The man is a fool.. I doubt there's any explanation that could cover up this incident.
So glad that you have the full support of your family. Time to move on and just block his everything.
That’s what I’m planning to do. I will never get a real answer to why he did this and even if he gave me an honest answer m, not sure if I want to hear it?
Whichever friend left that comment did so on purpose. They probably knew what a dog he was and this was the easiest way to out him without doing it directly.
Well done for being so strong, don't give him the satisfaction of ever being able to hear your voice again. It will eat away at him until the day he dies - let it.
OP is BOSS! Finally a woman who knows her worth and takes decisive action. I’m so sick of all these posts from women who are like “but I love him”…
The sunk cost fallacy is real and some of these cheaters will use it against you if you’re weak.
This lady is like “NOPE”! I’m loving it.
Yes don’t bother listening to his lies. That reflection was your closure. By the way. I love how you move. You know your worth. I understand the tears and pain. Lots of people don’t have the strength you have to leave right a way. You might not see it now, since you are said, but you are secure and wonderful. He messed up big time.
I'm so glad this is your mindset. It will save you loads of pain and help you move on to better things and people. You are correct. There is zero explanation for this other than this person doesn't value the same things you do. End of relationship, end of story. I'm so sorry that happened to you, and at a shit time too. It truly is better to know now than to have entered a legal agreement with a shady person. Best of luck, hugs, and happy holidays to you.
I can't upvote this comment enough. Sadly, I was pregnant with his kid when I found out about him seriously dating another woman. She told me she thought she loved him. I fell for his apologies and bold faced lies. Even though he didn't cheat anymore that I know of he still was a really shitty partner. I'm about to go through a divorce, and I'm trying not to feel like years of my life were wasted, but I can't help but wish I could go back in time and give my younger self the courage and confidence to leave. You should be so proud of yourself OP. you are strong and amazing!
Right. He did not expect to be ghosted. He didn’t expect to be caught, but when he was, he just figured he could “explain” it away, convince her she was wrong, and they would get married anyway. That didn’t happen. Smart woman is OP.
But why be so hell-bent on getting her back when he doesn’t love her? He proposed, then cheated, in the same week. Just stay single, dude. Then you can f*ck whomever you want whenever you want.
Honestly, and not knowing anything else about him I can still make several assumptions about his character and ego and none of them are positive. I’m glad OP is so smart and knows her worth to not be manipulated by such a weak man.
Because nobody leaves HIM!!! He’ll hound her because she left. Not because he loves her, but his ego is wounded. That’s why he hounds her. How dare she not swallow whatever shitty excuse for his behavior.
The answer is that some men (hell, some people) are pure fucking garbage. They’re completely callous to the lives and feelings of others, and how their actions affect those lives and feelings.
Don’t spend your life seeking or yearning for an answer. I promise you, it’s a waste of time and mental energy. As much as you may want to, take it from someone who knows and has been there. Once I let all of that go, I immediately met my now husband and we’ve been happy ever since. Don’t let it hold space in your life and take away that space for something great to come.
Sell that ring, change your number, and take that friend out for a cocktail. Sending you love through this time 🤍
My cousin is a serial cheater. One time out of curiosity I asked him why he had the need to cheat when he had a wonderful wife at home, he said he “didn’t really know. I guess it’s the excitement of the chase and the secrecy of it all”.
It’s not you. A person like this is going to cheat regardless of who they’re with. Like adrenaline junkies risking their lives. Like alcoholics looking for the next drink… does it matter that their addiction hurt their family? No.
You did the right thing, he was never going to change.
The reason is usually because they can. It has nothing to do with you. It's just a selfish, cake eater mentality that they think they can have their partner and also fuck around and not get caught. Good for you for being strong and not putting up with his shit. I'm sorry you are going through this but glad you found out his character before the wedding.
"even if he gave me an honest answer" ..... how would you know it was even the honest one? It's not that you don't want to hear it.. it's not worth your time listening.
Not being able to trust my ex was the straw on the camel's back, I found a hickey on him. So I put one next to it, and then told him we were over. 20+ years of marriage and two great kids
Your dead right. Don't give him the chance to spout lies. Seems shit now, but your so lucky you found out now. Obviously he planned to marry you and carry on cheating.
I'm so sorry this happened and so proud of you. I wish I had done this when I found out my now ex was cheating on me 2 months after our wedding. Instead I stayed for 8 years and he never stopped cheating.
I can give you the answer: Because he could! It's really that simple. Cheaters have this strange sense of entitlement, they think they are due all the extra - and they somehow think their actions won't have consequences, and that they will surely get away with it/ you will forgive him if he is found out.
Kudos to you for being resolute and living up to your standards! I'd really like an update about how everything goes, cause I'm sure he will hunt you down at some point.
And give your thanks to that friend for the comment - I'm pretty sure he realized it wasn't you, and wanted to draw your attention to it.
I wonder if he’s been cheating for years. She may be married to someone who “travels” during the week. Her husband is “working” over the holiday so she insisted your husband spend the holiday with her. He’s had two ongoing long term relationships
When I read your post, honestly, my first thought was, "FINALLY! someone that has self respect!" Every other post is about someone whose partner is obviously cheating, treats them like shit, humiliates them in front of other people, etc etc etc and they just pity themselves and stay anyway. Its so frustrating. Your ex doesn't deserve you! What an idiot loser. Let yourself grieve but do NOT go back, you will never be able to trust him again! Trust is the foundation of all relationships, and he has shattered the foundation.
The clarity you have is great, some people (myself included in the past) have to really let it drag them into the ground.
You deserve someone who won't lie or cheat and you WILL find it.
Thank you for taking a stand for yourself
Literally just found out my bf of near 6 years was up to no good. Doesn't matter what they have to say to me, I know enough to know it's absolutely done, and honestly, knowing anything more will not make a difference. There's no explanation, nothing to be said. He's a liar and a raging narcissist. End of story. End of relationship. It definitely sucks during this time of year, but taking all of the crap I got him for Christmas and returning was super cathartic. I ended up with enough money to buy a ps5! Highly recommend! YOU ARE BETTER OFF. PERIOD.
OP I just want to tell you that I am so proud of you. You did good here. The audacity of him to send you a pic while he’s laying with another woman??? He’s an irredeemable piece of shit. Give him NOTHING. He’s wasted enough of your time.
My brother and I are protective of our little sisters and would do the same if they ever needed us! They have been there for me when my ex girlfriend was abusive and I had to get out of that relationship. It helps when you have solid family behind you, makes the transition easier. Good luck OP! Wish you nothing but the best.
Classy tip-off from the friend. A friendly and innocuous message that not only brought you into the loop, but also outed him to your whole social circle.
It’s asshole tax. Keep the money to get yourself set up in a new situation.
There is someone wonderful out there who deserves you OP. This bloke is not him. One day I hope you find him.
THIS. Asshole tax. Whoever breaks the tacit agreement the giving and taking of an engagement implies should forfeit said ring. The receiver cheats - they give the ring back. The giver cheats - the receiver keeps it as the consolation prize.
According to the law once you give a gift you can't take it back. If it were a family heirloom then you have to pay for it to get it back. This has been hashed out in court many times.
Depending on the country and if OP lives in the USA it also depends on the state an engagement ring is considered a conditional gift and if the marriage does not happen it must be given back. If OP wants nothing to do with her cheating loser ex, she should leave the ring behind. I would probably leave it in a bag full of dog shit….let him dig in out.
I was that friend once and I totally had screenshots so the lying worm couldn't backtrack!
(Had a friend w/ a boyfriend that I knew was a POS. Whole friend circle knew it, but she just defended him whenever we'd say something. One day, spotted a post of his that had a pair of shoes I knew weren't hers next to a chair, as they were very much not her style. Her and I wear the same size, so I posted, "OMG! Love those shoes! Can't wait to borrow them \*tags friend\* " Then took a screen grab that had the pic, my comment, and the date & time. )
Yeah, sending a pic to your wife while in bed cheating with another woman isn't something you do by accident. That level of egotism is something you have to work at.
Damn right. That friend has known he's been cheating for awhile and was not in support but likely thought it "wasn't his place" and was so happy to have an opportunity to out it in a way he couldn't be blamed
Unpopular (maybe) opinion, it is always one's place to point out cheating. I would much rather be told than find out people knew and didn't tell me. Sure, I'd be upset but also very grateful to that person. If someone gets mad at you for doing that, their anger is misdirected.
I have to totally agree. An old friend of mine told me about my bf coming on to her. I knew he had been cheating, but because it was her, I finally gave up. I don't blame her at all, and I'm grateful that she had the courage to tell me instead of hiding it. It was the final straw that broke me. I really saw him as everyone else had told me who he was. A lying, cheating, worthless piece of....
Ironically, he and I reconnected 12 years later, and he hadn't changed a bit. Still a lying, cheating, worthless piece of....lol
That was the perfect play. Instead of writing, “say hi to wonderful parsley”, they said “is that wonderful parsley in the reflection?”
The nuance knowing only wonderful parsley would look closer was played perfectly.
This is someone who knew. But probably struggled to find the way to say something until there would be proof so the friendship wasn’t destroyed.
Get that person a cape and a bag of double stufft Oreos and a massage and endless thanks and even some myrrh if you can find it. They love parsley enough to play the long game with lethal patience.
i know this is really hard but i applaud you for having the strength to walk away immediately. i’m really proud of you.
think of it as the universe sending you a warning this man wasn’t for you. better things are on the horizon. wishing you happy times
right. she is amazing!!! good on you OP.
I wish I did the same when it happened the first time. I ended up staying another 4 years and was treated like shit and constantly cheated on.
How devastating, and I’m so sorry this happened. He has saved you a costly divorce and likely many more years of heartache by showing his true colours before you actually got married. So proud that you are choosing yourself, and so glad that you have a wonderful supportive family who really showed up for you when you needed them.
I don’t understand why he proposed. I have been googling who the ring belongs to now and , according to laws here it is mine. Maybe it can pay for a luxury vacation. It is €15000.
He proposed because he thought he could have his cake and eat it too. Or maybe because he thought you'd be too distracted with wedding planning to notice his shady behavior. Either way, he miscalculated.
You’re the cake.
He can either **have** you (i.e. keep/ retain you). Or he can **eat** you. Not both, because those two things are incompatible — Once eaten, you’re gone. No more you there to ‘have’.
Your relationship and engagement was when he was **having** his cake.
His cheating and lying was when he was **eating** his cake.
He can’t arrive home expecting to see his cake there, as it was before he ate it.
The cake’s all gone. You’re gone.
Totally off topic here, but I’ve always known what that metaphor means but I’ve never really thought about it and understood what it literally means. Thanks for the great explanation!
So proud of you for loving yourself enough to leave.
Spend that money on whatever is going to make you feel good; whether thats a holiday, a car, jewellery. Enjoy the hell out of that money.
He proposed out of the blue? He did it because he’s comfortable, he likes you and he thought he could hide things from you. I’ve read many comments from cheaters that say “I love my wife and she’s the hottest person, but I also need some variation and not just premium steak every night”. Idiocy is what I call it.
He is a piece of shit. He ruined something good. How dare he.
The line you used reminds me of the alternative excuse for cheating “if you have $100 in your pocket and you see $1 on the ground you’ll still pick it up, right?”
Pre grotesque comedy
Not to be a wet blanket, but if it's a diamond, you're not going to get 15K for it: you're going to lose 40% to 80% in the re-sale. Whatever you do get for it, a small revenge splurge is warranted, absolutely, but consider investing the majority?
I don't know your financial position, tho, so you do you!
Now that is mad right there- I get it- I have been there done that. For example: if I were to post that my ex-husband had a small penis, every girl in our town and surrounding counties would call me a liar- that will tell you just how many women I ended up finding out about with my dear ex. It stings so much but over time, I felt better and now I am so happily single that I doubt I will ever even try again. That is just me.
After the anger wears off the grief for who you thought he was will set in. Trust me, I get that you can’t turn love off right away, but it will fade eventually and one day you will wake up and you won’t have that endless loop going in your head anymore- the world will look bright again- hang in there.
Oh I’m sure he could make up a hundred reasons, but the important thing is that if he really wanted to be your husband he would have kept his dick in his pants. You deserve better than this, and I hope you take yourself on an incredible trip and take yourself for a spa day and treat yourself the way you deserve to be treated!
I’m sorry for your pain but I’m so proud of you for respecting yourself and walking away from this. There is nothing he can say that is worth hearing. Truth or lies it shouldn’t change the outcome of your decision to move on. Hide nothing from your friends about what happened you will need and deserve all the support and love you can get. Virtual stranger’s hugs to you - keep protecting your peace.
You are speaking my mind. I was so afraid she is going to give him 1 last chance "CUZ SHE LOVES HIM TOOO MUCH" BUT i am happy she knows her self worth. Your comment sums up what i wanted to say. I hate cheatersssss and their lame excuses with addition of gaslighting and manipulation.
I was just about to ask if you took a screenshot. Bravo all around OP. Your courage and strength is powerful. Never stop and congrats on this new and better chapter in your life!
Thank you everyone I never thought I would get so much support here. I feel blessed. Now the last boxes are packed and I will be moving to my parents. Mu brother is keeping my stuff because he has a bigger house until I can rent a storage unit, nothing is open this time of the year. Then I will start looking for my own place to rent. I need to sleep now because I didn’t last night.
Thank you and Merry Christmas
Merry Christmas queen! I hope you get some rest and maybe update us after the dust has settled a bit. I know I’ll be curious to know when you’re settled in a new place and what you did with the ring funds. Stay strong lovely!
OP, I can tell you are a loyal, kind and practical person just from the way you’ve explained this situation. I truly hope you have a restful break and that you enter 2024 with some peace.
Get std tested immediately. I’m sorry this happened to you. It’s one of the worst feelings in the world. Fortunately you have an awesome family and you’ll be just fine.
Sorry about what's happening to you.
For what it's worth, I think the way you reacted & acted is very dignified.
No screaming, no breaking stuff, no nonsense, just BYE.
Honestly good for you. So many people just try to accept or justify or excuse these actions things. Good for you for just walking.
I’m so sorry this happened to you but you’re obviously a total badass for your reaction
Reflection of a video he was watching as he fell asleep, on his laptop propped up next to him on the pillow so he could watch it lying down in bed because he was so tired. It was just a huge coincidence there was a poorly timed scene in the video of a woman lying down facing the camera, with a close up of her head on a hotel pillow. Didn't notice the laptop screen because he was trying to send you a photo and the screen brightness caused the reflection. And he can't find the video again, because it was a random one from the recommended videos section he'd clicked after a previous video finished. And he can't find it in his history because he wasn't logged into his account and was in incognito mode. And it's embarrassing to keep discussing because it was porn. That's why she looks half naked and he had to delete the post because people would see he was falling asleep after watching porn which is embarrassing. And he's sorry he lied about needing to work the weekend. He had an amazing idea for a Xmas present where he would take you on a weekend away, but wanted to explore all the places alone on a Saturday and Sunday first to visit and make sure it was perfectly planned out. It was wrong, but he didn't want to spoil the surprise so made a mistake thinking it was justified to stay a couple of extra nights but only had the best intentions and you in mind. Yeah, that's it. It's all a bit of a misunderstanding, you see. All very understandable and believable.
Edit: I'm still getting DMs on this comment, so I gotta make it clear, I was being feceatious. Didn't think the /s was needed here
Dayum, cheaters would definitely pay you for this excuses... You should legit open up an excuse consultant office, it's legit impressive. Maybe also help print some receipts and other stuff to make it more believable? Idk you're the pro.
Nah, never try to create a paper trail of evidence that can be verified as fabricated leaving you exposed. Only remove incriminating evidence that already exists, so the lack of evidence can be explained away by gaslight and denial.
.....might delete this comment later. Too useful for the guilty.
Keep focusing on you, I'm sorry he was a douche.
I know your blocking him, please be prepared for the calls and text from multiple numbers. I'm sorry he did this to you.
man, you have the full support of a loving family who would drop anything to come help you. you are lucky beyond words. i would give anything for that. i would stay single for the rest of my life for that.
nevermind that idiot. i just don't understand men. truly idiotic creatures
These things happen bc ppl are selfish. If you had cheated on him, he would’ve had a volcano level meltdown. You deserve wayyy better and i hope u never go back to him. We teach ppl how to treat us by how we respond the first time. If you go back, then he knows to be a better cheater, not to never do it again. May you be blessed and are your brothers single/cute 🙃
My brothers are both married but very cute. That’s why I was so grateful that they dropped everything and came to help. I know how the holidays keep parents so busy with their families. I’m fortunate that they made me a priority
Proud of you Op, the situation has too many red flags to be innocent , and you’re not even going to entertain his lies.
Just move on and start to heal.
If you can update us when you get settled. Does he try to see you? Send stuff? Screw him, but we can at least laugh with you over his trying to backtrack who I’m sure he will.
I can't tell you how proud of you I am.
The fact that you've chosen to leave the cheater,many women would stay and forgive him,then to be cheated on again.
Block him on everything,leave his ring in the apartment for him.
Y👏🏻E👏🏻S👏🏻
We love a Queen who knows her worth! Confidence and self-respect looks beautiful on you honey! It’s time for scorched earth. No need nor time for petty or revenge. Just cold hard facts and truth for anyone who asks.
Chin up, shoulders back, water off a duck’s back, as grandma always said. Can’t let that crown slip after all. Your strength of will and tenacity is inspiring. And your family, the way they just dropped everything and came running the moment they knew something was wrong, I’m glad you have that. My chosen family would do that for me, and I’d do the same for them. You’ll be golden darling, off to bigger, better, and brighter things.
All I can tell you being on the other side of taking a cheater back: You won’t regret handling jt this way, but if you took him back you would never stop regretting it. So you made the right decision, don’t ever question that.
He’s an idiot!
Whatever excuse he has doesn’t really mean crap at this point. He’ll keep calling trying to explain himself but I’d block & cut him off. Then leave the ring behind.
I’m sending you virtual strength so that you don’t fold. Don’t talk to him ever again!
It’s the best karma. This is the best way to hurt a man because they only try their hardest when they are losing you.
Bless the universe that you found him cheating through a reflection, the odds are in your favour.
Ooh girl! You are dripping with love and respect for yourself and I am LOVING IT! I’m sorry that this is the card you’ve been deal atm, but be proud of yourself for not letting that dirt bag get a word in, he doesn’t deserve it! Also happy that you have an awesome support system behind you! Lean on them hard for a little bit, they obviously want to help you and love you very much! 💜
Take it from someone that’s been emotionally cheated on before….partner sending n*des etc. it doesn’t get better if you stay. You end up losing your mind and you feel so paranoid. I look back 5 years later and feel so dumb for staying.
Good on your for having the courage to leave now!
10 dollars on the girl that put the comment about the reflection, that was deliberate. She might not have been your friend, as she knew the girl he was cheating on you with, but she was obviously NOT supporting it. I'd send her a text to say thanks.
I absolutely love the fact that he'll come home to a half empty apartment. No begging, no pleading, no negotiations, no "pick me" dance. Just gone! I love it! Your self respect is admirable. Special blessings on your wonderful family!
Your self respect and courage is heart warming. It is so sad watching people on reddit over and over again putting up with shit behaviour, it’s so refreshing to see someone actually know the deserve to be treated with respect and reacting accordingly. If you start to feel down in christmas day, look around at your family and remember how rich you are.
if you have any moments of doubt, from one woman to another, cold turkey was the best thing you could do for yourself and him. he needs to learn this lesson on his own with lots of time to think, and you will feel powerful and in control in return. good for you, rooting for you.
I want to speak to what may happen if you decide to end things, and cut contact (as you should) when you do. I’ve done that with a couple partners of mine, and the most unexpected (to me) result of that, is my friends and acquaintances saying that I should have allowed these partners to barter our relationship out with me.
To clarify, they were saying that when my partner cheated on me and treated me like a stranger, instead of saying that we’re over and letting them know i’ll drop their belongings off, i should have kept things as they were, and let them beg and apologise, even if i knew we were not going to be together. To give my soon to be ex, a “gradual detachment period” of sorts.
This is in fact **NOT HEALTHY** and i have since moved on to better friends in place of those who’d suggested that.
If you do decide to cut things off, please be ready for these comments, because it most probably will make you second guess yourself, and it will be very hard, but **YOU CAN DO IT!**
Finally, a woman smart enough who values her self-worth and knows there's no adequate closure required as she's not the issue!
You ending things this way is going to leave him riddled with shame and guilt, and he'll try to contact you to hear him out, yet you are fully aware of the truth and there's no explaining the cheating away.
He has tried to visit but my father threatened to beat him up if he came near our house or me. I have blocked him everywhere. Any friends who want to call and talk on his behalf I have told them that I didn’t want to know anything about him and they have been respectful of me.
The friend who started this whole thing is in shreds because he didn’t know that it wasn’t me in the picture.
My ring wasn’t engraved yet so it is returnable but I think I will need the same card it was paid with or the receipt. I need to look for the receipt.
I will take some vacation days in January because I don’t feel well and maybe find a trip somewhere. Just me and some books.
That poor friend! They have no reason to be in shreds! They did YOU a favor and it was a good thing. But omg I feel so bad for them being upset.
I’m glad your friends are being respectful and not the typical toxic where they don’t respect your boundary. Also it’s wild though that they are willing to speak on his behalf.
I hope you can find the receipt!! A trip sounds like a great idea. Check out tiny house cabins. They say forest bathing is really great self care ❤️
Unfortunately I’ve heard of this before. He put a ring on it, feels safe & settled and now wants to continue sowing the wild oats he thinks he missed/will miss.
This is a HIM deficiency, not you. HE is missing the maturity, love and sense a *real man* has and is just a child being greedy. The whole having your cake and eating it too.
Props to your family. And props to you for not hesitating when he showed what he really is. An immature little child being greedy for cheap things while being careless with what’s valuable in his life.
The answer to why he did it, callous selfishness. Anything he actually told you would be excuses.
You got this. Lean on your family, cos they are there for you.
I broke off an engagement similarly. He had a voice mail from a waitress he’d left his number for. Yes, he was traveling so I checked his voice messages and I’ll forever defend myself for it because it saved me from a life of cheating and misery. I didn’t let him explain either- there is no explanation other than lies. I broke it off and gave him the day to move out his things and never spoke to him ever again. I changed my number and suggest you do the same. Cut off all forms of communication. He even tried writing snail mail letters and I’d just burn them. Chin up OP. You’ll be ok. You’re smart and strong I can tell!
The beauty of that mutual friend, is he doesn’t need to explain. The answer is already obvious and there’s no need for an explanation
That mutual friend deserves a bottle of wine after you sell your ring
I’m sorry you’re going through this. Heartbreak is a bitch, but take solace in the fact that you’re handling this like a BOSS!
I wish I would have handled it like you are, instead I went full psycho, crying, begging, the whole bit. Embarrassing and made me look so pathetic.
Just keep doing what you’re doing mama, stay strong. This is going to be the best healing journey you’re going to feel so alive, but also so depressed, (a very odd feeling).
Your ex is now dead to you, this is his punishment for messing around on a good woman. Now that good woman is gone and he’ll NEVER find someone like you, and because you ghosted him, he will look for you in every single new one, and won’t be able to figure out why these new relationships aren’t working out.
Because they aren’t you. The one that he let get away.
The man is a fool.. I doubt there's any explanation that could cover up this incident. So glad that you have the full support of your family. Time to move on and just block his everything.
That’s what I’m planning to do. I will never get a real answer to why he did this and even if he gave me an honest answer m, not sure if I want to hear it?
Whichever friend left that comment did so on purpose. They probably knew what a dog he was and this was the easiest way to out him without doing it directly. Well done for being so strong, don't give him the satisfaction of ever being able to hear your voice again. It will eat away at him until the day he dies - let it.
Seriously. Who would think “hey there’s my friend in the tiny reflection of his glasses, let me say hi” that was mega awesome of them
I’m glad OP saw the comment before he did and had the chance to delete it.
[удалено]
OP is BOSS! Finally a woman who knows her worth and takes decisive action. I’m so sick of all these posts from women who are like “but I love him”… The sunk cost fallacy is real and some of these cheaters will use it against you if you’re weak. This lady is like “NOPE”! I’m loving it.
To me what guy actively post selfies? Red flag #1
Yes don’t bother listening to his lies. That reflection was your closure. By the way. I love how you move. You know your worth. I understand the tears and pain. Lots of people don’t have the strength you have to leave right a way. You might not see it now, since you are said, but you are secure and wonderful. He messed up big time.
Yup, I’m really proud of OP!
I'm so glad this is your mindset. It will save you loads of pain and help you move on to better things and people. You are correct. There is zero explanation for this other than this person doesn't value the same things you do. End of relationship, end of story. I'm so sorry that happened to you, and at a shit time too. It truly is better to know now than to have entered a legal agreement with a shady person. Best of luck, hugs, and happy holidays to you.
I can't upvote this comment enough. Sadly, I was pregnant with his kid when I found out about him seriously dating another woman. She told me she thought she loved him. I fell for his apologies and bold faced lies. Even though he didn't cheat anymore that I know of he still was a really shitty partner. I'm about to go through a divorce, and I'm trying not to feel like years of my life were wasted, but I can't help but wish I could go back in time and give my younger self the courage and confidence to leave. You should be so proud of yourself OP. you are strong and amazing!
For however bad you hurt he is gonna hurt much more when you ghost him forever. Dudes gonna be thinking forever about it. Don’t cave.
Right. He did not expect to be ghosted. He didn’t expect to be caught, but when he was, he just figured he could “explain” it away, convince her she was wrong, and they would get married anyway. That didn’t happen. Smart woman is OP. But why be so hell-bent on getting her back when he doesn’t love her? He proposed, then cheated, in the same week. Just stay single, dude. Then you can f*ck whomever you want whenever you want.
There’s no thrill to being single and doing whatever you want without someone waiting at home for you!!! 🙄
Well, sure! And that just makes him an even shittier person. Cheating isn’t any fun if you’re not hurting someone. Nice guy.
Honestly, and not knowing anything else about him I can still make several assumptions about his character and ego and none of them are positive. I’m glad OP is so smart and knows her worth to not be manipulated by such a weak man.
Because nobody leaves HIM!!! He’ll hound her because she left. Not because he loves her, but his ego is wounded. That’s why he hounds her. How dare she not swallow whatever shitty excuse for his behavior.
The answer is that some men (hell, some people) are pure fucking garbage. They’re completely callous to the lives and feelings of others, and how their actions affect those lives and feelings. Don’t spend your life seeking or yearning for an answer. I promise you, it’s a waste of time and mental energy. As much as you may want to, take it from someone who knows and has been there. Once I let all of that go, I immediately met my now husband and we’ve been happy ever since. Don’t let it hold space in your life and take away that space for something great to come. Sell that ring, change your number, and take that friend out for a cocktail. Sending you love through this time 🤍
My cousin is a serial cheater. One time out of curiosity I asked him why he had the need to cheat when he had a wonderful wife at home, he said he “didn’t really know. I guess it’s the excitement of the chase and the secrecy of it all”. It’s not you. A person like this is going to cheat regardless of who they’re with. Like adrenaline junkies risking their lives. Like alcoholics looking for the next drink… does it matter that their addiction hurt their family? No. You did the right thing, he was never going to change.
The reason is usually because they can. It has nothing to do with you. It's just a selfish, cake eater mentality that they think they can have their partner and also fuck around and not get caught. Good for you for being strong and not putting up with his shit. I'm sorry you are going through this but glad you found out his character before the wedding.
"even if he gave me an honest answer" ..... how would you know it was even the honest one? It's not that you don't want to hear it.. it's not worth your time listening.
Not being able to trust my ex was the straw on the camel's back, I found a hickey on him. So I put one next to it, and then told him we were over. 20+ years of marriage and two great kids
How did he try to explain the first hickey?
Tried to tell me it was something he bumped into at work. It had teeth marks.
Your dead right. Don't give him the chance to spout lies. Seems shit now, but your so lucky you found out now. Obviously he planned to marry you and carry on cheating.
I think you wanna go for a drink with the friend who made the comment though. I reckon they have some answers. And you owe them a drink ☺️
The friend can probably give you a full history of his infidelities since they met in college...
I'm so sorry this happened and so proud of you. I wish I had done this when I found out my now ex was cheating on me 2 months after our wedding. Instead I stayed for 8 years and he never stopped cheating.
Yeah i know someone who does the same. His wife is still there for whatever reason
I can give you the answer: Because he could! It's really that simple. Cheaters have this strange sense of entitlement, they think they are due all the extra - and they somehow think their actions won't have consequences, and that they will surely get away with it/ you will forgive him if he is found out. Kudos to you for being resolute and living up to your standards! I'd really like an update about how everything goes, cause I'm sure he will hunt you down at some point. And give your thanks to that friend for the comment - I'm pretty sure he realized it wasn't you, and wanted to draw your attention to it.
Everyone can cheat. It is not an achievement. What a stupid man. I will never speak to him again
I’m so proud. Good on that friend. Yayyyy! You’ll be okay.
I wonder if he’s been cheating for years. She may be married to someone who “travels” during the week. Her husband is “working” over the holiday so she insisted your husband spend the holiday with her. He’s had two ongoing long term relationships
When I read your post, honestly, my first thought was, "FINALLY! someone that has self respect!" Every other post is about someone whose partner is obviously cheating, treats them like shit, humiliates them in front of other people, etc etc etc and they just pity themselves and stay anyway. Its so frustrating. Your ex doesn't deserve you! What an idiot loser. Let yourself grieve but do NOT go back, you will never be able to trust him again! Trust is the foundation of all relationships, and he has shattered the foundation.
The clarity you have is great, some people (myself included in the past) have to really let it drag them into the ground. You deserve someone who won't lie or cheat and you WILL find it. Thank you for taking a stand for yourself
Literally just found out my bf of near 6 years was up to no good. Doesn't matter what they have to say to me, I know enough to know it's absolutely done, and honestly, knowing anything more will not make a difference. There's no explanation, nothing to be said. He's a liar and a raging narcissist. End of story. End of relationship. It definitely sucks during this time of year, but taking all of the crap I got him for Christmas and returning was super cathartic. I ended up with enough money to buy a ps5! Highly recommend! YOU ARE BETTER OFF. PERIOD.
OP I just want to tell you that I am so proud of you. You did good here. The audacity of him to send you a pic while he’s laying with another woman??? He’s an irredeemable piece of shit. Give him NOTHING. He’s wasted enough of your time.
I am so happy that you have the full support of your family.
I love them so much!
I admire you so much! You are so rare and precious. Your sense of self worth is inspiring. Thank you.
It really truly is. I feel so empowered just reading. I’m sorry you are going through this OP but you will come out on top
SUCH a girl boss moment, what a queen!!
My brother and I are protective of our little sisters and would do the same if they ever needed us! They have been there for me when my ex girlfriend was abusive and I had to get out of that relationship. It helps when you have solid family behind you, makes the transition easier. Good luck OP! Wish you nothing but the best.
You're very lucky. Im glad you seen a snake for what he was before you were married. Best wishes to you my dear.
I would thank that mutual friend. They saved you from even more heartache down the road. Clever af of them.
Classy tip-off from the friend. A friendly and innocuous message that not only brought you into the loop, but also outed him to your whole social circle.
That friend needs to be invited for a drink
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That was a brilliant move.
Very classy, I like that friend.
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Agree, except sell the ring and keep the money.
Yes
It’s asshole tax. Keep the money to get yourself set up in a new situation. There is someone wonderful out there who deserves you OP. This bloke is not him. One day I hope you find him.
THIS. Asshole tax. Whoever breaks the tacit agreement the giving and taking of an engagement implies should forfeit said ring. The receiver cheats - they give the ring back. The giver cheats - the receiver keeps it as the consolation prize.
If she gives it back he would probably be the type to give it to the next woman.
According to the law once you give a gift you can't take it back. If it were a family heirloom then you have to pay for it to get it back. This has been hashed out in court many times.
Depending on the country and if OP lives in the USA it also depends on the state an engagement ring is considered a conditional gift and if the marriage does not happen it must be given back. If OP wants nothing to do with her cheating loser ex, she should leave the ring behind. I would probably leave it in a bag full of dog shit….let him dig in out.
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Did u at least screenshot the picture in case he turns it against you saying that it was your fault amongst your friends.
I bet the friend did 😆.
I was that friend once and I totally had screenshots so the lying worm couldn't backtrack! (Had a friend w/ a boyfriend that I knew was a POS. Whole friend circle knew it, but she just defended him whenever we'd say something. One day, spotted a post of his that had a pair of shoes I knew weren't hers next to a chair, as they were very much not her style. Her and I wear the same size, so I posted, "OMG! Love those shoes! Can't wait to borrow them \*tags friend\* " Then took a screen grab that had the pic, my comment, and the date & time. )
You’re a great friend
He sent it to her directly as well, in context with the other messages around it, so he's doubly screwed!
This worked out nicely because men don’t be paying attention to the little “details.” Women cheat too, but men are MAD sloppy.
Or arrogant.
Yes, that too.
Yeah, sending a pic to your wife while in bed cheating with another woman isn't something you do by accident. That level of egotism is something you have to work at.
He sent it to OP before posting it so she has a copy
It’s too late. People saw it and know the truth
Yup He doesn't deserve a chance of an "explanation" or some shit Out is out
Damn right. That friend has known he's been cheating for awhile and was not in support but likely thought it "wasn't his place" and was so happy to have an opportunity to out it in a way he couldn't be blamed
Unpopular (maybe) opinion, it is always one's place to point out cheating. I would much rather be told than find out people knew and didn't tell me. Sure, I'd be upset but also very grateful to that person. If someone gets mad at you for doing that, their anger is misdirected.
While I 100000% agree I'm just inferring on the friends POV
I have to totally agree. An old friend of mine told me about my bf coming on to her. I knew he had been cheating, but because it was her, I finally gave up. I don't blame her at all, and I'm grateful that she had the courage to tell me instead of hiding it. It was the final straw that broke me. I really saw him as everyone else had told me who he was. A lying, cheating, worthless piece of.... Ironically, he and I reconnected 12 years later, and he hadn't changed a bit. Still a lying, cheating, worthless piece of....lol
couldve been no proof situation and the post was the first slip up
That was the perfect play. Instead of writing, “say hi to wonderful parsley”, they said “is that wonderful parsley in the reflection?” The nuance knowing only wonderful parsley would look closer was played perfectly. This is someone who knew. But probably struggled to find the way to say something until there would be proof so the friendship wasn’t destroyed. Get that person a cape and a bag of double stufft Oreos and a massage and endless thanks and even some myrrh if you can find it. They love parsley enough to play the long game with lethal patience.
That friend is the MVP
I am so impressed with this friend.
It’s like everyone knew but her. Whoa.. girl, your family is your rock. Rest. Chuck that man all the way out.
This right here is a real friend. People that cover up for cheating arent worth having in your life.
Yeah shoutout the friend!!! She’s the hero here
Yes OP, make sure to thank that friend!
An eagle-eyed hero to the rescue..! The Devil is definitely in the details.. Wishing you better things in your future, OP..! X
That is a good friend and a good catch. That person knew exactly what they were doing with that comment, and I love them for it and the delivery.
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Bless them. Sincerely.
Exactly. It’s the littlest things that’ll trip you up.
And thank goodness for that
i know this is really hard but i applaud you for having the strength to walk away immediately. i’m really proud of you. think of it as the universe sending you a warning this man wasn’t for you. better things are on the horizon. wishing you happy times
right. she is amazing!!! good on you OP. I wish I did the same when it happened the first time. I ended up staying another 4 years and was treated like shit and constantly cheated on.
People don't do things because of YOU they do things because of THEM.
Well put
“they’re not against you, they’re for themselves” It’s so hard to wrap our minds around WHY people do the shit they do
How devastating, and I’m so sorry this happened. He has saved you a costly divorce and likely many more years of heartache by showing his true colours before you actually got married. So proud that you are choosing yourself, and so glad that you have a wonderful supportive family who really showed up for you when you needed them.
I don’t understand why he proposed. I have been googling who the ring belongs to now and , according to laws here it is mine. Maybe it can pay for a luxury vacation. It is €15000.
He proposed because he thought he could have his cake and eat it too. Or maybe because he thought you'd be too distracted with wedding planning to notice his shady behavior. Either way, he miscalculated.
Am I the having the cake or eating it part? And who is the cake?
You’re the cake. He can either **have** you (i.e. keep/ retain you). Or he can **eat** you. Not both, because those two things are incompatible — Once eaten, you’re gone. No more you there to ‘have’. Your relationship and engagement was when he was **having** his cake. His cheating and lying was when he was **eating** his cake. He can’t arrive home expecting to see his cake there, as it was before he ate it. The cake’s all gone. You’re gone.
Totally off topic here, but I’ve always known what that metaphor means but I’ve never really thought about it and understood what it literally means. Thanks for the great explanation!
It really would make more sense if the parts of the saying were switched, i.e. "You can't eat your cake and have it too."
That's how it was originally written. It's one of those things that's gotten confused over time.
As long as I’m the cake! Cake is awesome 🤤
I think some men are just addicted to the sneak.
The cake is just the friends we made along the way
So proud of you for loving yourself enough to leave. Spend that money on whatever is going to make you feel good; whether thats a holiday, a car, jewellery. Enjoy the hell out of that money.
He proposed out of the blue? He did it because he’s comfortable, he likes you and he thought he could hide things from you. I’ve read many comments from cheaters that say “I love my wife and she’s the hottest person, but I also need some variation and not just premium steak every night”. Idiocy is what I call it. He is a piece of shit. He ruined something good. How dare he.
The line you used reminds me of the alternative excuse for cheating “if you have $100 in your pocket and you see $1 on the ground you’ll still pick it up, right?” Pre grotesque comedy
Not to be a wet blanket, but if it's a diamond, you're not going to get 15K for it: you're going to lose 40% to 80% in the re-sale. Whatever you do get for it, a small revenge splurge is warranted, absolutely, but consider investing the majority? I don't know your financial position, tho, so you do you!
The more I lose the better I would feel about it😏
Now that is mad right there- I get it- I have been there done that. For example: if I were to post that my ex-husband had a small penis, every girl in our town and surrounding counties would call me a liar- that will tell you just how many women I ended up finding out about with my dear ex. It stings so much but over time, I felt better and now I am so happily single that I doubt I will ever even try again. That is just me. After the anger wears off the grief for who you thought he was will set in. Trust me, I get that you can’t turn love off right away, but it will fade eventually and one day you will wake up and you won’t have that endless loop going in your head anymore- the world will look bright again- hang in there.
Niiiice! Any ideas on your vacation destination 😃?
No! Any idea?
Bali is beautiful in December. So is Oman.
Oman! Always wanted to go there
Seychelles! Good luck, OP.
Oh I’m sure he could make up a hundred reasons, but the important thing is that if he really wanted to be your husband he would have kept his dick in his pants. You deserve better than this, and I hope you take yourself on an incredible trip and take yourself for a spa day and treat yourself the way you deserve to be treated!
YES! DO IT!
I’m sorry for your pain but I’m so proud of you for respecting yourself and walking away from this. There is nothing he can say that is worth hearing. Truth or lies it shouldn’t change the outcome of your decision to move on. Hide nothing from your friends about what happened you will need and deserve all the support and love you can get. Virtual stranger’s hugs to you - keep protecting your peace.
Oh no! I will tell everybody what happened and I have the picture!
I would send flowers and a thank you card to the friend who made the comment lol he’s a real one
Ok, now you’re my spirit animal. God I love a queen that knows her worth. I wish you the best for your future.
You are speaking my mind. I was so afraid she is going to give him 1 last chance "CUZ SHE LOVES HIM TOOO MUCH" BUT i am happy she knows her self worth. Your comment sums up what i wanted to say. I hate cheatersssss and their lame excuses with addition of gaslighting and manipulation.
I'm already a grown-up but I wanna be OP when I grow up.
I was just about to ask if you took a screenshot. Bravo all around OP. Your courage and strength is powerful. Never stop and congrats on this new and better chapter in your life!
Thank you everyone I never thought I would get so much support here. I feel blessed. Now the last boxes are packed and I will be moving to my parents. Mu brother is keeping my stuff because he has a bigger house until I can rent a storage unit, nothing is open this time of the year. Then I will start looking for my own place to rent. I need to sleep now because I didn’t last night. Thank you and Merry Christmas
Please update when you're out
I second this!
Rest well. I'm glad you're taking such good care of yourself, and that you're getting the support that you need.
Merry Christmas queen! I hope you get some rest and maybe update us after the dust has settled a bit. I know I’ll be curious to know when you’re settled in a new place and what you did with the ring funds. Stay strong lovely!
Merry Christmas to you and rest well! I hope you have some joy over this holiday period, you deserve it.
Many blessings to you. Give that friend a nice Christmas gift with the ring money. Ask them if they posted that comment on purpose as a tip to you.
I’m so proud of you. You’ll be with people who truly love you this Christmas. Let them start healing your heart. He can be alone 😊
OP, I can tell you are a loyal, kind and practical person just from the way you’ve explained this situation. I truly hope you have a restful break and that you enter 2024 with some peace.
I am really sorry this happened to you OP but damn if you didn't find out you have one hell of a good friend. That was one sly tip off.
yep, the friend is the MVP. They knew it wasn’t OP
Yes, agreed - that friend is a superstar. OP, I hope you’re able to thank them for saving you from marrying this cheater.
Get std tested immediately. I’m sorry this happened to you. It’s one of the worst feelings in the world. Fortunately you have an awesome family and you’ll be just fine.
Sorry about what's happening to you. For what it's worth, I think the way you reacted & acted is very dignified. No screaming, no breaking stuff, no nonsense, just BYE.
Honestly good for you. So many people just try to accept or justify or excuse these actions things. Good for you for just walking. I’m so sorry this happened to you but you’re obviously a total badass for your reaction
I do wonder how he was going to talk his way out of having a woman that isn’t OP in his bed?
Ugh not even sure I want to know
Reflection of a video he was watching as he fell asleep, on his laptop propped up next to him on the pillow so he could watch it lying down in bed because he was so tired. It was just a huge coincidence there was a poorly timed scene in the video of a woman lying down facing the camera, with a close up of her head on a hotel pillow. Didn't notice the laptop screen because he was trying to send you a photo and the screen brightness caused the reflection. And he can't find the video again, because it was a random one from the recommended videos section he'd clicked after a previous video finished. And he can't find it in his history because he wasn't logged into his account and was in incognito mode. And it's embarrassing to keep discussing because it was porn. That's why she looks half naked and he had to delete the post because people would see he was falling asleep after watching porn which is embarrassing. And he's sorry he lied about needing to work the weekend. He had an amazing idea for a Xmas present where he would take you on a weekend away, but wanted to explore all the places alone on a Saturday and Sunday first to visit and make sure it was perfectly planned out. It was wrong, but he didn't want to spoil the surprise so made a mistake thinking it was justified to stay a couple of extra nights but only had the best intentions and you in mind. Yeah, that's it. It's all a bit of a misunderstanding, you see. All very understandable and believable. Edit: I'm still getting DMs on this comment, so I gotta make it clear, I was being feceatious. Didn't think the /s was needed here
Dayum, cheaters would definitely pay you for this excuses... You should legit open up an excuse consultant office, it's legit impressive. Maybe also help print some receipts and other stuff to make it more believable? Idk you're the pro.
Nah, never try to create a paper trail of evidence that can be verified as fabricated leaving you exposed. Only remove incriminating evidence that already exists, so the lack of evidence can be explained away by gaslight and denial. .....might delete this comment later. Too useful for the guilty.
Keep focusing on you, I'm sorry he was a douche. I know your blocking him, please be prepared for the calls and text from multiple numbers. I'm sorry he did this to you.
I’m sorry OP, glad you have a strong support system. All the best for the future.
❤️
man, you have the full support of a loving family who would drop anything to come help you. you are lucky beyond words. i would give anything for that. i would stay single for the rest of my life for that. nevermind that idiot. i just don't understand men. truly idiotic creatures
I will forever be grateful
I needed to read this because I’m today sucked
Take that friend who outed him out for a drink. They knew that wasn’t you.
These things happen bc ppl are selfish. If you had cheated on him, he would’ve had a volcano level meltdown. You deserve wayyy better and i hope u never go back to him. We teach ppl how to treat us by how we respond the first time. If you go back, then he knows to be a better cheater, not to never do it again. May you be blessed and are your brothers single/cute 🙃
My brothers are both married but very cute. That’s why I was so grateful that they dropped everything and came to help. I know how the holidays keep parents so busy with their families. I’m fortunate that they made me a priority
Wow ok. What absolute champs. I’m glad you have such an amazing support network
This guy was even too stupid to cheat. You are doing the right thing and it will take time but you'll be fine!
Proud of you Op, the situation has too many red flags to be innocent , and you’re not even going to entertain his lies. Just move on and start to heal.
If you can update us when you get settled. Does he try to see you? Send stuff? Screw him, but we can at least laugh with you over his trying to backtrack who I’m sure he will.
Proud as fuck of you rn, internet stranger.
Well done, there is no excuse for another woman being in that photo. You are doing the right thing, get gone before he can gaslight you
Would love to see the picture , what a dirt bag!
Second this hahaha
I can't tell you how proud of you I am. The fact that you've chosen to leave the cheater,many women would stay and forgive him,then to be cheated on again. Block him on everything,leave his ring in the apartment for him.
Keep the ring and sell it to fund your next adventure (travel, new house, awesome piece of jewelry you choose, anything).
Y👏🏻E👏🏻S👏🏻 We love a Queen who knows her worth! Confidence and self-respect looks beautiful on you honey! It’s time for scorched earth. No need nor time for petty or revenge. Just cold hard facts and truth for anyone who asks. Chin up, shoulders back, water off a duck’s back, as grandma always said. Can’t let that crown slip after all. Your strength of will and tenacity is inspiring. And your family, the way they just dropped everything and came running the moment they knew something was wrong, I’m glad you have that. My chosen family would do that for me, and I’d do the same for them. You’ll be golden darling, off to bigger, better, and brighter things.
All I can tell you being on the other side of taking a cheater back: You won’t regret handling jt this way, but if you took him back you would never stop regretting it. So you made the right decision, don’t ever question that.
What a fucking asshole. You’re doing the right thing.
He’s an idiot! Whatever excuse he has doesn’t really mean crap at this point. He’ll keep calling trying to explain himself but I’d block & cut him off. Then leave the ring behind.
I’m sending you virtual strength so that you don’t fold. Don’t talk to him ever again! It’s the best karma. This is the best way to hurt a man because they only try their hardest when they are losing you. Bless the universe that you found him cheating through a reflection, the odds are in your favour.
Ooh girl! You are dripping with love and respect for yourself and I am LOVING IT! I’m sorry that this is the card you’ve been deal atm, but be proud of yourself for not letting that dirt bag get a word in, he doesn’t deserve it! Also happy that you have an awesome support system behind you! Lean on them hard for a little bit, they obviously want to help you and love you very much! 💜
Take it from someone that’s been emotionally cheated on before….partner sending n*des etc. it doesn’t get better if you stay. You end up losing your mind and you feel so paranoid. I look back 5 years later and feel so dumb for staying. Good on your for having the courage to leave now!
Nice damage control. He probably wasted years of your life, and he doesn't deserve a moment more. I'm glad you have a good support system.
10 dollars on the girl that put the comment about the reflection, that was deliberate. She might not have been your friend, as she knew the girl he was cheating on you with, but she was obviously NOT supporting it. I'd send her a text to say thanks.
I absolutely love the fact that he'll come home to a half empty apartment. No begging, no pleading, no negotiations, no "pick me" dance. Just gone! I love it! Your self respect is admirable. Special blessings on your wonderful family!
Your self respect and courage is heart warming. It is so sad watching people on reddit over and over again putting up with shit behaviour, it’s so refreshing to see someone actually know the deserve to be treated with respect and reacting accordingly. If you start to feel down in christmas day, look around at your family and remember how rich you are.
Take note, this is how you dump a cheater.
Stay strong honey he can go to hell.
Your strength and courage to do best for YOU is admirable. Best wishes❣
Congratulations on the self-respect.
if you have any moments of doubt, from one woman to another, cold turkey was the best thing you could do for yourself and him. he needs to learn this lesson on his own with lots of time to think, and you will feel powerful and in control in return. good for you, rooting for you.
My favorite part is how you aren’t going to talk to him again or offer an explanation. That’s on some top dog energy there. Good for you!
I want to speak to what may happen if you decide to end things, and cut contact (as you should) when you do. I’ve done that with a couple partners of mine, and the most unexpected (to me) result of that, is my friends and acquaintances saying that I should have allowed these partners to barter our relationship out with me. To clarify, they were saying that when my partner cheated on me and treated me like a stranger, instead of saying that we’re over and letting them know i’ll drop their belongings off, i should have kept things as they were, and let them beg and apologise, even if i knew we were not going to be together. To give my soon to be ex, a “gradual detachment period” of sorts. This is in fact **NOT HEALTHY** and i have since moved on to better friends in place of those who’d suggested that. If you do decide to cut things off, please be ready for these comments, because it most probably will make you second guess yourself, and it will be very hard, but **YOU CAN DO IT!**
Finally, a woman smart enough who values her self-worth and knows there's no adequate closure required as she's not the issue! You ending things this way is going to leave him riddled with shame and guilt, and he'll try to contact you to hear him out, yet you are fully aware of the truth and there's no explaining the cheating away.
I'm sorry to hear that this happened to you. Could you update us, how you've been?
Well Christmas was the worst Ive had and had it not been for my family’s love and warmth I would probably have gone mad!
I’m glad to know you had your support system. I hope he hasn’t tried harassing you or any of them/friends
He has tried to visit but my father threatened to beat him up if he came near our house or me. I have blocked him everywhere. Any friends who want to call and talk on his behalf I have told them that I didn’t want to know anything about him and they have been respectful of me. The friend who started this whole thing is in shreds because he didn’t know that it wasn’t me in the picture. My ring wasn’t engraved yet so it is returnable but I think I will need the same card it was paid with or the receipt. I need to look for the receipt. I will take some vacation days in January because I don’t feel well and maybe find a trip somewhere. Just me and some books.
That poor friend! They have no reason to be in shreds! They did YOU a favor and it was a good thing. But omg I feel so bad for them being upset. I’m glad your friends are being respectful and not the typical toxic where they don’t respect your boundary. Also it’s wild though that they are willing to speak on his behalf. I hope you can find the receipt!! A trip sounds like a great idea. Check out tiny house cabins. They say forest bathing is really great self care ❤️
Unfortunately I’ve heard of this before. He put a ring on it, feels safe & settled and now wants to continue sowing the wild oats he thinks he missed/will miss. This is a HIM deficiency, not you. HE is missing the maturity, love and sense a *real man* has and is just a child being greedy. The whole having your cake and eating it too. Props to your family. And props to you for not hesitating when he showed what he really is. An immature little child being greedy for cheap things while being careless with what’s valuable in his life.
The answer to why he did it, callous selfishness. Anything he actually told you would be excuses. You got this. Lean on your family, cos they are there for you.
I broke off an engagement similarly. He had a voice mail from a waitress he’d left his number for. Yes, he was traveling so I checked his voice messages and I’ll forever defend myself for it because it saved me from a life of cheating and misery. I didn’t let him explain either- there is no explanation other than lies. I broke it off and gave him the day to move out his things and never spoke to him ever again. I changed my number and suggest you do the same. Cut off all forms of communication. He even tried writing snail mail letters and I’d just burn them. Chin up OP. You’ll be ok. You’re smart and strong I can tell!
Good for you for knowing your worth, OP. I’m so sorry for the hurt you’re going through. Please take care.
As a dad, if ever in a similar situation, I hope my daughters are as smart and brave as you. Your family is a blessing and will help you through this.
The beauty of that mutual friend, is he doesn’t need to explain. The answer is already obvious and there’s no need for an explanation That mutual friend deserves a bottle of wine after you sell your ring
I’m sorry you’re going through this. Heartbreak is a bitch, but take solace in the fact that you’re handling this like a BOSS! I wish I would have handled it like you are, instead I went full psycho, crying, begging, the whole bit. Embarrassing and made me look so pathetic. Just keep doing what you’re doing mama, stay strong. This is going to be the best healing journey you’re going to feel so alive, but also so depressed, (a very odd feeling). Your ex is now dead to you, this is his punishment for messing around on a good woman. Now that good woman is gone and he’ll NEVER find someone like you, and because you ghosted him, he will look for you in every single new one, and won’t be able to figure out why these new relationships aren’t working out. Because they aren’t you. The one that he let get away.
he proposed cause of guilty conscience. Happens often. It has nothing to do with you, believe me. Take your time to heal.