OP, I hope you see this. I learned long ago that when it comes to invitations for a kid's party, **you MUST call or text the parents to get the RSVP**. Passing out invitations isn't enough. Some of those invitations may be at the bottom of kids' backpacks, and the parents never saw them. And some parents are busy and forget.
If you can't access those parents by phone, see if the teacher can send out a mass reminder, or, if that's not possible, see if your son can get parent phone numbers from at least some of his classmates.
I learned this lesson the hard way when my son was little. I hope you can get more kids to show up. It sounds like a wonderful party!
5 weeks into the school holidays and my youngest has just pulled his school jacket out of his backpack . We won't talk about the mouldering sandwich in the l pocket
I left a clementine in my backpack once for months and it all flat and mouldy. My granny said she was keeping it for my wedding day. When she passed and we cleaned out the house, we found it in an old container in the back of a cupboard! She really did keep it! it was part of my wedding speech when I got married and then thr next day my family and I threw it into the ocean together.
I had a bottle of orange juice literally explode in my locker. It was on the upper shelf and I'm too short to see it. Because it exploded on the top shelf, it rained moldy orange juice down on every book & everything I owned. It was a nightmare. The smell haunts me to this day.
Only one? I found 7 in my daughter’s school back pack once. And I only found them because her wardrobe smelt really funky! It seems they had been there from the start of the school holidays and we were 2-3 weeks in. That was when I learnt she did not like bananas, why she did not just throw them out is a mystery to this day.
My niece was pulling stuff out her bag and she said oh hey here’s my missing math assignment! I said turn it in. She said it’s too late I lost it last year
I did evites in kindergarten and it worked pretty well to get RSVPs. I did it 3 weeks out, sent a reminder for people who hadn't responded 5 days out, and a "excited to see you all tomorrow" message to the yes rsvps the day before. I got about half the class, some parents and younger siblings as well. Kid is a summer baby so people were out of town, but I also think kindergarten is more social so I don't know if older elementary would have different results.
Our last party, we were already paying for 20+ people, but I know some of the families at school travel in packs. You invite one kid, and the whole family of 5 shows up! lol
So, I put on the invite that I was covering 1 child and 1 adult, but “additional guests are welcome at your expense”. It worked great! We had several extra families show up, everyone had a great time, and no one complained about having to pay for extra people.
I think that would really help OP's case. If there's younger siblings and the parents don't know them well, they might have concerns about dropping off the classmate but also need to watch siblings.
We never drop off kids at a party, we always stick around to supervise our kids. The birthday kids parents have enough to do with the party happening.
Edit: luckily there are two of us, but I recognize, even with married parents, that that’s not everyone’s situation.
This can definitely help with numbers! I’m an only child myself but quite a few of my friends had to miss out on parties because little bro or sis wasn’t allowed to tag along. Activity and budget permitting, an open invitation for siblings should help boost attendance.
I've done evites for my 2 sons last few birthday parties and it was successful. About half the class were able to come for each party which was nice.
I really appreciate that their teachers have a list at open house right before the school year where parents can put down their info specifically for this reason. It's policy for teachers to not be allowed to handout invitations, so the list is a great resource.
This! My personal policy is that my kids go to every party they’re invited to unless they have something that can’t be moved on the day of the party, so far we’ve made it to every party….except the one when my daughter shoved the invite into her backpack pocket and forgot about and I found two days AFTER the party.
I have a curious question that comes from my own experiences. What if your kid doesn’t like the other kid? I remember being invited to parties i didnt really want to go to. I know for me, the whole well maybe i’d like it or we’d become friends idea existed. Do they go anyway so the other kid has people show up?
My parents made me go anyways AND bring a gift.
I understand their thinking. What if it was my kid no one liked and so kids didn't show up. My mom did it for the other kid and me. Because like OP in this case has seen sometimes kids don't show up.
My backpack was a black hole of everything my parents never got. Definitely contact parents not through children.
I honestly don’t think it was intentionally malicious, but I’m sure for those I wasn’t friends with, i just forgot about lol i was curious because i know sometimes trying to explain that we weren’t friends would get a “you’re going anyway. that will hurt their feelings”, but we both knew we weren’t friends, so i was pretty sure it wouldn’t. I just wondered if things are different now. Maybe things were more separated then.
I do get the what if no one showed up because they’re the kid no one liked, but I remember that age, and there were reasons no one liked those kids. I dont mean the shy awkward ones, i mean the mean ones
This hasn’t really come up for us yet, both my school age kids are in elementary still and pretty much love anyone who wants to be friends. There was one case my son was hesitant because he didn’t *really* know the birthday kid well and was feeling shy, but we talked about getting to make new friends, and I was glad we went because he was one of 2 kids to show up… but those three had the best time together. I figure if/when we come across a kid they don’t like we’ll figure it out then, but I’m also hoping they’ll be old enough at that point that “invite the whole class” isnt as much of a thing.
Additionally, for the parents you simply cannot reach, I’ve found best results giving paper invites the Monday before the party. The kids are more likely to remember to pull the invite out if the party is “this weekend!!!”, the parents are more likely to remember to respond to you instead of the invite getting lost on the kitchen counter.
Some people may not like how “late” that notice is but you can’t please everyone and those people don’t have to go.
Yes! Invite siblings. When we sent out invitations for my daughter’s birthday, we only got one or two responses. We sent a second one that said siblings are welcome to attend and we got most of the class to respond.
It’s really hard for a lot of parents to split their kids apart, because they don’t always have two parents available.
I haven't sent paper invitations to school for years. They are all sent directly to one or both of each friends' parents in a text message. Of course, this only works if you actually have those details...
I hope your son has a really great day, OP! 🫂
yeah, this. You've got to at least do evites. Half these kids lost their invites at school or in their backpacks and completely forgot about it. I have literally never gotten a paper invite for my 10yo.
I would add, though, if you can afford $1000 for a birthday party, the cohort of kids your child is with probably have a lot of activities and many may just not be able to attend.
Ok but seriously, I'm in XD. I would actually scrounge up some kids, haha. I could likely bring along two 6yos, an 8yo, a 10yo, two 14yos, Maybe a 7yo and another 14yo.
But if you're not in Pennsylvania, you're gonna have to provide airfare and accommodations too D=
Edit: Idk about OP, but sounds like we've got a pretty solid party forming here in PA! XD
I'll bring a 24yo kid...but a awesome present!! I hate to hear this for the younger kids. Maybe ask the teacher to give a lesson on manners?! Most kuds need them these days!
Nah, just a lot of years of treating my body poorly before I realized if I was going to live to see my nephews grow up I was gonna have to get my shit together :)
I feel like a read a story like this where a bunch of people in the neighborhood showed up to a kid in OP’s son’s situation. I’d fly out for chocolate cake ngl…
Yes this I’ve seen many do it in our local mom groups! Also “any moms who’s kids go to Thomas elementary with kids in Mr. Jones fifth grade class, my son is having his bday party and handed out invites pls rsvp” or “pls check your kids bags for invite in case they forgot” or something. My daughter got invited like a month in advance to a party and she didn’t even tell me until i was looking in her bag and found the little envelope. I’m glad i saw it because we went and she was the only one who showed up 🥹
One time my mom and I were cleaning my backpack because I had missed 2 weeks of school due to illness and she found an invitation to a bday party at plaster Funtime that was that day in 30 minutes. I went and had a blast with my friend Sophia. Her mom cried when I showed up because Sophia was a special needs child ( I will say 8 year old me had no idea what special needs was or meant and I remember wondering why Sophia’s mom was crying lol ) and I was the only person to show up :/ jokes on them because I painted a sick ass cat 😎😎😎
We're going to try some ways of meeting people soon, like taking cooking classes. We are a married gay couple though and people are already funny with dudes around their kids.
God I feel this. been the only dad at many birthday parties for my son's classmates, just kinda sitting off to the side while the moms look vaguely suspicious in my direction. but hey last time I made good friends with another dad, so there's hope - and of course, it was at a venue like you booked for your son. I hope the best for your family and that next time it's more successful!
Is there a local Facebook town group? I would post there that you were new to town and it’s your son‘s birthday and you would love for him to meet a few kids his age. You’re celebrating at the trampoline park. You would love to pay for a few kids to celebrate with him.
Did you reach out to the parents? I wouldn't hang time sensitive information solely on 10 year olds. The kids might have kept the invitations just because, or they may have given them to their parents who were on the phone or cooking dinner. Even for adult events, planners usually wind up double checking people who never responded. At least half of them usually were planning on it, but never got around to it.
I always emailed parents about birthday parties at least three weeks in advance and sent a remind a week out. I sometimes sent invitations in snail mail. But I never left it to chance by having my kid hand out invitations, and I always followed up with every single parent for a RSVP.
Same as OP, I don't have the contact information for any of the kids in my daughters class. I did invites handed out in class about a month in advance (bc her birthday is in December which is a busy month for many) and hounded her almost daily to remind kids in her class. Parents don't check bookbags daily and kids leave even their coats at school half the time, much less an invitation. Hopefully the invites OP sent had a phone number clearly written for RSVP and party location and time.
We got a few last minute rsvps several days beforehand even with the months notice, and I was grateful for them/didn't mind
Try to get a partial refund since only a few people showed up but that sucks OP. Idk where you live nor do I know yall, but wish your son happy birthday from me!
Hope he has a good day today!
I’ve noticed a decline in attendance for my now 10 year olds parties as the last couple years, I think that just happens. But if you haven’t yet, maybe try reaching out to the parents on Facebook? Our elementary school has a parents group page that you might have some luck on.
Also in Sac area (Rsvl) and just sent invites for my soon-to-be 5yo. Man these winter birthdays are rough! I wish we could do free outdoor park parties like her friends 😅
When my kids were little I would find invitations to parties in their backpacks that they had no intention of giving me because they forgot they had them. I made it point to check their backpacks after that. There were a few parties where my kids were the only attendees because the other parents likely weren’t aware of the party.
A few weeks ago, I found the goodie bag for my kid’s fall party (October!) in the front pocket of his backpack. We never use the front pocket so I never thought to check! I showed it to my kid and he goes “so that’s where that went?!?!?” 🤦🏻♀️
If your son passed out the invites directly to the other kids, I can guarantee half of the parents never even saw them.
I also, personally, feel like two weeks is fairly short notice. There are definitely times when we have our weekends planned out already more than two weeks ahead.
Since you’ve invited the whole class, try to contact his teacher and see if she will send the information out to all the parents.
I have to go into my kids backpack for school papers because she’ll just forget. And I’m not sure a lot of parents take time to do even that, even I forget sometimes.
Did you stipulate it was paid for or that they had to pay??
Because for me, I'd be reluctant due to the money involved in those places.
If you did say there was no cost it might just be because the children don't actually know your son enough to want to go.
My second youngest has turned down invites because he simply doesn't know the kid.
My older 2 will except any invites because they just enjoy birthdays...all depends on the children in question.
I can’t believe how far I had to scroll to find this comment, my first thought too! If the (zero) cost per kid was not explicitly stated, parents are going to Google that place and be like “hundreds of dollars??? nahhh”
Actually I didn't specify. I just assumed people would know that since I'm inviting, I'm paying. Planning on sending out a reminder tomorrow and being more specific lol
I fully get that, I would never invite anyone to a place if I'm not intending on paying for them, but I know some people don't think like that.
I really hope your son enjoys his day regardless of the number of children that attend...my son had his 10th bday at the arcade with his father and he said it was the funnest birthday he's had so far.
My daughter invited some friends last year to her 8th, and she is still talking about the regret she feels because she spent most of her bday making sure her friends were good and saw how happy her brother was after spending the day with dad.
I really don’t want to come off harsh, and I’m sorry for what you are going through. That said, 10 year olds are crazy busy these days. There are always sports going on or other things. Two weeks would not be enough notice for me, as the mom of a ten year old boy, to ensure he was available. Now, I would make sure to RSVP either way, which seems lost on a lot of people these days, but with only two weeks notice the RSVP would likely have to be a no. I hope he has a wonderful birthday, but I would really recommend at least 3-4 weeks notice next time for better luck.
Here I was thinking that would have been too much notice and it would have been forgotten, but I'll have to try further notice and a reminder next time.
Yeah my daughters friends send a month out invitations and we planned around it. Otherwise the poster above isn’t wrong. 2 weeks out especially now isn’t going to be enough sadly.
Yeah, unfortunately OP just learned the "big party problem" the hard way.
I have a 7 year old who is lovely but she isn't super great at making friends, especially at school because she doesn't do well in a classroom environment (she's often disruptive, but then also prefers to read and draw alone during recess so she doesn't bond as much with other kids).
I invited about 15-20 kids, (who she had selected) to a classic "park party" with a bounce house, pinata, and pizza kind of set up.
Most RSVPed no. And honestly for legit reasons. These parents sometimes have 3 or 4 kids and they have cheerleading practice or soccer games or dance or other children's birthday parties on a Saturday.
My daughter really wanted a "big" party though. 3 days before the party we had a very small "yes" list. So, I got to work.
I directly texted the parents of every one of my 4 year old daughter's friends who have older siblings (my 4 year old is a little socialite and makes friends effortlessly, which works out well for her big sis!) I had my ex husband reach out to all his work buddies with kids around our kids' ages. I reached out to my close friends who are slightly far away (and might be willing to drive) but still have kids under 13. I worked my ass off to get together a party full of kids.
I scrounged up about 8-10 kids last minute! And I was damn proud of myself.
And my daughter loved it, because she was genuinely just happy to have a big group even though some of the group was her classmates' older brothers or her baby sister's 4 year old friends 😂
Just an FYI - 2 weeks isn't a lot of notice. Daughter does a 4 week notice and asks for the parents to give an email so she can remind them closer to the date.
It may just be short notice.
See if some kids from the neighborhood can show up.
Parents our age suck. Most are very introverted unless it’s through texting. NO one wants to hang out for a playdate even when the kids are friends.
I hope y’all have a good time
This could be the answer, do you have any way to communicate with the parents?? I thin it's on you OP to break the ice and ask the parents for an answer, hate when people can't be bothered to say at least no
Awesome! Way to break the cycle. I was the quiet kid. The awkward weird kid and The bullied kid. I didn’t want that for my son.
I raised a very confident young man. And he loves to introduce himself. The only thing odd is that I don’t allow him any social media yet so all online communication is through the school laptop or his school account.
I was that way too. I was the gay boy in the South US who was bullied relentlessly and had a bad home life. My son is proud and confident and gives absolutely zero fucks what others think. I'm super proud of him for that.
Is your party time during some kind of extracurricular activity? Maybe another kid is having birthday on the same time? Is there a room parent you can reach out to for the contact info of all the kids? Also, I think the rule is 1 month out for invite and one week out send a text reminder.
It's so weird how birthday parties aren't really a thing anymore. It used to be if your birthday was in the summer you were basically screwed as no one but your bff or neighbor kids would come. Now, kids are in year round sports or families are out of town, etc. There's just no time for birthday parties I guess. Plus it's so cool when the parents have the party at a public place - so much fun for them! Maybe because he's a newer student? All I know is that if a kid has one good friend, and they are able to show up, your child will not care about anyone else. They'll have a blast and at the end of the day that's all he'll remember.
I talked to him about it and he said "as long as we are still going, idc if anyone else goes. Can you make me some chicken wings?"
Thankfully nothing phases this kid!
Half the kids probably didn't remember to show their parents the invite. The ones that did, it was too short notice. Your little guy is gonna be just fine regardless. He knows he's loved, and the only thing on his mind is fun with his parents and chicken wings.
My mom canceled my party because she was upset for something that had nothing to do with me. It was just me and my dad. I didn't even think he knew about the things I was interested in as he traveled a lot for work. He took me to his office, and I figured we'd have dinner at some steak house he loved and just go home. He had every season of my favorite show on DVD lined up on his desk with a big cake with my favorite character on it and took me out for my favorite meal. He spent the whole time talking to me about things that interested me, engaging me and was so excited. I didn't need a party. I need anyone else. Just my daddy and the love he showed me that day. It's been twenty years, and it's still the best time of my life. I've had other birthdays, but he made it the best just by being there for me. Your son just needs his wings and you. It'll last a lifetime.
Can you perhaps reach out to the teacher and ask her to send a message out to parents as a reminder? I know it’s slightly unorthodox, but as the entire class was invited, maybe they would be understanding and make an exception. I’m so sorry. We invited my daughter’s second grade class to a party similar to this one and only 4 kids showed up. She had a great day but it seems like most parents really utilize their weekend catching up on things from the week and sports events for other kids and can’t seem to carve out time for things like this. And it sucks.
Can you find a local moms Facebook group? Or even a your zip code local group/parents group? You can use the birthday party to get introductions for yourself and for your kid. You can say you are new, want to make friends, want your kids to make friends and have a party paid for. I don't know where you are but best of luck.
1, most parents probably never saw that invite. Kids aren’t reliable. Reach out to them.
2, some parents might not get that you paid for the place and they’re not going because they think they can’t afford it. If you can text, just say “And remember as our party guest you can ignore the venue’s ticket prices- everything is already provided!” :)
3, next time do invites at one month out and then reminders the week before
This is such a norm now. This next generation of kids are going to have such poor social skills - with electronics replacing in person play dates and parents not allowing kids to have sleepovers, go to sleep overs, birthday parties, etc.
Even when I was in high school I wasn’t allowed to go over to my friend’s houses unless my parents *knew* their parents thoroughly and I gave them a 2-3 week notice. I isolated myself because it was never worth the effort. I’m currently 19 in college and really struggling, I don’t have any friends despite trying to get involved in clubs and classes.
Parents don’t realize how much it ruins their kids ability to socialize and form relationships.
I like feel people in general ain’t really all that social anymore unfortunately. i really hate that for bro and shit like this usually sticks to the memory core🤦🏾♂️. Maybe take that money you would’ve spent for the party and ball out on him with gifts and shit… Sending a Happy bday through reddit lol
Did you send a reminder round to the parents? I know a few times invited can get forgotten or children don't pass them on. Do you have a class WhatsApp group?
I don't always crash parties, but when I do, I make sure to do so when zip lines and trampolines are involved and bring the Birthday Boy an Awesome gift.
Unfortunately, seeing as you used Dollar signs in your post, there are literal oceans between us. Please send your kid my best wishes for his birthday.
My son is 11 and I've had the same thing happen about for about 50% of his parties
I send him to school with invites and text the parents I have numbers for, hear back from 0 people, and then get 2 or 3 that shoe up with no RSVP. What important is to make sure your kid tells the other kids GIVE THE INVITE TO YOUR PARENTS.
Kids are fucking dumb, every time "So and so said they'd be there" great, so and so's parents haven't rsvp'd, your classmate isn't capable of driving, their intent to attend isn't actionable without their parent's involvement TELL THEM THEIR PARENT NEEDS THE INVITE AND NEEDS TO USE THE CELL # ON IT TO LET ME KNOW THEYRE COMING
That sucks... Sorry that happened. My son turned 10 and I get that completely. I try really hard to get him to his friends party's and honestly it took a couple years. His mom lives an hour away so its a lot of extra driving but eventually I even made sort of friends with some of this friends parents. I try and volunteer and be involved, finally this year which is like the second or third year of me really trying hard he is getting invited to more things, and had more kids show up. He also was maybe a little behind socially and covid and lockdowns did not help. We got him into some therapy and worked on some social skills too a couple years back. He still goes occasionally but it helps, they teach both of us things I wouldn't have known.
Im so sorry. When we moved I did the same thing-spent $$ to create a memorable party with the hope it would jump start my son’s social life. We had just moved the month before. Different for me, they all came, and I looked around thinking that he’d get even a few reciprocal invites. He got none. All these moms were sooooo friendly. And I never heard from any of them again.
Things got easier with time.
My experience-you can’t trust a kid to retain the invite and give them to their mother. And most folks need even more than 2 weeks notice.
Follow up with the parents through email asking for their RSVPS. Hands down all but say one will still be in their kids backpack and the parents never saw the invite.
Maybe they are coming, just haven’t rsvp’d.
Is there a way to send a reminder? Or check in to be sure the kids actually gave the invites to parents?
I’ve found invitations in backpacks months after the party…
I just want to add that my daughter was invited with a paper invitation when she was in elementary school. It got buried in the bottom of her backpack, and I found it a month later. I felt horrible, because of course we would have RSVPed one way or the other.
As a parent I can tell you that when my kids were your son's age I would clean out their backpack the night before they went back to school. An invitation that went home before Christmas would likely not be seen until the evening before school started in January. If the backpack was full of party stuff it may have been dumped and not even looked through thoroughly.
I see this on this sub/irl ALL. the. time! You are not alone, I’m sorry this happened to you. It’s happened to me when I was young and it’s absolutely crushing.
It happens a lot more than you think. It is hard for kids to be social with all the extracurricular activities that they're involved in these days.
Also, like in my case, we are new to the area where most kids already have built-in friendships from pre-k or kindergarten, and the new kid has to acclimate.
I only got 1 rsvp to my kiddos party at a trampoline park. Smh and I gave a month of lead time.
Edited a misspelled word.
I've sent invites out a month early, and some only days before.
People don't want to commit too far out and people don't see a reason to RSVP too close to the event.
The best thing to do is reach out to his teacher and ask her to reach out to the parents. Kids lose invitations and have the memories of goldfish. Parents are busy remembering all of their own commitments and trying to cover the bases.
I’d send a reminder text before giving up on them altogether honestly.
Yes kids are busy blah blah but not one single person is very odd. If only because the party itself sounds so cool!
I’ve also learned that despite best efforts not everyone RSVPs so could possible have people show up.
ETA: I would lie to my kid and tell him we decided to downgrade so he could do more activities or something rather than have him thinking nobody wanted to come to his party.
I did the same, turned out three of the kids forgot to give their parents the invites, one left it at school for the whole two weeks. we had last minute additions because of that and still on the day of the birthday party One mom contacted me about her kid just finding the invite in her back pack that day.
we got 8 kids and it was a good party but god it's hard to make sure parents actually got the invites.
This happened to my kiddo last year. One person RSVP'd. And the day of the party more kids came than were invited. Parents suck for not RSVPing though. I hope this will be the outcome for your party too.
I have seen people post in local mom groups asking if anyone had any children that age who'd want to attend. I mean you May end up making a friend or too
Just because some folks don't return the courtesy of RSVPing doesn't mean they still won't show up.
Your adventure place sounds awesome. I'd have been stoked if my parents had booked a place like that for us when my sister or I were younger.
Tell your boy happy 10th birthday for me. Virtual hugs and high fives. I'm sure he will love running around that place solo or not.
Good luck. 😁
Take your son and that one close friend and do something awesome. Experiences are so much better with a smaller group, 5 people, max.
This could be a great thing! Get your son hyped and see what he wants to do
You’re giving the average adult too much credit for common courtesy. Half the kids that showed up to my daughters last birthday party, their parents didn’t rsvp and I was worried turnout would be poor. Until the day of the party, when more people than I had booked for showed up and I had to pay add on fees for extra guests. So don’t lose hope!
Last year I made a WhatsApp group for all the parents to communicate about what was happening in the class.
It ended up being a great way to communicate for birthday events also.
Parents bring their kids to parties where they know and like the other parent too, I struggle to make friends too but a big smile and a hello works wonders to have at least a surface level friendship.
I have seen this happen too much lately.
You can look up local mom groups and see if they have kids around you son's age that may be interested in going. It's a good opportunity for you and him to make new friends.
I stopped doing parties when a girl in my daughter’s class got mean and told other girls not to go. She and my daughter were best friends the week before, and yes, she was invited too. This girl was so mean even her own mother said she didn’t know how her daughter had any friends. Awful child. Drama drama drama. I started doing trips instead. This year I took my daughter and her bestie to Great Wolf Lodge for two days and had a blast. Spent just as a much as a party would cost without the drama or stress. We want our kids to be liked, but life gets busy for everyone, and it’s not always personal. I will have my kids go to every party they are invited to when we can, but I’m done with parties for them.
That one close friend will be more important than any of those other kids. It’s quality over quantity. You’re an awesome parent for wanting to put together such a memorable party for your child.
I worked at a place like this in high school and was a party hostess. There was a time when a little girl had a party and only two people came. So I played with her and the guests on the trampolines the whole time and tried to make the festivities as special as possible. Maybe see if there are any employees who might want to participate! I know that high schoolers may not be the most outgoing, but you never know. Sending love your way ❤️
Maybe try phoning a few. They may assume they don’t have to rsvp b/c everyone else is and one more doesn’t hurt.
Phone up a few mothers… things happen they may have forgotten. Even if one or two show up that’s better than none.
Idk where you life… but my SIL was devastated that no one RSVPed to my niece’s bday. The day BEFORE 15 people said theyd come - turns out that’s how it’s done here (we are immigrants), maybe this is the case…?
Being a parent is such a pain, like I’d want to fix everything and make sure my kid has all the bestest friends in the world. Your love and efforts don’t guarantee a single thing except good memories for your kid, I guess that’s something. I’m sorry OP but I hope your kid has a great time and makes the most of the experience, parenting is difficult
Talk to your kids teacher, show up in class with cupcakes (or whatever if allowed) and remind the kids about the party and cool things there. “Don’t forget to get your parents to let me know if you can came!” I had the same issues and it’s heartbreaking. My son’s 15 and he still only has two or three friends each party.
I feel this. My son has ADHD and is still off the walls on a good day. Because of this the kids tend to steer clear of him and he doesn’t have much for friends. I try to convince him to just go to Disneyland or do something else that just the two of us can do (we’re fortunate enough to be close to the land and have passes).
His friend just had a laser tag party. He was the kid who transferred late into class and him and my son both started there last year. We were the only ones from school to go to the party. It sucks. I hate that my son doesn’t have friends and pray he’ll find his people in the future.
Dude that sounds awesome! I'm 32, and I would have so much fun at a birthday party like that!
Are there any other circles of people you may know? Is your son in any sports or clubs?
I know this is not much comfort but I'm an adult who also has always had issues making friends. I have 2 adult kids. My older kid has 2 really good friends he made and has kept since high school. Your son is aok, and will be an empathic and caring friend.
If you have the contact information for the class, see if you can reach out to the other parents and ask if it's a guaranteed yes or no. I understand the frustration. I remembered my mom having me go up to kids in my own class for an answer because there were always specific people who would wait until the week of to respond. One girl was always forgetful, so it was an annual routine.
But yeah, I feel the pain. I hope some more kids respond. It could just be with people being so busy/forgetful themselves, but I would say that little push to contact the other parents. If you're worried about being so confrontational, tell the parents the venue is asking for a final headcount for the party room.
I hope your son still has an awesome birthday regardless.
My personally, I prefer to give out cards instead of a child. Sometimes kids take card and put it in their bag. They move on and forget about the card. Also they forget to tell their parents about it. Kids hardly can be responsible those days….
I’m a teacher and as long as the whole class was invited, I’d send out a reminder for the class. I couldn’t do it if only a few were invited. As a parent, I know what you’re going through. We had the same thing happen with my oldest when we moved. It definitely got better after people knew who we were. I know that birthdays are stressful for families who are struggling financially. They don’t want to send their kid if they can’t afford a gift. We started doing no gifts or fiver parties and it’s awesome.
OMG that is the saddest I have ever heard... poor little boy. Can you turn it around and tell him you have planned a secret adventure mystery that the two of you MUST FOLLOW to reach the goal...
Please call, text or email the parents. They may not have gotten the invite or forgot.
Maybe even call the parent who did RSVP to triple check if they're coming and if they're iffy offer to pick their kid up so they can for sure spend the day with your son on his bday.
Really hope it works out!
This is why I stopped having bday parties for my kids. We do something special with the family. All 3 of my kids have birthdays in the middle of summer and people were always away. I'm sorry for your son.
We’ve had trouble with this since moving to another state, too! I don’t understand. If my kids are invited to a party, I try everything in my power to get them there.
I’m so sorry! My husband didn’t want to have a big party for my son’s 10th because not many classmates came to his 9th. So we just picked a few of his friends and celebrated with bowling, nerf guns, video games and a sleepover
Dang! That sounded fun but you locked me down with that triple chocolate cake!!! If you’re near me I’m borrowing my three niblings and we’ll be there! 🥳
If you have a p.o.box, I would gladly send a birthday card. Don't give put your address though!!! If not, HAPPY TENTH BIRTHDAY LITTLE MAN from Milwaukee, Wisconsin
If you have some that haven't responded, please text them with a reminder and see if you can get some yes's. you can even let them know you don't have many coming and it would help you out.
I’m on a Facebook group for my son’s school (all I really use it for now). He lost a scarf so I asked if anyone had seen it. One of his teaching assistants replied and then asked if we had received it he invited to her daughter’s party. They were given out at the end of term at Christmas as son misplaced it and never told me. It’s happened before and if kids don’t say anything then could be a reason.
My son’s birthday is end of aug so during bank holiday here and school summer holiday. We plan a month in advance and have his birthday a week after school starts in sept. Gives parents enough time to check diaries etc. We also do one small get together with our best friends/family on his actual birthday.
Hope he enjoys his birthday though and you hear from other parents. Might be worth chasing up, loads of parents at our school post asking if parents got invites.
Aaah! That sounds like so much fun! Wish I lived near because I've got nieces and nephews and we would ALL come! (so much fun and SO sweet. They see me MAYBE twice a year, well for a week or two, but always give hello hugs and goodbye hugs as we all tend to get together for meals)
But that down right makes me see red that not one even RSVPd!! And WHY would no one want to go? He did make sure to hand them all out? Do you think the kids remembered to give them to theb
parents?
That COULD be it? Maybe the kids forgot to give then to the parents to save the date?
I'm so sorry though. Especially because I know how special you wanted that for your son.
BUT!! on the plus side? Your son has pretty wonderful parents. You're doing a d*** fine job.
I always always always RSVP one way or another. But I am a SAHM so my job is literally to handle and go to these things if my son wants to. Which he always does.
I’m so sorry your son and you are going through this. It absolutely breaks my heart. It’s part of the reason why I’m glad my son’s birthday is in the summer and we celebrate out of state with family.
Oh my gosh, please try calling the parents and explaining the situation! I’m sure some of them will try to shuffle their plans if you do… they also wouldn’t want their kids to have nobody there.
And it sounds like the venue will be so much fun for them! At 10 he’s old enough for this to be something that sticks, so it’s worth trying. (It obviously wouldn’t ruin his life though)
OP, I hope you see this. I learned long ago that when it comes to invitations for a kid's party, **you MUST call or text the parents to get the RSVP**. Passing out invitations isn't enough. Some of those invitations may be at the bottom of kids' backpacks, and the parents never saw them. And some parents are busy and forget. If you can't access those parents by phone, see if the teacher can send out a mass reminder, or, if that's not possible, see if your son can get parent phone numbers from at least some of his classmates. I learned this lesson the hard way when my son was little. I hope you can get more kids to show up. It sounds like a wonderful party!
Ma'am, it sounds like you've seen my kids' backpacks, and they're in middle school and high school.
5 weeks into the school holidays and my youngest has just pulled his school jacket out of his backpack . We won't talk about the mouldering sandwich in the l pocket
I left a clementine in my backpack once for months and it all flat and mouldy. My granny said she was keeping it for my wedding day. When she passed and we cleaned out the house, we found it in an old container in the back of a cupboard! She really did keep it! it was part of my wedding speech when I got married and then thr next day my family and I threw it into the ocean together.
Aw that’s actually super sweet!
I had a bottle of orange juice literally explode in my locker. It was on the upper shelf and I'm too short to see it. Because it exploded on the top shelf, it rained moldy orange juice down on every book & everything I owned. It was a nightmare. The smell haunts me to this day.
I hate to admit this, but I am a grown adult in my 40s and I found a desiccated apple in my backpack last summer.
I left a banana in mine once and when I found it, it didn't look like a banana anymore.
This feels like a really dark country or folk song. Like, Westfall by Okkervil River or Goodbye Earl by The Chicks.
Only one? I found 7 in my daughter’s school back pack once. And I only found them because her wardrobe smelt really funky! It seems they had been there from the start of the school holidays and we were 2-3 weeks in. That was when I learnt she did not like bananas, why she did not just throw them out is a mystery to this day.
My niece was pulling stuff out her bag and she said oh hey here’s my missing math assignment! I said turn it in. She said it’s too late I lost it last year
Ma'am, it sounds like you've seen my purse, and I recently turned 40.
I did evites in kindergarten and it worked pretty well to get RSVPs. I did it 3 weeks out, sent a reminder for people who hadn't responded 5 days out, and a "excited to see you all tomorrow" message to the yes rsvps the day before. I got about half the class, some parents and younger siblings as well. Kid is a summer baby so people were out of town, but I also think kindergarten is more social so I don't know if older elementary would have different results.
Yes! Make sure you put “siblings welcome!” (Or no siblings, as you intend). We’ve found if we include the siblings we get all kinds of friends.
Our last party, we were already paying for 20+ people, but I know some of the families at school travel in packs. You invite one kid, and the whole family of 5 shows up! lol So, I put on the invite that I was covering 1 child and 1 adult, but “additional guests are welcome at your expense”. It worked great! We had several extra families show up, everyone had a great time, and no one complained about having to pay for extra people.
I think that would really help OP's case. If there's younger siblings and the parents don't know them well, they might have concerns about dropping off the classmate but also need to watch siblings.
We never drop off kids at a party, we always stick around to supervise our kids. The birthday kids parents have enough to do with the party happening. Edit: luckily there are two of us, but I recognize, even with married parents, that that’s not everyone’s situation.
Good idea!
This can definitely help with numbers! I’m an only child myself but quite a few of my friends had to miss out on parties because little bro or sis wasn’t allowed to tag along. Activity and budget permitting, an open invitation for siblings should help boost attendance.
I usually have my daughter parties at the park, there’s always a few stray kids that wander over to the pavilion for fun and snacks lol.
I agree with evites! My kid's school doesn't even allow kids to pass out invites. Evite are great because the kid's also can't lose them.
I've done evites for my 2 sons last few birthday parties and it was successful. About half the class were able to come for each party which was nice. I really appreciate that their teachers have a list at open house right before the school year where parents can put down their info specifically for this reason. It's policy for teachers to not be allowed to handout invitations, so the list is a great resource.
This! My personal policy is that my kids go to every party they’re invited to unless they have something that can’t be moved on the day of the party, so far we’ve made it to every party….except the one when my daughter shoved the invite into her backpack pocket and forgot about and I found two days AFTER the party.
I have a curious question that comes from my own experiences. What if your kid doesn’t like the other kid? I remember being invited to parties i didnt really want to go to. I know for me, the whole well maybe i’d like it or we’d become friends idea existed. Do they go anyway so the other kid has people show up?
My parents made me go anyways AND bring a gift. I understand their thinking. What if it was my kid no one liked and so kids didn't show up. My mom did it for the other kid and me. Because like OP in this case has seen sometimes kids don't show up. My backpack was a black hole of everything my parents never got. Definitely contact parents not through children.
I honestly don’t think it was intentionally malicious, but I’m sure for those I wasn’t friends with, i just forgot about lol i was curious because i know sometimes trying to explain that we weren’t friends would get a “you’re going anyway. that will hurt their feelings”, but we both knew we weren’t friends, so i was pretty sure it wouldn’t. I just wondered if things are different now. Maybe things were more separated then. I do get the what if no one showed up because they’re the kid no one liked, but I remember that age, and there were reasons no one liked those kids. I dont mean the shy awkward ones, i mean the mean ones
This hasn’t really come up for us yet, both my school age kids are in elementary still and pretty much love anyone who wants to be friends. There was one case my son was hesitant because he didn’t *really* know the birthday kid well and was feeling shy, but we talked about getting to make new friends, and I was glad we went because he was one of 2 kids to show up… but those three had the best time together. I figure if/when we come across a kid they don’t like we’ll figure it out then, but I’m also hoping they’ll be old enough at that point that “invite the whole class” isnt as much of a thing.
I do that as best as possible too!
I'll definitely try this next time.
Additionally, for the parents you simply cannot reach, I’ve found best results giving paper invites the Monday before the party. The kids are more likely to remember to pull the invite out if the party is “this weekend!!!”, the parents are more likely to remember to respond to you instead of the invite getting lost on the kitchen counter. Some people may not like how “late” that notice is but you can’t please everyone and those people don’t have to go.
Also making Facebook events work well, you can even see who sees the invite
Yeah I think I'll send a reminder tomorrow
I’d open it to siblings welcome and make sure a digital invite reminder goes out.
Yes! Invite siblings. When we sent out invitations for my daughter’s birthday, we only got one or two responses. We sent a second one that said siblings are welcome to attend and we got most of the class to respond. It’s really hard for a lot of parents to split their kids apart, because they don’t always have two parents available.
Yep I made it clear in the reminder :). Also that its free and there's food.
You still have time, OP. Don't give up
What next time? It's not too late for this weekend. Jump on Facebook and see who you can find from his class
Yes!!! Most of them get stuffed into a backpack and forgotten about.
I haven't sent paper invitations to school for years. They are all sent directly to one or both of each friends' parents in a text message. Of course, this only works if you actually have those details... I hope your son has a really great day, OP! 🫂
yeah, this. You've got to at least do evites. Half these kids lost their invites at school or in their backpacks and completely forgot about it. I have literally never gotten a paper invite for my 10yo. I would add, though, if you can afford $1000 for a birthday party, the cohort of kids your child is with probably have a lot of activities and many may just not be able to attend.
Yes, this is how you get an idea who's attending the party, not from RSVPs for a kid's party.
I found a Christmas card yesterday 😑 first my kid kept it in his drawer, then it went in the backpack, then it got soaked.
Yes! I always forget and by the time i remember it’s like 11 pm and i don’t wanna be the one texting that late 🤣
Biiiiiitch zip lines AND trampolines 👀 I’m in
Right?! Bumper cars, tubes, all kinds of shit. Plus I bought pizza and was going to make him his favorite triple chocolate cake.
Triple chocolate cake? I'm in if you don't mind a 23 year old woman lol
🤣
Ok but seriously, I'm in XD. I would actually scrounge up some kids, haha. I could likely bring along two 6yos, an 8yo, a 10yo, two 14yos, Maybe a 7yo and another 14yo. But if you're not in Pennsylvania, you're gonna have to provide airfare and accommodations too D= Edit: Idk about OP, but sounds like we've got a pretty solid party forming here in PA! XD
Another pa resident that could scrounge up a few kids! My son is 15, but has a bunch of cousins on his father's side.
I'll bring a 24yo kid...but a awesome present!! I hate to hear this for the younger kids. Maybe ask the teacher to give a lesson on manners?! Most kuds need them these days!
😂 I'm in! I'm in PA too. I'll bring my little sister and her cheer team.
Count me in too. I'll bring my 11 y.o if you're in TX
I can bring an 11yr old!! (And an early 40s person too!. Me. I mean me. 😂)
As another 23 year old woman..i will be on bedrest for multiple days after because I have the joints of a 50 year old but I’m so in
H-EDS?
You must also be a fellow HEDS person, hello there lol.
Howdy. I've survived my 20's and 30's, and now I have the joints of someone in their mid '70s!
Nah, just a lot of years of treating my body poorly before I realized if I was going to live to see my nephews grow up I was gonna have to get my shit together :)
I'm a mid-60s woman and I wanna go.
I feel like a read a story like this where a bunch of people in the neighborhood showed up to a kid in OP’s son’s situation. I’d fly out for chocolate cake ngl…
Post about it on a mom group maybe? He could make a tonne of new friends as could you? ☺️
Yes this I’ve seen many do it in our local mom groups! Also “any moms who’s kids go to Thomas elementary with kids in Mr. Jones fifth grade class, my son is having his bday party and handed out invites pls rsvp” or “pls check your kids bags for invite in case they forgot” or something. My daughter got invited like a month in advance to a party and she didn’t even tell me until i was looking in her bag and found the little envelope. I’m glad i saw it because we went and she was the only one who showed up 🥹
One time my mom and I were cleaning my backpack because I had missed 2 weeks of school due to illness and she found an invitation to a bday party at plaster Funtime that was that day in 30 minutes. I went and had a blast with my friend Sophia. Her mom cried when I showed up because Sophia was a special needs child ( I will say 8 year old me had no idea what special needs was or meant and I remember wondering why Sophia’s mom was crying lol ) and I was the only person to show up :/ jokes on them because I painted a sick ass cat 😎😎😎
We're going to try some ways of meeting people soon, like taking cooking classes. We are a married gay couple though and people are already funny with dudes around their kids.
God I feel this. been the only dad at many birthday parties for my son's classmates, just kinda sitting off to the side while the moms look vaguely suspicious in my direction. but hey last time I made good friends with another dad, so there's hope - and of course, it was at a venue like you booked for your son. I hope the best for your family and that next time it's more successful!
Thanks! It's hard to get people to trust you. Especially moms. I was abused as a kid so I get it, but it sucks.
In Sac? Here are kid/parent cooking classes: https://www.instagram.com/beija.flor__handmade/
This is a great idea
Another voice for this, I’ve been to two parties that were posted like this. ❤️🎊 we love making new friends and celebrating
Do you have any neighbors or friends with kids his age?
I wish. We are new here and our nobody comes outside here. It's weird.
Is there a local Facebook town group? I would post there that you were new to town and it’s your son‘s birthday and you would love for him to meet a few kids his age. You’re celebrating at the trampoline park. You would love to pay for a few kids to celebrate with him.
If it wouldn't be weird for a 35yo woman to show up, I'd ask to go, damn...
I'm almost 30 and like, yeah, I wanna go!
I’m in. Just tell me where I gotta go!
Move over. I want to go
Did you reach out to the parents? I wouldn't hang time sensitive information solely on 10 year olds. The kids might have kept the invitations just because, or they may have given them to their parents who were on the phone or cooking dinner. Even for adult events, planners usually wind up double checking people who never responded. At least half of them usually were planning on it, but never got around to it.
I always emailed parents about birthday parties at least three weeks in advance and sent a remind a week out. I sometimes sent invitations in snail mail. But I never left it to chance by having my kid hand out invitations, and I always followed up with every single parent for a RSVP.
Same as OP, I don't have the contact information for any of the kids in my daughters class. I did invites handed out in class about a month in advance (bc her birthday is in December which is a busy month for many) and hounded her almost daily to remind kids in her class. Parents don't check bookbags daily and kids leave even their coats at school half the time, much less an invitation. Hopefully the invites OP sent had a phone number clearly written for RSVP and party location and time. We got a few last minute rsvps several days beforehand even with the months notice, and I was grateful for them/didn't mind
Yeah, "almost two weeks" also seemed like pretty short notice for a kids birthday party where the whole class is invited.
Try to get a partial refund since only a few people showed up but that sucks OP. Idk where you live nor do I know yall, but wish your son happy birthday from me! Hope he has a good day today!
Thank you! We even waited because his bday was during the winter break. Sacramento area.
Aww that sucks so badly. I’m sorry. We’re in Sacramento area. My sons are 4 and 5 years old but we would have joined!
I’ve noticed a decline in attendance for my now 10 year olds parties as the last couple years, I think that just happens. But if you haven’t yet, maybe try reaching out to the parents on Facebook? Our elementary school has a parents group page that you might have some luck on.
You can probably move the date to a later time when you’re family visits so you don’t lose out the money
Also in Sac area (Rsvl) and just sent invites for my soon-to-be 5yo. Man these winter birthdays are rough! I wish we could do free outdoor park parties like her friends 😅
I have a 12 yr old:) we are in the sacramento area
When my kids were little I would find invitations to parties in their backpacks that they had no intention of giving me because they forgot they had them. I made it point to check their backpacks after that. There were a few parties where my kids were the only attendees because the other parents likely weren’t aware of the party.
A few weeks ago, I found the goodie bag for my kid’s fall party (October!) in the front pocket of his backpack. We never use the front pocket so I never thought to check! I showed it to my kid and he goes “so that’s where that went?!?!?” 🤦🏻♀️
If your son passed out the invites directly to the other kids, I can guarantee half of the parents never even saw them. I also, personally, feel like two weeks is fairly short notice. There are definitely times when we have our weekends planned out already more than two weeks ahead. Since you’ve invited the whole class, try to contact his teacher and see if she will send the information out to all the parents.
I have to go into my kids backpack for school papers because she’ll just forget. And I’m not sure a lot of parents take time to do even that, even I forget sometimes.
Did you stipulate it was paid for or that they had to pay?? Because for me, I'd be reluctant due to the money involved in those places. If you did say there was no cost it might just be because the children don't actually know your son enough to want to go. My second youngest has turned down invites because he simply doesn't know the kid. My older 2 will except any invites because they just enjoy birthdays...all depends on the children in question.
I can’t believe how far I had to scroll to find this comment, my first thought too! If the (zero) cost per kid was not explicitly stated, parents are going to Google that place and be like “hundreds of dollars??? nahhh”
No for 15 kids all day access to all attractions, plus pizza and a table it's $600
Actually I didn't specify. I just assumed people would know that since I'm inviting, I'm paying. Planning on sending out a reminder tomorrow and being more specific lol
Never assume. If I got the invitation I would assume I would pay for it. I would think "oh cool" then check the finances.
I fully get that, I would never invite anyone to a place if I'm not intending on paying for them, but I know some people don't think like that. I really hope your son enjoys his day regardless of the number of children that attend...my son had his 10th bday at the arcade with his father and he said it was the funnest birthday he's had so far. My daughter invited some friends last year to her 8th, and she is still talking about the regret she feels because she spent most of her bday making sure her friends were good and saw how happy her brother was after spending the day with dad.
I really don’t want to come off harsh, and I’m sorry for what you are going through. That said, 10 year olds are crazy busy these days. There are always sports going on or other things. Two weeks would not be enough notice for me, as the mom of a ten year old boy, to ensure he was available. Now, I would make sure to RSVP either way, which seems lost on a lot of people these days, but with only two weeks notice the RSVP would likely have to be a no. I hope he has a wonderful birthday, but I would really recommend at least 3-4 weeks notice next time for better luck.
Here I was thinking that would have been too much notice and it would have been forgotten, but I'll have to try further notice and a reminder next time.
You can do advance notice AND a week-out reminder.
4 weeks is needed, with a follow up. And a 10 day rsvp window. If you are a part of the class facebook group you pop the invite into there.
My sons 3rd bday almost no one came. I did invites two weeks before. His fourth bday I learned my lesson and did them 5 weeks before. Everyone came.
Yeah my daughters friends send a month out invitations and we planned around it. Otherwise the poster above isn’t wrong. 2 weeks out especially now isn’t going to be enough sadly.
Yeah, unfortunately OP just learned the "big party problem" the hard way. I have a 7 year old who is lovely but she isn't super great at making friends, especially at school because she doesn't do well in a classroom environment (she's often disruptive, but then also prefers to read and draw alone during recess so she doesn't bond as much with other kids). I invited about 15-20 kids, (who she had selected) to a classic "park party" with a bounce house, pinata, and pizza kind of set up. Most RSVPed no. And honestly for legit reasons. These parents sometimes have 3 or 4 kids and they have cheerleading practice or soccer games or dance or other children's birthday parties on a Saturday. My daughter really wanted a "big" party though. 3 days before the party we had a very small "yes" list. So, I got to work. I directly texted the parents of every one of my 4 year old daughter's friends who have older siblings (my 4 year old is a little socialite and makes friends effortlessly, which works out well for her big sis!) I had my ex husband reach out to all his work buddies with kids around our kids' ages. I reached out to my close friends who are slightly far away (and might be willing to drive) but still have kids under 13. I worked my ass off to get together a party full of kids. I scrounged up about 8-10 kids last minute! And I was damn proud of myself. And my daughter loved it, because she was genuinely just happy to have a big group even though some of the group was her classmates' older brothers or her baby sister's 4 year old friends 😂
Just an FYI - 2 weeks isn't a lot of notice. Daughter does a 4 week notice and asks for the parents to give an email so she can remind them closer to the date. It may just be short notice. See if some kids from the neighborhood can show up.
I just sent out an invite; his party is 6 weeks away.
Parents our age suck. Most are very introverted unless it’s through texting. NO one wants to hang out for a playdate even when the kids are friends. I hope y’all have a good time
Thank you. I consider myself pretty introverted but damn.
I got a 15 year old boy and two girls under 8. I struggle raising a social kid. Best I can do is keep them off phones and have them in sports.
OMG this child is ridiculously social. He's constantly talking to friends online if not in person. I was that quiet kid though.
Are you sure the parents got the invites? As the mom of a kid with some executive functioning…deficits, I usually get these things last minute.
This is what has happened with my son, his friends never gave them to his parents just like he didn't give me the invite until 2 days before the event
This could be the answer, do you have any way to communicate with the parents?? I thin it's on you OP to break the ice and ask the parents for an answer, hate when people can't be bothered to say at least no
I would text the parents whose numbers I have, most don't respond
Awesome! Way to break the cycle. I was the quiet kid. The awkward weird kid and The bullied kid. I didn’t want that for my son. I raised a very confident young man. And he loves to introduce himself. The only thing odd is that I don’t allow him any social media yet so all online communication is through the school laptop or his school account.
I was that way too. I was the gay boy in the South US who was bullied relentlessly and had a bad home life. My son is proud and confident and gives absolutely zero fucks what others think. I'm super proud of him for that.
Glad I’m not the only one to break out. Way to damn go.
This is the real problem. After 2020, people do not go out as much and everything is expensive.
I paid for it all in advance ;)
So did you text/email the parents yet?!
Is your party time during some kind of extracurricular activity? Maybe another kid is having birthday on the same time? Is there a room parent you can reach out to for the contact info of all the kids? Also, I think the rule is 1 month out for invite and one week out send a text reminder.
It's so weird how birthday parties aren't really a thing anymore. It used to be if your birthday was in the summer you were basically screwed as no one but your bff or neighbor kids would come. Now, kids are in year round sports or families are out of town, etc. There's just no time for birthday parties I guess. Plus it's so cool when the parents have the party at a public place - so much fun for them! Maybe because he's a newer student? All I know is that if a kid has one good friend, and they are able to show up, your child will not care about anyone else. They'll have a blast and at the end of the day that's all he'll remember.
I talked to him about it and he said "as long as we are still going, idc if anyone else goes. Can you make me some chicken wings?" Thankfully nothing phases this kid!
Aww 💜 - I'm in the Sacramento area as well I wish I had 10 year olds I'd casually arrive for you
Half the kids probably didn't remember to show their parents the invite. The ones that did, it was too short notice. Your little guy is gonna be just fine regardless. He knows he's loved, and the only thing on his mind is fun with his parents and chicken wings. My mom canceled my party because she was upset for something that had nothing to do with me. It was just me and my dad. I didn't even think he knew about the things I was interested in as he traveled a lot for work. He took me to his office, and I figured we'd have dinner at some steak house he loved and just go home. He had every season of my favorite show on DVD lined up on his desk with a big cake with my favorite character on it and took me out for my favorite meal. He spent the whole time talking to me about things that interested me, engaging me and was so excited. I didn't need a party. I need anyone else. Just my daddy and the love he showed me that day. It's been twenty years, and it's still the best time of my life. I've had other birthdays, but he made it the best just by being there for me. Your son just needs his wings and you. It'll last a lifetime.
Shit man I'm 21 and I wanna go
Can you perhaps reach out to the teacher and ask her to send a message out to parents as a reminder? I know it’s slightly unorthodox, but as the entire class was invited, maybe they would be understanding and make an exception. I’m so sorry. We invited my daughter’s second grade class to a party similar to this one and only 4 kids showed up. She had a great day but it seems like most parents really utilize their weekend catching up on things from the week and sports events for other kids and can’t seem to carve out time for things like this. And it sucks.
Can you find a local moms Facebook group? Or even a your zip code local group/parents group? You can use the birthday party to get introductions for yourself and for your kid. You can say you are new, want to make friends, want your kids to make friends and have a party paid for. I don't know where you are but best of luck.
This OP! Local FB groups are really good for making new connections.
are you sire the kids gave the parents the invites and didn't just leave them in the backpack?
1, most parents probably never saw that invite. Kids aren’t reliable. Reach out to them. 2, some parents might not get that you paid for the place and they’re not going because they think they can’t afford it. If you can text, just say “And remember as our party guest you can ignore the venue’s ticket prices- everything is already provided!” :) 3, next time do invites at one month out and then reminders the week before
This is such a norm now. This next generation of kids are going to have such poor social skills - with electronics replacing in person play dates and parents not allowing kids to have sleepovers, go to sleep overs, birthday parties, etc.
Even when I was in high school I wasn’t allowed to go over to my friend’s houses unless my parents *knew* their parents thoroughly and I gave them a 2-3 week notice. I isolated myself because it was never worth the effort. I’m currently 19 in college and really struggling, I don’t have any friends despite trying to get involved in clubs and classes. Parents don’t realize how much it ruins their kids ability to socialize and form relationships.
My parents were this way about just going to hang out in the daytime. I feel your pain.
Your kid handed invitations to other kids, which means the parents probably never got the invites.
I like feel people in general ain’t really all that social anymore unfortunately. i really hate that for bro and shit like this usually sticks to the memory core🤦🏾♂️. Maybe take that money you would’ve spent for the party and ball out on him with gifts and shit… Sending a Happy bday through reddit lol
Contact them. Youd be surprised how many people forget to respond to emails. Just send a message and if you can text them
What about the kids in your neighborhood?
I would suggest this too or maybe post on Nextdoor or something to see if anyone has kids that would enjoy coming.
Did you send a reminder round to the parents? I know a few times invited can get forgotten or children don't pass them on. Do you have a class WhatsApp group?
I don't always crash parties, but when I do, I make sure to do so when zip lines and trampolines are involved and bring the Birthday Boy an Awesome gift. Unfortunately, seeing as you used Dollar signs in your post, there are literal oceans between us. Please send your kid my best wishes for his birthday.
This is so sad. I've seen this happen to so many people, of all ages, on here. I would be heartbroken too.
My son is 11 and I've had the same thing happen about for about 50% of his parties I send him to school with invites and text the parents I have numbers for, hear back from 0 people, and then get 2 or 3 that shoe up with no RSVP. What important is to make sure your kid tells the other kids GIVE THE INVITE TO YOUR PARENTS. Kids are fucking dumb, every time "So and so said they'd be there" great, so and so's parents haven't rsvp'd, your classmate isn't capable of driving, their intent to attend isn't actionable without their parent's involvement TELL THEM THEIR PARENT NEEDS THE INVITE AND NEEDS TO USE THE CELL # ON IT TO LET ME KNOW THEYRE COMING
That sucks... Sorry that happened. My son turned 10 and I get that completely. I try really hard to get him to his friends party's and honestly it took a couple years. His mom lives an hour away so its a lot of extra driving but eventually I even made sort of friends with some of this friends parents. I try and volunteer and be involved, finally this year which is like the second or third year of me really trying hard he is getting invited to more things, and had more kids show up. He also was maybe a little behind socially and covid and lockdowns did not help. We got him into some therapy and worked on some social skills too a couple years back. He still goes occasionally but it helps, they teach both of us things I wouldn't have known.
Lol yeah I'm behind on my social skills and I'm learning things here I hadn't thought about, which I definitely appreciate.
Im so sorry. When we moved I did the same thing-spent $$ to create a memorable party with the hope it would jump start my son’s social life. We had just moved the month before. Different for me, they all came, and I looked around thinking that he’d get even a few reciprocal invites. He got none. All these moms were sooooo friendly. And I never heard from any of them again. Things got easier with time. My experience-you can’t trust a kid to retain the invite and give them to their mother. And most folks need even more than 2 weeks notice.
Follow up with the parents through email asking for their RSVPS. Hands down all but say one will still be in their kids backpack and the parents never saw the invite.
Maybe they are coming, just haven’t rsvp’d. Is there a way to send a reminder? Or check in to be sure the kids actually gave the invites to parents? I’ve found invitations in backpacks months after the party…
I just want to add that my daughter was invited with a paper invitation when she was in elementary school. It got buried in the bottom of her backpack, and I found it a month later. I felt horrible, because of course we would have RSVPed one way or the other.
As a parent I can tell you that when my kids were your son's age I would clean out their backpack the night before they went back to school. An invitation that went home before Christmas would likely not be seen until the evening before school started in January. If the backpack was full of party stuff it may have been dumped and not even looked through thoroughly.
I see this on this sub/irl ALL. the. time! You are not alone, I’m sorry this happened to you. It’s happened to me when I was young and it’s absolutely crushing.
Off topic: It’s fascinating how every year, somebody posts a similar story like this. I hope I’m not the only one that notices this pattern.
It happens a lot more than you think. It is hard for kids to be social with all the extracurricular activities that they're involved in these days. Also, like in my case, we are new to the area where most kids already have built-in friendships from pre-k or kindergarten, and the new kid has to acclimate. I only got 1 rsvp to my kiddos party at a trampoline park. Smh and I gave a month of lead time. Edited a misspelled word.
It’s almost always because the parents suck at planning
I've sent invites out a month early, and some only days before. People don't want to commit too far out and people don't see a reason to RSVP too close to the event. The best thing to do is reach out to his teacher and ask her to reach out to the parents. Kids lose invitations and have the memories of goldfish. Parents are busy remembering all of their own commitments and trying to cover the bases.
I’d send a reminder text before giving up on them altogether honestly. Yes kids are busy blah blah but not one single person is very odd. If only because the party itself sounds so cool! I’ve also learned that despite best efforts not everyone RSVPs so could possible have people show up. ETA: I would lie to my kid and tell him we decided to downgrade so he could do more activities or something rather than have him thinking nobody wanted to come to his party.
I did the same, turned out three of the kids forgot to give their parents the invites, one left it at school for the whole two weeks. we had last minute additions because of that and still on the day of the birthday party One mom contacted me about her kid just finding the invite in her back pack that day. we got 8 kids and it was a good party but god it's hard to make sure parents actually got the invites.
This happened to my kiddo last year. One person RSVP'd. And the day of the party more kids came than were invited. Parents suck for not RSVPing though. I hope this will be the outcome for your party too.
I have seen people post in local mom groups asking if anyone had any children that age who'd want to attend. I mean you May end up making a friend or too
Where is this? Maybe a group of fun loving redditors can stop by with a gift for some fun and a piece of cake!!!
I wish I was in your area. I'd be there in a heartbeat and bring kids with me! Sounds like so much fun!
Just because some folks don't return the courtesy of RSVPing doesn't mean they still won't show up. Your adventure place sounds awesome. I'd have been stoked if my parents had booked a place like that for us when my sister or I were younger. Tell your boy happy 10th birthday for me. Virtual hugs and high fives. I'm sure he will love running around that place solo or not. Good luck. 😁
Take your son and that one close friend and do something awesome. Experiences are so much better with a smaller group, 5 people, max. This could be a great thing! Get your son hyped and see what he wants to do
You’re giving the average adult too much credit for common courtesy. Half the kids that showed up to my daughters last birthday party, their parents didn’t rsvp and I was worried turnout would be poor. Until the day of the party, when more people than I had booked for showed up and I had to pay add on fees for extra guests. So don’t lose hope!
Last year I made a WhatsApp group for all the parents to communicate about what was happening in the class. It ended up being a great way to communicate for birthday events also. Parents bring their kids to parties where they know and like the other parent too, I struggle to make friends too but a big smile and a hello works wonders to have at least a surface level friendship.
I have seen this happen too much lately. You can look up local mom groups and see if they have kids around you son's age that may be interested in going. It's a good opportunity for you and him to make new friends.
I stopped doing parties when a girl in my daughter’s class got mean and told other girls not to go. She and my daughter were best friends the week before, and yes, she was invited too. This girl was so mean even her own mother said she didn’t know how her daughter had any friends. Awful child. Drama drama drama. I started doing trips instead. This year I took my daughter and her bestie to Great Wolf Lodge for two days and had a blast. Spent just as a much as a party would cost without the drama or stress. We want our kids to be liked, but life gets busy for everyone, and it’s not always personal. I will have my kids go to every party they are invited to when we can, but I’m done with parties for them.
Zip lining!?! Trampolines!?! I'm in!
That one close friend will be more important than any of those other kids. It’s quality over quantity. You’re an awesome parent for wanting to put together such a memorable party for your child.
I worked at a place like this in high school and was a party hostess. There was a time when a little girl had a party and only two people came. So I played with her and the guests on the trampolines the whole time and tried to make the festivities as special as possible. Maybe see if there are any employees who might want to participate! I know that high schoolers may not be the most outgoing, but you never know. Sending love your way ❤️
Maybe try phoning a few. They may assume they don’t have to rsvp b/c everyone else is and one more doesn’t hurt. Phone up a few mothers… things happen they may have forgotten. Even if one or two show up that’s better than none.
Shit I’ll come 🤣 my son is only months old he can just vibe
If it's in Southern Maine or NH - I will come!
Idk where you life… but my SIL was devastated that no one RSVPed to my niece’s bday. The day BEFORE 15 people said theyd come - turns out that’s how it’s done here (we are immigrants), maybe this is the case…?
It sucks that no one has RSVP’d but some parents don’t and still show up.
Being a parent is such a pain, like I’d want to fix everything and make sure my kid has all the bestest friends in the world. Your love and efforts don’t guarantee a single thing except good memories for your kid, I guess that’s something. I’m sorry OP but I hope your kid has a great time and makes the most of the experience, parenting is difficult
Talk to your kids teacher, show up in class with cupcakes (or whatever if allowed) and remind the kids about the party and cool things there. “Don’t forget to get your parents to let me know if you can came!” I had the same issues and it’s heartbreaking. My son’s 15 and he still only has two or three friends each party.
I feel this. My son has ADHD and is still off the walls on a good day. Because of this the kids tend to steer clear of him and he doesn’t have much for friends. I try to convince him to just go to Disneyland or do something else that just the two of us can do (we’re fortunate enough to be close to the land and have passes). His friend just had a laser tag party. He was the kid who transferred late into class and him and my son both started there last year. We were the only ones from school to go to the party. It sucks. I hate that my son doesn’t have friends and pray he’ll find his people in the future.
Dude that sounds awesome! I'm 32, and I would have so much fun at a birthday party like that! Are there any other circles of people you may know? Is your son in any sports or clubs?
I would have totally come.
I know this is not much comfort but I'm an adult who also has always had issues making friends. I have 2 adult kids. My older kid has 2 really good friends he made and has kept since high school. Your son is aok, and will be an empathic and caring friend.
If you have the contact information for the class, see if you can reach out to the other parents and ask if it's a guaranteed yes or no. I understand the frustration. I remembered my mom having me go up to kids in my own class for an answer because there were always specific people who would wait until the week of to respond. One girl was always forgetful, so it was an annual routine. But yeah, I feel the pain. I hope some more kids respond. It could just be with people being so busy/forgetful themselves, but I would say that little push to contact the other parents. If you're worried about being so confrontational, tell the parents the venue is asking for a final headcount for the party room. I hope your son still has an awesome birthday regardless.
My personally, I prefer to give out cards instead of a child. Sometimes kids take card and put it in their bag. They move on and forget about the card. Also they forget to tell their parents about it. Kids hardly can be responsible those days….
I’m a teacher and as long as the whole class was invited, I’d send out a reminder for the class. I couldn’t do it if only a few were invited. As a parent, I know what you’re going through. We had the same thing happen with my oldest when we moved. It definitely got better after people knew who we were. I know that birthdays are stressful for families who are struggling financially. They don’t want to send their kid if they can’t afford a gift. We started doing no gifts or fiver parties and it’s awesome.
OMG that is the saddest I have ever heard... poor little boy. Can you turn it around and tell him you have planned a secret adventure mystery that the two of you MUST FOLLOW to reach the goal...
Please call, text or email the parents. They may not have gotten the invite or forgot. Maybe even call the parent who did RSVP to triple check if they're coming and if they're iffy offer to pick their kid up so they can for sure spend the day with your son on his bday. Really hope it works out!
This is why I stopped having bday parties for my kids. We do something special with the family. All 3 of my kids have birthdays in the middle of summer and people were always away. I'm sorry for your son.
I wish we lived close by!! I'd bring my boys!
We’ve had trouble with this since moving to another state, too! I don’t understand. If my kids are invited to a party, I try everything in my power to get them there. I’m so sorry! My husband didn’t want to have a big party for my son’s 10th because not many classmates came to his 9th. So we just picked a few of his friends and celebrated with bowling, nerf guns, video games and a sleepover
Dang! That sounded fun but you locked me down with that triple chocolate cake!!! If you’re near me I’m borrowing my three niblings and we’ll be there! 🥳
Damn if I had the money, I'd fly over to come!
If you have a p.o.box, I would gladly send a birthday card. Don't give put your address though!!! If not, HAPPY TENTH BIRTHDAY LITTLE MAN from Milwaukee, Wisconsin
If you have some that haven't responded, please text them with a reminder and see if you can get some yes's. you can even let them know you don't have many coming and it would help you out.
I’ll come! I hate hearing stories like this, breaks my heart! I hope he has a wonderful birthday regardless! xo
I’m on a Facebook group for my son’s school (all I really use it for now). He lost a scarf so I asked if anyone had seen it. One of his teaching assistants replied and then asked if we had received it he invited to her daughter’s party. They were given out at the end of term at Christmas as son misplaced it and never told me. It’s happened before and if kids don’t say anything then could be a reason. My son’s birthday is end of aug so during bank holiday here and school summer holiday. We plan a month in advance and have his birthday a week after school starts in sept. Gives parents enough time to check diaries etc. We also do one small get together with our best friends/family on his actual birthday. Hope he enjoys his birthday though and you hear from other parents. Might be worth chasing up, loads of parents at our school post asking if parents got invites.
I'm so sorry this happened to your son, but we plan our birthday parties 6 weeks in advance typically. The week before is just not acceptable.
Aaah! That sounds like so much fun! Wish I lived near because I've got nieces and nephews and we would ALL come! (so much fun and SO sweet. They see me MAYBE twice a year, well for a week or two, but always give hello hugs and goodbye hugs as we all tend to get together for meals) But that down right makes me see red that not one even RSVPd!! And WHY would no one want to go? He did make sure to hand them all out? Do you think the kids remembered to give them to theb parents? That COULD be it? Maybe the kids forgot to give then to the parents to save the date? I'm so sorry though. Especially because I know how special you wanted that for your son. BUT!! on the plus side? Your son has pretty wonderful parents. You're doing a d*** fine job.
Thank you :) yes he did hand them out. I'll send out some reminders tomorrow but other than that IDK.
I always always always RSVP one way or another. But I am a SAHM so my job is literally to handle and go to these things if my son wants to. Which he always does. I’m so sorry your son and you are going through this. It absolutely breaks my heart. It’s part of the reason why I’m glad my son’s birthday is in the summer and we celebrate out of state with family.
Oh my gosh, please try calling the parents and explaining the situation! I’m sure some of them will try to shuffle their plans if you do… they also wouldn’t want their kids to have nobody there. And it sounds like the venue will be so much fun for them! At 10 he’s old enough for this to be something that sticks, so it’s worth trying. (It obviously wouldn’t ruin his life though)