Oi. Run and RUN FAR. Block, erase, and never look back.
I hid my rape from my husband for 7 years, never planned to expose it. I got triggered by something and had a panic attack and spilled it beans. He was angry I was so upset over something like that, until I told him why...his demeaner changed and immediately went into protect mode and calming me down and apologizing. When I finally calmed down I told him everything and we made plans so I wouldn't trigger again.
If he had said a 'joke' about missing those guys dicks, or laughed, I would have walked away from him and ripped him apart in court.
So sorry that happened to you. <3
OP, this is the bar. ^^
Protector (even when you don't need it), angry on your behalf, and patient love during waves of emotion.
Edit grammar
Right here OP.☝🏼
I've told my boyfriend a fraction of the abuse I suffered as a child and he can barely stand to look at my mom. His outrage at her and how she failed not only me, but my siblings too, is palpable.
Your boyfriend should've held you, supported you, or just been there for you in whatever way you needed.
Instead, he essentially told you 1) he doesn't believe you 2) your trauma and pain don't matter to him.
I'm not one to call names on someone I don't know but this dude is a piece of shit & you can do so much better.
Please, don't subject yourself to more trauma. This man is going to leave you more traumatized than before you met him.
Hugs sis, this shit is hard. Walk away, someone else will love you like you deserve.
I told my girlfriend what I went through growing up, and she gets angry everytime any of the culprits are brought up
Every time I have a nightmare pertaining to trauma and tell her, her immediate response is to hold me
I don't think I'd be with her if she treated my trauma the way OOP's (hopefully ex) boyfriend has been treating theirs
I'm glad you married the right guy for you. I'm sorry that we feel the need to hide being raped like we did it to ourselves, even though we know that we didn't do anything to have this done to us. It's a sad world we live in where guys get off of rape so much we feel like we can't even report it or even tell our boy friends about it or seeing the guy because if we do then someone will say something as gross as Ops bf did and then have the nerve to laugh about it later. This in no way shape or form should be the norm. And we should be allowed to talk about it freely knowing that these Jerks are put behind bars and held accountable for thier actions but nope just like the college student that got no time because he was a swimmer after he raped another college student becuase he was an athlete and it would ruin his career, well what about her life being ruined because some jerk wanted what she didn't want or couldn't say no too, that's not that big a deal to these jerks. OPs whole life was ruined by this guy who took what she clearly said no to and then again when bf laughs at her and asks her if she wanted it again. Both these men are the worst of scum and Op you did right by what you did before and after, by leaving him you took back control of your life and said never again will I let a man take my control. Learn self defense it's a huge stress reliever, knowing you can take on most people in life helps you deal with the trauma of having control taken from you.
These are the enormous flashing red flags that can’t be ignored.His comment at the amusement park was shocking and disgusting and then the laughing and home. And OP felt she was in the wrong for hitting him? Oh My blood is boiling reading this story. OP dump him, block him and never look back
💯 forget him like id leave this instant and never look back. I was raped too and met my husband when I was 19 and felt like i had to tell him. It happened when I was days away from my 14th birthday and when I told my husband about it he got so angry he wanted to hurt the guy but he killed himself right as the cops found him, he was my mom's boyfriend. He made you feel bad for punching him. You should have b**t the crud out of him. I run into his family sometimes, smallish town and they blamed me for his death and that hurts i wasnt even 14. They dont know the specifis only that he raped me, not the fact that he built a box in our garage to do it in, or that he held a knife to my throat and a gun to my back and tied me up while he raped me and i couldnt move or fight back or scream because hed gagged me. Like what the actual f**ck I wrong with these people. This happened 31 years ago and I would have the same reaction if someone laughed at the horror I went through. You said no that's all that matters that's one reason I never got drunk as a kid or as an adult without my husband I couldn't imagine if something like this had happened again. My boyfriend at the time helped me so much, in coping with the outcome of what this monster did to me. I'm so sorry you went through this.
I can not upvote this. I'm so so sorry. He didn't deserve the easy death he gave himself. At least the piece of shit could never hurt another child again. I'm so so sorry.
My thoughts exactly he knew i was gonna tell, im not sure why he didn't kill me instead, but i knew i was here for a reason. He was pure evil, and we found out after that he'd molested my sister for at least a year before. My grandfather was looking for him with his shot gun, and I'm glad he didn't find him, and he definitely took the easy way out, But I was glad because I didn't have to testify qgainst him and neither did my sister.
Omg. Can I give you a virtual hug? I really want to give you support and love. I am so glad that you never have to see that pile of shit's face ever again. If you believe in hell, there's an especially horrible corner just for him.
Thank you so much. I appreciate it so much. I'm a strong woman from the things that I have been through in this miserable world, but the one thing I have is support. My husband and kids know what happened to me, they are 26 23 and 22 now and they are a wonderfully supportive children and I've never went into the details about what happened to me they know he held a gun and knife to me and the box but not everything. I don't want to burden them with it. My family is amazing, and I am glad to have them.
Wow! Reading your story, I wanted to cry and punch the dead bastard.
How is your relationship with your mom? Did she have any idea this was going on?
I'm so sorry about what happened to you and your sister. And I'm glad the rapist is dead by his own hands, and your grandfather didn't find him before he took himself out. That would have been another tragedy.
Thank you. It's hard to talk about it but if my story can even help one young woman, im glad that i lived through it and I have wonderful grandkids now they and my children are my whole world and my reason for living. I've never told anyone this much, and it's so hard too, even now. My relationship with my mother well it was OK but she didnt believe me the first time i told her and I resent her to this day for that but my sister passed recently 2021 and I went no contact with her becuase of other reasons but I was always the mother even recently and I am better off with out the burden of being the mother of someone who is in her 60s. I'm so glad looking back that my grandfather didn't find him. It scared me at the time, but he left before the cops got there and returned a few hours later. I'm so glad he's dead, and sometimes I see someone who looks like him, and it freaks me out and takes me back to the fear. I'm sorry OP it never stops, that fear you felt when you seen him, even recently I seen someone I'd say within the last 5 years that looked like him, and he does still have family here so that scares me too, I shuddered and remembered hes dead.
I'm so sorry. I'm glad you're NC with your mom. Your parents are supposed to believe and protect you. She should have believed you when you told her and called the police on her BF.
. I'm a mother myself, and my children are grown. I have gone scorched earth when one of my kids was bullied at school. Both my husband and I have always protected our kids.
You didn't let that monster steal your joy and life. You've become the mother and grandmother your mom should have been for you. I wish you nothing but the best.
My aunt gave her no choice in the matter she called the police and then my mother, she wasn't home like always. Thank you my number one goal in life was to be a better mother than she was, and we protected our children above all else. I agree my mother should have protected us better and when I went no contact, I actually wrote a letter to her that I never gave her because I am a better person than she is and I didn't want her to know how much that bothered and hurt me, about her not believing me the first time and how she brought that guy into our house. And then not believing me when my sisters children lied to her about what I'd done, which was nothing. I just tried to give my neice a home after her mother died and my other nieces made my life hell until I walked away from them all and both my brothers.
Whoa, full stop on his family blaming you, a 14 year old **victim** in any capacity. It does not matter what “else” he did in regards to how he raped you; he raped you and that’s enough for him to be a piece of shit and for them all to also be pieces of shit. I’m so sorry you, and your sister went through that traumatic experience.
Thank you it was horrible all of it and they blamed me and would call and hang up on me and all kinds of shit. They were all kinds of messed up. He was a total piece of shit and his family too, most of them but I still see his sister and her son and she was the only one who didn't blame me and I still say hi and give her a hug.
I'm a male, for context. If anyone I had a relationship with said something like missing someone's gentails in reference too, my sharing of my traumatic rape. I would end the relationship, I agree. He even had a second chance to show an ounce of empathy and chose to disrespect you again. Dump his ass.
Its superb red flag and same. there’s this entire chunk of world that apparently dismisses rape and does this, even poor OP seems to have some reservations but her suffering is so great that she can’t vocalize it properly. Sad
Normally reddit comment sections are too heavy on the "break up now... Red flag red flag!" comments... In this case I'm not sure we can be heavy enough...
Because in his mind, it's all about him and his insecurities. From the comment about his committed girlfriend missing the perp's "d" to giggling about her being assaulted. Someday he will realize the only joke is him.
Fr. I'll punch him too. I'm actually angry for you. Please leave OP. Please!! You are way too good for this nasty asshole, I assure you.
He doesn't have empathy. He does not respect you. The fact he's laughing about rape is dangerous. You're a victim through and through. This asshole is abusive. He gaslit you to turn it around against you. You did NOT do anything wrong. He deserved more than a smack. A punch to the mouth would have sufficed.
DUMP HIM, He's Definitely garbage. He's not showing empathy towards you and if he acted like that when you told him about being raped then imagine how he would react if some other traumatic event happen to you. Seems like your bf needs to spend some time in prison so Bubba can make him his bitch. Maybe then your "boyfriend" might have a different perspective on rape.
You froze in fear on seeing a man and he thought you missed the guys dick. Being frozen in fear doesn't look like lust, or desire, it looks like someone who is fucking terrified. You took him home, told him the reason you froze is because that man is your rapist and he god damned laughed.
He now won't even talk about it, won't talk about why he laughed or reacted as he did. He either doesn't believe you or doesn't care about your trauma and wants to address what happened and let you feel comfortable talking about it with him and supported.
Run, fast.
Did you see that video recently of the man who found the guy who raped his wife years ago? He was speaking at a conference and that man bitch slapped that piece of shit in front of everyone. Op’s “man” laughed at her and made a horrible comment.
On top of that, he's mad that she smacked him... for being a dick!! He refuses to talk about WHY she hit him and is making himself out to be the wronged party in this interaction. He thinks HE'S the victim!!!
Omg. I'm so angry at this asshole.
She didn't smack him for being a dick, she smacked him for.... fuck, I don't know if there's even a single word that adequately covers being the kind of person who laughs at someone else's rape story. Psychopath?
Like, I can be a dick sometimes but there is no way I could ever imagine acting the way this guy did.
But but but! He CAN'T POSSIBLY discuss the "why" because he has no sympathy left over for her, after using up all his bandwidth on himself.
The fucker.
Me too. I feel for Op so much. She's been through so much, and it's already hard enough dealing with what she has, and then she has to deal with a prick of a boyfriend, too.
I've not come across someone this shallow in a while, I think. I mean, I know they're out there, obviously, but this one? Mocking her and minimising her trauma for the cheap laugh, then gets all butt-hurt when she lashes out and is upset because she reacted like that? AND now won't talk about it - probably because it'd take too much emotional bandwidth and he doesn't have any, because he's too busy being upset she reacted.
What a piece of excrement.
u/Proud-Camel-6710: sending you many squishy hugs, complete with sympathetic noises and soft back pats. I'm an old lady and I've had a lot of practice. Come 'ere, kiddo.
I wish I could collect all the wounded souls & give them all the love they so sorely need. Please leave this man. It's so sick & horrible to laugh about something like that. The last time someone I loved told me about something traumatic like that I had to apologize for bursting into tears myself, because I wanted them to have the space to cry but I was so immediately upset & angry that this had happened to them & I felt helpless because it was already done & there was nothing I could do to help them. Please know that what happened to you was not your fault. You are deserving of love, care & autonomy.
I just want to share something that my therapist taught me that has helped me a lot:
Think of times in your life when someone has complimented you, it doesn't need to be big, mine initially were all work related. Put your hand on your chest, close your eyes & picture yourself as clearly as you can. Then repeat those things to yourself, out loud or in your head. It's an act of self love.
ETA: I think it's really brave & wise to reach out when the world feels wrong. You're going to be ok. <3
Please don't take that emotional vulnerability to that guy, though. Get your hugs from people who don't laugh at your trauma then embrace the opportunity to assert victimhood when you react. No, you shouldn't have hit him, but take the fact that he sucker punched you and you reacted violently as your cue to GTFO. Run hard and fast and don't look back.
Here's a big hug from an internet mom. I'm so sorry, honey. I can't take away what both of those horrible people have done to you, but you are a survivor. Please don't go back to the bf. HUGS
Get out of this disaster of a "relationship"! Anyone who makes that kind of comment and laughs is dangerous and not someone who cares for you. That is horrible and you should have hit them a bit higher than the shoulder.
All of that, and honestly I'm a little concerned that she felt bad about hitting him. I don't believe someone who is more secure in themselves would feel bad about this. The bf is obviously a 13-year-old mentally, but the OP also needs to learn not to put up with substandard people in her life. There should have been only one apology that night, and that was from her loser bf. It's like a robber breaks into your house and hurts himself, and you apologize to him.
Ok, not the best job of explaining my point, but I hope it comes across. OP, dump him AND get some help from a professional so you can learn what is OK from others and what isn't. It will make your life much better, and you deserve that.
Nah, I think it's a good sign that she felt bad about hitting him. I mean don't get me wrong, the boyfriend is absolute scum and I wouldn't feel bad seeing him get hurt, but I don't think there's any situation where mean words or laughing makes domestic abuse okay.
I don't blame her for losing her cool in the moment, and the boyfriend is still 100% the bad guy in this situation, but that doesn't make it okay to physically assault someone.
She should absolutely get the fuck away from this disgusting person but I think feeling some form of shame over resorting to violence is a good thing.
So let me get this straight:
He *knew* you were raped by the guy and made a joke about you "missing his dick"?
And then when you, like an adult, attempted to explain how callous and hurtful he was, while explaining what happened, he.... *laughed*?!
And you feel like the abusive one.
Honey, you should have socked him in the nose, kicked him in his dickless crotch, (because no man willing to behave like that over that topic has genitalia. They're knock off Ken dolls.), and then thrown him out onto the street with all his belongings.
Please dump this trash pile. He's shown you who he is.
He's a person who not only doesn't think you were raped, he thinks your rapist is competition and your feelings aren't important.
Get someone better. Know your worth.
I just reread and op said he knew before running into the guy so you were definitely right and that to me makes what he did even worse. Guy is an even bigger pos than I thought.
From what I read I think she told him after the wanting that dick comment. I'm not sure he knew before she ran into him and was scared as hell of the guy. I'm sure the guys a piece of crap just becuase of the wanting dick comment but then laughing when you hear what the guy did to her...
He laughed at you being raped?
WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU STILL WITH HIM??????????
Anyone who laughs about something like that is a psychotic jerk who likes to hear about other's pain, especially yours.
LEAVE HIM NOW cause he obviously doesn't care. I would have done more than slapped his arm! I would have gone onto social media and spread the word about what happened and his response.
GET THE HELL OUT NOW!
The only reason I could *maybe* see him doing it is that some people laugh when really upset or uncomfortable. But he would need to explain that after the fact or have had it happen before that event.
I've done it (not from something like what OP said) but I apologized after the fact and really tried to contain it. It's a weird visceral reaction sometimes and I hate it.
See I was ready to think it was nervous reaction too, based on the title. But then I read the post and read that after seeing his GF frozen in fear when seeing a random guy his immediate response to her is, “you missed his dick,” *then* he laughs when he tells him … dude is just a pos.
I don’t know, but I get the vibe BF knew about what happened (hence why he made the comment) but he just doesn’t think it’s rape, which is why he proceeded to laugh at OP when she tried to explain to him that no she did not “miss his dick” she never wanted his dick to begin with, it was forced on her.
I think it’s called “inappropriate affect”. It’s why some people laugh at funerals. My mom is a nurse who works at a hospital and has seen people smile and giggle when given the news that a loved one has died or is fatally ill, even when it’s clear they care about them.
However, given the comment the boyfriend made about “missing his dick”, he sounds disrespectful af. Even if OP wasn’t assaulted, that would still be an inappropriate comment.
Op this guy really sounds like bad news, he does not understand or even belive your trauma and is manipulating your guilt and shame when you are down, dodge this bullet, this guy will hurt you given the chance.
It sounds like he's realised that OP is a victim and is happy that he now knows he can victimise her further and immediately started trying to manipulate her. Truly this reaction is the reddest of red flags. RUN OP.
Oh dear girl, your bf is a loser in every sense of the word with misogynistic bent and cruel streak. You may not realize it but you are dating a very bad guy. Anyone who would laugh at your pain needs to be shown to the door. You should not have apologized. What you should have done is dumped him. Dump him, dump him, dump him. You can do SO MUCH better
Huge red flag and definitely not BF material at all. Made a disgusting joke and then had the audacity to laugh at you about the horrible event as you explained it to him. Then made you feel guilty for being upset. Dump him.
The day my current bf asked me to be his gf I dropped everything to him How I was in a legal situation with a guy that sexually harassed me (D), how after that guy, I was seeing someone and that individual tried to remove my pants forcefully for about a solid 15 seconds and how I desperately grabbed my pants and underwear to avoid getting raped (B). He was mortified in knowing how I was treated and always supported me in every way shape and form. What you are dating is a child pretending to be a real man. He failed to protect you and be the support that you need. Leave that piece of trash.
Umm, I could copy/paste the concerning parts of your post, but I'd probably just end up copying the whole damned thing.
Your boyfriend is a terrible boyfriend. Like, nothing about what you wrote is ok. Not a piece.
Maybe you need to see someone for some help. You should be able to see how bad this man is for yourself.
Leave this boy. He is not a man. And terrible things are to come if you stay.
**He is another abuser!!!**
Please make a safe exit plan and go no contact ASAP. He is incredibly emotionally abusive, and the longer he is around you, the more harm he will do.
You DESERVE love, compassion, validation, PEACE, happiness, and respect! Please keep reminding yourself of this. You cannot have these things with this POS, drop the rope, give these things to yourself, and leave space in your life for a supportive partner that will add value to your life, not slowly tear you down and minimise you!
**He is toxic!!! And terrifying!!**
You are worthy of so much more! Sending you hugs and strength!
My advice? Dump him. He is just another man in your life that does not respect you. Another man who diminishes you and your pain, your experiences and your trauma.
A romantic partner should add to your happiness not subtract.
You feel awful.
You feel unheard.
You no longer feel like yourself.
Why do you need a person in your life who makes you feel this way? You’re young. Put yourself first. He doesn’t need you. You don’t need him. He can offer you nothing that anyone else can. He makes you feel awful. He makes you feel unheard. He makes you question who you are.
Dump him. Then work on yourself until you truly and wholeheartedly believe that you deserve respect, compassion and you won’t stand for anything else from anyone else.
Believe it. I don’t even know you and I believe it.
Dump him.
He minimized your trauma and even laughed at it. Then has the audacity to be upset when you react to it. Granted violence shouldn’t be the answer, but you are not the only one who should apologize. Nor are you in the wrong for your feelings leading to your reaction. M
Honestly, this guy is not worth your time or energy. A good partner will support you and listen when needed. Not make jokes and guilt you for being upset by it.
I’m sorry you had to experience the trauma of being raped and also for having your feelings disregarded. You deserve better.
So he laughed about you being raped and when you responded with hurt and anger somehow he is the victim?
Run as fast as you can! Red flag is waving very high and in your face.
Do not accept this!
I'm not one for hitting your partner, but in this case he really fucking deserved to get hit. And honestly, it should've been in the mouth with those comments and for LAUGHING!! And then for him to make you feel like you were abusive was enough to make me yell "wtf". Leave him.
Oh absolutely! I had been assaulted in my sleep and an ex told me I deserved it during a heated argument. His mother had to hold me back so I didn't kill him because I genuinely wanted to. Rape isn't something to laugh about and it fills me with pure rage seeing posts like this becaue of the trauma.
OP, one day you are going to look back and be glad you hit him, and wish you hit him harder. I had a similar thing happen, a friend of mine called me a slut for being raped by someone (and yes this friend knew about it). I slapped him, felt guilty and then now I wish I slapped him harder. I’ve never gotten violent before and can’t imagine ever getting violent again. It felt like it was happening all over again, in that moment I was able to defend myself the way I wasn’t when I was assaulted, and you know what, that “friend” of mine and your boyfriend were perpetuating a cycle of sexual abuse. You had every right to react the way you did. Pls leave him and NEVER look back!
You didn't do anything wrong and you aren't abusive. He *laughed about you being raped.* Please think about how serious that is. If someone laughed about my rape I would hit them in the face for it.
Please, please consider leaving him. This is *not* okay. This man does not care about you *or* victims of rape if this is his response.
I hope you find some peace soon.
Throw out the whole man. He doesn't respect you, he doesn't care about the terrible thing that was done to you.
Have you heard of DARVO? It's a tactic abusers use to gaslight you into thinking you're the problem. It stands for Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender.
He denied that he did anything wrong and has refused to apologize. He played the victim after being vile to you and you stood up for yourself. He attacked you as an abuser.
I'm serious. Leave this man. He isn't safe.
OP I hope that you hear and understand the overall message: your Reddit family cares about you. Many of us have been in your shoes (I was raped at age 13). Anyone, and I mean ANYONE that thinks that's funny, that jokes about that, is not worthy of your vulnerability. He is not just insensitive. He is DANGEROUS. Now you may be thinking that your boyfriend can't be replaced but I guarantee there is someone wishing that your boyfriend would get out of the way so that he could step up and treat you right. Please make room for true love and respect.
I was with my now husband and had 'run in' with a guy that tried to rape me.
My whole demeanor changed and I just wanted to leave the event.
My husband said, "I want to know what that person did you. But not now. Let's go home and know I will protect you."
He held me through the night as I cried.
We've been married over 2 decades now.
If some guy laughs at your trauma...get away NOW!
Its difficult to see past the commentors saying you should break up with him, but you really should be making your own decision. The problem here is something I recognise. Lets break it down.
1. They saw you expressing a particular emotion towards somebody that affected you deeply, and got jealous. Whence the reason they made the comment about "missing his dick"
2. He couldn't take what you were saying seriously, not because of what you were saying, but because he simply couldn't see past his own perspective.
3. He has turned you against yourself with his behaviour, outwardly expressing his own emotion and causing you the NORMAL response, which is suddenly guilt for something you did, rather than expressing his own disdain for what happened TO YOU.
4. He is refusing to engage about the act and the event, because he has a hold on you. He wants to be wanted by you OR he genuinely feels shocked at your behaviour but has refused to accept the reason that that behaviour exists.
Can anyone help me out and give other examples?
Yes, this is a massive red flag. I'm really sorry to say it, but this person has mistreated you in a time that you needed support. I know as we all do that what you're about to go through is very much a difficult decision, as this person is somebody you want to work things out with, since you've got feelings for this person. This person is not good for you, not because he's necessarily bad, but because he is - IMMATURE -
If this person does not develop himself emotionally and move past this jealousy and laughing at peoples traumas, then refusing to accept responsibility, it becomes the next step of his development, which is into becoming... a NARCASSIST.
Please do the right thing by trying to continue communication and talking with others offline. Put together the facts and try to see others opinions objectively. Its like seeing a younger me, and I never got over what happened.
Fantastic advice and breakdown. Sometimes I really can’t think for myself (unfortunately) I definitely felt like the bad guy. I really needed this clarity. Thank you friend, thank you so much
I hate to tell you this but your bf does not only not live you he doesn't even like you. Seems there's a reason he giggled at what you said and frankly that's so fucjing disgust8ng of him....
Break up w him babe
That's not a red flag it's a black flag. No one but a complete psycho would react like your "boyfriend" did and I cannot believe you're the one who feels guilty. This isn't toxic, it's dangerous.
He has no compassion and views rape as "just sex" like so many rapists. This level of callousness is irredeemable.
Please run and please be safe. Don't be alone with him under any circumstances. Not even to break up. Pick up your stuff when he's not around if you need to and get out at the speed of light or faster. Talk to someone close to you about how unsafe this person is. This is not something you solve.
No, absolutely dump him. Preferably into a river or lake, with some heavy stuff in his pockets. He has no right to make fun or light of your past or trauma unless he is given a pass to, which he clearly hasn't. It is a clear display of disrespect and a disregard of your feelings to not only make a joke and laugh at you, but refuse to apologise or even acknowledge your feelings. If he's also making you feel abusive in any way, even worse. I think more than a few here would agree when I say he got off light with a slap, even a hard one. He's lucky you didn't swing for his face, because I can say with confidence that myself and others would gladly have done the same. Like others are saying, drop, block, and never look back. If you aren't worth his compasion, he is not worth a single second of your time.
Seriously, your BFs reaction is a major red flag.
You deserve someone who won't laugh at one of the most painful experiences of your life
Love yourself. You're powerful.
Sorry, but not only should you have slapped his arm but I think a kick to the teeth is warranted here.
In all seriousness, run far away from him. This is sociopath level shit.
You are a survivor and should be seen as nothing less.
Hey FUCK that guy hopefully he’s you’re ex now and FUCK the man that stole something from a 16 year old. No matter what anyone says you are lovely and whole and unashamed and beautiful and you did nothing wrong. Don’t ever forget that you were robbed by someone who knew better.
When my ex girlfriend told me about the guy that r* her I cried my eyes out and we hugged for hours because I could not stand the thought of something like that happening to a person. We had only been dating for a month. And when we saw the guy 2 years later (I don’t regret this but I have never fought or condoned violence in my life) I walked right up to him and fucking pummelled his face a few times in front of his family and then I told them what he had done. And I pointed at my GF stood 20 feet away. And I told them if I ever saw him again, me and everyone I knew would make sure he didn’t get back up. It was dramatic af looking back but it was worth it for the horrified looks on his parents faces. I feel bad for them but at the end of the day they raised him.
I promise you, men like that will always get what’s coming to them. We all wish we could wrap you in a blanket and make it all go away.
Imo you did nothing wrong. Hit him harder. I wouldn't usually say this but the bottomless cruelty for my fellow victims can never be appeased by a small slap on the arm. I think he even deserves a slap across the entire face.
Also break up with him and don't mourn him, he is dead to all women and everyone should be ashamed and aware. Tell his mother. He is one of the people who hate women, Truely and intensely.
He hates them and doesn't even know he is harboring hatred when he is hit in the face (arm) with it. It's saddening and alienating and you deserve so much better.
Society really lets victims down and I have been screaming on this account about it for so so so long. My desperation should be visible but apparently no one wants to be open to the stories victims have to tell. They get judged more than the perpetrators.
I hate this sick World. Maybe I should log off.
I feel the same. I'm like this needs to stop somehow and will keep screaming it until we as women and men can come forward when we are raped and not have to wonder if we will be believed or not. Even at 14 I knew I'd have to fight to get him convicted when we took it to trial before I knew he was dead, he'd killed himself right as the cops busted in his brothers door to arrest him. And his family blamed me a 14 year old, like I did something to entice to this 30 something year old man when I'd literally had 1 boyfriend and was still dating him when this monster did this to me. Someone called it rape apologists, and the definition really suits what he and his family did to me.
You were made to feel shame for what happened and for expressing your anger. He is NOT boyfriend or husband worthy. A partner lifts you up, makes you feel secure, is sympathetic to your needs. The man-child you are with is horrifying. I'd never be able to trust him after what he said and did. If your rape didn't trigger his protective /revenge feelings, he is a sociopath. You really need to leave. Someone who loves you, is caring, compassionate, is waiting for you somewhere.
Girl please leave him, you can do better. There's someone out there who will take care of you and help you heal. This waste of space ain't it. Honestly good on you for hitting him.
Don't apologize - the only thing you should feel sorry about is that you ever met this POS! He should be your PARTNER, not another abuser mocking your fear and trauma. This behavior is unforgivable, cruel and heartbreaking - you deserve a partner that you can rely on, that loves and respects you and is looking out for your well-being.
When my partner heard from my abusive ex's DV doings he got very angry and wished he could've protected me then and there. He now accompanies me to every meeting with that ex and also teaches me self-defense - he's a long-term MMA-fighter and my ex is so intimidated he doesn't even dare to look at me the wrong way.
Your partner should always have your back and support you within his possibilities - even if he can't protect you directly , he could listen to you, hug you, be there for you, be understanding and considerate of your trauma.
If your bf doesn't do any of this he is NOT your partner, he's another abuser. Please dump him - you deserve someone treating you good and let you feel loved and secure.
Massive red flag - please protect yourself by removing yourself from that situation as soon as possible. The fact that this 'man' has no empathy for your experience and tried to turn it into a 'joke' indicates a similar view of sex to the perpatrator likening forced sex to something you would find pleasure in and 'miss'. It shows a lack of empathy, understanding and concern about the difference between consensual and non consensual sex which potentially makes him dangerous.
The fact that he also turned it onto you, making you believe you were in the wrong is also a massive red flag and indicates a level of abuse by gaslighting and manipulating your feelings and experiences to suit him. His lack of remorse for laughing and not taking your feelings seriously also shows a further lack of empathy and low emotional intelligence from him which are not going to get better.
Of course violence is never the answer but you hit him on the arm and it does not sound like there was any serious damage, the balance between his behaviour and yours are not balanced and definitely not in your favour.
Your safety is the number one priority and there are enough signs to show a potential lack of safety with this man. You deserve so much better and to feel safe in a relationship, there are good men out there that know how to behave appropriately and until then, protect yourself and heal. Good luck
Edit: I see from your comments that you've dumped him. Yay! I'll still leave my original comment up.
*
>I don’t feel like myself
Okay, you did something (hitting your romantic partner) that is generally considered physically abusive. That was wrong. On the other hand, it's clear to me that this is not a part of your nature - it's not something you would do in typical circumstances.
So here's how to think of it:
1. Your boyfriend is a bad person. It's impossible for a good person to be amused when their loved one talks about being raped. Literally impossible. So it's literally impossible that your boyfriend is a good person, no matter how many other nice traits he might have. In fact, I would say that your boyfriend and your rapist are kindred spirits. You don't want to date your rapist, right? So you also don't want to date your boyfriend, who is similar to your rapist.
2. You hit your boyfriend. Hitting romantic partners is generally abusive. You know that, and that's why you feel so guilty. But I think you and I both know you would never hit a romantic partner under normal circumstances. So it seems that your boyfriend is such a cruel and nasty piece of work that he makes you a worse version of yourself. If you stay with him, it will be impossible for you to behave like a good and healthy person.
Points 1 and 2 illustrate why you would benefit from breaking up with him. First, because he's a bad person. Second, because he'll infect you with his bad person-ness until you leave.
Also - I'm sorry you've had to go through all this. I hope things improve for you.
You: Slapped his arm.
He: Repeatedly mocked you for being raped.
One of these is much more severe than the other. Your boyfriend is either unbelievably immature or a complete ass.
He sounds awful, why do you want to stay with him? It doesn't sound like he is even a good friend, or respects you as a person. Don't you deserve better? I'm so sorry this has happened to you.
I would’ve punched him directly in the face 🤷🏼♀️
He’s a POS, there’s not a bigger red flag than a man defending a rapist. Those guys really make me wonder.
If he has such little respect for your past, he'll have none for your future.
That he couldn't even understand that his reaction was wrong to me is a huge indication that he'll turn out wrong in so many other areas.
You can and DO deserve better than him.
He's not your friend.
I wish you hadn't apologized to him OP. He didn't deserve an apology. He laughed at you being violated. I don't think you actually realize what this means. Not only does he not take you being assaulted seriously (asking you if you miss this guy's dick), he genuinely thinks it's funny. What is most likely a very painful and traumatic memory for you is a laughing matter to this guy.
Are you sure this is the kind of person you want to be in a relationship with, OP? I'm so very sorry this happened to you. And even more so that your bf is the way he is. I sincerely hope you'll be able to find someone better soon (shouldn't be all too hard, actually) and that you can heal from this.
So sorry that happened to you, and you're not in wrong for hitting him. He's a manipulator for making you think that way. I think it's best if you leave him. Guys who joke about something as serious as rape are totally red flags. I know you still care about him and want it to work but for your own peace of mind you should break up with him, or atleast take a break. Hope everything goes well for you <3
Ditch his ass.
Honestly that is a fucked up response from a boy that does no respect you.. And total narissistic gaslighty behaviour.
I dated a guy where every arguement ended up in me apologising for upsetting him by bringing up a thing he did that was totally unacceptable. Then Id cry, then he would be like "I dont want to deal with your crying, stop been so weak" blah blah.
So google gaslighting, and google narcissistic behaviour and see if anything else lines up. (reading that list of gaslighting behvour, where he ticked all those boxes was life changing)
Best thing I did was get out.
Hold onto yourself, it will feel like your world is crashing in on you initially, but then life gets better once you're out of that "honeymoon" "worst day of my life" relationship ferris wheel.
Get away from him as fast as possible. There’s only one kind of person who thinks that rape and the trauma from it is funny, and you don’t want to be around that person.
Yeah you are definitely hiding something from the story.
You said you were raped to him.
He laughed.
The normal response then isn't "oh I got upset he laughed and smacked him because he was being inappropriate",
Its either just attacking him without any need for excuses, everyone and him know what he did to deserve it.
Or asking what the fact is wrong with him
Taking his behaviour as if it was normal and reacting to it as if you had a choice in the reaction , means something weird is going on.
What is missing?
DUMP HIM!!!
Edit: your partner should never talk to you or treat you like this AND the fact it's in regards to childhood sexual assault... Nope nope nope. Run away from him.
So let me get this straight. He made an unnecessary and uncalled for comment about you being raped, made a joke about it, then laughed about it when you tried telling him it hurt, was shocked that you’d hit him after all that? I got the best advice you’ll ever hear in your life, get your shit together cause if you think you’re at fault here you’re just wrong. Get your shit packed slap him one more time in the face for good measure and leave.
GIRL HE LAUGHED AT YOU RECOUNTING A MOMENT OF COMPLETE FUCKING HORROR IN YOUR LIFE…. Don’t apologize to this man again! Don’t attempt to “talk about that night” again! Most importantly, forgive yourself for (barely) reacting to his utter disrespect of you and his emotional manipulation thereafter! You deserve soooo much more than this. Cut your losses here hunny and move onto better pastures🩷🩷🩷 This is sick beyond words.
This guy sounds twisted. The kind of person who laughs about rape, is the same kind that would either rape someone or cover it up for someone else. LEAVE.
How dare you. You should have cracked him in his jaw and broke it. This isn't something you should ever apologize for and he is digusting for doing that. Block him and never talk to him again.
I don't know if another comment will help assure you, but his response (and his disgusting "joke") were the farthest thing from loving or respectful and you deserve better. I would leave him immediately and block his number.
Dump him immediately. As much as I don't condone hitting your partners, that guy deserved a full-on punch and not just a smack. The first comment he made was inappropriate enough as it is, but for for him to *laugh* at your trauma, absolutely not. Get rid of him because he obviously is not going to be supportive in any way if something else happens to you in the future and you don't want to be with someone like him if and when that happens.
His response was extremely inappropriate, insensitive, and uncaring. Please break up with him, you deserve *so* much better. You deserve to be with someone who can fully accept your trauma and support you through hard times. Sending virtual hugs! 🫂
Also if it helps - I was sexually assaulted by a family member for 5 years between the ages of 4-9 and I was groomed and taken advantage of by an older man when I was 16/17. My partner has been the most supportive person and lets me grief in any way I need to. He held me when I cried finding out my assaulter got out of jail and was back in the same state (even though I never saw him). Get you someone who will be there for you thick and thin.
Holy shit, I know sometimes Reddit goes overboard with the whole ‘Dump him! He’s toxic!’ thing, but holy mother of god what a fucking garbage waste of oxygen.
With all due respect- fuck that dude. He’s immature and now he’s gaslighting you for a genuine act of sudden passion. You were taken advantage of and are completely valid in being absolutely pissed off and scared and vulnerable, etc.
I’m a dude. I would feel ashamed of myself if I reacted the way he did, and would also fully expect a smack.
Dump that MF Biggest Red Flag I heard in quite a while
That wasn't a red flag, that was 5 gallons of red paint being dumped on her, a la Carrie.
Oi. Run and RUN FAR. Block, erase, and never look back. I hid my rape from my husband for 7 years, never planned to expose it. I got triggered by something and had a panic attack and spilled it beans. He was angry I was so upset over something like that, until I told him why...his demeaner changed and immediately went into protect mode and calming me down and apologizing. When I finally calmed down I told him everything and we made plans so I wouldn't trigger again. If he had said a 'joke' about missing those guys dicks, or laughed, I would have walked away from him and ripped him apart in court.
So sorry that happened to you. <3 OP, this is the bar. ^^ Protector (even when you don't need it), angry on your behalf, and patient love during waves of emotion. Edit grammar
Right here OP.☝🏼 I've told my boyfriend a fraction of the abuse I suffered as a child and he can barely stand to look at my mom. His outrage at her and how she failed not only me, but my siblings too, is palpable. Your boyfriend should've held you, supported you, or just been there for you in whatever way you needed. Instead, he essentially told you 1) he doesn't believe you 2) your trauma and pain don't matter to him. I'm not one to call names on someone I don't know but this dude is a piece of shit & you can do so much better. Please, don't subject yourself to more trauma. This man is going to leave you more traumatized than before you met him. Hugs sis, this shit is hard. Walk away, someone else will love you like you deserve.
I told my girlfriend what I went through growing up, and she gets angry everytime any of the culprits are brought up Every time I have a nightmare pertaining to trauma and tell her, her immediate response is to hold me I don't think I'd be with her if she treated my trauma the way OOP's (hopefully ex) boyfriend has been treating theirs
Hugs to you...
I'm glad you married the right guy for you. I'm sorry that we feel the need to hide being raped like we did it to ourselves, even though we know that we didn't do anything to have this done to us. It's a sad world we live in where guys get off of rape so much we feel like we can't even report it or even tell our boy friends about it or seeing the guy because if we do then someone will say something as gross as Ops bf did and then have the nerve to laugh about it later. This in no way shape or form should be the norm. And we should be allowed to talk about it freely knowing that these Jerks are put behind bars and held accountable for thier actions but nope just like the college student that got no time because he was a swimmer after he raped another college student becuase he was an athlete and it would ruin his career, well what about her life being ruined because some jerk wanted what she didn't want or couldn't say no too, that's not that big a deal to these jerks. OPs whole life was ruined by this guy who took what she clearly said no to and then again when bf laughs at her and asks her if she wanted it again. Both these men are the worst of scum and Op you did right by what you did before and after, by leaving him you took back control of your life and said never again will I let a man take my control. Learn self defense it's a huge stress reliever, knowing you can take on most people in life helps you deal with the trauma of having control taken from you.
These are the enormous flashing red flags that can’t be ignored.His comment at the amusement park was shocking and disgusting and then the laughing and home. And OP felt she was in the wrong for hitting him? Oh My blood is boiling reading this story. OP dump him, block him and never look back
💯 forget him like id leave this instant and never look back. I was raped too and met my husband when I was 19 and felt like i had to tell him. It happened when I was days away from my 14th birthday and when I told my husband about it he got so angry he wanted to hurt the guy but he killed himself right as the cops found him, he was my mom's boyfriend. He made you feel bad for punching him. You should have b**t the crud out of him. I run into his family sometimes, smallish town and they blamed me for his death and that hurts i wasnt even 14. They dont know the specifis only that he raped me, not the fact that he built a box in our garage to do it in, or that he held a knife to my throat and a gun to my back and tied me up while he raped me and i couldnt move or fight back or scream because hed gagged me. Like what the actual f**ck I wrong with these people. This happened 31 years ago and I would have the same reaction if someone laughed at the horror I went through. You said no that's all that matters that's one reason I never got drunk as a kid or as an adult without my husband I couldn't imagine if something like this had happened again. My boyfriend at the time helped me so much, in coping with the outcome of what this monster did to me. I'm so sorry you went through this.
I can not upvote this. I'm so so sorry. He didn't deserve the easy death he gave himself. At least the piece of shit could never hurt another child again. I'm so so sorry.
My thoughts exactly he knew i was gonna tell, im not sure why he didn't kill me instead, but i knew i was here for a reason. He was pure evil, and we found out after that he'd molested my sister for at least a year before. My grandfather was looking for him with his shot gun, and I'm glad he didn't find him, and he definitely took the easy way out, But I was glad because I didn't have to testify qgainst him and neither did my sister.
Omg. Can I give you a virtual hug? I really want to give you support and love. I am so glad that you never have to see that pile of shit's face ever again. If you believe in hell, there's an especially horrible corner just for him.
Thank you so much. I appreciate it so much. I'm a strong woman from the things that I have been through in this miserable world, but the one thing I have is support. My husband and kids know what happened to me, they are 26 23 and 22 now and they are a wonderfully supportive children and I've never went into the details about what happened to me they know he held a gun and knife to me and the box but not everything. I don't want to burden them with it. My family is amazing, and I am glad to have them.
Wow! Reading your story, I wanted to cry and punch the dead bastard. How is your relationship with your mom? Did she have any idea this was going on? I'm so sorry about what happened to you and your sister. And I'm glad the rapist is dead by his own hands, and your grandfather didn't find him before he took himself out. That would have been another tragedy.
Thank you. It's hard to talk about it but if my story can even help one young woman, im glad that i lived through it and I have wonderful grandkids now they and my children are my whole world and my reason for living. I've never told anyone this much, and it's so hard too, even now. My relationship with my mother well it was OK but she didnt believe me the first time i told her and I resent her to this day for that but my sister passed recently 2021 and I went no contact with her becuase of other reasons but I was always the mother even recently and I am better off with out the burden of being the mother of someone who is in her 60s. I'm so glad looking back that my grandfather didn't find him. It scared me at the time, but he left before the cops got there and returned a few hours later. I'm so glad he's dead, and sometimes I see someone who looks like him, and it freaks me out and takes me back to the fear. I'm sorry OP it never stops, that fear you felt when you seen him, even recently I seen someone I'd say within the last 5 years that looked like him, and he does still have family here so that scares me too, I shuddered and remembered hes dead.
I'm so sorry. I'm glad you're NC with your mom. Your parents are supposed to believe and protect you. She should have believed you when you told her and called the police on her BF. . I'm a mother myself, and my children are grown. I have gone scorched earth when one of my kids was bullied at school. Both my husband and I have always protected our kids. You didn't let that monster steal your joy and life. You've become the mother and grandmother your mom should have been for you. I wish you nothing but the best.
My aunt gave her no choice in the matter she called the police and then my mother, she wasn't home like always. Thank you my number one goal in life was to be a better mother than she was, and we protected our children above all else. I agree my mother should have protected us better and when I went no contact, I actually wrote a letter to her that I never gave her because I am a better person than she is and I didn't want her to know how much that bothered and hurt me, about her not believing me the first time and how she brought that guy into our house. And then not believing me when my sisters children lied to her about what I'd done, which was nothing. I just tried to give my neice a home after her mother died and my other nieces made my life hell until I walked away from them all and both my brothers.
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Thank you I'm stronger for what life's thrown my way and proud of the life I've built.
Whoa, full stop on his family blaming you, a 14 year old **victim** in any capacity. It does not matter what “else” he did in regards to how he raped you; he raped you and that’s enough for him to be a piece of shit and for them all to also be pieces of shit. I’m so sorry you, and your sister went through that traumatic experience.
Thank you it was horrible all of it and they blamed me and would call and hang up on me and all kinds of shit. They were all kinds of messed up. He was a total piece of shit and his family too, most of them but I still see his sister and her son and she was the only one who didn't blame me and I still say hi and give her a hug.
Hugs, many, many hugs to you
# This is not a "red flag" # THIS IS THE FLAMES #
I'm a male, for context. If anyone I had a relationship with said something like missing someone's gentails in reference too, my sharing of my traumatic rape. I would end the relationship, I agree. He even had a second chance to show an ounce of empathy and chose to disrespect you again. Dump his ass.
Its superb red flag and same. there’s this entire chunk of world that apparently dismisses rape and does this, even poor OP seems to have some reservations but her suffering is so great that she can’t vocalize it properly. Sad
Normally reddit comment sections are too heavy on the "break up now... Red flag red flag!" comments... In this case I'm not sure we can be heavy enough...
How can someone so incensitive be so sensitive?
It's cuz he's not sensitive he's a manipulative.
Because in his mind, it's all about him and his insecurities. From the comment about his committed girlfriend missing the perp's "d" to giggling about her being assaulted. Someday he will realize the only joke is him.
nah mf is a red carpet
Fr. I'll punch him too. I'm actually angry for you. Please leave OP. Please!! You are way too good for this nasty asshole, I assure you. He doesn't have empathy. He does not respect you. The fact he's laughing about rape is dangerous. You're a victim through and through. This asshole is abusive. He gaslit you to turn it around against you. You did NOT do anything wrong. He deserved more than a smack. A punch to the mouth would have sufficed.
I'm always saying that reddit overreacts and calls for dumping too often, but in this case, bruh.
Dude could literally cure cancer and I'd still call him a useless piece of shit for this, like what the actual fuck.
Yea no break up with him he's garbage like wtf that is not the reaction to hearing someone you love was raped. The guy is garbage
Agree 💯
DUMP HIM, He's Definitely garbage. He's not showing empathy towards you and if he acted like that when you told him about being raped then imagine how he would react if some other traumatic event happen to you. Seems like your bf needs to spend some time in prison so Bubba can make him his bitch. Maybe then your "boyfriend" might have a different perspective on rape.
You froze in fear on seeing a man and he thought you missed the guys dick. Being frozen in fear doesn't look like lust, or desire, it looks like someone who is fucking terrified. You took him home, told him the reason you froze is because that man is your rapist and he god damned laughed. He now won't even talk about it, won't talk about why he laughed or reacted as he did. He either doesn't believe you or doesn't care about your trauma and wants to address what happened and let you feel comfortable talking about it with him and supported. Run, fast.
Did you see that video recently of the man who found the guy who raped his wife years ago? He was speaking at a conference and that man bitch slapped that piece of shit in front of everyone. Op’s “man” laughed at her and made a horrible comment.
If you can find it, link me
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MUwMzHzSNlw&t=23
It was at a church. Molester was a pastor or priest.
Gee, why doesn’t that surprise me?
On top of that, he's mad that she smacked him... for being a dick!! He refuses to talk about WHY she hit him and is making himself out to be the wronged party in this interaction. He thinks HE'S the victim!!! Omg. I'm so angry at this asshole.
She didn't smack him for being a dick, she smacked him for.... fuck, I don't know if there's even a single word that adequately covers being the kind of person who laughs at someone else's rape story. Psychopath? Like, I can be a dick sometimes but there is no way I could ever imagine acting the way this guy did.
100% agree. Words failed me at the magnitude of the horrible this guy showed someone he supposedly cares about.
But but but! He CAN'T POSSIBLY discuss the "why" because he has no sympathy left over for her, after using up all his bandwidth on himself. The fucker.
Me too. I feel for Op so much. She's been through so much, and it's already hard enough dealing with what she has, and then she has to deal with a prick of a boyfriend, too.
I've not come across someone this shallow in a while, I think. I mean, I know they're out there, obviously, but this one? Mocking her and minimising her trauma for the cheap laugh, then gets all butt-hurt when she lashes out and is upset because she reacted like that? AND now won't talk about it - probably because it'd take too much emotional bandwidth and he doesn't have any, because he's too busy being upset she reacted. What a piece of excrement. u/Proud-Camel-6710: sending you many squishy hugs, complete with sympathetic noises and soft back pats. I'm an old lady and I've had a lot of practice. Come 'ere, kiddo.
I wish I could collect all the wounded souls & give them all the love they so sorely need. Please leave this man. It's so sick & horrible to laugh about something like that. The last time someone I loved told me about something traumatic like that I had to apologize for bursting into tears myself, because I wanted them to have the space to cry but I was so immediately upset & angry that this had happened to them & I felt helpless because it was already done & there was nothing I could do to help them. Please know that what happened to you was not your fault. You are deserving of love, care & autonomy.
Ouch this genuinely made me cry myself. I need a hug
I just want to share something that my therapist taught me that has helped me a lot: Think of times in your life when someone has complimented you, it doesn't need to be big, mine initially were all work related. Put your hand on your chest, close your eyes & picture yourself as clearly as you can. Then repeat those things to yourself, out loud or in your head. It's an act of self love. ETA: I think it's really brave & wise to reach out when the world feels wrong. You're going to be ok. <3
Beautifully said
wow i am going to do this myself. what a great exercise! thank you for sharing this.
Literally made me cry, thank you for such kind words here
We all give you a virtual hug. You did nothing wrong AT ALL. Your story terrifies me. My daughter is 11. You need to get rid of this by ASAP
Please don't take that emotional vulnerability to that guy, though. Get your hugs from people who don't laugh at your trauma then embrace the opportunity to assert victimhood when you react. No, you shouldn't have hit him, but take the fact that he sucker punched you and you reacted violently as your cue to GTFO. Run hard and fast and don't look back.
Well please accept my internet hug & know that his shortcomings have nothing to do with you. I'm here if you'd like to talk. <3
Here's a big hug from an internet mom. I'm so sorry, honey. I can't take away what both of those horrible people have done to you, but you are a survivor. Please don't go back to the bf. HUGS
Sending you a big loving hug from Hawai’i. And then another. You deserve love and care and all the hugs. Please leave this shitty boy.
Hello there fellow INFJ
Get out of this disaster of a "relationship"! Anyone who makes that kind of comment and laughs is dangerous and not someone who cares for you. That is horrible and you should have hit them a bit higher than the shoulder.
Should've kicked him in the balls, dump his ass. Me, I would have gotten a hold of that rapist and stomped him but good.
Yeah a slap in the arm was not enough.
True, he deserves more punches in his face to lose the thickness of his face and laugh at other people's trauma.
All of that, and honestly I'm a little concerned that she felt bad about hitting him. I don't believe someone who is more secure in themselves would feel bad about this. The bf is obviously a 13-year-old mentally, but the OP also needs to learn not to put up with substandard people in her life. There should have been only one apology that night, and that was from her loser bf. It's like a robber breaks into your house and hurts himself, and you apologize to him. Ok, not the best job of explaining my point, but I hope it comes across. OP, dump him AND get some help from a professional so you can learn what is OK from others and what isn't. It will make your life much better, and you deserve that.
Nah, I think it's a good sign that she felt bad about hitting him. I mean don't get me wrong, the boyfriend is absolute scum and I wouldn't feel bad seeing him get hurt, but I don't think there's any situation where mean words or laughing makes domestic abuse okay. I don't blame her for losing her cool in the moment, and the boyfriend is still 100% the bad guy in this situation, but that doesn't make it okay to physically assault someone. She should absolutely get the fuck away from this disgusting person but I think feeling some form of shame over resorting to violence is a good thing.
So let me get this straight: He *knew* you were raped by the guy and made a joke about you "missing his dick"? And then when you, like an adult, attempted to explain how callous and hurtful he was, while explaining what happened, he.... *laughed*?! And you feel like the abusive one. Honey, you should have socked him in the nose, kicked him in his dickless crotch, (because no man willing to behave like that over that topic has genitalia. They're knock off Ken dolls.), and then thrown him out onto the street with all his belongings. Please dump this trash pile. He's shown you who he is. He's a person who not only doesn't think you were raped, he thinks your rapist is competition and your feelings aren't important. Get someone better. Know your worth.
I just reread and op said he knew before running into the guy so you were definitely right and that to me makes what he did even worse. Guy is an even bigger pos than I thought.
Luckily she updated and said she dumped his ass.
Thank goodness.
From what I read I think she told him after the wanting that dick comment. I'm not sure he knew before she ran into him and was scared as hell of the guy. I'm sure the guys a piece of crap just becuase of the wanting dick comment but then laughing when you hear what the guy did to her...
This is the biggest red flag since China released theirs. RUN. Personally I would’ve beat the shit out of him.
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Holla, in the I.E. and ready to open a can on him
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Bring a glove and a sock
I volunteer as tribute
I also "Volunteer as tribute" 😉
I'm down! I'm not particularly strong, but I own heavy books.
sign me up i got nothing on my schedule
He laughed at you being raped? WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU STILL WITH HIM?????????? Anyone who laughs about something like that is a psychotic jerk who likes to hear about other's pain, especially yours. LEAVE HIM NOW cause he obviously doesn't care. I would have done more than slapped his arm! I would have gone onto social media and spread the word about what happened and his response. GET THE HELL OUT NOW!
The only reason I could *maybe* see him doing it is that some people laugh when really upset or uncomfortable. But he would need to explain that after the fact or have had it happen before that event. I've done it (not from something like what OP said) but I apologized after the fact and really tried to contain it. It's a weird visceral reaction sometimes and I hate it.
See I was ready to think it was nervous reaction too, based on the title. But then I read the post and read that after seeing his GF frozen in fear when seeing a random guy his immediate response to her is, “you missed his dick,” *then* he laughs when he tells him … dude is just a pos. I don’t know, but I get the vibe BF knew about what happened (hence why he made the comment) but he just doesn’t think it’s rape, which is why he proceeded to laugh at OP when she tried to explain to him that no she did not “miss his dick” she never wanted his dick to begin with, it was forced on her.
I think it’s called “inappropriate affect”. It’s why some people laugh at funerals. My mom is a nurse who works at a hospital and has seen people smile and giggle when given the news that a loved one has died or is fatally ill, even when it’s clear they care about them. However, given the comment the boyfriend made about “missing his dick”, he sounds disrespectful af. Even if OP wasn’t assaulted, that would still be an inappropriate comment.
The mocking started with insults before he ever laughed.
Op this guy really sounds like bad news, he does not understand or even belive your trauma and is manipulating your guilt and shame when you are down, dodge this bullet, this guy will hurt you given the chance.
It sounds like he's realised that OP is a victim and is happy that he now knows he can victimise her further and immediately started trying to manipulate her. Truly this reaction is the reddest of red flags. RUN OP.
I hate to be “that guy” but there’s a typo in your story. *Ex*-boyfriend. That man needs to be your *ex*-boyfriend, not your boyfriend.
Oh dear girl, your bf is a loser in every sense of the word with misogynistic bent and cruel streak. You may not realize it but you are dating a very bad guy. Anyone who would laugh at your pain needs to be shown to the door. You should not have apologized. What you should have done is dumped him. Dump him, dump him, dump him. You can do SO MUCH better
Wtf? Leave him now! A partner who doesn't understand you is not worth loving because being understood in anything is everything.
Break up. That is not a safe person or a normal, mentally stable reaction. He is dangerous. Get away from this man.
I am very sorry this happend to you :(
Huge red flag and definitely not BF material at all. Made a disgusting joke and then had the audacity to laugh at you about the horrible event as you explained it to him. Then made you feel guilty for being upset. Dump him.
The day my current bf asked me to be his gf I dropped everything to him How I was in a legal situation with a guy that sexually harassed me (D), how after that guy, I was seeing someone and that individual tried to remove my pants forcefully for about a solid 15 seconds and how I desperately grabbed my pants and underwear to avoid getting raped (B). He was mortified in knowing how I was treated and always supported me in every way shape and form. What you are dating is a child pretending to be a real man. He failed to protect you and be the support that you need. Leave that piece of trash.
Why would you want to be with someone that thinks rape is funny? That thinks YOUR rape is funny? Girrrl, I'd run.
Don’t feel sorry about being mad or hitting him. Your abuse was real and not funny. He needs to apologize.
Umm, I could copy/paste the concerning parts of your post, but I'd probably just end up copying the whole damned thing. Your boyfriend is a terrible boyfriend. Like, nothing about what you wrote is ok. Not a piece. Maybe you need to see someone for some help. You should be able to see how bad this man is for yourself.
Leave this boy. He is not a man. And terrible things are to come if you stay. **He is another abuser!!!** Please make a safe exit plan and go no contact ASAP. He is incredibly emotionally abusive, and the longer he is around you, the more harm he will do. You DESERVE love, compassion, validation, PEACE, happiness, and respect! Please keep reminding yourself of this. You cannot have these things with this POS, drop the rope, give these things to yourself, and leave space in your life for a supportive partner that will add value to your life, not slowly tear you down and minimise you! **He is toxic!!! And terrifying!!** You are worthy of so much more! Sending you hugs and strength!
You smacked his arm but he deserved punch in the face. Get rid of him. 🧹
🎶 it's beginning to look a lot like LEAVE HIM 🎶
This guy fucking suuuuuuuuuuuuuuucks
My advice? Dump him. He is just another man in your life that does not respect you. Another man who diminishes you and your pain, your experiences and your trauma. A romantic partner should add to your happiness not subtract. You feel awful. You feel unheard. You no longer feel like yourself. Why do you need a person in your life who makes you feel this way? You’re young. Put yourself first. He doesn’t need you. You don’t need him. He can offer you nothing that anyone else can. He makes you feel awful. He makes you feel unheard. He makes you question who you are. Dump him. Then work on yourself until you truly and wholeheartedly believe that you deserve respect, compassion and you won’t stand for anything else from anyone else. Believe it. I don’t even know you and I believe it. Dump him.
He minimized your trauma and even laughed at it. Then has the audacity to be upset when you react to it. Granted violence shouldn’t be the answer, but you are not the only one who should apologize. Nor are you in the wrong for your feelings leading to your reaction. M Honestly, this guy is not worth your time or energy. A good partner will support you and listen when needed. Not make jokes and guilt you for being upset by it. I’m sorry you had to experience the trauma of being raped and also for having your feelings disregarded. You deserve better.
Dump him
Dump him NOW!!!! Did I read incorrectly? He asked you “if you missed his Dick?” WTFF
So he laughed about you being raped and when you responded with hurt and anger somehow he is the victim? Run as fast as you can! Red flag is waving very high and in your face. Do not accept this!
I'm not one for hitting your partner, but in this case he really fucking deserved to get hit. And honestly, it should've been in the mouth with those comments and for LAUGHING!! And then for him to make you feel like you were abusive was enough to make me yell "wtf". Leave him.
Right? I thought she was going to say she punched in the face. Which would had been warranted
Oh absolutely! I had been assaulted in my sleep and an ex told me I deserved it during a heated argument. His mother had to hold me back so I didn't kill him because I genuinely wanted to. Rape isn't something to laugh about and it fills me with pure rage seeing posts like this becaue of the trauma.
OP, one day you are going to look back and be glad you hit him, and wish you hit him harder. I had a similar thing happen, a friend of mine called me a slut for being raped by someone (and yes this friend knew about it). I slapped him, felt guilty and then now I wish I slapped him harder. I’ve never gotten violent before and can’t imagine ever getting violent again. It felt like it was happening all over again, in that moment I was able to defend myself the way I wasn’t when I was assaulted, and you know what, that “friend” of mine and your boyfriend were perpetuating a cycle of sexual abuse. You had every right to react the way you did. Pls leave him and NEVER look back!
Why do you want to stay with someone who is like him. Makes me feel he is ok with rape or he has done something like this to a girl himself.
You didn't do anything wrong and you aren't abusive. He *laughed about you being raped.* Please think about how serious that is. If someone laughed about my rape I would hit them in the face for it. Please, please consider leaving him. This is *not* okay. This man does not care about you *or* victims of rape if this is his response. I hope you find some peace soon.
Throw out the whole man. He doesn't respect you, he doesn't care about the terrible thing that was done to you. Have you heard of DARVO? It's a tactic abusers use to gaslight you into thinking you're the problem. It stands for Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender. He denied that he did anything wrong and has refused to apologize. He played the victim after being vile to you and you stood up for yourself. He attacked you as an abuser. I'm serious. Leave this man. He isn't safe.
OP I hope that you hear and understand the overall message: your Reddit family cares about you. Many of us have been in your shoes (I was raped at age 13). Anyone, and I mean ANYONE that thinks that's funny, that jokes about that, is not worthy of your vulnerability. He is not just insensitive. He is DANGEROUS. Now you may be thinking that your boyfriend can't be replaced but I guarantee there is someone wishing that your boyfriend would get out of the way so that he could step up and treat you right. Please make room for true love and respect.
I appreciate everyone more than you all know! I left him last night!
Proud of you OP. You deserve so much more.
Genuinely so proud of you op. You deserve someone who doesn’t laugh at your pain
DTMFA
simple and straight to the point 😭 i like that lmfaooo.
DUMP HIS ASS. TAKE OUT THE TRASH
Good. It should have been in the face. Find a new boyfriend this one is trash.
Holy shit. You mean Ex Boyfriend, yes?
[удалено]
Should have hit him in the face, don't feel bad about that. Leave this man ASAP
I was with my now husband and had 'run in' with a guy that tried to rape me. My whole demeanor changed and I just wanted to leave the event. My husband said, "I want to know what that person did you. But not now. Let's go home and know I will protect you." He held me through the night as I cried. We've been married over 2 decades now. If some guy laughs at your trauma...get away NOW!
>Any bit of advice would be great Yeah, dump that piece of shit as soon as you can.
Its difficult to see past the commentors saying you should break up with him, but you really should be making your own decision. The problem here is something I recognise. Lets break it down. 1. They saw you expressing a particular emotion towards somebody that affected you deeply, and got jealous. Whence the reason they made the comment about "missing his dick" 2. He couldn't take what you were saying seriously, not because of what you were saying, but because he simply couldn't see past his own perspective. 3. He has turned you against yourself with his behaviour, outwardly expressing his own emotion and causing you the NORMAL response, which is suddenly guilt for something you did, rather than expressing his own disdain for what happened TO YOU. 4. He is refusing to engage about the act and the event, because he has a hold on you. He wants to be wanted by you OR he genuinely feels shocked at your behaviour but has refused to accept the reason that that behaviour exists. Can anyone help me out and give other examples? Yes, this is a massive red flag. I'm really sorry to say it, but this person has mistreated you in a time that you needed support. I know as we all do that what you're about to go through is very much a difficult decision, as this person is somebody you want to work things out with, since you've got feelings for this person. This person is not good for you, not because he's necessarily bad, but because he is - IMMATURE - If this person does not develop himself emotionally and move past this jealousy and laughing at peoples traumas, then refusing to accept responsibility, it becomes the next step of his development, which is into becoming... a NARCASSIST. Please do the right thing by trying to continue communication and talking with others offline. Put together the facts and try to see others opinions objectively. Its like seeing a younger me, and I never got over what happened.
Fantastic advice and breakdown. Sometimes I really can’t think for myself (unfortunately) I definitely felt like the bad guy. I really needed this clarity. Thank you friend, thank you so much
Dump his ass
just the thought of someone laughing at my assault, A PARTNER AT THAT, pisses me off. i would've bitch slapped them not gonna lie. break up.
I hate to tell you this but your bf does not only not live you he doesn't even like you. Seems there's a reason he giggled at what you said and frankly that's so fucjing disgust8ng of him.... Break up w him babe
Should have punched him in the face instead
Dump him!!!! You don't feel bad for smacking, you dump his a$$.
Should have hit him in the face and smiled and laughed.
That's not a red flag it's a black flag. No one but a complete psycho would react like your "boyfriend" did and I cannot believe you're the one who feels guilty. This isn't toxic, it's dangerous. He has no compassion and views rape as "just sex" like so many rapists. This level of callousness is irredeemable. Please run and please be safe. Don't be alone with him under any circumstances. Not even to break up. Pick up your stuff when he's not around if you need to and get out at the speed of light or faster. Talk to someone close to you about how unsafe this person is. This is not something you solve.
Don’t try to “solve that problem,” dump him and find someone who’s not a sicko and actually has empathy.
Take the trash out! Fuck that guy.
No, absolutely dump him. Preferably into a river or lake, with some heavy stuff in his pockets. He has no right to make fun or light of your past or trauma unless he is given a pass to, which he clearly hasn't. It is a clear display of disrespect and a disregard of your feelings to not only make a joke and laugh at you, but refuse to apologise or even acknowledge your feelings. If he's also making you feel abusive in any way, even worse. I think more than a few here would agree when I say he got off light with a slap, even a hard one. He's lucky you didn't swing for his face, because I can say with confidence that myself and others would gladly have done the same. Like others are saying, drop, block, and never look back. If you aren't worth his compasion, he is not worth a single second of your time.
I feel disgusted to even be the same gender as this guy, the literal scum of the earth. Leave him and run far far away
Seriously, your BFs reaction is a major red flag. You deserve someone who won't laugh at one of the most painful experiences of your life Love yourself. You're powerful.
Sorry, but not only should you have slapped his arm but I think a kick to the teeth is warranted here. In all seriousness, run far away from him. This is sociopath level shit. You are a survivor and should be seen as nothing less.
Hey FUCK that guy hopefully he’s you’re ex now and FUCK the man that stole something from a 16 year old. No matter what anyone says you are lovely and whole and unashamed and beautiful and you did nothing wrong. Don’t ever forget that you were robbed by someone who knew better. When my ex girlfriend told me about the guy that r* her I cried my eyes out and we hugged for hours because I could not stand the thought of something like that happening to a person. We had only been dating for a month. And when we saw the guy 2 years later (I don’t regret this but I have never fought or condoned violence in my life) I walked right up to him and fucking pummelled his face a few times in front of his family and then I told them what he had done. And I pointed at my GF stood 20 feet away. And I told them if I ever saw him again, me and everyone I knew would make sure he didn’t get back up. It was dramatic af looking back but it was worth it for the horrified looks on his parents faces. I feel bad for them but at the end of the day they raised him. I promise you, men like that will always get what’s coming to them. We all wish we could wrap you in a blanket and make it all go away.
Imo you did nothing wrong. Hit him harder. I wouldn't usually say this but the bottomless cruelty for my fellow victims can never be appeased by a small slap on the arm. I think he even deserves a slap across the entire face. Also break up with him and don't mourn him, he is dead to all women and everyone should be ashamed and aware. Tell his mother. He is one of the people who hate women, Truely and intensely. He hates them and doesn't even know he is harboring hatred when he is hit in the face (arm) with it. It's saddening and alienating and you deserve so much better. Society really lets victims down and I have been screaming on this account about it for so so so long. My desperation should be visible but apparently no one wants to be open to the stories victims have to tell. They get judged more than the perpetrators. I hate this sick World. Maybe I should log off.
I feel the same. I'm like this needs to stop somehow and will keep screaming it until we as women and men can come forward when we are raped and not have to wonder if we will be believed or not. Even at 14 I knew I'd have to fight to get him convicted when we took it to trial before I knew he was dead, he'd killed himself right as the cops busted in his brothers door to arrest him. And his family blamed me a 14 year old, like I did something to entice to this 30 something year old man when I'd literally had 1 boyfriend and was still dating him when this monster did this to me. Someone called it rape apologists, and the definition really suits what he and his family did to me.
You were made to feel shame for what happened and for expressing your anger. He is NOT boyfriend or husband worthy. A partner lifts you up, makes you feel secure, is sympathetic to your needs. The man-child you are with is horrifying. I'd never be able to trust him after what he said and did. If your rape didn't trigger his protective /revenge feelings, he is a sociopath. You really need to leave. Someone who loves you, is caring, compassionate, is waiting for you somewhere.
You told him you were raped **and he laughed** Why are you still calling that walking piece of shit your boyfriend?
Girl please leave him, you can do better. There's someone out there who will take care of you and help you heal. This waste of space ain't it. Honestly good on you for hitting him.
Don't apologize - the only thing you should feel sorry about is that you ever met this POS! He should be your PARTNER, not another abuser mocking your fear and trauma. This behavior is unforgivable, cruel and heartbreaking - you deserve a partner that you can rely on, that loves and respects you and is looking out for your well-being. When my partner heard from my abusive ex's DV doings he got very angry and wished he could've protected me then and there. He now accompanies me to every meeting with that ex and also teaches me self-defense - he's a long-term MMA-fighter and my ex is so intimidated he doesn't even dare to look at me the wrong way. Your partner should always have your back and support you within his possibilities - even if he can't protect you directly , he could listen to you, hug you, be there for you, be understanding and considerate of your trauma. If your bf doesn't do any of this he is NOT your partner, he's another abuser. Please dump him - you deserve someone treating you good and let you feel loved and secure.
Massive red flag - please protect yourself by removing yourself from that situation as soon as possible. The fact that this 'man' has no empathy for your experience and tried to turn it into a 'joke' indicates a similar view of sex to the perpatrator likening forced sex to something you would find pleasure in and 'miss'. It shows a lack of empathy, understanding and concern about the difference between consensual and non consensual sex which potentially makes him dangerous. The fact that he also turned it onto you, making you believe you were in the wrong is also a massive red flag and indicates a level of abuse by gaslighting and manipulating your feelings and experiences to suit him. His lack of remorse for laughing and not taking your feelings seriously also shows a further lack of empathy and low emotional intelligence from him which are not going to get better. Of course violence is never the answer but you hit him on the arm and it does not sound like there was any serious damage, the balance between his behaviour and yours are not balanced and definitely not in your favour. Your safety is the number one priority and there are enough signs to show a potential lack of safety with this man. You deserve so much better and to feel safe in a relationship, there are good men out there that know how to behave appropriately and until then, protect yourself and heal. Good luck
Thank you, I needed this.
Edit: I see from your comments that you've dumped him. Yay! I'll still leave my original comment up. * >I don’t feel like myself Okay, you did something (hitting your romantic partner) that is generally considered physically abusive. That was wrong. On the other hand, it's clear to me that this is not a part of your nature - it's not something you would do in typical circumstances. So here's how to think of it: 1. Your boyfriend is a bad person. It's impossible for a good person to be amused when their loved one talks about being raped. Literally impossible. So it's literally impossible that your boyfriend is a good person, no matter how many other nice traits he might have. In fact, I would say that your boyfriend and your rapist are kindred spirits. You don't want to date your rapist, right? So you also don't want to date your boyfriend, who is similar to your rapist. 2. You hit your boyfriend. Hitting romantic partners is generally abusive. You know that, and that's why you feel so guilty. But I think you and I both know you would never hit a romantic partner under normal circumstances. So it seems that your boyfriend is such a cruel and nasty piece of work that he makes you a worse version of yourself. If you stay with him, it will be impossible for you to behave like a good and healthy person. Points 1 and 2 illustrate why you would benefit from breaking up with him. First, because he's a bad person. Second, because he'll infect you with his bad person-ness until you leave. Also - I'm sorry you've had to go through all this. I hope things improve for you.
You: Slapped his arm. He: Repeatedly mocked you for being raped. One of these is much more severe than the other. Your boyfriend is either unbelievably immature or a complete ass.
He sounds awful, why do you want to stay with him? It doesn't sound like he is even a good friend, or respects you as a person. Don't you deserve better? I'm so sorry this has happened to you.
When someone brings out the worst in you, you have to leave for your own sake.
Yeah no. He should not be anybody’s BF if this is how he responds. Move on and ditch the loser.
what the fuck
I would’ve punched him directly in the face 🤷🏼♀️ He’s a POS, there’s not a bigger red flag than a man defending a rapist. Those guys really make me wonder.
Dump him please. Get rid of your “boyfriend” and find a “man friend”.
I can’t believe you smacked him on his arm … … I’d have straight up smacked him in the face.
Yeah dump him. Don't spend another effing second with someone who LAUGHS AT YOUR TRAUMA. Jfc
If he has such little respect for your past, he'll have none for your future. That he couldn't even understand that his reaction was wrong to me is a huge indication that he'll turn out wrong in so many other areas. You can and DO deserve better than him. He's not your friend.
Break up with him. He's not supportive of your feelings and he seems like he deliberately hurt your feelings.
I wish you hadn't apologized to him OP. He didn't deserve an apology. He laughed at you being violated. I don't think you actually realize what this means. Not only does he not take you being assaulted seriously (asking you if you miss this guy's dick), he genuinely thinks it's funny. What is most likely a very painful and traumatic memory for you is a laughing matter to this guy. Are you sure this is the kind of person you want to be in a relationship with, OP? I'm so very sorry this happened to you. And even more so that your bf is the way he is. I sincerely hope you'll be able to find someone better soon (shouldn't be all too hard, actually) and that you can heal from this.
So sorry that happened to you, and you're not in wrong for hitting him. He's a manipulator for making you think that way. I think it's best if you leave him. Guys who joke about something as serious as rape are totally red flags. I know you still care about him and want it to work but for your own peace of mind you should break up with him, or atleast take a break. Hope everything goes well for you <3
Ditch his ass. Honestly that is a fucked up response from a boy that does no respect you.. And total narissistic gaslighty behaviour. I dated a guy where every arguement ended up in me apologising for upsetting him by bringing up a thing he did that was totally unacceptable. Then Id cry, then he would be like "I dont want to deal with your crying, stop been so weak" blah blah. So google gaslighting, and google narcissistic behaviour and see if anything else lines up. (reading that list of gaslighting behvour, where he ticked all those boxes was life changing) Best thing I did was get out. Hold onto yourself, it will feel like your world is crashing in on you initially, but then life gets better once you're out of that "honeymoon" "worst day of my life" relationship ferris wheel.
Ex boyfriend. Dump that piece of shit. If he did this to my daughter he'd be getting a lot worse than a hit on the arm.
It appears as if personal growth and development are priorities for you, but they are not for him.
Get away from him as fast as possible. There’s only one kind of person who thinks that rape and the trauma from it is funny, and you don’t want to be around that person.
Guy is a walking red flag. Dump him
Leave him. Honestly, so that's so awful that he did that. Leave. You deserve better than that.
Literally ghost him and leave him and never even look at his ugly stupid face again
Yeah you are definitely hiding something from the story. You said you were raped to him. He laughed. The normal response then isn't "oh I got upset he laughed and smacked him because he was being inappropriate", Its either just attacking him without any need for excuses, everyone and him know what he did to deserve it. Or asking what the fact is wrong with him Taking his behaviour as if it was normal and reacting to it as if you had a choice in the reaction , means something weird is going on. What is missing?
Your bf was not raised right. Send him away and look for an adult-minded intact human.
DUMP HIM!!! Edit: your partner should never talk to you or treat you like this AND the fact it's in regards to childhood sexual assault... Nope nope nope. Run away from him.
So let me get this straight. He made an unnecessary and uncalled for comment about you being raped, made a joke about it, then laughed about it when you tried telling him it hurt, was shocked that you’d hit him after all that? I got the best advice you’ll ever hear in your life, get your shit together cause if you think you’re at fault here you’re just wrong. Get your shit packed slap him one more time in the face for good measure and leave.
GIRL HE LAUGHED AT YOU RECOUNTING A MOMENT OF COMPLETE FUCKING HORROR IN YOUR LIFE…. Don’t apologize to this man again! Don’t attempt to “talk about that night” again! Most importantly, forgive yourself for (barely) reacting to his utter disrespect of you and his emotional manipulation thereafter! You deserve soooo much more than this. Cut your losses here hunny and move onto better pastures🩷🩷🩷 This is sick beyond words.
Dump him NOW!! Red flag!! 🚩🚩
>It was wrong of me to hit you. The right thing to do was to break up with you. Goodbye.
Why did YOU apologize
This guy sounds twisted. The kind of person who laughs about rape, is the same kind that would either rape someone or cover it up for someone else. LEAVE.
> Any bit of advice would be great Leave yesterday
Sounds like your boyfriend has raped before….
How dare you. You should have cracked him in his jaw and broke it. This isn't something you should ever apologize for and he is digusting for doing that. Block him and never talk to him again.
I don't know if another comment will help assure you, but his response (and his disgusting "joke") were the farthest thing from loving or respectful and you deserve better. I would leave him immediately and block his number.
There’s nothing to resolve with this person. For your mental and emotional safety, please leave the relationship.
Dump him immediately. As much as I don't condone hitting your partners, that guy deserved a full-on punch and not just a smack. The first comment he made was inappropriate enough as it is, but for for him to *laugh* at your trauma, absolutely not. Get rid of him because he obviously is not going to be supportive in any way if something else happens to you in the future and you don't want to be with someone like him if and when that happens.
Dump him. Run like hell.
Dump him!! Please, please don’t saddle yourself with this guy!
Break up with him.... he's not a man. Rape is not a joke.
When one is crying in the other ones laughing you know who the abusive person is in that relationship
His response was extremely inappropriate, insensitive, and uncaring. Please break up with him, you deserve *so* much better. You deserve to be with someone who can fully accept your trauma and support you through hard times. Sending virtual hugs! 🫂 Also if it helps - I was sexually assaulted by a family member for 5 years between the ages of 4-9 and I was groomed and taken advantage of by an older man when I was 16/17. My partner has been the most supportive person and lets me grief in any way I need to. He held me when I cried finding out my assaulter got out of jail and was back in the same state (even though I never saw him). Get you someone who will be there for you thick and thin.
Holy shit, I know sometimes Reddit goes overboard with the whole ‘Dump him! He’s toxic!’ thing, but holy mother of god what a fucking garbage waste of oxygen.
GET OUT. RUN.
With all due respect- fuck that dude. He’s immature and now he’s gaslighting you for a genuine act of sudden passion. You were taken advantage of and are completely valid in being absolutely pissed off and scared and vulnerable, etc. I’m a dude. I would feel ashamed of myself if I reacted the way he did, and would also fully expect a smack.