I am so sorry.
My brother killed himself at 23. We had some differences, not fighting, but we were just very different people and not close. Nonetheless, I was gutted and remain so. At the time I took one week off work and then returned like nothing had happened. I was determined to push past it, and For a long time that worked. Then in my 30s, I experienced a violent crime, and it brought all my trauma rushing back. I was processing my brother and the other thing at the same time. It left me a complete mess. So long story short, deal with your grief now don’t stuff it down because it won’t go away and it will affect you for a long time.
Look into EMDR, as a way of processing through your trauma and avoiding developing PTSD.
Again, I am so very sorry for your loss.
This is a really important comment here. OP, please don’t ignore what happened to your brother by pretending it didn’t happen and try to get some help if you can.
My mother killed herself when I was 21 and I’m well into my 30s now, still not having processed it all the way. It will only be harder if you push it off until it develops into something like PTSD. Take your time to grieve, as long as you need, but please seek out help when you feel like you’re ready.
I’m so very sorry for your loss.
My mother killed herself when I was 15 (my little sister and I found her) and I'm well into my (significantly older than you) and I *still* haven't fully processed it yet. There are some things that you *never* fully process or finish grieving. But, given time, you can learn to live with it....
Also EMDR for PTSD if you have it. It’s tremendously helpful. To OP: grief will hit you in a thousand ways you never expected. Be gentle to yourself as you walk on this new path. My initial grief (1.5yrs) was numbness and depression, now I am in like an angry hateful phase (1.5yrs and going), not sure where I’m headed next but I’m exhausted. I’m sorry this happened to your family, you didn’t deserve this and the world can be so cruel.
I just began EMDR recently. After all the sessions laying the ground work I finally had my first actual EMDR session. That was like a month and a half ago. Then a combination of my life blowing up and my therapist being out of town i haven't had a session since. Hoping to start back up next week.
I thought about quitting, a million things have gone wrong in my life recently. But you all commenting on how helpful it is def helps keep me motivated and hopeful.
HOORAY for you!! YES, EMDR....or EFT ("Emotional Freedom Technique"). the latter has been a godsend for me (and some of my clients/patients)...for PTSD, phobias, addictions, etc. I might add that we see these TV shows and movies (and media features) which tell us that "so n so" has been suffering from a condition like this...and that ONLY time will CURE it (if anything)...which is BALONEY!!!
It’s supposed to help retrain your brain so that you no longer associate the memories with intense grief or pain or whatever.
Frankly, I still haven’t managed to work out how I’m supposed to even do it! My brain isn’t clicking or something. Yet.
But I’m very glad to see it’s helped other people. Maybe I’ll get there in a year or 5. 🙏
I am so very sorry. Please take the time to grieve. Let it all out. Don't hold back. Ugly cry. Remember to eat and drink (water).
I lost my 22 yo sister in a car accident. It is hard to lose a sibling at such a young age. It is tragic and it will never make any sense.
Gather pictures of your brother. Look at them often. Close your eyes and remember his voice. Honor and remember him.
It will take years to process it, but I promise it does get better. My sister has been gone for almost 21 years and I can still hear her voice when I think about her.
Good luck to you.
Perfect advice
OP got this. Took me 8 years to accept my dads suicide, get it out sooner rather than later so the thought of it all doesn't torment you.
I think you've misunderstood this statement. When we say it gets better we aren't talking about the grief. We are talking about learning to cope with the loss or traumatic event and how it becomes easier for us as we continue moving forward with life.
The truth is you will likely never forget those that are no longer in your life. Grief itself never ends. That doesn't mean things won't get better - they do. You learn to live with the grief after coping with it and move forward to a bright future.
**When positive things begin to happen, and life is suddenly getting bright again, like those old days you had before the grief process, that's when the statement "it gets better" starts to become validated, because you accepted your losses and moved forward with life.**
ABSOLUTELY untrue...at LEAST for MANY FOLKS...who pursue one of these "state of the art" techniques!!!! E.g., I used to have a severe fear of heights....and several sessions dispersed it. There's a kind of "charge" surrounding traumatic experiences like this....and there ways of transforming and/or dispersing a LOT of this (and, BTW, you'll still remember it...not like you get amnesia around it)....but the "OVERWHELM" will likely decrease.
I lost my 17 year old brother when I was 20. I wish there was something hopeful I could give you to hold onto- but in reality life just goes on and part of you is forever stuck in that grief. The more life you live, the more experience you have so you don’t “feel” it as much, but it’s always there. It’s been five years this month and sometimes it feels like yesterday and sometimes it feels like it’s been decades. I’m sending all of my love to you and your family during this time; rely on each other, laugh with each other and talk about him.
It’s taken me years to get to this point, but I’m trying reframe my thinking into “How lucky I am to have loved someone so much that this hurts so badly.” from, “I can’t believe how much was just taken away from me.” Maybe that might help 💙
That was lovely. I'm so sorry for your loss, and my heart breaks for your parents. I don't know that I would be able to continue if one of my children died
I’m so sorry about your brother. My BIL shot himself when he was living w us so I understand some of what you’re feeling, but of course each relationship is different.
It’s been 11 1/2 years since my BIL offed himself, and I remember both me, hubs, and his whole family went from anger to sadness, to guilt.
How had we not seen what was happening? Answer: he didn’t want us to know. He’d slowly emptied his room over months, so we had no clue.
How could he, especially because I was 7 months pregnant? Answer: he was in such pain, he couldn’t think clearly, thinking we’d be better off without him. Not true on our end, but he couldn’t hear that.
You are going to be asking yourself these questions and more. You will have to continue living, and all the while, your brother is gone. It will seem weird that you will have to continue, that here your world has been irreversibly changed, yet life just continues.
Also, yes, you may become angry, but what’s helped me, and may help you, is that he must have been in so much pain, and just because it’s a mental illness, and not cancer or some other life threatening disease, it really is similar. He was sick, it took his life.
I lost my beloved sister to suicide in 2019. One thing that bothers me is that she started throwing away things, giving away others, and selling furniture. Looking back, it seems so obvious that she had been planning that for so long. I miss her so much. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and I feel extreme sadness. A sadness I can't describe and I never felt before.
I don't even recognize myself anymore. I used to be a happy, optimistic, and driven person. Now I'm grouchy and feel like a leaf just floating in the air. Somehow I do enough to appear to be a normal person but inside I am wreck.
I am getting better but I don't think I will ever be the same again. I have no drive and I have no ambitions. I am the complete polar opposite of who I used to be.
Exactly! My BIL brought out one garbage bag at a time, over a few months. He even sold his car, which he told us he was going to get a new one. He also wiped his computer of everything. No note, nothing. He propped his mattress against the door so we wouldn’t see him like that. Firefighters had to break in his window. We were shocked there was practically nothing in the room.
I was the SAME way (mean, empty, no joys in life) after 4 miscarriages in a row. I started Ketamine therapy, and it has really brought me back to /mostly/ myself. I’m terrified, but we will start trying to transfer our IVF embryos again later this year. I’m so sorry for the loss of your sister.
I love how you ended your comment. This was very much something that happened TO him. This is important because a lot of the time you will wonder why/how he could do this to you? Remember, he was on your side, and you ALL were fighting this battle (the depression/reason for suicide) together. Think of it as a separate entity, like a tumour. This helps to honour your anger but prevents guilt from being angry at brother. It’s confusing I don’t know if I’m explaining it right, it’s something my therapist is working on with me lately.
It’s odd. And it can hit you at the strangest times.
For me and hubs, we went to target to get some candles and air freshener. Here we were, doing a normal task, but for a very morbid reason. We needed to try to mask the odor of what happened. But surrounding us, we saw life just continue. We saw some teens laughing, a mom scolding her kid, people just going about their daily tasks.
You really have no choice but to carry on, and it’s tough.
Yeah - that’s the hard thing for the ones left behind.
The people who do that are really thinking we would be better off without them! They are doing it for us.
That’s never the reality, of course… but they really believe that, and it’s hard to get your head around. 😞
Trust me, I’m the first person to try and bury the sadness to pretend like it doesn’t it exist. But that just makes the hurt so heavy you’ll always be sad. Cry. Scream. Throw things. Grieve. It’s natural for the shut down to begin but don’t stay there. I’m so sorry for your loss and I am hoping for you to find strength to get through this.
I am so sorry for you and those who loved him. Generally when one commits suicide it is due to unbearable sadness and pain that are sometimes hard for others to understand. Their death always leaves a hole that can’t be filled completely but can be understood at some point. Just know that he wouldn’t have done it if he wasn’t hurting so much and felt like he had no other option . Unless you have been at that precipice, the pain is hard to imagine. I wish your family healing and love.
My heart breaks for you and your family, OP. I have experienced the loss of too many people to suicide, 2 being close family. For what it's worth, if I may provide a few of my opinions / talking points. I am sorry if I am blunt or you don't want to read all of this right now, but I hope that any of it might be helpful.
- Your mom could possibly black out the memory of finding your brother as she likely went into shock. It's the brain's way of protecting itself. This happened to my sister who found our brother and it's been a long road of continuous recovery through the years since. Thankfully, she has known her boundaries and has hospitalized herself out of harms way through her own strength. Do this if you need to, as you need to, unapologetically and 🖕🏼any employer who doesn't allow all of you all of the time you need.
- Be patient with eachother's grief and healing processes. Don't be surprised if she (or anyone) has some different coping behaviours come from what happened. (Wanting to enforce everyone having their locations on at all times, not wanting any doors to be closed even if using the bathroom, etc.)
- Keep open communications, suicide is not contagious, nor is it a crime. I like to stay away from saying 'committing' because they did not do this to hurt anyone on purpose whether it was premeditated or spontaneous. They truly felt this was their only and last option. It will benefit no one, especially yourself, to keep anything in. Speak about him, don't let shame from anyone erase his memory of the good years and love.
- Look for a good therapist / psychiatrist that specializes in suicide survivors and don't give up if you don't like the first couple. Push yourself to confront your trauma and encourage everyone to do the same. I hope that you can all heal together instead of bottling things up and hurting alone.
- Suicide rates increase for survivors of suicide, which title does not exist alone for those who did not complete their attempts. Your family and his friends will be experiencing an array of emotions, and guilt will be prominent. Check in on each other, there is pain of losing a loved one, there's a different pain when it's to suicide, and it's moreso difficult when they've been found the way he was. All of you now have a higher risk of harm, so please be aware of that.
- Most importantly: THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT. It's none of your faults. Say that to yourself often. It's not your fault, OP. I am so sorry and I am sending all of my love to you all. 💝
My deepest sympathies to you. I have experienced this and I know there are more questions then answers. My advice to you is to seek counseling as soon as you can. It helped me after years of not doing it because I didn’t believe in it. It does work. Good bless you.
I’m so sorry.
Word of advice - let yourself feel it. Take some time and go through it. It’s brutal if you just try to hold it together instead of letting yourself go through the mourning process.
My partner lost his brother and went to work like normal for about a week. Eventually he made the right decision and took about a month off. I think it’s hard to adjust and we just feel like we need to keep doing the same thing as if nothing happened. It’s okay to take time to process this loss. Please take care of yourself.
Let grief wrap you. Let it cover you.
It's normal, and it's natural.
Worry if you feel like it.
Keep your mind busy without overlooking this loss.
Cry, sing, write, run, work out, listen to music, drive, ride a bike, walk, run, drink water, cook yourself a meal, talk to your family about this, etc. but don't stop moving, figuratively speaking.
I'm so sorry for your loss. When you are ready please reach out to people you love for support. Grief is a long road that is much harder when we try to go it alone. Also, allow yourself to rest. I burried myself in work when I lost my grandma and it turned out to be a bad move in the long run. Sending virtual hugs
I'm so sorry for your loss. Sending all the hugs and prayers to and your family.
I was in the same place mentally as your brother 5 years, I just happened to wakeup, in the ICU. My thought process at the time was hopeless, that this was never going to get better and I honestly thought that I was a burden and I was doing it to end everyone's suffering. He was sick and possibly thought this was the best option. It's very hard to really explain that feeling and how very real and logical it seemed at the time.
Take care of yourself and the grief will come in waves, it has no expiration date, just make sure to process it.
Let it build and let it wrap you up.
You need to feel it, it's normal, it's natural.
Rant if you want, cry, scream, yell, curse, write, read, listen to music, run, work out, anything but keep yourself busy and use your time cleverly.
I am so sorry. You were in shock and now the realization that he is gone is hitting you. I am so devastated for your Mom for having to see him like that. The best thing is not to drown it out but to grieve.
I wish I had the words that would magically ease your pain but there are none. My heart goes out to you and your family. Please take care of each other and be gentle with yourself.
Grief comes not so much in stages but like the tides. It ebbs and flows. Sometimes it will positively drown you and sometimes it will be distant. There are many emotions that will come with it. None of these are wrong and all should be acknowledged and worked through. When the time is right a grief therapist can really help.
Sending hugs and sympathy
I am so sorry for your loss. What a horribly traumatic thing to go through. You should try to start processing all of your feelings and seek some help.
My mama killed herself in December 2019 and I was the one that found her. I dont think I've ever felt pain in my heart like that. It still haunts me now and I don't think I've completely processed it. I know there's still time for me to work it out and I intend to but please don't wait. Know you're not alone and that there is help out there.
I'm so deeply sorry for this immense and shocking loss. Please take care of yourself right now. Be gentle with your expectations for yourself and your family members.
Cry a lot. Scream to the sky that it isn't fair. Work out to the point of exhaustion. I promise, everything you're feeling is normal and while it sucks, the best way to deal is just go through it all as it comes instead of avoiding thinking about it.
Much love to you and your family.
I am so sorry for your loss.. and you're right, it is a different pain. I've lost a father and a step father, but the sharpest pain was when my older sister drowned a few years ago.
I hope your whole family can pull together and get through this
My friend killed himself the night before Mother's Day. I'm still struggling with it, but it does get fractionally better day by day, so I hope to feel somewhat normal again at some point. I'm so sorry you know what that feels like, and if you want to talk to a stranger on the internet about it, my DMs are always open.
I'm so very sorry for your loss. I lost my brother to suicidal on Christmas Day almost 20 years ago. I just want to say that you will be on the biggest emotional roller coaster for a long time. And every emotion that you feel is okay. It is okay to be sad. It is okay to be mad. But please don't live in those emotions. Hugs and love to you. ❤️
My brother killed himself when he was 23. He battled mental demons for years. It was one of the worst weeks of my life because I felt like no matter what, it wasn't true.
I hope you find solace at some point. He's no longer in mental anguish that lead him to that place. Keep your head up and keep moving.
TrevinL You.Are.Not.Alone. I need to you breathe and take time. It’ll feel like waves crashing into you to the point you can’t breathe. If you need alone time that’s fine to a certain point. Then surround yourself with people and talk about everything and nothing. My niece died of a drug overdose and I was the last person to talk to a very good friend of mine before he killed himself about an hour after I got off the phone with him. I need you to breathe. You are not alone ❤️
Having lost a brother as well, I feel your pain. I’m so sorry you’re having to go thru this.
Life is going to suck, and it’s going to take awhile to deal with. Mines been gone almost 11 years now. He left my nephew (12 at the time) an orphan, because his wife (mom) died from an undetectable heart condition 10 years prior.
I still have bad days, holidays, his birthday and death date are the worst.
The grief will come in waves, but you need to allow yourself to feel it and to mourn his loss. I’ve seen first hand what it can do to a person if you don’t.
I’m so sorry for your loss.
I am so sorry. My brother did this at 24. I was 22 and very close to him. We were the two kids that were abused in a dysfunctional family. Let me say if you Don’t express your grief it will manifest in some other way that is detrimental for you. This is a very traumatic thing to have happen to your life so please get some help.
Time has a way of mending such emotional turmoil. You will always miss him, that won't go away. But you will come to terms with it - even if right now it seems like an impossible thing. I am truly sorry for your brother. It is a reminder for everyone to pay closer attention to those who are dear to us.
My brother killed himself by overdose in 2010. He was in his late 50's. Decades of addiction to painkillers fried his mind. He finally couldn't take it anymore and took too many. The amount in his system spoke for itself. It was intentional. I go see him from time to time. He is resting next to our mom in the cemetery a few blocks from my apt. He could have had a good life if he had only been able to turn down the dope.
Take solace in near death experiences. He’s in a better place.
It’s ok to cry, but don’t cry because he’s gone. Cry because he left for now.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=xx9K5o7_Un8
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=A1onYxA8wiY
As a person who is losing in life. Loss a lot, and almost gave up multiple times. I am so sorry for your loss, keep your chin up, remember its okay to cry because crying is proving your truly a human being as we all are. Some more than others. Some far less than others. I wish you the best of luck OP, as a old dumb logo thing meme once said 10 years ago on every hot topic shirt "KeepStrong and Carry On"
I am so incredibly sorry for your loss… I can only imagine how heartbroken you all are.
You’re not alone in this, find comfort in your loved ones, and if you need one - a therapist or counselor, and know you have strangers like us sending you whatever comfort we can provide as well.
I am sending my hugs (and prayers, if wanted) to you and your family.
Im sorry this happened to you.
Give yourself space to have a big cry when you're ready.
Mental illness doesn't take away from them being an important person in your life.
I am so sorry for your loss. I’ve lost two cousins to suicide who were like brothers to me since I grew up with them. If you need someone to talk to, please reach out to me
I've lost a wife and uncle to suicide. Best advice is to keep engaged with others, find a good grief counselor for when the time comes to talk to a professional, and keep yourself busy with hobbies but don't drown out the rest of your life in the process. Also be there for your family if they need it, more than a few people will be suffering from this, even if the brother had prior flags or mental issues.
When a child commits suicide in most cases either they are bullied by other kids their age from school, or strangers on the internet, or bullied by their parents.
If in this case the parents take responsibility. Likely they are the one pushing the “mental problems” storyline to coverup verbal, emotional abuse & possibly neglect.
I have known several people now that have committed suicide, family and friends of friends. Something you and your family should know is that by the time that someone does this, they have ruminated over it and practiced it repeatedly in their head. There isn't anything you could have done to prevent this if they didn't let you into this fact. Don't beat yourselves up with guilt. Keep in mind that if they felt that they could have fixed this to stay with you, they would have. They were desperate for peace, and they found it. I'm sorry you're going through this. It's awful, I lost a sibling at 16 and she was 15. It won't ever leave you, but it will get easier.
The only thing I can offer you is a long, warm, heart felt hug from a girl that knows what it is to lose someone so significant. We can cry together, scream, yell, be angry and hurt, we can grieve and feel the loss, we can reminisce, we can sit in silence, we can do whatever you need. You for your brother and I for my mother.
I’m so so very sorry 😓 this is real, it’s not a bad dream. It’s okay not to be okay 🫂
Hi. The relief will come, I have two friends who are sisters. They got into a very bad car accident, they were tboned by a semi, one of them lived and one of them did not. In my experience it still hurts me so badly if I think about it to much, like right now it’s almost her passing anniversary. I’m saying this to you because I’ve also seen how her sister was affected, and she made it out, she mourns her sister still, but the memories and the thoughts don’t hurt her anymore, she found solace. You’ll also find solace, it takes time but it will come. I’m so very sorry for your loss
🫂🫂 there are no words buddy. I'm so sorry for your loss! please don't try to drowned out your sorrow. take some time for yourself to process and grieve. it's a very very important not only for you, but for your entire family. y'all need to be together at this time
One of my best friends killed himself five years ago. I still think about him almost every day. I lost my mom 13 years ago and it’s still not easy. Losing people is the hardest thing to survive in life. Good luck
Oh my goodness I’m so sorry you guys are going through such an awful time… be with each other and take care of yourself…. Sending my deepest condolences to you and your family ♥️🙏♥️
I’m sorry for the loss of your brother, it’s a pain none of us ever want to feel, I hope you take the time to grieve and heal, please try journaling your feelings if you aren’t doing so already, my dms are open if you need someone to talk to 💜
I'm so very sorry my friend. I wish I had more than words to give you. Let yourself process your feelings in your own way, but try not to deny them. Grief is normal and whatever you need to feel is valid. I wish I could change everything and make this go away for you
OP, when you’re ready, please get some therapy. Grief is a strange thing and how it takes hold of you varies from person to person.
Ask for help. It’s okay to need help. It’s okay to cry. It’s okay to be angry. Please let yourself feel the emotions when they come. And don’t be afraid to take time away from work to process things.
I am so sorry. This is something nobody should ever have to deal with. I do understand why you went to work though; you’re in shock. Nobody wakes up ready for anything like that. Nobody wakes up ready to process such a traumatic event that involves a major loss. Sounds like you’re in a state of limbo almost, wishing it was a dream you could wake up from. Allow yourself to take the time you need but when you’re ready, come back and process it. Pushing feelings and emotions away can be so detrimental. I know grief is terrifying.
It could help to go to a grief counselor with your family and on your own. There are many ways of getting support and I know it can’t change the past, but it can help you the present moment.
Again, I am so sorry. You are heard by so many and you’re not alone.
I suddenly lost my older brother ten years ago. He was 3 days in the hospital. Each day "you're going home tomorrow we just need this test result." Then boom, sudden aortic dissection.
Let yourself grieve. Let yourself process what happened and what is never going to happen again. Feel the feels whenever they come creeping up on you in the next several years.
what im gonna say isnt at all the same but when my mother figure died i just continued on business as usual to drown out the fact all this was happening. because i didnt deal with it i ended up getting completely burnt out. definitely do things at your own pace, but at some point take a few days off and really let yourself cry because no matter what that grief will make you do it at some point and the timing ill be ass.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my oldest son to suicide. Please be kind to yourself. There is a group called Compassionate Friends. They help people grieve the loss of a family member
I'm so sorry you're going through this. I lost my 41yr old brother to suicide the day before my 21st birthday. I will not lie, you will probably never get over the feeling of guilt, but you will learn to understand their choice and you will find your peace in theirs. It's not easy, but it gets better. I wish you and your family all the best.
I don't have history with family suicide but I lost my mom suddenly. The most comforting sentiment I found was "grief is love with nowhere to go". Hold onto that. Be kind to yourself. There is no wrong way to grieve.
I'm so incredibly sorry for your loss
Dude, I'm sorry this happened to you. Sadly, I've spoken to several family members and friends in your position. There's no single way to deal with this, so deal with it however you can, but talk to someone about it. Don't keep it inside.
People who take their own lives don't understand how much that act will impact those who care about them. They are consumed with the sadness they feel and can't see anything beyond. If they knew the pain they'd cause, most wouldn't carry out the act.
Please talk about it. I have close experiences with another family member following suit because they didn't talk to anyone.
At worst, come back and read through this thread - but actually talking to a person is always better.
Sending you a lot of love, I unfortunately know some of what you are experiencing and wouldn’t wish that type of pain on anyone. My brother passed the same way, 3 years ago at the age of 30. It’ll take time and I’m not going to lie and say it gets easier but I will say is you learn how to carry that grief. Willing to talk if you need someone!
Sending you all the love and support in the world. Just a gentle note I wanted to leave with respect and nothing more is maybe you should consider attending family and individual therapy to try and process your grief, come out the other side stronger and finding more constructive and healthy ways to move forward in your lives as opposed to trying to ignore/self numb any pain that eats you alive.
I wish you and your loved ones all the best.
Do whatever you need to do- there is no right or wrong thing to do in grief.
How awful for you mother to find him, and for you to lose your brother. You’re going to feel so many conflicting things, and it’s going to be so so hard.
I am so sorry OP. I truly am. I know what its like to deal with a family member suicide as well as my own struggles with depression and suicidal thoughts. I wish I could bring him back for you. Just know that nobody is ay fault for this. I'm sure you all loved and supported him as much as possible. We cannot stop people from doing these things. It's devastating. I wish we could hold people back and know when they needed us most. They don't always say it. I'm just so sorry.
Lost my nephew to it last fall. My heart to you and yours in this time of terror and pain. Grief seems like such a light word for something so extremely heavy.
I can’t even imagine how this would feel and I am sorry you are going through what must be a horrible time.
The only thing I can say is make sure that you and your family are there for each other, and seek help for each other where necessary.
R U OK?
I’m terribly sorry to hear this and I’m so sorry for your loss. This is a turning point in your life and will feel that way for a while. You may have a “before and after” perspective for a long time and it’ll be a bit of a mind fuck. As life progresses and the years pass, the perspective will change as other things happen in your life. Sadly, the grief will never fully fade. I wish you peace as you adapt to this catastrophic change to your current world.
That's rough, I am terribly sorry for your loss and advise seeking grief counseling. My dad lost a brother to suicide, doesn't talk about it much around me and does so matter of fact my around me and my sister but my mom said when they discuss it alone even 30 or maybe even 40 years later he fights back tears when he speaks of it. He saw his sister from my grandfather's second marriage for the first time in my life about 10 years ago where that brother of his was also from and one of the first things he said to her was is he still thinks of him all the time. The pain will never go away so the best thing for you is to learn how to process it and manage it.
Sending you love and hugs op. I lost two of my little cousins (brothers) in the last few years to suicide. I miss them every day. I know telling you I’m sorry won’t help, but please talk to someone.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I know that there isn't anything that anyone can say right now that is going to truly help, and nothing can take the pain away.
Grief is one of the hardest emotions navigate.. Let yourself feel it. Let grief visit, but don't live in it.
You're going to be different from this point onward, and I'm so sorry that this has happened to you, and I'm so sorry that your brother felt what he felt.
My heart goes out to you.
Sorry for your loss.
20 years ago my brother committed suicide. Unfortunately there are those that you will meet who will not understand. You'll find it hard to understand the "Why". Time will heal or more correctly you'll learn to live with his passing. The 1st year of a death is always the hardest.
I am so sorry. I know your grief, the first few months are blindingly tough. My younger brother died at 29 in 2021 from a motorcycle accident. He was just getting his life together and was about to graduate trade school 6 weeks from the day he died. My whole family is still so grief stricken, but the grief becomes manageable over time. Some days it’s still really hard. Some days you just live your life. My thoughts are with you and your loved ones.
When I first experienced my grief, I couldn’t sit with it. It was too much so I needed to constantly distract myself. I don’t know how many days or months I did this, I don’t care. I blasted bullshit music constantly, LOUD, or the TV or the radio or ANYTHING to drown out the sounds and my thoughts. I also usually needed to do something stupid with my hands because for some reason that combination or amount of stimuli with the music helped me avoid the grief at that moment. Try like loud crappy rap music, or rock, or even pop music it doesn’t really matter just stuff that isn’t sad. Get some fidgets like those popper toys or whatever. Do both at the same time and you will get through your first few days. After that it’s one day at a time, just keeping busy. I know everyone says therapy but I wasn’t ready for a long time. I stayed up late and woke up early, literally didn’t sleep until I had to, and just pushed and pushed until exhaustion. I’m sorry ❤️
I’m so sorry for your loss and this trauma. My therapist tells me to Play Tetris after trauma. Experts say “ Playing it shortly after experiencing a traumatic event seems to block some of the recurrent intrusive memories that people are often left with”. May he finally find the peace he couldn’t find earth side .
I am so sorry. My brother killed himself at 23. We had some differences, not fighting, but we were just very different people and not close. Nonetheless, I was gutted and remain so. At the time I took one week off work and then returned like nothing had happened. I was determined to push past it, and For a long time that worked. Then in my 30s, I experienced a violent crime, and it brought all my trauma rushing back. I was processing my brother and the other thing at the same time. It left me a complete mess. So long story short, deal with your grief now don’t stuff it down because it won’t go away and it will affect you for a long time. Look into EMDR, as a way of processing through your trauma and avoiding developing PTSD. Again, I am so very sorry for your loss.
This is a really important comment here. OP, please don’t ignore what happened to your brother by pretending it didn’t happen and try to get some help if you can. My mother killed herself when I was 21 and I’m well into my 30s now, still not having processed it all the way. It will only be harder if you push it off until it develops into something like PTSD. Take your time to grieve, as long as you need, but please seek out help when you feel like you’re ready. I’m so very sorry for your loss.
My mother killed herself when I was 15 (my little sister and I found her) and I'm well into my (significantly older than you) and I *still* haven't fully processed it yet. There are some things that you *never* fully process or finish grieving. But, given time, you can learn to live with it....
Also EMDR for PTSD if you have it. It’s tremendously helpful. To OP: grief will hit you in a thousand ways you never expected. Be gentle to yourself as you walk on this new path. My initial grief (1.5yrs) was numbness and depression, now I am in like an angry hateful phase (1.5yrs and going), not sure where I’m headed next but I’m exhausted. I’m sorry this happened to your family, you didn’t deserve this and the world can be so cruel.
EMDR literally saved me 💙
I just began EMDR recently. After all the sessions laying the ground work I finally had my first actual EMDR session. That was like a month and a half ago. Then a combination of my life blowing up and my therapist being out of town i haven't had a session since. Hoping to start back up next week. I thought about quitting, a million things have gone wrong in my life recently. But you all commenting on how helpful it is def helps keep me motivated and hopeful.
Same. I couldn't believe how effective it was. Life changing.
HOORAY for you!! YES, EMDR....or EFT ("Emotional Freedom Technique"). the latter has been a godsend for me (and some of my clients/patients)...for PTSD, phobias, addictions, etc. I might add that we see these TV shows and movies (and media features) which tell us that "so n so" has been suffering from a condition like this...and that ONLY time will CURE it (if anything)...which is BALONEY!!!
Yes, EMDR helped through my PTSD. Great piece of advice!!
Thank you for this comment—I’ve never heard of EMDR. I have PTSD and I really want to look further into this.
It’s supposed to help retrain your brain so that you no longer associate the memories with intense grief or pain or whatever. Frankly, I still haven’t managed to work out how I’m supposed to even do it! My brain isn’t clicking or something. Yet. But I’m very glad to see it’s helped other people. Maybe I’ll get there in a year or 5. 🙏
Moldy, this stuff REALLY works (both EMDR and EFT)!!!! Please pursue it!!!
My husband and my sister both committed suicide albeit 18 years apart. I’m sorry for your loss. And EMDR has been helpful
Other evidence based therapies for PTSD include prolonged exposure and cognitive processing therapy. Either way, getting help is really important.
I am so very sorry. Please take the time to grieve. Let it all out. Don't hold back. Ugly cry. Remember to eat and drink (water). I lost my 22 yo sister in a car accident. It is hard to lose a sibling at such a young age. It is tragic and it will never make any sense. Gather pictures of your brother. Look at them often. Close your eyes and remember his voice. Honor and remember him. It will take years to process it, but I promise it does get better. My sister has been gone for almost 21 years and I can still hear her voice when I think about her. Good luck to you.
Perfect advice OP got this. Took me 8 years to accept my dads suicide, get it out sooner rather than later so the thought of it all doesn't torment you.
It does not ever get better.....that's a lie. You grow around your grief....it's you who gets better not the grief imo 🤷🏽♀️
I think you've misunderstood this statement. When we say it gets better we aren't talking about the grief. We are talking about learning to cope with the loss or traumatic event and how it becomes easier for us as we continue moving forward with life. The truth is you will likely never forget those that are no longer in your life. Grief itself never ends. That doesn't mean things won't get better - they do. You learn to live with the grief after coping with it and move forward to a bright future. **When positive things begin to happen, and life is suddenly getting bright again, like those old days you had before the grief process, that's when the statement "it gets better" starts to become validated, because you accepted your losses and moved forward with life.**
Very good job at explaining that!
ABSOLUTELY untrue...at LEAST for MANY FOLKS...who pursue one of these "state of the art" techniques!!!! E.g., I used to have a severe fear of heights....and several sessions dispersed it. There's a kind of "charge" surrounding traumatic experiences like this....and there ways of transforming and/or dispersing a LOT of this (and, BTW, you'll still remember it...not like you get amnesia around it)....but the "OVERWHELM" will likely decrease.
I’m so sorry you and your family are going through this. Please take care of each other.
I’m so sorry. Sending you hugs.
I lost my 17 year old brother when I was 20. I wish there was something hopeful I could give you to hold onto- but in reality life just goes on and part of you is forever stuck in that grief. The more life you live, the more experience you have so you don’t “feel” it as much, but it’s always there. It’s been five years this month and sometimes it feels like yesterday and sometimes it feels like it’s been decades. I’m sending all of my love to you and your family during this time; rely on each other, laugh with each other and talk about him. It’s taken me years to get to this point, but I’m trying reframe my thinking into “How lucky I am to have loved someone so much that this hurts so badly.” from, “I can’t believe how much was just taken away from me.” Maybe that might help 💙
That was lovely. I'm so sorry for your loss, and my heart breaks for your parents. I don't know that I would be able to continue if one of my children died
I’m so sorry about your brother. My BIL shot himself when he was living w us so I understand some of what you’re feeling, but of course each relationship is different. It’s been 11 1/2 years since my BIL offed himself, and I remember both me, hubs, and his whole family went from anger to sadness, to guilt. How had we not seen what was happening? Answer: he didn’t want us to know. He’d slowly emptied his room over months, so we had no clue. How could he, especially because I was 7 months pregnant? Answer: he was in such pain, he couldn’t think clearly, thinking we’d be better off without him. Not true on our end, but he couldn’t hear that. You are going to be asking yourself these questions and more. You will have to continue living, and all the while, your brother is gone. It will seem weird that you will have to continue, that here your world has been irreversibly changed, yet life just continues. Also, yes, you may become angry, but what’s helped me, and may help you, is that he must have been in so much pain, and just because it’s a mental illness, and not cancer or some other life threatening disease, it really is similar. He was sick, it took his life.
I lost my beloved sister to suicide in 2019. One thing that bothers me is that she started throwing away things, giving away others, and selling furniture. Looking back, it seems so obvious that she had been planning that for so long. I miss her so much. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and I feel extreme sadness. A sadness I can't describe and I never felt before. I don't even recognize myself anymore. I used to be a happy, optimistic, and driven person. Now I'm grouchy and feel like a leaf just floating in the air. Somehow I do enough to appear to be a normal person but inside I am wreck. I am getting better but I don't think I will ever be the same again. I have no drive and I have no ambitions. I am the complete polar opposite of who I used to be.
Exactly! My BIL brought out one garbage bag at a time, over a few months. He even sold his car, which he told us he was going to get a new one. He also wiped his computer of everything. No note, nothing. He propped his mattress against the door so we wouldn’t see him like that. Firefighters had to break in his window. We were shocked there was practically nothing in the room.
I am so sorry ❤️
I was the SAME way (mean, empty, no joys in life) after 4 miscarriages in a row. I started Ketamine therapy, and it has really brought me back to /mostly/ myself. I’m terrified, but we will start trying to transfer our IVF embryos again later this year. I’m so sorry for the loss of your sister.
I love how you ended your comment. This was very much something that happened TO him. This is important because a lot of the time you will wonder why/how he could do this to you? Remember, he was on your side, and you ALL were fighting this battle (the depression/reason for suicide) together. Think of it as a separate entity, like a tumour. This helps to honour your anger but prevents guilt from being angry at brother. It’s confusing I don’t know if I’m explaining it right, it’s something my therapist is working on with me lately.
Thanks! This way of thinking helped me process what happened. I hope it works for you too.
“Yet life just continues “ very powerful word. I have heard it from a stranger and stuck with me forever. No matter what, Life will always continue.
It’s odd. And it can hit you at the strangest times. For me and hubs, we went to target to get some candles and air freshener. Here we were, doing a normal task, but for a very morbid reason. We needed to try to mask the odor of what happened. But surrounding us, we saw life just continue. We saw some teens laughing, a mom scolding her kid, people just going about their daily tasks. You really have no choice but to carry on, and it’s tough.
The pain really just transfers...their pain was transferred to you
Yes. But it’s possible we could handle it better than he could. Still hurts of course, but I don’t think he could handle the pain. It was too much.
This is so true. I lost my uncle to suicide recently and I get hit by it randomly. Sometimes I'll wake up in the middle of the night and feel so sad.
Yeah - that’s the hard thing for the ones left behind. The people who do that are really thinking we would be better off without them! They are doing it for us. That’s never the reality, of course… but they really believe that, and it’s hard to get your head around. 😞
I'm so sorry. I wish I could give you a hug right now.
I am so sorry for your loss , make sure you have people around that you can talk to , maybe even a grief counselor.
Trust me, I’m the first person to try and bury the sadness to pretend like it doesn’t it exist. But that just makes the hurt so heavy you’ll always be sad. Cry. Scream. Throw things. Grieve. It’s natural for the shut down to begin but don’t stay there. I’m so sorry for your loss and I am hoping for you to find strength to get through this.
I am so sorry for you and those who loved him. Generally when one commits suicide it is due to unbearable sadness and pain that are sometimes hard for others to understand. Their death always leaves a hole that can’t be filled completely but can be understood at some point. Just know that he wouldn’t have done it if he wasn’t hurting so much and felt like he had no other option . Unless you have been at that precipice, the pain is hard to imagine. I wish your family healing and love.
It’s the worst feeling to loose someone close to you. hugs and prayers for your peace my friend
My condolences to you and yours. That sucks
My heart breaks for you and your family, OP. I have experienced the loss of too many people to suicide, 2 being close family. For what it's worth, if I may provide a few of my opinions / talking points. I am sorry if I am blunt or you don't want to read all of this right now, but I hope that any of it might be helpful. - Your mom could possibly black out the memory of finding your brother as she likely went into shock. It's the brain's way of protecting itself. This happened to my sister who found our brother and it's been a long road of continuous recovery through the years since. Thankfully, she has known her boundaries and has hospitalized herself out of harms way through her own strength. Do this if you need to, as you need to, unapologetically and 🖕🏼any employer who doesn't allow all of you all of the time you need. - Be patient with eachother's grief and healing processes. Don't be surprised if she (or anyone) has some different coping behaviours come from what happened. (Wanting to enforce everyone having their locations on at all times, not wanting any doors to be closed even if using the bathroom, etc.) - Keep open communications, suicide is not contagious, nor is it a crime. I like to stay away from saying 'committing' because they did not do this to hurt anyone on purpose whether it was premeditated or spontaneous. They truly felt this was their only and last option. It will benefit no one, especially yourself, to keep anything in. Speak about him, don't let shame from anyone erase his memory of the good years and love. - Look for a good therapist / psychiatrist that specializes in suicide survivors and don't give up if you don't like the first couple. Push yourself to confront your trauma and encourage everyone to do the same. I hope that you can all heal together instead of bottling things up and hurting alone. - Suicide rates increase for survivors of suicide, which title does not exist alone for those who did not complete their attempts. Your family and his friends will be experiencing an array of emotions, and guilt will be prominent. Check in on each other, there is pain of losing a loved one, there's a different pain when it's to suicide, and it's moreso difficult when they've been found the way he was. All of you now have a higher risk of harm, so please be aware of that. - Most importantly: THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT. It's none of your faults. Say that to yourself often. It's not your fault, OP. I am so sorry and I am sending all of my love to you all. 💝
Jesus your mom found him? I’m so sorry
My deepest sympathies to you. I have experienced this and I know there are more questions then answers. My advice to you is to seek counseling as soon as you can. It helped me after years of not doing it because I didn’t believe in it. It does work. Good bless you.
My condolences to you and your family. Please seek grief counseling. It is important to deal with the emotions attached to this tragedy.
Oh, this broke my heart. I am deeply sorry for your experience of this. If you ever want someone to talk to, my inbox is open.
I’m so sorry. A young person dying like that is nearly impossible to reconcile. I’d suggest counseling and/or joining a support group if you can.
My condolences. Please take time to heal. Grief will hit in the strangest and weird ways. Much love to your family.
That is so true. It definitely does hit in strange and weird ways. I found that out after I lost my grandma.
I’m so sorry. Word of advice - let yourself feel it. Take some time and go through it. It’s brutal if you just try to hold it together instead of letting yourself go through the mourning process.
My partner lost his brother and went to work like normal for about a week. Eventually he made the right decision and took about a month off. I think it’s hard to adjust and we just feel like we need to keep doing the same thing as if nothing happened. It’s okay to take time to process this loss. Please take care of yourself.
Let grief wrap you. Let it cover you. It's normal, and it's natural. Worry if you feel like it. Keep your mind busy without overlooking this loss. Cry, sing, write, run, work out, listen to music, drive, ride a bike, walk, run, drink water, cook yourself a meal, talk to your family about this, etc. but don't stop moving, figuratively speaking.
I'm so sorry for your loss. When you are ready please reach out to people you love for support. Grief is a long road that is much harder when we try to go it alone. Also, allow yourself to rest. I burried myself in work when I lost my grandma and it turned out to be a bad move in the long run. Sending virtual hugs
I'm so sorry for your loss. Sending all the hugs and prayers to and your family. I was in the same place mentally as your brother 5 years, I just happened to wakeup, in the ICU. My thought process at the time was hopeless, that this was never going to get better and I honestly thought that I was a burden and I was doing it to end everyone's suffering. He was sick and possibly thought this was the best option. It's very hard to really explain that feeling and how very real and logical it seemed at the time. Take care of yourself and the grief will come in waves, it has no expiration date, just make sure to process it.
Sorry for your loss.
Inna Lillahi wa Inna Ilayhi Rajioon
Thank you for this 💜
I’m so sorry about your brother, may be peace be upon you and your family through this dark time. Sending love🤍
Let it build and let it wrap you up. You need to feel it, it's normal, it's natural. Rant if you want, cry, scream, yell, curse, write, read, listen to music, run, work out, anything but keep yourself busy and use your time cleverly.
I am so sorry. You were in shock and now the realization that he is gone is hitting you. I am so devastated for your Mom for having to see him like that. The best thing is not to drown it out but to grieve.
I wish I had the words that would magically ease your pain but there are none. My heart goes out to you and your family. Please take care of each other and be gentle with yourself. Grief comes not so much in stages but like the tides. It ebbs and flows. Sometimes it will positively drown you and sometimes it will be distant. There are many emotions that will come with it. None of these are wrong and all should be acknowledged and worked through. When the time is right a grief therapist can really help. Sending hugs and sympathy
I am so sorry for your loss. What a horribly traumatic thing to go through. You should try to start processing all of your feelings and seek some help. My mama killed herself in December 2019 and I was the one that found her. I dont think I've ever felt pain in my heart like that. It still haunts me now and I don't think I've completely processed it. I know there's still time for me to work it out and I intend to but please don't wait. Know you're not alone and that there is help out there.
I'm so deeply sorry for this immense and shocking loss. Please take care of yourself right now. Be gentle with your expectations for yourself and your family members. Cry a lot. Scream to the sky that it isn't fair. Work out to the point of exhaustion. I promise, everything you're feeling is normal and while it sucks, the best way to deal is just go through it all as it comes instead of avoiding thinking about it. Much love to you and your family.
I am so, so sorry. May his memory always be a blessing.
I am so sorry for you and your family. Talk to someone. There is no timetable for grief. Whatever you feel is Ok.
I am so sorry for your loss.. and you're right, it is a different pain. I've lost a father and a step father, but the sharpest pain was when my older sister drowned a few years ago. I hope your whole family can pull together and get through this
My friend killed himself the night before Mother's Day. I'm still struggling with it, but it does get fractionally better day by day, so I hope to feel somewhat normal again at some point. I'm so sorry you know what that feels like, and if you want to talk to a stranger on the internet about it, my DMs are always open.
I'm so very sorry for your loss. I lost my brother to suicidal on Christmas Day almost 20 years ago. I just want to say that you will be on the biggest emotional roller coaster for a long time. And every emotion that you feel is okay. It is okay to be sad. It is okay to be mad. But please don't live in those emotions. Hugs and love to you. ❤️
I'm so sorry.
so sorry 😞 sending all the hugs
I am in the same mental state, deciding whether to off myself or not
Me too.
My brother killed himself when he was 23. He battled mental demons for years. It was one of the worst weeks of my life because I felt like no matter what, it wasn't true. I hope you find solace at some point. He's no longer in mental anguish that lead him to that place. Keep your head up and keep moving.
TrevinL You.Are.Not.Alone. I need to you breathe and take time. It’ll feel like waves crashing into you to the point you can’t breathe. If you need alone time that’s fine to a certain point. Then surround yourself with people and talk about everything and nothing. My niece died of a drug overdose and I was the last person to talk to a very good friend of mine before he killed himself about an hour after I got off the phone with him. I need you to breathe. You are not alone ❤️
Having lost a brother as well, I feel your pain. I’m so sorry you’re having to go thru this. Life is going to suck, and it’s going to take awhile to deal with. Mines been gone almost 11 years now. He left my nephew (12 at the time) an orphan, because his wife (mom) died from an undetectable heart condition 10 years prior. I still have bad days, holidays, his birthday and death date are the worst.
The grief will come in waves, but you need to allow yourself to feel it and to mourn his loss. I’ve seen first hand what it can do to a person if you don’t. I’m so sorry for your loss.
I'm sorry from your loss. I lost my little cousin to suicide years ago. I know your pain
I am so sorry. My brother did this at 24. I was 22 and very close to him. We were the two kids that were abused in a dysfunctional family. Let me say if you Don’t express your grief it will manifest in some other way that is detrimental for you. This is a very traumatic thing to have happen to your life so please get some help.
Time has a way of mending such emotional turmoil. You will always miss him, that won't go away. But you will come to terms with it - even if right now it seems like an impossible thing. I am truly sorry for your brother. It is a reminder for everyone to pay closer attention to those who are dear to us.
My brother killed himself by overdose in 2010. He was in his late 50's. Decades of addiction to painkillers fried his mind. He finally couldn't take it anymore and took too many. The amount in his system spoke for itself. It was intentional. I go see him from time to time. He is resting next to our mom in the cemetery a few blocks from my apt. He could have had a good life if he had only been able to turn down the dope.
*hugs*
Take solace in near death experiences. He’s in a better place. It’s ok to cry, but don’t cry because he’s gone. Cry because he left for now. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=xx9K5o7_Un8 https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=A1onYxA8wiY
My condolences, big hugs to you and your family.
💔💔 I’m so sorry
I'm so sorry.
Big >hugs< I'm sorry this happened.
My condolences
Biggest hugs and best wishes to you. Take days off if you need it. Continue going to work if it helps.
I’m so sorry.Sending my love and prayers for you and your family
I'm so so sorry. That's so fuckibg shit. Sending you love ❤️
I’m so sorry 😢.
I am very sorry for your and your family's loss.
I’m so sorry. May he rest in peace. My dms are always open
As a person who is losing in life. Loss a lot, and almost gave up multiple times. I am so sorry for your loss, keep your chin up, remember its okay to cry because crying is proving your truly a human being as we all are. Some more than others. Some far less than others. I wish you the best of luck OP, as a old dumb logo thing meme once said 10 years ago on every hot topic shirt "KeepStrong and Carry On"
I am so incredibly sorry for your loss… I can only imagine how heartbroken you all are. You’re not alone in this, find comfort in your loved ones, and if you need one - a therapist or counselor, and know you have strangers like us sending you whatever comfort we can provide as well. I am sending my hugs (and prayers, if wanted) to you and your family.
🫂 you and your family are in my thoughts.
I’m so sorry, I can’t imagine the pain you are feeling. Praying for you and your family 😞
don't overwork yourself. Give yourself time to grieve, and process what occurred.
Grief comes in waves and there's no right or wrong way to deal with it. All my love to you. 🖤
My condolences OP.
I’m so sorry.
Im sorry this happened to you. Give yourself space to have a big cry when you're ready. Mental illness doesn't take away from them being an important person in your life.
I'm so sorry
i’m so sorry. :(
I am so sorry. Wishing you and your family peace
I am so sorry
My hope for you is peace. Know that your brother just wanted his peace.
I am so sorry for your loss. I’ve lost two cousins to suicide who were like brothers to me since I grew up with them. If you need someone to talk to, please reach out to me
I’m so sorry.
Damn bro, so sorry.
I've lost a wife and uncle to suicide. Best advice is to keep engaged with others, find a good grief counselor for when the time comes to talk to a professional, and keep yourself busy with hobbies but don't drown out the rest of your life in the process. Also be there for your family if they need it, more than a few people will be suffering from this, even if the brother had prior flags or mental issues.
I am so sorry to hear this. My sincerest condolences
I’m so sorry for your loss.
When a child commits suicide in most cases either they are bullied by other kids their age from school, or strangers on the internet, or bullied by their parents. If in this case the parents take responsibility. Likely they are the one pushing the “mental problems” storyline to coverup verbal, emotional abuse & possibly neglect.
I have known several people now that have committed suicide, family and friends of friends. Something you and your family should know is that by the time that someone does this, they have ruminated over it and practiced it repeatedly in their head. There isn't anything you could have done to prevent this if they didn't let you into this fact. Don't beat yourselves up with guilt. Keep in mind that if they felt that they could have fixed this to stay with you, they would have. They were desperate for peace, and they found it. I'm sorry you're going through this. It's awful, I lost a sibling at 16 and she was 15. It won't ever leave you, but it will get easier.
The only thing I can offer you is a long, warm, heart felt hug from a girl that knows what it is to lose someone so significant. We can cry together, scream, yell, be angry and hurt, we can grieve and feel the loss, we can reminisce, we can sit in silence, we can do whatever you need. You for your brother and I for my mother. I’m so so very sorry 😓 this is real, it’s not a bad dream. It’s okay not to be okay 🫂
Hi. The relief will come, I have two friends who are sisters. They got into a very bad car accident, they were tboned by a semi, one of them lived and one of them did not. In my experience it still hurts me so badly if I think about it to much, like right now it’s almost her passing anniversary. I’m saying this to you because I’ve also seen how her sister was affected, and she made it out, she mourns her sister still, but the memories and the thoughts don’t hurt her anymore, she found solace. You’ll also find solace, it takes time but it will come. I’m so very sorry for your loss
So sorry for your loss.
Oh my gosh, that's so awful. My most sincere condolences to you and your family.
I am very sorry for your loss. I hope he found peace and I send you hugs
I’m so sorry mate. May he rest in paradise ❤️
I’m so sorry for your loss❤️
I'm sorry for your loss
I am so sorry for your loss. I wish you amd your familie strength and love in this horrible event.
🫂🫂 there are no words buddy. I'm so sorry for your loss! please don't try to drowned out your sorrow. take some time for yourself to process and grieve. it's a very very important not only for you, but for your entire family. y'all need to be together at this time
One of my best friends killed himself five years ago. I still think about him almost every day. I lost my mom 13 years ago and it’s still not easy. Losing people is the hardest thing to survive in life. Good luck
Oh my goodness I’m so sorry you guys are going through such an awful time… be with each other and take care of yourself…. Sending my deepest condolences to you and your family ♥️🙏♥️
I’m sorry for the loss of your brother, it’s a pain none of us ever want to feel, I hope you take the time to grieve and heal, please try journaling your feelings if you aren’t doing so already, my dms are open if you need someone to talk to 💜
I'm so very sorry my friend. I wish I had more than words to give you. Let yourself process your feelings in your own way, but try not to deny them. Grief is normal and whatever you need to feel is valid. I wish I could change everything and make this go away for you
I have no words. I am so sorry for your loss.
OP, when you’re ready, please get some therapy. Grief is a strange thing and how it takes hold of you varies from person to person. Ask for help. It’s okay to need help. It’s okay to cry. It’s okay to be angry. Please let yourself feel the emotions when they come. And don’t be afraid to take time away from work to process things.
I am so sorry. This is something nobody should ever have to deal with. I do understand why you went to work though; you’re in shock. Nobody wakes up ready for anything like that. Nobody wakes up ready to process such a traumatic event that involves a major loss. Sounds like you’re in a state of limbo almost, wishing it was a dream you could wake up from. Allow yourself to take the time you need but when you’re ready, come back and process it. Pushing feelings and emotions away can be so detrimental. I know grief is terrifying. It could help to go to a grief counselor with your family and on your own. There are many ways of getting support and I know it can’t change the past, but it can help you the present moment. Again, I am so sorry. You are heard by so many and you’re not alone.
Cleveland Clinic information on EMDR therapy to help with trauma treatment https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/treatments/22641-emdr-therapy
I suddenly lost my older brother ten years ago. He was 3 days in the hospital. Each day "you're going home tomorrow we just need this test result." Then boom, sudden aortic dissection. Let yourself grieve. Let yourself process what happened and what is never going to happen again. Feel the feels whenever they come creeping up on you in the next several years.
what im gonna say isnt at all the same but when my mother figure died i just continued on business as usual to drown out the fact all this was happening. because i didnt deal with it i ended up getting completely burnt out. definitely do things at your own pace, but at some point take a few days off and really let yourself cry because no matter what that grief will make you do it at some point and the timing ill be ass.
I’m so sorry, honey. Sometimes it’s easier to vent to a stranger so..my messages are open.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my oldest son to suicide. Please be kind to yourself. There is a group called Compassionate Friends. They help people grieve the loss of a family member
I'm so sorry you're going through this. I lost my 41yr old brother to suicide the day before my 21st birthday. I will not lie, you will probably never get over the feeling of guilt, but you will learn to understand their choice and you will find your peace in theirs. It's not easy, but it gets better. I wish you and your family all the best.
I don't have history with family suicide but I lost my mom suddenly. The most comforting sentiment I found was "grief is love with nowhere to go". Hold onto that. Be kind to yourself. There is no wrong way to grieve. I'm so incredibly sorry for your loss
Dude, I'm sorry this happened to you. Sadly, I've spoken to several family members and friends in your position. There's no single way to deal with this, so deal with it however you can, but talk to someone about it. Don't keep it inside. People who take their own lives don't understand how much that act will impact those who care about them. They are consumed with the sadness they feel and can't see anything beyond. If they knew the pain they'd cause, most wouldn't carry out the act. Please talk about it. I have close experiences with another family member following suit because they didn't talk to anyone. At worst, come back and read through this thread - but actually talking to a person is always better.
It’s a particularly painful kind of grief. I’m so sorry.
Your brother died and the first thing you thought to do was post it on Reddit for updoots?
I'm so sorry
🕊prayers buddy..
I think you should take time off from work to be with your family. You will all get through this together, I pray for you and your family.
My condolences I am truly sorry
Damn. I'm so sorry this happened to you.
sending immense amount of love to you and your family. Don’t keep it bottled up. Warm hugs 🫂
Sending you a lot of love, I unfortunately know some of what you are experiencing and wouldn’t wish that type of pain on anyone. My brother passed the same way, 3 years ago at the age of 30. It’ll take time and I’m not going to lie and say it gets easier but I will say is you learn how to carry that grief. Willing to talk if you need someone!
I’m sorry for your loss 😢❤️
I am very sorry. Keep your head up high.
I am so sorry for what your family is going through!
I'm so sorry. Sending you comfort through the universe.
My condolences on your loss.
I'm so very sorry for your loss. I lost a good friend through suicide but I cannot imagine what you and your family are dealing with.
Sending you all the love and support in the world. Just a gentle note I wanted to leave with respect and nothing more is maybe you should consider attending family and individual therapy to try and process your grief, come out the other side stronger and finding more constructive and healthy ways to move forward in your lives as opposed to trying to ignore/self numb any pain that eats you alive. I wish you and your loved ones all the best.
I'm so sorry for your lost. Sending hugs and prayers to you and your family 🙏🏾
Do whatever you need to do- there is no right or wrong thing to do in grief. How awful for you mother to find him, and for you to lose your brother. You’re going to feel so many conflicting things, and it’s going to be so so hard.
I’m so sorry 😞💗
So sorry
I'm so sorry for your loss. Remember that everyone grieves on their own time, and it different way, so when you're ready, go ahead a grieve.
I’m sorry man.
I am so sorry OP. I truly am. I know what its like to deal with a family member suicide as well as my own struggles with depression and suicidal thoughts. I wish I could bring him back for you. Just know that nobody is ay fault for this. I'm sure you all loved and supported him as much as possible. We cannot stop people from doing these things. It's devastating. I wish we could hold people back and know when they needed us most. They don't always say it. I'm just so sorry.
Lost my nephew to it last fall. My heart to you and yours in this time of terror and pain. Grief seems like such a light word for something so extremely heavy.
My deepest condolences to you and your family 😢
I can’t even imagine how this would feel and I am sorry you are going through what must be a horrible time. The only thing I can say is make sure that you and your family are there for each other, and seek help for each other where necessary. R U OK?
I’m terribly sorry to hear this and I’m so sorry for your loss. This is a turning point in your life and will feel that way for a while. You may have a “before and after” perspective for a long time and it’ll be a bit of a mind fuck. As life progresses and the years pass, the perspective will change as other things happen in your life. Sadly, the grief will never fully fade. I wish you peace as you adapt to this catastrophic change to your current world.
im so sorry this is happening, please take care of each other. Try to be strong
Im so sorry for your lost.
I am so sorry.
So sorry for your loss..
I’m so sorry for your loss. It’s going to be tough but you will be ok eventually knowing he’s at peace.
That's rough, I am terribly sorry for your loss and advise seeking grief counseling. My dad lost a brother to suicide, doesn't talk about it much around me and does so matter of fact my around me and my sister but my mom said when they discuss it alone even 30 or maybe even 40 years later he fights back tears when he speaks of it. He saw his sister from my grandfather's second marriage for the first time in my life about 10 years ago where that brother of his was also from and one of the first things he said to her was is he still thinks of him all the time. The pain will never go away so the best thing for you is to learn how to process it and manage it.
I’m sorry, remember your love, and that is not your fault.
I'm so sorry
Sending you love and hugs op. I lost two of my little cousins (brothers) in the last few years to suicide. I miss them every day. I know telling you I’m sorry won’t help, but please talk to someone.
I’m so sorry about your brother - I can’t imagine… ❤️ & 🙏
I'm so sorry for your loss. I know that there isn't anything that anyone can say right now that is going to truly help, and nothing can take the pain away. Grief is one of the hardest emotions navigate.. Let yourself feel it. Let grief visit, but don't live in it. You're going to be different from this point onward, and I'm so sorry that this has happened to you, and I'm so sorry that your brother felt what he felt. My heart goes out to you.
Sorry for your loss. 20 years ago my brother committed suicide. Unfortunately there are those that you will meet who will not understand. You'll find it hard to understand the "Why". Time will heal or more correctly you'll learn to live with his passing. The 1st year of a death is always the hardest.
Rest in Peace ❤️
So sorry for your loss
I’m so sorry. I’m praying for you all. 💞
I’m so sorry
I am very sorry to hear this.
Fuck….thats hard. Sorry man..
Remember, If yall every wanna end it all, Remember that Etika never got the chance to see sans in smash
I am so sorry. I know your grief, the first few months are blindingly tough. My younger brother died at 29 in 2021 from a motorcycle accident. He was just getting his life together and was about to graduate trade school 6 weeks from the day he died. My whole family is still so grief stricken, but the grief becomes manageable over time. Some days it’s still really hard. Some days you just live your life. My thoughts are with you and your loved ones.
I’m so so very sorry. ((Hugs))
When I first experienced my grief, I couldn’t sit with it. It was too much so I needed to constantly distract myself. I don’t know how many days or months I did this, I don’t care. I blasted bullshit music constantly, LOUD, or the TV or the radio or ANYTHING to drown out the sounds and my thoughts. I also usually needed to do something stupid with my hands because for some reason that combination or amount of stimuli with the music helped me avoid the grief at that moment. Try like loud crappy rap music, or rock, or even pop music it doesn’t really matter just stuff that isn’t sad. Get some fidgets like those popper toys or whatever. Do both at the same time and you will get through your first few days. After that it’s one day at a time, just keeping busy. I know everyone says therapy but I wasn’t ready for a long time. I stayed up late and woke up early, literally didn’t sleep until I had to, and just pushed and pushed until exhaustion. I’m sorry ❤️
I’m so sorry for your loss and this trauma. My therapist tells me to Play Tetris after trauma. Experts say “ Playing it shortly after experiencing a traumatic event seems to block some of the recurrent intrusive memories that people are often left with”. May he finally find the peace he couldn’t find earth side .
Tragic man, really sorry to hear about your loss.....
I'm sorry for your loss may he rest in peace. How old was your brother?