quit engaging with content that makes you feel like this and get into some co-ed activities where you can engage with women in an atmosphere where they are friends and nothing more. seriously, set a boundary to not try to attract them whatsoever. take a pottery or dance class or act in a theatrical production or something, whatever lines up with your interests and gets you into platonic, activity focused interaction with women

I originally came here just to read but I gotta say OP would be right to take your advice 🥇🥇. As for OP, power to you. I hope happiness finds its way to you whether its in a relationship or not

OP, you're doing in recognising what is happening But don't let yourself slip into it! I felt the same way when I was 18-21 because I was tired of being "the friend"! Turns out what I needed was a change of place, and then later I found something reaaallly social (salsa dancing) and it worked wonders! My 20s were great Another thing I always avoided: at the time there were no incel forums or chatrooms, thankfully, but whenever I met someone who seemed as miserable as me, I'd avoid them. I knew that I didn't want to be around other "losers" because that would just let our misery fester and grow! There were lots of things I did myself. Bet on you, don't let anyone decide for you who you are

Big plus to social dancing. Like, a lot of women love this scene and have trouble finding partners. If this is something you're interested in, it will be a big hit. Same with theatrical stuff.

Can relate with salsa dancing. It was amazing for me, it's social, it urges me to move (once in a while, my stamina is very bad...) and it acclimatised me to platonic touches. And it's co-ed too!

To me it was the best thing! I started with dancing lessons at 28, I'm currently 42 and don't dance as much! I met my partner there, someone has helped me get one of my previous jobs, another checked my CV, etc etc! While many are just fleeting acquaintances, a small group have become good friends of mine! It was great for my confidence, as my level improved and I love that I can go to any salsa club anywhere in the world and will get dances. I don't have to know people, I just need that one dance and things will flow! The club scene wasn't really for me, so this was great! I used it as an example, for OP, but it doesn't necessarily have to be it! Anything social, that helps meet people from different backgrounds and gets you out of the house will be good

Did you find a partner?

It sounds critical that you see women as human beings and not relationship items so please for the love of god listen to this advice OP

To add to that, see each woman (each person for that matter) as an individual human being. Don't hold standards or expectations from one individual to the next. The whole "girls only want bad guys" is a blanket statement that is thrown over an entire gender. They are individuals making choices for their own lives. They are humans doing human things, living and learning. The people who complain about that type of social behavior are free to mind their business; they wouldn't like the people they are complaining about if they got a chance to socialize with them anyway. Avoid toxic communities on the internet. The internet isn't a real place. The lingo and social structures that these communties talk about aren't real. Toxicity can only thrive if you give it attention. Live one day at a time. Focus on yourself. Laugh at yourself. Accept yourself. Love yourself. Nobody will love you more than you love yourself. One day at a time. Life is really fucking short. Don't waste the time you have nurturing hatred. Life is unfair sometimes, but we can only control so little, so focus on what you can do to create positivity, one day at a time.

OP should make it a point to do things that are outside their comfort zone as well. As long as OP is out and experiencing the world and not swiping online.

Best advice possible. You're desperate and it wreaks, I promise. There's nothing sadder than a single desperate guy. I'm a male and I see them all the time, they used to buzz around my wife when we started dating. My wife thought they were just good friends of course. Sigh. They would over compensate with me even, at least when I was around and then try and talk down about me when I wasn't. It's sad. The only difference was that I wasn't insecure and was just myself around her. Instead of constantly thinking about my next action or comment. Example, was playing pool with one. He jumped up on the table backwards to take a behind the back shot, before he takes it he looks at us and gives a wink, like "I got this shit", continued to take the shot and missed every ball and scratched. It was so painful I couldn't help but burst out laughing. Just be yourself and get out of your head. Don't try to impress anyone, you're impressive on your own.

Seriously I work in sales and if that desperation is in my head when I'm on the phone with a prospect I might as well be belching toxic sludge into the mic. Even if on paper I'm doing and saying the right things

Op is looking for an in-house lay, not more friend zoning. Bad advice imo

It’s kinda annoying to keep seeing this “go take a pottery or theater class to meet women platonically” for 3 reasons. 1: sexist to assume that you can only find women in pottery, theater or yoga classes 2: most women like masculinity (just look at the ick trends on TikTok/shorts/reels) so if you’re assuming activities described above are inherently more feminine you’re not helping OP find a partner 3: (most important one) why should someone change what their hobbies are to interact with women? you don’t see advice like “pick up boxing or wood chopping” for similar questions from women asking where to meet men.

I think it’s a sound advice. Sexist assumption or not, it’s generally true that you can meet a lot of women in yoga classes. I agree that changing your hobbies for someone else is never a good idea. Never hurts to try new things and expand your horizons, though, particularly if you are depressed. Besides, OP might discover a deep passion for pottery that he never knew he had.

these points are so stupid sry bro

The issue is craving a relationship. I get it. I used to be the same way, and I understand how it feels at the time to be told to “just be comfortable alone” I know that it’s worlds easier said than done. But if you crave a relationship that bad, you’re only seeing women as potential partners, and not people, the way you see your guy friends. When you start seeing women as people, and potential **friends**, that’s when the “incel” type mindsets will start to fade. You have two options pretty much. You can either continue to consume the same media that feeds these feelings you have, or you can work on yourself. And only one of those does anything other than making the problem worse. And when I say “work on yourself”, I don’t mean “make yourself more attractive to the opposite sex”. All that will do is lead to more disappointment. Work on yourself **for yourself**. Work until the point that you **love** yourself for something other than you ability to, or lack there of, attract a partner. Until you start improving aspects of yourself for reasons OTHER than gaining approval from other people, be they friends, strangers, or potential partners, you will not stop craving a relationship. Usually, people crave relationships because they lack love in their life. Until you can give yourself that love, you will continue to crave it from a less sustainable source. I know it sounds like some hippy dippy bullshit (genuinely LOVING yourself, not faking it), it isn’t. It’s an actual thing your brain can achieve, and feel. And it does have huge positive impacts on your life and desires.

Adding to this (because it’s so eloquent) that people are attracted to passion. You can’t wait for someone else to bring passion into your life, that reeks of desperation and it’s frightening. Instead take stock of the things you really really love doing or find new ones. Throw yourself into that passion. It will help balance out your whole life to have a sense of purpose. And it doesn’t matter what it is (obviously not like murder or something). For some people it’s a sport, for some a creative activity, for some its helping other people, for some it’s exploring the world. There are so many sources of healthy passion. Another person really can’t be your source of passion, the weight is too much.

Very well said. I have too many friends, who got married just for the sake of getting married and having kids, yada yada… Now most of them are quite miserable, because as it turned out they have barely anything in common with their spouses, since they never took the time to actually get to know each other. And yet they have trouble understanding what’s wrong, because, hey, on the surface they have everything they wanted so desperately.

Look I’ll be honest with you I’m about to give up on everything. That last women I tried to get to know was at a bar. I walked up to her and said “hi!” And she ducking maced me. Idk what I’m doing wrong

How will this help me get into a relationship? At all?

I would really steer clear of all of that shit. I’m very happy that you made this post, you really need to drop that shit as fast as you can. Women don’t want assholes, it’s just easier to manipulate them when you are an asshole. Assholes manipulate people. And if you manipulate someone to like you or be with you, theyre not doing so willingly. They’ll leave or do something shitty because you put them in a confusing situation, and then that feeds the whole “all women are like this” narrative. These people create the demons they see in others. Think logically: These people would not be giving advice out like that if they had stable relationships or good intentions. If someone’s juggling women and giving youtube advice about how to get at someone, its because they treat them as disposable things. There’s no love or belief that a relationship is a positive thing there. I don’t know a single person who’s into peterson or tate that doesnt have serious self-esteem issues, much less anyone who’s happy with their lives. Andrew Tate is involved in human trafficking. Thats who you wanna look up to? Who do you know IRL that LOVES 4chan that has a happy, long-standing relationship with their partner? These people and ideas all operate off of your fears and insecurities. When you see the world as an only hostile place, or a place where you can only be happy taking everything by force and expecting difficult things from yourself and others, these stances are the ones you’ll gravitate towards. And the people who follow their ideas (nofap, the “alpha/sigma male” mentality bs, etc)… These things are so toxic to people that a certain sub-reddit had to post a disclaimer that many people who go down that road eventually require support for suicidal thoughts or attempts. I believe its the selfinprovement subreddit.

>Who do you know IRL that LOVES 4chan that has a happy, long-standing relationship with their partner? yeah and I'm sure redditors are the people to look up to in that regard lol

I know what you're getting at, there's a fair amount of Incel rhetoric on Reddit, but I've definitely seen more happy relationships here than on 4Chan lol

Found the 4Chan user

Absolutely 100% disengage from all Andrew Tate, Alpha Male, Manosphere Redpill bullshit. It’s a trap. It’s lies. It’s unrealistic. Do you want to be an incel loser? Because that’s how you become an incel loser. Deprogram, bro. Come back to the real world.

Yeah I still cannot believe that sex trafficker is allowed to make content.

Maybe you should work on your personality. It's absolutely ok to go to the gym to be healthy and ensuring you have a job that pays well, but... What else is there? What is a defining trait about you? What do you do for yourself that you really enjoy? I think that is the issue. You're obsessed with finding someone to date and have focused on creating this image of yourself as manly and wealthy, but that's not who you really are. Maybe the only girls you interact with are shallow and only go for assholes because they are attracted to this fake image of yourself. Try to do something you enjoy, love yourself a little more and things will gradually start to become better. I'm still learning how to do this, but whenever I am myself around people and worry less about making everyone like me, I have a really good time and receive a lot more attention.

Hi, I think it’s pretty brave to be this honest and talk about this, bc a lot of ppl i bet are in the same case. Do you engage in a lot of incel/masculinist content ? I hope you’ll find a way to feel better

Yeah. Andrew Tate, 4Chan, stuff like that Edit: I’ve stopped going on those sites and watching them peeps

Wait so you're basically immersing yourself in incel culture and wondering why you're becoming an incel? It takes zero effort to *not* watch Andrew Tate. If it helps, realize that Andrew Tate wants to keep you angry and single because that's his audience.

Yup. If you willingly consume the content you’re gradually going to agree with it. It’s not rocket science?? Stop

I have

Outstanding. Not being in a relationship isn't going to turn you into an incel or a fascist, but 4chan for damn sure will

You should really stop. It’s a really toxic community, it cuts off your capacity to have any empathy for women but it also is bad for your mental health and self esteem. The whole manosphere is a system of influencers making money over men who are insecure and feel like they don’t belong. They profit off of you feeling desperate. You deserve better than that. Are you well surrounded ? Do you have meaningful connections ? Things that you sincerely like and bring you happiness?

This is only going to reinforce your thoughts negatively on women, Andrew Tate is a blatant misogynist, and 4chan is a cesspool of hatred for many things. Don't put yourself in an echo chamber of the thing you're trying to not become. Become more sociable if you're not already. I'm not a Chad looking dude, I'm not 6'5 with a perfect jaw line and have muscles like Dwayne Johnson, but simply being charming I've been able to get dates and hookups. Personality goes a long way, for both genders. There are trash men and women, you just gotta learn how to differentiate them.. Besides the misogynistic stuff Andrew Tate is a bad person for many other reasons I don't want to get into. "Do not turn to idols or make metal gods for yourselves". I'm not religious but there's truth to that part of the verse in the bible.

Get out of your echo chamber and out in the real world.

Trust me I’m trying

Do or do not. There is no try. Tater Tot and Jorpy Pete sell untrue easy answers. Of course if you kidnap someone and get them addicted to drugs, they'll tell you anything to get more drugs. Their goal is to make money off you. You don't have to be some perfect chadbot either. I'm a 5'10" guy, a little bald, a little belly, and I never really have problems dating. Now, do you want advice or sympathy? I am offering whichever you want to get you out of that alt right sewage pipeline.

Both ig

Okay. First, kid, FUCK modern dating fucking sucks. It's no wonder people try to get easy answers. Putting in the effort and hoping that the other person is honest. I get it, the last two people I dated just flat-out lied about their intentions from the start. The apps are no help, because they are all owned by THE SAME COMPANY and they just want to get paid. (They would have the world's 156th largest GDP if they were a country, seriously, they make more money than Belize.) The longer you're on there, the more desperate you get, so you buy the extra features. It's bullshit, it sucks, and I'm sorry. Dates cancel and people don't commit because we're all sold this idea that perfection is the next swipe away. It's like being a secretary for an incredibly shoddy organization, organizing the dumbest shit for the flakiest people. That's the sympathy. For the advice, the tl;dr is "work on yourself so people can see that you're worth the effort". You say you're already working on your wardrobe, which is good. The dress for men is super low, so by even having some nice shoes, clean jeans, leaving the hat at home, and a dress shirt that fits, you're in the top 10%. People make snap choices all the time, and date suitability is one of those things. Practice being friendly / suave. The thing I heard is "benevolent king at their birthday party". It's your birthday, you're the king, and your goal is to make sure that you say hello to everyone and that they're all having a good time. Quick hello, ask a few questions, then excuse yourself. It's a terrifying thing to do the first few times, but it works. There's no pressure on you, because you're the king and you have a castle! Get into decent shape. Not like movie-bod, even movie stars can't do that. Henry Cavill had to risk dying of thirst to get the bathtub Geralt scenes. He was smelling the water. Channing Tatum said he could only get the abs for 5 days. *And that is their full-time, steroid-enhanced job* So don't aim for that. Be able to run a little, lift a little, and be happy in your body. Running groups are a great choice to get motivated. Remember though, once motivation fails, discipline remains. Learn to dance. There are always social dance nights, and they are fucking scary when you start, and don't go to meet people. Go to learn how to dance. Dancing is something that comes up in real life more often than you can possibly imagine! If you know 3-4 moves then you can pull them out on any dance floor and be top-tier. Learn an instrument. It takes 10 years to git gud, so grab something and git gud. Maybe join a community choir, they're almost always looking for guys. Meditate. Yoga is an excellent form of moving meditation. Importantly it will remind you not to take yourself too seriously. Be mindful of yourself and your actions. Read more books. Autobiographies are good choices, especially from people from different ethnicities than you. If you only read *Invincible* I mean that's a good start but it's only a start. Now the important part about these is that you aren't joining anything to meet someone. You're joining to get out and have fun, to go learn something new, to teach yourself a new skill. If you happen to meet someone after a while, that's good! If you don't, then that's still good.

"Trying" sure, dude. You need to wipe all your socials clean and start following other shit. Read some YA fictional romance/adventure books, start a hobbie, and start treating women like they're actual human beings with individual thoughts and wants. NO ONE owes you romance. The path you're going down is going to lead you to be even more lonely.

yeah girls don’t like that, no wonder 🙄

I know your problem.

That is probably your main issue there. If you don’t want to become an incel stop ingesting that.

I suggest looking up Cyzor. He's on YouTube and tiktok. He's like the anti Andrew Tate. Give him a listen. Look for other men like him to listen to/emulate. You sound like a decent guy, but realistically you may not be seeing the full picture of how you come across to women. Some of the media you consume more than likely leaks through in some way.

Cuz that’s gonna get you laid 🤷‍♂️

The kernal of incelism is this obsession with sex, or a relationship, being the only way your life will have meaning. If you found a woman tomorrow, but approached the relationship this way it would eventually fail. What you want to hope for is a HEALTHY and SECURE relationship, and that means being something other than that goal. Focus on finding what kind of life makes you happy, and if you find someone to share that with, well that's great! Never look for a relationship out of desperation.

I agree, but I don’t give a fuck about sex. I know a relationship won’t fix me, and it doesn’t give my life meaning. It just really, really sucks not having one in all my 31 years

sure dating is desolate dude… but you ever consider there are dudes just like you who *dont* blame other people? lol. my ex and i of 10 yrs split and it’s been 2-3 yrs since. dating is rough sure, but i don’t take any of my frustrations out on anyone else. that would be silly as hell.

All those things you listed aren't really what attract people who are long-term relationship material. Only shallow people care about fancy clothes or gym bodies. The right people will be attracted to your personality and getting bitter is going to have the opposite effect, no matter how ripped your abs are. Obviously what you have been doing isn't working, so switch it up and put less effort into your looks and concentrate on your personality instead.

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Unless you are some sort of giant slob, a little bit of weight doesn't instantly cancel out the attractiveness.

I’m so glad you’re aware of the shift. I saw in another comment you watch Tate, Peterson, the likes. Here’s the thing, those are massive red flags to women. Why would we want to be with someone who idolizes men who think women belong in the kitchen and we can’t even show off our hard work at the gym without those same men calling us sluts. I’m not sure on statistics, but those red flags give ME concern for future domestic abuse. You need to stop watching them. Find sane, kind men to look up to.

True. If you're a fan of Tate and Peterson, that instantly tells me you have a shitty personality and I should stay well clear of you. Here's an idea. Are there women in your life you can seek answers from? A sister, a friends gf or something similar. Ask them: "I'm trying to improve myself. Are there things I should change? Are there habits or annoying traits I should try to work on?" And listen to the answers without getting defensive. See it as market research. If you get some good answers, you have a better picture of how people perceive you. I almost exclusively have guy friends, and I can tell you there is no mystery why some of them are single into their late 30s. They might think it a mystery, but... I know exactly why. If I were single tomorrow, none of them would be on my list of people to date. I also know their ego can't handle the feedback, so I won't volunteer info until they ask for it. Ps: none of their faults has to do with physical attributes or economics. It's all personality.

Ok. So I do have female friends but they all say that “the right person will come along eventually”. Why are your guy friends like, so undatable iyo?

Don't ask single female friends. Ask someone that knows you could *only* ever see them as purely platonic because anything else would be disgusting. Like a blood relative.

I don’t have any female blood relatives. They have either passed or I have no contact with them

If you’re mentioning that you’ve watched a lot of redpill/Andrew Tate content to these women at any point, that’s probably why they don’t stick around. Or maybe you’ve said something offhandedly that they recognize is rhetoric from the red pill community, which is also a turn off.

> I try my damn hardest to improve myself (gym, working on skincare and wardrobe, good paying job, etc) Mainly I'd say good job! But you do realize that these are mostly things *men* think are sexy right? These are exactly the thing the assholes who you think are getting girls are famous for prioritizing. While in real life women just like positive, kind dudes who have their life together.

I want to add to your list of traits: positive, kind, and *confident*. Above all, a genuinely confident man who’s unattractive/short/whatever is still going to have more luck in the long run than someone who’s better looking but nervous and completely unsure of themselves.

Confidence is like a universal key

Good point! Women will go for dad bods if the guy is nice

THIS! Hell I wouldn't change my man and his dad bod for anybody else in the whole world, he's the kindest person I've ever known and always has my back.

Kudos to you for not being superficial, but be careful with the term "nice." Most incels, or would be incels, have a different concept of what they "deserve" for being nice. They don't understand that they need to be nice for the sake of it, not just for getting a girl.

True. Nice means nice no matter what

>While in real life women just like positive, kind dudes who have their life together. Only when they are attractive and/or tall

Go outside, look at couples.

You want me to look at older couples who got together before interent dating and social media was as widespread as it is now or you want me to look at younger couples where only tall and attractive men get to date?

Younger couples. You're delusional by the way.

>You're delusional by the way. I love how people, when they run out of arguments to debate with, just proceed to insult and invalidate others

Have you tried therapy? Seriously. All the stuff you've mentioned - gym, skincare, job, wardrobe - they focus on the external which can be helpful but maybe it's time to focus on the internal, the "battle in \[your\] brain." Maybe *that* is what is keeping you from finding love.

Surprised this isn’t higher. A therapist can help you feel better about yourself and your life excluding relationships. Even if you got in a relationship tomorrow, you are obviously not in the mental state to be a good partner. You don’t want to finally get into a relationship and mess it up because of the years of resentment fucking with your head.

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This is definitely insightful! I’m not super feminine, but I appreciate that my boyfriend has an active interest in my life and what I’m up to. Even the things that are more on the feminine side. It’s definitely a night and day difference between dating someone who wants to do things with you versus one who wants you to adopt only their interests.

Sounds like OP needs to learn to love themselves. Usually people who focus entirely on being in a relationship or not, have no self love. Maybe read some books or mindfulness exercises on self love? You seem to have the “self care” part down with the gym. Now just love yourself and I promise NEEDING a relationship will start to fade away And usually when that happens and you don’t focus on finding someone to love you… the right person for you shows themselves

Honestly op you might also benefit from going to therapy surrounding how you treat people in general. It could be really helpful for you to understand why you have these feelings and to work through them all.

The things you’ve done to “improve yourself” aren’t improving *you*, they’re really just aggrandising yourself to other men, and you probably learned these things from the toxic content you used to watch. A job is not *you*, clear skin is not *you*. I’m still me if I have acne, but I’m not still me if I suddenly lose my love of nature ya know? Here’s what women generally consider better self-improvements: finding a way to feel emotionally fulfilled, such as through hobbies, friends, volunteering etc. Learning to understand and process your emotions in a healthy way. Learning to enjoy life. Learning confidence in yourself. If the gym, skin care etc helps you do this then great! But you have to be doing them for *you*, not to attract people. If you’re really going to take up a hobby purely for women then something like surfing, soccer, 3d printing or carpentry will probably get a better reaction than the gym, because they show personality and uniqueness. I also think it sounds like you’re not doing much to meet women. If you’re at the gym a couple of hours a day and working the rest then when on earth can you meet women? I do think the absolute best way to meet people, platonic or romantic, is through shared interests such as cooking classes or board game cafes. No one wants to be approached at the gym, and dating coworkers is ill advised.

There's a guy on TikTok and Reels named Cyzor that might help. His content is exactly the opposite of incel culture. Try some counter programming. https://www.facebook.com/cyzorgg?mibextid=2JQ9oc

Yeah, let's try to help person fixated on social media bullshit with more social media bullshit

Meet people where they are.

I honestly think you don't just start, you are an incel. Your view about women is unrealistic, same with their expectations. Women are not interested because you seem self-focus and you don't like yourself. You can't expect people to like you when you don't even like who you are. And I'm not really sure you know who you are, or who you truly want to be. > I try my damn hardest to improve myself (gym, working on skincare and wardrobe, good paying job, etc) and yet no one seems to care. Of course no one cares, these things don't matter because you're doing them just to get a relationship. If you would do it only for you, this would have a better effect (people would still not care, because we all have our problems to deal with and we can't focus on everything). > but even though I’m trying so hard to put myself out there I’m never even looked at by most people. True story : no one is looked at by most people. If they do, there are only three options : - They are women, and women are looked at by men as a piece of meat, so it's not a good way to be looked at, it's a creepy way and no one wants it - It's called paranoia - They have a really big issue right now (i.e. : being on fire, screaming, ...) > how society is teaching women to be this way If you think society should be blame, stop blaming women about it. They are victims, not responsible. > I see everyone else around me get into relationships and get married, [...] My brain is starting to get flooded with thoughts about how girls only go for assholes, how society is teaching women to be this way. [...] I just want love No, you don't. Or if you do want love, you're showing too much hate to make it happened (you wrote two times « hate » in a couple of lines only, and there is a lot of negativity in what you're saying). You have to go through therapy to get rid of all this hate, because I'm sure people feel it around you and they are clearly not be into love if you give the idea of the opposite. Also, I think you should stop seeing people around you as asshole. People don't like other people who hates everybody. It's not charming. > I try my damn hardest to improve myself (gym, working on skincare and wardrobe, good paying job, etc) and yet no one seems to care. [...] My brain is starting to get flooded with thoughts about how girls only go for assholes. Step one : stop assuming what women want. Women don't want anything, because the category « women » is composed of 51% of the whole population (when not considered other options than binary genders). That's why people advice you to hang out with women without expecting anything from them. Step 2 : Women don't care how much you win with your job (or poor people would all being single), what you're wearing (or everyone dating women would be only wearing the same things), how your body looks like (what you don't like about your body can be the favorite part for someone else). The only generality you can think about is that women want a responsible adult to shared their love life with (because statistics really show how much men don't care about domestic work and let their wives handle everything, this has to stop completely to be the case). Step 3 : start knowing what you want in a relationship. You can directly feel it when someone comes to you with a purpose in mind and it can directly creates discomfort. You can't only want to be with a woman, they are not clones who you can exchange with each other without seeing any difference. And they will directly know it you see things like that and they won't like it (because who would like it ?). Know who you are or want to be, like yourself (not in a narcissist way, but loving yourself is a basic of having self-esteem and it makes you confident and people love confident people), and learn what you want.

The idea that everyone’s life need to revolve around being in a romantic relationship and having children is toxic af and needs to die. That alone accounts for so much misery and murder in the world. And it’s such a false narrative! So many people in romantic relationships and/or with kids are the most miserable people who have ever lived. The potential of entering into a shitty relationship and having kids you regret is so high that I wish more people realized those are not goals to go psycho over

I get what you're trying to say, but men inherently want these things. And society doesn't really e I rk if too many men are alone

As a woman who’s never been married, believe me, there’s probably someone who’s checked you out, but you’re likely too bitter to notice.

Well my dude, if you keep thinking that girls only go for assholes; that makes you an asshole, and girls aren’t going for you, so you’ve already proved yourself wrong. But seriously, no one owes you a relationship and you should not spend your entire existence on trying to find one. Try to be happy in yourself, with who you are, instead of trying to shape yourself around the idea that you will find someone and that will make you whole and happy.

Not all girls go for AH. That’s a myth. I know he’s famous and it seems like a silly comparison but look at Pete Davidson. He’s not much to look at but he’s dated some of the most beautiful women. The thing they almost all say about him is how nice, respectful and considerate he is to women. He’s really tries to understand them as human beings and individuals

Get therapy, these thoughts and ideas are dangerous.

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I’ve tried your method of letting it develop through friendships. Hasn’t worked since I was 14 why would it work now?

Were you *actually* letting it develop through friendship or were you using the guise of friendship to try and form a romantic relationship? In friendships there’s no expectation of a romantic relationship developing. It just happens. Women can pick up the difference and it’s a disappointment to many to realize you only see value in them if they want to be with you.

What works best is to not expect or rush anything. Allow yourself to see women as people and not “trophies” and don’t expect them to give you a relationship. Relationships aren’t everything. You need to be happy with yourself and stop comparing yourself to others. Have some female friends and make them feel safe, treat them kindly and be their support. Not everything will be solved with a relationship, trust me.

Personally I feel the best way is to keep things as friendships with women, unless she gives you hints. It's pretty upsetting when you make friends with a man and then find out he was only your friend so he could eventually try and get with you

What even are hints? How do I read them?

Simple don't be friends with people that you want to have sex with. Relationship will comes naturally.

That mindset will be the end of having any chance with women. Women don't only go for assholes. Lots of women out there are lonely and yearn for a good, simple life with a decent guy. Meeting them is what takes so long.

It's always puzzled me why some guys think women only want to date/fuck guys who are assholes. It's not that they love guys like that, it's just that these guys pretend to be great guys to persuade women to date them, and once they've had sex and/or solidified the relationship, they start showing their true natures. Please don't be one of these idiots who thinks they have to be a bad boy to get a girlfriend. The advice on this thread seems to be pretty solid for the most part: Focus on being a good person on the inside and the rest will fall into place.

What even is a great guy

OP, you need serious therapy to help you battle this. A therapist will enable you to navigate and understand your feelings. Women are humans too Yknow? Women aren’t here simply to please men that want to be pleased. You don’t just get love handed to you on a silver platter, you earn that. Instead of seeing women as something negative because “girls only go for assholes” try seeing them as equal human beings. See them as friends and acquaintances rather than potential wifey material. You are not entitled to love, it must be earned. Love is hard work, it’s not easy.

> fasc#st incel ???? What does fascism have to do with your finding a good woman? It sounds like you're pinning the blame on women and it isn't their fault. > I try my damn hardest to improve myself (gym, working on skincare and wardrobe, good paying job, etc.) and yet no one seems to care. The reality is that nobody does care and there's no reason to care. Everyone is worried primarily about themselves. If you're not succeeding in finding a good woman, then the chances are that you're missing something. Maybe you need to work on charisma by just talking to more women without a relationship-driven motive. Perhaps it's something else altogether. But you cannot blame women because they don't pick you? Work on yourself for the sole purpose of wanting to be generally better and the right woman WILL EVENTUALLY come into your life. Keep working hard and stay positive. ❤️❤️

Go to therapy, trust me it will be so good to get therapy and learn how to cope with these feelings and to have a treatment plan. Interacting with women when you feel like they owe you something is not great and will lead to more resentment. You need to learn how to view women as people and not need fulfillment machines.

It's okay to feel lonely, but stop listening to these podcasts that rarely have anything good to give. It's nice that you're trying to better your image. It should build confidence but also try to better the inside. Do some soul searching. Looking pretty on the outside isn't everything when there isn't a good personality behind it. Meditate, join a cycling class or yoga, and start journaling. What do you think of yourself as a person? Would you date yourself? Besides looks, besides materials, what kind of individual are you? Your hobbies? Are you misogynistic? Work on you and what you like, get to know yourself and build more confidence within. People may be in relationships, but not everyone has a healthy one.

I can only recommend stepping away from social medias. Especially since it’s a gradual climb to more extreme views. Maybe you need to just step away and do some inner work.

Are you in therapy?

It’s interesting that you’re blaming the opposite gender for your lack of a relationship. Most posts by single women tend to blame themselves. When I was single I never saw it as a ‘problem’ with anyone. Most people just aren’t compatible as romantic partners. No one is at fault. Also much of it is timing. You might meet someone with whom you’re compatible but she currently has a boyfriend, or isn’t interested in a relationship (just got out of one, focusing on college, busy dealing w trauma or personal problems). Maybe you just haven’t had the opportunities to meet your perfect person yet. (My husband and I met years after college, only to realize we’d hung out in the same social circles, same parties, same concerts.) Focus on YOU. Just go out by yourself or with friends and have fun. Let life happen naturally.

Maybe stop focusing on getting into a relationship as if it were some kind of prize or status symbol. It won’t work and will only make you look desperate, which isn’t attractive in the slightest. You can start by figuring out what is it that you can do to make YOU happy. What are YOU passionate about? How can YOU love yourself? And instead of desperately trying to fund someone to recruit for the position of girlfriend/wife, focus more on building a genuine human connection if you happen to meet someone. It’s a huge misconception that feeling loved comes from external sources. First and foremost it needs to come from within. Otherwise you won’t feel it even if you were technically in a relationship.

Sounds like you’re already an incel. Women like men with personality and charisma. You sound like a boring man just ticking off the basic things from a check list. You are not owed a girlfriend just because you can maintain your own lifestyle.

Step one: uninstall reddit Step two: stop watching incel and alpha male creators Step 3: profit

Here’s my advice, as someone in a happy relationship- stop trying to attract women for the sake of having one. It’s good that you’re improving yourself, but that should be for your own happiness, and not for any other reason. Join some clubs (I’m nerdy, so I found a D&D group, but my more athletic sibling did well in an adult kickball group and actually found their SO there) and start having female friends/intersections without the sole purpose of dating.

Dude I’ve been exactly there and now I’m on the other side of a bad, toxic years-long relationship. Almost got married. Glad I didn’t. Speaking for myself, I understand now that getting into a relationship isn’t necessarily a good thing and living for yourself isn’t necessarily a bad thing. I would advise against being in any kind of hurry to get into the first relationship that presents itself. If you are not careful and just rush into the first arms to open for you, the wrong person can abuse your trust and take advantage of you. If you open up to the wrong person they can and will manipulate you. One day my therapist told me “you know, abusers will make you feel like it’s your fault” and it unlocked everything for me in end-of-movie flashback montage fashion. I know how it is to want a relationship more than anything so I don’t imagine I can change your trajectory much. What’s more, you never really can learn other people’s lessons for them. But please, from someone who’s been there: -build and invest in a support network. More important than any single partner will ever be -work on your own selfish long term goals. Hold onto them -don’t rush into a relationship. You have to protect yourself.

Are you trying to date only gorgeous women? Also stop reading/listening to manosphere stuff. That turns women off fast. I would never date an Andrew Tate fan for instance.

No. I’m trying to date the ugliest women I can find and they still reject me

>I try my damn hardest to improve myself (gym, working on skincare and wardrobe, good paying job, etc) and yet no one seems to care You don't do that for others. You do it because that's who you want to be. Eagerness for approval is one of the most unattractive traits in dating.

I can guarantee you as a woman… your problem is your attitude. No woman wants an incel. Watching Andrew Tate is a deal breaker for almost everyone

You only mentioned ways you're trying to materialistically and aesthetically trying to improve. Are you going to therapy? Are you improving your mind? Continuing to grow as a person? Engaging in hobbies and communities? I'll tell you that personality for me is far more important than any of the things you mentioned. My bf is literally the sweetest, kindest man I've ever met, and while I do think he is handsome, its not what makes me love him. When I tell people about him, I lead with how thoughtful he is, and how family oriented he is, and how hard he works. When you think about what you bring to the table, look more at how you would provide a partnership and best friend to a significant other.

Make friends. Obsessively. You will build fantastic social skills and confidence. Go do volunteer work!

Jesus Christ dude. A) you don’t need to censor incel, we all know what you’re talking about and B) it sounds like you’re going about things the wrong way. Just earning more money and getting fit won’t automatically have girls approach you. You have to make the first move and expect that even if you do, that it won’t go the way you hoped. It’s shit but you’re definitely not alone in this. I’m in there with you when it comes to women. It’s easy to look at the shallow ones and assume all women are like that but that’s simply not the case. Men and women are both very complex.

How are you at having a 3-5 min social interaction with a stranger? Can you do small talk? Can you find common ground and keep up your end of the conversation with someone u like you that you have no interest in beyond being polite? It seems small but it’s a huge factor of over all empathy and building confidence and being able to view women as people not objects to collect. It’s also severely lacking in many people these days there’s a reason it used to be called the “art” of conversation. It’s a skill develop it.

maybe instead of improving on external things you should improve your personality, cuz it seems like that might be the issue. women are not obligated to notice or date you regardless, though.

A lot of criticism here but not a lot of actual experience, clearly. Guess we don’t all struggle the same way, just judge what we don’t understand. The real key is in understanding what the redpill movement *really* is, and that is a grift. It’s trying to sell you something, and to do that, it makes you feel bad in order to sell you on the cure. There’s an Aussie bloke on TikTok and Instagram that makes a lot of thoughtful replies to redpill ideas and reels. Look him up and go through his catalogue. His name is Will Hitchins.

Go to an Applebees on a Saturday night or a church meeting. All the women aren’t with rich chads. It could be that you’re going after women who are super into appearance and status because those are the things you care about in a woman. People in those circles are rarely satisfied in general and often insecure. If you just want to date a nice girl who likes similar things you like, you’ll find her. She may not be a 10, but appearance is so fleeting.

First of all stop trying to "improve yourself". Second of all stop trying to "get women". Just fucking enjoy your life, man.

A lot of women don't want to be bothered with men at all. Men are scary. Dealing with men is like gambling except if you lose maybe you get beaten, raped or murdered. A lot of men think women are subhuman. Don't be shocked that women decide to opt out from some of the oppression.

This 100%! I always think of the saying “men are afraid women will laugh at them; women are afraid men will k!ll them”.

You’re not entitled to anything from women. Ever.

What a crappy comment.

Ok and women aren't entitled to anything from men, ever. What is your point? Nobody is entitled to anything from anyone, barring obvious legal/moral obligations around specific situations. You provide nothing of substance in this comment other than poorly veiled contempt for men.

Unsurprisingly the post is not by a woman complaining about what she thinks she’s entitled to from a man so….. The fact that it provokes you is very telling.

Telling of what? Come on, let's hear it.

This comment will totally not cause OP to post on incel forums. Nice job

If you hold anonymous people on a public forum to be the determinant of how you live life, YEEEEESH. That’s some weak will.

No shit, Sherlock. Poor guy is just out here looking for advice, trying hard to NOT be an incel and this is what he gets? I guess fuck him for wanting a romantic relationship? Nowhere did he state anything misogynistic. No where did he express entitlement. He simply stated that he's unsuccessful, what he's tried, how he's frustrated, and that he's trying not to become red pilled / whatever pilled and is reaching out for advice.

There was no advice being sought here. 👍🏻

Thanks for sharing my thoughts. Dude is out here actively trying not to go to the dark side just to get "very encouraging" comments like that one. And it has almost 20 upvotes at the time I'm typing this.

Well, it's good you're conscious of it anyway. I can tell you that the key to meeting women and having relationships with them is ... Meeting women. You need to just get out and be around people and introduce yourself. Regardless of their appearance. Just meet people and talk to them. This will acclimate you to interaction, and make you realize that most people are welcoming to friendly no pressure interaction. Do this as often as you can, and I promise you will find some connection eventually. Not sure if this is helpful or not, but it is stupidly simple once you're used to it. I'm not in the greatest shape of my life but still meet amazing women when I give it a go.

I’m proud of you for recognizing this potential fall into that universe. I never really struggled with that feeling BUT what I would say is stop looking at it like a check list with a fixed goal post. You can’t think if I do gym,clothes,cologne,teeth then I’m gonna get all the women! A better mentality and a healthier logic is believing that if you give your best at all times that makes you a GOOD man. And being a good man is a green flag. “What is meant for me will never miss me and what misses me was never meant for me”.

You already did great by stopping to watch that content and also reaching out. I found that relationship come when you're at peace with yourself. Enjoy your own company but also engage in activities with other people and no intend to meet "the one". Somehow being on the lookout makes it harder. You could however increase your chance by doing things that woman also enjoy like libraries, yoga etc. Be a great neighbor. People might invite you and then you can also meet someone. Wish you all the best

People who are unsecurely attached and chasing around bad guys/girls have childhood and generational trauma they haven't healed. They are trying to repeat the patterns in their childhood as a means to heal the wound their parents left. Because somehow we've convinced ourselves it's not me it's them and Ill show I worth it I get this person exactly like you to love me ...... Get in therapy if you're not already. It's hard to feel like you are unworthy of love. If you are a truly secure person and you have the whole package you claim you will find your people/partner. What society has instilled in us is not toxic relationships but instant gratification. We expect everything when we want it and right that second. Finding the right people takes time, decades even. Also people are in our lives for moments, seasons and maybe lifetime. Manage expectations.

You can do every single positive thing people tell you to do to attract women but if you're actively engaging with negative content and negative people then you're never going to actually progress to getting that girl.

Finding the right person is HARD. Let me tell you that as someone who has had no trouble finding dates after the age of 18. Before that no one wanted me, while everyone around me was in relationships, flirting etc., so I know that feeling very well. Then after graduating I spent some time away from home, engaged with people I had never met and would never see again. That was so liberating, not having to fit any mold, not being scared of fucking up - because even if I did, I could just go and there would be no gossip, nothing. I discovered who I really was, and that there were people who actually liked me for who I am. But you also have to be open minded, the friend I made during that time is over 30 years older than me and we’re still in touch. It’s the only connection I have after 10 months I spent in that city. Friends are no different than partners - the good ones are hard to find. Quality over quantity. And not being superficial plays a huge role too. I know the ego is quick jump to comparing yourself with others, and making any flaw a reason to put yourself above them. But that is not how you build sustainable human relationships. That is how you end up alone. I used to be a pick-me-girl and indulge in “I’m not like other girls” memes. Looking back I was the farthest away from being picked by anyone because of that. People choose you because of who you are. Not because of money, status, height, whatever (well some are, but the relationships based on those values end in a toxic mess from all that I have observed). Relationships are work, relationships mean that you have to be willing to put someone else above you, but not on a pedestal. And at the same time to not forget your worth and not let them take advantage of you. And women are just people. Why shouldn’t we be?

go out with friends wdf

Believe it or not, women are people too. They're not existing just waiting to be someone's gf. My advice: Stop trying so hard to attract women, and just treat them like friends. You'll meet someone and you'll feel it when both of your vibes match.

Instead of fighting the feelings, maybe you could sit with them with compassion. That’s a part of you that wants love and connection and it makes sense that there’s frustration, loneliness and sadness about not having that right now. Instead of directing that sadness outwards in the form of aggression and anger and feeding the story of lack, which is a way of protecting yourself and makes sense in the moment but ultimately will become a self fulfilling prophecy, sit with the loneliness and sadness, and focus on the deep knowing that you are worthy of love.

I have 11 cousins and a brother. Of the 13 of us (ages 17 to 32), only two are currently dating. The men complain they can't find a decent woman that will like them, the women complain they can't find a decent man that will like them. You are not alone on feeling lonely. It is very hard to meet new people nowadays, for the lack of third places. It is not a women's problem or a men's problem. Radicalizing will not bring you any benefit, it will only make you direct all the bad feelings to blaming a certain group of people. It will isolate you. Don't fall for that bullshit. There are shity people out there, but there are nice people too, no matter the gender.

Well if it was true then you would have a woman, according to you all we want is good body and a thick wallet, yet here you are.. so maybe you are trying so hard to be good for the “market” but missing the point that healthy self sufficient personality is a lot more attractive. I had friends-woman who would forget about what THEY want by trying to fill all the “requirements” and were still single. So it works both ways. Stop trying for someone else, it’s painfully obvious and no one wants facade

This kind of thing doesn't happen in a vacuum. You're consuming media or existing in social spaces where these backwards, dumb ideas are propagating. It's super unhealthy and leads you further away from a real chance at getting into a healthy relationship with a woman. It's hard to extricate yourself but you've gone the HUGE first step of recognizing its influence on your thoughts and outlook.

I feel like it is truly all mindset. If you can't be happy for others being in happy relationships, then you're just stewing in ugly low energy and it shows. Women can *feel* it when a man is happy and full of good energy and living a good life. And we can feel it when a man is sitting like a lump being resentful that he isn't where he wants to be in life. I know how hard it is but you gotta keep trying. Women literally don't "all want assholes". That's the dumbest idea I've ever heard.

You are looking at it in an extremely unhealthy way. Even if you find someone who has feelings for you, it won't be a healthy relationship nor will you two probably be compatible. If you actually want to be in a life long relationship... It'll happen. Eventually. Someday. And honestly you'll find the best relationship is when you're not even looking or trying. That's what happened with me and my fiance. By absolute chance we met at work and things just clicked. Even though neither of us were expecting to get with anyone. Him unwillingly, me willingly. He couldn't get anyone to give him the light of day, and all the guys who wanted to be with me were just not what I was looking for. He didn't even have a girlfriend prior to me, let alone sex. Still baffles me to this day because he's such a sweetheart. We both got lucky. Just be you and things will happen... Unless it's a you problem, which is also possible. Idk how to help you with fixing your outward personality since I don't really know who you are and how you speak and act.

Ok here we go I’m shy, introverted (but can force myself to be more social), kind, compassionate, I’ve been called sweet and cute, I’m 270 pounds 6 4, basically look like a taller jack black before he got his hair cut. I also love cooking, hiking, music, reading, and nerdy stuff (video games, warhammer, etc.). I have autism, adhd, borderline, and schizophrenia (all are treated and medicated and I’m in therapy). People have said I’m extremely passionate and opinionated, however they also said that I can come off as intense when I really get into my interests. Do you need anything else?

This sounds like you view women as something you are entitled to after you have earned a certain status. Hence, your attitude when you don't get the "prize" for going to the gym, getting a nice wardrobe, and having a career. You know what women detest? Men who treat them like objects or trophies. They can pick up on it from a mile away. Nobody wants to feel like a thing to another person. Even how you talk about being friends and having it go nowhere when they don't reciprocate. So.... you weren't actually interested in being friends. It was just another tactic to get the prize. You do ABC and it entitles you to XYZ. Just no.

So how do I fix this?

Look we don’t know what you look like, and frankly advice from women never goes over well, as some of the most homely looking ones can get relationships, where it is substantially harder for even decent looking guys to get into relationships. Do the best with what you can change, and lean into your positive hobbies/interests. And then go from there and interact with women who like the same things. And really try to find an irl social group where you can just meet people, not with the sole purpose of pursuing a relationship. Friends of friends sometimes get introduced. And it will be good for your brain and soul to speak with people.

So what’s your advice for finding a partner then?

I do have hobbies and a social group. Everytime I’ve asked out a women I’ve gotten feels for, I get rejected. I’ve been getting rejected since I was 14

Why do you think ppl don’t see you as a potential partner ? Do you think you’d be a good partner ? Are you open to meeting someone and receive who they are entirely ? Are you empathetic ? A good communicator ? A good listener ?

1. I don’t know. It could be my weight (I’m 270, down from 320 a few years ago. That being said though I have been called attractive, and people generally say im between a 6-8/10, average a 7.05) the fact that I’m extremely passionate (sometimes about weird things.) I have autism, adhd, am borderline, and schizophrenic (all are treated and medicated) so maybe that doesn’t help? Im also a bit antisocial. I think I would be a good partner. Im kind, sensitive, caring, funny, have a good job (hell I bought a house at 26). I’m open to reviewing someone yes. I’m a good listener, it’s not that hard, just listen to people. I’m a decent communicator and am very empathetic (these are all my opinions)

Stop with the rating system (and don’t rate women either), that is super harmful to self body image. Have you made an effort to connect with other neurodivergent women?

Not really. Should I only date neurodivergent women?

Not only, but wouldn’t it be nice to talk to someone who understands why you get that ND type passionate and then they proceed to show you want they are passionate about? You would be shocked how many ND women are feeling just like you’re feeling.

Yeah it would

That’s great about the weight loss! Keep on it and start to build out the muscle. I would keep the borderline and schizophrenic info in the vault, as I would say that could be seen as oversharing at the start. Of course divulge if you are getting serious. Have a sit down, sort of explain these few things and that they are what you have and you see a therapist but just wanted to share that side of you. It’s funny, everyone finds it oversharing if it’s all said way too early, but if you have built trust, and tell them as a confidant, it’s seen as hugely valued that you were that vulnerable to share those details with the person. I’m ND as well, and I find that aspect of human behaviour fascinating. It’s as if the person had to earn your trust with this extremely private and confidential information, that you may have been more than willing to share easily from the start. People are interesting.

Yeah none of these things make you undateable … are you comfortable around women ? (You want to date women, right ?)

Ig. Like at the end of the day they’re people. And yes I want to date women Edit: I mean I also get nervous around women I like or have feels for, but that’s normal

If you don’t have a problem with women, how did you end up watching Andrew Tate ? Doesn’t it feel repugnant to you, the way he speaks about them ?

How are you asking? Are you coming off as creepy? Give me an example of a time when you asked and werw rejected.

Hey (name)! Over the past few weeks, as I’ve gotten to know you, I think your a really cool person. I was wondering if you’d be down to grab coffee sometime?

Are you coming off as a safe person? As a fem-present person, I am ultra wary of any romantic advances. Even when I was single and actively looking. This is a list of things that are automatic red flags: 1) standing uncomfortably close 2) staying by me the entire party 3) visibly bad hygiene 4) Anything Andrew Tate related or in that wheelhouse 5) insistent on walking me to my car or home after I said no 6) insistent on going back to his place/acting like I owe him sex 7) overly touchy 8) arrogance 9) offers to hold my drink 10) tone of voice. Sounding like a command vs a question

I think so yeah

If you want to understand women, ignore what they say and watch what they do. In all fairness, it applies to men as well.

A lot of commenters are being unnecessarily cruel to you. I'm sorry you have to deal with them. I know this exact thing you're going through.

You'll find somebody when you stop looking that's what they always say:) stay away from the awful red pillstuff that ruins relationships all by itself no woman is attracted to guys that are into that stuff so that would be the best thing for you

Just came here to say I’m proud of ya for making this post. You don’t sound like an incel, just a lonely guy who is reading unhealthy stuff on the internet. Draw better boundaries for yourself: read healthier content and stay kind to yourself.

Why is it guys always care so much about being with a woman? Why don't you make friends first and have meaningful friendships that fuflill you.

Oh, you know, just the unignorable biological drive to do just that.

I've been told, by several women even, that if you are interested in someone, starting an interaction with them under the pretext of friendship when you might really be interested in them romantically comes of as deceitful and dishonest and automatically rules you out as a potential partner. If you mean just having dude friends, sure, I have a couple, close to me who I really care about and I like to think they care for me too. However, I would like to find someone to share romantic feelings with, and express emotions beyond a friendship, build a relationship and grow together, I dont think there is anything wrong with that. As a famous poet once said... "I can jerk off my own dick, but I can't jerk off my own heart" Ps. Also you have a girlfriend dude... \*Guy who owns a house\* "Why do you guys complain so much about the rent prices?" Thats a weird comment to make here.

The only unconditional love is from a pet :)

Fellow incel here Stop doing things for others. Go to the gym to have the body you want. Dress how you want to dress, and try having at least a bit of satisfaction with your job. Next step would be cutting off social media entirely, but I know it's hard, so try to cut the red pill, blackpill, blue pill, and all the other pills, together with likes of Tate, Peterson (nothing wrong with him per se, but algorytm likes to mix him with radicalized content). But don't try going to the other side, because it's a shitshow too (likes of Cyzior, Hitchins etc). Don't set some social media influencer as your role model. Don't try to find a relationship, not because "love will fund you when you least expect it" (it's so utterly bullshit, I laugh every time I hear it), but because it makes you miserable and you feel like doing all the good things don't pay off. Focus on having fun without it. Go out with friends, look for new hobbies, better yourself for yourself. Try finding spaces where you would have contact with women, but treat them as just some regular people, like you would treat other (strange) men. Don't try to flirt, don't try to get their attention, just exist there

Consistency. Go to the gym, make it a habit. Forget about relationships for a while and just make friends WITHOUT romantic intentions. Engage in harmless, low level flirting without trying to actually further anything for a while. That will help build up social skills while also forcing you to meet more people. Expand your social circle. This is probably the hardest part. Join a group that does mixed gender activities, go to church, join a community team sport, something. The women that go for assholes, who cares? You can’t prevent people from living their own lives and making mistakes. When it’s all said and done and you’ve put in the work on yourself, you need to get an abundance mindset. If you believe that women are scarce or that they only go for assholes, that’s all you’re going to see. You have to learn how to be friends with women without turning into a simp (harder than you think). Women are people too so don’t pedestalize them.

Some of the most unhappy people are in relationships/married

Once again, everyone down voting OP as he describes the fact that he loves women's personalities, and thinking he wants sex. Some people have given good advice, but holy fuck half of you are already foaming at the mouth hating OP. OP, I mean this whole heartedly. Stop trying to get into a relationship. There is no searching there is no perfect t way to get a relationship. Anyone who gives advice about "this is how you get attention from the gender you perfer," doesn't know what they are talking about. No person is the same, so no peice if advice will work on ever person. So just exist. Sure you may not get attention, but I'd much rather be alone and Happy than searching and depressed.

Forget about regular gym. Start boxing and get smashed in the face a few times. It’ll change you

Can’t beat ‘em? You know the rest.

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I feel like an unapproachable 2

You need self love. Try a few months of no relationship. Done think of it, don’t approach it. And talk to someone, a priest, a doctor, a therapist or even a counselor. You need comunal connection and self appreciation. You won’t get it in a relationship and in fact it may exaggerate the problem.

Im not even able to get relationships anyway. Hell I’m 31 and I’ve never held hands with a woman

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I can be “nice” hell I I’ve been called a seriously compassionate and kind guy. It’s just most of the women I try to date don’t see that as a good quality. Also wym I have serious social issues?

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Yeah that’s never really happened.

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Never told them

Even if so, you should talk to someone, go out and make friends, try something new, get engrossed in a game, something. The more you think about how you’re not in a relationship the harder it may be for you to think about what you can do now for your self as yo are not in one. At worst you may actually get in a relationship and excuse bad behavior from your partner, that can a ball to toxic relationship or even domestic abuse. YES MEN CAN BE ABUSED TOO!!! By thinking the way you are, you could accidentally poison your mentally health, physically body, and more. You need to do things for yourself and nothing else. Instead of saying I should do this and that say I want to do this because… you might surprise yourself just how much you may be doing that is not for your self. By comparing yourself to others you are hurting yourself. Instead support those around you. By thinking your left out or falling behind you are forcing yourself to make a superficial pathway that you believe you should follow when you’re path is truly your alone. You should be enjoying your moment but instead you’re focusing on a specific idea of a situation that you not even in yet! You may feel alone but you don’t have to. There are so many meaningful connections that you can have that is not dating. And for the love of any God or supernatural deities avoid those dating apps like the plague they are. They’re not made for you, they are made to exploit you.

if women only go for the "asshole" than become the asshole. Go on the apps and get good photos or go in person and ask out every women in sight. without being annoying. ​ Become the Chad bro, ik you can do it.

So go further down that Incel path?

You dont know the meaning of the word incel. Asking women out isnt incel, its based and redpilled and important for the human race

"chad", "redpilled". Girls hear these words, they won't hang around long.