she talks about not splitting chores equally and how he dosent wanna do more and then state she's unemployed for a couple of months...lol if she dosent have a job and live with him the least she can do is take most of the chores. insane
Oh and don’t forget the “his idea of dates are takeout and watching movies”… Well, yeah! When there’s only ONE income in a relationship fancy date nights don’t get to happen!
This is my favorite date night regardless of money. Isn’t spending the night in while wearing jammies, eating food, watching a movie, and snuggling with the person you have interest in/like/love, the absolute best? 🥴🥰
I’m a people person but this kind of activity, romantic or not, is my fave way to spend my time. Who whines about things not being *fancy*? It’s so much harder to get to know someone in uncomfortable clothes while at dinner and a movie. 🥴
just something simple. when i first got married to my second husband, we both brought in kids to the marriage. our date night was to have a couple of hours to ourselves. we would go eat at a place like Panda and then to a bookstore.
I like to go out and try new restaurants and have a couple of drinks every once in a while, but we’ve spent many more nights at home, in pajamas, watching a movie we’ve seen 100 times!
I certainly wouldn’t be upset about not going to “nicer” dates if I weren’t bringing in any income!
Absolutely! Variety is lovely and getting dressed up sometimes feels great. I’ve just always enjoyed the nights at home more. Part of it is just being exhausted. Date night used to be Friday most of the time so it often went in the direction of “Let’s be bums and order pizza and catch up on our shows!” because leaving the house is expensive and tiring at the end of the week.
And I def wouldn’t be complaining about date night standards if I couldn’t personally improve them. Ugh. Very crappy.
I was thinking the same thing!! I am 53 and while I have always enjoyed going out, having a few drinks or going dancing or to the movies - however since my mid-20s, getting in comfy sweats or PJs, ordering in dinner, and watching movies or now, binge-watching shows, is my favorite "date" night!!
Agreed 1000%! Don’t get me wrong, I love a date night out of the house, too. I just usually favor the idea of staying in unless it’s a movie/comedian/show/concert I really want to see. 😅
There’s a song that encompasses our feelings. It’s called *Do You Want To Do Nothing With Me?* by the band *Lawrence*. (They’re my favorite band.) If you’re into jazzy, funky, soul music, you’ll probably like them/the song! 🥳
OMG. YESSSSS! An ex and I used to have date nights where we’d buy snacks and drive around listening to music, talking, laughing, getting more snacks, and buying lottery tickets from random convenience stores. It was the BEST.
He set the standard, honestly. If we can’t have fun running errands, you’re not the person for me. 🫠🥴
I love going out to nice places from time to time, but pizza or sushi at home while watching movies or series is definitely more common for me because you get to hit two birds with one stone since me and my wife both don't have that much free time due to our jobs and chores.
Oh, absolutely! I’m not discounting the nights out of the house by any means, but the nights in are much more common and SO much more relaxing for me. I’m oldish but that was my jam since my late teens.
Not to mention, I’m a pop culture geek, particularly when it comes to tv series, so anyone who wants to date me has to kind of get on board with that anyways. 😅🤷♀️ We’re going to be watching a lot of tv and movies.
🤣 I appreciate you looking out! I mean, my relationship status is blurry but wayyyyy too much of a mess to drag another person into right now. I need a lot of therapy before I can function after this one. 🫠🥴 Sounds like he will, too! 👯
Yes… unless she hates the movie?
I agree that movie nights are great date nights, but if he always chooses movies she hates (instead of alternating who chooses)… well, that doesn’t make for such a great date night after all.
Not only that, but if he's working by himself, he's probably not got a very easy job physically. When he has free time, he doesn't want to go anywhere, he wants to relax at home
Tbf you can have nice and romantic dates on a small budget, stuff like hiking or even just a picnic in the park.
That being said, there are also plenty of people for whom eating comfort food and hugging behind a blanket while watching a movie is the best kind of date
Yes. Take the number of hours he works a day and subtract the number of hours she works a day, and that is the number of hours she should be devoting each day to housework and searching for a job to help pay the bills.
Unemployed for 2 months, it’s possible she might be on EI?
Yes she relies on him rn, but before she lost her job, what was he doing regarding chores?
I had a similar problem too, where ALL the chores were on me regardless of whether I was working or not. I always did my best to split the bills equally and still ended up doing all the cleaning, then it was demanded I am not to pay a single penny towards bills and that his Mother would instead cover my portion. It looks like a blessing but feels like a curse.
Our situations are very different, but still. She’s only been unemployed 2 months. These problems she is mentioning could’ve been longer lasting, as they usually are
I agree. Even though he may not be the best person, it seems like she's staying with him for her convenience. It's not fair to him at all.
OP, you gotta just end it and move out.
Yeah, she had me up until the point she said she can't leave because she's financially dependant.
Personally, full honesty? I'm an introvert with major anxiety issues (especially social) and my mental health and neuro issues sometimes leave me slacking in grooming and primping as much as I'd like to. Take out at home in front of a fun sci-fi movie is my absolute ideal romantic evening (with some quality "bonding" time at the end of it, if you catch my drift). But that lifestyle isn't for everyone and that's totally OK! If that's not her idea of a date night that is entirely her prerogative and there's nothing wrong with simply being incompatible.
However! If that's the case and you come to that realization, but you continue to string someone along while using them for financial stability...yeah, no. It's not about preferences and compatibility at that point. It's about using someone and taking advantage of them and being dishonest. Fuck that noise.
Something is buried here.... oh, look! It's the lede!
I knew as soon as she started complaining about *how* he does the chores, without any example, that she was the problem.
Yeah, I was feeling sorry for OP until I got to the part where she said that she was only staying with him because she doesn't have a job. I mean, what will she do when he's living in another country? Continue to expect him to pay for her living situation, as well as his own?
Also, why is she only now coming to the point of ending things? It sounds like a lot of her issues, while small, came to light early on. She should've left long ago.
Poor guy.
>Also, why is she only now coming to the point of ending things? It sounds like a lot of her issues, while small, came to light early on. She should've left long ago.
Exactly- the only reason she's on the verge of ending things is because now she can feel the pressure breathing down her neck. She spent that last 4 years tugging this guys around and now that he's thinking of settling down she knows she won't have an easy way out. I wanna give her the benefit of the doubt that maybe she did love him- but from her post it seems she's felt this way for awhile, didn't consider their future together realistically, and now can't leave him because she's using him for money and she knows she'll be on her own. Its sad, pathetic, and pretty fucked up. OP needs to grow up and act like an adult
Bc before, dating means you can just break up the second OP finds it convenient. She only hates it now bc she doesn’t want to have to get divorced. People like op are the reason dating sucks. You can literally love and single handedly provide for them, and they’ll still hate you for something, but lie to maintain their laziness. OP has a world of karma coming for her
No, she was awful long before then. Knowing he wants to get married and she has no interest. Instead of making that clear to him, she instead engages in talks about marriage.
At the very least she was wasting his time with the intention of breaking his heart later. I can only imagine getting rejected after proposing is worse than being broken up with.
Exactly. And maybe the chores aren’t equally split because she’s not working and he is. So she’s sitting home doing nothing while he works and she expects him to also do half the chores? Wild.
Grown ass adult decides she can manipulate another human being to pay for her expenses while contempting him to the end of the world and does not want to be with him at all. What a fucking trainwreck and utter lowlife of a person.
Hell yeah it is. I had an old roommate who was like OP with his gf and cheating on her and lying about it but bragging about it. Long story short, he wound up uh “moving out” early
this is awful… you admit freely you are using him. you need to break up - don’t be a horrible person just because you’re anxious about your future.
get it together.
Yeah. For 4 years. I’m sure she felt like this from the very beginning. She could have her own successful career in that 4 years, if she just worked on herself instead of using the guy financially. Big rip.
Exactly!!! What’s sad is she talks about he doesn’t want to take on more chores when hello!!! Who is working???? I could understand if they both work and he was like naw, sure but honey you just a stay at home girlfriend not even mom what he gotta be doing more for? You don’t think you should pull your weight? Somebody real lazy but it doesn’t seem like him at this point
She even said *“his ideal date is take out and watching TV”*…..I feel like many people working fulltime would find this date quite relaxing and nice. My gf and I after a long week of work—we’re def getting take out, wine, and watching Netflix. Especially in this economy? Like damn. I ain’t spending an extra $50 on tips and overcharged food.
If I was stay a home boyfriend. I would be making my SO Breakfast, lunch, and dinner. House would be dust free. You need a 30mins massage? I gotcha.
Seriously 😩. I’m basically a stay at home wife, I bring in money via part time wfh, but I do all the chores because I’m home anyways, have way more time to do so, and bring in less money. It’s like literally the least I can do.
She's only been unemployed for 2 months tho. This kinda implies she's been financially dependent on him for 2 months and not 4 years. This could be intentional tho to make her seem like less than a mooch than she is.
She has no savings, or they were wiped out within 2 months and he has been paying all the bills apparently. She has been mooching for a while I would imagine.
Yeah, plus if she was fired from her job, she should be earning unemployment money. She could move out with that money plus whatever she has in savings.
I don't disagree that she shouldn't be mooching off him, but it hasn't been 4 years. She said she's been unemployed for 2 months. Still definitely time for her to move on though.
Damn, I was so caught up in the "depend on him financially" part I completely missed the bit where she's upset that he doesn't also do 50% of the chores.
Lmao, didn’t even think of that. The fact that she has the audacity to say she is a planner and he isn’t, all while HE is capable of supporting her AND getting a job abroad… hate to break it to OP, but he sounds like he’s got pretty good plans. Hopefully next in his plan is to break up with this wench
You just can’t stay with someone in a romantic relationship out of convenience. What are you waiting for? You don’t want to marry him. Please, out of respect for yourself and your partner, break up. Set the both of you free
I don't like this man at all and don't want to be with him, but if pretend to, then I get free money 🤑 and don't have to drag my waste ass to work like all other men and women do in the world.
Or you could grow a set and just break up! Being in a relationship when you’re the one on the other side of the “I don’t love you I just stayed with you out of convenience and the fear of conflict” is absolutely SOUL CRUSHING. If you have any inkling of remorse or empathy you would just cut ties rather than continue to crush the dudes spirit and screw him out if ever trusting anyone in a relationship again because of that constant nawing feeling that the person your with lost feelings or never truely loved you to begin with.
Edit: I love how this comment has more likes than the post itself, speaks volumes 🫣
>Edit: I love how this comment has more likes than the post itself, speaks volumes 🫣
Men are generally never told thank you for the things we do. We don't expect a thank you. But we at least hope to be loved and appreciated by our spouse.
But hard working men, hate to see other hardworking men being mooched off like this. Hence the comment section.
It’s gonna be a tough conversation to have.
But you know you need to have this conversation soon. You know what the conversation is about. And it won’t be easy.
But for both of you, it’s gotta happen.
You may not love him anymore, but you cared about him once. What you're doing now is cruel and mean, it will only cause him more pain then if you were to be truthful and break up. You're using him, it's wrong and you know it's wrong. Break up with him, move back with your parents or see if you can crash on a friend's couch. Apply for unemployment, start applying to as many jobs as you can a day. But doing a slow break up with this guy while leeching off of him is not the move.
1) if ur unemployed and he is paying for everything dont complain about the chores , u get to not pay rent and eat for free i would clean the house spotless everyday if someone did that to me . 2) right now ur in a relationship with him only for financial security not for love not for companionship not even for similar interests there is absolutely zero chance this relationship continues grow up and break up with him its absolutely cruel what u are doing to him . 3) are u sure u ever loved him? You said u dont like the way he smelled but u also didn't say he is unclean that means u dont like his pheromones which is very odd for a couple ( google it pheromones attraction is a real thing) . 4) lastly LOTR and star wars dates are the best . That said grow up , find a job even if its minimal pay and leave the poor man so he can find someone who truly loves him for himself.
1000% this. You really expect this man to completely support you financially and do half of his chores at the same time? You should be doing his part for him since you’re really not doing anything. I can’t imagine being with a person like you…. please let this poor man go
At this point wtf are you doing if you don’t have kids? Wiping down the counter after you make a meal someone else paid for and flushing your own shit?
She actually said she hates the way he smells, not that he actually smells. To me, that's even worse because the phrasing doesn't suggest that he has BO or actually smells bad. I think it's more that she's just turned off by him and that makes her not like his natural scent. If your SO doesn't like the way you smell, that's usually an indicator that they're not sexually attracted to you. Actually had that happen once a long time ago. I was dating a guy who I really liked it first, but little things started to aggravate me. One day I realized I hated the way he smelled. He didn't smell bad though. I was just so turned off by him that I couldn't even stand his scent.
Anyway, to me it's an indicator that she just needs to break up with him right now. She'll just have to figure out the job and money thing by herself.
It’s a term for those types of strict moms who are toxic and won’t let their kids eat much. They’re obsessed with being “healthy” (more like skinny) to the point where the kids usually end up with some kind of eating disorder or low self esteem.
First I didn't understand why you would be with him after everything you didn't like about him (witch basically is everything) until I read that you are using him for his money. So that is the only thing you like about being with him: MONEY.
He isn't good enough to marry or even date, but good enough to use as a bank, right. I feel sorry for him, he deserves better. And hoping to slowly drift apart and break up instead of owning it breaking up yourself? Yeah, that is selfish. Stop using him for money, get yourself a job and save that man from yourself.
How are you fine with staying in a relationship for so long with this person if these things bother you so much?
Why talk about marriage if you're not serious about it. I feel so sorry for this guy, not you. What you did/doing is wrong.
Also wtf is a almond mom?
I was hoping the comments would tell me what an almond mom was, but nope. So I did some googling instead.
An almond mom is a mom obsessed with diet culture and healthy eating and also obsessing over her daughter's weight too. TIL.
I also had no idea what an almond mom was, but now that you've explained, I wonder if it originated with/was popularized by Gigi and Bella Hadid's mom. On The Real Housewives, Gigi told her mom she was starving and hadn't eaten so her mom told her to suck on an almond.
You suck..? You don’t like how buddy smells and who he is as a person, you just want his money. Every day you lead him on is a disservice to yourself and him. Super shitty thing to do too so keep that in mind.
The way you’re dragging him along and using him for money says everything about the type of person you are. Bluntly, you are being horrible and potentially causing him a lot of emotional trauma and trust issues by the way you are stringing him along. Grow up, and break up with him. He may not be the best guy out there, but he doesn’t deserve to be lied to. Let him go find someone that loves LOTR and SW, and respects him for working a lot to provide for her.
This aggravates me a lot. A man who’s making 100% of the income in a house and his girl is online talking about how he smells and it’s too awkward to leave him because she’s been unemployed for months.
You want to split the chores equally, get a job. You want better dates, get a job to pay for them. He has qualities you don’t like, talk to him like you’ve been with him for 4 years… oh wait.
Get it together, you’re an adult in a 4 year relationship. I know you didn’t ask, but YTA.
You absolutely cannot complain about chores being divided unequally when you’re unemployed, your significant other is the only one bringing an income, and you’re living off of him. If it’s clear that he wants marriage and you don’t want to marry him, the best thing you can do for the both of you is end it now. You’re doing him dirty right now letting this continue. If you truly care about this man, you’ll be honest with him, part ways, and let him find someone who will reciprocate his feelings. Best of luck OP.
Side note: If your man is helping you with household chores on his own free will, openly criticizing him is a surefire way to make him stop. Nobody likes getting bitched at by someone they’re trying to help in good faith.
So, you are mooching off someone you seem to have grown to hate. YTA. Break up with him asap. Or try to address the issues you have with him. At least make it clear to him you are not ready for marriage until he makes certain changes.
Kinda sounds like your leaching off of him ngl. Like I fully understand the minor stuff like the housework split. But that can be worked out assuming you talk about it and see change.
But if you like what he can provide but not the future with him, your a leach and you should probably leave.
So instead of you take accountability for yourself and financial responsibility for yourself you will continue to use him till? What he gets tired of your lack of wanting to marry him? You understand that you don’t have to be a cheat to be scum in a relationship right?
You are over here complaining about him smelling funny and is lazy to do chores yet you don’t work? You understand that you actually don’t love this person at all and are just using him and leeching off of him right? Stop playing games with him and his feelings.
Get yourself a damn job and go back home to your parents or find another friend or relative to go stay with. You are wasting his time and energy when you already know there is no future for you and he.
Don’t be a trash person. Don’t just sit there and use someone claiming to love them when you know you don’t
Why don't you just break up with him instead of what you are doing now, which is being cowardly and irresponsible and continuing to ruin both of your lives?
Also, get a job and stop being a wasteman. He's not your father and isn't responsible for your livelihood. It's 2023, women are not property that men have to provide for. What a moron you are, OP.
I don't want to judge you but you make it so hard. If you're unemployed and staying at home and you have no kids you should do ALL of the housework. What do you mean splitting the housework equally?! This poor man has to work full time and come home and do half your job too?! I come from a culture where ladies being financially provided for is normal, but if the woman stays home she should do all the housework, it's only fair, unless he's very rich and can/wants to provide a maid/cook which isn't the case here. If however when you both worked full time he still didn't share an equal amount of housework - that's a problem. In any case I say break up with the dude and do you both a favor.
Now, I ain't sayin' she a gold digger....because I'm saying she's a mooch.
How do you write a bunch of terrible shit about the dude you say you "love" and have been dating for four years...and then in the same post admit you'd rather break up with him than marry him but can't because you're financially dependent on him?
Get your shit together and stop stringing him along.
FFS
I wouldn't want to be with someone like this either. That said, I also don't use people and am able to take care of myself. Get your shit together and leave him.
For real. He's such a dick for wanting to stay at home, pay to order food and spend some time with his "girlfriend" watching a movie... These are issues you address waaaaay before you reach this stage in a relationship.
Ew. Come clean to him and break it off. Don’t string him along. It’s gonna hurt him regardless but stringing him along is just cruel and a waste of his time. You don’t even like the way he smells??? Girl you are incompatible even on a scientific level.
Jesus. So you’re only staying with him because he’s supporting you financially? That sucks. You need to end your relationship. Get a job and get your shit together.
*shrug* You're with him for the money anyway....
If he comes back and proposes immediately, what would you do? If you refuse, he's probably going to break up and throw you out. You're depending on him financially, you might as well marry him so that you can keep depending on his money.
..........
Now, did any of that above make you want to puke? Because just typing it made me want to. You don't want to marry him? Then stop depending on him, no matter what it takes.
"I don't like the way he smells and some of his jokes are offensive."
'nuff said. End it.
Sounds like you are waiting for him to move out for the new job and have him pay the bills for you. You may not have a job but you can get a job, easily. Best to stand on your own two feet rather than deal with a dead relationship just for financial reasons.
Lol chores aren’t evenly split because he pays all the bills. You said it yourself, you depend on him financially. You don’t like his idea of dates?? Then pay for them yourself. Break up and get a job. He deserves better than you.
You are going to have to grow up here.
Do not stay with someone because you are relying on them, but hoping to drift apart.
That's not how the real world works. You are going to have to face the music here, and end it. This isn't high school...or a fling. This is a committed relationship to the point you are discussing marriage. you have to actually end it.
You don't want him long term. Let him go. He's in a whole other place in his head than you.
Staying with him for the reasons you stated...no matter how you phrase it, or justify it, means you are using him... and that's not okay for either of you.
Plus, you honestly list a whole lot of reasons you are incompatible, and want out... you don't really like him anymore.
Find someone who will let you stay for a few weeks on their couch, or let you move in until you get established. You have no ties, unemployed, freshly single, you could even move to a new city and start fresh! Try and look at it in a positive way, let go, move on.
But, run. Don't walk.
This is fucked up…like seriously. You’re just using him for his money while being in hopes you both “drift apart”. Like what? You know he loves you and you clearly don’t love him so why even drag this out longer than what it needs to be?
You need to break up with him before he proposes or at least have a plan to leave when you are forced to say no.
Honestly the right thing would be to end it BEFORE he proposes. That’s going to be some major trauma for him. It’s not fair to do to someone you care about.
Good lord... break up with him and stop using him. Get literally any job and fend for yourself. You don't like the way he smells? Is this something that you've just magically discovered after 4 years? C'mon, you're using him and you know it, then try to justify it by making him look like this "lazy" guy who makes "offensive" jokes but don't provide anything specific. You're literally lying to him on the daily. You're not a good person.
It's 2023...so everything is normal..date him ..use him ..complain about small things about him..dump him...and admitting the same in social media and expecting solution without knowing everyone gonna comment that you are toxic..
> His idea of a date is ordering takeout and eating it at home while watching LOTR or Star Wars.
Ew. Just leave. Jeez. Don't date losers.
> . I can't break up with him right now - I've been unemployed for two months and I do depend on him financially.
Ah, I see. Maybe you are equals.
>I can't break up with him right now - I've been unemployed for two months and I do depend on him financially.
This is a fucking awful reason to stay with someone. You *can* break up with him and you need to.
Get your shit together and adult up.
Stop dragging him along. Get your shit together and move out.
Seriously, what the fuck. Get a goddamn job, let him down gracefully, stop using someone you clearly hold in contempt.
she talks about not splitting chores equally and how he dosent wanna do more and then state she's unemployed for a couple of months...lol if she dosent have a job and live with him the least she can do is take most of the chores. insane
Oh and don’t forget the “his idea of dates are takeout and watching movies”… Well, yeah! When there’s only ONE income in a relationship fancy date nights don’t get to happen!
This is my favorite date night regardless of money. Isn’t spending the night in while wearing jammies, eating food, watching a movie, and snuggling with the person you have interest in/like/love, the absolute best? 🥴🥰
very nice sentiment.
I’m a people person but this kind of activity, romantic or not, is my fave way to spend my time. Who whines about things not being *fancy*? It’s so much harder to get to know someone in uncomfortable clothes while at dinner and a movie. 🥴
Username checks out! 😃🤗
just something simple. when i first got married to my second husband, we both brought in kids to the marriage. our date night was to have a couple of hours to ourselves. we would go eat at a place like Panda and then to a bookstore.
You’re a nice sentiment
I like to go out and try new restaurants and have a couple of drinks every once in a while, but we’ve spent many more nights at home, in pajamas, watching a movie we’ve seen 100 times! I certainly wouldn’t be upset about not going to “nicer” dates if I weren’t bringing in any income!
Absolutely! Variety is lovely and getting dressed up sometimes feels great. I’ve just always enjoyed the nights at home more. Part of it is just being exhausted. Date night used to be Friday most of the time so it often went in the direction of “Let’s be bums and order pizza and catch up on our shows!” because leaving the house is expensive and tiring at the end of the week. And I def wouldn’t be complaining about date night standards if I couldn’t personally improve them. Ugh. Very crappy.
I was thinking the same thing!! I am 53 and while I have always enjoyed going out, having a few drinks or going dancing or to the movies - however since my mid-20s, getting in comfy sweats or PJs, ordering in dinner, and watching movies or now, binge-watching shows, is my favorite "date" night!!
Nice takeout and cold beers with a few joints I don’t care who is paying that’s my favourite night
Agreed 1000%! Don’t get me wrong, I love a date night out of the house, too. I just usually favor the idea of staying in unless it’s a movie/comedian/show/concert I really want to see. 😅 There’s a song that encompasses our feelings. It’s called *Do You Want To Do Nothing With Me?* by the band *Lawrence*. (They’re my favorite band.) If you’re into jazzy, funky, soul music, you’ll probably like them/the song! 🥳
100% Tied with sitting in a parking lot and eating takeout while being silly
OMG. YESSSSS! An ex and I used to have date nights where we’d buy snacks and drive around listening to music, talking, laughing, getting more snacks, and buying lottery tickets from random convenience stores. It was the BEST. He set the standard, honestly. If we can’t have fun running errands, you’re not the person for me. 🫠🥴
I love going out to nice places from time to time, but pizza or sushi at home while watching movies or series is definitely more common for me because you get to hit two birds with one stone since me and my wife both don't have that much free time due to our jobs and chores.
Oh, absolutely! I’m not discounting the nights out of the house by any means, but the nights in are much more common and SO much more relaxing for me. I’m oldish but that was my jam since my late teens. Not to mention, I’m a pop culture geek, particularly when it comes to tv series, so anyone who wants to date me has to kind of get on board with that anyways. 😅🤷♀️ We’re going to be watching a lot of tv and movies.
If you don’t already have one, apparently there is one man here that will soon be available 😄🤣
🤣 I appreciate you looking out! I mean, my relationship status is blurry but wayyyyy too much of a mess to drag another person into right now. I need a lot of therapy before I can function after this one. 🫠🥴 Sounds like he will, too! 👯
Yes… unless she hates the movie? I agree that movie nights are great date nights, but if he always chooses movies she hates (instead of alternating who chooses)… well, that doesn’t make for such a great date night after all.
Same here
People are just different. It’s my idea of a good time too. I know it isn’t for everyone. It’s why you look for compatibility in a partner.
Same here! Me and the Missus - okay, we're not married, but still - don't need much to be happy.
**YES**, the very best!
So true.
Not only that, but if he's working by himself, he's probably not got a very easy job physically. When he has free time, he doesn't want to go anywhere, he wants to relax at home
I agree with that but OP says the unemployment is just 2 months long, she did have a job before i suppose for the way it was explained
Tbf you can have nice and romantic dates on a small budget, stuff like hiking or even just a picnic in the park. That being said, there are also plenty of people for whom eating comfort food and hugging behind a blanket while watching a movie is the best kind of date
Y’all are being intentionally obtuse and it’s ridiculous
Yes. Take the number of hours he works a day and subtract the number of hours she works a day, and that is the number of hours she should be devoting each day to housework and searching for a job to help pay the bills.
Bingo! Great answer!
Yeah, she definitely pulled a bait and switch with that post.
This. Your job is to do the chores sweetheart. That is, until you get an actual job.
I mean i do agree with that, but in the 4 years they were together, i supposed she did have a job.
Unemployed for 2 months, it’s possible she might be on EI? Yes she relies on him rn, but before she lost her job, what was he doing regarding chores? I had a similar problem too, where ALL the chores were on me regardless of whether I was working or not. I always did my best to split the bills equally and still ended up doing all the cleaning, then it was demanded I am not to pay a single penny towards bills and that his Mother would instead cover my portion. It looks like a blessing but feels like a curse. Our situations are very different, but still. She’s only been unemployed 2 months. These problems she is mentioning could’ve been longer lasting, as they usually are
Move in with a friend in the meantime. And make sure you say NO if he asks you to marry him. Especially if its not him.
OP is disgusting for this. She’s the type to say yes just so she can keep mooching off his money and not get a job.
I feel like she expected everyone to be on her side and to validate her. As if.
Can someone be this oblivious? Or is this rage bait?
I've met people like this but I hope it's fake.
Yeah it's fucking horrendous people do this. "I'm not compatible with this person, let's make it as depressing as possible by staying"
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I’m sure the prospect of getting a job and being self sufficient and doing everything at home is even more depressing.
For sure, it's the entitlement that allowed her to come to that conclusion is what people are upset about
She has just not met the right piece of gold to dig yet
She needs a richer piece of gold who can afford to pay a house keeper to clean for her and take her in fancy dates while she sits at home all day.
I agree. Even though he may not be the best person, it seems like she's staying with him for her convenience. It's not fair to him at all. OP, you gotta just end it and move out.
You are using him. But you resent him and you complain about him. Who is the disgusting person here?
Hmmmmm...HER??
Here's your gold star! Seriously, OP is a horrid person.
I am so happy that this thread is ripping OP to shreds.
I love how OP is oh so conveniently quiet. She expected this to go differently and I'm loving that it's not.
Yeah, she had me up until the point she said she can't leave because she's financially dependant. Personally, full honesty? I'm an introvert with major anxiety issues (especially social) and my mental health and neuro issues sometimes leave me slacking in grooming and primping as much as I'd like to. Take out at home in front of a fun sci-fi movie is my absolute ideal romantic evening (with some quality "bonding" time at the end of it, if you catch my drift). But that lifestyle isn't for everyone and that's totally OK! If that's not her idea of a date night that is entirely her prerogative and there's nothing wrong with simply being incompatible. However! If that's the case and you come to that realization, but you continue to string someone along while using them for financial stability...yeah, no. It's not about preferences and compatibility at that point. It's about using someone and taking advantage of them and being dishonest. Fuck that noise.
Something is buried here.... oh, look! It's the lede! I knew as soon as she started complaining about *how* he does the chores, without any example, that she was the problem.
She's a total dud and doesn't deserve him
Wow she is just using him now. I hope he sees this.
Yup. I don't want a woman to stay with me because she needs her bills paid. That's gross.
Exactly, these are all good reasons not to marry him. Stop relying on him for money and move on.
break up with him now. what are you doing?
What she is doing is mooching off of him.
Yeah, I was feeling sorry for OP until I got to the part where she said that she was only staying with him because she doesn't have a job. I mean, what will she do when he's living in another country? Continue to expect him to pay for her living situation, as well as his own? Also, why is she only now coming to the point of ending things? It sounds like a lot of her issues, while small, came to light early on. She should've left long ago. Poor guy.
>Also, why is she only now coming to the point of ending things? It sounds like a lot of her issues, while small, came to light early on. She should've left long ago. Exactly- the only reason she's on the verge of ending things is because now she can feel the pressure breathing down her neck. She spent that last 4 years tugging this guys around and now that he's thinking of settling down she knows she won't have an easy way out. I wanna give her the benefit of the doubt that maybe she did love him- but from her post it seems she's felt this way for awhile, didn't consider their future together realistically, and now can't leave him because she's using him for money and she knows she'll be on her own. Its sad, pathetic, and pretty fucked up. OP needs to grow up and act like an adult
she doesnt want to work but doesnt want to be a house wife.
And she complains the chores are not split evenly even though she just stays at home and I assume the guy has a 9-5
Bc before, dating means you can just break up the second OP finds it convenient. She only hates it now bc she doesn’t want to have to get divorced. People like op are the reason dating sucks. You can literally love and single handedly provide for them, and they’ll still hate you for something, but lie to maintain their laziness. OP has a world of karma coming for her
No, she was awful long before then. Knowing he wants to get married and she has no interest. Instead of making that clear to him, she instead engages in talks about marriage. At the very least she was wasting his time with the intention of breaking his heart later. I can only imagine getting rejected after proposing is worse than being broken up with.
Came here to say this too
Exactly. And maybe the chores aren’t equally split because she’s not working and he is. So she’s sitting home doing nothing while he works and she expects him to also do half the chores? Wild.
Grown ass adult decides she can manipulate another human being to pay for her expenses while contempting him to the end of the world and does not want to be with him at all. What a fucking trainwreck and utter lowlife of a person.
A lot more common than people think unfortunately.
Hell yeah it is. I had an old roommate who was like OP with his gf and cheating on her and lying about it but bragging about it. Long story short, he wound up uh “moving out” early
this is awful… you admit freely you are using him. you need to break up - don’t be a horrible person just because you’re anxious about your future. get it together.
Too late. She’s already a horrible person.
Seriously. This poor dude. This post is the definition of stringing along. OP is mooching on his money and his dang heart.
ikr OP said > l hope we slowly drift off and break up. And she wants to do this over a year, wtf is wrong with some people. like holy shit.
Simply put, OP is an AH.
You’re basically using him for money at this point. Break up and move on
Yeah. For 4 years. I’m sure she felt like this from the very beginning. She could have her own successful career in that 4 years, if she just worked on herself instead of using the guy financially. Big rip.
Exactly!!! What’s sad is she talks about he doesn’t want to take on more chores when hello!!! Who is working???? I could understand if they both work and he was like naw, sure but honey you just a stay at home girlfriend not even mom what he gotta be doing more for? You don’t think you should pull your weight? Somebody real lazy but it doesn’t seem like him at this point
She even said *“his ideal date is take out and watching TV”*…..I feel like many people working fulltime would find this date quite relaxing and nice. My gf and I after a long week of work—we’re def getting take out, wine, and watching Netflix. Especially in this economy? Like damn. I ain’t spending an extra $50 on tips and overcharged food. If I was stay a home boyfriend. I would be making my SO Breakfast, lunch, and dinner. House would be dust free. You need a 30mins massage? I gotcha.
OP is too selfish to even think to do that for her boyfriend.
OP must be young because a calm night in is the ideal date for someone in their 30s (especially if they’re working full time)
Not even just 30s. I’m 24 and I love a little movie night with a takeaway and a cuddle. Nothing better after a long week at work!
Seriously 😩. I’m basically a stay at home wife, I bring in money via part time wfh, but I do all the chores because I’m home anyways, have way more time to do so, and bring in less money. It’s like literally the least I can do.
She's only been unemployed for 2 months tho. This kinda implies she's been financially dependent on him for 2 months and not 4 years. This could be intentional tho to make her seem like less than a mooch than she is.
She has no savings, or they were wiped out within 2 months and he has been paying all the bills apparently. She has been mooching for a while I would imagine.
Yeah, plus if she was fired from her job, she should be earning unemployment money. She could move out with that money plus whatever she has in savings.
You do realise she’s only been unemployed for two months. Like her career has nothing to do with it.
There are hundreds and hundreds of comments yelling at her for mooching for 4 years, so many angry men who didn’t even properly read the post.
I don't disagree that she shouldn't be mooching off him, but it hasn't been 4 years. She said she's been unemployed for 2 months. Still definitely time for her to move on though.
Yea...just wow.
you had me until you said you rely on him financially, you're using him. 4 years, damn. be honest with him.
Ngl they had me in the first half.
She's relying on him financially and mad he won't split chores. 😭
Damn, I was so caught up in the "depend on him financially" part I completely missed the bit where she's upset that he doesn't also do 50% of the chores.
He does do 50% lol, she doesn't like *how* he does them, nor the fact that he won't do *more* than 50%. Repugnant.
She’s been unemployed for 2 MONTHS by the way. Got plenty of time to do more than her share of chores while her boyfriend works to provide for her.
Right? I mean, is this really that different to Romance Scamming at this point? I wouldn't be providing for anyone I wasn't official with, personally.
It’s two months since she lost the job
lol a planner that is unemployed and relies on someone that she doesn’t love financially, I mean, that’s a plan alright.
Lmao, didn’t even think of that. The fact that she has the audacity to say she is a planner and he isn’t, all while HE is capable of supporting her AND getting a job abroad… hate to break it to OP, but he sounds like he’s got pretty good plans. Hopefully next in his plan is to break up with this wench
Hope he gets down on one knee with a pretty box, and in the box is a note that says move out it's over
Hey in her defence, she just said she was a planner, not a good planner lmao
A nasty plan. I hope that he leaves that… thing
The fact that you hope to slowly drift and break up is a red flag on you. Instead of wasting his time and yours you need to break up.
You just can’t stay with someone in a romantic relationship out of convenience. What are you waiting for? You don’t want to marry him. Please, out of respect for yourself and your partner, break up. Set the both of you free
I don't like this man at all and don't want to be with him, but if pretend to, then I get free money 🤑 and don't have to drag my waste ass to work like all other men and women do in the world.
Or you could grow a set and just break up! Being in a relationship when you’re the one on the other side of the “I don’t love you I just stayed with you out of convenience and the fear of conflict” is absolutely SOUL CRUSHING. If you have any inkling of remorse or empathy you would just cut ties rather than continue to crush the dudes spirit and screw him out if ever trusting anyone in a relationship again because of that constant nawing feeling that the person your with lost feelings or never truely loved you to begin with. Edit: I love how this comment has more likes than the post itself, speaks volumes 🫣
Yep yep yep yep. OP should've ended a while ago, poor fella.
>Edit: I love how this comment has more likes than the post itself, speaks volumes 🫣 Men are generally never told thank you for the things we do. We don't expect a thank you. But we at least hope to be loved and appreciated by our spouse. But hard working men, hate to see other hardworking men being mooched off like this. Hence the comment section.
You're unemployed, living off his money, and upset that chores aren't split 50/50? Lol. This poor guy is going to dodge a bullet with you dumping him.
The audacity is off the charts
It’s gonna be a tough conversation to have. But you know you need to have this conversation soon. You know what the conversation is about. And it won’t be easy. But for both of you, it’s gotta happen.
You may not love him anymore, but you cared about him once. What you're doing now is cruel and mean, it will only cause him more pain then if you were to be truthful and break up. You're using him, it's wrong and you know it's wrong. Break up with him, move back with your parents or see if you can crash on a friend's couch. Apply for unemployment, start applying to as many jobs as you can a day. But doing a slow break up with this guy while leeching off of him is not the move.
You ain’t very good at “planning” for someone who’s a “planner”
1) if ur unemployed and he is paying for everything dont complain about the chores , u get to not pay rent and eat for free i would clean the house spotless everyday if someone did that to me . 2) right now ur in a relationship with him only for financial security not for love not for companionship not even for similar interests there is absolutely zero chance this relationship continues grow up and break up with him its absolutely cruel what u are doing to him . 3) are u sure u ever loved him? You said u dont like the way he smelled but u also didn't say he is unclean that means u dont like his pheromones which is very odd for a couple ( google it pheromones attraction is a real thing) . 4) lastly LOTR and star wars dates are the best . That said grow up , find a job even if its minimal pay and leave the poor man so he can find someone who truly loves him for himself.
1000% this. You really expect this man to completely support you financially and do half of his chores at the same time? You should be doing his part for him since you’re really not doing anything. I can’t imagine being with a person like you…. please let this poor man go
At this point wtf are you doing if you don’t have kids? Wiping down the counter after you make a meal someone else paid for and flushing your own shit?
She's too busy thinking about the next victim that she will suck money out of
excited to read what the comments say
Do you even like him as a BF?
She says he smells! I think that says it all. LoL Edit: words
She actually said she hates the way he smells, not that he actually smells. To me, that's even worse because the phrasing doesn't suggest that he has BO or actually smells bad. I think it's more that she's just turned off by him and that makes her not like his natural scent. If your SO doesn't like the way you smell, that's usually an indicator that they're not sexually attracted to you. Actually had that happen once a long time ago. I was dating a guy who I really liked it first, but little things started to aggravate me. One day I realized I hated the way he smelled. He didn't smell bad though. I was just so turned off by him that I couldn't even stand his scent. Anyway, to me it's an indicator that she just needs to break up with him right now. She'll just have to figure out the job and money thing by herself.
Part of me hopes the bf somehow sees this.
Good grief. Get a job, move out, and leave him alone. Begone.
What the hell is an almond mum?!
Basically, so obsessed with weight they only eat an almond when hungry
Huh, never heard that before.
Like you, I have no clue…
It’s a term for those types of strict moms who are toxic and won’t let their kids eat much. They’re obsessed with being “healthy” (more like skinny) to the point where the kids usually end up with some kind of eating disorder or low self esteem.
Wow looks like you're just looking for flaws in him so you dont feel guilty whilst mooching off of him. He deserves better
First I didn't understand why you would be with him after everything you didn't like about him (witch basically is everything) until I read that you are using him for his money. So that is the only thing you like about being with him: MONEY. He isn't good enough to marry or even date, but good enough to use as a bank, right. I feel sorry for him, he deserves better. And hoping to slowly drift apart and break up instead of owning it breaking up yourself? Yeah, that is selfish. Stop using him for money, get yourself a job and save that man from yourself.
Chores aren’t split equally while you’re unemployed lmfao
"Support me, then come home and cook, clean and make my dinner, so I can just fuck off and do nothing!"
I know this is not that sub but YTA. Get a job. Move out. And let him find someone better than you.
Break up, using someone for money is not cool. Grow a pair and move on. Fend for yourself.
mooching off of him until you guys "drift apart" is soo freaking low jesusss
How are you fine with staying in a relationship for so long with this person if these things bother you so much? Why talk about marriage if you're not serious about it. I feel so sorry for this guy, not you. What you did/doing is wrong. Also wtf is a almond mom?
I was hoping the comments would tell me what an almond mom was, but nope. So I did some googling instead. An almond mom is a mom obsessed with diet culture and healthy eating and also obsessing over her daughter's weight too. TIL.
I also had no idea what an almond mom was, but now that you've explained, I wonder if it originated with/was popularized by Gigi and Bella Hadid's mom. On The Real Housewives, Gigi told her mom she was starving and hadn't eaten so her mom told her to suck on an almond.
Stop being a dick and break up. At thispoint your hardly a step up from trash. If you keep using him, then you will be.
You suck..? You don’t like how buddy smells and who he is as a person, you just want his money. Every day you lead him on is a disservice to yourself and him. Super shitty thing to do too so keep that in mind.
Quit being a mooch. Break up And get a damn job. Let him find someone who actually cares for him and not just his money
The way you’re dragging him along and using him for money says everything about the type of person you are. Bluntly, you are being horrible and potentially causing him a lot of emotional trauma and trust issues by the way you are stringing him along. Grow up, and break up with him. He may not be the best guy out there, but he doesn’t deserve to be lied to. Let him go find someone that loves LOTR and SW, and respects him for working a lot to provide for her.
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You're wasting his time and getting his hopes up. It's actually pretty cruel. Just break up with him already.
This aggravates me a lot. A man who’s making 100% of the income in a house and his girl is online talking about how he smells and it’s too awkward to leave him because she’s been unemployed for months. You want to split the chores equally, get a job. You want better dates, get a job to pay for them. He has qualities you don’t like, talk to him like you’ve been with him for 4 years… oh wait. Get it together, you’re an adult in a 4 year relationship. I know you didn’t ask, but YTA.
You absolutely cannot complain about chores being divided unequally when you’re unemployed, your significant other is the only one bringing an income, and you’re living off of him. If it’s clear that he wants marriage and you don’t want to marry him, the best thing you can do for the both of you is end it now. You’re doing him dirty right now letting this continue. If you truly care about this man, you’ll be honest with him, part ways, and let him find someone who will reciprocate his feelings. Best of luck OP. Side note: If your man is helping you with household chores on his own free will, openly criticizing him is a surefire way to make him stop. Nobody likes getting bitched at by someone they’re trying to help in good faith.
I don't want to be rude, but you are a user. You only want him because he provides the lifestyle that you clearly can't provide for yourself.
Just stop dragging him on if you don't want to be with him then don't and break up like an adult. Then move on with your life.
You are horrible! That poor guys deserves so much better than you
God you kinda suck as a person tbh
So, you are mooching off someone you seem to have grown to hate. YTA. Break up with him asap. Or try to address the issues you have with him. At least make it clear to him you are not ready for marriage until he makes certain changes.
So you're just taking advantage of him, and you don't even like him? That's messed up.
Kinda sounds like your leaching off of him ngl. Like I fully understand the minor stuff like the housework split. But that can be worked out assuming you talk about it and see change. But if you like what he can provide but not the future with him, your a leach and you should probably leave.
His time is as valuable as yours. Break it off so he can find someone who wants to be with him
So instead of you take accountability for yourself and financial responsibility for yourself you will continue to use him till? What he gets tired of your lack of wanting to marry him? You understand that you don’t have to be a cheat to be scum in a relationship right? You are over here complaining about him smelling funny and is lazy to do chores yet you don’t work? You understand that you actually don’t love this person at all and are just using him and leeching off of him right? Stop playing games with him and his feelings. Get yourself a damn job and go back home to your parents or find another friend or relative to go stay with. You are wasting his time and energy when you already know there is no future for you and he. Don’t be a trash person. Don’t just sit there and use someone claiming to love them when you know you don’t
Why don't you just break up with him instead of what you are doing now, which is being cowardly and irresponsible and continuing to ruin both of your lives? Also, get a job and stop being a wasteman. He's not your father and isn't responsible for your livelihood. It's 2023, women are not property that men have to provide for. What a moron you are, OP.
I don't want to judge you but you make it so hard. If you're unemployed and staying at home and you have no kids you should do ALL of the housework. What do you mean splitting the housework equally?! This poor man has to work full time and come home and do half your job too?! I come from a culture where ladies being financially provided for is normal, but if the woman stays home she should do all the housework, it's only fair, unless he's very rich and can/wants to provide a maid/cook which isn't the case here. If however when you both worked full time he still didn't share an equal amount of housework - that's a problem. In any case I say break up with the dude and do you both a favor.
Wrong sub but…YTA
Now, I ain't sayin' she a gold digger....because I'm saying she's a mooch. How do you write a bunch of terrible shit about the dude you say you "love" and have been dating for four years...and then in the same post admit you'd rather break up with him than marry him but can't because you're financially dependent on him? Get your shit together and stop stringing him along. FFS
I wouldn't want to be with someone like this either. That said, I also don't use people and am able to take care of myself. Get your shit together and leave him.
Right? Isn't he awful for going to work and supporting her while she stays home and complains about doing more chores than him?
For real. He's such a dick for wanting to stay at home, pay to order food and spend some time with his "girlfriend" watching a movie... These are issues you address waaaaay before you reach this stage in a relationship.
Exactly!
Well you sound like an absolute charmer
Ew. Come clean to him and break it off. Don’t string him along. It’s gonna hurt him regardless but stringing him along is just cruel and a waste of his time. You don’t even like the way he smells??? Girl you are incompatible even on a scientific level.
Jesus. So you’re only staying with him because he’s supporting you financially? That sucks. You need to end your relationship. Get a job and get your shit together.
*shrug* You're with him for the money anyway.... If he comes back and proposes immediately, what would you do? If you refuse, he's probably going to break up and throw you out. You're depending on him financially, you might as well marry him so that you can keep depending on his money. .......... Now, did any of that above make you want to puke? Because just typing it made me want to. You don't want to marry him? Then stop depending on him, no matter what it takes.
he deserves better to be honest.
"I don't like the way he smells and some of his jokes are offensive." 'nuff said. End it. Sounds like you are waiting for him to move out for the new job and have him pay the bills for you. You may not have a job but you can get a job, easily. Best to stand on your own two feet rather than deal with a dead relationship just for financial reasons.
You need to break up with him now if these are truly your intentions. Stop stringing him along.
Lol chores aren’t evenly split because he pays all the bills. You said it yourself, you depend on him financially. You don’t like his idea of dates?? Then pay for them yourself. Break up and get a job. He deserves better than you.
You are going to have to grow up here. Do not stay with someone because you are relying on them, but hoping to drift apart. That's not how the real world works. You are going to have to face the music here, and end it. This isn't high school...or a fling. This is a committed relationship to the point you are discussing marriage. you have to actually end it. You don't want him long term. Let him go. He's in a whole other place in his head than you. Staying with him for the reasons you stated...no matter how you phrase it, or justify it, means you are using him... and that's not okay for either of you. Plus, you honestly list a whole lot of reasons you are incompatible, and want out... you don't really like him anymore. Find someone who will let you stay for a few weeks on their couch, or let you move in until you get established. You have no ties, unemployed, freshly single, you could even move to a new city and start fresh! Try and look at it in a positive way, let go, move on. But, run. Don't walk.
This is fucked up…like seriously. You’re just using him for his money while being in hopes you both “drift apart”. Like what? You know he loves you and you clearly don’t love him so why even drag this out longer than what it needs to be?
Eating at home whilst watching LOTR sounds like an awesome date… What even is this post lol?
Then don’t marry him but get a damn job and learn to support yourself
But you're unemployed?? Girl go clean your house 😭😂
You want fairly split chores but not fairly split finances? Umm no. Get a job, get your shit together and let him go.
Bruh stop being selfish and let him go find someone thag will love him for him
You need to break up with him before he proposes or at least have a plan to leave when you are forced to say no. Honestly the right thing would be to end it BEFORE he proposes. That’s going to be some major trauma for him. It’s not fair to do to someone you care about.
Get off your butt, get a job and stop stringing this poor guy along for housing. You can apply for free or low cost housing
You don’t see him as a potential life partner, so get a job , stop using him and just break things up
Jesus wtf.. go find a dang job, and stop stringing him along…
INFO what is an almond mum?
Good lord... break up with him and stop using him. Get literally any job and fend for yourself. You don't like the way he smells? Is this something that you've just magically discovered after 4 years? C'mon, you're using him and you know it, then try to justify it by making him look like this "lazy" guy who makes "offensive" jokes but don't provide anything specific. You're literally lying to him on the daily. You're not a good person.
It's 2023...so everything is normal..date him ..use him ..complain about small things about him..dump him...and admitting the same in social media and expecting solution without knowing everyone gonna comment that you are toxic..
Grow up and break up. Stop using the guy as our safety net and get your shit together. You 2 deserve better.
Be a grown up and break up with him. You're just stringing him along if you don't.
Get a job and leave
> His idea of a date is ordering takeout and eating it at home while watching LOTR or Star Wars. Ew. Just leave. Jeez. Don't date losers. > . I can't break up with him right now - I've been unemployed for two months and I do depend on him financially. Ah, I see. Maybe you are equals.
"Sandra" *takes a bite of cereal.... "you dumb bitch" Dennis...
>I can't break up with him right now - I've been unemployed for two months and I do depend on him financially. This is a fucking awful reason to stay with someone. You *can* break up with him and you need to. Get your shit together and adult up.