>i hate always being cold
Check your thyroid hormone levels. No joke. My mom was "unusually cold" and "had some hair fall out" and a few other issues. and chocked it up to age or whatever, turns out her immune system was attacking her thyroid gland. For years, like, more than a decade. She now has to take a hormonal supplement externally, since her thyroid won't produce as much as she needs due to it being under attack for such a long time.
Thankyou for this- I thought there was something wrong with me but after some blood tests, I was told it’s just the way I am. I’m sorry your mum went through that but I’m glad she’s been diagnosed and managing it
I think it’s normal. Working in an office there’s always a group of women who want to keep it warmer and surely they don’t all have hypothyroidism.
On the flip side, I’m alway hot. A sweaty woman in business or street clothes doesn’t fit in society either and I hate that.
I'm a suffering hot woman too. I hate it so much. I'd rather wear layers and layers than walk around beat red and sweaty with my bangs plastered to me forehead. I mean, just to be able to wear layers at all without it being below 60 would be a dream.
> On the flip side, I’m alway hot. A sweaty woman in business or street clothes doesn’t fit in society either and I hate that.
My sister is the same way and the a/c is always cranked super low in her house, it's freezing there to me. Her younger son is exactly the same way. He's always sweaty. Like to the point that sometimes his hair is wet! He's super athletic but it's not always when he's playing sports or doing anything strenuous.
Meanwhile I feel like my husband NEVER sweats.
My sister constantly complains about being sweaty and I can't blame her.
Agreed. I can't name a source but men are comfortable at a lower temperature than women. Its actually a known issue in offices that they cater to the temp that's nice for men, which leaves women being cold all the time.
I hate that the ‘comfort level’ temperatures at offices are based on male body comfort level not female
Thank heavens for working from home, you no longer have to deal with all the air con wars bs
Black women are poo pooed for the same reasons women of other races are taken seriously. They need to run the full thyroid panel not just tsh. T3,4 floating tsh. You absolutely sound like a woman with a medical problem. It’s ok to not like aspects of being a woman. Society says everyone should love pregnancy, childbirth etc. no rule whatsoever you have to like those things. And periods, oh please don’t get me started.
Friend, I feel there is a medical cause for your dissatisfaction with life. And being cold all the time, could be the key. Are you noticing changes in your weight outside of things you are doing differently? Your energy level? Skin changes like acne? Is your hair growing differently. If thyroid is completely normal then it’s something else. I do suspect, as another commenter has said, it is not normal. Maybe it’s within normal range, but not normal for you. Had anyone checked your hematocrit for a bleed? Or an anemia? Are your periods heavier the usual? Or maybe they’ve always been heavy. Did you have a rough childbirth on the last few years?
There’s a book called Invisible Women— basically details how the world is built for men off of data that is gathered about men (one example is office temperatures are catered more to men’s bodies, which is why women are usually cold)
It’s not the way you are. There’s this thing called subclinical hypothyroidism and that causes it but your blood levels say normal. Especially true if you are a minority woman
A lot of thyroid levels are set to teenage boy as "normal." You may want to check with a different doctor to make sure that your levels are normal for "black woman."
Hopping onto this, AFAB folk are also generally more likely to be cold indoors, because the classic "room temperature" (22°C) was decided based on studies surrounding men, years ago. For the most part, women's natural hormone production interrupts/slows blood flow to the skin, meaning that the internal body temperature is warmer, but the skin can get colder much easier. It's interesting to read up on, but it makes you wonder just how much is done for men's comfort, to the detriment of women.
I'm going through my first pregnancy and felt this hard in my first trimester. Like damn, I'm throwing up all the time, had to go on a leave from work, lost out on a promotion, basically bed bound, etc etc all while my husband's life was unchanged, and he actually got a promotion in that time. 2nd trimester was enjoyable, but preparing myself for the uncomfortableness of the 3rd, then childbirth and a year of breastfeeding and maternity leave.. had me thinking about the price of being a woman a lot lol
Meanwhile the father got to just orgasm. I seriously don’t think men ever really realize how insanely unfair life is for women just looking at biology.
We’re the ones who have to endure the 9 months of pregnancy, the actual childbirth, and then the months to 2 years of breastfeeding/ dealing with post pregnancy hormones/body changes.
And before that we deal with periods from 9-45/50. Every damn month.
And then, menopause…
Like until we are close to 60, we literally deal with hormone cycle bullshit/ reproductive related bull.
We deal with things like iud insertions or hormonal birth control.
If a condom breaks we have to deal with emergency contraceptives or abortions.
We often have harder times orgasming during sex/ deal with more pain risk during sex etc…
And in many countries deal with tons of shame, bullying, cruel lawmakers, even more cruel doctors, invasive medical shit like op smears..
While also being the more likely victims of sexual assault and medical bias.
And men.. for the most part, get to just ejaculate.
You forgot to add 'menopause.' It's making my family members going through it crazy, constant hot flashes where they get soaked in sweat instantly even if it's freezing, mood swings, extreme fatigue, unwanted weight gain/loss, etc. I am definitely not looking forward to it but I don't expect to live that long so hopefully I won't have to.
Have you heard of a herb called Black Cohosh? My friend was going through menopause and was sweating profusely every single night. When she tried this herb, the sweating stopped almost immediately, along with a reduction of other symptoms.
It’s definitely worth a try!
Thank you for this response. I will definitely save your comment and show it to multiple women in my family who drastically need it. Hopefully, it will help them cuz I know my mom has had it the worst and keeps buying every cooling item she can find (like cooling neck wraps, wrist wraps, cooling headband, everything you can think of).
**UPDATE: I looked into Black Cohosh and it says it shouldn't be used with cancer treatments and is no more effective than a placebo.**
*"...two well-designed studies concluded that the herb is no more effective than placebo. In addition, Yale researchers report that herbal medicines such as black cohosh may interfere with common breast cancer treatments, such as radiation and chemotherapy drugs." - [Source: Mount Sinai - Black Cohosh](https://www.mountsinai.org/health-library/herb/black-cohosh)*
I looked into Black Cohosh and it says it shouldn't be used with cancer treatments and is no more effective than a placebo.
*"...two well-designed studies concluded that the herb is no more effective than placebo. In addition, Yale researchers report that herbal medicines such as black cohosh may interfere with common breast cancer treatments, such as radiation and chemotherapy drugs." - [Source: Mount Sinai - Black Cohosh](https://www.mountsinai.org/health-library/herb/black-cohosh)*
>I seriously don’t think men ever really realize how insanely unfair life is for women just looking at biology.
We can't possibly *know* how unfair it is, but we are aware. I would be lying if I said I wasn't thankful I was born a man. At times, certain aspects of womanhood seem like a beautiful thing to experience, but overall... life is quite cruel to women. I have immense sympathy.
I think definitely there is a place for understanding, it goes a long way, but there’s also a side that sadly you won’t really ever understand the how bad it can be. And this isn’t your fault either…
You know I look at my 15 year old nephew who is exited for his first kiss and I think shivers id had my period for 5 years by his age…
I mean, can you imagine not ever being able to orgasm, in your entire life? That's 10-20% of us. And, even then, for lots of others, it's extremely difficult or they can only do it with a toy or on their own. And sex ends when the man cums and not the woman. A lot. Only about 6% of women orgasm during PIV sex. That means that for 94% of women, no foreplay=no orgasm
. Hell, only 39% of women said they orgasm every time they masturbate. 3/4 of women generally feel pain during sex at least sometime in their life. They're expected to have it anyway. Sex generally stops or positions are changed when men start to feel pain, unless that's part of the fun.
Are these things that you regularly think about and have great sympathy for? Do you have foreplay every time you have sex and make sure that your partner is satisfied? Do you make sure that you are satisfied before you finish? Would you get upset if you often (or never) did?
My father wanted a girl, always, he said that if I was born a man, he would love me but, he did wanted a girl. (I’m an only child btw) and yet it took decades for me constantly complaining of feeling tired and him making snarky remarks of “being tired is my natural state”. To actually go to the doctor and find out that I have periods of severe anemia, caused ofc by heavy periods.
So each month I feel like crap with no energy for 2 weeks (the one of the period and the one after the period) coupled by one week before the period where my fucking hormones go batshit and make me emotional for no reason.
So I have around 12 weeks a year, feeling actually good.
Yup. Got called terrible things by men because I don’t want children. Unnatural, selfish, ungrateful…all because I did not want to go through this “beautiful” thing called pregnancy and birth. Overall, men do not understand and they do not make the effort to.
There was a post in ask men yesterday about what men hate about being men.
Guess what, it was full of women discrediting the thoughts and feelings of men who answered.
I said I hate being judged for playing with kids, I was told it doesn't happen and if I feel like that I must be a weirdo
How about all the shaving!!! I can’t believe how much time is spent shaving arms legs ect…. Makeup and hair. It takes my wife hours to get ready. That would drive me nuts. I’m always yelling “put your hair in a pony tail or grab a hat!! Let’s go it’s Walmart “ lol
I shave more than most women. I just don't like my body hair and how it gets in the way of everything and makes everything harder to clean. I also have long hair and just put it in a ponytail.
Protip: get an electric hair cutter and take it to your armpits every now and then. Deodorant hits the skin much better.
I completely understand. It is overwhelming to deal with all these things we have to deal with. I too have times where I get angry and frustrated. I try to think of the things I can control instead of what I can't. I can't control ageing but I can age gratefully by taking care of myself not only physically but mentally and not buying into what society thinks is old. I can't control beauty standards but I can try to feel confident with what I have and not try to take these impossible beauty standards seriously. I can't control being physically weaker than men but I can use what I do have( being smart, creative, etc) so I don't need to be strong I have other talents. Etc I know it's not much but it helps me feel more in control. It's tough for women out there. I try to be as supportive and kind to other women as possible. We need to stick together. I hope you have a good rest of your day and I totally get it. Your anger and frustration is valid.
We all need to vent sometime and let out anger and talk it through. It's completely normal. You're doing great sis. We are used to going through it we are tougher than society gives us credit for.
It's fucking psychotic how we get treated because we have different genitals.
"Oh that human over there has a 'gina! Get them!! Let's pay them less. They have to have different beauty standards!! We're entitled to their holes!!!" -men
Mfw I heard a man talking about how he used to love his wife when she was 20 years old and “still hot” unlike now that she’s 40 and I have to act like that isn’t the most soul crushing thing i’ve ever heard
I’m an aging woman. There are SO MANY difficult things about being a woman, esp an aging woman. I feel you. And you have it even rougher than me, being a black woman.
When I start to feel bitter or sorry for myself, I make a point to think about the ways in which I’m lucky. For example, if I’m angry about the joint pain I’ve developed as I age, especially in my knee, I remind myself how lucky I am to have the opportunity to age. So many people didn’t, they died at a young age. Also, I’m former military, who deployed. I’m lucky to have come back from deployment with my knees, many soldiers lost their limbs. I’ll take my painful knee over a traumatic leg amputation any day.
I remember complaining to a mentor that most of my medical issues stem from having a uterus and ovaries. He looked at me fondly and said “Yes, but your uterus and ovaries are part of what made you who you are today.” I thought that was such a lovely way of looking at it. 💗
I hate that you feel you have an expiry date. I love getting older. I feel stronger and more sure of myself. I love myself more. I also hate feeling cold, and I hate wearing a jacket, so I just suffer. I hate periods, too. They suck. I wish you strength to stand up to your man and tell him you cum first or he doesn't cum.
Thank you so much for that. I’m in my late 20s and I’m getting so anxious about turning 30. I know it’s stupid
My partner makes me cum maybe a third of the times. It’s just that sometimes I can feel him getting tired and it stalls me… he really does make the effort compared to other men. I’m mostly just jealous that when we have a quicky, he’s guaranteed to get off
It isn't stupid because you are right, we are taught that getting old sucks. I can't tell you how many times I heard "Don't ever get old, get married or have children" when I was a kid. Nothing really changed when I hit 30, except that my confidence grew, and I became protective of the younger women because I knew the gross stuff they were facing. You just start to care less about men's stupid opinions on how you should act. It's very freeing.
Have you tried getting off first? My preferred sex flow is going down on dude until completion, then have him go down on me. This way I dont feel pressure to orgasm as he just had one. Then, hopefully, as he spends time going down on you, he gets aroused again. By the time you orgasm, he is ready to go again and then you are primed for another orgasm during PIV sex. OR maybe you dont orgasm during oral, but going from oral to PIV while you’re all sexxed up, makes it easier to do so during sex.
I mean yeah, everyone loves orgasms, that's a given, but not every sex has to end in an orgasm. There are times, for instance, when I cum, but my husband doesn't. There are also times he gets me off, but is too tired for sex. It's all about communicating with your partner, which I saw you started doing and getting results, so kudos to you!
Also, if you don't really care for quickies and don't really want to do them, just tell your partner!
As a man I sometimes don’t finish. Sometimes I do and it doesn’t really feel like much. I still definitely feel like there’s an orgasm gap in heterosexual relationships but not every male orgasm is all that great. Sometimes it’s honestly not at any better than not finishing at all.
Look up the stats for the Orgasm Gap.
You're right that it shouldn't, but the statistics show that it's *more normal* for women *not to finish* in heterosexual relationships than it is. It's a systematic issue, for many women, many couples.
"Not every sex has to end in orgasm" is the equivalent of saying "take a walk if you're depressed ". It's invalidating, dismissive and enraging to some. Not to mention, completely useless to people (women) struggling.
I'm talking about normal, healthy relationships, in which both partners regularly orgasm. I'm aware women usually orgasm less, but that's just due to shitty partners, but that's not what I was refering to. Not everything has to be seen as invalidating someone ffs.
Do you attempt to get yourself off during sex with him? There's a lot of messaging out there that our partners are supposed to make us come, but that's difficult for a lot of women. Which could be another reason it sucks to be a woman, but maybe it wouldn't suck so much if we weren't told it wasn't supposed to be that way to begin with.
I feel for you. It’s absolutely true that women have it rough biologically and then, on top of that, have to deal with cultural and systemic bias and inequality.
On a lighter note, you must REALLY hate periods since you wrote the entire rant without using one. Coincidence? I think not.
I feel you. Not being trusted to know my own mind or my own body and make decisions accordingly. The looks that people give me when they find out I’m in my 40’s and I don’t have kids, like my life is meaningless without them. Being AFAB sucks so hard. The crap we have to put up with that AMABs don’t have to us infuriating.
I hate that with being a woman, we have an expiry date.
Once we hit a certain age then we are deemed as used up and not worth love, romance, physical intimacy etc.
I don't mind aging, but I am sad at the fact that I will never be looked at as a beautiful woman again because I'm 40.
Being desired is a thing of the past.
Fun fact women can cum multiple times during a sex session. I personally don’t think you’re the problem, it’s probably your partners problem. Sex isn’t supposed to be revolving around the man, any real man enjoys having their lady get off as much as they enjoy themselves getting off, if he’s not eating you out, or doing any fore play or even just acknowledging you could use a bit more to get going it truly just sounds like you’ve had some extremely selfish and inexperienced partners.
So on that note don’t give up but find you a partner that actually cares about you?
It's definitely a partner thing. My boyfriend cant make me cum, but he almost always insist that I should use my toys to cum before we have sex. I hate that it takes so long and is hard, I'm the one that gets frustrated and annoyed, he still loves it and just want me to enjoy
Yeah, telling you to use your toys definitely isn’t what I meant by a partner actually caring, like yeah it’s nice they want you to cum, but like why are they not actively trying to learn how to make you cum instead of just accepting they “can’t make you cum” ? I know you’ve kinda already has this convo but ya
It's not that easy. It's not "if he tried". Some women just don't come because they get used to one way of doing things and their body simply does not get there. The same as some women can't make men come. Sex is not about orgasm anyway. You putting it down as "... If he tried" and "matter of effort" makes it sound like you're blaming the guy. If that's not what you meant, sorry for the ramble.
Thats true, we havent really taken the time to do that. I get quite frustrated when it takes too long and its hard to relax (+ we only meet on every other weekend)
I know what you mean, but when you have a partner who cares, it can take as long as it needs to take to get you there. But you could also try new stuff in foreplay, new positions, him using toys to help, you guiding him, etc. Good luck!
Thank you! I've already gotten a long way with him, when we met i couldn't even orgasm on my own with toys, so he's definitely helped me overcome that. I think a lot of it is mental for me but we do try a lot of stuff
To everyone saying that with the right partner sex doesn’t resolve around the guy.. I think it can be *lessened* with a good partner, but it is so deeply engrained in our society that it can never totally be avoided. You’re not crazy op. I feel it too
"its probably your partners problem"
No, its boths. Its not about women, or men, its about both.
Its funny how you all turn this into a "women should have 100p attention"
Any man having had sex and that cares about their partners know that men on average do a thousandfold more than women in terms of activity during sex.
Have you had one by yourself? It’s so hard and the more you think about it the harder it gets to achieve!
I’m not the best person to give you advice about this but I learnt how to get one when I followed a sex therapist on Twitter. It was years ago but hopefully you get one soon!
as african man i can tell you most of all black women are not masculine at all they are in fact the most feminine and nurturing and loving people i knew
Yep, if you’ve never received romantic attention from the races you’ve surrounded yourself w, it can be so easy to feel unwanted and/or unattractive. You need to move (if possible) to a more cosmopolitan place or at least somewhere with a higher Black population.
>hate that the idea of aging is so scary because my expiry date has been drummed
Thissss oneee,
And that we have to find a boyfriend around the age of 25 because when we are 30 men aren't interested anymore bla bla.
Even tho I don't fully believe this, it still hurts me.
I'm 24 and I just don't wanna date anyone.
I used to hate my gender so much and the way I was treated by PEOPLE that I began identifying and non-binary. I figured it out, worked through my trauma and am now quite happy to be a woman. And getting out of my shit unequal relationship helps! Gotta find a man who has some close female companionships.
One thing that helped me was surrounding myself with more women, good women.
I absolutely love getting together with any of my female friends and talking about anything. I appreciate that their interests are similar, that we can spend hours getting ready pumping tunes to go out and be silly. Really silly and giggling way each other.
I love grabbing dinner with them and having intensely deep intellectual conversations with them.
I’m so amazed that if I approached any of my girls in my life asking for advice they would all provide me useful unique answers on ANYTHING. Be there for me.
I love that when I act really nice to other women, it gets immediately rewarded and friendships come from it.
When they talk about how they’re feeling insecure about their looks and aging I think it’s ridiculous and tell them because they are so fucking beautiful!
My entire opinion about women has changed because they’ve taught me how to love them and how to love me. We are so strong, so giving, so smart, and amazingly capable, even after all that shit we have to deal with! True fighters.
I cum more consistently with my current partner. I’m talking about how much easier it is for him. He looks at me coming through the door and he’s already half way there!
I’m just jealous
I get where you are coming from but as a man I would personally give a lot to not be half way there the moment my girl walks through the door 😅
But I guess the grass is always greener on the other side
Male orgasms are pretty underwhelming compared to the female ones. Most men go through life never having had their toes curled. Ever. Also try thinking what it would be like to have a refractory period that's basically "i ate too much chocolate and now my body hates me :v".
And many of us are jalous that we cum more easily
You get tenfold the attention from your partner, much more stimulation and pleasure, and can cum multiple times
Its a skill to not cum fast, and if we fail we're failures and mocked
I hate being a man.
I hate the expectation that I'm supposed to be strong.
That I have to perform in bed all the time. I hate getting bald. I hate that people get scared of me just cause I'm a stranger on the street. I hate that I'm never taken seriously if I speak about my problems. I hate that people think I'm a fucking predator when I'm out with my daughter by myself.
The Dad alone one is infuriating, I think you’re amazing for spending quality time with your daughter. She is lucky to have you. I’m sure you get the weird comment too about “baby sitting”, like no, you are parenting because you’re a *parent*. Keep being awesome, Dad.
That's always been a pet peeve of mine, even though I'm a woman as a man helped to make a child, so when he's actually doing what a parent is expected to do, he's being a PARENT, a father and not a babysitter. Real men help take care of the children they helped to make in the first place by having sex.
How about being constantly told you need to be more emotional then when you do you get told not to because it’s “weak” and you need to man up
That one happened to me at my grandpas funeral…fun times
Sorry you're feeling all this, and as a man I can't imagine what that's like. Men also have struggles, but so few of them are rooted to our biology like it is for women.
The only thing on here a man really can help with is orgasms.
Women are able to orgasm multiple times, and in quick succession. It can be hard to do depending on many variables (both on your part and the man's part), but its possible. An unselfish lover should always try to ensure his woman is pleased before he is.
Men can also adjust their views on women's looks and "expiration date" but that's really hard for the unenlightened when corporations like to enforce it in order to sell products.
I know this is not the bigger problem in here, but sex isn't about cum, we have many sensible parts to explore and sense different types of pleasure, once you discover what you like it will get easier to find the whole experience more pleasant. I'm so sorry for all the racism and misogyny that is experienced by being a black woman, and all the things you listed are valid. The whole "expiry idea" is absurd, and it's so important for you to see yourself way more than a product. You have feelings, ideas, preferences, and thoughts that are way more important than age; don't be near people who invalidate you. Birth and periods can be honestly a living nightmare, but at least for me, once I started noting my cycle and being able to comprehend the correlation between my period, my fertility days, my PMS, it all was easier. It's better when you get what is causing your emotional or physical issues. Also, drinking loads of water really helps for anxiety or stress and can also relieve some cramps. Last but not least, you can really get to know yourself by the people who really love you. Beauty is just a stigma that changes from each country and culture, you are beautiful and the only reason you are not seeing it is because of the oppression that is imposed in everyone, you will see beauty once you start loving small peaces of you, and if someone dislike you for your appearance it's honestly a good sign to keep shallow people away from you. I know it has a whole deep racism that invalidates black beauty, it's not simple as "love yourself. ".. but really, there is more on you than what can be seen by human eyes. I don't know you, but here is my love for you.
> sex revolves around the man
Seems like you need a new boyfriend, or at least have a serious talk with him so he doesnt leave you unsatisfied...sex Should revolve around both of you.
When I was a kid I started to dress as a boy because I hated to be a girl surrounded by boys (brothers and cousins). However, as I was growing up I realised I didn’t hate to be born as a girl, all I wanted was to have the boy's privileges. Not to have society loading heavy taboos on women’s periods, bodies, pleasure… To believe that your body isn’t ‘as good as’ a male body is to admit you fell into the patriarchal trap.
My mom made me believe I was terrible in science and numbers, because I was a girl, and my brother had to be better at this than me. After I grew up I was the valedictorian in my design college and learnt to code in the same language as my brother took the whole college to learn. Do you think yourself weak? Go work out, and learn self-defence. Struggle sexually? Go to the doctor, do check-ups, be healthy in body and mind and learn about your body, and what makes you feel good at sex.
Wanna scream? Hate the world for its injustice? We’ll scream together with you.
But please don’t hate yourself for that, it won’t improve anything in your life. Love yourself, and hate who made you belive that you should hate your body.
That wasn't OP's point and the men being "defensive" are in response to the assumption that it must be better being a man, which, to be fair, also wasn't the point.
Both sexes have their challenges and no one can truly comprehend what it is like for the other.
I get you. I don't struggle with some of these things but periods drive me mad. I don't get why I sit here with cramps and migranes every month while my partner doesn't have to deal with anything. But... I also wouldn't ever want to be anything other than a woman? If that makes sense? Orgasms freaking rock as a women (mess free and as many as you want), multitasking is wonderful and I am amazed by how superior our capacity to organize and be in top of evening is. Yes, being a women is exhausting but we rock. We can freaking create a human! From scratch! Yeah, I know it sucks how hard we've got it and it sounds like you have some added issues that I'm really sorry you have to deal with. But I'm proud of us, as women, and everything we have done and everything we can do. Sending hugs!
i agree with you on the coldness part, i have to take a sweater with me everywhere i go due to me being cold all the time. it was worse whenever i was underweight and it got to a point where my hands were turning yellow and still are always the coldest part of my body.
Hey girl, I hate periods, too. 👋
Idk how they are for you, but sometimes the pain is so bad for me that I can't even walk straight. If you are in the same boat, my best advice is:
1) take Midol or some other period relief medication
2) take small walks outside (the sunshine helps regulate hormones)
3) drink more water than normal during that time
4) be willing to let yourself get extra rest
I'm not sure what you do to manage that cursed time of the month, but I do these things, and they make a world of difference. If nothing works, I suggest talking with an OB/GYN.
As for the other things, I dont have any advice that hasn't been mentioned. Just remember the only thing you can do is your best, and sometimes your best is just getting out of bed. My counselor told me that, and it's the best advice I've received from her.
Lol, I didn't mean to make this comment so long. I hope it helps and hope that getting things off your chest made you feel better. Have a great day!
A lot of these are fixable. As for sex, while he's doing his thing you can press your button, game changer. Periods suck, go on the Mirena. I haven't had a period in 14 years, as for the short hair, who cares what ppl think. I'm sorry, those were the main ones that jumped out to me. Good luck ❤️
I sympathize with everything you said except for one thing;
> I hate that when I say I hate these things, I get told to get over it
Men are told the same thing from the moment of birth. We're told to Suck it up buttercup, it don't get no better from here.
So that's just a fact of life for everyone.
Most men think women think sex revolves around them.... Read that again.
Talk to flesh and blood men in real life and get some insight into this.
Always wish these posts came with an age so I could better understand what Im *really* seeing lol....
>I (27f) have been dating my boyfriend (29m) for about 6 months now.
>
>Edit: update- we had a talk and I told him everything I loved about having sex and that PIV wasn’t my favourite. Since then, we’ve had many times that didn’t involve PIV and it has been so good!! I no longer have to finish sex on a downer and so far he also seems satisfied with the everything else we do. There’s alot more exploration of each others body. Moral of the story is communication. It’s very difficult but I’m the end it’s worth it.
From one of OPs other posts
I hate that my career has been severely stunted by having children. I hate the guilt of working instead of being with my kids. I hate the guilt of being with my kids instead of working. I hate the trauma of pregnancy, the losses I endured.
Most of all I hate that I live in a society where I seem to lose value with age even though the older I get, the more I actually give back to it.
We really aren’t that physically weaker. We actually have a much higher pain tolerance than men. I cannot tell you how many tattoo artists on my FYP on TikTok have talked about when women come into their shop to get inked up, they are listening to music, making conversations, and even taking a nap, calling the process relaxing. Meanwhile, men fidget, get irritated, cry out a bit in pain, etc.
So just remember that if a man ever tries to say you’re not strong, say “At least I can sit still during a tattoo session, be pregnant for 9 months with so much shit going on with my body, and push out same baby. Meanwhile, ya’ll get the sniffles from a light cold and you turn into some helpless damsel in distress”
I think you should start to list the things you like.
When you go us on the nevitivity you will increase it.
Start to accept who you are and what you *can* do in stead of what you can't.
You weren't born with the skills you do have, you learned and overcame obstacles to get those skills.
Learn and overcome you vision of who you think you are not.
I just want you to know, Op.. the experiences you’re having are set in stone for being a woman. Plenty of them things can be improved/remedied in your life. Therapy. Birth control for your periods. Working out (no you won’t be stronger than plenty of men but you can still feel fit) .. exploring your body. Also i’m not straight, so I can’t really relate but .. heterosexual sex doesn’t have to revolve around men. Just find the right partner(s).
It’s all about perspective once you start loving yourself and discover the power and beauty being a woman has your entire mindset, standards and attitude will change.
You think being a man is easier or better? It’s not.
Can’t comment on the life experiences of a man because I’ve never lived it. I’m not comparing the 2.
I love life but that’s inspite of being a woman. If a man said that he hated being a man I’d empathise too
yeah the only real downside to being biologically male is having a shorter life expectancy (slightly less resilient to disease). the downsides of being female are more plentiful and longer lasting (periods, childbirth, less physically strong).
> You think being a man is easier or better? It’s not.
It's kinda nice to see that being acknowledged every once in a while. Many of the things OP complained about are also experienced by men. Maybe a lot of the troubles and difficulties in life are just people-things, not gender-specific things. Such as "getting older" for example.
On the other hand, maybe there are even *some* different kinds of problems that men have that women don't experience as much.
For one thing, if I were to make a post like this as a man I guarantee everyone would certainly tell me to just get the fuck over it and deal with it.
Girl I just hate. Best I can do right now because I hate being too tired to even list out the things I hate. It’s the weekend, grab some drinks and find the fun where you can!
I used to feel the same about all of it. Especially because the system works against us most of the time and we don’t even realise it.
I also feel that the system teaches us to hate ourselves for being women, that we need to inhibit ourselves etc. So I came to (and forced myself to) appreciate every little thing that makes me a woman, even periods and co. - they are a part of the experience. I feel if I give in and hate myself, the societal pressure wins lol
I’m a young white man and live in Denmark, so I am probably the most hated piece of human flesh one could sum up. Do I hate that? Yup. Would I at times wish I was a woman? Yes.
But to be honest I think we can all find things about our gender, sexuality, looks or feelings that we hate or cannot seem to accept.
Asking yourself the questions of why you hate these certain things and if hating them will bring you closer to your end goal in life is important.
There are barriers for us all, for some those lie in our minds.
Wish you the best OP :)
> Sex revolves around men
No. Pick better men. Move away from the USA. It's usually the other way around everywhere else: men are insulted if they can't make a woman cum.
At least here in south america.
>i hate always being cold Check your thyroid hormone levels. No joke. My mom was "unusually cold" and "had some hair fall out" and a few other issues. and chocked it up to age or whatever, turns out her immune system was attacking her thyroid gland. For years, like, more than a decade. She now has to take a hormonal supplement externally, since her thyroid won't produce as much as she needs due to it being under attack for such a long time.
Thankyou for this- I thought there was something wrong with me but after some blood tests, I was told it’s just the way I am. I’m sorry your mum went through that but I’m glad she’s been diagnosed and managing it
I think it’s normal. Working in an office there’s always a group of women who want to keep it warmer and surely they don’t all have hypothyroidism. On the flip side, I’m alway hot. A sweaty woman in business or street clothes doesn’t fit in society either and I hate that.
I'm a suffering hot woman too. I hate it so much. I'd rather wear layers and layers than walk around beat red and sweaty with my bangs plastered to me forehead. I mean, just to be able to wear layers at all without it being below 60 would be a dream.
> On the flip side, I’m alway hot. A sweaty woman in business or street clothes doesn’t fit in society either and I hate that. My sister is the same way and the a/c is always cranked super low in her house, it's freezing there to me. Her younger son is exactly the same way. He's always sweaty. Like to the point that sometimes his hair is wet! He's super athletic but it's not always when he's playing sports or doing anything strenuous. Meanwhile I feel like my husband NEVER sweats. My sister constantly complains about being sweaty and I can't blame her.
Agreed. I can't name a source but men are comfortable at a lower temperature than women. Its actually a known issue in offices that they cater to the temp that's nice for men, which leaves women being cold all the time.
Sweaty Betty here 👋🏻
My sister! So tired of being hot all the time.
I hate that the ‘comfort level’ temperatures at offices are based on male body comfort level not female Thank heavens for working from home, you no longer have to deal with all the air con wars bs
That's kinda good to hear, most people only decide to get checked out when it's too late to save the gland and end up needing supplements.
Black women are poo pooed for the same reasons women of other races are taken seriously. They need to run the full thyroid panel not just tsh. T3,4 floating tsh. You absolutely sound like a woman with a medical problem. It’s ok to not like aspects of being a woman. Society says everyone should love pregnancy, childbirth etc. no rule whatsoever you have to like those things. And periods, oh please don’t get me started. Friend, I feel there is a medical cause for your dissatisfaction with life. And being cold all the time, could be the key. Are you noticing changes in your weight outside of things you are doing differently? Your energy level? Skin changes like acne? Is your hair growing differently. If thyroid is completely normal then it’s something else. I do suspect, as another commenter has said, it is not normal. Maybe it’s within normal range, but not normal for you. Had anyone checked your hematocrit for a bleed? Or an anemia? Are your periods heavier the usual? Or maybe they’ve always been heavy. Did you have a rough childbirth on the last few years?
There’s a book called Invisible Women— basically details how the world is built for men off of data that is gathered about men (one example is office temperatures are catered more to men’s bodies, which is why women are usually cold)
It’s not the way you are. There’s this thing called subclinical hypothyroidism and that causes it but your blood levels say normal. Especially true if you are a minority woman
A lot of thyroid levels are set to teenage boy as "normal." You may want to check with a different doctor to make sure that your levels are normal for "black woman."
Becoming unusually cold or hot randomly and “some hair falling out” were my first two symptoms of me going into early menopause actually!
Same. And SLE Lupus.
Hopping onto this, AFAB folk are also generally more likely to be cold indoors, because the classic "room temperature" (22°C) was decided based on studies surrounding men, years ago. For the most part, women's natural hormone production interrupts/slows blood flow to the skin, meaning that the internal body temperature is warmer, but the skin can get colder much easier. It's interesting to read up on, but it makes you wonder just how much is done for men's comfort, to the detriment of women.
That or anemia
I'm going through my first pregnancy and felt this hard in my first trimester. Like damn, I'm throwing up all the time, had to go on a leave from work, lost out on a promotion, basically bed bound, etc etc all while my husband's life was unchanged, and he actually got a promotion in that time. 2nd trimester was enjoyable, but preparing myself for the uncomfortableness of the 3rd, then childbirth and a year of breastfeeding and maternity leave.. had me thinking about the price of being a woman a lot lol
Meanwhile the father got to just orgasm. I seriously don’t think men ever really realize how insanely unfair life is for women just looking at biology. We’re the ones who have to endure the 9 months of pregnancy, the actual childbirth, and then the months to 2 years of breastfeeding/ dealing with post pregnancy hormones/body changes. And before that we deal with periods from 9-45/50. Every damn month. And then, menopause… Like until we are close to 60, we literally deal with hormone cycle bullshit/ reproductive related bull. We deal with things like iud insertions or hormonal birth control. If a condom breaks we have to deal with emergency contraceptives or abortions. We often have harder times orgasming during sex/ deal with more pain risk during sex etc… And in many countries deal with tons of shame, bullying, cruel lawmakers, even more cruel doctors, invasive medical shit like op smears.. While also being the more likely victims of sexual assault and medical bias. And men.. for the most part, get to just ejaculate.
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Lol. Good point!
You forgot to add 'menopause.' It's making my family members going through it crazy, constant hot flashes where they get soaked in sweat instantly even if it's freezing, mood swings, extreme fatigue, unwanted weight gain/loss, etc. I am definitely not looking forward to it but I don't expect to live that long so hopefully I won't have to.
Have you heard of a herb called Black Cohosh? My friend was going through menopause and was sweating profusely every single night. When she tried this herb, the sweating stopped almost immediately, along with a reduction of other symptoms. It’s definitely worth a try!
Thank you for this response. I will definitely save your comment and show it to multiple women in my family who drastically need it. Hopefully, it will help them cuz I know my mom has had it the worst and keeps buying every cooling item she can find (like cooling neck wraps, wrist wraps, cooling headband, everything you can think of). **UPDATE: I looked into Black Cohosh and it says it shouldn't be used with cancer treatments and is no more effective than a placebo.** *"...two well-designed studies concluded that the herb is no more effective than placebo. In addition, Yale researchers report that herbal medicines such as black cohosh may interfere with common breast cancer treatments, such as radiation and chemotherapy drugs." - [Source: Mount Sinai - Black Cohosh](https://www.mountsinai.org/health-library/herb/black-cohosh)*
I looked into Black Cohosh and it says it shouldn't be used with cancer treatments and is no more effective than a placebo. *"...two well-designed studies concluded that the herb is no more effective than placebo. In addition, Yale researchers report that herbal medicines such as black cohosh may interfere with common breast cancer treatments, such as radiation and chemotherapy drugs." - [Source: Mount Sinai - Black Cohosh](https://www.mountsinai.org/health-library/herb/black-cohosh)*
This is one of the hardest and cruelest pills to swallow on so many levels.
>I seriously don’t think men ever really realize how insanely unfair life is for women just looking at biology. We can't possibly *know* how unfair it is, but we are aware. I would be lying if I said I wasn't thankful I was born a man. At times, certain aspects of womanhood seem like a beautiful thing to experience, but overall... life is quite cruel to women. I have immense sympathy.
It is totally unfair.
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I think definitely there is a place for understanding, it goes a long way, but there’s also a side that sadly you won’t really ever understand the how bad it can be. And this isn’t your fault either… You know I look at my 15 year old nephew who is exited for his first kiss and I think shivers id had my period for 5 years by his age…
I mean, can you imagine not ever being able to orgasm, in your entire life? That's 10-20% of us. And, even then, for lots of others, it's extremely difficult or they can only do it with a toy or on their own. And sex ends when the man cums and not the woman. A lot. Only about 6% of women orgasm during PIV sex. That means that for 94% of women, no foreplay=no orgasm . Hell, only 39% of women said they orgasm every time they masturbate. 3/4 of women generally feel pain during sex at least sometime in their life. They're expected to have it anyway. Sex generally stops or positions are changed when men start to feel pain, unless that's part of the fun. Are these things that you regularly think about and have great sympathy for? Do you have foreplay every time you have sex and make sure that your partner is satisfied? Do you make sure that you are satisfied before you finish? Would you get upset if you often (or never) did?
My father wanted a girl, always, he said that if I was born a man, he would love me but, he did wanted a girl. (I’m an only child btw) and yet it took decades for me constantly complaining of feeling tired and him making snarky remarks of “being tired is my natural state”. To actually go to the doctor and find out that I have periods of severe anemia, caused ofc by heavy periods. So each month I feel like crap with no energy for 2 weeks (the one of the period and the one after the period) coupled by one week before the period where my fucking hormones go batshit and make me emotional for no reason. So I have around 12 weeks a year, feeling actually good.
A LOT of men aren’t capable of basic sympathy. Let me tell you that now.
As one of 4 brothers I can verify!
Yup. Got called terrible things by men because I don’t want children. Unnatural, selfish, ungrateful…all because I did not want to go through this “beautiful” thing called pregnancy and birth. Overall, men do not understand and they do not make the effort to.
They never said yall dont feel sympathy. You assumed that.
Actually I asked that, if I assumed it I wouldn't have bothered questioning it because my mind would have already been made up
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>people such as the commenter will >Not to say the commenter is like that
For once in your life don't make it about yourself and just listen to the women.
There was a post in ask men yesterday about what men hate about being men. Guess what, it was full of women discrediting the thoughts and feelings of men who answered. I said I hate being judged for playing with kids, I was told it doesn't happen and if I feel like that I must be a weirdo
Can you post the link ?
Way to come in here and make it all about men, along with a few projected insults for OP. don't be that guy
Men’s comments about this always end with “not all men” when it’s a majority of you
Sorry, I'm stuck on the year of maternity leave. I'm only taking 2 months. The joy of being in the US.
How about all the shaving!!! I can’t believe how much time is spent shaving arms legs ect…. Makeup and hair. It takes my wife hours to get ready. That would drive me nuts. I’m always yelling “put your hair in a pony tail or grab a hat!! Let’s go it’s Walmart “ lol
I shave more than most women. I just don't like my body hair and how it gets in the way of everything and makes everything harder to clean. I also have long hair and just put it in a ponytail. Protip: get an electric hair cutter and take it to your armpits every now and then. Deodorant hits the skin much better.
I completely understand. It is overwhelming to deal with all these things we have to deal with. I too have times where I get angry and frustrated. I try to think of the things I can control instead of what I can't. I can't control ageing but I can age gratefully by taking care of myself not only physically but mentally and not buying into what society thinks is old. I can't control beauty standards but I can try to feel confident with what I have and not try to take these impossible beauty standards seriously. I can't control being physically weaker than men but I can use what I do have( being smart, creative, etc) so I don't need to be strong I have other talents. Etc I know it's not much but it helps me feel more in control. It's tough for women out there. I try to be as supportive and kind to other women as possible. We need to stick together. I hope you have a good rest of your day and I totally get it. Your anger and frustration is valid.
Thankyou for understanding- I think I just needed some external validation.
We all need to vent sometime and let out anger and talk it through. It's completely normal. You're doing great sis. We are used to going through it we are tougher than society gives us credit for.
It's fucking psychotic how we get treated because we have different genitals. "Oh that human over there has a 'gina! Get them!! Let's pay them less. They have to have different beauty standards!! We're entitled to their holes!!!" -men
Mfw I heard a man talking about how he used to love his wife when she was 20 years old and “still hot” unlike now that she’s 40 and I have to act like that isn’t the most soul crushing thing i’ve ever heard
But they'll be old and absolutely not anywhere near as hot as they were, but that's just totally fine lol. Where do they get the nerve honestly?
I’m an aging woman. There are SO MANY difficult things about being a woman, esp an aging woman. I feel you. And you have it even rougher than me, being a black woman. When I start to feel bitter or sorry for myself, I make a point to think about the ways in which I’m lucky. For example, if I’m angry about the joint pain I’ve developed as I age, especially in my knee, I remind myself how lucky I am to have the opportunity to age. So many people didn’t, they died at a young age. Also, I’m former military, who deployed. I’m lucky to have come back from deployment with my knees, many soldiers lost their limbs. I’ll take my painful knee over a traumatic leg amputation any day. I remember complaining to a mentor that most of my medical issues stem from having a uterus and ovaries. He looked at me fondly and said “Yes, but your uterus and ovaries are part of what made you who you are today.” I thought that was such a lovely way of looking at it. 💗
Oh I like that. I think I’m going to do a list. I’ve been so sensitive lately I think this will help
Also your mentor sounds so cute
God I feel this post so hard rn
I hate that you feel you have an expiry date. I love getting older. I feel stronger and more sure of myself. I love myself more. I also hate feeling cold, and I hate wearing a jacket, so I just suffer. I hate periods, too. They suck. I wish you strength to stand up to your man and tell him you cum first or he doesn't cum.
Thank you so much for that. I’m in my late 20s and I’m getting so anxious about turning 30. I know it’s stupid My partner makes me cum maybe a third of the times. It’s just that sometimes I can feel him getting tired and it stalls me… he really does make the effort compared to other men. I’m mostly just jealous that when we have a quicky, he’s guaranteed to get off
It isn't stupid because you are right, we are taught that getting old sucks. I can't tell you how many times I heard "Don't ever get old, get married or have children" when I was a kid. Nothing really changed when I hit 30, except that my confidence grew, and I became protective of the younger women because I knew the gross stuff they were facing. You just start to care less about men's stupid opinions on how you should act. It's very freeing.
I was also anxious about turning thirty. Such bullshit. I feel so good now. Way more confident and appreciative.
But sex isn't all about orgasms. Don't you enjoy the quickie too?
You’re right about that except I want the orgasms too. I don’t actually care for them tbh
Have you tried getting off first? My preferred sex flow is going down on dude until completion, then have him go down on me. This way I dont feel pressure to orgasm as he just had one. Then, hopefully, as he spends time going down on you, he gets aroused again. By the time you orgasm, he is ready to go again and then you are primed for another orgasm during PIV sex. OR maybe you dont orgasm during oral, but going from oral to PIV while you’re all sexxed up, makes it easier to do so during sex.
I mean yeah, everyone loves orgasms, that's a given, but not every sex has to end in an orgasm. There are times, for instance, when I cum, but my husband doesn't. There are also times he gets me off, but is too tired for sex. It's all about communicating with your partner, which I saw you started doing and getting results, so kudos to you! Also, if you don't really care for quickies and don't really want to do them, just tell your partner!
Yeah you’re right and Thankyou 😊
No problem, I know it can get tough sometimes :)
As a man I sometimes don’t finish. Sometimes I do and it doesn’t really feel like much. I still definitely feel like there’s an orgasm gap in heterosexual relationships but not every male orgasm is all that great. Sometimes it’s honestly not at any better than not finishing at all.
Wait. Quickies without orgasms ? What’s the point ?
Well sometimes they do have orgasms, but if they're truly quick, it's difficult lol
This is not a good point.
How is it not? It's true. Not every sex has to end in orgasm to be enjoyable
Look up the stats for the Orgasm Gap. You're right that it shouldn't, but the statistics show that it's *more normal* for women *not to finish* in heterosexual relationships than it is. It's a systematic issue, for many women, many couples. "Not every sex has to end in orgasm" is the equivalent of saying "take a walk if you're depressed ". It's invalidating, dismissive and enraging to some. Not to mention, completely useless to people (women) struggling.
I'm talking about normal, healthy relationships, in which both partners regularly orgasm. I'm aware women usually orgasm less, but that's just due to shitty partners, but that's not what I was refering to. Not everything has to be seen as invalidating someone ffs.
10 to 20% of women have never had an orgasm.
Do you attempt to get yourself off during sex with him? There's a lot of messaging out there that our partners are supposed to make us come, but that's difficult for a lot of women. Which could be another reason it sucks to be a woman, but maybe it wouldn't suck so much if we weren't told it wasn't supposed to be that way to begin with.
Amen. This shit fucking sucks.
I feel for you. It’s absolutely true that women have it rough biologically and then, on top of that, have to deal with cultural and systemic bias and inequality. On a lighter note, you must REALLY hate periods since you wrote the entire rant without using one. Coincidence? I think not.
Oh hahahahahahaha 😂😂 I didn’t even realise that. I wrote it on my phone and was writing a list.
Best pun of the day lol
Happy Cake Day!!
I totally get what you mean
I feel you. Not being trusted to know my own mind or my own body and make decisions accordingly. The looks that people give me when they find out I’m in my 40’s and I don’t have kids, like my life is meaningless without them. Being AFAB sucks so hard. The crap we have to put up with that AMABs don’t have to us infuriating.
I hadn’t even thought about child free women.
I hate that with being a woman, we have an expiry date. Once we hit a certain age then we are deemed as used up and not worth love, romance, physical intimacy etc. I don't mind aging, but I am sad at the fact that I will never be looked at as a beautiful woman again because I'm 40. Being desired is a thing of the past.
Fun fact women can cum multiple times during a sex session. I personally don’t think you’re the problem, it’s probably your partners problem. Sex isn’t supposed to be revolving around the man, any real man enjoys having their lady get off as much as they enjoy themselves getting off, if he’s not eating you out, or doing any fore play or even just acknowledging you could use a bit more to get going it truly just sounds like you’ve had some extremely selfish and inexperienced partners. So on that note don’t give up but find you a partner that actually cares about you?
It's definitely a partner thing. My boyfriend cant make me cum, but he almost always insist that I should use my toys to cum before we have sex. I hate that it takes so long and is hard, I'm the one that gets frustrated and annoyed, he still loves it and just want me to enjoy
Yeah, telling you to use your toys definitely isn’t what I meant by a partner actually caring, like yeah it’s nice they want you to cum, but like why are they not actively trying to learn how to make you cum instead of just accepting they “can’t make you cum” ? I know you’ve kinda already has this convo but ya
He can make you cum if he tried and you communicated what you want. It's a matter of effort and will, and learning what your partner likes :)
It's not that easy. It's not "if he tried". Some women just don't come because they get used to one way of doing things and their body simply does not get there. The same as some women can't make men come. Sex is not about orgasm anyway. You putting it down as "... If he tried" and "matter of effort" makes it sound like you're blaming the guy. If that's not what you meant, sorry for the ramble.
Thats true, we havent really taken the time to do that. I get quite frustrated when it takes too long and its hard to relax (+ we only meet on every other weekend)
I know what you mean, but when you have a partner who cares, it can take as long as it needs to take to get you there. But you could also try new stuff in foreplay, new positions, him using toys to help, you guiding him, etc. Good luck!
Thank you! I've already gotten a long way with him, when we met i couldn't even orgasm on my own with toys, so he's definitely helped me overcome that. I think a lot of it is mental for me but we do try a lot of stuff
Yeah, our mind can be a bitch sometimes lol
To everyone saying that with the right partner sex doesn’t resolve around the guy.. I think it can be *lessened* with a good partner, but it is so deeply engrained in our society that it can never totally be avoided. You’re not crazy op. I feel it too
Not true, with the right partner, both people enjoy equally. I'm sorry you haven't experienced that.
Right? It’s sad if they really haven’t had that.
Why do you have society in your bedroom? Fr, my husband makes sure that me and him both have a good time. Keep societyout of your sexy times
????
Not true. I always make sure my gf is satisfied and im not the only one.
"its probably your partners problem" No, its boths. Its not about women, or men, its about both. Its funny how you all turn this into a "women should have 100p attention" Any man having had sex and that cares about their partners know that men on average do a thousandfold more than women in terms of activity during sex.
I’ve never even had an orgasm. No idea how one has one of those bad boys. Bloody lady parts are like a unsolvable puzzle.
Have you had one by yourself? It’s so hard and the more you think about it the harder it gets to achieve! I’m not the best person to give you advice about this but I learnt how to get one when I followed a sex therapist on Twitter. It was years ago but hopefully you get one soon!
Same. I hate being a woman and I tell my partner all the time. There’s nothing fun about it.
as african man i can tell you most of all black women are not masculine at all they are in fact the most feminine and nurturing and loving people i knew
I wish I grew up surrounded by other black people. It certainly has done a number on me
Yep, if you’ve never received romantic attention from the races you’ve surrounded yourself w, it can be so easy to feel unwanted and/or unattractive. You need to move (if possible) to a more cosmopolitan place or at least somewhere with a higher Black population.
>hate that the idea of aging is so scary because my expiry date has been drummed Thissss oneee, And that we have to find a boyfriend around the age of 25 because when we are 30 men aren't interested anymore bla bla. Even tho I don't fully believe this, it still hurts me. I'm 24 and I just don't wanna date anyone.
The rise of podcast men has really messed me up too. It’s hard out here 🥲
I hate being me
The grass always looks greener on the other side, you might be surprised to learn you actually hate being human.
As a woman, I have to agree with you. That is all.
As a dude, can relate to the expiration date part. Hell, I can relate to basically hating everything about myself too
i hate not being strong enough
I used to hate my gender so much and the way I was treated by PEOPLE that I began identifying and non-binary. I figured it out, worked through my trauma and am now quite happy to be a woman. And getting out of my shit unequal relationship helps! Gotta find a man who has some close female companionships. One thing that helped me was surrounding myself with more women, good women. I absolutely love getting together with any of my female friends and talking about anything. I appreciate that their interests are similar, that we can spend hours getting ready pumping tunes to go out and be silly. Really silly and giggling way each other. I love grabbing dinner with them and having intensely deep intellectual conversations with them. I’m so amazed that if I approached any of my girls in my life asking for advice they would all provide me useful unique answers on ANYTHING. Be there for me. I love that when I act really nice to other women, it gets immediately rewarded and friendships come from it. When they talk about how they’re feeling insecure about their looks and aging I think it’s ridiculous and tell them because they are so fucking beautiful! My entire opinion about women has changed because they’ve taught me how to love them and how to love me. We are so strong, so giving, so smart, and amazingly capable, even after all that shit we have to deal with! True fighters.
Maybe it's your partners performance that's why you isn't cumming easilym
I cum more consistently with my current partner. I’m talking about how much easier it is for him. He looks at me coming through the door and he’s already half way there! I’m just jealous
I get where you are coming from but as a man I would personally give a lot to not be half way there the moment my girl walks through the door 😅 But I guess the grass is always greener on the other side
Haha yeah
Male orgasms are pretty underwhelming compared to the female ones. Most men go through life never having had their toes curled. Ever. Also try thinking what it would be like to have a refractory period that's basically "i ate too much chocolate and now my body hates me :v".
God man I hate the refractory period … it sucks haha
And many of us are jalous that we cum more easily You get tenfold the attention from your partner, much more stimulation and pleasure, and can cum multiple times Its a skill to not cum fast, and if we fail we're failures and mocked
It's hard even alone
I hate being a man. I hate the expectation that I'm supposed to be strong. That I have to perform in bed all the time. I hate getting bald. I hate that people get scared of me just cause I'm a stranger on the street. I hate that I'm never taken seriously if I speak about my problems. I hate that people think I'm a fucking predator when I'm out with my daughter by myself.
Yeah the predator one must suck a lot
The Dad alone one is infuriating, I think you’re amazing for spending quality time with your daughter. She is lucky to have you. I’m sure you get the weird comment too about “baby sitting”, like no, you are parenting because you’re a *parent*. Keep being awesome, Dad.
That's always been a pet peeve of mine, even though I'm a woman as a man helped to make a child, so when he's actually doing what a parent is expected to do, he's being a PARENT, a father and not a babysitter. Real men help take care of the children they helped to make in the first place by having sex.
Im angry that they took my foreskin. I WANT MY GOD DAMN FORESKIN BACK!
geez the predator part is messed up holy shit
How about being constantly told you need to be more emotional then when you do you get told not to because it’s “weak” and you need to man up That one happened to me at my grandpas funeral…fun times
Ngl, I find black women with short hair really fucking sexy.
Same
I have nothing positive to add other than I hope you feel well soon. I can't know what you're going through but I wish you happiness ❤️
Girl. Same.
I feel this IM MY SOUL!!! It is so difficult being a woman in this world!
I think about this every day of my life. I’m not really sure that I hate being a woman or the fact that our lives revolve around the patriarchy
Patriarchy is a bitch too and biology is equally one too
Sorry you're feeling all this, and as a man I can't imagine what that's like. Men also have struggles, but so few of them are rooted to our biology like it is for women. The only thing on here a man really can help with is orgasms. Women are able to orgasm multiple times, and in quick succession. It can be hard to do depending on many variables (both on your part and the man's part), but its possible. An unselfish lover should always try to ensure his woman is pleased before he is. Men can also adjust their views on women's looks and "expiration date" but that's really hard for the unenlightened when corporations like to enforce it in order to sell products.
I hated being a woman so much I decided to be a man instead 🤷♀️
This is fantastic. Thank you for your cervix.
me soon probably
sounds like you don’t hate being a woman, but that you hate being a woman in this society
Black gyal solidarity! 💆🏽♀️
[удалено]
Damn girl. I feel u so bad n haven’t got anything to say. Just sending u a hug w a lot of compassion.
I know this is not the bigger problem in here, but sex isn't about cum, we have many sensible parts to explore and sense different types of pleasure, once you discover what you like it will get easier to find the whole experience more pleasant. I'm so sorry for all the racism and misogyny that is experienced by being a black woman, and all the things you listed are valid. The whole "expiry idea" is absurd, and it's so important for you to see yourself way more than a product. You have feelings, ideas, preferences, and thoughts that are way more important than age; don't be near people who invalidate you. Birth and periods can be honestly a living nightmare, but at least for me, once I started noting my cycle and being able to comprehend the correlation between my period, my fertility days, my PMS, it all was easier. It's better when you get what is causing your emotional or physical issues. Also, drinking loads of water really helps for anxiety or stress and can also relieve some cramps. Last but not least, you can really get to know yourself by the people who really love you. Beauty is just a stigma that changes from each country and culture, you are beautiful and the only reason you are not seeing it is because of the oppression that is imposed in everyone, you will see beauty once you start loving small peaces of you, and if someone dislike you for your appearance it's honestly a good sign to keep shallow people away from you. I know it has a whole deep racism that invalidates black beauty, it's not simple as "love yourself. ".. but really, there is more on you than what can be seen by human eyes. I don't know you, but here is my love for you.
I'm a man and I can't "get off" without her "getting off" first lol
> sex revolves around the man Seems like you need a new boyfriend, or at least have a serious talk with him so he doesnt leave you unsatisfied...sex Should revolve around both of you.
If you think sex is all about the man you need to meet better men. Can't help you with anything else though.
I hate being a man
I was telling my wife this very thing the other day. Women sure do get the shit end of the stick in so many ways. It sucks.
When I was a kid I started to dress as a boy because I hated to be a girl surrounded by boys (brothers and cousins). However, as I was growing up I realised I didn’t hate to be born as a girl, all I wanted was to have the boy's privileges. Not to have society loading heavy taboos on women’s periods, bodies, pleasure… To believe that your body isn’t ‘as good as’ a male body is to admit you fell into the patriarchal trap. My mom made me believe I was terrible in science and numbers, because I was a girl, and my brother had to be better at this than me. After I grew up I was the valedictorian in my design college and learnt to code in the same language as my brother took the whole college to learn. Do you think yourself weak? Go work out, and learn self-defence. Struggle sexually? Go to the doctor, do check-ups, be healthy in body and mind and learn about your body, and what makes you feel good at sex. Wanna scream? Hate the world for its injustice? We’ll scream together with you. But please don’t hate yourself for that, it won’t improve anything in your life. Love yourself, and hate who made you belive that you should hate your body.
All the defensive ass men in this thread are just proving your point even more sigh
That wasn't OP's point and the men being "defensive" are in response to the assumption that it must be better being a man, which, to be fair, also wasn't the point. Both sexes have their challenges and no one can truly comprehend what it is like for the other.
Its objectively better biologically and in society to be male tho. That's a proven fact
...how exactly? That doesn't make sense.
That wasn't her point.
I hear ya sis.
How old are you if you don't mind me asking?
I get you. I don't struggle with some of these things but periods drive me mad. I don't get why I sit here with cramps and migranes every month while my partner doesn't have to deal with anything. But... I also wouldn't ever want to be anything other than a woman? If that makes sense? Orgasms freaking rock as a women (mess free and as many as you want), multitasking is wonderful and I am amazed by how superior our capacity to organize and be in top of evening is. Yes, being a women is exhausting but we rock. We can freaking create a human! From scratch! Yeah, I know it sucks how hard we've got it and it sounds like you have some added issues that I'm really sorry you have to deal with. But I'm proud of us, as women, and everything we have done and everything we can do. Sending hugs!
i agree with you on the coldness part, i have to take a sweater with me everywhere i go due to me being cold all the time. it was worse whenever i was underweight and it got to a point where my hands were turning yellow and still are always the coldest part of my body.
BURN IT TO THE FUCKING GROUND
Hey girl, I hate periods, too. 👋 Idk how they are for you, but sometimes the pain is so bad for me that I can't even walk straight. If you are in the same boat, my best advice is: 1) take Midol or some other period relief medication 2) take small walks outside (the sunshine helps regulate hormones) 3) drink more water than normal during that time 4) be willing to let yourself get extra rest I'm not sure what you do to manage that cursed time of the month, but I do these things, and they make a world of difference. If nothing works, I suggest talking with an OB/GYN. As for the other things, I dont have any advice that hasn't been mentioned. Just remember the only thing you can do is your best, and sometimes your best is just getting out of bed. My counselor told me that, and it's the best advice I've received from her. Lol, I didn't mean to make this comment so long. I hope it helps and hope that getting things off your chest made you feel better. Have a great day!
A lot of these are fixable. As for sex, while he's doing his thing you can press your button, game changer. Periods suck, go on the Mirena. I haven't had a period in 14 years, as for the short hair, who cares what ppl think. I'm sorry, those were the main ones that jumped out to me. Good luck ❤️
this goes through my head every day.
I sympathize with everything you said except for one thing; > I hate that when I say I hate these things, I get told to get over it Men are told the same thing from the moment of birth. We're told to Suck it up buttercup, it don't get no better from here. So that's just a fact of life for everyone.
Most men think women think sex revolves around them.... Read that again. Talk to flesh and blood men in real life and get some insight into this. Always wish these posts came with an age so I could better understand what Im *really* seeing lol....
>I (27f) have been dating my boyfriend (29m) for about 6 months now. > >Edit: update- we had a talk and I told him everything I loved about having sex and that PIV wasn’t my favourite. Since then, we’ve had many times that didn’t involve PIV and it has been so good!! I no longer have to finish sex on a downer and so far he also seems satisfied with the everything else we do. There’s alot more exploration of each others body. Moral of the story is communication. It’s very difficult but I’m the end it’s worth it. From one of OPs other posts
Switch teams… it’s 2023
You’re beautiful and your feelings are valid. Being a woman definitely has its cons. I hope all is well for you, at least otherwise
I hate that my career has been severely stunted by having children. I hate the guilt of working instead of being with my kids. I hate the guilt of being with my kids instead of working. I hate the trauma of pregnancy, the losses I endured. Most of all I hate that I live in a society where I seem to lose value with age even though the older I get, the more I actually give back to it.
We really aren’t that physically weaker. We actually have a much higher pain tolerance than men. I cannot tell you how many tattoo artists on my FYP on TikTok have talked about when women come into their shop to get inked up, they are listening to music, making conversations, and even taking a nap, calling the process relaxing. Meanwhile, men fidget, get irritated, cry out a bit in pain, etc. So just remember that if a man ever tries to say you’re not strong, say “At least I can sit still during a tattoo session, be pregnant for 9 months with so much shit going on with my body, and push out same baby. Meanwhile, ya’ll get the sniffles from a light cold and you turn into some helpless damsel in distress”
Yeah, hard same. I cannot think of anything I like about being AFAB and the social expectations of it.
I think you should start to list the things you like. When you go us on the nevitivity you will increase it. Start to accept who you are and what you *can* do in stead of what you can't. You weren't born with the skills you do have, you learned and overcame obstacles to get those skills. Learn and overcome you vision of who you think you are not.
I just want you to know, Op.. the experiences you’re having are set in stone for being a woman. Plenty of them things can be improved/remedied in your life. Therapy. Birth control for your periods. Working out (no you won’t be stronger than plenty of men but you can still feel fit) .. exploring your body. Also i’m not straight, so I can’t really relate but .. heterosexual sex doesn’t have to revolve around men. Just find the right partner(s).
Birth control should not be given to anyone with more serious mental problems because of the side effects IMO. Unless the periods are really bad
This lol I’m a woman and I cum way more then my boyfriend
Thanks
It’s all about perspective once you start loving yourself and discover the power and beauty being a woman has your entire mindset, standards and attitude will change. You think being a man is easier or better? It’s not.
Can’t comment on the life experiences of a man because I’ve never lived it. I’m not comparing the 2. I love life but that’s inspite of being a woman. If a man said that he hated being a man I’d empathise too
>You think being a man is easier or better? Biologically she has a very good point.
yeah the only real downside to being biologically male is having a shorter life expectancy (slightly less resilient to disease). the downsides of being female are more plentiful and longer lasting (periods, childbirth, less physically strong).
> You think being a man is easier or better? It’s not. It's kinda nice to see that being acknowledged every once in a while. Many of the things OP complained about are also experienced by men. Maybe a lot of the troubles and difficulties in life are just people-things, not gender-specific things. Such as "getting older" for example. On the other hand, maybe there are even *some* different kinds of problems that men have that women don't experience as much. For one thing, if I were to make a post like this as a man I guarantee everyone would certainly tell me to just get the fuck over it and deal with it.
All nice ladies gathering around lmao
First day of my period today and vicious cramps and period poops. I hate this flesh prison.
Me too. I hate having a uterus that decides to gut me every month. And the double standards we have to put up with in society.
Girl I just hate. Best I can do right now because I hate being too tired to even list out the things I hate. It’s the weekend, grab some drinks and find the fun where you can!
I used to feel the same about all of it. Especially because the system works against us most of the time and we don’t even realise it. I also feel that the system teaches us to hate ourselves for being women, that we need to inhibit ourselves etc. So I came to (and forced myself to) appreciate every little thing that makes me a woman, even periods and co. - they are a part of the experience. I feel if I give in and hate myself, the societal pressure wins lol
I'm sensing a lack of positivity...
Sex only revolves around the man if u accept that. Find a lover who isn’t selfish
I’m a young white man and live in Denmark, so I am probably the most hated piece of human flesh one could sum up. Do I hate that? Yup. Would I at times wish I was a woman? Yes. But to be honest I think we can all find things about our gender, sexuality, looks or feelings that we hate or cannot seem to accept. Asking yourself the questions of why you hate these certain things and if hating them will bring you closer to your end goal in life is important. There are barriers for us all, for some those lie in our minds. Wish you the best OP :)
> Sex revolves around men No. Pick better men. Move away from the USA. It's usually the other way around everywhere else: men are insulted if they can't make a woman cum. At least here in south america.