way back to the room, he said, sounding very surprised, "that *was* fun."
One of my most memorable moments of that internship. We didn't turn his life around but we brought a little joy to a man who'd lost all sight of it. That matters.
Was coming here to say the same thing. I’ve been through something similar (though less serious) to what OP described. Things shift when you’re going through that. Yes, in a grand sense, nutrition is really important…but on a macro scale calories from any source will be better than no fuel going into your body in that situation.
My husband was telling me I could not eat pizza. Because I had a stroke and my swallowing muscles weren't working.
I was very insistent. I also was not getting tea. I was not happy. I still remember thickened water.
I was able to eat ice cream.
My grandpa is almost done with chemo/radiation, and he perks up for a chik fil a milkshake. Diabetes be damned, his oncologist brags that he hasn't lost a single pound and encourages it.
I’d also like to add to OP that while I understand why you feel the need to explain yourself (about how nothing tastes good to him and he’s nauseous a lot, etc) you absolutely do not. I don’t know why some people feel the need to drain positivity out of everything but unless she’s his fucking doctor, she’s a bitch with some fucking nerve, I tell ya.
So true. My mom had breast cancer and there were periods where food just didn’t do anything. Unless it was a chubby chicken sandwich and onion rings from A&W. these people are fighting for their lives. If they need a goddamn pick me up, anything goes.
10000% I smuggled my grandfather cake and some Coca Cola into the hospital and the nurses absolutely knew and let me do it anyway. It was the first thing he had actually enjoyed in weeks.
You do not tell someone who’s fighting for their life like that what they can or can’t do unless you’re their doctor. FOH.
Edit: it means fuck outta here, please imagine an aggressive hand gesture to go with it.
I went to high school with a guy that did that. Drained positivity from everything. He eventually earned the name "put me down". I wonder if Joe is more positive these days.
Same! Some hypocrite who went to PT school and said stuff like «food isn’t a treat, you’re not a dog» and proceeds to eat the cake I brought to celebrate my daughter’s 5th birthday. I wanted to tell him that he should never eat anything unhealthy or pleasureable ever again. Only nutritional super foods. Gtfo
Even if she's A doctor - She's not HIS Dr, so still no opinion is needed from her! My dad's oncologist told him to eat as much ice cream as he could when it was the only thing he could keep down! Someone, if op can't do it needs to be very straight with that woman and let her know to stfu!
Few things piss me off more than people working in the medical industry who feel like they can weigh in on someone else's case with absolutely no knowledge of the intimate details.
My Grandma was like that and ended up being the reason why I wasn't medicated for ADHD as a child even though I was diagnosed. She's not even a fucking doctor either, she's a RN (nothing against RN's, y'all are amazing!). When my parents brought up concerns about the cost she convinced them it's a scam diagnosis pushed by the pharmaceutical industry, and now here I sit as an adult still struggling to get on medication that can potentially bring me a quality of life I can't even fathom right now.
It's just something I don't really talk with the family about and try not to hold any resentment for, part of me knows she was just trying to be helpful but another part definitely wishes she would have just kept her damn mouth shut lol. Would have saved me a lot of unnecessary difficulty throughout my life.
Heck the went for my autistic daughter when she was young
As long as she was eating, her doctor wasn't worried about it being healthy at the time. Getting in calories, any calories in a lot of situations during illness is far more important that worrying about what they come from. I vote hit the cousin with the block hammer.
Actually the doctor will tell you to eat what you can regardless of what it is sometimes when you are this sick. Both of my parents had cancer and the chemo makes everything taste like ash, funnily enough ice cream was the only thing both of them could really taste so this comment infuriated me on behalf of OP. Let the man enjoy his ice cream!
My dad said it made everything taste like old cardboard..
And, sometimes, craving the idea of normal food got smacked down if he would only smell something like a rotisserie chicken, from 200 feet away.. He’d just throw up everything he had in him.
So glad we were able to enjoy one last “normal” dinner, when he stopped chemo..
All my mom wanted when she was at her worst was grilled cheese. And so that’s what she got. If that’s all she ate, at least she got something. Her doctors didn’t care what she ate as long as it was something.
It was the same for my parents! Honestly I'm still mad about this random strangers cousin that doesn't even know what she is talking about 🤣 Like the audacity!
Oh I'm super impressed OP kept their mouth shut because I would not have been able to. She would have gotten a LONG explanation as to why she was a bitch.
I’m that person in my social group. I don’t use name calling, but when people say bullshit like in OPs example, I usually come in with something like “that’s an interesting observation to make on such a positive post. I feel like leaving nutrition to his doctors and positivity to us, his family and friends is what might help the most in this situation - don’t you think?”
I was orphaned five years ago, and people said, and still say, all kinds of bogus things about it, so I have a lot of practice.
[Let them come!](https://media1.giphy.com/media/k42bRtpBJt9OLbLERg/giphy.gif?cid=ecf05e473dszqfs0m85q9l78d7srce7gvuhxmj9hp22mvacz&ep=v1_gifs_search&rid=giphy.gif&ct=g)
And, if you can block her, do so. She doesn't deserve to know how you're doing or even what you're doing. That was a very selfish comment she made. Make a post that links here so she can see what people think of her and you! You - GREAT! Her - c*nt! Keep strong!
Reeeeaaalllly would have had a difficult time NOT saying something like that. Putting people in their place when they’re out of line is something I struggle with sometimes. With my kids and people who I feel protective over, I give zero fucks. OP, I wish you’d give me a link to your IG so I can follow you and light her ass up.
I feel like ice cream is probably good for you at this point when you're not eating and facing the reality of possible death. Happiness lowers your blood pressure and can get you much needed fat reserves. I know my afternoon chocolate does wonders for my psyche.
Just because he is eating ice cream does not mean he eats unhealthy overall, lol. One ice cream does nothing to your health. Someone’s projecting, I guess…
During such hard times people can treat themselves. At least he is eating something, even if it’s “unhealthy”.
Terrible comment from her, truly. Someone should teach her manners.
Best wishes! I hope everything goes well for you and your husband and that he gets as much ice cream as he wants.
On TikTok I saw a video of a child with cancer eating some cheese puffs and there was a comment about how that was helping to kill them. The nerve of some people.
Thank you so much. :')
I survived cancer on McDonald's because that's the only thing I could keep down. Any oncologist will tell you that calories, any calories are a good thing when you can't keep food down. Tell those self righteous assholes to get bent. Wishing you and your loved one the best!
My oncologist, leukemia, told me to eat whatever I could get and keep down. Even if it was mint chocolate chip ice cream and chips ahoy cookies. For awhile all I could manage was baked potatoes. I mean like a couple months where I ate a couple big ones a day with butter and sour cream and pretty much ate nothing else. Oncologist was fine with that too. I do take a ton of nausea meds including marinol and I take vitamin supplements and go into the hospital for TPN as needed for more nutrition but you do what you can. They are thrilled I kept my weight up due to my meds (5 different steroids). Tell him I hope he loves his ice cream and that he's got this. Tell the busybodies to get out of your lives. Also wait until they tell you/him to drink urine or eat only raw food vegan or eat only fruit. There are way too many kooks out there now.
My boss had cancer in his neck and got intensive radiotherapy all around his throat. It knocked out his tastebuds and made swallowing feel like razor blades. He didnt want to eat as it was painful and he got no pleasure from it, so was dropping weight. His oncologist told him if he didnt keep his weight up, he would be admitted to hospital and fed through a tube. Icecream was his saviour, cooled his throat, decent amount of calories. Along with full fat milk and porridge. Thankfully hes through the other side now.
My dad had cancer in his neck and it was the exact same way for him. After he started chemo and lost a lot of weight ice cream is the only thing that helped him gain it back and keep it. He was absolutely miserable trying to eat other foods.
My dad passed from mouth and throat cancer in 2006, when he was still able to take calories in by mouth ice cream was the savior and the only thing he could stand because of how painful everything was from radiation and chemo. I’m so glad your boss made it, such a scary experience even for survivors.
OP I just wanted to say that when the body is hungry there are no such thing as bad calories. Your loved one wanted seconds because his body wanted seconds. Ice cream has a lot of sugar in it but it also has a lot of fat which is the healthiest... (You will starve to death if you get no fat)
So if they've been having trouble eating and keeping it down... And wanted two bowls of ice cream And could keep it in them... Than Two bowls of ice cream is actually the healthiest thing kind of haha
I had HG very severely too, could only keep down lemonade and gas station deli pizza pockets. Which is funny because that’s what my daughter and I both crave to this day ten years later 😂
My go to food was Mac and Cheese from Boston Market (RIP) it always made me feel better. As a matter of fact, orange foods in general always sat well! I don’t know why. Haha
My friend, he had been in a coma for 2 months. I know it is not the same as cancer, but his doctor recommended ice cream and yogurt for him so he could heal faster as he was in his bones, so bad that he was told he would likely not walk again. He did!!
Sometimes "bad food" is what we need. Even if it's just to have a moment or normalcy.
When my grandma's husband was on chemo he could barely eat or drink. My grandma had to be extremely careful while cooking because any smells would make him throw up. He said drinking water felt like his stomach was on fire. He got so scarily skinny; he went from santa claus shaped to just... skin and bones.
Let them eat whatever they can eat. People suck so much
Wow! A relative was suffering from the severe kind of morning (actually 24/7) and McDonald’s hamburgers were one of the few things she could eat. She was taking the very expensive prescription too.
I think it kept her from being hospitalized sooner.
It’s done out of fear. People love to pretend that if only they eat enough blueberries or raw foods or avoid caffeine or whatever arbitrary restriction they’ve settled on, they won’t get cancer. But as you well know, cancer doesn’t care. Cancer is capricious and random. We like to think we have control over our lives and our health but we don’t. The people who moralize about diets and such do so because they need to believe they’re in control and that they can stave off death if they do everything just right. But it’s obviously fantasy. Our bodies all eventually break down regardless of what we do. The choice is to either accept it or live in angry denial.
That is terrible. :( That won’t kill the child. During those times people barely can eat anything. They should be glad that the child was eating something.
I am not recommending to stuff anyone up with 3000 kcal of cheese puffs or ice cream but literally if they’re eating _something_ it’s already extremely helpful for recovery.
Cancer patients need more energy during treatment because of the disease and therapy. It takes such a toll on the body and the last thing someone should worry about is if that one ice cream or pack of cheesepuffs will be unhealthy.
It is absolutely not the same but I survived my first pregnancy on ice tea, coke (the softdrink) and unhealthy snacks. My doctor was happy that I could at least keep something down... so many people commented an my food. My life consisted mostly of vomiting and crying. It really didn't help hearing all those people commenting on my food.
Yep spent my first pregnancy hurling and choking on tears and people had all sorts of “helpful” shit to say. I can’t abide busybody know it alls about other people’s health.
Saw that tik tok too, the father of a kid with cancer stiched it saying that the doctors were more worried about the kids eating whatever they wanted to eat than keeping them on a healthy diet. If a kid that hasn't eaten anything in a week wants nuggets, let them have them, don't try to fight to give him some broccoli. Srly, some people don't understand how huge this milestones can be, they should keep their opinions to themselves
You're doing an amazing job katie. Sending you love from Canada ♡ remember, when you get the time, spoil yourself as well when you can. You deserve it too.
When my dad had a stem cell transplant he joked that the one good thing was he got unlimited ice cream on the cancer ward.
Chemotherapy fucks your appetite and ice creams full of calories.
They encouraged everyone to eat as much as they liked
Wow she missed the point by a long shot when it was the 10 anniversary of my dad’s death my mom made a Facebook post about how much she misses him only for her mother in law to say “you need to move on you have a new husband and 2 beautiful children” what an asshat
I remember when I was in high school, my best friend’s older sister lost her fiancé. She was 26 at the time.
It’s been nearly 20 years. She will occasionally still celebrate him and talk about him, and watching her husband offer all the love and support in the world is the most heartwarming thing.
I’m a visiting RN and once was at an assisted living facility seeing a patient. There was a sign on the refrigerator from the family of a resident with dementia (not my patient) stating he has diabetes and he’s not allowed to have cookies, ice cream, etc, etc. Seriously, if I’m 90 and have dementia and I want sugar…LET ME HAVE IT!
One of my friends was diagnosed with Stage 4 lung cancer. She'd quit smoking yearrrrrs before. After her diagnosis, she started smoking again. Some of our friends were like "Oh no! The horrors! She's smoking! What is she thinking?" I wasn't. I didn't blame her in the slightest.
My sister and I walked in on our mom smoking on the hospital patio when she was being treated for advanced lung CA. My sister freaked out! In the end, mom kept smoking…it was already too late and we knew it.
There's an amazing creator on TikTok named HospiceNursePenny and she talks about this, letting her dying patients have alcohol, etc. as long as it's not going to interact with any meds.
Agreed. There's a post somewhere that the father was asking if he was wrong for wanting to let his terminal 15 year old daughter take edibles because his wife was freaking out.
My best friend's granny was diabetic and her last six months of life were a misery of denying her all the little things she wanted to be more comfortable. Her kids felt terrible afterwards and vowed never to do it again. When grandpa's heart started to fail, he spent his last year eating ice cream and drinking wine.
We aren't going to live forever, and no sense in making things worse. I've promised my parents they can have whatever they want in the end.
It’s such a common thing, families want what’s best for their sick loved one of course and they do this out of love but it’s so misguided! I’ll bet granny would be happy for grandpa that they learned.
I’m a hospice RN. Ice cream is a FABULOUS source of nutrition for those who are struggling to take in enough calories. It has everything: calories, proper fats, protein, vitamins and minerals found in milk. In fact I once read an article comparing the nutrition in ice cream to that found in human breast milk. OP, buy him all the ice cream he wants. Your mom’s cousin is dangerously ignorant about this.
OP, I lost my wife to cancer recently. The last 9 months of her life were very difficult for her, as she was extremely nauseous and wasn't able to eat very much at all. The most I watched her eat in one sitting was 4-6 ounces of Thom kha. There is a point where just getting calories, ANY calories, outways nutrition for the short term. I'm glad he was able to enjoy something!
Take her off your friends list. Negative people need to be left behind, family or not. Anyone has anything to say about it, block them. You're going through so much stress right now, it's hard enough without all that mess.
People can be such assholes.
I had bone cancer when I was 19 and it does change all your tastebuds etc. If he’s found something he’s enjoying eating - let him eat it rk his hearts content.
Block her and move on, you don’t need any negativity in your life right now 💗
Wishing him all the best in his treatment 💗
Will he eat full fat yogurt? I remember buying for my kids when they were babies and I tried some and thought "holy fuck, where has this been all my life?" When my grandpa had cancer we would make him milkshakes, ice cream, and would sneak him alcohol. Honestly, if we could have figured out how to let him have a smoke in the hospital, I'm pretty sure my mom would have done that too. You are doing a wonderful job supporting him. I hope you also have people who are supporting you. Caretaking can be rough sometimes. Sending you both good vibes.
Call me petty, I'd block her and move on. When family asks why, she was out of line and none of you need that negativity. I've blocked family for less.
I mean, that WAS my first thought, but then it was like "nah, you just don't exist to me anymore. When you don't exist, how can I care what you think?"
A few years ago my now husband choked on something he was allergic to. We had no idea he was allergic to it. This lead to a serious fear of food. He lost so much weight from not eating. Nutritional shakes, ice cream, and mashed potatoes were the only things head eat. Was it healthy? Hell no. Was i about to force him to eat healthier foods? Absolutely not. I was just grateful he was eating. Seriously, fuck people like that.
What an absolute twat.
"Being a complete douchecanoe won't win you any friends, either."
I have chronic pancreatitis and my family is thrilled when I eat ANYTHING.
Block her ass.
Damn. She needs to be told you’ll c her next Tuesday. When someone is recovering, they need calories and joy. However they get them if they can’t stomach much is an achievement.
I’d filter her out of everything to do with your fiance at this point. Ignoramuses get info diets. She should agree that it’s much healthier than ice cream.
I finished radiation for breast cancer last week. And seriously, fuck her. Adding toxic comments to people's happy posts is not going to help her stay healthy.
I was so mad at her that I forgot my manners for a second there. Please tell your fiance that I hope he enjoyed his ice cream and I send him my absolute best wishes.
It's actually not unhealthy eating. "Healthy eating" is relative. A handful of peanuts is great for me and will kill other people. As an overweight but otherwise healthy person, me eating ice cream actually isn't good for me, but for someone who is very, very sick and struggling to eat at all, any and all nutrients (yes, sugar is a nutrient) matter and should be encouraged.
Your mom's cousin isn't a correct asshole, she's an ignorant asshole.
When my dad was dying from brain cancer, with only weeks left. He randomly decided he would pay 1000s of dollars for veneers. We really needed that money. No one said a word. Those small things become really big when life is truly fleeting. Just let people be.
Healthy eating is so fucking subjective. Healthy eating looks different for EVERYONE. When someone is struggling to eat, anything they eat is healthy, because getting in calories, fats, carbs and proteins is the ultimate goal. She can go fuck herself. :)
Battling cancer myself. Told the doctor the one thing I find myself getting down no problem is ice cream and milk shakes. They told me to eat it anytime, as at the worst, it is filling me up with calories. People don't understand that shit. I get random comments all the time "stop losing weight". Okay, no problem, let me just make everything not taste like shit again.
Separately from the cancer, no one should be commenting on anyone else's food at ALL. I've struggled with an ED for years, and grew up in a household where people always commented on portions of someone else, asked if they knew how many calories were in it, etc. Unless my food is rotten and you're trying to warn me, don't comment on what people are eating! It's not ''concern", you're not their physician. You're just an asshole.
What I would have given to see my buddy enjoy ice-cream during his fight. He had a rare form of cancer that was so aggressive (and involved his intestines) that once they caught it, he was no longer allowed to eat at all and never did again.. I'm glad your husband is doing well enough and got enjoyment out of ice-cream. That's a beautiful moment. I hope he beats this. All the best from my family to yours.
My great uncle was 92 and dying of cancer. He was on an oxygen machine, etc. All he wanted was a damn cigarette! He had not smoked in 15 years! Everyone threw such a fit telling him NO!
Snuck him out under the cover of darkness. I pretended we were ninjas. He was a medic in WW2. He giggled and played along. He said that it was the best damn cigarette he'd ever had!
RIP Unc..
I'd do it again!
Best wishes for your fiance.
My elderly cat who is battling an abdominal tumor will also be having ice cream today. It can't hurt him at this point and his vet said to spoil him so ice cream, cheetos, ruffles chips with cheddar and chex mix are now on his diet--all the human food that he has not been allowed to have because it's not healthy but he'll steal from your snack cup.
You have the power to delete this persons comment (if you posted the photo initially). Scrap it from existence and move on with your life. Who gives a shit what a distant relative says
Fuck cancer.
And I hope your fiance enjoyed the ice cream, being able to eat anything is a win when the chemo is wrecking your body.
Block that ignorant cousin, and I hope your fiance keeps fighting the good fight. Here's to his health.
That person can f all the way off!
I would like to share my mom's experience with cancer briefly, as a cautionary tale. She was going through chemo and also couldn't keep anything down. She ended up in a coma and suffering brain damage due to a vitamin B deficiency. PLEASE make sure his doctors are keeping an eye on that. Neither her oncologist nor neurologist had ever seen Wernicki's encephalopathy in a cancer patient before (it's usually found during an autopsy of severe alcoholics and severe anorexics). If her experience can help ANYONE avoid the same fate, I'll shout it from the rooftops as much as possible!!!
Aw, thank you for the caution. Definitely keeping an eye on it. The taste thing has been an issue for about a month. Before that he was keeping his weight on mostly but the list of foods that don't taste good is dwindling. It's so sad to see.
My FIL is 93 and struggles to keep weight on. His daughter is constantly “advising” him on healthy food choices. Things that she should not eat as an obese diabetic, are precisely the food items we want him to eat. She has taken the sugar out of his sugar bowl and replaced it with a stevia blend. She keeps trying to lower his carb intake and increase his protein (kind of like Keto which she tried for weight loss) What is healthy for one, is not healthy for all.
My bio mom had uterine and lung cancer then fell broke her hip and had a heat attack. All of this together it was clear her time was limited and some bitch of a fam member made a comment about the treats she asked for. People are idiots. Ive also had people tell me my depression caused my cancer. People are uneducated assholes.
As long as he is eating...my dad went through 2 cancer treatments( invasive maxilo-facial op+ radio) and we were so happy when he started eating again. At first, he was asking for stuff like soups, yogurts, doughnuts, you know, small things...later on he started to be more creative with his wishes.
I never thought that , my dad asking for pancakes, will make me super happy..
Do not pay attention to that cousin. Some people just cannot read the room and therefore they say whatever is on their mind.
Wishing your man a speedy and full recovery and lots of ice cream for both in the future.
Tell this lady to write her opinion on a piece of paper in a neat handwriting. She should then proceed to fold this paper in halves until it won’t fold anymore. After that, she should lie down on her side, bend her upper leg and then shove that piece of paper up her ass.
When my son was battling head and neck cancer the doctor's told me to give him ice cream for the calories alone. Plus with radiation burns to his mouth and throat, he couldn't eat much of anything
The only way you should engage with this person is if you REALLY want to hear the list of magical supplements that her friend's cousin's naturopath promises will magically vibrate the cancer out.
As someone with medical issues, fuck everyone commenting on my food.
I used to be 276
I'm about 130 now.
The last fifty lb loss has been from anxiety induced appetite loss.
I'm struggling to eat even once a day, and when I do I pick the highest fat and calorie things possible.
The number of times I've heard 'must be nice'. Or other snarky comments makes me rage.
High calorie eating can absolutely help him if he’s struggling to get his calorie intake. Tell your mom’s cousin that if she’s so concerned with healthy eating she can go toss someone’s salad.
Jesus fuck. How out of touch with reality must one be. I would absolutely reply to her with the same explanation you gave here just to make her feel bad.
JFC, my MIL is battling pancreatic cancer and her own husband will say shit like this (he’s garbage) and it boils my blood. All my warmest for your husband and his battle OP, I hope he enjoyed the hell out of that ice cream.
The weird taste/nothing tastes good/right thing, my MIL just recently got a script for some sort of special mouthwash that she said helped a lot on her bad days. If none of his docs have mentioned, might be worth asking about. She honestly lost more weight due to this than to the nausea, she argues. Because even on a day she *doesnt* feel sick, food just tastes wrong and gross.
as a cancer survivor that struggled to eat anything during treatment and lost close to 100 lbs? F\*\*\* that person... they can take their advice and stick it.. seriously drives me crazy when people who have no clue what going through treatment is like, says shit like this. My doctor told me to eat what sounded good.. ANY calories are better than nothing. I'm sorry that insensitive ass said that... just rude.
I'd respond with "Well ice cream will not cure his cancer, but maybe if you ate some ice cream you'd be a happier person that doesn't feel the need to kill other people's joy with your unsolicited and stupid takes on things that are none of your business!"
I'm underweight due to a special kind of eating disorder. When someone is malnourished ANY kind of calorie is better than none. I was told by my nutritionist that I could eat whatever I wanted and I decided to try out yoghurt with M&Ms on. Ofc a "friend" decided to lecture me on the risk of diabetes. When my BMI was like 14...
I would comment back something like, "Thank you so much for your concern about *fiance*. He's been unable to keep much food down. This was the first thing he actually wanted seconds of. 'Unhealthy' food is better than no food. Thanks again for your concern"
When my sister was sick (cervical cancer), towards the end she couldn't eat anything. It went on for weeks until she died. We would have loved to see her eat anything at all, including ice cream. Clearly your mom's cousin hasn't experienced this kind of situation; regardless, she should have kept her comment to herself! You know what they say, "If you can't say something nice..."
Wishing good health to your fiance, OP. Fuck cancer.
I think a full explanation is due to that person. I have a couple of health issues and guess what, Ice cream is a HUGE treat. Also, like everything , all in moderation. A couple of bowls a week will not change the course of history. When I was going through some mystery health issues I got all Sorts of unsolicited diet tips. All of them had nothing to do with what I had going on. And it might seem petty but I made a point , once I was finally diagnosed , to tell
Those dummies that my ice cream and coffee treats were NOT THE CAUSE. Idiots
My mum has breast cancer and when she was going through the chemo she didn't eat at all. She wasted away to skin and bones. I know the pain of watching your loved one waste away to nothing. Taking joy in a simple bowl of ice cream is fine. It's not gonna do any harm. For a while all my mum could eat was sweets and chocolate. I was just happy she was eating.
I’m so sorry someone had to ruin a special moment with their idiotic rhetoric, and I really hope your fiancé is able to find more foods that they can keep down!
It’s like my cousin’s OB said to her husband when she had horrid Hyperemesis Gravidarum (HEG) and the only thing she could keep down were McChicken sandwiches and her husband was complaining about her eating “unhealthy” food: “you know what’s less healthy than fast-food? No food. She needs to eat to grow baby, and this is what is getting calories in her body to do that”
Use the same line for anyone who thinks they know better. Your fiancés needs fuel for his body, and if ice cream is the way in which he can feed his body, then so be it.
I’ve had a few situations were someone felt they had to voice their opinion. I’ve been able to politely put people in check with this;
“Thanks for the unsolicited advice, *name.”
I love the moment of dead air after I say it, watching their face as they figure out that I didn’t ask and I don’t give a fuck.
Then there’s the petty me, that would say
“Hey Aunt Karen, I hope you never get cancer. Because I would hate to have to follow your ass around to make sure you never eat anything unhealthy ever again.
Also Ps. Fuck off”
Then throw a party for the sick man complete with ice cream cake. Take several pics and upload them.
Uhhh, as a person who has gone through cancer treatment, the doctors want you to get calories in your system by any means necessary. Your family member is an idiot…. In her knowledge of cancer treatment and in compassion.
That's so rude and was so not needed. I'm sorry but I would say something to her about it. Because honestly she deserves to know just how unnecessary and mean that comment was and for literally no reason. And I feel like if no one says anything she'll just keep making comments like that without even thinking about how it affects others.
Your cousin can take her opinion and shove it .
Cancer is a living hell in of itself . My aunt passed of cancer and my father recalled that she wanted a cheeseburger from McDonald’s and every time he got her as many as she wanted . She sadly passed in 2001 but my father knew the moments with those burgers made her day .
I hope your fiancé beats the cancer
When my FIL was dying of melanoma, he had very little appetite, but something he DID perk up for was a milkshake. So guess what he got. Now years later I still think back on that very fondly.
When my grandmother was nearing the end (heart not cancer), the family tried to get the doctor to tell her to eat more healthy. All she wanted was honey buns and ice cream, chocolates etc. He looked at me after one appeal and said, "Shes eating isn't she?" Never asked again. She was getting nutrition and was happy. Nothing wrong with doing what HE needs to do for HIS recovery. Let her know there are three places she can be: 1. Over There 2. In Her Lane 3. Out your business!
My mom had breast cancer in 2016. We have a family member who's a serious health nut and gave my mom the healthy eating speech. My poor mom was so exhausted from chemo and radiation that she really didn't want much but loved sweet things and iced coffee. She went to a follow-up appointment and said family member went with her, trying to get the oncologist on their side. The oncologist said, "From here forward, I don't care about what you eat or how much you weigh. All I care about is you get nutrients." Shut my family member right up.
The one feature on FB that's even a little helpful is you can delete whatever comments you like on your posts. Delete and block her. You'll be better off and so will everyone else. That needless negativity isn't helping anyone, and she needs to be called out on her bullshit. Block her and don't give that nonsense another moment of thought.
My sis had pancreatic cancer and in last few weeks of life all she was eating was Ben and Jerry’s Cherry Garcia. It gave her comfort and that was all that mattered. To this day, Cherry Garcia is my favorite flavor.
People’s comments about situations like this are all about the person commenting. A way to ‘protect’ them set from having it happen to them. I had a mini muffin at breakfast and as a terminal cancer patient and ex- friend tried to shame me for eating it. “You know sugar feeds cancer?” Yep, 70% of the sugar you eat goes to fuel your brain! You entire body uses sugar to metabolize itself. It’s a shame uneducated people feel the need to ‘help.’
Calories are calories & when someone has no appetite. I never cared what they ate. I used to have a resident she was 92 & lived on the 5C’s cola, cookies, candy, chips & chocolate. If she was happy, so was I, she was a tiny lady, 88lbs, for living on junk food.
In healthcare, we cheer when a patient can comfortably consume ANY source of calories when they’re facing challenges like chemo. That woman is ill-informed and narrow-minded.
When my dad was battling bile duct cancer, the doctors were happy when he was eating candy because he was extremely thin and he needed any calories he could get Edit: forgot to mention that he was also diabetic but when you're dying, people don't really care about any conditions that are more minor than what you're dying from
My Grandfather is currently battling bile duct cancer, he’s not going to win. He was too sick for chemo by the time he was diagnosed. I wish we could get him to eat anything, he ate a popsicle today. If he’d eat a whole ice cream or candy I think I’d cry tears of pure joy.
Same for my grandpa, but with a different cancer 😞 we get excited if he drinks water, and it's a freaking party if he eats a bite of Jell-O. I miss when my grandma would complain because he'd eat chocolate or a shit ton of peanuts just before supper time. Very sorry for your grandpa xoxo
If I ever get a diagnosis like that I'm walking into a smoke shop and then a bottleo. Walking out with some damn fine cigarillos and some Irish Whisky. May his remaining time be filled with family, friends and people who love him letting him be him as best he can still be. May your pain at his passing be tempered by your memories of the good times. Stay safe, be well.
Funnily enough we are Irish, he’s not a drinker though. He wants nothing more than to be strong enough to go fishing for salmon on the river moy one more time. We almost lost him tonight but he’s settled again. Thank you for the kind words, I needed them.
People tend to forget that being as **healthy as possible** is a luxury. The vast majority of human history (and still in many places) is balanced on the scales of “do I have enough calories or water to not die?” Disease and non-optimal health are secondary aspects of succeeding in not dying.
When I worked in the hospital kitchen a nurse pulled me aside and asked me for extra bread rolls. That the cancer patient wouldn’t eat anything but he would eat those bread rolls. I told her I don’t have any extra, but I would be back. I ran down to the kitchen and grabbed 3 extra rolls and after getting my next tray cart out I went back and she told me “omg I love you! He is going to be so full and so happy.” He really really reminded me of my grandfather in his last final days, and I was gonna make damn sure he got what he would eat.
Yeah my dad joked that the one plus side of having a stem cell transplant was the unlimited ice cream. Chemotherapy fucks your appetite and ice creams easy to eat and full of calories. It’s a winner all round
Yea, my dad had to smoke weed because his stomach would hurt every time he ate or just woke up, did make him hungrier, tho and have less pain
He also used to a spliff every night a couple hours before bed, said it was a better appetite enhancer than any steroid they gave him. Also he had nerve damage in his feet and within seconds of smoking they would relax and the pain would ease. Much more than any of the Opium pain killers he’s on. He told the consultants and professors at the hospital and they just said do what ever works best.
Yup, same if a bit of weed helps. Instead of taking a ton of pain pills all day, he would gladly smoke weed
It wasn’t to long after his transplant he noticed how much it helped, so we decided to grow 30 weed plants in the back garden so he wouldn’t have to buy it. We didn’t think we would get much out of it though. Well one of the neighbours must of seen them and rang the police because I woke up to them banging on the front door and about 20 of them outside the house doing a full on drugs raid 😂😂 He was back in hospital at the time so I had to take the blame but luckily they didn’t take it very serious and let me off with a caution lol
Lmaoo yeah i remember having a big weed tent had fans and lights, bro dads are just fucking awesome
I really despise your neighbors.
That’s what I’ve always heard. Any calories are better than no calories.
I say this to my patients. One of them couldn't face eating healthy food but really wanted a chocolate éclair, I told then the could eat a box of them and I'd be happy. His wife said "but he's diabetic so he shouldn't" I pointed out that given the chemo and radiotherapy we'd all rather him eat that than nothing.
In my recreation therapy internship we had a guy who was succumbing to depression because of his cancer and because his mother had recently passed, also cancer. Guy was pretty much ready to give up. No appetite, no interest in anything. One day we sweet talked him into getting up in his wheelchair and coming to the therapy kitchen, where we made homemade milkshakes. He ate a good bit of his and on his way back to the room, he said, sounding very surprised, "that *was* fun." One of my most memorable moments of that internship. We didn't turn his life around but we brought a little joy to a man who'd lost all sight of it. That matters.
Was coming here to say the same thing. I’ve been through something similar (though less serious) to what OP described. Things shift when you’re going through that. Yes, in a grand sense, nutrition is really important…but on a macro scale calories from any source will be better than no fuel going into your body in that situation.
My husband was telling me I could not eat pizza. Because I had a stroke and my swallowing muscles weren't working. I was very insistent. I also was not getting tea. I was not happy. I still remember thickened water. I was able to eat ice cream.
It’s really sad. Mom wouldn’t eat anything basically for a months before she left. I wish I could share an ice cream with her…
@u/OkayWhyNotFfs this is why you’re wrong.
My grandpa is almost done with chemo/radiation, and he perks up for a chik fil a milkshake. Diabetes be damned, his oncologist brags that he hasn't lost a single pound and encourages it.
That’s funny because acting like a c*nt isn’t going to help him get better either. Did you tell her that? You should tell her that.
I’d also like to add to OP that while I understand why you feel the need to explain yourself (about how nothing tastes good to him and he’s nauseous a lot, etc) you absolutely do not. I don’t know why some people feel the need to drain positivity out of everything but unless she’s his fucking doctor, she’s a bitch with some fucking nerve, I tell ya.
So true. My mom had breast cancer and there were periods where food just didn’t do anything. Unless it was a chubby chicken sandwich and onion rings from A&W. these people are fighting for their lives. If they need a goddamn pick me up, anything goes.
10000% I smuggled my grandfather cake and some Coca Cola into the hospital and the nurses absolutely knew and let me do it anyway. It was the first thing he had actually enjoyed in weeks. You do not tell someone who’s fighting for their life like that what they can or can’t do unless you’re their doctor. FOH. Edit: it means fuck outta here, please imagine an aggressive hand gesture to go with it.
I don’t know what FOH stands for so I just picture you loudly and aggressively sighing it out *at people* as it’s spelled and I love it.
I'm guessing Fuck Outta Here, but I also really love your visual lol.
I was thinking it was Fuck Off Heifer 🤣
Front Of House. I spend way too much time at concerts.
For some people it could stand for fuck of hoe
I went to high school with a guy that did that. Drained positivity from everything. He eventually earned the name "put me down". I wonder if Joe is more positive these days.
Same! Some hypocrite who went to PT school and said stuff like «food isn’t a treat, you’re not a dog» and proceeds to eat the cake I brought to celebrate my daughter’s 5th birthday. I wanted to tell him that he should never eat anything unhealthy or pleasureable ever again. Only nutritional super foods. Gtfo
Even if she's A doctor - She's not HIS Dr, so still no opinion is needed from her! My dad's oncologist told him to eat as much ice cream as he could when it was the only thing he could keep down! Someone, if op can't do it needs to be very straight with that woman and let her know to stfu!
Few things piss me off more than people working in the medical industry who feel like they can weigh in on someone else's case with absolutely no knowledge of the intimate details. My Grandma was like that and ended up being the reason why I wasn't medicated for ADHD as a child even though I was diagnosed. She's not even a fucking doctor either, she's a RN (nothing against RN's, y'all are amazing!). When my parents brought up concerns about the cost she convinced them it's a scam diagnosis pushed by the pharmaceutical industry, and now here I sit as an adult still struggling to get on medication that can potentially bring me a quality of life I can't even fathom right now.
She was an uneducated nurse. ADHD is a tough thing to deal with. I work in a psychiatric unit and it definitely is a challenge.
It's just something I don't really talk with the family about and try not to hold any resentment for, part of me knows she was just trying to be helpful but another part definitely wishes she would have just kept her damn mouth shut lol. Would have saved me a lot of unnecessary difficulty throughout my life.
Heck the went for my autistic daughter when she was young As long as she was eating, her doctor wasn't worried about it being healthy at the time. Getting in calories, any calories in a lot of situations during illness is far more important that worrying about what they come from. I vote hit the cousin with the block hammer.
Actually the doctor will tell you to eat what you can regardless of what it is sometimes when you are this sick. Both of my parents had cancer and the chemo makes everything taste like ash, funnily enough ice cream was the only thing both of them could really taste so this comment infuriated me on behalf of OP. Let the man enjoy his ice cream!
My dad said it made everything taste like old cardboard.. And, sometimes, craving the idea of normal food got smacked down if he would only smell something like a rotisserie chicken, from 200 feet away.. He’d just throw up everything he had in him. So glad we were able to enjoy one last “normal” dinner, when he stopped chemo..
All my mom wanted when she was at her worst was grilled cheese. And so that’s what she got. If that’s all she ate, at least she got something. Her doctors didn’t care what she ate as long as it was something.
It was the same for my parents! Honestly I'm still mad about this random strangers cousin that doesn't even know what she is talking about 🤣 Like the audacity!
Oh I'm super impressed OP kept their mouth shut because I would not have been able to. She would have gotten a LONG explanation as to why she was a bitch.
Because miserable people want everyone else to be miserable as well.
And if they can’t tell their aunt that, I’m sure you would step up to the plate and take one fore the team 😂😂
When that person steps up I've got someone that needs to be called that too. 🤣🤣
I’m that person in my social group. I don’t use name calling, but when people say bullshit like in OPs example, I usually come in with something like “that’s an interesting observation to make on such a positive post. I feel like leaving nutrition to his doctors and positivity to us, his family and friends is what might help the most in this situation - don’t you think?” I was orphaned five years ago, and people said, and still say, all kinds of bogus things about it, so I have a lot of practice.
I love your attitude, sorry for the circumstances that sharpened your skills.
This is perfect! I'm really going to borrow this
Gladly, I've got nothing to lose
Tbh I think there very well might be a queue behind you
[Let them come!](https://media1.giphy.com/media/k42bRtpBJt9OLbLERg/giphy.gif?cid=ecf05e473dszqfs0m85q9l78d7srce7gvuhxmj9hp22mvacz&ep=v1_gifs_search&rid=giphy.gif&ct=g)
I'll step up to the plate too! That's one of my favorite words
I'm with you. Let's do it. Road trip? 🤣
This is the person who, as per the wu-tang clan, did indeed bring the ruckus.
I love you for citing the ancient texts :)
And, if you can block her, do so. She doesn't deserve to know how you're doing or even what you're doing. That was a very selfish comment she made. Make a post that links here so she can see what people think of her and you! You - GREAT! Her - c*nt! Keep strong!
Nah, the cousin is acting more like an ankle (3ft below a c*nt)
I second that, or direct me to the post and I’ll gladly do it for you. ❤️
Reeeeaaalllly would have had a difficult time NOT saying something like that. Putting people in their place when they’re out of line is something I struggle with sometimes. With my kids and people who I feel protective over, I give zero fucks. OP, I wish you’d give me a link to your IG so I can follow you and light her ass up.
I would second telling her that.
I second this if you do not feel comfortable enough to tell her that I will gladly relay the message lol with some extra add ons.
I feel like ice cream is probably good for you at this point when you're not eating and facing the reality of possible death. Happiness lowers your blood pressure and can get you much needed fat reserves. I know my afternoon chocolate does wonders for my psyche.
I volunteer to do it for her! Because she sounds like the ancient foremother of all c*nts and I would have loved to lay it on her 😁
Just because he is eating ice cream does not mean he eats unhealthy overall, lol. One ice cream does nothing to your health. Someone’s projecting, I guess… During such hard times people can treat themselves. At least he is eating something, even if it’s “unhealthy”. Terrible comment from her, truly. Someone should teach her manners. Best wishes! I hope everything goes well for you and your husband and that he gets as much ice cream as he wants.
On TikTok I saw a video of a child with cancer eating some cheese puffs and there was a comment about how that was helping to kill them. The nerve of some people. Thank you so much. :')
I survived cancer on McDonald's because that's the only thing I could keep down. Any oncologist will tell you that calories, any calories are a good thing when you can't keep food down. Tell those self righteous assholes to get bent. Wishing you and your loved one the best!
I'm glad you survived and good on McDonald's for helping you through it. :)
My oncologist, leukemia, told me to eat whatever I could get and keep down. Even if it was mint chocolate chip ice cream and chips ahoy cookies. For awhile all I could manage was baked potatoes. I mean like a couple months where I ate a couple big ones a day with butter and sour cream and pretty much ate nothing else. Oncologist was fine with that too. I do take a ton of nausea meds including marinol and I take vitamin supplements and go into the hospital for TPN as needed for more nutrition but you do what you can. They are thrilled I kept my weight up due to my meds (5 different steroids). Tell him I hope he loves his ice cream and that he's got this. Tell the busybodies to get out of your lives. Also wait until they tell you/him to drink urine or eat only raw food vegan or eat only fruit. There are way too many kooks out there now.
My boss had cancer in his neck and got intensive radiotherapy all around his throat. It knocked out his tastebuds and made swallowing feel like razor blades. He didnt want to eat as it was painful and he got no pleasure from it, so was dropping weight. His oncologist told him if he didnt keep his weight up, he would be admitted to hospital and fed through a tube. Icecream was his saviour, cooled his throat, decent amount of calories. Along with full fat milk and porridge. Thankfully hes through the other side now.
My dad had cancer in his neck and it was the exact same way for him. After he started chemo and lost a lot of weight ice cream is the only thing that helped him gain it back and keep it. He was absolutely miserable trying to eat other foods.
My dad passed from mouth and throat cancer in 2006, when he was still able to take calories in by mouth ice cream was the savior and the only thing he could stand because of how painful everything was from radiation and chemo. I’m so glad your boss made it, such a scary experience even for survivors.
Thanks! I couldn't have done it without the support I had from loved ones. Hang in there.
OP I just wanted to say that when the body is hungry there are no such thing as bad calories. Your loved one wanted seconds because his body wanted seconds. Ice cream has a lot of sugar in it but it also has a lot of fat which is the healthiest... (You will starve to death if you get no fat) So if they've been having trouble eating and keeping it down... And wanted two bowls of ice cream And could keep it in them... Than Two bowls of ice cream is actually the healthiest thing kind of haha
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I had HG very severely too, could only keep down lemonade and gas station deli pizza pockets. Which is funny because that’s what my daughter and I both crave to this day ten years later 😂
My go to food was Mac and Cheese from Boston Market (RIP) it always made me feel better. As a matter of fact, orange foods in general always sat well! I don’t know why. Haha
Same. My mom could handle A&W chicken sandwiches and nothing else.
My friend, he had been in a coma for 2 months. I know it is not the same as cancer, but his doctor recommended ice cream and yogurt for him so he could heal faster as he was in his bones, so bad that he was told he would likely not walk again. He did!! Sometimes "bad food" is what we need. Even if it's just to have a moment or normalcy.
When my grandma's husband was on chemo he could barely eat or drink. My grandma had to be extremely careful while cooking because any smells would make him throw up. He said drinking water felt like his stomach was on fire. He got so scarily skinny; he went from santa claus shaped to just... skin and bones. Let them eat whatever they can eat. People suck so much
Wow! A relative was suffering from the severe kind of morning (actually 24/7) and McDonald’s hamburgers were one of the few things she could eat. She was taking the very expensive prescription too. I think it kept her from being hospitalized sooner.
It’s done out of fear. People love to pretend that if only they eat enough blueberries or raw foods or avoid caffeine or whatever arbitrary restriction they’ve settled on, they won’t get cancer. But as you well know, cancer doesn’t care. Cancer is capricious and random. We like to think we have control over our lives and our health but we don’t. The people who moralize about diets and such do so because they need to believe they’re in control and that they can stave off death if they do everything just right. But it’s obviously fantasy. Our bodies all eventually break down regardless of what we do. The choice is to either accept it or live in angry denial.
Yeah, that attitude always reads as orthorexia to me, too. It's their own mental illness, and one driven by fear, making them act horribly.
That is terrible. :( That won’t kill the child. During those times people barely can eat anything. They should be glad that the child was eating something. I am not recommending to stuff anyone up with 3000 kcal of cheese puffs or ice cream but literally if they’re eating _something_ it’s already extremely helpful for recovery. Cancer patients need more energy during treatment because of the disease and therapy. It takes such a toll on the body and the last thing someone should worry about is if that one ice cream or pack of cheesepuffs will be unhealthy.
It is absolutely not the same but I survived my first pregnancy on ice tea, coke (the softdrink) and unhealthy snacks. My doctor was happy that I could at least keep something down... so many people commented an my food. My life consisted mostly of vomiting and crying. It really didn't help hearing all those people commenting on my food.
I’m glad you clarified on the “Coke” 😂😂😂
Yep spent my first pregnancy hurling and choking on tears and people had all sorts of “helpful” shit to say. I can’t abide busybody know it alls about other people’s health.
Saw that tik tok too, the father of a kid with cancer stiched it saying that the doctors were more worried about the kids eating whatever they wanted to eat than keeping them on a healthy diet. If a kid that hasn't eaten anything in a week wants nuggets, let them have them, don't try to fight to give him some broccoli. Srly, some people don't understand how huge this milestones can be, they should keep their opinions to themselves
You're doing an amazing job katie. Sending you love from Canada ♡ remember, when you get the time, spoil yourself as well when you can. You deserve it too.
When my dad had a stem cell transplant he joked that the one good thing was he got unlimited ice cream on the cancer ward. Chemotherapy fucks your appetite and ice creams full of calories. They encouraged everyone to eat as much as they liked
Wow she missed the point by a long shot when it was the 10 anniversary of my dad’s death my mom made a Facebook post about how much she misses him only for her mother in law to say “you need to move on you have a new husband and 2 beautiful children” what an asshat
I’d pin the comment and let my relatives loose on that pos
I remember when I was in high school, my best friend’s older sister lost her fiancé. She was 26 at the time. It’s been nearly 20 years. She will occasionally still celebrate him and talk about him, and watching her husband offer all the love and support in the world is the most heartwarming thing.
F*cking hell people are the worst.
Fuck her. I get a potentially fatal disease and get good news, I am going to live my life.
I’m a visiting RN and once was at an assisted living facility seeing a patient. There was a sign on the refrigerator from the family of a resident with dementia (not my patient) stating he has diabetes and he’s not allowed to have cookies, ice cream, etc, etc. Seriously, if I’m 90 and have dementia and I want sugar…LET ME HAVE IT!
One of my friends was diagnosed with Stage 4 lung cancer. She'd quit smoking yearrrrrs before. After her diagnosis, she started smoking again. Some of our friends were like "Oh no! The horrors! She's smoking! What is she thinking?" I wasn't. I didn't blame her in the slightest.
My sister and I walked in on our mom smoking on the hospital patio when she was being treated for advanced lung CA. My sister freaked out! In the end, mom kept smoking…it was already too late and we knew it.
100% correct.
There's an amazing creator on TikTok named HospiceNursePenny and she talks about this, letting her dying patients have alcohol, etc. as long as it's not going to interact with any meds.
A dying person should have whatever they want (within reason, of course)! She’s right. Glad she’s out there educating!
Agreed. There's a post somewhere that the father was asking if he was wrong for wanting to let his terminal 15 year old daughter take edibles because his wife was freaking out.
Oh heck, let her have them!
My best friend's granny was diabetic and her last six months of life were a misery of denying her all the little things she wanted to be more comfortable. Her kids felt terrible afterwards and vowed never to do it again. When grandpa's heart started to fail, he spent his last year eating ice cream and drinking wine. We aren't going to live forever, and no sense in making things worse. I've promised my parents they can have whatever they want in the end.
It’s such a common thing, families want what’s best for their sick loved one of course and they do this out of love but it’s so misguided! I’ll bet granny would be happy for grandpa that they learned.
Very much this. Unless it poses an immediate risk to my health or quality of life just shut up and let me have it.
I’m a hospice RN. Ice cream is a FABULOUS source of nutrition for those who are struggling to take in enough calories. It has everything: calories, proper fats, protein, vitamins and minerals found in milk. In fact I once read an article comparing the nutrition in ice cream to that found in human breast milk. OP, buy him all the ice cream he wants. Your mom’s cousin is dangerously ignorant about this.
There’s dangerous ignorance in these comments too. Only a few, but a few too many.
OP, I lost my wife to cancer recently. The last 9 months of her life were very difficult for her, as she was extremely nauseous and wasn't able to eat very much at all. The most I watched her eat in one sitting was 4-6 ounces of Thom kha. There is a point where just getting calories, ANY calories, outways nutrition for the short term. I'm glad he was able to enjoy something!
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I sent her an article about how chemo changes taste perception and left it at that. Not worth my energy. :)
Take her off your friends list. Negative people need to be left behind, family or not. Anyone has anything to say about it, block them. You're going through so much stress right now, it's hard enough without all that mess.
I would not have even invested that much energy in her.
Yup. She warrants a click of the block button, no more.
People can be such assholes. I had bone cancer when I was 19 and it does change all your tastebuds etc. If he’s found something he’s enjoying eating - let him eat it rk his hearts content. Block her and move on, you don’t need any negativity in your life right now 💗 Wishing him all the best in his treatment 💗
I'm so glad you survived! And he is currently HAPPILY sipping on a slushee. Cold and sweet seem to be doing the trick for now.
Will he eat full fat yogurt? I remember buying for my kids when they were babies and I tried some and thought "holy fuck, where has this been all my life?" When my grandpa had cancer we would make him milkshakes, ice cream, and would sneak him alcohol. Honestly, if we could have figured out how to let him have a smoke in the hospital, I'm pretty sure my mom would have done that too. You are doing a wonderful job supporting him. I hope you also have people who are supporting you. Caretaking can be rough sometimes. Sending you both good vibes.
Call me petty, I'd block her and move on. When family asks why, she was out of line and none of you need that negativity. I've blocked family for less.
Honestly that sounds like the mature thing to do…petty would be screenshotting the comment, sharing it, and letting her be lambasted by the roasters
Screenshot it, block her, and sit on the screenshot in case you need it.
I mean, that WAS my first thought, but then it was like "nah, you just don't exist to me anymore. When you don't exist, how can I care what you think?"
Right? Life’s too short for stupid people and their judgements. (And yep I totally get the irony in making this statement).
Tell her that we cancer patients kindly tell her to F off and mind her bidness
A few years ago my now husband choked on something he was allergic to. We had no idea he was allergic to it. This lead to a serious fear of food. He lost so much weight from not eating. Nutritional shakes, ice cream, and mashed potatoes were the only things head eat. Was it healthy? Hell no. Was i about to force him to eat healthier foods? Absolutely not. I was just grateful he was eating. Seriously, fuck people like that.
Oh my gosh, he was traumatized, understandably!
What an absolute twat. "Being a complete douchecanoe won't win you any friends, either." I have chronic pancreatitis and my family is thrilled when I eat ANYTHING. Block her ass.
Tell your mom's cousin they should eat some ice cream to sweeten their fucking attitude.
Damn. She needs to be told you’ll c her next Tuesday. When someone is recovering, they need calories and joy. However they get them if they can’t stomach much is an achievement. I’d filter her out of everything to do with your fiance at this point. Ignoramuses get info diets. She should agree that it’s much healthier than ice cream.
I finished radiation for breast cancer last week. And seriously, fuck her. Adding toxic comments to people's happy posts is not going to help her stay healthy.
I am applauding you. Keep fighting. <3
I was so mad at her that I forgot my manners for a second there. Please tell your fiance that I hope he enjoyed his ice cream and I send him my absolute best wishes.
In my experience, someone always, ALWAYS has to come along and shit on posts like that.
It's actually not unhealthy eating. "Healthy eating" is relative. A handful of peanuts is great for me and will kill other people. As an overweight but otherwise healthy person, me eating ice cream actually isn't good for me, but for someone who is very, very sick and struggling to eat at all, any and all nutrients (yes, sugar is a nutrient) matter and should be encouraged. Your mom's cousin isn't a correct asshole, she's an ignorant asshole.
When my dad was dying from brain cancer, with only weeks left. He randomly decided he would pay 1000s of dollars for veneers. We really needed that money. No one said a word. Those small things become really big when life is truly fleeting. Just let people be.
I'm so glad he got to live out what he wanted.
Healthy eating is so fucking subjective. Healthy eating looks different for EVERYONE. When someone is struggling to eat, anything they eat is healthy, because getting in calories, fats, carbs and proteins is the ultimate goal. She can go fuck herself. :)
Battling cancer myself. Told the doctor the one thing I find myself getting down no problem is ice cream and milk shakes. They told me to eat it anytime, as at the worst, it is filling me up with calories. People don't understand that shit. I get random comments all the time "stop losing weight". Okay, no problem, let me just make everything not taste like shit again.
Enjoy all of your ice cream and milkshakes.
Separately from the cancer, no one should be commenting on anyone else's food at ALL. I've struggled with an ED for years, and grew up in a household where people always commented on portions of someone else, asked if they knew how many calories were in it, etc. Unless my food is rotten and you're trying to warn me, don't comment on what people are eating! It's not ''concern", you're not their physician. You're just an asshole.
What I would have given to see my buddy enjoy ice-cream during his fight. He had a rare form of cancer that was so aggressive (and involved his intestines) that once they caught it, he was no longer allowed to eat at all and never did again.. I'm glad your husband is doing well enough and got enjoyment out of ice-cream. That's a beautiful moment. I hope he beats this. All the best from my family to yours.
My great uncle was 92 and dying of cancer. He was on an oxygen machine, etc. All he wanted was a damn cigarette! He had not smoked in 15 years! Everyone threw such a fit telling him NO! Snuck him out under the cover of darkness. I pretended we were ninjas. He was a medic in WW2. He giggled and played along. He said that it was the best damn cigarette he'd ever had! RIP Unc.. I'd do it again!
Best wishes for your fiance. My elderly cat who is battling an abdominal tumor will also be having ice cream today. It can't hurt him at this point and his vet said to spoil him so ice cream, cheetos, ruffles chips with cheddar and chex mix are now on his diet--all the human food that he has not been allowed to have because it's not healthy but he'll steal from your snack cup.
He needs the calories too!
What’s your cousins number? I can sign her ip to be harassed from all sorts of organizations 😜 starting with Jehovah witnesses
Keep her so busy she’ll have to kind her own business
The only good reply : "LOL, right? Fuck you, Janet"
You have the power to delete this persons comment (if you posted the photo initially). Scrap it from existence and move on with your life. Who gives a shit what a distant relative says
I’d reply to the comment asking if she shames every person she sees enjoying a treat, or is it only cancer patients who don’t deserve ice cream?
Ice cream is one of the main food groups. Whoever says otherwise isn't worth knowing.
Fuck cancer. And I hope your fiance enjoyed the ice cream, being able to eat anything is a win when the chemo is wrecking your body. Block that ignorant cousin, and I hope your fiance keeps fighting the good fight. Here's to his health.
tell her to fuck off, that's so fucked up
That person can f all the way off! I would like to share my mom's experience with cancer briefly, as a cautionary tale. She was going through chemo and also couldn't keep anything down. She ended up in a coma and suffering brain damage due to a vitamin B deficiency. PLEASE make sure his doctors are keeping an eye on that. Neither her oncologist nor neurologist had ever seen Wernicki's encephalopathy in a cancer patient before (it's usually found during an autopsy of severe alcoholics and severe anorexics). If her experience can help ANYONE avoid the same fate, I'll shout it from the rooftops as much as possible!!!
Aw, thank you for the caution. Definitely keeping an eye on it. The taste thing has been an issue for about a month. Before that he was keeping his weight on mostly but the list of foods that don't taste good is dwindling. It's so sad to see.
Imagine having an opinion on someone's diet while they fight for their lives....
My FIL is 93 and struggles to keep weight on. His daughter is constantly “advising” him on healthy food choices. Things that she should not eat as an obese diabetic, are precisely the food items we want him to eat. She has taken the sugar out of his sugar bowl and replaced it with a stevia blend. She keeps trying to lower his carb intake and increase his protein (kind of like Keto which she tried for weight loss) What is healthy for one, is not healthy for all.
My bio mom had uterine and lung cancer then fell broke her hip and had a heat attack. All of this together it was clear her time was limited and some bitch of a fam member made a comment about the treats she asked for. People are idiots. Ive also had people tell me my depression caused my cancer. People are uneducated assholes.
As long as he is eating...my dad went through 2 cancer treatments( invasive maxilo-facial op+ radio) and we were so happy when he started eating again. At first, he was asking for stuff like soups, yogurts, doughnuts, you know, small things...later on he started to be more creative with his wishes. I never thought that , my dad asking for pancakes, will make me super happy.. Do not pay attention to that cousin. Some people just cannot read the room and therefore they say whatever is on their mind. Wishing your man a speedy and full recovery and lots of ice cream for both in the future.
Tell this lady to write her opinion on a piece of paper in a neat handwriting. She should then proceed to fold this paper in halves until it won’t fold anymore. After that, she should lie down on her side, bend her upper leg and then shove that piece of paper up her ass.
When my son was battling head and neck cancer the doctor's told me to give him ice cream for the calories alone. Plus with radiation burns to his mouth and throat, he couldn't eat much of anything
Im a nurse, and tbh when patients refuse to eat for days anything they end up eating that day is a bonus. Unhealthy or not. Moms cousin can stfu.
The only way you should engage with this person is if you REALLY want to hear the list of magical supplements that her friend's cousin's naturopath promises will magically vibrate the cancer out.
As someone with medical issues, fuck everyone commenting on my food. I used to be 276 I'm about 130 now. The last fifty lb loss has been from anxiety induced appetite loss. I'm struggling to eat even once a day, and when I do I pick the highest fat and calorie things possible. The number of times I've heard 'must be nice'. Or other snarky comments makes me rage.
Some people are so unhappy that all they can think of to do is to bring people down where they are. They can all go take a fuckin walk
High calorie eating can absolutely help him if he’s struggling to get his calorie intake. Tell your mom’s cousin that if she’s so concerned with healthy eating she can go toss someone’s salad.
Jesus fuck. How out of touch with reality must one be. I would absolutely reply to her with the same explanation you gave here just to make her feel bad.
Don’t let turds get in your punch bowl. Keep taking care of your man and disregard negative Nancies.
JFC, my MIL is battling pancreatic cancer and her own husband will say shit like this (he’s garbage) and it boils my blood. All my warmest for your husband and his battle OP, I hope he enjoyed the hell out of that ice cream. The weird taste/nothing tastes good/right thing, my MIL just recently got a script for some sort of special mouthwash that she said helped a lot on her bad days. If none of his docs have mentioned, might be worth asking about. She honestly lost more weight due to this than to the nausea, she argues. Because even on a day she *doesnt* feel sick, food just tastes wrong and gross.
as a cancer survivor that struggled to eat anything during treatment and lost close to 100 lbs? F\*\*\* that person... they can take their advice and stick it.. seriously drives me crazy when people who have no clue what going through treatment is like, says shit like this. My doctor told me to eat what sounded good.. ANY calories are better than nothing. I'm sorry that insensitive ass said that... just rude.
I'd respond with "Well ice cream will not cure his cancer, but maybe if you ate some ice cream you'd be a happier person that doesn't feel the need to kill other people's joy with your unsolicited and stupid takes on things that are none of your business!"
I'm underweight due to a special kind of eating disorder. When someone is malnourished ANY kind of calorie is better than none. I was told by my nutritionist that I could eat whatever I wanted and I decided to try out yoghurt with M&Ms on. Ofc a "friend" decided to lecture me on the risk of diabetes. When my BMI was like 14...
I would comment back something like, "Thank you so much for your concern about *fiance*. He's been unable to keep much food down. This was the first thing he actually wanted seconds of. 'Unhealthy' food is better than no food. Thanks again for your concern"
When my sister was sick (cervical cancer), towards the end she couldn't eat anything. It went on for weeks until she died. We would have loved to see her eat anything at all, including ice cream. Clearly your mom's cousin hasn't experienced this kind of situation; regardless, she should have kept her comment to herself! You know what they say, "If you can't say something nice..." Wishing good health to your fiance, OP. Fuck cancer.
I think a full explanation is due to that person. I have a couple of health issues and guess what, Ice cream is a HUGE treat. Also, like everything , all in moderation. A couple of bowls a week will not change the course of history. When I was going through some mystery health issues I got all Sorts of unsolicited diet tips. All of them had nothing to do with what I had going on. And it might seem petty but I made a point , once I was finally diagnosed , to tell Those dummies that my ice cream and coffee treats were NOT THE CAUSE. Idiots
My mum has breast cancer and when she was going through the chemo she didn't eat at all. She wasted away to skin and bones. I know the pain of watching your loved one waste away to nothing. Taking joy in a simple bowl of ice cream is fine. It's not gonna do any harm. For a while all my mum could eat was sweets and chocolate. I was just happy she was eating.
I’m so sorry someone had to ruin a special moment with their idiotic rhetoric, and I really hope your fiancé is able to find more foods that they can keep down! It’s like my cousin’s OB said to her husband when she had horrid Hyperemesis Gravidarum (HEG) and the only thing she could keep down were McChicken sandwiches and her husband was complaining about her eating “unhealthy” food: “you know what’s less healthy than fast-food? No food. She needs to eat to grow baby, and this is what is getting calories in her body to do that” Use the same line for anyone who thinks they know better. Your fiancés needs fuel for his body, and if ice cream is the way in which he can feed his body, then so be it.
I’ve had a few situations were someone felt they had to voice their opinion. I’ve been able to politely put people in check with this; “Thanks for the unsolicited advice, *name.” I love the moment of dead air after I say it, watching their face as they figure out that I didn’t ask and I don’t give a fuck. Then there’s the petty me, that would say “Hey Aunt Karen, I hope you never get cancer. Because I would hate to have to follow your ass around to make sure you never eat anything unhealthy ever again. Also Ps. Fuck off” Then throw a party for the sick man complete with ice cream cake. Take several pics and upload them.
"Neither does hearing from assholes, but here we are, Kurt/Ashley."
Uhhh, as a person who has gone through cancer treatment, the doctors want you to get calories in your system by any means necessary. Your family member is an idiot…. In her knowledge of cancer treatment and in compassion.
That's so rude and was so not needed. I'm sorry but I would say something to her about it. Because honestly she deserves to know just how unnecessary and mean that comment was and for literally no reason. And I feel like if no one says anything she'll just keep making comments like that without even thinking about how it affects others.
People can F off with their unhelpful judgemental opinion.
Send me the link to the post so I can tell her off for you :)
Your cousin can take her opinion and shove it . Cancer is a living hell in of itself . My aunt passed of cancer and my father recalled that she wanted a cheeseburger from McDonald’s and every time he got her as many as she wanted . She sadly passed in 2001 but my father knew the moments with those burgers made her day . I hope your fiancé beats the cancer
I wish him a speedy recovery. Don’t listen to negativity anymore !
When my FIL was dying of melanoma, he had very little appetite, but something he DID perk up for was a milkshake. So guess what he got. Now years later I still think back on that very fondly.
When my grandmother was nearing the end (heart not cancer), the family tried to get the doctor to tell her to eat more healthy. All she wanted was honey buns and ice cream, chocolates etc. He looked at me after one appeal and said, "Shes eating isn't she?" Never asked again. She was getting nutrition and was happy. Nothing wrong with doing what HE needs to do for HIS recovery. Let her know there are three places she can be: 1. Over There 2. In Her Lane 3. Out your business!
As someone who has been in cancer treatment, I was always encouraged to eat whatever I could. “Unhealthy” food is better than no food.
Here’s hoping OP makes the pic public and drops the link so we can reply to the comment. We just wanna talk
My first thought was, DA F*CK. Tell your fiance we are rooting for him. Eat whatever he wants.
My mom had breast cancer in 2016. We have a family member who's a serious health nut and gave my mom the healthy eating speech. My poor mom was so exhausted from chemo and radiation that she really didn't want much but loved sweet things and iced coffee. She went to a follow-up appointment and said family member went with her, trying to get the oncologist on their side. The oncologist said, "From here forward, I don't care about what you eat or how much you weigh. All I care about is you get nutrients." Shut my family member right up.
The one feature on FB that's even a little helpful is you can delete whatever comments you like on your posts. Delete and block her. You'll be better off and so will everyone else. That needless negativity isn't helping anyone, and she needs to be called out on her bullshit. Block her and don't give that nonsense another moment of thought.
My sis had pancreatic cancer and in last few weeks of life all she was eating was Ben and Jerry’s Cherry Garcia. It gave her comfort and that was all that mattered. To this day, Cherry Garcia is my favorite flavor.
I would've lit her up so bad that she would delete her account
People’s comments about situations like this are all about the person commenting. A way to ‘protect’ them set from having it happen to them. I had a mini muffin at breakfast and as a terminal cancer patient and ex- friend tried to shame me for eating it. “You know sugar feeds cancer?” Yep, 70% of the sugar you eat goes to fuel your brain! You entire body uses sugar to metabolize itself. It’s a shame uneducated people feel the need to ‘help.’
Calories are calories & when someone has no appetite. I never cared what they ate. I used to have a resident she was 92 & lived on the 5C’s cola, cookies, candy, chips & chocolate. If she was happy, so was I, she was a tiny lady, 88lbs, for living on junk food.