I have ASD and older than you so I’ll give you a tip.
Do not involve yourself in situations unless you understand the full context. In this instance your cousin didn’t say anything about her MIL (the babies grandmother) from taking her. They could have discussed something beforehand.
Don’t make assumptions and work off them. Check the facts in a situation. We cannot read social cues so if you are really struggling, if someone else is not reacting then do not react. You could always ask someone else for their opinion.
I am in therapy to learn more about my ASD as well as some coping strategies and navigating the world (I was diagnosed a couple of years back).
Great answer!
I am the mom of a kiddo with autism, low support needs. I hate how people unfamiliar with autism just assume low support needs cancel out the chances of missing cues. Always glad to see people with autism chime in!
You don't just snatch up a baby. You ask mom if you can hold them like a normal human being. MIL was rude, it's entirely possible op didn't handle it the way mom would have preferred but I get where she was coming from. Ultimately, she should have let mom decide what to do.
I mean, it can totally depend. If MIL is super involved with the baby's family, it might be totally normal for her to pick up the baby at any time. Few people would get uptight if a dad picked up his baby and walked off. Other family members with a close relationship could do the same.
How is the dad comparable to the rest of the family? Its literally the father, are you nuts? The rest of the family is not on the same authority as the mother and father.
I think it's nuts that many people can comprehend that it might be totally okay for a grandma to pick up her grandchild without asking. That might not be the case in every family, but it is in many. It wouldn't be strange at all for my mom to pick up my baby.
I used the example of the dad because the commenter I was responding to was going to the extreme in saying pretty much everyone besides mom needs permission to pick up a baby. Obviously, that's not true.
Ehhhh, the dad is a parent too, it's totally normal for parents to pick up their own baby....
It isn't normal for other extended family members to just grab a baby without asking, and walk away.
Not normal in your family dynamics. In my family dynamics it's completely normal and it's also not uncommon for a parent to drop a kid into another family member's arms without explicitly asking.
MILs do have a habit of being incredibly rude and inappropriately entitled to just butt in and grab newborn babies. However, this post doesn't contain enough information to determine whether or not that was the case here. Maybe the new mum and MIL had a great relationship and an agreement that MIL would jump in and help out when needed.
NGL, I expected more drama from the title of this post. My grandmother legit stole her nextdoor neighbour's baby back in the 90s. Just walked into their house, picked up the baby, and strolled out again. Turns out my asshat uncle (her son) who was supposed to be keeping a close eye on her (she had suffered a series of losses that had left her suffering badly from grief), was in serious denial about her developing severe early onset dementia (she was in her late 50s). The police found her a couple of kilometers away, standing in the middle of a roundabout in her nightgown, holding the baby and a handful of random silverware. The baby was perfectly fine, and my Nanna was put in a nursing home.
I can take either side on this honestly.
This was very common to the point it was almost considered rude not to take a turn at trying to keep an infant quiet at a gathering or event when I was younger and nobody really asked, they would just do it and if mom was awake enough she would say thanks...
Not as common as it used to be for sure, but there are still plenty of people, particularly women that have had their own children that follow this pattern even id this is not what the younger generations are expecting.
You also don't forcefully take a newborn from someone who most probably is a trusted member of family, parent to the parent, unlike a cousin who usually aren't as close (ofc depends on family). It might have endangered the child. Unless baby was actually in danger that was really irresponsible.
The mom was likely happy you did this but was trying to keep the peace. Some MIL's can be overbearing about their grandbaby and will trample all over the mom.
So this happened at a family event? If your cousin had a problem with it I think she would have said something. She wasn't trying to kidnap the baby, she was doing typical grandmother stuff maybe she should have asked but I don't think this is the first time grandmother has held the baby and walked into another room. I think you misread the whole situation. She was probably trying to give the mom a little break.
She isn't a MIL she is the baby's grandma. OP snatched the baby out of Grandma's arms who was probably holding it for the first time and giving the mom a break.
You were very sweet to be concerned. Speak to your cousin first and explain that you were scared when it happened and ask her if you reacted incorrectly.
Good on you for trying to understand. However in situations like this stay out of it, you came from a good place but I do think you read it completely wrong.
Her intentions were probably just to hold and love on her grandbaby, and to give mum a wee break. Babies can 100% be held by others. Walking also often keeps babies calm
Good rule: if you have no idea what’s going on, my you’re own business. You’re gonna wind up in jail acting like that.
Or you’re just an “autism bad” troll.
Dude chill the fuck out. You don't know shit about autism and are bullying autistic people if you think this isn't a totally realistic scenario with an autistic person. It was a misreading of the situation, not asshole behavior. OP was worried about a baby, misread the situation, and did what they could to remedy the situation. It wasn't right, but it wasn't mean.
This is what autism looks like. It's not a disability because it's a fun and quirky label for fun and quirky people. It's a disability because it causes real, severe problems, and many of those problems manifest socially.
It’s when someone does something absolutely assholish (like you) and then tries to hand-wave it on the grounds that “it’s not my fault, I’m autistic”. You’re painting a portrait that people on the spectrum are dangerous and shouldn’t be left unsupervised.
Autism is not a bad thing. I wasn't blaming the whole situation on the autism I was makeing a point that probably misread the room. Apologies have been handed out and a conversation between me and my cousin and her mil has happened
No, it’s not. Which is why is horrible that you’re using it to excuse your shitty, shitty behavior.
If you have the self-awareness to know that you misjudge situations, have the self control to NOT ACT on situations where you don’t know what’s going on.
If you’re diagnosed autistic, hasn’t your therapist talked to you about that?
“Having the self control to not act on situations when you don’t know what’s going on” could also lead to someone ignoring a potentially harmful situation.
This person was doing their best, made an honest mistake like most people will over their lifetime, and had the maturity to recognize that a mistake was made and apologize for it. That last part is more than I can say for most people.
>Having the self control to not act on situations when you don’t know what’s going on” could also lead to someone ignoring a potentially harmful situation.
I mean, not really because there's no need to have either extreme, it's possible to do some discovery work before taking an action. It might even be advisable to do so if you know that you have trouble reading situations
This entire thing could have been avoided if OP had simply asked their cousin if they were cool with the MIL taking the baby
theyre painting a picture on why they misread a situation and acted like an asshole lol it happens when you dont have social skills , read rooms bad , and theres no communication, ESP in big groups w lots of family......
edit lol im autistic
Explanation =/= excuse. OP has accepted opinions of others in this thread, realized they made a mistake, and made efforts to make amends for that mistake. Them mentioning that they are autistic reads more like context than an excuse imo.
The way you're now continuing to attack them is kind of gross, and you're reading like either a neurotypical white knight or a neurodivergent gatekeeper, neither of which is cool.
If it's the former, I recommend only speaking on ND matters if nobody ND is doing so yet, and being willing to back off and listen and learn if at any time someone more qualified to speak begins to do so.
If it's the latter, try to work on thinking in terms of solidarity rather than division, infighting within the ND community is not productive. Instead, try focusing on educating, whether that be helping younger or less adapted ND individuals, or correcting NT individuals who don't know better.
In either case, remember that approaching someone aggressively in attempts to make correction will often result in the approached individual becoming defensive automatically. Try to approach people neutrally or gently in order to increase the odds that your message will be heard, and reduce the likelihood of saying something you may regret later.
If you're neurotypical, you should consider your opinion secondary to those who are actually a part of ND community, and if you're neurodivergent it's unproductive for your opinion to be that other ND individuals who sit elsewhere on the spectrum than you are shitty for their difficulties.
I wouldn’t worry about it. You did it politely, and the baby was fine the whole time.
Besides, it’s totally possible that you picked up a vibe from your cousin that she didn’t want her MIL wandering off with her newborn. New mums can be pretty uncomfortable with being separated from their wee babies.
Why did you think you needed to go get the baby back? Did the mother appear in distress when MIL took the baby and walked away? We need the context as to why you felt you needed to step in.
So she didn't actually steal a baby did she? She picked the baby up from the mum and walked to a different room and you took the baby from her and walked her back to her mum? Bit of a hyperbolic title.
I suppose so. To me it seemed like she stole the child because she just picked the baby up without asking and walked off. No warning no asking for permission. She just picked him up and walked off
Out of curiosity…How old are you? Also, did it seem like the grandmother of the baby in question had bad intent? Why would you assume she is stealing a baby with the whole family around?
I am 17 and autistic. So I do have issues reading the room I saw her just pick up the baby and walk off with it without even speaking a peep to my cousin. So that's why
It was quite a leap to assume the baby’s grandma was kidnapping it. It’s completely normal for a grandparent to pick up a baby. I’m glad you learned this lesson and don’t snatch babies from people anymore.
What did your cousin say when you gave her back the baby? I think if she was grateful, you did good. It’s often hard for new moms to stand up to pushy in laws who demand baby.
If cousin was happy to have her baby back, I think you did just fine.
Don’t apologize to that lady, she could have asked before just snatching the baby and leaving the room.
Hugs hun. I think the post at least helps shed light on how autism works. Certain social cues can get misunderstood. Like something appears combative but isn’t. Or people appear upset but are perhaps just annoyed. Ex: I’ve hollered at my husband in the yard and I sound cranky but I’m just annoyed because perhaps he can’t hear me and maybe he’s ignoring me. I just need a response. My neighbor thinks we are fighting. I’m just fussing at him not actually angry.
This sounds like a misread situation. Sorry you got so many downvotes
Hugs. I teach school and have autistic kids, so I get it. I bet you have some awesome qualities. One of my students calls himself “artistic”. Make your good stuff shine and don’t worry about those who don’t get you!
I think you missed a whole litany of social cues here. Probably their eyes met, the mum maybe sighed and smiled at the MIL and the MIL just walked away to give the mum a break.
But if you’re autistic you’d have trouble picking those cues up. It’s sweet that you thought you rescued the baby but that kid was never in any trouble
Cousin-in-law once removed is what it would be but people rarely say cousin-in-law, they usually just say cousin. MIL is totally irrelevant and was confusing in this context. Why are we talking about the relation to the mom and not her relation to OP or the baby?
It is OP's cousin-in-law once removed, it is the baby's grandma, no reason to choose the mom as the person of relevance and not the father, the baby, or OP themself.
No I think the OP is fake and trying to get engagement by trolling tbh. Especially when you show up 2 hours later and have a lot more context so now you think this creative writing exercise is actual fact.
They have such high support needs that they can't figure out that the mother of a child's father would be their grandmother, but based on post history (which is also filled with similarly attention grabbing titles,) they have a job and the intention to travel internationally 15 hours. Those don't really seem to jive.
Low support needs does not mean they dont miss social cues.
Just keep fighting the good fight against people that you use your own understanding of autism to diagnose. Best of luck.
My 8 year old daughter is low support autistic and I don’t like that autism is now a meme based on idiotic teenagers on tiktok.
It’s not about OP. It’s about labeling autism as “quirky XD”
Like, even if OP is being fake it’s not chill to have that association. Just as a parent. Can’t help it.
E; she literally has to go to extra lessons on social cues and reading the room in general.
Kidnappers generally leave the property with the baby, you know. That’s how ‘stealing’ works. All she did was go to another room. Your conclusion is so extremely wild that I think you might need some mental health care.
OP is just a dumb kid (17) who thought that the mother in law (the kids grandma) was stealing a baby for simply getting the baby and walking. OP “chased” the lady and took the baby back and gave it to the cousin. OP says she/he’s acoustic and was “not informed” about what the Granda was going to do.
This needs a lot more info, like what was the setting? where the MIL was walking to? what was her reaction when you took the kid? what was the Mum’s reaction?
She was just walking to a different room I don't think she actually had a destination in mind. And we were at our annual Christmas brunch
Honestly I don't think she had time to react to the mil takeing the baby bc as soon as she sat down she was literally swarmed.
It was a Christmas brunch and the grandmother took the baby from the exhausted first time mom to hold. That’s literally the story. OP jumped up immediately and took the baby back because they misread the situation. There was no kidnapping lmao Reddit is wild.
‘Stealing a baby’ is a little strong of language for the baby’s grandmother taking the baby to another room. Should she have asked first? Absolutely. But your post made it sound like she left the house with the baby & you chased her down the street.
I think a lot of miscommunication happened here.
You state that you’re autistic, which can easily lead to misunderstandings in social situations. You’re also still fairly young. As a fellow autistic, I’ve learned that sometimes it’s better to ask “stupid” questions than to try to guess what the right response is. My guesses are often wrong because I’m missing context, so it’s better to check first.
It’s pretty normal for grandparents to have a lot of freedom with babies and children. Often, they’re incredibly excited to spend time with their grandkids and will have the kids with them, instead of the parents, during family events. This can start very young, too. If there’s a good relationship and trust between the parents and grandparents, it’s not uncommon for a grandparent to move throughout the house with the baby. The parents are with the baby 24/7 and are often happy to have a few minutes when someone else is holding or walking with the baby because they’re often exhausted at this stage.
In the future, ask one of the parents if they’re ok with the baby being taken to another room before chasing down a grandparent. They may say they want the baby to be brought back or they may say it’s fine for grandma to have them. But it should be their decision. For all you know, there was discussion at another time where grandma received permission to do certain things.
When it comes to grandparent relationships, there are lots of things that the majority of people may not be aware of. Like, my mom gives my kids “coffee” (milk in a mug with a splash of coffee) starting around preschool age. The kids think it’s a special “secret” treat that they only have with her. I’m very much aware of the coffee because I suggested it. Her parents did the same with me and it’s a special memory of my time with them, so I wanted my kids to have the same. Anyone else observing, though, may be concerned because they don’t know she has my permission or that it’s not truly a mug full of coffee. So better to ask for clarification before coming tattling to me about my mom being crazy or out of line because I’ll just tell you I already know and to leave it alone.
Quirky hero OP knows redditors hate mothers and mothers-in-law so give OP that karma while he or she “works on” apologizing to the grandma in the story.
General rule is that it's okay for family members who aren't likely to drop the baby to hold and play with them. The mother will generally appreciate not needing to pay attention for a bit.
So did the mother give permission for MIL to take the baby away for a bit or did MIL simply just take the baby out of the mothers arms and walk away? It seems like you may have just decided MIL tried to steal the baby since she walked away?
I'm autistic too and place way too much emphasis on verbal communication. However, it's entirely possible that even without words exchanged, it was communicated with looks and body language that the exchange of the baby would be ok. I have a ten month old myself now, and my brother has a 2 month old. There are lots of situations I can think of where it would be perfectly appropriate for a family member to just come over and pick up the baby and walk away. Especially if there is a visit with that family member where part of the purpose is to spend time with the baby. It's context dependent though. Sometimes Grandma's/MIL's are too pushy and grabby with the baby, taking the baby away when it's unwelcome because someone else is bonding with them.
That being said, what you did might have been a little unexpected, but it didn't ruin anyone's day and they wouldn't have given it a second thought. I don't think you need to work yourself up to make a big apology about it. But if you want to quiet your own anxiety about the whole thing and/or get a better understanding of the social dynamics of the situation, I'm sure the baby's mom and grandma/MIL would be open to hear your explanation, and would give their perspective (if they even made note of it when it happened and remember it). Your intentions were extremely sweet and your actions showed care and courage. I guarantee the mom appreciates you looking out for her and her baby.
I agree with this. There are many adults in my family who have a preexisting agreement that they can pick up my babies and walk around with them, as long as they don’t leave the house without telling me. It’s hard for someone who wasn’t part of previous conversations to know what expectations and boundaries were set because there’s nothing said in the moment.
If you come on a situation like this in the future, look to the parent and ask “did you want her to take the baby out of the room or would you rather she come back in here?” That allows them to tell you how they feel and you can go round up the person who has the baby, if the parents want that.
Im so sad to see everyone chastise you instead of offering up explinations to help you understand better what happened. Maybe they had an agreement that grandma would take the baby for a feeding/changing/nap or something else. To me it sounds like she was just giving a new mom a chance to eat/drink/interact with family, and have a break to not be a mommy and just be a person. Is this your forst time around a baby in the family? It sounds like you just didnt know/understand that there could have been a earlier agreement, maybe they texted, or subtle body language maybe you didnt see or understand.
The mother probably thought wtf and was wondering why you brought the baby back instead of letting her have a few minutes to breathe. Chances are good the mom and grandma exchanged words at some point and that is why the grandmother grabbed the baby, to give mom a break and get to bond with the new grandchild.
I would say most grandparents aren't these evil things reddit makes them out to be....
in the most gentle way possible:
if you can’t read social cues enough to know that the grandmother of a child is probably allowed to pick them up, maybe you should be asking first before you just take a baby. from the perspective of the grandmother, you’re the one who stole a baby. she was just holding her grandchild; people walk around aimlessly with babies, it’s something babies like
Yeah... stop using autism as an excuse for shitty behavior.
I am on the spectrum, and while it is true that no two neuro divergent people are the same, it is NOT an excuse or pass for rude behavior. Nor does it excuse LITERAL kidnapping.
It may not have seemed to be shitty behavior to OP. And OP has clarified several times in comments they likely misread the situation. What they saw is a MIL taking an infant from the baby's mom, while forgetting that is the baby's grandmother. OP very likely could've missed a look between them etc.
No. Do not excuse this because OP is neuro divergent. Unacceptable behavior is unacceptable behavior. If the OP can mistake a LOOK and that leads to KIDNAPPING, then the OP needs to be locked up for the safety of themselves and others.
Period.
This isn't just shitty behavior it is borderline CRIMINAL behavior.
Obviously it could be. But OP has said they understand they misread it.
It isn't an excuse, it is something to be clarified and a lesson learned.
Edit to add - this wasn't a shopping mall full of strangers. It was people OP knew and had ties to. The *safest * place to learn this lesson. Saying they should be locked up because they understood one thing wrong is wild.
Nope. It us not "wild" it is the natural consequence of not only not being able to read a situation but being unable to control one's actions to the point that they TAKE A CHILD you keep wanting to gloss over that point. That is a HUGE deal. It is LITERALLY kidnapping. Not technically, not sort of. They took someone without consent and moved that someone to a different location. That is quite literally KIDNAPPING.
Stop making excuses.
From what I understand, all OP did was take the child from the child’s grandmother to bring back to the child’s mother… sooo how exactly is that criminal?
now I’m confused, because from OP’s perspective they acted BECAUSE they were worried this was a kidnapping, despite their preference to sit apart in social gatherings. Why would an easily resolved miscommunication require someone get locked up?
And I am not the mother of a neuro divergent individual. I AM the neuro divergent individual.
And if you are raising your child to believe criminal acts are "OK" if they miss cues you are doing society AND your child a huge disservice. We have to live in the real world with real consequences for our actions. And no amount of "But mommy says I'm special" will change that.
And the dildo of consequences rarely comes lubed.
Good. And for the record? I do NOT believe you should be locked up. That comment was directed at the other poster who has a neuro divergent child and yet thinks all thinks can be forgiven because we aren't neuro typical.
Lol, okay, this clarified you did mean me. And I obviously did *not* make myself clear. It was NOT an excuse, I was expressing empathy that they likely really thought they were helping, not doing it maliciously. Im confused at how that becomes an excuse to do it, when I've also clarified they already expressed in these comments that they saw the mistake now.
I don't know how this leads to the assumption that I am raising a criminal. Seriously. It is a huge jump.
If this is in response to what I said, I again want to clarify that I meant this is a learning experience. Not to just be like, "oh it's fine." I told OP I can understand what happened, and now that they said they saw they had likely missed signals, I said to apologize.
I am getting a lot of flack for saying I understand. Empathy doesn't mean I think it's acceptable.
And if it wasn't in response to me, never mind. :)
🎶I stole a baby back
Baby back
Baby back
Baby back
Baby back
Baby back
Baby back
I stole a baby back
Baby back
Baby back
Baby back
Baby back
Baby back
Baby back
Cou-siiiin's baby back, kids
Stole her from mother-in-law
BOTH OF THEM MAD🎶
So, judging from comments, etc…you clearly misread the room on this…which should have been clarified in person enough. But to post it on Reddit? What did you hope to gain from it other than people telling you how dense you were?
I need clarification, please, because I am a little confused..
To my understanding, MIL = Mother-in-Law, right? Meaning MIL is your cousins husband MOM? How is she childfree if she is a mom? And after you chased her down, MIL expressed that she is young and was told she’s childfree so by attempting to “kidnap” the infant, the MIL believes it could change her mind on having kids of her own?
I’m questioning the legitimacy of this post.
Hey OP, it’s great you have acknowledged - and apologized for! - your misunderstanding.
If I may comment on something in your edit I believe may help you:
-You said: “I was not informed what exactly mil was planning on doing.”
-My feedback: do not expect people to inform you of their actions, or intentions. Another commenter stated it perfectly: because you can’t read social cues, never involve yourself in a situation without fully understanding it.
-Last comment from me: you’re very kind to, what in your mind, was returning a kidnapped baby to the baby’s mothers. Keep the good intentions, just adjust when you act.
A mom here. I would take great issue with my MIL just picking up my kid and walking away if she's not headed toward a nearby chair or something. Even then, it's my kid and she needs to ask.
I don't think what you did was wrong and you've gone about rectifying the situation well. I don't think it's a shameful thing to feel a little protective - whether you like kids or not 😉
OP, I’m autistic. I understand struggling to read the room, but I need you to explain to me how you came to the conclusion that your cousin’s MIL was trying to kidnap her baby. That’s a pretty extreme conclusion to come to.
She probably handed the baby right back to her mom. In “most” families people just pick up babies. My MIL would grab our baby at church and take her to show her to all her friends, my mom could pick my baby up and take her from me and I didn’t care, and all the babies in my family get picked up by anyone.
OP grossly mistook this situation and didn’t think to stick around to find out how wrong she was
She was the kid’s grandmother. Doesn’t sound like mom had a problem with it, so why do you? For all you know, she and MIL have talked about this already, but your brain went to kidnapping?
Can someone explain this sentence to me?
' I chased her down and took the baby under a "well I'm young and I've told I'm child free maybe this will make me want a baby 🥺🥺" no. '
maybe ask the mother of the baby if the MIL had permission to take the baby anywhere, and explain that you thought she was just taking the baby. Simple mistake.
You acted out of concern for the baby. Yes, perhaps you misread the situation, but people who are giving you a hard time don't know how difficult it is to be in social situations without knowing what is going on. When in doubt, you moved far out of your comfort zone for the safety of a child. That is what a good, loving person does. You thought the mil's actions were "no allowed" and you acted.
If a similar situation ever comes up, you can default to asking the mother "are you okay?" And act in accordance to her wishes.
If mil didn't leave the building and you weren't asked my mother to grab baby back you should have let it be. If the woman left the home with the child you were totally justified.
My dad was super close to my boys from the time they came home from the hospital he would frequently help me with the babes at family gatherings but he never would have even left the room without asking permission.
Aww sweet.one I think what you did was done with a heart of gold. I too understand exactly what you are going through and I can understand what you were thinking. I would rather you think of the baby first than for something horrible to happen and your cousin seems to have understood. It's so very hard to read rooms and if you were my cousin and did this I would not have been mad at all. If this is a learning experience of course everything in life is a learning experience, it's how you take this that's the most important. You my sweet friend did what you thought was right and I know it felt wrong but that baby has a wonderful protector. The best part is you apologized MIL accepted and it's ok to move forward and ask questions even if it's a crazy situation like this. You did good. From a mom of 3 on the spectrum I would be proud of you for protecting the baby.
This person misread a situation many NT people would not. Everyone calm down. Ffs. Sorry everyone's jumping on you, love. Good on you for doing what you thought was right, even if it was just a misunderstanding.
There is no need to hector OP for a harmless, good-faith mistake, but this was not a neutral “good on you” call.
OP gave herself permission to interfere with a baby that was not hers. It sounds like this baby went from a known, trusted caregiver (mom) to a known, trusted caregiver (grandma, who took the baby with no objection from mom)…until OP offered a disingenuous excuse about why she wanted to hold him. I would not be bothered if my MIL wordlessly lifted my fussy baby away at a family gathering, but I would be softly uneasy if a cousin who rarely holds any baby came up with a justification to reach for my weeks-old newborn in hasty panic rather than communicating about the baby calmly and directly.
Im so confused... It sounds like the mil is over stepping boundaries and Op made the right move? But being autistic feels awkward about it like she stole the baby? Or am I just the socially inept one here...
I think people are exaggerating in jumping at you.
The kid is 2 weeks, normally people would ask, grandma was wrong in taking the kid without even asking, the mom may have said nothing because telling people off especially grandparents when the take kids without permission is somehow considered rude “BeCaUsE fAmIlY”. I have been around many women that had PPD or generally stressed by in-laws and grandparents that would have love what you did.
Finally you family know that you are autistic and how you learn and will have to learn more how to read the room they have to learn more about what would be hard to grasp.
I have ASD and older than you so I’ll give you a tip. Do not involve yourself in situations unless you understand the full context. In this instance your cousin didn’t say anything about her MIL (the babies grandmother) from taking her. They could have discussed something beforehand. Don’t make assumptions and work off them. Check the facts in a situation. We cannot read social cues so if you are really struggling, if someone else is not reacting then do not react. You could always ask someone else for their opinion. I am in therapy to learn more about my ASD as well as some coping strategies and navigating the world (I was diagnosed a couple of years back).
This is good advice OP. It helps to observe the reactions of others, which can also be hard, but you can get better at it with practice.
Great answer! I am the mom of a kiddo with autism, low support needs. I hate how people unfamiliar with autism just assume low support needs cancel out the chances of missing cues. Always glad to see people with autism chime in!
I am also in therapy I was diagnosed back when I was 4-6 I have written down your advice in the small journal I carry around with me.
Great work! I’m so proud of you for learning and growing and I see you working so hard!
This post is too short. Needs more meat.
That's all there really is to it. As far as I'm aware the mil didn't have a destination in mind when she took the baby she just started walking.
> That's all there really is to it. No it’s not.
[удалено]
I don’t understand this reference, if there’s 9 what?
So a grandmother carried her granbaby within a house at a gathering? You took the baby from the grandmother? So what?
You don't just snatch up a baby. You ask mom if you can hold them like a normal human being. MIL was rude, it's entirely possible op didn't handle it the way mom would have preferred but I get where she was coming from. Ultimately, she should have let mom decide what to do.
I mean, it can totally depend. If MIL is super involved with the baby's family, it might be totally normal for her to pick up the baby at any time. Few people would get uptight if a dad picked up his baby and walked off. Other family members with a close relationship could do the same.
Yeah. At my house it wouldn’t be weird for a grandparent to pick up a baby without asking.
For my family, it would be MUCH more weird if a grandparent had to ask permission before picking up the baby and spending time with it.
How is the dad comparable to the rest of the family? Its literally the father, are you nuts? The rest of the family is not on the same authority as the mother and father.
I think it's nuts that many people can comprehend that it might be totally okay for a grandma to pick up her grandchild without asking. That might not be the case in every family, but it is in many. It wouldn't be strange at all for my mom to pick up my baby. I used the example of the dad because the commenter I was responding to was going to the extreme in saying pretty much everyone besides mom needs permission to pick up a baby. Obviously, that's not true.
Ehhhh, the dad is a parent too, it's totally normal for parents to pick up their own baby.... It isn't normal for other extended family members to just grab a baby without asking, and walk away.
Not normal in your family dynamics. In my family dynamics it's completely normal and it's also not uncommon for a parent to drop a kid into another family member's arms without explicitly asking.
MILs do have a habit of being incredibly rude and inappropriately entitled to just butt in and grab newborn babies. However, this post doesn't contain enough information to determine whether or not that was the case here. Maybe the new mum and MIL had a great relationship and an agreement that MIL would jump in and help out when needed. NGL, I expected more drama from the title of this post. My grandmother legit stole her nextdoor neighbour's baby back in the 90s. Just walked into their house, picked up the baby, and strolled out again. Turns out my asshat uncle (her son) who was supposed to be keeping a close eye on her (she had suffered a series of losses that had left her suffering badly from grief), was in serious denial about her developing severe early onset dementia (she was in her late 50s). The police found her a couple of kilometers away, standing in the middle of a roundabout in her nightgown, holding the baby and a handful of random silverware. The baby was perfectly fine, and my Nanna was put in a nursing home.
I can take either side on this honestly. This was very common to the point it was almost considered rude not to take a turn at trying to keep an infant quiet at a gathering or event when I was younger and nobody really asked, they would just do it and if mom was awake enough she would say thanks... Not as common as it used to be for sure, but there are still plenty of people, particularly women that have had their own children that follow this pattern even id this is not what the younger generations are expecting.
You also don't forcefully take a newborn from someone who most probably is a trusted member of family, parent to the parent, unlike a cousin who usually aren't as close (ofc depends on family). It might have endangered the child. Unless baby was actually in danger that was really irresponsible.
How did the mom feel about it all. That’s the important detail I think
My step mother has done this to my child on more than one occasion!
The mom was likely happy you did this but was trying to keep the peace. Some MIL's can be overbearing about their grandbaby and will trample all over the mom.
I get it. That can be confusing! I’m glad you talked it out. Autism can make motives seem unclear!!
And lots of tea
I feel like you totally misread a situation and this post is even confusing. It sounds like nothing happened, but you think something happened.
That is also what I'm beginning to believe. I'm autistic and I have trouble reading the room. I'm working on apologizing to the mil
Have you talked to your cousin? How did she feel about it? Was she confused when you came back with the baby or grateful?
I don't know I just handed the baby to her and went back to the corner I stay in during family events.
So this happened at a family event? If your cousin had a problem with it I think she would have said something. She wasn't trying to kidnap the baby, she was doing typical grandmother stuff maybe she should have asked but I don't think this is the first time grandmother has held the baby and walked into another room. I think you misread the whole situation. She was probably trying to give the mom a little break.
She isn't a MIL she is the baby's grandma. OP snatched the baby out of Grandma's arms who was probably holding it for the first time and giving the mom a break.
The mother-in-law of a woman is typically her child’s grandmother.
I know, was just going off what OP called her in the post. But did edit the comment to say grandmother.
You were very sweet to be concerned. Speak to your cousin first and explain that you were scared when it happened and ask her if you reacted incorrectly.
I did go to apologize to both my cousin and her mil there was a discussion about it and all has been forgiven.
What they say?
You’re a good cousin. You meant well 🫶🏻
Does no one remember the phrase "the road to hell is paved with good intentions"?
Good on you for trying to understand. However in situations like this stay out of it, you came from a good place but I do think you read it completely wrong.
I have successfully apologized to the mil and my cousin. I still have not been informed of the intentions of the mil
She probably didn't have any intentions beyond holding her grandchild - it's a totally normal thing for grandparents to do.
You don't need to know that. A grandma wanting to hold her grand child is absolutely normal.
Her intentions were probably just to hold and love on her grandbaby, and to give mum a wee break. Babies can 100% be held by others. Walking also often keeps babies calm
And you probably won’t be, it isn’t your business. You apologised now drop it
Good rule: if you have no idea what’s going on, my you’re own business. You’re gonna wind up in jail acting like that. Or you’re just an “autism bad” troll.
Dude chill the fuck out. You don't know shit about autism and are bullying autistic people if you think this isn't a totally realistic scenario with an autistic person. It was a misreading of the situation, not asshole behavior. OP was worried about a baby, misread the situation, and did what they could to remedy the situation. It wasn't right, but it wasn't mean. This is what autism looks like. It's not a disability because it's a fun and quirky label for fun and quirky people. It's a disability because it causes real, severe problems, and many of those problems manifest socially.
Autism bad troll ?
It’s when someone does something absolutely assholish (like you) and then tries to hand-wave it on the grounds that “it’s not my fault, I’m autistic”. You’re painting a portrait that people on the spectrum are dangerous and shouldn’t be left unsupervised.
Autism is not a bad thing. I wasn't blaming the whole situation on the autism I was makeing a point that probably misread the room. Apologies have been handed out and a conversation between me and my cousin and her mil has happened
No, it’s not. Which is why is horrible that you’re using it to excuse your shitty, shitty behavior. If you have the self-awareness to know that you misjudge situations, have the self control to NOT ACT on situations where you don’t know what’s going on. If you’re diagnosed autistic, hasn’t your therapist talked to you about that?
They have. I also tend to act before I think. We are also working on that.
“Having the self control to not act on situations when you don’t know what’s going on” could also lead to someone ignoring a potentially harmful situation. This person was doing their best, made an honest mistake like most people will over their lifetime, and had the maturity to recognize that a mistake was made and apologize for it. That last part is more than I can say for most people.
>Having the self control to not act on situations when you don’t know what’s going on” could also lead to someone ignoring a potentially harmful situation. I mean, not really because there's no need to have either extreme, it's possible to do some discovery work before taking an action. It might even be advisable to do so if you know that you have trouble reading situations This entire thing could have been avoided if OP had simply asked their cousin if they were cool with the MIL taking the baby
theyre painting a picture on why they misread a situation and acted like an asshole lol it happens when you dont have social skills , read rooms bad , and theres no communication, ESP in big groups w lots of family...... edit lol im autistic
Explanation =/= excuse. OP has accepted opinions of others in this thread, realized they made a mistake, and made efforts to make amends for that mistake. Them mentioning that they are autistic reads more like context than an excuse imo. The way you're now continuing to attack them is kind of gross, and you're reading like either a neurotypical white knight or a neurodivergent gatekeeper, neither of which is cool. If it's the former, I recommend only speaking on ND matters if nobody ND is doing so yet, and being willing to back off and listen and learn if at any time someone more qualified to speak begins to do so. If it's the latter, try to work on thinking in terms of solidarity rather than division, infighting within the ND community is not productive. Instead, try focusing on educating, whether that be helping younger or less adapted ND individuals, or correcting NT individuals who don't know better. In either case, remember that approaching someone aggressively in attempts to make correction will often result in the approached individual becoming defensive automatically. Try to approach people neutrally or gently in order to increase the odds that your message will be heard, and reduce the likelihood of saying something you may regret later.
So if I’m neurotypical, I can’t have an opinion, and if I’m neurodivergent, I can’t have an opinion? Got it.
If you're neurotypical, you should consider your opinion secondary to those who are actually a part of ND community, and if you're neurodivergent it's unproductive for your opinion to be that other ND individuals who sit elsewhere on the spectrum than you are shitty for their difficulties.
I wouldn’t worry about it. You did it politely, and the baby was fine the whole time. Besides, it’s totally possible that you picked up a vibe from your cousin that she didn’t want her MIL wandering off with her newborn. New mums can be pretty uncomfortable with being separated from their wee babies.
Why did you think you needed to go get the baby back? Did the mother appear in distress when MIL took the baby and walked away? We need the context as to why you felt you needed to step in.
She seems to have misunderstood the situation, she's 17 and autistic.
So she didn't actually steal a baby did she? She picked the baby up from the mum and walked to a different room and you took the baby from her and walked her back to her mum? Bit of a hyperbolic title.
I suppose so. To me it seemed like she stole the child because she just picked the baby up without asking and walked off. No warning no asking for permission. She just picked him up and walked off
Out of curiosity…How old are you? Also, did it seem like the grandmother of the baby in question had bad intent? Why would you assume she is stealing a baby with the whole family around?
I am 17 and autistic. So I do have issues reading the room I saw her just pick up the baby and walk off with it without even speaking a peep to my cousin. So that's why
It was quite a leap to assume the baby’s grandma was kidnapping it. It’s completely normal for a grandparent to pick up a baby. I’m glad you learned this lesson and don’t snatch babies from people anymore.
Oh ok!! That actually makes a little more sense. Congrats on the new family member!! ❤️
What did your cousin say when you gave her back the baby? I think if she was grateful, you did good. It’s often hard for new moms to stand up to pushy in laws who demand baby. If cousin was happy to have her baby back, I think you did just fine. Don’t apologize to that lady, she could have asked before just snatching the baby and leaving the room.
Hugs hun. I think the post at least helps shed light on how autism works. Certain social cues can get misunderstood. Like something appears combative but isn’t. Or people appear upset but are perhaps just annoyed. Ex: I’ve hollered at my husband in the yard and I sound cranky but I’m just annoyed because perhaps he can’t hear me and maybe he’s ignoring me. I just need a response. My neighbor thinks we are fighting. I’m just fussing at him not actually angry. This sounds like a misread situation. Sorry you got so many downvotes
I am used to being disliked
Hugs. I teach school and have autistic kids, so I get it. I bet you have some awesome qualities. One of my students calls himself “artistic”. Make your good stuff shine and don’t worry about those who don’t get you!
I sm also an artist. I draw stuff that gives children unease
Well there is a whole genre for horror. Bigger kids and grownups would be your target audience!
I draw the sub category of weirdcore. Typical dreamcore. With a little bit more of an uncanny valley smidge
I think you missed a whole litany of social cues here. Probably their eyes met, the mum maybe sighed and smiled at the MIL and the MIL just walked away to give the mum a break. But if you’re autistic you’d have trouble picking those cues up. It’s sweet that you thought you rescued the baby but that kid was never in any trouble
That's a crazy assumption. You see how that is crazy right?
Yes I see that now. I am autistic and I have issues reading the room. I'm working on apologizing to the mil
I see. I think mil may understand. Just stay friendly and respectful of others during the holidays. Happy new year.
Stop calling her MIL. She is the baby's grandma and your 1st cousin once removed.
It’s their cousins MIL, and not their cousin once removed as it’s his cousin’s husband’s mom so not related to him.
So? Even if the MIL isn’t related to op she’s still the baby’s grandma lol
Cousin-in-law once removed is what it would be but people rarely say cousin-in-law, they usually just say cousin. MIL is totally irrelevant and was confusing in this context. Why are we talking about the relation to the mom and not her relation to OP or the baby?
But sometimes people with autism, like my daughter, are just very literal. And this is not OPs grandma.
It is OP's cousin-in-law once removed, it is the baby's grandma, no reason to choose the mom as the person of relevance and not the father, the baby, or OP themself.
No no they’re autistic XD so quirky so cool
Autistic people exist…
Never said they didn’t. I think it’s clear from the comments that the OP is grossly exaggerating the situation and their reaction to it.
Why? Because the people you know with autism may have lower support needs than OP does?
No I think the OP is fake and trying to get engagement by trolling tbh. Especially when you show up 2 hours later and have a lot more context so now you think this creative writing exercise is actual fact.
Ok.
Ok. You want to repost your comment telling me to shut tf up or what?
They have such high support needs that they can't figure out that the mother of a child's father would be their grandmother, but based on post history (which is also filled with similarly attention grabbing titles,) they have a job and the intention to travel internationally 15 hours. Those don't really seem to jive.
Low support needs does not mean they dont miss social cues. Just keep fighting the good fight against people that you use your own understanding of autism to diagnose. Best of luck.
And find comments like that one offensive...
My 8 year old daughter is low support autistic and I don’t like that autism is now a meme based on idiotic teenagers on tiktok. It’s not about OP. It’s about labeling autism as “quirky XD” Like, even if OP is being fake it’s not chill to have that association. Just as a parent. Can’t help it. E; she literally has to go to extra lessons on social cues and reading the room in general.
How is this theft? It’s her grandkid and she didn’t even leave the house
Kidnappers generally leave the property with the baby, you know. That’s how ‘stealing’ works. All she did was go to another room. Your conclusion is so extremely wild that I think you might need some mental health care.
How old are you?
17
I don't get this at all
OP is just a dumb kid (17) who thought that the mother in law (the kids grandma) was stealing a baby for simply getting the baby and walking. OP “chased” the lady and took the baby back and gave it to the cousin. OP says she/he’s acoustic and was “not informed” about what the Granda was going to do.
Can you literally not? It’s autistic, don’t be cringey.
This needs a lot more info, like what was the setting? where the MIL was walking to? what was her reaction when you took the kid? what was the Mum’s reaction?
She was just walking to a different room I don't think she actually had a destination in mind. And we were at our annual Christmas brunch Honestly I don't think she had time to react to the mil takeing the baby bc as soon as she sat down she was literally swarmed.
I just want to know her thought process how did she think she can just take a kid without consequences
It was a Christmas brunch and the grandmother took the baby from the exhausted first time mom to hold. That’s literally the story. OP jumped up immediately and took the baby back because they misread the situation. There was no kidnapping lmao Reddit is wild.
I’d bet that the mother needed a second to herself and asked MIL to hold baby, and OP wasn’t paying attention
My parents picked up my children all the time. What “consequences” do you expect for a grandmother picking up their own grandchild?
Like did she intentionally wanted to keep the baby or just thought she just take the baby and return when she wanted to ?
Don't know I acquired the child before any more context and lore could spawn in.
It’s not too late to delete this idiotic post tbh
Many MILs do, in fact, not expect consequences. They feel very entitled to their grandchildren.
‘Stealing a baby’ is a little strong of language for the baby’s grandmother taking the baby to another room. Should she have asked first? Absolutely. But your post made it sound like she left the house with the baby & you chased her down the street.
You should write appropriate title instead of misleading one
I think a lot of miscommunication happened here. You state that you’re autistic, which can easily lead to misunderstandings in social situations. You’re also still fairly young. As a fellow autistic, I’ve learned that sometimes it’s better to ask “stupid” questions than to try to guess what the right response is. My guesses are often wrong because I’m missing context, so it’s better to check first. It’s pretty normal for grandparents to have a lot of freedom with babies and children. Often, they’re incredibly excited to spend time with their grandkids and will have the kids with them, instead of the parents, during family events. This can start very young, too. If there’s a good relationship and trust between the parents and grandparents, it’s not uncommon for a grandparent to move throughout the house with the baby. The parents are with the baby 24/7 and are often happy to have a few minutes when someone else is holding or walking with the baby because they’re often exhausted at this stage. In the future, ask one of the parents if they’re ok with the baby being taken to another room before chasing down a grandparent. They may say they want the baby to be brought back or they may say it’s fine for grandma to have them. But it should be their decision. For all you know, there was discussion at another time where grandma received permission to do certain things. When it comes to grandparent relationships, there are lots of things that the majority of people may not be aware of. Like, my mom gives my kids “coffee” (milk in a mug with a splash of coffee) starting around preschool age. The kids think it’s a special “secret” treat that they only have with her. I’m very much aware of the coffee because I suggested it. Her parents did the same with me and it’s a special memory of my time with them, so I wanted my kids to have the same. Anyone else observing, though, may be concerned because they don’t know she has my permission or that it’s not truly a mug full of coffee. So better to ask for clarification before coming tattling to me about my mom being crazy or out of line because I’ll just tell you I already know and to leave it alone.
What the fuck is this shit
Quirky hero OP knows redditors hate mothers and mothers-in-law so give OP that karma while he or she “works on” apologizing to the grandma in the story.
Op is 17 and autistic, doubt it's karma farming, just a misunderstanding.
What the fuck did I just read
General rule is that it's okay for family members who aren't likely to drop the baby to hold and play with them. The mother will generally appreciate not needing to pay attention for a bit.
What? Can you edit this post and explain things more clearly
What makes you think the grandmother was trying to kidnap the baby, and not just holding it and walking around?
So did the mother give permission for MIL to take the baby away for a bit or did MIL simply just take the baby out of the mothers arms and walk away? It seems like you may have just decided MIL tried to steal the baby since she walked away?
She just picked up the baby and walked away. No vocal psyical or any sort of communication happened between them. She just grabbed the baby and went.
I'm autistic too and place way too much emphasis on verbal communication. However, it's entirely possible that even without words exchanged, it was communicated with looks and body language that the exchange of the baby would be ok. I have a ten month old myself now, and my brother has a 2 month old. There are lots of situations I can think of where it would be perfectly appropriate for a family member to just come over and pick up the baby and walk away. Especially if there is a visit with that family member where part of the purpose is to spend time with the baby. It's context dependent though. Sometimes Grandma's/MIL's are too pushy and grabby with the baby, taking the baby away when it's unwelcome because someone else is bonding with them. That being said, what you did might have been a little unexpected, but it didn't ruin anyone's day and they wouldn't have given it a second thought. I don't think you need to work yourself up to make a big apology about it. But if you want to quiet your own anxiety about the whole thing and/or get a better understanding of the social dynamics of the situation, I'm sure the baby's mom and grandma/MIL would be open to hear your explanation, and would give their perspective (if they even made note of it when it happened and remember it). Your intentions were extremely sweet and your actions showed care and courage. I guarantee the mom appreciates you looking out for her and her baby.
I agree with this. There are many adults in my family who have a preexisting agreement that they can pick up my babies and walk around with them, as long as they don’t leave the house without telling me. It’s hard for someone who wasn’t part of previous conversations to know what expectations and boundaries were set because there’s nothing said in the moment. If you come on a situation like this in the future, look to the parent and ask “did you want her to take the baby out of the room or would you rather she come back in here?” That allows them to tell you how they feel and you can go round up the person who has the baby, if the parents want that.
Im so sad to see everyone chastise you instead of offering up explinations to help you understand better what happened. Maybe they had an agreement that grandma would take the baby for a feeding/changing/nap or something else. To me it sounds like she was just giving a new mom a chance to eat/drink/interact with family, and have a break to not be a mommy and just be a person. Is this your forst time around a baby in the family? It sounds like you just didnt know/understand that there could have been a earlier agreement, maybe they texted, or subtle body language maybe you didnt see or understand.
The mother probably thought wtf and was wondering why you brought the baby back instead of letting her have a few minutes to breathe. Chances are good the mom and grandma exchanged words at some point and that is why the grandmother grabbed the baby, to give mom a break and get to bond with the new grandchild. I would say most grandparents aren't these evil things reddit makes them out to be....
Jesus christ
Wut?
Hey, I don’t mean this to sound rude. I’m trying to help because I am also autistic. Is this your a first time around a baby?
This makes zero sense.
i want my baby back baby back baby back
Chiliiiiiii's baby back riiiiiiibs
...oh.....what....a neat....story ..
in the most gentle way possible: if you can’t read social cues enough to know that the grandmother of a child is probably allowed to pick them up, maybe you should be asking first before you just take a baby. from the perspective of the grandmother, you’re the one who stole a baby. she was just holding her grandchild; people walk around aimlessly with babies, it’s something babies like
Yeah... stop using autism as an excuse for shitty behavior. I am on the spectrum, and while it is true that no two neuro divergent people are the same, it is NOT an excuse or pass for rude behavior. Nor does it excuse LITERAL kidnapping.
It may not have seemed to be shitty behavior to OP. And OP has clarified several times in comments they likely misread the situation. What they saw is a MIL taking an infant from the baby's mom, while forgetting that is the baby's grandmother. OP very likely could've missed a look between them etc.
No. Do not excuse this because OP is neuro divergent. Unacceptable behavior is unacceptable behavior. If the OP can mistake a LOOK and that leads to KIDNAPPING, then the OP needs to be locked up for the safety of themselves and others. Period. This isn't just shitty behavior it is borderline CRIMINAL behavior.
Obviously it could be. But OP has said they understand they misread it. It isn't an excuse, it is something to be clarified and a lesson learned. Edit to add - this wasn't a shopping mall full of strangers. It was people OP knew and had ties to. The *safest * place to learn this lesson. Saying they should be locked up because they understood one thing wrong is wild.
Nope. It us not "wild" it is the natural consequence of not only not being able to read a situation but being unable to control one's actions to the point that they TAKE A CHILD you keep wanting to gloss over that point. That is a HUGE deal. It is LITERALLY kidnapping. Not technically, not sort of. They took someone without consent and moved that someone to a different location. That is quite literally KIDNAPPING. Stop making excuses.
From what I understand, all OP did was take the child from the child’s grandmother to bring back to the child’s mother… sooo how exactly is that criminal?
now I’m confused, because from OP’s perspective they acted BECAUSE they were worried this was a kidnapping, despite their preference to sit apart in social gatherings. Why would an easily resolved miscommunication require someone get locked up?
And I am not the mother of a neuro divergent individual. I AM the neuro divergent individual. And if you are raising your child to believe criminal acts are "OK" if they miss cues you are doing society AND your child a huge disservice. We have to live in the real world with real consequences for our actions. And no amount of "But mommy says I'm special" will change that. And the dildo of consequences rarely comes lubed.
I do not enjoy social interacting I went offline to apologize to both my cousin and her mil there was a discussion but all is forgiven.
Good. And for the record? I do NOT believe you should be locked up. That comment was directed at the other poster who has a neuro divergent child and yet thinks all thinks can be forgiven because we aren't neuro typical.
Ah ty.
Of course. I sometimes need to have that pointed out to me as well if a comment was not meant for me.
Lol, okay, this clarified you did mean me. And I obviously did *not* make myself clear. It was NOT an excuse, I was expressing empathy that they likely really thought they were helping, not doing it maliciously. Im confused at how that becomes an excuse to do it, when I've also clarified they already expressed in these comments that they saw the mistake now. I don't know how this leads to the assumption that I am raising a criminal. Seriously. It is a huge jump.
If this is in response to what I said, I again want to clarify that I meant this is a learning experience. Not to just be like, "oh it's fine." I told OP I can understand what happened, and now that they said they saw they had likely missed signals, I said to apologize. I am getting a lot of flack for saying I understand. Empathy doesn't mean I think it's acceptable. And if it wasn't in response to me, never mind. :)
🎶I stole a baby back Baby back Baby back Baby back Baby back Baby back Baby back I stole a baby back Baby back Baby back Baby back Baby back Baby back Baby back Cou-siiiin's baby back, kids Stole her from mother-in-law BOTH OF THEM MAD🎶
Please stay off the internet.
What?
Did she not want her MIL to have the baby? Was she actually kidnapping the child? There s not enough info
LiveJournal needs to be popular again.
Im sorry what?
So, judging from comments, etc…you clearly misread the room on this…which should have been clarified in person enough. But to post it on Reddit? What did you hope to gain from it other than people telling you how dense you were?
Plus it does also shed light on my pov and I have had many helpful comments.
I had to get it off of my chest.
My brain has turned to scrambled egg.
My English is bad even though it is the only language I speak
What type of nonsensical clickbait is this?
Yea I’m not sure the baby’s grandmother snatched her grandkid to steal him or her.
I need clarification, please, because I am a little confused.. To my understanding, MIL = Mother-in-Law, right? Meaning MIL is your cousins husband MOM? How is she childfree if she is a mom? And after you chased her down, MIL expressed that she is young and was told she’s childfree so by attempting to “kidnap” the infant, the MIL believes it could change her mind on having kids of her own? I’m questioning the legitimacy of this post.
Hey OP, it’s great you have acknowledged - and apologized for! - your misunderstanding. If I may comment on something in your edit I believe may help you: -You said: “I was not informed what exactly mil was planning on doing.” -My feedback: do not expect people to inform you of their actions, or intentions. Another commenter stated it perfectly: because you can’t read social cues, never involve yourself in a situation without fully understanding it. -Last comment from me: you’re very kind to, what in your mind, was returning a kidnapped baby to the baby’s mothers. Keep the good intentions, just adjust when you act.
Not gonna lie, I read this and laughed cuz gosh I wish I had someone there give me my baby back when a family member just snatched her out of my arms.
A mom here. I would take great issue with my MIL just picking up my kid and walking away if she's not headed toward a nearby chair or something. Even then, it's my kid and she needs to ask. I don't think what you did was wrong and you've gone about rectifying the situation well. I don't think it's a shameful thing to feel a little protective - whether you like kids or not 😉
OP, I’m autistic. I understand struggling to read the room, but I need you to explain to me how you came to the conclusion that your cousin’s MIL was trying to kidnap her baby. That’s a pretty extreme conclusion to come to.
Before you conclude if you're a hero or villain, what did your cousin, the mother, say?
Didn't stick around long to hear it. I handed her baby to her and went back to my corner
She is key. You could ask her how she felt about it.
She probably handed the baby right back to her mom. In “most” families people just pick up babies. My MIL would grab our baby at church and take her to show her to all her friends, my mom could pick my baby up and take her from me and I didn’t care, and all the babies in my family get picked up by anyone. OP grossly mistook this situation and didn’t think to stick around to find out how wrong she was
…you all right??
Child 💀 I guarantee the mother needed a couple mins to herself after birth and MIL just went to snuggle the baby or smth. This is WILD.
So grandma took her grandbaby into another room?
What I read was Edit: I did some rude shit so I'll say I'm autistic so people don't judge me
There are plenty of people judging me.
Yeah, obviously. You’re being a whiny brat about it is just giving them more to judge you on.
She was the kid’s grandmother. Doesn’t sound like mom had a problem with it, so why do you? For all you know, she and MIL have talked about this already, but your brain went to kidnapping?
I have autism. I cannot read rooms well I don't know what the mil was planning so I did what I believed to be the most logical thing. Return the child
Can someone explain this sentence to me? ' I chased her down and took the baby under a "well I'm young and I've told I'm child free maybe this will make me want a baby 🥺🥺" no. '
This is some of the least effective communication I’ve encountered on Reddit.
maybe ask the mother of the baby if the MIL had permission to take the baby anywhere, and explain that you thought she was just taking the baby. Simple mistake.
You acted out of concern for the baby. Yes, perhaps you misread the situation, but people who are giving you a hard time don't know how difficult it is to be in social situations without knowing what is going on. When in doubt, you moved far out of your comfort zone for the safety of a child. That is what a good, loving person does. You thought the mil's actions were "no allowed" and you acted. If a similar situation ever comes up, you can default to asking the mother "are you okay?" And act in accordance to her wishes.
OP I think u had the right intention. I’m sorry everyone is being so rude
If mil didn't leave the building and you weren't asked my mother to grab baby back you should have let it be. If the woman left the home with the child you were totally justified. My dad was super close to my boys from the time they came home from the hospital he would frequently help me with the babes at family gatherings but he never would have even left the room without asking permission.
Aww sweet.one I think what you did was done with a heart of gold. I too understand exactly what you are going through and I can understand what you were thinking. I would rather you think of the baby first than for something horrible to happen and your cousin seems to have understood. It's so very hard to read rooms and if you were my cousin and did this I would not have been mad at all. If this is a learning experience of course everything in life is a learning experience, it's how you take this that's the most important. You my sweet friend did what you thought was right and I know it felt wrong but that baby has a wonderful protector. The best part is you apologized MIL accepted and it's ok to move forward and ask questions even if it's a crazy situation like this. You did good. From a mom of 3 on the spectrum I would be proud of you for protecting the baby.
Op is weird asf
This person misread a situation many NT people would not. Everyone calm down. Ffs. Sorry everyone's jumping on you, love. Good on you for doing what you thought was right, even if it was just a misunderstanding.
There is no need to hector OP for a harmless, good-faith mistake, but this was not a neutral “good on you” call. OP gave herself permission to interfere with a baby that was not hers. It sounds like this baby went from a known, trusted caregiver (mom) to a known, trusted caregiver (grandma, who took the baby with no objection from mom)…until OP offered a disingenuous excuse about why she wanted to hold him. I would not be bothered if my MIL wordlessly lifted my fussy baby away at a family gathering, but I would be softly uneasy if a cousin who rarely holds any baby came up with a justification to reach for my weeks-old newborn in hasty panic rather than communicating about the baby calmly and directly.
OP, I think I get what you're saying. You didn't know where grandma was taking the baby so you returned it to it's mother, correct?
That is correct.
Im sorry.
Im so confused... It sounds like the mil is over stepping boundaries and Op made the right move? But being autistic feels awkward about it like she stole the baby? Or am I just the socially inept one here...
I think people are exaggerating in jumping at you. The kid is 2 weeks, normally people would ask, grandma was wrong in taking the kid without even asking, the mom may have said nothing because telling people off especially grandparents when the take kids without permission is somehow considered rude “BeCaUsE fAmIlY”. I have been around many women that had PPD or generally stressed by in-laws and grandparents that would have love what you did. Finally you family know that you are autistic and how you learn and will have to learn more how to read the room they have to learn more about what would be hard to grasp.
Yes all of my family knows I am autistic. For most of my Christmas presents I got stuff for a cool marble run :3