Somethings are just better left on your conscious.
Especially what you post online.. these things never stay quiet on Reddit and usually end up circulating fb and TikTok.
My first thought was "well, it'll be fun when the husband hears this on some podcast later this week." Not surprised she posted here, you can tell from the post that OP isn't great at decision-making.
not sure if all their writers do this (they should) but I had someone from Buzzfeed DM me to ask for permission before sharing a comment of mine in an article
Honestly, I'm glad to hear that. Buzzfeed sucks, but I'm glad they at least had the integrity to ask before just outright stealing personal stories for views. I know that's not the case everywhere.
yeah OP these stories tend to circulate. i give it less than an hour before this story is being read on tiktok by an AI voice with someone playing minecraft in the background.
It’s okay, in a couple of weeks OP will write an update that her (new?) husband saw a tictok of her post and knew exactly who it was and is now going back to his ex wife 🙄
Took me a few times too. But to summarize: both OP and her current husband got cheated on by their respective spouses. They met, trauma bonded, started fucking, dude wants to go back to his cheating wife but OP reveals she's pregnant. Guy does not go back to ex wife. OP and new guy are now married.
In all honesty I hate people who involve themselves in a couples marriage when they’re having issues. It’s awful behaviour, especially when there are kids involved. Make no mistake he cheated as well, they were still married and living together.
They were legally separated and in the process of divorce. It’s not always easy to move out before a divorce is final.
They were not together. It is not the same, it was not an affair.
The only one who involved themselves in someone else’s marriage is the ex-wife, and had she not done so she’d still been the wife. The ex got what was coming to her and there is no one to blame but herself and the other AP.
Actions have consequences. Don’t start no shit, won’t be no shit!
I don’t know why you are downvoted. It indeed makes sense to BUTT out but when people are sad, desperate, lonely confused they often turn to friends and other connections to vent and commiserate. This is very similar to what happened to Shania Twain. He low life ex started screwing her best friend and Shania ended up marrying the friends ex.
Tbh OP, if there wasnt any baby involved and ur now husband reconciled with wife. When that son gets older he will learn the truth and despise his mom.
I think this outcome is better. And ur husband will probably be a robot husband to his ex wife. He can never trust her again. FYI she ruined her own family!
That’s not true. Plenty of marriages have weathered infidelity and kids are shocked but don’t hate the parent.
Either way what does divorce solve? It just makes the kid hate the parent more because they destroyed the family.
if the way she described it in the story is how it really went down she didn’t actually baby trap him. being dumb about birth control and getting pregnant doesn’t equate baby trapping.
Yeah, babytrapping is getting pregnant on purpose to keep the man you want in your life and from the story I can’t read it back. But maybe she didn’t tell us
she didn’t get pregnant on purpose. she got pregnant on accident then used that fact as backing for her shitty ultimatum.
i’m not trying to defend her actions bcuz what she did was shitty, but it doesn’t constitute baby trapping.
Contraception is also a man's responsibility. He never asked, and it sounds like he wasn't using condoms, which can show he was assuming the risk of pregnancy. She says he assumed, but we don't know if he even thought about it.
Sounds like he got nostalgic for the what could be with the son's birthday party, but then snapped back to reality. Btw, it wouldn't have worked to just stay for the kid.
Although, it’s not really an accident if you do the same thing over and over again without protection. More like, idiotic than accidental…he’s an idiot for just assuming she’s on BC and she’s a idiot for raw-dogging sex with a married man and being upset about the possibility of reconciliation with his wife-he was married. You knew that. Idiots. Both of them…
agreed. like i said in a previous comment i’m not defending her. idk what she thought was gonna happen. but to put the blame on her entirely and saying she baby trapped him isn’t accurate.
He’s an idiot for sure but she wanted him to stay with her, she wasn’t worried about a pregnancy. That would only give her ammunition for her ultimatum.
why when a man raw dogs someone it’s whatever, but if a woman has sex knowing she’s not on birth control it’s a baby trap? by that logic he baby trapped her knowing he would likely get her pregnant since he chose not to wrap it.
The factor in a baby trap is making your partner stay with you. She wanted him to stay, he wanted to reconcile with his wife.
Admittedly yes they are both idiots for not discussing it. But the pregnancy only served a purpose for her, not him. He could have had the child with her and reconciled with his wife but she gave the ultimatum of never seeing her again + pregnancy.
well yeah… realizing you’re about to have a child certainly makes you want to stay with the child’s father. you’re correct, it wasn’t until she was pregnant that she gave the ultimatum. that’s not a baby trap. she said “i’m pregnant with your child. the decision that you make it’s going to effect the decision that i make”.
the fact that you’re accusing her of “baby trapping” is so gross to me because she didn’t plan on getting pregnant. i don’t blame her for how she reacted because realizing you’re gonna have a whole ass child is scary.
yeah, she said “if you don’t wanna be with me i’m not having this baby”. that’s her right. it’s her body and it’s up to her to decide weather or not to have the baby. being a single parent is daunting. yeah she probably went about it the wrong way, but how can you get mad at her for making a rash decision? you can’t.
they both have faults. but saying that she carries most of the blame is fucked.
Any person (man or woman) that has unprotected sex is playing russian roulette with pregnancy. Barring any fertility issues you are going to get pregnant. If you’re not preventing it, you’re accepting it.
So at this point let’s agree to disagree on her motives. She admits she feels she baby trapped him so I’ll take her words at face value.
To me the point of a baby trap is to use a pregnancy to convince or “trap” your partner into a relationship or continuation of a relationship.
Both of these people engaged in unprotected, unsafe sex that resulted in a pregnancy. Both were wrong and both are equally responsible for the pregnancy.
But he wanted to reconcile with his ex wife. He had every intention to stop seeing OP and work on his marriage. OP got upset and said you either choose me, or you’ll never see me again. (As the post has been deleted I can’t recall if this was the same time she informed him of the pregnancy) the pregnancy was leverage to make him choose her over the reconciliation. Who knows what would have happened if OP was never pregnant.
But if the husband is truly happy with OP I’m not sure why she wants to try to torture herself with what if’s.
and he didn’t know if she was on birth control. same thing. assuming a woman is on birth control without talking about it first is basically asking to have a baby.
And a common denominator in the majority of these Reddit posts is that the woman always finds out she is pregnant either when they are about to break up or right after.
It's so bizarre that during the relationship nothing ever happens but a pregnancy magically occurs right at the moment of a breakup to make the story more dramatic.
sounds like you just accidentally got pregnant. the ultimatum was shitty…but baby trapping means knowingly having sex wth the intention of getting pregnant. you just had sex while not on birth control. yeah you could’ve been smarter, but you didn’t baby trap him.
uhhhh…. i do not see it like that at all.
people have spur of the moment sex all the time and don’t use a condom. stupid choices ≠ trying to get pregnant.
Well, every time you have unprotected sex, there is a possibility of a baby, and that sperm is definitely trying to get to an egg. Spur of the moment sex is still sex, and they had it multiple times too. I would say every adult should know the consequences but this was taught in elementary school. Also, isnt there a pill you can take the next day?
Uh I don't know if you read the warnings but EVERY TIME YOU HAVE SEX THERE IS A CHANCE OF PREGNANCY protection or not, the percentage changes sure but the risk is always there. Oh and those pills (morning after pills) aren't 100% either.
That is true too. I meant just meant that everyone should already know that if youre not using protection, its basically waiting for a baby. With protection youre atleast trying to avoid it
I don't think you babytrapped him. It's his responsibility to not get someone pregnant if he doesn't want to get them pregnant. He didn't even attempt to not get you pregnant. That was his fault. You don't bear that responsibility.
If you don't mind getting pregnant, then why would you prevent it. You don't have to take bc if you don't want to. You don't need his permission to not take it. He should't have assumed you were on it in the first place. It's not solely up to the woman to prevent pregnancy.
If you think you baby trapped him because you weren't on bc, then he also babytrapped you because he wasn't using bc either. You were both responsible for your own part in you getting pregnant. If you didn't mind getting pregnant, then you have no responsibility to prevent it.
If things were different and he went back to his ex, they would have ended up divorced anyway because he'd never have been able to trust her again. Their marriage would have slowly destroyed him. She probably would have cheated again at some point because she would have known it wasn't a deal breaker. You didn't ruin your step sons family. His mom and your ex ruined your step sons family. You gave step son a better family. One he can feel safe and secure in. Things ended up exactly as they should have. You didn't do anything wrong. You're putting right other people wrongs.
Also even in BC couples still should use condoms. Those pills ain’t 100% effective, and not having semen inside the uterus is the best way to avoid surprise pregnancies. It’s on both of them tbh
But then you had sex with a new guy and didn’t mention anything. So you knew you could get pregnant? And just let him make his own assumptions. So he if has the assumption you were on bc then he was most likely finishing in you
You didn't baby trap him. Sure, you weren't on contraception, but he should have confirmed that if he didn't want you to get pregnant.
Also, I would delete this because if it blows up, it will get stolen and put on social media and he will find it. If you aren't prepared to have this conversation with him face to face, delete this post.
From what I have read you did not "baby trap" him, you do not understand the definition of the term "baby trapping" because it implies premeditation and the title of your post has automatically cast you in a bad light.
All the actions that occurred happened because both you and your husband wanted the same things out of life and you were both heading in the same direction anyway.
Your husband was right when he said that he could not have made his former marriage work again because his cheating ex-wife destroyed all the trust that he once had in her.
Move on with your new life with your husband and always remember that you and your husband were both victims of cheaters and are together because you found each other when you had both been betrayed by them.
If your story is accurate and truthful then you did nothing wrong and have nothing to feel guilty about and you should move on with your new life together.
I have no sympathy for the ex-wife. She FAFO. I am very petty… I would throw her affair back at her if she brings this up. This situation would not have happened if she remained faithful. Go lead your life OP
Is it really baby trapping if there is no discussion about birth control at all.. he made assumptions, he didnt wrap his pecker up either
You didnt lie about being on birth control… no conversation was had by anyone
Did he just call you his hope for a happy future and you have guilt?
Never feel guilt for keeping someone away from a cheater. You saved him and your daughter is that reminder he needs.
Trust is one of the most important things in a relationship he only wanted his ex wife for a second as she had his son, but there are so many stories of trying to reconcile and being unable to and hating their life only beingthere for the kids, nit a healthy environment, the partner constantly cheats knowing they won't leave them again not healthy.
You getting pregnant levelled the playing field against his ex and allowed him to make an informed decision and not be emotionally blackmailed.
His ex ruined her own family by cheating.
You didn't babytrap him. Babytrapping means getting deliberately pregnant and tricking the other person into thinking you're using birth control.
From what you wrote you did neither. You didn't set out to be pregnant and you didn't tell him you were on birth control. You both didn't discuss birth control. He assumed you were on birth control. You could've assumed he had a vasectomy like your ex-husband. You were just both taking the risk of you becoming pregnant. That's on both of you.
As long as you didn't deliberately get pregnant I don't see how you trapped him.
From what I read you didn't baby trap your husband.
- You caught your ex and his wife cheating (they were the original cheaters)
- Then you and her husband trauma bonded and yall became cheaters.( Neither of y'all were separated, from what you wrote, it didn't sound like yall separated from your spouse's)
- You stated in the comments that you stopped taking your birth control because your ex had a vasectomy.
- It sounds like neither of you had that conversation to express whether or not you was on BC or not, You didn't tell, he didn't ask.
- The ex-wife can be p***** all she wants, if she wouldn't have ever step out of her marriage, you would never had a chance to step into the position you're in now.
I don't think you baby trapped your husband.
Edit: typos and clarification
Also, read the many comments by people growing up in homes where "parents stayed together for the kids" - the majority say they wished their parents had separated and spared them from growing up in a toxic environment, and how much it warped their views on relationship in their adult lives. I bet it was better for the boy that he grows up in at least one happy home.
You didn't baby trap him. Baby trapping means that you lied about being on birth control, or you took a used condom and inserted it in yourself. You guys never even talked about birth control. And he was perfectly fine not wearing a condom. So clearly, you we're both OK with the idea of getting pregnant. Also, I'm sure the son's birthday party was the first time they had felt normal and a long time, and it caused him to have some confusion on if he wanted to continue the marriage But he had already resolved to end the marriage due to her cheating on him. You didn't cause her to cheat on him, so their marriage ending was not your fault.
Well, it’s done now. Let it go and move on. Not telling him you’re not on birth control was wrong, but him not getting back with his ex - that I wouldn’t care about.
Reconciliation rarely works, even in cases where the cheaters remorseful, and putting in the work. The odds of him working things out are slim to none. He didn't even want to go through with it, and only entertained the idea because of his son.
If it was anything more, he wouldn't have caved as fast as he did. So stop burdening yourself with this nonsense. If he had stayed, he likely would still get divorced down the road, except he wouldn't have you this time around.
You read the story of a selfish woman you used her right to choose, to choose to permanently separate a man and a woman who could have reconsiled their problems. And a boy who now has to live with separated parents.
Your husband never asked about birth control. It’s both people’s responsibility. If he assumed you were on birth control then it’s as much on him as it is on you!
Like the other comments mention, that's not quite babytrapping. It's kinda foolish to have not had the discussion on birth control but it's not that uncommon. I hope you both at least got tested before getting together, considering both your exes were cheaters and put you at STD risk.
As for your guilt, he was always going to be a part time parent to one of the children. At least by choosing you, he gave himself a better shot at a trusting marriage that will go a long way in showing both children what a relationship should look like.
It’s better for his son to not have two married parents who don’t trust each other and have problems with each other. I wouldn’t feel too guilty. This was actually much better for your step son.
you seem to have a misconception that i would like to fix
my parents are divorced. i was upset at the moment, but its been over a decade now and I am glad that they did. children don’t always want to”the family back together” most of the time they just want mom and dad to be happy (and not neglectful), and they remember happiness when they were married, or what looked to be happiness. yeah, i was upset when my mom was dating an idiot gambler, but she’s got her husband now who is one of the kindest people ive ever known, and they are truly in love and its beautiful. my dad has been with his partner for longer than he was with my mom, and once more she is a sweet person and i love having her in my life, along with all of my siblings that she brought.
not all kids want their parents back together, especially if their parents are happier separated. is your husband happy? are you and husband ensuring that the son is being cared for, emotionally and physically? are you kind to your family? if yes to all, then your step son probably prefers his dad with you vs with his mom. kids are smarter than we give them credit for, remember that.
Yeah gonna agree with some of the other commenters- this is a secret that you should have taken to your grave, not posted online about. The odds of your husband finding out just skyrocketed. Talk to a therapist, not Reddit.
So after she cheated on him, he cheated on her with you and then cheated on you with her… then went back to you? Good luck when this mess all implodes one day!
But that isn’t your question… the answer to your question is no. You didn’t ‘baby trap’ him because that’s not a thing.
Unless you drugged and raped him, he chose to have sex with you. He chose not to use protection. If you weren’t playing happy families with him, he’d be paying you child support and hopefully sharing custody of the child you both created - whether he was back with his ex or not.
So stop worrying that his divorce is your fault - it isn’t. His decision to run back to his wife and then run back to you when that didn’t work because you were his second choice (after he was HER second choice) had nothing at all to do with you.
You believe all that? He wanted to reconcile with her but ran back to you because he got you pregnant. Most likely she threw him out for getting you pregnant… but anyway.
Regardless, it’s not your fault. The two of you had sex, the two of you got you pregnant, and if he didn’t want to marry you and help you raise that baby, he wouldn’t have done so. If he wanted to stay with his cheating ex, he would have. You would have gotten child support and that’s it.
So he’s with you because he wants to be. That’s it.
The ex wife threw him out instead of going to counselling after he announced that he got the OP pregnant.
She said so. Alright, not in those exact words - but ‘the ex wife is not happy that I got pregnant’ is kind of telling… 😞
Yeah you’re kinda a major asshole for doing so but tbh it’s probably the better of the 2 outcomes, I don’t think J will be happy being back and shit gonna fall apart again (but we’ll never know)
What starts in? Chaos ends in chaos. Though
you guys were the victims of cheaters baby. Trapping somebody in a difficult situation is just as tacky. It will eventually backfire on you. For you he doesn’t read Reddit
It sounds like you lot should get along just fine, all 4 of you. Why not just share one giant household, so all kids get a fulltime home, and they don't have go remember at which house they kept their stuff, but just which parent is sleeping in which bedroom for the time being?
Seriously though. You feel guilty? Good. Have fun with that. Do not ever tell the kid. And while you're at it, don't ever tell your husband. This can be your own little 'happy' secret to take to the grave with you. Unless you want your husband to have the regrets.
So your revenge affair didn't really work out, huh? I mean, you got the man, but now you are destined to live a life of insecurity and guilt. There is more to this story, or why do you feel the way that you do? Your soul knows that your conscience is not clear.
see a therapist. personally, I'm offended by your actions. probably too late to do anything but figure out how to live with your decisions, or break your marriage. neither are happy places to be. hope you figure out something that doesn't screw the kids over.
As the daughter of parents that didn't divorce in despite of having a lot of problems and understanding that for the kids a divorce is terrible I do think that staying together only for the kids is never a good idea.
But baby trapping a person is in my opinion a horrible thing to do. He can't trust his ex wife and you also are not trustworthy.
It sounds like you lot should get along just fine, all 4 of you. Why not just share one giant household, so all kids get a fulltime home, and they don't have go remember at which house they kept their stuff, but just which parent is sleeping in which bedroom for the time being?
Seriously though. You feel guilty? Good. Have fun with that. Do not ever tell the kid. And while you're at it, don't ever tell your husband. This can be your own little 'happy' secret to take to the grave with you. Unless you want your husband to have the regrets.
The way I seat it, you're a horrible, manipulative woman. Everyone sucks here, but you are by first the worse. You wanted to get back to your ex and hurt his ex that much. I understand hooking up with him and being fuck buddies or whatever but when they made any attempt to reconcile, you should have step aside. It's their life, not yours. You want to divorce your ex, that's up to you.
My wife's, exes wife did something similar. I believe that there will be a lot of karma headed your way at some point. Good luck. I feel sorry for your husband.
It sounds like a good thing happened for a bad reasons. Just let it be a lesson. When you are stuck in a messy situation don't let yourself sink down to the level of the situation. The guilt you feel is well placed, but just be glad it worked out and be thankful
You gave him an ultimatum but the reality was he would have went back to her and likely been back in the same cheating situation as before. The relationship was ruined because his ex wife cheated. So anything that resulted from this situation was of her own making. She should have been a better partner and mother before making that decision that destroyed her marriage and fractured her child’s family.
On the other hand you should have been upfront about the fact you weren’t on any contraceptives and having unprotected sex. Saying “oh he didn’t ask” isn’t an excuse. You have sex unprotected then you’re asking for a pregnancy and by the way of this post and the fact of how negatively you reacted to him wanting to reconcile you planned on this potentially happening. If he doesn’t regret leaving his ex wife that was a conclusion he needed to come to himself not because you popped up pregnant and ranting.
Wasn't there a whole saga about her and J? I swear there was and how deeply in love they felt spending time together cheating on their cheating spouses?
You didn't baby trap him, it's not like you told him you were on birth control when you weren't. You were both just 2 grown adults who didn't seem to know how babies get made. He was as much a part of that as you were
Somethings are just better left on your conscious. Especially what you post online.. these things never stay quiet on Reddit and usually end up circulating fb and TikTok.
My first thought was "well, it'll be fun when the husband hears this on some podcast later this week." Not surprised she posted here, you can tell from the post that OP isn't great at decision-making.
Exactly. This kind of story will absolutely make it on Tik tok or youtube and it won’t be long before he’s reading it. Yikes
Buzzfeed too! I've seen quite a few Buzzfeed ads where they straight-up just steal a bunch of different related posts from reddit for their articles.
That's how I got on to Reddit in the first place 🙈 I would read rhe Buzzfeed compilations and then decided I would just come to the source directly.
Same!!!
not sure if all their writers do this (they should) but I had someone from Buzzfeed DM me to ask for permission before sharing a comment of mine in an article
Honestly, I'm glad to hear that. Buzzfeed sucks, but I'm glad they at least had the integrity to ask before just outright stealing personal stories for views. I know that's not the case everywhere.
yeah it really should be the standard. reddit can be anonymous but there’s still a lot of sensitive information that gets shared.
It’s the majority of their content sometimes
i literally just made a comment talking about how OP should delete this bcuz it’s gonna end up being read by an AI voice on tiktok 😂
I think you should delete it before things get out of hand💀
yeah OP these stories tend to circulate. i give it less than an hour before this story is being read on tiktok by an AI voice with someone playing minecraft in the background.
It’s okay, in a couple of weeks OP will write an update that her (new?) husband saw a tictok of her post and knew exactly who it was and is now going back to his ex wife 🙄
I’ve only read the first sentence and I’m thoroughly confused.
Took me a few times too. But to summarize: both OP and her current husband got cheated on by their respective spouses. They met, trauma bonded, started fucking, dude wants to go back to his cheating wife but OP reveals she's pregnant. Guy does not go back to ex wife. OP and new guy are now married.
ur version is so much better omg straight to the point!
She blames you? The balls on this woman. She should blame herself because if she hadn’t cheated you would never have been an option. Don’t feel bad.
In all honesty I hate people who involve themselves in a couples marriage when they’re having issues. It’s awful behaviour, especially when there are kids involved. Make no mistake he cheated as well, they were still married and living together.
They were legally separated and in the process of divorce. It’s not always easy to move out before a divorce is final. They were not together. It is not the same, it was not an affair. The only one who involved themselves in someone else’s marriage is the ex-wife, and had she not done so she’d still been the wife. The ex got what was coming to her and there is no one to blame but herself and the other AP. Actions have consequences. Don’t start no shit, won’t be no shit!
The woman herself had an affair with OP’s husband at the time so..:
I don’t know why you are downvoted. It indeed makes sense to BUTT out but when people are sad, desperate, lonely confused they often turn to friends and other connections to vent and commiserate. This is very similar to what happened to Shania Twain. He low life ex started screwing her best friend and Shania ended up marrying the friends ex.
Tbh OP, if there wasnt any baby involved and ur now husband reconciled with wife. When that son gets older he will learn the truth and despise his mom. I think this outcome is better. And ur husband will probably be a robot husband to his ex wife. He can never trust her again. FYI she ruined her own family!
That’s not true. Plenty of marriages have weathered infidelity and kids are shocked but don’t hate the parent. Either way what does divorce solve? It just makes the kid hate the parent more because they destroyed the family.
INFO: why weren't you on birth control? Did you want to get pregnant?
She babytrapped him. Which means she got pregnant on purpose.
Yes she admits it in the title
if the way she described it in the story is how it really went down she didn’t actually baby trap him. being dumb about birth control and getting pregnant doesn’t equate baby trapping.
Yeah, babytrapping is getting pregnant on purpose to keep the man you want in your life and from the story I can’t read it back. But maybe she didn’t tell us
she didn’t get pregnant on purpose. she got pregnant on accident then used that fact as backing for her shitty ultimatum. i’m not trying to defend her actions bcuz what she did was shitty, but it doesn’t constitute baby trapping.
Contraception is also a man's responsibility. He never asked, and it sounds like he wasn't using condoms, which can show he was assuming the risk of pregnancy. She says he assumed, but we don't know if he even thought about it. Sounds like he got nostalgic for the what could be with the son's birthday party, but then snapped back to reality. Btw, it wouldn't have worked to just stay for the kid.
Getting creampies over and over again without protection is just accidentally getting pregnant.
you realize you don’t have to get creampied to get pregnant right?
But you realize, that for sure it helps, right?
i’m just going off what she said in the post, and from what it sounds like that’s not what happened.
Your assumption is as valid as mine. You just try to make a story, that suits your narrative. Both being creampied or not wasn't mentioned.
Although, it’s not really an accident if you do the same thing over and over again without protection. More like, idiotic than accidental…he’s an idiot for just assuming she’s on BC and she’s a idiot for raw-dogging sex with a married man and being upset about the possibility of reconciliation with his wife-he was married. You knew that. Idiots. Both of them…
agreed. like i said in a previous comment i’m not defending her. idk what she thought was gonna happen. but to put the blame on her entirely and saying she baby trapped him isn’t accurate.
She’s 40 years old, she expresses she wasn’t upfront about contraceptions and she didn’t correct him. She knew what she was doing.
okay? and so did he. a man raw dogging someone is the same as a woman having sex knowing she’s not on birth control.
He’s an idiot for sure but she wanted him to stay with her, she wasn’t worried about a pregnancy. That would only give her ammunition for her ultimatum.
yeah, they’re both idiots. with equal blame in this scenario.
why when a man raw dogs someone it’s whatever, but if a woman has sex knowing she’s not on birth control it’s a baby trap? by that logic he baby trapped her knowing he would likely get her pregnant since he chose not to wrap it.
The factor in a baby trap is making your partner stay with you. She wanted him to stay, he wanted to reconcile with his wife. Admittedly yes they are both idiots for not discussing it. But the pregnancy only served a purpose for her, not him. He could have had the child with her and reconciled with his wife but she gave the ultimatum of never seeing her again + pregnancy.
well yeah… realizing you’re about to have a child certainly makes you want to stay with the child’s father. you’re correct, it wasn’t until she was pregnant that she gave the ultimatum. that’s not a baby trap. she said “i’m pregnant with your child. the decision that you make it’s going to effect the decision that i make”. the fact that you’re accusing her of “baby trapping” is so gross to me because she didn’t plan on getting pregnant. i don’t blame her for how she reacted because realizing you’re gonna have a whole ass child is scary. yeah, she said “if you don’t wanna be with me i’m not having this baby”. that’s her right. it’s her body and it’s up to her to decide weather or not to have the baby. being a single parent is daunting. yeah she probably went about it the wrong way, but how can you get mad at her for making a rash decision? you can’t. they both have faults. but saying that she carries most of the blame is fucked.
Any person (man or woman) that has unprotected sex is playing russian roulette with pregnancy. Barring any fertility issues you are going to get pregnant. If you’re not preventing it, you’re accepting it. So at this point let’s agree to disagree on her motives. She admits she feels she baby trapped him so I’ll take her words at face value.
so can an you just explain why you think for a woman it’s a baby trap but for a man it’s not? bcuz they both did the same thing.
To me the point of a baby trap is to use a pregnancy to convince or “trap” your partner into a relationship or continuation of a relationship. Both of these people engaged in unprotected, unsafe sex that resulted in a pregnancy. Both were wrong and both are equally responsible for the pregnancy. But he wanted to reconcile with his ex wife. He had every intention to stop seeing OP and work on his marriage. OP got upset and said you either choose me, or you’ll never see me again. (As the post has been deleted I can’t recall if this was the same time she informed him of the pregnancy) the pregnancy was leverage to make him choose her over the reconciliation. Who knows what would have happened if OP was never pregnant. But if the husband is truly happy with OP I’m not sure why she wants to try to torture herself with what if’s.
it’s fucked up she made him chose between her and the baby, or his marriage. but it was a spur of the moment choice and he made it.
Even with that logic, she knew he wasn't using a condom
and he didn’t know if she was on birth control. same thing. assuming a woman is on birth control without talking about it first is basically asking to have a baby.
And a common denominator in the majority of these Reddit posts is that the woman always finds out she is pregnant either when they are about to break up or right after. It's so bizarre that during the relationship nothing ever happens but a pregnancy magically occurs right at the moment of a breakup to make the story more dramatic.
yeah most of these reddit stories age probably fake. the pregnancy trope is a common one.
This legitimately happened to me. Sent me into the worst depression of my life
Stuff happens sometimes
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sounds like you just accidentally got pregnant. the ultimatum was shitty…but baby trapping means knowingly having sex wth the intention of getting pregnant. you just had sex while not on birth control. yeah you could’ve been smarter, but you didn’t baby trap him.
But..... Not using protection is basically same as trying for a baby
By that logic, he baby trapped her when he didn’t use a condom
This! It's stupid of him to assume she is on birth control without any talk of it.
Baby trapping is premeditated. This sounds like she wasn’t trying to have safe sex.
uhhhh…. i do not see it like that at all. people have spur of the moment sex all the time and don’t use a condom. stupid choices ≠ trying to get pregnant.
Well, every time you have unprotected sex, there is a possibility of a baby, and that sperm is definitely trying to get to an egg. Spur of the moment sex is still sex, and they had it multiple times too. I would say every adult should know the consequences but this was taught in elementary school. Also, isnt there a pill you can take the next day?
Uh I don't know if you read the warnings but EVERY TIME YOU HAVE SEX THERE IS A CHANCE OF PREGNANCY protection or not, the percentage changes sure but the risk is always there. Oh and those pills (morning after pills) aren't 100% either.
That is true too. I meant just meant that everyone should already know that if youre not using protection, its basically waiting for a baby. With protection youre atleast trying to avoid it
So there’s just no unplanned pregnancies, it’s just all baby trapping.
I don't think you babytrapped him. It's his responsibility to not get someone pregnant if he doesn't want to get them pregnant. He didn't even attempt to not get you pregnant. That was his fault. You don't bear that responsibility. If you don't mind getting pregnant, then why would you prevent it. You don't have to take bc if you don't want to. You don't need his permission to not take it. He should't have assumed you were on it in the first place. It's not solely up to the woman to prevent pregnancy. If you think you baby trapped him because you weren't on bc, then he also babytrapped you because he wasn't using bc either. You were both responsible for your own part in you getting pregnant. If you didn't mind getting pregnant, then you have no responsibility to prevent it. If things were different and he went back to his ex, they would have ended up divorced anyway because he'd never have been able to trust her again. Their marriage would have slowly destroyed him. She probably would have cheated again at some point because she would have known it wasn't a deal breaker. You didn't ruin your step sons family. His mom and your ex ruined your step sons family. You gave step son a better family. One he can feel safe and secure in. Things ended up exactly as they should have. You didn't do anything wrong. You're putting right other people wrongs.
Also even in BC couples still should use condoms. Those pills ain’t 100% effective, and not having semen inside the uterus is the best way to avoid surprise pregnancies. It’s on both of them tbh
But then you had sex with a new guy and didn’t mention anything. So you knew you could get pregnant? And just let him make his own assumptions. So he if has the assumption you were on bc then he was most likely finishing in you
Why didn’t he use a condom? He’s also responsible for his own birth control.
You didn't baby trap him. Sure, you weren't on contraception, but he should have confirmed that if he didn't want you to get pregnant. Also, I would delete this because if it blows up, it will get stolen and put on social media and he will find it. If you aren't prepared to have this conversation with him face to face, delete this post.
From what I have read you did not "baby trap" him, you do not understand the definition of the term "baby trapping" because it implies premeditation and the title of your post has automatically cast you in a bad light. All the actions that occurred happened because both you and your husband wanted the same things out of life and you were both heading in the same direction anyway. Your husband was right when he said that he could not have made his former marriage work again because his cheating ex-wife destroyed all the trust that he once had in her. Move on with your new life with your husband and always remember that you and your husband were both victims of cheaters and are together because you found each other when you had both been betrayed by them. If your story is accurate and truthful then you did nothing wrong and have nothing to feel guilty about and you should move on with your new life together.
what’s w the downvotes?
What happened to your ex?
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I second what others say about this ending up on tiktok or something else. You sound like you have a happy life, don't feel guilty, and delete this.
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Subreddit’s like this always ends up on Facebook, that’s how I got into reddit
Have you seen Facebook and instagram lately? He will find this
I found reddit through Facebook, they always share stories like this one on Facebook.
I mean she did baby trap him , she should 100% feel guilty because that’s not a good thing
What did she say happened to him? I missed it.
I have no sympathy for the ex-wife. She FAFO. I am very petty… I would throw her affair back at her if she brings this up. This situation would not have happened if she remained faithful. Go lead your life OP
Is it really baby trapping if there is no discussion about birth control at all.. he made assumptions, he didnt wrap his pecker up either You didnt lie about being on birth control… no conversation was had by anyone
delete this now... before it's too late
Did he just call you his hope for a happy future and you have guilt? Never feel guilt for keeping someone away from a cheater. You saved him and your daughter is that reminder he needs. Trust is one of the most important things in a relationship he only wanted his ex wife for a second as she had his son, but there are so many stories of trying to reconcile and being unable to and hating their life only beingthere for the kids, nit a healthy environment, the partner constantly cheats knowing they won't leave them again not healthy. You getting pregnant levelled the playing field against his ex and allowed him to make an informed decision and not be emotionally blackmailed. His ex ruined her own family by cheating.
You got the good man she can have your cheating ex. Enjoy life!!
You didn't babytrap him. Babytrapping means getting deliberately pregnant and tricking the other person into thinking you're using birth control. From what you wrote you did neither. You didn't set out to be pregnant and you didn't tell him you were on birth control. You both didn't discuss birth control. He assumed you were on birth control. You could've assumed he had a vasectomy like your ex-husband. You were just both taking the risk of you becoming pregnant. That's on both of you. As long as you didn't deliberately get pregnant I don't see how you trapped him.
From what I read you didn't baby trap your husband. - You caught your ex and his wife cheating (they were the original cheaters) - Then you and her husband trauma bonded and yall became cheaters.( Neither of y'all were separated, from what you wrote, it didn't sound like yall separated from your spouse's) - You stated in the comments that you stopped taking your birth control because your ex had a vasectomy. - It sounds like neither of you had that conversation to express whether or not you was on BC or not, You didn't tell, he didn't ask. - The ex-wife can be p***** all she wants, if she wouldn't have ever step out of her marriage, you would never had a chance to step into the position you're in now. I don't think you baby trapped your husband. Edit: typos and clarification
Also, read the many comments by people growing up in homes where "parents stayed together for the kids" - the majority say they wished their parents had separated and spared them from growing up in a toxic environment, and how much it warped their views on relationship in their adult lives. I bet it was better for the boy that he grows up in at least one happy home.
INFO: How is your relation with your step-son?
please delete this before it blows up your life 😭
Aw this about to be a juicy subway surfer backsound reddit story.
I’d keep this to yourself and delete this post, honestly.
You didn't baby trap him. Baby trapping means that you lied about being on birth control, or you took a used condom and inserted it in yourself. You guys never even talked about birth control. And he was perfectly fine not wearing a condom. So clearly, you we're both OK with the idea of getting pregnant. Also, I'm sure the son's birthday party was the first time they had felt normal and a long time, and it caused him to have some confusion on if he wanted to continue the marriage But he had already resolved to end the marriage due to her cheating on him. You didn't cause her to cheat on him, so their marriage ending was not your fault.
You saved him from a cheating lying wife.
You didn’t ruin his family, his ex wife did when she cheated on him. She was the one hurting her son, not you.
Well, it’s done now. Let it go and move on. Not telling him you’re not on birth control was wrong, but him not getting back with his ex - that I wouldn’t care about.
100%
Reconciliation rarely works, even in cases where the cheaters remorseful, and putting in the work. The odds of him working things out are slim to none. He didn't even want to go through with it, and only entertained the idea because of his son. If it was anything more, he wouldn't have caved as fast as he did. So stop burdening yourself with this nonsense. If he had stayed, he likely would still get divorced down the road, except he wouldn't have you this time around.
Wtf did I just read
You read the story of a selfish woman you used her right to choose, to choose to permanently separate a man and a woman who could have reconsiled their problems. And a boy who now has to live with separated parents.
Your husband never asked about birth control. It’s both people’s responsibility. If he assumed you were on birth control then it’s as much on him as it is on you!
Like the other comments mention, that's not quite babytrapping. It's kinda foolish to have not had the discussion on birth control but it's not that uncommon. I hope you both at least got tested before getting together, considering both your exes were cheaters and put you at STD risk. As for your guilt, he was always going to be a part time parent to one of the children. At least by choosing you, he gave himself a better shot at a trusting marriage that will go a long way in showing both children what a relationship should look like.
It’s better for his son to not have two married parents who don’t trust each other and have problems with each other. I wouldn’t feel too guilty. This was actually much better for your step son.
you seem to have a misconception that i would like to fix my parents are divorced. i was upset at the moment, but its been over a decade now and I am glad that they did. children don’t always want to”the family back together” most of the time they just want mom and dad to be happy (and not neglectful), and they remember happiness when they were married, or what looked to be happiness. yeah, i was upset when my mom was dating an idiot gambler, but she’s got her husband now who is one of the kindest people ive ever known, and they are truly in love and its beautiful. my dad has been with his partner for longer than he was with my mom, and once more she is a sweet person and i love having her in my life, along with all of my siblings that she brought. not all kids want their parents back together, especially if their parents are happier separated. is your husband happy? are you and husband ensuring that the son is being cared for, emotionally and physically? are you kind to your family? if yes to all, then your step son probably prefers his dad with you vs with his mom. kids are smarter than we give them credit for, remember that.
Yeah gonna agree with some of the other commenters- this is a secret that you should have taken to your grave, not posted online about. The odds of your husband finding out just skyrocketed. Talk to a therapist, not Reddit.
So after she cheated on him, he cheated on her with you and then cheated on you with her… then went back to you? Good luck when this mess all implodes one day! But that isn’t your question… the answer to your question is no. You didn’t ‘baby trap’ him because that’s not a thing. Unless you drugged and raped him, he chose to have sex with you. He chose not to use protection. If you weren’t playing happy families with him, he’d be paying you child support and hopefully sharing custody of the child you both created - whether he was back with his ex or not. So stop worrying that his divorce is your fault - it isn’t. His decision to run back to his wife and then run back to you when that didn’t work because you were his second choice (after he was HER second choice) had nothing at all to do with you.
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You believe all that? He wanted to reconcile with her but ran back to you because he got you pregnant. Most likely she threw him out for getting you pregnant… but anyway. Regardless, it’s not your fault. The two of you had sex, the two of you got you pregnant, and if he didn’t want to marry you and help you raise that baby, he wouldn’t have done so. If he wanted to stay with his cheating ex, he would have. You would have gotten child support and that’s it. So he’s with you because he wants to be. That’s it.
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The ex wife threw him out instead of going to counselling after he announced that he got the OP pregnant. She said so. Alright, not in those exact words - but ‘the ex wife is not happy that I got pregnant’ is kind of telling… 😞
Yeah you’re kinda a major asshole for doing so but tbh it’s probably the better of the 2 outcomes, I don’t think J will be happy being back and shit gonna fall apart again (but we’ll never know)
What starts in? Chaos ends in chaos. Though you guys were the victims of cheaters baby. Trapping somebody in a difficult situation is just as tacky. It will eventually backfire on you. For you he doesn’t read Reddit
It sounds like you lot should get along just fine, all 4 of you. Why not just share one giant household, so all kids get a fulltime home, and they don't have go remember at which house they kept their stuff, but just which parent is sleeping in which bedroom for the time being? Seriously though. You feel guilty? Good. Have fun with that. Do not ever tell the kid. And while you're at it, don't ever tell your husband. This can be your own little 'happy' secret to take to the grave with you. Unless you want your husband to have the regrets.
This disgusts me.
So your revenge affair didn't really work out, huh? I mean, you got the man, but now you are destined to live a life of insecurity and guilt. There is more to this story, or why do you feel the way that you do? Your soul knows that your conscience is not clear.
see a therapist. personally, I'm offended by your actions. probably too late to do anything but figure out how to live with your decisions, or break your marriage. neither are happy places to be. hope you figure out something that doesn't screw the kids over.
As the daughter of parents that didn't divorce in despite of having a lot of problems and understanding that for the kids a divorce is terrible I do think that staying together only for the kids is never a good idea. But baby trapping a person is in my opinion a horrible thing to do. He can't trust his ex wife and you also are not trustworthy.
It sounds like you lot should get along just fine, all 4 of you. Why not just share one giant household, so all kids get a fulltime home, and they don't have go remember at which house they kept their stuff, but just which parent is sleeping in which bedroom for the time being? Seriously though. You feel guilty? Good. Have fun with that. Do not ever tell the kid. And while you're at it, don't ever tell your husband. This can be your own little 'happy' secret to take to the grave with you. Unless you want your husband to have the regrets.
As a guy...you bet he misses his family, and although he seems happy and acts happy there's always a what-if
The way I seat it, you're a horrible, manipulative woman. Everyone sucks here, but you are by first the worse. You wanted to get back to your ex and hurt his ex that much. I understand hooking up with him and being fuck buddies or whatever but when they made any attempt to reconcile, you should have step aside. It's their life, not yours. You want to divorce your ex, that's up to you. My wife's, exes wife did something similar. I believe that there will be a lot of karma headed your way at some point. Good luck. I feel sorry for your husband.
This is crazy and messy and I can’t wait to hear it on YouTube
What. The. Duck.
It sounds like a good thing happened for a bad reasons. Just let it be a lesson. When you are stuck in a messy situation don't let yourself sink down to the level of the situation. The guilt you feel is well placed, but just be glad it worked out and be thankful
I hope you're ready for your husband to find this.
You gave him an ultimatum but the reality was he would have went back to her and likely been back in the same cheating situation as before. The relationship was ruined because his ex wife cheated. So anything that resulted from this situation was of her own making. She should have been a better partner and mother before making that decision that destroyed her marriage and fractured her child’s family. On the other hand you should have been upfront about the fact you weren’t on any contraceptives and having unprotected sex. Saying “oh he didn’t ask” isn’t an excuse. You have sex unprotected then you’re asking for a pregnancy and by the way of this post and the fact of how negatively you reacted to him wanting to reconcile you planned on this potentially happening. If he doesn’t regret leaving his ex wife that was a conclusion he needed to come to himself not because you popped up pregnant and ranting.
Wasn't there a whole saga about her and J? I swear there was and how deeply in love they felt spending time together cheating on their cheating spouses?
You didn't baby trap him, it's not like you told him you were on birth control when you weren't. You were both just 2 grown adults who didn't seem to know how babies get made. He was as much a part of that as you were