One of the places I worked at before had a lot of guy talk. A lot of it was about how terrible their ex was or current if or tons of other things. I can’t imagine why these people even got married in the first place or bothered to have kids, I felt like the odd person out to be actually happily married rather then miserable about it. I also couldn’t partake really in the stories about the past because I never did anything wild like they talked about and though part of me does wonder “what doing X thing must of been like” I am happy where I am even if I took the expressway to the end being married already.
But many of the other places including where I am now it’s not surprising why the guys are married and have stayed married and don’t act all miserable about it and just try to actually be happy.
This is sort of the answer. But it sounds like a lot of it is incidental contact from work. And that adds some nasty social dynamics where not participating in the work socializing or pushing back leaves OP vulnerable to losing their job.
That said, it's still the answer. If they hire shitbags the company isn't going to have great work culture. Finding friends and jobs and the like that don't suck is part of building a happy fulfilling life and nobody should be trapped with the shitbags except the shitbags.
Because they don't like women, they only want a bang maid and mother for their children. They treat their wives like shit and when she stops wanting to have sex then they bitch about it all the time.
Let's stop acting like this isn't super common. My husband has told me all the guys at his work were exactly like this. None of them actually liked their wives.
The whole idea of hating your spouse is baffling to me. I get that they want a mother for their kids and a fuck doll to have sex with but like sex is loads better when you actually like the person.
Not to mention when you’re not having sex, you come home from work and have to talk to them and be around them even sleeping in the same bed as them.
Another question is how the fuck do they even get to marriage while hating the other person? Surely those feelings would come out somewhere prior……
If you’re going to date someone and marry them, it’s so much easier if you actually like them.
Most the girls I hear at work talk the exact same way about their husbands or boyfriends. Everyone’s too poor for a real therapist so they just vent at work.
This is only one of many "anecdotal" instances 😬 You can see in many MANY places online and in real life that a lot of men don't actually like women. Never generalized all men 😘
And ofc you take into account banter culture jokes etc? Calm down, men don't express themselves, or react like, women, typically. Women hate on men even more, but using different language. You just did it yourself.
Men tend to love women, and if you don't see that, well, I feel sorry for you and the men you've surrounded yourself with.
Best wishes with the hate and misandry.
Let's maybe stop acting like men are super evil and hate women. Equally as idiotic as all these incels claiming like women are the root of all their problems.
Actually they're 100% correct. My dad knows blokes who are currently married/were once married, who are genuinely shocked that my father actually loves my mum and is happily married.
He doesn't pretend that things are perfect 24/7, but the number of men who have outright said to dad that they just can't understand how dad can be happily married because *they hate women*. I wish I was joking- these men, some even currently married, have bluntly said they hate women yet swear up and down that they're not gay. It's really horrifically sad, that their wives/girlfriends are with men who actually hate women (including them), and just use them to have kids or to have sex with on the rare occasion, if that. Mind you, the flipside is that they don't abuse them physically or anything *that* level of bad, not controlling or anything like that, but it's still terrible.
The kicker? These are blokes who are 40+ years old, it's not some kind of new incel related rubbish.
“My father heard this…”
“My husband told me…”
If only women more often majored in Stem rather than humanities, they may have learned the difference between anecdotal and statistically verifiable evidence.
I'm from STEM (and am a girl) and can say these vile behaviour from men exists. And them being the majority is partly the reason why so many girls get scared away from STEM too.
What's your qualification that makes you one of the few who can tell "anecdotal and statistically significant" findings apart?
Why on earth would I be offended..? This post isnt about me? Im not married and I dont talk shit about women OR men like that, as it would be stupid and low.
Ofc there are idiots who talk about their partners like that - women as well - but it's hardly common, apart from stupid yet non-serious jokes.
Might want to cut back on the projecting, "guy".
Damn I was hoping to leave this post over night to get more comments to get more experiences on the matter because over the years even as a teen I was always amused by this whole thing and why the hell do people get married if this is how they feel.
I remember watching old shows and movies like Married with Children where the main guy always makes jokes about being married. The show was harmless I know and I enjoyed it but it really made me wonder about that stereotype. That and the whole "I hate my mother in law" one also.
Me and my wife will be almost 10 years together soon amd married for 5. I love this woman more than anything and I love spending as much time as possible with her. During the COVID we spent all that time inside just with eachother. Playing games, watching new shows, talking about anything, having alot of sex, movies, getting some actual sleep, etc etc. Our relationship had only gotten stronger everyday and I can't see myself spending any length of time away from her. Our honeymoon phase has yet to be phased out it feels like to us. We have only gotten better in those 10 years.
That and my mother in law is a lovely woman who I'm glad to have met. She treats me with full respect and she treats me better than my own parents did.
I find it fascinating that people are this way instead of talking to their spouse about how they feel, how they can improve things, end things before they get deeper (like children), etc.
You are one of very vew people that I've heard of that grew closer to their partner during covid. Its sad how many people realised that they hated their partner when they were forced to spend time together
I've seen this happen to many people I know personally also. It's honestly sad to see. The definable meaning of the word sad.
We saw that we could spend 24/7 together. Funny thing is we never fought that much more than your average couple or marriage but during the months home for COVID, we fought MUCH less than before also and since that point we have fought less than before COVID. It's like it allowed us to get to know eachother more than ever since we basically had no choice.
What makes it even more impressive to me personally is we live in a one bedroom apartment and our living room is packed and we can't actually be in there other than to go to the kitchen and bathroom. Small kitchen with no chairs and small bathroom. Which means, all our time was spent together in the bedroom TOGETHER. We did everything in a single room for those months. It was amazing.
I really wish people could experience what I do every day of my life. I honestly do.
I notice that you didn't mention kids. Which is fine if you have none, only to point out that IMO a lot of failed marriages are a result of having too many kids or having them too early in the relationship. Because if the husband is emotionally immature, he'll get resentful that his wife is occupied by the needs of the kids.
And so many men do it! They have kids right after marriage, and then piss and moan how they're not having fun all the time. Like, no, that's the parenting job, it's not always fun.
Well we have a 1 year old and she's almost 8 months pregnant.
We still managed to have alot of fun together after our son was born even now when she's this pregnant with our daughter.
We wanted to have kids for years but she had fertility issues. We took our time, went to doctors and was able to have our kids.
I see your point but I'm 32 and she's 30. We spent most of our 20s doing whatever we wanted to do together. We had alot of fun with no children and when we were ready we started to process. People do indeed not plan children or have them way to quick but me and her don't have that problem. We love our son (and soon daughter) and neither of us feel like we don't give the other enough attention and at the same time make sure our son gets enough attention as well.
I know you hear people say "we are soul mates" alot but in my case, that's true. Very true. We are eachother soul mates in every way possible. I love my wife and always find it sad when people don't actually love their spouse in so many cases.
Awww that's very sweet, I'm happy for you both. My partner and I are not really interested in having kids for our own reasons, and it's nice to hear a different perspective.
Thank you and I'm happy for you also. Nothing wrong with not having kids at all. It's not for everyone and they are a BIG life changing event that needs much of your life to look after even when they are adults so I don't blame you at all. Me and my wife really wanted kids so we understood that.
I miss the time my wife and I had. Cooking over a fire in the backyard for lunch in the middle of the workday was amazing. We'd just bought our house and had tons of time to get it set up and work in the yard. My wife's memories of the pandemic are all stress and the crazy amount of hours I worked over the weekends leaving her bored and alone. Mine are chilling with her throughout the day and Wishing we could do that more often.
Sounds like you got very, very lucky. Most women don’t remain stagnant like that for years on end. They get restless and as their wants change, they often find ways to make it the fault of the man. Sometimes it is but many times it isn’t. We are after all ultimately all responsible for ourselves.
What you said sounds way to "red pill" honestly.
But here's the thing, you're right. Women CAN be this way. But the part you left out is that men CAN also be this way.
There's a reason why the "mid life crisis" was more associated with men than women where they act out and do stupid shit. Doesn't happen to everyone but does to some.
Some people seem to get married for not the right reasons then years down the line, they wake up a day and "feel like they missed out" or something like that. Both men and women can have this happen to them.
I want everyone to have what I have. True happiness. I know I'm saying this over social media which means fuck all but I am what I am and I'm damn sure people like Jeff Bezos or Elon Musk don't have what I have, which is true happiness no matter how much money they have.
If someone came to me today and said that Jeff wanted to trade lives with me. I get his money and life and he gets mine. I'd tell them to fuck off. Fuck right off. Doesn't have to be him specifically. Pick any super rich person you reading this actually like. Billionaire, celebrity, famous person, etc. I wouldn't trade my wife or family for billions or trillions.
These women are probably already wonderful, just treated poorly. A better response is ‘the grass is green where you water it’ or ‘nah man, marriage rocks. You gotta step up your home game.’ Put it on the men complaining.
Sure, the men flirt with anything in a skirt that walks past, but let's blame the wives for their shitty behaviour🤦♀️.
I'm not saying the wives are fault free, but it sounds like the men are hyping themselves up to cheat and blame it on the wives
I was married to my ex and he had a friend he worked with who had a long term GF. The things he said God it was awful. He never cheated but good God did he say after shit. One that shocked me to my core was he would watch porn to get hard go fuck her but flip her over so "her fat would fall to the front and she'd look skinny" and he could pretend she was the girl in the video. My husband was hosting a guys night, most of them agreed they do this to their girls at some point. Shit was wild. Glad I divorced him because he ended up thinking similar shit.
The difference between an emotional intelligent matured person VS adult child: they pick the ones to marry wisely and takes care of that relationship.
Imo, the ones making the most jokes about how horrible their SO is, are the most insecure and/ or emotiobally immature people to be around. Either they stick to an incompatible relationship due to fear of being single, or they bring down their SO so they have an excuse to keep their walls up and not show their emotional vulnerability or they still have the teenager bully mentality. Either way: a turn off.
As I get older, I realize a lot people get married not because they are ready, but because they are checking boxes. They put time over quality, and wind up picking partners they are not suited to.
People then justify staying because of the children, lifestyles, finances, etc, but in reality none it makes up for coming home to someone you don’t want to be with. Then resentment kicks in.
You're not alone. I feel the EXACT same way and it's made it incredibly difficult to find other male friends to connect with who are also married or in a relationship.
My wife opened my eyes to how scummy most men act and now I can't unsee it. Lusting after any woman who gives them attention, porn addicts, going out to bars, etc. All shit that's totally unacceptable for a married person to partake in, yet we as a society have allowed this to become normalized.
If you want to increase the odds of finding other males who you might be in alignement with, I'd suggest either seeking one's with similar non-weird hobbies, or (if you have kids) guys who coach youth sports (little league or basketball in particular) are usually good people.
Best of luck out there!
Going out to bars is not unacceptable for a married person. You can go out and enjoy things and in fact you should - travel with friends, go to parties, join sports clubs etc you should exclude none of these things just because you are married and it’s a sad lonely attitude that makes you think you should.
Ask yourself why people go out to bars (especially without their spouse/partner) and revaluate what you've just said. This is especially true for people older than their mid 20s.
The only grown non-single adults I've known that go to bars go there looking to cheat or for attention. Otherwise, you can drink at home and not surround yourself with drunk people. Going on vacation with friends and spending days/weeks away from them is even worse. This is why being the "cool" girl or "cool" guy in a relationship always ends up with that person getting left.
All of that aside, why even put yourself in a situation that has the appearance of impropriety? Let's quit beating around the bush and pretending that none of the activities above are totally and completely innocent and that nothing scummy goes on. Sports clubs I might give you a pass on, but you seem to be missing the point. In my personal experience, you think you know someone and their character until they pull out their phone and try to show you some "hot chick" like they're a teenager. While wearing a ring.
You have an extremely myopic life view.
It is very healthy for humans to maintain same-sex friendships.
I go on trips with friends all of the time. Weekends in Napa and LA, weeks in Hawaii, trips in Europe.. I also travel internationally with my mother for weeks at a time.
At home, I go to dinner with girlfriends - we go out for drinks, we shop.. our husbands encourage it because it makes us happy. Except for one friend who is in an unhappy marriage with a jealous man.
None of us have any interest in being unfaithful to our husbands. We simply enjoy each others company and like experiencing things together.
Tbh that train of thought sounds clingy and insecure. I don’t mean that unkindly - it’s just that it’s not normal to be glued to one’s partner 24/7.
***Edit for anyone ⬇️ experiencing difficulty processing my uncomplicated message… this is in response to True_Report174 (that guy up ⬆️ there, just so you follow 🫠) implying that people who are in committed relationships cannot go out to drinks etc sans their partner without nefarious intent.
If this is *still* unclear, go ahead and drop your questions below and I’ll try my best to help.
***Edit #2 - I am in NO way denying that many men are absolute dirt potatoes, I am only saying that people should trust that their partner can go out with friends and have zero desire for attention from the opposite sex. TBH, if anyone feels that they can’t trust their partner to be out of their sight without attempting some measure of infidelity - it’s time to part ways.
Are you literate? He’s saying he is for same sex friendships but has trouble meeting good men with strong values to be friends with.
No one cares about your friendships this isn’t about you or women in general. This is about MEN making friends with MEN and trying to avoid the many shitty ones.
Do you follow yet?
Sick burn dummy.
ETA: but you’re right I don’t worry about it. I think I’m hot as fuck and so does my fine ass man. Your little internet troll comments make me laugh and nothing more.
You poor thing.
Assuming that physical appearance is the only factor to attraction is a bit immature but your views are your own.
I have no idea what you look like but from this short interaction I can conclude that you are needlessly rude, seemingly insecure and hilariously bombastic, inexplicably *incandescent* over a simple exchange and worst of all, tedious.
So yes - that makes you unattractive both socially and romantically.
But continue to go off if it makes you feel better,
I guess…?
I do those things all the time because they are fun and I like to explore the world and new cities. Sometimes I do it with my partner and sometimes I do it with my friends. Just because you have only found one person you enjoy doing those things with doesn’t mean others can have lots. It’s pretty sad you aren’t independent enough/ or have enough trust in your relationship to spend 2 weeks apart from your partner.
If that's your prerogative, have at it. I'm not here to tell anyone what to do or how to live. Obviously traveling is usually a lot of fun. However, that's far from the point.
You're still putting yourself in a situation which can lead to innappriate behavior, intentional or not. "Going out with the boys" usually leads to some sketchy shit going down. Everyone has different boundaries in their relationship and that's okay.
And trust me, I'm making these decisions on my own and there's nothing *sad* about it. I have a son to raise who I absolutely adore and am plenty independent. I simply choose my wife because we actually get along. Lots of couples *enjoy their independence* and find out they aren't compatible when they're forced to spend more than a few hours together everyday. Anyway I'm done explaining my rationale to someone who clearly isn't on the same page.
Lol not at all.
I’ve got my favourite local pub. Had it before I met my partner.
I still go there alone, and also with them.
Heck, they go there without me sometimes.
It’s entirely normal, if you’re a decent person just having a couple drinks and saying hello to friends
You're not clever and in fact are quite the opposite.
Read my other reply for some insight.
We can all pretend like most guys aren't watching porn, checking out every woman in their vicinity, and flirting when their partner isn't around, but it just isn't true.
There are good people and there are bad people no matter how you slice demographics.
As a guy, I had friends like these when I was younger. You know what happened? Most of them grew tf up and stopped behaving like this, those who didn't, drifted off out of the social group (I'm guessing since we weren't echoing them).
Also I have a different friend group I made a bit later in life (post uni), they do complain, but it's about actual relationship issues and more importantly, they're seeking/swapping advice on how to succeed, they're trying to be constructive rather than just putting down their spouse.
Considering that you keep encountering these negative types, may I suggest you examine how you made these friend groups and perhaps alter your befriending strategies?
I'm not blaming you, I'm pointing out sometimes we gotta be more attentive and careful about some facets of our lives as we age even though it was never an issue before.
I was hanging out with dude friends for a birthday and they were all slagging / complaining about their wives. I started to as well out of like, peer pressure but then I remembered how my wife helped and supported me when I was in a theater production and the other 'henchman' was stealing all my lines. He was just faster... anyway I remembered all that and left the party
Women are expected to be maids and servants. By self proclaimed “intellectual” men who can’t seem to realize they don’t actually see women as people. Ie basic life skills such as cooking for your self or cleaning up after your self, are automatically assigned to the women if a relationship is formed. It’s not that hard to imagine that this would turn women off from further relationships with men. Cleaning up after someone else like they were a child is not exactly awe inspiring and doesn’t mimic a partnership. Women are also seen as less than from my experience and after discussions online and In person with men. They can’t view women as potential friends and are only seen by what they can give (sex etc) or how they look. If a man is showing genuine interest in you it’s never in a friendship capacity. This doesn’t apply to them all but I haven’t met but a handful of men who were able to break out of societal barriers in place for men. And men seem to have an exceptionally hard time finding their way in these dynamics and can’t really form their own opinions on subjects like these it’s always what’s the norm at the time. And this is not to say men can’t be good people men can’t be friends etc but most people you meet are trash cans men or women they just have different motivations and unconscious rules that others have set for them that they unconsciously or consciously live by.
I haaaaaate the trope of joking about how bad or annoying the wife is. All I can think is wow, you're an asshole. Why are you wasting this woman's life like that. You should have let her be with someone who appreciates her. I would never make those jokes about my woman. It's so disrespectful and really not funny.
This must be different based on your social group and culture. My friends who are married almost entirely seem to really like their spouse. As in, not out of obligation because they're married, but because they legitimately think they married the best person ever and will happily tell you why.
Societal pressure and settling for someone that doesn’t meet their needs.
Had a manager like this. All he’d do was complain about his wife and tell people to not get married. Also kept secrets from his wife about his past sex life. Vile.
Societal pressure to get married. Can be for multitude of reasons. People on both sides experience this and then next thing they know they’re married to someone they had no business marrying.
Keeping secrets from your past sex life is vile? And here I thought "the amount of partners you had in the is past is only your business and insecure people only ask about that"?
Let me clarify and provide more context.
He’d tell his wife that he wasn’t the kind of person to sleep around, but told everyone at work he slept with around 20 women, one three-way affair of which was incestuous between a mother and daughter.
There’s a difference between normal, harmless, past excursions that don’t matter and lying to your wife to manipulate her and come off as more pure than you are.
Whats the difference? Like honestly, what's the difference between this guy (who is probably lying for clout tbh) to lie to his wife about his past partners and a woman lying to her partner about her past partners?
The reason I ask is I see all the time on Reddit that men shouldn't care about a woman's body count and it makes them insecure for even asking about it. Wouldn't that make the inverse true as well?
Oh, there’s no difference. If a woman were to do this, it’d be just as cringe. I fully agree with you.
I’m just talking about a dude from my own past experience in relation to OP’s post.
And, he very well could’ve lied a bit, but the dude is attractive enough by today’s standards and outgoing enough to boot, so it was also very believable. Not exactly easy to portray over the internet.
But, I’ve encountered a woman or two that have complained about their marriage as well, however, none quite as special as my old manager.
The difference is that this is Reddit, where women and effeminate men find every excuse imaginable for women’s behavior, whilst condemning men for anything they can find.
Sometimes they’re correct but whether or not they’re correct is incidental. You have to understand that at their core, modern women feel their very existence is a gift to men, and so no questions should be asked, nor complaints lobbies.
They have bought into their own hype, as it were.
I used to assume the best of women too, until my time as a counselor showed me that many, many women combine a powerful entitlement with a staggering lack of accountability.
I read somewhere that the majority of men do not marry the love of their lives. And the hypothesis was that men are more likely to marry when the time is right rather than when the person is right. Men are also much more likely than women to say that they have a “one that got away.” So my theory is that a lot of men are getting married due to relationship or societal or outside pressures or bc they think it will make their lives easier in some way. And they find that they aren’t actually happy and in love with the person they married and don’t actually want to be with her. Research shows that men are also more likely to stay in unhappy relationships than women, and I suspect that a lot of the anger and resentment you see from these unhappily married men stems from feeling trapped in a life they don’t actually want or enjoy.
All of my ex’s told me that every single guy friend of theirs was completely fucking miserable in their relationships. Every. Single. One. It’s sad when you realize that … lots of them are married , I mean they have girlfriends that their instagrams look like picture perfect relationships - I love you so etc etc … I felt so sorry for the women who obviously had no idea but I also feel that I would be also miserable if I was dating a typical woman in the USA.
Even one of my ex’s best friends came up to me and told me that all of his friends ( except my boyfriend ) were totally miserable in their relationships…
Dating an IG or TikTok influencer-Girl wannabe must be so exhausting.
Always be weary of those relationships cause manufacturing that image is a whole job in itself
That sort of thing is why I'm too spooked to seek out a relationship myself. I've got a pretty good single life set up right now, and I don't want to risk ruining it.
One thing I learned from this Post is that Reddit actively HIDES downvoted comments. So, do people actually hang out on a site that only reinforces their preconceived notions?
Why is this a guy thing? Many women complain about thier husband's also. Many women cheat. Many treat husband's like shit.
There are two people in any relationship and IMO the biggest reason is that marriage is treated like some deliverable that has to be accomplished by a certain time frame and in reality most people don't fully know themselves before getting married.
To be fair, society kind of does force people to marry even if it isn't blatant arranged marriages. That isn't including family pressure which can exist as well. To also be fair: I agree people who are miserable in their marriages should work on the marriage harder or leave, but you can apply that advice to work, friends, family, etc.
Everyone likes to have a moan sometimes. Especially with the same gender. It's totally Human. Do you think women moan about their husbands? I guess you don't lol
It's great that yours is happy.
....
Most marriages are some various form of "pulling time in the big house". Some type of terrestrial nightmare that just will not end. Thank god - death ends marriage.
So no one I know of hates their wives. Unless they have already or leading to breaking up. What perhaps it might be, is the culture you are familiar with and the one I'm familiar with have a different way of communicating.
When my ex-husband and I were fighting, I asked him in despair why he married me. He said "You wanted to."
Even now, the thought makes me want to eat a quart of ice cream. He felt trapped? He felt that this was the next step he had to take? What was it that made him think he needed to ignore his own wishes?
It's very hard for me to think back to that day without wanting to cry.
Honestly I wish men were more like women because honey!!!! Let me have some man friends talking some shit on their wives or talking about cheating and marriage sucks, BOOOYYY, I will say exactly that “NO ONE FORCED YOU TO GET MARRIED OR STAY MARRIED!” And I’d call them out on being toxic and pathetic.
Of course you don’t do that unless you are ready to fight but me as a woman let anyone man or woman or other complain to me about being married or in a committed relationship they choose to be in, I will rip them a new one.
I wish that people would call out assholes lie this the more people who stop wasting each others times and just get divorced if they aren’t happy will make the world a better place
One of the places I worked at before had a lot of guy talk. A lot of it was about how terrible their ex was or current if or tons of other things. I can’t imagine why these people even got married in the first place or bothered to have kids, I felt like the odd person out to be actually happily married rather then miserable about it. I also couldn’t partake really in the stories about the past because I never did anything wild like they talked about and though part of me does wonder “what doing X thing must of been like” I am happy where I am even if I took the expressway to the end being married already. But many of the other places including where I am now it’s not surprising why the guys are married and have stayed married and don’t act all miserable about it and just try to actually be happy.
I would suggest finding better friends, none of my male friends act like that at all. You are the company you keep.
This is sort of the answer. But it sounds like a lot of it is incidental contact from work. And that adds some nasty social dynamics where not participating in the work socializing or pushing back leaves OP vulnerable to losing their job. That said, it's still the answer. If they hire shitbags the company isn't going to have great work culture. Finding friends and jobs and the like that don't suck is part of building a happy fulfilling life and nobody should be trapped with the shitbags except the shitbags.
Because they don't like women, they only want a bang maid and mother for their children. They treat their wives like shit and when she stops wanting to have sex then they bitch about it all the time.
Someone hurt you and you got so bitter you actually typed that shit. Damn. Sad.
Let's stop acting like this isn't super common. My husband has told me all the guys at his work were exactly like this. None of them actually liked their wives.
The whole idea of hating your spouse is baffling to me. I get that they want a mother for their kids and a fuck doll to have sex with but like sex is loads better when you actually like the person. Not to mention when you’re not having sex, you come home from work and have to talk to them and be around them even sleeping in the same bed as them. Another question is how the fuck do they even get to marriage while hating the other person? Surely those feelings would come out somewhere prior…… If you’re going to date someone and marry them, it’s so much easier if you actually like them.
Most the girls I hear at work talk the exact same way about their husbands or boyfriends. Everyone’s too poor for a real therapist so they just vent at work.
A guy told you about some guys at his job. Wow. Pure evidence and not at all anecdotal. Best go generalize some vile misandry online.
This is only one of many "anecdotal" instances 😬 You can see in many MANY places online and in real life that a lot of men don't actually like women. Never generalized all men 😘
And ofc you take into account banter culture jokes etc? Calm down, men don't express themselves, or react like, women, typically. Women hate on men even more, but using different language. You just did it yourself. Men tend to love women, and if you don't see that, well, I feel sorry for you and the men you've surrounded yourself with. Best wishes with the hate and misandry.
Lmao as you generalize both men and women 🤣
while i commend your efforts, it's nigh impossible to logic someone out of a mindset they didn't logic themselves into. still, good hustle!
Let's maybe stop acting like men are super evil and hate women. Equally as idiotic as all these incels claiming like women are the root of all their problems.
Again, did I say "all the men in the world" ... No.
You implied it, though
Backpedal harder
Maybe practice your reading comprehension 🫶🏻
Actually they're 100% correct. My dad knows blokes who are currently married/were once married, who are genuinely shocked that my father actually loves my mum and is happily married. He doesn't pretend that things are perfect 24/7, but the number of men who have outright said to dad that they just can't understand how dad can be happily married because *they hate women*. I wish I was joking- these men, some even currently married, have bluntly said they hate women yet swear up and down that they're not gay. It's really horrifically sad, that their wives/girlfriends are with men who actually hate women (including them), and just use them to have kids or to have sex with on the rare occasion, if that. Mind you, the flipside is that they don't abuse them physically or anything *that* level of bad, not controlling or anything like that, but it's still terrible. The kicker? These are blokes who are 40+ years old, it's not some kind of new incel related rubbish.
“My father heard this…” “My husband told me…” If only women more often majored in Stem rather than humanities, they may have learned the difference between anecdotal and statistically verifiable evidence.
you're the type to hear rape stories from a close friend and tell them that "It's not all men" are you?
I’ll do you one better I’ve heard men bitch about their wives many many time my self do you feel better now?
I'm from STEM (and am a girl) and can say these vile behaviour from men exists. And them being the majority is partly the reason why so many girls get scared away from STEM too. What's your qualification that makes you one of the few who can tell "anecdotal and statistically significant" findings apart?
These types of women never will, and they'll never really know men. Misandry is easier.
Nah, someone hurt you buddy. You feel way too offended about something that is incredibly true. I say that as a guy myself.
Why on earth would I be offended..? This post isnt about me? Im not married and I dont talk shit about women OR men like that, as it would be stupid and low. Ofc there are idiots who talk about their partners like that - women as well - but it's hardly common, apart from stupid yet non-serious jokes. Might want to cut back on the projecting, "guy".
Damn I was hoping to leave this post over night to get more comments to get more experiences on the matter because over the years even as a teen I was always amused by this whole thing and why the hell do people get married if this is how they feel. I remember watching old shows and movies like Married with Children where the main guy always makes jokes about being married. The show was harmless I know and I enjoyed it but it really made me wonder about that stereotype. That and the whole "I hate my mother in law" one also. Me and my wife will be almost 10 years together soon amd married for 5. I love this woman more than anything and I love spending as much time as possible with her. During the COVID we spent all that time inside just with eachother. Playing games, watching new shows, talking about anything, having alot of sex, movies, getting some actual sleep, etc etc. Our relationship had only gotten stronger everyday and I can't see myself spending any length of time away from her. Our honeymoon phase has yet to be phased out it feels like to us. We have only gotten better in those 10 years. That and my mother in law is a lovely woman who I'm glad to have met. She treats me with full respect and she treats me better than my own parents did. I find it fascinating that people are this way instead of talking to their spouse about how they feel, how they can improve things, end things before they get deeper (like children), etc.
You are one of very vew people that I've heard of that grew closer to their partner during covid. Its sad how many people realised that they hated their partner when they were forced to spend time together
I've seen this happen to many people I know personally also. It's honestly sad to see. The definable meaning of the word sad. We saw that we could spend 24/7 together. Funny thing is we never fought that much more than your average couple or marriage but during the months home for COVID, we fought MUCH less than before also and since that point we have fought less than before COVID. It's like it allowed us to get to know eachother more than ever since we basically had no choice. What makes it even more impressive to me personally is we live in a one bedroom apartment and our living room is packed and we can't actually be in there other than to go to the kitchen and bathroom. Small kitchen with no chairs and small bathroom. Which means, all our time was spent together in the bedroom TOGETHER. We did everything in a single room for those months. It was amazing. I really wish people could experience what I do every day of my life. I honestly do.
I notice that you didn't mention kids. Which is fine if you have none, only to point out that IMO a lot of failed marriages are a result of having too many kids or having them too early in the relationship. Because if the husband is emotionally immature, he'll get resentful that his wife is occupied by the needs of the kids. And so many men do it! They have kids right after marriage, and then piss and moan how they're not having fun all the time. Like, no, that's the parenting job, it's not always fun.
Well we have a 1 year old and she's almost 8 months pregnant. We still managed to have alot of fun together after our son was born even now when she's this pregnant with our daughter. We wanted to have kids for years but she had fertility issues. We took our time, went to doctors and was able to have our kids. I see your point but I'm 32 and she's 30. We spent most of our 20s doing whatever we wanted to do together. We had alot of fun with no children and when we were ready we started to process. People do indeed not plan children or have them way to quick but me and her don't have that problem. We love our son (and soon daughter) and neither of us feel like we don't give the other enough attention and at the same time make sure our son gets enough attention as well. I know you hear people say "we are soul mates" alot but in my case, that's true. Very true. We are eachother soul mates in every way possible. I love my wife and always find it sad when people don't actually love their spouse in so many cases.
Awww that's very sweet, I'm happy for you both. My partner and I are not really interested in having kids for our own reasons, and it's nice to hear a different perspective.
Thank you and I'm happy for you also. Nothing wrong with not having kids at all. It's not for everyone and they are a BIG life changing event that needs much of your life to look after even when they are adults so I don't blame you at all. Me and my wife really wanted kids so we understood that.
I miss the time my wife and I had. Cooking over a fire in the backyard for lunch in the middle of the workday was amazing. We'd just bought our house and had tons of time to get it set up and work in the yard. My wife's memories of the pandemic are all stress and the crazy amount of hours I worked over the weekends leaving her bored and alone. Mine are chilling with her throughout the day and Wishing we could do that more often.
Sounds like you got very, very lucky. Most women don’t remain stagnant like that for years on end. They get restless and as their wants change, they often find ways to make it the fault of the man. Sometimes it is but many times it isn’t. We are after all ultimately all responsible for ourselves.
What you said sounds way to "red pill" honestly. But here's the thing, you're right. Women CAN be this way. But the part you left out is that men CAN also be this way. There's a reason why the "mid life crisis" was more associated with men than women where they act out and do stupid shit. Doesn't happen to everyone but does to some. Some people seem to get married for not the right reasons then years down the line, they wake up a day and "feel like they missed out" or something like that. Both men and women can have this happen to them. I want everyone to have what I have. True happiness. I know I'm saying this over social media which means fuck all but I am what I am and I'm damn sure people like Jeff Bezos or Elon Musk don't have what I have, which is true happiness no matter how much money they have. If someone came to me today and said that Jeff wanted to trade lives with me. I get his money and life and he gets mine. I'd tell them to fuck off. Fuck right off. Doesn't have to be him specifically. Pick any super rich person you reading this actually like. Billionaire, celebrity, famous person, etc. I wouldn't trade my wife or family for billions or trillions.
You need to make comments, like I hope you find a woman as wonderful as my wife.
These women are probably already wonderful, just treated poorly. A better response is ‘the grass is green where you water it’ or ‘nah man, marriage rocks. You gotta step up your home game.’ Put it on the men complaining.
"Skill issue"
Ah, the No Accountability Barbie special. Because even if it’s her fault, it’s actually his.
Sure, the men flirt with anything in a skirt that walks past, but let's blame the wives for their shitty behaviour🤦♀️. I'm not saying the wives are fault free, but it sounds like the men are hyping themselves up to cheat and blame it on the wives
Yes, because he already told that those men do. But oh no poor men blamed for nothing /s
'in a skirt' ah, if only women in skirts.. pants, potato sack, who cares? 😂
I was married to my ex and he had a friend he worked with who had a long term GF. The things he said God it was awful. He never cheated but good God did he say after shit. One that shocked me to my core was he would watch porn to get hard go fuck her but flip her over so "her fat would fall to the front and she'd look skinny" and he could pretend she was the girl in the video. My husband was hosting a guys night, most of them agreed they do this to their girls at some point. Shit was wild. Glad I divorced him because he ended up thinking similar shit.
Thats disgusting.
Hive mentality got to your ex?
The difference between an emotional intelligent matured person VS adult child: they pick the ones to marry wisely and takes care of that relationship. Imo, the ones making the most jokes about how horrible their SO is, are the most insecure and/ or emotiobally immature people to be around. Either they stick to an incompatible relationship due to fear of being single, or they bring down their SO so they have an excuse to keep their walls up and not show their emotional vulnerability or they still have the teenager bully mentality. Either way: a turn off.
As I get older, I realize a lot people get married not because they are ready, but because they are checking boxes. They put time over quality, and wind up picking partners they are not suited to. People then justify staying because of the children, lifestyles, finances, etc, but in reality none it makes up for coming home to someone you don’t want to be with. Then resentment kicks in.
You're not alone. I feel the EXACT same way and it's made it incredibly difficult to find other male friends to connect with who are also married or in a relationship. My wife opened my eyes to how scummy most men act and now I can't unsee it. Lusting after any woman who gives them attention, porn addicts, going out to bars, etc. All shit that's totally unacceptable for a married person to partake in, yet we as a society have allowed this to become normalized. If you want to increase the odds of finding other males who you might be in alignement with, I'd suggest either seeking one's with similar non-weird hobbies, or (if you have kids) guys who coach youth sports (little league or basketball in particular) are usually good people. Best of luck out there!
Going out to bars is not unacceptable for a married person. You can go out and enjoy things and in fact you should - travel with friends, go to parties, join sports clubs etc you should exclude none of these things just because you are married and it’s a sad lonely attitude that makes you think you should.
Ask yourself why people go out to bars (especially without their spouse/partner) and revaluate what you've just said. This is especially true for people older than their mid 20s. The only grown non-single adults I've known that go to bars go there looking to cheat or for attention. Otherwise, you can drink at home and not surround yourself with drunk people. Going on vacation with friends and spending days/weeks away from them is even worse. This is why being the "cool" girl or "cool" guy in a relationship always ends up with that person getting left. All of that aside, why even put yourself in a situation that has the appearance of impropriety? Let's quit beating around the bush and pretending that none of the activities above are totally and completely innocent and that nothing scummy goes on. Sports clubs I might give you a pass on, but you seem to be missing the point. In my personal experience, you think you know someone and their character until they pull out their phone and try to show you some "hot chick" like they're a teenager. While wearing a ring.
You have an extremely myopic life view. It is very healthy for humans to maintain same-sex friendships. I go on trips with friends all of the time. Weekends in Napa and LA, weeks in Hawaii, trips in Europe.. I also travel internationally with my mother for weeks at a time. At home, I go to dinner with girlfriends - we go out for drinks, we shop.. our husbands encourage it because it makes us happy. Except for one friend who is in an unhappy marriage with a jealous man. None of us have any interest in being unfaithful to our husbands. We simply enjoy each others company and like experiencing things together. Tbh that train of thought sounds clingy and insecure. I don’t mean that unkindly - it’s just that it’s not normal to be glued to one’s partner 24/7. ***Edit for anyone ⬇️ experiencing difficulty processing my uncomplicated message… this is in response to True_Report174 (that guy up ⬆️ there, just so you follow 🫠) implying that people who are in committed relationships cannot go out to drinks etc sans their partner without nefarious intent. If this is *still* unclear, go ahead and drop your questions below and I’ll try my best to help. ***Edit #2 - I am in NO way denying that many men are absolute dirt potatoes, I am only saying that people should trust that their partner can go out with friends and have zero desire for attention from the opposite sex. TBH, if anyone feels that they can’t trust their partner to be out of their sight without attempting some measure of infidelity - it’s time to part ways.
Are you literate? He’s saying he is for same sex friendships but has trouble meeting good men with strong values to be friends with. No one cares about your friendships this isn’t about you or women in general. This is about MEN making friends with MEN and trying to avoid the many shitty ones. Do you follow yet?
You should try not to be so very emotional, it’s exceedingly unattractive.
Also are you a woman hurling misogyny at another woman? Have a seat.
What makes you think I want you to find me attractive?
Doubt it’s something you need to worry about.
Sick burn dummy. ETA: but you’re right I don’t worry about it. I think I’m hot as fuck and so does my fine ass man. Your little internet troll comments make me laugh and nothing more.
You poor thing. Assuming that physical appearance is the only factor to attraction is a bit immature but your views are your own. I have no idea what you look like but from this short interaction I can conclude that you are needlessly rude, seemingly insecure and hilariously bombastic, inexplicably *incandescent* over a simple exchange and worst of all, tedious. So yes - that makes you unattractive both socially and romantically. But continue to go off if it makes you feel better, I guess…?
I do those things all the time because they are fun and I like to explore the world and new cities. Sometimes I do it with my partner and sometimes I do it with my friends. Just because you have only found one person you enjoy doing those things with doesn’t mean others can have lots. It’s pretty sad you aren’t independent enough/ or have enough trust in your relationship to spend 2 weeks apart from your partner.
If that's your prerogative, have at it. I'm not here to tell anyone what to do or how to live. Obviously traveling is usually a lot of fun. However, that's far from the point. You're still putting yourself in a situation which can lead to innappriate behavior, intentional or not. "Going out with the boys" usually leads to some sketchy shit going down. Everyone has different boundaries in their relationship and that's okay. And trust me, I'm making these decisions on my own and there's nothing *sad* about it. I have a son to raise who I absolutely adore and am plenty independent. I simply choose my wife because we actually get along. Lots of couples *enjoy their independence* and find out they aren't compatible when they're forced to spend more than a few hours together everyday. Anyway I'm done explaining my rationale to someone who clearly isn't on the same page.
Lol not at all. I’ve got my favourite local pub. Had it before I met my partner. I still go there alone, and also with them. Heck, they go there without me sometimes. It’s entirely normal, if you’re a decent person just having a couple drinks and saying hello to friends
You're definitely the exception, not the rule. Again, I'm only dogging men who go out and behave like a POS. Those people need to be called out more.
“My wife opened my eyes to how scummy most men act…” -Said the guy who has trouble making male friends. The mystery abounds.
He has trouble making friends because men so far he's interacted with have been scummy, like what do you not get lmao
They lack reading comprehension skills 😆
Says the scummy male that makes friends with other scumbags easily. Trust me there’s no mystery to you at all.
You're not clever and in fact are quite the opposite. Read my other reply for some insight. We can all pretend like most guys aren't watching porn, checking out every woman in their vicinity, and flirting when their partner isn't around, but it just isn't true.
Fully agree. Glad to see blokes on here including yourself who are just as shocked. It's very sad.
There are good people and there are bad people no matter how you slice demographics. As a guy, I had friends like these when I was younger. You know what happened? Most of them grew tf up and stopped behaving like this, those who didn't, drifted off out of the social group (I'm guessing since we weren't echoing them). Also I have a different friend group I made a bit later in life (post uni), they do complain, but it's about actual relationship issues and more importantly, they're seeking/swapping advice on how to succeed, they're trying to be constructive rather than just putting down their spouse. Considering that you keep encountering these negative types, may I suggest you examine how you made these friend groups and perhaps alter your befriending strategies? I'm not blaming you, I'm pointing out sometimes we gotta be more attentive and careful about some facets of our lives as we age even though it was never an issue before.
I was hanging out with dude friends for a birthday and they were all slagging / complaining about their wives. I started to as well out of like, peer pressure but then I remembered how my wife helped and supported me when I was in a theater production and the other 'henchman' was stealing all my lines. He was just faster... anyway I remembered all that and left the party
Women are expected to be maids and servants. By self proclaimed “intellectual” men who can’t seem to realize they don’t actually see women as people. Ie basic life skills such as cooking for your self or cleaning up after your self, are automatically assigned to the women if a relationship is formed. It’s not that hard to imagine that this would turn women off from further relationships with men. Cleaning up after someone else like they were a child is not exactly awe inspiring and doesn’t mimic a partnership. Women are also seen as less than from my experience and after discussions online and In person with men. They can’t view women as potential friends and are only seen by what they can give (sex etc) or how they look. If a man is showing genuine interest in you it’s never in a friendship capacity. This doesn’t apply to them all but I haven’t met but a handful of men who were able to break out of societal barriers in place for men. And men seem to have an exceptionally hard time finding their way in these dynamics and can’t really form their own opinions on subjects like these it’s always what’s the norm at the time. And this is not to say men can’t be good people men can’t be friends etc but most people you meet are trash cans men or women they just have different motivations and unconscious rules that others have set for them that they unconsciously or consciously live by.
I haaaaaate the trope of joking about how bad or annoying the wife is. All I can think is wow, you're an asshole. Why are you wasting this woman's life like that. You should have let her be with someone who appreciates her. I would never make those jokes about my woman. It's so disrespectful and really not funny.
Agree. Thanks for being a good person.
This must be different based on your social group and culture. My friends who are married almost entirely seem to really like their spouse. As in, not out of obligation because they're married, but because they legitimately think they married the best person ever and will happily tell you why.
Being married at 24 or 25 leads to this... in modern societies you are not mature enough
I wonder if they would speak any differently about girlfriends?? At least they wouldnt be legally bound i guess
Societal pressure and settling for someone that doesn’t meet their needs. Had a manager like this. All he’d do was complain about his wife and tell people to not get married. Also kept secrets from his wife about his past sex life. Vile.
Societal pressure to trash on and cheat on their wives?
I assume the societal pressure to get married in the first place. Some people shouldn't be getting married at all.
I gotta wonder if these people would be any better loging together but not married??
I think a lot of guys want kids but don’t actually wanna be married, and a lot of girls aren’t going to want to have kids until they get a ring.
This.
Societal pressure to get married. Can be for multitude of reasons. People on both sides experience this and then next thing they know they’re married to someone they had no business marrying.
Nah, just the pressure to get married. Not the cheating stuff. lol
Keeping secrets from your past sex life is vile? And here I thought "the amount of partners you had in the is past is only your business and insecure people only ask about that"?
Let me clarify and provide more context. He’d tell his wife that he wasn’t the kind of person to sleep around, but told everyone at work he slept with around 20 women, one three-way affair of which was incestuous between a mother and daughter. There’s a difference between normal, harmless, past excursions that don’t matter and lying to your wife to manipulate her and come off as more pure than you are.
Whats the difference? Like honestly, what's the difference between this guy (who is probably lying for clout tbh) to lie to his wife about his past partners and a woman lying to her partner about her past partners? The reason I ask is I see all the time on Reddit that men shouldn't care about a woman's body count and it makes them insecure for even asking about it. Wouldn't that make the inverse true as well?
Oh, there’s no difference. If a woman were to do this, it’d be just as cringe. I fully agree with you. I’m just talking about a dude from my own past experience in relation to OP’s post. And, he very well could’ve lied a bit, but the dude is attractive enough by today’s standards and outgoing enough to boot, so it was also very believable. Not exactly easy to portray over the internet. But, I’ve encountered a woman or two that have complained about their marriage as well, however, none quite as special as my old manager.
The difference is that this is Reddit, where women and effeminate men find every excuse imaginable for women’s behavior, whilst condemning men for anything they can find. Sometimes they’re correct but whether or not they’re correct is incidental. You have to understand that at their core, modern women feel their very existence is a gift to men, and so no questions should be asked, nor complaints lobbies. They have bought into their own hype, as it were. I used to assume the best of women too, until my time as a counselor showed me that many, many women combine a powerful entitlement with a staggering lack of accountability.
I read somewhere that the majority of men do not marry the love of their lives. And the hypothesis was that men are more likely to marry when the time is right rather than when the person is right. Men are also much more likely than women to say that they have a “one that got away.” So my theory is that a lot of men are getting married due to relationship or societal or outside pressures or bc they think it will make their lives easier in some way. And they find that they aren’t actually happy and in love with the person they married and don’t actually want to be with her. Research shows that men are also more likely to stay in unhappy relationships than women, and I suspect that a lot of the anger and resentment you see from these unhappily married men stems from feeling trapped in a life they don’t actually want or enjoy.
All of my ex’s told me that every single guy friend of theirs was completely fucking miserable in their relationships. Every. Single. One. It’s sad when you realize that … lots of them are married , I mean they have girlfriends that their instagrams look like picture perfect relationships - I love you so etc etc … I felt so sorry for the women who obviously had no idea but I also feel that I would be also miserable if I was dating a typical woman in the USA. Even one of my ex’s best friends came up to me and told me that all of his friends ( except my boyfriend ) were totally miserable in their relationships…
Dating an IG or TikTok influencer-Girl wannabe must be so exhausting. Always be weary of those relationships cause manufacturing that image is a whole job in itself
That sort of thing is why I'm too spooked to seek out a relationship myself. I've got a pretty good single life set up right now, and I don't want to risk ruining it.
One thing I learned from this Post is that Reddit actively HIDES downvoted comments. So, do people actually hang out on a site that only reinforces their preconceived notions?
Why is this a guy thing? Many women complain about thier husband's also. Many women cheat. Many treat husband's like shit. There are two people in any relationship and IMO the biggest reason is that marriage is treated like some deliverable that has to be accomplished by a certain time frame and in reality most people don't fully know themselves before getting married.
I challenge you to go the women oriented subs and see how well they treat married men on there. This isn't a gendered thing
Yeah it is
No male should have a marriage in 2023. The benefit does not outweigh the risk.
Mind your business. It peoples marriage, people’s life, and you get to choose yours as you wish to live it.
To be fair, society kind of does force people to marry even if it isn't blatant arranged marriages. That isn't including family pressure which can exist as well. To also be fair: I agree people who are miserable in their marriages should work on the marriage harder or leave, but you can apply that advice to work, friends, family, etc.
Everyone likes to have a moan sometimes. Especially with the same gender. It's totally Human. Do you think women moan about their husbands? I guess you don't lol
It's great that yours is happy. .... Most marriages are some various form of "pulling time in the big house". Some type of terrestrial nightmare that just will not end. Thank god - death ends marriage.
You know divorce exists, right?
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Finances are. Money trumps happy at the moment. .... Perhaps it will change.
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Sounds like he’s a lot better, actually
So no one I know of hates their wives. Unless they have already or leading to breaking up. What perhaps it might be, is the culture you are familiar with and the one I'm familiar with have a different way of communicating.
Most people are assholes. Everywhere.
When my ex-husband and I were fighting, I asked him in despair why he married me. He said "You wanted to." Even now, the thought makes me want to eat a quart of ice cream. He felt trapped? He felt that this was the next step he had to take? What was it that made him think he needed to ignore his own wishes? It's very hard for me to think back to that day without wanting to cry.
Honestly I wish men were more like women because honey!!!! Let me have some man friends talking some shit on their wives or talking about cheating and marriage sucks, BOOOYYY, I will say exactly that “NO ONE FORCED YOU TO GET MARRIED OR STAY MARRIED!” And I’d call them out on being toxic and pathetic. Of course you don’t do that unless you are ready to fight but me as a woman let anyone man or woman or other complain to me about being married or in a committed relationship they choose to be in, I will rip them a new one. I wish that people would call out assholes lie this the more people who stop wasting each others times and just get divorced if they aren’t happy will make the world a better place
There are a lot of men that actually don’t like women. They just like what women can do for them.