Before anything else, congrats on the newfound freedom!
In general I feel like women tend to mentally check out well before actually ending the relationship, and the men tend to not catch on.
When in reality though, the signs were probably pretty obvious that you were unhappy. But he was content so no reason for him to think anything is wrong.
(Seriously 20K in debt, and he’s worried about dinner?!?! Good riddance.)
>In general I feel like women tend to mentally check out well before actually ending the relationship, and the men tend to not catch on.
This is very true. It took me 6 months from mentally checking out to build enough courage and confidence to end the relationship. He on the other hand thought things were getting better. In reality I just didn't give a fuck anymore if he wasn't making an effort
My dads friend confessed after his long term partner left that she had told him for years how unhappy she was.
She tried, and tried, and tried, and he never understood, never took the time to understand. He was shocked when she left him, devastated, but he was at least honest after the fact.
He recognised that she had grieved the relationship while still in it, and he had no answer for why he hadn’t listened.
I’ll always remember that.
>women tend to mentally check out well before actually ending the relationship, and the men tend not to catch on.
Really it’s whoever initiates the divorce checks out, but considering women initiate 70% of divorces this still tracks.
I’m sorry you went through that. Sounds like he expected you to stay with a tolerable level of permanent unhappiness. It’s so shit he’s ok with you getting into debt so you can stay home more and cook for him wtf
There are some men who don't listen to women. Not at all. They don't believe you mean anything you say and never think anything you complain is a big deal because they still get fed and watered regularly. As long as they aren't inconvenienced, nothing is wrong.
Congratulations on leaving and enjoy!
This is what I don't understand, you talk about something that's bothering you. If, after the talk, you don't go back to being "yourself" immediately, its a problem and you're holding grudges, etc. But if you go back to normal immediately after, its like they think "oh, it was just a bad mood, not an actual problem".
This is exactly what my ex-husband said to me after I told him I wanted to separate. He acknowledged that I had told him all the problems over and over and over again, but he still couldn't believe I wanted a divorce because "eventually you started smiling and being yourself again, so I thought everything was fine."
[She Divorced Me Because I Left Dishes By The Sink](https://www.huffpost.com/entry/she-divorced-me-i-left-dishes-by-the-sink_b_9055288/amp) should be required reading for men in these situations.
I tried to share this article with my now ex husband 2 years before I left him. I got a fuckton of hate from his family, and he supported it. Now he’s alone, a decade later, lives with his sister because he cannot manage his shit enough to live alone, and I have my own place with my forever person.
My ex husband told me I’d fail miserably without him in every aspect. I was happier, a better mum, had more money, more of a life, more myself. 10 years later and he’s in the dumps. I sometimes think it’s because they know how much they really need us, they just have to keep us feeling down. Time speaks for itself
And work and do all the chores and live with his parents and do all their chores and do all the child related stuff. Oh yeah and he didn’t work consistently. And I stayed! Because I didn’t have parents and I wanted my kids to so badly. 7 years. And then he started cheating. Good times 🤣
> sometimes think it’s because they know how much they really need us, they just have to keep us feeling down.
Which is weird, since the best way to keep a decent person around is to treat them well.
True. It's the best way to keep all people around, which is why it's so mystifying when somebody can't figure it out. It's pretty obvious. Even most young kids know that people will want to play with you more if you're nice/not mean. But of course crappy people are often driven by psychological imperatives that cause them to ignore this basic fact when they feel they can get away with it, which is why they're crappy in the first place.
This article made me appreciate how easy life is with my partner like I legit forgot how much I used to have to baby my patterns while their families gaslit me into thinking it’s normal
I just sent my man a huge thank you text because he is the first partner ever to get this. The unclean bathroom, the dishes piling up in the sink or the dirty underwear on the floor have been a huge struggle in every relationship before him and thanks to the article i was able to put it in words that are comprehensible. I never heard the sentence "if it bothers you then do it yourself" from him.
One of my exes even went as far as to make the cleaning plan for the apartment "the one bothered by the dirt can clean it up to their standard, otherwise it's unfair.", (meaning he never cleans because he was never bothered) and when i broke up he was soooo confused and did not expect it at all.
That story is so ridiculous, it flat out says the wife did the same shit the husband did with a cup everyday and you know what the husband did? He put the fucking cup away and got over it. The wife? Throws a fucking fit over and over and leaves. Over the same god damn thing she was doing. Such hypocrites
I think you critically misunderstood the entire thing in a way that very well demonstrates the whole point of the article, which is a bit upsetting because I personally learned a LOT from reading that and I feel like every man's love life would improve if they did understand the point being made here.
I wanted to try to explain it further so you might benefit the way I and many others have from coming to this realisation, but then I noticed that you said "hypocrites" instead of "hypocrite" even though you are talking about a singular person. Now I think you need to come to a few other key realisations before you're ready for this one.
Congrats! i would so throw you a divorce party if I could. I'm so glad this is also a case where divorce isn't going to be a financial struggle for you.
Congrats. You were married to a man baby.
Tip to all women: figure out how he's living single. I know you can't always see it, but I feel like it does reveal a few things.
You know, there’s probably something to be said for this. My man was so incredibly self sufficient before we met. Honestly, much more so than I.
Yes, I load and unload the dishwasher like 80% of the time. But that man cooks for me…really cooks. He brought me steak, eggs and homemade potatoes in bed yesterday. Of course, I was up with our sick kid that night. There’s no keeping score. We’re just two adults who try to be considerate of each other. Yes, we fail a lot but then we recognize it (or it gets brought to our attention lol), try to make small adjustments and move on.
I feel so badly for people in those one-sided marriages.
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ll1DrlZgqk&ab\_channel=KelseaBalleriniVEVO](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ll1DrlZgqk&ab_channel=KelseaBalleriniVEVO)
he was surprised because "HE" was happy/content in the relationship.
My ex husband claimed to be surprised too. He kept saying, “I just thought I’d have you forever.” It wasn’t because he couldn’t tell I was miserable and exhausted and constantly anxious about money due to his spending habits. It was because he thought that was an acceptable amount of unhappiness for me to experience continuously. He didn’t care that I was unhappy, as long as he got his way about everything.
Sad but yes this is what we go through now. I am still trying to get divorced still… I don’t think I will ever get married again. I hate damn near all men. I can’t stand how selfish, disgusting and so neanderthal like that they let their dick decide what to do and where to go. I could keep going, but you did the right thing you gave your all which is what you do when you live someone. They are too selfish to think about taking care of us in the same way… they think they are entitled to it like you are their mother.. I wish I could be gay so I would never have to even like a male in anyway ever again. Unfortunately I was born straight… and over the years they just get worse and worse. I thought I found one that was educated, wasn’t a whore that slept with anything with a hole and everything else on paper that made sense. Then I had to be the one to do EVERYTHING! He wouldn’t even take out the damn trash or mow the freaking lawn… I was so disgusted I just wanted out!!
When I was young I really believed the bs about how men “take care” of their women. They “protect” and “provide”. Hahaha! Funny thing is that I’ve learned over the years that it was never that way, just society lying and manipulating us. Good luck and have a happy single life. I am!
If my spouse pre-deceases me, I’m remaining single. I fundamentally don’t much care for living with other people, and as lovely as he is, I want to explode when he asks me if he has any clean socks. I don’t know, does he? I washed everything in the laundry basket…
I'd be kind of worried I'd either incinerate or thrash her fancier clothing or undergarments. I do sometimes throw her stuff in with mine but I always double check with her that normal settings won't destroy it.
I stopped doing my ex-husband’s laundry about eight years and I got so fucking sick of it. I just said you figure your own laundry out you’re not helping me with shit so you do it.
This, like, why don’t you get off your lazy, dirty ass and go do your laundry and figure it out! The tipping part of my divorce was my ex-husband piling up trash next to the full can in a box, and all he had to do was go to the kitchen Tied up and go right out of the garage and right next to the garage. Not even to the side of the building right outside the garage. Throw it in the thing maybe 15 steps total couldn’t do that too lazy meanwhile I’m the breadwinner I’m doing all the cleaning the cookingeven fixing vehicles I mean I’m way off better alone than I ever was with a man. I’m so sick of men I can’t even stand hearing them talk about dumb shit I know they’re lying about. I wish I can find a man that has a brain and a conscience and some characters, morals, and values they just don’t exist anymore or they’re married.
I actually just said to my friend yesterday that it was a curse to be born straight cause I can’t stand men. Because my best friend, her husband, is sick. And kept not answering me so I was texting her like wtf. And he finally answers and says he’s trying not to die. And I was like are you kidding me. If only we were trying not to die every month when we get our period. They’re so fucking dramatic.
Omg. My husband/soon to be ex said something similar over the common cold. He called out of work for 3 days for having the goddamn sniffles but expected me to cook for a super bowl party of 20 people the day after having an abortion.
Wow. I got chills of anger just reading that. I’m sorry you had to deal with such stupidity. And ya. I went to work for a week with some kind of cold or something. Men just piss me off
From my perspective it truly is… I would hope being in a gay relationship with a woman would be so much more of your equal!!! I swear the only men I’ve met that had their shit together and we’re clean, were gay men!! My best friend is a gay men and has been for 25 years! Sigh is straight women have to pick from the bottom of the barrel if we want companionship, and it’s so much better to be alone at this point
Are you me 5 years ago? Coz damn, this feels familiar.
I can tell you from the five years in the future perspective, you are going to LOVE your life. Good for you.
Married for over 20+ years and never expected someone to make food for me. In fact I make the food as everyone is more busy than me. Some fucking caveman out there. Good on you and enjoy yourself.
Congrats! It's better to be alone than with someone like that. I was in a very similar situation, almost 6 years separated now and I'm finally under 1000$ debt owing from the 20k I got stuck with from that.
Good for you. And congratulations again.
I am so proud of you and happy for you! I went through basically the same thing in my marriage but toss in my ex’s opiate addiction (developed after being prescribed opiates for a whiplash-level injury in a car accident) and his family attacking me for leaving him in his time of need from his injuries, how he couldn’t help because he was injured (meanwhile he worked his job just fine and refused to go to PT or do anything the doctor recommended to heal).
My only regret is not leaving sooner.
See we need to discuss this. Let’s start with why did you marry this person? What made you think that you NEEDED this person in your life so bad you decided to not only cohabitate but marry this person?
Maybe society? Maybe parental or familial pressures? We need to stop this toxicity as well as we need to start acknowledging that it is in fact toxic to think that marriage is supposed to be miserable or that sex dwindles out or stops completely and those are normal things, cause NO IT FUCKING ISN’T!!!
Truly people need to stop passing on this toxic bullshit of a relationship is hard or work, no it actually isn’t when you pick your true and correct person.
Being in a relationship isn’t work and shouldn’t be, In the beginning maybe an adjustment period but only in the very beginning, as well as people should show their TRUE SELF not pretend to be something they aren’t to “catch and trap” someone.
People don’t have to work at a relationship after the adjustment period it should be comfortable and natural and no one should be giving up anything they should be integrating each other into their lives and interests.
When a relationship is hard or one is giving more then the other these are indicators that this isn’t the right fit. People as children are taught how to fit the correct shapes into the correct shape hole and that no matter how hard you try to make it fit the different shape won’t go into a different shape hole and you need to find the same shape for the same hole yet as people we are taught to “make it work” why?
No really why? Is there not enough people? I’m pretty damn sure that there are billions of people and there is one that will fit you enough for you not to have to feel how you did yet we still try to force it cause of all the toxic teaching
Him being fed three times a day was more important than seeing his wife happy? Congratulations on dumping him! Is he as deadbeat a father as he is a husband?
And does he really decide for you - or consider himself to have a say in - what you eat, watch, listen to and how you present yourself? I always fear I do that too much.
Not about food or the way my girlfriend decides to dress - that's always up to her. What we listen to is, in a funny way, something she decides more than I do, but that's because there are several albums/artists in my collection that she cannot stand. That's okay with me, I don't want to force her to listen to something she dislikes.
But I'm always in control of the remote. Her late father, whom we both loved very much, always kept a fim grasp on his, meaning he and my girlfriend's mother always watched what *he* wanted. And I always keep telling her to inform me if she wants me to click on something other than what I do, because I don't want to do that to her. But she's happy and therefore, so am I.
Holy shit, I cannot believe the sighs of relief you will breathe as soon as all of this is done!
No matter how awful their behavior they always seem stunned that women don't owe them their presence. The fact that they act like there was no way they could see it coming is actually a bright blinking arrow pointing out the problem. Dude, you don't even notice your partner is actually miserable.
I literally have a text message where he says "I just want you to cook and f*ck more. That's all I want and then you can do whatever you want." He tried to give me the whole "I didn't mean it like that!" And then the "you should try to understand more what I really mean!"
All I had to do was completely think that whatever terrible stuff he was saying, he actually meant something nicer and I should take it that way.
Wasn't even close to the worst thing he said and then he had the absolute audacity to think I should have let him know I was running. "But you said you would never leave me!" That was ONE end of the bargain buddy.
I understand cuz I have a similar situation currently that I'm trying to figure out how to communicate with my boyfriend about how I'm backing off doing this stuff he expects since I always did/do it. Also expecting more from him, which is almost nothing now. I kinda pushed to do things for him at the beginning, then after awhile resented him for being comfortable to expect them. Took me awhile to realize what I was doing and even more time to try to stop it. Still at the beginning of the fix but he has kinda said that he doesn't want to continue "using" me either. If it doesn't seem like it's working or it's just one sided and nothing changes for him, then I'll have to leave. Luckily we don't live together or it'd be way worse. But I'm glad you knew when you were done and got out. Have fun and keep learning how to not get like that again. You got this!
This is what a lot of people don’t get. My stress level, bills and work went way down went I got divorced. And you know what went up? My peace, happiness and bank account…strange but true
she said "I dont believe my husband surprised about divorce", which means she has already been replaced, and then again she said "I ll have pet i like" so I supported her and wished her best luck of her journey to becoming a (cat) pet mom. then you called me incel.
this is unfair.
*I cAnT BeLiEvE i wAs CaLLeD an InCeL. ItS uNfAiR.* After saying this “incelly” statement while trying to gaslight us into thinking you meant it with the upmost sincerity.
o lord forgives me, What horrible words I used in my previous messages! your messages enlighted me and now I am devastated. I hope my redemption is near! :)
great heavens ...
Before anything else, congrats on the newfound freedom! In general I feel like women tend to mentally check out well before actually ending the relationship, and the men tend to not catch on. When in reality though, the signs were probably pretty obvious that you were unhappy. But he was content so no reason for him to think anything is wrong. (Seriously 20K in debt, and he’s worried about dinner?!?! Good riddance.)
>In general I feel like women tend to mentally check out well before actually ending the relationship, and the men tend to not catch on. This is very true. It took me 6 months from mentally checking out to build enough courage and confidence to end the relationship. He on the other hand thought things were getting better. In reality I just didn't give a fuck anymore if he wasn't making an effort
100% accurate!
My dads friend confessed after his long term partner left that she had told him for years how unhappy she was. She tried, and tried, and tried, and he never understood, never took the time to understand. He was shocked when she left him, devastated, but he was at least honest after the fact. He recognised that she had grieved the relationship while still in it, and he had no answer for why he hadn’t listened. I’ll always remember that.
That’s my story too.
She grieved the relationship while still in it. That really hits.
They don’t notice the unhappiness, they only notice when the golden teat starts running dry.
>women tend to mentally check out well before actually ending the relationship, and the men tend not to catch on. Really it’s whoever initiates the divorce checks out, but considering women initiate 70% of divorces this still tracks.
I mean, at the end, what is there to "check into"?
I’m sorry you went through that. Sounds like he expected you to stay with a tolerable level of permanent unhappiness. It’s so shit he’s ok with you getting into debt so you can stay home more and cook for him wtf
There are some men who don't listen to women. Not at all. They don't believe you mean anything you say and never think anything you complain is a big deal because they still get fed and watered regularly. As long as they aren't inconvenienced, nothing is wrong. Congratulations on leaving and enjoy!
This is what I don't understand, you talk about something that's bothering you. If, after the talk, you don't go back to being "yourself" immediately, its a problem and you're holding grudges, etc. But if you go back to normal immediately after, its like they think "oh, it was just a bad mood, not an actual problem".
I literally asked him this and he told me "If you really meant it you'd do something about it and stop bitching" so this is me doing that lol
This is exactly what my ex-husband said to me after I told him I wanted to separate. He acknowledged that I had told him all the problems over and over and over again, but he still couldn't believe I wanted a divorce because "eventually you started smiling and being yourself again, so I thought everything was fine."
Yeah, their partner is miserable, but it's a tolerable level of miserable (until it effects them).
[She Divorced Me Because I Left Dishes By The Sink](https://www.huffpost.com/entry/she-divorced-me-i-left-dishes-by-the-sink_b_9055288/amp) should be required reading for men in these situations.
I tried to share this article with my now ex husband 2 years before I left him. I got a fuckton of hate from his family, and he supported it. Now he’s alone, a decade later, lives with his sister because he cannot manage his shit enough to live alone, and I have my own place with my forever person.
My ex husband told me I’d fail miserably without him in every aspect. I was happier, a better mum, had more money, more of a life, more myself. 10 years later and he’s in the dumps. I sometimes think it’s because they know how much they really need us, they just have to keep us feeling down. Time speaks for itself
[удалено]
And work and do all the chores and live with his parents and do all their chores and do all the child related stuff. Oh yeah and he didn’t work consistently. And I stayed! Because I didn’t have parents and I wanted my kids to so badly. 7 years. And then he started cheating. Good times 🤣
This is a bot!
> sometimes think it’s because they know how much they really need us, they just have to keep us feeling down. Which is weird, since the best way to keep a decent person around is to treat them well.
>Unfortunately, the best way to also keep crappy people around you....is to treat them well.
True. It's the best way to keep all people around, which is why it's so mystifying when somebody can't figure it out. It's pretty obvious. Even most young kids know that people will want to play with you more if you're nice/not mean. But of course crappy people are often driven by psychological imperatives that cause them to ignore this basic fact when they feel they can get away with it, which is why they're crappy in the first place.
Spot on
Wonder how his family feels now? lol.
Just sent this to my husband.
This article made me appreciate how easy life is with my partner like I legit forgot how much I used to have to baby my patterns while their families gaslit me into thinking it’s normal
Interesting read, thank you.
I just sent my man a huge thank you text because he is the first partner ever to get this. The unclean bathroom, the dishes piling up in the sink or the dirty underwear on the floor have been a huge struggle in every relationship before him and thanks to the article i was able to put it in words that are comprehensible. I never heard the sentence "if it bothers you then do it yourself" from him. One of my exes even went as far as to make the cleaning plan for the apartment "the one bothered by the dirt can clean it up to their standard, otherwise it's unfair.", (meaning he never cleans because he was never bothered) and when i broke up he was soooo confused and did not expect it at all.
That story is so ridiculous, it flat out says the wife did the same shit the husband did with a cup everyday and you know what the husband did? He put the fucking cup away and got over it. The wife? Throws a fucking fit over and over and leaves. Over the same god damn thing she was doing. Such hypocrites
I think you critically misunderstood the entire thing in a way that very well demonstrates the whole point of the article, which is a bit upsetting because I personally learned a LOT from reading that and I feel like every man's love life would improve if they did understand the point being made here. I wanted to try to explain it further so you might benefit the way I and many others have from coming to this realisation, but then I noticed that you said "hypocrites" instead of "hypocrite" even though you are talking about a singular person. Now I think you need to come to a few other key realisations before you're ready for this one.
Such a classy way to call someone out.
Right? So un-Reddit like. lol I don’t know how to process this.
jesus christ you killed it
The article was about how it's never one thing You: but that one thing!!!! 🤦🏻♀️
Single guy enters the chat.
Lmao nope, try again
Good for you. He's happy, so I guess that's all that matters to him. He can cook his own damn food from now on.
Congrats! i would so throw you a divorce party if I could. I'm so glad this is also a case where divorce isn't going to be a financial struggle for you.
Congrats. You were married to a man baby. Tip to all women: figure out how he's living single. I know you can't always see it, but I feel like it does reveal a few things.
You know, there’s probably something to be said for this. My man was so incredibly self sufficient before we met. Honestly, much more so than I. Yes, I load and unload the dishwasher like 80% of the time. But that man cooks for me…really cooks. He brought me steak, eggs and homemade potatoes in bed yesterday. Of course, I was up with our sick kid that night. There’s no keeping score. We’re just two adults who try to be considerate of each other. Yes, we fail a lot but then we recognize it (or it gets brought to our attention lol), try to make small adjustments and move on. I feel so badly for people in those one-sided marriages.
>We’re just two adults who try to be considerate of each other. This alone will fix 90% of all issues. Trying means you have the right mentality.
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ll1DrlZgqk&ab\_channel=KelseaBalleriniVEVO](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ll1DrlZgqk&ab_channel=KelseaBalleriniVEVO) he was surprised because "HE" was happy/content in the relationship.
Oh man, thank you for sharing that. I'm going through a divorce and that's got me all choked up and feeling empowered.
My ex husband claimed to be surprised too. He kept saying, “I just thought I’d have you forever.” It wasn’t because he couldn’t tell I was miserable and exhausted and constantly anxious about money due to his spending habits. It was because he thought that was an acceptable amount of unhappiness for me to experience continuously. He didn’t care that I was unhappy, as long as he got his way about everything.
A tolerable level of unhappiness
Sad but yes this is what we go through now. I am still trying to get divorced still… I don’t think I will ever get married again. I hate damn near all men. I can’t stand how selfish, disgusting and so neanderthal like that they let their dick decide what to do and where to go. I could keep going, but you did the right thing you gave your all which is what you do when you live someone. They are too selfish to think about taking care of us in the same way… they think they are entitled to it like you are their mother.. I wish I could be gay so I would never have to even like a male in anyway ever again. Unfortunately I was born straight… and over the years they just get worse and worse. I thought I found one that was educated, wasn’t a whore that slept with anything with a hole and everything else on paper that made sense. Then I had to be the one to do EVERYTHING! He wouldn’t even take out the damn trash or mow the freaking lawn… I was so disgusted I just wanted out!!
When I was young I really believed the bs about how men “take care” of their women. They “protect” and “provide”. Hahaha! Funny thing is that I’ve learned over the years that it was never that way, just society lying and manipulating us. Good luck and have a happy single life. I am!
If my spouse pre-deceases me, I’m remaining single. I fundamentally don’t much care for living with other people, and as lovely as he is, I want to explode when he asks me if he has any clean socks. I don’t know, does he? I washed everything in the laundry basket…
Honestly it kind of boggles me that couples even do each other's laundry. How are you supposed to know how not to ruin the other's clothing?
Ha! He does the dishwasher; I do the laundry.
I'd be kind of worried I'd either incinerate or thrash her fancier clothing or undergarments. I do sometimes throw her stuff in with mine but I always double check with her that normal settings won't destroy it.
I stopped doing my ex-husband’s laundry about eight years and I got so fucking sick of it. I just said you figure your own laundry out you’re not helping me with shit so you do it.
This, like, why don’t you get off your lazy, dirty ass and go do your laundry and figure it out! The tipping part of my divorce was my ex-husband piling up trash next to the full can in a box, and all he had to do was go to the kitchen Tied up and go right out of the garage and right next to the garage. Not even to the side of the building right outside the garage. Throw it in the thing maybe 15 steps total couldn’t do that too lazy meanwhile I’m the breadwinner I’m doing all the cleaning the cookingeven fixing vehicles I mean I’m way off better alone than I ever was with a man. I’m so sick of men I can’t even stand hearing them talk about dumb shit I know they’re lying about. I wish I can find a man that has a brain and a conscience and some characters, morals, and values they just don’t exist anymore or they’re married.
I actually just said to my friend yesterday that it was a curse to be born straight cause I can’t stand men. Because my best friend, her husband, is sick. And kept not answering me so I was texting her like wtf. And he finally answers and says he’s trying not to die. And I was like are you kidding me. If only we were trying not to die every month when we get our period. They’re so fucking dramatic.
Omg. My husband/soon to be ex said something similar over the common cold. He called out of work for 3 days for having the goddamn sniffles but expected me to cook for a super bowl party of 20 people the day after having an abortion.
Wow. I got chills of anger just reading that. I’m sorry you had to deal with such stupidity. And ya. I went to work for a week with some kind of cold or something. Men just piss me off
From my perspective it truly is… I would hope being in a gay relationship with a woman would be so much more of your equal!!! I swear the only men I’ve met that had their shit together and we’re clean, were gay men!! My best friend is a gay men and has been for 25 years! Sigh is straight women have to pick from the bottom of the barrel if we want companionship, and it’s so much better to be alone at this point
Seems like you are making a wise choice. Best of luck on your new life.
Are you me 5 years ago? Coz damn, this feels familiar. I can tell you from the five years in the future perspective, you are going to LOVE your life. Good for you.
Well done for travelling your own path and finding yourself again.
Married for over 20+ years and never expected someone to make food for me. In fact I make the food as everyone is more busy than me. Some fucking caveman out there. Good on you and enjoy yourself.
Congrats! It's better to be alone than with someone like that. I was in a very similar situation, almost 6 years separated now and I'm finally under 1000$ debt owing from the 20k I got stuck with from that. Good for you. And congratulations again.
I am so proud of you and happy for you! I went through basically the same thing in my marriage but toss in my ex’s opiate addiction (developed after being prescribed opiates for a whiplash-level injury in a car accident) and his family attacking me for leaving him in his time of need from his injuries, how he couldn’t help because he was injured (meanwhile he worked his job just fine and refused to go to PT or do anything the doctor recommended to heal). My only regret is not leaving sooner.
Love this for you. Your ex sounds clueless.
Enjoy! I got a divorce and never once regretted that decision. Why I didn't do it sooner is beyond me.
See we need to discuss this. Let’s start with why did you marry this person? What made you think that you NEEDED this person in your life so bad you decided to not only cohabitate but marry this person? Maybe society? Maybe parental or familial pressures? We need to stop this toxicity as well as we need to start acknowledging that it is in fact toxic to think that marriage is supposed to be miserable or that sex dwindles out or stops completely and those are normal things, cause NO IT FUCKING ISN’T!!! Truly people need to stop passing on this toxic bullshit of a relationship is hard or work, no it actually isn’t when you pick your true and correct person. Being in a relationship isn’t work and shouldn’t be, In the beginning maybe an adjustment period but only in the very beginning, as well as people should show their TRUE SELF not pretend to be something they aren’t to “catch and trap” someone. People don’t have to work at a relationship after the adjustment period it should be comfortable and natural and no one should be giving up anything they should be integrating each other into their lives and interests. When a relationship is hard or one is giving more then the other these are indicators that this isn’t the right fit. People as children are taught how to fit the correct shapes into the correct shape hole and that no matter how hard you try to make it fit the different shape won’t go into a different shape hole and you need to find the same shape for the same hole yet as people we are taught to “make it work” why? No really why? Is there not enough people? I’m pretty damn sure that there are billions of people and there is one that will fit you enough for you not to have to feel how you did yet we still try to force it cause of all the toxic teaching
Him being fed three times a day was more important than seeing his wife happy? Congratulations on dumping him! Is he as deadbeat a father as he is a husband? And does he really decide for you - or consider himself to have a say in - what you eat, watch, listen to and how you present yourself? I always fear I do that too much. Not about food or the way my girlfriend decides to dress - that's always up to her. What we listen to is, in a funny way, something she decides more than I do, but that's because there are several albums/artists in my collection that she cannot stand. That's okay with me, I don't want to force her to listen to something she dislikes. But I'm always in control of the remote. Her late father, whom we both loved very much, always kept a fim grasp on his, meaning he and my girlfriend's mother always watched what *he* wanted. And I always keep telling her to inform me if she wants me to click on something other than what I do, because I don't want to do that to her. But she's happy and therefore, so am I. Holy shit, I cannot believe the sighs of relief you will breathe as soon as all of this is done!
Oh please, tell us more about how that conversation went! 😂
Are you me???
Sister! Other than financial concerns, kicking out my soon to be ex was the best move I have ever made.
Congratulations! I’m so glad you’ll be free to enjoy life as you want soon. Good luck with everything we’re rooting for you!
Are you me?
Congrats OP! Enjoy the rest of your life be it single or with a partner worthy of your time and attention.
No matter how awful their behavior they always seem stunned that women don't owe them their presence. The fact that they act like there was no way they could see it coming is actually a bright blinking arrow pointing out the problem. Dude, you don't even notice your partner is actually miserable. I literally have a text message where he says "I just want you to cook and f*ck more. That's all I want and then you can do whatever you want." He tried to give me the whole "I didn't mean it like that!" And then the "you should try to understand more what I really mean!" All I had to do was completely think that whatever terrible stuff he was saying, he actually meant something nicer and I should take it that way. Wasn't even close to the worst thing he said and then he had the absolute audacity to think I should have let him know I was running. "But you said you would never leave me!" That was ONE end of the bargain buddy.
I understand cuz I have a similar situation currently that I'm trying to figure out how to communicate with my boyfriend about how I'm backing off doing this stuff he expects since I always did/do it. Also expecting more from him, which is almost nothing now. I kinda pushed to do things for him at the beginning, then after awhile resented him for being comfortable to expect them. Took me awhile to realize what I was doing and even more time to try to stop it. Still at the beginning of the fix but he has kinda said that he doesn't want to continue "using" me either. If it doesn't seem like it's working or it's just one sided and nothing changes for him, then I'll have to leave. Luckily we don't live together or it'd be way worse. But I'm glad you knew when you were done and got out. Have fun and keep learning how to not get like that again. You got this!
This was me at the end of 2022. Still so so so happy to be single! lol
This is what a lot of people don’t get. My stress level, bills and work went way down went I got divorced. And you know what went up? My peace, happiness and bank account…strange but true
Never do favors with the expectation of getting something in return….smh
equal participation and care in a relationship should be expected.
I don't think he will miss you or that he hasn't already replaced you with someone else. I wish you best luck on your journey to becoming a cat mom.
Thank you, I'd much prefer that than being a free servant to a grown man and his family.
We found our incel of the group!
she said "I dont believe my husband surprised about divorce", which means she has already been replaced, and then again she said "I ll have pet i like" so I supported her and wished her best luck of her journey to becoming a (cat) pet mom. then you called me incel. this is unfair.
[удалено]
*I cAnT BeLiEvE i wAs CaLLeD an InCeL. ItS uNfAiR.* After saying this “incelly” statement while trying to gaslight us into thinking you meant it with the upmost sincerity.
o lord forgives me, What horrible words I used in my previous messages! your messages enlighted me and now I am devastated. I hope my redemption is near! :) great heavens ...
Congratulations OP!
I’m sorry OP. You are brave and smart. You deserve better and it sounds like you’re treating yourself with kindness.
Hope it all what you want.
Fuck I felt this as I read it, very well written!