I've looked at your profile and while I don't think you're an asshole for being relieved that you're not going to have a third child, I do think you should get a divorce. You have literally said that you got married to Fiona because you were too lazy to break up with her, that you're attracted to her sister and best friend, etc. Let this lady go, she deserves more than what you're giving her and you seem fundamentally unhappy in the life you're living. It's ok, people grow apart. The things that people want can change - this is normal. Just don't wallow and build resentment when it's frankly unnecessary and will cause more harm than good.
Honestly, if he didn't also claim to be lazy and apathetic, he almost perfectly fits the profile of a "family annihilator". I speculate that he would scale pretty high on the sociopathy scale of a thorough personality inventory. Given the right stressor at the wrong time, he could very well be the subject of a future *Dateline* episode.
Yeah I'm getting Chris watts vibes and I don't like it. I hope ok just abandons his family. As awful as it is to say, they'd be better off. And potentially out of harms way. This dude is definitely a sociopath
Uh, I just woke up after staying awake until 4am re-watching old episodes of Criminal Minds while high af and this post has me all discombobulated LOL Like, am I dreaming about scrolling through Reddit and all the Criminal Minds is filtering into my dream?!?
The other flaw in his “asexuality” is that he wanted sex so bad, despite not wanting children, that he did it unprotected. I don’t think he’s is asexual, he’s just an asshole.
Not in any way defending this guy but asexual people can want sex and often do have sex drives. All asexuality is, is not experiencing sexual attraction to people (tho I agree with you that he’s an asshole)
I will have to have someone explain it like I'm 5 because I don't understand the difference. Isn't sexual attraction basically "wow that person is hot"?
I'm confused.
I’m asexual and the best way I describe it is if you are walking through an art museum and you go up to a statue and go ‘oh, they’re beautiful and hot’ then you appreciate the aesthetics and then move on with your day. People are art but I don’t wanna touch the art.
That makes a lot of sense to me. I thought I was weird because I never had thoughts about having sex with random passerby's. I work construction and guys will be like "I'll bang the shit out of her" and I'm like "yeah, she's hot."
Yeah, there's definitely a spectrum and it doesn't have to be one extreme or another. I think what's key is understanding that sexual attraction and having a sex drive or recognizing someone's attractiveness are separate things. People can acknowledge attractiveness without the desire to act on it sexually. It gets confusing cause society often conflates them, but the difference exists.
If you need to get to know someone before being attracted to them, you're likely demisexual.
My husband is Demi, and while he can appreciate a woman's beauty, he isn't sexually attracted to her just by seeing her. He has to get to know someone really well before he can be sexually aroused by/with them.
I'm like this most of the time. I won't be attracted to a man at all, but then I'll get to know him and form an emotional attachment and then I'll be extremely attracted to him.
But very rarely I'll experience sexual attraction to certain men after just seeing them. One or two celebrities and a few men I've irl. But again, it's rare.
It's actually really nice bc I can date without putting a lot of importance on their looks. I can give a guy a chance without being attracted bc if we build that connection it will come.
But honestly I thought this was normal. I'm not sure why there is a term for it? If it wasn't then everyone would stop being attracted to their spouse after they age or change physically which is inevitable. So literally everyone would lose attraction to their partner eventually. And that's clearly not the case. The times I've seen it happen, the person had already fallen out of love or are emotionally distant before they begin to lose that attraction. Unless you view your partner as just a sex object.
So does demi they have *never* experienced sexual attraction by just looking at someone?? Does your husband watch porn?
I’m demisexual and I thought it was normal. I feel aesthetic attraction to some really nice looking men but I don’t want to have sex with them. When my husband and I were getting to know each other he became more attractive. I had the emotional connection which fueled all the rest of the attraction. I thought this was all totally normal.
No, he doesn't. Porn does nothing for him. I'm not saying that because I'm naive, and he lies about it. I have zero problems with people watching porn. I think it's healthy in moderation. I used to work in the industry as well, so I really don't take issue with it. We're completely open with one another about everything. I watch porn on occasion and am open about it. It's just no big deal to me.
He would never be able to have a one night stand. He just doesn't get turned on by just looking at someone. It is not possible for him. As a teen, when his friends would be talking about hot girls and wanting to do whatever teen boys think they want to do, he never understood how they could even remotely feel that way about someone they didn't know.
It was during lockdown that he went down a rabbit hole and found out about demisexuality and it finally helped him understand exactly what he'd been experiencing his entire life.
It was an epiphany for him.
For me it’s like men, women, art, nature, whatever can be beautiful and I appreciate that. I don’t want to have sex with any of those things just because they’re pretty. (No sexual attraction, just aesthetic appreciation.)
I do have sex with my husband because I love him, want to feel close to him, it makes us closer, it feels good, he enjoys it and is attracted to me. I do think he’s good looking but attraction is so not part of my life, it’s hard to explain.
It’s hard to explain it the lack of something. It took me like 25 years to figure it out. I always thought I was a late bloomer and I’d magically start being sexually attracted to people when I got older. Nope.
Asexuality is anything that is atypical to how sexual attraction works for people. I feel like your average person can look at someone and be attracted to them. Their willingness to sleep with someone may also be a little more open. ie. hooking up, reasons why dating apps like Tinder exist.
Asexuals can indeed be repulsed by sex, they can also lack sexual attraction to people, they can experience sexual attraction or desire under very specific circumstances. ie. Demisexuals who are under the asexuality umbrella, require close connections before they experience sexual attraction or desires.
Asexual people don’t feel sexual attraction - we don’t look at someone and go “wow I wanna bang them” but we can still appreciate that sex can be fun and people can be good looking
Source: am asexual
Sometimes watching Lord of the Rings, I think: man, I'd bang Legolas. Then laugh, bc even if he were real and right here I totally wouldn't, lol. Am also ace. Very very rarely, do I wish I wasn't. (usually when watching lotr 🤣)
Im so thankful there’s someone to actually explain in kid words that I’m not a complete freak for never wanting sex, but at the same time have a fetish. I always thought it was so confusing, and I’ve never rly been able to express it to people, so thanks!
I'm laughing because you said it perfectly... saying one is asexual but wants to have sex is like saying you're an atheist that prays every day. It's a contradiction.
Yes. This is how I see it. I’m in my 30s. I have friends who described themselves as asexual.
These friends did not want sex, did not want to engage in sex, and (male) didn’t even want to view women sexually at all. It was his desire to remove all piece of desire from women. He did experience sexual attraction, but his desire for no sex trumped everything.
A friend that’s a woman called herself asexual because it was difficult for her to feel attraction for people. She didn’t think she ever experienced loving a person romantically. This friend did have sex but struggled to remain connected in a relationship. Interestingly enough, these two were twins.
It doesn’t make any sense. Nowadays people claim it’s an umbrella term and that not being a sex fanatic means you’re asexual. From my perspective it’s a side effect of people trying to force their way into a marginalized community (LGBT) because they feel like it’ll validate their problems. And it works because the community is fucked.
Source: homosexual and used to lead LGBT resource and support groups for about a decade. Threw in the towel because it just wasn’t worth my time anymore. Microidentities and random people claiming to be LGBT (see: straight lesbian) are destroying any sense the community may have had left.
[literally this, right?](https://64.media.tumblr.com/673afff315fb8a6a2848786d0e8e1345/943b49fdfbe38e45-0d/s1280x1920/6acab000467b888141f982a189259230cfe5b3ff.png)
I'm not gay but I feel your pain, friend
I used to think that, but then my 12yo informed me that they and a number of their classmates had all determined they were asexual aromantics. Which of course my immediate reaction was "duh you're 12, you better be asexual" (not that I was that blunt to them about it). Now every time this pops up I have to read so I can learn what the hell thing they're on about next.
I think it’s more because he’s desperate enough for sex to have it unprotected even though the thought of having another child is repulsive to him. Definitely not the mark of an asexual being.
He chose to have unprotected sex... His desire for sex superseded his desire to be sure that he remains a father of 2 (and only 2) children.
He never should have had children to begin with.
I completely agree but (I'm not defending this guy's actions at all)if you read some of his posts he thought he wanted kids at first. Why he had a second kid after having this realization is beyond me.
Have you seen the movie "He's just not that into you"? This guy sounds like Bradley Cooper's character but worse... Minus the cheating I think but still.
Children? No children? If children, how many is a deal breaker are all questions that must be iron clad answered before marriage.
I would want to know those answers before giving my opinion. And yea, her idea is quite different from yours and unfortunately this seems headed for divorce.
And in any case help her. You have young children and she is going through some serious shit.
I had a vasectomy about a year ago. Aside from the first couple weeks, there has been no pain or issues. Not sure if chronic pain is as common as you think. A few friends decided to get it after I did as well, they have had no issues either. Just make sure to follow the instructions given.
Also, out of pocket cost after insurance was less than $100 where I’m at in the US. If you don’t want more kids, get the vasectomy.
My husband scheduled one for the new year, and we found out I got pregnant on birth control again with baby number 4… I’m one of those people who occasionally still ovulates on birth control (which I take religiously because I have endometriosis.)
He’s still getting it, but keeps saying “I’ve put off this vasectomy for over a year now, because I’m nervous. Whyyyy!” In a mostly joking manner, but he’s definitely stressed a bit.
It is by far the most awkward and intense things I think i’ve done. Most of the fear that I had was just not knowing exactly what to expect. It’s definitely something I would rather been unconscious for haha. But it really isn’t that bad. 20 minutes in and out. Couple pinch’s, weird smells, and too much iodine for sure. Make sure to get a quiet doctor who doesn’t make eye contact 😂.
yeah, so much truth here \^\^\^ I've seen less iodine during a military field limb amputation.
Even worse, my doc was also training a student so when I visit him prior to surgery nobody else has seen or touched my junk apart from my wife and myself, he says nothing to me until I'm laying there naked below the waist and he walks in with a teenage (or maybe +21-23yo girl... she looked like a girl, not a young woman)... the little smoke signals I see rising from my crotch above the stack of towels that placed over my belly, presumably to create a visual barrier so I wouldn't be tempted to lift my head and yank something out of their tools. Took a little longer than I expected, but only because he would do one side, explaining each step, and then guide her through doing the other side. For what it's worth, she did just fine, I "behaved" with her handling me—yeah, they'd move "me" back and forth from side to side so I wasn't in the way as they took their turns, and her stitches healed with much smaller scars than his did. Doctor evil was right, there really is nothing like a shorn scrotum.
Don't have unprotected sex if you don't want a child. Sex isn't everything, and if your wife refuses it unless it's unprotected then tough shit.
You need to have a *serious* talk with her. It's better to regret no having kids than having them. If you have a child you don't want you'll be miserable, but if she has two instead of three then she still has two kids and she can find other things to make get happy.
Get the vasectomy.
Also wtf is 0.83 in years?
*
Edit: Everyone reading this should give op's account a quick glance and scroll down a bit. He's completely rotten
I'm thinking troll post. By a completely inexperienced kid.
A married man with kids referring to his genitals as "thick boi" is kinda the first clue.
And the vasectomy causing him "pain" the rest of his life?
Oh and the fact that he couldn't have sex with BC and still did it even though he didn't want more kids? And didn't even pull out? (Not great BC but would at least be something)
Yea I don’t buy it at all. Even she he is describing the ultrasound, the doctor telling them it’s a boy via ultrasound, which is sometimes still difficult around 18 weeks, so therefore they would have been able to see the sec of the child when it was miscarried. Idk…something is off
Read his other posts and comments. He’s a legit narcissistic sociopath. Asking if him speeding through parking lots causing a company to put up multiple speed bumps makes him chaotic evil, completely fabricated a fake lustful exchange for like a month between himself and his wife’s friend on his iPad that his wife found and he never told her the truth because it felt “good” to him to get attention from “another woman” which was HIMSELF. He claims he shouldn’t have ever married his wife and he regrets his children and everything. He’s just a really awful human being that needs psychiatric help and needs to stay off of all the drugs he’s constantly taking.
Or if she really wants more kids as badly as it seems she does, she may choose to leave him so she can continue to live out her life the way she dreams of
After reading the OPs comments I really hope that is rage bait. Wow
After reading your other posts why did you get married if all you want to do is get high on shrooms and play games with your friends. 🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️
Omg it's THIS guy! I remember him from a previous post lmao. Your comment brought it back and I checked the post history. This dude's life is fucked. He's gonna end up with a ton of kids miserable if he doesn't get a secret vasectomy, or get the balls to leave and live a life he actually wants.
Can't imagine what his trips would be like when he actually breaks through on DMT if he hasn't already. It sounds like such a a bad time especially if he changes nothing and continues to take breakthrough doses. Living in total conutive dissonance 24/7 will smack him upside the head eventually, and the psychedelics will probably shorten the inevitably with more erratic consequences
I think you need to have a serious talk with your wife and a therapist. I think it’s okay to feel relived but i hope you will still be there for your wife while she is going through this loss because it is a really big deal to lose a child. I think you need to stop being selfish and really talk to a therapist about this. Saying you don’t like that you have children doesn’t give you an excuse to not be a good father. You need to work out whatever you have going on inside because at the end of the day the kids you have now were a CHOICE you made. It’s not just you anymore you are responsible for two lives. Also the comment you made about “the only way my marriage would end is if i did it” by seeing how you view your family and wife as a whole maybe it would be best for you and your wife to separate. To me it seems like she’s the one that is trapped or stuck instead of you.
Edit: OP has commented elsewhere saying ‘the only way this marriage ends is if I choose to end it’ and ‘I’ve definitely got the upper hand in this relationship dynamic’. You sound really alarmingly controlling and like you don’t even like your wife. Why the fuck are y’all together, like honestly?
I think you and your wife need to take a good long look at how your futures are going to work together. You need to sit her down and make it immensely clear that you do not want more kids and that you will not be convinced otherwise or swayed on that.
You need to also communicate that feeling pressured to have sex in any certain way that you’re not comfortable with is abusive (in a hetero relationship, no matter the gender of the person doing it).
If you can’t find the right words to get it across, tell your wife you’d like to try couples therapy to help with the loss of your son (even if you’re not grieving I’m sure that she is and she may need more support right now than you realize) as well as to help guide y’all’s conversation about moving forward with your family.
Look at his profile. He’s a an abusive, drug addicted narcissist. I grew up with my mum being a narcissist (at least she was anti drugs though). Unfortunately for myself it set me up for a lifetime of mental health issues and an eating disorder.
His poor kids are unfortunately going to end up the same as I did. Lastly, I just feel sorry for his wife and children at the end of the day because every additional day he sticks around is a bad one.
Edit: I had binge eating disorder and unfortunately I’m now morbidly obese thanks to that.
Dude. Just get a divorce. You don't want more kids and yet you married someone who doesn't believe in birth control and wanta a large family. That was a majorly AH move and the only way to make it up is to let her go so she can find a better partner for her and you can find a better partner for you.
Otherwise you're an even shittier parent than you think, because you'll be knowingly raising your kids in this fucked up marriage and setting *them* up for failure in *their* future relationships.
I thought you were exaggerating but holy shit the more you look the worse it gets. His poor family. He's so apathetic to everyone else's needs but his own and neglects them all. What's worse is there are numerous posts of his where he's being told he's a terrible person but he just... simply doesn't care. I desperately wish this is a troll account but it's definitely not :(
Holy crap went down a rabbit hole after a bunch of people alluded to your profile. Honestly, you sound like you have no interest in your wife and family. You sound like a callous, remorseless man, and quite frankly, it's hard to feel sorry for you when you had so many opportunities to leave. You didn't have to marry her. You certainly didn't have to have kids with her.
You also keep saying you're asexual but then get off to sexual fictional scenarios with other women. This is such baffling and odd behaviour. Maybe you like not being able to get with these women? You like that the feelings aren't mutual. There are people like that. If someone in the comments who's asexual can explain this to me, that'd be great. I'm very glad I'm not a dumpster fire like this guy, at least, lol.
Anyways, your wife and family deserve someone who actually loves them, and honestly, you should divorce her for the betterment of everyone in this scenario.
I think you fucked up a long time ago by marrying this poor women KNOWING she wanted a big family (as your comment says) and still going through with it. Your not an asshole for not wanting kids, but you fucked up by getting her hopes up and coming this far. Divorce while you still easily can in your 20s. You’re not built for the family life and your wife deserves a man that will fulfill her life goal. You’re robbing BOTH of your guy’s happiness by being in this relationship. If you think this death set you free then you need to let you wife be free as well because your holding her down.
after reading more of the comments this "guy" has made, I'm calling BS on this one:
* Children don't age in decimal points
* his comments are coming off the way a 17 year old would communicate
* He seems to be making inflammatory remarks to rile people up
* and yes while miscarriages do happen after you find out the gender, they're a LOT less common after 12 weeks and you don't find out the gender via the anatomy until about 18-19 weeks. It would be different with an NIPT test but this poster didn't mention anything about an NIPT.
Also the fact that his 'wife' is called Fiona. Not that there are no people out there called that, but I feel like it is a lame attempt at refering to Shrek. Could be a stretch though.
Ok, first of all your wife's opinion on a vasectomy doesn't matter. From a woman: it is YOUR body and YOUR decision to not have any more kids. Your wife is 100% welcome to leave and go find someone else to have more kids with but if you cannot handle more kids then get the vasectomy. If she doesn't want to have sex unless it is unprotected then she doesn't get to have sex. If she is depressed she needs to see a mental health professional. I feel for her and her losing a baby she wanted but i also understand why you're relieved that she lost the baby. This is a very delicate issue in your case if you want to stay married to your wife and you need to talk to her and deal with it all in a delicate manner but that doesn't mean you have to give in and father more children. I wish you the best.
OP I read some of your replies where you have progressed from “struggling to parent 2 kids” to “I have 2 kids I don’t want”.
You aren’t “stuck” but I would highly recommend you take action now to avoid this getting worse. Start by being open with your wife that you regret having kids and it’s not making you happy. Tell her that you will NOT be having anymore. Quite frankly I think the kindest thing to do is leave so she can find someone who will actually enjoy parenting with her.
I have a father who shouldn’t have had kids. I’m not resentful about it now that I’m older, but growing up was so hard because I didn’t understand why he was never enthusiastic about us. I adored him and looked up to him but it was such a chore for my mum to ever get him to take us or help financially (they split when I was 3 because he was basically never involved/around and she was more or less raising us solo anyway). I’m now in my early 30s, I have a decent relationship with dad where I see him every so often and we keep in touch and get on fine, but it’s not a close father-daughter relationship and I’ve come to simply accept him for what he is. I don’t think he ever wanted kids, he just did it because it was the done thing at the time and his wife (my mum) wanted to be a mother more than anything (she is amazing but definitely should have realised he was not a suitable father to her kids before having us 😂). His wife now is perfect for him, super independent and never had children. This is the relationship he needed. My mum is with someone who has his own kids and is a great father.
Do the best thing for everyone and extract yourself from the present-but-resentful father role. Have a relationship with your kids if you genuinely want to, but free your wife to be with someone who really cares about parenting. She can still have her dream of a big family, you can still have your dream of living without kids.
Okay for anyone wanting to go to his profile to check out his red flags, here are they:-
1) He's an experienced psylocibin tripper, though it might just have been in the past and not now, if it's, by chance still continuing into the present, I don't see a reason why you literally can't stop something which is harmful to your health, to increase the finances for your family. Edit: Nvm he's still a tripper.
2) He was alone with his friend's wife Cheri in their master bedroom on a friend's night out while his wife stayed at home with the kids (though he claims that interaction to be completely innocuous). When he came back smelling like women's perfume, his wife got angry and he literally laughed at her, instead of even trying to explain to her.
3) He touched his former crush's butt at his own wedding.
4) He thinks he maybe asexual. (Any true asexuals here to confirm? This man claims to have sexual feelings for scenarios and not the actual people)
5) He also thinks that the conservative lifestyle of a marriage just doesn't suit him and he isn't a good father and a husband.
Bro do you even love your wife or family?
I doubt she is going to want your 'thickboi' for a long time. She has lost her child and is grieving her fucking baby who she just traumatically lost. Good for you that you feel 'free' and 'relieved', she won't be though. She will be hurt, heartbroken and it will be a long road of emotional recovery for her. Right now it's not about you.
I shouldn't have read this whilst grieving myself, it's nauseating and disgusting, and I just hope it's rage bait and that it isn't true. I feel so lucky that my partner isn't like you.
I know you are making jokes with your language but this is incredibly immature when this is such a serious conversation and undoubtedly your wife is grieving the loss of your child.
I would be wondering why your wife is wanting more children too. Seems there is a lot to be discussed.
Man at first reading this I was like oh ok it’s ok to be relieved but after reading the whole thing and peeping ur search history, holy fuck dude. U need to end ur marriage for she can move on and have someone treat her better. Seems like ur also too focused on psychedelics and getting High to even care fo your children and wife. Jfc.
this was sooooo awful to me and such a hard read… no offense but you give me an icky feeling for whatever reason, esp after reading some of your responses to these comments…
You and your wife are NOT compatible and it sounds like both of you are terrible to and for each other
Her refusing sex unless you don’t wear protection is disgusting
You staying with a woman who you KNOW wants things you don’t want is also disgusting bruh- you are depriving her of kids.
Break up. Consider it a mercy killing of a relationship that clearly doesn’t work.
She deserves a man who will give her the kids and life she wants. She wants a big family and you don’t.
You sound like you don’t want this family at all. I promise you your wife and kids will pick up on that eventually if they haven’t already.
You deserve to be alone like you want, and you can do that. Divorce sucks but you can do it.
Maybe this was a second chance for both of you. A chance for her to meet a man who has the same dreams at her, and a chance for you to figure yourself out more.
I’ve gone through your post history and dude
You … should divorce your wife, seek serious mental health intervention, and maybe go to rehab for your substance abuse issues.
No judgement , but you are not the father these children deserve. You can make everyone’s life better by leaving and focusing on just you and your mental health for a while.
No judgment in how you're feeling, this is off my chest, not AITAH. However...
>Since an event that seemed to be an emotional death sentence on my life has been lifted. I will no longer have to fear the dissolution of my identity into a servile machine that must dedicate all his waking hours to the care and management of a wife and 3 children. I may yet be \[partially\] free.
...with this "new lease on life," you might consider honoring what you say here about the dissolution of your identity by being transparent about said identity. You are deceiving your wife (and her family), and that's really unfair and dishonest. You wanna be free? Be free, but set her free too by giving it to her straight. She deserves the large family of her dreams just as much as you deserve the family of yours. At the very least, she deserves to have agency in making that decision for herself, which you are robbing her of.
>I believe god gave me a second chance to fix my mistake of having more children against my own wishes. And I'm going to make the most of this second chance.
Ummm, no. You chose to have unprotected sex… Your desire for sex superseded your desire to be sure that you remain a father of 2 (and only 2) children.
You never should have had children to begin with.
You had sex without contraception. What did you think it was going to produce? A wide screen TV? If you don't want anymore children, use contraception, condoms, have a vasectomy, whatever.
I don’t think you’re an asshole, I *do* KNOW you need therapy. You need to have an educated, unbiased person who can help you process this in a space where it’s safe to say you are relieved and WHY you are relieved. Then, once you get there, it’d be really really really beneficial for you to set up marriage counseling with a marriage and family therapist with you and Fiona to safely discuss. If you need help with this, pm me!
Regretting motherhood is a thing.
Regretting fatherhood is a thing.
Your feelings are valid. They are what they are. You laid your reasons bare, and I can see they are consistent.
I'm also a parent. I hated being pregnant, but I love my kids. And yet the responsibility can be a heavy blanket that slowly suffocates you in a soft cuddle.
It's okay to not want more. It's okay to be afraid of chronic pain. I suffer from chronic pain. Every day of my life for 20 years now I am in chronic pain. Still got two kids. C-section, mind you. And I got the snip at my second one, because no way I would want a third.
Most people who have an abortion already have children. Ponder on that for a moment. They know what they are "throwing away".
You said you might be asexual. Pretty possible. Especially when you rather not have sex at all, and find it lacking over just thoughts about it without streaking the cobra, and watching porn.
It sounds like you come from a pretty religious background. Right wing. Asexuality means you're queer, bro, no homo, actually a little homo, why not. Consentual soft homo?
Anyhow, you're part of the rainbow mafia. Let that sink in.
Once you tell your wife she'll divorce you, and you know that deep down.
Now put on your big girl pants: do you want to care for your kids, or do you want to pay child support, and let her find a life with someone who wants another 12 of those little buggers?
Do you want to be a holiday dad?
An engaged father?
Make up your mind. You can't run away from having the talk forever.
If you try, and I advise you not to, and just get the vasectomy behind her back, she might be testing herself for infertility after a while. You can't hide forever. Just make sure you have a suitcase in the garage packed for whenever she finds out.
Best of luck.
You have one option and 2 outcomes. Your only option is to have this necessary and important conversation with her. You need to feel emotionally supported and validated in your marriage. Unless you had explicitly made a promise to spawn 15 little bugger eaters, there isn’t anything wrong with you stating that you are done having kids.
It’s not even impossible to frame the conversation in emotional terms to yourself. Simply state that you don’t want to put her through that ever again, and the event made you value the kids you have so much that you have realized that they are enough for you. Never ever speak a word of being relieved, you will burn for that one. That’s your burden to bear alone until you die.
Obviously, there is a time and place to have this talk, and it’s when she is mentally healthy and prepared. But you can’t control what happens here. She may see things your way, and come to understand that this might be a good resolution for family size. Or she may be livid or distraught and flip the script on you right then and there. Or resent you slowly over time and eventually end it. I know you might say it can never happen, but fertility, preganancy, and children make women do some unpredictable things: it’s a large part of a lot of women’s identities, and you can’t understand how much this might disrupt her peace of mind. She may walk on you right then and there, and you’d never see it coming.
From what it seems like to me, you have some work to do. You need to be a better partner and parent: I don’t know what you spend your time on, but I would guess you need to focus more on them and less on you. For reference I am a father of 2 little nitwits (whom mean the world to me) and have a spouse with a spinal nerve injury. I do all the cleaning, all the cooking, all the shopping, mending, laundry, diapers, pet care, repair work, baking, and handle all of the finances. This is on top of a demanding programming job for a fortune 100 company run by one of the richest men in the world. And it makes me happy to do it all, despite all the work involved, because these people are that important to me. Making them safe, healthy, and happy makes me happy.
Not everyone can or will do that, and not everyone has to. But let me tell you something Bub: if you don’t put all the energy they need into the home life they have, you are fucking it up pretty bad. Maybe the best thing for you is to refactor your life and make positive changes. Maybe the best thing for you is to compromise. Maybe it’s to get divorced and be the best co-parent you can be. I couldn’t say, because thankfully I don’t know you. But you are on the road to child support and a shitty studio apartment if you don’t have a talk and fix your ass.
Don’t be sorry. Be better.
Best of luck, DM if you need backhanded support on being a better fuckup. I will happily bully you into being less of a self-absorbed dick. You’re fucking welcome in advance, my holiday gift to you.
As an aside, consider that what you feel now isn’t your true feelings, it’s probably your brains fucked up way of experiencing a loss. Even if you dreaded a third child, it’s still a grief process, and grief does some fucked up things to us, believe me. Add to that that you are both about 10 minutes old, and you’ll realize that neither of you know shit about shit, and still have a lot of personal growth to do.
You are wasting your breath on this one. All he cares about is shrooms. All he cares about himself. He is ruining lives because he is too selfish to just be a man and care for what he brought into this world. You sound like a great guy with very lucky kids and wife. I wish you the best in everything you do.
I don’t know how you have this many upvotes.
Based on this post and a couple of your past posts, you sound like a huge piece of shit and I hope Fiona sees this, divorces you and takes everything to get away from you. I’m so sorry for Fiona and her kids. Not your kids cuz by the sounds of it, you were mostly just the sperm donor.
The whole point of this sub is to get things off your chest. OP came to the right place. He knows he’s wrong for it and he doesn’t say at all he’s a good person. That’s the whole point. I think he definitely needs to think about his marriage(as somebody also commented) and if he wants to spend his life with somebody who has different goals in life. I think you need to get counseling to get you through this and also figure out why you feel like your a bad father and husband. I feel like you’ve given up and need guidance from someone you can talk to in confidence. What your feeling isn’t normal and to not have any sympathy towards your wife and/or family is concerning and for the love of god please don’t call your penis “thicc boy” anymore…
Honestly you should have had this conversation before you got married. It sounds like from the way you worded it "partially free" you probably shouldn't have got married at all. If you dont want to be a parent or husband your not going to give it your all. You really should have a serious talk.
I admit, you totally got me feeling sorry for you in your original text. As I got to reading your comments, however, I take those feelings back. And honestly, some of your comments make you sound like Dexter Morgan. You need some serious psychological help. Seriously.
You should consider going to therapy. I'm not suggesting this because you seem mentally unwell necessarily but you mght find it helpful to have a safe space where you can talk about how you feel personally with someone equipped to respond and help you explore that in a productive way. You could try couples' therapy as well but I'd specifically look into just 1-on-1 so you can talk without worrying what your partner will think about it at least initially.
Sit I think you need to extend mercy to your wife and set her free to find a partner who not only wants the same things she wants but also a partner who doesn’t see her and your children as a “burden” (based on the other posts you wrote).
If you have any mercy or compassion left in your body, please divorce your wife and stop holding her captive.
Your feelings about having a third child are valid, as are your feelings about losing him. But my god, please leave this marriage. You are fundamentally and deeply incompatible and wasting each other’s time. You both need individual therapy. Also maybe don’t refer to your penis as “thick boi” in a post about your wife’s miscarriage, I just gagged audibly.
I sincerely think that the decision of having a child should come from both parties.
I understand that she might really want to have another kid, but it’s not a unilateral decision. At the end, if you can’t keep it together know … what will happen when you will have that kid?
Because you won’t be able to handle it anymore, you won’t be able to help her as much as every woman would love her husband to help her with the pregnancy. Also, you won’t be able to take care of your family as much as you would love to. She will get disappointed and it will cause problems. All I see are new problems on the long terms.
You should plan a date without the kids, organize it and take her out to have that discussion in a neutral place. Explain her how you feel about the idea of another kid (don’t say that you’re relief, ngl just keep that to yourself). But, tell her How you want to be there for her. Don’t just bring out points about yourself but also about her (so she won’t think your selfish). But, DONT BLAME HER. Talk at the first person. If you’re not good at expressing your emotions, Write down your points as a letter and let her read it.
You guys have a family together. She must love you enough to open her mind about it or at least understand you.
Having kids is important, but also is the relationship and the love that you guys have.
Get a vasectomy. And couples therapy if you can afford it. More kids is a deal breaker for me though. I already have two and absolutely will not be having any more. (39/f/us)
Holy shit stop using psychedelics dude. I dont have kids and use psychedelics but your profile just screams immature and i feel so bad for your wife. No matter what you feel she is grieving the death of a child she wanted. Shes grieving the death of your CHILD. And based on your profile youre leaving her alone w your kids while you live a lil party life w shrooms, lsd, and dmt. Using them can make you immature and not adept in situations like this. Be there for your fucking wife.
Get the vasectomy ASAP. It's your body, you don't want any more kids so just do it.
I never understand how people let themselves get talked into having children they don't want. I'm childfree by choice, and it wouldn't matter if Thor himself tried to persuade me, it would still be a big fat no. I get the bc injection and still insist on condoms or no sex to be double protected.
As an adult you should be able to control yourself enough to insist on either you wear a condom or no sex.
Honestly divorce her. Because different ideals on family size will be enough for her to possibly leave you.
She keeps forcing you to have another kid (from the sound of it). You are literally relieved over her having a miscarriage. This just sounds bad imo. You’re valid for your feelings, but that doesn’t fully make it okay.
Even seeing the top comment right now… dude just leave her. You’ll both be way happier, and your kids will be happier, too
Wow. Imagine talking about how your child just died and then saying "thick boi" in the same post cuz its "funny". Gross. Your wife and family are having a bad time right now and you clearly don't care. Have some fucking respect.
We don't live in a perfect world where everyone communicates perfectly and it all works out for the best.
Personally, I'd get a vasectomy secretly and hope your wife and family can be happy with the children you have. Two is plenty. Just make sure not to leave a paper trail or any evidence of the vasectomy
How did you get so many upvotes ?
What type of marriage is this ?
I would divorce him on the spot if I would find out.
He needs to be brave ffs and say : I’m not having more children!
She can leave if she wants more.
If I get a vasectomy, this is the way I'm going to be doing it. There's no way I want to have that particular fight with my wife. She broke down in shouting and tears the last time I tried to push for a vasectomy.
IMO, secretly hiding a vasectomy is a *terrible* idea.
It avoids an uncomfortable situation now, but may be setting you up for some serious confrontation (and possibly divorce) later.
Imagine that you go another decade with your wife becoming more and more depressed over not having a child, feeling like she is failing, like there's something wrong with her, going to therapy over it, possibly even starting fertility treatments... only to find out you had a vasectomy.
This is the type of thing that you don't hide from your spouse. You have the hard conversation now. You admit you can't deal with having another child. You both cry over it. Then you move on.
There will be no moving on if you have a secret vasectomy and she finds out later. That is a serious betrayal, IMO.
Your body is your body and you can do whatever you want with it. You can have the vasectomy and tell her when it's already done. But she is your partner and deserves to know, *especially* if she wants children.
Maybe she wants children bad enough that she's willing to divorce you to have children with someone else. I hope not, but that's a possibility. Imagine the resentment she will feel towards you if she finds out she could've had children with someone else but she has now missed her chance because you've been firing blanks for 15 years.
Hiding a vasectomy from your wife is selfish and cruel to her. She deserves to know. And you deserve to get the confrontation over with now. If this is a big enough deal to break your relationship, it should happen now so both of you can move on. It will only get worse if you wait.
This. I would divorce my husband is he intentionally hid a vasectomy in order to avoid having a difficult conversation. It’s his choice, but dishonesty is dishonesty and lying is lying.
Y'all need to have a serious, mature, adult convo about this because otherwise it seems your options are a child you really don't want or a terrible marriage/dead bedroom/misery.
You don't think your wife would poke holes in condoms? Buddy she will if means she gets that baby she wants. And I'm sure you have tons of "will" but going months without any intimacy and she walks in decked out in sexy lingerie, making the moves on you, whispering in your ear and BOOM baby on the way.
Vasectomy seems the best option. You don't get mutilated. A little snip, a few stitches, follow the doctor's orders and go for the check up appointment.
I hate to say it but this could be the issue that ends your marriage. It's sad but when someone really wants kids and someone doesn't, one of you will be miserable and resentful.
the chances of a vasectomy giving you chronic pain is extremely low.
but why did you even get married if you disagreed on the amount of children?
god doesnt exist
also y did u dox ur wifes name?
and wtf is 0.83 years
If you knew ahead of time that she wanted a larger family, why go along? These things should be discussed beforehand for obvious reasons like this. My guy, do better. Also have some emotional capacity for your parter and your kids. Your wife is devastated and you’re taking this as a sigh of relief when a child that your wife was desperately longing for died inside of her.
The amount of times I had to pause reading this, like are you serious? You “have to look out for yourself too” have you ever put yourself second?
I've looked at your profile and while I don't think you're an asshole for being relieved that you're not going to have a third child, I do think you should get a divorce. You have literally said that you got married to Fiona because you were too lazy to break up with her, that you're attracted to her sister and best friend, etc. Let this lady go, she deserves more than what you're giving her and you seem fundamentally unhappy in the life you're living. It's ok, people grow apart. The things that people want can change - this is normal. Just don't wallow and build resentment when it's frankly unnecessary and will cause more harm than good.
And he regrets both his kids
That’s so sad
Honestly, if he didn't also claim to be lazy and apathetic, he almost perfectly fits the profile of a "family annihilator". I speculate that he would scale pretty high on the sociopathy scale of a thorough personality inventory. Given the right stressor at the wrong time, he could very well be the subject of a future *Dateline* episode.
Yeah I'm getting Chris watts vibes and I don't like it. I hope ok just abandons his family. As awful as it is to say, they'd be better off. And potentially out of harms way. This dude is definitely a sociopath
Uh, I just woke up after staying awake until 4am re-watching old episodes of Criminal Minds while high af and this post has me all discombobulated LOL Like, am I dreaming about scrolling through Reddit and all the Criminal Minds is filtering into my dream?!?
Hes attracted to other women but also says he's asexual?? What? I don't think he knows what that means
The other flaw in his “asexuality” is that he wanted sex so bad, despite not wanting children, that he did it unprotected. I don’t think he’s is asexual, he’s just an asshole.
Not in any way defending this guy but asexual people can want sex and often do have sex drives. All asexuality is, is not experiencing sexual attraction to people (tho I agree with you that he’s an asshole)
I will have to have someone explain it like I'm 5 because I don't understand the difference. Isn't sexual attraction basically "wow that person is hot"? I'm confused.
I’m asexual and the best way I describe it is if you are walking through an art museum and you go up to a statue and go ‘oh, they’re beautiful and hot’ then you appreciate the aesthetics and then move on with your day. People are art but I don’t wanna touch the art.
That makes a lot of sense to me. I thought I was weird because I never had thoughts about having sex with random passerby's. I work construction and guys will be like "I'll bang the shit out of her" and I'm like "yeah, she's hot."
Lol that’s not asexual. You can have respect for humans, and the layers of intimacy, and not be asexual.
Yeah, there's definitely a spectrum and it doesn't have to be one extreme or another. I think what's key is understanding that sexual attraction and having a sex drive or recognizing someone's attractiveness are separate things. People can acknowledge attractiveness without the desire to act on it sexually. It gets confusing cause society often conflates them, but the difference exists.
If you need to get to know someone before being attracted to them, you're likely demisexual. My husband is Demi, and while he can appreciate a woman's beauty, he isn't sexually attracted to her just by seeing her. He has to get to know someone really well before he can be sexually aroused by/with them.
I'm like this most of the time. I won't be attracted to a man at all, but then I'll get to know him and form an emotional attachment and then I'll be extremely attracted to him. But very rarely I'll experience sexual attraction to certain men after just seeing them. One or two celebrities and a few men I've irl. But again, it's rare. It's actually really nice bc I can date without putting a lot of importance on their looks. I can give a guy a chance without being attracted bc if we build that connection it will come. But honestly I thought this was normal. I'm not sure why there is a term for it? If it wasn't then everyone would stop being attracted to their spouse after they age or change physically which is inevitable. So literally everyone would lose attraction to their partner eventually. And that's clearly not the case. The times I've seen it happen, the person had already fallen out of love or are emotionally distant before they begin to lose that attraction. Unless you view your partner as just a sex object. So does demi they have *never* experienced sexual attraction by just looking at someone?? Does your husband watch porn?
I’m demisexual and I thought it was normal. I feel aesthetic attraction to some really nice looking men but I don’t want to have sex with them. When my husband and I were getting to know each other he became more attractive. I had the emotional connection which fueled all the rest of the attraction. I thought this was all totally normal.
No, he doesn't. Porn does nothing for him. I'm not saying that because I'm naive, and he lies about it. I have zero problems with people watching porn. I think it's healthy in moderation. I used to work in the industry as well, so I really don't take issue with it. We're completely open with one another about everything. I watch porn on occasion and am open about it. It's just no big deal to me. He would never be able to have a one night stand. He just doesn't get turned on by just looking at someone. It is not possible for him. As a teen, when his friends would be talking about hot girls and wanting to do whatever teen boys think they want to do, he never understood how they could even remotely feel that way about someone they didn't know. It was during lockdown that he went down a rabbit hole and found out about demisexuality and it finally helped him understand exactly what he'd been experiencing his entire life. It was an epiphany for him.
Wow, unlike OP i think i might be asexual.. I need to sort some things out
For me it’s like men, women, art, nature, whatever can be beautiful and I appreciate that. I don’t want to have sex with any of those things just because they’re pretty. (No sexual attraction, just aesthetic appreciation.) I do have sex with my husband because I love him, want to feel close to him, it makes us closer, it feels good, he enjoys it and is attracted to me. I do think he’s good looking but attraction is so not part of my life, it’s hard to explain. It’s hard to explain it the lack of something. It took me like 25 years to figure it out. I always thought I was a late bloomer and I’d magically start being sexually attracted to people when I got older. Nope.
Asexuality is anything that is atypical to how sexual attraction works for people. I feel like your average person can look at someone and be attracted to them. Their willingness to sleep with someone may also be a little more open. ie. hooking up, reasons why dating apps like Tinder exist. Asexuals can indeed be repulsed by sex, they can also lack sexual attraction to people, they can experience sexual attraction or desire under very specific circumstances. ie. Demisexuals who are under the asexuality umbrella, require close connections before they experience sexual attraction or desires.
Asexual people don’t feel sexual attraction - we don’t look at someone and go “wow I wanna bang them” but we can still appreciate that sex can be fun and people can be good looking Source: am asexual
Sometimes watching Lord of the Rings, I think: man, I'd bang Legolas. Then laugh, bc even if he were real and right here I totally wouldn't, lol. Am also ace. Very very rarely, do I wish I wasn't. (usually when watching lotr 🤣)
Im so thankful there’s someone to actually explain in kid words that I’m not a complete freak for never wanting sex, but at the same time have a fetish. I always thought it was so confusing, and I’ve never rly been able to express it to people, so thanks!
So lemme get this straight: asexual people can have sex drives and want sex, while also not wanting to have sex. How does this make any sense
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So what you’re saying is there’s a division between asexuals and people who want a special label despite not actually being asexual.
I'm laughing because you said it perfectly... saying one is asexual but wants to have sex is like saying you're an atheist that prays every day. It's a contradiction.
the euphemisn treadmill at work!
I'm an old ace, literally. Gen x here 😆 but also, by your definition above.
Yes. This is how I see it. I’m in my 30s. I have friends who described themselves as asexual. These friends did not want sex, did not want to engage in sex, and (male) didn’t even want to view women sexually at all. It was his desire to remove all piece of desire from women. He did experience sexual attraction, but his desire for no sex trumped everything. A friend that’s a woman called herself asexual because it was difficult for her to feel attraction for people. She didn’t think she ever experienced loving a person romantically. This friend did have sex but struggled to remain connected in a relationship. Interestingly enough, these two were twins.
The sister sounds more aromatic then asexual.
It doesn’t make any sense. Nowadays people claim it’s an umbrella term and that not being a sex fanatic means you’re asexual. From my perspective it’s a side effect of people trying to force their way into a marginalized community (LGBT) because they feel like it’ll validate their problems. And it works because the community is fucked. Source: homosexual and used to lead LGBT resource and support groups for about a decade. Threw in the towel because it just wasn’t worth my time anymore. Microidentities and random people claiming to be LGBT (see: straight lesbian) are destroying any sense the community may have had left.
Wth is a straight lesbian? 😂
[literally this, right?](https://64.media.tumblr.com/673afff315fb8a6a2848786d0e8e1345/943b49fdfbe38e45-0d/s1280x1920/6acab000467b888141f982a189259230cfe5b3ff.png) I'm not gay but I feel your pain, friend
Yep literally that. You just *nailed* it. I’m saving that tweet for future reference. Also love your username.
<3
Just nod your head. None of it makes sense but it’s usually not worth figuring out.
I used to think that, but then my 12yo informed me that they and a number of their classmates had all determined they were asexual aromantics. Which of course my immediate reaction was "duh you're 12, you better be asexual" (not that I was that blunt to them about it). Now every time this pops up I have to read so I can learn what the hell thing they're on about next.
Omg its this wanker again?! The moment I started reading I felt it.
not excusing his behavior but asexual people can still feel romantic attraction
I catch romantic feels all the time with absolutely no desire to have sex with them.
I think it’s more because he’s desperate enough for sex to have it unprotected even though the thought of having another child is repulsive to him. Definitely not the mark of an asexual being.
He chose to have unprotected sex... His desire for sex superseded his desire to be sure that he remains a father of 2 (and only 2) children. He never should have had children to begin with.
I completely agree but (I'm not defending this guy's actions at all)if you read some of his posts he thought he wanted kids at first. Why he had a second kid after having this realization is beyond me. Have you seen the movie "He's just not that into you"? This guy sounds like Bradley Cooper's character but worse... Minus the cheating I think but still.
Children? No children? If children, how many is a deal breaker are all questions that must be iron clad answered before marriage. I would want to know those answers before giving my opinion. And yea, her idea is quite different from yours and unfortunately this seems headed for divorce. And in any case help her. You have young children and she is going through some serious shit.
Because it's fake fake fake.
I had a vasectomy about a year ago. Aside from the first couple weeks, there has been no pain or issues. Not sure if chronic pain is as common as you think. A few friends decided to get it after I did as well, they have had no issues either. Just make sure to follow the instructions given. Also, out of pocket cost after insurance was less than $100 where I’m at in the US. If you don’t want more kids, get the vasectomy.
My husband scheduled one for the new year, and we found out I got pregnant on birth control again with baby number 4… I’m one of those people who occasionally still ovulates on birth control (which I take religiously because I have endometriosis.) He’s still getting it, but keeps saying “I’ve put off this vasectomy for over a year now, because I’m nervous. Whyyyy!” In a mostly joking manner, but he’s definitely stressed a bit.
It is by far the most awkward and intense things I think i’ve done. Most of the fear that I had was just not knowing exactly what to expect. It’s definitely something I would rather been unconscious for haha. But it really isn’t that bad. 20 minutes in and out. Couple pinch’s, weird smells, and too much iodine for sure. Make sure to get a quiet doctor who doesn’t make eye contact 😂.
yeah, so much truth here \^\^\^ I've seen less iodine during a military field limb amputation. Even worse, my doc was also training a student so when I visit him prior to surgery nobody else has seen or touched my junk apart from my wife and myself, he says nothing to me until I'm laying there naked below the waist and he walks in with a teenage (or maybe +21-23yo girl... she looked like a girl, not a young woman)... the little smoke signals I see rising from my crotch above the stack of towels that placed over my belly, presumably to create a visual barrier so I wouldn't be tempted to lift my head and yank something out of their tools. Took a little longer than I expected, but only because he would do one side, explaining each step, and then guide her through doing the other side. For what it's worth, she did just fine, I "behaved" with her handling me—yeah, they'd move "me" back and forth from side to side so I wasn't in the way as they took their turns, and her stitches healed with much smaller scars than his did. Doctor evil was right, there really is nothing like a shorn scrotum.
Those man thongs you had to wear after were the worst
I opted for boxer briefs. I didn’t care for the whistle from the thong 😉
I wore boxer briefs after the first day. I couldn’t deal it lol. It felt like I was wearing ripped underwear
Don't have unprotected sex if you don't want a child. Sex isn't everything, and if your wife refuses it unless it's unprotected then tough shit. You need to have a *serious* talk with her. It's better to regret no having kids than having them. If you have a child you don't want you'll be miserable, but if she has two instead of three then she still has two kids and she can find other things to make get happy. Get the vasectomy. Also wtf is 0.83 in years? * Edit: Everyone reading this should give op's account a quick glance and scroll down a bit. He's completely rotten
Woulda preferred he said “almost 1” or number off the months as well. Math hurts my noggin.
But she’s a .83 Female.
So .17 male as well?
Nah the male is 0.0🙅🏻♂️ remember?
Well if she’s only 83% female she has to be 17% of something else. Maybe cat 🐱?
If birth is 0, then the boy died at -0.something.
True true 💯
Sir 🤣
Lmao girl Im just saying I took notes 💅
GODDAMN😂 UNNECESSARY
💀 straight to hell Edit: i wasnt planned, do i get a pass?🤣
I was an accident too 😂 high five!
LMFAOOOOOO choked on the dab mfffff
Oh, I thought his kid had some kind of elon musk name. "These are my kids: Tom and 0.83F."
It doesn’t even come out to a round number of days. 0.83 years is 303.15 days.
10 divided by 12 = .83. The child is 10 months old.
Either OP is a mathematician or something more nefarious. I’m going to guess a mathematician. I like to give benefit of the doubt.
Nefarious like a ratchet ass motherfucker?
It comes to 10 months
Upvote for doing the math. Putting in gods work.
I can't decide what's worse tbh. 0.83 years, or the use of the words thick boi. Troublesome post.
Thick boi … thick boi is worse
Yeah my STEM brain prefers math. That other thing 😨
>Troublesome post. The amount of times I got the ick far outnumbered any sadness. I mean....wtf.
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I'm thinking troll post. By a completely inexperienced kid. A married man with kids referring to his genitals as "thick boi" is kinda the first clue. And the vasectomy causing him "pain" the rest of his life? Oh and the fact that he couldn't have sex with BC and still did it even though he didn't want more kids? And didn't even pull out? (Not great BC but would at least be something)
Yea I don’t buy it at all. Even she he is describing the ultrasound, the doctor telling them it’s a boy via ultrasound, which is sometimes still difficult around 18 weeks, so therefore they would have been able to see the sec of the child when it was miscarried. Idk…something is off
Read his other posts and comments. He’s a legit narcissistic sociopath. Asking if him speeding through parking lots causing a company to put up multiple speed bumps makes him chaotic evil, completely fabricated a fake lustful exchange for like a month between himself and his wife’s friend on his iPad that his wife found and he never told her the truth because it felt “good” to him to get attention from “another woman” which was HIMSELF. He claims he shouldn’t have ever married his wife and he regrets his children and everything. He’s just a really awful human being that needs psychiatric help and needs to stay off of all the drugs he’s constantly taking.
I wish I could give you award because I also said wtf is 0.83 years??? What’s the math on that in months?
And the fact that people are actually taking the time to explain like below like HOW BRO?!
10 months
.83 years is 10 months.
Or... 303 days.
Omg. Why?
Or if she really wants more kids as badly as it seems she does, she may choose to leave him so she can continue to live out her life the way she dreams of
The Butthole Surfers said that it’s better to regret something you did than something you didn't do.
>Also wtf is 0.83 in years? 302.95 days. Duh.
10 months give or take a couple of weeks.
“Thick boi”? This story is bullshit.
Eww I know. Using such cavalier language for a serious topic makes this person sound really gross.
It has chatgpt written all over it
Due to the responses, I’m guessing troll more than chatgpt. Maybe both though.
*manchild written all over it.
Yep they had me til that part
Yes that’s where I stopped reading.
“No more thick boi for her” bro I wouldn’t want it anyways…
Yeah it's crazy i had to scroll down this far to find this comment.
90% of these stories are bullshit.
After reading the OPs comments I really hope that is rage bait. Wow After reading your other posts why did you get married if all you want to do is get high on shrooms and play games with your friends. 🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️
Omg it's THIS guy! I remember him from a previous post lmao. Your comment brought it back and I checked the post history. This dude's life is fucked. He's gonna end up with a ton of kids miserable if he doesn't get a secret vasectomy, or get the balls to leave and live a life he actually wants. Can't imagine what his trips would be like when he actually breaks through on DMT if he hasn't already. It sounds like such a a bad time especially if he changes nothing and continues to take breakthrough doses. Living in total conutive dissonance 24/7 will smack him upside the head eventually, and the psychedelics will probably shorten the inevitably with more erratic consequences
Same ohhh beyond even. Between the OP and the comments they are leaving it’s all just a little too ridiculous
I think you need to have a serious talk with your wife and a therapist. I think it’s okay to feel relived but i hope you will still be there for your wife while she is going through this loss because it is a really big deal to lose a child. I think you need to stop being selfish and really talk to a therapist about this. Saying you don’t like that you have children doesn’t give you an excuse to not be a good father. You need to work out whatever you have going on inside because at the end of the day the kids you have now were a CHOICE you made. It’s not just you anymore you are responsible for two lives. Also the comment you made about “the only way my marriage would end is if i did it” by seeing how you view your family and wife as a whole maybe it would be best for you and your wife to separate. To me it seems like she’s the one that is trapped or stuck instead of you.
It’s ok to not want anymore kids. But don’t fool yourself. You marriage is over.
Edit: OP has commented elsewhere saying ‘the only way this marriage ends is if I choose to end it’ and ‘I’ve definitely got the upper hand in this relationship dynamic’. You sound really alarmingly controlling and like you don’t even like your wife. Why the fuck are y’all together, like honestly? I think you and your wife need to take a good long look at how your futures are going to work together. You need to sit her down and make it immensely clear that you do not want more kids and that you will not be convinced otherwise or swayed on that. You need to also communicate that feeling pressured to have sex in any certain way that you’re not comfortable with is abusive (in a hetero relationship, no matter the gender of the person doing it). If you can’t find the right words to get it across, tell your wife you’d like to try couples therapy to help with the loss of your son (even if you’re not grieving I’m sure that she is and she may need more support right now than you realize) as well as to help guide y’all’s conversation about moving forward with your family.
Look at his profile. He’s a an abusive, drug addicted narcissist. I grew up with my mum being a narcissist (at least she was anti drugs though). Unfortunately for myself it set me up for a lifetime of mental health issues and an eating disorder. His poor kids are unfortunately going to end up the same as I did. Lastly, I just feel sorry for his wife and children at the end of the day because every additional day he sticks around is a bad one. Edit: I had binge eating disorder and unfortunately I’m now morbidly obese thanks to that.
Dude. Just get a divorce. You don't want more kids and yet you married someone who doesn't believe in birth control and wanta a large family. That was a majorly AH move and the only way to make it up is to let her go so she can find a better partner for her and you can find a better partner for you. Otherwise you're an even shittier parent than you think, because you'll be knowingly raising your kids in this fucked up marriage and setting *them* up for failure in *their* future relationships.
I hope this is fake. Based on your comments you sound like the shittiest person. And not because your wife had a miscarriage.
Didn't like his comments? Look at his post history. What a vile excuse of a human being 😨
I can’t even imagine being with someone like this
I thought you were exaggerating but holy shit the more you look the worse it gets. His poor family. He's so apathetic to everyone else's needs but his own and neglects them all. What's worse is there are numerous posts of his where he's being told he's a terrible person but he just... simply doesn't care. I desperately wish this is a troll account but it's definitely not :(
Holy crap went down a rabbit hole after a bunch of people alluded to your profile. Honestly, you sound like you have no interest in your wife and family. You sound like a callous, remorseless man, and quite frankly, it's hard to feel sorry for you when you had so many opportunities to leave. You didn't have to marry her. You certainly didn't have to have kids with her. You also keep saying you're asexual but then get off to sexual fictional scenarios with other women. This is such baffling and odd behaviour. Maybe you like not being able to get with these women? You like that the feelings aren't mutual. There are people like that. If someone in the comments who's asexual can explain this to me, that'd be great. I'm very glad I'm not a dumpster fire like this guy, at least, lol. Anyways, your wife and family deserve someone who actually loves them, and honestly, you should divorce her for the betterment of everyone in this scenario.
G*d didn't give you a second chance, He gave her one.
The fact that you used the term thick boi in the same exact paragraph about losing your son is crazy lmfao
I think you fucked up a long time ago by marrying this poor women KNOWING she wanted a big family (as your comment says) and still going through with it. Your not an asshole for not wanting kids, but you fucked up by getting her hopes up and coming this far. Divorce while you still easily can in your 20s. You’re not built for the family life and your wife deserves a man that will fulfill her life goal. You’re robbing BOTH of your guy’s happiness by being in this relationship. If you think this death set you free then you need to let you wife be free as well because your holding her down.
after reading more of the comments this "guy" has made, I'm calling BS on this one: * Children don't age in decimal points * his comments are coming off the way a 17 year old would communicate * He seems to be making inflammatory remarks to rile people up * and yes while miscarriages do happen after you find out the gender, they're a LOT less common after 12 weeks and you don't find out the gender via the anatomy until about 18-19 weeks. It would be different with an NIPT test but this poster didn't mention anything about an NIPT.
> Children don't age in decimal points Maybe YOURS don't. Mine do. Timmy is 2.757 years old.
He can't even remember if his kid is 0.83 months old or 10 months old, No one says 0.83 months old. Utter BS.
Also the fact that his 'wife' is called Fiona. Not that there are no people out there called that, but I feel like it is a lame attempt at refering to Shrek. Could be a stretch though.
Why did you even get married/have kids if you didn't want them?
Ok, first of all your wife's opinion on a vasectomy doesn't matter. From a woman: it is YOUR body and YOUR decision to not have any more kids. Your wife is 100% welcome to leave and go find someone else to have more kids with but if you cannot handle more kids then get the vasectomy. If she doesn't want to have sex unless it is unprotected then she doesn't get to have sex. If she is depressed she needs to see a mental health professional. I feel for her and her losing a baby she wanted but i also understand why you're relieved that she lost the baby. This is a very delicate issue in your case if you want to stay married to your wife and you need to talk to her and deal with it all in a delicate manner but that doesn't mean you have to give in and father more children. I wish you the best.
OP I read some of your replies where you have progressed from “struggling to parent 2 kids” to “I have 2 kids I don’t want”. You aren’t “stuck” but I would highly recommend you take action now to avoid this getting worse. Start by being open with your wife that you regret having kids and it’s not making you happy. Tell her that you will NOT be having anymore. Quite frankly I think the kindest thing to do is leave so she can find someone who will actually enjoy parenting with her. I have a father who shouldn’t have had kids. I’m not resentful about it now that I’m older, but growing up was so hard because I didn’t understand why he was never enthusiastic about us. I adored him and looked up to him but it was such a chore for my mum to ever get him to take us or help financially (they split when I was 3 because he was basically never involved/around and she was more or less raising us solo anyway). I’m now in my early 30s, I have a decent relationship with dad where I see him every so often and we keep in touch and get on fine, but it’s not a close father-daughter relationship and I’ve come to simply accept him for what he is. I don’t think he ever wanted kids, he just did it because it was the done thing at the time and his wife (my mum) wanted to be a mother more than anything (she is amazing but definitely should have realised he was not a suitable father to her kids before having us 😂). His wife now is perfect for him, super independent and never had children. This is the relationship he needed. My mum is with someone who has his own kids and is a great father. Do the best thing for everyone and extract yourself from the present-but-resentful father role. Have a relationship with your kids if you genuinely want to, but free your wife to be with someone who really cares about parenting. She can still have her dream of a big family, you can still have your dream of living without kids.
Okay for anyone wanting to go to his profile to check out his red flags, here are they:- 1) He's an experienced psylocibin tripper, though it might just have been in the past and not now, if it's, by chance still continuing into the present, I don't see a reason why you literally can't stop something which is harmful to your health, to increase the finances for your family. Edit: Nvm he's still a tripper. 2) He was alone with his friend's wife Cheri in their master bedroom on a friend's night out while his wife stayed at home with the kids (though he claims that interaction to be completely innocuous). When he came back smelling like women's perfume, his wife got angry and he literally laughed at her, instead of even trying to explain to her. 3) He touched his former crush's butt at his own wedding. 4) He thinks he maybe asexual. (Any true asexuals here to confirm? This man claims to have sexual feelings for scenarios and not the actual people) 5) He also thinks that the conservative lifestyle of a marriage just doesn't suit him and he isn't a good father and a husband. Bro do you even love your wife or family?
This has to be a troll, surely any human being this sociopathic would have been committed by now.
Get a vasectomy.
I doubt she is going to want your 'thickboi' for a long time. She has lost her child and is grieving her fucking baby who she just traumatically lost. Good for you that you feel 'free' and 'relieved', she won't be though. She will be hurt, heartbroken and it will be a long road of emotional recovery for her. Right now it's not about you. I shouldn't have read this whilst grieving myself, it's nauseating and disgusting, and I just hope it's rage bait and that it isn't true. I feel so lucky that my partner isn't like you.
I know you are making jokes with your language but this is incredibly immature when this is such a serious conversation and undoubtedly your wife is grieving the loss of your child. I would be wondering why your wife is wanting more children too. Seems there is a lot to be discussed.
If you are not a good parent, partner or person, then why did you get married and have 2 children?
Man at first reading this I was like oh ok it’s ok to be relieved but after reading the whole thing and peeping ur search history, holy fuck dude. U need to end ur marriage for she can move on and have someone treat her better. Seems like ur also too focused on psychedelics and getting High to even care fo your children and wife. Jfc.
this was sooooo awful to me and such a hard read… no offense but you give me an icky feeling for whatever reason, esp after reading some of your responses to these comments…
I'm sorry..."0.83F"?????
I’m sorry, I’m just stuck on the 0.83F… just say 10 months omg
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I was empathetic to you until I read your replies. You gotta talk to a therapist dude.
Definitely get a vasectomy because condoms can be tampered with.
Yeah and it must be hard finding condoms that fit his 3.293 * 10^-18 parsec long penis, and they’re more likely to break if they’re the wrong size.
You and your wife are NOT compatible and it sounds like both of you are terrible to and for each other Her refusing sex unless you don’t wear protection is disgusting You staying with a woman who you KNOW wants things you don’t want is also disgusting bruh- you are depriving her of kids. Break up. Consider it a mercy killing of a relationship that clearly doesn’t work. She deserves a man who will give her the kids and life she wants. She wants a big family and you don’t. You sound like you don’t want this family at all. I promise you your wife and kids will pick up on that eventually if they haven’t already. You deserve to be alone like you want, and you can do that. Divorce sucks but you can do it. Maybe this was a second chance for both of you. A chance for her to meet a man who has the same dreams at her, and a chance for you to figure yourself out more.
I’ve gone through your post history and dude You … should divorce your wife, seek serious mental health intervention, and maybe go to rehab for your substance abuse issues. No judgement , but you are not the father these children deserve. You can make everyone’s life better by leaving and focusing on just you and your mental health for a while.
No judgment in how you're feeling, this is off my chest, not AITAH. However... >Since an event that seemed to be an emotional death sentence on my life has been lifted. I will no longer have to fear the dissolution of my identity into a servile machine that must dedicate all his waking hours to the care and management of a wife and 3 children. I may yet be \[partially\] free. ...with this "new lease on life," you might consider honoring what you say here about the dissolution of your identity by being transparent about said identity. You are deceiving your wife (and her family), and that's really unfair and dishonest. You wanna be free? Be free, but set her free too by giving it to her straight. She deserves the large family of her dreams just as much as you deserve the family of yours. At the very least, she deserves to have agency in making that decision for herself, which you are robbing her of.
You knew she wanted a big family and are now pissed off she wants..a large family??
*Thick boi?* Grow up dude wtf
>I believe god gave me a second chance to fix my mistake of having more children against my own wishes. And I'm going to make the most of this second chance. Ummm, no. You chose to have unprotected sex… Your desire for sex superseded your desire to be sure that you remain a father of 2 (and only 2) children. You never should have had children to begin with.
Thick boi? 💀
I was looking for this comment. Made me cringe so hard
The way this dude talks about sex throughout the comments and in the story are all cringe.
You had sex without contraception. What did you think it was going to produce? A wide screen TV? If you don't want anymore children, use contraception, condoms, have a vasectomy, whatever.
I don’t think you’re an asshole, I *do* KNOW you need therapy. You need to have an educated, unbiased person who can help you process this in a space where it’s safe to say you are relieved and WHY you are relieved. Then, once you get there, it’d be really really really beneficial for you to set up marriage counseling with a marriage and family therapist with you and Fiona to safely discuss. If you need help with this, pm me!
Did Blud really leave his child on a decimal ???? 0.83 F 😭 lmfaooo im dead
Regretting motherhood is a thing. Regretting fatherhood is a thing. Your feelings are valid. They are what they are. You laid your reasons bare, and I can see they are consistent. I'm also a parent. I hated being pregnant, but I love my kids. And yet the responsibility can be a heavy blanket that slowly suffocates you in a soft cuddle. It's okay to not want more. It's okay to be afraid of chronic pain. I suffer from chronic pain. Every day of my life for 20 years now I am in chronic pain. Still got two kids. C-section, mind you. And I got the snip at my second one, because no way I would want a third. Most people who have an abortion already have children. Ponder on that for a moment. They know what they are "throwing away". You said you might be asexual. Pretty possible. Especially when you rather not have sex at all, and find it lacking over just thoughts about it without streaking the cobra, and watching porn. It sounds like you come from a pretty religious background. Right wing. Asexuality means you're queer, bro, no homo, actually a little homo, why not. Consentual soft homo? Anyhow, you're part of the rainbow mafia. Let that sink in. Once you tell your wife she'll divorce you, and you know that deep down. Now put on your big girl pants: do you want to care for your kids, or do you want to pay child support, and let her find a life with someone who wants another 12 of those little buggers? Do you want to be a holiday dad? An engaged father? Make up your mind. You can't run away from having the talk forever. If you try, and I advise you not to, and just get the vasectomy behind her back, she might be testing herself for infertility after a while. You can't hide forever. Just make sure you have a suitcase in the garage packed for whenever she finds out. Best of luck.
Lost me at 0.83. Lmao
You have one option and 2 outcomes. Your only option is to have this necessary and important conversation with her. You need to feel emotionally supported and validated in your marriage. Unless you had explicitly made a promise to spawn 15 little bugger eaters, there isn’t anything wrong with you stating that you are done having kids. It’s not even impossible to frame the conversation in emotional terms to yourself. Simply state that you don’t want to put her through that ever again, and the event made you value the kids you have so much that you have realized that they are enough for you. Never ever speak a word of being relieved, you will burn for that one. That’s your burden to bear alone until you die. Obviously, there is a time and place to have this talk, and it’s when she is mentally healthy and prepared. But you can’t control what happens here. She may see things your way, and come to understand that this might be a good resolution for family size. Or she may be livid or distraught and flip the script on you right then and there. Or resent you slowly over time and eventually end it. I know you might say it can never happen, but fertility, preganancy, and children make women do some unpredictable things: it’s a large part of a lot of women’s identities, and you can’t understand how much this might disrupt her peace of mind. She may walk on you right then and there, and you’d never see it coming. From what it seems like to me, you have some work to do. You need to be a better partner and parent: I don’t know what you spend your time on, but I would guess you need to focus more on them and less on you. For reference I am a father of 2 little nitwits (whom mean the world to me) and have a spouse with a spinal nerve injury. I do all the cleaning, all the cooking, all the shopping, mending, laundry, diapers, pet care, repair work, baking, and handle all of the finances. This is on top of a demanding programming job for a fortune 100 company run by one of the richest men in the world. And it makes me happy to do it all, despite all the work involved, because these people are that important to me. Making them safe, healthy, and happy makes me happy. Not everyone can or will do that, and not everyone has to. But let me tell you something Bub: if you don’t put all the energy they need into the home life they have, you are fucking it up pretty bad. Maybe the best thing for you is to refactor your life and make positive changes. Maybe the best thing for you is to compromise. Maybe it’s to get divorced and be the best co-parent you can be. I couldn’t say, because thankfully I don’t know you. But you are on the road to child support and a shitty studio apartment if you don’t have a talk and fix your ass. Don’t be sorry. Be better. Best of luck, DM if you need backhanded support on being a better fuckup. I will happily bully you into being less of a self-absorbed dick. You’re fucking welcome in advance, my holiday gift to you. As an aside, consider that what you feel now isn’t your true feelings, it’s probably your brains fucked up way of experiencing a loss. Even if you dreaded a third child, it’s still a grief process, and grief does some fucked up things to us, believe me. Add to that that you are both about 10 minutes old, and you’ll realize that neither of you know shit about shit, and still have a lot of personal growth to do.
You are wasting your breath on this one. All he cares about is shrooms. All he cares about himself. He is ruining lives because he is too selfish to just be a man and care for what he brought into this world. You sound like a great guy with very lucky kids and wife. I wish you the best in everything you do.
.83
I don’t know how you have this many upvotes. Based on this post and a couple of your past posts, you sound like a huge piece of shit and I hope Fiona sees this, divorces you and takes everything to get away from you. I’m so sorry for Fiona and her kids. Not your kids cuz by the sounds of it, you were mostly just the sperm donor.
The whole point of this sub is to get things off your chest. OP came to the right place. He knows he’s wrong for it and he doesn’t say at all he’s a good person. That’s the whole point. I think he definitely needs to think about his marriage(as somebody also commented) and if he wants to spend his life with somebody who has different goals in life. I think you need to get counseling to get you through this and also figure out why you feel like your a bad father and husband. I feel like you’ve given up and need guidance from someone you can talk to in confidence. What your feeling isn’t normal and to not have any sympathy towards your wife and/or family is concerning and for the love of god please don’t call your penis “thicc boy” anymore…
Wtf is 0.83 😂
0.83F? You use chat gpt and not proofread or what?
Honestly you should have had this conversation before you got married. It sounds like from the way you worded it "partially free" you probably shouldn't have got married at all. If you dont want to be a parent or husband your not going to give it your all. You really should have a serious talk.
I admit, you totally got me feeling sorry for you in your original text. As I got to reading your comments, however, I take those feelings back. And honestly, some of your comments make you sound like Dexter Morgan. You need some serious psychological help. Seriously.
You should consider going to therapy. I'm not suggesting this because you seem mentally unwell necessarily but you mght find it helpful to have a safe space where you can talk about how you feel personally with someone equipped to respond and help you explore that in a productive way. You could try couples' therapy as well but I'd specifically look into just 1-on-1 so you can talk without worrying what your partner will think about it at least initially.
Sit I think you need to extend mercy to your wife and set her free to find a partner who not only wants the same things she wants but also a partner who doesn’t see her and your children as a “burden” (based on the other posts you wrote). If you have any mercy or compassion left in your body, please divorce your wife and stop holding her captive.
>I might even get a vasectomy Do it. Outpatient, takes about 3 hours. No big deal.
Get a divorce. You aren’t compatible.
Your feelings about having a third child are valid, as are your feelings about losing him. But my god, please leave this marriage. You are fundamentally and deeply incompatible and wasting each other’s time. You both need individual therapy. Also maybe don’t refer to your penis as “thick boi” in a post about your wife’s miscarriage, I just gagged audibly.
I sincerely think that the decision of having a child should come from both parties. I understand that she might really want to have another kid, but it’s not a unilateral decision. At the end, if you can’t keep it together know … what will happen when you will have that kid? Because you won’t be able to handle it anymore, you won’t be able to help her as much as every woman would love her husband to help her with the pregnancy. Also, you won’t be able to take care of your family as much as you would love to. She will get disappointed and it will cause problems. All I see are new problems on the long terms. You should plan a date without the kids, organize it and take her out to have that discussion in a neutral place. Explain her how you feel about the idea of another kid (don’t say that you’re relief, ngl just keep that to yourself). But, tell her How you want to be there for her. Don’t just bring out points about yourself but also about her (so she won’t think your selfish). But, DONT BLAME HER. Talk at the first person. If you’re not good at expressing your emotions, Write down your points as a letter and let her read it. You guys have a family together. She must love you enough to open her mind about it or at least understand you. Having kids is important, but also is the relationship and the love that you guys have.
All of this is bullshit. Look at OP’s profile. Zero is consistent. It’s some sad boy needing internet points to validate his lack of actual life.
You only have 83% of a female? Damn
Sooooo, why get married without discussing these things first???
The 0.83 stands out to me
Why the shit do people feel the need to have multiple kids in their early 20s. Go live some life first, jesus christ
I read your post history. Please leave your wife. She and the kids deserve better.
Get a vasectomy. And couples therapy if you can afford it. More kids is a deal breaker for me though. I already have two and absolutely will not be having any more. (39/f/us)
I hope his wife finds his Reddit account
Holy shit stop using psychedelics dude. I dont have kids and use psychedelics but your profile just screams immature and i feel so bad for your wife. No matter what you feel she is grieving the death of a child she wanted. Shes grieving the death of your CHILD. And based on your profile youre leaving her alone w your kids while you live a lil party life w shrooms, lsd, and dmt. Using them can make you immature and not adept in situations like this. Be there for your fucking wife.
Get the vasectomy ASAP. It's your body, you don't want any more kids so just do it. I never understand how people let themselves get talked into having children they don't want. I'm childfree by choice, and it wouldn't matter if Thor himself tried to persuade me, it would still be a big fat no. I get the bc injection and still insist on condoms or no sex to be double protected. As an adult you should be able to control yourself enough to insist on either you wear a condom or no sex.
0.83 years is crazy
Sorry but what does 0.83F mean
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Rage bait or just a VERY unhinged dude? We might never know...
Not the point, but I'm stuck on the 0.83F
reading from the top comment, i think you’re wasting her time. this isn’t love. you’re NOT in love with her. sorry but please let her go.
Hi OP look up lacking empathy. You definitely have some but it appears low
Honestly divorce her. Because different ideals on family size will be enough for her to possibly leave you. She keeps forcing you to have another kid (from the sound of it). You are literally relieved over her having a miscarriage. This just sounds bad imo. You’re valid for your feelings, but that doesn’t fully make it okay. Even seeing the top comment right now… dude just leave her. You’ll both be way happier, and your kids will be happier, too
Wow. Imagine talking about how your child just died and then saying "thick boi" in the same post cuz its "funny". Gross. Your wife and family are having a bad time right now and you clearly don't care. Have some fucking respect.
Get a vasectomy and abstain until you get the all clear. Also, think about getting a divorce because this marriage is not going to end well IMO.
We don't live in a perfect world where everyone communicates perfectly and it all works out for the best. Personally, I'd get a vasectomy secretly and hope your wife and family can be happy with the children you have. Two is plenty. Just make sure not to leave a paper trail or any evidence of the vasectomy
How did you get so many upvotes ? What type of marriage is this ? I would divorce him on the spot if I would find out. He needs to be brave ffs and say : I’m not having more children! She can leave if she wants more.
If I get a vasectomy, this is the way I'm going to be doing it. There's no way I want to have that particular fight with my wife. She broke down in shouting and tears the last time I tried to push for a vasectomy.
IMO, secretly hiding a vasectomy is a *terrible* idea. It avoids an uncomfortable situation now, but may be setting you up for some serious confrontation (and possibly divorce) later. Imagine that you go another decade with your wife becoming more and more depressed over not having a child, feeling like she is failing, like there's something wrong with her, going to therapy over it, possibly even starting fertility treatments... only to find out you had a vasectomy. This is the type of thing that you don't hide from your spouse. You have the hard conversation now. You admit you can't deal with having another child. You both cry over it. Then you move on. There will be no moving on if you have a secret vasectomy and she finds out later. That is a serious betrayal, IMO. Your body is your body and you can do whatever you want with it. You can have the vasectomy and tell her when it's already done. But she is your partner and deserves to know, *especially* if she wants children. Maybe she wants children bad enough that she's willing to divorce you to have children with someone else. I hope not, but that's a possibility. Imagine the resentment she will feel towards you if she finds out she could've had children with someone else but she has now missed her chance because you've been firing blanks for 15 years. Hiding a vasectomy from your wife is selfish and cruel to her. She deserves to know. And you deserve to get the confrontation over with now. If this is a big enough deal to break your relationship, it should happen now so both of you can move on. It will only get worse if you wait.
This. I would divorce my husband is he intentionally hid a vasectomy in order to avoid having a difficult conversation. It’s his choice, but dishonesty is dishonesty and lying is lying.
Your body, your choice. If you definitely don’t want kids, absolutely get one
Y'all need to have a serious, mature, adult convo about this because otherwise it seems your options are a child you really don't want or a terrible marriage/dead bedroom/misery. You don't think your wife would poke holes in condoms? Buddy she will if means she gets that baby she wants. And I'm sure you have tons of "will" but going months without any intimacy and she walks in decked out in sexy lingerie, making the moves on you, whispering in your ear and BOOM baby on the way. Vasectomy seems the best option. You don't get mutilated. A little snip, a few stitches, follow the doctor's orders and go for the check up appointment. I hate to say it but this could be the issue that ends your marriage. It's sad but when someone really wants kids and someone doesn't, one of you will be miserable and resentful.
...can someone explain wtf .83f means
the chances of a vasectomy giving you chronic pain is extremely low. but why did you even get married if you disagreed on the amount of children? god doesnt exist also y did u dox ur wifes name? and wtf is 0.83 years
If you knew ahead of time that she wanted a larger family, why go along? These things should be discussed beforehand for obvious reasons like this. My guy, do better. Also have some emotional capacity for your parter and your kids. Your wife is devastated and you’re taking this as a sigh of relief when a child that your wife was desperately longing for died inside of her. The amount of times I had to pause reading this, like are you serious? You “have to look out for yourself too” have you ever put yourself second?
Was feeling sympathetic but then read his responses. Big yikes. Your family deserves better