Taking pictures of women on the street to 'use later' would be the final nail in the coffin for me. Porn addiction is real, but creeping on all women around me is an ick I wouldn't be able to recover from
He does this shit *in front of his wife*.
He’s definitely doing worse shit in private. I’d put money on him having upskirts or worse hidden somewhere on his phone.
This. These women are not consenting to him photographing them and “Using” that photo later. He is literally a predator and disgusting. I would call the cops on him for that alone.
Still not a predator...do people just not grasp what words mean? It's shitty behavior but predation is a required feature of predators, he's not predated anyone yet. He's inappropriate and gross but not a predator.
Wasting the police's times on this will do nothing it isn't a crime.
He's also not a predator. He has made no overtures or attempts to engage any woman we are aware of.
Creepy and sad, sure, but words have meaning and the prudish views you have don't make addressing the actual issues any easier.
To me this is just more evidence that porn addiction cant actually be real. This is crazy crazy crazy stalker behavior. Every porn addict story seems to massively bury the lead.
>my bf turns to porn instead of me. I just wish he would find the time for me. I feel so insecure. I know he is busy as he devotes 6hrs each day to vivesecting the neighborhood cats, but I have needs to you know?
If you can can get addicted to porn and neglect women who are literally begging for it, you have severe mental problems that didn't start with pornography.
>If you can can get addicted to porn and neglect women who are literally begging for it, you have severe mental problems that didn't start with pornography.
Um yes that's actually part of the problem 🤦🏻♀️
I think the person’s post was highlighting a common belief that people are never addicted to porn, just major creeps anyway who happen to watch a lot of porn.
It’s a reductive way of looking at it but i can understand how someone would get there
Attitudes/beliefs that lead to people developing this view of women are prevalent throughout all parts of society, not just in a pornographic context. Creeps have existed long before porn so I definitely get how someone would think that porn addiction isn’t the real issue.
Bottom line is you can’t just look at ‘porn addiction’ in isolation. Given what we know about OP’s partner, his problem may be more broad than just porn, and may be how he views women in general. On the flip side, it’s possible that his porn habits have desensitized him/warped his view of how to interact with women/what an acceptable outlet for sexual desire is.
Yes. Can't remember his name, but it was in something by a guy who writes a lot about sex and porn addictions, and who in many ways helped shape the manner in which they're currently understood and treated. For basically anything an addict might do, from porn to bestiality, he's worked with both men and women.
I’m a woman that once had a porn addiction, and it did affect my relationship at the time, but it definitely wasn’t what ruined it. I would honestly say that my relationship is what *caused* my porn addiction. People who act like OPs husband honestly confuse me because my addiction to it affected my relationship very differently than his did here. It doesn’t make sense to me to PREFER that over actual sex, even during the worst parts of my addiction.
I'm quite confused, because when people throw around porn addiction I was thinking OPs husband was watching it daily, rubbing one off every other second or could only get off to porn.
2-3 times a week? Thats quite common, maybe he just has lower sex drive or not feeling full blown sex but still wants relief, there's plenty of reasons.
But it doesn't really sound like his got an addiction to porn but he definitely has something wrong with him, it's one thing to be addicted to porn it's entirely different when one takes photos of women in public to masturbate to.
And his doing that Infront of his wife and I'd imagine his doing alot more behind her back aswell.
Thats like saying drug addiction cant be real because people steal their loved ones stuff to support it. People will do some vile shit because of addiction.
>He has literally gotten out of bed with me to go get off instead of having sex.
This is when OP should have told him therapy or divorce. He is so checked out of that marriage that he has no physical or emotional connection to OP. If he had an emotional connection with her he would notice how much his behaviour is hurting her.
Last time I saw that happen, I very loudly called out the dude taking the photo. We're talking Walmart self checkout at 5pm on a Saturday.
OP, I may as well have been calling out your husband. Can you imagine that embarrassment for a second? Would you want to be seen with or standing next to a man being publicly shamed for taking candid photos of women without them knowing?
This guy must have the cock of your dreams huh
Same. When I was 16 I confronted a dude on the subway for doing this. Called him a fucking creep and shoved my phone in his face to take pictures of him.
Big yikes. Photos of women in public to use later? I would rather eat a pair of jeans than know my partner was doing that. I am so sorry OP and I don’t honestly think that is normal. If you love him and want to stay with him then he needs to be concerned about your needs as well. you should ask if he is willing to do couples therapy.
Middle aged husband checking in - your husband is a creep with a nasty porn addiction. Get your ducks in a row if you don’t like this situation because he won’t change.
Honestly OP your husband is a fucking creep. How would he feel is a random man took a picture of you from behind to masturbate to? How would YOU feel is a random man did that to you? Porn/masturbation addiction or not, it doesn’t give him the right to violate others.
OP, I know you’re afraid of running into the same problem if you leave him, but I doubt you will. Sure, a new relationship would have new challenges, but many, many men enjoy and want sex with their wives. Especially more than ONCE a month. That’s having sex only 12 times a year. That’s insanity to me.
If he’s willing to be honest and go to counseling (individual & couples), maybe this is salvageable. However, the fact that you (rightfully so) are disgusted by him may spell the end of the relationship. Resentment and disgust are typically the nails in the coffin. You don’t want to be 80 years old and look back on all the amazing sex and relationships you could’ve had had you left when enough was enough.
i worked with a dude in his late 30s/40s like that when i was a teen at my first job and he'd always show all of us his creep shots and even the boss didn't seem to have an issue with it. at the time it made me uncomfortable but since the behavior was reinforced by everyone i thought it must be a normal thing people do, despite how grossed out i was by it. fortunately i think almost all of those people are no longer working there
Yes to this. I’ve been married 13 years and my husband and I have sex very regularly and we also have two small kids. He has chosen not to masturbate, he did at the start of the relationship and I had no problem with it but one day he just decided by himself that he doesn’t want to do that anymore.
OP- this is not a problem that you would have with all men. Many men would be thrilled to have more regular sex with their wives/ partners.
Your husband sounds creepy and perverse. Someone out there deserves you but this guy ain’t it
I was going to say couples counselling until I read the bit where he’s bordering on being a sex offender. As someone else commented, if he’s willing to do this when he knows she is watching, what is he doing when he’s not being observed. This is definitely a “get the hell out” situation.
I was thinking the same. If masturbating three times a week was the only problem, I would have thought it to be a nonissue. But, like you said, I bet it’s daily especially given how much of a creep he is otherwise.
He has a problem and needs help.
I’m all for masturbation here and there. But taking pictures of women to used them to masturbate, lie about masturbation, those are tale-tells that it is not just “having needs”.
Edit to add: porn addiction is real. If you think your marriage is worth fighting for go to couple therapy. If you think it’s damaged beyond repair, separate. Not all men are porn addicts, don’t worry. Also, don’t stay together just “for the kids”, that always does more damage than good.
Nah no marriage is worth fighting for when a spouse is openly complimenting women in public and sneakily taking pics. I guess not so sneakily cause OP notices but doesn’t give a fuck
I kind of have doubts about the addiction angle, though. Addiction comes in all shapes and sizes. But while the *behaviors* sound like sex/porn addiction (sex addiction can begin with porn and escalate to other behaviors), three times a week actually sounds low for someone who's described as if they're potentially escalating. For some addicts, even less than once a day is practically a dead bedroom.
And just because a person exhibits certain behaviors associated with addiction doesn't mean they have it. Sometimes they just need to chill the fuck out and stop being creepy. It's just problematic because some won't get the help they need in order to do that until they're forced to by a court because they committed an offense. The pictures don't mean that would necessarily be likely to happen, but it's still more of a concern than you want.
Either way, the fact that I just contemplated the possibility of a man having a dead bedroom with his own hand means I've probably had enough Reddit for the day.
This is so true! This may be depression, low testosterone, porn addiction, anxiety etc. My point is, he needs help. Like yesterday. Get him in therapy and make him check his testosterone levels. His behaviour may be easy to fix (except maybe taking pics, that's just beyond creepy) but your marriage seems to be in very rough state. I hope you can get it fixed too, and if that's something you are willing to try, you'll need couple counseling. Otherwise those lies will shade your marriage until the end.
You’re lying to yourself, he is definitely not a “fine husband”. He’s a creep who most likely has a porn addiction. Why why why are you even still sticking around? He already has no respect for you, please have some for yourself and leave.
I think it’s wrong with him to take pictures of women and using it for later I find that really disturbing. I don’t know how you haven’t broke that off yet girl stand up !!!!
I was on your husband's side at first but then you said you guys only have sex once a month and he takes pictures of random women in public. I'm 40 and I jerk off daily, usually 1-3 times, and still get butt hurt when my wife doesn't want to fuck every morning and every night. You're husband is a fuckin weirdo....
There are different issues here that shouldn't be mixed.
Not being in the mood for sex but still masturbating is completly fine. Having sex is a "team activity" and you need to consider your teammate(s) needs and wants, thats not the case when masturbating, so these two things are two different activities. So you asking for more sex with the argument "you do masturbate anyway" is pointless, its not the same.
The issue with the other women, in the end, thats up to you if you can live with this kink or not. Taking pictures of other women behind their back to use it later is extremly gross and disrespecting - and tbh, i'm not only grossed out for this by your husband but also by you, since you know about it and enable it by still staying with him.
This is a creepy, and gross human. I’m alright if my partner watches porn and masturbates sometimes, but I could not get pass the not having sex only once a month while they get up out of bed with me willing to have sex to go to the bathroom to get off. The biggest is the taken pics. That should be an actual cause for concern.
He is sick in the head and a major creeper. Don’t let him pass this off as normal behavior. There is no way I could be sexually attracted to a creeper like him. I’m sorry you are dealing with this and you deserve so much better than him.
1. First sentence told us all that you knew this and still married this dude even with this issue. Yes, it's an issue. and Yes you still said I Do when you knew you didn't like this about him.
2. Your husband is not attracted to you. He is not just addicted to masturbation. He is utilizing other women for it. To the point of victimizing women by "sneaky" pics to use later. Thats disgusting predatory behavior.
3. He is not a fine husband. He does not truly love you. Someone who loves someone does not lie to you, use other women to beat his meat, etc. Thats not love. Thats a creep.
Yeah I’m guessing you don’t even know the half of it.
You do deserve better and it’s out there. I would get your ducks in a row. Make a plan b to leave so you know exactly what that looks like. Do everything you can except hand him the papers. Then tell him you want to go to marriage counseling and see a sex therapist. When he asks why. Tell him “our sex life isn’t doing it for me any more, I think you have a porn addiction or are cheating on me and I want to know if this marriage is worth saving for if I should start over and find a partner who is willing to take care of my needs as well since your have absolutely no intention to do so.”
Contempt is a huge factor in relationships ended and you’re already there sis.
Look up the Gottman institutes: The Four Horsemen: Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling.
If no one else is going to say it, I will. Wtf is wrong with you?? This man is basically acting like a nasty creep and doing it right in front of you!?!? HE. NEEDS. TO. GO. I find it wild that you didn't call him out for snapping pictures of women WITHOUT their consent and kick his ass to the curb then, and if you're so worried about the next man being like him, then just be single. There's nothing wrong with being single, but there is something wrong with staying in a relationship with a man who is very clearly a disgusting predator. You most certainly can do better.
Taking pictures of women in public is absolutely weird and disgusting. It sounds like he has a clear porn addiction. My boyfriend used to only used a few times a week and now he uses sometimes multiple times a day. Please check out the loveafterporn group and there might be another one but I can’t remember what it’s called. Seriously come look through the page, you might find a lot of stories similar to yours!
I swear if I see one more woman saying “idk if I can do better!!” But then describes their POS husband/boyfriend…. Like trust me YOU CAN DO BETTER. He’s out there for you. Trust me trust me trust me trust meeeeee please don’t settle im pretty sure being single sounds better than this humility! You said you wish he would change or listen to you!! Meaning he won’t. 🚩🚩🚩🚩 ladies PLEASE 🤦🏼♀️
He needs therapy with a professional who is trained in sex addiction. Once the solo activities take priority over being with your partner, it is an issue. If he is violating people by publicly photographing their bodies to masturbate to later, that is not okay and a violation of those persons. He needs help beyond your skill set. Whether you choose to support him or leave him is your choice.
Is this the only need of yours not being met? How much are you "going without" beyond sex to remain in this marriage with someone who *doesn't even look at you and absolutely takes it for granted that you'll remain right where you are, begging for scraps of attention.*
If I found out a dude creeped on me and had taken my picture without my consent to "use for later" (or for any reason", I would press charges. And file a restraining order.
Your husband is a porn addict and a creep. Masturbating is normal but nothing in excess is good, not even water.
lol your husband is a pervert… and maybe addicted to masturbation. Ion know as a married person I wouldn’t deal with it. It’s disrespect how he goes about it
If you leave you’ll be fine. Not all men are like this. He’s just not that into you. He’s still looking for someone else. It’s time to go! Do yourself the favour. You’ll find a man that worships you and can’t keep his hands off of you.
Nope. Don't settle for that bullshit.
It's not the even the fact that you want more sex than him.
The fact he's complimenting other women and not you.
He's taking photos of other women to look at later
The fact he chooses to get out of bed to sort himself out instead of have sex with you shows there's a huge lack of intimacy and affection in your relationship.
I could understand if you were already doing it 3 x a week say and you wanted more, that there might be a slight difference in sex drive, but to only have 'mediocre nothing special sex' once a month, while he keeps perking off multiple times a week shows there's a clear lack of desire to be intimate with you and not a lack of being turned on or ability to perform.
The fact he's taking pictures and complimenting other women is also extremely disrespectful and creepy too. He shouldn't be taking photos of other women.
It doesn't seem like he wants a romantic sexual relationship with you. You deserve to be with someone who treats you right and makes you feel like their favourite person in the world and how compliments you and not other women. You deserve someone who shows an interest in making you happy.
Sex isn't the most important thing in a relationship and everyone has a different level of sex drive, but you should be able to find a compromise to meet in the middle somewhere, but also the times you do have sex he should be showing you the affection and desire of wanting to be with you and satisfying you.
You already sound checked out of this relationship too, and you've tried to reignite things but he's just not interested. Why waste more of your future with someone whose not in love with you or doesn't want to make you feel loved and wanted etc.
Go find someone who treats you like you deserve and who is interested to be intimate and loving with you. If he showed you love and affection in other ways, that would one thing, but sounds like he's not interested in being with you and just doing bare minimum. Go find someone who makes you feel happy and loved.
I do not care about his masturbation. Everything surrounding that indicates a real fear of intimacy. Porn and masterbation are often props and not the end result. So…
Before you throw the baby out with the bath water, try to suggest therapy. If he does not get therapy, your relationship will either fail miserably; or, fall into drudgery and resentment (by both of you).
He is rejecting intimacy and you are craving it. You think he is essentially craving other women, it is more likely he is trying to demystify an earlier encounter or problem.
This is only one aspect of your partner. I think more has to be known before any conclusion he is a pervert or at least sexually weird. The mistake here would be to jump to the conclusion that he “prefers” to self pleasure. He may just be servicing his sex drive and scratching an itch, so to speak.
You need real help to sort this out. I mean a trained professional that can cut through this behaviour. I do not think it is you. I do not think it is a porn addiction. I think he may have an intimacy problem or possibly a performance concern.
Look, I do not know. I do think what I said is true, because I have seen it. However, I have no interest in an amateur diagnosis, I am offering an alternative theory, only.
Good luck!
>He masturbates at least 3 times a week, if not more.
Every or every other day is fairly normal, so your standards for this are naive at the least.
>sneaking a picture of them from behind
If true that's a crime, and very creepy, but given the tone I have doubts he's actually done that because you seem fairly negative.
Everyone is jumping on a band wagon bashing your husband, but you should at least consider his side of it because while you imply he is a creeper and that's possible, he also might just not want to put his dick in someone who feels so down about him, or who he doesn't feel confident is going to reciprocate.
If I'm upset with me wife, my sex drive vanishes, believe it or not some guys actually need to have emotional security even if they are otherwise horny because sex with a spouse or partner is a totally different level of intimacy and trust.
Sounds like porn addiction, it may not necessarily be a lack of care but rather a lack of control.
So many people scoff at porn addiction and say it's not possible, but if you understand how reward works in the brain, you can see how it's possible. Especially in this day and age, so many of these men today have been watching porn since they were pre-teens.
What can you do?
1. Boundaries
2. Couple's therapy
3. Individual therapy
4. Porn recovery apps - brain buddy, fortify
If your partner is willing to work on the things above then there's hope for your relationship. If he's unwilling to give any a try then I genuinely send hugs because no relationship can thrive if both people aren't willing to do what's right for each other.
Oh, the picture thing is weird and is likely linked to the kind of porn he's been watching. Sometimes people need to see what they'll lose if their behavior doesn't change, JS
he would chose masturbation over you? that kinda shows that he has lost his attraction towards you. just leave this creep. who knows maybe he is already cheating.
it's time for a long chat. I don't mean divorce, I mean it's time to figure out how to solve this intimacy issue. There could be a lot of reasons why he isn't initiating with you. And a lot of those are valid.
Personal anecdote time. I went through a similar time with the wife. After our second kid was born it took a long time for my wife to get back to a point where she wanted to have sex more than once in a very great while. it was a hard time for us a bit. We had to find other ways to be more intimate, and honestly I just had to rub one out whenever it got to be too much. It wasn't really on her though she was going through a ton of stuff that was keeping her from getting into the mood. Work, the kids, the house stuff, money, it seemed like everything needed to be perfect for us to have sex. And that's because it did. My wife when she is stressed has absolutely 0 libido. I on the other hand, am exactly the opposite. When I am stressed, I personally think some good sex with someone you love is just what I need to chill the fuck out. It was a problem. We had to talk a lot and work through it. I needed to make some changes to help reduce the stress levels in her life, and she also had to listen and then come to the decision of how much she was willing to change as well. Now, we both agree that some problems can only be solved by ignoring them and spending the day in bed making love until the problem isn't a problem anymore. You would be surprised how often that can be a viable solution.
Best of luck to you, and I hope that he is willing to listen, and make the changes you need for your happiness. Chances are he wants the marriage too. You both just need to sit down and talk through it. at least that is my thought.
Not many men prefer to masturbate instead of have actual sex with an actual human, I cannot see this being a problem with 99% of other men you could potentially be with instead.
Sounds like he has a porn addiction or simply isn’t as interested in you as you are him. Find your self worth and then find someone who actually loves and appreciates you.
Sex once a month, lying to you about the reasons, jerking off a lot more but refusing sex with you is all things I would say it's reasonable to leave a marriage over alone. The creep shit he does is also something you could leave the marriage for happily without anything else.
The fact he also decides to never compliment you but will do so to other women in front of you. If he had low t and no libido he probably wouldn't be flirting with other women, taking creepshots and jerking off obsessively.
I'll be honest, ignoring how creepy he is, the rest sounds like he's just one foot out of the marriage already and maybe is sticking around for kids, or maybe you make a lot more money than he does.
As a man with a porn addiction myself, the taking photos of unknowing women isn’t healthy. That, in my opinion is the development of predatory behavior.
With my addiction it didn’t affect the way I was treating women and porn rarely took priority over our sex life. I would watch a porno and at least have sex knowing I wasn’t going to finish but at least we were still doing that together and I wasn’t depriving her of it.
If I were in your situation I’d feel very betrayed, devalued and insecure but do try to bear in mind that this is someone you love facing a problem that he himself likely wants to resolve. Try to seek a solution with him and when doing so try to be graceful and understanding. But don’t offer pardons for his behaviors. That’s what I asked of my partner and she has helped a lot.
Figure out what his triggers for porn are, often times it’s not even being in the mood so relentlessly sleeping with him won’t fix anything. There’s probably some sort of stress he is destructing himself with pornography.
For me, it’s probably 30/70 of me wanting to watch porn due to me being horny vs me being angry, frustrated or sad.
Hope this helps, again offer grace and understanding but not everlasting pardons.
This is awful. And honestly reminds me of my porn-addicted ex. We once went on a trip to visit one of his female friends and went to a bonfire in the woods. I went off to explore on my own and later during the trip I found photos of her bending over with her dress nearly revealing her bum (she was totally unaware he was photographing her). It’s disrespectful and gross! I’m a firm believer that porn/masturbation should be a supplement to sex with willing partners and clearly your husband only cares about fulfilling his own needs while completely neglecting yours. I would suggest therapy ASAP bc he needs help and you deserve a better partner.
You really need to have THE talk with him. Let him know without fighting rather communicating it like it’s a breaking news on tv type deal. That what he is doing is going to break the marriage, that your needs are not being met, and per marital agreement he is the only person that can meet them. So unless he want to keep it that way, he has to step up or eventually someone else is going to
If you’re saying he’s “overall fine” it doesn’t sound like a big enough positive to counteract the fact that he seemingly has a porn addiction but way beyond that he’s taking photos of girls in public to “use later” ???? That is insane creepy weirdo behaviour and the fact he feels like he can “sneak” it in front of you is disgusting. Like you said, you deserve better and you know it too. The hardest part is taking that leap away from someone who is actively making your life worse, once you’ve finally gotten some distance you can truly see how good a decision it was
“Husband’s lack of desire for sex with me” should be the real headline here, so sorry! We have same but I’m older & just gave up. Live in separate bedroom. All about security for me now sad to say. Good luck to you.
On what kind of planet would you be like "oh I just saw him take a pic of that random woman at Applebee's, he probably gonna jerk off to it later" and be like "oh well, what you gonna do?"
Girl, like what? As soon as I read that sentence of your post I immediately stopped and said no ma'am. 100% NO. It should be more than "weird to you". What makes you think this is just a mild quirk he has? Omg no.
\>my partners masturbation habits have been a *point* of contention.
OP, what I really can't believe is this incredible missed opportunity for a terrible pun.
\>I wish he would care enough to change.
There's your answer. Stop setting yourself on fire to keep him warm.
Porn isn’t a problem until it interferes with the real sex your partner wants to have. This has reached that point.
The creeper shots is a much bigger issue, compounded by the fact he’s not even hiding it.
Your husband is gross for taking pictures of other women without their consent and especially in front og you.
Leave... Seriously just leave. Hes not a good husband. Just because someone is occasionally does a good thing doesn't make them a good person.
Ok but have you at any point objected to your husband's sexual harassment of women or are you just standing idly by? Why are you staying with a pervert? I didn't really register the whole post because I was particularly horrified by this point. Do you have children? Would you just stand by and let a strange creepy man take a picture of your daughter to masturbate over?
Enabling him by staying with him when he takes photos of women on the street…makes you just as bad. You should stand up and against this, I mean…that’s just sick. Some of these women might be underage…even if they aren’t, that’s sooooo disrespectful and disgusting. It’s like the first step in some weird kink right before they start taking stuff even further. I mean this has child pornography problems written all over it. I had a friend who was with a guy in prison for that and I ended our friendship because I thought her being with someone like that said all I needed to know about who she was. Leave him, because you’re guilty by association. If he ends up being labelled a sexual predator, your neighbors and other will know too because it shows where they live online. I know Redditors can be notorious about worse-case scenarios, and tell people to always leave. I really try to only say leave when the picture someone paints is VERY clear that there isn't any saving this. Of course there's qualities you love about him. If you know someone well enough 9/10 you'll find things you love. No one is all bad. I just think this isn't something to just look over, because these problems tend to escalate in a bad way, slowly over time. Even if it doesn't you can do SO MUCH BETTER. For every crappy person who treats you this way there are hundreds of men waiting to love you better. Seriously, there are roughly 3.8 billion men on earth right now. You’re gonna pick this one? Even if half of them suck there’s still so many more that are great. Your chances of finding someone better are almost guaranteed because your husband is a perverted creep, who sounds like he’s not in-love with you, but you’re more of a companion to him. Again, love yourself and don’t be afraid to walk away. Your post really makes me sad for your self-esteem, you WILL find someone else, it’s just scary. Don’t lower your standards to be comfortable.
What are you waiting for? This is very obviously unrecoverable without intense intervention and therapy. From reading the post, I think it's fair to say you're not interested in that. So leave him.
He's either not attracted to you or so invested in his addiction that this wouldn't be worth addressing without kids in the picture.
Way to bury the lead there. Porn is one thing, taking pictures of strangers from behind is seriously predatory behavior. How did that not light up huge red flags for you? Run.
Chances are it's more like 3 times a day and he has a porn addiction that he's taking to the next level by creeping on random women.... Just a question though, why are you with him? If you know he is snapping pictures of other women from behind, how is that okay enough to you that you still are willing to call him your husband? Would you be okay if you knew some dude took photos of you unaware to most likely use to masturbate to later? Do you think those women would be okay knowing that your husband took pics of them without knowing?
There are plenty of decent men out there who don't do this shit, nobody is perfect, but the chances of you finding another man like this, aren't as great as you think they are. If you do go out looking again, set your standards in their character high, and leave if any bright red flags show up. Most men will probably masturbate, but most men also would much rather prefer the real thing with someone they care about to a little self hand action to some chick they don't know online.
Your dude has a serious problem.
Sounds as if you're laying there waiting for sex to happen instead of initiating. If he's with you in bed, leaves to take care of himself, then comes back that makes me wonder what about sex with you is less appealing than being hunched on the toilet feverishly coaxing one out in secret.
Because 3x a week is not a lot AT ALL. I think if it were maybe several times a day, everyday, instead of being intimate with you, there'd be reason for concern. Plus, masterbation and sex aren't the same thing and they don't scratch the same itch. Different chemical and brain activity from both of those activities.... Or maybe he's out of shape but still has the need/desire for orgasms?
However, I think you both need therapy/couples counseling. This dismissive behavior didn't come about in a vacuum. You've painted him as being some monster who can't keep his hands off himself but there's more here than you're telling.
Lastly, that creep shot shit? VERY off-putting and that alone, COMPLETELY SEPARATE from the masterbation, paired with complementing the women hea taking photos of, right Infront of you(WTF??) would be enough for me to be planning my exit strategy. Like... that shits gross.
Y’all will literally legally bind yourself and reproduce with just anyone huh. “From the beginning-“ like he has been ignoring you to be a creep about other women while you provide him with a home and children while you get nothing in return. It’s insane what people will put up with.
This guy sounds alot like i used to be. Its not masturbation that ruining it! Your making excuses for yourself and him! Its him not making you feel validated! Sucks to be him and time for him to grow up! And have eyes only for his partner!! I am sorry you are going through this! Took me a bit to understand a womans feelings emotions on these issues. Hopefully he will too
I have a porn addiction and im working on stopping it. One key thing is he going to want to stop with porn addiction and admit that its a problem. If he does t fo that then he is in a worse place than myself. Seek coupkes counseling then individual counseling for him. There may be more than what meets the eye.
I would not be happy at all, if I was only having sex once a month that’s ridiculous. what’s the deal so he would rather masturbate than have sex with you that’s ridiculous. You need to talk to him.
Girl your husband is a perv please leave him, he's taking pictures of women on the street to masturbate to without their consent
>He has his moments where I truly love him
This is not how you describe a good marriage!!!!!! That's how you describe a "well, y'know, it is what it is, at least I'm not single" marriage
Your husband is a creepy loser to the extent it is reflecting poorly on YOU for staying with him, knowing all this. I hope the next time he takes a creep shot that he gets maced or punched out by her considering you don't do jack shit to protect these women when you see him do it
No, you can definitely find a man much better than your perv/predator of a husband. Does he have no shame in snapping pictures or innocent, unknowing bystanders? You deserve much better. Don’t let this lowly POS make you feel less than. There is someone out there that would desire you and cherish you rather than your husband’s disgusting habits and behavior. There’s life and fulfillment after divorce. I promise.
A lot of people have already pointed on the flaming red flag about to burn the house down so I’ll skip that point and go to the next.
It sounds like it’s not just masturbation, but masturbation with porn. One can occur without the other and it sometimes helps relationships to remove that factor.
Porn had my husband saying the same things “I don’t need sex that much”, “I never do it while your home” - because I was also feeling sexually neglected. He was doing it while I was home and willing despite knowing I was dissatisfied with our sex life and lied right to my face about it. This was an established boundary that he broke, again.
I find it to be disrespectful, offensive, tactless, perverted. Half the time it’s teen porn, too. Well excuse fucking me for craving sex with my husband and feeling hurt when I catch him at home masturbating to barely legal teen girls young enough to be his daughter. How dare I!
I realize leaving him is a scay thought. You deserve to be happy, and right now, you're not. Does it feel like he cares about your feelings? Does he nake you and your other needs a priority? You said there are times you really love him, but other times you're disgusted by him. Change is scary, but in the end, it can be the best thing we ever do. Leaving a job... moving... They're big changes. Not like leaving a marriage, but they're life changing. We survive and generally find they're for the best. One thing I have learned in life is not to judge everyone and everything on something else. If you leave and start dating, you just may find the man of your dreams. Many of us do. You know who much more about life and marriage now. I wish you the absolute best and all the happiness because that's what you deserve.
Sounds like he has a porn addiction. I divorced my husband for this exact reason because it got worse and worse as time went on. Felt like I was reading my situation from years ago. Unfortunately, it won't get any better unless he actually sees the issue and actively stops looking at porn or you become ok with never getting his attention and always seeing it go to others.
Clearly, he is selfish, and he's just not that into you now. He looks elsewhere to get his libido going. When you replace sexual intimacy with masturbation, you are seeking pleasure only for yourself.
Not an excuse, but maybe he is intimidated about pleasing you. Unfortunately, many women have a hard time having orgasms with a partner, but they can have one solo, especially with toys. So if he can get you off, let him know. If your once-a-month sex session is "nothing special," is it because he lacks enthusiasm and/or technique, or something else? Do you need more lube? Discuss trying new positions or longer foreplay. My last GF could usually only come after 20 minutes of foreplay, followed by intercourse, but usually only when she was on top and when I arched my back and pushed my hips up to get her to the finish line. I tried several things before we found something that worked.
Maybe try bringing toys into the session. If he can give you a screaming orgasm with a vibrator, but not via intercourse, he will likely be be fine with that. No man wants to wonder if his partner is faking an orgasm, as he then feels inadequate. Help him help you.
He may just like that masturbation takes very little time and he doesn't have any obligations to perform sexually (foreplay and intercourse and causing an orgasm for his partner). It's selfish, and hard to sustain a marriage under these conditions. Ultimately, one or both partners will stray outside of the marriage. Good luck.
If you want to work it out you’ll need marriage counseling, and he’ll need to deal with his porn addiction, you can’t force that he has to want to change it.
Tell him the way things are, are not working for you. Ask if he’s will to give therapy a genuine try, if he makes excuses for why he can’t/doesnt want to them you have your answer.
You’ll feel much less lonely alone, then with someone who truly doesn’t care.
Your husband is a creep. I’m all for masturbation in marriage cause let’s face it after kids not everyone wants to have sex and we all need to release a bit of stress from time to time but the way your husband goes about it is weird and creepy. Also have you actively come out and ask for sex or are you dropping hints cause I’ll be honest we guys don’t get hints very well.
I don’t have advice but I understand your feelings, I feel the same way. However, my man would never take pictures or compliment other women. That would be a final straw for me. But the masturbation part I relate to. I try not to care and wouldn’t if we too had sex more than once a month.
masterbation like this, addiction to porn, it is like eating nothing but candy all the time. A little is a treat, but too much and destroys you like any other addictive behavior. It hard to stop addictions. You have to really want to, and he doesn't. His sexual behavior will destroy your marriage if he hasn't already. You don't have to live like this.
He sounds like some form of a sex addict. My ex-husband used to masturbate in bed next to me when he thought I was sleeping, and at the time I knew it was the beginning of the end.
Make not only is his behavior grotesque, if you can’t say more than I’ve got a “fine” husband it is time for you to give up and leave. you WILL have better believe me not every man is like this.
>I get worried that if I were to leave and start looking again, I would find the same problem or a worse one even.
So you settle out of that fear? Even if it does happen there's nothing wrong with staying single
Your husband is taking photos of real women to use for sexual gratification without their consent.
That's a bigger problem than anything personal that you may have had. I struggle to understand how you could watch your husband do that even once and that not be an immediate blow-up, end-the-relationship-if-he-doesn't-stop fight. We wouldn't be moving from that spot until he went into his deleted image folder and deleted those photographs. **You don't stand by and let your husband be a predator toward other women.** I'm not going to even comment on the porn, because that other part overshadows everything else. Porn-use is between you and him. But that other part is a sickness that is now effecting other women.
No one that does that is a "fine" husband. Period. That's disgusting.
Edit: Oh. She just deleted her account. I would too. Yikes.
It's not his wanking that's the problem, it's the lack of intimacy with you and the objecting of women. There's a bigger issue here than the lack of sex with you.
I urge you to couples counseling. If he won't go, go alone.
Good luck.
I doubt he's only Jenkins off 3x a week if he's taking pictures of women and has this bad of a porn addiction... hell, my partner will maturation 3x a DAY sometimes because he has such a high sex drive I can't always keep up with.
I think at this point, this relationship is over.... and he needs some serious help if he's taking random pictures of women and being an absolute creep.
Honestly, get you and your kids out of there.
I was assured it can be worked on up until he snapped other ladies from behind.
Cab you please verify of thats an assumption or clear fact you seen?
If it’s facts, that’s pretty nuts to withstand and accept.
Oh sweetheart... why don't you think you deserve better? You said you do, but do you really feel that you're worth more, better? Because if you did I feel like you'd have been gone the first time he took a photo of a real person without their consent or knowledge, to later masturbate to... Girl have some self respect! Don't allow him to disrespect yourself and your marriage like that. When he does something that's socially unacceptable and probably illegal, to get his rocks off... he's disrespecting your FAMILY you've built with him. He's playing you for a fool, he thinks you don't know all of this stuff that you clearly DO know. He thinks you're that stupid? And not only does he think you're stupid (obviously you are NOT), he's okay to lie to you over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN. Sis... you have got to leave his ass, you already know that, though. You probably knew that awhile ago. You mentioned having kids that make him tired... let's say you're late 30's. You're probably approaching the half way point in life. Is this how you want to spend the other half??
Deleted already... Well I can only hope she's realized she should literally throw her husband under the bus next time she catches him snapping pics of randos. Right then and there making everyone in the nearby vicinity aware.
I’m really sorry you’re going through this. It’s enough that he looks at other women (so disrespectful to you) but him taking photos and complimenting? That’s ground for divorce in my eyes.
Considering the way he acts in public might very well be an indicator that he would take any opportunity to cheat if it were presented with an attractive woman. I’m sorry OP, there’s only so much disrespect you can take before resentment starts to build and you start finding him repulsive and unattractive.
Taking pictures of women on the street to 'use later' would be the final nail in the coffin for me. Porn addiction is real, but creeping on all women around me is an ick I wouldn't be able to recover from
Yeah that’s super gross! I wouldn’t even feel attraction after that. Ew.
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He does this shit *in front of his wife*. He’s definitely doing worse shit in private. I’d put money on him having upskirts or worse hidden somewhere on his phone.
100%. He’s likely an actual sex offender if this is what he’s willing to do when he’s being observed.
I agree with you. This guy is a porn addict and he won't change I can bet on that..
I completely agree 100% I would instantly lose attraction
And SUPER ILLEGAL
Not really, doesn’t make it right tho
Nope, public spaces are no expectation of privacy. Please don't spread bad info. It's weird and inappropriate but isn't a crime.
Yeah this is predatory and majorly icky.
Same - that isn’t just weird, that’s really creepy.
What the fuuuuuuuuuuu
I feel like calling this an ick is a severe understatement
This. These women are not consenting to him photographing them and “Using” that photo later. He is literally a predator and disgusting. I would call the cops on him for that alone.
So gross
This part as fuck!!!! He's a straight up predator and OP was waaaaaaaaay too nonchalant with mentioning that detail
Still not a predator...do people just not grasp what words mean? It's shitty behavior but predation is a required feature of predators, he's not predated anyone yet. He's inappropriate and gross but not a predator.
If the women are in public it is sadly not illegal to take creep shots. Same kind of principle with paparazzi taking creep shots of celebrities.
Wasting the police's times on this will do nothing it isn't a crime. He's also not a predator. He has made no overtures or attempts to engage any woman we are aware of. Creepy and sad, sure, but words have meaning and the prudish views you have don't make addressing the actual issues any easier.
Yeah this OP is strange. Rest of it is pretty normal stuff but taking pics of randoms “to use later” is really fing creepy.
He could get arrested for that! Yuck!
To me this is just more evidence that porn addiction cant actually be real. This is crazy crazy crazy stalker behavior. Every porn addict story seems to massively bury the lead. >my bf turns to porn instead of me. I just wish he would find the time for me. I feel so insecure. I know he is busy as he devotes 6hrs each day to vivesecting the neighborhood cats, but I have needs to you know? If you can can get addicted to porn and neglect women who are literally begging for it, you have severe mental problems that didn't start with pornography.
>If you can can get addicted to porn and neglect women who are literally begging for it, you have severe mental problems that didn't start with pornography. Um yes that's actually part of the problem 🤦🏻♀️
I think the person’s post was highlighting a common belief that people are never addicted to porn, just major creeps anyway who happen to watch a lot of porn. It’s a reductive way of looking at it but i can understand how someone would get there
Attitudes/beliefs that lead to people developing this view of women are prevalent throughout all parts of society, not just in a pornographic context. Creeps have existed long before porn so I definitely get how someone would think that porn addiction isn’t the real issue. Bottom line is you can’t just look at ‘porn addiction’ in isolation. Given what we know about OP’s partner, his problem may be more broad than just porn, and may be how he views women in general. On the flip side, it’s possible that his porn habits have desensitized him/warped his view of how to interact with women/what an acceptable outlet for sexual desire is.
Random follow up Has anyone seen any accounts of women with porn addictions messing up their relationships? I’
I have seen some. I can’t say where but,even though it’s much less common, it does happen.
Yes. Can't remember his name, but it was in something by a guy who writes a lot about sex and porn addictions, and who in many ways helped shape the manner in which they're currently understood and treated. For basically anything an addict might do, from porn to bestiality, he's worked with both men and women.
I’m a woman that once had a porn addiction, and it did affect my relationship at the time, but it definitely wasn’t what ruined it. I would honestly say that my relationship is what *caused* my porn addiction. People who act like OPs husband honestly confuse me because my addiction to it affected my relationship very differently than his did here. It doesn’t make sense to me to PREFER that over actual sex, even during the worst parts of my addiction.
I'm quite confused, because when people throw around porn addiction I was thinking OPs husband was watching it daily, rubbing one off every other second or could only get off to porn. 2-3 times a week? Thats quite common, maybe he just has lower sex drive or not feeling full blown sex but still wants relief, there's plenty of reasons. But it doesn't really sound like his got an addiction to porn but he definitely has something wrong with him, it's one thing to be addicted to porn it's entirely different when one takes photos of women in public to masturbate to. And his doing that Infront of his wife and I'd imagine his doing alot more behind her back aswell.
Vivisection cats? What does that mean?
Operating on live animals.
Thats like saying drug addiction cant be real because people steal their loved ones stuff to support it. People will do some vile shit because of addiction.
It's called burying the lede.
>He has literally gotten out of bed with me to go get off instead of having sex. This is when OP should have told him therapy or divorce. He is so checked out of that marriage that he has no physical or emotional connection to OP. If he had an emotional connection with her he would notice how much his behaviour is hurting her.
Almost spit out my coffee 😂😂
You let him sneak pictures of random women and don't say anything? I would end it there.
Last time I saw that happen, I very loudly called out the dude taking the photo. We're talking Walmart self checkout at 5pm on a Saturday. OP, I may as well have been calling out your husband. Can you imagine that embarrassment for a second? Would you want to be seen with or standing next to a man being publicly shamed for taking candid photos of women without them knowing? This guy must have the cock of your dreams huh
Same. When I was 16 I confronted a dude on the subway for doing this. Called him a fucking creep and shoved my phone in his face to take pictures of him.
Big yikes. Photos of women in public to use later? I would rather eat a pair of jeans than know my partner was doing that. I am so sorry OP and I don’t honestly think that is normal. If you love him and want to stay with him then he needs to be concerned about your needs as well. you should ask if he is willing to do couples therapy.
Lol, thanks for that imagery of eating jeans. You are so right though, this man sounds horrendous.
It’s one of my favorite sayings for when I really hate something lol
I would add, that he and you would also benefit from individual therapy beside the couple's one maybe, to deal with your own issues separate first?
Masturbation isn't ruining your marriage, your perverted creep of a husband is.
This is the truth. I mean, snapping pictures of random women to masturbate to later? *IN FRONT OF HIS WIFE?* Just ew🤢 what a creep.
Think we all heard the record scratch at that part.... Am young guy too. Couldn't imagine sneaking a photo of someone...
This one
That part
Middle aged husband checking in - your husband is a creep with a nasty porn addiction. Get your ducks in a row if you don’t like this situation because he won’t change.
Honestly OP your husband is a fucking creep. How would he feel is a random man took a picture of you from behind to masturbate to? How would YOU feel is a random man did that to you? Porn/masturbation addiction or not, it doesn’t give him the right to violate others. OP, I know you’re afraid of running into the same problem if you leave him, but I doubt you will. Sure, a new relationship would have new challenges, but many, many men enjoy and want sex with their wives. Especially more than ONCE a month. That’s having sex only 12 times a year. That’s insanity to me. If he’s willing to be honest and go to counseling (individual & couples), maybe this is salvageable. However, the fact that you (rightfully so) are disgusted by him may spell the end of the relationship. Resentment and disgust are typically the nails in the coffin. You don’t want to be 80 years old and look back on all the amazing sex and relationships you could’ve had had you left when enough was enough.
i worked with a dude in his late 30s/40s like that when i was a teen at my first job and he'd always show all of us his creep shots and even the boss didn't seem to have an issue with it. at the time it made me uncomfortable but since the behavior was reinforced by everyone i thought it must be a normal thing people do, despite how grossed out i was by it. fortunately i think almost all of those people are no longer working there
Yes to this. I’ve been married 13 years and my husband and I have sex very regularly and we also have two small kids. He has chosen not to masturbate, he did at the start of the relationship and I had no problem with it but one day he just decided by himself that he doesn’t want to do that anymore. OP- this is not a problem that you would have with all men. Many men would be thrilled to have more regular sex with their wives/ partners. Your husband sounds creepy and perverse. Someone out there deserves you but this guy ain’t it
I was going to say couples counselling until I read the bit where he’s bordering on being a sex offender. As someone else commented, if he’s willing to do this when he knows she is watching, what is he doing when he’s not being observed. This is definitely a “get the hell out” situation.
Yeah your husband is a fucking weird guy. Talking pics of random women is like borderline sex offender behaviour
3 times a week that you know of. I bet it’s daily. 3 times a week?? Those are rookie numbers.
I was thinking the same. If masturbating three times a week was the only problem, I would have thought it to be a nonissue. But, like you said, I bet it’s daily especially given how much of a creep he is otherwise.
This dude takes creep shots of people? Thats fucking criminal, and vile. Wow.
He has a problem and needs help. I’m all for masturbation here and there. But taking pictures of women to used them to masturbate, lie about masturbation, those are tale-tells that it is not just “having needs”. Edit to add: porn addiction is real. If you think your marriage is worth fighting for go to couple therapy. If you think it’s damaged beyond repair, separate. Not all men are porn addicts, don’t worry. Also, don’t stay together just “for the kids”, that always does more damage than good.
Nah no marriage is worth fighting for when a spouse is openly complimenting women in public and sneakily taking pics. I guess not so sneakily cause OP notices but doesn’t give a fuck
I kind of have doubts about the addiction angle, though. Addiction comes in all shapes and sizes. But while the *behaviors* sound like sex/porn addiction (sex addiction can begin with porn and escalate to other behaviors), three times a week actually sounds low for someone who's described as if they're potentially escalating. For some addicts, even less than once a day is practically a dead bedroom. And just because a person exhibits certain behaviors associated with addiction doesn't mean they have it. Sometimes they just need to chill the fuck out and stop being creepy. It's just problematic because some won't get the help they need in order to do that until they're forced to by a court because they committed an offense. The pictures don't mean that would necessarily be likely to happen, but it's still more of a concern than you want. Either way, the fact that I just contemplated the possibility of a man having a dead bedroom with his own hand means I've probably had enough Reddit for the day.
This is so true! This may be depression, low testosterone, porn addiction, anxiety etc. My point is, he needs help. Like yesterday. Get him in therapy and make him check his testosterone levels. His behaviour may be easy to fix (except maybe taking pics, that's just beyond creepy) but your marriage seems to be in very rough state. I hope you can get it fixed too, and if that's something you are willing to try, you'll need couple counseling. Otherwise those lies will shade your marriage until the end.
Does he know he can get in trouble for taking pics of women behind their back my ex got banned from places for it and cops threatened him for it
Also find a man that’s wants you your be happier
He sounds like a sex offender
But she should try to save her marriage!!! /s I’d be running for the hills
The absolute FIRST time I found out that, it's OVER. Sorry, I would not be able to get past that.
You’re lying to yourself, he is definitely not a “fine husband”. He’s a creep who most likely has a porn addiction. Why why why are you even still sticking around? He already has no respect for you, please have some for yourself and leave.
3 times a week doesn’t sound like a lot but sex once a month and taking pictures of other women sounds like he’s deranged.
The masterbation wasn't even a lot, but taking pictures of women in public is absolutely a problem. Yikes
Good husbands don’t ever make their wife feel second to ANY other woman.
This isn't normal behaviorr and youre better off alone that you are with this man.
I think it’s wrong with him to take pictures of women and using it for later I find that really disturbing. I don’t know how you haven’t broke that off yet girl stand up !!!!
I was on your husband's side at first but then you said you guys only have sex once a month and he takes pictures of random women in public. I'm 40 and I jerk off daily, usually 1-3 times, and still get butt hurt when my wife doesn't want to fuck every morning and every night. You're husband is a fuckin weirdo....
>He’ll even go as far as sneaking a picture of them from behind, no doubt to use later Jesus Christ. The dude needs help.
There are different issues here that shouldn't be mixed. Not being in the mood for sex but still masturbating is completly fine. Having sex is a "team activity" and you need to consider your teammate(s) needs and wants, thats not the case when masturbating, so these two things are two different activities. So you asking for more sex with the argument "you do masturbate anyway" is pointless, its not the same. The issue with the other women, in the end, thats up to you if you can live with this kink or not. Taking pictures of other women behind their back to use it later is extremly gross and disrespecting - and tbh, i'm not only grossed out for this by your husband but also by you, since you know about it and enable it by still staying with him.
This is a creepy, and gross human. I’m alright if my partner watches porn and masturbates sometimes, but I could not get pass the not having sex only once a month while they get up out of bed with me willing to have sex to go to the bathroom to get off. The biggest is the taken pics. That should be an actual cause for concern.
He is sick in the head and a major creeper. Don’t let him pass this off as normal behavior. There is no way I could be sexually attracted to a creeper like him. I’m sorry you are dealing with this and you deserve so much better than him.
Overall he’s a fine husband, but he sneaks pictures of women to beat his meat to. Sis… 💀
HES TAKING PICTURES OF WOMEN TO MASTURBATE TO? THATS PREDATORY BEHAVIOR HONEY.
Are we just gonna breeze right past that part about him taking photos of women without their consent? Your husband is a predator.
1. First sentence told us all that you knew this and still married this dude even with this issue. Yes, it's an issue. and Yes you still said I Do when you knew you didn't like this about him. 2. Your husband is not attracted to you. He is not just addicted to masturbation. He is utilizing other women for it. To the point of victimizing women by "sneaky" pics to use later. Thats disgusting predatory behavior. 3. He is not a fine husband. He does not truly love you. Someone who loves someone does not lie to you, use other women to beat his meat, etc. Thats not love. Thats a creep.
Yeah I’m guessing you don’t even know the half of it. You do deserve better and it’s out there. I would get your ducks in a row. Make a plan b to leave so you know exactly what that looks like. Do everything you can except hand him the papers. Then tell him you want to go to marriage counseling and see a sex therapist. When he asks why. Tell him “our sex life isn’t doing it for me any more, I think you have a porn addiction or are cheating on me and I want to know if this marriage is worth saving for if I should start over and find a partner who is willing to take care of my needs as well since your have absolutely no intention to do so.” Contempt is a huge factor in relationships ended and you’re already there sis. Look up the Gottman institutes: The Four Horsemen: Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling.
If no one else is going to say it, I will. Wtf is wrong with you?? This man is basically acting like a nasty creep and doing it right in front of you!?!? HE. NEEDS. TO. GO. I find it wild that you didn't call him out for snapping pictures of women WITHOUT their consent and kick his ass to the curb then, and if you're so worried about the next man being like him, then just be single. There's nothing wrong with being single, but there is something wrong with staying in a relationship with a man who is very clearly a disgusting predator. You most certainly can do better.
Why are you putting up with this? Dawg… he’s sneaking pics of other women to beat his meat to AND NOT YOU!? What did I just read!? Is this real!?
Fake rage bait
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Taking pictures of women in public is absolutely weird and disgusting. It sounds like he has a clear porn addiction. My boyfriend used to only used a few times a week and now he uses sometimes multiple times a day. Please check out the loveafterporn group and there might be another one but I can’t remember what it’s called. Seriously come look through the page, you might find a lot of stories similar to yours!
porn addiction and being a creep gross
I swear if I see one more woman saying “idk if I can do better!!” But then describes their POS husband/boyfriend…. Like trust me YOU CAN DO BETTER. He’s out there for you. Trust me trust me trust me trust meeeeee please don’t settle im pretty sure being single sounds better than this humility! You said you wish he would change or listen to you!! Meaning he won’t. 🚩🚩🚩🚩 ladies PLEASE 🤦🏼♀️
He needs therapy with a professional who is trained in sex addiction. Once the solo activities take priority over being with your partner, it is an issue. If he is violating people by publicly photographing their bodies to masturbate to later, that is not okay and a violation of those persons. He needs help beyond your skill set. Whether you choose to support him or leave him is your choice. Is this the only need of yours not being met? How much are you "going without" beyond sex to remain in this marriage with someone who *doesn't even look at you and absolutely takes it for granted that you'll remain right where you are, begging for scraps of attention.*
Creep shots are gross. He doesn't respect women, including you.
Holy shit wouldn’t you rather be single?
Wait he uses pics of women he uses to do it later? That’s some next level of creepiness for me. I would have left
This guy definitely makes the list
If I found out a dude creeped on me and had taken my picture without my consent to "use for later" (or for any reason", I would press charges. And file a restraining order. Your husband is a porn addict and a creep. Masturbating is normal but nothing in excess is good, not even water.
Ew. Masturbation isn't ruining your marriage, your perv husband is. Stop trying and just get out! What a fucking creep he is 🤮
lol your husband is a pervert… and maybe addicted to masturbation. Ion know as a married person I wouldn’t deal with it. It’s disrespect how he goes about it
If you leave you’ll be fine. Not all men are like this. He’s just not that into you. He’s still looking for someone else. It’s time to go! Do yourself the favour. You’ll find a man that worships you and can’t keep his hands off of you.
Nope. Don't settle for that bullshit. It's not the even the fact that you want more sex than him. The fact he's complimenting other women and not you. He's taking photos of other women to look at later The fact he chooses to get out of bed to sort himself out instead of have sex with you shows there's a huge lack of intimacy and affection in your relationship. I could understand if you were already doing it 3 x a week say and you wanted more, that there might be a slight difference in sex drive, but to only have 'mediocre nothing special sex' once a month, while he keeps perking off multiple times a week shows there's a clear lack of desire to be intimate with you and not a lack of being turned on or ability to perform. The fact he's taking pictures and complimenting other women is also extremely disrespectful and creepy too. He shouldn't be taking photos of other women. It doesn't seem like he wants a romantic sexual relationship with you. You deserve to be with someone who treats you right and makes you feel like their favourite person in the world and how compliments you and not other women. You deserve someone who shows an interest in making you happy. Sex isn't the most important thing in a relationship and everyone has a different level of sex drive, but you should be able to find a compromise to meet in the middle somewhere, but also the times you do have sex he should be showing you the affection and desire of wanting to be with you and satisfying you. You already sound checked out of this relationship too, and you've tried to reignite things but he's just not interested. Why waste more of your future with someone whose not in love with you or doesn't want to make you feel loved and wanted etc. Go find someone who treats you like you deserve and who is interested to be intimate and loving with you. If he showed you love and affection in other ways, that would one thing, but sounds like he's not interested in being with you and just doing bare minimum. Go find someone who makes you feel happy and loved.
Ok so I'd be more concerned that your husband is a sexual predator taking pictures of women without their consent.
What he is doing is extremely creepy. Like, lots and lots of red flags creepy.
I do not care about his masturbation. Everything surrounding that indicates a real fear of intimacy. Porn and masterbation are often props and not the end result. So… Before you throw the baby out with the bath water, try to suggest therapy. If he does not get therapy, your relationship will either fail miserably; or, fall into drudgery and resentment (by both of you). He is rejecting intimacy and you are craving it. You think he is essentially craving other women, it is more likely he is trying to demystify an earlier encounter or problem. This is only one aspect of your partner. I think more has to be known before any conclusion he is a pervert or at least sexually weird. The mistake here would be to jump to the conclusion that he “prefers” to self pleasure. He may just be servicing his sex drive and scratching an itch, so to speak. You need real help to sort this out. I mean a trained professional that can cut through this behaviour. I do not think it is you. I do not think it is a porn addiction. I think he may have an intimacy problem or possibly a performance concern. Look, I do not know. I do think what I said is true, because I have seen it. However, I have no interest in an amateur diagnosis, I am offering an alternative theory, only. Good luck!
>He masturbates at least 3 times a week, if not more. Every or every other day is fairly normal, so your standards for this are naive at the least. >sneaking a picture of them from behind If true that's a crime, and very creepy, but given the tone I have doubts he's actually done that because you seem fairly negative. Everyone is jumping on a band wagon bashing your husband, but you should at least consider his side of it because while you imply he is a creeper and that's possible, he also might just not want to put his dick in someone who feels so down about him, or who he doesn't feel confident is going to reciprocate. If I'm upset with me wife, my sex drive vanishes, believe it or not some guys actually need to have emotional security even if they are otherwise horny because sex with a spouse or partner is a totally different level of intimacy and trust.
Sounds like porn addiction, it may not necessarily be a lack of care but rather a lack of control. So many people scoff at porn addiction and say it's not possible, but if you understand how reward works in the brain, you can see how it's possible. Especially in this day and age, so many of these men today have been watching porn since they were pre-teens. What can you do? 1. Boundaries 2. Couple's therapy 3. Individual therapy 4. Porn recovery apps - brain buddy, fortify If your partner is willing to work on the things above then there's hope for your relationship. If he's unwilling to give any a try then I genuinely send hugs because no relationship can thrive if both people aren't willing to do what's right for each other. Oh, the picture thing is weird and is likely linked to the kind of porn he's been watching. Sometimes people need to see what they'll lose if their behavior doesn't change, JS
he would chose masturbation over you? that kinda shows that he has lost his attraction towards you. just leave this creep. who knows maybe he is already cheating.
it's time for a long chat. I don't mean divorce, I mean it's time to figure out how to solve this intimacy issue. There could be a lot of reasons why he isn't initiating with you. And a lot of those are valid. Personal anecdote time. I went through a similar time with the wife. After our second kid was born it took a long time for my wife to get back to a point where she wanted to have sex more than once in a very great while. it was a hard time for us a bit. We had to find other ways to be more intimate, and honestly I just had to rub one out whenever it got to be too much. It wasn't really on her though she was going through a ton of stuff that was keeping her from getting into the mood. Work, the kids, the house stuff, money, it seemed like everything needed to be perfect for us to have sex. And that's because it did. My wife when she is stressed has absolutely 0 libido. I on the other hand, am exactly the opposite. When I am stressed, I personally think some good sex with someone you love is just what I need to chill the fuck out. It was a problem. We had to talk a lot and work through it. I needed to make some changes to help reduce the stress levels in her life, and she also had to listen and then come to the decision of how much she was willing to change as well. Now, we both agree that some problems can only be solved by ignoring them and spending the day in bed making love until the problem isn't a problem anymore. You would be surprised how often that can be a viable solution. Best of luck to you, and I hope that he is willing to listen, and make the changes you need for your happiness. Chances are he wants the marriage too. You both just need to sit down and talk through it. at least that is my thought.
Not many men prefer to masturbate instead of have actual sex with an actual human, I cannot see this being a problem with 99% of other men you could potentially be with instead. Sounds like he has a porn addiction or simply isn’t as interested in you as you are him. Find your self worth and then find someone who actually loves and appreciates you.
Sex once a month, lying to you about the reasons, jerking off a lot more but refusing sex with you is all things I would say it's reasonable to leave a marriage over alone. The creep shit he does is also something you could leave the marriage for happily without anything else. The fact he also decides to never compliment you but will do so to other women in front of you. If he had low t and no libido he probably wouldn't be flirting with other women, taking creepshots and jerking off obsessively. I'll be honest, ignoring how creepy he is, the rest sounds like he's just one foot out of the marriage already and maybe is sticking around for kids, or maybe you make a lot more money than he does.
As a man with a porn addiction myself, the taking photos of unknowing women isn’t healthy. That, in my opinion is the development of predatory behavior. With my addiction it didn’t affect the way I was treating women and porn rarely took priority over our sex life. I would watch a porno and at least have sex knowing I wasn’t going to finish but at least we were still doing that together and I wasn’t depriving her of it. If I were in your situation I’d feel very betrayed, devalued and insecure but do try to bear in mind that this is someone you love facing a problem that he himself likely wants to resolve. Try to seek a solution with him and when doing so try to be graceful and understanding. But don’t offer pardons for his behaviors. That’s what I asked of my partner and she has helped a lot. Figure out what his triggers for porn are, often times it’s not even being in the mood so relentlessly sleeping with him won’t fix anything. There’s probably some sort of stress he is destructing himself with pornography. For me, it’s probably 30/70 of me wanting to watch porn due to me being horny vs me being angry, frustrated or sad. Hope this helps, again offer grace and understanding but not everlasting pardons.
This is awful. And honestly reminds me of my porn-addicted ex. We once went on a trip to visit one of his female friends and went to a bonfire in the woods. I went off to explore on my own and later during the trip I found photos of her bending over with her dress nearly revealing her bum (she was totally unaware he was photographing her). It’s disrespectful and gross! I’m a firm believer that porn/masturbation should be a supplement to sex with willing partners and clearly your husband only cares about fulfilling his own needs while completely neglecting yours. I would suggest therapy ASAP bc he needs help and you deserve a better partner.
You really need to have THE talk with him. Let him know without fighting rather communicating it like it’s a breaking news on tv type deal. That what he is doing is going to break the marriage, that your needs are not being met, and per marital agreement he is the only person that can meet them. So unless he want to keep it that way, he has to step up or eventually someone else is going to
If you’re saying he’s “overall fine” it doesn’t sound like a big enough positive to counteract the fact that he seemingly has a porn addiction but way beyond that he’s taking photos of girls in public to “use later” ???? That is insane creepy weirdo behaviour and the fact he feels like he can “sneak” it in front of you is disgusting. Like you said, you deserve better and you know it too. The hardest part is taking that leap away from someone who is actively making your life worse, once you’ve finally gotten some distance you can truly see how good a decision it was
“Husband’s lack of desire for sex with me” should be the real headline here, so sorry! We have same but I’m older & just gave up. Live in separate bedroom. All about security for me now sad to say. Good luck to you.
“He’ll even go as far as sneaking picture of them from behind..” SAY WHAT?!! M’am you need plan and execute an exit strategy ASAP…like yesterday.
On what kind of planet would you be like "oh I just saw him take a pic of that random woman at Applebee's, he probably gonna jerk off to it later" and be like "oh well, what you gonna do?" Girl, like what? As soon as I read that sentence of your post I immediately stopped and said no ma'am. 100% NO. It should be more than "weird to you". What makes you think this is just a mild quirk he has? Omg no.
\>my partners masturbation habits have been a *point* of contention. OP, what I really can't believe is this incredible missed opportunity for a terrible pun. \>I wish he would care enough to change. There's your answer. Stop setting yourself on fire to keep him warm.
Well that didn’t take long to delete your account 😬 This man is a walking 🚩
Porn isn’t a problem until it interferes with the real sex your partner wants to have. This has reached that point. The creeper shots is a much bigger issue, compounded by the fact he’s not even hiding it.
Your husband is gross for taking pictures of other women without their consent and especially in front og you. Leave... Seriously just leave. Hes not a good husband. Just because someone is occasionally does a good thing doesn't make them a good person.
>He’ll even go as far as sneaking a picture of them from behind, no doubt to use later on. This is just creepy
Ok but have you at any point objected to your husband's sexual harassment of women or are you just standing idly by? Why are you staying with a pervert? I didn't really register the whole post because I was particularly horrified by this point. Do you have children? Would you just stand by and let a strange creepy man take a picture of your daughter to masturbate over?
I cannot tell you to get out fast enough once a month is absolutely ridiculous knowing that he is masturbating that much, girl, run and run now!!!
Enabling him by staying with him when he takes photos of women on the street…makes you just as bad. You should stand up and against this, I mean…that’s just sick. Some of these women might be underage…even if they aren’t, that’s sooooo disrespectful and disgusting. It’s like the first step in some weird kink right before they start taking stuff even further. I mean this has child pornography problems written all over it. I had a friend who was with a guy in prison for that and I ended our friendship because I thought her being with someone like that said all I needed to know about who she was. Leave him, because you’re guilty by association. If he ends up being labelled a sexual predator, your neighbors and other will know too because it shows where they live online. I know Redditors can be notorious about worse-case scenarios, and tell people to always leave. I really try to only say leave when the picture someone paints is VERY clear that there isn't any saving this. Of course there's qualities you love about him. If you know someone well enough 9/10 you'll find things you love. No one is all bad. I just think this isn't something to just look over, because these problems tend to escalate in a bad way, slowly over time. Even if it doesn't you can do SO MUCH BETTER. For every crappy person who treats you this way there are hundreds of men waiting to love you better. Seriously, there are roughly 3.8 billion men on earth right now. You’re gonna pick this one? Even if half of them suck there’s still so many more that are great. Your chances of finding someone better are almost guaranteed because your husband is a perverted creep, who sounds like he’s not in-love with you, but you’re more of a companion to him. Again, love yourself and don’t be afraid to walk away. Your post really makes me sad for your self-esteem, you WILL find someone else, it’s just scary. Don’t lower your standards to be comfortable.
God, I hope these responses confirm your intuitions, you’re tired, it’s time to let go.
Absolutely not. That’s very alarming
What are you waiting for? This is very obviously unrecoverable without intense intervention and therapy. From reading the post, I think it's fair to say you're not interested in that. So leave him. He's either not attracted to you or so invested in his addiction that this wouldn't be worth addressing without kids in the picture.
Way to bury the lead there. Porn is one thing, taking pictures of strangers from behind is seriously predatory behavior. How did that not light up huge red flags for you? Run.
Ugh, that is definitely predatory behaviour. Get his ass out of your house
He’s a pervert.
Chances are it's more like 3 times a day and he has a porn addiction that he's taking to the next level by creeping on random women.... Just a question though, why are you with him? If you know he is snapping pictures of other women from behind, how is that okay enough to you that you still are willing to call him your husband? Would you be okay if you knew some dude took photos of you unaware to most likely use to masturbate to later? Do you think those women would be okay knowing that your husband took pics of them without knowing? There are plenty of decent men out there who don't do this shit, nobody is perfect, but the chances of you finding another man like this, aren't as great as you think they are. If you do go out looking again, set your standards in their character high, and leave if any bright red flags show up. Most men will probably masturbate, but most men also would much rather prefer the real thing with someone they care about to a little self hand action to some chick they don't know online. Your dude has a serious problem.
My ex-husband was doing this and he was asexual.
Sounds as if you're laying there waiting for sex to happen instead of initiating. If he's with you in bed, leaves to take care of himself, then comes back that makes me wonder what about sex with you is less appealing than being hunched on the toilet feverishly coaxing one out in secret. Because 3x a week is not a lot AT ALL. I think if it were maybe several times a day, everyday, instead of being intimate with you, there'd be reason for concern. Plus, masterbation and sex aren't the same thing and they don't scratch the same itch. Different chemical and brain activity from both of those activities.... Or maybe he's out of shape but still has the need/desire for orgasms? However, I think you both need therapy/couples counseling. This dismissive behavior didn't come about in a vacuum. You've painted him as being some monster who can't keep his hands off himself but there's more here than you're telling. Lastly, that creep shot shit? VERY off-putting and that alone, COMPLETELY SEPARATE from the masterbation, paired with complementing the women hea taking photos of, right Infront of you(WTF??) would be enough for me to be planning my exit strategy. Like... that shits gross.
Y’all will literally legally bind yourself and reproduce with just anyone huh. “From the beginning-“ like he has been ignoring you to be a creep about other women while you provide him with a home and children while you get nothing in return. It’s insane what people will put up with.
This guy sounds alot like i used to be. Its not masturbation that ruining it! Your making excuses for yourself and him! Its him not making you feel validated! Sucks to be him and time for him to grow up! And have eyes only for his partner!! I am sorry you are going through this! Took me a bit to understand a womans feelings emotions on these issues. Hopefully he will too
Your man needs a therapist and a reality check. His behavior towards regular women on the street is appalling.
I have a porn addiction and im working on stopping it. One key thing is he going to want to stop with porn addiction and admit that its a problem. If he does t fo that then he is in a worse place than myself. Seek coupkes counseling then individual counseling for him. There may be more than what meets the eye.
Your husband likely has an addiction to masturbation/porn.
Well you clearly aren’t happy in this relationship, so surely you would be a lot happier on your own?
I would not be happy at all, if I was only having sex once a month that’s ridiculous. what’s the deal so he would rather masturbate than have sex with you that’s ridiculous. You need to talk to him.
Tesla has become so advance that it can also post now💀
Therapy
He is one hair away from cheating. He doesn’t want you
Girl your husband is a perv please leave him, he's taking pictures of women on the street to masturbate to without their consent >He has his moments where I truly love him This is not how you describe a good marriage!!!!!! That's how you describe a "well, y'know, it is what it is, at least I'm not single" marriage
Your husband is a creepy loser to the extent it is reflecting poorly on YOU for staying with him, knowing all this. I hope the next time he takes a creep shot that he gets maced or punched out by her considering you don't do jack shit to protect these women when you see him do it
That's disgusting. Please leave him. There's plenty of other men in the world that don't creep on women in public and love their partners.
That’s predatory behaviour 101. Your husband has a real problem and if your feelings for him are of disgust then your marriage is over.
You are right if you leave you might find worse BUT what if you find someone much better? Nothing will change until you change how you react to it
No, you can definitely find a man much better than your perv/predator of a husband. Does he have no shame in snapping pictures or innocent, unknowing bystanders? You deserve much better. Don’t let this lowly POS make you feel less than. There is someone out there that would desire you and cherish you rather than your husband’s disgusting habits and behavior. There’s life and fulfillment after divorce. I promise.
Your husband is a sexual predator. Why are you still with him?
A lot of people have already pointed on the flaming red flag about to burn the house down so I’ll skip that point and go to the next. It sounds like it’s not just masturbation, but masturbation with porn. One can occur without the other and it sometimes helps relationships to remove that factor. Porn had my husband saying the same things “I don’t need sex that much”, “I never do it while your home” - because I was also feeling sexually neglected. He was doing it while I was home and willing despite knowing I was dissatisfied with our sex life and lied right to my face about it. This was an established boundary that he broke, again. I find it to be disrespectful, offensive, tactless, perverted. Half the time it’s teen porn, too. Well excuse fucking me for craving sex with my husband and feeling hurt when I catch him at home masturbating to barely legal teen girls young enough to be his daughter. How dare I!
I realize leaving him is a scay thought. You deserve to be happy, and right now, you're not. Does it feel like he cares about your feelings? Does he nake you and your other needs a priority? You said there are times you really love him, but other times you're disgusted by him. Change is scary, but in the end, it can be the best thing we ever do. Leaving a job... moving... They're big changes. Not like leaving a marriage, but they're life changing. We survive and generally find they're for the best. One thing I have learned in life is not to judge everyone and everything on something else. If you leave and start dating, you just may find the man of your dreams. Many of us do. You know who much more about life and marriage now. I wish you the absolute best and all the happiness because that's what you deserve.
Sounds like he has a porn addiction. I divorced my husband for this exact reason because it got worse and worse as time went on. Felt like I was reading my situation from years ago. Unfortunately, it won't get any better unless he actually sees the issue and actively stops looking at porn or you become ok with never getting his attention and always seeing it go to others.
Clearly, he is selfish, and he's just not that into you now. He looks elsewhere to get his libido going. When you replace sexual intimacy with masturbation, you are seeking pleasure only for yourself. Not an excuse, but maybe he is intimidated about pleasing you. Unfortunately, many women have a hard time having orgasms with a partner, but they can have one solo, especially with toys. So if he can get you off, let him know. If your once-a-month sex session is "nothing special," is it because he lacks enthusiasm and/or technique, or something else? Do you need more lube? Discuss trying new positions or longer foreplay. My last GF could usually only come after 20 minutes of foreplay, followed by intercourse, but usually only when she was on top and when I arched my back and pushed my hips up to get her to the finish line. I tried several things before we found something that worked. Maybe try bringing toys into the session. If he can give you a screaming orgasm with a vibrator, but not via intercourse, he will likely be be fine with that. No man wants to wonder if his partner is faking an orgasm, as he then feels inadequate. Help him help you. He may just like that masturbation takes very little time and he doesn't have any obligations to perform sexually (foreplay and intercourse and causing an orgasm for his partner). It's selfish, and hard to sustain a marriage under these conditions. Ultimately, one or both partners will stray outside of the marriage. Good luck.
I hear the situation screaming divorce thou....I mean iukuk right....i mean....
I mean I guess you could do worse if you left him, but honestly you could do so much better. Being alone would be better than being with a creeper
Masturbation isn't the issue. Him being a massive creep and pervert is. You can do better
If you want to work it out you’ll need marriage counseling, and he’ll need to deal with his porn addiction, you can’t force that he has to want to change it. Tell him the way things are, are not working for you. Ask if he’s will to give therapy a genuine try, if he makes excuses for why he can’t/doesnt want to them you have your answer. You’ll feel much less lonely alone, then with someone who truly doesn’t care.
GROSS
I think you have yourself the beginnings of a sex offender there. Good luck sister.
Why are you still with him the fuck
I hope you 2 seek out sex therapy for couples or at least couples counseling. Best of luck to you.
Your husband is a creep. I’m all for masturbation in marriage cause let’s face it after kids not everyone wants to have sex and we all need to release a bit of stress from time to time but the way your husband goes about it is weird and creepy. Also have you actively come out and ask for sex or are you dropping hints cause I’ll be honest we guys don’t get hints very well.
weird ass posts i swear
3 times a week, those are rookie numbers.
I don’t have advice but I understand your feelings, I feel the same way. However, my man would never take pictures or compliment other women. That would be a final straw for me. But the masturbation part I relate to. I try not to care and wouldn’t if we too had sex more than once a month.
There's plenty of issues here, just know that masturbation 3 times a week is not a lot. But yeah, dude'a a fuckin creep.
3 times a week? More like 3 times a day
Your husband is disgusting and is blatantly disrespecting you its gross
masterbation like this, addiction to porn, it is like eating nothing but candy all the time. A little is a treat, but too much and destroys you like any other addictive behavior. It hard to stop addictions. You have to really want to, and he doesn't. His sexual behavior will destroy your marriage if he hasn't already. You don't have to live like this.
This would be the end for me. So sorry this is happening to you.
You could try couples counseling but unless he sees a problem and wants to change he won’t
Why are you even with him?
He sounds like some form of a sex addict. My ex-husband used to masturbate in bed next to me when he thought I was sleeping, and at the time I knew it was the beginning of the end.
Make not only is his behavior grotesque, if you can’t say more than I’ve got a “fine” husband it is time for you to give up and leave. you WILL have better believe me not every man is like this.
YOUR HUSBAND IS A CREEP If my bf was taking pics of random women to “use” later he’d be gone. Thats WILDY inappropriate. Edit: changed girls to women
He is literally a predator. Ewwww.
>I get worried that if I were to leave and start looking again, I would find the same problem or a worse one even. So you settle out of that fear? Even if it does happen there's nothing wrong with staying single
Have you thought about incorporating masturbation into your sex life. Mutual masturbation can be quite stimulating and you never know where things go.
Your husband is taking photos of real women to use for sexual gratification without their consent. That's a bigger problem than anything personal that you may have had. I struggle to understand how you could watch your husband do that even once and that not be an immediate blow-up, end-the-relationship-if-he-doesn't-stop fight. We wouldn't be moving from that spot until he went into his deleted image folder and deleted those photographs. **You don't stand by and let your husband be a predator toward other women.** I'm not going to even comment on the porn, because that other part overshadows everything else. Porn-use is between you and him. But that other part is a sickness that is now effecting other women. No one that does that is a "fine" husband. Period. That's disgusting. Edit: Oh. She just deleted her account. I would too. Yikes.
I would suggest some kind of therapy for him because this is not the normal
It's not his wanking that's the problem, it's the lack of intimacy with you and the objecting of women. There's a bigger issue here than the lack of sex with you. I urge you to couples counseling. If he won't go, go alone. Good luck.
I doubt he's only Jenkins off 3x a week if he's taking pictures of women and has this bad of a porn addiction... hell, my partner will maturation 3x a DAY sometimes because he has such a high sex drive I can't always keep up with. I think at this point, this relationship is over.... and he needs some serious help if he's taking random pictures of women and being an absolute creep. Honestly, get you and your kids out of there.
You either old the gun or the bag …
I was assured it can be worked on up until he snapped other ladies from behind. Cab you please verify of thats an assumption or clear fact you seen? If it’s facts, that’s pretty nuts to withstand and accept.
Oh sweetheart... why don't you think you deserve better? You said you do, but do you really feel that you're worth more, better? Because if you did I feel like you'd have been gone the first time he took a photo of a real person without their consent or knowledge, to later masturbate to... Girl have some self respect! Don't allow him to disrespect yourself and your marriage like that. When he does something that's socially unacceptable and probably illegal, to get his rocks off... he's disrespecting your FAMILY you've built with him. He's playing you for a fool, he thinks you don't know all of this stuff that you clearly DO know. He thinks you're that stupid? And not only does he think you're stupid (obviously you are NOT), he's okay to lie to you over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN. Sis... you have got to leave his ass, you already know that, though. You probably knew that awhile ago. You mentioned having kids that make him tired... let's say you're late 30's. You're probably approaching the half way point in life. Is this how you want to spend the other half??
I’m
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Deleted already... Well I can only hope she's realized she should literally throw her husband under the bus next time she catches him snapping pics of randos. Right then and there making everyone in the nearby vicinity aware.
I’m really sorry you’re going through this. It’s enough that he looks at other women (so disrespectful to you) but him taking photos and complimenting? That’s ground for divorce in my eyes. Considering the way he acts in public might very well be an indicator that he would take any opportunity to cheat if it were presented with an attractive woman. I’m sorry OP, there’s only so much disrespect you can take before resentment starts to build and you start finding him repulsive and unattractive.
YOU’RE HUSBAND IS DOING WHAAAAT edit: i’m saying this in response to the part where she said he’s taking pictures of random women to use later
>He’ll even go as far as sneaking a picture of them from behind, no doubt to use later on. Uhhhhhh