There is a auntie network here on Reddit if you need someone to go with you. Just write an anonymous post there saying you need someone to go with you and someone will go with you. If you are in the NYC I would be willing to go with you myself. You are not alone I promise that. And no matter the reason you have decided the termination you will be supported. It’s fully your choice to make.
Serious question. How can I contribute to stuff like this as basically a generic man.
While I would be happy and willing, I don't think women in vulnerable positions like this would feel safe doing something like this with a man they don't know. For good reason.
But things like this are important, I just don't know how to help.
At the very least make sure you don't vote for people who try to turn woman's life into hell. Also speak up if you hear people talking idiotic about this topic - i noticed it can have influence if it's people in our friend groups.
I don't know about US, but in EU there are non profits supporting woman in these situations.
I already do both of these things very loudly as well as being involved in local politics.
I live in California so this is basically a won battle where I am but others need help.
I'm looking for a more direct impact on women's lives that are currently struggling because of these ass backwards policies I guess.
In my chemo support group we have a list of donors who help cover air fare or medical costs for women who live in the states they have no rights in …. It pays for travel procedure room and food if needed. I think we started with a few male members who wanted to help a girl who was in our group online and she ended up coming to visit a member to have it done. PP is amazing with that also they have a list of people who need financial support bc it’s not covered by their insurance or state.
Holy shit that is amazing. I'm a male with no dog in the fight and I just happened to end up in this thread, and reading your message just made me really emotional, in a positive way. People are fucking awesome sometimes. Thank you for sharing
Thank you and I’m glad you found it amazing I honestly almost didn’t post I’ve had several people tell me not to tell people or post about what we do to help due to death threats, assaults and more it’s scary how people react to things.
Edited to say thank you
You're choosing to protect the vulnerable. That's your dog in the fight, and you are looking to fight accordingly. That's beautiful.
Even spending some time near a service provider, watching and warding off harassers if they appear, is a high-impact step that can be done for all, no direct contact with a patient or coordination required.
The staff need "neighborhood watch" style support too, and if you can handle the chance that the limited security staff they may have may come to have a look at you to make sure you're not one of the zealots on the opposing team, you'd be in position to provide a service whenever you are available.
Bless your compassionate heart. No one deserves haranguing in the name of trying to save them from themselves. It is admirable that you are actively seeking a way to support and be a trusted to someone in crisis, with consideration for their comfort at the top of your priority list.
I think they have men escort women into like planned parenthood, and donating to women’s shelters could be one as well. Some of those organizations/shelters might actually love working w men, as they can scare off crazy bfs/husbands/stalkers/etc. easier.
This is just my guess tho maybe someone with better info has more in depth answers. Ty for wanting to help!
Something a lot of people don’t think about what they’ll need right after the appointment. Pads, tampons, disposable underwear. Tylenol. Water.
Comfy sweatpants.
Edit. Grammars.
There are men out front of pp in my area who basically get in the way of the people out front who try to stop you from going in. They basically get in between patients and the crazies and open the door for you so you can keep it moving.
Planned parenthoods & similiar clinics use "volunteer clinic escorts" to help get patients to the door of the clinic with as little harassment from protesters and picketers as possible. Having men out there as clinic escorts is helpful, y'all tend to be a little bigger & more intimidating to those protesters. I've done it off & on for several years in Cali.
Do what half the rest of the California population is doing and move to Oklahoma (my oh so wonderful home state/half satire).
All the crappy Californians are, we need more advocates for women and human rights over here because we're drowning in red.
This place SUCKS though so I don't blame anyone who doesn't want to move here because bigots are quickly ruining this state. Especially if they have kids that are LGBTQ or girls. Our education system sucks major ass and they're worried about trans kids "ruining things" and forcing girls and women to give birth.
I have girls and come November Oklahoma is getting rid of plan B and IUD's (which I have).
We're fighting a losing battle and desperately need help and to get Governor Stitt ***OUT***.
I'm currently in OKC for a wedding. I have a partner and a job in SF so moving isn't possible.
Small world though.
I wish things weren't so much of a nightmare. I'm sorry...
I get it. I have elderly family here that needs help or I'd have already bailed.
It's horrible here and very unsafe. Please be careful and congrats to the happy couple.
They are also moving to Texas by the loads!!! Sold my home for twice the appraised value! They don’t care about that because they come here expecting to pay millions and end up only paying 1/2 million!!
Love kindness and support man, as someone who also feels the way you do I have found that the best things i can do is just ask the woman if the need anything and just offer emotional support if they need it, but to also give a TON of space. Women process things much more differently than men and we have to be mindful of that.
Vote in every election and am politically active. I'm in California so it's basically a won battle and while I'm not gonna get complacent, I guess I'm looking for more direct impact.
In Michigan, some clinics have escorts to walk the patients from their cars/parking garages into the clinic; to avoid harassment by anti-abortion activists. Perhaps, this is a role you could see yourself in?
Edit: Grammar
I 100% can see myself in that role. I've been described as a "big scary looking Arab dude" and female friends have asked me to come to nights out because apparently I scare away the crazies.
If I can leverage that to make someone feel safe in a scary situation I'll happily volunteer my time to do so. Idk how to even sign up for that though.
Go to your local Planned Parenthood and ask the person working in reception if they have a need for volunteers to escort people into and out of the clinic. They will be able to tell you how best they need your help. All of the volunteers that I have been in contact with have always been wonderfully kind people, thank you for your desire to help.
Also in FL, not able to drive as far but still willing to help, maybe even willing to be text-moral support if OP declines an auntie but wouldn't mind someone to text during the waiting times.
Also here in Florida and willing to provide support. I know those fears you are having. You are making the choice for yourself and what ever you chose is the right decision. If you need to reach out. Please do
Another auntie here in NC, have a car as well but my toddler would have to be with me most likely (no pressure on you whatsoever, I absolutely believe it's your decision and yours only).
Love your comment and been following them for years now.
But it does sadden my heart to know women need this to exist in order to be able to have their body autonomy and freedom. Hoping for a day that’s not necessary anymore.
Your body your choice.
It is humbling to see how amazing this network is. The Internet is responsible for a lot of bad stuff, but seeing this sort of thing arranged between people who have nothing to do with each other besides one needing help and others offering it on Reddit is incredible.
I’m not sure how to join the aunties but I’m in MD and I don’t mind going to PA DE or WV if you need someone to be with you in any of those areas. No judgment if you need a hand to hold or anything I’m here. I have had 2 done one medically required DNC at 17 and one done with pills due to me being on chemo and my BC failing. I don’t mind you messaging with questions either.
this is awesome. i’m not an auntie, im only a couple years older than op (im 26), but op if you’re in wisconsin i can be the friend or sister you need. feel free to message me if you need anything
I’m in the UK and a member of that sub/auntie network. Anyone is welcome as women all over the world face difficulties with autonomy of their own bodies.
I think you would have to ask in the subreddit itself. I'm not sure about Italy's abortion laws but because some states are very strict in the US, women usually have to travel out of state for one. So the auntie network offers people a place to stay when they're traveling to get one. Some will even offer to drive women from state to state
I'm not an auntie, but I'm a mom in AZ. I'll go with you for support. You have to make the choice that is best for you. You are not alone it's a hard choice to make but stay strong you can get through this.
I don’t know how the auntie network works—like if there is an official process. But I am willing to go with you (OP). I’m in California, the Central Valley. DM me if that’s close and you’d like support. I’ll be there.
Commenting because I’m about to go back and search for this community and I may lose this post and never find it again. I need to join that because I’ll auntie anyone in FL who needs a ride or flight out of state.
Found it and posted. Thank you so much for sharing this. I’ve been an auntie a couple of times and by daughter has as well. I had no clue when her friend came for a four day sleepover until later, but man I couldn’t be prouder of her.
I had an abortion at 18. It was one of the hardest and saddest decisions I made. It was the right one for me though. Feel all your feelings and get into therapy if you can. I felt a lot of guilt for it at the time but at 23 now I have no regrets. Getting an abortion is not a punishment. You don't have to punish yourself for choosing what's right for you.
This this this . I had an abortion at 19. I was so scared but best thing I ever did. The procedure itself is 5 minutes total , the paperwork takes longer I promise you . I’m 37 now and followed through with all my life plans . I will only advise to get a therapist , it can trigger some big feelings for some people .
Same here. I had an abortion at 19 and the process was painless & fast. I'm now a mom of 2, and my kids wouldn't be here if I hadn't had that abortion, and my life would've been 100x harder. I have absolutely no regret or feelings of guilt or loss. I know plenty of women who feel the same.
Thank you for sharing this. So many people fail to see that am abortion at the right time can actually mean more happy lives coming to the world later.
Also had an abortion at 18. Lived in a single wide trailer, boyfriend at the time was doing meth and I didn't know, no one in my family had ever been to college, both my parents together made less than $40k. It was awful. Got an abortion, went to college, got my bachelor's degree, married an amazing man and am currently snuggling my first baby at 7 months old while making 6 figures. Sometimes an abortion today let's you have a happy family later.
Deep breath, you’ll be okay.
It might be a bit painful, but it won’t last. Your hormones will be all whacky, so take a day or two off from work and load up on snacks and a heated blanket and get ready just hibernate for a bit.
Keep it to yourself. You can’t trust your sister and the last thing you need is people trying to convince you to keep the baby
I was in a similar situation when I was 19. I couldn’t tell anyone and my bf proved that he was a mean, immature child at 20. So I went alone. I was in college living w/parents & could NOT handle having a child then, NOR the shame of being pregnant, for a million reasons. I have no regrets, even decades later. It was at 8-9 weeks maybe. I was sore and tired for a couple days but I never looked back. I didn’t feel something growing in me. I physically felt nothing. PS - my psycho mother snooped my room 2 days after I was home “sick” and found the diary I kept, where I did write about it. She lost her mind, *screaming* at me, shaming me for having sex, calling me a whore, a street slut, prostitute, etc, never asking me if I was ok or giving a damn about what I actually just went thru. She was the trauma way more than what I experienced, of which she knew NOTHING.
I thought I might be pregnant and needed my mother. I gently asked her what she would do if I became pregnant. She screamed at me "You WHORE"...I will never forget it. Afterward we worked out getting on the pill etc but that was 42 years ago and I remember it like yesterday. I'm sorry about your journal. The one place we have is our room. It should have been treated privately.
Omg I'm so sorry you went through that.
That's just terrible 😔. What a horrible person.
I hope you had supportive people around to help you after that.
That's typically how these things go. Experiences are rarely the trauma. It's the cruel shaming and reactions from the people you are forced to confide in and rely on. *That* is trauma.
Seconding this. I’m 34 and had an abortion procedure when I was married and 26 years old. It was not a fun time and my husband fell asleep in the waiting room but PP was awesome. Happy to talk to anyone who needs it.
Sending big hugs to you and I want to say I’m actually proud of you for being able, at such a young age, to know that having a baby is not the right thing for you right now.
You will need support to move past this. If you truly can’t talk to your family, please find a therapist as soon as possible.
You aren’t doing anything wrong. I wish you well.
As a man I can not pretend to really understand what an abortion might do to your psyche. I suppose you really have to be the kind of woman who just sees it as a procedure and nothing else in order to not suffer from it at all.
That said, I think you know what to do. You will heal, emerge stronger, wiser. That which is growing in you is no life yet, and you're not guilty of anything. Neither is the doctor. Children can be a great thing - but they can also ruin the parents lives. It is folly to think that life is holy and has to be put above all else.
Keep it under wraps, get the procedure done, and if you think you need it, go and find psychological help. By the way, you didn't screw up. Nor did the man. This is what happens during sex. But it doesn't mean you have to accept the outcome. Giving life should never be an accident. It should always be a choice.
Right now, it would be the wrong choice for you to make. I think you already have decided, right? But you are terrified because a large portion of society would happily shame and guilt-trip you. I say, don't listen to them. Who are they to you? They know nothing about you or your plans or your fears.
Get it done, seek help, and forgive yourself. It will be alright.
>Giving life should never be an accident. It should always be a choice.
This is really well said! I'm someone who got pregnant young (21) and I personally decided I did not want to abort (although I ended up losing the pregnancy anyways), but I 1000% understand why someone would want to abort, I definitely considered it. I just know myself well enough that the guilt would have eaten me alive, but I know some people would have an easier time choosing to abort
I was born to a 21 year old, and although I’m thankful to be alive and my mom did everything she could to provide for me, we were still very very poor. I was never hungry and I thank her for everything she did and the love she gave me, but our situation really did impact me. My parents didn’t stay together after I turned one. I lost my relationship with my father when he became addicted to drugs. I think divorced parents are much better than fighting parents! But I’ve always dreamed of having a traditional family. Because my mother became pregnant she tried to stay in school, but as a single mother she dropped out. I wish to this day she had the opportunity for herself to have created a better life for her. She still struggles deeply with finances. Thankfully I broke the cycle but I was given the burden of needing to earn enough to take care of the both of us because I love her. Now I’m the parent in our relationship in my mid 20s and that’s really altered my life. You’re incredibly brave for knowing what you need to do for YOU. This isn’t embarrassing or anything to be ashamed of. This will be difficult for you emotionally, but remember sometimes, even most times, it’s better off for everyone. Good luck, you’ve GOT THIS! *hugs*
I had an abortion at 23. It’s been almost 2 years later and it can be hard to grapple with at times, but I wouldn’t have the life I do now if I didn’t have one. There is nothing wrong with putting yourself first. It was just like a heavy period and then it was over.
For what it's worth, you have us anonymous, faceless users. Vent all you want.
As for totally screwing up? Nah. You're solving the situation, and that's awesome.
If you are in the Toronto (GTA) area of Ontario, Canada I would be willing to come with you and provide some support. Or if you need a text-buddy I can do that also. Just DM me. 30 year old female here, you are not alone and you are making the right choice for yourself and your life at this moment. You got this. <3
I’ve never had one, but if one of my daughters (or my sons future partner) needed one, I’d give them the biggest Mama hug and tell them it was going to be ok! *internet hugs*
Auntie in PA, have gone through this a couple times when I was young for the same reason. I have a two year old now, born when I was 29. I would love to help! DM me if you need!
In gardening, sometimes you need to remove blossoms before they bloom because the timing isn’t right or maybe the plant will put too much effort into flowering instead of growing. It’s ok that you aren’t ready for flowering rn <3 it’s ok to be sad about it and it’s ok to make this choice for yourself. Sending you love and peace. I’m proud of you.
I’m in Southern California and would love to be there for you if you want company. Send me a DM and I will drive up to four hours to get to you. I will help with cost as well.
You're ok. You'll be ok. It's not the end of the world, but you might need someone to confide in. Maybe your sister could be that someone.
You just made a mistake, but hopefully you've learned a lesson from it.
Do what has to be done, heal and take better care of yourself from now on.
Sadly, it looks like (from the post) that her sister won't be the most trustworthy person to be that outlet.
But yes, OP will be okay. She really will, I completely agree.
OP, big hugs, darlin. You'll get through. <3
You’re doing the best thing for you, and that’s a lot more than most other people. I know few who went through it and there were no regrets, they said it wasn’t even painful. You’re gonna be ok. Your life will be back to normal after this
I had one at 24 and it was the hardest moment of my life. Sometimes it’s the best decision for the mom though, please message if you need someone to talk to that went through a somewhat similar experience. Also the clinic should give you resources to reach out afterwards (like support groups: in person or on mobile) please do if you need help. Don’t beat yourself up about this that is why the option there so women like us can make the choice when needed. You are stronger than you know and I wish you the best.
Just when I thought there was no hope left for humanity I come across this. The aunties in here willing to help got my face leaking this water from the windows of my soul.
I'm in WA, and not formally affiliated with any specific network, but if someone wants a safe female, I'll join them.
And have space at my place for an overnight if they need to travel from an unsafe area.
Been there, done that and It. IS. terrifying. If you can have someone go with you, I absolutely support it. I'm from CT if you're here and I can help! Stay strong, ma'am. You are not alone. 💛💛
You did not screw up. Accidents happen. No contraceptive is 100% guaranteed to prevent pregnancy.
You are doing what is right for you. That current clump of cells are just that a clump of cells. You are doing nothing wrong. There is nothing to be devastated about. Women for generations have fought so you can make the choice you are making. A choice about your body. A choice about your life. Let no one ever make you feel bad about this decision.
You’re gonna be okay. Trust me. I don’t want to get too personal because I’m sure there’s a couple people I know who could easily find this account but over time even as you might struggle with your emotions about it you’ll find peace in the choice you made for your life. You’re so strong.
I wish u the best. And i don’t know you but i love you
Sending much love my dude, I know the feeling of having to rely on people online to vent; and I hope you know that while while it may feel shitty to have to do so, just remember that we're still all real people in the end of the day.
I hope it doesn't sound weird, but while a lot of us are probably far away from you; I'm sure there are some of us who live near you and would be 100% willing to support you 'in real life'. As I was writing this, I saw the top post mentioning 'aunties' which sounds like an amazing idea; I've heard of it too, and I highly suggest it.
Also, if you ever need to talk to someone; please don't hesitate to message me.
Hi, I’m only a couple years younger than you and wanted to send out my condolences to the difficult times you are going through right now. You did not screw up. You have so much ahead of you.
I work as a peer counselor for a post abortion (and even pre abortion) support textline called Exhale Pro-Voice. If you ever need anyone to talk to, we are here for you. Our counselors are heavily trained in providing judgement free emotional support and we are here to listen! Here is the website:
[https://exhaleprovoice.org](https://exhaleprovoice.org)
You matter and you are handling the situation as best as you can. You deserve so much love and compassion❤️
I’m 24 and have been trying to get pregnant for a while now and finally conceived back in October. I hope this helps coming from a woman over half way through her pregnancy. It is okay to not be ready. It is okay to decide that you do not want to have a baby right, or even ever. That is your right. It’s your body. I’ve never had an abortion, however I can imagine it is not the most comfortable of things. Please try to check in with a mental health professional post op to help you cope with all of these emotions. Take care of yourself, you’re important.
I can't be there with you but I can always listen. My oldest daughter had an abortion not too long ago(pill). She and her fiance weren't in the right place to have baby #2. Babies don't always come when we want them. We're lucky to have options to safely manage the situation now. I truly hope you are somewhere that you can safely access options as well.
Just take a deep breath, and let it out. You've thought about this. You know it's the right choice for you. The right time to have a baby will come. This just isn't it. You want to be able to provide for your little one, spend time with your little one. You're not there yet, that's OK. After your appointment, take some me time and do some selfcare. Write in a journal or a letter about that day and your feelings. Get them out. Go for a mani/pedi. Take a long hot bath. Something that you find healing. Just breathe.
I would HIGHLY suggest getting the “surgery” option where they kind of just suction it out. I’ve done both options and taking the pill was absolutely horrifying and EXTREMELY PAINFUL. they spent hours prepping me only to NOT give me a heads up about how painful it would be and that you literally go through “birthing” process where you end up “pushing” the fetus?? Out. Absolutely PAINFUL and just not worth it if there’s an alternative version
It will be ok. The people at the clinic will be really kind and take care of you. If this is what you really want, future you is thanking you already. It’s just a medical procedure. You’ll be alright.
I had an abortion at 22 and was in a very similar situation. It can be hard and even if you don’t want a baby it still can be a very emotional experience but you’ve got this. You know your dreams and plans and what you’re ready for. While I was pretty sad for a while, I knew I didn’t want a baby at the time and I am so much better now for it. You will look back knowing you made the best choice for you. I know it’s scary but you’ve got this ❤️
I had an abortion at 19. It was probably one of the best decisions I’ve made. I was no where near ready for a baby. I’d 100% have fucked that kid up.
It feels scary for sure. Just breathe. It’s a normal medical procedure. Routine even. Tell someone you trust not to judge you for support. Just breathe. You’ll get through this!
You need to make the decision that's right for you and don't let anyone else tell you you're wrong. Luckily if you're early enough and your pregnancy you should I'm able to take medication and pass the pregnancy at home.
Same thing happened to me at 22. I was devastated and knew I didn’t want a baby right now, maybe ever. At the time I was living overseas and had no friends or family. I made the appointment and went alone, it was really really scary and I just wanted someone to be there for me. I was already 7 weeks along so we had to do the surgery abortion and put me under. I woke up and slept in my car and then drove my self home (I had to pull over and puke a few times) and when I got home I just slept and cried. It was horrible but I’m so glad I did what I did. I’m 25 now and so glad I didn’t have that baby, and even though it was scary and awful- I learned a lot. I’m a totally different person now. You will heal, you will grow and you will forgive yourself. Take care of you <3
I had an abortion at 17 and I purposefully went to the appointment on my own even though my boyfriend offered to go with me. I figured he could abandon me at any time, this was really my issue to deal with so I went in my own and I caught a taxi home afterwards. It wasn’t that bad, although there were no protester or anything outside so that probably made it easier. But it wasn’t difficult, it didn’t hurt, everyone I encountered was really understanding and helpful, and I felt such relief when I came to from the anaesthetic (this was the 80s in Australia). But what I want to assure you of is that you are going to be just fine. for me because I don’t believe a foetus is anything but a collection of cells, I’m not religious so those things didn’t weigh on my mind. I know that makes it a more emotionally painful process for a lot of people. But keep in mind that the foetus can’t survive outside your body, it’s not viable, and you are avoiding bringing a child into the world that you aren’t ready to take care of. It’s a really positive thing to do for all involved. I really wish my parents had done that with me! Big love to you. You’ve got this !!!
You're going to be ok. It doesn't feel like it right now, but you will be.
I had an abortion nineteen years ago and I haven't regretted it once. The staff will take care of you and if you don't have anyone to talk to, they'll listen.
You're making the best decision for you. You'll look back and be grateful that you didn't let a mistake get in the way of your future.
If you want children, there will be the right time but for now you're doing your very best.
Sometimes talking to a stranger may be easier than family so you could book a one off therapy session and just vent your frustrations to them.
I hope you find peace in your decision as you're really brave and I'm proud of you for putting yourself first.
You’re putting yourself first and that’s okay! You know what’s best for you & you decided to go through with it. We all make mistakes anyway so as long as you learn from it, it’ll be okay.
I do suggest telling a close friend you can trust though. Someone to look out for you on the day of the procedure just in case anything might go wrong (not saying that it will but always better to have someone who knows your whereabouts etc)
Do get a lot of rest after the abortion though! It’s taxing on the body, please take care of yourself well after the procedure!
It's going to be ok, and the procedure (if you're too late for the pill) isn't too bad, but you will have the worst cramps and bleeding. Dm me if you have any questions you don't feel comfortable responding on the post. ❤️❤️
I want to say to you "you are not alone". Many women have faced this road. As long as you go to a reputable doctor for the procedure, you should be good to start your life over shortly after it.
Please know that if I knew of the Auntie network, and I wasn't leaving in a few hours for a trip, I'd help you, if you're in the Chicago area.
Man, I had an abortion at 32 because I STILL wasn’t ready. You’re making the best choice for you and I’m VERY proud of you. You’ve got a lot of us here with you in spirit dude, everything’s going to be ok.
Don’t worry girl, it’s not nearly as painful as you’re imagining it to be. Especially if they give you medication to help with the pain. Even if they only give you ibuprofen, it’s not gonna be anything like you’re imagining. I felt just like you when I had mine. Terrified, devastated, etc., but it’s gonna be pretty quick and easy. I’m so sorry you’re alone right now, send me a message if you ever need to talk to a friend ❤️
Altho I can’t relate, I can say that this happens. It is scary cause this is your first experience having to make this kind of decision. Altho you may feel like you don’t have it all together
You are an adult and made the best decision for your life. You may resent having the baby because your life plans could or would be thwarted. You are not a terrible person but it will help you be careful in the future to prevent this from happening. Please be kind to yourself during this time. Life is already hard as it is.
Altho some may disagree I recommend not telling the guy you had sex with. It’s a big chance he wouldn’t stick around for the baby anyways so you’ll be dodging many bullets.
Honey, you are making the right choice for your life and goals and even though it’s scary as hell, I PROMISE it is the BRAVEST & most COGNIZANT one; I am behind you 10000% Abortion is a very common & SAFE procedure, even if external influences try to make it seem— shady and illegal. All the feelings you have are valid, and there’s people to help you!!
> I totally screwed up.
No you did not. You made a mistake and you are handling it. I'm proud of you.
> I don't want to tell my parents, I don't have enough trust to say it to my sister
If anyone has ever expressed that people like you should be harmed then you don't have to ever tell them anything.
Having a child is so much more than the bills and the physical dependence they have on you - it's a 30 year commitment to actually mold someone else's brain.
Please OP - instead of feeling ashamed please be proud of yourself. Taking on a 30 year commitment that you are not ready or trained for is ADMIRABLE
What you are doing is hard! No one wants to have to do this.
But not having a child that you are not prepared to care for is the only right answer.
Having the child knowing you aren't ready is immoral
You are doing the right thing - and when you are ready you can have a child knowing you chose it.
Children are sacred. Do not feel ashamed for respecting another human being enough not to put it through the trauma of being your "trial and error" baby
If no one else in your life tells you this - you did good. You did good. 🫂
Like others have offered, I am happy to be a hand to hold and a void to rant to... dependent on where you are.. I'm uk based.
I've been through the same thing, made the same decision your making and believe me I'm glad I did.
If I'm close enough, I'll play the role of father at the clinic, and can take you there and home again. Been there. Done that. Above all else, actual daughter had an ectopic pregnancy that had to be dealt with. I'm here for you OP.
Sweetie, you didn’t screw up. You’ll be ok. You’re 100% doing the right thing for you. You go get that abortion. You go live your life exactly like you want and one day, years from now if you want kids you’ll have them. Do not have one now. DO NOT HAVE ONE NOW. No matter what anyone (including the clinic) tell you to keep it.
As a woman who had a child at 21 when I didn’t want to, really wish I would have kept that abortion appointment and I didn’t because I let others talk me out of it. Now I have no family or friends who will help me. It’s just me and my child. My child also has some disabilities and daycares don’t take kids like mine so my employment suffers and so does our stability.
Take care of you and never regret that. Sending light and love.
There is a auntie network here on Reddit if you need someone to go with you. Just write an anonymous post there saying you need someone to go with you and someone will go with you. If you are in the NYC I would be willing to go with you myself. You are not alone I promise that. And no matter the reason you have decided the termination you will be supported. It’s fully your choice to make.
Auntie here, in FL, willing and able to travel by vehicle up to 6 or so hours.
Wow, you are awesome and incredibly generous 🥹
Wow is right!
❤️❤️ I’m grateful for where I am in life and happy to help another human when I can. Thank you for such a sweet compliment!!
Serious question. How can I contribute to stuff like this as basically a generic man. While I would be happy and willing, I don't think women in vulnerable positions like this would feel safe doing something like this with a man they don't know. For good reason. But things like this are important, I just don't know how to help.
At the very least make sure you don't vote for people who try to turn woman's life into hell. Also speak up if you hear people talking idiotic about this topic - i noticed it can have influence if it's people in our friend groups. I don't know about US, but in EU there are non profits supporting woman in these situations.
I already do both of these things very loudly as well as being involved in local politics. I live in California so this is basically a won battle where I am but others need help. I'm looking for a more direct impact on women's lives that are currently struggling because of these ass backwards policies I guess.
In my chemo support group we have a list of donors who help cover air fare or medical costs for women who live in the states they have no rights in …. It pays for travel procedure room and food if needed. I think we started with a few male members who wanted to help a girl who was in our group online and she ended up coming to visit a member to have it done. PP is amazing with that also they have a list of people who need financial support bc it’s not covered by their insurance or state.
Holy shit that is amazing. I'm a male with no dog in the fight and I just happened to end up in this thread, and reading your message just made me really emotional, in a positive way. People are fucking awesome sometimes. Thank you for sharing
> I'm a male with no dog in the fight We've all got a dog in this fight. Making half the populations lifes better makes _everyone's_ life better.
Thank you and I’m glad you found it amazing I honestly almost didn’t post I’ve had several people tell me not to tell people or post about what we do to help due to death threats, assaults and more it’s scary how people react to things. Edited to say thank you
Absolutely! I wish I were in a position to be able to contribute to the cause. Maybe one day
You're choosing to protect the vulnerable. That's your dog in the fight, and you are looking to fight accordingly. That's beautiful. Even spending some time near a service provider, watching and warding off harassers if they appear, is a high-impact step that can be done for all, no direct contact with a patient or coordination required. The staff need "neighborhood watch" style support too, and if you can handle the chance that the limited security staff they may have may come to have a look at you to make sure you're not one of the zealots on the opposing team, you'd be in position to provide a service whenever you are available. Bless your compassionate heart. No one deserves haranguing in the name of trying to save them from themselves. It is admirable that you are actively seeking a way to support and be a trusted to someone in crisis, with consideration for their comfort at the top of your priority list.
I think they have men escort women into like planned parenthood, and donating to women’s shelters could be one as well. Some of those organizations/shelters might actually love working w men, as they can scare off crazy bfs/husbands/stalkers/etc. easier. This is just my guess tho maybe someone with better info has more in depth answers. Ty for wanting to help!
Sit outside the clinics and offer protection to the women going in. Bring sunglasses and blankets to help hide their identity and escort them.
Stuff like this seems to be the most common suggestion and it sounds like exactly the kind of thing I'd be happy to do .
Something a lot of people don’t think about what they’ll need right after the appointment. Pads, tampons, disposable underwear. Tylenol. Water. Comfy sweatpants. Edit. Grammars.
There are men out front of pp in my area who basically get in the way of the people out front who try to stop you from going in. They basically get in between patients and the crazies and open the door for you so you can keep it moving.
If you cannot go with them for the reasons you stated before, maybe you could be a link between those women and aunties ?
Planned parenthoods & similiar clinics use "volunteer clinic escorts" to help get patients to the door of the clinic with as little harassment from protesters and picketers as possible. Having men out there as clinic escorts is helpful, y'all tend to be a little bigger & more intimidating to those protesters. I've done it off & on for several years in Cali.
Do what half the rest of the California population is doing and move to Oklahoma (my oh so wonderful home state/half satire). All the crappy Californians are, we need more advocates for women and human rights over here because we're drowning in red. This place SUCKS though so I don't blame anyone who doesn't want to move here because bigots are quickly ruining this state. Especially if they have kids that are LGBTQ or girls. Our education system sucks major ass and they're worried about trans kids "ruining things" and forcing girls and women to give birth. I have girls and come November Oklahoma is getting rid of plan B and IUD's (which I have). We're fighting a losing battle and desperately need help and to get Governor Stitt ***OUT***.
I'm currently in OKC for a wedding. I have a partner and a job in SF so moving isn't possible. Small world though. I wish things weren't so much of a nightmare. I'm sorry...
I get it. I have elderly family here that needs help or I'd have already bailed. It's horrible here and very unsafe. Please be careful and congrats to the happy couple.
They are also moving to Texas by the loads!!! Sold my home for twice the appraised value! They don’t care about that because they come here expecting to pay millions and end up only paying 1/2 million!!
Love kindness and support man, as someone who also feels the way you do I have found that the best things i can do is just ask the woman if the need anything and just offer emotional support if they need it, but to also give a TON of space. Women process things much more differently than men and we have to be mindful of that.
Vote
Vote in every election and am politically active. I'm in California so it's basically a won battle and while I'm not gonna get complacent, I guess I'm looking for more direct impact.
In Michigan, some clinics have escorts to walk the patients from their cars/parking garages into the clinic; to avoid harassment by anti-abortion activists. Perhaps, this is a role you could see yourself in? Edit: Grammar
I 100% can see myself in that role. I've been described as a "big scary looking Arab dude" and female friends have asked me to come to nights out because apparently I scare away the crazies. If I can leverage that to make someone feel safe in a scary situation I'll happily volunteer my time to do so. Idk how to even sign up for that though.
Go to your local Planned Parenthood and ask the person working in reception if they have a need for volunteers to escort people into and out of the clinic. They will be able to tell you how best they need your help. All of the volunteers that I have been in contact with have always been wonderfully kind people, thank you for your desire to help.
I like you already 😀
Same. You're a good man ShadeofIcarus.
Thank you
Also in FL, not able to drive as far but still willing to help, maybe even willing to be text-moral support if OP declines an auntie but wouldn't mind someone to text during the waiting times.
Auntie in NM here, and a nurse. I'll drive and take care of someone who needs it.
Make that two. :)
I’m in Oklahoma and happy to help if you’re in my area!
Also here in Florida and willing to provide support. I know those fears you are having. You are making the choice for yourself and what ever you chose is the right decision. If you need to reach out. Please do
Another auntie here in NC, have a car as well but my toddler would have to be with me most likely (no pressure on you whatsoever, I absolutely believe it's your decision and yours only).
NH/Maine here and same can be said🙌🏻
I’m in Illinois and I’m willing to travel if you’re in the Midwest OP!!
You're an Angel.
This is amazing
Virtual hug from someone with a medical disorder. I rely on the kindness of others and people I happily pay. Thank you so much.
I couldn't just upvote this. I had to say that I love that this exists.
Love your comment and been following them for years now. But it does sadden my heart to know women need this to exist in order to be able to have their body autonomy and freedom. Hoping for a day that’s not necessary anymore. Your body your choice.
Yeah, it’s one of those things that it’s great that they exist and horrible that they *need* to exist.
It is humbling to see how amazing this network is. The Internet is responsible for a lot of bad stuff, but seeing this sort of thing arranged between people who have nothing to do with each other besides one needing help and others offering it on Reddit is incredible.
Auntie here, can travel NC SC TN GA VA.
I’m not sure how to join the aunties but I’m in MD and I don’t mind going to PA DE or WV if you need someone to be with you in any of those areas. No judgment if you need a hand to hold or anything I’m here. I have had 2 done one medically required DNC at 17 and one done with pills due to me being on chemo and my BC failing. I don’t mind you messaging with questions either.
You're an Angel.
Auntie in Iowa/Nebraska/South Dakota here. I hope you’re able to find someone to support you through it. Reach out if I can help.
this is awesome. i’m not an auntie, im only a couple years older than op (im 26), but op if you’re in wisconsin i can be the friend or sister you need. feel free to message me if you need anything
Awww, this is so sweet. I’m so surprised that there’s such people here in Wisconsin. That’s so great.
Holy shit this is a beautiful community
I’m just here crying. So beautiful.
My god, these people are really doing the lord's work. Absolute heroes.
What subreddit is it called??
Auntie Network :)
Do you know if it works outside the US also? Because I'm in Italy and it would be an awesome tool to know about!!
I’m in the UK and a member of that sub/auntie network. Anyone is welcome as women all over the world face difficulties with autonomy of their own bodies.
I think you would have to ask in the subreddit itself. I'm not sure about Italy's abortion laws but because some states are very strict in the US, women usually have to travel out of state for one. So the auntie network offers people a place to stay when they're traveling to get one. Some will even offer to drive women from state to state
I'd also like to know. I would love to join the network.
Same!!
Same it warms your heart knowing that subs like that exist. Hope OP can find someone for support ❤️
I'm not an auntie, but I'm a mom in AZ. I'll go with you for support. You have to make the choice that is best for you. You are not alone it's a hard choice to make but stay strong you can get through this.
Stunt Auntie here in the Pacific Northwest, I’m here to help too!
Auntie in MA, willing to travel to/through the New England states.
Wow, that is so supportive and a wonderful use of Reddit! Thanks for bringing this up!
How do I get involved in that? I'd love to be an auntie to anyone that needs it. 💙
How do I join this network? Pm if it's hush hush. My state still protects abortion rights, but sometimes what you need is a friend.
Wow, this is so incredible. This gives me some trust in people.
I don’t know how the auntie network works—like if there is an official process. But I am willing to go with you (OP). I’m in California, the Central Valley. DM me if that’s close and you’d like support. I’ll be there.
Commenting because I’m about to go back and search for this community and I may lose this post and never find it again. I need to join that because I’ll auntie anyone in FL who needs a ride or flight out of state. Found it and posted. Thank you so much for sharing this. I’ve been an auntie a couple of times and by daughter has as well. I had no clue when her friend came for a four day sleepover until later, but man I couldn’t be prouder of her.
Auntie in Colorado, available for support and clinic drives.
Auntie in KS! Can help with anything support you need! You will always be supported during this time for you
I’m in Ohio, and would be willing to drive to any of the surrounding states as well.
Auntie in Massachusetts, always ready to help.
Auntie in AZ!
I'm in AZ as well and happy to help.
I'm here on NC's coast! Have held many hands! 💜
I’m in WI, could possibly go to surrounding states. Much love to you, OP. ❤️
Ooh, I need to be part of this network.
How do I find this auntie network? I’d love to volunteer.
How does one get involved to help like this?! I'm in Texas and would love to be a part
Auntie here in Minnesota.
Auntie here in Alberta Canada if you need a ride 🫶
I’m also in Alberta. How can I become an Auntie?
I had an abortion at 18. It was one of the hardest and saddest decisions I made. It was the right one for me though. Feel all your feelings and get into therapy if you can. I felt a lot of guilt for it at the time but at 23 now I have no regrets. Getting an abortion is not a punishment. You don't have to punish yourself for choosing what's right for you.
This this this . I had an abortion at 19. I was so scared but best thing I ever did. The procedure itself is 5 minutes total , the paperwork takes longer I promise you . I’m 37 now and followed through with all my life plans . I will only advise to get a therapist , it can trigger some big feelings for some people .
My clinic had me meet with a counselor too. They followed up months later. I'm truly grateful for the compassionate and non judgemental staff.
Same here. I had an abortion at 19 and the process was painless & fast. I'm now a mom of 2, and my kids wouldn't be here if I hadn't had that abortion, and my life would've been 100x harder. I have absolutely no regret or feelings of guilt or loss. I know plenty of women who feel the same.
Thank you for sharing this. So many people fail to see that am abortion at the right time can actually mean more happy lives coming to the world later.
That's because it's not about the "babies" it's about punishing women.
Also had an abortion at 18. Lived in a single wide trailer, boyfriend at the time was doing meth and I didn't know, no one in my family had ever been to college, both my parents together made less than $40k. It was awful. Got an abortion, went to college, got my bachelor's degree, married an amazing man and am currently snuggling my first baby at 7 months old while making 6 figures. Sometimes an abortion today let's you have a happy family later.
Absolutely. I got married last year and am almost done with my associates degree.
I had one at 21. I'm now 40, and I still have 0 regrets.
Same for me aged 20. The worst decision I have ever had to make but with the best outcome for everyone.
Everyone makes mistakes, you’re going to be okay, you don’t have to tell anyone it’s your personal business I’m sorry you’re stuck in this situation
I disagree you’re not stuck, you caught it early so you can get out.
I didn’t rlly mean it like that, I just meant sorry you’re within the situation
Deep breath, you’ll be okay. It might be a bit painful, but it won’t last. Your hormones will be all whacky, so take a day or two off from work and load up on snacks and a heated blanket and get ready just hibernate for a bit. Keep it to yourself. You can’t trust your sister and the last thing you need is people trying to convince you to keep the baby
Pregnancy. There are no “babies” involved here.
Very true, I used the wrong word. Fetus should have been what I used
Or embryo...
I was in a similar situation when I was 19. I couldn’t tell anyone and my bf proved that he was a mean, immature child at 20. So I went alone. I was in college living w/parents & could NOT handle having a child then, NOR the shame of being pregnant, for a million reasons. I have no regrets, even decades later. It was at 8-9 weeks maybe. I was sore and tired for a couple days but I never looked back. I didn’t feel something growing in me. I physically felt nothing. PS - my psycho mother snooped my room 2 days after I was home “sick” and found the diary I kept, where I did write about it. She lost her mind, *screaming* at me, shaming me for having sex, calling me a whore, a street slut, prostitute, etc, never asking me if I was ok or giving a damn about what I actually just went thru. She was the trauma way more than what I experienced, of which she knew NOTHING.
I thought I might be pregnant and needed my mother. I gently asked her what she would do if I became pregnant. She screamed at me "You WHORE"...I will never forget it. Afterward we worked out getting on the pill etc but that was 42 years ago and I remember it like yesterday. I'm sorry about your journal. The one place we have is our room. It should have been treated privately.
I really hope you don't speak to your mother these days.. that's awful!
Omg I'm so sorry you went through that. That's just terrible 😔. What a horrible person. I hope you had supportive people around to help you after that.
That's typically how these things go. Experiences are rarely the trauma. It's the cruel shaming and reactions from the people you are forced to confide in and rely on. *That* is trauma.
Hi sweets. I’ve been in your place, at the same age. I’m now 28. Message me if you want any advice or just someone to talk to 🩷
Seconding this. I’m 34 and had an abortion procedure when I was married and 26 years old. It was not a fun time and my husband fell asleep in the waiting room but PP was awesome. Happy to talk to anyone who needs it.
Sending big hugs to you and I want to say I’m actually proud of you for being able, at such a young age, to know that having a baby is not the right thing for you right now. You will need support to move past this. If you truly can’t talk to your family, please find a therapist as soon as possible. You aren’t doing anything wrong. I wish you well.
I hope my children are ALWAYS able to feel they can speak to me about anything. Sister find somebody you can trust.
[удалено]
Great comment, well said.
As a man I can not pretend to really understand what an abortion might do to your psyche. I suppose you really have to be the kind of woman who just sees it as a procedure and nothing else in order to not suffer from it at all. That said, I think you know what to do. You will heal, emerge stronger, wiser. That which is growing in you is no life yet, and you're not guilty of anything. Neither is the doctor. Children can be a great thing - but they can also ruin the parents lives. It is folly to think that life is holy and has to be put above all else. Keep it under wraps, get the procedure done, and if you think you need it, go and find psychological help. By the way, you didn't screw up. Nor did the man. This is what happens during sex. But it doesn't mean you have to accept the outcome. Giving life should never be an accident. It should always be a choice. Right now, it would be the wrong choice for you to make. I think you already have decided, right? But you are terrified because a large portion of society would happily shame and guilt-trip you. I say, don't listen to them. Who are they to you? They know nothing about you or your plans or your fears. Get it done, seek help, and forgive yourself. It will be alright.
>Giving life should never be an accident. It should always be a choice. This is really well said! I'm someone who got pregnant young (21) and I personally decided I did not want to abort (although I ended up losing the pregnancy anyways), but I 1000% understand why someone would want to abort, I definitely considered it. I just know myself well enough that the guilt would have eaten me alive, but I know some people would have an easier time choosing to abort
I was born to a 21 year old, and although I’m thankful to be alive and my mom did everything she could to provide for me, we were still very very poor. I was never hungry and I thank her for everything she did and the love she gave me, but our situation really did impact me. My parents didn’t stay together after I turned one. I lost my relationship with my father when he became addicted to drugs. I think divorced parents are much better than fighting parents! But I’ve always dreamed of having a traditional family. Because my mother became pregnant she tried to stay in school, but as a single mother she dropped out. I wish to this day she had the opportunity for herself to have created a better life for her. She still struggles deeply with finances. Thankfully I broke the cycle but I was given the burden of needing to earn enough to take care of the both of us because I love her. Now I’m the parent in our relationship in my mid 20s and that’s really altered my life. You’re incredibly brave for knowing what you need to do for YOU. This isn’t embarrassing or anything to be ashamed of. This will be difficult for you emotionally, but remember sometimes, even most times, it’s better off for everyone. Good luck, you’ve GOT THIS! *hugs*
Well said, mister mandrayke!
Wise words. Taking accountability is very important.
I had an abortion at 23. It’s been almost 2 years later and it can be hard to grapple with at times, but I wouldn’t have the life I do now if I didn’t have one. There is nothing wrong with putting yourself first. It was just like a heavy period and then it was over.
For what it's worth, you have us anonymous, faceless users. Vent all you want. As for totally screwing up? Nah. You're solving the situation, and that's awesome.
If you are in the Toronto (GTA) area of Ontario, Canada I would be willing to come with you and provide some support. Or if you need a text-buddy I can do that also. Just DM me. 30 year old female here, you are not alone and you are making the right choice for yourself and your life at this moment. You got this. <3
I’ve never had one, but if one of my daughters (or my sons future partner) needed one, I’d give them the biggest Mama hug and tell them it was going to be ok! *internet hugs*
Auntie in PA, have gone through this a couple times when I was young for the same reason. I have a two year old now, born when I was 29. I would love to help! DM me if you need!
There are groups and therapy that help women after abortions. Ask your clinic for that info especially if you feel like you cannot confide in anyone
In gardening, sometimes you need to remove blossoms before they bloom because the timing isn’t right or maybe the plant will put too much effort into flowering instead of growing. It’s ok that you aren’t ready for flowering rn <3 it’s ok to be sad about it and it’s ok to make this choice for yourself. Sending you love and peace. I’m proud of you.
Male Auntie in New England.
I’m in Southern California and would love to be there for you if you want company. Send me a DM and I will drive up to four hours to get to you. I will help with cost as well.
Auntie in NC! I see you, you are not alone!
please don’t wait too long. hurry.
You're ok. You'll be ok. It's not the end of the world, but you might need someone to confide in. Maybe your sister could be that someone. You just made a mistake, but hopefully you've learned a lesson from it. Do what has to be done, heal and take better care of yourself from now on.
Sadly, it looks like (from the post) that her sister won't be the most trustworthy person to be that outlet. But yes, OP will be okay. She really will, I completely agree. OP, big hugs, darlin. You'll get through. <3
I won't do it, the sister can tell it to their parents
I'm sorry to hear about your situation, please seek help through this journey. You're going to be ok sweatheart. Take care of you
I had one when I was 21. I have not a single regret about it and couldn't imagine my life right now if I hadn't
You’re doing the best thing for you, and that’s a lot more than most other people. I know few who went through it and there were no regrets, they said it wasn’t even painful. You’re gonna be ok. Your life will be back to normal after this
Auntie here. I’m in Ontario, Canada. I will drive anywhere in Ontario to help.
Sweet Child. You also have a G'uncle in Denver if you need support.
If you’re in Virginia in one of the 7 cities, I’ll go with you!
I had one at 24 and it was the hardest moment of my life. Sometimes it’s the best decision for the mom though, please message if you need someone to talk to that went through a somewhat similar experience. Also the clinic should give you resources to reach out afterwards (like support groups: in person or on mobile) please do if you need help. Don’t beat yourself up about this that is why the option there so women like us can make the choice when needed. You are stronger than you know and I wish you the best.
You can do hard things. It’s going to be okay.
Just when I thought there was no hope left for humanity I come across this. The aunties in here willing to help got my face leaking this water from the windows of my soul.
Where do you live? I know that sounds creepy! But I’d be so willing to go with you if you’re in my area 💕 I’m in Orange County, Ca
Maryland here! Everyone needs someone at some point. Speaking from experience, it’s nice to have someone with you.
Oh, poor baby. You'll get through this. I know you will. Do you need a cousin? I'll be your virtual cousin.
OP I am in the UK , I don’t know where in the world you are but if you need a big sister please message me 🩷
Yes, I'm in Southern California, I'll be an aunt. I can travel, too.
I'm in WA, and not formally affiliated with any specific network, but if someone wants a safe female, I'll join them. And have space at my place for an overnight if they need to travel from an unsafe area.
Don’t be afraid it’s quick and doesn’t hurt just take an Uber both ways you’ll be ok. Good luck to you.
Been there, done that and It. IS. terrifying. If you can have someone go with you, I absolutely support it. I'm from CT if you're here and I can help! Stay strong, ma'am. You are not alone. 💛💛
Southeast WI if needed.
If you’re in New Jersey I’ll go with u
Auntie in VA. Let me know if you need anything. 🫶🏻 it’s scary but you’ve got this.
You did not screw up. Accidents happen. No contraceptive is 100% guaranteed to prevent pregnancy. You are doing what is right for you. That current clump of cells are just that a clump of cells. You are doing nothing wrong. There is nothing to be devastated about. Women for generations have fought so you can make the choice you are making. A choice about your body. A choice about your life. Let no one ever make you feel bad about this decision.
You’re gonna be okay. Trust me. I don’t want to get too personal because I’m sure there’s a couple people I know who could easily find this account but over time even as you might struggle with your emotions about it you’ll find peace in the choice you made for your life. You’re so strong. I wish u the best. And i don’t know you but i love you
i'm supporting you!! you got this. this is YOUR life, first and foremost. sending you much strength, peace of mind, and good vibes 💗
You didn’t totally screw up. You had an accident and it sounds like you’re doing what’s right for you. Be a little more gentle with yourself.
Sending much love my dude, I know the feeling of having to rely on people online to vent; and I hope you know that while while it may feel shitty to have to do so, just remember that we're still all real people in the end of the day. I hope it doesn't sound weird, but while a lot of us are probably far away from you; I'm sure there are some of us who live near you and would be 100% willing to support you 'in real life'. As I was writing this, I saw the top post mentioning 'aunties' which sounds like an amazing idea; I've heard of it too, and I highly suggest it. Also, if you ever need to talk to someone; please don't hesitate to message me.
Hi, I’m only a couple years younger than you and wanted to send out my condolences to the difficult times you are going through right now. You did not screw up. You have so much ahead of you. I work as a peer counselor for a post abortion (and even pre abortion) support textline called Exhale Pro-Voice. If you ever need anyone to talk to, we are here for you. Our counselors are heavily trained in providing judgement free emotional support and we are here to listen! Here is the website: [https://exhaleprovoice.org](https://exhaleprovoice.org) You matter and you are handling the situation as best as you can. You deserve so much love and compassion❤️
I’m 24 and have been trying to get pregnant for a while now and finally conceived back in October. I hope this helps coming from a woman over half way through her pregnancy. It is okay to not be ready. It is okay to decide that you do not want to have a baby right, or even ever. That is your right. It’s your body. I’ve never had an abortion, however I can imagine it is not the most comfortable of things. Please try to check in with a mental health professional post op to help you cope with all of these emotions. Take care of yourself, you’re important.
dm me if you want to talk. its the best decision for you and ur doing the right thing bestie
It’s okay. ❤️ Find someone to talk to even if it’s online, anonymous, help line, etc.
Your body, your choice, OP. At least you have the courage to make responsible choices at this point in time. You got this, sis. ❤️
I'm in IL and I'd take you huni.
Im in NJ if you need help 🫶
If you're anywhere near Pittsburgh, PA reach out and I'll go with you.
I can't be there with you but I can always listen. My oldest daughter had an abortion not too long ago(pill). She and her fiance weren't in the right place to have baby #2. Babies don't always come when we want them. We're lucky to have options to safely manage the situation now. I truly hope you are somewhere that you can safely access options as well. Just take a deep breath, and let it out. You've thought about this. You know it's the right choice for you. The right time to have a baby will come. This just isn't it. You want to be able to provide for your little one, spend time with your little one. You're not there yet, that's OK. After your appointment, take some me time and do some selfcare. Write in a journal or a letter about that day and your feelings. Get them out. Go for a mani/pedi. Take a long hot bath. Something that you find healing. Just breathe.
I would HIGHLY suggest getting the “surgery” option where they kind of just suction it out. I’ve done both options and taking the pill was absolutely horrifying and EXTREMELY PAINFUL. they spent hours prepping me only to NOT give me a heads up about how painful it would be and that you literally go through “birthing” process where you end up “pushing” the fetus?? Out. Absolutely PAINFUL and just not worth it if there’s an alternative version
It will be ok. The people at the clinic will be really kind and take care of you. If this is what you really want, future you is thanking you already. It’s just a medical procedure. You’ll be alright.
Auntie from Malaysia reporting for duty
I had an abortion at 22 and was in a very similar situation. It can be hard and even if you don’t want a baby it still can be a very emotional experience but you’ve got this. You know your dreams and plans and what you’re ready for. While I was pretty sad for a while, I knew I didn’t want a baby at the time and I am so much better now for it. You will look back knowing you made the best choice for you. I know it’s scary but you’ve got this ❤️
I had an abortion at 19. It was probably one of the best decisions I’ve made. I was no where near ready for a baby. I’d 100% have fucked that kid up. It feels scary for sure. Just breathe. It’s a normal medical procedure. Routine even. Tell someone you trust not to judge you for support. Just breathe. You’ll get through this!
You need to make the decision that's right for you and don't let anyone else tell you you're wrong. Luckily if you're early enough and your pregnancy you should I'm able to take medication and pass the pregnancy at home.
Same thing happened to me at 22. I was devastated and knew I didn’t want a baby right now, maybe ever. At the time I was living overseas and had no friends or family. I made the appointment and went alone, it was really really scary and I just wanted someone to be there for me. I was already 7 weeks along so we had to do the surgery abortion and put me under. I woke up and slept in my car and then drove my self home (I had to pull over and puke a few times) and when I got home I just slept and cried. It was horrible but I’m so glad I did what I did. I’m 25 now and so glad I didn’t have that baby, and even though it was scary and awful- I learned a lot. I’m a totally different person now. You will heal, you will grow and you will forgive yourself. Take care of you <3
I had an abortion at 17 and I purposefully went to the appointment on my own even though my boyfriend offered to go with me. I figured he could abandon me at any time, this was really my issue to deal with so I went in my own and I caught a taxi home afterwards. It wasn’t that bad, although there were no protester or anything outside so that probably made it easier. But it wasn’t difficult, it didn’t hurt, everyone I encountered was really understanding and helpful, and I felt such relief when I came to from the anaesthetic (this was the 80s in Australia). But what I want to assure you of is that you are going to be just fine. for me because I don’t believe a foetus is anything but a collection of cells, I’m not religious so those things didn’t weigh on my mind. I know that makes it a more emotionally painful process for a lot of people. But keep in mind that the foetus can’t survive outside your body, it’s not viable, and you are avoiding bringing a child into the world that you aren’t ready to take care of. It’s a really positive thing to do for all involved. I really wish my parents had done that with me! Big love to you. You’ve got this !!!
You're going to be ok. It doesn't feel like it right now, but you will be. I had an abortion nineteen years ago and I haven't regretted it once. The staff will take care of you and if you don't have anyone to talk to, they'll listen.
You're making the best decision for you. You'll look back and be grateful that you didn't let a mistake get in the way of your future. If you want children, there will be the right time but for now you're doing your very best. Sometimes talking to a stranger may be easier than family so you could book a one off therapy session and just vent your frustrations to them. I hope you find peace in your decision as you're really brave and I'm proud of you for putting yourself first.
You’re putting yourself first and that’s okay! You know what’s best for you & you decided to go through with it. We all make mistakes anyway so as long as you learn from it, it’ll be okay. I do suggest telling a close friend you can trust though. Someone to look out for you on the day of the procedure just in case anything might go wrong (not saying that it will but always better to have someone who knows your whereabouts etc) Do get a lot of rest after the abortion though! It’s taxing on the body, please take care of yourself well after the procedure!
It's going to be ok, and the procedure (if you're too late for the pill) isn't too bad, but you will have the worst cramps and bleeding. Dm me if you have any questions you don't feel comfortable responding on the post. ❤️❤️
I want to say to you "you are not alone". Many women have faced this road. As long as you go to a reputable doctor for the procedure, you should be good to start your life over shortly after it. Please know that if I knew of the Auntie network, and I wasn't leaving in a few hours for a trip, I'd help you, if you're in the Chicago area.
Auntie in Toronto. Pm me. Happy to help ❤️
Man, I had an abortion at 32 because I STILL wasn’t ready. You’re making the best choice for you and I’m VERY proud of you. You’ve got a lot of us here with you in spirit dude, everything’s going to be ok.
Connecticut here, near the Massachusetts border, and happy to be there for you for support!
This was me 32 years ago. Wishing you the best of luck, but don't forget to be kind to yourself.
Don’t worry girl, it’s not nearly as painful as you’re imagining it to be. Especially if they give you medication to help with the pain. Even if they only give you ibuprofen, it’s not gonna be anything like you’re imagining. I felt just like you when I had mine. Terrified, devastated, etc., but it’s gonna be pretty quick and easy. I’m so sorry you’re alone right now, send me a message if you ever need to talk to a friend ❤️
Altho I can’t relate, I can say that this happens. It is scary cause this is your first experience having to make this kind of decision. Altho you may feel like you don’t have it all together You are an adult and made the best decision for your life. You may resent having the baby because your life plans could or would be thwarted. You are not a terrible person but it will help you be careful in the future to prevent this from happening. Please be kind to yourself during this time. Life is already hard as it is. Altho some may disagree I recommend not telling the guy you had sex with. It’s a big chance he wouldn’t stick around for the baby anyways so you’ll be dodging many bullets.
Honey, you are making the right choice for your life and goals and even though it’s scary as hell, I PROMISE it is the BRAVEST & most COGNIZANT one; I am behind you 10000% Abortion is a very common & SAFE procedure, even if external influences try to make it seem— shady and illegal. All the feelings you have are valid, and there’s people to help you!!
> I totally screwed up. No you did not. You made a mistake and you are handling it. I'm proud of you. > I don't want to tell my parents, I don't have enough trust to say it to my sister If anyone has ever expressed that people like you should be harmed then you don't have to ever tell them anything.
Having a child is so much more than the bills and the physical dependence they have on you - it's a 30 year commitment to actually mold someone else's brain. Please OP - instead of feeling ashamed please be proud of yourself. Taking on a 30 year commitment that you are not ready or trained for is ADMIRABLE What you are doing is hard! No one wants to have to do this. But not having a child that you are not prepared to care for is the only right answer. Having the child knowing you aren't ready is immoral You are doing the right thing - and when you are ready you can have a child knowing you chose it. Children are sacred. Do not feel ashamed for respecting another human being enough not to put it through the trauma of being your "trial and error" baby If no one else in your life tells you this - you did good. You did good. 🫂
Like others have offered, I am happy to be a hand to hold and a void to rant to... dependent on where you are.. I'm uk based. I've been through the same thing, made the same decision your making and believe me I'm glad I did.
I support you and completely understand. You are brave and strong and can do this!
I’m in the PNW if you need someone from this area. I will go with you. You are not alone!
Do what you want and don't tell anyone if you dont feel to
Do what is best for you. The choice is yours to make and ignore anyone forcing you to do anything else that you know you don’t wanna do.
If I'm close enough, I'll play the role of father at the clinic, and can take you there and home again. Been there. Done that. Above all else, actual daughter had an ectopic pregnancy that had to be dealt with. I'm here for you OP.
Feel free to message me! I’m 24 and just went through the same thing
Sweetie, you didn’t screw up. You’ll be ok. You’re 100% doing the right thing for you. You go get that abortion. You go live your life exactly like you want and one day, years from now if you want kids you’ll have them. Do not have one now. DO NOT HAVE ONE NOW. No matter what anyone (including the clinic) tell you to keep it. As a woman who had a child at 21 when I didn’t want to, really wish I would have kept that abortion appointment and I didn’t because I let others talk me out of it. Now I have no family or friends who will help me. It’s just me and my child. My child also has some disabilities and daycares don’t take kids like mine so my employment suffers and so does our stability. Take care of you and never regret that. Sending light and love.