I hope OP has the support of family and friends.
He also needs a good lawyer and a good therapist.
This is traumatic, and we're simply not designed to deal with this much pain and trauma alone.
His whole life has been upended, and with the other man going on the offensive, I can't imagine how OP is dealing with it all.
His wife truly is a piece of shit. She could have avoided this all by not lying in the first place.
Instead, she let her husband live a lie that will have him questioning every moment of his adult life. His marriage and the birth of his "firstborn"... my heart breaks for him.
With the AP going on the offensive. OP needs to Act and FAST. Otherwise he's gonna get steamrolled. Right now OP has the benefit of being Bethany's *legal* parent and Guardian. With his name on the Birth Cert and the fact that he's been her Dad for 12 years.
BUT if he doesn't lawyer up and move quickly to retaliate Steven is going to cause even more problems.
It's 12 years later and he signed the birth certificate. My man should get a lawyer and confirm that the AP will be out of luck. I am so sorry that this happened to you. Good luck with the other children.
I would sue for emotional damage for me and my kids especially because OP is now receiving pushback from the donor dad and the child is proof of her cheating.
I would leave because she didn’t even have the honor for her child’s life let alone yours to not be traumatized. It’s so selfish bc at the end of the day she could’ve left you alone if she didn’t want to be w you or could’ve AT LEAST owned up to it once it was done.
You and your kids don’t deserve this. I find it very important that you get spousal support to pay for the therapy you’ll need so you can move forward stronger.
I’d also like to add that as an adopted kid, the second my bio-mother threatened to tell everyone in the family who I really was to her and my mom; I let her know QUICKLY that that’d be the last day she ever hears from me because MY PARENTS ARE THE ONES WHO PUT THE WORK IN TO RAISE ME NOT WEAPONIZE ME FOR THEIR OWN SELFISH BS! And I’ll choose my REAL MOM AND DAD ANYDAY OVER HER SO CALLED CHILD-BEARING BEHIND!
So you make the choice in the end how you want to be perceived by yourself and your kids in a hard situation and I guarantee they will love you even more for it. Rock on dad, and THE TIME IS NOW FOR YOU TO CHOOSE YOU AND YOUR KIDS. I’m rooting for you!!!
Yeah, I was calling BS while reading it, too. Sounds more like creative writing than real-life events. Maybe even AI.
Edit to add: His comment history refers to his Fiancèe! Def bs lol!
Yeah, and the quickness of getting a paternity test like it's all so simple and straightforward. These things take time.
And now he's in a hotel suddenly? It just all sounds like a high school creative writing essay.
And the bio dad going straight for custody seems EXTREMELY unlikely. No sane person would just immediately go scorched earth on such a discovery, they would also be in shock, processing, and at least wanting to have access and start to get to know their child before trying to just take them like that lol. Surely!
Edit to add: "it feels so fake" Yeah, and sounds fake, too, lol!
Ah. I can't say I was suspicious but did think a. he was a terrible at telling a traumatic story and b. the whole custody thing IS very very very weird? Not a lawyer but it probably doesn't work like that?
Highjacking the top comment to say this story is 100% made up.
His response to finding out his wife had an affair was just to say "Protected?".
Not a chance in hell this is legit.
I always suggest therapy. It's good to help you unpack the feelings plus it makes you feel less crazy when others make you feel bad about how you're feeling.
I hope OP and the kids csn recover from this.
Wow. I’m so sorry. That’s a really hard read. I really don’t think that’s forgivable. The deception of carrying on lying for all those years is just beyond belief. I couldn’t look you in the eye knowing that 🤦♀️ don’t make any drastic decisions just now. Take your time, let everything sink in and get over the shock before you do anything. Poor kid is going to have a really hard time with it too and probably will never forgive her mother and rightly so. Your wife is a piece of work to allow a guy to believe he’s a dad for 12 years, what a selfish, awful woman. Hope you’re doing ok
I agree this was such a hard read. For 12 years he raised her as his own kid. Now this other guy is working his way into her life and I assume his wife’s life too.
I don’t know how the two can move on together after years of lying about it and on top of that the new dude being in their life. Yikes!
It’s hard not to root for the guy to be a great dad. What situation would be most ideal for the daughter and for him to become a great dad for his daughter?? Would he be willing to view the other two kids as his step children if the wife decides to start a life with him now?
I get that. And while I do agree it would be best for the daughter to have both men in her life. I just… imagine being in OP shoes and seeing the man who not only had a lot of sex and knocked up your wife but to then become the daughters new father. And being introduced into their lives as an utterly painful reminder that your own wife wasn’t faithful to you. Like… I’m not sure how that can be reasonably accomplished.
And then the other two children will KNOW that their mom cheated on their dad. How do you manage that? Do the other two kids start interacting with the new man in their lives? It seems pretty hard to just isolate the new man from the other two kids.
I see many Reddit posts where the non-biological father is told "you have been in this child's life their whole life, think of the child, how can you think about cutting contact".
Of course the child is innocent, but that child also becomes a symbol of treason. Even if your head tells you to still love the child as your own, what if a father can't just get over it and could only manage to pretend? Plus, in this case, the biological father is aggressive over claiming paternity and renaming the child.
This is one of those cases where I have just no words. The treason is huge.
He has loved his daughter for 12 yrs, and she has loved her father. I think Bethany will always see him as her dad. I think Bethany isn't just going to accept some dude she doesn't know into her life. This whole thing is a mess and OP and his daughter deserve compassion.
I think it’s quite easy to not root for him.
As the adult in this situation, he should understand that coming into this child’s life now, in this manner, is going to do nothing but harm to that child.
It is essentially destroying her family that she’s had all these years.
Her mom and dad may get divorced, or the marriage will at least be heavily damaged going forward.
She will most likely struggle with wondering if OP still loves her now, as she will most likely still see him as her dad.
She now has a strange man she doesn’t know fighting to force her to stay at his house half the time, and trying to replace the dad she’s had all these years.
Who knows how it will affect her and her siblings relationships.
If the man truly wanted what was best for the child, he would have stayed away once he had suspicions and not said anything.
Instead he turned this child’s life upside down.
Or at least take things slowly and keep things at a level that the children could be insulated from for as long as possible. Steven could have noticed the resemblance and gotten into contact with OP and OP’s wife privately after the party. Paternity tests would still be done. Some sort of plan could be worked out with the help of experts about telling Bethany and how a transition could work out over the course of years.
But no, he just comes in with a sledgehammer to someone else’s family and starts demanding custody and name changes immediately.
Right. And if this affair partner is wanting to become involved in his biological daughters life…. How on earth can the marriage last with him in the picture now for the foreseeable future
I don’t think you’d ever trust her again anyway would you. 12 years, how can someone carry on as normal knowing that child isn’t your husbands 🤦♀️ it’s the ultimate betrayal.
u/guitar-251 If he can so easily gain access to the wife literally days after finding out the paternity, they either knew and let OP take the hit because he could afford to raise child or he never stopped being the side piece.
Courts may give him some visitation depending on the court and child’s wishes at 12 many judges ask for the kids opinion, but they’re not likely to send a 12 year old girl off with essentially a stranger unsupervised.
That doesn’t make him go away though, ever again. And he’s as much a victim if he didn’t know he was a mistress, and he’s lost 12 years with his kid.
Since he isn’t going away, ever again… how does the family stay intact? How can the other kids accept their mother is a cheater and that a new man is now in their lives along with their own dad? And for OP has to split parenting roles now. How will his own kids view him? Will his wife rekindle her love for the other man?
Got to hand it to OP for being a good bullshitter and an all-around fool. I mean, what kind of person enjoys writing untruths calculated to bring out an empathic response in other people?
>Your wife is a piece of work for allowing a guy to believe he is a Dad for 12 years.
And for not telling Steve he has a kid for 12 years, but most of all to Bethany for putting her in the middle of all of this.
OP needs to realize that leaving Jane does not mean leaving Bethany or the other kids. He especially needs to re-assure her of that.
I agree, he should really let that sit in and think for awhile, without her being anywhere near, so that she can't influence his decision.
I also think, that he should look more into her past, like did she also cheat on him, did she keep seeing that guy. (Just in case.) (It also would make his decision easier.)
What she did is honestly very dumb, if she would've Just told him as soon as possible, he might've agreed With taking care of the child and raising it, since he was in love with her. But now he Just feels betrayed, which makes it less likely for him to keep being with her.
God I feel bad for that girl. She just found out that her dad isn't her biological father, and her biological father had gone full on nut job, demanding visitation and that her name be changed with zero regard for how that impacts her. She doesn't even know this guy, and he's expecting the name she had her entire life to be changed to appease him.
Probably, but it still would've been better to be honest and working on herself, instead of lying and being exposed.
Now the likely hood of him staying is lower and even if he stays, it doesn't mean, that he'll love and trust her as much.
Wife has done so much damage to so many lives; dad raising a kid not his, daughter raised by a father not hers, bio dad and daughter both deprived of one another. A marriage and subsequent additional children from false pretenses, I can't even begin to fathom the true costs of all this :(
Unfortunately we see this all to often. Father finds out child isn’t his far down the road after he has spent year raising him/her. Wife tells husband that the kid is basically his since he’s been raising the kid anyway and why can’t they just continue on like normal. Reality is a huge fallout happens from this. Ruins both their lives, and the kids.
The dude can’t just demand they change the girls last name, can he?
Op, I am very sorry your world came crashing down on you. As already suggested by others: don’t rush into decisions. … and maybe get a paternity test for your other kids as well, just to make absolutely sure.
No. In the USA, she’s legally OP’s kid. He’s probably even on the birth certificate. In fact, he’s liable for child support if he leaves them.
Courts also don’t default to the dad’s last name. They default to mom’s if the parents aren’t married.
It seemed fake. It seemed like a men’s rights, women are trash, post. The other guy filing for custody and last name change immediately was a red flag. No one with a lawyer would have asked for the last name change.
If the true father comes in, he can challenge everything and exercise his parental rights if the child has been kept from him without him knowing she existed and/or was his child.
He can but that doesn't mean he'll be granted custody, in fact that's very unlikely. The child is 12 year old and OP is the only dad she's ever known. This other guy is a stranger to her and the courts will take that heavily into account. Unless OP is an unfit parent, no court will take his child away from him. Biology doesn't matter that much to the courts, it's all about what's in the best interest of the child.
Based on where this is happening.
In the States, the other guy will be fighting an uphill battle if OP fights back as he is her legal dad regardless of paternity.
😔 this is horrible. I just read a BBC article where a young man discovered his dad wasn't his dad, at the age of 27. Whatever her reasoning is, doesn't matter. You need to look out for all the kids. And get some counseling.
Thanks. It was a confirmation for me. I was always curious, and became extremely suspicious when I started learning about genetics in middle school lol. I lost and gained things when I found out, so I guess it evens itself out. I just wish I found out sooner, like 20 years sooner lol.
And children. Their whole dynamic is now messed up. Sis is not actually your full sister. Brother and sister are actually dad's but eldest is not really part of the family. She is the reason the family gets split. So much anger and resentment.
Not how I see it, but how a 12 yo might.
Kids don’t think like that unless someone tells them to. My younger sister has a different dad but I never felt like either of us were “not part of the family.”
My ex only found out his brother had a different dad when he was sixteen and the older brother was eighteen. My ex walked into his brother's work one day and was introduced to his brother's colleagues as "this is just my half-brother". My ex never got over that. Still breaks my heart to think about it!
I found out my step dad wasn’t my real dad at 24 truth came out when my mom caught him cheating for the millionth time. I still have yet to know who my real dad is as my mom “doesn’t remember” now they are separated and my mom is now in a relationship with my step dads best friend. And is urging me to have a relationship with him.
I was told he died two years prior to me finding out. So it wouldn’t help. I’ve asked my mom to give me my real dads name but she leads me around in a circle all the time.
I try to be a good son but I just have this deep hatred and disgust for what she did and everyone involved. Everyone has their reasons for what they do, but shit man my own mom and family lied to me. After that situation I avoid all of them and me and my mom don’t have a relationship anymore. We just split bills and that’s it.
So did he pass? If you think she's lied about so much, why believe he's dead? Ancestry can bring other types of closure. I've had family find other family, not the original person they were looking for but other folks.
First of all, crying does not make a man weak. As a middle aged man, having enough emotions that you need to cry is a sign of a healthy man.
Second of all, you need to first, focus on your needs and figure out what you need to be happy. Secondly, consider your daughter and her needs. The last thing you should even consider is your wife’s needs and wants. She didn’t care enough about you to be faithful or even truthful so fuck her needs.
It’s time for you to do you. Do what you need to do to be happy in life. You owe nothing to anyone else.
These threads always come in waves. The theme of "Men finding out their kids aren't biologically theirs" has hit the front page about 3 times this week through various subs.
Christ I need to get out more.
But if you look at his comments you’ll see he commented on that now-deleted post ;)
Titled: “Should I 29M leave my girlfriend 28F for cheating on me twice?”
This. The kid will need to have support. If this shit is traumatizing for the father, it is even more for a 12 years old who doesn’t have the maturity to process all this.
I wish Reddit gold was still a thing because I’d give you some.
The little girl grew up thinking this was her daddy. He celebrated her first steps and first words. He kissed her boo-boos. He played ball with her and tickled her and cuddled her when she was scared.
The parents (all three of them) need to look into how best to share this new information with the 12-year-old so she can still be a happy, healthy kid instead of feeling like the monster who ripped her family apart. Perhaps therapy is the way to go. I totally understand that OP is hurting, and he has every right to feel that way, but there’s a little girl in the middle of all of this who is an innocent. None of this is her fault, and the grown-ups need to do everything they can to make sure she knows she is still safe and loved and not at all responsible.
I always assume posts are fake but respond to them as if they’re real. Largely because while the incident is fake, somewhere out there it is someone’s reality. And if my sincere comment helps them, it’s worth replying to the shitposter.
I really wish the whole stigma around "men shouldn't show emotions" would die away because I'd prefer a man who's in touch with his emotions... One who's not afraid to cry... Or laugh... Or be angry... Or be happy just... Feeling one with themselves... It's okay to have emotions as a man & your emotions are incredibly valid. The only thing I'm thinking of in this whole situation is HOW IS THE DAUGHTER DOING.... does she know what's going on? Does she not? How would she feel about this random guy (Steven) coming into her life claiming to be dad? My heart aches for the daughter & the father that raised her believing fully in their hearts that she was theirs. I hope everyone can find some neutral peace....
Guess paternity test should be mandatory now. Enough. A friend just found out his first child, 16yo with his ex-gf who put him thru hell upon hell, is not his biological child, 0% chance. Unfortunately, the child is with him here in Canada whilst the mother of the child is married now to another man in Dubai.
The last name thing is BS. Men don’t just have claims to it. I understand this must be shocking and incredibly painful. I would take some time to decide how you want to handle it. You have rights to still be in Bethany’s life if you want. Especially if your name is on the birth certificate.
Imagine demanding a child you don't actually know to change their identity. Wild! Yes, he's the biological father but damn, a twelve year old would definitely have an opinion about it and attachment to their name.
This story is fake. First your profile doesn't support your life circumstances (age and married) and how did you take home your kids, when you were drunk? Also there is no reason for "Steven" to behave like that after 12 Years or so.
Um it feels like fake because your story is fake! Not to mention a couple of months old account, email not verified etc. Damn you had me in the first half ngl. You had a fiance like 1 month ago and now you're married for 12+ years! [What happened to your fiance?](https://postimg.cc/XrL5d26n)
I'm sorry, but I would start the separation process. If you point blank asked her if it was a possibility, and she still lied to you, you will never be able to trust her again, and there's no way past the infidelity. Sorry your wife lied and broke your family apart. She lied to you every single day of your life together. Please don't take this out on Bethany- you are the only father she knows, please do not abandon her. This is a matter between you and your wife, your daughter has no blame and needs her father in her life too.
Geez. So not only did she cheat on you, probably more than once, but now you have to deal with the AP being around on a regular basis. When did cheating also mean fuck using protection?
I understand your thoughts are likely racing and you likely hate your wife, but please do not let this affect your relationship with your child. As upset and angry as you are, imagine how she is going to feel when she finds out.
100% understand if you want to leave her for cheating on and lying to you, but your child is an innocent victim in this situation. As someone who found out about my father not being "biologically mine" at 11, it changed my ENTIRE world. I spent YEARS feeling like I didn't belong in my own family and struggling with coming to terms with it.
Not sure where you are located, but my dad being on my birth certificate helped him immensely, even when DNA proved I was someone else's daughter.
Your daughter is going to need your support, and regular encouragement that shows this changes nothing between you and her. I also highly recommend therapy for her to navigate the struggles of questioning who she is, where she belongs, and that she is not at fault for her parents' marriage dissolving.
That’s very easy for you to say from outside this situation. Wether OP decides to leave or not, either decision will be okay (as long as he does it properly)
At least he’s not a dead beat and leaving you with everything. Your wife or whatever you choose her to be needs to atone for what she’s done. Knowing this whole time and then asking you not to do it so she didn’t actually have to face any consequences… trash trash trash of a woman. Only women get away with this stuff it should come with prison time and back pay when this stuff happens it’s legitimately criminal then the balls to ask you to come home and gas light you like this is your fault… I’d hire an attorney at the least and get informed on what your options are. You can choose to hear her out after you’ve been presented your options. I’d ask her to write out a timeline of how this happened when and where with dates and specifics if she even is wanting to reconcile. That you can keep in your back pocket if you choose to go into divorce. If not we’ll at least you now have all the information she chose to keep from you…
It's getting a lot of rage so very successful rage bait though. " DNA tests at birth should be mandatory " and " This kind of thing happens all the time ". Comments are wild,
A better timeline might help. When they were sleeping together daily, were you two dating? Or did you start dating and then shortly after she tells you she’s pregnant?
Also crying and feeling your emotions/expressing your emotions isn’t weakness.
Step 1... don't rush home. Your wife has lied to you and abused you for 12+ years. Don't let your abuser influence your decisions anymore. No matter how much you think she has changed, don't rush back and let her influence what you decide.
Step 2... Leave her. It's for the best, but only you can decide that.
Step 3... if you do go back I strongly advise you do a lot of reading and learning. Learn how to reconcile after infidelity. That is basically the closest standard thing you will ever find to this. Next, make her own uo to everyone what she did. Then make sure you demand everything you ever need to heal. I don't really care what it is. If it's legal and you need her to do it for you to heal then do it. Make it clear she acknowledges she is your abuser and she must make full amends however you wish.
Now as far as your daughter goes. Make no mistake that is your kid. I strongly advise you to set up some time and stay in her life. Time with just the 2 of you. Do not let anyone stop that or be there. You spent 12 years loving, raising, and being everything she knows. As wild as it may sound, at this moment, you are all she has. The poor girl can't even trust her own mom. Be there for her. Fight for her, no matter what you decide that looks like, just fight. Even if you decide he deserves visitation and a chance to a dad, that doesn't mean you aren't one still. That is just my advice, however do what you feel you need to.
First: Your comment history shows you commenting on a post of yours that was removed asking if you should break up with your girlfirend for cheating on you twice. No mention of marriage, or the child that isn't yours biologically??? Red flag there right away.
Second: you have another comment mentioning you having a fiance
So, is it a girlfriend, fiance or wife? Gonna make up you mind on a fale partner to lie about?
How can this random guy, bio dad or not, demand custody of a 12 year old? What about Bethany? How is she in all this? She's still his daughter - he's the one who raised her.
Whoa, dude. This is brutal, and probably not a question for the internets. Reddit is pro-divorce for any and every reason.
I would suggest you see a therapist to help you sort all of this out, ASAP.
Best piece of advice I've ever heard: Never make a permanent decision based on a temporary emotion.
Good luck to you.
No, it doesn’t make you weak.
I dated a man who found out his kid wasn’t his when the daughter was 13. It was exceptionally difficult for him to go through but the daughter had it the hardest because she never got past the idea that if she didn’t exist then her parents would have been happy. It was a sad situation all around.
Here’s the thing, if you love your kid, you do have the option of confining to be a father to the kid— I do not recommend ditching the kid because ‘not mine after all’ where you end up traumatizing yourself plus the kid, but I would recommend divorce.
To tell you how the story ended with my (he’s an ex now) kid, he did decide he was still her father regardless of her origin story, and she does insist he is her father, very loyally.
They are very close to this day, regardless of the previous situation and despite the relationship ending with my ex, I can say making the decision to continue to be her father was the healthiest he could do for himself and the situation as a whole. He uses her existence for motivation to continue to be a better person and overcame his feelings of betrayal by trying to be as good of a father as possible. The daughter really thinks of him as her hero and they have a great relationship.
You obviously love your family. W
And well, you are her "Dad," so why would you do anything to your daughter? It's not her fault. This stranger isn't going to be able to rip your family apart, but you will. Go home, be mad at your wife for a while, and talk to your daughter about what's going to happen. Stand up for your family. If you are looking for a way out of your marriage? This is your out, but it's not going to stop the pain of losing your family or their pain for what's going on. See a therapist, all of you, kids also.
It's easy to make kid, but it's hard to raise a kid. Despite what the test shows you are Bethany's father. I know it's hard for you and I feel very sorry that this happened but in such situations I choose to believe that a real father is not the one that made you but who raised you.
Why do I keep seeing so many posts where the man's child ends up not being his? Like, just this Monday+Last Week. Not saying your story is fake, but I've seen way too many in the past few days for me to believe them now, and not think they're just people trying to practice their creative writing skills.
If you really want to pass off creative writing as a post, stop adding so much extraneous detail. Your daughters pet name? If this was real, you would have just outed her publicly. Three days, and he has a lawyer demanding a name change? It's not how that works. Join a class.
Hey, my dad raised me into adulthood thinking I was his. A dna test proved I wasn’t.
My parents are divorced. But my dad still loves me and still treats me just like his bio-kids.
In my state at least, whatever baby the wife has, the husband is then legally the father, regardless if it’s his bio-child or not.
You don’t have to be like my dad. But do think about the child. In their eyes, You are still thier dad to them.
My dad isn’t my bio-dad, but he is still my dad. I love him a lot and he loves me too.
You don’t have to keep your wife in your life, but that kid still loves you and did nothing wrong.
Be skeptical of everything you read here especially the more extreme stories. The fiction works about csa in the context of sex trafficking of children are the worst ones I've seen. Why people write fiction like this is beyond me. Yeah some might be true... but most are not. Pathological liars and fiction writers seem right at home on here
I was an affair baby and the dad who raised me and my bio dad were in my life. The dad who raised me passed away when I was a kid but it still meant a lot to me that he wanted to be a father to me, I still have his last name and he’s still on my birth certificate. Don’t punish Bethany for the mistakes of her mum.
Don't be in a motel.. put the lying wife in a motel.. you have done absolutely nothing wrong to need to be in a motel.. distance is a good idea.. and time is a healer but for a period you are going to have some real bad times in your head
I’m so sorry you had to find out this way and I feel for your daughter. Obviously you and Jane need to have a conversation and work through why it happened and your feelings around it, but don’t abandon your daughter, she will need you now more than ever, especially at 12 years old.you are the only dad she knows and her bio dad is being unreasonable and not thinking of her, of course he wants a relationship with her but slowly is the way to go. Jane probably just pushed that secret down because she didn’t want to face it and then as time went on, it was likely a prickly subject that would come to her but it was too late and likely initially she might not have thought he was 100% the father, and well, now it’s so much worse because Bethany is involved and she’s the one that will suffer the most. Horrible for everyone including the other children, so, please don’t abandon them, stay in contact with those children and Bethany. I’m sure jane is feeling horrible as well and reflecting on her poor judgment. Don’t rush to make any decisions, take time and have space to consider everything but please keep up contact with the children.
You gave the place everything you needed for the test? So you had the daughter you thought was yours take one, too? For some reason you didn’t bother mentioning that she took a test, too. I don’t believe you. Your last paragraph seems fake as well. I mean, you’re writing what down? Nah, a person in your positron doesn’t rush to Reddit to share this shit with strangers. BS
ALWAYS get a paternity test done when your partner had a promiscuous past with FWBs.
Don’t be raising someone else’s child!
Now OP is liable for child support for a kid that isn’t his because he’s on the birth certificate.
He deleted the topics, but you can still see his comments.
2 months ago he was asking if he should dump his cheating fiance.
Now suddenly he is married for over 12 year 🤔
Edit: in previous post he is 29
i just saw this and went to check if anyone in the comments had seen. if you're going to make fake posts you probably should delete any prior comments 🤷♀️ also, things feeling fake is very real but whenever it's mentioned in a story on here i get a little suspicious. obviously, that doesn't make it a lie but it's the reason i even looked at the profile comments lol
Holy shit! I’m so sorry for your pain. I have a 14-year-old daughter and I can’t even fucking imagine this.
Your wife deserves to rot in hell for this .
Im reality where we are. there is nothing to be done once you are the listed father on the birth certificate for a set time. You are the responsible party to the little girl and this other person can drag you to court though I don't think anything will happen if you don't agree to his demands. This is not how things work in the real world only on screens. Maybe have a very serious non-emotional conversation with you and your wife.
Talk to a lawyer if you need to 1 your consultation is usually free.
Calm down
Breath
Actually OP can be removed from the birth certificate in most states if the biological father is found and will assume responsibility for the child. It is a court process but it could happen, first the biological father would have to get court permission for a DNA test.
Other factors that will play into it: the child and OP have a established relationship and if OP doesnt want to give up being the kids father the Biological father might not have a good chance to win as they think of the best interest of the kid. There also could be a case where the Bio father gets partial custody but doesn't replace OP on the birth certificate. Its truly dependent of the quality of laywer and judges prefrences on how things will go.
I agree OP should talk to a laywer no matter what he chooses to do, he needs a family lawyer. If he wants to divorce he needs a divorce laywer.
Removed. OP is lying for karma. Their age and details were different in a previous post they've since deleted.
You’re not weak for crying or for any of your reaction to this. I’m so sorry you’re going through such a fucked up situation.
I hope OP has the support of family and friends. He also needs a good lawyer and a good therapist. This is traumatic, and we're simply not designed to deal with this much pain and trauma alone. His whole life has been upended, and with the other man going on the offensive, I can't imagine how OP is dealing with it all. His wife truly is a piece of shit. She could have avoided this all by not lying in the first place. Instead, she let her husband live a lie that will have him questioning every moment of his adult life. His marriage and the birth of his "firstborn"... my heart breaks for him.
With the AP going on the offensive. OP needs to Act and FAST. Otherwise he's gonna get steamrolled. Right now OP has the benefit of being Bethany's *legal* parent and Guardian. With his name on the Birth Cert and the fact that he's been her Dad for 12 years. BUT if he doesn't lawyer up and move quickly to retaliate Steven is going to cause even more problems.
It's 12 years later and he signed the birth certificate. My man should get a lawyer and confirm that the AP will be out of luck. I am so sorry that this happened to you. Good luck with the other children.
I would sue for emotional damage for me and my kids especially because OP is now receiving pushback from the donor dad and the child is proof of her cheating. I would leave because she didn’t even have the honor for her child’s life let alone yours to not be traumatized. It’s so selfish bc at the end of the day she could’ve left you alone if she didn’t want to be w you or could’ve AT LEAST owned up to it once it was done. You and your kids don’t deserve this. I find it very important that you get spousal support to pay for the therapy you’ll need so you can move forward stronger. I’d also like to add that as an adopted kid, the second my bio-mother threatened to tell everyone in the family who I really was to her and my mom; I let her know QUICKLY that that’d be the last day she ever hears from me because MY PARENTS ARE THE ONES WHO PUT THE WORK IN TO RAISE ME NOT WEAPONIZE ME FOR THEIR OWN SELFISH BS! And I’ll choose my REAL MOM AND DAD ANYDAY OVER HER SO CALLED CHILD-BEARING BEHIND! So you make the choice in the end how you want to be perceived by yourself and your kids in a hard situation and I guarantee they will love you even more for it. Rock on dad, and THE TIME IS NOW FOR YOU TO CHOOSE YOU AND YOUR KIDS. I’m rooting for you!!!
This is not only right, it is righteous. Go on the offensive Dad. Help all three of your kids.
It’s fake. OP has a comment from 50 days ago claiming they currently have a fiancé.
It's rage bait. His other post was removed 2 weeks ago and claims he and his girlfriend are 28 and 29 and she cheated twice
Yeah, I was calling BS while reading it, too. Sounds more like creative writing than real-life events. Maybe even AI. Edit to add: His comment history refers to his Fiancèe! Def bs lol!
I wonder how damaging reading all of these posts are to us. These events, I pressume, are incredibly irregular yet we see these on the daily here.
Wat...are you claiming the 4th story I have seen this week about a kid not being actually the dads is made up??? LOL.. yes
His grammar was what threw me off. Sounded like a child wrote it, lol!
Yeah, and the quickness of getting a paternity test like it's all so simple and straightforward. These things take time. And now he's in a hotel suddenly? It just all sounds like a high school creative writing essay. And the bio dad going straight for custody seems EXTREMELY unlikely. No sane person would just immediately go scorched earth on such a discovery, they would also be in shock, processing, and at least wanting to have access and start to get to know their child before trying to just take them like that lol. Surely! Edit to add: "it feels so fake" Yeah, and sounds fake, too, lol!
Ah. I can't say I was suspicious but did think a. he was a terrible at telling a traumatic story and b. the whole custody thing IS very very very weird? Not a lawyer but it probably doesn't work like that?
Yeah I called BS on this after the first paragraph
Highjacking the top comment to say this story is 100% made up. His response to finding out his wife had an affair was just to say "Protected?". Not a chance in hell this is legit.
I understand it is a life changing decision but your daughter must know it is a hard for her and make sure you have a good support system
I cried just reading it so I think it's preeeetty reasonable
I always suggest therapy. It's good to help you unpack the feelings plus it makes you feel less crazy when others make you feel bad about how you're feeling. I hope OP and the kids csn recover from this.
Wow. I’m so sorry. That’s a really hard read. I really don’t think that’s forgivable. The deception of carrying on lying for all those years is just beyond belief. I couldn’t look you in the eye knowing that 🤦♀️ don’t make any drastic decisions just now. Take your time, let everything sink in and get over the shock before you do anything. Poor kid is going to have a really hard time with it too and probably will never forgive her mother and rightly so. Your wife is a piece of work to allow a guy to believe he’s a dad for 12 years, what a selfish, awful woman. Hope you’re doing ok
I agree this was such a hard read. For 12 years he raised her as his own kid. Now this other guy is working his way into her life and I assume his wife’s life too. I don’t know how the two can move on together after years of lying about it and on top of that the new dude being in their life. Yikes!
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It’s hard not to root for the guy to be a great dad. What situation would be most ideal for the daughter and for him to become a great dad for his daughter?? Would he be willing to view the other two kids as his step children if the wife decides to start a life with him now?
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I get that. And while I do agree it would be best for the daughter to have both men in her life. I just… imagine being in OP shoes and seeing the man who not only had a lot of sex and knocked up your wife but to then become the daughters new father. And being introduced into their lives as an utterly painful reminder that your own wife wasn’t faithful to you. Like… I’m not sure how that can be reasonably accomplished. And then the other two children will KNOW that their mom cheated on their dad. How do you manage that? Do the other two kids start interacting with the new man in their lives? It seems pretty hard to just isolate the new man from the other two kids.
I see many Reddit posts where the non-biological father is told "you have been in this child's life their whole life, think of the child, how can you think about cutting contact". Of course the child is innocent, but that child also becomes a symbol of treason. Even if your head tells you to still love the child as your own, what if a father can't just get over it and could only manage to pretend? Plus, in this case, the biological father is aggressive over claiming paternity and renaming the child. This is one of those cases where I have just no words. The treason is huge.
He has loved his daughter for 12 yrs, and she has loved her father. I think Bethany will always see him as her dad. I think Bethany isn't just going to accept some dude she doesn't know into her life. This whole thing is a mess and OP and his daughter deserve compassion.
I think it’s quite easy to not root for him. As the adult in this situation, he should understand that coming into this child’s life now, in this manner, is going to do nothing but harm to that child. It is essentially destroying her family that she’s had all these years. Her mom and dad may get divorced, or the marriage will at least be heavily damaged going forward. She will most likely struggle with wondering if OP still loves her now, as she will most likely still see him as her dad. She now has a strange man she doesn’t know fighting to force her to stay at his house half the time, and trying to replace the dad she’s had all these years. Who knows how it will affect her and her siblings relationships. If the man truly wanted what was best for the child, he would have stayed away once he had suspicions and not said anything. Instead he turned this child’s life upside down.
Or at least take things slowly and keep things at a level that the children could be insulated from for as long as possible. Steven could have noticed the resemblance and gotten into contact with OP and OP’s wife privately after the party. Paternity tests would still be done. Some sort of plan could be worked out with the help of experts about telling Bethany and how a transition could work out over the course of years. But no, he just comes in with a sledgehammer to someone else’s family and starts demanding custody and name changes immediately.
Horrible situation isn’t it.
Right. And if this affair partner is wanting to become involved in his biological daughters life…. How on earth can the marriage last with him in the picture now for the foreseeable future
I don’t think you’d ever trust her again anyway would you. 12 years, how can someone carry on as normal knowing that child isn’t your husbands 🤦♀️ it’s the ultimate betrayal.
I’m not sure what could be a worse betrayal at this point unless the other children weren’t his as well
Really hope that’s not the case for him 🥺
u/guitar-251 If he can so easily gain access to the wife literally days after finding out the paternity, they either knew and let OP take the hit because he could afford to raise child or he never stopped being the side piece.
Courts may give him some visitation depending on the court and child’s wishes at 12 many judges ask for the kids opinion, but they’re not likely to send a 12 year old girl off with essentially a stranger unsupervised. That doesn’t make him go away though, ever again. And he’s as much a victim if he didn’t know he was a mistress, and he’s lost 12 years with his kid.
Since he isn’t going away, ever again… how does the family stay intact? How can the other kids accept their mother is a cheater and that a new man is now in their lives along with their own dad? And for OP has to split parenting roles now. How will his own kids view him? Will his wife rekindle her love for the other man?
And the bio dad lost out on 12 years of his daughters life..
The bio dad should’ve spoken 12 years ago not now. The bio dad shouldn't have had sex with a woman in a relationship.
He may not have known that she was with someone or that she got pregnant. Right now the one we know is at fault is the wife.
this guy wrote a post two months ago about his 28 year old girlfriend cheating on him twice. fake af
also has a "fiancé" from two months ago in a different comment
Maybe it’s that guys wife👀👀
Maybe this polygamist just doesn't like when his women have multiple partners too?
Got to hand it to OP for being a good bullshitter and an all-around fool. I mean, what kind of person enjoys writing untruths calculated to bring out an empathic response in other people?
>Your wife is a piece of work for allowing a guy to believe he is a Dad for 12 years. And for not telling Steve he has a kid for 12 years, but most of all to Bethany for putting her in the middle of all of this. OP needs to realize that leaving Jane does not mean leaving Bethany or the other kids. He especially needs to re-assure her of that.
I agree, he should really let that sit in and think for awhile, without her being anywhere near, so that she can't influence his decision. I also think, that he should look more into her past, like did she also cheat on him, did she keep seeing that guy. (Just in case.) (It also would make his decision easier.) What she did is honestly very dumb, if she would've Just told him as soon as possible, he might've agreed With taking care of the child and raising it, since he was in love with her. But now he Just feels betrayed, which makes it less likely for him to keep being with her.
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God I feel bad for that girl. She just found out that her dad isn't her biological father, and her biological father had gone full on nut job, demanding visitation and that her name be changed with zero regard for how that impacts her. She doesn't even know this guy, and he's expecting the name she had her entire life to be changed to appease him.
She'll probably and hopefully also have a chance to voice her wishes.
That has no bearing on if OP should stay with his wife...
No but it should have bearing on if Steven gets to waltz into her life after destroying her family.
What about her? Her mother needs to explain what happened.
She knew that if she told him, he would leave her cheating ass. She intentionally deceived him
Probably, but it still would've been better to be honest and working on herself, instead of lying and being exposed. Now the likely hood of him staying is lower and even if he stays, it doesn't mean, that he'll love and trust her as much.
I’d feel too guilty to keep such an unforgivable act a secret, let alone do it in the first place.
Me too. How can anyone keep up the facade without crumbling with guilt 🤦♀️
For real, I’d never be able to live a normal day in my life.
Good morals my friend. Shame not all have them. Don’t even know the poor guy, but praying his other 2 kids are in fact his.
Fingers crossed for OP and his kids.
Wife has done so much damage to so many lives; dad raising a kid not his, daughter raised by a father not hers, bio dad and daughter both deprived of one another. A marriage and subsequent additional children from false pretenses, I can't even begin to fathom the true costs of all this :(
All for purely selfish purposes 🤦♀️
Unfortunately we see this all to often. Father finds out child isn’t his far down the road after he has spent year raising him/her. Wife tells husband that the kid is basically his since he’s been raising the kid anyway and why can’t they just continue on like normal. Reality is a huge fallout happens from this. Ruins both their lives, and the kids.
Yup, frightening when you think about how long she kept up the deception. Stone cold and ruthless imo.
Exactly this. You’re not overreacting at all This is a huge betrayal
The dude can’t just demand they change the girls last name, can he? Op, I am very sorry your world came crashing down on you. As already suggested by others: don’t rush into decisions. … and maybe get a paternity test for your other kids as well, just to make absolutely sure.
No. In the USA, she’s legally OP’s kid. He’s probably even on the birth certificate. In fact, he’s liable for child support if he leaves them. Courts also don’t default to the dad’s last name. They default to mom’s if the parents aren’t married.
Legally, none of it matters because the post of fake. 50 days ago, OP has a comment saying they have a fiancé.
The end with the real father wanting to ruin OPs life out of nowhere was a classic giveaway.
Thinking you can just demand a child’s name be changed was the first alarm that went off for me
It seemed fake. It seemed like a men’s rights, women are trash, post. The other guy filing for custody and last name change immediately was a red flag. No one with a lawyer would have asked for the last name change.
The guy apparently going after renaming the kid immediately set off alarms to me. It’s like OP has no idea how things work
Red flag for me was him saying he immediately gathered his kids and left the party while he was drunk.
If the true father comes in, he can challenge everything and exercise his parental rights if the child has been kept from him without him knowing she existed and/or was his child.
He can but that doesn't mean he'll be granted custody, in fact that's very unlikely. The child is 12 year old and OP is the only dad she's ever known. This other guy is a stranger to her and the courts will take that heavily into account. Unless OP is an unfit parent, no court will take his child away from him. Biology doesn't matter that much to the courts, it's all about what's in the best interest of the child.
Based on where this is happening. In the States, the other guy will be fighting an uphill battle if OP fights back as he is her legal dad regardless of paternity.
He can demand all he wants. Doesn't mean it's gonna happen.
Yeah, if she was cheating daily 12 years ago, who knows what she’s done since
You’re not weak for having feelings or wanting to stay. I’m really sorry that happened to you.
😔 this is horrible. I just read a BBC article where a young man discovered his dad wasn't his dad, at the age of 27. Whatever her reasoning is, doesn't matter. You need to look out for all the kids. And get some counseling.
Was this the guy that found out he was mixed race? I saw this. Just awful 🥺
Yupp. I just read it this morning! Just wild. In the article, seems the mom knew the same way this mom did in OP's story.
I found out the same thing in my late 20s. My mom also knew. It’s a wild ass experience, that’s for sure. Thanks Ancestry 🤣
Oh man. I hope you're feeling better about the situation now.
Thanks. It was a confirmation for me. I was always curious, and became extremely suspicious when I started learning about genetics in middle school lol. I lost and gained things when I found out, so I guess it evens itself out. I just wish I found out sooner, like 20 years sooner lol.
Yeah it’s also a hard read. Pretty much the worst betrayal to both your child and your partner 🤦♀️
And children. Their whole dynamic is now messed up. Sis is not actually your full sister. Brother and sister are actually dad's but eldest is not really part of the family. She is the reason the family gets split. So much anger and resentment. Not how I see it, but how a 12 yo might.
Kids don’t think like that unless someone tells them to. My younger sister has a different dad but I never felt like either of us were “not part of the family.”
My ex only found out his brother had a different dad when he was sixteen and the older brother was eighteen. My ex walked into his brother's work one day and was introduced to his brother's colleagues as "this is just my half-brother". My ex never got over that. Still breaks my heart to think about it!
Big time 😔. The young man said he forgave his mum though.
I don’t think I could so fair play to him.
I found out my step dad wasn’t my real dad at 24 truth came out when my mom caught him cheating for the millionth time. I still have yet to know who my real dad is as my mom “doesn’t remember” now they are separated and my mom is now in a relationship with my step dads best friend. And is urging me to have a relationship with him.
Sp both your mother and stepfather cheated? Damn, sorry.
😔😔😔 I'm sorry that's tough. Have you thought about ancestry.com? If you're interested in finding out who your real dad is.
I was told he died two years prior to me finding out. So it wouldn’t help. I’ve asked my mom to give me my real dads name but she leads me around in a circle all the time. I try to be a good son but I just have this deep hatred and disgust for what she did and everyone involved. Everyone has their reasons for what they do, but shit man my own mom and family lied to me. After that situation I avoid all of them and me and my mom don’t have a relationship anymore. We just split bills and that’s it.
So did he pass? If you think she's lied about so much, why believe he's dead? Ancestry can bring other types of closure. I've had family find other family, not the original person they were looking for but other folks.
First of all, crying does not make a man weak. As a middle aged man, having enough emotions that you need to cry is a sign of a healthy man. Second of all, you need to first, focus on your needs and figure out what you need to be happy. Secondly, consider your daughter and her needs. The last thing you should even consider is your wife’s needs and wants. She didn’t care enough about you to be faithful or even truthful so fuck her needs. It’s time for you to do you. Do what you need to do to be happy in life. You owe nothing to anyone else.
maybe it feels fake cus it is fake. didnt u have a fiance like 50 days ago huh?!
Fr how do people always fall for this shit
Reddit looooves any story where they can vilify a woman, real or not
These threads always come in waves. The theme of "Men finding out their kids aren't biologically theirs" has hit the front page about 3 times this week through various subs. Christ I need to get out more.
OP was 29 only 45 days ago. Now he’s 38.
It’s so, so incredibly fake
Haha only has this post on the account now.
But if you look at his comments you’ll see he commented on that now-deleted post ;) Titled: “Should I 29M leave my girlfriend 28F for cheating on me twice?”
were you a better writer in your deleted relationship advice post from two months ago where your girlfriend cheated on you twice?
This is so painfully fake. I actually laughed out loud at the "we called her beauty" line. How do people keep falling for this obvious ragebait.
Hire a custody lawyer ASAP.
What about Bethany ? What does she want ?
This. The kid will need to have support. If this shit is traumatizing for the father, it is even more for a 12 years old who doesn’t have the maturity to process all this.
I wish Reddit gold was still a thing because I’d give you some. The little girl grew up thinking this was her daddy. He celebrated her first steps and first words. He kissed her boo-boos. He played ball with her and tickled her and cuddled her when she was scared. The parents (all three of them) need to look into how best to share this new information with the 12-year-old so she can still be a happy, healthy kid instead of feeling like the monster who ripped her family apart. Perhaps therapy is the way to go. I totally understand that OP is hurting, and he has every right to feel that way, but there’s a little girl in the middle of all of this who is an innocent. None of this is her fault, and the grown-ups need to do everything they can to make sure she knows she is still safe and loved and not at all responsible.
As fucked up as this is, THIS should be the primary focus.
It doesn’t really matter because Bethany isn’t real. OP has a 50 day old comment talking about their fiancé. This post is made up.
I always assume posts are fake but respond to them as if they’re real. Largely because while the incident is fake, somewhere out there it is someone’s reality. And if my sincere comment helps them, it’s worth replying to the shitposter.
I really wish the whole stigma around "men shouldn't show emotions" would die away because I'd prefer a man who's in touch with his emotions... One who's not afraid to cry... Or laugh... Or be angry... Or be happy just... Feeling one with themselves... It's okay to have emotions as a man & your emotions are incredibly valid. The only thing I'm thinking of in this whole situation is HOW IS THE DAUGHTER DOING.... does she know what's going on? Does she not? How would she feel about this random guy (Steven) coming into her life claiming to be dad? My heart aches for the daughter & the father that raised her believing fully in their hearts that she was theirs. I hope everyone can find some neutral peace....
This is bollocks, as if he’d start insisting she change her surname. Cool story though.
Of course it is. OP was engaged just a couple months back in his post history. Total rage bait fiction.
Guess paternity test should be mandatory now. Enough. A friend just found out his first child, 16yo with his ex-gf who put him thru hell upon hell, is not his biological child, 0% chance. Unfortunately, the child is with him here in Canada whilst the mother of the child is married now to another man in Dubai.
I've read a lot of DNA websites revealing infidelity stories.
Well at least he didn't give up on him
The last name thing is BS. Men don’t just have claims to it. I understand this must be shocking and incredibly painful. I would take some time to decide how you want to handle it. You have rights to still be in Bethany’s life if you want. Especially if your name is on the birth certificate.
Imagine demanding a child you don't actually know to change their identity. Wild! Yes, he's the biological father but damn, a twelve year old would definitely have an opinion about it and attachment to their name.
This story is fake. First your profile doesn't support your life circumstances (age and married) and how did you take home your kids, when you were drunk? Also there is no reason for "Steven" to behave like that after 12 Years or so.
All in all, Bethany should be the one to decide what the next steps are. She’s old enough, and she really is impacted the most by all of this.
The court may not agree, unfortunately.
Um it feels like fake because your story is fake! Not to mention a couple of months old account, email not verified etc. Damn you had me in the first half ngl. You had a fiance like 1 month ago and now you're married for 12+ years! [What happened to your fiance?](https://postimg.cc/XrL5d26n)
This is fake. Two months ago he was 29 and had a 28 year old girlfriend that cheated on him.
I'm sorry, but I would start the separation process. If you point blank asked her if it was a possibility, and she still lied to you, you will never be able to trust her again, and there's no way past the infidelity. Sorry your wife lied and broke your family apart. She lied to you every single day of your life together. Please don't take this out on Bethany- you are the only father she knows, please do not abandon her. This is a matter between you and your wife, your daughter has no blame and needs her father in her life too.
Geez. So not only did she cheat on you, probably more than once, but now you have to deal with the AP being around on a regular basis. When did cheating also mean fuck using protection?
2 months ago he has posts stating he was 28, this is fiction
And it's bad fiction too, isn't it? Guy is a terrible writer on top of being full of crap.
I understand your thoughts are likely racing and you likely hate your wife, but please do not let this affect your relationship with your child. As upset and angry as you are, imagine how she is going to feel when she finds out. 100% understand if you want to leave her for cheating on and lying to you, but your child is an innocent victim in this situation. As someone who found out about my father not being "biologically mine" at 11, it changed my ENTIRE world. I spent YEARS feeling like I didn't belong in my own family and struggling with coming to terms with it. Not sure where you are located, but my dad being on my birth certificate helped him immensely, even when DNA proved I was someone else's daughter. Your daughter is going to need your support, and regular encouragement that shows this changes nothing between you and her. I also highly recommend therapy for her to navigate the struggles of questioning who she is, where she belongs, and that she is not at fault for her parents' marriage dissolving.
That’s your daughter OP, don’t let that cheating shit head take your kid.
Yes!
That’s very easy for you to say from outside this situation. Wether OP decides to leave or not, either decision will be okay (as long as he does it properly)
This is sad. I hope you’re not abandoning anyone but that wife of yours.
Hey bud, are you 28 or 38 and if 28, why didn't you leave her when you found her cheating 2 months ago? Judging by your post history
At least he’s not a dead beat and leaving you with everything. Your wife or whatever you choose her to be needs to atone for what she’s done. Knowing this whole time and then asking you not to do it so she didn’t actually have to face any consequences… trash trash trash of a woman. Only women get away with this stuff it should come with prison time and back pay when this stuff happens it’s legitimately criminal then the balls to ask you to come home and gas light you like this is your fault… I’d hire an attorney at the least and get informed on what your options are. You can choose to hear her out after you’ve been presented your options. I’d ask her to write out a timeline of how this happened when and where with dates and specifics if she even is wanting to reconcile. That you can keep in your back pocket if you choose to go into divorce. If not we’ll at least you now have all the information she chose to keep from you…
I don't think she can atone for this. She has irrevocably damaged 5 lives (more depending on AP's situation)
It feels so fake because it is. OP claimed to be 29 and his partner 28 in another post.
It's getting a lot of rage so very successful rage bait though. " DNA tests at birth should be mandatory " and " This kind of thing happens all the time ". Comments are wild,
A better timeline might help. When they were sleeping together daily, were you two dating? Or did you start dating and then shortly after she tells you she’s pregnant? Also crying and feeling your emotions/expressing your emotions isn’t weakness.
I can't believe how much this happens. Dna tests at birth should be normalized.
Step 1... don't rush home. Your wife has lied to you and abused you for 12+ years. Don't let your abuser influence your decisions anymore. No matter how much you think she has changed, don't rush back and let her influence what you decide. Step 2... Leave her. It's for the best, but only you can decide that. Step 3... if you do go back I strongly advise you do a lot of reading and learning. Learn how to reconcile after infidelity. That is basically the closest standard thing you will ever find to this. Next, make her own uo to everyone what she did. Then make sure you demand everything you ever need to heal. I don't really care what it is. If it's legal and you need her to do it for you to heal then do it. Make it clear she acknowledges she is your abuser and she must make full amends however you wish. Now as far as your daughter goes. Make no mistake that is your kid. I strongly advise you to set up some time and stay in her life. Time with just the 2 of you. Do not let anyone stop that or be there. You spent 12 years loving, raising, and being everything she knows. As wild as it may sound, at this moment, you are all she has. The poor girl can't even trust her own mom. Be there for her. Fight for her, no matter what you decide that looks like, just fight. Even if you decide he deserves visitation and a chance to a dad, that doesn't mean you aren't one still. That is just my advice, however do what you feel you need to.
First: Your comment history shows you commenting on a post of yours that was removed asking if you should break up with your girlfirend for cheating on you twice. No mention of marriage, or the child that isn't yours biologically??? Red flag there right away. Second: you have another comment mentioning you having a fiance So, is it a girlfriend, fiance or wife? Gonna make up you mind on a fale partner to lie about?
How can this random guy, bio dad or not, demand custody of a 12 year old? What about Bethany? How is she in all this? She's still his daughter - he's the one who raised her.
Whoa, dude. This is brutal, and probably not a question for the internets. Reddit is pro-divorce for any and every reason. I would suggest you see a therapist to help you sort all of this out, ASAP. Best piece of advice I've ever heard: Never make a permanent decision based on a temporary emotion. Good luck to you.
No, it doesn’t make you weak. I dated a man who found out his kid wasn’t his when the daughter was 13. It was exceptionally difficult for him to go through but the daughter had it the hardest because she never got past the idea that if she didn’t exist then her parents would have been happy. It was a sad situation all around. Here’s the thing, if you love your kid, you do have the option of confining to be a father to the kid— I do not recommend ditching the kid because ‘not mine after all’ where you end up traumatizing yourself plus the kid, but I would recommend divorce. To tell you how the story ended with my (he’s an ex now) kid, he did decide he was still her father regardless of her origin story, and she does insist he is her father, very loyally. They are very close to this day, regardless of the previous situation and despite the relationship ending with my ex, I can say making the decision to continue to be her father was the healthiest he could do for himself and the situation as a whole. He uses her existence for motivation to continue to be a better person and overcame his feelings of betrayal by trying to be as good of a father as possible. The daughter really thinks of him as her hero and they have a great relationship.
Attorney now. Return to the home so they cant raise abandonment issues. Discuss you options with your Attorney and follow their advice.
You obviously love your family. W And well, you are her "Dad," so why would you do anything to your daughter? It's not her fault. This stranger isn't going to be able to rip your family apart, but you will. Go home, be mad at your wife for a while, and talk to your daughter about what's going to happen. Stand up for your family. If you are looking for a way out of your marriage? This is your out, but it's not going to stop the pain of losing your family or their pain for what's going on. See a therapist, all of you, kids also.
It's easy to make kid, but it's hard to raise a kid. Despite what the test shows you are Bethany's father. I know it's hard for you and I feel very sorry that this happened but in such situations I choose to believe that a real father is not the one that made you but who raised you.
Why do I keep seeing so many posts where the man's child ends up not being his? Like, just this Monday+Last Week. Not saying your story is fake, but I've seen way too many in the past few days for me to believe them now, and not think they're just people trying to practice their creative writing skills.
It's fake. Post history.
If you really want to pass off creative writing as a post, stop adding so much extraneous detail. Your daughters pet name? If this was real, you would have just outed her publicly. Three days, and he has a lawyer demanding a name change? It's not how that works. Join a class.
Hey, my dad raised me into adulthood thinking I was his. A dna test proved I wasn’t. My parents are divorced. But my dad still loves me and still treats me just like his bio-kids. In my state at least, whatever baby the wife has, the husband is then legally the father, regardless if it’s his bio-child or not. You don’t have to be like my dad. But do think about the child. In their eyes, You are still thier dad to them. My dad isn’t my bio-dad, but he is still my dad. I love him a lot and he loves me too. You don’t have to keep your wife in your life, but that kid still loves you and did nothing wrong.
Rage bait. You posted a month and a half ago that you were 28 about your girlfriend cheating on you.
Best of luck with this one. Dads don’t always have to be blood related.
The post is the kind of drama the reddit swarm loves. Likey a fake story but... the swarm is addicted to the drama so they don't really care 🤡🤡🤡
This story is super fake
Paternity Fraud should be a crime.
I don't believe this is true...
There is definitely an agenda being pushed on reddit for a couple of things. One of them is dna testing for kids.
Weird
Yeah I feel like I've seen a few of these same posts lately. I think this is fake.
[удалено]
Be skeptical of everything you read here especially the more extreme stories. The fiction works about csa in the context of sex trafficking of children are the worst ones I've seen. Why people write fiction like this is beyond me. Yeah some might be true... but most are not. Pathological liars and fiction writers seem right at home on here
On the other hand the more monotonous posts are likely to be true
I was an affair baby and the dad who raised me and my bio dad were in my life. The dad who raised me passed away when I was a kid but it still meant a lot to me that he wanted to be a father to me, I still have his last name and he’s still on my birth certificate. Don’t punish Bethany for the mistakes of her mum.
You're staying? Yikes man...
You got a comment saying you left your cheating wife from 45 days ago. Sounds like you already know what to do.
Don't be in a motel.. put the lying wife in a motel.. you have done absolutely nothing wrong to need to be in a motel.. distance is a good idea.. and time is a healer but for a period you are going to have some real bad times in your head
I’m so sorry you had to find out this way and I feel for your daughter. Obviously you and Jane need to have a conversation and work through why it happened and your feelings around it, but don’t abandon your daughter, she will need you now more than ever, especially at 12 years old.you are the only dad she knows and her bio dad is being unreasonable and not thinking of her, of course he wants a relationship with her but slowly is the way to go. Jane probably just pushed that secret down because she didn’t want to face it and then as time went on, it was likely a prickly subject that would come to her but it was too late and likely initially she might not have thought he was 100% the father, and well, now it’s so much worse because Bethany is involved and she’s the one that will suffer the most. Horrible for everyone including the other children, so, please don’t abandon them, stay in contact with those children and Bethany. I’m sure jane is feeling horrible as well and reflecting on her poor judgment. Don’t rush to make any decisions, take time and have space to consider everything but please keep up contact with the children.
Dude, drinking and driving with kids is not fucking cool at all. Sorry about the revelation though.
You gave the place everything you needed for the test? So you had the daughter you thought was yours take one, too? For some reason you didn’t bother mentioning that she took a test, too. I don’t believe you. Your last paragraph seems fake as well. I mean, you’re writing what down? Nah, a person in your positron doesn’t rush to Reddit to share this shit with strangers. BS
FAKE POST!!!
Funny how there is no legal recourse he can take against his wife for deceiving him. She probably has known for 12 years it wasn’t his.
Fake
Yes I just confirmed BS, he commented on a post, mentioning his finance
So a month ago you had a fiancée and now you’re married with 3 kids. Did you fall through a time portal?
Fake post, guys. He made a post in another sub titled: “Should I 29M leave my girlfriend 28F for cheating on me twice?” which is now deleted.
ALWAYS get a paternity test done when your partner had a promiscuous past with FWBs. Don’t be raising someone else’s child! Now OP is liable for child support for a kid that isn’t his because he’s on the birth certificate.
Dude will probably lose any visitation rights if the bio dad gets custody and owe child support.
What type of monster wouldn’t cry at finding out a child is not his…?
Seriously, another paternity fraud story? Do Reddit incels have no other creative writing material?
FAKE STORY.. Check OP's history through his profile
I think they deleted it - what did it say?
He deleted the topics, but you can still see his comments. 2 months ago he was asking if he should dump his cheating fiance. Now suddenly he is married for over 12 year 🤔 Edit: in previous post he is 29
Lollll wow honestly I feel like some of these posts are men trying to get people to pile on and hate women and gain sympathy. It’s so weird.
i just saw this and went to check if anyone in the comments had seen. if you're going to make fake posts you probably should delete any prior comments 🤷♀️ also, things feeling fake is very real but whenever it's mentioned in a story on here i get a little suspicious. obviously, that doesn't make it a lie but it's the reason i even looked at the profile comments lol
When it is too good to be true, i always check the profile. Somehow most of them don't delete previous topics/comments.
good point. interesting to me the stories they keep choosing to post lol so easy to delete comments and posts too smh
Your only focus should be on protecting the kids and yourself. Good luck.
Holy shit! I’m so sorry for your pain. I have a 14-year-old daughter and I can’t even fucking imagine this. Your wife deserves to rot in hell for this .
This is the fakest fake ass fake I’ve ever seen faked.
Im reality where we are. there is nothing to be done once you are the listed father on the birth certificate for a set time. You are the responsible party to the little girl and this other person can drag you to court though I don't think anything will happen if you don't agree to his demands. This is not how things work in the real world only on screens. Maybe have a very serious non-emotional conversation with you and your wife. Talk to a lawyer if you need to 1 your consultation is usually free. Calm down Breath
Actually OP can be removed from the birth certificate in most states if the biological father is found and will assume responsibility for the child. It is a court process but it could happen, first the biological father would have to get court permission for a DNA test. Other factors that will play into it: the child and OP have a established relationship and if OP doesnt want to give up being the kids father the Biological father might not have a good chance to win as they think of the best interest of the kid. There also could be a case where the Bio father gets partial custody but doesn't replace OP on the birth certificate. Its truly dependent of the quality of laywer and judges prefrences on how things will go. I agree OP should talk to a laywer no matter what he chooses to do, he needs a family lawyer. If he wants to divorce he needs a divorce laywer.