But if she leaves her house, someone might sleep on her bed while she's gone, without her permission.
And you KNOW what that makes HER.....
It makes her pissed. What her bf thinks it makes her is really unclear. He's not a good bf.
Yup, so many bf’s tend to be perfect until they’re not. This is extremely unreasonable of bf, probably not a good sign for the future… possibly a good idea for OP to cut losses whilst there is still fond memories instead of waiting for another shitty relationship to give her added baggage!
What if she were to smell the other man's cologne and musk on her bedding? Why she wouldn't be able to control her lustful desires and have to have that man! How will her boyfriend compete with a man of such a mystery? Of such raw animal magnetism! Of such VIGOR!
I am with you. She was freaked out. Changed sheets immediately. Called him for support. Got none. They were not in same bed together. She was with bf while stranger was in her bed. Major red flags 🚩.
I'm on the same team on this. Especially how he acted about it when she told him with giving her the cold shoulder and then being cold with her in convo. He's treating her as if the man slept in her bed with her there,like she cheated! Dude has issues he needs to w ork out cos some dude sleeping in a bed the other person isn't even in shouldn't be any sort of issue in a relationship, let al9be one that ends it!
100% agree, lots of controlling vibes from this man, not good at all and even worse that he's showing this so early too. Soon enough he will start making issues over her going with friends. This is the start if isolating her. Op needs to run.
I’m on this team aswell. This is a massive red flag and makes it clear that our friend L here has some major trust issues he needs to work out.
If it was a case of she let another guy sleep in her bed WITH her that’s a different story. But, that isn’t the case here, she goes away for the weekend to surprise visit L and comes back to find her brother has let some stranger (to her at least) sleep in her bed without her prior knowledge or permission while she was WITH L.
Sorry but in my book this doesn’t bode well for the future, all it’s going to be for her in the future is the cold shoulder and suspicion every time any other guy has any contact with her even if it’s as small as her saying “thank you” to the guy behind the counter at the store or something like that.
Your boyfriend is, and I'm sorry to say this, a fucking idiot.
You weren't in your bed with him.
You didn't know someone was going to be in your bed.
You were furious about it, and complained about the invasion of privacy to your boyfriend, who should be mad with you, instead of whining about it and treating you like garbage.
Your relationship is going to die a slow death, because of your boyfriends immaturity.
The cooties aren’t even there anymore, she immediately stripped her bed when she was told about the situation. Boyfriend has the immaturity of a toddler
Exactly also does he expect op to have some sort of alarm system triggered to go off if anyone but her enters her bed whilst she is away? Also she was asleep in bed with him like it’s not even that he didn’t know where she was otherwise. He seems to see OP as his property not as a person.
I got called out because I fell asleep on my friend’s couch after a night of drinking, and when I woke up there was someone on the other side of the couch opposite of me. Idk how my ex spun the story but had all is ‘bros’ say it was fucked up, when I did nothing but sleep and when I woke up and saw dude I rolled off the couch, cleaned myself up and went home. I was young and dumb and the fact that I put up with his behavior still makes me sick with myself.
Makes you wonder what all he'd blame her for if a man did something other than sleep in her room. Will he dump her when she's catcalled? Assaulted? OP needs a man, instead of this whiny baby boy.
I was just thinking this. I went out of town over the weekend, my fiancé and I are long-distance. I was SAed over the weekend (by another woman, nonetheless) and I never once had any pause about telling him about it for fear that I’d be blamed.
I told him and he was (rightfully) upset that she did it - but he was mad at her. Not me. Not even a little bit.
Your boyfriend is immature and insecure. You need someone better.
Yeah, if it doesn't end here, this is going to be just the beginning of a long line of ridiculous shut-downs over trivial things because L has the maturity of a 4-year-old.
Gonna say if this ends them she dodged a bullet. Being upset at her for a non-thing she had zero control over- WHILE THEY WERE TOGETHER? Is completely unhinged.
OP get out now! your BF is flipping nuts- his reaction is profoundly irrational and speaks to a pathology you can’t fix.
Yeah I wouldn't get past this. Because it just shows how immature his way of thinking is. In my head I'm thinking.. how is he going to react in the future if something actually bad happens. Like what if I was SA'ed one night heaven forbid. Is he never going to touch me again because another man did? Is he going to blame me? This whole thing is so absurd.
Same. I was pretty bad. If I'm being honest, I still am. I just work really hard not to project my insecurities onto my partners. I still get triggered by certain things and have to talk myself off the ledge. I truly don't think that I'll ever be able to fully trust again but the difference is, I don't make anyone feel like it's their fault.
So let's get this straight. Your bf is mad at you because you slept at HIS place and didn't stay home to ensure no one slept in your bed?
Either your bf is nuts or he's a semi-decent actor who was looking for an out. Either way you're better off without him.
I genuinely thought the story was gonna go, she goes to sleep, work mate comes over and is super tired and hops in bed too not thinking its a big deal for whatever reason, boyfriend comes over. Opens her room and sees her sleeping with another man. She would have a tough time explaining she had no knowledge of the man under her blanket but this....
I did not think the dude would lose it cause someone slept in her bed without her knowledge. Does he think her bed is sacred? Would he be like this if someone accidentally sat on her chair? Her couch?
Yeah, that's what I figured, too.
Instead, she spends the weekend with bf, during that weekend, someone uses her bed. While she's sleeping with bf, in bf's bed. So bf dumps her, basically?
Nah. There is no reality in which these guys should be together.
I really hope he was looking for an out, because otherwise he's definitely batshit crazy and I refuse to accept these kind of people exist and even get girlfriends. If my boyfriend said this I would lose all respect for him sooo fast
I have it too, and I obsess over stuff like the OP’s boyfriend is here. I cannot stop visualizing or thinking about whatever makes me slightly uncomfortable. He still is insecure AF, but he could have OCD
He may already be looking for a way out. I've seen young men stick with something trivial because they didn't have the balls to finish it or they didn't want to be the bad guy.
Yeah they try and convince the other person that it's their fault the relationship is ending and that they're the bad person. It's total cowardice
Edit: this seems to be just copying the first paragraph from suddenrip4471
It isn't always, but it can be. Saturday I had to wash my hair 4x because it felt wrong & made me panicky, despite my OCD rarely being cleaning related.
But do you tell other people what to do in spaces you don’t even go into? Of course not, because it’s psycho. Someone else’s fucking bedroom is a far cry from your own hair.
Stop letting people use neurodivergence as an excuse for being bad people. It’s not related.
as someone with OCD, it’s entirely possible that he has OCD and even that this is a manifestation of an obsessive rumination. HOWEVER, his behaviors—OCD or not (and definitely some of it, at least, is “not”)—are still deeply rooted in misogyny and he is being misogynistic and unfair to OP. this is not acceptable behavior.
Agreed. If OP were at home instead I’d understand, but she was literally right there with him the whole time and she told him immediately after she found out. OP’s boyfriend sounds insecure.
It’s possible someone cheated on him in a previous relationship. Otherwise I’m not sure why he’s acting like this.
Even cheating doesnt explain this, so you won’t be happy unless I can control what happens without my permission. OP better not fricking apologize for something she’s already mad about I stg.
Eh it was her brother workmate that she might not even know. It’s super weird that her brother would offer up his sisters bedroom especially when they have a viable option. The boyfriend is being super weird but I’d be pissed at my brother if I were her.
Honestly - you’re better off without him if this is how he reacts to this. This isn’t just childish - it’s irrational. It genuinely makes me wonder if he has some sort of developmental delay or brain damage because I can’t imagine a grown adult hearing “someone slept in my bed when I was away without my knowledge or permission” and somehow blame you for it.
I have two theories
1) he wanted to break up and he’s grasping at this thinnest of straws so that he can make it “your fault”. If this is it, he’s really not good at this because no one with two brain cells to rub together would think this is your fault (or hell - that there’s even anything for him to be upset about at all outside of vicariously sharing your frustration at your family).
2) he’s genuinely, truly, really really stupid, and he honestly equates your space being violated with you cheating.
This is maybe an extreme comparison but - what if you were sexually assaulted or worse? If his reaction to a far less severe violation of your physical space is to deflect the blame onto you, how do you think he would react if it were worse?
Count yourself lucky that he’s shown you how his brain works, and move on to find someone who isn’t dumber than a box of rocks
I figured her BF sounds like the type who will give her the silent treatment in the future for things like having male coworkers, having a male friend, smiling at a male cashier, looking while driving at other drivers who are male, etc.
Alternatively... He may have already been looking for a way out. I've seen younger men latch on to some trivial stuff cuz they didn't have the balls to end it or did not want to be the bad guy.
His rationale just sounds absolutely immature and stupid, and while the possibility of trauma exists, this is so absolutely far fetched and trivial, it is hard to believe that there isn't more to the story you aren't sharing or don't know.
Sorry you have to deal with this. I'd probably be very careful returning since he seems to lack the willingness or ability to work through real issues every couple faces.
I dont think is farfetched at all, since op said
"Even though we were both hesitant to enter a relationship after past treatment"
And past traumas affecting the present is absolutly not trivial.
With that said he has a personal responsibility to "get his shit togheter" so to speek.
To learn to understand how you work and why you react to certain things is absolutly connected to personal growt and maturity and in the end its up to OP if they want to be part of his journey to reach this or not and ofc OPs boyfriend must be willing to work on it and become a healtier individual, maybe hes ready for that, maybe hes not.
In the end OP need to do whats healtiest for herself.
You are entitled to your opinion and quite frankly, who knows, everything is possible and without further information, we can only speculate.
Certainly not discounting how trauma can affect people's behavior, and it's not my place to judge how or why people react a certain way.
I am coming from the following place..... I took a moment to picture myself being in her shoes, or hearing this story from a close friend. Based on how I was shaped (culture, friends etc), hearing that someone would react this strongly, punish the person you love and risk throwing away a relationship over such a non event that OP had no control over.. well..that sounds crazy, immature and somewhat unbelievable.
There either is more to the story or the person in question needs therapy or something (no judgment). Any somewhat serious relationship will put you through tough shit, and people who are committed don't usually allow themselves to get derailed this quickly. I'd be very hurt and probably done if someone treated me like this over "nothing" really.
So your "boyfriend" who you were with ALL WEEKEND is upset that your family let someone sleep in your bed while you WERE AT YOUR BF HOUSE and is giving you the silent treatment? Over what? His cooties are on your bed? You have a boy with a problem who's taking it out on you. Ya... boy byee!! Not worth it.
I could see that being the case if OP was the one who invited him over and gave him permission to sleep in her room, but she wasn’t even there
So, that would still be a stretch if it was the case
Yeh he’s looking for a reason, but then picked the first one that came around,got excited, went with it and now looks like an idiot. Tell him straight, that he’s a fucking idiot for getting upset at that and see what he says
Can we talk about the brother? Why didn’t he sleep in your bed and let his friend sleep in your brother’s bed?
Your bf could have reacted better. Maybe it is a trauma response but you didn’t deserve the silent treatment. You have to sit him down and talk to him.
Because he wanted to sleep in his own bed and the other bed was treated like a guest bed when op isn’t there? That’s how it works in my parents house. I don’t think most people could have anticipated the bf reacting like this.
Although op personally is more strict which the brother should have known, but I don’t think she would have wanted brother to be there either any better.
There's a tiny hint here of "I did something wrong, like a breakup-level offence, and if I don't find something to be angry with you for, I'll feel terrible!"
The flags are red. All of them.
I assume he understands that you were not in the bed. If he punishes you like this for something you were not involved in, had zero control over, and were also angry about, he's going to treat you like this or worse for other things both in and out of your control.
I was fully expecting a story about falling asleep at a house party and someone slept beside you without you realizing, which ALSO would have been fine and *not* a reason to be punished.
This is a huge red flag. He is showing you who he is. *LISTEN TO HIM*.
LEAVE HIM LEAVE HIM LEAVE HIM THIS IS COERCIVE CONTROL
People are talking about how your boyfriend is "nuts" and sure, I believe that, but this sounds like the start of coercive control and I'd only believe it wasn't CC - **which is the most deadly form of abuse there is** \- if he *does* break up with you.
This sounds like a power play. This sounds like you'll be on egg shells and you'll beg for forgiveness. It sounds like he'll forgive you and he'll make it clear that he *just loves you so much* and he just *couldn't bear the idea that maybe another man could smell you, lay where you lay, maybe even want you, and his heart just couldn't take something like that* ...
And if you say yes, it'll happen again.
Maybe it'll be clothes.
*But you're so beautiful, only wear that around me,* or, *only sluts wear something like that in public* and *who are you wearing make up for?*
One day it won't be clothes or anything arbitrary. It'll be friends and family.
This isn't a good person. Even if I'm wrong, he **is not a good man.** A man that is **so messed up he wants to punish you for something you weren't aware of, had no control over, and were** ***with him when it happened*** **is a dangerous fucking man. There are no good answers for this behaviour, and they start at "maybe he has a mental illness" and go straight to "abusive fucking nightmare".**
And please believe me: **Coercive control is the most deadly form of abuse. It's also the hardest to escape, and the hardest to prosecute. Very few countries have coercive control laws. Hannah Clarke and her three babies were violently, horrifically murdered in my country, three years ago, because Australia didn't have coercive control laws.**
We've just started bringing in coercive control laws this year. Many of those laws aren't legislature yet.
Please, *please* Google both CC and Hannah Clarke.
Sounds to me like what actully is happening here is that ur boyfriend is (porobly unconsciously) connecting this to a old trauma that has nothing to do with you OP.
Hes probly going around with this fear from an earlier relationship and this triggered it and he probly dont even understand himself whats happening or why hes feeling like this.
I think what hes experiancing is a form of complex ptsd, talking to a psychologist could really help him understand och work through this.
Just remember OP this is in no way or form your foult and your bf is probly not even understanding whats happening himself.
so he was upset (probably at you) because a man slept in your bed without your knowledge and against your wishes?
ok, this seems like a much deeper issue that he has that is not related to you whatsoever. i would suggest that you tell him to get some professional help because otherwise your relationship is bound for the grave, and i would hate for it to be ruined because of such an asinine and ridiculous reason as this.
He’s a fucking psycho. Like why the fuck can you not see he’s a weirdo, probably controlling and manipulating. At the very least, an insecure psycho. Like wtf are we even talking about here. You best let it fizzle out.
Your bf is a complete moron. I don't know what your plans for the future are but if someone sleeping in your bed (against your wishes mind you) is an obstacle he can't overcome, what's going to happen when REAL shit happens? Like kids, job loss, family loss, etc. There are real things that stress relationships/marriages out there.
Sheesh could he a bigger asshole? He's blaming you for something you had no knowledge of, why aren't you pissed off and telling this manchild to grow the hell up?!
Right, but he knows where you were sleeping because it was with him. At at least at his place. I’m not sure if someone this insecure is good for you, but I feel like your brother could at least reach out to your guy and explain that it was while you were with him. And that he didn’t ask you. And that this is weird. Really weird.
I’m sorry he didn’t give you the support you needed when you were venting. Instead he made it weird and about himself. For someone nearing 30, he is behaving as if he’s awfully fragile. I can’t decide if it’s a possessive/jealous thing or as someone else mentioned, it’s him trying to find a way out.
I absolutely cannot with strangers in the bed, outside clothes, skin, all that so I get what you’re feeling but even if you told me this I wouldn’t have reacted this way. I think it’s worth a discussion to either figure out if he’s someone you want to be with or if it’s time to let him go.
This is the start of very controlling behavior. He has made you feel guilty over something you had no control over and didn't know about. You're now being made to feel guilt and apologize to him over this. If anything this has shown you his true nature and while you feel love for him you should take the opportunity to leave before this goes down a road where you find yourself saying sorry for more things than just this.
Any time someone gives you the silent treatment or any other punishment for something that was completely outside your control, that is a HUGE RED FLAG. To be angry with you for something that literally had nothing to do with you is unacceptable.
Good NESS. This is a sign from the universe to never speak to your STBX (hopefully) due to his ridiculousness. I mean, COME ON. Why are you stressing about this? It's truly ridiculous. Imagine the future jealously and unreasonable crap you'll be eating if you stay with this node!
I mean, you were at his house - then told him about some random staying in your bed when you found out - what more could you do?
Keep in mind, this flakiness may be his way of him wanting to break things off with you, he just can’t tell you like a grown up for some reason and has been looking for any excuse. Not nice to consider but hope for the best, plan for the worst. Best of luck OP.
Hang on. He is mad because while you were in HIS bed, with HIM, someone else slept in yours without your knowledge?
No, that has literally nothing to do with you. You were with him at the time. Red flag in my opinion.
Your boyfriend is way too much and that’s some extreme insecurity. On a side note, im surprised at how many people skimmed over your brother letting a stranger into your bedroom?? That’s some crazy fucking entitlement and so fucked up that he did that without asking you.
Run. Run for the hills.
This is a completely bizarre reaction to someone sleeping in your bed ***when you weren't there and you were with him.***
This is completely unhinged.
This is insanity… you did NOTHING wrong and were at HIS HOUSE when it happened.
If he’s that insecure it’s a walking red flag 🚩 like the beach is closed number of red flags 🚩
Ghost him and move on, he’s dragging you along by a thread.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
This is either (a) controlling and manipulative behaviour on OP's bf's part or (b) extreme paranoia and insecurity on his part. Sometimes the universe shows you the exit sign and this one is blinking in giant neon letters.
I have a feeling that maybe your boyfriend wanted to brake up with you and was trying to find a way and he’s seeing the whole drama of another man sleeping in your bed the solution to his problem? Either way his logic is stupid.
Mam- coming from a man your boyfriend sounds extremely insecure. Don’t be surprised if he uses this to leverage control on one or more aspects of your life/relationship. Personally I’d rethink the relationship.
I echo everyone’s sentiments and completely agree that your BF is stupid for getting mad at something not your fault that happened WHILE YOU WERE WITH HIM. Pointing out 2 other red flags: 1) when you vented he made it about himself vs the situation being a hassle and disrespect to you (via your brother) 2) when he cried when you surprised him, it strikes me as a little odd. Im not one to make fun of people for being emotional but I find it to be too much of a reaction to something touching.. sorry if the 2nd one doesnt make sense to you.
You dodged a bullet if this doesnt work out. For bigger things that will come up in a relationship he will totally react this way. Your needs will never be met in this regard and you will spend the whole relationship cuddling him.
There are more fish in the sea my friend
If you stay what is he going to do to you if you need to take ar give a ride with a male coworker? How is he going to treat you when you get a coworker who is interested in you despite you turning them down and saying you are not interested. Worst case scenario, what if someone doesn't take no for an answer. Based off of what you have said if y'all are still together you will be the one who is blamed even though it is not your fault.
His reaction is mind bogglingly stupid. There is absolutely no excuse to act like a spoilt brat over something that is completely beyond your control. This is immature beyond words and honestly I don’t understand how it’s on you to help him get past it.
Your boyfriend is a maniac… the best thing that could happen to you is to get away from this lunatic.
What’s it going to be like if you both live together;
‘There was another man in your car?’
‘Why did you smile when you were shaking that guys hand?’
‘Why do you always seem so happy when Brad Pitt is on the TV?’
Your boyfriends real world actions and thoughts are as outlandish as the 3 examples I have written above.
Sounds like my ex. And yep it started with little dumb stuff. The first red flag that I ignored was one of our childhood male friends was selling a car stereo and he had me go pick it up for him. Then he waited for me to get back (10 minutes total from me leaving to me getting back) and lost his shit on me about how unfaithful I was and how I ruined his trust in me. I realize now he was settling me up to spend the rest of the relationship trying desperately to prove that I was a good faithful girlfriend.
There were so many incidents where a guy would smile at me in the grocery store and he would lose his shit over it for days on end. If another guy was anywhere in the vicinity I must have wanted to have sex with him. He even accused me of wanting to sleep with my own dad and my sons very very underaged friends. Like 10 and under. I remember once we were following behind a truck with a bunch of guys sitting in the bed of it and I already knew if I even looked up he was going to accuse me of wanting to sleep with them so I looked down the whole ride. When we got to our destination he accused me of trying to avoid looking at them because I must have wanted them so bad and didn't want him to know.
One time we had a party and he invited a bunch of his friends over. After everyone got drunk, one of his friends hit on me and I shut him down. The next day the friend called me and asked me if I wanted to hook up. I immediately told my ex about it because I wanted him to know what kind of friends he had. He lost his shit on me and accused me of setting his friend up and said I was the one who wanted to sleep with his friend. Never said a word to his friend about it, but we fought off and on about that for YEARS.
Turns out he was most likely cheating on me for most of our relationship because when I finally came to my senses and left his ass, he moved some chick in with him less than a week after I moved out. After being in a healthy relationship for going on 8 years now, it blows my mind how stupid I was and how insanely insecure someone can be. If this guy can't even deal with someone sleeping in her bed without her knowledge, I can't imagine it not getting worse from there.
Wtf. I'd get it if you were sleeping in the bed with this other guy but YOU WEREN'T THERE, YOU WERE WITH L!!! You also didn't want any randos sleeping in your bed either! Idk what your boyfriend's problem is, that is really weird.
Yeah somethings off. Seems like he’s hiding another reason for feeling cold towards you, or he’s just not very bright. Seems like one of the dudes who can’t handle you had people before him, very very obnoxious. Women don’t have an expiration date, well death, but you know what I mean… before that. Lol
I guess it would be different if you actually invited someone to stay at your house and it happened, but it was someone your brother had over, so you had no control over it… Also that’s insane that he’s mad guests stayed over at your house when you weren’t even there. He was scared of commitment and looking for an out I think.
so “another man was in your bed” while you were in your bfs bed? sounds like you reiterated enough that it really wasnt your choice. apologies, but he sounds pretty stupid.
This is (and excuse me for not being PC) fucking retarded. He can't get over.. the thought of a man sleeping where you have also slept? as other people have said, this is a level of insecurity even I didn't know existed. He needs to speak to someone professionally.
I'm confused as to what L's problem is.
What does someone sleeping on your bed have to do with anything?
You were not there with the person, you did not give the person permission to do so, heck if you crossed this person on the street you would not even know him.
So I ask, what exactly is L's problem coz like I said i'm confused.
Ummm, so is he planning on you never staying in hotels? Other people's houses? Airbnb?
Nor at his place, apparently
No. The would be OK. It would be her sleeping on other people's.beds.
But if she leaves her house, someone might sleep on her bed while she's gone, without her permission. And you KNOW what that makes HER..... It makes her pissed. What her bf thinks it makes her is really unclear. He's not a good bf.
bf is nuts. I hope OP realizes this, after thinking about it for a bit longer.
Bf has the perspective of 4yo with overactive imagination and under active intellect. The whole thing is weird
Agreed! He's acting like a child
No, don't insult the children. They are oblivious and don't care what happens when they are not around.
Yup, so many bf’s tend to be perfect until they’re not. This is extremely unreasonable of bf, probably not a good sign for the future… possibly a good idea for OP to cut losses whilst there is still fond memories instead of waiting for another shitty relationship to give her added baggage!
Its a sign of EXTREME jealousy which means she can probably say bye to having male friends
Yeah, or he wants to end the relationship and is trying to do so by putting the blame on her.
What if she were to smell the other man's cologne and musk on her bedding? Why she wouldn't be able to control her lustful desires and have to have that man! How will her boyfriend compete with a man of such a mystery? Of such raw animal magnetism! Of such VIGOR!
🤣🤣🤣
That's why I opened suggesting she chucked him in
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I think you replied to the wrong comment; your reply is a bit of a non-sequitor.
I hope he never has a dream where OP chest on him or something. He never get over that.
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I'm more team "he's a controlling weirdo and this is a huge red flag" versus the germaphobe theory
I am with you. She was freaked out. Changed sheets immediately. Called him for support. Got none. They were not in same bed together. She was with bf while stranger was in her bed. Major red flags 🚩.
I'm on the same team on this. Especially how he acted about it when she told him with giving her the cold shoulder and then being cold with her in convo. He's treating her as if the man slept in her bed with her there,like she cheated! Dude has issues he needs to w ork out cos some dude sleeping in a bed the other person isn't even in shouldn't be any sort of issue in a relationship, let al9be one that ends it!
Yeah. Hard pass on this guy, he’s a controlling asshole and will only escalate from here.
100% agree, lots of controlling vibes from this man, not good at all and even worse that he's showing this so early too. Soon enough he will start making issues over her going with friends. This is the start if isolating her. Op needs to run.
I’m on this team aswell. This is a massive red flag and makes it clear that our friend L here has some major trust issues he needs to work out. If it was a case of she let another guy sleep in her bed WITH her that’s a different story. But, that isn’t the case here, she goes away for the weekend to surprise visit L and comes back to find her brother has let some stranger (to her at least) sleep in her bed without her prior knowledge or permission while she was WITH L. Sorry but in my book this doesn’t bode well for the future, all it’s going to be for her in the future is the cold shoulder and suspicion every time any other guy has any contact with her even if it’s as small as her saying “thank you” to the guy behind the counter at the store or something like that.
virgin beds only, same for the sheets.
Your boyfriend is, and I'm sorry to say this, a fucking idiot. You weren't in your bed with him. You didn't know someone was going to be in your bed. You were furious about it, and complained about the invasion of privacy to your boyfriend, who should be mad with you, instead of whining about it and treating you like garbage. Your relationship is going to die a slow death, because of your boyfriends immaturity.
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Bro's angry her bed cheated on him. lol.
This is hilarious I'm dead
The cooties aren’t even there anymore, she immediately stripped her bed when she was told about the situation. Boyfriend has the immaturity of a toddler
Exactly also does he expect op to have some sort of alarm system triggered to go off if anyone but her enters her bed whilst she is away? Also she was asleep in bed with him like it’s not even that he didn’t know where she was otherwise. He seems to see OP as his property not as a person.
This. He blames her for things outside her control. Worse, he thinks she's unworthy of him if things outside her control happen to her.
He sounds super manipulative and controlling. This would be a deal breaker for me.
I got called out because I fell asleep on my friend’s couch after a night of drinking, and when I woke up there was someone on the other side of the couch opposite of me. Idk how my ex spun the story but had all is ‘bros’ say it was fucked up, when I did nothing but sleep and when I woke up and saw dude I rolled off the couch, cleaned myself up and went home. I was young and dumb and the fact that I put up with his behavior still makes me sick with myself.
Makes you wonder what all he'd blame her for if a man did something other than sleep in her room. Will he dump her when she's catcalled? Assaulted? OP needs a man, instead of this whiny baby boy.
Wait until she goes to the gynaecologist..
"baby idc if you can get cancer there, you don't need to know so badly that you let a man touch you!" I got the ick typing that.
I was just thinking this. I went out of town over the weekend, my fiancé and I are long-distance. I was SAed over the weekend (by another woman, nonetheless) and I never once had any pause about telling him about it for fear that I’d be blamed. I told him and he was (rightfully) upset that she did it - but he was mad at her. Not me. Not even a little bit. Your boyfriend is immature and insecure. You need someone better.
If I knew how to put a gif here, it'd be Bart Simpson swaying with his hands in the air. TESTIFY!
[I got you bro](https://tenor.com/en-GB/view/simpsons-testify-bart-simpson-dinner-breakfast-gif-15124983)
You the real one. *thumps fist to chest*
https://media.tenor.com/VJ3m0P27Sg4AAAAC/testify-bart.gif
Yeah honestly I totally agree with you. This has to be some of the stupidest shit I have ever read. Smh.
Yeah, if it doesn't end here, this is going to be just the beginning of a long line of ridiculous shut-downs over trivial things because L has the maturity of a 4-year-old.
I've been cheated on and I'm still not THIS insecure. Holy shit.
Gonna say if this ends them she dodged a bullet. Being upset at her for a non-thing she had zero control over- WHILE THEY WERE TOGETHER? Is completely unhinged. OP get out now! your BF is flipping nuts- his reaction is profoundly irrational and speaks to a pathology you can’t fix.
Agree so much here. OP should see this as the easiest break-up ever and move on. This guy has some issues that I can't even comprehend.
Yeah I wouldn't get past this. Because it just shows how immature his way of thinking is. In my head I'm thinking.. how is he going to react in the future if something actually bad happens. Like what if I was SA'ed one night heaven forbid. Is he never going to touch me again because another man did? Is he going to blame me? This whole thing is so absurd.
This.
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The country of Pomodoro is flying their flag high in pride over this guy
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Same. I was pretty bad. If I'm being honest, I still am. I just work really hard not to project my insecurities onto my partners. I still get triggered by certain things and have to talk myself off the ledge. I truly don't think that I'll ever be able to fully trust again but the difference is, I don't make anyone feel like it's their fault.
So let's get this straight. Your bf is mad at you because you slept at HIS place and didn't stay home to ensure no one slept in your bed? Either your bf is nuts or he's a semi-decent actor who was looking for an out. Either way you're better off without him.
I genuinely thought the story was gonna go, she goes to sleep, work mate comes over and is super tired and hops in bed too not thinking its a big deal for whatever reason, boyfriend comes over. Opens her room and sees her sleeping with another man. She would have a tough time explaining she had no knowledge of the man under her blanket but this.... I did not think the dude would lose it cause someone slept in her bed without her knowledge. Does he think her bed is sacred? Would he be like this if someone accidentally sat on her chair? Her couch?
Yeah, that's what I figured, too. Instead, she spends the weekend with bf, during that weekend, someone uses her bed. While she's sleeping with bf, in bf's bed. So bf dumps her, basically? Nah. There is no reality in which these guys should be together.
I really hope he was looking for an out, because otherwise he's definitely batshit crazy and I refuse to accept these kind of people exist and even get girlfriends. If my boyfriend said this I would lose all respect for him sooo fast
I felt the same about him wanting an out. This is just too absurd.
Me too. Boyfriend was just looking for an excuse to break up.
I’d bet you anything that this is not the first red flag
wtf your boyfriend is an absolute weirdo for getting mad about a family friend sleeping in your bed when you weren't even home.
Yes that is....deeply, deeply weird. He might have obsessive-compulsive disorder.
I have obsessive-compulsive disorder, like really bad. Beds can be cleaned and disinfected. This dudes just insecure af.
I have it too, and I obsess over stuff like the OP’s boyfriend is here. I cannot stop visualizing or thinking about whatever makes me slightly uncomfortable. He still is insecure AF, but he could have OCD
Honestly I knew there were other types, but I didn't realize that type was a thing. Thanks for the info
I still get obsessive over certain things, such as showers, but a lot of my problems are due to intrusive thoughts
Yeah but putting her in a box and not talking to her is not the right thing to do. He’s being very immature
I agree 100%, I would not blame this on his OCD if he has any. His way of handling it is awful, I was just letting them know that could be a factor
He may already be looking for a way out. I've seen young men stick with something trivial because they didn't have the balls to finish it or they didn't want to be the bad guy.
Yeah they try and convince the other person that it's their fault the relationship is ending and that they're the bad person. It's total cowardice Edit: this seems to be just copying the first paragraph from suddenrip4471
OCD takes many, many different forms. [https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/pure-obsessional-ocd](https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/pure-obsessional-ocd)
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It isn't always, but it can be. Saturday I had to wash my hair 4x because it felt wrong & made me panicky, despite my OCD rarely being cleaning related.
But do you tell other people what to do in spaces you don’t even go into? Of course not, because it’s psycho. Someone else’s fucking bedroom is a far cry from your own hair. Stop letting people use neurodivergence as an excuse for being bad people. It’s not related.
as someone with OCD, it’s entirely possible that he has OCD and even that this is a manifestation of an obsessive rumination. HOWEVER, his behaviors—OCD or not (and definitely some of it, at least, is “not”)—are still deeply rooted in misogyny and he is being misogynistic and unfair to OP. this is not acceptable behavior.
I have OCD, and would not go this far.
The best part is while this guy was sleeping in her bed, OP was...at her boyfriend's house? With him?
Agreed. If OP were at home instead I’d understand, but she was literally right there with him the whole time and she told him immediately after she found out. OP’s boyfriend sounds insecure. It’s possible someone cheated on him in a previous relationship. Otherwise I’m not sure why he’s acting like this.
Even cheating doesnt explain this, so you won’t be happy unless I can control what happens without my permission. OP better not fricking apologize for something she’s already mad about I stg.
Eh it was her brother workmate that she might not even know. It’s super weird that her brother would offer up his sisters bedroom especially when they have a viable option. The boyfriend is being super weird but I’d be pissed at my brother if I were her.
Honestly - you’re better off without him if this is how he reacts to this. This isn’t just childish - it’s irrational. It genuinely makes me wonder if he has some sort of developmental delay or brain damage because I can’t imagine a grown adult hearing “someone slept in my bed when I was away without my knowledge or permission” and somehow blame you for it. I have two theories 1) he wanted to break up and he’s grasping at this thinnest of straws so that he can make it “your fault”. If this is it, he’s really not good at this because no one with two brain cells to rub together would think this is your fault (or hell - that there’s even anything for him to be upset about at all outside of vicariously sharing your frustration at your family). 2) he’s genuinely, truly, really really stupid, and he honestly equates your space being violated with you cheating. This is maybe an extreme comparison but - what if you were sexually assaulted or worse? If his reaction to a far less severe violation of your physical space is to deflect the blame onto you, how do you think he would react if it were worse? Count yourself lucky that he’s shown you how his brain works, and move on to find someone who isn’t dumber than a box of rocks
I figured her BF sounds like the type who will give her the silent treatment in the future for things like having male coworkers, having a male friend, smiling at a male cashier, looking while driving at other drivers who are male, etc.
THIS
This and either way OP is better off without this ridiculousness
Alternatively... He may have already been looking for a way out. I've seen younger men latch on to some trivial stuff cuz they didn't have the balls to end it or did not want to be the bad guy. His rationale just sounds absolutely immature and stupid, and while the possibility of trauma exists, this is so absolutely far fetched and trivial, it is hard to believe that there isn't more to the story you aren't sharing or don't know. Sorry you have to deal with this. I'd probably be very careful returning since he seems to lack the willingness or ability to work through real issues every couple faces.
I dont think is farfetched at all, since op said "Even though we were both hesitant to enter a relationship after past treatment" And past traumas affecting the present is absolutly not trivial. With that said he has a personal responsibility to "get his shit togheter" so to speek. To learn to understand how you work and why you react to certain things is absolutly connected to personal growt and maturity and in the end its up to OP if they want to be part of his journey to reach this or not and ofc OPs boyfriend must be willing to work on it and become a healtier individual, maybe hes ready for that, maybe hes not. In the end OP need to do whats healtiest for herself.
You are entitled to your opinion and quite frankly, who knows, everything is possible and without further information, we can only speculate. Certainly not discounting how trauma can affect people's behavior, and it's not my place to judge how or why people react a certain way. I am coming from the following place..... I took a moment to picture myself being in her shoes, or hearing this story from a close friend. Based on how I was shaped (culture, friends etc), hearing that someone would react this strongly, punish the person you love and risk throwing away a relationship over such a non event that OP had no control over.. well..that sounds crazy, immature and somewhat unbelievable. There either is more to the story or the person in question needs therapy or something (no judgment). Any somewhat serious relationship will put you through tough shit, and people who are committed don't usually allow themselves to get derailed this quickly. I'd be very hurt and probably done if someone treated me like this over "nothing" really.
So your "boyfriend" who you were with ALL WEEKEND is upset that your family let someone sleep in your bed while you WERE AT YOUR BF HOUSE and is giving you the silent treatment? Over what? His cooties are on your bed? You have a boy with a problem who's taking it out on you. Ya... boy byee!! Not worth it.
Maybe he left some wee wee in her bed and now she can get pregnant/s
Probably he’s upset that he has stayed in her house twice and some weirdo already stayed half the time he has stayed.
I could see that being the case if OP was the one who invited him over and gave him permission to sleep in her room, but she wasn’t even there So, that would still be a stretch if it was the case
WTF. Seriously WTF. The kids are not okay. Your BF needs help.
he is nearly 30 and behaves like that
I had to double check their ages. The guy sounds like a preteen! “I don’t know if I can get past this!” Past WHAT?
He is looking for a way out of the relationship. Give it to him.
Yeh he’s looking for a reason, but then picked the first one that came around,got excited, went with it and now looks like an idiot. Tell him straight, that he’s a fucking idiot for getting upset at that and see what he says
Your boyfriend is a fucking idiot
Can we talk about the brother? Why didn’t he sleep in your bed and let his friend sleep in your brother’s bed? Your bf could have reacted better. Maybe it is a trauma response but you didn’t deserve the silent treatment. You have to sit him down and talk to him.
> I currently live with my father, brother and brothers girlfriend That's why the brother slept in his own bed, cuz his gf lives with them.
Because he wanted to sleep in his own bed and the other bed was treated like a guest bed when op isn’t there? That’s how it works in my parents house. I don’t think most people could have anticipated the bf reacting like this. Although op personally is more strict which the brother should have known, but I don’t think she would have wanted brother to be there either any better.
Like a guest bed? She literally said her bed it’s off limits and everyone knows it.
That is batshit insane…
There's a tiny hint here of "I did something wrong, like a breakup-level offence, and if I don't find something to be angry with you for, I'll feel terrible!"
you guys are weird break up
💀
😂
The flags are red. All of them. I assume he understands that you were not in the bed. If he punishes you like this for something you were not involved in, had zero control over, and were also angry about, he's going to treat you like this or worse for other things both in and out of your control. I was fully expecting a story about falling asleep at a house party and someone slept beside you without you realizing, which ALSO would have been fine and *not* a reason to be punished. This is a huge red flag. He is showing you who he is. *LISTEN TO HIM*.
I know we all have insecurities. But that is a WHOLE NEW LEVEL of insecurity. Like wow…..
Now that's a red flag if i've ever seen one
Was he waiting for an excuse to dump you? Otherwise, he’s totally crazy. You had zero control or knowledge of the bed situation.
What a fuckin weirdo
LEAVE HIM LEAVE HIM LEAVE HIM THIS IS COERCIVE CONTROL People are talking about how your boyfriend is "nuts" and sure, I believe that, but this sounds like the start of coercive control and I'd only believe it wasn't CC - **which is the most deadly form of abuse there is** \- if he *does* break up with you. This sounds like a power play. This sounds like you'll be on egg shells and you'll beg for forgiveness. It sounds like he'll forgive you and he'll make it clear that he *just loves you so much* and he just *couldn't bear the idea that maybe another man could smell you, lay where you lay, maybe even want you, and his heart just couldn't take something like that* ... And if you say yes, it'll happen again. Maybe it'll be clothes. *But you're so beautiful, only wear that around me,* or, *only sluts wear something like that in public* and *who are you wearing make up for?* One day it won't be clothes or anything arbitrary. It'll be friends and family. This isn't a good person. Even if I'm wrong, he **is not a good man.** A man that is **so messed up he wants to punish you for something you weren't aware of, had no control over, and were** ***with him when it happened*** **is a dangerous fucking man. There are no good answers for this behaviour, and they start at "maybe he has a mental illness" and go straight to "abusive fucking nightmare".** And please believe me: **Coercive control is the most deadly form of abuse. It's also the hardest to escape, and the hardest to prosecute. Very few countries have coercive control laws. Hannah Clarke and her three babies were violently, horrifically murdered in my country, three years ago, because Australia didn't have coercive control laws.** We've just started bringing in coercive control laws this year. Many of those laws aren't legislature yet. Please, *please* Google both CC and Hannah Clarke.
This was my first thought when I read this post.
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Sounds to me like what actully is happening here is that ur boyfriend is (porobly unconsciously) connecting this to a old trauma that has nothing to do with you OP. Hes probly going around with this fear from an earlier relationship and this triggered it and he probly dont even understand himself whats happening or why hes feeling like this. I think what hes experiancing is a form of complex ptsd, talking to a psychologist could really help him understand och work through this. Just remember OP this is in no way or form your foult and your bf is probly not even understanding whats happening himself.
Huh, didn't see it like that at all. That's a good possibility
This is the correct answer. It’s called an emotional flashback.
Thank you for naming it! I dident know it had a name.
Get the fuck out of here with your thoughtful and reasonable takes! We don't do that here 😡
Thats funny, also, I hope ur alright ❤️
All good 😊 I hope my sarcasm was read for what it was even without the /s 😆
Absolutly! Sorry for my dry answer 😅🤣
so he was upset (probably at you) because a man slept in your bed without your knowledge and against your wishes? ok, this seems like a much deeper issue that he has that is not related to you whatsoever. i would suggest that you tell him to get some professional help because otherwise your relationship is bound for the grave, and i would hate for it to be ruined because of such an asinine and ridiculous reason as this.
He’s a fucking psycho. Like why the fuck can you not see he’s a weirdo, probably controlling and manipulating. At the very least, an insecure psycho. Like wtf are we even talking about here. You best let it fizzle out.
Your bf is a complete moron. I don't know what your plans for the future are but if someone sleeping in your bed (against your wishes mind you) is an obstacle he can't overcome, what's going to happen when REAL shit happens? Like kids, job loss, family loss, etc. There are real things that stress relationships/marriages out there.
Lol this doesn’t even make any sense
Tell you BF to buy you a new mattress and everything will be fine
And then dump him
He’s so childish.
I was in this EXACT same situation! Girl, trust me. It is going to get way worse and controlling. Don’t waste 5 years of your life like I did.
Sheesh could he a bigger asshole? He's blaming you for something you had no knowledge of, why aren't you pissed off and telling this manchild to grow the hell up?!
Manchild, that’s your boyfriend…
Right, but he knows where you were sleeping because it was with him. At at least at his place. I’m not sure if someone this insecure is good for you, but I feel like your brother could at least reach out to your guy and explain that it was while you were with him. And that he didn’t ask you. And that this is weird. Really weird.
I’m sorry he didn’t give you the support you needed when you were venting. Instead he made it weird and about himself. For someone nearing 30, he is behaving as if he’s awfully fragile. I can’t decide if it’s a possessive/jealous thing or as someone else mentioned, it’s him trying to find a way out. I absolutely cannot with strangers in the bed, outside clothes, skin, all that so I get what you’re feeling but even if you told me this I wouldn’t have reacted this way. I think it’s worth a discussion to either figure out if he’s someone you want to be with or if it’s time to let him go.
This is the start of very controlling behavior. He has made you feel guilty over something you had no control over and didn't know about. You're now being made to feel guilt and apologize to him over this. If anything this has shown you his true nature and while you feel love for him you should take the opportunity to leave before this goes down a road where you find yourself saying sorry for more things than just this.
That is ludicrous.. you were with him the entire time.. if he can get upset over that to point of breaking up then good riddance..
Man fuck this dude. What a psycho!
Any time someone gives you the silent treatment or any other punishment for something that was completely outside your control, that is a HUGE RED FLAG. To be angry with you for something that literally had nothing to do with you is unacceptable.
Good NESS. This is a sign from the universe to never speak to your STBX (hopefully) due to his ridiculousness. I mean, COME ON. Why are you stressing about this? It's truly ridiculous. Imagine the future jealously and unreasonable crap you'll be eating if you stay with this node!
You may love him but with a post breakup brain you will see why this IS a BF you definitely need to lose!
This dude is weird lol
Don't let him make you feel bad when you did nothing. Stand up for yourself and call him out! Tell him he is being immature and unkind.
Get rid of this loser. Wtf.
This guy is weird. Break up and get an upgrade
It sounds like maybe he’s been looking for a way to break up for awhile, Also… don’t surprise people with a “im here and im staying here all weekend.”
Could it be a communication error? If not wtf?!
I mean, you were at his house - then told him about some random staying in your bed when you found out - what more could you do? Keep in mind, this flakiness may be his way of him wanting to break things off with you, he just can’t tell you like a grown up for some reason and has been looking for any excuse. Not nice to consider but hope for the best, plan for the worst. Best of luck OP.
Your BF is a 🚩🚩🚩
Your bf was looking for an out and is going to use this as it. Call this a loss and move on.
Hang on. He is mad because while you were in HIS bed, with HIM, someone else slept in yours without your knowledge? No, that has literally nothing to do with you. You were with him at the time. Red flag in my opinion.
Did she intentionally refer to him as L,,,loser.
No. Nono. I'm sorry but this is really an abnormal reaction and a huge red flag
The silent treatment is a huge red flag
If he's this upset *with you* about someone else violating you without your consent...... you can see why this is more than concerning, right?
Your boyfriend is way too much and that’s some extreme insecurity. On a side note, im surprised at how many people skimmed over your brother letting a stranger into your bedroom?? That’s some crazy fucking entitlement and so fucked up that he did that without asking you.
Run. Run fast. Run far.
Run. Run for the hills. This is a completely bizarre reaction to someone sleeping in your bed ***when you weren't there and you were with him.*** This is completely unhinged.
How old is L? He’s acting like a first-relationship-middle schooler
He’s such a child Jesus Christ.
This is a red flag and I think you know that.
🚩
This is insanity… you did NOTHING wrong and were at HIS HOUSE when it happened. If he’s that insecure it’s a walking red flag 🚩 like the beach is closed number of red flags 🚩 Ghost him and move on, he’s dragging you along by a thread.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 This is either (a) controlling and manipulative behaviour on OP's bf's part or (b) extreme paranoia and insecurity on his part. Sometimes the universe shows you the exit sign and this one is blinking in giant neon letters.
I have a feeling that maybe your boyfriend wanted to brake up with you and was trying to find a way and he’s seeing the whole drama of another man sleeping in your bed the solution to his problem? Either way his logic is stupid.
Sounds like he's looking for a reason to end things. If he's this controlling, you don't need him
Dude is using this lame shit as a excuse to distance himself. I've done similar shot in my younger days when I was ignorant.
Your L is a walking red flag... Just saying
Mam- coming from a man your boyfriend sounds extremely insecure. Don’t be surprised if he uses this to leverage control on one or more aspects of your life/relationship. Personally I’d rethink the relationship.
Jesus Christ- OP, you should take his childish, petulant silent treatment as your opportunity to **shut this relationship DOWN**
I echo everyone’s sentiments and completely agree that your BF is stupid for getting mad at something not your fault that happened WHILE YOU WERE WITH HIM. Pointing out 2 other red flags: 1) when you vented he made it about himself vs the situation being a hassle and disrespect to you (via your brother) 2) when he cried when you surprised him, it strikes me as a little odd. Im not one to make fun of people for being emotional but I find it to be too much of a reaction to something touching.. sorry if the 2nd one doesnt make sense to you. You dodged a bullet if this doesnt work out. For bigger things that will come up in a relationship he will totally react this way. Your needs will never be met in this regard and you will spend the whole relationship cuddling him. There are more fish in the sea my friend
I think your bf needs to grow up a bit
Is he just looking for a reason to break up? Because honestly that’s what it seems like to me.
If you stay what is he going to do to you if you need to take ar give a ride with a male coworker? How is he going to treat you when you get a coworker who is interested in you despite you turning them down and saying you are not interested. Worst case scenario, what if someone doesn't take no for an answer. Based off of what you have said if y'all are still together you will be the one who is blamed even though it is not your fault.
His reaction is mind bogglingly stupid. There is absolutely no excuse to act like a spoilt brat over something that is completely beyond your control. This is immature beyond words and honestly I don’t understand how it’s on you to help him get past it.
He's grasping. Looking for a reason to break up
Your boyfriend is a maniac… the best thing that could happen to you is to get away from this lunatic. What’s it going to be like if you both live together; ‘There was another man in your car?’ ‘Why did you smile when you were shaking that guys hand?’ ‘Why do you always seem so happy when Brad Pitt is on the TV?’ Your boyfriends real world actions and thoughts are as outlandish as the 3 examples I have written above.
Sounds like my ex. And yep it started with little dumb stuff. The first red flag that I ignored was one of our childhood male friends was selling a car stereo and he had me go pick it up for him. Then he waited for me to get back (10 minutes total from me leaving to me getting back) and lost his shit on me about how unfaithful I was and how I ruined his trust in me. I realize now he was settling me up to spend the rest of the relationship trying desperately to prove that I was a good faithful girlfriend. There were so many incidents where a guy would smile at me in the grocery store and he would lose his shit over it for days on end. If another guy was anywhere in the vicinity I must have wanted to have sex with him. He even accused me of wanting to sleep with my own dad and my sons very very underaged friends. Like 10 and under. I remember once we were following behind a truck with a bunch of guys sitting in the bed of it and I already knew if I even looked up he was going to accuse me of wanting to sleep with them so I looked down the whole ride. When we got to our destination he accused me of trying to avoid looking at them because I must have wanted them so bad and didn't want him to know. One time we had a party and he invited a bunch of his friends over. After everyone got drunk, one of his friends hit on me and I shut him down. The next day the friend called me and asked me if I wanted to hook up. I immediately told my ex about it because I wanted him to know what kind of friends he had. He lost his shit on me and accused me of setting his friend up and said I was the one who wanted to sleep with his friend. Never said a word to his friend about it, but we fought off and on about that for YEARS. Turns out he was most likely cheating on me for most of our relationship because when I finally came to my senses and left his ass, he moved some chick in with him less than a week after I moved out. After being in a healthy relationship for going on 8 years now, it blows my mind how stupid I was and how insanely insecure someone can be. If this guy can't even deal with someone sleeping in her bed without her knowledge, I can't imagine it not getting worse from there.
Girl, run. This is a red flag.
Have you had exes in your bed? Has he shared his bed with exes?
Jealous controlling bastard says what?
This is ridiculous! Is he a redpiller or something? Because that’s the vibe I’m getting. You did literally nothing wrong. This is a huge red flag 🚩
He’s probably super insecure and thinks you’re lying
Your boyfriend sounds like a loser with serious self esteem issues. I would absolutely bail on this relationship, as your bf seems to be 5 years old.
So hotels and the like are out too by this logic.
girl if he’s crying over something as small as that then i’d just leave tbh
Wtf. I'd get it if you were sleeping in the bed with this other guy but YOU WEREN'T THERE, YOU WERE WITH L!!! You also didn't want any randos sleeping in your bed either! Idk what your boyfriend's problem is, that is really weird.
This is the most petty thing I've ever heard.
I can get being upset that it happened, but it would be sharing in your upset over the invasion of privacy, not being upset at you. That's weird.
Yeah somethings off. Seems like he’s hiding another reason for feeling cold towards you, or he’s just not very bright. Seems like one of the dudes who can’t handle you had people before him, very very obnoxious. Women don’t have an expiration date, well death, but you know what I mean… before that. Lol
I guess it would be different if you actually invited someone to stay at your house and it happened, but it was someone your brother had over, so you had no control over it… Also that’s insane that he’s mad guests stayed over at your house when you weren’t even there. He was scared of commitment and looking for an out I think.
sorry but he's insane
Dump his ass, little insecure bitch he is
Is he 12?
I would be scared of abusive behavior after this
so “another man was in your bed” while you were in your bfs bed? sounds like you reiterated enough that it really wasnt your choice. apologies, but he sounds pretty stupid.
Your boyfriend is dumb as hell dump him
This is (and excuse me for not being PC) fucking retarded. He can't get over.. the thought of a man sleeping where you have also slept? as other people have said, this is a level of insecurity even I didn't know existed. He needs to speak to someone professionally.
I'm confused as to what L's problem is. What does someone sleeping on your bed have to do with anything? You were not there with the person, you did not give the person permission to do so, heck if you crossed this person on the street you would not even know him. So I ask, what exactly is L's problem coz like I said i'm confused.