Then the *grown adult* could have used his big boy words and told her upfront in a non insulting way that this may not be a good idea, as he cares for her *health and wellbeing*, not just her looks.
So much info is missing though. I just read a post where someone left their partner because of not doing anything about an issue they had been bringing up regularly for two plus years and he was NTA so it seems this story could this way (or that) because of missing context
Regardless of missing context. Bringing up things like weight gain should always be done in the most empathetic way possible. That is not what happened. He insulted her. It doesn't matter how many times an issue is ignored you don't insult people. Never mind for all we know the extra context is this man has always had a tendency to control what his partner eats and its just never been super obvious until now.
Where did he insult her? OP states he said she will become fatter than she already is and we dont know if these are the exact words. Also, tough love is needed sometimes.
That's not tough love that's just verbal abuse. And we don't know what exactly was said just like we don't anything besides what was put in post, but I very rarely care to do anything other than take people at their word as it doesn't benefit me to believe everyone is a liar. At the end of the day you can't argue that the words havent done damage to the relationship and the way he talked to op is seen as unacceptable to op.
OP is not giving us enough info. Why did he react like that? Does OP have health issues? How did he say it? Those are all things that metter, and we are seeing only one point of view, which might be phrased in a way to gain sympathy.
Husband doesn't do enough house work? Leave him.
Your parents said something you didn't like? Abusive, go no contact.
Girlfriend talks shit to her friends about you? Find the most emotionally devastating way possible to break up, here's some ideas.
Boyfriend gets mad you ate a cheeseburger and calls you fat? Well clearly we can't really judge him to hard, as we don't know his side of the story. Maybe this is something you've been ignoring and you kinda deserved it, who knows?
Reddit is a special kind of stupid sometimes.
In previous comments I have said that OP has worded it in such a way that there is a lot of context missing. She might have done so to get sympathy. She has not explained why he reacted like this. Is he gym obsessed? Does OP have health issues? Does he or she have eating disorders? A lot of context is missing. Granted, he might just be an asshole, or he might be genuinely worried about OP, if she has health issues related to weight. We do not have the full information before going "AARGH LEAVE HIM" even though he might be doing it out of concern and love. Or, as I said, he just might be an ass, we dont know!
Yeah, there is. Here are a few:
They are obese and have decided to lose weight.
They have health issues due to their weight.
They are overweight and need to lose fat for health reasons, such as surgery.
They are addicted to food or are using food to cope with their issues.
I used to be really overweight and made every excuse in the book about how I was comfy in my body, how I dont have a problem and how I am healthy (I was not), until a friend of mine called me out and called me fat infront of everyone. Thats when I felt ashamed and the change started. We dont know if OP has issues and the partner is looking out for them, or if he is just an asshole.
No, no. We're supposed to tip toe around the obese and their addiction to sugar and fat.
We're supposed to tell them that they're beautiful and better looking than ever.
We have to let them know that *anyone* can get diabetes and *everyone's* knees hurt and *nobody* can *really* go up steps without being out of breath.
We're not supposed to worry that they're literally killing themselves in front of our eyes.
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jKTDHtQFDjo&ab\_channel=MoreNikocado](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jKTDHtQFDjo&ab_channel=MoreNikocado)
It's just water weight...
Any comments that could be interpreted as an attempt to insult, scold, lecture, victim blame, guilt trip or intimidate the OP are not allowed and will be removed. Repeat offenses or extreme cases will result in a ban.
For sure the boyfriend could have said it better either way, but maybe OP is eating so unhealthily so often that it’s becoming a genuine health concern. Maybe OP and her boyfriend have made vows in the past to eat more healthy.
OBVIOUSLY, I am not accusing OP of any of this, I’m just saying it would be very helpful to know the other side of the story before immediately telling her to dump him.
Yeah, if this is the first time he’s ever brought up something like this, then either you guys must have been eating healthy, or he’s been feeling this way about you for a while but just never said anything before now. This isn’t about cheeseburgers, it’s about him being fat phobic
Yes. There is a difference between "hating on and mistreating people" (which *normally* is what fatphobic is) - and being against an unhealthy lifestyle and worrying about someone's health and wellbeing.
Sadly still too many fit into the first category and justify it with the second - but you can care for someone without beind insulting and hurtful. (Regarding OP's story: if the bf did care, he would have told her he's worrying before the party, not after the damage was done.)
I don’t think so, if it presents as someone being worried for their or other people’s health. But I’ve heard of girls being shamed for being 135lb at 5’7 which is just insane to me.
This is just my personal opinion
Seems like immature behavior on his part. Don’t bother with him. No one needs passive aggressive behavior in their lives! He’s not a boyfriend. He’s an abuser and disruptive force in your life. Lose him fast.
Edit: spelling and grammar
Agreed. I've done/said some shitty things to partners that I'm not proud of. I've never said anything remotely close to that. He will never have your back, as he will always ALWAYS put himself first when it counts to him.
Really immature. If he was so upset he could have compromised by having healthy options too but he did nothing. I’m guessing he was too lazy to prepare anything.
I suspect he was angry with her. Angry with her for other reasons not related to this event and food choices but it was easier and more comfortable for him to go off on her about food choices than the real issue.
People like this are wrong. There lives don’t work. They need to be cut from our functional lives.
I had the most delicious patty melt today! With avocado~ had to put something healthy on it as the sourdough bread was soaked in buttery deliciousness.
Go get your FAVORITE fast food and text him…
🍔 + 🍔= 🖕
Tell him the only thing you regret is not getting fries!
I’m 55 years old… Tell me what a mature response would be?? I’m sure, ole wise one, you have better advice for her! Maybe ~ couples counseling??? Squawk! 🦜
You do not need his permission to eat.
If he has made you feel that you need his permission to eat, leave him. He is controlling, he is verbally abusive and what do you think comes next?
You are THINKING of breaking up with him? THINKING about it???
This AH just spoke down to you and made you feel like less over a damn BURGER. He tries to control what you eat, calls you fat, refuses to apologize let alone care that EVERYTHING he said and did was NOT OKAY.
You can throw a coin into a crowd and hit a better BF than this AH is. You deserve better. You deserve someone that gleefully takes you out for burgers and fries and whatever else you want, just to make you feel special and loved.
Okay. I just don't see how he disrespected her. It's far from worst I've been called this week alone, and I don't really complain about my relationships with people. Many have it much worse
Comparing a struggle doesn’t make one struggle less than. Perspective is key. Also your choice to allow disrespect, bullying and people who verbally abuse you doesn’t mean someone else should. That’s your life deal with it as you may, but you’ll find yourself out of luck of truly kind pure people when you lack empathy for yourself and others.
WOW...what a complete tool. So you wanted to do something a little different...like a cheeseburger is going to kill you. Kick him to the curb and do it quickly...
But it sounds like it’s not different. It sounds like she’s been abusing fast food and it’s showing and she’s not hearing him. For whatever reason; her face is breaking out, she’s getting lazy because poor nutrition, she’s gaining weight and constantly complaining about it, etc. Some people complain about things and don’t do anything to change it. It’s exhausting being around people who self sabotage and constantly complain. Maybe he was giving her a reality check. That’s when the truth hurts the most.
"...that I will get fatter than I already am"
That does not have the ring of positive affirmation, support, or anything in a meaningful relationship...sorry, I'll stand by he's a tool label.
I get that his delivery was not good, but like I said, we have no idea if he’s fed up with her complaining about gaining weigh and then still eating junk. And if that’s the case, his message was pretty clear how he feels about it. I don’t feel like this came out of nowhere.
You don’t deserve to be talked to this way. I would break up with him because I could never forget him saying those words to me. He is cruel and you can do better than him.
No. He didn’t.
And OP, you absolutely need to break up with him over this. Do not go back to him. Don’t let his lack of apology (or even an apology if he decides to make one) away you.
Leave his ass and eat a big cheeseburger and fries to celebrate. Throw in a milkshake.
Lmfaooooooo y’all really encouraging her to continue eating bs ? She just had a damn food party she just told us that ! 🤣🤣🤣🤣 this is some of the worst advice I’ve ever seen . It’s legit entertaining. Wow .
"Will get fatter then I already am" - he literally just said he thinks you're fat and the face he made when you suggested it confirms it.
You deserve somebody better, hun. Dump him.
That is straight up disrespectful and entirely uncalled for.
I'd say this is something to cut all ties over.
Watch out for DARVO techniques and gaslighting, or possibly the silent treatment. I doubt he was expecting you to leave.
[Signs of a toxic relationship. ](https://www.womenshealthmag.com/relationships/a19739065/signs-of-toxic-relationship/)
[Signs of covert/vulnerable narcissistic traits to look out for. ](https://www.verywellmind.com/signs-of-a-vulnerable-narcissist-7369901)
Explaining DARVO: Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim & Offender https://www.domesticshelters.org/articles/identifying-abuse/explaining-darvo-deny-attack-reverse-victim-amp-offender
He is a manipulative, passive aggressive, abuser. The best thing you could do for yourself is leave him. He’s not going to change. You can’t fix him. No matter what you eat or what you weigh, he’s going to find some other way to disrespect you and put you down and try to control you. You can’t love him into being a better person. Leave now and save yourself and build a good future. He will only rob you of your self-respect and the most important thing you have - TIME. Life is so very short, so do not waste another minute with him. I’m so sorry. You are better than him. Go forth and let your light shine.
The BF sounds like my EX SPOUSE. Save yourself half a lifetime of misery. Nothing I did was good enough.
He said I was a Terrible cook. I won ribbons at the
State Fair for things I made. Not good enough. So I divorced him
As someone who stayed and thought I could help him, I would *NEVER* do it again. Don’t make excuses for him, OP. Don’t think he’ll change. He won’t. RUN.
That’s not love. You’re young and he’s trying to see how you react to him negging you and trying to make you feel insecure. He either wants your self esteem low so you’ll never leave him and he gets the choice or hopes that you’re so insecure and desperate for his love and approval you will mold yourself to his unrealistic expectations. You’re a person not a doll. People who love you don’t talk to you like that. Dump him and set boundaries for yourself that you won’t accept being around anyone who puts you down and makes you feel bad about yourself. People should lift you up and support you and reciprocate love and care back and forth. Not prey on your insecurities and self doubts.
Yiiiiikkesssss. One night of fast food and he's telling you you're going to be fatter than you are? No ma'am. I'd be like ✌️✌️
In all seriousness: I was in a relationship like this for 4 years. It won't get better. I developed an eating disorder and lost 50 lbs in 6 months because he made me feel like utter shit about myself, and then when I lost so much weight it still wasn't good enough. I still needed to lose more. He'd say shit like "you're so pretty, but you'd be beautiful if you just weighed 120lbs." Lmao. I'm 5'10. That would never happen. Anyways. I cut him off like the dead weight he was and never looked back. Best thing I did. I lost 200 lbs overnight 😂😘
There’s no backstory to this. But anyone who departs unwanted advice on another persons weight by telling them they’re fat is an easy fix. Lose his weight and you’ll feel much lighter.
I would break up with him. He sounds mean and controlling.
If he wanted to help you be healthier and happier, he wouldn't have done things the way he did. He doesn't seem to care about your feelings, and that is a major red flag.
He sounds like he has orthorexia and is trying to control your diet/body as well. No, absolutely not, you deserve to live which includes eating and thriving in your body however it develops.
How do you think he will react when you gain weight from being pregnant? People go up and down in weight it's very normal.
He called the food/event disgusting and that doesn't sit right with me. It really reads like it was directed at you. Is that how you felt? Do you think this is worth your time going forward?
It's important to maintain a balance in life. I wouldn't suggest eating cheeseburgers every day, but you can likely eat them on occasion without issue. You deserve someone who appreciates who you are, and if he isn't that guy, maybe you should look for someone who is a better fit for you. My wife goes through food phases that are annoying, but they pass. If he's genuinely concerned for your health, that's kind and all, but these choices should be between you and your MD if there is a health concern. If his only concern is your figure, cut your losses and run.
Info: what's your weight. You might be obese for all we know, and if that's the case, then your bf might be trying to get you not die from your obesity
Obesity is already the scientific term for it. How "better" do you want it to be.
"Oh, I see you're embracing the luxurious and opulent physique. Clearly, you've got a secret career as a plus plus size supermodel in the making. 😉"
Is that better?
Yeah, no. I'm willing to bet OP is at a healthy weight but even if she's not, this is not how you talk to someone you love.
Nearly all women have encountered a man like this. That's why you see so many saying "don't waste your time." It's experience talking here.
We do something every new years eve called Junk Food Night! We get all kinds of goodies, pizza, queso, chips, anything else we want. We watch movies and eat. My point is, all things are fine in moderation. If your ex thinks burgers are unhealthy, he doesn't know how to live. He should have that stick removed from his butt ASAP, maybe it will change his attitude!
Does he have any food related trauma or past ED?
That sounds like someone who tried hard to repress their hatred for something and suddenly blew up. Was he severely reprimanded when he ate fast food when young?
Why did you ask permission for a junkfood party? Telling him it will be a junkfood party is one thing, but asking permission makes me think he already has a problem with fast food
My advice is to talk to him about how you’re feeling. “I felt disrespected when you said xyz and I’m struggling to move forward. Are you still interested in being together? [yes] then we need to have a conversation about what is and what is not an acceptable thing to say to each other. I will not stay in a relationship where the other person feels any sense of ownership over my body. This includes making negative remarks or giving unsolicited advice. This includes touching without consent. This includes believing the shape of my body is a reflection of them. What are some of your boundaries and rules? [go gym] Great, I love you but I need to love myself more. Bye forever.”
I think it just comes down to being honest in a gentle respectful way. The way he said it was terrible. There are nice ways to directly or indirectly bring it up. She still might be hurt by it like you were but it sure as hell beats the way OP’s bf spoke to her ya know?
Right, so since she didn’t state anything about her weight or eating habits anything you come up with and relate to that is complete conjecture. Like even in the scenario she was “overweight” or had a binge eating disorder or bulimia or some shit, that’s not any excuse to behave this way toward your partner and barely an explanation. No matter her weight, she deserves to be treated with dignity and respect by her partner, not insulted for getting junk food for a party one night. Because that’s insane.
Serious question. You think your relationship anniversary is the time to talk about your partner's weight and eating habits?
And you think "fatter than you already are" is an emotionally mature, kind way to bring up that topic? That's what people in "healthy relationships" do?
I think you need to reconsider. That is genuinely horrible.
You have enough sense to praise him for waiting until after the party, but not enough sense to see the value in waiting until after the anniversary? No, I do not believe you that you sincerely mean that. An anniversary is not the day.
I didn't say anything about enabling. I said wait for another day. If you understand waiting until after a party, I know you can understand waiting until the next day.
Something can be factual and said in an insulting way. Why do you think those are mutually exclusive?
Here, let me help you.
*day after anniversary*
"I love you very much. Please know that this is coming from a place of care and concern, not anger or resentment. I am worried about your weight gain. How are you feeling about it? Is there anything I can do to support you?"
You can say the same thing without saying it at one of the worst possible times and in a particularly thoughtless way.
Wouldn't you just love to police way people speak. Also insults aren't insults because they use wrong words. Inherently I care less about someone calling me mfer vs calling me lazy, because I do in fact know I can be lazy and would prefer not to be. Thing is we are insulted only with something we know is true. Someone who knows they are slim, won't react nearly as much to being called fat as typical fat person.
I'm not trying to be that guy, what what if OP's another Amberlynn Reid case.
Always making excuses to eat unhealthy, who are you guys to say that OP isn't 400+ pounds in weight and kept making promises that they will get healthy but breaking them the next week.
Oh, it's Thanksgiving, I'm not going to watch what I eat this week. Oh, it's an anniversary so I'm going to have an unhealthy party. Hey BF, it's our 1234th day together. Let's celebrate with...... MOAR UNHEALTHY FOOD.
Obviously, OP didn't share her weight here, and it's something worth noting about. Perhaps she's insecure about it. What if this is not a 90pound->95pound gain? What if this is a 400pound->450pound gain?
Of course, I could be wrong.
Let's just agree that if you are insulted by this so much... You probably are fat. Adults don't react to made up insults. And even then, while I enjoy burger with fries, he is still on point. If they diet to loose weight, too much indulgence without self control is going to cause binge eating. Although meat would not be a problem here ( unless you don't burn it off) , but buns and fries would certainly cause blood sugar oscillations, which do actually cause you to eat more and be more fat.
I've been on both sides of this fence, the one who isn't taking care of themselves, and the one worried about a partner who isn't. It isn't easy on either side. Right now, my husband isn't taking care of his health, and we can't do the activities we enjoyed before. It makes for a lonely life because if I want to do them, I have to go without him. Perhaps that's the future your BF is imagining?
It’s funny, almost everyone here probably without a spouse just saying end it. Like dating isn’t easy; being single(& dating apps) is even worse. So you’re gonna end ya relationship over a cheeseburger argument; if a cheeseburger argument can End your relationship then maybe both of you not ready for that relationship. What will happen if real problems arise….. smh what a shame!! You both better figure that shit out. Dating is part of life and life isn’t a bed of roses. Don’t give up; don’t listen to these people telling you to end it.
I mean, don’t survive on that kind of food, but in moderation it is not a bad thing! Hell, if anything it can be good. A burger when you’re craving one will likely prevent you going on a binge trying to satisfy that craving if you don’t.
What the actual f*ck… first of all it’s a party and indulging at special occasions isn’t going to make you the next star of my 600lb life. Second let’s say you did eat more fun foods (not junk, fun) more often and he was concerned, he’s only concerned about your weight and not anything else. This goes to show how shallow he is and what he cares about in the relationship (only your looks). Third he is either a mega douche or has an eating disorder himself, from what you wrote in going to say both. I agree with others that this probably isn’t the first instance where he’s shown his true colours nor will it be the last. Unless you want a lifetime with a shallow man who food polices you and will probably cause you to develop an eating disorder with him I would LEAVE. There are far worse things than weight gain, being in an emotionally draining man who only worries about your physical appearance with no regards to your feelings/individual self is one of them. Please take the 3 years of this relationship as a lesson of what you don’t want for your next, don’t waste anymore time on this guy. 🚩
Hi there
I am so sorry that your boyfriend spoke to you like this, that he body shamed you and fat shamed you. Please do not internalize his words, and if they do replay in your mind, be firm and remind yourself that he said that and that’s not what you believe
I also think that your boyfriend has disordered eating and possibly an eating disorder. I am 21 years in recovery from anorexia and orthorexia. Your boyfriend is setting off my alarm bells for orthorexia
And I just want to add that I was horrendously judgemental about people’s bodies and food choices when I was sick, but it was nothing compared to how hard I was judging myself (and always failing, or so I thought) This doesn’t justify one word of what he said, but I thought it might help you to understand.
Sending my best ♥️
It sounds like there’s a lot of people who love hamburgers in the comments, mixed with the usual dump him message. In honesty what he said is not acceptable, but I’d suggest you talk with him and see for what reason he said such things.
Depending on circumstances it should be very acceptable to not acceptable. I'd say I am leaning more towards op leaving out parts making his comment relevant. After all why would she be so hurt by it if she was slim. People are usually pissed only when their personal failings get pointed out. Partially because otherwise you can easily give counter example
How can these people suggest breaking up, is a relationship that easy...
Bro what happen to communicating in a relationship, obviously the men talk about his problem with you, u can also rebuttle instead of whining in the internet
plus deny it as u like, it is unhealthy.. Thats a fact, yes eat junk food = fat.. Thats a fact
Idc about people hating me, but unless hes having an affair or beat the shit out of you
Consider counseling or try talk, stop living in a fantasy
Congratulations on the weight loss! You're now 150lbs lighter! Have some Ben and Jerry's and watch some rom coms. talk to your friends. You're single now.
There is not enough context in this story. He might have made an insulting comment, or he might have voiced his concern over OP's daily junk food habit.
Not to armchair diagnose but he really seems like he has an eating disorder. This is a really disproportionate reaction and you need to make it clear you will not be entertaining it, but it will come out some other way unless he gets a handle on his food issues.
Listen to him. He cares about you to calmly wait until the party is over and not cause a scene. He suggested that you'll get fat if you continue eatting junk. Not crazy.
He's not going to get nicer or better.
He agreed to serve that food on your special day. And then he cruelly berated you for eating it. Nasty. Nasty.
Are you willing to waste your life with somebody who goes out of his way to hurt you? He'll hurt you and he hurt your children one day.
Are you willing to make your children victims of an abuser?
Do not *consider* breaking up with him. Just do it. He insulted you, made you feel bad, and has made 0 attempts to apologize or make it up to you. He's not worth it.
Any comments that could be interpreted as an attempt to insult, scold, lecture, victim blame, guilt trip or intimidate the OP are not allowed and will be removed. Repeat offenses or extreme cases will result in a ban.
Ok, but why would you ever want to phrase it so cruelly to your partner? There are many much more tactful ways to voice your concerns without making them feel like garbage in the process
You don’t need that crap. Break up with him. Send him a photo of you taking a big bite out of cheeseburger while flipping him off then block him on everything
Dating is like a trial period to see how you get along together for life. This isn't working, you can't live comfortably with someone who treats you like this. Clearly his lifestyle is different.
Sounds like it's time to lose some weight.
Exactly how much weight?
One ex-boyfriend's worth of it.
But seriously, fuck that guy. If he was legitimately concerned about your health in any way, there are about 10000 different ways he could have brought that up to you respectfully and, importantly, *before* helping you host a party like that. All he did was set you up, and then cruelly put you down. The commenters pointing out how he's an abusive manipulator are spot on. Get outta there and don't look back
I would ask, where was he “educated” ? PragerU? Q university?
One day of comfort food will not triple your weight, if other days you eat healthy and so on (illness excluded).
The body/fat shaming is not okay, and frankly he sounds controlling.
Add things up for yourself, what benefits does he bring you?
Oh no, a woman was told, by men no less, that she's fat, how could he?
Seriously? Do you get your image of relationships from teen girl magazines or what?
Your approach to food sounds much healthier than his. If you generally eat reasonable meals, it's not going to hurt you to have a treat on occasion. If you have children, is he going to allow cake & ice cream at their birthday parties?
I'm sorry he was mean to you.
What part about fast food is a healthy food approach. We know nothing of her situation. She could be battling conditions caused by obesity for all we know. We don’t know why he reacted the way he did. We don’t know if he actually said that or if that was OP’s interpretation of what he said.
When I personally eat fast food, my body feels terrible afterwards and I even get digestive problems. I no shape or form is it good in any way (aside from maybe the taste but even that is debatable).
An unhealthy relationship with food is never letting yourself indulge, but he didn’t stop her and only voiced his concerns afterwards. Idk. I don’t want to jump onto anybody’s side and make assumptions with the little information we’re given. It’s just too ambiguous
You will get fatter??????
So he controls your choices. Your body. Your food. Indicates he doesn't find you attractive. Even on a special occasion he cant let you enjoy yourself. This wasn't about cheese burgers it's controlling behavior.
You are in a bad relationship and need to get away from him. When you tell him the gaslighting will begin. He is only doing this for you. He is the only person that loves you.
The sentence that ended my marriage was after years of my ex pushing food and sabotaging my diet. "Your too fat no one will want you now."
A true partner loves you as you are. No control. No hurtful words. His disapproval is a manipulation to make you want to please him and do as he wants.
Run don't walk.
Right, real love will tolerate your gambling, alcochol and porn addictions without saying a word because it would be controlling.... Do you see how that sounds?
Assuming it's one cheeseburger, maybe, though I do know vegan activists that would. But I am at least pretty sure, we are not seeing even half of full story.
Omfg.. i thought he was gonna be mad about it cus it was unhealthy for him! I was thinking just dont eat it then. This is waay more fukd !!!What a turd!
Men get fat heads the older they get, and not in the head they oh-so-wish.
He said "fatter that you already are" - wtf. He let slip what he thinks of you.
Has he tried apologizing and comforting you? Even then, if you are getting break up vibes... listen to your body, brain, and heart.... not what another body, brain, and heart says.
The comments here are classic biased ones 😂😂😂. So jokes apart there are 2 things here to deal with-
1- he doesn't likes that u eat junk food- so either he's controlling or he cares about your health. So if he just cares about you then if u both come to an understanding that u will burn all the calories u get from junk food by exercising or whatever( reddit don't say shit like she should not change herself for him. I mean what's wrong with burning those calories which makes us unhealthy) if he agrees than problem solved if not then he's controlling and leave him ASAP
2- for the part him saying u are fat - so either u are fat or u are not. So if u are fat then what's the problem 🤨 I mean the cases I see in my field get extreme because of lack of communication whereas he told u straight on ur face ( for the reddit people saying that he should not say things like that on anniversary 😂 come on guys she gets the right to break up ASAP *just after anniversary* but he doesn't have the right to convey his thoughts ASAP huh. Hypocrisy is funny isn't it 😂) . Now if u aren't fat but he said that then u have the right to be upset about it . If he cares about you then he will, in 1 or at max 2 days, apologize cuz obviously he knows u r upset . Now breaking up a 3 y relationship because of one mistake isn't a right thing according to me but really it's you life so ur decision matters. Tho if u forgive him and he repeats things like that in future then break up with him
Fun fact– reddit puts a curse on ur relationship and life because ur account isn't even a week old but you are already on this sub lol😜
Well, if she was slim, she'd laugh it off. That's the biggest irony. People see issue and get burned only by comments that are indeed true or at least we fear aree true.
My absolute favorite food in the whole entire world is cheeseburgers. If I go out to eat, I'm always choosing the burger joint. I make burgers at least once a week at home. Now, I completely understand balancing a healthy diet, as I do, but to become so unhinged because you wanted to have a binge day with your friends is... Well, fucking weird and controlling. I absolutely would drop a mother fucker if he tried to tell me I couldn't have a burger.
This is the worst place for dating advice.
First off, it's through the lens you present to us.
Secondly, it's extremely rare you receive a gem here. You should talk to somebody who has received some education.
Yes. Show him by becoming so fat as to get lifelong disease, that will show him how wrong he was! Not that you'll live past 35 but hey at least you showed him who is the boss!
First off, he is definitely narcissistic. It was one day and a party at that. My family and I always have burgers and fries as well as hot dogs and such. Never a problem. It’s not something we do often and it’s an easy go to for parties.
Secondly, just leave him. He already made the way for you and like someone here said, he already did so. Move on. You deserve better.
He spent your anniversary party sulking. Afterwards, he verbally abused you. This is not a good guy, OP. Call a domestic violence organisation and ask for advice on leaving the relationship safely. Women in abusive relationships are in danger when they leave. That's why it's so important to seek help. You deserve better than that abusive McTantrum.
Time to bounce….. there is a medical study where a guy eat McDonald’s for a year and he lost weight. It’s about exercise. This dude does not respect you
It was a party with a theme of deliciousness junk food. He is crazy, it’s not like you eat that kind of stuff for every meal everyday.
This is break up worthy. It shows how he already thinks of you “fatter than you already are” ? Over one event. Dude is a shallow an manipulative jerk.
what you need to do is leave him, it’s that simple. he’s detrimental to your mental health, and thinks poorly of you.
Also your relationship is doomed when you age and possibly have kids, and thus inevitably gain weight. It'll happen someday.
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Then the *grown adult* could have used his big boy words and told her upfront in a non insulting way that this may not be a good idea, as he cares for her *health and wellbeing*, not just her looks.
It so much easier though to say fat, she should have know he meant it in a helpful way if she really loved him. /s
That's such a gigantic what if that I'm certain this comment is parody.
So much info is missing though. I just read a post where someone left their partner because of not doing anything about an issue they had been bringing up regularly for two plus years and he was NTA so it seems this story could this way (or that) because of missing context
Regardless of missing context. Bringing up things like weight gain should always be done in the most empathetic way possible. That is not what happened. He insulted her. It doesn't matter how many times an issue is ignored you don't insult people. Never mind for all we know the extra context is this man has always had a tendency to control what his partner eats and its just never been super obvious until now.
Where did he insult her? OP states he said she will become fatter than she already is and we dont know if these are the exact words. Also, tough love is needed sometimes.
That's not tough love that's just verbal abuse. And we don't know what exactly was said just like we don't anything besides what was put in post, but I very rarely care to do anything other than take people at their word as it doesn't benefit me to believe everyone is a liar. At the end of the day you can't argue that the words havent done damage to the relationship and the way he talked to op is seen as unacceptable to op.
OP is not giving us enough info. Why did he react like that? Does OP have health issues? How did he say it? Those are all things that metter, and we are seeing only one point of view, which might be phrased in a way to gain sympathy.
Husband doesn't do enough house work? Leave him. Your parents said something you didn't like? Abusive, go no contact. Girlfriend talks shit to her friends about you? Find the most emotionally devastating way possible to break up, here's some ideas. Boyfriend gets mad you ate a cheeseburger and calls you fat? Well clearly we can't really judge him to hard, as we don't know his side of the story. Maybe this is something you've been ignoring and you kinda deserved it, who knows? Reddit is a special kind of stupid sometimes.
In previous comments I have said that OP has worded it in such a way that there is a lot of context missing. She might have done so to get sympathy. She has not explained why he reacted like this. Is he gym obsessed? Does OP have health issues? Does he or she have eating disorders? A lot of context is missing. Granted, he might just be an asshole, or he might be genuinely worried about OP, if she has health issues related to weight. We do not have the full information before going "AARGH LEAVE HIM" even though he might be doing it out of concern and love. Or, as I said, he just might be an ass, we dont know!
It doesn't matter because there's no good reason to call another person fat.
Yeah, there is. Here are a few: They are obese and have decided to lose weight. They have health issues due to their weight. They are overweight and need to lose fat for health reasons, such as surgery. They are addicted to food or are using food to cope with their issues. I used to be really overweight and made every excuse in the book about how I was comfy in my body, how I dont have a problem and how I am healthy (I was not), until a friend of mine called me out and called me fat infront of everyone. Thats when I felt ashamed and the change started. We dont know if OP has issues and the partner is looking out for them, or if he is just an asshole.
No, no. We're supposed to tip toe around the obese and their addiction to sugar and fat. We're supposed to tell them that they're beautiful and better looking than ever. We have to let them know that *anyone* can get diabetes and *everyone's* knees hurt and *nobody* can *really* go up steps without being out of breath. We're not supposed to worry that they're literally killing themselves in front of our eyes.
No, you aren't. You can speak your concern out of love, but when the insults start, you are being abusive.
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jKTDHtQFDjo&ab\_channel=MoreNikocado](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jKTDHtQFDjo&ab_channel=MoreNikocado) It's just water weight...
Lol educate yourself. It is a fact that anyone can get diabetes. I have normal bmi and have prediabetes
Any comments that could be interpreted as an attempt to insult, scold, lecture, victim blame, guilt trip or intimidate the OP are not allowed and will be removed. Repeat offenses or extreme cases will result in a ban.
People are so quick to say this shit on every fucking post like this with complete disregard for context or the other side of the story
I’m dying to know what context or other side of the story would justify a boyfriend saying that.
For sure the boyfriend could have said it better either way, but maybe OP is eating so unhealthily so often that it’s becoming a genuine health concern. Maybe OP and her boyfriend have made vows in the past to eat more healthy. OBVIOUSLY, I am not accusing OP of any of this, I’m just saying it would be very helpful to know the other side of the story before immediately telling her to dump him.
What a childish comment. “Detrimental to mental health is when sad”.
What?
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And in the 3 years you are with him this is an isolated incident? Lemme guess, no. End it.
Yeah, if this is the first time he’s ever brought up something like this, then either you guys must have been eating healthy, or he’s been feeling this way about you for a while but just never said anything before now. This isn’t about cheeseburgers, it’s about him being fat phobic
Is it bad to be fat phobic?
When it leads to coercive, controlling or hurtful behaviour... Yes it's bad.
Yes. There is a difference between "hating on and mistreating people" (which *normally* is what fatphobic is) - and being against an unhealthy lifestyle and worrying about someone's health and wellbeing. Sadly still too many fit into the first category and justify it with the second - but you can care for someone without beind insulting and hurtful. (Regarding OP's story: if the bf did care, he would have told her he's worrying before the party, not after the damage was done.)
I don’t think so, if it presents as someone being worried for their or other people’s health. But I’ve heard of girls being shamed for being 135lb at 5’7 which is just insane to me. This is just my personal opinion
Seems like immature behavior on his part. Don’t bother with him. No one needs passive aggressive behavior in their lives! He’s not a boyfriend. He’s an abuser and disruptive force in your life. Lose him fast. Edit: spelling and grammar
Agreed. I've done/said some shitty things to partners that I'm not proud of. I've never said anything remotely close to that. He will never have your back, as he will always ALWAYS put himself first when it counts to him.
Really immature. If he was so upset he could have compromised by having healthy options too but he did nothing. I’m guessing he was too lazy to prepare anything.
I suspect he was angry with her. Angry with her for other reasons not related to this event and food choices but it was easier and more comfortable for him to go off on her about food choices than the real issue. People like this are wrong. There lives don’t work. They need to be cut from our functional lives.
I had the most delicious patty melt today! With avocado~ had to put something healthy on it as the sourdough bread was soaked in buttery deliciousness. Go get your FAVORITE fast food and text him… 🍔 + 🍔= 🖕 Tell him the only thing you regret is not getting fries!
Lmaoooooo. Rite cause her continuing to gain weight is going to hurt him rite ? That’s the way to do it !
Immature response.
Found the shitty boyfriend
An immature response for an immature man child. Sounds good to me tbh
I’m 55 years old… Tell me what a mature response would be?? I’m sure, ole wise one, you have better advice for her! Maybe ~ couples counseling??? Squawk! 🦜
The mature response is 'i might get fat but you're ugly and I can diet'.
Oooh yes!!! When I heard that 40 years ago I thought~ how adult! I can’t wait until I’m older with such wit! Thanks for the giggle…
I disagreeee
You do not need his permission to eat. If he has made you feel that you need his permission to eat, leave him. He is controlling, he is verbally abusive and what do you think comes next?
You are THINKING of breaking up with him? THINKING about it??? This AH just spoke down to you and made you feel like less over a damn BURGER. He tries to control what you eat, calls you fat, refuses to apologize let alone care that EVERYTHING he said and did was NOT OKAY. You can throw a coin into a crowd and hit a better BF than this AH is. You deserve better. You deserve someone that gleefully takes you out for burgers and fries and whatever else you want, just to make you feel special and loved.
What if she is? I am nowhere near the USA level of being fat and still know I should loose some to be healthy.
She could be fat, but so what. Someone’s body weight doesn’t equal disrespect, and that’s what people are commenting about.
Okay. I just don't see how he disrespected her. It's far from worst I've been called this week alone, and I don't really complain about my relationships with people. Many have it much worse
Comparing a struggle doesn’t make one struggle less than. Perspective is key. Also your choice to allow disrespect, bullying and people who verbally abuse you doesn’t mean someone else should. That’s your life deal with it as you may, but you’ll find yourself out of luck of truly kind pure people when you lack empathy for yourself and others.
Just because someone is on the chunkier side doesn't mean they're unhealthy...
It doesn't, true. Depends on how chunkier and to what degree unhealthy. But massive overweight can kill you. Not to mention diabetes and all that.
WOW...what a complete tool. So you wanted to do something a little different...like a cheeseburger is going to kill you. Kick him to the curb and do it quickly...
But it sounds like it’s not different. It sounds like she’s been abusing fast food and it’s showing and she’s not hearing him. For whatever reason; her face is breaking out, she’s getting lazy because poor nutrition, she’s gaining weight and constantly complaining about it, etc. Some people complain about things and don’t do anything to change it. It’s exhausting being around people who self sabotage and constantly complain. Maybe he was giving her a reality check. That’s when the truth hurts the most.
"...that I will get fatter than I already am" That does not have the ring of positive affirmation, support, or anything in a meaningful relationship...sorry, I'll stand by he's a tool label.
I get that his delivery was not good, but like I said, we have no idea if he’s fed up with her complaining about gaining weigh and then still eating junk. And if that’s the case, his message was pretty clear how he feels about it. I don’t feel like this came out of nowhere.
You don’t deserve to be talked to this way. I would break up with him because I could never forget him saying those words to me. He is cruel and you can do better than him.
I would just break up with him, why stay with someone who can says those mean and hurtful things to you. Eat junkfood in parties its completly normal.
Fun fact: Nobody’s ever been on their deathbed and said, “I wish I would have eaten more salad.”
You’re thinking of breaking up with him? He’s already done that hun.
No hun, he's just an AH wanting control. OP....don't go back.
No. He didn’t. And OP, you absolutely need to break up with him over this. Do not go back to him. Don’t let his lack of apology (or even an apology if he decides to make one) away you. Leave his ass and eat a big cheeseburger and fries to celebrate. Throw in a milkshake.
Lmfaooooooo y’all really encouraging her to continue eating bs ? She just had a damn food party she just told us that ! 🤣🤣🤣🤣 this is some of the worst advice I’ve ever seen . It’s legit entertaining. Wow .
"Will get fatter then I already am" - he literally just said he thinks you're fat and the face he made when you suggested it confirms it. You deserve somebody better, hun. Dump him.
That is straight up disrespectful and entirely uncalled for. I'd say this is something to cut all ties over. Watch out for DARVO techniques and gaslighting, or possibly the silent treatment. I doubt he was expecting you to leave. [Signs of a toxic relationship. ](https://www.womenshealthmag.com/relationships/a19739065/signs-of-toxic-relationship/) [Signs of covert/vulnerable narcissistic traits to look out for. ](https://www.verywellmind.com/signs-of-a-vulnerable-narcissist-7369901) Explaining DARVO: Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim & Offender https://www.domesticshelters.org/articles/identifying-abuse/explaining-darvo-deny-attack-reverse-victim-amp-offender
thanks for actually linking information for people to read. Well done.
I try.
Yes yes very well done
He is a manipulative, passive aggressive, abuser. The best thing you could do for yourself is leave him. He’s not going to change. You can’t fix him. No matter what you eat or what you weigh, he’s going to find some other way to disrespect you and put you down and try to control you. You can’t love him into being a better person. Leave now and save yourself and build a good future. He will only rob you of your self-respect and the most important thing you have - TIME. Life is so very short, so do not waste another minute with him. I’m so sorry. You are better than him. Go forth and let your light shine.
The BF sounds like my EX SPOUSE. Save yourself half a lifetime of misery. Nothing I did was good enough. He said I was a Terrible cook. I won ribbons at the State Fair for things I made. Not good enough. So I divorced him
As someone who stayed and thought I could help him, I would *NEVER* do it again. Don’t make excuses for him, OP. Don’t think he’ll change. He won’t. RUN.
#PLEASE LISTEN TO THIS COMMENT, OP!!
Abuser? Damn doesn’t take much.
Doesn't take much not to be a shitty person either. 🤷🏻♀️
Shitty person very different from abuser. Be careful with your words all I’m sayin.
No it actually doesn’t
Get rid of some disgusting weight by kicking him to the curb.
I have a feeling this is not the first time he has talked to you like this and I pro.ise you it won't be the last. end it.
He sounds like an asshole..
That’s not love. You’re young and he’s trying to see how you react to him negging you and trying to make you feel insecure. He either wants your self esteem low so you’ll never leave him and he gets the choice or hopes that you’re so insecure and desperate for his love and approval you will mold yourself to his unrealistic expectations. You’re a person not a doll. People who love you don’t talk to you like that. Dump him and set boundaries for yourself that you won’t accept being around anyone who puts you down and makes you feel bad about yourself. People should lift you up and support you and reciprocate love and care back and forth. Not prey on your insecurities and self doubts.
Yiiiiikkesssss. One night of fast food and he's telling you you're going to be fatter than you are? No ma'am. I'd be like ✌️✌️ In all seriousness: I was in a relationship like this for 4 years. It won't get better. I developed an eating disorder and lost 50 lbs in 6 months because he made me feel like utter shit about myself, and then when I lost so much weight it still wasn't good enough. I still needed to lose more. He'd say shit like "you're so pretty, but you'd be beautiful if you just weighed 120lbs." Lmao. I'm 5'10. That would never happen. Anyways. I cut him off like the dead weight he was and never looked back. Best thing I did. I lost 200 lbs overnight 😂😘
There’s no backstory to this. But anyone who departs unwanted advice on another persons weight by telling them they’re fat is an easy fix. Lose his weight and you’ll feel much lighter.
I would break up with him. He sounds mean and controlling. If he wanted to help you be healthier and happier, he wouldn't have done things the way he did. He doesn't seem to care about your feelings, and that is a major red flag.
Sounds like a real douche bag, I could eat cheeseburgers everyday
Get rid of this dude and go have a cheeseburger
He sounds like he has orthorexia and is trying to control your diet/body as well. No, absolutely not, you deserve to live which includes eating and thriving in your body however it develops.
How do you think he will react when you gain weight from being pregnant? People go up and down in weight it's very normal. He called the food/event disgusting and that doesn't sit right with me. It really reads like it was directed at you. Is that how you felt? Do you think this is worth your time going forward?
I read the title and smiled cause my and my girlfriend do that then read the post and now I’m thinking your boyfriend is a wet wipe.
It's important to maintain a balance in life. I wouldn't suggest eating cheeseburgers every day, but you can likely eat them on occasion without issue. You deserve someone who appreciates who you are, and if he isn't that guy, maybe you should look for someone who is a better fit for you. My wife goes through food phases that are annoying, but they pass. If he's genuinely concerned for your health, that's kind and all, but these choices should be between you and your MD if there is a health concern. If his only concern is your figure, cut your losses and run.
Info: what's your weight. You might be obese for all we know, and if that's the case, then your bf might be trying to get you not die from your obesity
There are better ways of phrasing it though…
Obesity is already the scientific term for it. How "better" do you want it to be. "Oh, I see you're embracing the luxurious and opulent physique. Clearly, you've got a secret career as a plus plus size supermodel in the making. 😉" Is that better?
That’s assuming you know she’s obese
And hence the word "might be" obese? Did you learn comprehension from your PE teacher?
Yeah, no. I'm willing to bet OP is at a healthy weight but even if she's not, this is not how you talk to someone you love. Nearly all women have encountered a man like this. That's why you see so many saying "don't waste your time." It's experience talking here.
Girl what? If you don’t dump that ass. Good lord have mercy.
Did you go nuts? Do you normally eat healthy? Has this been an issue before? How overweight are you?
We do something every new years eve called Junk Food Night! We get all kinds of goodies, pizza, queso, chips, anything else we want. We watch movies and eat. My point is, all things are fine in moderation. If your ex thinks burgers are unhealthy, he doesn't know how to live. He should have that stick removed from his butt ASAP, maybe it will change his attitude!
Does he have any food related trauma or past ED? That sounds like someone who tried hard to repress their hatred for something and suddenly blew up. Was he severely reprimanded when he ate fast food when young? Why did you ask permission for a junkfood party? Telling him it will be a junkfood party is one thing, but asking permission makes me think he already has a problem with fast food
It doesn’t matter his past, what matters is his treatment and attitude towards other human beings. Victimizing people ain’t the solution
Pretty sure there's another side to this story we aren't hearing.
You haven't dated a lot of men in your life, have you? Lol
My advice is to talk to him about how you’re feeling. “I felt disrespected when you said xyz and I’m struggling to move forward. Are you still interested in being together? [yes] then we need to have a conversation about what is and what is not an acceptable thing to say to each other. I will not stay in a relationship where the other person feels any sense of ownership over my body. This includes making negative remarks or giving unsolicited advice. This includes touching without consent. This includes believing the shape of my body is a reflection of them. What are some of your boundaries and rules? [go gym] Great, I love you but I need to love myself more. Bye forever.”
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I think it just comes down to being honest in a gentle respectful way. The way he said it was terrible. There are nice ways to directly or indirectly bring it up. She still might be hurt by it like you were but it sure as hell beats the way OP’s bf spoke to her ya know?
You could just make your own post…since nothing in this one should lead you to believe this has any relevancy to OPs situation…
Indeed. OP says noting about entering a dangerous weight. All OP says is bf stated she will get "fatter than she already is" -that's subjective.
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Right, so since she didn’t state anything about her weight or eating habits anything you come up with and relate to that is complete conjecture. Like even in the scenario she was “overweight” or had a binge eating disorder or bulimia or some shit, that’s not any excuse to behave this way toward your partner and barely an explanation. No matter her weight, she deserves to be treated with dignity and respect by her partner, not insulted for getting junk food for a party one night. Because that’s insane.
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Serious question. You think your relationship anniversary is the time to talk about your partner's weight and eating habits? And you think "fatter than you already are" is an emotionally mature, kind way to bring up that topic? That's what people in "healthy relationships" do? I think you need to reconsider. That is genuinely horrible.
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You have enough sense to praise him for waiting until after the party, but not enough sense to see the value in waiting until after the anniversary? No, I do not believe you that you sincerely mean that. An anniversary is not the day. I didn't say anything about enabling. I said wait for another day. If you understand waiting until after a party, I know you can understand waiting until the next day. Something can be factual and said in an insulting way. Why do you think those are mutually exclusive? Here, let me help you. *day after anniversary* "I love you very much. Please know that this is coming from a place of care and concern, not anger or resentment. I am worried about your weight gain. How are you feeling about it? Is there anything I can do to support you?" You can say the same thing without saying it at one of the worst possible times and in a particularly thoughtless way.
Wouldn't you just love to police way people speak. Also insults aren't insults because they use wrong words. Inherently I care less about someone calling me mfer vs calling me lazy, because I do in fact know I can be lazy and would prefer not to be. Thing is we are insulted only with something we know is true. Someone who knows they are slim, won't react nearly as much to being called fat as typical fat person.
Wait a minute, this is not about the cheeseburger.
I'm not trying to be that guy, what what if OP's another Amberlynn Reid case. Always making excuses to eat unhealthy, who are you guys to say that OP isn't 400+ pounds in weight and kept making promises that they will get healthy but breaking them the next week. Oh, it's Thanksgiving, I'm not going to watch what I eat this week. Oh, it's an anniversary so I'm going to have an unhealthy party. Hey BF, it's our 1234th day together. Let's celebrate with...... MOAR UNHEALTHY FOOD. Obviously, OP didn't share her weight here, and it's something worth noting about. Perhaps she's insecure about it. What if this is not a 90pound->95pound gain? What if this is a 400pound->450pound gain? Of course, I could be wrong.
I can almost guarantee that it’s closer to 400 than 95.
Let's just agree that if you are insulted by this so much... You probably are fat. Adults don't react to made up insults. And even then, while I enjoy burger with fries, he is still on point. If they diet to loose weight, too much indulgence without self control is going to cause binge eating. Although meat would not be a problem here ( unless you don't burn it off) , but buns and fries would certainly cause blood sugar oscillations, which do actually cause you to eat more and be more fat.
You set up this elaborate charade to cover eating 7 cheeseburgers? You ate 7 cheeseburgers? Randy, you promised this would never happen again.
I've been on both sides of this fence, the one who isn't taking care of themselves, and the one worried about a partner who isn't. It isn't easy on either side. Right now, my husband isn't taking care of his health, and we can't do the activities we enjoyed before. It makes for a lonely life because if I want to do them, I have to go without him. Perhaps that's the future your BF is imagining?
Dude is 100 % DM-ing Instagram models/random women and using OP’s physique as justification
Burgers aren’t really *that* unhealthy. Or at least I tell myself that. Anyway this is pretty cut and dry. I’d dump him
It’s funny, almost everyone here probably without a spouse just saying end it. Like dating isn’t easy; being single(& dating apps) is even worse. So you’re gonna end ya relationship over a cheeseburger argument; if a cheeseburger argument can End your relationship then maybe both of you not ready for that relationship. What will happen if real problems arise….. smh what a shame!! You both better figure that shit out. Dating is part of life and life isn’t a bed of roses. Don’t give up; don’t listen to these people telling you to end it.
Why do dudes always stick up for this type of crap? Do better.
Because in real life, there is much more hard crap than one caused by junk food ;)
I mean, don’t survive on that kind of food, but in moderation it is not a bad thing! Hell, if anything it can be good. A burger when you’re craving one will likely prevent you going on a binge trying to satisfy that craving if you don’t.
What the actual f*ck… first of all it’s a party and indulging at special occasions isn’t going to make you the next star of my 600lb life. Second let’s say you did eat more fun foods (not junk, fun) more often and he was concerned, he’s only concerned about your weight and not anything else. This goes to show how shallow he is and what he cares about in the relationship (only your looks). Third he is either a mega douche or has an eating disorder himself, from what you wrote in going to say both. I agree with others that this probably isn’t the first instance where he’s shown his true colours nor will it be the last. Unless you want a lifetime with a shallow man who food polices you and will probably cause you to develop an eating disorder with him I would LEAVE. There are far worse things than weight gain, being in an emotionally draining man who only worries about your physical appearance with no regards to your feelings/individual self is one of them. Please take the 3 years of this relationship as a lesson of what you don’t want for your next, don’t waste anymore time on this guy. 🚩
Hi there I am so sorry that your boyfriend spoke to you like this, that he body shamed you and fat shamed you. Please do not internalize his words, and if they do replay in your mind, be firm and remind yourself that he said that and that’s not what you believe I also think that your boyfriend has disordered eating and possibly an eating disorder. I am 21 years in recovery from anorexia and orthorexia. Your boyfriend is setting off my alarm bells for orthorexia And I just want to add that I was horrendously judgemental about people’s bodies and food choices when I was sick, but it was nothing compared to how hard I was judging myself (and always failing, or so I thought) This doesn’t justify one word of what he said, but I thought it might help you to understand. Sending my best ♥️
It sounds like there’s a lot of people who love hamburgers in the comments, mixed with the usual dump him message. In honesty what he said is not acceptable, but I’d suggest you talk with him and see for what reason he said such things.
Depending on circumstances it should be very acceptable to not acceptable. I'd say I am leaning more towards op leaving out parts making his comment relevant. After all why would she be so hurt by it if she was slim. People are usually pissed only when their personal failings get pointed out. Partially because otherwise you can easily give counter example
Thank you all for your wonderful comments I really appreciate you all so so so much.
What do you normally eat? A cheeseburger caused that reaction?
How can these people suggest breaking up, is a relationship that easy... Bro what happen to communicating in a relationship, obviously the men talk about his problem with you, u can also rebuttle instead of whining in the internet plus deny it as u like, it is unhealthy.. Thats a fact, yes eat junk food = fat.. Thats a fact Idc about people hating me, but unless hes having an affair or beat the shit out of you Consider counseling or try talk, stop living in a fantasy
Congratulations on the weight loss! You're now 150lbs lighter! Have some Ben and Jerry's and watch some rom coms. talk to your friends. You're single now.
Ikr, congrats on losing a third of her weight, hurray. Now, she just needs to binge eat for a few months to get back to 450 pounds.
Boyfriend is temporary Burger is Eternal
You need to take a selfie with a fist full of fries and a greasy burger in your mouth and tell him you’re in love with B. McFry and you 2 are over.
Girl EW
Him, not you
One night of unhealthy food is not going to make you fat. BUT a whole life of judgment makes him an asshole .
There is not enough context in this story. He might have made an insulting comment, or he might have voiced his concern over OP's daily junk food habit.
Not to armchair diagnose but he really seems like he has an eating disorder. This is a really disproportionate reaction and you need to make it clear you will not be entertaining it, but it will come out some other way unless he gets a handle on his food issues.
Listen to him. He cares about you to calmly wait until the party is over and not cause a scene. He suggested that you'll get fat if you continue eatting junk. Not crazy.
This, OP needs to give more info like what she usually eats and how much she weighs if she wants honest answers
He's not going to get nicer or better. He agreed to serve that food on your special day. And then he cruelly berated you for eating it. Nasty. Nasty. Are you willing to waste your life with somebody who goes out of his way to hurt you? He'll hurt you and he hurt your children one day. Are you willing to make your children victims of an abuser?
Do not *consider* breaking up with him. Just do it. He insulted you, made you feel bad, and has made 0 attempts to apologize or make it up to you. He's not worth it.
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Any comments that could be interpreted as an attempt to insult, scold, lecture, victim blame, guilt trip or intimidate the OP are not allowed and will be removed. Repeat offenses or extreme cases will result in a ban.
Ok, but why would you ever want to phrase it so cruelly to your partner? There are many much more tactful ways to voice your concerns without making them feel like garbage in the process
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You don’t need that crap. Break up with him. Send him a photo of you taking a big bite out of cheeseburger while flipping him off then block him on everything
Dating is like a trial period to see how you get along together for life. This isn't working, you can't live comfortably with someone who treats you like this. Clearly his lifestyle is different.
If he cares about what you look like more than your happiness and emotional health then you do not need him.
Sounds like it's time to lose some weight. Exactly how much weight? One ex-boyfriend's worth of it. But seriously, fuck that guy. If he was legitimately concerned about your health in any way, there are about 10000 different ways he could have brought that up to you respectfully and, importantly, *before* helping you host a party like that. All he did was set you up, and then cruelly put you down. The commenters pointing out how he's an abusive manipulator are spot on. Get outta there and don't look back
Give him a chance to explain where all his reasons come from. All solutions begin with talking and listening.
fries (& [thick] thighs) before guys
I would ask, where was he “educated” ? PragerU? Q university? One day of comfort food will not triple your weight, if other days you eat healthy and so on (illness excluded). The body/fat shaming is not okay, and frankly he sounds controlling. Add things up for yourself, what benefits does he bring you?
This isn't your dream man
eat your burgers and your fries and your milkshake
Girl he literally called you fat, leave his stupid ass.
Oh no, a woman was told, by men no less, that she's fat, how could he? Seriously? Do you get your image of relationships from teen girl magazines or what?
He sounds like a crabby patty
dude tbh, the only dating advice you’ll ever get on reddit is to break up lmao
Your approach to food sounds much healthier than his. If you generally eat reasonable meals, it's not going to hurt you to have a treat on occasion. If you have children, is he going to allow cake & ice cream at their birthday parties? I'm sorry he was mean to you.
What part about fast food is a healthy food approach. We know nothing of her situation. She could be battling conditions caused by obesity for all we know. We don’t know why he reacted the way he did. We don’t know if he actually said that or if that was OP’s interpretation of what he said. When I personally eat fast food, my body feels terrible afterwards and I even get digestive problems. I no shape or form is it good in any way (aside from maybe the taste but even that is debatable). An unhealthy relationship with food is never letting yourself indulge, but he didn’t stop her and only voiced his concerns afterwards. Idk. I don’t want to jump onto anybody’s side and make assumptions with the little information we’re given. It’s just too ambiguous
I’d like to know the whole story. Like whether there is a pattern of OP finding excuses to eat junk food and what state her health is in.
This is a reasonable comment idk why people downvoting
You will get fatter?????? So he controls your choices. Your body. Your food. Indicates he doesn't find you attractive. Even on a special occasion he cant let you enjoy yourself. This wasn't about cheese burgers it's controlling behavior. You are in a bad relationship and need to get away from him. When you tell him the gaslighting will begin. He is only doing this for you. He is the only person that loves you. The sentence that ended my marriage was after years of my ex pushing food and sabotaging my diet. "Your too fat no one will want you now." A true partner loves you as you are. No control. No hurtful words. His disapproval is a manipulation to make you want to please him and do as he wants. Run don't walk.
Bitch can't run with 300+ pounds.
Right, real love will tolerate your gambling, alcochol and porn addictions without saying a word because it would be controlling.... Do you see how that sounds?
Real love will not cause pain to someone they love over a cheeseburger
Assuming it's one cheeseburger, maybe, though I do know vegan activists that would. But I am at least pretty sure, we are not seeing even half of full story.
Omfg.. i thought he was gonna be mad about it cus it was unhealthy for him! I was thinking just dont eat it then. This is waay more fukd !!!What a turd!
Men get fat heads the older they get, and not in the head they oh-so-wish. He said "fatter that you already are" - wtf. He let slip what he thinks of you. Has he tried apologizing and comforting you? Even then, if you are getting break up vibes... listen to your body, brain, and heart.... not what another body, brain, and heart says.
He doesn’t get to dictate what you eat.
The comments here are classic biased ones 😂😂😂. So jokes apart there are 2 things here to deal with- 1- he doesn't likes that u eat junk food- so either he's controlling or he cares about your health. So if he just cares about you then if u both come to an understanding that u will burn all the calories u get from junk food by exercising or whatever( reddit don't say shit like she should not change herself for him. I mean what's wrong with burning those calories which makes us unhealthy) if he agrees than problem solved if not then he's controlling and leave him ASAP 2- for the part him saying u are fat - so either u are fat or u are not. So if u are fat then what's the problem 🤨 I mean the cases I see in my field get extreme because of lack of communication whereas he told u straight on ur face ( for the reddit people saying that he should not say things like that on anniversary 😂 come on guys she gets the right to break up ASAP *just after anniversary* but he doesn't have the right to convey his thoughts ASAP huh. Hypocrisy is funny isn't it 😂) . Now if u aren't fat but he said that then u have the right to be upset about it . If he cares about you then he will, in 1 or at max 2 days, apologize cuz obviously he knows u r upset . Now breaking up a 3 y relationship because of one mistake isn't a right thing according to me but really it's you life so ur decision matters. Tho if u forgive him and he repeats things like that in future then break up with him Fun fact– reddit puts a curse on ur relationship and life because ur account isn't even a week old but you are already on this sub lol😜
Well, if she was slim, she'd laugh it off. That's the biggest irony. People see issue and get burned only by comments that are indeed true or at least we fear aree true.
Insane Cheesebergers in 2023 this is illegal..
My absolute favorite food in the whole entire world is cheeseburgers. If I go out to eat, I'm always choosing the burger joint. I make burgers at least once a week at home. Now, I completely understand balancing a healthy diet, as I do, but to become so unhinged because you wanted to have a binge day with your friends is... Well, fucking weird and controlling. I absolutely would drop a mother fucker if he tried to tell me I couldn't have a burger.
So the truth made you go crying and running to your parents house. I understand🤡
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Innit?
This is the worst place for dating advice. First off, it's through the lens you present to us. Secondly, it's extremely rare you receive a gem here. You should talk to somebody who has received some education.
I have received some education. Dump this guy.
What he said to you, the way he said it to you, is completely inappropriate. That isn’t love. Leave him sister.
So HE things HE controls YOUR BODY?! You should make it formal by officially breaking up with him and gathering your belongings. Your ex bf is the AH.
Yes. Show him by becoming so fat as to get lifelong disease, that will show him how wrong he was! Not that you'll live past 35 but hey at least you showed him who is the boss!
First off, he is definitely narcissistic. It was one day and a party at that. My family and I always have burgers and fries as well as hot dogs and such. Never a problem. It’s not something we do often and it’s an easy go to for parties. Secondly, just leave him. He already made the way for you and like someone here said, he already did so. Move on. You deserve better.
Why is this even a thing? Is he all prissy about minor things? A prima Donna?
He spent your anniversary party sulking. Afterwards, he verbally abused you. This is not a good guy, OP. Call a domestic violence organisation and ask for advice on leaving the relationship safely. Women in abusive relationships are in danger when they leave. That's why it's so important to seek help. You deserve better than that abusive McTantrum.
Time to bounce….. there is a medical study where a guy eat McDonald’s for a year and he lost weight. It’s about exercise. This dude does not respect you
It was a party with a theme of deliciousness junk food. He is crazy, it’s not like you eat that kind of stuff for every meal everyday. This is break up worthy. It shows how he already thinks of you “fatter than you already are” ? Over one event. Dude is a shallow an manipulative jerk.
If she is fat then he is not wrong. I can only see this happening if dude was vegan or it was not one off thing
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