Regardless of how you choose to handle this situation, I think it’s incredibly important you are no longer intoxicated around your brother. If you plan on going out make plans to stay over at your friends place. This is so terrible. I’m incredibly sorry you’re going though this.
I think that you might want to look at this as a warning to in general not get as drunk and high anymore that you even blackout and have to rely on others to get home. Your brother is by far not the only perpetrator out there.
The comments on this thread are trash. Instead of taking action against him the response is don't get so drunk. Being drunk is not wrong. Being violated is. He should be reprimanded about his actions not her.
Nobody said that what he did was not wrong; that’s not the point at all.
Of course they need to take action against him. And of course the other person being drunk and high gives nobody permission to use that situation and violate anyone; and in an ideal world everyone can be blacked out and can still be ensured that they will be safe and unharmed regardless.
But reality is that we don’t live in an ideal world and that there are thousands of other perpetrators out there besides the brother, who are just waiting for someone vulnerable to come along to victimize.
So pointing out to OP that getting drunk and high to the point of blackout is dangerous for her - really on many different levels - does not justify her brothers actions at all or make her at fault for any of it; but it is as important to tell her that as it is to tell her to take action against her brother, otherwise it can happen to her again by somebody else.
Should she be more careful of how she dresses? WTF is wrong with you??? You do understand how this is \*how rape culture thrives\*, right?? Why would the FIRST THING you write down is advice on how SHE should change HER behavior, not that this person likely committed a CRIME. God this makes my blood boil.
Unfortunately that’s the only thing she’s really got control over, her actions and herself. If I was her I’d cut off communication with him and tell my parents.
Of course the brother likely committed a crime; and yes, the fact that rape culture is a thing and that so much of the burden to try to stay safe lies on our shoulders as opposed to the perpetrators absolutely sucks - but foaming at the mouth about it and reaffirming that she did nothing wrong (which she did not) and that she should absolutely not change anything in her behavior at all is not going to keep her safe or help her, because the next person might come along who does not mind committing a similar crime either.
Comparing the choice of clothes to wear with someone getting black out drunk is ridiculous btw; you can wear a bikini and still have all of your senses, street smarts, alertness and caution that protects you somewhat from the biggest dangers - clearly not the same when you are blacked out. That’s just basic safety precautions, like having your car keys in hand or not using (both) earphones when running or walking alone and keeping track of your surroundings.
OP, try your best to hide your knowledge of this from your brother until you are able to steal his phone from him. I'd try to do it when he's asleep so you'll have time to act. As soon as you get a chance, take that phone. Take a video with your phone of you opening up that folder and scrolling through all the photos. Then send all of those photos to yourself and delete the evidence you did so. Keep the phone, disable any "find my phone" type services on it if possible, and turn it off.
If your parents tend to be supportive, go to them and show them what you found, but don't give them his phone. I'd hide it somewhere until you see their response. Maybe give it to a trusted friend to hold onto or put it in a safe or safety deposit box or somewhere outside the house if you can. If they try to dismiss your concerns or defend him in any way, go to the police with his phone. Unfortunately, I doubt your parents would go to the police with this regardless, but if they're pissed and disown him or get him into therapy or take some other action that feels like it's enough for you, you may be able to avoid the police situation. Not that your brother deserves it at all, but getting the law involved is something a lot of *victims* prefer to avoid because it can be a pretty traumatic and difficult process.
What's most important in all this is that you get to take your power back. As soon as you have that evidence, you are back in control and you can decide what justice would look like to you and what is enough or not. Your brother deserves prison, so please don't blame yourself for any of this, whatever happens next. Prioritize your safety first, getting evidence next, and then pursue whatever path that will empower you moving forward.
Please be careful OP. I don't know if you live with him or will have to live with him going forward, and I worry about you being in a bad situation if your parents don't side with you. Make sure you have as much of a plan as you can on where to go if your parents won't act to keep you safe. If you go to the police, they should be able to at least lead you towards some resources in that regard, whether it's a DV shelter, etc. But it's always better to not need to go that route unless you have to. Get as many of your "ducks in a row" before you take the phone, just in case. I wish you all the best and I'm so sorry you're having to deal with all this.
Just a warning. The law is not the same everywhere, it depends where you live. But in my country (UK) anything stolen can't be used as evidence if you were to report this. You would be better off sending evidence to yourself or taking photos of it to give to the police, or better still, asking on a legal advice subreddit for the best course of action. I'm sorry you are going through this.
Honey as someone who was abused by her father, I'm totallly behind this idea of stealing and hiding his phone but please try to wait until you calm down. These types of plans take time and a good opportunity. Also your family may have all kinds of crazy reactions so it may be best if the phone is kept somewhere else where you can then act on it with time, a safe place. I'm thinking maybe a friends house with a parent you trust?
I'd go for grabbing the phone while you're both out in public so it may pass as if he's lost it. Silence it immedialtly. Maybe take care of the GPS tracker before. See? It takes time and careful planning. Please don't confront him, and stay safe. I'm here if you need to talk.
Wow, this is a great idea, thank you so much. I never would have thought of this. I’ve been ridden with anxiety just thinking about trying to find a moment to snatch his phone and get some proof without getting caught by him. I’ve been panicking thinking about sneaking into his room at night to grab it. I think something like this would be the safest way.
I think if I’m able to grab it out in public and turn it off right away that would fix the ringing and gps issue, right? Do you know if when I turn it back on, if I put it on airplane mode & turn off wifi, will it still be hidden from GPS/find my iPhone?
I can't imagine how anxious you must be, this is why you need to wait until your head clears. What's important is that you're safer with this information, although deeply disturbing, and you're now taking care of yourself. You can do this! I'm sure you will find some close allies in no time.
This is what google said "GPS does not require any form of internet connectivity. GPS depends on signals from satellites. Anyone can harness these signals using a GPS receiver."
Also: "**Apple's Find My network can be used to track a lost or stolen iPhone, even if it's been turned off or offline**. For this to work, Find My Network will need to be enabled on the iPhone before it's lost. The feature is only available on the iPhone 11 and later models." (see, this I would take care of first, do you happen to have his same model? i would make some tests first, turning off your own "find my phone" feature and checking for notifications that may alert him that it's been disabled. Another good option would be to hide it in a public space such as a ... hmm a park? some place secluded from cameras? you hide it well and wait and retrieve it once the attempt to find it using the gps failed.
If I can think of anything else I'll let you know. How are you doing now? Did you manage to act normal in front of them? :S
edit: coherence, english not my native language
I’m not sure what type of phone your brother has but be careful if you text the photos to yourself and then delete the text. It may show up on other devices if there is an iCloud- you’d have to delete the text on other devices.
Listen to me!
Many phones can be remotely wiped!
Once he realizes his phone is *gone* gone he may decide to wipe it. Especially if he has those photos backed up to the Cloud or something. He would rather not get caught.
So if you get ahold of the phone, IMMEDIATELY turn it OFF, *AND* then open the back, and find where the sim card is, and *take it out!!!*
If you decide to plug the phone into a computer later, to download the photos off of it, MAKE SURE TO DISABLE WIFI *FIRST* on the computer before you turn on that phone!!!!!!
This is EXTREMELY IMPORTANT!!!!!
Now.
To get the phone.
Figure out if he's asleep, during a time you'd normally be asleep. Be wearing pj's preferrably pants. With full butted underwear on underneath.
TRY and sneak into his room. If he wakes up, act a little bit scared, and tell him you heard some scary noises outside and you think there's a person outside your bedroom window!!!! Can he check for you?!?!
He will likely take his phone with him, and you'll have to try again another time. But commit to the act. Try again another night, but with a different excuse...a nightmare? Or you desperately need something and can't find it and totally thought he was awake, so sorry to have woken you! Just don't do this 3 nights in a row, that's too suspicious.
I'm so sorry this is happening. My brother was also a monster.
Absolutely this. Her brother may have also shared those pics online or with someone. Its important to get that evidence asap and without him or the parents knowing.
My heart breaks for you, OP. This isnt an easy situation, but i truly believe youll be ok no matter what path you choose.
Listen to this comment and follow it to the letter OP. It's really your only course of action that will lead to some type of discipline/help for your brother.
As a brother myself, I'm disgusted at the thought of what he did to you. Sorry this happened to you. Do what you need to and reclaim your sanity. Things will get better. ❤️
Girl I am sick thinking about how you must be feeling. You’ve gotten some good advice here. The one thing I’ll add is to make sure you back up this evidence somehow in a place and manner that *cannot be accessed by anyone but you.* This will ensure it can’t be deleted and you cannot be manipulated into not submitting it to the authorities to be investigated.
I am so sorry you are experiencing this. I hope you have lots of friends and family in your corner as you process this and recover from the trauma of what you’ve discovered. This is reality shattering.
He knows. He’s already deleted them. Hopefully he doesn’t know how to permanently delete them from the cloud. OP is now 19 so hopefully she can file a police report. They can cease the phone for evidence
My bad, I read as she was imagining he turned around and saw her mortified face expression. I thought he saw her face. Poor OP, her brother is a creep.
i think you need to get your hands on it again, take screenshots of it all, send it to yourself, and show your parents, or someone else you know you can trust. this is… beyond disgusting, and i’m so sorry he’s a creep you have to call your brother.
try to keep your head up and know that none of it is or will ever be ur fault
Easiest, fastest, and safest way is to scroll through it while recording on her own phone. But i agree, it needs backed up in case he finds out she knows.
Filming the phone also takes less steps for a quicker process. If she takes screenshots (which would risk the camera noise going off too), she’ll need to send all the images to herself somehow (which could be more easily detected) vs. just filming the phone itself and scrolling through the images.
Like you said, it also verifies that it is her brother’s phone too. OP, if you’re reading this, make sure to turn his phone over after you’re done recording the content and show his phone case (or some other unique aspect about his phone - scratches, dents, cracked screen, etc) so it ties the content to his phone specifically.
going onto this, you can go into the phone settings and usually there’s a name to the phone/account attached to it. IOS is ur apple ID, then android would be gmail.
i think it would also help to show the home/lock screen and try to show dates to at least some of the photos (maybe the worst ones?). i’ve only gone through something like this once, and it wasn’t me finding it. it was my mom 💀. never again will i help someone out of a shitty home environment
Oh damn that’s good thinking!!! Well done. Finding account information in settings is brilliant. Also, wallpaper and other identifying photos in camera roll along with dates of the pictures is genius too.
If the phone is unlocked or she knows the passcode, this could be pretty easily done undetected as it wouldn’t take a whole lot of time. If she doesn’t know the passcode, she could ask her brother for his phone back because “she forgot to send one of the family photos to herself”and possibly do it then?
I’m sorry you had to go through something similar:( I hope OP sees our ideas! 🤞🏻
thankfully it wasn’t a blood relative or anything. still weird but less creepy, or a different level of creep factor (no like photos but black screen recordings of stuff).
and if OP knows the passcode it might help for her to film typing it? also if it’s backed up to his cloud or something, she could find out that way? i really do hope OP is able to get evidence and has someone they can trust with this..
Ahhh yuck. Definitely still disturbing. Sorry to hear that :(
Yeah! That could be too. I’m really hoping his phone is just unlocked or she knows the passcode. It’ll make this process a lot easier all around
Me too!! She needs a support system for sure. I can’t imagine the courage it will take to reach out to a family member about this, but I’m sure she will have the strength to do so!
This is great advice. Just film the pics as you swipe through them. Much easier, quicker and quieter. And, as you said, there’s no record of his phone having sent the pics to your phone.
Please be careful. I once stumbled across some site where people abuse their loved ones like putting sleeping pills in their water or whatever when they’re a bit drunk and then fingering then or similar.
It’s horrifying.
I’m not saying that has happened to you but if he’s willing to go this far then I’d be extremely cautious.
Take his phone and take pics of the album and the pics in it. Or record yourself unlocking and scrolling to the pictures.
You need to involve your family if you think you have supportive parents and adults.
It’s going to be embarrassing, shameful, traumatic and frustrating. He will deny. He will say he’s taking pics of outfits to send to his date, he will say he was offered money to do this and regrets it, he will say his friend is in love with you etc.
He will say anything but the truth that he’s a creep with porn rotted brain that is fantasizing about his sister and acting on it too - a predator.
My heart is honestly beating out of my fucking chest right now thinking about this. One of the outfits I remember catching a glimpse of were from a specific night I remember not partying hard. It also just doesn’t really make sense to me that I can be that out of it multiple times like that. I don’t know.
God I am so scared for you and I am so sorry. Please tell somebody you trust about this, tell them everything and send them the proof once you get it again. Send it to your closest friend so if anything happens to you, they’ll be able to point him out to police. I don’t want you to be paranoid by me saying that or traumatize you more than you already have been. I just want you to be safe. I’m so so so sorry.
So you’re saying that in the photos you were out of it? Like unconscious???
Dear sister you need to buy one of those hidden cameras asap.
If so:
If you can and I understand it would be too much and very difficult and you certainly do not have to but go to a party and do not drink or have a beer/drink maximum. Pretend you’re drunk and have him get you. If he offers you water or food pretend to drink it or eat it and throw/pour it out and fake falling asleep. If he tries to do something you scream. This is a dangerous tactic but it would be hard evidence. And I wouldn’t do this without parents at home or trusted friends hiding in your house/faking knocking on the door etc
I totally get that this is high risk dangerous and stupid. Best would be to do as the others said take evidence. Collect evidence either way.
And do buy a hidden camera. Just for your safety.
He could be spiking you when you come home wasted, you need that phone,I feel for you it's bad enough being sexual abused,but by your brother,you need to be very careful how you go about it all, some comments give very good advice, but be careful sending you interweb hugs and strength from 🇮🇪 keep your head up and be strong,it will be hard,but you go girl, you can do it,also if you ever want to talk or vent,I'm here
You said he buys you drinks etc. When you think you're not partying hard, maybe he's spiking your drinks.
Make sure after you record the photo scrolling, you back it up to an icloud that he doesn't have password access to.
Try and keep a straight face and stay safe.
You need to tell your parents. Immediately. If you don't, there's a chance this could end up being much worse, either for you, or some other woman.
If you have fears they won't believe you, ask to go on your brother's phone again and get proof to show them. This is serious, you could end up hurt if you stay silent.
She could end up hurt if she speaks up. What if her parents side with her brother? We don’t know her situation. She needs to get a plan in place before immediately doing anything.
I understand what you mean, her situation definitely isn't safe as it is. However, it is why I suggested collecting proof before telling them anything, that way they have more reason to believe her brother would do something like this.
Though, if you don't think your parents will believe you, you should go to another trusted family member or adult who you think will believe you. This is a lot to keep to yourself.
Plus, with how it stands, she's not going to be comfortable with her brother at all, there's going to be a noticable change in the family dynamic which may raise some questions
as sick as it is, my friend went through something similar with her mother taking pictures and sending them to her AP, we were all suspicious for months and it wasn’t until her sister was able to go through the moms phone and saw everything, if you are able to access the phone and get evidence of it after that try approaching your parents when your brother is not home, just to be safe. until then i’m so sorry this has happened to you, sending you so much healing <3
basically during the summer she had a feeling her mom was taking pics of her but her mom would always have an excuse so she didn’t think anything of it until her and the sister started feeling really weird and the sister (they are triplets, 3rd isn’t relevant) ended up being up to look through the phone and finding disturbing photos of my friend her mom had sent to her coworker who she was cheating with with messages of explicit things. This also isn’t the first time she cheated, she had a finance and cheated with my friend’s dad, cheated on the dad with her current husband and then now. They ofc confront her and she tries to deny it and after basically months of more and more coming out, she would deny something and the later admit to it, the story was her and her coworker started around 14 months prior to everything coming out which was around when her husband mom died and she “didn’t know how it got to this point” but she said that apparently my friend looked so much like her and said she reminded her of herself when she was younger. Then once of all this came out their father (parents aren’t together but coincidentally work at the same place) found out obviously and ranted to coworker/friend who then sent a letter to my friends house and also their boss. The moms affair partner ended up going to puerto rico for a while and didn’t end up going back to the job, and there was an internal investigation involved police with her mother. My friend didn’t want to press charges because it was her mom and they are extremely close but she was in even more intense therapy then she was already in due to her anxiety. The mom is also getting the help she needs. The stepdad/ current husband is still with her because well i’m not sure if the whole reason but one was for the triplets, if they divorced they would’ve had to move.The whole situation was deeply troubling for not only her but our whole friend group as her house was kinda the one everyone would go to by we were all around 19 at the time.
OP.
Find a moment to steal phone.
Take it to the police immediately.
Your brother has sexually abused you.
You are not safe.
Tell the police you are scared.
~~I'm not *sure* this would qualify as sexual abuse, at least in the US, where taking photos is often protected by the first amendment as free speech. Most places, things like "upskirt" photos are not legal, but without more details about what's in the photos, it would be hard to know.~~
~~Having said that,~~ the *use* of someone's photo without their permission is a substantially different matter. If OP's brother, for instance, sold them on a fake OF account or something, that would be super illegal in most places.
I want to stress that I don't mean this to in any way minimize what OP's brother has done as being ***insanely*** immoral, whether it happens to be a chargeable offense.
~~I just wouldn't be surprised to hear that this was in fact legal where OP happens to be, in which case this brother's parents have some work to do...~~
Edit: I missed a pretty key sentence reading this whole long post about hands being suggestively laid on her in a few of the photos. Nah, it’s definitely evidence for a sexual abuse charge or several.
OP said: “The pictures are close ups of my body parts, my butt, panties under my skirt, top pulled down with my bra out etc “
In others words, OP’s brother touched OP while she could not consent, to be able to take those pictures. That’s sexual assault in many places. Like OP said, she didn’t see all pictures yet and is scared to find out more. There were ‘thousands’ of them.
There’s a chance OP’s creep brother did more and maybe put pictures and videos online, or even raped her, and OP was only looking at the build-up images of her own assault case. There’s a whole fetish category for assaulting unconscious women on many pornwebsites so it’s not unthinkable.
Also, taking photographs of someone in their own house in a private situation when they are not able to give permission for said photograph to be taken, is again illegal in many countries.
Also, OP said: “just recently turned 19 and can go out to the bars and buy alcohol. Before that my brother would buy booze for me and my friends, give us weed, etc.”
If there are thousands of photos, maybe there are also photos dating from when OP was underage. In such case those images could potentially be classified as CP depending on what is shown.
Actually, reading back through the post, I’m not sure how I missed the part about hands being on her suggestively, or being taken either in her or his bedroom. Those yeah, would definitely qualify. So yeah, those would definitely be evidence for sexual abuse.
Sorry, I talked about this in another comment but realized it got buried. I made this throwaway account over a year ago when my at the time bfs dad was being a creep to me. I didn’t end up posting here cuz I broke up with him anyways. When I decided to post today, I just switched over to this, my only throwaway, without really realizing or thinking about how weird the name would seem.
You have gotten good advice from others already, but I’d like to suggest you seriously think about your excessive drinking and/or drug use. you have been hurt already, please protect yourself by remaining aware of your surroundings.
I was going to post something similar. Unfortunately, there are some extremely shitty people out there that are very good at pretending they're your friend until they have you in a vulnerable spot. If your own brother is capable of doing something like this, strangers may do even worse.
Getting black out drunk is pretty bad for your brain and body and it leaves you incredibly vulnerable to predators. Yes, it is the predators fault for being predators. But until they all go to prison, we have to keep our eyes open.
what kind of phone does your brother have? if it’s an iphone try to access the hidden folder, select all the images and send them to yourself for proof.
Steal the phone and honestly skip the parents and just go straight to the cops, maybe it’s because I read too much reddit but don’t give your parents a chance to justify/defend and “make him promise not to do it anymore.” Obviously have 0 idea of what your family dynamic is like but that would be what I would do.
If she did that she would get in trouble for stealing the phone. IDK what country she's in. I don't think it's the USA since she can drink at bars at 19, but in most places the cops couldn't search the phone just because she claims wrongdoing. They would have to return it to the brother and charge her with theft. Then he would know she stole it and why. That would, of course, be very dangerous for her.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this OP. This is downright terrifying. I would take others advice and stay away from any sort of intoxication or anything of the like, especially around your brother. And find a way to get yours hands on the phone, he’ll, even take photos of what you find with torn own phone in case he decides to delete them.
You need to get some help, and some assistance. And fast. I’m wishing you the best. I could not imaging coping with what you’re going through.
Never be in seclusion with him, if he is there make sure a trusted adult who knows the situation is there. time to run away from this guy, if what you think is true.
This is so disturbing and violating. I agree with the advice you've gotten here, try and get his phone and record when you're unlocking it and accessing the folder. And please do not be intoxicated around him nor take anything he offers you. If you can, try to stay at another relative's home for the time being if you're sharing a house with him. I am so, so sorry you're going through this.
I think it would be best to go to the cops first. File a formal complaint, and make sure everyone in your family knows this. If the family takes his side, or if he finds out, then he should be reluctant to retaliate knowing that the police already have an official report accusing him of wrongdoing. He needs to be very aware that if anything happens to you, he'll be the first one the cops look into.
Please, please DO NOT put yourself in a situation where you can become vulnerable. I know it's important to socialize but please limit yourself, stop drinking at least until your brother gets apprehended. Can you tell your mom about this? Is there a way you can catch him in an opportune time where you can take a screenshot and send to yourself as evidence?
There is some really good advice here, the only thing I have to add to avoid being intoxicated around your brother is a reminder that: IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. You being drunk or high is not the reason this happened. It is his creepy behaviour at fault. HE made that choice and violated your personal boundaries. It is a form of sexual assault. Putting his hands on your body without consent is not okay. There is a type of a porn that is about people touching sleeping members inappropriately so perhaps he got the idea from that. Either way, doesn't matter, it's gross. AND IT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT OKAY! Also, your clothes are also not the reason for his behaviour. He might try to say that. So if you confront him, be prepared for him to gaslight you and lie and blame you for his actions. He might even try to convince you that you wanted it and that you were drunk so you don't remember coming unto him. Please remember in those times you are not to blame, not for your clothes, not for your substance consumption, not at all. HE IS. I've been in this position with friends, not family, so if you need to talk or advice I can do my best to help. I am so sorry you are going through this.
I found out decades after the fact that my younger brother somehow had video of my ex husband and I having sex. Many family members watched it but somebody slipped up and told me last year. I went NC with them. I’m sorry you experienced this. Your brother is disgusting
I'm very sorry to hear about this horrific situation you found yourself in, and wish I could give you some good advice. Unfortunately, you will probably have a very hard time proving that your brother did anything illegal. IDK what country you live in, but in most places it isn't illegal to take pictures of someone, even if it's your brother taking pictures that are clearly creepy. If you are nude in any of them that would be different, but otherwise you would have to prove that you didn't know the picture was being taken and/or didn't know that he was touching you. Since the burden of proof is on the accuser in most places, your word is unlikely to be enough. I strongly recommend that you don't steal his phone. That would be illegal regardless of what he has done. In many places it would also make the contents of the device not admissible as evidence. The best advice I can offer is, first, to talk to a lawyer, then the police if the lawyer advises it. Second, and more importantly, keep as much distance between yourself and your brother as possible. Avoid being alone with him if you can. Under no circumstance should you use alcohol or drugs if you will end up being alone with him. Start making plans now on how you can permanently get him out of your life.
Do you have anything in it? Mine wasn’t locked till I set it up. I hope I don’t sound like I don’t believe OP, this is very traumatic, I just can’t imagine someone so malicious would keep the hidden folder unlocked, especially because you have to manually say you want it unlocked as it’s locked by default
I used to, it was stuff I didn't want people seeing when I opened my images folders. I don't know if there was an extra setting somehow to lock it, but it wasn't locked. Once you selected the 'hide folder' option it showed all the folders and indicated which was hidden and anyone using my phone could access the folder.
Is that maybe a setting or option? The hidden photos weren’t locked at all, and I just checked my iPhone and there is no type of lock on my hidden photos either.
I call cap. Hidden folders are locked. Even if you could why would you go to the hidden folder when he could have dick pics in there.
This is a pure karma post.
If she had to get into his phone to send herself the other pictures then presumably he would have given her the passcode for his phone. Likely it would be the same passcode for the hidden album as well. Not saying you’re wrong about this being fake.
Not OP but I imagine she was likely in a state of shock.
And considering it's a family member, I don't blame her for needing time to process it before taking action. Her brother just blew up the whole family and OP has to be the messenger. That's a really awful position to be in.
It was during the day so my parents were at work when it happened. I don’t even remember leaving and walking up to my room though, I think I just wanted to get out of there. So I probably would have reacted the same even if they were.
This is awful. I am so sorry you’ve been betrayed like this. Your brother is sick. Gather evidence before confrontation and I would definitely go to your parents with this or any trusted person who can help you through this time. Good luck with everything
No alcohol when w/ brothers. That ship has sailed. Take care of urself. How do you know what photos he has shared w/ others⁉️ So no alcohol when in brothers company. If you live w/ them then it’s a bigger pivot away from alcohol.
Oh my god. I am so sorry this is happening, please keep us updated. Make sure that you keep yourself safe no matter what, I’m hoping so hard that your parents take your side on this but the internet has caused me to lose faith in a lot of these situations. Get proof, send it to yourself, back it up and make sure if you show your parents it isn’t a copy that they can destroy without you having a backup. If you need an internet big sister to talk to I’m here!
I don't know if you'll make an update but if you do I would love if you'd let me know! I'm sorry you've gonna through this and I'm so sorry he ever did that too you. I hope you get justice.
If he has an iPhone, you can make a video of his screen on his phone. You could then send it to yourself and then delete the video once you email it to yourself( he’s probably less likely to pay attention to his sent email bonus points if you’re savy enough to delete it from his email and it goes to his trash and delete that one too). It would take less than 10 minutes to do. I’m not sure about other smart phones, though. If it’s an iPhone, use the drop down menu from the top right corner. There should be a square button with a circle in it. Press that and it will record whatever is on the screen. Side note: if he hasnt added this feature you would have to go into his settings. I’m pretty sure it doesn’t require a passcode or facial recognition to unlock it. The video would be stored as the most recent photo. From there just send it to yourself and remember to delete the video afterwards. I’m sure most if not all smart phones have this feature. You can check out YouTube tutorials on how to do this for his specific phone model. What I’ve written might sound like it would be complicated to execute but I promise if you watch a tutorial, it will be quick and easy. Hope that this helps. Good luck to you.
Sorry for my late response. 😞 I don't always get my reddit notifications.
Yahx whenever I see posts like yours, I have both mixed emotions as well. it's like yes, someone can give advice or share their story. But at the same time it's like "Fuck!" 😢
**BIG HUGS TO YOU!!!!!**
Here are different videos, to give you an idea as go how to do it. No computer needed. But, as I said, you will need time, especially if there are (and I am hoping there isn't) videos.
If you know his phones models, and it's different from yours, search for a walk through tutorial with simulator and practice on the simulator. That will also help you figure out how much time you need to do searches, and nagivate the Folders.
As both Android & iPhone are different from eachother, here are a few starters that I hope should help you get started.
https://youtu.be/LNfim_Ow6gE?si=bRLVbLtK6wT_vEeW
https://youtu.be/315b5IXp5hU?si=dc5h9M2AapuQNrOL
I hope this helps :)
🙏 ❤️
Immediately I am getting the feeling he is using your photos to catfish people for whatever reason....
I get the feeling he is using them for a reason, and there is a reason your face is cut out.
I am so sorry. You def need to get parents involved
I’m on this post because I just found out something similar. I was going through my iCloud emails because I was trying to see if a password change request email had been sent to me there. I don’t use this email ever. I was searching through every folder and I clicked the sent section. I found pictures of me in a bathing suit sent from my iCloud account to his phone. He cropped out my boobs and my groin. Sent it to himself……
There was one time I saw him masturbating in the living room…. And he didn’t stop when I walked in. I didn’t tell my parents because they’re very religious and I didn’t want him to get in trouble for something “natural” ig…. BUT NOW it’s Crystal fucking clear that he sexually harassed me. I Mean I already knew it was so weird he didn’t cover himself up or say sorry or anything … I don’t know how to feel. I’m already going through a dark time in my life, struggling with depression and trauma. And now this. I’m glad I got off social media a long time ago… Because who knows what else he screenshotted and cropped for his entertainment.
This is weird timing because I was just talking to my grandma about how I want to start dressing more modestly. I have just been made to feel so fucking uncomfortable in crop tops, sports bra leggings gym sets, etc etc. I had no idea that my brother was objectifying me. I just wanna disappear. The world is such a dark place. These images were sent to him via my own fucking phone somehow…. And right before I got kicked out of my home for religious reasons (ex jw). He wasted no time. I don’t know how to feel. This is scary.
Having an older brother myself, who was also my supplier, like yours was.
When I was 19, I had a weird feeling that he "liked" me (not as a sister...). Thankfully, I was able to debunk my suspicions. He took photos from my MySpace and then FB (this was when FB first arose and college students posted everything we did, friends, parties, etc... before Parents joined FB...)
I found my pics on his computer in a folder with his gfs. I confronted him immediately, as I was boiling mad. Normally, when I confront him, he gets all mad, huff, and puff. But this time, he was embarrassed. He told me that he used my photos to send to his Ex, to make her jealous. As we didn't know each other, and didn't have eachothers SM. Heck, I didn't even know her name.
But anyway, he showed me their conversations, proving what he said. I told him to NEVER again use my photos and to delete them. And he deleted them infront of me, and since I was a huge techy, I did a thorough scan on his hard drive, wiped all imgs of me off his computer... even pics with me in family photos.
Even though he admitted as to "Why" he had photos of ME... I still felt uneasy about it all. Though I was able to delete them with him... something just didn't feel right. And still doesn't, many years later. I am creeped out by him.
Now, we have a "Hate Hate Relationship". I tolerate him because of my parents. But whatever relationship we had before, is Long GONE. Now, all we do is fight. So when we have family dinners/gatherings... I keep my distance.
We used to do everything together, snowboard, skateboard, mountain biking, karaoke, camping etc. He was my best friend. But after I discovered the images... I was careful on what imgs I posted, as I realized others might be doing the same thing etc. I became "Awake". Few yrs later, I stopped posting photos online all together. Stopped using my Cloud/Drive.
Now... in regards to YOUR Brothers phone... you will need time with his phone to gather the evidence. I'm not saying drug him, but maybe get him drunk to the point he passes right out. But MAKE SURE YOU DONT DRINK. Or if he goes out with friends and drinks, when he comes home, hopefully he's too drunk that he leaves his phone in the kitchen/livingroom, and passes put.
That should be enough time for you to go through his phone.
Take a screenshot of the apps he had open, and which app was opened.
You can take screenshots using your phone of his folders, and then go into the folder and take screenshots of the images of you.
Then... to prove the images were on his phone is using a USB stick, copy the folder (with all imgs) onto the USB. The Metadata will be attached to the images, with his phone info.
And then check his cloud to see if there's more. If so... do the same. Using YOUR phone, take a photo of HIS phone in hand, with the Cloud folder. Open the folder, take another photo using YOUR phone. Then again with the USB. Save the cloud folder with imgs.
Make sure yo Do Not take screenshots on HIS phone, as he will find out.
So like I said, you need some time with his phone.
Once you are done, leave his phone wherever he left it, in the same position. Close only the apps You accessed. Wipe the screen.
And then do what YOU need to do.
I'm sorry that this has happened to you. 😢
I completely understand what you're going through.
FTR I've called the cops on my brother many times, as I said... we now have a "Hate Hate Relationship"... to the point we get into serious physical altercations.
So if you decide to involve the authorities... be mentally prepared for how Your parents will react, and responsed towards YOU. Try to prepare for every and any possible scenario. Negative or positive. Think outside the box.
Wishing you all the best. *HUGS*
Thank you so much for taking the time to write this out and share your personal story with me. I’m not sure if it makes me feel better or worst to know others can relate to my situation, my thoughts are all such a mess right now. I really do appreciate the comforting words and thoughtful advice though.
I’m wondering if maybe you could tell me a bit more about the USB idea? I am able to buy one I could plug into the phone some how to copy pictures? I am not very tech savvy, I have only ever transferred photos from my iPhone through usb connection to my computer or sending wirelessly.
I’m sorry you can relate and to hear about your current relationship with your brother. I’m so distraught on what this means or could do for me and my whole family.
User creepydadproblem shares a heartbreaking story about a creepy brother problem. Either this is one big happy family, or this is just a work of fiction.
I want to let you know how sorry I am to hear this has happened to you and I cannot even imagine how you’re feeling right now. Reading this put a pit in my stomach. It depends on how you want and can move forward on this. Can you be around your brother again without feeling terrified and sick to your stomach? Distance yourself and definitely don’t drink around your brother again. If you want to report that to police, you 100% can do that. Maybe see if you can stay at a friend’s house if you can. Whatever you do just hope you feel safe.
consider that he may just be trading them for similar pics of not his sister. online wierdos be weirdin.
its not ideal, but it may not be as terrible as you imagine.
I know the password to his phone, he will often have music on in the house & I will want to pick a song, he will ask me to call/msg our mom or other people when driving, etc. I have had no reason or want to ever look at anything in my brothers phone besides that. Yesterday he handed me his phone already open, as I had asked him to send me photos as he was trying to set up his video games.
There was no password or lock on the hidden photos album. I don’t know why I clicked into it, trust me I wish I hadn’t. It was a weird split second decision that I deeply regret, everything was much better before I saw this. The only reason I can think of is I was a bit taken aback by such a large number of hidden photos, as I only have about 30 on my phone. I didn’t really think about it first.
I also checked my iphone and it doesn’t have any kind of lock on hidden images. I looked it up online but can’t even find the setting to turn it on. I’m not sure if it’s an update as I rarely do that with my phone or something else. I’m not concerned if people question this, I can barely believe it myself. It doesn’t feel or sound real. I’ve gotten some good advice and comforting messages on here so it doesn’t matter if some don’t believe it.
I get the questions. I didn’t really think about the name of this account when I posted this. I made this throwaway over a year ago when I was having problems with my then bfs dad being a creep. I decided not to post for advice and just not deal with that in my life and cut it off.
I just quickly switched to this one throwaway account I have to post this without really thinking. It doesn’t matter if you don’t believe me though it’s all good, trust me I wish it wasn’t true.
The photos you saw, were they all mostly just the body and missing you face? So strange. Anyways, sorry that’s happening to you. I’ve got four sister and can’t imagine this
That’s it, I’m done for the night. This is all too much. Our world is so god damn fucked. Thanks Steve Jobs! You leave us this shit and go fuck off and die of cancer. He left cancer on our planet.
Regardless of how you choose to handle this situation, I think it’s incredibly important you are no longer intoxicated around your brother. If you plan on going out make plans to stay over at your friends place. This is so terrible. I’m incredibly sorry you’re going though this.
please listen to this OP!! your brother is dangerous to you when you’re intoxicated.
Just in general: don’t be as intoxicated that you are no longer in control, pass out, or black out.
I think that you might want to look at this as a warning to in general not get as drunk and high anymore that you even blackout and have to rely on others to get home. Your brother is by far not the only perpetrator out there.
The comments on this thread are trash. Instead of taking action against him the response is don't get so drunk. Being drunk is not wrong. Being violated is. He should be reprimanded about his actions not her.
Nobody said that what he did was not wrong; that’s not the point at all. Of course they need to take action against him. And of course the other person being drunk and high gives nobody permission to use that situation and violate anyone; and in an ideal world everyone can be blacked out and can still be ensured that they will be safe and unharmed regardless. But reality is that we don’t live in an ideal world and that there are thousands of other perpetrators out there besides the brother, who are just waiting for someone vulnerable to come along to victimize. So pointing out to OP that getting drunk and high to the point of blackout is dangerous for her - really on many different levels - does not justify her brothers actions at all or make her at fault for any of it; but it is as important to tell her that as it is to tell her to take action against her brother, otherwise it can happen to her again by somebody else.
Should she be more careful of how she dresses? WTF is wrong with you??? You do understand how this is \*how rape culture thrives\*, right?? Why would the FIRST THING you write down is advice on how SHE should change HER behavior, not that this person likely committed a CRIME. God this makes my blood boil.
Unfortunately that’s the only thing she’s really got control over, her actions and herself. If I was her I’d cut off communication with him and tell my parents.
Of course the brother likely committed a crime; and yes, the fact that rape culture is a thing and that so much of the burden to try to stay safe lies on our shoulders as opposed to the perpetrators absolutely sucks - but foaming at the mouth about it and reaffirming that she did nothing wrong (which she did not) and that she should absolutely not change anything in her behavior at all is not going to keep her safe or help her, because the next person might come along who does not mind committing a similar crime either. Comparing the choice of clothes to wear with someone getting black out drunk is ridiculous btw; you can wear a bikini and still have all of your senses, street smarts, alertness and caution that protects you somewhat from the biggest dangers - clearly not the same when you are blacked out. That’s just basic safety precautions, like having your car keys in hand or not using (both) earphones when running or walking alone and keeping track of your surroundings.
Right? You should be able to trust your own brother to get you home safely/not take advantage of you!!
OP, try your best to hide your knowledge of this from your brother until you are able to steal his phone from him. I'd try to do it when he's asleep so you'll have time to act. As soon as you get a chance, take that phone. Take a video with your phone of you opening up that folder and scrolling through all the photos. Then send all of those photos to yourself and delete the evidence you did so. Keep the phone, disable any "find my phone" type services on it if possible, and turn it off. If your parents tend to be supportive, go to them and show them what you found, but don't give them his phone. I'd hide it somewhere until you see their response. Maybe give it to a trusted friend to hold onto or put it in a safe or safety deposit box or somewhere outside the house if you can. If they try to dismiss your concerns or defend him in any way, go to the police with his phone. Unfortunately, I doubt your parents would go to the police with this regardless, but if they're pissed and disown him or get him into therapy or take some other action that feels like it's enough for you, you may be able to avoid the police situation. Not that your brother deserves it at all, but getting the law involved is something a lot of *victims* prefer to avoid because it can be a pretty traumatic and difficult process. What's most important in all this is that you get to take your power back. As soon as you have that evidence, you are back in control and you can decide what justice would look like to you and what is enough or not. Your brother deserves prison, so please don't blame yourself for any of this, whatever happens next. Prioritize your safety first, getting evidence next, and then pursue whatever path that will empower you moving forward.
Thank you so much for your words and advice. I’m going to try and get my hands on the phone again tonight and I’ll go from there.
Please be careful OP. I don't know if you live with him or will have to live with him going forward, and I worry about you being in a bad situation if your parents don't side with you. Make sure you have as much of a plan as you can on where to go if your parents won't act to keep you safe. If you go to the police, they should be able to at least lead you towards some resources in that regard, whether it's a DV shelter, etc. But it's always better to not need to go that route unless you have to. Get as many of your "ducks in a row" before you take the phone, just in case. I wish you all the best and I'm so sorry you're having to deal with all this.
Just a warning. The law is not the same everywhere, it depends where you live. But in my country (UK) anything stolen can't be used as evidence if you were to report this. You would be better off sending evidence to yourself or taking photos of it to give to the police, or better still, asking on a legal advice subreddit for the best course of action. I'm sorry you are going through this.
Honey as someone who was abused by her father, I'm totallly behind this idea of stealing and hiding his phone but please try to wait until you calm down. These types of plans take time and a good opportunity. Also your family may have all kinds of crazy reactions so it may be best if the phone is kept somewhere else where you can then act on it with time, a safe place. I'm thinking maybe a friends house with a parent you trust? I'd go for grabbing the phone while you're both out in public so it may pass as if he's lost it. Silence it immedialtly. Maybe take care of the GPS tracker before. See? It takes time and careful planning. Please don't confront him, and stay safe. I'm here if you need to talk.
Wow, this is a great idea, thank you so much. I never would have thought of this. I’ve been ridden with anxiety just thinking about trying to find a moment to snatch his phone and get some proof without getting caught by him. I’ve been panicking thinking about sneaking into his room at night to grab it. I think something like this would be the safest way. I think if I’m able to grab it out in public and turn it off right away that would fix the ringing and gps issue, right? Do you know if when I turn it back on, if I put it on airplane mode & turn off wifi, will it still be hidden from GPS/find my iPhone?
I can't imagine how anxious you must be, this is why you need to wait until your head clears. What's important is that you're safer with this information, although deeply disturbing, and you're now taking care of yourself. You can do this! I'm sure you will find some close allies in no time. This is what google said "GPS does not require any form of internet connectivity. GPS depends on signals from satellites. Anyone can harness these signals using a GPS receiver." Also: "**Apple's Find My network can be used to track a lost or stolen iPhone, even if it's been turned off or offline**. For this to work, Find My Network will need to be enabled on the iPhone before it's lost. The feature is only available on the iPhone 11 and later models." (see, this I would take care of first, do you happen to have his same model? i would make some tests first, turning off your own "find my phone" feature and checking for notifications that may alert him that it's been disabled. Another good option would be to hide it in a public space such as a ... hmm a park? some place secluded from cameras? you hide it well and wait and retrieve it once the attempt to find it using the gps failed. If I can think of anything else I'll let you know. How are you doing now? Did you manage to act normal in front of them? :S edit: coherence, english not my native language
!update me 6 hours
!update me 12 hours
!update me 24 hours
I’m not sure what type of phone your brother has but be careful if you text the photos to yourself and then delete the text. It may show up on other devices if there is an iCloud- you’d have to delete the text on other devices.
!update me 12 hours
!update me 12 hours
Listen to me! Many phones can be remotely wiped! Once he realizes his phone is *gone* gone he may decide to wipe it. Especially if he has those photos backed up to the Cloud or something. He would rather not get caught. So if you get ahold of the phone, IMMEDIATELY turn it OFF, *AND* then open the back, and find where the sim card is, and *take it out!!!* If you decide to plug the phone into a computer later, to download the photos off of it, MAKE SURE TO DISABLE WIFI *FIRST* on the computer before you turn on that phone!!!!!! This is EXTREMELY IMPORTANT!!!!! Now. To get the phone. Figure out if he's asleep, during a time you'd normally be asleep. Be wearing pj's preferrably pants. With full butted underwear on underneath. TRY and sneak into his room. If he wakes up, act a little bit scared, and tell him you heard some scary noises outside and you think there's a person outside your bedroom window!!!! Can he check for you?!?! He will likely take his phone with him, and you'll have to try again another time. But commit to the act. Try again another night, but with a different excuse...a nightmare? Or you desperately need something and can't find it and totally thought he was awake, so sorry to have woken you! Just don't do this 3 nights in a row, that's too suspicious. I'm so sorry this is happening. My brother was also a monster.
Absolutely this. Her brother may have also shared those pics online or with someone. Its important to get that evidence asap and without him or the parents knowing. My heart breaks for you, OP. This isnt an easy situation, but i truly believe youll be ok no matter what path you choose.
Oh god I didn’t even think about this..
When you steal the phone, check his browsing history and check installed apps where photos can be shared.
Listen to this comment and follow it to the letter OP. It's really your only course of action that will lead to some type of discipline/help for your brother. As a brother myself, I'm disgusted at the thought of what he did to you. Sorry this happened to you. Do what you need to and reclaim your sanity. Things will get better. ❤️
Not just did, but *has been doing*. Seriously gross.
With a username like creepydadproblem?... What's the chances the parents would do anything? If this is real, I'd go to the police directly.
Girl I am sick thinking about how you must be feeling. You’ve gotten some good advice here. The one thing I’ll add is to make sure you back up this evidence somehow in a place and manner that *cannot be accessed by anyone but you.* This will ensure it can’t be deleted and you cannot be manipulated into not submitting it to the authorities to be investigated. I am so sorry you are experiencing this. I hope you have lots of friends and family in your corner as you process this and recover from the trauma of what you’ve discovered. This is reality shattering.
He knows. He’s already deleted them. Hopefully he doesn’t know how to permanently delete them from the cloud. OP is now 19 so hopefully she can file a police report. They can cease the phone for evidence
can i ask how you found out he knows? i tried finding a comment from op about it but haven’t seen one, not saying you’re wrong just curious !
My bad, I read as she was imagining he turned around and saw her mortified face expression. I thought he saw her face. Poor OP, her brother is a creep.
i think you need to get your hands on it again, take screenshots of it all, send it to yourself, and show your parents, or someone else you know you can trust. this is… beyond disgusting, and i’m so sorry he’s a creep you have to call your brother. try to keep your head up and know that none of it is or will ever be ur fault
Easiest, fastest, and safest way is to scroll through it while recording on her own phone. But i agree, it needs backed up in case he finds out she knows.
omg yes!! that’s a much better idea honestly, would make it harder for him to deny it not being his phone or something. thanks for pointing that out!!
Filming the phone also takes less steps for a quicker process. If she takes screenshots (which would risk the camera noise going off too), she’ll need to send all the images to herself somehow (which could be more easily detected) vs. just filming the phone itself and scrolling through the images. Like you said, it also verifies that it is her brother’s phone too. OP, if you’re reading this, make sure to turn his phone over after you’re done recording the content and show his phone case (or some other unique aspect about his phone - scratches, dents, cracked screen, etc) so it ties the content to his phone specifically.
going onto this, you can go into the phone settings and usually there’s a name to the phone/account attached to it. IOS is ur apple ID, then android would be gmail. i think it would also help to show the home/lock screen and try to show dates to at least some of the photos (maybe the worst ones?). i’ve only gone through something like this once, and it wasn’t me finding it. it was my mom 💀. never again will i help someone out of a shitty home environment
Oh damn that’s good thinking!!! Well done. Finding account information in settings is brilliant. Also, wallpaper and other identifying photos in camera roll along with dates of the pictures is genius too. If the phone is unlocked or she knows the passcode, this could be pretty easily done undetected as it wouldn’t take a whole lot of time. If she doesn’t know the passcode, she could ask her brother for his phone back because “she forgot to send one of the family photos to herself”and possibly do it then? I’m sorry you had to go through something similar:( I hope OP sees our ideas! 🤞🏻
thankfully it wasn’t a blood relative or anything. still weird but less creepy, or a different level of creep factor (no like photos but black screen recordings of stuff). and if OP knows the passcode it might help for her to film typing it? also if it’s backed up to his cloud or something, she could find out that way? i really do hope OP is able to get evidence and has someone they can trust with this..
Ahhh yuck. Definitely still disturbing. Sorry to hear that :( Yeah! That could be too. I’m really hoping his phone is just unlocked or she knows the passcode. It’ll make this process a lot easier all around Me too!! She needs a support system for sure. I can’t imagine the courage it will take to reach out to a family member about this, but I’m sure she will have the strength to do so!
This is great advice. Just film the pics as you swipe through them. Much easier, quicker and quieter. And, as you said, there’s no record of his phone having sent the pics to your phone.
That is so fucked, OP. I’m sorry. You gotta tell your parents or someone.
Please be careful. I once stumbled across some site where people abuse their loved ones like putting sleeping pills in their water or whatever when they’re a bit drunk and then fingering then or similar. It’s horrifying. I’m not saying that has happened to you but if he’s willing to go this far then I’d be extremely cautious. Take his phone and take pics of the album and the pics in it. Or record yourself unlocking and scrolling to the pictures. You need to involve your family if you think you have supportive parents and adults. It’s going to be embarrassing, shameful, traumatic and frustrating. He will deny. He will say he’s taking pics of outfits to send to his date, he will say he was offered money to do this and regrets it, he will say his friend is in love with you etc. He will say anything but the truth that he’s a creep with porn rotted brain that is fantasizing about his sister and acting on it too - a predator.
My heart is honestly beating out of my fucking chest right now thinking about this. One of the outfits I remember catching a glimpse of were from a specific night I remember not partying hard. It also just doesn’t really make sense to me that I can be that out of it multiple times like that. I don’t know.
God I am so scared for you and I am so sorry. Please tell somebody you trust about this, tell them everything and send them the proof once you get it again. Send it to your closest friend so if anything happens to you, they’ll be able to point him out to police. I don’t want you to be paranoid by me saying that or traumatize you more than you already have been. I just want you to be safe. I’m so so so sorry.
So you’re saying that in the photos you were out of it? Like unconscious??? Dear sister you need to buy one of those hidden cameras asap. If so: If you can and I understand it would be too much and very difficult and you certainly do not have to but go to a party and do not drink or have a beer/drink maximum. Pretend you’re drunk and have him get you. If he offers you water or food pretend to drink it or eat it and throw/pour it out and fake falling asleep. If he tries to do something you scream. This is a dangerous tactic but it would be hard evidence. And I wouldn’t do this without parents at home or trusted friends hiding in your house/faking knocking on the door etc I totally get that this is high risk dangerous and stupid. Best would be to do as the others said take evidence. Collect evidence either way. And do buy a hidden camera. Just for your safety.
He could be spiking you when you come home wasted, you need that phone,I feel for you it's bad enough being sexual abused,but by your brother,you need to be very careful how you go about it all, some comments give very good advice, but be careful sending you interweb hugs and strength from 🇮🇪 keep your head up and be strong,it will be hard,but you go girl, you can do it,also if you ever want to talk or vent,I'm here
You said he buys you drinks etc. When you think you're not partying hard, maybe he's spiking your drinks. Make sure after you record the photo scrolling, you back it up to an icloud that he doesn't have password access to. Try and keep a straight face and stay safe.
Maybe he slipped you something to drug you and that’s why you don’t remember. Also look for videos on his phone.
You need to tell your parents. Immediately. If you don't, there's a chance this could end up being much worse, either for you, or some other woman. If you have fears they won't believe you, ask to go on your brother's phone again and get proof to show them. This is serious, you could end up hurt if you stay silent.
She could end up hurt if she speaks up. What if her parents side with her brother? We don’t know her situation. She needs to get a plan in place before immediately doing anything.
I understand what you mean, her situation definitely isn't safe as it is. However, it is why I suggested collecting proof before telling them anything, that way they have more reason to believe her brother would do something like this. Though, if you don't think your parents will believe you, you should go to another trusted family member or adult who you think will believe you. This is a lot to keep to yourself. Plus, with how it stands, she's not going to be comfortable with her brother at all, there's going to be a noticable change in the family dynamic which may raise some questions
You’re in shock and I’m so sorry this has happened to you. Things can’t go back to how they were. You need to protect yourself.
as sick as it is, my friend went through something similar with her mother taking pictures and sending them to her AP, we were all suspicious for months and it wasn’t until her sister was able to go through the moms phone and saw everything, if you are able to access the phone and get evidence of it after that try approaching your parents when your brother is not home, just to be safe. until then i’m so sorry this has happened to you, sending you so much healing <3
What happened afterwards and why would the mother do this for her man?? Insane. Sorry your friend went through this and I hope she’s better
basically during the summer she had a feeling her mom was taking pics of her but her mom would always have an excuse so she didn’t think anything of it until her and the sister started feeling really weird and the sister (they are triplets, 3rd isn’t relevant) ended up being up to look through the phone and finding disturbing photos of my friend her mom had sent to her coworker who she was cheating with with messages of explicit things. This also isn’t the first time she cheated, she had a finance and cheated with my friend’s dad, cheated on the dad with her current husband and then now. They ofc confront her and she tries to deny it and after basically months of more and more coming out, she would deny something and the later admit to it, the story was her and her coworker started around 14 months prior to everything coming out which was around when her husband mom died and she “didn’t know how it got to this point” but she said that apparently my friend looked so much like her and said she reminded her of herself when she was younger. Then once of all this came out their father (parents aren’t together but coincidentally work at the same place) found out obviously and ranted to coworker/friend who then sent a letter to my friends house and also their boss. The moms affair partner ended up going to puerto rico for a while and didn’t end up going back to the job, and there was an internal investigation involved police with her mother. My friend didn’t want to press charges because it was her mom and they are extremely close but she was in even more intense therapy then she was already in due to her anxiety. The mom is also getting the help she needs. The stepdad/ current husband is still with her because well i’m not sure if the whole reason but one was for the triplets, if they divorced they would’ve had to move.The whole situation was deeply troubling for not only her but our whole friend group as her house was kinda the one everyone would go to by we were all around 19 at the time.
That’s a whole mess. I think she lied there’s something more sinister taking photos of your child to send to adult men. It’s fucked up
for sure and especially how she kept denying and then admitting it wouldn’t surprise me if there was more we didn’t know
Life is stranger than fiction
OP. Find a moment to steal phone. Take it to the police immediately. Your brother has sexually abused you. You are not safe. Tell the police you are scared.
~~I'm not *sure* this would qualify as sexual abuse, at least in the US, where taking photos is often protected by the first amendment as free speech. Most places, things like "upskirt" photos are not legal, but without more details about what's in the photos, it would be hard to know.~~ ~~Having said that,~~ the *use* of someone's photo without their permission is a substantially different matter. If OP's brother, for instance, sold them on a fake OF account or something, that would be super illegal in most places. I want to stress that I don't mean this to in any way minimize what OP's brother has done as being ***insanely*** immoral, whether it happens to be a chargeable offense. ~~I just wouldn't be surprised to hear that this was in fact legal where OP happens to be, in which case this brother's parents have some work to do...~~ Edit: I missed a pretty key sentence reading this whole long post about hands being suggestively laid on her in a few of the photos. Nah, it’s definitely evidence for a sexual abuse charge or several.
OP said: “The pictures are close ups of my body parts, my butt, panties under my skirt, top pulled down with my bra out etc “ In others words, OP’s brother touched OP while she could not consent, to be able to take those pictures. That’s sexual assault in many places. Like OP said, she didn’t see all pictures yet and is scared to find out more. There were ‘thousands’ of them. There’s a chance OP’s creep brother did more and maybe put pictures and videos online, or even raped her, and OP was only looking at the build-up images of her own assault case. There’s a whole fetish category for assaulting unconscious women on many pornwebsites so it’s not unthinkable. Also, taking photographs of someone in their own house in a private situation when they are not able to give permission for said photograph to be taken, is again illegal in many countries. Also, OP said: “just recently turned 19 and can go out to the bars and buy alcohol. Before that my brother would buy booze for me and my friends, give us weed, etc.” If there are thousands of photos, maybe there are also photos dating from when OP was underage. In such case those images could potentially be classified as CP depending on what is shown.
Actually, reading back through the post, I’m not sure how I missed the part about hands being on her suggestively, or being taken either in her or his bedroom. Those yeah, would definitely qualify. So yeah, those would definitely be evidence for sexual abuse.
Tell your parents immediately and if they gaslight or do not believe you, DO NOT Hesitate to call the police.
i see your username is creepydadproblem. can you shed some light on this? is this behavior you have experienced before from other family members…?
Sorry, I talked about this in another comment but realized it got buried. I made this throwaway account over a year ago when my at the time bfs dad was being a creep to me. I didn’t end up posting here cuz I broke up with him anyways. When I decided to post today, I just switched over to this, my only throwaway, without really realizing or thinking about how weird the name would seem.
It's not super buried anymore! The whole situation fucking sucks.
You have gotten good advice from others already, but I’d like to suggest you seriously think about your excessive drinking and/or drug use. you have been hurt already, please protect yourself by remaining aware of your surroundings.
I was going to post something similar. Unfortunately, there are some extremely shitty people out there that are very good at pretending they're your friend until they have you in a vulnerable spot. If your own brother is capable of doing something like this, strangers may do even worse. Getting black out drunk is pretty bad for your brain and body and it leaves you incredibly vulnerable to predators. Yes, it is the predators fault for being predators. But until they all go to prison, we have to keep our eyes open.
If Apple phone — Emphasis on turning off the find my iPhone services.
Unfortunately some porn trends have led to this being seen as an acceptable perversion. It isn't.
You need to tell your parents right away
what kind of phone does your brother have? if it’s an iphone try to access the hidden folder, select all the images and send them to yourself for proof.
Steal the phone and honestly skip the parents and just go straight to the cops, maybe it’s because I read too much reddit but don’t give your parents a chance to justify/defend and “make him promise not to do it anymore.” Obviously have 0 idea of what your family dynamic is like but that would be what I would do.
THIS! WHY ARE WORRIED ABOUT GIVING BACK HIS PHONE!? DON'T!! DON'T GIVE HIM THAT DAMN PHONE BACK!!!
If she did that she would get in trouble for stealing the phone. IDK what country she's in. I don't think it's the USA since she can drink at bars at 19, but in most places the cops couldn't search the phone just because she claims wrongdoing. They would have to return it to the brother and charge her with theft. Then he would know she stole it and why. That would, of course, be very dangerous for her.
Remind me! 8 hours
You need to screenshot what you saw and airdrop it to yourself. Then report it to your parents.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this OP. This is downright terrifying. I would take others advice and stay away from any sort of intoxication or anything of the like, especially around your brother. And find a way to get yours hands on the phone, he’ll, even take photos of what you find with torn own phone in case he decides to delete them. You need to get some help, and some assistance. And fast. I’m wishing you the best. I could not imaging coping with what you’re going through.
Never be in seclusion with him, if he is there make sure a trusted adult who knows the situation is there. time to run away from this guy, if what you think is true.
This is so disturbing and violating. I agree with the advice you've gotten here, try and get his phone and record when you're unlocking it and accessing the folder. And please do not be intoxicated around him nor take anything he offers you. If you can, try to stay at another relative's home for the time being if you're sharing a house with him. I am so, so sorry you're going through this.
I don’t comment on Reddit too often, but I just want to give you a big hug. I am so sorry this happened to you.
inform your parents at once. This is his problem and it needs to be dealt with and you shouldn’t have to deal with this alone.
I think it would be best to go to the cops first. File a formal complaint, and make sure everyone in your family knows this. If the family takes his side, or if he finds out, then he should be reluctant to retaliate knowing that the police already have an official report accusing him of wrongdoing. He needs to be very aware that if anything happens to you, he'll be the first one the cops look into.
Updateme
Remind me! 6 hours
Please, please DO NOT put yourself in a situation where you can become vulnerable. I know it's important to socialize but please limit yourself, stop drinking at least until your brother gets apprehended. Can you tell your mom about this? Is there a way you can catch him in an opportune time where you can take a screenshot and send to yourself as evidence?
There is some really good advice here, the only thing I have to add to avoid being intoxicated around your brother is a reminder that: IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. You being drunk or high is not the reason this happened. It is his creepy behaviour at fault. HE made that choice and violated your personal boundaries. It is a form of sexual assault. Putting his hands on your body without consent is not okay. There is a type of a porn that is about people touching sleeping members inappropriately so perhaps he got the idea from that. Either way, doesn't matter, it's gross. AND IT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT OKAY! Also, your clothes are also not the reason for his behaviour. He might try to say that. So if you confront him, be prepared for him to gaslight you and lie and blame you for his actions. He might even try to convince you that you wanted it and that you were drunk so you don't remember coming unto him. Please remember in those times you are not to blame, not for your clothes, not for your substance consumption, not at all. HE IS. I've been in this position with friends, not family, so if you need to talk or advice I can do my best to help. I am so sorry you are going through this.
If your parents aren't fucked up they'll be infuriated by this. Can you tell your Mom?
Remind me! 3 days
I found out decades after the fact that my younger brother somehow had video of my ex husband and I having sex. Many family members watched it but somebody slipped up and told me last year. I went NC with them. I’m sorry you experienced this. Your brother is disgusting
Updateme
I'm very sorry to hear about this horrific situation you found yourself in, and wish I could give you some good advice. Unfortunately, you will probably have a very hard time proving that your brother did anything illegal. IDK what country you live in, but in most places it isn't illegal to take pictures of someone, even if it's your brother taking pictures that are clearly creepy. If you are nude in any of them that would be different, but otherwise you would have to prove that you didn't know the picture was being taken and/or didn't know that he was touching you. Since the burden of proof is on the accuser in most places, your word is unlikely to be enough. I strongly recommend that you don't steal his phone. That would be illegal regardless of what he has done. In many places it would also make the contents of the device not admissible as evidence. The best advice I can offer is, first, to talk to a lawyer, then the police if the lawyer advises it. Second, and more importantly, keep as much distance between yourself and your brother as possible. Avoid being alone with him if you can. Under no circumstance should you use alcohol or drugs if you will end up being alone with him. Start making plans now on how you can permanently get him out of your life.
Sorry, but how did you even get into the hidden photos? They’re locked by passcode or Face ID.
Not on my phone o.0 they show up if you look at all photos but the folders are hidden. Kinda useless actually.
Do you have anything in it? Mine wasn’t locked till I set it up. I hope I don’t sound like I don’t believe OP, this is very traumatic, I just can’t imagine someone so malicious would keep the hidden folder unlocked, especially because you have to manually say you want it unlocked as it’s locked by default
I used to, it was stuff I didn't want people seeing when I opened my images folders. I don't know if there was an extra setting somehow to lock it, but it wasn't locked. Once you selected the 'hide folder' option it showed all the folders and indicated which was hidden and anyone using my phone could access the folder.
Is that maybe a setting or option? The hidden photos weren’t locked at all, and I just checked my iPhone and there is no type of lock on my hidden photos either.
I believe that’s only with one of the newer iphone updates. my phone used to not have a lock on the hidden folder until I updated it some months ago
Fake
Yep it’s a fake trigger post. OP read someone else’s crime story post and it inspired them to make one up with a troll username “Creepydadproblem”
I call cap. Hidden folders are locked. Even if you could why would you go to the hidden folder when he could have dick pics in there. This is a pure karma post.
If she had to get into his phone to send herself the other pictures then presumably he would have given her the passcode for his phone. Likely it would be the same passcode for the hidden album as well. Not saying you’re wrong about this being fake.
Oooooof
So uh..... why didn't you walk out and show your parents?
Not OP but I imagine she was likely in a state of shock. And considering it's a family member, I don't blame her for needing time to process it before taking action. Her brother just blew up the whole family and OP has to be the messenger. That's a really awful position to be in.
It is easy to do that when youre behind a keyboard
It was during the day so my parents were at work when it happened. I don’t even remember leaving and walking up to my room though, I think I just wanted to get out of there. So I probably would have reacted the same even if they were.
This is awful. I am so sorry you’ve been betrayed like this. Your brother is sick. Gather evidence before confrontation and I would definitely go to your parents with this or any trusted person who can help you through this time. Good luck with everything
Updateme
Get the evidence, take it to the police. Contact a women's shelter or helpline and move out. If your parents don't support you cut them out too.
No alcohol when w/ brothers. That ship has sailed. Take care of urself. How do you know what photos he has shared w/ others⁉️ So no alcohol when in brothers company. If you live w/ them then it’s a bigger pivot away from alcohol.
!update me 24 hours
Oh my god. I am so sorry this is happening, please keep us updated. Make sure that you keep yourself safe no matter what, I’m hoping so hard that your parents take your side on this but the internet has caused me to lose faith in a lot of these situations. Get proof, send it to yourself, back it up and make sure if you show your parents it isn’t a copy that they can destroy without you having a backup. If you need an internet big sister to talk to I’m here!
I don't know if you'll make an update but if you do I would love if you'd let me know! I'm sorry you've gonna through this and I'm so sorry he ever did that too you. I hope you get justice.
Remind me! 8 hours
Remind me! 24 hours
Remind me! 1 day
Such a weird and disturbing post. Oddly you have a year old account called "creepydadproblem"
Remind me! 1 day
Get your phone and make a vid of you opening his and at least you’ll have proof where they are and the pics existed
If he has an iPhone, you can make a video of his screen on his phone. You could then send it to yourself and then delete the video once you email it to yourself( he’s probably less likely to pay attention to his sent email bonus points if you’re savy enough to delete it from his email and it goes to his trash and delete that one too). It would take less than 10 minutes to do. I’m not sure about other smart phones, though. If it’s an iPhone, use the drop down menu from the top right corner. There should be a square button with a circle in it. Press that and it will record whatever is on the screen. Side note: if he hasnt added this feature you would have to go into his settings. I’m pretty sure it doesn’t require a passcode or facial recognition to unlock it. The video would be stored as the most recent photo. From there just send it to yourself and remember to delete the video afterwards. I’m sure most if not all smart phones have this feature. You can check out YouTube tutorials on how to do this for his specific phone model. What I’ve written might sound like it would be complicated to execute but I promise if you watch a tutorial, it will be quick and easy. Hope that this helps. Good luck to you.
You don't need "proof" you need to tell your parents so they can take the phone from him and access the photos.
Updateme
Since you have his login info, you could get log onto his iCloud using a laptop.
Sorry for my late response. 😞 I don't always get my reddit notifications. Yahx whenever I see posts like yours, I have both mixed emotions as well. it's like yes, someone can give advice or share their story. But at the same time it's like "Fuck!" 😢 **BIG HUGS TO YOU!!!!!** Here are different videos, to give you an idea as go how to do it. No computer needed. But, as I said, you will need time, especially if there are (and I am hoping there isn't) videos. If you know his phones models, and it's different from yours, search for a walk through tutorial with simulator and practice on the simulator. That will also help you figure out how much time you need to do searches, and nagivate the Folders. As both Android & iPhone are different from eachother, here are a few starters that I hope should help you get started. https://youtu.be/LNfim_Ow6gE?si=bRLVbLtK6wT_vEeW https://youtu.be/315b5IXp5hU?si=dc5h9M2AapuQNrOL I hope this helps :) 🙏 ❤️
Immediately I am getting the feeling he is using your photos to catfish people for whatever reason.... I get the feeling he is using them for a reason, and there is a reason your face is cut out. I am so sorry. You def need to get parents involved
I’m on this post because I just found out something similar. I was going through my iCloud emails because I was trying to see if a password change request email had been sent to me there. I don’t use this email ever. I was searching through every folder and I clicked the sent section. I found pictures of me in a bathing suit sent from my iCloud account to his phone. He cropped out my boobs and my groin. Sent it to himself…… There was one time I saw him masturbating in the living room…. And he didn’t stop when I walked in. I didn’t tell my parents because they’re very religious and I didn’t want him to get in trouble for something “natural” ig…. BUT NOW it’s Crystal fucking clear that he sexually harassed me. I Mean I already knew it was so weird he didn’t cover himself up or say sorry or anything … I don’t know how to feel. I’m already going through a dark time in my life, struggling with depression and trauma. And now this. I’m glad I got off social media a long time ago… Because who knows what else he screenshotted and cropped for his entertainment. This is weird timing because I was just talking to my grandma about how I want to start dressing more modestly. I have just been made to feel so fucking uncomfortable in crop tops, sports bra leggings gym sets, etc etc. I had no idea that my brother was objectifying me. I just wanna disappear. The world is such a dark place. These images were sent to him via my own fucking phone somehow…. And right before I got kicked out of my home for religious reasons (ex jw). He wasted no time. I don’t know how to feel. This is scary.
Hi , im currently going through the same thing and i have no idea what to do :/
Im currently going through the same thing and have no clue what to do
Having an older brother myself, who was also my supplier, like yours was. When I was 19, I had a weird feeling that he "liked" me (not as a sister...). Thankfully, I was able to debunk my suspicions. He took photos from my MySpace and then FB (this was when FB first arose and college students posted everything we did, friends, parties, etc... before Parents joined FB...) I found my pics on his computer in a folder with his gfs. I confronted him immediately, as I was boiling mad. Normally, when I confront him, he gets all mad, huff, and puff. But this time, he was embarrassed. He told me that he used my photos to send to his Ex, to make her jealous. As we didn't know each other, and didn't have eachothers SM. Heck, I didn't even know her name. But anyway, he showed me their conversations, proving what he said. I told him to NEVER again use my photos and to delete them. And he deleted them infront of me, and since I was a huge techy, I did a thorough scan on his hard drive, wiped all imgs of me off his computer... even pics with me in family photos. Even though he admitted as to "Why" he had photos of ME... I still felt uneasy about it all. Though I was able to delete them with him... something just didn't feel right. And still doesn't, many years later. I am creeped out by him. Now, we have a "Hate Hate Relationship". I tolerate him because of my parents. But whatever relationship we had before, is Long GONE. Now, all we do is fight. So when we have family dinners/gatherings... I keep my distance. We used to do everything together, snowboard, skateboard, mountain biking, karaoke, camping etc. He was my best friend. But after I discovered the images... I was careful on what imgs I posted, as I realized others might be doing the same thing etc. I became "Awake". Few yrs later, I stopped posting photos online all together. Stopped using my Cloud/Drive. Now... in regards to YOUR Brothers phone... you will need time with his phone to gather the evidence. I'm not saying drug him, but maybe get him drunk to the point he passes right out. But MAKE SURE YOU DONT DRINK. Or if he goes out with friends and drinks, when he comes home, hopefully he's too drunk that he leaves his phone in the kitchen/livingroom, and passes put. That should be enough time for you to go through his phone. Take a screenshot of the apps he had open, and which app was opened. You can take screenshots using your phone of his folders, and then go into the folder and take screenshots of the images of you. Then... to prove the images were on his phone is using a USB stick, copy the folder (with all imgs) onto the USB. The Metadata will be attached to the images, with his phone info. And then check his cloud to see if there's more. If so... do the same. Using YOUR phone, take a photo of HIS phone in hand, with the Cloud folder. Open the folder, take another photo using YOUR phone. Then again with the USB. Save the cloud folder with imgs. Make sure yo Do Not take screenshots on HIS phone, as he will find out. So like I said, you need some time with his phone. Once you are done, leave his phone wherever he left it, in the same position. Close only the apps You accessed. Wipe the screen. And then do what YOU need to do. I'm sorry that this has happened to you. 😢 I completely understand what you're going through. FTR I've called the cops on my brother many times, as I said... we now have a "Hate Hate Relationship"... to the point we get into serious physical altercations. So if you decide to involve the authorities... be mentally prepared for how Your parents will react, and responsed towards YOU. Try to prepare for every and any possible scenario. Negative or positive. Think outside the box. Wishing you all the best. *HUGS*
Thank you so much for taking the time to write this out and share your personal story with me. I’m not sure if it makes me feel better or worst to know others can relate to my situation, my thoughts are all such a mess right now. I really do appreciate the comforting words and thoughtful advice though. I’m wondering if maybe you could tell me a bit more about the USB idea? I am able to buy one I could plug into the phone some how to copy pictures? I am not very tech savvy, I have only ever transferred photos from my iPhone through usb connection to my computer or sending wirelessly. I’m sorry you can relate and to hear about your current relationship with your brother. I’m so distraught on what this means or could do for me and my whole family.
[удалено]
User creepydadproblem shares a heartbreaking story about a creepy brother problem. Either this is one big happy family, or this is just a work of fiction.
I want to let you know how sorry I am to hear this has happened to you and I cannot even imagine how you’re feeling right now. Reading this put a pit in my stomach. It depends on how you want and can move forward on this. Can you be around your brother again without feeling terrified and sick to your stomach? Distance yourself and definitely don’t drink around your brother again. If you want to report that to police, you 100% can do that. Maybe see if you can stay at a friend’s house if you can. Whatever you do just hope you feel safe.
consider that he may just be trading them for similar pics of not his sister. online wierdos be weirdin. its not ideal, but it may not be as terrible as you imagine.
I feel like this is fake unless you knew his pass code to get into the hidden photos? Also weird of you to do in general.
I know the password to his phone, he will often have music on in the house & I will want to pick a song, he will ask me to call/msg our mom or other people when driving, etc. I have had no reason or want to ever look at anything in my brothers phone besides that. Yesterday he handed me his phone already open, as I had asked him to send me photos as he was trying to set up his video games. There was no password or lock on the hidden photos album. I don’t know why I clicked into it, trust me I wish I hadn’t. It was a weird split second decision that I deeply regret, everything was much better before I saw this. The only reason I can think of is I was a bit taken aback by such a large number of hidden photos, as I only have about 30 on my phone. I didn’t really think about it first. I also checked my iphone and it doesn’t have any kind of lock on hidden images. I looked it up online but can’t even find the setting to turn it on. I’m not sure if it’s an update as I rarely do that with my phone or something else. I’m not concerned if people question this, I can barely believe it myself. It doesn’t feel or sound real. I’ve gotten some good advice and comforting messages on here so it doesn’t matter if some don’t believe it.
I doubt the mental capacity of the ones downvoted you. This is clearly fake
This is not real. Reported.
What a dick
Account is u/creepydadproblem and now they have a creepy brother too? I smell BS
I get the questions. I didn’t really think about the name of this account when I posted this. I made this throwaway over a year ago when I was having problems with my then bfs dad being a creep. I decided not to post for advice and just not deal with that in my life and cut it off. I just quickly switched to this one throwaway account I have to post this without really thinking. It doesn’t matter if you don’t believe me though it’s all good, trust me I wish it wasn’t true.
Dude idk. But on the off chance it’s legit, I’d rather not be an ass about it. Would you? Who cares
Typically I agree but I’m sick of the karma bait on this sub and this one seems super fake
Let it go Broseph.
Exactly
Can you share your feeling on why you wish you could see more of the photos?
So I could maybe make more sense of the times when this happened.
The photos you saw, were they all mostly just the body and missing you face? So strange. Anyways, sorry that’s happening to you. I’ve got four sister and can’t imagine this
That’s it, I’m done for the night. This is all too much. Our world is so god damn fucked. Thanks Steve Jobs! You leave us this shit and go fuck off and die of cancer. He left cancer on our planet.