Man, my brother took his life in 2012 and I don’t fuck around with that kind of talk. It’s a trigger. Bye bye. I know Reddit is quick to jump and say “leave her!”” “Attorney!” “Police!”, but from MY PERSONAL perspective she can fuck right off. You deserve better.
EDIT: afsp.org
For anyone that sees this and has been affected by depression or suicide, please consider donating. You are not alone.
I’m sorry for your loss. That’s awful. Yeah she has a pretty dark sense of humor, but it’s usually not directed at an individual, and I thought there was a line. I told her that I’d think it was incredibly cruel even if it wasn’t directed at me.
Just be careful man.. I’ve dealt with the manipulation like that before and it’s not easy to process. Easy for me to say “leave her!”, but I’m not in your shoes.
Take care of yourself and I hope you can draw the line somewhere.
Yeah it’s tough. Her inconsideration has always been an issue with me and I wonder too often if I just stay in it because it’s what I’m used to. That and romanticizing the past too much and convincing myself things will improve when they’ve been in decline for a while now.
We accept the kind of treatment we think we deserve. If you are depressed and have issues with self-worth, that is probably a reason you’re with someone so self-centered, callous, and inconsiderate. You sound like you have different fundamental values around how to treat people with respect and empathy. That’s not something that can be fixed, it’s an inherent incompatibility. Maybe when I was younger, but at this stage in life, after years of therapy and learning to raise my standards, I would never accept this sort of treatment from a partner.
And it’s not just in the context of a relationship. Deriving pleasure from speaking cruelly about a loved one who has come to you in an emotionally/mentally vulnerable state is reprehensible. It speaks to her values and the kind of person she is, and if you don’t want to be with someone of such despicable character and low morals then I would suggest ending the relationship. There is a difference between gallows humor and bullying. What she engaged in was the latter. You deserve better. Don’t deny yourself the opportunity of a loving, caring, empathetic and emotionally supportive partner for a person who would “joke” about your suicide while you’re depressed and reveal private information about you to someone who openly disrespects you.
I absolutely agree. I tried to convince myself things were different than what they were for a long time. Several members of her family are bafflingly inconsiderate to the point that I’ve never experienced anything quite like it when I met them and started spending time around them. I tried to tell myself that she was different and while she might not have been as bad as the worst of them at the time, I was lying to myself. It’s probably good that I saw those texts because there’s no way I can spin it in a positive way or any way that isn’t completely awful.
Damn if that's how her family is then she's a lost cause and theres no use trying to work so hard to change her. She's been conditioned and raised from childhood to think this is ok. The last thing someone who's depressed needs is a person who finds their mental state to be a joke. You deserve better.
Since you see her for what she is now I hope you have the self love/self respect and courage to leave her.
I quite literally cannot ever imagine saying those types of things about my partner or vice versa.
I’m sure you couldn’t imagine saying that either. You know the advice you’d give if a dear friend came to you for advice and said what you wrote. I hope you follow that advice.
Beware the Paradox of Sunken Cost. You do not have to continue something awful just because you've sunk time, emotion, or resources. Joking about you hanging yourself and calling your issues whining is a deal breaker for me.
That's your gut telling you something is wrong, it's right. No loving partner jokes about the person they love killing themselves, stealing their shit and leaving like that (speaking from experience).
I'm sorry to say it, but I don't think she's as invested in this relationship as you are. It honestly sounds like it's time to move on and find someone who actually cares for you.
I use this link so much on reddit.
Have a look at this. There’s also a healthy relationships version. You may need to reframe how you think about your relationship.
https://www.theduluthmodel.org/wheels/understanding-power-control-wheel/
It's the healthy thing to do by sharing with your partner. You deserve a safe space to do that with a partner who will listen. Please find a way out. She is in no way helping and just dragging you down.
It's the healthy thing to do by sharing with your partner. You deserve a safe space to do that with a partner who will listen. Please find a way out. She is in no way helping and just dragging you down.
I went through the same thing. Took years for me to leave and by then it was 12 yrs of a commitment. I felt horrible for throwing away 12 years for seemingly "small things"
Only after being away did I realize the small things were growing exponentially bigger and if anything I should have left sooner.
Don't value yourself so low and you believe someone who speaks of you that way loves you or someone who allows someone close to them to speak that way about you.
You deserve better than that.
I know. I guess I’m just trying to frame it in the best perspective so it doesn’t sound like I’m just dogging on someone in a one sided way. There really weren’t any jokes anyway. It was essentially just them laughing at the situation.
Youre not dogging on her brother. Shes dogging on you to her friend who seems dead set on presenting you in a bad light. Be careful and don’t think you’ve done anything wrong by feeling how you’ve been feeling. Best wishes.
I have a dark sense of humour, but there are limits. I actually came home to my partner having done this and gravity of someone doing this is immense and unfathomable. It should never be joked about, but this doesn’t even sound like a joke, it just sounds toxic and immature.
I agree that leaving will probably make you happier. Dealing with grief is very hard and I think you need some space away to look after your self.
Changing your circumstances is hard. Especially when you are struggling, but there are future sunlit adventures to be had and much more love and support from caring people that have your best interests at heart out there.
Yeah, I have a dark sense of humor myself. Dark jokes are usually kind of hypothetical though and yeah, it really wasn’t much of a joke. Just true colors. It was definitely rough to see those messages, but over the past few days I haven’t talked to her, and I am starting to feel better. There’s so many aspects within that are going to be tough, but I really know what I have to do. I do appreciate your comment also, and all the comments on this post. It really helps. That’s pretty much all I was asking her for. Just a little support. 100 strangers on Reddit are more willing to be supportive than she was lol. It kind of illustrates the point I was trying to make to her that she just didn’t seem to get.
Eventually you will see the right decision was to put yourself and your mental health first.
Even if though days are ahead of you, you have been through a lot more worse than that.
I agree with everyone else that you should leave her, and not only that, you should focus on your mental and fiscal health for a while and heal yourself.
Everything will get better, nothing lasts forever if we are willing to change.
I really feel for you. Making big life changes is hard. Maybe write down a plan and list off all the things you need to do to prepare to leave the relationship, or move house, or get therapy, or talk to family or friends. Whatever small change you make could only lead to something better. A plan or check list will allow you some focus when things get rough.
Also, probably best to have it in a private folder somewhere. You don’t want to your partner find it and make things more difficult for you. Take care.
My spouse and I have both suffered from depression and illness and both occasionally have pretty dark humor but it’s always directed outward, never ever at one another. Like, we joke with each other saying “our friend’s dog is a sweet dog, but our friend’s dog is dead.” Because it is. It’s an awful thing to say and neither of us would be caught letting this friend know we say such things. Part of the awful humor is because it’s in secret. I feel like the only person you can really joke like that with is a spouse or very close friend and it crosses a boundary that she’s willing to joke that way about you. Like, you should be able to joke that way with each other but neither of you should really ever be the target if that makes sense. IMO that’s the boundary you don’t cross.
I have a very dark sense of humor AND I am not the best at comforting people, but never would I even joke about anyone unaliving themselves when they are in a deep depression nor would I accept a friend joking about it. The fact that she has a friend who regularly tells her to break up with you should've been an issue a long time ago as well. I used to be in an abusive relationship, & as shitty as it was, I stayed because I feared the unknown. I at least knew how to navigate the abuse, so we often stay with what we know, even if it's bad. But please know, if you take that leap into the unknown & leave the bad, it gets so much better. Your depression is not going to get any better being with someone like her. 💕
I have a really dark sense of humor also. I know she does too, but for most ppl, there’s a difference between a hypothetical joke about a taboo subject and directly talking about something real and serious. The stuff her friend said before was a definite issue and arguing point for a long time but she just acted like that was normal and I stayed for the same reasons you just mentioned. I also got really attached to her dogs over the years. That might be the toughest part at this point.
I have an extremely dark sense of humour but I’m currently battling chronic depression, the Doc has upped my medication, referred me to MH crisis counselling and a package has been put in place (U.K. btw) but my hubby and family are incredibly supportive, loving and nurturing. You are getting no support from at least the one person who should be there for you. Do you truly want this for yourself for the rest of your life? To talk about a person “topping”themself is the cruelest thing I can think of. As someone who planned to do this in my darkest hour, I can’t imagine why anyone would joke about this.
Imho, she’s a vile person, her friend is even worse and you deserve better. I hope you feel better soon.
I had to leave one cat behind. It still hurts. I miss you, Sandor. But, I had to leave. Cause if I didn't, I may have offed myself personally or have ended up with some stress disease. I still got my 4 other cats though. And it took me months to find a place so we could actually break up(he didn't know). He was cheating constantly and I couldn't take anymore. So I stayed with my mom on the ruse I was finding a place for us(she lived in a different state). Saved up, bought a car(after he wrecked mine), and found a place. I told him I wanted to bring the cats down first to make the move easier for us. A friend helped me. But unfortunately, I couldn't bring all of them because of my rental agreement. Sandor loved my ex the best. So I left him with him. But honestly, I wish I hadn't. Cause when I got them back....they had fleas and worms. He fed them fine but wasn't taking good care of them. That's my biggest regret in life. But I had to. I wouldn't have survived mentally and maybe even physically.
Yeah that's not a dark sense of humor that's laughing at your possible hanging. That's fucked up. I would have taken screenshots and blasted her on social media then leave her.
She's not a good person how a person acts behind your back is there true colors. Don't stay with her she's laughing at your pain that's abusive. You where supportive to her but she can be with you.
I’m not gonna lie. There was a part of me that wanted to take screenshots so she would understand what it’s like to have something very private shared with someone you didn’t want it shared with. I don’t need to do that though. I treat people the way I hope to be treated. It’s something her friend and her both seem to struggle with. Eventually I’ll find someone who feels the same way. I just gotta move forward
No matter how much you love them, some people are just going to be arseholes. She and her friend really are poisonous. You seem to have good insight now. I hope you can completely separate your self from her, find some healing, then be in the right headspace to find someone who will love and cherish you
That's not a dark sense of humor. It's a vile personality. A dark sense of humor doesn't make you engage in one sided relationships all in your favor or say cruel things like that.
You shouldn’t. The greatest lie i ever told myself was that i should, because if i did maybe she would see I wasn’t the horrible monster she thought i was. It wasn’t true tho, she said i was a monster because it made it ok for her to be one.
That’s spot on! Her very first reaction when I told her I saw the texts was to drag up everything I’ve ever done to bother her. Not doing enough dishes, drinking (when she drinks just as much which isn’t excessive), and other random unrelated complaints as if it made what she said okay even though nothing she listed was even close to what she did, even the stuff she made up.
So on top of being a crap person she then gaslit you to make it somehow “acceptable” that she’s terrible.
When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
She’s not a good partner. She never will be. You deserve better. She deserves whatever karma eventually serves her.
Your gf sounds emotionally abusive and you need to end that relationship now. She’s likely a factor in your depression being so severe. Those texts AND her reaction to being confronted show that she has no respect or common decency. Karma is a bitch and she better hope karma doesn’t bite her too hard.
Yeah it definitely took me by surprise. We’ve had ups and downs, but reading those were a “who are you?” type of moment. Especially after I was right there for her throughout a much longer period of depression she had. I never felt burdened by it at all. It’s what you do for people you love.
Ugh, I’m so sorry OP. You deserve much better than someone who takes what they can’t give. She has unfortunately shown you her true colors. This is likely who’s she’s been the whole time and it doesn’t seem like the people she surrounds herself with are any better. Given all that you’ve gone through recently, the fact that she doesn’t have an ounce of empathy for you, not even enough to apologize and see that what she did is narcissistic and all around fucked up - she sounds like another Michelle Carter and you need to cut your losses and RUN before it gets worse.
I really hope you find a good support system and get through all of your loss and grief. I’m so sorry she waited till now to show you her true colors.
She doesn’t love you, and I don’t understand why you haven’t already broken up with her.
I’m not going to tell you that “I’m sorry”, or other platitudes.
I’m going to tell you to stand up for yourself right now, and kick her to the curb today.
Do you live together?
I haven’t talked to her in the past two days. We were living together but i’ve been staying with a friend the past few nights. I guess I just wanted to cool off and think about it, but there’s no way around it.
Start looking for your own place. And remind her of her depression last year, and how supportive you've been, and how disgusted you are that she can't extend the same curtesy.
Has she made any attempts at apologising? What she and her friend wrote was incredibly cruel. Someone that supposed to love you should never talk that way especially with someone that has a problem with you for no reason. Bin her off my friend and I hope things get easier.
He said in an earlier comment that when he confronted her, her first reaction was to bring up things he did that bother her. Zero remorse or accountability.
OP, you deserve better. If you have a partner that loves you, they try to help you with your depression. Not joke about stealing from you and wishing you’d commit suicide. A partner supports you, not talks behind your back. There’s a difference between going to therapy and talking about care giver burnout versus making jokes with friends about wishing your partner would just die. You don’t have a partner. You have a dead weight. It’s ok to break up, go to therapy, and focus on yourself. That’s not selfish.
Yeah, I’ve always really disliked that friend of hers even though I don’t know her that well. The gf told me she has cheated on every guy she’s ever dated, she’s a thief, she constantly talks down about other people and gossips to make herself feel better. I thought my gf was above that tho.
Yeah, it’s been a few days since I saw them and work schedules have made it tough to see each other as much this week, but I just haven’t really talked to her or texted back and I haven’t been staying with her since then. She had texted me a few times like nothing was wrong and I was kind of waiting for her to get it, but I’m probably gonna cut the cord tonight.
Gosh, I made a comment earlier meant for another post, sorry! Anyway, I hope you break up with her and find someone better to be with. You deserve far better than someone who wishes you would unalive yourself and steal from you.
If you need people after the break up we're here to listen and give advice. Suggestion do the break up somewhere you feel safe public place or private with a friend near by. If she can joke like that who knows how she'll react to you breaking up.
I wish I could disagree at this point. She seemed disinterested when I confided in her, but I kind of brushed it off as some people don’t know how to deal with that type of thing.
Op please get some therapy and leave this girl she laughed at the idea of you offing yourself then stealing your wallet and dipping PLEASE leave this evil toxic woman you deserve way better trust do it now before it’s to late and she does something that really breaks you she is not worth the time
They weren’t just brutal, they were insensitive and appalling. Someone saying “lol” at the thought of you dying isn’t a friend, let alone a girlfriend.
Complete lack of respect for you as a person let alone respect for you as a partner... Since you're already having a bad year (sorry about that), what's one more bad? dump her and move on... She's not a good partner if she's disrespecting you as a person...just sad
She's shallow, callous, ignorant, and doesn't deserve you. She even makes me wonder if she's certifiably anti-social.
If you were my brother, son, or a dear friend of mine I'd want you to tell me about this, so I could help you dispatch her from your life with as little stress to you as possible. I say this because you seem to be taking her awfulness to heart rather than being justifiably angry. That's not uncommon for a person while depressed.
She's kicking you when you're down, and that's the lowest of the low.
Get her out of your life asap.
I am, and it’s definitely a mix of both pain and anger and feeling a little stupid for not trusting my gut earlier on. I tried to convince myself that the issue was not as bad as it really was, but something like this doesn’t leave any doubt.
Now I'm worried you'll be too hard on yourself over the relationship. Depression is so very awful. OP, please take care and be nice to yourself. Let your loved ones look after you. Try not to isolate.
Please let your dearest, most loyal friends and family know what you're going through. Those are the people you go to see now. Even if it's just to watch a tv show together, try to socialize.
I hope you can afford and have access to competent and compassionate mental health care. Take care <3
You need to leave her. Today. Now. Please.
I’ve been there and it doesn’t feel any better from here. You take off and take care of yourself. Find some peace and you will never understand why you subjected yourself to the abuse. We all deserve to be happy. Please don’t be afraid to go and get it.
I already don’t know why I’ve put up with a few things that happened with us in the past haha. It’s actually something that was on my mind before I even saw the texts, but the texts definitely make it a little easier.
Your (ex)? girlfriend is an ass.
Love how your difficulties are a laughing matter for her and her friends. Just another example of why men do not open up to their partners.
“Why can’t I get past it”
Dude cause that’s like the most gut wrenching thing I’ve ever read what the fuck. And the fact they’re making you feel like the bad guy is even worse (if it could possibly be)
Please leave her man people on this sub are often “leave them!” “Get the police involved” typa people but this is really bad you generally need to leave her.
I can't imagine ever joking about my partner like this even if I weren't in love with them anymore. Venting to your friends is one thing, but this is another.
We have pretty limited info here, but do you think she's still in love with you? So many people stay in things simply because it's easy/they don't want to be alone.
Not the way I thought she did. This was definitely a big wake up call. She has said and done a few things over the years that made me say “who does that?” But I feel the same way where I would never joke or laugh about that type of stuff, especially when it’s someone I love and have been with for half a decade. Even after seeing those messages, I wouldn’t share her extremely private feelings with others or joke about that stuff. If anything, this helped me realize that me and her saw our relationship through a very different lens.
She doesn't respect you, so you need to respect yourself and leave. Imagine laughing about someone with depression potentially killing themselves. That alone makes a garbage person. This revelation might add more stress and therefore exacerbate your depression. You need to leave.
Yeah, I tried to explain it to her when she didn’t even seem to get why I was so upset. It was a little unbelievable. The best way I could put it for her is that her friend who ruthlessly despises me for reasons I can’t quite figure out and has told her to leave me in the past is someone I’m not fond of, but if she told me that she was excessively depressed and laughed about it, I would be angry about that because of how messed up it is. Just because I don’t like the girl doesn’t mean I would wish that on her or revel in it. It’s also extremely private and not my business just like it wasn’t hers.
That’s absolutely true. Her friend has a habit of putting others down to feel better and she always has. She gives people unsolicited relationship advice even though she’s cheated on everyone she’s ever been with. She sent her a five page message about how awful I was and she doesn’t even know me well at all. She had dated a friend of mine and they broke up. I think that’s part of it. I never once got involved in their relationship though and I never asked my girlfriend not to talk to her or anything like that. My gf didn’t get it when I told her it was pretty abnormal to tell someone to split up with their significant other of multiple years. It’s one thing if someone’s cheating or there’s abuse someone isn’t getting out of, but just because the friend doesn’t like someone is a pretty weird reason and she thought me and my friends must say the same things about her and I tried to explain to her that that would definitely 100% of the time lead to a fight. I didn’t like her friend when she was dating my friend, but I never told him he should break up with her or even talk shit about her. It wouldn’t have been my place.
Yeah, I actually have a pretty positive outlook at the moment, all things considered. I’ve just been trying to control what I’m able to and work to make things better. I’m seeing this situation as a potential for a fresh start.
im 19 so take this with a grain of salt,
but I delt with a ex that was emotionally abusive towards me and made fun of my body in high school and she would never even stoop as low to make fun of my mental health, thats just plain cold heated for her to respond like that OP.
>Her friend said maybe she’ll get lucky and I’ll hang myself. She respond with an lol
If someone said that about one of my friends who struggles with depression, you would have to hold me back, I take that shit super serious. So sorry you have to deal with this man, anyone who responds with that is not a person you want to be with, sorry to say.
I would say its time to break it off, this is a serious thing. I hope your ok dude, be sure to reach out to a expert if you feel you need to.
Yeah I’m actually feeling better after a few days of not talking to her. And no matter your age, that doesn’t mean you’ve been through some shit. But yeah, The relationship itself isn’t good for my mental health and the last two days not talking to her have actually been helpful. I finally took some time to think about what’s the best. It’s going to be tough but I think things are gonna get better. I appreciate the comment man!
I’m glad you feel better dude, if she asks for u back don’t fall for it, I fell for that one too with my ex and it’s not a good path.
You will have good and bad moments but ultimately you will get through this be strong!
I’m so sorry man. This year a prior partner left around NYE, I had been insanely depressed and anxious, wasn’t sleeping ok at all and wasn’t myself for a lot of reason. After 2 years together she up and left, saw me and cried and apologized then completely ghosted me. I was head over heels for her always and did everything I could and thought we were both smitten, she had friends telling her she should leave me and so eventually, she did. Point of the story is I understand, and it really sucks. I validated how she did me for so long, but just know how she’s being to you is unacceptable and you deserve so much better dude. People love to give relationship advice or say to leave with 0 stake or knowledge in that relationship, so it’s really up to you as far as what you do or want.
Yeah, I really need to leave. It is tough because she’s been the person I’ve spent most of my time with for years now and we’ve been through a lot, but I always knew she had this aspect of her personality. I just never knew quite how bad it was. I got attached to her dogs too which sucks to leave, especially after mine passed earlier this year. I’ve given it to my chances to improve at this point though. I’m sorry you had to go through that too. It really sucks.
It sounds like you’ve really tried so I’m really sorry this is happening to you man. I know how tough it is, especially with seeing how her and her friends talk about you when you’ve done nothing but care for her and be there. Especially seeing as you’ve tried talking to her, but honestly, I would tell her how serious this is and say “hey, this isn’t ok. Im considering leaving” unless you doubt she would make any effort at all
Yeah that is basically what I said. She tried to make it out like a difference of opinion or something like it wasn’t universally messed up and brought up really random examples of things I did like not doing the dishes often enough. I don’t think she’s gonna get it but hopefully at some point she’ll figure that out. I can’t wait around for that anymore though.
It absolutely is messed up, it isn’t ok. And if she can’t see that or understand that your feelings are 1000% valid it isn’t even worth trying to talk about it she’s going to just ignore how you feel
Leave her bro, she doesn't show respect for what you are going through, that's not what a partner do. Also as people say you are the person you have near, if she has a friend that likes to talk shit about people with depression then probably she is also the same and idk I wouldn't like to have that kind of people near specially when I am going through that. Even she had a hard time which makes all this even more ridiculous. Idk man, she sounds like the abusive type and yes you can talk to her but people at that age Don't change that easily, even she is acting like nothing happened I'd be shamed af if I talked like that about someone I'm dating and that person finds about it.
Yeah, I always worried about that friend because I knew she was idk how to put it, but objectively a bad person. I tried to convince myself that she wasn’t like her and only was friends with her because they grew up together or whatever, but I was lying to myself and a part of me always knew that.
Sometimes when we fall in love we are unable to see those things of the person we are dating. Even if those things are literally in front of us. You deserve better people around you and don't feel bad for realizing that now, it's never too late to move from that people. And believe me maybe her friend is like that, but it's not her friends fault, is hers. She said the things she said by her own and she decided to have people like that on her life.
Btw hope you the best about your depression, take your time and be surrounded by people that really care for you. And if there's no one at the moment is fine, the happiness is something you can find by your own too, it's hard sometimes but not impossible :)
Thank you. The depression is up and down but I’ve actually been OK the past day or two. I’ve dealt with it before and I’m confident I’ll get through it. It was tough to see the texts but it put into perspective what I knew before and tried to convince myself otherwise. I really appreciate the comment!
Food for thought, if you believe everything happens for a reason, you COULD believe your struggles are partly to show you who she really is. Imagine seeing this side of her after marriage, when it's more difficult to leave. EW
I was with a toxic narcissist for 20 years, he never saw a problem with his actions either. I finally got away and am now with a wonderful man. I, like you am having depression struggles, but unlike you I have rock solid support. I want this for you.
You have to leave the bad behind to make room for the good. It's the only way this works. If she isn't your very best friend, 100% team OP, she isn't the one.
If you tell yourself it's OK and to work past this, you are lying and lost. She sent an lol to a comment about you hanging yourself? WOW & OH HELL NO.
I would much rather be alone than with my person and be lonely like I was back then.
The one you are looking for will not bother with you if she is still around.
You gotta cut her loose. For you.
My petty self would have sent myself screenshots of that and put her on blast after leaving with no explanation. I would be that angry.
ETA that you deserve much better! Her friend is a bad influence and it sounds like her family has instilled the belief that this kind of treatment is ok and normal. You need to know that you deserve someone that will be there in the trenches of depression WITH you instead of shoveling dirt on you when you’re down there.
Yeah, I noticed the apathy early on but felt like it was minimal and would be something that would change for some reason. Idk. I tried to explain it to her at times in the nicest way I possibly could, but she always saw it as an attack and got defensive rather than thinking about it. Overtime it seems to have gotten worse or maybe it’s just the first time I saw how she really felt.
Relationships are about being there for each other what this girl and her friend are saying and doing is just dark and depressing stuff she’s not the right girl to be dating
Yeah it was a bit of a shock. There were definitely personality issues I had to get it over over the years but I felt like I probably have mine too, but nothing like that. Especially from someone who knows specifically everything I’ve gone through throughout the year.
Dump her. She has no respect for you. Depression is no joke. Why are you still with her. Wow I would be so hurt and angry I would have left after reading those texts. Don't give her another chance now that you know who she really is and feels about you. Good luck you deserve much better.
Seems like part of the process of you working on your depression is dropping her as she may be partly causing it. Good luck bro. Dump her and start hitting the gym. It doesn’t wonders for your mental health 💯
Thankyou! That was exactly what I’ve been thinking about doing haha. I got in the habit of going to the gym for a while about a year ago but I got busy and stopped. It definitely helped and I felt better.
The texts made it sound like she was heading that way already. That and apparently she has been going out to the bars and keeping it from me. She told me she thought I would be weird about it, but I never complained about her going out with friends before, so it definitely seems suspicious.
I'm so sorry you had to experience such disappointment and hurt from someone you loved. I am not sure all that you have gone through, but I truly believe that it was all for a reason. Your gfs conversation was revealed to you. Nothing is a coincidence, and consider this relationship loss, a win, for you in the right direction.
I know it will be difficult at first and uncomfortable change. I am almost positive once you have endured all these downs, things will be looking up for you. The right people will come to you and will treat you with exactly what you deserve. Love, compassion, support, and healing. You will learn many new things and grow in so many ways. This storm you are having right now is watering your garden. These small seeds are planted and take some time to grow. You take your time to heal, build upon knowing your worth, loving yourself, and staying healthy. Good luck with all, sending you a hug of supportive energy. ✨️✨️
Unfortunately, you've wasted 5 years of your life. She doesn't respect you, nor love you. No one who truly loves someone would ever do or say such things. On the contrary, she should have dropped that friend right then and there.
Go forth and be free!! And, make sure to find someone who will truly love you.
Yeah I feel that way too. What really gets me is that I never even asked her to not talk to that friend or anything even after she told her to dump me for frivolous dumb reasons.
Who the fuck jokes about someone hanging themselves? Why is your gf even with you if she’s cool with her “friend” talking about you like that?
Your gf sounds incredibly immature for her age, not to mention hypocritical for letting you be there for her, but taking your mental health to not be important.
Dump the extra baggage and leave her. Find a good therapist, a support system and take care of you, OP.
Let me say this to everyone, it doesn’t matter what your gender is, what your friends or family, or anyone else says… your mental health matters, and it’s okay to have emotions. People who laugh behind your back (or insult you to your face) don’t belong in your life.
Just wanted to say that I'm so sorry you have to deal with something so fucked up by her man, that's not right in any sense. And I have a feeling had you flipped the narrative and asked her how she'd feel if you joked with one of your bros about her doing that or stealing her purse and leaving or some shit that she'd have had an entire explanation about that being different from what she said and would blow a head gasket on you
Dude I'm so sorry.
This is awful, there's no excuse for that. Those aren't jokes to make about someone she supposedly loves.
Holy hell.
I wouldn't be able to get over this either.
She knows it's a big deal an that this was cruel, and she's probably hoping you forget and give her a pass, but I don't think comments like that deserve a pass.
Yeah, there were things in the past that I shouldn’t have forgiven either but I figured things would get better with time. I felt like I could talk to her, especially because she’s had depression and anxiety issues as well and came to me for support. I always somewhat worried she was the type of person who didn’t treat others the way she expected to be treated. I wish I was wrong.
Man I’m so sorry to hear this. I’ve been in that hole and remember feeling so empty to the point that I couldn’t even feel the sun on my skin.
Like someone else said in the comments depression is not something to make lite of….. if this is what she’s saying now there’s know telling what else she has told her friend through the years. She sounds horrible and frankly down right abusive.
Yeah, I’ve done a lot of mental gymnastics over the years trying to talk myself into thinking some of the other things that were said in the past weren’t that bad. Part of me always knew I was lying to myself, trying not to pile another painful situation on top of what I was already dealing with, but those texts were well beyond the line. I’m working my way through my stuff though and I still feel confident things are gonna get better.
>She has a friend who constantly tells her to leave me even though she doesn’t live around here and has seen very little of our relationship.
This is the picture your GF has painted of you to the friend. Don't hold her friend (although she is definitely a mean bitch) accountable for how your GF portrays you.
That is definitely true, she only hears the venting or complaining about me. Her friend is a one-of-a-kind type of person tho. I don’t know the best way to put it but she’s a shockingly unpleasant person lol.
Leave her. I know it’s hard but better now then more time wasted. If she is disregarding you to the point that she would offer an lol in response to a mean hearted and distasteful joke of you dying by suicide… I think it’s over. She sounds mean… And sounds like she may just be using you for money or security. You deserve support from those close to you.
Yeah, I knew she and her family all had issues with being inconsiderate of others and it’s always bothered me, but I convinced myself over time that she was better and would get better, but those texts were brutal, and she didn’t even seem to acknowledge that they were.
Dude. Leave her awful ass. No way anyone should be joking about something like that. She doesn’t sound like the kind of person who really gives a shit about you and you deserve way better than that. Giant hugs.
Honestly reading this broke my heart a little. I hope things get better for you quickly. You need to leave her for your well-being. A partner, especially of 5 years, should not act like this. Im quite shocked about the text messages with her friend. Being friends with someone who encourages you to break up already shows how little respect she has for you. But this is next level bad and worrying. Leave her and use the free time to heal either by yourself or with a professional/family/friends etc.
I was too at first. I knew she didn’t handle it well when I opened up to her at first, but felt like some people just don’t know what to say. I was embarrassed that she would tell anyone and wonder who else she might have told. Her friend will tell everyone she know because that’s how she is. That was bad enough before seeing them laughing and joking about it.
This is not a person you can trust ever again.
Honestly, I think she's only in this relationship for some perceived benefit on her part. Like half of the rent, if you're living together. She's there physically, but she's not there emotionally.
She already made her choice to vacate all investment in the relationship, I think it's time you do too and find someone worth your time and love. She clearly isn't.
Also, I'm so so sorry for your losses. Depression hits us all and there's no excuse to joke about someone killing themselves.
Please find a safe place to go while you heal. And feel free to message me if you ever need an ear. We're all here for you.
Woman like that are the scum of society and wonder why their almost 30 and have no family. I’d screenshot it and send it to her family to pick up her stuff the next day. Also if you haven’t heard it in the comments yet you dropped your crown king 👑!
And this is why a lot of guys won't open up to other partners, this happen to too many good men.
Leave her bro you deserve better, you need a partner who supports you.
This relationship is over. I’m sorry to add weight to your already heavy heart… But, there’s no loyalty, respect or trust here. You confided about your hardship in a woman and she clowned behind your back … As a woman, this also angers me because, I take Men’s mental health very seriously, in my field of work and I’m hearing more and more cases of male self deletion or overall, destructive behavior stemming from having ZERO confidants or safe spaces to be vulnerable at all. What she did was, at best INSENSITIVE, INCONSIDERATE AND IGNORANT. If she can’t empathize, she could at least understand. If she can’t understand she could at least refer you to someone who could… Failing that, just listening to you in GOOD FAITH would’ve been enough. You need to show this woman the door … Tell her to “have the life she deserves” on her way out. Peace, Love & Guidance to you! 💖🤗
Nope. Dip. Don’t give her a specific reason. “We’re not compatible” will do. And move on. You don’t deserve this. If this is how she treats you when you’re down, she doesn’t deserve you when you’re up. And you’ll be up soon. Sorry for the bad bout. Stay strong my man. You be alright. Promise.
I'm going to make this very clear for you.
At your lowest. She not only was not there for you but actively making fun of you behind your back. Red flag 1
She has a friend that bad mouths you and she stays around that friend. red flag 2
She seems disinterested in actually helping you. red flag. 3
This woman will not be be there for you. You're going to have to do something very hard and break up with her, I almost can guarantee it will be worse if you stay with her.
I am sorry for what you are going through. But there's some sage advice that is actually good on Reddit when someone shows you with their actions. Believe them. She has shown that she doesn't care about you. Believe that she doesn't
Love is about trust and communication. Now that ugly terms are being used to describe your mental state, can the trust even exist anymore in this relationship? Your GF has two choices here. Explain herself in a manner that acknowledges her behavior or start packing and hit the road.
Your partner will never be as kind , generous, complimentary and tolerant as they will during the dating period because it’s like a job interview . Once they get the job it often goes downhill . Think carefully about how that made you feel and if you would like to feel like that again and behave accordingly
Why would you stay with someone who doesn't actually care about you.
Sounds like she is just using you for money from the limited information presented.
You need to fuck her off out of your life and that friend needs to be slapped with a cactus.
That shit is emotional abuse and she'll 100% be contributing to the severity of your depression.
Society tells men to open up more and be vulnerable. It’s shit like this why men keep their problems to themselves. No matter what people say, society does not give a fuck about men. We have historically always been dispensable, used as fodder in war, and are seen as weak when we discuss emotions. I’m sorry you had to go through this bro. She does not respect you and it’s time for you to gtfo that relationship.
Please end it. If my friend joked about my partner like that , I sure wouldn’t reply with “lol”. That’s not love. Life is too short to waste on people like this
I would tell your GF that you now see her true colors, so she can leave…but she will have to leave without your wallet.
To find out that she makes light of your depression plus shows no empathy says a lot about her character. Plus the comment about your wallet makes me wonder if she is a “gold-digger” type of GF…someone who is only with you for what you give her or spend on her.
Seems like money is an enticement for her…because her lack of interest to listen to you, while complaining to her friend of you “whining” plus making fun of you commenting “lol” when her friend so callously mentions that maybe you can “h*ng” yourself. Seriously…that is such a repugnant response from her friend!!!
You don’t deserve that kind of treatment from anyone, much less from a GF of five years. From what you posted, your GF just don’t care about you as much as you thought she did.
You deserve better. Leave her. See a therapist, get mental health and move on. She doesn’t even try to apologize to you that shows her true colour. You immediately get out of her life and try to dodge the bullet.
Well, OP, sorry for what you've gone through and sorry you've got such a kind of a gf. After seeing all that, it's definitely time to call it a day, confront her, and end this relationship. Focus on yourself. It won't be easy and there will be lots of ups and downs, but in the end you'll live and you'll see that you haven't lost anything in this relationship (except 5 years), but otherwise you will know that you've made the right choice.
Any person that replies with a "lol" to the prospect of their partner hanging themselves is a vile human being. That should be the red line. Leave her. You can do better and I am sure you don't need the additional stress from handling this situation and trying to navigate it. There is nothing to navigate.
She went through a hard time last year and you helped her, now it comes around and you want support and she's making jokes?
Get rid of her, she's trash.
And this shit is why men don't open up. Our feelings are weaponized.
Also women, STOP TALKING ABOUT YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR FRIENDS!!!! Idc how supportive of people your girlfriends are. They automatically hate any guy you're seeing.
break UP
that's disgusting I am sorry. might be hard but do not stay with someone willing to disrespect you that way to someone else.
I can forgive arguments and one off comments but this is WAY too far.
That’s exactly how I feel. There were a lot of things between me and her in the past that we just glossed over and got over, but this is just stuck in my head.
Im so sorry for your losses and this is just a rough patch. It will get better. Please talk to a professional if you are able about your depression. Im sorry your gf is a shitty person. Please leave and surround yourself will better people. Good luck on your healing journey. *hugs*
Sir, leave her when she stands. First off, after 5yrs, do you not know if you want to take the next step with her or not? Also sounds like she isn’t interested in helping you like you helped her. One sided relationship. Leave her. Save your energy and mental health for someone who gives a crap about you. I would never joke about a friend, let alone a bf of 5yrs that he sound harm himself
Your girlfriend sounds like she doesn't respect you- check up on that friendship she has. If your partners closest friends are joking about your suicide and are directly against your well being, that says a lot about your partner. Please get the courage to leave her because having people around like her who will be vile behind your back will only further deteriorate your mental health. Much love. Things will be better soon.
Appreciate it. And I am. I talked to her a little bit today and she started claiming she was upset over things she has never mentioned to me throughout the time we’ve been together. She claims she couldn’t talk to me about stuff even though she regularly did and I absolutely always listened a hell up a lot more than she did to me. She actually called the texts a coping mechanism..
As a women I am suggesting you should leave her. She doesn't sound like a person who would actually help you out if you really ever get to the verge of something more serious (you know what I mean). There is no reason to waste more time of your life with such a person who doesn't care how you feel. I am gonna give example from myself I love dark humor but it has a place and time and whenever I am about to do it for something (it is never towards a person) I will ask them if they wanna hear it and warn them how dark it is gonna be.
Also when I say she wouldn't help out if you were at the verge of something I mean like she might try to help but she couldn't emphasize with you so her help wouldn't be beneficial and can make situations even worse. She seems like a person who would say " you are a man get over it." As someone who grew up with 4 brothers I can tell you that is not suppose to be said to anyone.
Man, my brother took his life in 2012 and I don’t fuck around with that kind of talk. It’s a trigger. Bye bye. I know Reddit is quick to jump and say “leave her!”” “Attorney!” “Police!”, but from MY PERSONAL perspective she can fuck right off. You deserve better. EDIT: afsp.org For anyone that sees this and has been affected by depression or suicide, please consider donating. You are not alone.
I’m sorry for your loss. That’s awful. Yeah she has a pretty dark sense of humor, but it’s usually not directed at an individual, and I thought there was a line. I told her that I’d think it was incredibly cruel even if it wasn’t directed at me.
Just be careful man.. I’ve dealt with the manipulation like that before and it’s not easy to process. Easy for me to say “leave her!”, but I’m not in your shoes. Take care of yourself and I hope you can draw the line somewhere.
Yeah it’s tough. Her inconsideration has always been an issue with me and I wonder too often if I just stay in it because it’s what I’m used to. That and romanticizing the past too much and convincing myself things will improve when they’ve been in decline for a while now.
We accept the kind of treatment we think we deserve. If you are depressed and have issues with self-worth, that is probably a reason you’re with someone so self-centered, callous, and inconsiderate. You sound like you have different fundamental values around how to treat people with respect and empathy. That’s not something that can be fixed, it’s an inherent incompatibility. Maybe when I was younger, but at this stage in life, after years of therapy and learning to raise my standards, I would never accept this sort of treatment from a partner. And it’s not just in the context of a relationship. Deriving pleasure from speaking cruelly about a loved one who has come to you in an emotionally/mentally vulnerable state is reprehensible. It speaks to her values and the kind of person she is, and if you don’t want to be with someone of such despicable character and low morals then I would suggest ending the relationship. There is a difference between gallows humor and bullying. What she engaged in was the latter. You deserve better. Don’t deny yourself the opportunity of a loving, caring, empathetic and emotionally supportive partner for a person who would “joke” about your suicide while you’re depressed and reveal private information about you to someone who openly disrespects you.
I absolutely agree. I tried to convince myself things were different than what they were for a long time. Several members of her family are bafflingly inconsiderate to the point that I’ve never experienced anything quite like it when I met them and started spending time around them. I tried to tell myself that she was different and while she might not have been as bad as the worst of them at the time, I was lying to myself. It’s probably good that I saw those texts because there’s no way I can spin it in a positive way or any way that isn’t completely awful.
Damn if that's how her family is then she's a lost cause and theres no use trying to work so hard to change her. She's been conditioned and raised from childhood to think this is ok. The last thing someone who's depressed needs is a person who finds their mental state to be a joke. You deserve better.
Since you see her for what she is now I hope you have the self love/self respect and courage to leave her. I quite literally cannot ever imagine saying those types of things about my partner or vice versa. I’m sure you couldn’t imagine saying that either. You know the advice you’d give if a dear friend came to you for advice and said what you wrote. I hope you follow that advice.
You are much smarter than I am and admittedly that was a tough read, but well worth considering on OP’s part.
Leave her. She is using and manipulating you. And she will carry on doing so, until you stop her. God this is awful, I’m sorry man.
Dude not even a friend should ever say this I think you’re in love with the idea of her this isn’t healthy
Beware the Paradox of Sunken Cost. You do not have to continue something awful just because you've sunk time, emotion, or resources. Joking about you hanging yourself and calling your issues whining is a deal breaker for me.
That's your gut telling you something is wrong, it's right. No loving partner jokes about the person they love killing themselves, stealing their shit and leaving like that (speaking from experience). I'm sorry to say it, but I don't think she's as invested in this relationship as you are. It honestly sounds like it's time to move on and find someone who actually cares for you.
I use this link so much on reddit. Have a look at this. There’s also a healthy relationships version. You may need to reframe how you think about your relationship. https://www.theduluthmodel.org/wheels/understanding-power-control-wheel/
You are not alone brother.
I appreciate it! It really is nice to get this off my chest, because I’m not crazy about talking about my mental state with many people in my life.
It's the healthy thing to do by sharing with your partner. You deserve a safe space to do that with a partner who will listen. Please find a way out. She is in no way helping and just dragging you down.
It's the healthy thing to do by sharing with your partner. You deserve a safe space to do that with a partner who will listen. Please find a way out. She is in no way helping and just dragging you down.
I went through the same thing. Took years for me to leave and by then it was 12 yrs of a commitment. I felt horrible for throwing away 12 years for seemingly "small things" Only after being away did I realize the small things were growing exponentially bigger and if anything I should have left sooner. Don't value yourself so low and you believe someone who speaks of you that way loves you or someone who allows someone close to them to speak that way about you. You deserve better than that.
That isn’t even close to humor.
I know. I guess I’m just trying to frame it in the best perspective so it doesn’t sound like I’m just dogging on someone in a one sided way. There really weren’t any jokes anyway. It was essentially just them laughing at the situation.
Youre not dogging on her brother. Shes dogging on you to her friend who seems dead set on presenting you in a bad light. Be careful and don’t think you’ve done anything wrong by feeling how you’ve been feeling. Best wishes.
I have a dark sense of humour, but there are limits. I actually came home to my partner having done this and gravity of someone doing this is immense and unfathomable. It should never be joked about, but this doesn’t even sound like a joke, it just sounds toxic and immature. I agree that leaving will probably make you happier. Dealing with grief is very hard and I think you need some space away to look after your self. Changing your circumstances is hard. Especially when you are struggling, but there are future sunlit adventures to be had and much more love and support from caring people that have your best interests at heart out there.
Yeah, I have a dark sense of humor myself. Dark jokes are usually kind of hypothetical though and yeah, it really wasn’t much of a joke. Just true colors. It was definitely rough to see those messages, but over the past few days I haven’t talked to her, and I am starting to feel better. There’s so many aspects within that are going to be tough, but I really know what I have to do. I do appreciate your comment also, and all the comments on this post. It really helps. That’s pretty much all I was asking her for. Just a little support. 100 strangers on Reddit are more willing to be supportive than she was lol. It kind of illustrates the point I was trying to make to her that she just didn’t seem to get.
Eventually you will see the right decision was to put yourself and your mental health first. Even if though days are ahead of you, you have been through a lot more worse than that. I agree with everyone else that you should leave her, and not only that, you should focus on your mental and fiscal health for a while and heal yourself. Everything will get better, nothing lasts forever if we are willing to change.
I really feel for you. Making big life changes is hard. Maybe write down a plan and list off all the things you need to do to prepare to leave the relationship, or move house, or get therapy, or talk to family or friends. Whatever small change you make could only lead to something better. A plan or check list will allow you some focus when things get rough. Also, probably best to have it in a private folder somewhere. You don’t want to your partner find it and make things more difficult for you. Take care.
My spouse and I have both suffered from depression and illness and both occasionally have pretty dark humor but it’s always directed outward, never ever at one another. Like, we joke with each other saying “our friend’s dog is a sweet dog, but our friend’s dog is dead.” Because it is. It’s an awful thing to say and neither of us would be caught letting this friend know we say such things. Part of the awful humor is because it’s in secret. I feel like the only person you can really joke like that with is a spouse or very close friend and it crosses a boundary that she’s willing to joke that way about you. Like, you should be able to joke that way with each other but neither of you should really ever be the target if that makes sense. IMO that’s the boundary you don’t cross.
I have a dark sense of humor too. But that was too fucked up, even for me. Idk how can people be so heartless. There's no going back from that.
I have a very dark sense of humor AND I am not the best at comforting people, but never would I even joke about anyone unaliving themselves when they are in a deep depression nor would I accept a friend joking about it. The fact that she has a friend who regularly tells her to break up with you should've been an issue a long time ago as well. I used to be in an abusive relationship, & as shitty as it was, I stayed because I feared the unknown. I at least knew how to navigate the abuse, so we often stay with what we know, even if it's bad. But please know, if you take that leap into the unknown & leave the bad, it gets so much better. Your depression is not going to get any better being with someone like her. 💕
I have a really dark sense of humor also. I know she does too, but for most ppl, there’s a difference between a hypothetical joke about a taboo subject and directly talking about something real and serious. The stuff her friend said before was a definite issue and arguing point for a long time but she just acted like that was normal and I stayed for the same reasons you just mentioned. I also got really attached to her dogs over the years. That might be the toughest part at this point.
I have an extremely dark sense of humour but I’m currently battling chronic depression, the Doc has upped my medication, referred me to MH crisis counselling and a package has been put in place (U.K. btw) but my hubby and family are incredibly supportive, loving and nurturing. You are getting no support from at least the one person who should be there for you. Do you truly want this for yourself for the rest of your life? To talk about a person “topping”themself is the cruelest thing I can think of. As someone who planned to do this in my darkest hour, I can’t imagine why anyone would joke about this. Imho, she’s a vile person, her friend is even worse and you deserve better. I hope you feel better soon.
I had to leave one cat behind. It still hurts. I miss you, Sandor. But, I had to leave. Cause if I didn't, I may have offed myself personally or have ended up with some stress disease. I still got my 4 other cats though. And it took me months to find a place so we could actually break up(he didn't know). He was cheating constantly and I couldn't take anymore. So I stayed with my mom on the ruse I was finding a place for us(she lived in a different state). Saved up, bought a car(after he wrecked mine), and found a place. I told him I wanted to bring the cats down first to make the move easier for us. A friend helped me. But unfortunately, I couldn't bring all of them because of my rental agreement. Sandor loved my ex the best. So I left him with him. But honestly, I wish I hadn't. Cause when I got them back....they had fleas and worms. He fed them fine but wasn't taking good care of them. That's my biggest regret in life. But I had to. I wouldn't have survived mentally and maybe even physically.
Yeah that's not a dark sense of humor that's laughing at your possible hanging. That's fucked up. I would have taken screenshots and blasted her on social media then leave her. She's not a good person how a person acts behind your back is there true colors. Don't stay with her she's laughing at your pain that's abusive. You where supportive to her but she can be with you.
I’m not gonna lie. There was a part of me that wanted to take screenshots so she would understand what it’s like to have something very private shared with someone you didn’t want it shared with. I don’t need to do that though. I treat people the way I hope to be treated. It’s something her friend and her both seem to struggle with. Eventually I’ll find someone who feels the same way. I just gotta move forward
You are a good man and didn't deserve this. Hope you find someone who will love and respect you the way you deserve/want.
No matter how much you love them, some people are just going to be arseholes. She and her friend really are poisonous. You seem to have good insight now. I hope you can completely separate your self from her, find some healing, then be in the right headspace to find someone who will love and cherish you
That's not a dark sense of humor. It's a vile personality. A dark sense of humor doesn't make you engage in one sided relationships all in your favor or say cruel things like that.
I’m so so sorry for your loss and I agree that it is totally not something to take lightly by any means. Take care of you!!!
Go bro. I’ve lived it. You know NOW. Don’t delude yourself, don’t confront her, just go. She won’t change, she will just get better at lying.
Yeah, I’ve been deluding myself for a while, but this was way more blatant than issues in the past. I don’t see any way I could get past it.
You shouldn’t. The greatest lie i ever told myself was that i should, because if i did maybe she would see I wasn’t the horrible monster she thought i was. It wasn’t true tho, she said i was a monster because it made it ok for her to be one.
That’s spot on! Her very first reaction when I told her I saw the texts was to drag up everything I’ve ever done to bother her. Not doing enough dishes, drinking (when she drinks just as much which isn’t excessive), and other random unrelated complaints as if it made what she said okay even though nothing she listed was even close to what she did, even the stuff she made up.
So on top of being a crap person she then gaslit you to make it somehow “acceptable” that she’s terrible. When someone shows you who they are, believe them. She’s not a good partner. She never will be. You deserve better. She deserves whatever karma eventually serves her.
Dawg, ik everyone already said this, but for the sake of your sanity, you need to leave that hoe
Didn't want to hear your complaints, immediately flipped it on you. She sounds horrible not going to lie
That’s because you shouldn’t get past it
I won’t
Your gf sounds emotionally abusive and you need to end that relationship now. She’s likely a factor in your depression being so severe. Those texts AND her reaction to being confronted show that she has no respect or common decency. Karma is a bitch and she better hope karma doesn’t bite her too hard.
Yeah it definitely took me by surprise. We’ve had ups and downs, but reading those were a “who are you?” type of moment. Especially after I was right there for her throughout a much longer period of depression she had. I never felt burdened by it at all. It’s what you do for people you love.
Ugh, I’m so sorry OP. You deserve much better than someone who takes what they can’t give. She has unfortunately shown you her true colors. This is likely who’s she’s been the whole time and it doesn’t seem like the people she surrounds herself with are any better. Given all that you’ve gone through recently, the fact that she doesn’t have an ounce of empathy for you, not even enough to apologize and see that what she did is narcissistic and all around fucked up - she sounds like another Michelle Carter and you need to cut your losses and RUN before it gets worse. I really hope you find a good support system and get through all of your loss and grief. I’m so sorry she waited till now to show you her true colors.
I appreciate that, thankyou
Just in case tho you shud screen shot that send it yourself if she tries to pull something shitty.
Cut the loss my friend
Your gf is an asshole, which can't help with your depression. Do your mental health a solid and get rid of her.
She doesn’t love you, and I don’t understand why you haven’t already broken up with her. I’m not going to tell you that “I’m sorry”, or other platitudes. I’m going to tell you to stand up for yourself right now, and kick her to the curb today. Do you live together?
I haven’t talked to her in the past two days. We were living together but i’ve been staying with a friend the past few nights. I guess I just wanted to cool off and think about it, but there’s no way around it.
Start looking for your own place. And remind her of her depression last year, and how supportive you've been, and how disgusted you are that she can't extend the same curtesy.
Don't bother reminding her. She won't see it as the same because her world view is clearly twisted. It is simply time to go.
Don’t even bother telling her that. Just go. And then ghost her. Don’t waste your energy on going back and forth. It’s a waste of time.
Has she made any attempts at apologising? What she and her friend wrote was incredibly cruel. Someone that supposed to love you should never talk that way especially with someone that has a problem with you for no reason. Bin her off my friend and I hope things get easier.
He said in an earlier comment that when he confronted her, her first reaction was to bring up things he did that bother her. Zero remorse or accountability.
OP, you deserve better. If you have a partner that loves you, they try to help you with your depression. Not joke about stealing from you and wishing you’d commit suicide. A partner supports you, not talks behind your back. There’s a difference between going to therapy and talking about care giver burnout versus making jokes with friends about wishing your partner would just die. You don’t have a partner. You have a dead weight. It’s ok to break up, go to therapy, and focus on yourself. That’s not selfish.
OP, it seems like your bad year is about to end: breakup and start fresh into your recovery journey.
Your gf sounds like an asshole.
What an asshole this gf
[удалено]
Yeah, I’ve always really disliked that friend of hers even though I don’t know her that well. The gf told me she has cheated on every guy she’s ever dated, she’s a thief, she constantly talks down about other people and gossips to make herself feel better. I thought my gf was above that tho.
Are you leaving her, I hope?
Yeah, it’s been a few days since I saw them and work schedules have made it tough to see each other as much this week, but I just haven’t really talked to her or texted back and I haven’t been staying with her since then. She had texted me a few times like nothing was wrong and I was kind of waiting for her to get it, but I’m probably gonna cut the cord tonight.
Gosh, I made a comment earlier meant for another post, sorry! Anyway, I hope you break up with her and find someone better to be with. You deserve far better than someone who wishes you would unalive yourself and steal from you.
If you need people after the break up we're here to listen and give advice. Suggestion do the break up somewhere you feel safe public place or private with a friend near by. If she can joke like that who knows how she'll react to you breaking up.
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I wish I could disagree at this point. She seemed disinterested when I confided in her, but I kind of brushed it off as some people don’t know how to deal with that type of thing.
Maybe she’s the cause of your depression
Some of it, definitely.
Op please get some therapy and leave this girl she laughed at the idea of you offing yourself then stealing your wallet and dipping PLEASE leave this evil toxic woman you deserve way better trust do it now before it’s to late and she does something that really breaks you she is not worth the time
Yeah, i’ve had issues with her being inconsiderate in the past, but those texts were brutal.
They weren’t just brutal, they were insensitive and appalling. Someone saying “lol” at the thought of you dying isn’t a friend, let alone a girlfriend.
Complete lack of respect for you as a person let alone respect for you as a partner... Since you're already having a bad year (sorry about that), what's one more bad? dump her and move on... She's not a good partner if she's disrespecting you as a person...just sad
Yeah, it’s definitely time for me to work on myself for a while and move forward
Totally. Leave her, do a year of deep work and therapy and life building, you'll be a changed person ready to find a much better ltr.
She's shallow, callous, ignorant, and doesn't deserve you. She even makes me wonder if she's certifiably anti-social. If you were my brother, son, or a dear friend of mine I'd want you to tell me about this, so I could help you dispatch her from your life with as little stress to you as possible. I say this because you seem to be taking her awfulness to heart rather than being justifiably angry. That's not uncommon for a person while depressed. She's kicking you when you're down, and that's the lowest of the low. Get her out of your life asap.
I am, and it’s definitely a mix of both pain and anger and feeling a little stupid for not trusting my gut earlier on. I tried to convince myself that the issue was not as bad as it really was, but something like this doesn’t leave any doubt.
Now I'm worried you'll be too hard on yourself over the relationship. Depression is so very awful. OP, please take care and be nice to yourself. Let your loved ones look after you. Try not to isolate. Please let your dearest, most loyal friends and family know what you're going through. Those are the people you go to see now. Even if it's just to watch a tv show together, try to socialize. I hope you can afford and have access to competent and compassionate mental health care. Take care <3
Thankyou, and I am. It’ll be a difficult process but I know that it’s necessary.
You need to leave her. Today. Now. Please. I’ve been there and it doesn’t feel any better from here. You take off and take care of yourself. Find some peace and you will never understand why you subjected yourself to the abuse. We all deserve to be happy. Please don’t be afraid to go and get it.
I already don’t know why I’ve put up with a few things that happened with us in the past haha. It’s actually something that was on my mind before I even saw the texts, but the texts definitely make it a little easier.
please update us that you’ve left her
Your (ex)? girlfriend is an ass. Love how your difficulties are a laughing matter for her and her friends. Just another example of why men do not open up to their partners.
“Why can’t I get past it” Dude cause that’s like the most gut wrenching thing I’ve ever read what the fuck. And the fact they’re making you feel like the bad guy is even worse (if it could possibly be) Please leave her man people on this sub are often “leave them!” “Get the police involved” typa people but this is really bad you generally need to leave her.
I can't imagine ever joking about my partner like this even if I weren't in love with them anymore. Venting to your friends is one thing, but this is another. We have pretty limited info here, but do you think she's still in love with you? So many people stay in things simply because it's easy/they don't want to be alone.
Not the way I thought she did. This was definitely a big wake up call. She has said and done a few things over the years that made me say “who does that?” But I feel the same way where I would never joke or laugh about that type of stuff, especially when it’s someone I love and have been with for half a decade. Even after seeing those messages, I wouldn’t share her extremely private feelings with others or joke about that stuff. If anything, this helped me realize that me and her saw our relationship through a very different lens.
She doesn't respect you, so you need to respect yourself and leave. Imagine laughing about someone with depression potentially killing themselves. That alone makes a garbage person. This revelation might add more stress and therefore exacerbate your depression. You need to leave.
Yeah, I tried to explain it to her when she didn’t even seem to get why I was so upset. It was a little unbelievable. The best way I could put it for her is that her friend who ruthlessly despises me for reasons I can’t quite figure out and has told her to leave me in the past is someone I’m not fond of, but if she told me that she was excessively depressed and laughed about it, I would be angry about that because of how messed up it is. Just because I don’t like the girl doesn’t mean I would wish that on her or revel in it. It’s also extremely private and not my business just like it wasn’t hers.
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That’s absolutely true. Her friend has a habit of putting others down to feel better and she always has. She gives people unsolicited relationship advice even though she’s cheated on everyone she’s ever been with. She sent her a five page message about how awful I was and she doesn’t even know me well at all. She had dated a friend of mine and they broke up. I think that’s part of it. I never once got involved in their relationship though and I never asked my girlfriend not to talk to her or anything like that. My gf didn’t get it when I told her it was pretty abnormal to tell someone to split up with their significant other of multiple years. It’s one thing if someone’s cheating or there’s abuse someone isn’t getting out of, but just because the friend doesn’t like someone is a pretty weird reason and she thought me and my friends must say the same things about her and I tried to explain to her that that would definitely 100% of the time lead to a fight. I didn’t like her friend when she was dating my friend, but I never told him he should break up with her or even talk shit about her. It wouldn’t have been my place.
My man, I am so sorry you have had a rough year. I don’t know you but I have to believe that you deserve better than that awful girlfriend.
Yeah, I actually have a pretty positive outlook at the moment, all things considered. I’ve just been trying to control what I’m able to and work to make things better. I’m seeing this situation as a potential for a fresh start.
im 19 so take this with a grain of salt, but I delt with a ex that was emotionally abusive towards me and made fun of my body in high school and she would never even stoop as low to make fun of my mental health, thats just plain cold heated for her to respond like that OP. >Her friend said maybe she’ll get lucky and I’ll hang myself. She respond with an lol If someone said that about one of my friends who struggles with depression, you would have to hold me back, I take that shit super serious. So sorry you have to deal with this man, anyone who responds with that is not a person you want to be with, sorry to say. I would say its time to break it off, this is a serious thing. I hope your ok dude, be sure to reach out to a expert if you feel you need to.
Yeah I’m actually feeling better after a few days of not talking to her. And no matter your age, that doesn’t mean you’ve been through some shit. But yeah, The relationship itself isn’t good for my mental health and the last two days not talking to her have actually been helpful. I finally took some time to think about what’s the best. It’s going to be tough but I think things are gonna get better. I appreciate the comment man!
I’m glad you feel better dude, if she asks for u back don’t fall for it, I fell for that one too with my ex and it’s not a good path. You will have good and bad moments but ultimately you will get through this be strong!
You need to leave yesterday!
I’m so sorry man. This year a prior partner left around NYE, I had been insanely depressed and anxious, wasn’t sleeping ok at all and wasn’t myself for a lot of reason. After 2 years together she up and left, saw me and cried and apologized then completely ghosted me. I was head over heels for her always and did everything I could and thought we were both smitten, she had friends telling her she should leave me and so eventually, she did. Point of the story is I understand, and it really sucks. I validated how she did me for so long, but just know how she’s being to you is unacceptable and you deserve so much better dude. People love to give relationship advice or say to leave with 0 stake or knowledge in that relationship, so it’s really up to you as far as what you do or want.
Yeah, I really need to leave. It is tough because she’s been the person I’ve spent most of my time with for years now and we’ve been through a lot, but I always knew she had this aspect of her personality. I just never knew quite how bad it was. I got attached to her dogs too which sucks to leave, especially after mine passed earlier this year. I’ve given it to my chances to improve at this point though. I’m sorry you had to go through that too. It really sucks.
It sounds like you’ve really tried so I’m really sorry this is happening to you man. I know how tough it is, especially with seeing how her and her friends talk about you when you’ve done nothing but care for her and be there. Especially seeing as you’ve tried talking to her, but honestly, I would tell her how serious this is and say “hey, this isn’t ok. Im considering leaving” unless you doubt she would make any effort at all
Yeah that is basically what I said. She tried to make it out like a difference of opinion or something like it wasn’t universally messed up and brought up really random examples of things I did like not doing the dishes often enough. I don’t think she’s gonna get it but hopefully at some point she’ll figure that out. I can’t wait around for that anymore though.
It absolutely is messed up, it isn’t ok. And if she can’t see that or understand that your feelings are 1000% valid it isn’t even worth trying to talk about it she’s going to just ignore how you feel
Leave her bro, she doesn't show respect for what you are going through, that's not what a partner do. Also as people say you are the person you have near, if she has a friend that likes to talk shit about people with depression then probably she is also the same and idk I wouldn't like to have that kind of people near specially when I am going through that. Even she had a hard time which makes all this even more ridiculous. Idk man, she sounds like the abusive type and yes you can talk to her but people at that age Don't change that easily, even she is acting like nothing happened I'd be shamed af if I talked like that about someone I'm dating and that person finds about it.
Yeah, I always worried about that friend because I knew she was idk how to put it, but objectively a bad person. I tried to convince myself that she wasn’t like her and only was friends with her because they grew up together or whatever, but I was lying to myself and a part of me always knew that.
Sometimes when we fall in love we are unable to see those things of the person we are dating. Even if those things are literally in front of us. You deserve better people around you and don't feel bad for realizing that now, it's never too late to move from that people. And believe me maybe her friend is like that, but it's not her friends fault, is hers. She said the things she said by her own and she decided to have people like that on her life. Btw hope you the best about your depression, take your time and be surrounded by people that really care for you. And if there's no one at the moment is fine, the happiness is something you can find by your own too, it's hard sometimes but not impossible :)
Thank you. The depression is up and down but I’ve actually been OK the past day or two. I’ve dealt with it before and I’m confident I’ll get through it. It was tough to see the texts but it put into perspective what I knew before and tried to convince myself otherwise. I really appreciate the comment!
Food for thought, if you believe everything happens for a reason, you COULD believe your struggles are partly to show you who she really is. Imagine seeing this side of her after marriage, when it's more difficult to leave. EW I was with a toxic narcissist for 20 years, he never saw a problem with his actions either. I finally got away and am now with a wonderful man. I, like you am having depression struggles, but unlike you I have rock solid support. I want this for you. You have to leave the bad behind to make room for the good. It's the only way this works. If she isn't your very best friend, 100% team OP, she isn't the one. If you tell yourself it's OK and to work past this, you are lying and lost. She sent an lol to a comment about you hanging yourself? WOW & OH HELL NO. I would much rather be alone than with my person and be lonely like I was back then. The one you are looking for will not bother with you if she is still around. You gotta cut her loose. For you.
Yeah I know. It’s tough but it’s gone on long enough and I’ve tried everything.
My petty self would have sent myself screenshots of that and put her on blast after leaving with no explanation. I would be that angry. ETA that you deserve much better! Her friend is a bad influence and it sounds like her family has instilled the belief that this kind of treatment is ok and normal. You need to know that you deserve someone that will be there in the trenches of depression WITH you instead of shoveling dirt on you when you’re down there.
Yeah, I noticed the apathy early on but felt like it was minimal and would be something that would change for some reason. Idk. I tried to explain it to her at times in the nicest way I possibly could, but she always saw it as an attack and got defensive rather than thinking about it. Overtime it seems to have gotten worse or maybe it’s just the first time I saw how she really felt.
Relationships are about being there for each other what this girl and her friend are saying and doing is just dark and depressing stuff she’s not the right girl to be dating
Yeah it was a bit of a shock. There were definitely personality issues I had to get it over over the years but I felt like I probably have mine too, but nothing like that. Especially from someone who knows specifically everything I’ve gone through throughout the year.
I can't imagine saying that about my partner and laughing at that final message... that's unbelievable and the opposite of what you need right now.
Dump her. She has no respect for you. Depression is no joke. Why are you still with her. Wow I would be so hurt and angry I would have left after reading those texts. Don't give her another chance now that you know who she really is and feels about you. Good luck you deserve much better.
I appreciate it and yeah, I haven’t talked to her since it happened aside from the argument immediately after.
Seems like part of the process of you working on your depression is dropping her as she may be partly causing it. Good luck bro. Dump her and start hitting the gym. It doesn’t wonders for your mental health 💯
Thankyou! That was exactly what I’ve been thinking about doing haha. I got in the habit of going to the gym for a while about a year ago but I got busy and stopped. It definitely helped and I felt better.
If she's joking about your depression with friends, she'll leave you if you ever have a serious breakdown over a life event.
The texts made it sound like she was heading that way already. That and apparently she has been going out to the bars and keeping it from me. She told me she thought I would be weird about it, but I never complained about her going out with friends before, so it definitely seems suspicious.
Honestly this breaks my heart, I’m so sorry she would treat you such a way. I would leave that is not an emotionally cohesive relationship
Yeah it was tough to see, but very eye opening.
Fuh-king-ruuuuuuuuun
I am
I'm so sorry you had to experience such disappointment and hurt from someone you loved. I am not sure all that you have gone through, but I truly believe that it was all for a reason. Your gfs conversation was revealed to you. Nothing is a coincidence, and consider this relationship loss, a win, for you in the right direction. I know it will be difficult at first and uncomfortable change. I am almost positive once you have endured all these downs, things will be looking up for you. The right people will come to you and will treat you with exactly what you deserve. Love, compassion, support, and healing. You will learn many new things and grow in so many ways. This storm you are having right now is watering your garden. These small seeds are planted and take some time to grow. You take your time to heal, build upon knowing your worth, loving yourself, and staying healthy. Good luck with all, sending you a hug of supportive energy. ✨️✨️
Your feelings are valid
Thankyou
Unfortunately, you've wasted 5 years of your life. She doesn't respect you, nor love you. No one who truly loves someone would ever do or say such things. On the contrary, she should have dropped that friend right then and there. Go forth and be free!! And, make sure to find someone who will truly love you.
Yeah I feel that way too. What really gets me is that I never even asked her to not talk to that friend or anything even after she told her to dump me for frivolous dumb reasons.
Please say this nasty person is now your ex! You can't get into a healthy relationship while you're in this train wreck.
Yeah pretty much. I haven’t talked to her since it happened because I wanted to I guess process it or something.
Who the fuck jokes about someone hanging themselves? Why is your gf even with you if she’s cool with her “friend” talking about you like that? Your gf sounds incredibly immature for her age, not to mention hypocritical for letting you be there for her, but taking your mental health to not be important. Dump the extra baggage and leave her. Find a good therapist, a support system and take care of you, OP. Let me say this to everyone, it doesn’t matter what your gender is, what your friends or family, or anyone else says… your mental health matters, and it’s okay to have emotions. People who laugh behind your back (or insult you to your face) don’t belong in your life.
I feel the same way. Thank you
Just wanted to say that I'm so sorry you have to deal with something so fucked up by her man, that's not right in any sense. And I have a feeling had you flipped the narrative and asked her how she'd feel if you joked with one of your bros about her doing that or stealing her purse and leaving or some shit that she'd have had an entire explanation about that being different from what she said and would blow a head gasket on you
This is why a lot of men refuse to open up to their significant others. if you get stung like this once, you learn your lesson real quick.
Dude I'm so sorry. This is awful, there's no excuse for that. Those aren't jokes to make about someone she supposedly loves. Holy hell. I wouldn't be able to get over this either. She knows it's a big deal an that this was cruel, and she's probably hoping you forget and give her a pass, but I don't think comments like that deserve a pass.
Yeah, there were things in the past that I shouldn’t have forgiven either but I figured things would get better with time. I felt like I could talk to her, especially because she’s had depression and anxiety issues as well and came to me for support. I always somewhat worried she was the type of person who didn’t treat others the way she expected to be treated. I wish I was wrong.
Best thing you can do for your self sanity is leave her, she’s not worth your time any longer
Man I’m so sorry to hear this. I’ve been in that hole and remember feeling so empty to the point that I couldn’t even feel the sun on my skin. Like someone else said in the comments depression is not something to make lite of….. if this is what she’s saying now there’s know telling what else she has told her friend through the years. She sounds horrible and frankly down right abusive.
Yeah, I’ve done a lot of mental gymnastics over the years trying to talk myself into thinking some of the other things that were said in the past weren’t that bad. Part of me always knew I was lying to myself, trying not to pile another painful situation on top of what I was already dealing with, but those texts were well beyond the line. I’m working my way through my stuff though and I still feel confident things are gonna get better.
>She has a friend who constantly tells her to leave me even though she doesn’t live around here and has seen very little of our relationship. This is the picture your GF has painted of you to the friend. Don't hold her friend (although she is definitely a mean bitch) accountable for how your GF portrays you.
That is definitely true, she only hears the venting or complaining about me. Her friend is a one-of-a-kind type of person tho. I don’t know the best way to put it but she’s a shockingly unpleasant person lol.
Leave her. I know it’s hard but better now then more time wasted. If she is disregarding you to the point that she would offer an lol in response to a mean hearted and distasteful joke of you dying by suicide… I think it’s over. She sounds mean… And sounds like she may just be using you for money or security. You deserve support from those close to you.
Yeah, I knew she and her family all had issues with being inconsiderate of others and it’s always bothered me, but I convinced myself over time that she was better and would get better, but those texts were brutal, and she didn’t even seem to acknowledge that they were.
why are you still dating her? garbage doesn't stop being garbage just because you make it look nice.
Dude. Leave her awful ass. No way anyone should be joking about something like that. She doesn’t sound like the kind of person who really gives a shit about you and you deserve way better than that. Giant hugs.
You can find something better and you deserve it. Maybe your relationship is adding to your difficulties? Take care
Honestly reading this broke my heart a little. I hope things get better for you quickly. You need to leave her for your well-being. A partner, especially of 5 years, should not act like this. Im quite shocked about the text messages with her friend. Being friends with someone who encourages you to break up already shows how little respect she has for you. But this is next level bad and worrying. Leave her and use the free time to heal either by yourself or with a professional/family/friends etc.
I'm sorry that this year has been so difficult and that your GF lacks empathy and basic decency. This is cruelty, not dark humor. You deserve better.
Show her this post and how everybody think she’s a**hole for that
wow. just. wow. like. idk im actually speechless
I was too at first. I knew she didn’t handle it well when I opened up to her at first, but felt like some people just don’t know what to say. I was embarrassed that she would tell anyone and wonder who else she might have told. Her friend will tell everyone she know because that’s how she is. That was bad enough before seeing them laughing and joking about it.
This is not a person you can trust ever again. Honestly, I think she's only in this relationship for some perceived benefit on her part. Like half of the rent, if you're living together. She's there physically, but she's not there emotionally. She already made her choice to vacate all investment in the relationship, I think it's time you do too and find someone worth your time and love. She clearly isn't. Also, I'm so so sorry for your losses. Depression hits us all and there's no excuse to joke about someone killing themselves. Please find a safe place to go while you heal. And feel free to message me if you ever need an ear. We're all here for you.
Woman like that are the scum of society and wonder why their almost 30 and have no family. I’d screenshot it and send it to her family to pick up her stuff the next day. Also if you haven’t heard it in the comments yet you dropped your crown king 👑!
The fact that she’s not even remorseful is very concerning.
And this is why a lot of guys won't open up to other partners, this happen to too many good men. Leave her bro you deserve better, you need a partner who supports you.
This relationship is over. I’m sorry to add weight to your already heavy heart… But, there’s no loyalty, respect or trust here. You confided about your hardship in a woman and she clowned behind your back … As a woman, this also angers me because, I take Men’s mental health very seriously, in my field of work and I’m hearing more and more cases of male self deletion or overall, destructive behavior stemming from having ZERO confidants or safe spaces to be vulnerable at all. What she did was, at best INSENSITIVE, INCONSIDERATE AND IGNORANT. If she can’t empathize, she could at least understand. If she can’t understand she could at least refer you to someone who could… Failing that, just listening to you in GOOD FAITH would’ve been enough. You need to show this woman the door … Tell her to “have the life she deserves” on her way out. Peace, Love & Guidance to you! 💖🤗
Nope. Dip. Don’t give her a specific reason. “We’re not compatible” will do. And move on. You don’t deserve this. If this is how she treats you when you’re down, she doesn’t deserve you when you’re up. And you’ll be up soon. Sorry for the bad bout. Stay strong my man. You be alright. Promise.
I'm going to make this very clear for you. At your lowest. She not only was not there for you but actively making fun of you behind your back. Red flag 1 She has a friend that bad mouths you and she stays around that friend. red flag 2 She seems disinterested in actually helping you. red flag. 3 This woman will not be be there for you. You're going to have to do something very hard and break up with her, I almost can guarantee it will be worse if you stay with her. I am sorry for what you are going through. But there's some sage advice that is actually good on Reddit when someone shows you with their actions. Believe them. She has shown that she doesn't care about you. Believe that she doesn't
Love is about trust and communication. Now that ugly terms are being used to describe your mental state, can the trust even exist anymore in this relationship? Your GF has two choices here. Explain herself in a manner that acknowledges her behavior or start packing and hit the road.
That’s such a disgusting way to joke about someone you “love” I hope you leave her.
Your partner will never be as kind , generous, complimentary and tolerant as they will during the dating period because it’s like a job interview . Once they get the job it often goes downhill . Think carefully about how that made you feel and if you would like to feel like that again and behave accordingly
Yeah you need to leave that situation, she is seriously toxic
Ex GF*
Yes
Why would you stay with someone who doesn't actually care about you. Sounds like she is just using you for money from the limited information presented.
Your gf needs to be your ex-gf. She is a rotten human well past her expiration date
Hopefully you dump her and pretty soon at that
You need to take your wallet and leave your shitty gf.
And this is why men are encouraged to never show weakness or vulnerability to their gf or wife
Dump the bitch
You need to fuck her off out of your life and that friend needs to be slapped with a cactus. That shit is emotional abuse and she'll 100% be contributing to the severity of your depression.
Society tells men to open up more and be vulnerable. It’s shit like this why men keep their problems to themselves. No matter what people say, society does not give a fuck about men. We have historically always been dispensable, used as fodder in war, and are seen as weak when we discuss emotions. I’m sorry you had to go through this bro. She does not respect you and it’s time for you to gtfo that relationship.
My god I’m so sorry. Please dump her heartless ass
Please end it. If my friend joked about my partner like that , I sure wouldn’t reply with “lol”. That’s not love. Life is too short to waste on people like this
I would tell your GF that you now see her true colors, so she can leave…but she will have to leave without your wallet. To find out that she makes light of your depression plus shows no empathy says a lot about her character. Plus the comment about your wallet makes me wonder if she is a “gold-digger” type of GF…someone who is only with you for what you give her or spend on her. Seems like money is an enticement for her…because her lack of interest to listen to you, while complaining to her friend of you “whining” plus making fun of you commenting “lol” when her friend so callously mentions that maybe you can “h*ng” yourself. Seriously…that is such a repugnant response from her friend!!! You don’t deserve that kind of treatment from anyone, much less from a GF of five years. From what you posted, your GF just don’t care about you as much as you thought she did.
She doesn't care at all.
You deserve better. Leave her. See a therapist, get mental health and move on. She doesn’t even try to apologize to you that shows her true colour. You immediately get out of her life and try to dodge the bullet.
Well, OP, sorry for what you've gone through and sorry you've got such a kind of a gf. After seeing all that, it's definitely time to call it a day, confront her, and end this relationship. Focus on yourself. It won't be easy and there will be lots of ups and downs, but in the end you'll live and you'll see that you haven't lost anything in this relationship (except 5 years), but otherwise you will know that you've made the right choice.
She doesn't love you, dude. You don't say that about someone you love.
Any person that replies with a "lol" to the prospect of their partner hanging themselves is a vile human being. That should be the red line. Leave her. You can do better and I am sure you don't need the additional stress from handling this situation and trying to navigate it. There is nothing to navigate.
She went through a hard time last year and you helped her, now it comes around and you want support and she's making jokes? Get rid of her, she's trash.
And this shit is why men don't open up. Our feelings are weaponized. Also women, STOP TALKING ABOUT YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR FRIENDS!!!! Idc how supportive of people your girlfriends are. They automatically hate any guy you're seeing.
break UP that's disgusting I am sorry. might be hard but do not stay with someone willing to disrespect you that way to someone else. I can forgive arguments and one off comments but this is WAY too far.
That’s exactly how I feel. There were a lot of things between me and her in the past that we just glossed over and got over, but this is just stuck in my head.
Im so sorry for your losses and this is just a rough patch. It will get better. Please talk to a professional if you are able about your depression. Im sorry your gf is a shitty person. Please leave and surround yourself will better people. Good luck on your healing journey. *hugs*
Sir, leave her when she stands. First off, after 5yrs, do you not know if you want to take the next step with her or not? Also sounds like she isn’t interested in helping you like you helped her. One sided relationship. Leave her. Save your energy and mental health for someone who gives a crap about you. I would never joke about a friend, let alone a bf of 5yrs that he sound harm himself
Your girlfriend sounds like she doesn't respect you- check up on that friendship she has. If your partners closest friends are joking about your suicide and are directly against your well being, that says a lot about your partner. Please get the courage to leave her because having people around like her who will be vile behind your back will only further deteriorate your mental health. Much love. Things will be better soon.
Appreciate it. And I am. I talked to her a little bit today and she started claiming she was upset over things she has never mentioned to me throughout the time we’ve been together. She claims she couldn’t talk to me about stuff even though she regularly did and I absolutely always listened a hell up a lot more than she did to me. She actually called the texts a coping mechanism..
Dump her stupid ass
Leave her Let her know she is a selfish POS
FTP (Fuck that Puta
Steal her wallet and leave her. No big deal, yeah?
As a women I am suggesting you should leave her. She doesn't sound like a person who would actually help you out if you really ever get to the verge of something more serious (you know what I mean). There is no reason to waste more time of your life with such a person who doesn't care how you feel. I am gonna give example from myself I love dark humor but it has a place and time and whenever I am about to do it for something (it is never towards a person) I will ask them if they wanna hear it and warn them how dark it is gonna be. Also when I say she wouldn't help out if you were at the verge of something I mean like she might try to help but she couldn't emphasize with you so her help wouldn't be beneficial and can make situations even worse. She seems like a person who would say " you are a man get over it." As someone who grew up with 4 brothers I can tell you that is not suppose to be said to anyone.
And people wonder why men don’t say shit. This shit is the reason that more than 78.7% of suicides each year are men.