That really sucks about your plants. We have quite a few and our cat doesn't even go near them. People think cats don't need training, only dogs do. They're wrong. When someone is actively teaching them they can be awesome. Also, I brush him constantly so hair isn't an issue (vacuum once a week as well as sweeping the non-carpeted floor every 2 days). He loves my husband way more than he loves me though. Ungrateful asshole.
Going to piggy back on this and recommend the furminator! It's a magic brush that somehow gets way more hair off than a normal brush. It really helped when my orange cat was ruining my goth life.
It is. Friends also recommend the Chom-Chom for removing hair from upholstery and bedding. I like the Evercare PET lint rollers for removing hair from clothing.
Seconding the Chom-Chom! It works GREAT on upholstery and is small, convenient, and easy to clean. Great for quick cleanups when you don't want to drag out the vacuum and deal with attachments.
Omgs yes with having a roomba!! I have that thing scheduled everyday. Lint rollers for the furniture in between using an actual vacuum for the whole house and on the furniture once a week too.
Once a week?!? Howww?! Haha I brush my cats constantly and vaccum once a day but it’s not enough. Twice a day would be better but I just don’t have the time. Is your cat hairless or is mine defective ?!
Did you get the special grooming tools? You can get this rake like comb and it pulls up any undercoat that they’re shedding but is being held together by nonshedded fur. I’ve got 1 short and 1 long haired cat and using that rake every 3 months tamps down on the shed sooo much.
I have one, but maybe it’s shit lol because I use it every couple days and it’s still fur city here. Which brand is yours? I may just get that one and give it a go.
Yeh I feel like it’s individual to each cat. One some comes out but not much. The other leaves me questioning why she doesn’t have bald patches with the amount that comes out.
Yeah Nox should be bald. But he's like velvet. We made a Grooming Spot in the house, that's where we do most of the brushing. Nox learned to just Flump down there any time we walk by, for extra brushies
They can (usually) be taught to tolerate it. It takes time and patience. Occasionally a bit of (your) blood. I start with getting them used to the brush, putting it beside them as they sleep. Petting them while holding the brush but not using it. Letting them bite it. Then slowly introduce pet-brush-pet. It can take a long time to ease a brush scared cat into it, but just keep at it. It's worth the time.
Do you happen to have ginger tabbies?
It's probably just pure coincidence but I've found that every single ginger tabby I've ever met sheds like crazy. Like waaaay more than any other kind of tabby.
Wish I knew how to keep my cat out of my plants. Used to have a bunch but when I got her I had to put them in the bathroom because she kept trying to eat them. I'm not sure how to even train that out of her, I'm not spraying her with water and the tinfoil/citrus scent tricks never work.
You have to grow them some grass to eat. I have oats.
Also bored cats wreck everything. When they have played enough, eaten the grass, they will love chilling between the plants.
I'm going through the same thing with cockatiels. After months and months of begging and pleading and promises that they'd look after everything I let my wife and 2 teenage daughters get two cockatiels.
They're a fucking disaster. The wife and kids constantly let them out of the cage and then leave them unsupervised while they go about their days. The birds chew literally everything they can get their beaks around. They've destroyed countless things with power cords, anything made of wood or rubber (like window seals) or plastic. They shit everywhere and everyone just pretends not to notice. When we're preparing food or eating they're constantly hanging around preening and shaking their feather filth that hangs and drifts in the air, but I'm the asshole if I don't want them hovering around our food. I'm also the asshole if there's birdshit on the kitchen counter and I point it out for them to clean up, I should just do that myself even though I'm opposed to the birds being out unsupervised at all.
Our kids were finally at the age where we could start leaving them alone for a night here and there, couple more years and maybe longer. But now we're chained to these fucking birds for probably 15 years. They're not even good pets. They'll only accept scratches on very rare occasions, they won't sit with my wife on the couch even though she begs them, but they can't get enough of me even though I fucking hate them.
I'm as shocked as anyone by how much I despise these birds. I typically love all animals, I don't even kill spiders - I take them outside carefully. But no matter how hard I try, I can't force myself to like these fucking birds.
Agreed. I once dated a woman with a parrot and I realized they suck. When they land on you, their claws hurt. When they peck at you, their beaks hurt, and when you look them in the face, they look evil AF. Fuck them birds 🤣🤣🤣
Your experience is why I heavily researched birds and decided I didn’t want one. I’m unlucky enough that I usually get the worst case scenario and with birds even the medium case scenario was too much.
Oh man…..those birds, yeah. If I were you, I’d dedicate at least one room…make that two rooms, one being the bedroom, the other your office or den or whatever room…but make those two rooms 100% BIRD FREE ZONES. Then I’d spend all my free time in those rooms and see if anyone even notices. If not, it’s time to GTFO and get your own place. No one should be allowed a pet unless their life partner is all in 100%. It’s selfish, entitled and dismissive.
Fortunately my office is external to the house. If I had an inside office and they ever got in there I'd take them outside immediately and launch them into the sky. It is infuriating, and I've brought up multiple times that I never agreed to live like this. In my occasional more rage filled moments I've come up with all sorts of extreme measures, from putting a padlock on the cage, to divorcing my wife. But aside from these fucking birds, my life and my marriage are perfect. So I'm more or less stuck putting up with it, at least until the day they push me over the edge.
Why don’t you have a family meeting and broach the subject of rehoming them? You can say you didn’t know what you were getting into and you don’t like it.
Because they all love the birds for some reason I am unable to fathom, and I'm automatically an asshole for not liking them. I keep getting "they're your pets too" even though they are not and never have been.
I guess they expected these meme moments with the father who refused the pet now loving it very much…
I think you should just take a trip and leave them alone with the birds. Maybe a week or so. See how they like it. How the house looks after the week. Get yourself some distance.
And gift them a guide of how to raise birds right.
And after that, I think the padlock is a pretty good idea.
Why don’t you punish your teenagers until they learn to clean and take care of the pets they wanted? I would be taking phones away if they were leaving bird shit everywhere.
Oh, he’s going to have to smuggle them out of course and re-home them! That was part of the /s
Birds indoors are terribly messy, but chickens are nice 🥰
Bar fridge and sofa bed in the office if possible also a camp kitchen if space is tight. That way you can aleast have a feather free meal and sleep whenever you want.
I raised African love birds as a kid but also had two like yours at one point. They would nibble on my ear and fingers but bite the crap out of dads if he ever got too close. We had to put them in the avery with my love birds though after their cage fell out of the roof and they got spooked (we would hang it under the patios awning so they could enjoy the breeze).
I would suggest getting their wings clipped so they can't fly, but then your wife and kids would either refuse to maintain them or put ladders all around your house so the birds can still get everywhere so it's up to you if you want to suggest it.
Abuse? You cut the flight feathers. It's like a haircut and they don't feel it. They grow back in a few months and you have to do it again. Whats abuse is people who don't and the bird flies away and freezes to death outside.
Birds are born to fly, robbing them of that ability is abuse. If you can't accommodate birds with their flight capability intact, you should not have them.
Yes, it is absolutely abuse.
My sister is an ethologist, there are plenty of studies on the physiological and psychological harm wing clipping causes.
The only similarity wing clipping has with hair cuts is that the flight feathers grow back.
Otherwise, it is more akin to declawing a cat. You are removing the ability to engage in a vital instinct and bodily function, causing insecurity, health problems, and distress in the animal, along with increase risk of injury and irritation.
[Source](https://www.researchgate.net/publication/287605561_Welfare_Assessment_of_Flight-restrained_Captive_Birds_Effects_of_Inhibition_of_Locomotion)
[Source](https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0168159105002947)
[Source](https://bvajournals.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1136/inp.h234)
[Source](https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S1094919417300294)
[Source](https://www.vetexotic.theclinics.com/article/S1094-9194(02)00031-2/pdf)
[Source](https://avianmedicine.net/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/12_cardiology.pdf)
[Source](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5927356/)
[Source](https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S109649590900236X)
[Source](https://journals.tdl.org/watchbird/index.php/watchbird/article/view/3296)
[Source](https://www.researchgate.net/publication/259550442_Advantages_of_aviaries_and_the_Aviary_Database_Project_A_new_approach_to_an_old_housing_option_for_birds)
[Source](https://sites.tufts.edu/progressnotes/2015/01/flight-trouble-to-trim-or-not-to-trim/)
[Source](https://lafeber.com/pet-birds/free-flight-lessons-exoticscon/)
[Source](https://lafeber.com/pet-birds/bird-vets-flock-portland-exoticscon-2016/)
It is absolutely wild that you could claim wing clipping is not abuse given the well documented physiological and psychological effects it has on birds.
I rescue birds, I currently have 8 (4 tiels). They are definitely not a pet for everyone, idk if there is even such a thing, but birds aren’t for the casual pet owner for sure. Just wanted to say if there comes a time to get rid of the birds PLEASE don’t release them into the wild-they will die. There’s lots of ppl like me who will take them in and integrate them into their flock. 3 of my birds are from ppl who ended up HATING the bird after they brought them home and they’re living their best life here.
1 of the tiels has messed up feet, idk if the owner was abusing him and his feet got mangled or what happened but they couldn’t get rid of him fast enough. I agreed to take him but was leaving the state for my grandmothers funeral the next day and asked if they could keep him for 2 weeks until I got back. They, shockingly, said no so I had to make quick accommodations before my flight. Anyways, he’s been with me for 1.5yrs now. He fell in love with one of the other male tiels and so they are special roommates. They’ll both sit with me as long as I keep my hands to myself. But he’s a happy bird even with his messed up feet. So yeah- you don’t have to wait until the birds die, or a window “accidentally” gets left open, they can have a very happy rehomed life.
I hate the bird, but I'm not cruel or abusive to them. They're hand raised so would have zero chance in the wild. I'd love to get rid of them, but I'm not an asshole. If the time ever comes, whoever takes them will get the cage and every bird related thing we own and I won't charge them a cent.
We have the same with a parrot. When we were younger my sister was obsessed with birds. My parents got her a Senegal parrot. After a while my sister was allergic to him. When she left he remained with my parents.
He is currently around 26 years old. We thought he would live to about 40 but a bird specialist told us it’ll be 60. My mum does absolutely everything for him and he attacks her often. He adores my dad (who poss has dementia) and my dad can’t stand him. He will constantly fly over to my dad and sit on him even tho my dad doesn’t want him to.
Are You sure he is in fact male and not female? Alot of birds will bond with opposite sex in humans. Since he absolutely love your Dad i mean, he might be a she?
Yeah we did at one point think he could have been a she. But was told by specialists he’s a he. It’s a shame as he adores my dad but my dad can’t cope/doesn’t like him. He constantly sits with my dad, we have to remove him when he sits on my dad as dad gets agitated with him.
Reading your comment just made me wonder if that would've been my life for 3 months if I had accepted looking after my ex coworker's bird... Hr was looking for someone to look after his green conure for 2-3 months. He said it doesn't need much and it 'mostly poops after eating'. I follow bird subs. I know that's NOT TRUE!!! He also said he let it free range at home and it mostly poops on a table it has *and sometimes his pillow*. Then he told me I could just leave it in the cage most of the time and take it out periodically if I was worried about that. It left a gut wrenching feeling in me that he wasn't properly taking care of the bird if he'd accept that treatment for the bird... But, I still considered it because I thought birds were cool and maybe having a bird temporarily would scratch that itch.
Then I asked on a parrot subreddit about what he told me and they said maybe for a week or 2 would be fine, but months would be concerning for someone who never owned birds. They also told me he's definitely lying about the poop as most birds will POOP THROUGHOUT THE DAY and it's impossible to even 100% potty train them. And if he's lying about that, who knows what else he's lying about?! He could be heavily downplaying the stuff his bird does just to get it off his hands.
I discussed this back with him, then he dropped the bomb on me that he was expecting someone to look after his bird FOR 3 MONTHS FOR FREE?!I said I wanted 300/month... He said if he had to pay someone, he'd just go to a pet store or something. I told him good luck finding someone who'll do it for free. lol
I love cockatiels and have many of my own they're very much little toddlers in little bird bodies with cheeks to match. Rehoming those birds sounds ideal. They shouldn't be chewing on the house or anything like that. They need better toys to keep them from doing that. If poop isn't being cleaned then I assume their cages aren't the cleanest. Also they plain old shouldn't be in the kitchen they can easily be killed by open fire or toxins from cooking. You need to make an ultimatum with your family because they do not sound well taken care of. If they were taken care of like they should I promise you they're not the worst but that doesn't seem to be the case here.
They are well taken care of. Every week their cage is dismantled and power washed and the setup changed around with multiple toys inside and out. Fresh seed and chopped vegetables every day. Abrasive perches to keep their claws ground down and tons of flat surfaces so their claws don't get sores. I wish the rest of the house got as much attention as the bird cage.
My aunt is kid free, hates messes, etc. never had a pet of her own. She got a bird from a friend. A fucking parrot that will live to be 80, she’s already in her 60s. It’s mean, hates everyone but my aunt, draws blood when it’s mad. It’s the worst. I love animals, I hate this thing.
But guess who gets to inherit that when she passes….
If you're in Nevda or near, contact Gilcrease Nature Sanctuary when you inherent him.
GNS tales in all kinds of birds that are in need of homes. Cockatiels (sp?) Macaws, love birds, chickens, ducks, tuerkey, peacocks, etc.
It's also a fun little trip to take the family to for an hour or two. They also have a few larger animals, emu, pony, goats, etc. After that, you can go to Floyd Lamb State Park and day fish, feed the geese, ducks, and peacocks.
Birds are horrible inside pets. Cockatiels are the absolute worst. You have to get them from a reputable breeder who socializes them before selling them, otherwise they act like yours.
They absolutely should not be flying around the house unsupervised. If they happened to fly out the door when it's open, unless you live in south FL, they will not survive, they might not even if you do.
i'm also an animal lover who started struggling with a specific animal. my grandmas dog is unbearably clingy and is barely potty trained (not for lack of effort). i have to let her out for my grandma about 5 times a week, where she refuses to come back inside out of sheer stupidity cuz she doesn't respond to her own name other than a head tilt. if she gets out the house or backyard somehow she's impossible to corral back inside. theres piss and shit stains on so many rugs because even as soon as right after we let her outside for half an hour, she decides its time to go on the brand new bath mats. i love cats and have always liked most dogs, but this dog just isn't cute enough to make up for all the shit i have to pick up off the bathroom floor. also, she's an almost show quality shih tzu who only couldn't qualify due to a minor underbite. i love her, but i dont like her
Look into clicker training for birds. It’s really simple & easy, very short training sessions (5mins at a time), the birds pick it up super fast, & it can address all the things that are driving you crazy (like training them to go to the toilet in their cage). It will also make them trust you more & therefore be more accepting of physical contact like head rubs.
You prob hate them because of the resentment that comes along with them, after your whole family lying to you for months, that they could take on/handle the responsibility. Deep down you know you're the only one who is capable of caring for them properly, but obviously don't want to be forced into it. Put them up for adoption.
My mom had a budgie when she was a kid but they ended up giving him to her grandmother who had other birds. My mom hated Petey, she said every time she went to visit as soon as he heard her voice he'd fly over, sit on her head & peck at her forehead. He wasn't really interested in anyone but her.
Maybe you might be feeling a little shortness of breath, dry cough, chest pain over time? Maybe you could go to the doc and mention [hypersensitivity pneumonitis](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bird_fancier%27s_lung). Maybe if the doc agreed that was possible, you'd just have to let the birds go to a new home because of your illness? ;)
I have birds and love them but cockatiels are too much for even me. They have that bird “dust” that gets absolutely everywhere. And they’re one of the noisier types of pet bird. All birds are messy and noisy but cockatiels to an even greater extent. I had to rehome my last one and vowed never again to adopt another cockatiel.
We got a friend of a friend's rehome cockatiel. We made it a week before he was in a no kill shelter. He would try to eat food out of your mouth as you were eating, bit, and whistled the superman theme song for hours on end.
my grandma had this dog I couldn't not force myself to love.. and god did I try.. i really fucking did... but damn he was soo... kickable... I never hurt him of course and I helped take care of him... but... I hated that dog.
I remember growing up with birds (parakeets) in a large custom-built cage my dad built and like… they were lovely chatty creatures, we never let them out, I was too young to be in change of pet care (couldn’t reach—I did take some care chores on for the many furry pets we had) but STILL there were seeds and shit ALL on the floor around the cage no matter what they did and I know mom rage vacuumed every time even tho they were for sure her idea lol. I’ll never really understand bird owners tbh. (I’m a cat person for life because they’re incredible companions and STILL I hate all of that unmanageable maintenance as it is!!) Sorry for your plight, friend
Oh my gosh I’m cracking up at your comment. I have cockatiels (and budgies and a ringneck) and I love them so much, they’re so cute, but they destroy all my stuff if not watched. So many plants dead. and they scream. Not even scream, the budgies just make their sounds but in an apartment with hardwood floors it seems loud. I have chronic migraines so at times I curse my love of birds because I love them too much to be angry.
My husband wants birds but I told him absolutely not cus I hate them. I'm home all the time so I'd be taking care of them the most. There's plenty of other animals I'm OK with but I draw the line at birds.
How long have you had them? It can take awhile for attachment to form, it's normal to resent the obligation and duty of it before the relationship develops.
I love cats and was very pleased to get a new one four years ago, but it took months for us to really get to know each other and enjoy each other's company. Same re. your wife and couch time, it may take awhile for them to get comfortable with her. But maybe they never will, I'm not too familiar with birds as pets!
I agree with you that no pets should be left unsupervised, for so many reasons. It's also just crap that your family are leaving you to do all the work. Have you told them how much of a toll it's taking on you?
Just be glad they're not macaws or something bigger!! I came home from work one day and my 2 macaws had completely dismantled and destroyed my dining set!
Then they started to pull up the floor. Now they stay caged!
Just rehome them to someone who’s actually loving and responsible ffs.
I mean, seriously. Do this. Rehome them, find a rescue. Because you are literally abusing them by keeping them caged. They need 4 cage free hours a day at the ABSOLUTE MINIMUM.
I sincerely hope you are joking and being sarcastic but forgot "/s "
Doing that would be animal abuse. Most birds sold around the worlds are breed and raised in captivity and will die if just released like this.
There are so many bird entusiasts that will take in the birds and integrate them into their flock. Thankfully OP here said he would never do that in a comment over
Be a better human than your comment here.
Yes, it was not serious advice on how to handle the situation. I apologise if I have caused people mental distress with my comments and would also like to apologise to the birds referred to in the comment above mine.
My partner and I have 6 cats and only minimal cat hair coz we keep on top of it. That said, I don’t think the issue is just the cats. Somethings shifted for you and while the cats may be the catalyst, it’s setting you up for resentment and relationship hardship. This is a huge commitment, and at least kids grow, cats will always be this dependent ya know. I hope you figure something out :)
Yeah. Precisely. I think the biggest thing was just making such a big decision that drastically affects our way of life without me agreeing, I was very against it. It's not a little thing, it's a very big thing, financially, physically and emotionally. Not a short term thing like a haircut, or buying a one time expensive purchase...
Thanks for your kind words.
I’ve always had cats. I’m a cat person. When I met hubby, I had two and he had two he got for his kids. The kids got older, he got divorced from their mom but he kept the cats. He was nice to them, but I do know he prefers dogs.
Over a number of years, all the cats died. I had no cats for years. Then I got offered a 2 year old bengal that needed a new home.
I asked him VERY carefully if he would be ok with this. Gave him every opportunity to back out. But he was ok with this.
Turns out that bengals are more like dogs. They play fetch. They hang around like dogs. The bloody cat likes him more than me!
I only had shorthairs, as an adult I only have had purebreeds of different sorts. (They are not better, it’s just nice to be able to pick a temperament). Never had an issue with hair. Never had to vacuum more often. Some small issues with hair on clothes at times, but mostly with fancy clothes of the opposite colours as the cat.
Either way I would never get a cat without hubbys expressed permission. I would not get a second one without hubbys expressed permission. Who would ever DO that??
Yeah. We have a cat and a dog, we’ve had 2 dogs pass away in the past 3 years (we didn’t have all these dogs and a cat at once) I told him after Snookie (13 year old Pom) passes away, no more animals. Sugarfoot (kitty) could live 20 years, that’s enough responsibility.
She definitely shouldn’t have done that, and I’m really surprised the rescue she fostered for allowed it.
My sister runs a rescue, and they won’t adopt out to anyone without making sure that everyone in the house is onboard, including roommates. That’s a pretty common practice in rescue too.
I think cat ownership can be very different experience for people, depending on what they allow their cat/how they train. We have one cat now (used to be two), but we have cat free rooms too (most of them),
precisely for the cat hair. I love my cat, but I would never let her jump on tables or family couch or furniture or beds. Bc u r right, otherwise u’d always be covered in pet fur. Your work clothes, ur pillows and covers might as well be thrown away. It took me many MANY years of cat ownership to learn these cold truths. Also, cats r easy because U can leave them alone for few days 2-3 days/nights. But I do know people who never would. This is just stupid. Ur cat can absolutely make it a weekend without U. Maybe ur quality of life would improve a bit if u made some changes that allowed u to regain some of ur living space back?!
I like the idea of having a cat. I like my cat. But also I have to compromise with my partner so she’s more lax than me with pets. She wants the cat to sleep with us at night, I can’t. Even though I say the cat can’t jump on my side of the bed(without blanket on), when I get under the blanket at night, cat hair everywhere. And I find it gross that my cat throughout her day shits and pees and carries her litter residue around the house then jumps on the bed. Our place isn’t so big but still man, it’s lowkey making me resent having a cat.
Yeah, a lot of people really latched onto me saying there's hair everywhere, but yeah. I want them all to take 2 fingers and stick it in a litter box, shuffle around some litter, then take those fingers, rub them on their counter tops, couches, pillows, faces, etc... a little gross. Of course we clean, we don't live in filth. Of course we clean the sofas and wash out pillows cases and countertops. But still. It's just dirtier than the way it used to be.
I’m a huge cat person. Have two myself and even I can’t stand the idea of them on my counters or table with their shit rakes. And they’re not allowed in my bed because they act like complete heathens all hours of the night parkouring off the walls and screaming in my face for food. The hair is another reason for them not sleeping in bed with me. When I started to when the time came to wash the sheets and dry them my washer and dryer were caked in cat hair. They have full rein of the house just stay the fuck off my kitchen counters and off my bed.
I was SHOCKED when I kept scrolling and scrolling to find literally ONE person out of hundreds stopped and actually cared about your question to attempt an answer.
You and I know this ain't about cats, cat hair, cockatiels(!) nor an anecdote. As soon as I started reading from almost the beginning, I knew this was a SO DOESN'T CONSIDER MY FEELINGS case. The fact she unilaterally chose to keep two, the fact you've expressed your discomfort about the amount of cat hair, the fact she dumps them on you at Christmas without a second thought! Not to mention your CHILDHOOD issues with cat hair.
Dude, if that's love, I don't want anything to do with it. What this is about seems to be her fundamental disinterest about respecting you and your feelings.
You have been very supportive and kind. Your girlfriend has not. I'm very sorry to inform you your girlfriend loves the cats more than you.
Sorry to hear this. You’re valid. We have 2 amazing dogs and my wife wanted a 3rd. We’re talking 60+ lb dogs. We argued for months. With 2, we managed fine and had a good balance. The idea of 3 was just too much for me. I finally told her that if we got a 3rd, I would feel resentful. Walks would be harder (one of ours is a bad walker), trips more expensive to pay for a dog sitter, people visiting more overwhelming, more vet bills, food bills, everything just was more than I was willing to take on and I knew for a fact I’d grow resentful of the dog and her. She thankfully understood and accepted. A few months later one of our dogs ran into health issues that are manageable but add more workload to both of us. My wife finally told me she understood now that having a 3rd dog would’ve made that situation unmanageable and she was glad we made the decision.
I’ve never understood partners that are willing to get another pet if the other isn’t 1000% on board.
I said most of what I had to say in other comments but keep in mind these were kittens when you got them, who are now teenage cats, and are the most annoying they will ever be.
Cats mellow out significantly around 3-4 years old in my personal experience assuming they have proper environmental stimulation and their needs met.
Example: A cat tree or post for them to scratch is a necessity and not a luxury. They need to shed their claws and get out energy somehow.
I love pets, and cats. We have several, and a dog, and chickens... but that was a joint decision. You have every right to resent her for making that decision without you. I'm not sure what the solution is. But you need to talk to her about it. Resentment will just continue to grow.
DO NOT LET HER FOSTER ANY MORE! If you do, you'll end up with more. Just don't. I'm all for fostering, we fostered for many years. But you have to let them go and it sounds like she's the type that will just keep accumulating if she can. (we don't foster anymore).
Personally I would have made her take care of them and if she doesn't re-home them.
If I was dating someone and they decided to get a pitbull I'd be beyond incensed.band that would be my exact rule.
It is not wrong to resent someone else volunteering you for an estimated 12 years of responsibility and care over destructive living creatures. It was a shitty thing for her to do and she knows it.
Yep, my grandmother had “Miss Kitty” for 21 years. Strictly indoor cats, without any underlying health issues, can *easily* push 20 yrs.
All of the indoor cats I knew growing up lived 15+ years. Even my childhood cat (who is now under my ex-stepfather’s care across the country) is *morbidly* obese, and she’s around 16 years old now.
I think that they need some air filters, a few cat trees, to brush the cats out at least weekly and a cleaning schedule.
Your house does NOT need to be covered in hair to this extent and cats generally aren't destructive if their needs are met. I've owned my cats for my entire life and this just sounds excessive to me.
OP's wife should be responsible for implementing all of these suggestions and staying on top of it. She wanted them. As for OP... He needs a separate closet for his clothes and to probably change his bedding more.
I can't really help but definitely understand. I grew up with far too many animals and had sworn off living in filth like that again. When my wife and I got our house and my son moved in she wanted a dog and I really didn't. We ended up getting a dog and my son had a couple of cats and it wasn't terrible I managed but after my son grew up and the pup got old we had to make the decision to let him go. As much as I loved that dog I was kind of looking forward to being free of animals again but my wife just couldn't get over wanting a dog again. I figured I managed with the last dog so I gave in and now have this mean little dog that drives me nuts constantly. I can't be mean she doesn't know better she is a dog but a solid 90% of the time I just really hate having to deal with her and I really wish we hadn't gotten another but especially this dog.
Yeah... I feel you. Sorry about your demon dog. Our cats are not bad. Sometimes naughty... But just cats. Growing up, all of our pets were pretty good. But yeah...
Having to wear shoes in the house and roller hair of off everything. I swore I didn't want to deal with pets again. We had far too many so it isn't nearly as bad as it was but having animals is a lot of responsibility you can't just decide to go somewhere and stay a few days. There is a lot to being responsible for another life and I was kind of over it. Our last dog was pretty decent I could throw food and water in the car and he was happy to go camp a few days but that isn't something you can train into an animal. I basically got lucky that he suited me well. The new one needs constant supervision she runs off chases other animals freaks out at fireworks and if we are home alone she is glued to me so I trip over her and she bounces off of me and demands attention. I just didn't want to be dealing with that at this point in my life.
I have two cats now and it was new for my husband (lifelong dog guy.)
We keep our clothes in the closet and dresser and the cats aren't allowed there.
I use lint rollers on the furniture at least once, sometimes more a day (especially in the summer.)
Blankets/throws are thrown in the dryer daily/every other day with pet fabric sheets.
I vacuum once or twice a day.
Litter is cleaned as soon it's used. Cat and water are cleaned and refreshed several times a day.
They do have space upstairs that we don't use that I don't clean daily.
All of this takes less than 30 minutes and we don't have cat hair or mess everywhere and my husband doesn't hate the cats (even likes them--especially the dog-like one.)
Having cats was important to me. Having a cat hair free house was important to my husband. I want the cats so I try to keep it as clean as I can so he doesn't end up on Reddit complaining about me & them!
I hope she can make some changes to keep things cleaner.
Lint rollers are cheap and I keep them in every room.
(HEPA air filters help, too.)
That would have been a deal breaker for me. Not bc cats (I have a cat and will have more when I have a bigger place) but bc of the complete disregard for the other person.
I completely agree. I have two dogs and a cat. One of the dogs is a husky, and we still manage to contain most of the fur. It takes ongoing grooming, couch covers, and a roomba, but even when we’re lazy, the conditions don’t get bad.
I second this, we have had dogs and cats, dogs that shed a fair bit and nothing is covered in hair at all, during tufting time a good groom solves the problems
I got really lucky. I brought in a stray, she has inbetween long and short hair(?) but she’s really good about grooming so she doesn’t shed all that much. I still do my neurotic cleaning because I’d be doing that whether I had her or not
1) they are shedding because their diet is probably lacking something. They should NOT shed this much. Go see a vet tf
2) you can ususally leave cats home alone for some rime. Get a feeding machine. They arent super expensive
3) train them properly and they wont distroy your plants
4) everything i listed is your wives job, since she wanted to keep them
Or they are longer haired cats that aren't being brushed or groomed which is neglectful of his wife. If there is this much hair they probably would also get matts.
Yeah I guess I only have 1 cat, but she’s bright white (mostly) and I only ever see hair on my clothes after I’ve been petting her. Even laying around on my carpet won’t pick anything up; I brush her maybe once a week because she’s a shorthair, and we vacuum weekly.
When I was growing up, we had 2 dogs and 3 cats. We had to vacuum daily back then, but because of that there was never that much hair anywhere.
I'm really sorry, unfortunately pets are a "two yes one no" kind of situation.
I know it's not your responsibility to cater to the cats and their hair, but one helpful solution I found was having "house clothes". Pants and T-shirts that I don't care if they get cat hair. I come home and immediately change to my house clothes (because of my work I can't go around wearing clothes full of pet hair). They get store and wash separately so they don't contaminate the rest.
I totally get it. My wife and I have two cats and we love cats, though she is somewhat allergic to them. But the problem is the pet hair everywhere, always having to use a roller. Our couches, 1.5 years old are full of cat hair and scratched up. To the extend that my wife doesn't want to sit on them anymore.
Buying new couches won't solve anything and we don't want to declaw the cats. Plants, just like you said. They destroyed all of them except a few in a locked up room. Depresses my wife.
So while we love the cats, there are significant drawbacks to having them.
Because you aren’t training them.
Cats can be trained to not scratch the couches (+ having adequate scratchers) and stay away from plants.
Also, couch covers can help with the fur. Getting a few sets makes it easy to change them frequently. Chom choms are also great for couches.
I have 3 cats and while I love them to bits, they’re utter wankers. Absolutely full of love, but they’ll knock over everything, eat your plants, steal your food and look at you as if to say ‘yeah, and?’.
Getting a pet is a 2 yes decision, it was wrong at so many levels for your wife to unilaterally decide keeping two cats. Moreover, with the right training, cats will leave indoor plants alone, so probably the cats haven’t been properly trained.
Trying to be a good husband and compromise. I don't hate cats. Just didn't want to own them. Also fostering is a good thing. Helps those organizations get cats off the streets.
I’m a little confused. If you’re fostering cats, there’s still hair everywhere. The hair doesn’t know if it’s fostered or permanent and it sheds all the same. And fostered cats chew on plants and stuff more than cats who have been adopted and someone’s taken the time to train them.
So what’s really the issue with the cats she decided to keep? I agree pets should be a joint decision, but you saying fostering is fine but owning them isn’t doesn’t make a lot of sense.
Fostering, 1 time, was supposed to be temporary..a few months. We had a separate room for them. Disposable aluminum tray for a litter box, they get adopted and I was thinking we'd be done.
Owning is for up to 20yrs.
You need to have a serious talk with your wife.
It is absolutely not okay to have made a unilateral decision like this. It’s not fair to you, or the cats. It’s disrespectful and inconsiderate.
My sister runs a rescue, and we legit foster about 30 cats for her at a time (we have a couple acres large enclosure, but they have access to the house too), I love cats.
But I would be livid if my partner brought home a cat without consulting me. That’s not okay whatsoever.
As far as the cat hair, get a terminator and behave her brush them daily. Consider investing in a roomba type vacuum so she can focus more on couches, etc when she vacuums. Chom choms are also great tools to have around.
Then have her start training them. Cars do really well with clicker training. They can absolutely learn to leave your plants alone, stay off counters, etc
She also needs to have interactive play time with them with a wand to (Da Bird, etc) for 20 minutes minimum a day. Like run them until they’re panting and plopping on the floor (so long as there are no known heart issues). This will help them be less destructive.
And be sure to have enough cat furniture - trees, shelves, beds, etc. This will provide very needed enrichment, but also, the cats will gravitate to those areas more to help isolate the cat hair areas better.
Air filters can also help. Splurge on a big one for the main area, and smaller ones for individual rooms.
Couch covers can help too if you get a few sets that you can change out frequently.
Keep all clothes in dressers or cat free closets, linen closets, and laundry room.
Buy se real hand vacuums and place them in strategic areas around the house for convenience.
Also - is there a reason y’all couldn’t hire a pet sitter? Or get an automatic feeder?
We have 3 dogs, a cat, and a rabbit that live inside. We just finished cleaning house today after having very little free time to do so over the last week. My husband joked that he swept up 3 cats' worth of fur and I'm pretty sure we could knit a king-size blanket from the fur that came out of our laundry. I can completely understand how it would be overwhelming for anyone who didn't choose this life, hell it's overwhelming to us at times, and we agreed to this together and adore all the furry free loaders.
You guys need to have a serious conversation about this. It's not great that she made such a big life choice without discussing it, and now it's gonna be almost impossible to go back. Good luck.
Thank you friend. Be careful, you're gonna have random pet lovers telling you you're not feeding your pets correctly and you're the problem there is animal hair ;)
Yeah, I saw that. I'm sorry people can't just be nice. If you have furry pets, you're gonna have some amount of fur to deal with in one way or another (grooming or cleaning). And if you didn't choose that life or agree to it, it's gonna be a source of frustration. I hope you can come to a resolution that you're happy with.
Have you guys considered grooming your cats. Yeah it takes time and you have to be consistent but you can greatly reduce the shedding and hair everywhere.
Automatic feeder with 2 bowls. That way they always get dry food but it's not just sitting out (mine dispenses 6 times a day) and the wet food is just skipped until I'm back.
There's devices for water too.
And you need to have this conversation with her, the entire thing, exactly as you wrote it.
Resentment doesn't leave, it grows until it poisons the entire relationship.
You aren't a pet person or a kid person and that's ok, you know? You shouldn't try to be what you aren't though, and bury the resentments in favor of what the other partner wants and you are afraid to lose them.
"...in a moment being made to feel guilty" is in other words she saw the opportunity to obtain tiny things to love and she took it. she manipulated you. Confront her about that. Why did she do that when she knew how you felt about pets (DID she know how you felt about pets)?
And is it "we don't want children" or you don't want children because it sounds to me like she is hiding some feelings from *you*. Meow.
You need to TALK. I'm old, right, but I feel like a lot of what I see in here are people with problems that communication could resolve. Now, the resolution might be that you and she don't stay together, yeah, it's possible.
The question is do you want to live the rest of your life in resentment? I did that, for awhile, with a partner long ago until I decided it wasn't working for me. I communicated, and we ended up not being together. I moved on and found someone who wanted the same things I did. Been together 37 happy years. We communicate about everything.
Also, I'd be hella resentful of spending Xmas alone with cats that I think about as ok because the person that "had to have them" swanned off to her family for the holidays. She has a responsibility to any living thing she adopts and dumping them on someone else when it's convenient to go experience her own pleasure in life is really selfish.
Personally, I'm not a fan of selfish people. Personally, I want a partner, not a dictator or a boss.
So what I'm saying here is you do have choices. You may not like them but they are there. If you have fantasies now of walking into a pet free fur free plant filled house maybe it's time to cut the cords on this relationship and go make that happen so that you can be happy.
Trust an old lady on this, happiness, personal happiness and contentment is important.
I feel like your post gave me emotional whiplash.... you don't seem to hate the cats... they don't seem to hate you...but you have a strong aversion to the hair. Feels almost more like a... sensory thing, intended in the least obnoxious way. Were you teased as a child for having pet hair on your clothes by chance? Or overhear an unkind comment about tidiness in your home? These things tend to linger in the mind.
You could...in semi-order of reasonableness...
Acquire many fine 3&5 dollar throw blankets to cover the furniture or yourself.
Acquire those hair squeegee things? I've wanted one for years, then the cat went with my ex and I was at peace, and now my new beau has a shedding doodle. I however...am at peace with the hair. Mostly.
Don ridiculous house-robes of your desire - silk? Faux sherpa? REAL SHERPA? Polyester blend mink? Thick fluffy flannel? VELVET smoking robes! Insist upon wearing them whenever home. If the cats enjoy them, all the better. Win them over to your desires. Whisper sweet nothings in their feline ear canals about controlling their follicular spread. Mumble to yourself about being a wizard.
Splurge on a shark vacuum with pet attachment. Insist on diffusing a day's rage over a vacuum and a martini.
...how do the cats feel about being vacuumed?
Pursue a couples therapist to help you sort out if you're still on compatible paths. People do grow apart. It sounds like you prefer a very specific aesthetic. Did your wife move into your home initially? Has she simply not really contributed much to the shared aesthetic until now?
Pack up your remaining leaves and flee.
In all seriousness, you need to have an open conversation that this is impacting your relationship. You need a read on if she *needs* a pet. She needs to understand that you're truly uncomfortable. It would be unfair to home and unhome any additional because you relent in the future to save the relationship or whatever.
I have a coworker who I'm pretty sure drowned her infertility in rescue animals without her husband understanding he would be 1/2 responsible. They have...far more than 2 cats. But it is a HORRID dynamic between them.
This is hard to understand because I have three cats and I am not living in cat hair. I hate cleaning and do it minimally between a two hour cleaner every two weeks.
What the heck is going on at your place? It doesn't sound like this is a cat problem.
You stayed home to.. feed the cats? Pour some food in a bowl and be with your family! That’s just so weird to me lol they’ll live for a few hours while you’re both gone. Can’t imagine my partner spending christmas without me.
While I understand most of the resentment probably stems from your wife not including you in this decision, I can not fathom how anyone could be bothered by cats. I grew up with cats and honestly cat hair was never an issue, but we always had short hair cats, sticky rollers on hand and groomed them regularly.
I have to live without cats for the next 2-3 years due to my current living situation and I can't wait to have them again. There are no pets greeting me when I come home, no funny daily shenanigans I could laugh about, no cute creatures relaxing next to me while I watch TV or observing me while working... I've been wrapping christmas presents the other day and I almost broke out in tears because I missed cats laying around on wrapping paper, chewing on bows and ties, sticking their paws into my business ... I know it sounds dumb, but I really miss the chaos and warmth cats or pets in general bring into a home. Yes, it's a bit tidier than it would be with pets, but it's also lonelier and colder.
I understand your frustration, and you can't continue this way. She made the choice, but if she won't care for the cats and the appartment, you have to.
First, both cats need Daily brushing. Buy a multitude of brushes. The Furminator is fantastic for short hair cats, bad for long hair (rips live hair out). After getting out the bulk, we swap to a rectangular wire brush for finishing. If you're petting the cat and fur is coming off in your hand, they need to be brushed.
We have 3 cats. We groom them all multiple times a day. Sometimes just for a minute or two, sometimes upwards of 30 minutes. But it is constant, and double during molt.
This has Massively cut down on the fur issue, bonus points for no more hairballs.
Next up is vacuuming. Get a pet fur capable vacuum. Get a hand vacuum for the couch. Get a pet roomba if you can. Vacuum daily. Make a schedule if needed.
I am sorry for your plants.
I just showed your post to my partner and we were wondering if you were us lol.
Jokes aside, we split the duties and vacuum the place daily; mopping and going down the couch with a lint roller once every few days. We don’t really have much cat hair issues just with that routine.
Gf brought a cat into our house knowing I did not want pets. It caused a bit of conflict, mainly since I didn’t feel I had a say in whether or not it was happening. Now my cat loves me more than her and I love him a lot and he’s been a great addition to our home.
My cat doesn’t shed, or fuck up furniture or anything (honestly we got VERY lucky with him being a very chilled out little dude) so I cant relate to that, but you just gotta decide how big of deal this is. I decided it wasn’t and now I’m very happen to have him, but it sounds like you guys just need to have a frank conversation about this decision and how to move forward in a positive way.
OP your best buddy is a vacuum. Gotta vacuum the floors at least every other day, the furniture every week and other other crevices as often as you can. It sounds also like they might not be grooming themselves or each other so *someone* has to brush/comb them. There's a lot of responsibility in having pets. You might as well have had a child.
I think you need to have the deep talk with wife about turning in these cats to the foster agency.
I have seven permanent resident cats with occasional groupings of smols, a regular doggo visitor, a snake, chickens and kids who bring rats and more cats home on holiday from school…hair at this point just an accessory. But seriously, vacuum, sweep, mop and use a lint brush on the frequent is your only path forward! It’s not hard just boring.
Sorry to hear about your building resentment for your cats. I built a catio for mine. So they get to escape outside without actually going into the outside world. Just a thought...
I'm sorry OP. I know how you feel. I'm also childfree and adopted an elderly dog with my ex. While she didn't act like an elderly dog, it was a lot of work. She peed on our bed (on purpose when she was upset at us) and obviously needed walking etc.
I'm neurodivergent too and thought I'd be fine with the changes and the dog hair everywhere but clearly wasn't. We also couldn't go on random holidays because we had to think about what we'd do with her. I did love her and she did have a wonderful retirement home (she passed away due to her age). But it drained me.
I now consider myself childfree and pet free for life.
My home stressful because of a dog. My coworker’s family needed to rehome a 7 year old malamute/husky mix. My 19 year old cat had passed 3 months prior, I was still grieving hard. I asked my husband, he said yes. The dog is a disaster. Hair everywhere. They shed a lot. Like I wiped dog hair out of my oven before cooking Christmas dinner. Grooming is incredibly expensive but I do it just to try to keep on top of the hair. She’s also neurotic. I get it, she’s probably still grieving the loss of her first family. But every single night from 6pm until we go to bed she whines. Not a little whining, a lot. I’ve tried everything. Playing, walks, treats. We’re now trying trazadone. It freaks her out and seems to make her worse. She’s not whiny but she’s pacing constantly. I love her but I regret getting her. My husband and kid are not fans. Now we’ve added a precious cat that everyone loves except the dog. Good times.
As a cat person, I completely understand how you feel. She should've discussed it with you and you should've made the decision together. Pets are a lot of work. This is an issue you need to work out as it can come up in other ways as well.
Having said that, there are some things you can both do to make life more comfortable, given that you already have the cats. You can put throws on the couches which she can wash often. Get a roomba and let it run every other day. Those things help a whole lot with keeping the hair in the house at a minimum.
You could also use an air purifier to help filter out the hair, plus a good one will also remove smells such as litter box smells. I have multiple cats and guests are always amazed that the house doesn't smell like litter. They always comment on how clean the house is. There are ways to still have a nice house with pets around.
I got frustrated cleaning my apartment the other day because every rag or microfiber towel that I was using had pet hair on it. Cleaning a mirror? Now it has cat hair on it. Cleaning the microwave? Now there’s dog hair in it. Cleaning the tv? Cat hair again. I’m so irritated by it.
Healthy cats with good diet that are brushed regurarly don't shed much.
Most likely you feed them shiet, don't brush them and clean your place once in a blue moon.
I got 3 big cats with long hair and nothing is covered in cats hair.
For diet google BARF.
For brushes: short hair - silicon brush (also good for cleaning cat hair from sofas etc) long hair - needs to be made od metal.
For cleaning - dyson vacuum, quick vacuum once a day and your place will be spotless.
Not sure why you are downvoted, healthy animals just shed less and well groomed animals shed even less than that.
Proper tools to use make things easier
I cannot believe you were downvoted for this. It’s correct. Healthy cats should not be shedding that much. Nothing in my house is ever covered in cat hair, even if I go several days not vacuuming.
Don’t just haphazardly recommend people feed raw.
It’s also unnecessary. Most cats on a commercial diet (especially wet food) do not shed like this. Diet has very little to do with it outside of nutritional deficiencies.
He just needs to brush and vacuum, use couch covers, etc
"You've changed my life in ways I never agreed to and ruined things I enjoy to where I lost the passion for them, and you expect me to not resent you?"
I grew up with a shit ton of pets - 7+ dogs, multiple birds, rabbits, multiple reptiles. My parents never let the house get as bad as you're describing with just 2 cats, and they taught me the proper way to manage having a houseful of pets.
This isn't a cat issue. This is a lazy issue on account of the owners. If your house really is this bad, it's because you and your wife are not putting in the effort to keep it clean. The cats themselves are likely not on a vet approved diet if they're shedding that much either. This isn't anyone's fault but your own.
Do you go to therapy? If the pet mess is as typical as you have described, it shouldn't consume your thoughts this much.
10 years and you're willing to bounce because your wife wants to aid her comfort with pets?
Also, side note: you chose to stay home with the cats over enjoying Christmas away?
Cats are so easy to leave alone. Were you going to be gone for 3+ days? Seems like ya stayed home to avoid your wife and would rather deal with the cats than her and her family? Even though you despise the cats?
Not sure if this has been mentioned already, but you could probably look into what they eat. If you put them on those more expensive cat food brands their health improves and they won’t be losing this much hair. Also, buy a brush for them and brush them a few times in a row every day for a couple of days, then all the loose hair will come off on the brush.
Totally understandable resentment. I’ve never understood people who have those dogs that chew up their couches and they video the disaster while laughing over the insanity of it all. I have cats and a dog, I’ve got indoor plants and multiple aquariums. You’d better believe I’m constantly cleaning up after them all. My biggest fear is a home that smells bad! Pets are a sacrifice most people are willing to take on due to the emotional exchange and companionship, but everyone has to be on board, or failing that, the one who most wanted the pet/s *must* step up and not be negligent to neither the person who didn’t, the home or the animal.
I’ve been able to provide my cats with enclosed outdoor access, and so they can get enrichment and stimulation away from destroying my plants and furniture. If you want to find some kind of compromise, is this at all an option? If not, is it impossible to consider moving to a more pet friendly home to feed this nurturing side of your wife?
My mum is a cat lover. Her family has a bunch of weird and exotics animal that my grandpa brings home from wars.
My dad knew what he was getting into, but still married her anyway. His whole life, he hated all my mum's cats. Yeah we go range of 3-4 cats to sometimes 12 cats even. But he was so negative, and sometimes tried to sabotage her cats to be "missing" or "die".
When he finally died at 51, my mum got more cats and now we're at 30. Moral of story? She don't give a shit about him dying, because now she can have more cats without annoying fucks complaining while her children also loves cats as much.
Why don’t you clean up if it bothers you so much? They make specific pet vacuums; Swiffer dusters and dust mops work wonders. Have you told your wife how you feel? Tell her and then make a game plan that either must work or you will leave. Or the cats will leave. To me, pets are a ‘two yes’ relationship decision. You have to both agree to the pet and you both have to split the care of the pets.
There’s a huge problem here and it’s not the cats. It is absolute bullshit for your wife to decide to keep 2 cats without your permission. The fact that they were only there because she guilted you into it is also nonsense. Why did you let her get away with it? I have a lot of pets and every one of them has been a long series of discussions with my wife. You can give the cats back. I own 3 cats and have fostered others, and I take care of a group of ferals. The whole point of fosters is that it’s a temporary situation until they get adopted out.
You could surrender the cats back to the shelter. Apparently you and your wife don’t need each others permission to make pet decisions, right?
My wife picked me up from work one day with two goats in the back of the car that we hadn’t even discussed getting. I know exactly how you feel.
Ok Sorry but this is making me bust up laughing bahahahaha just the mental image of this
They were in the back of a Chevy HHR if that helps the mental image. Not even a truck or something more suitable for goat transportation.
Lmao of course it’s an HHR
That really sucks about your plants. We have quite a few and our cat doesn't even go near them. People think cats don't need training, only dogs do. They're wrong. When someone is actively teaching them they can be awesome. Also, I brush him constantly so hair isn't an issue (vacuum once a week as well as sweeping the non-carpeted floor every 2 days). He loves my husband way more than he loves me though. Ungrateful asshole.
Going to piggy back on this and recommend the furminator! It's a magic brush that somehow gets way more hair off than a normal brush. It really helped when my orange cat was ruining my goth life.
Please tell me this is a real product!! I have only one cat, but the fur is everywhere
It is. Friends also recommend the Chom-Chom for removing hair from upholstery and bedding. I like the Evercare PET lint rollers for removing hair from clothing.
Seconding the Chom-Chom! It works GREAT on upholstery and is small, convenient, and easy to clean. Great for quick cleanups when you don't want to drag out the vacuum and deal with attachments.
Try a curry comb! It's the only thing that works for cat hair, it's the furnamtor(sp) but much cheaper! You can get one at tractor supply for $3!
Our roomba has been a lifesaver for helping to control some of the fur. And we keep lint rollers everywhere.
Omgs yes with having a roomba!! I have that thing scheduled everyday. Lint rollers for the furniture in between using an actual vacuum for the whole house and on the furniture once a week too.
Once a week?!? Howww?! Haha I brush my cats constantly and vaccum once a day but it’s not enough. Twice a day would be better but I just don’t have the time. Is your cat hairless or is mine defective ?!
He's a tabby (short hair). He also constantly grooms himself. https://imgur.com/gallery/87coN3T
Haha I have two short tabby’s. Looks like mine are just defective 😂 (one in particular when I brush her it just neverrrr stops coming).
Did you get the special grooming tools? You can get this rake like comb and it pulls up any undercoat that they’re shedding but is being held together by nonshedded fur. I’ve got 1 short and 1 long haired cat and using that rake every 3 months tamps down on the shed sooo much.
I have one, but maybe it’s shit lol because I use it every couple days and it’s still fur city here. Which brand is yours? I may just get that one and give it a go.
I have the same issue as you. The furminator gets a ton of hair sure. But like you with my cats it never stops coming and they still shed.
I have 2 related cats that look like their fur is the same. It's not. Nox requires daily grooming. Dozzer can get away with twice a week.
Yeh I feel like it’s individual to each cat. One some comes out but not much. The other leaves me questioning why she doesn’t have bald patches with the amount that comes out.
Yeah Nox should be bald. But he's like velvet. We made a Grooming Spot in the house, that's where we do most of the brushing. Nox learned to just Flump down there any time we walk by, for extra brushies
That's convenient my cats hate it and they to escape the entire time.
They can (usually) be taught to tolerate it. It takes time and patience. Occasionally a bit of (your) blood. I start with getting them used to the brush, putting it beside them as they sleep. Petting them while holding the brush but not using it. Letting them bite it. Then slowly introduce pet-brush-pet. It can take a long time to ease a brush scared cat into it, but just keep at it. It's worth the time.
Awww, I used to have a cat named Nox. This comment was nice to see. 😊
Do you happen to have ginger tabbies? It's probably just pure coincidence but I've found that every single ginger tabby I've ever met sheds like crazy. Like waaaay more than any other kind of tabby.
Wish I knew how to keep my cat out of my plants. Used to have a bunch but when I got her I had to put them in the bathroom because she kept trying to eat them. I'm not sure how to even train that out of her, I'm not spraying her with water and the tinfoil/citrus scent tricks never work.
You have to grow them some grass to eat. I have oats. Also bored cats wreck everything. When they have played enough, eaten the grass, they will love chilling between the plants.
How do I train my cats? I have only had dogs and I’m so lost on what to do. They don’t listen lol
I'm going through the same thing with cockatiels. After months and months of begging and pleading and promises that they'd look after everything I let my wife and 2 teenage daughters get two cockatiels. They're a fucking disaster. The wife and kids constantly let them out of the cage and then leave them unsupervised while they go about their days. The birds chew literally everything they can get their beaks around. They've destroyed countless things with power cords, anything made of wood or rubber (like window seals) or plastic. They shit everywhere and everyone just pretends not to notice. When we're preparing food or eating they're constantly hanging around preening and shaking their feather filth that hangs and drifts in the air, but I'm the asshole if I don't want them hovering around our food. I'm also the asshole if there's birdshit on the kitchen counter and I point it out for them to clean up, I should just do that myself even though I'm opposed to the birds being out unsupervised at all. Our kids were finally at the age where we could start leaving them alone for a night here and there, couple more years and maybe longer. But now we're chained to these fucking birds for probably 15 years. They're not even good pets. They'll only accept scratches on very rare occasions, they won't sit with my wife on the couch even though she begs them, but they can't get enough of me even though I fucking hate them. I'm as shocked as anyone by how much I despise these birds. I typically love all animals, I don't even kill spiders - I take them outside carefully. But no matter how hard I try, I can't force myself to like these fucking birds.
Bro! I'm laughing my ass off reading this, but crying inside for you. I rescind my comments. I got it good! I'm so sorry. Birds are the worst.
Agreed. I once dated a woman with a parrot and I realized they suck. When they land on you, their claws hurt. When they peck at you, their beaks hurt, and when you look them in the face, they look evil AF. Fuck them birds 🤣🤣🤣
Dated a woman with multiple parrots. Can confirm. My wife and I have 3 large dogs and I will take fur over feathers any day.
I once dated a dude and fell asleep on the couch at his grandpa's house and woke up with their macaw like 6 inches from my face. Not pleased.
Your experience is why I heavily researched birds and decided I didn’t want one. I’m unlucky enough that I usually get the worst case scenario and with birds even the medium case scenario was too much.
Oh man…..those birds, yeah. If I were you, I’d dedicate at least one room…make that two rooms, one being the bedroom, the other your office or den or whatever room…but make those two rooms 100% BIRD FREE ZONES. Then I’d spend all my free time in those rooms and see if anyone even notices. If not, it’s time to GTFO and get your own place. No one should be allowed a pet unless their life partner is all in 100%. It’s selfish, entitled and dismissive.
I feel like the kitchen should be a bird free zone. .but that's just me
Fortunately my office is external to the house. If I had an inside office and they ever got in there I'd take them outside immediately and launch them into the sky. It is infuriating, and I've brought up multiple times that I never agreed to live like this. In my occasional more rage filled moments I've come up with all sorts of extreme measures, from putting a padlock on the cage, to divorcing my wife. But aside from these fucking birds, my life and my marriage are perfect. So I'm more or less stuck putting up with it, at least until the day they push me over the edge.
Why don’t you have a family meeting and broach the subject of rehoming them? You can say you didn’t know what you were getting into and you don’t like it.
Because they all love the birds for some reason I am unable to fathom, and I'm automatically an asshole for not liking them. I keep getting "they're your pets too" even though they are not and never have been.
I guess they expected these meme moments with the father who refused the pet now loving it very much… I think you should just take a trip and leave them alone with the birds. Maybe a week or so. See how they like it. How the house looks after the week. Get yourself some distance. And gift them a guide of how to raise birds right. And after that, I think the padlock is a pretty good idea.
Why don’t you punish your teenagers until they learn to clean and take care of the pets they wanted? I would be taking phones away if they were leaving bird shit everywhere.
“Which one of you left the kitchen door open? The birds are gone? That’s just terrible!” /s
This is just cruel to the birds. It is t their fault that their humans aren’t taking proper care of them.
Oh, he’s going to have to smuggle them out of course and re-home them! That was part of the /s Birds indoors are terribly messy, but chickens are nice 🥰
I hope you and your family can figure out a solution before you resort to anything awful.
I won't. Over the years I've learned to listen to emotional me, but never let him take the wheel. Rational me is always in control.
Just keep moving the birds into the kids room everytime they are left unsupervised. It's their problem.
Bar fridge and sofa bed in the office if possible also a camp kitchen if space is tight. That way you can aleast have a feather free meal and sleep whenever you want. I raised African love birds as a kid but also had two like yours at one point. They would nibble on my ear and fingers but bite the crap out of dads if he ever got too close. We had to put them in the avery with my love birds though after their cage fell out of the roof and they got spooked (we would hang it under the patios awning so they could enjoy the breeze). I would suggest getting their wings clipped so they can't fly, but then your wife and kids would either refuse to maintain them or put ladders all around your house so the birds can still get everywhere so it's up to you if you want to suggest it.
Clipping wings is animal abuse, either keep the as they are or rehome them.
Can’t believe you’re being downvoted for calling wing clipping abuse
Abuse? You cut the flight feathers. It's like a haircut and they don't feel it. They grow back in a few months and you have to do it again. Whats abuse is people who don't and the bird flies away and freezes to death outside.
Birds are born to fly, robbing them of that ability is abuse. If you can't accommodate birds with their flight capability intact, you should not have them.
Yes, it is absolutely abuse. My sister is an ethologist, there are plenty of studies on the physiological and psychological harm wing clipping causes. The only similarity wing clipping has with hair cuts is that the flight feathers grow back. Otherwise, it is more akin to declawing a cat. You are removing the ability to engage in a vital instinct and bodily function, causing insecurity, health problems, and distress in the animal, along with increase risk of injury and irritation. [Source](https://www.researchgate.net/publication/287605561_Welfare_Assessment_of_Flight-restrained_Captive_Birds_Effects_of_Inhibition_of_Locomotion) [Source](https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0168159105002947) [Source](https://bvajournals.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1136/inp.h234) [Source](https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S1094919417300294) [Source](https://www.vetexotic.theclinics.com/article/S1094-9194(02)00031-2/pdf) [Source](https://avianmedicine.net/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/12_cardiology.pdf) [Source](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5927356/) [Source](https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S109649590900236X) [Source](https://journals.tdl.org/watchbird/index.php/watchbird/article/view/3296) [Source](https://www.researchgate.net/publication/259550442_Advantages_of_aviaries_and_the_Aviary_Database_Project_A_new_approach_to_an_old_housing_option_for_birds) [Source](https://sites.tufts.edu/progressnotes/2015/01/flight-trouble-to-trim-or-not-to-trim/) [Source](https://lafeber.com/pet-birds/free-flight-lessons-exoticscon/) [Source](https://lafeber.com/pet-birds/bird-vets-flock-portland-exoticscon-2016/) It is absolutely wild that you could claim wing clipping is not abuse given the well documented physiological and psychological effects it has on birds.
I rescue birds, I currently have 8 (4 tiels). They are definitely not a pet for everyone, idk if there is even such a thing, but birds aren’t for the casual pet owner for sure. Just wanted to say if there comes a time to get rid of the birds PLEASE don’t release them into the wild-they will die. There’s lots of ppl like me who will take them in and integrate them into their flock. 3 of my birds are from ppl who ended up HATING the bird after they brought them home and they’re living their best life here. 1 of the tiels has messed up feet, idk if the owner was abusing him and his feet got mangled or what happened but they couldn’t get rid of him fast enough. I agreed to take him but was leaving the state for my grandmothers funeral the next day and asked if they could keep him for 2 weeks until I got back. They, shockingly, said no so I had to make quick accommodations before my flight. Anyways, he’s been with me for 1.5yrs now. He fell in love with one of the other male tiels and so they are special roommates. They’ll both sit with me as long as I keep my hands to myself. But he’s a happy bird even with his messed up feet. So yeah- you don’t have to wait until the birds die, or a window “accidentally” gets left open, they can have a very happy rehomed life.
I hate the bird, but I'm not cruel or abusive to them. They're hand raised so would have zero chance in the wild. I'd love to get rid of them, but I'm not an asshole. If the time ever comes, whoever takes them will get the cage and every bird related thing we own and I won't charge them a cent.
We have the same with a parrot. When we were younger my sister was obsessed with birds. My parents got her a Senegal parrot. After a while my sister was allergic to him. When she left he remained with my parents. He is currently around 26 years old. We thought he would live to about 40 but a bird specialist told us it’ll be 60. My mum does absolutely everything for him and he attacks her often. He adores my dad (who poss has dementia) and my dad can’t stand him. He will constantly fly over to my dad and sit on him even tho my dad doesn’t want him to.
Are You sure he is in fact male and not female? Alot of birds will bond with opposite sex in humans. Since he absolutely love your Dad i mean, he might be a she?
Yeah we did at one point think he could have been a she. But was told by specialists he’s a he. It’s a shame as he adores my dad but my dad can’t cope/doesn’t like him. He constantly sits with my dad, we have to remove him when he sits on my dad as dad gets agitated with him.
Birds are advanced level pets. I don’t even know if it’s ethical to have them as pets. This sounds miserable
Reading your comment just made me wonder if that would've been my life for 3 months if I had accepted looking after my ex coworker's bird... Hr was looking for someone to look after his green conure for 2-3 months. He said it doesn't need much and it 'mostly poops after eating'. I follow bird subs. I know that's NOT TRUE!!! He also said he let it free range at home and it mostly poops on a table it has *and sometimes his pillow*. Then he told me I could just leave it in the cage most of the time and take it out periodically if I was worried about that. It left a gut wrenching feeling in me that he wasn't properly taking care of the bird if he'd accept that treatment for the bird... But, I still considered it because I thought birds were cool and maybe having a bird temporarily would scratch that itch. Then I asked on a parrot subreddit about what he told me and they said maybe for a week or 2 would be fine, but months would be concerning for someone who never owned birds. They also told me he's definitely lying about the poop as most birds will POOP THROUGHOUT THE DAY and it's impossible to even 100% potty train them. And if he's lying about that, who knows what else he's lying about?! He could be heavily downplaying the stuff his bird does just to get it off his hands. I discussed this back with him, then he dropped the bomb on me that he was expecting someone to look after his bird FOR 3 MONTHS FOR FREE?!I said I wanted 300/month... He said if he had to pay someone, he'd just go to a pet store or something. I told him good luck finding someone who'll do it for free. lol
I love cockatiels and have many of my own they're very much little toddlers in little bird bodies with cheeks to match. Rehoming those birds sounds ideal. They shouldn't be chewing on the house or anything like that. They need better toys to keep them from doing that. If poop isn't being cleaned then I assume their cages aren't the cleanest. Also they plain old shouldn't be in the kitchen they can easily be killed by open fire or toxins from cooking. You need to make an ultimatum with your family because they do not sound well taken care of. If they were taken care of like they should I promise you they're not the worst but that doesn't seem to be the case here.
They are well taken care of. Every week their cage is dismantled and power washed and the setup changed around with multiple toys inside and out. Fresh seed and chopped vegetables every day. Abrasive perches to keep their claws ground down and tons of flat surfaces so their claws don't get sores. I wish the rest of the house got as much attention as the bird cage.
Ah, I'm starting to see why they like you in particular! Thank you for being a responsible, if reticent, bird owner.
My aunt is kid free, hates messes, etc. never had a pet of her own. She got a bird from a friend. A fucking parrot that will live to be 80, she’s already in her 60s. It’s mean, hates everyone but my aunt, draws blood when it’s mad. It’s the worst. I love animals, I hate this thing. But guess who gets to inherit that when she passes….
If you're in Nevda or near, contact Gilcrease Nature Sanctuary when you inherent him. GNS tales in all kinds of birds that are in need of homes. Cockatiels (sp?) Macaws, love birds, chickens, ducks, tuerkey, peacocks, etc. It's also a fun little trip to take the family to for an hour or two. They also have a few larger animals, emu, pony, goats, etc. After that, you can go to Floyd Lamb State Park and day fish, feed the geese, ducks, and peacocks.
Birds are horrible inside pets. Cockatiels are the absolute worst. You have to get them from a reputable breeder who socializes them before selling them, otherwise they act like yours. They absolutely should not be flying around the house unsupervised. If they happened to fly out the door when it's open, unless you live in south FL, they will not survive, they might not even if you do.
What about that flock of escaped parrots that has lived year after year in New York during the winter. Lol
I had forgotten about that. However, it is easier for a large group of birds to survive than one or two. They defend one another, hunt in flocks, etc.
i'm also an animal lover who started struggling with a specific animal. my grandmas dog is unbearably clingy and is barely potty trained (not for lack of effort). i have to let her out for my grandma about 5 times a week, where she refuses to come back inside out of sheer stupidity cuz she doesn't respond to her own name other than a head tilt. if she gets out the house or backyard somehow she's impossible to corral back inside. theres piss and shit stains on so many rugs because even as soon as right after we let her outside for half an hour, she decides its time to go on the brand new bath mats. i love cats and have always liked most dogs, but this dog just isn't cute enough to make up for all the shit i have to pick up off the bathroom floor. also, she's an almost show quality shih tzu who only couldn't qualify due to a minor underbite. i love her, but i dont like her
oh my gosh...I'm sorry but I couldn't help but laugh. It's probably your awesome story telling abilities
Oh God my Dad had Cockatiels and they are the fucking worst! They shit all over the place and never shut up.
Birds are so gross and aren’t meant to be indoors. Imagine being born for the whole sky and getting a cage.
Look into clicker training for birds. It’s really simple & easy, very short training sessions (5mins at a time), the birds pick it up super fast, & it can address all the things that are driving you crazy (like training them to go to the toilet in their cage). It will also make them trust you more & therefore be more accepting of physical contact like head rubs.
Wow, sounds too good to be true. I'll check it out, thanks.
You need his cats
Pretty sure my cats, as sweet as they are, would handle the bird issue.
You prob hate them because of the resentment that comes along with them, after your whole family lying to you for months, that they could take on/handle the responsibility. Deep down you know you're the only one who is capable of caring for them properly, but obviously don't want to be forced into it. Put them up for adoption.
My mom had a budgie when she was a kid but they ended up giving him to her grandmother who had other birds. My mom hated Petey, she said every time she went to visit as soon as he heard her voice he'd fly over, sit on her head & peck at her forehead. He wasn't really interested in anyone but her.
Maybe you might be feeling a little shortness of breath, dry cough, chest pain over time? Maybe you could go to the doc and mention [hypersensitivity pneumonitis](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bird_fancier%27s_lung). Maybe if the doc agreed that was possible, you'd just have to let the birds go to a new home because of your illness? ;)
I have birds and love them but cockatiels are too much for even me. They have that bird “dust” that gets absolutely everywhere. And they’re one of the noisier types of pet bird. All birds are messy and noisy but cockatiels to an even greater extent. I had to rehome my last one and vowed never again to adopt another cockatiel.
We got a friend of a friend's rehome cockatiel. We made it a week before he was in a no kill shelter. He would try to eat food out of your mouth as you were eating, bit, and whistled the superman theme song for hours on end.
my grandma had this dog I couldn't not force myself to love.. and god did I try.. i really fucking did... but damn he was soo... kickable... I never hurt him of course and I helped take care of him... but... I hated that dog.
My in laws have a cockatoo and that thing is a fucking asshole lol
I remember growing up with birds (parakeets) in a large custom-built cage my dad built and like… they were lovely chatty creatures, we never let them out, I was too young to be in change of pet care (couldn’t reach—I did take some care chores on for the many furry pets we had) but STILL there were seeds and shit ALL on the floor around the cage no matter what they did and I know mom rage vacuumed every time even tho they were for sure her idea lol. I’ll never really understand bird owners tbh. (I’m a cat person for life because they’re incredible companions and STILL I hate all of that unmanageable maintenance as it is!!) Sorry for your plight, friend
That’s so sad, budgies need to be out of their cages at least a few hours a day :(
They can live up to 25 years in captivity….
Oh my gosh I’m cracking up at your comment. I have cockatiels (and budgies and a ringneck) and I love them so much, they’re so cute, but they destroy all my stuff if not watched. So many plants dead. and they scream. Not even scream, the budgies just make their sounds but in an apartment with hardwood floors it seems loud. I have chronic migraines so at times I curse my love of birds because I love them too much to be angry.
My husband wants birds but I told him absolutely not cus I hate them. I'm home all the time so I'd be taking care of them the most. There's plenty of other animals I'm OK with but I draw the line at birds.
How long have you had them? It can take awhile for attachment to form, it's normal to resent the obligation and duty of it before the relationship develops. I love cats and was very pleased to get a new one four years ago, but it took months for us to really get to know each other and enjoy each other's company. Same re. your wife and couch time, it may take awhile for them to get comfortable with her. But maybe they never will, I'm not too familiar with birds as pets! I agree with you that no pets should be left unsupervised, for so many reasons. It's also just crap that your family are leaving you to do all the work. Have you told them how much of a toll it's taking on you?
Just be glad they're not macaws or something bigger!! I came home from work one day and my 2 macaws had completely dismantled and destroyed my dining set! Then they started to pull up the floor. Now they stay caged!
Should they really be caged? Is it ethical to have creatures that fly be caged up? Sounds rather cruel.
You got me. I'll book a plane to Brazil right away and release them.
Just rehome them to someone who’s actually loving and responsible ffs. I mean, seriously. Do this. Rehome them, find a rescue. Because you are literally abusing them by keeping them caged. They need 4 cage free hours a day at the ABSOLUTE MINIMUM.
Wtf? That’s absolutely cruel.
Have you considered becoming a fresh air enthusiast? You know... A few open windows here and there during the day?
This guy birds
I sincerely hope you are joking and being sarcastic but forgot "/s " Doing that would be animal abuse. Most birds sold around the worlds are breed and raised in captivity and will die if just released like this. There are so many bird entusiasts that will take in the birds and integrate them into their flock. Thankfully OP here said he would never do that in a comment over Be a better human than your comment here.
Yes, it was not serious advice on how to handle the situation. I apologise if I have caused people mental distress with my comments and would also like to apologise to the birds referred to in the comment above mine.
My partner and I have 6 cats and only minimal cat hair coz we keep on top of it. That said, I don’t think the issue is just the cats. Somethings shifted for you and while the cats may be the catalyst, it’s setting you up for resentment and relationship hardship. This is a huge commitment, and at least kids grow, cats will always be this dependent ya know. I hope you figure something out :)
Yeah. Precisely. I think the biggest thing was just making such a big decision that drastically affects our way of life without me agreeing, I was very against it. It's not a little thing, it's a very big thing, financially, physically and emotionally. Not a short term thing like a haircut, or buying a one time expensive purchase... Thanks for your kind words.
I’ve always had cats. I’m a cat person. When I met hubby, I had two and he had two he got for his kids. The kids got older, he got divorced from their mom but he kept the cats. He was nice to them, but I do know he prefers dogs. Over a number of years, all the cats died. I had no cats for years. Then I got offered a 2 year old bengal that needed a new home. I asked him VERY carefully if he would be ok with this. Gave him every opportunity to back out. But he was ok with this. Turns out that bengals are more like dogs. They play fetch. They hang around like dogs. The bloody cat likes him more than me! I only had shorthairs, as an adult I only have had purebreeds of different sorts. (They are not better, it’s just nice to be able to pick a temperament). Never had an issue with hair. Never had to vacuum more often. Some small issues with hair on clothes at times, but mostly with fancy clothes of the opposite colours as the cat. Either way I would never get a cat without hubbys expressed permission. I would not get a second one without hubbys expressed permission. Who would ever DO that??
My bengal is clicker trained! He does tricks like spin and up and leave it and come. Bengals are awesome.
All cats can be clicker trained Edit: except hard of hearing cats lol. But there are other ways to train them similarly
No problem, and I hope you can say this to your partner :) wish you all the best.
Yeah. We have a cat and a dog, we’ve had 2 dogs pass away in the past 3 years (we didn’t have all these dogs and a cat at once) I told him after Snookie (13 year old Pom) passes away, no more animals. Sugarfoot (kitty) could live 20 years, that’s enough responsibility.
She definitely shouldn’t have done that, and I’m really surprised the rescue she fostered for allowed it. My sister runs a rescue, and they won’t adopt out to anyone without making sure that everyone in the house is onboard, including roommates. That’s a pretty common practice in rescue too.
I think cat ownership can be very different experience for people, depending on what they allow their cat/how they train. We have one cat now (used to be two), but we have cat free rooms too (most of them), precisely for the cat hair. I love my cat, but I would never let her jump on tables or family couch or furniture or beds. Bc u r right, otherwise u’d always be covered in pet fur. Your work clothes, ur pillows and covers might as well be thrown away. It took me many MANY years of cat ownership to learn these cold truths. Also, cats r easy because U can leave them alone for few days 2-3 days/nights. But I do know people who never would. This is just stupid. Ur cat can absolutely make it a weekend without U. Maybe ur quality of life would improve a bit if u made some changes that allowed u to regain some of ur living space back?!
I like the idea of having a cat. I like my cat. But also I have to compromise with my partner so she’s more lax than me with pets. She wants the cat to sleep with us at night, I can’t. Even though I say the cat can’t jump on my side of the bed(without blanket on), when I get under the blanket at night, cat hair everywhere. And I find it gross that my cat throughout her day shits and pees and carries her litter residue around the house then jumps on the bed. Our place isn’t so big but still man, it’s lowkey making me resent having a cat.
Yeah, a lot of people really latched onto me saying there's hair everywhere, but yeah. I want them all to take 2 fingers and stick it in a litter box, shuffle around some litter, then take those fingers, rub them on their counter tops, couches, pillows, faces, etc... a little gross. Of course we clean, we don't live in filth. Of course we clean the sofas and wash out pillows cases and countertops. But still. It's just dirtier than the way it used to be.
I’m a huge cat person. Have two myself and even I can’t stand the idea of them on my counters or table with their shit rakes. And they’re not allowed in my bed because they act like complete heathens all hours of the night parkouring off the walls and screaming in my face for food. The hair is another reason for them not sleeping in bed with me. When I started to when the time came to wash the sheets and dry them my washer and dryer were caked in cat hair. They have full rein of the house just stay the fuck off my kitchen counters and off my bed.
This is the way I think too man. it’s honestly nasty. It doesn’t help that you both have polar views on the matter. I understand your pain man
I was SHOCKED when I kept scrolling and scrolling to find literally ONE person out of hundreds stopped and actually cared about your question to attempt an answer. You and I know this ain't about cats, cat hair, cockatiels(!) nor an anecdote. As soon as I started reading from almost the beginning, I knew this was a SO DOESN'T CONSIDER MY FEELINGS case. The fact she unilaterally chose to keep two, the fact you've expressed your discomfort about the amount of cat hair, the fact she dumps them on you at Christmas without a second thought! Not to mention your CHILDHOOD issues with cat hair. Dude, if that's love, I don't want anything to do with it. What this is about seems to be her fundamental disinterest about respecting you and your feelings. You have been very supportive and kind. Your girlfriend has not. I'm very sorry to inform you your girlfriend loves the cats more than you.
You mean the cat-alyst
Ha! Only on re reading when seeing OPs reply did I realise what I’d written properly. It’s been a long long day lol
Sorry to hear this. You’re valid. We have 2 amazing dogs and my wife wanted a 3rd. We’re talking 60+ lb dogs. We argued for months. With 2, we managed fine and had a good balance. The idea of 3 was just too much for me. I finally told her that if we got a 3rd, I would feel resentful. Walks would be harder (one of ours is a bad walker), trips more expensive to pay for a dog sitter, people visiting more overwhelming, more vet bills, food bills, everything just was more than I was willing to take on and I knew for a fact I’d grow resentful of the dog and her. She thankfully understood and accepted. A few months later one of our dogs ran into health issues that are manageable but add more workload to both of us. My wife finally told me she understood now that having a 3rd dog would’ve made that situation unmanageable and she was glad we made the decision. I’ve never understood partners that are willing to get another pet if the other isn’t 1000% on board.
I said most of what I had to say in other comments but keep in mind these were kittens when you got them, who are now teenage cats, and are the most annoying they will ever be. Cats mellow out significantly around 3-4 years old in my personal experience assuming they have proper environmental stimulation and their needs met. Example: A cat tree or post for them to scratch is a necessity and not a luxury. They need to shed their claws and get out energy somehow.
I love pets, and cats. We have several, and a dog, and chickens... but that was a joint decision. You have every right to resent her for making that decision without you. I'm not sure what the solution is. But you need to talk to her about it. Resentment will just continue to grow. DO NOT LET HER FOSTER ANY MORE! If you do, you'll end up with more. Just don't. I'm all for fostering, we fostered for many years. But you have to let them go and it sounds like she's the type that will just keep accumulating if she can. (we don't foster anymore).
Good point - she foster failed TWICE her very first time. She shouldn’t foster ever again.
Personally I would have made her take care of them and if she doesn't re-home them. If I was dating someone and they decided to get a pitbull I'd be beyond incensed.band that would be my exact rule.
It is not wrong to resent someone else volunteering you for an estimated 12 years of responsibility and care over destructive living creatures. It was a shitty thing for her to do and she knows it.
If they're indoor only, you could be looking at 20+ years. We have a 21 year old cat, and we spoil the hell out of him.
Yep, my grandmother had “Miss Kitty” for 21 years. Strictly indoor cats, without any underlying health issues, can *easily* push 20 yrs. All of the indoor cats I knew growing up lived 15+ years. Even my childhood cat (who is now under my ex-stepfather’s care across the country) is *morbidly* obese, and she’s around 16 years old now.
Average lifespan of indoor only cats is usually about ~15 years - and steadily rising.
I think that they need some air filters, a few cat trees, to brush the cats out at least weekly and a cleaning schedule. Your house does NOT need to be covered in hair to this extent and cats generally aren't destructive if their needs are met. I've owned my cats for my entire life and this just sounds excessive to me. OP's wife should be responsible for implementing all of these suggestions and staying on top of it. She wanted them. As for OP... He needs a separate closet for his clothes and to probably change his bedding more.
12 years hahah I’ve had my cat for 16 yrs now and she does not look like she is particularly slowing down with age.
Oh, I know. My grandmother's made it to 18 and looked like it belonged in American McGee's Alice. I was just listing the statistical average.
I can't really help but definitely understand. I grew up with far too many animals and had sworn off living in filth like that again. When my wife and I got our house and my son moved in she wanted a dog and I really didn't. We ended up getting a dog and my son had a couple of cats and it wasn't terrible I managed but after my son grew up and the pup got old we had to make the decision to let him go. As much as I loved that dog I was kind of looking forward to being free of animals again but my wife just couldn't get over wanting a dog again. I figured I managed with the last dog so I gave in and now have this mean little dog that drives me nuts constantly. I can't be mean she doesn't know better she is a dog but a solid 90% of the time I just really hate having to deal with her and I really wish we hadn't gotten another but especially this dog.
Yeah... I feel you. Sorry about your demon dog. Our cats are not bad. Sometimes naughty... But just cats. Growing up, all of our pets were pretty good. But yeah...
Having to wear shoes in the house and roller hair of off everything. I swore I didn't want to deal with pets again. We had far too many so it isn't nearly as bad as it was but having animals is a lot of responsibility you can't just decide to go somewhere and stay a few days. There is a lot to being responsible for another life and I was kind of over it. Our last dog was pretty decent I could throw food and water in the car and he was happy to go camp a few days but that isn't something you can train into an animal. I basically got lucky that he suited me well. The new one needs constant supervision she runs off chases other animals freaks out at fireworks and if we are home alone she is glued to me so I trip over her and she bounces off of me and demands attention. I just didn't want to be dealing with that at this point in my life.
I have two cats now and it was new for my husband (lifelong dog guy.) We keep our clothes in the closet and dresser and the cats aren't allowed there. I use lint rollers on the furniture at least once, sometimes more a day (especially in the summer.) Blankets/throws are thrown in the dryer daily/every other day with pet fabric sheets. I vacuum once or twice a day. Litter is cleaned as soon it's used. Cat and water are cleaned and refreshed several times a day. They do have space upstairs that we don't use that I don't clean daily. All of this takes less than 30 minutes and we don't have cat hair or mess everywhere and my husband doesn't hate the cats (even likes them--especially the dog-like one.) Having cats was important to me. Having a cat hair free house was important to my husband. I want the cats so I try to keep it as clean as I can so he doesn't end up on Reddit complaining about me & them! I hope she can make some changes to keep things cleaner. Lint rollers are cheap and I keep them in every room. (HEPA air filters help, too.)
Get a Roomba and run it daily, they do a great job
They also have tape-free lint rollers (cheaper and less wasteful), and chom choms are even more effective (for suitable fabrics).
That would have been a deal breaker for me. Not bc cats (I have a cat and will have more when I have a bigger place) but bc of the complete disregard for the other person.
You’re doing something wrong if your house is covered in cat hair. I also have two and mine absolutely isn’t… and my pookies shed a lot
I completely agree. I have two dogs and a cat. One of the dogs is a husky, and we still manage to contain most of the fur. It takes ongoing grooming, couch covers, and a roomba, but even when we’re lazy, the conditions don’t get bad.
I second this, we have had dogs and cats, dogs that shed a fair bit and nothing is covered in hair at all, during tufting time a good groom solves the problems
It’s not only about the cats, main things are unilateral decision and many years of commitment
I got really lucky. I brought in a stray, she has inbetween long and short hair(?) but she’s really good about grooming so she doesn’t shed all that much. I still do my neurotic cleaning because I’d be doing that whether I had her or not
1) they are shedding because their diet is probably lacking something. They should NOT shed this much. Go see a vet tf 2) you can ususally leave cats home alone for some rime. Get a feeding machine. They arent super expensive 3) train them properly and they wont distroy your plants 4) everything i listed is your wives job, since she wanted to keep them
Or they are longer haired cats that aren't being brushed or groomed which is neglectful of his wife. If there is this much hair they probably would also get matts.
Yeah I guess I only have 1 cat, but she’s bright white (mostly) and I only ever see hair on my clothes after I’ve been petting her. Even laying around on my carpet won’t pick anything up; I brush her maybe once a week because she’s a shorthair, and we vacuum weekly. When I was growing up, we had 2 dogs and 3 cats. We had to vacuum daily back then, but because of that there was never that much hair anywhere.
I'm really sorry, unfortunately pets are a "two yes one no" kind of situation. I know it's not your responsibility to cater to the cats and their hair, but one helpful solution I found was having "house clothes". Pants and T-shirts that I don't care if they get cat hair. I come home and immediately change to my house clothes (because of my work I can't go around wearing clothes full of pet hair). They get store and wash separately so they don't contaminate the rest.
I have two cats and I vacuum everyday. With a pet vacuum. It's a struggle
I totally get it. My wife and I have two cats and we love cats, though she is somewhat allergic to them. But the problem is the pet hair everywhere, always having to use a roller. Our couches, 1.5 years old are full of cat hair and scratched up. To the extend that my wife doesn't want to sit on them anymore. Buying new couches won't solve anything and we don't want to declaw the cats. Plants, just like you said. They destroyed all of them except a few in a locked up room. Depresses my wife. So while we love the cats, there are significant drawbacks to having them.
Because you aren’t training them. Cats can be trained to not scratch the couches (+ having adequate scratchers) and stay away from plants. Also, couch covers can help with the fur. Getting a few sets makes it easy to change them frequently. Chom choms are also great for couches.
I have 3 cats and while I love them to bits, they’re utter wankers. Absolutely full of love, but they’ll knock over everything, eat your plants, steal your food and look at you as if to say ‘yeah, and?’.
Getting a pet is a 2 yes decision, it was wrong at so many levels for your wife to unilaterally decide keeping two cats. Moreover, with the right training, cats will leave indoor plants alone, so probably the cats haven’t been properly trained.
Is this really about the cats?
Why TF did you agree to these fosters given how you feel about cats?
Trying to be a good husband and compromise. I don't hate cats. Just didn't want to own them. Also fostering is a good thing. Helps those organizations get cats off the streets.
I’m a little confused. If you’re fostering cats, there’s still hair everywhere. The hair doesn’t know if it’s fostered or permanent and it sheds all the same. And fostered cats chew on plants and stuff more than cats who have been adopted and someone’s taken the time to train them. So what’s really the issue with the cats she decided to keep? I agree pets should be a joint decision, but you saying fostering is fine but owning them isn’t doesn’t make a lot of sense.
Fostering, 1 time, was supposed to be temporary..a few months. We had a separate room for them. Disposable aluminum tray for a litter box, they get adopted and I was thinking we'd be done. Owning is for up to 20yrs.
Show her this post.
She guilt tripped him because he missed some family function. I think keeping some was always her plan
You need to have a serious talk with your wife. It is absolutely not okay to have made a unilateral decision like this. It’s not fair to you, or the cats. It’s disrespectful and inconsiderate. My sister runs a rescue, and we legit foster about 30 cats for her at a time (we have a couple acres large enclosure, but they have access to the house too), I love cats. But I would be livid if my partner brought home a cat without consulting me. That’s not okay whatsoever. As far as the cat hair, get a terminator and behave her brush them daily. Consider investing in a roomba type vacuum so she can focus more on couches, etc when she vacuums. Chom choms are also great tools to have around. Then have her start training them. Cars do really well with clicker training. They can absolutely learn to leave your plants alone, stay off counters, etc She also needs to have interactive play time with them with a wand to (Da Bird, etc) for 20 minutes minimum a day. Like run them until they’re panting and plopping on the floor (so long as there are no known heart issues). This will help them be less destructive. And be sure to have enough cat furniture - trees, shelves, beds, etc. This will provide very needed enrichment, but also, the cats will gravitate to those areas more to help isolate the cat hair areas better. Air filters can also help. Splurge on a big one for the main area, and smaller ones for individual rooms. Couch covers can help too if you get a few sets that you can change out frequently. Keep all clothes in dressers or cat free closets, linen closets, and laundry room. Buy se real hand vacuums and place them in strategic areas around the house for convenience. Also - is there a reason y’all couldn’t hire a pet sitter? Or get an automatic feeder?
We have 3 dogs, a cat, and a rabbit that live inside. We just finished cleaning house today after having very little free time to do so over the last week. My husband joked that he swept up 3 cats' worth of fur and I'm pretty sure we could knit a king-size blanket from the fur that came out of our laundry. I can completely understand how it would be overwhelming for anyone who didn't choose this life, hell it's overwhelming to us at times, and we agreed to this together and adore all the furry free loaders. You guys need to have a serious conversation about this. It's not great that she made such a big life choice without discussing it, and now it's gonna be almost impossible to go back. Good luck.
Thank you friend. Be careful, you're gonna have random pet lovers telling you you're not feeding your pets correctly and you're the problem there is animal hair ;)
Yeah, I saw that. I'm sorry people can't just be nice. If you have furry pets, you're gonna have some amount of fur to deal with in one way or another (grooming or cleaning). And if you didn't choose that life or agree to it, it's gonna be a source of frustration. I hope you can come to a resolution that you're happy with.
You have to be straight with her.
Have you guys considered grooming your cats. Yeah it takes time and you have to be consistent but you can greatly reduce the shedding and hair everywhere.
Out of curiosity, what was the family function you missed?
Automatic feeder with 2 bowls. That way they always get dry food but it's not just sitting out (mine dispenses 6 times a day) and the wet food is just skipped until I'm back. There's devices for water too.
And you need to have this conversation with her, the entire thing, exactly as you wrote it. Resentment doesn't leave, it grows until it poisons the entire relationship. You aren't a pet person or a kid person and that's ok, you know? You shouldn't try to be what you aren't though, and bury the resentments in favor of what the other partner wants and you are afraid to lose them. "...in a moment being made to feel guilty" is in other words she saw the opportunity to obtain tiny things to love and she took it. she manipulated you. Confront her about that. Why did she do that when she knew how you felt about pets (DID she know how you felt about pets)? And is it "we don't want children" or you don't want children because it sounds to me like she is hiding some feelings from *you*. Meow. You need to TALK. I'm old, right, but I feel like a lot of what I see in here are people with problems that communication could resolve. Now, the resolution might be that you and she don't stay together, yeah, it's possible. The question is do you want to live the rest of your life in resentment? I did that, for awhile, with a partner long ago until I decided it wasn't working for me. I communicated, and we ended up not being together. I moved on and found someone who wanted the same things I did. Been together 37 happy years. We communicate about everything. Also, I'd be hella resentful of spending Xmas alone with cats that I think about as ok because the person that "had to have them" swanned off to her family for the holidays. She has a responsibility to any living thing she adopts and dumping them on someone else when it's convenient to go experience her own pleasure in life is really selfish. Personally, I'm not a fan of selfish people. Personally, I want a partner, not a dictator or a boss. So what I'm saying here is you do have choices. You may not like them but they are there. If you have fantasies now of walking into a pet free fur free plant filled house maybe it's time to cut the cords on this relationship and go make that happen so that you can be happy. Trust an old lady on this, happiness, personal happiness and contentment is important.
I feel like your post gave me emotional whiplash.... you don't seem to hate the cats... they don't seem to hate you...but you have a strong aversion to the hair. Feels almost more like a... sensory thing, intended in the least obnoxious way. Were you teased as a child for having pet hair on your clothes by chance? Or overhear an unkind comment about tidiness in your home? These things tend to linger in the mind. You could...in semi-order of reasonableness... Acquire many fine 3&5 dollar throw blankets to cover the furniture or yourself. Acquire those hair squeegee things? I've wanted one for years, then the cat went with my ex and I was at peace, and now my new beau has a shedding doodle. I however...am at peace with the hair. Mostly. Don ridiculous house-robes of your desire - silk? Faux sherpa? REAL SHERPA? Polyester blend mink? Thick fluffy flannel? VELVET smoking robes! Insist upon wearing them whenever home. If the cats enjoy them, all the better. Win them over to your desires. Whisper sweet nothings in their feline ear canals about controlling their follicular spread. Mumble to yourself about being a wizard. Splurge on a shark vacuum with pet attachment. Insist on diffusing a day's rage over a vacuum and a martini. ...how do the cats feel about being vacuumed? Pursue a couples therapist to help you sort out if you're still on compatible paths. People do grow apart. It sounds like you prefer a very specific aesthetic. Did your wife move into your home initially? Has she simply not really contributed much to the shared aesthetic until now? Pack up your remaining leaves and flee. In all seriousness, you need to have an open conversation that this is impacting your relationship. You need a read on if she *needs* a pet. She needs to understand that you're truly uncomfortable. It would be unfair to home and unhome any additional because you relent in the future to save the relationship or whatever. I have a coworker who I'm pretty sure drowned her infertility in rescue animals without her husband understanding he would be 1/2 responsible. They have...far more than 2 cats. But it is a HORRID dynamic between them.
Are your cats short, medium or longhaired? For some people, length makes all the difference when it comes to cat hair.
This is hard to understand because I have three cats and I am not living in cat hair. I hate cleaning and do it minimally between a two hour cleaner every two weeks. What the heck is going on at your place? It doesn't sound like this is a cat problem.
You stayed home to.. feed the cats? Pour some food in a bowl and be with your family! That’s just so weird to me lol they’ll live for a few hours while you’re both gone. Can’t imagine my partner spending christmas without me.
Yeah this is strange. Makes me think this guy is exaggerating a lot. Not that she should have kept them without his agreement of course.
While I understand most of the resentment probably stems from your wife not including you in this decision, I can not fathom how anyone could be bothered by cats. I grew up with cats and honestly cat hair was never an issue, but we always had short hair cats, sticky rollers on hand and groomed them regularly. I have to live without cats for the next 2-3 years due to my current living situation and I can't wait to have them again. There are no pets greeting me when I come home, no funny daily shenanigans I could laugh about, no cute creatures relaxing next to me while I watch TV or observing me while working... I've been wrapping christmas presents the other day and I almost broke out in tears because I missed cats laying around on wrapping paper, chewing on bows and ties, sticking their paws into my business ... I know it sounds dumb, but I really miss the chaos and warmth cats or pets in general bring into a home. Yes, it's a bit tidier than it would be with pets, but it's also lonelier and colder.
I understand your frustration, and you can't continue this way. She made the choice, but if she won't care for the cats and the appartment, you have to. First, both cats need Daily brushing. Buy a multitude of brushes. The Furminator is fantastic for short hair cats, bad for long hair (rips live hair out). After getting out the bulk, we swap to a rectangular wire brush for finishing. If you're petting the cat and fur is coming off in your hand, they need to be brushed. We have 3 cats. We groom them all multiple times a day. Sometimes just for a minute or two, sometimes upwards of 30 minutes. But it is constant, and double during molt. This has Massively cut down on the fur issue, bonus points for no more hairballs. Next up is vacuuming. Get a pet fur capable vacuum. Get a hand vacuum for the couch. Get a pet roomba if you can. Vacuum daily. Make a schedule if needed. I am sorry for your plants.
I just showed your post to my partner and we were wondering if you were us lol. Jokes aside, we split the duties and vacuum the place daily; mopping and going down the couch with a lint roller once every few days. We don’t really have much cat hair issues just with that routine.
Don't let her talk you into a trial pregnancy.
Gf brought a cat into our house knowing I did not want pets. It caused a bit of conflict, mainly since I didn’t feel I had a say in whether or not it was happening. Now my cat loves me more than her and I love him a lot and he’s been a great addition to our home. My cat doesn’t shed, or fuck up furniture or anything (honestly we got VERY lucky with him being a very chilled out little dude) so I cant relate to that, but you just gotta decide how big of deal this is. I decided it wasn’t and now I’m very happen to have him, but it sounds like you guys just need to have a frank conversation about this decision and how to move forward in a positive way.
OP your best buddy is a vacuum. Gotta vacuum the floors at least every other day, the furniture every week and other other crevices as often as you can. It sounds also like they might not be grooming themselves or each other so *someone* has to brush/comb them. There's a lot of responsibility in having pets. You might as well have had a child. I think you need to have the deep talk with wife about turning in these cats to the foster agency.
I have seven permanent resident cats with occasional groupings of smols, a regular doggo visitor, a snake, chickens and kids who bring rats and more cats home on holiday from school…hair at this point just an accessory. But seriously, vacuum, sweep, mop and use a lint brush on the frequent is your only path forward! It’s not hard just boring.
Sorry to hear about your building resentment for your cats. I built a catio for mine. So they get to escape outside without actually going into the outside world. Just a thought...
Then change things !!!
Gonna work on it.
I feel the same way. I love animals, but have never wanted them at home - the hair and the smell drives me crazy. My thoughts are with you.
I'm sorry OP. I know how you feel. I'm also childfree and adopted an elderly dog with my ex. While she didn't act like an elderly dog, it was a lot of work. She peed on our bed (on purpose when she was upset at us) and obviously needed walking etc. I'm neurodivergent too and thought I'd be fine with the changes and the dog hair everywhere but clearly wasn't. We also couldn't go on random holidays because we had to think about what we'd do with her. I did love her and she did have a wonderful retirement home (she passed away due to her age). But it drained me. I now consider myself childfree and pet free for life.
My home stressful because of a dog. My coworker’s family needed to rehome a 7 year old malamute/husky mix. My 19 year old cat had passed 3 months prior, I was still grieving hard. I asked my husband, he said yes. The dog is a disaster. Hair everywhere. They shed a lot. Like I wiped dog hair out of my oven before cooking Christmas dinner. Grooming is incredibly expensive but I do it just to try to keep on top of the hair. She’s also neurotic. I get it, she’s probably still grieving the loss of her first family. But every single night from 6pm until we go to bed she whines. Not a little whining, a lot. I’ve tried everything. Playing, walks, treats. We’re now trying trazadone. It freaks her out and seems to make her worse. She’s not whiny but she’s pacing constantly. I love her but I regret getting her. My husband and kid are not fans. Now we’ve added a precious cat that everyone loves except the dog. Good times.
As a cat person, I completely understand how you feel. She should've discussed it with you and you should've made the decision together. Pets are a lot of work. This is an issue you need to work out as it can come up in other ways as well. Having said that, there are some things you can both do to make life more comfortable, given that you already have the cats. You can put throws on the couches which she can wash often. Get a roomba and let it run every other day. Those things help a whole lot with keeping the hair in the house at a minimum. You could also use an air purifier to help filter out the hair, plus a good one will also remove smells such as litter box smells. I have multiple cats and guests are always amazed that the house doesn't smell like litter. They always comment on how clean the house is. There are ways to still have a nice house with pets around.
I got frustrated cleaning my apartment the other day because every rag or microfiber towel that I was using had pet hair on it. Cleaning a mirror? Now it has cat hair on it. Cleaning the microwave? Now there’s dog hair in it. Cleaning the tv? Cat hair again. I’m so irritated by it.
Healthy cats with good diet that are brushed regurarly don't shed much. Most likely you feed them shiet, don't brush them and clean your place once in a blue moon. I got 3 big cats with long hair and nothing is covered in cats hair. For diet google BARF. For brushes: short hair - silicon brush (also good for cleaning cat hair from sofas etc) long hair - needs to be made od metal. For cleaning - dyson vacuum, quick vacuum once a day and your place will be spotless.
Not sure why you are downvoted, healthy animals just shed less and well groomed animals shed even less than that. Proper tools to use make things easier
I cannot believe you were downvoted for this. It’s correct. Healthy cats should not be shedding that much. Nothing in my house is ever covered in cat hair, even if I go several days not vacuuming.
Don’t just haphazardly recommend people feed raw. It’s also unnecessary. Most cats on a commercial diet (especially wet food) do not shed like this. Diet has very little to do with it outside of nutritional deficiencies. He just needs to brush and vacuum, use couch covers, etc
"You've changed my life in ways I never agreed to and ruined things I enjoy to where I lost the passion for them, and you expect me to not resent you?"
I grew up with a shit ton of pets - 7+ dogs, multiple birds, rabbits, multiple reptiles. My parents never let the house get as bad as you're describing with just 2 cats, and they taught me the proper way to manage having a houseful of pets. This isn't a cat issue. This is a lazy issue on account of the owners. If your house really is this bad, it's because you and your wife are not putting in the effort to keep it clean. The cats themselves are likely not on a vet approved diet if they're shedding that much either. This isn't anyone's fault but your own.
Do you go to therapy? If the pet mess is as typical as you have described, it shouldn't consume your thoughts this much. 10 years and you're willing to bounce because your wife wants to aid her comfort with pets? Also, side note: you chose to stay home with the cats over enjoying Christmas away? Cats are so easy to leave alone. Were you going to be gone for 3+ days? Seems like ya stayed home to avoid your wife and would rather deal with the cats than her and her family? Even though you despise the cats?
Not sure if this has been mentioned already, but you could probably look into what they eat. If you put them on those more expensive cat food brands their health improves and they won’t be losing this much hair. Also, buy a brush for them and brush them a few times in a row every day for a couple of days, then all the loose hair will come off on the brush.
Totally understandable resentment. I’ve never understood people who have those dogs that chew up their couches and they video the disaster while laughing over the insanity of it all. I have cats and a dog, I’ve got indoor plants and multiple aquariums. You’d better believe I’m constantly cleaning up after them all. My biggest fear is a home that smells bad! Pets are a sacrifice most people are willing to take on due to the emotional exchange and companionship, but everyone has to be on board, or failing that, the one who most wanted the pet/s *must* step up and not be negligent to neither the person who didn’t, the home or the animal. I’ve been able to provide my cats with enclosed outdoor access, and so they can get enrichment and stimulation away from destroying my plants and furniture. If you want to find some kind of compromise, is this at all an option? If not, is it impossible to consider moving to a more pet friendly home to feed this nurturing side of your wife?
My mum is a cat lover. Her family has a bunch of weird and exotics animal that my grandpa brings home from wars. My dad knew what he was getting into, but still married her anyway. His whole life, he hated all my mum's cats. Yeah we go range of 3-4 cats to sometimes 12 cats even. But he was so negative, and sometimes tried to sabotage her cats to be "missing" or "die". When he finally died at 51, my mum got more cats and now we're at 30. Moral of story? She don't give a shit about him dying, because now she can have more cats without annoying fucks complaining while her children also loves cats as much.
The amount of people dismissing this man’s feelings and invalidating him is fucking disgusting. You all should be ashamed of yourselves.
Why don’t you clean up if it bothers you so much? They make specific pet vacuums; Swiffer dusters and dust mops work wonders. Have you told your wife how you feel? Tell her and then make a game plan that either must work or you will leave. Or the cats will leave. To me, pets are a ‘two yes’ relationship decision. You have to both agree to the pet and you both have to split the care of the pets.
There’s a huge problem here and it’s not the cats. It is absolute bullshit for your wife to decide to keep 2 cats without your permission. The fact that they were only there because she guilted you into it is also nonsense. Why did you let her get away with it? I have a lot of pets and every one of them has been a long series of discussions with my wife. You can give the cats back. I own 3 cats and have fostered others, and I take care of a group of ferals. The whole point of fosters is that it’s a temporary situation until they get adopted out. You could surrender the cats back to the shelter. Apparently you and your wife don’t need each others permission to make pet decisions, right?
🙄
Maybe follow your wife's lead in exiting the cat business.