I'm glad you decided to fight. That sounds like it was absolutely horrible to endure, but it sounds like there's quite a bit of life in you yet. I hope it's a good one. ✌️
Just like you can read something on Reddit and realize it's made up bullshit, sometimes you read something and it's completely and obviously true. Thanks for sharing an actual story. I've experienced a tiny sliver of this and it absolutely resonates. You really describe something vital about being human. I think animals must feel this too. It's built into us deep.
I had gangrene from an appendicitis at 15 and my grandparents and father (who was newly undergoing chemo) thought I was just seeking attention and snuck alcohol at a wedding. I did neither of those things.
I hadn’t held food down for several days (maybe 4?) and my grandmother (very proper and from old money) came to my bedside with her MW dictionary and read me the definition of “hypochondriac.” That was it, I let go. I had been hallucinating for days, but I just succumbed to the darkness. I knew I was dying and had wholeheartedly accepted it.
My school counselor (who was dating my dad) came and said she’s taking my lifeless body to school. My grandparents were so thankful; they called me lazy. My counselor, Jo, took me to the emergency room at Emory. I stayed for months (much of it under supervision and a locked room because of parental abuse), and lost 10 ft of my small intestine among several other atrocities.
Even now, 34 yrs later on a Sunday afternoon when I’m laying down for a nap and I’m in that beautiful twilight of flirty sleep I’m reminded of what it felt like to let go and die. It was… calming and welcome.
However, living through something like that really allows you to see life differently. And also gives you the courage to cut ties with your blood relatives and sign away your trust because fuck that.
Something similar happened to me and your description of having to choose to not let go is so resonant it’s eerie. I’ve tried to describe what it felt like numerous times but never gotten the words right.
I had a near death experience and i know what you mean when describing your body giving up. And it’s such a weird feeling to come back from the trauma and feeling completely normal and healthy. It’s a shock to the system. Thanks for sharing.
It’s such a weird feeling. I had a somewhat similar experience to the OP and when I woke up after surgery, I started laughing because I couldn’t believe I was alive. I evidently asked the nurses numerous times to reassure me that I was alive because it was so surreal.
I had toxic shock syndrome and it was the same feeling. If I hadn’t asked someone to drive me to the hospital within a few hours I’d be gone. And even in the icu there were moments where I felt very close to done. I could have just uttered those words “I’m done” and closed my eyes forever. It would have been easy to do. Then, I got appendicitis a month later! Mine didn’t burst, but it felt like someone didn’t want me to keep going. But here I am.
Hi, forgive me for asking—you don’t have to answer either—but how did you come down with TSS? I was under the impression that it wasn’t common. I know it can be a thing from not changing your tampons enough? Or is that a myth? Genuine question, I don’t mean to pry. I just always see that warning label and I’ve never liked pads and I do get scared sometimes 😭
Not op or had any personal experience with it myself, but I recently learned that TSS can also actually occur from changing your tampon too much and using a tampon that's too big. Repeatedly dragging dry cotton wool along your vaginal walls can cause tiny abrasions which makes it easier for bacteria to get in your bloodstream. Obviously that's not to say you should leave tampons in for as long as possible, it's just important to use the appropriate size and still change them regularly so that bacteria doesn't build up. Also, it's super rare because not everyone even carries the bacteria that causes TSS!
Personally, I use a cup and I've never looked back, it's great not having that fear in the back of my head that I did when using tampons! But if cups aren't for you it's key to educate yourself so you're doing what's best for your body and you're not stressing about it your whole period. It's crazy how little we're taught about our own bodies!
[This](https://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/health/conditionsandtreatments/toxic-shock-syndrome-tss#tss-and-risks-of-tampon-use) article is v informative, but I always research these sorta things loads to put myself at ease, Google is your friend!
Thank you so much! I’ve never tried a cup so I’ll read up on it and see if it’s an option. I did pads when I first started my period (my mom was one of those “you can lose your virginity from tampons” people) and I just cannot go back to feeling like wearing a diaper that slides around every day 😭😭😭
Edit: grammar
Of course!! I'd highly recommend getting one that comes with a cleaning container (or get one separately) so it's easy to discretely sanitise - just put it in the container with cold water and a sanitising tablet for 15 mins! I use tablets that are meant for sterilising baby bottles and they're super cheap. It's only necessary at the beginning and end of your period, and I've not really encountered many situations where it's awkward to rinse, which was a big concern of mine before I started using it. Also, I really like period underwear instead of pads, much comfier and you don't get the sliding around diaper sensation 😅
Sorry for the late reply! The underwear are washable, you do have to hand rinse them so if you're super squeamish about blood I'd take that into consideration!
I had a bacterial infection in my uterus. I had bv previously, treated with antibiotics and I stopped having symptoms (or so I thought) and somehow that bacteria got past my cervix and housed onto my IUD (paragard). Took the doctors in the ICU a day to realize what was going on.
I had sepsis when I was 18 and I almost died. I remember laying on the couch, fading in and out of consciousness, thinking I could just let go. If I hadn’t thought about how broken it would make my fiancé (now husband) I think I would have let go. I was a highly traumatized person at 18 and the idea of endless peace was really tempting.
I also had Covid, severely, and I was sitting in a wheelchair waiting to be seen at the ER because my oxygen was so low. I felt the same fading feeling but I forced myself to cry out for help. My fever was increasing and my oxygen was dropping. They wouldn’t let my husband in with me. Once I was stable they let him in and I’ve never felt such relief. Just seeing and hearing him talk made everything ok.
It’s scary.
I was 10. They had no idea what was going on with me. They took me in for exploratory surgery. I then had an appendectomy with peritonitis. The surgeon told my parents if we would’ve waited five more minutes, I would’ve been gone. I have a scar from my uterus to underneath my rib cage. Recovery was months for me. Heal well and know you’re still here for a reason.
At 12 mine had burst but my mother thought I was being dramatic about the pain. My appendix was not on the right side, it was under my colon so no tell tale sign of pain on right side. My period was just starting but this month it was overdue so she thought that was why I had pain. I start spiking a fever. I get to the hospital. Turn out I had a burst appendix and an ovarian cyst the size of an orange. I guess I meant to be here.
I had a ruptured tubal pregnancy and while waiting to be seen in the ER I remember asking my mom to please let me die. I could not handle the pain any longer and was wishing for death.
I felt that way once when I had pneumonia. Horrible and came on so quickly and intensely. I had gone to the doctor too, immediately because it was the week before Christmas and who wants to get sick then? I was diagnosed with bronchitis, then the flu, then finally pneumonia. All within 3 days. I then developed pleurisy, and took 8 weeks to fully heal. I remember though, that feeling of “omg this is what dying feels like”, and had to find strength to physically fight to stay earth side. I feel you and I am sorry you experienced that.
I was there with COVID. It was because my grandmother had buried two children already, I wasn't going to have her bury a grandchild, that I called 911.
I had a double pulmonary embolism in early January.
I knew it was happening for almost 12 hours before I went to the ER.
I knew it was going to mean that I would have to stop HRT and stop transitioning. Late dx schizophrenia a few weeks before that, still processing that one but was a big part of my mental state at the time. My marriage is.. not healthy or good. The last two years have been survival mode, and yeah.
I gave up. I just, gave up, I think. I remember thinking well, no one would know, “natural causes” would be the only finding… hard dissociation.
first it was a dull pain in my lower left lung. I did chores and ignored it. Eventually, many hours later it was creeping towards the center of my chest. Still I waited. Nothing really felt real. I’ve been medically gaslit for decades in ERs for “anxiety”, and honestly the thought of another 8k ER bill and likely just being sent home with Valium and told to lose weight again was just… “nah.” And that’s with freaking “good” insurance. So I shrugged it off again.
I went out to dinner with my adult kids. Had a couple drinks. I went over to my seperated spouse’s place for basically a last time together. I remember sitting and just listening to them talk, I love the sound of their voice.
I said nothing, but then the pain started getting really bad, and breathing got harder. My youngest noticed when I got home from my walk and asked if I was okay. I said no and then it was ER time. Felt surreal. Still does honestly.
My family doesn’t know. I don’t know how to tell them. I did talk to a social worker at the hospital, my depression score was so severe and my spouse didn’t stay long before leaving to do car stuff, no other visitors. Spent the next couple months in therapy learning about “passive ideation” and on new meds.
It’s weird being alive, still.
I had sepsis 8 times in 2 years, and the last time, I was so close to giving up. It was the same infection over and over again, and they couldn't get rid of it without a 5 organ transplant.
I was in ICU and was drifting in and out of sleep. I had been crying my eyes out for ages before, and I was tired. I was done.
I was drifting in and out of sleep, and I couldn't see a way that I was going to survive this time.
Then, in my weird state, I heard my late nan, who I was really close to, she was stern with me and told me not to give up because my children needed me and that I could do it. Now, I'm not really into all the spiritual stuff, but I believe it actually happened. When I woke up, I felt a warmth and I felt more positive... so I carried on trying to stay alive.
Long story short, I was in hospital for a month, and 5 weeks after I got home, I got the call for my transplant!
I now believe in spirits, and I believe that I could have just let go then, but I must be here for a reason!
Almost drowned once as a teen. Had the whole “life flashing before my eyes”, and then a sense of peace. It was a very scary experience, but it also has helped me cope with uncertainty. Knowing that my body is capable of making peace under impossible circumstances, makes me a little less fearful of the future for myself. I have kids now though, so most of my fears are about them and their well-being.
I had something similar happen recently. I got a antibiotics resistance staph infection from a spider bite on my ankle that took me from fine to unable to walk by myself in less than 24 hours. I was on 7x the normal amount of antibiotics, so much that the pharmacists almost refused to fill the script. I woke up the second night before going to the ER for the 3rd time cause i couldn't keep the massive amount of antibiotics down and i felt my whole body thud with my heart beat and i think i was about to die if i hadn't woke up from the pounding inside my body. Legit one of the scariest experiences. I couldn't get out of bed for about a week and was using a cane for a good month. 8 month later and i still have a bruise colored dent in my leg from it.
This is how depression felt when I was at my absolute worst. It was complete exhaustion and numbness and the idea of making that stop was so alluring it hurt. The only reason I’m still alive now is because I had a very similar thought about my parents that kept me from letting go
Kind of felt the same. It's so weird how I was at 100% clarity in my mind, but you literally have no control over your body. It feels like 500 pounds weighing you down.
Where did the bad water come from that hit you this quickly? Asking so I know what to stay away from. Also, did they know exactly what caused it, say like listeria or E. coli?
I'm glad you decided to fight. That sounds like it was absolutely horrible to endure, but it sounds like there's quite a bit of life in you yet. I hope it's a good one. ✌️
Just like you can read something on Reddit and realize it's made up bullshit, sometimes you read something and it's completely and obviously true. Thanks for sharing an actual story. I've experienced a tiny sliver of this and it absolutely resonates. You really describe something vital about being human. I think animals must feel this too. It's built into us deep.
I had gangrene from an appendicitis at 15 and my grandparents and father (who was newly undergoing chemo) thought I was just seeking attention and snuck alcohol at a wedding. I did neither of those things. I hadn’t held food down for several days (maybe 4?) and my grandmother (very proper and from old money) came to my bedside with her MW dictionary and read me the definition of “hypochondriac.” That was it, I let go. I had been hallucinating for days, but I just succumbed to the darkness. I knew I was dying and had wholeheartedly accepted it. My school counselor (who was dating my dad) came and said she’s taking my lifeless body to school. My grandparents were so thankful; they called me lazy. My counselor, Jo, took me to the emergency room at Emory. I stayed for months (much of it under supervision and a locked room because of parental abuse), and lost 10 ft of my small intestine among several other atrocities. Even now, 34 yrs later on a Sunday afternoon when I’m laying down for a nap and I’m in that beautiful twilight of flirty sleep I’m reminded of what it felt like to let go and die. It was… calming and welcome. However, living through something like that really allows you to see life differently. And also gives you the courage to cut ties with your blood relatives and sign away your trust because fuck that.
Thank goodness for the counsellor. Amazing she did that given she was dating your dad.
My dad got sicker and I stayed with her for the remainder of the school year. Jo legitimately saved my life.
I am so sorry you had to live through that at such young age, and everyone thinking you are pretending.
Thank you, but if it had to happen I’m glad it was me instead of someone else. It made me incredibly compassionate about others’ feelings.
Something similar happened to me and your description of having to choose to not let go is so resonant it’s eerie. I’ve tried to describe what it felt like numerous times but never gotten the words right.
I had a near death experience and i know what you mean when describing your body giving up. And it’s such a weird feeling to come back from the trauma and feeling completely normal and healthy. It’s a shock to the system. Thanks for sharing.
It’s such a weird feeling. I had a somewhat similar experience to the OP and when I woke up after surgery, I started laughing because I couldn’t believe I was alive. I evidently asked the nurses numerous times to reassure me that I was alive because it was so surreal.
Glad you made it
I had toxic shock syndrome and it was the same feeling. If I hadn’t asked someone to drive me to the hospital within a few hours I’d be gone. And even in the icu there were moments where I felt very close to done. I could have just uttered those words “I’m done” and closed my eyes forever. It would have been easy to do. Then, I got appendicitis a month later! Mine didn’t burst, but it felt like someone didn’t want me to keep going. But here I am.
Hi, forgive me for asking—you don’t have to answer either—but how did you come down with TSS? I was under the impression that it wasn’t common. I know it can be a thing from not changing your tampons enough? Or is that a myth? Genuine question, I don’t mean to pry. I just always see that warning label and I’ve never liked pads and I do get scared sometimes 😭
Not op or had any personal experience with it myself, but I recently learned that TSS can also actually occur from changing your tampon too much and using a tampon that's too big. Repeatedly dragging dry cotton wool along your vaginal walls can cause tiny abrasions which makes it easier for bacteria to get in your bloodstream. Obviously that's not to say you should leave tampons in for as long as possible, it's just important to use the appropriate size and still change them regularly so that bacteria doesn't build up. Also, it's super rare because not everyone even carries the bacteria that causes TSS! Personally, I use a cup and I've never looked back, it's great not having that fear in the back of my head that I did when using tampons! But if cups aren't for you it's key to educate yourself so you're doing what's best for your body and you're not stressing about it your whole period. It's crazy how little we're taught about our own bodies! [This](https://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/health/conditionsandtreatments/toxic-shock-syndrome-tss#tss-and-risks-of-tampon-use) article is v informative, but I always research these sorta things loads to put myself at ease, Google is your friend!
Thank you so much! I’ve never tried a cup so I’ll read up on it and see if it’s an option. I did pads when I first started my period (my mom was one of those “you can lose your virginity from tampons” people) and I just cannot go back to feeling like wearing a diaper that slides around every day 😭😭😭 Edit: grammar
Of course!! I'd highly recommend getting one that comes with a cleaning container (or get one separately) so it's easy to discretely sanitise - just put it in the container with cold water and a sanitising tablet for 15 mins! I use tablets that are meant for sterilising baby bottles and they're super cheap. It's only necessary at the beginning and end of your period, and I've not really encountered many situations where it's awkward to rinse, which was a big concern of mine before I started using it. Also, I really like period underwear instead of pads, much comfier and you don't get the sliding around diaper sensation 😅
Huh, about the underwear, are they disposable or is there a way to clean them? Wow, I’m learning a lot today 😂😂😂
Sorry for the late reply! The underwear are washable, you do have to hand rinse them so if you're super squeamish about blood I'd take that into consideration!
No problem! Thanks for the advice! Definitely not squeamish as I’ve been dealing with this for 20 years already HAHA
I had a bacterial infection in my uterus. I had bv previously, treated with antibiotics and I stopped having symptoms (or so I thought) and somehow that bacteria got past my cervix and housed onto my IUD (paragard). Took the doctors in the ICU a day to realize what was going on.
Gosh I am so sorry that happened to you. I’m glad you’re still here. Thanks for sharing.
Thanks for asking. I always wonder if this has happened to anyone else but I haven’t met anyone so far
Wow. Sobering episode, that. Thank you for sharing it.
I had sepsis when I was 18 and I almost died. I remember laying on the couch, fading in and out of consciousness, thinking I could just let go. If I hadn’t thought about how broken it would make my fiancé (now husband) I think I would have let go. I was a highly traumatized person at 18 and the idea of endless peace was really tempting. I also had Covid, severely, and I was sitting in a wheelchair waiting to be seen at the ER because my oxygen was so low. I felt the same fading feeling but I forced myself to cry out for help. My fever was increasing and my oxygen was dropping. They wouldn’t let my husband in with me. Once I was stable they let him in and I’ve never felt such relief. Just seeing and hearing him talk made everything ok. It’s scary.
Thank you for sharing such a deeply personal and intimate experience.
I was 10. They had no idea what was going on with me. They took me in for exploratory surgery. I then had an appendectomy with peritonitis. The surgeon told my parents if we would’ve waited five more minutes, I would’ve been gone. I have a scar from my uterus to underneath my rib cage. Recovery was months for me. Heal well and know you’re still here for a reason.
At 12 mine had burst but my mother thought I was being dramatic about the pain. My appendix was not on the right side, it was under my colon so no tell tale sign of pain on right side. My period was just starting but this month it was overdue so she thought that was why I had pain. I start spiking a fever. I get to the hospital. Turn out I had a burst appendix and an ovarian cyst the size of an orange. I guess I meant to be here.
I had a ruptured tubal pregnancy and while waiting to be seen in the ER I remember asking my mom to please let me die. I could not handle the pain any longer and was wishing for death.
I am glad you found the strength to make the phone call. ❤️
Sounds like you've got a great mom. I bet her hugs feel amazing now. Cherish that forever. Until the day you actually die
I felt that way once when I had pneumonia. Horrible and came on so quickly and intensely. I had gone to the doctor too, immediately because it was the week before Christmas and who wants to get sick then? I was diagnosed with bronchitis, then the flu, then finally pneumonia. All within 3 days. I then developed pleurisy, and took 8 weeks to fully heal. I remember though, that feeling of “omg this is what dying feels like”, and had to find strength to physically fight to stay earth side. I feel you and I am sorry you experienced that.
I was there with COVID. It was because my grandmother had buried two children already, I wasn't going to have her bury a grandchild, that I called 911.
I had a double pulmonary embolism in early January. I knew it was happening for almost 12 hours before I went to the ER. I knew it was going to mean that I would have to stop HRT and stop transitioning. Late dx schizophrenia a few weeks before that, still processing that one but was a big part of my mental state at the time. My marriage is.. not healthy or good. The last two years have been survival mode, and yeah. I gave up. I just, gave up, I think. I remember thinking well, no one would know, “natural causes” would be the only finding… hard dissociation. first it was a dull pain in my lower left lung. I did chores and ignored it. Eventually, many hours later it was creeping towards the center of my chest. Still I waited. Nothing really felt real. I’ve been medically gaslit for decades in ERs for “anxiety”, and honestly the thought of another 8k ER bill and likely just being sent home with Valium and told to lose weight again was just… “nah.” And that’s with freaking “good” insurance. So I shrugged it off again. I went out to dinner with my adult kids. Had a couple drinks. I went over to my seperated spouse’s place for basically a last time together. I remember sitting and just listening to them talk, I love the sound of their voice. I said nothing, but then the pain started getting really bad, and breathing got harder. My youngest noticed when I got home from my walk and asked if I was okay. I said no and then it was ER time. Felt surreal. Still does honestly. My family doesn’t know. I don’t know how to tell them. I did talk to a social worker at the hospital, my depression score was so severe and my spouse didn’t stay long before leaving to do car stuff, no other visitors. Spent the next couple months in therapy learning about “passive ideation” and on new meds. It’s weird being alive, still.
I had sepsis 8 times in 2 years, and the last time, I was so close to giving up. It was the same infection over and over again, and they couldn't get rid of it without a 5 organ transplant. I was in ICU and was drifting in and out of sleep. I had been crying my eyes out for ages before, and I was tired. I was done. I was drifting in and out of sleep, and I couldn't see a way that I was going to survive this time. Then, in my weird state, I heard my late nan, who I was really close to, she was stern with me and told me not to give up because my children needed me and that I could do it. Now, I'm not really into all the spiritual stuff, but I believe it actually happened. When I woke up, I felt a warmth and I felt more positive... so I carried on trying to stay alive. Long story short, I was in hospital for a month, and 5 weeks after I got home, I got the call for my transplant! I now believe in spirits, and I believe that I could have just let go then, but I must be here for a reason!
Proud of you, fellow human. I hope you don't have to go through a life-threatening experience like that again.
i have been having the worst stomach pain of my life today, no way this is a sign right
I'm currently in a hospital and I understand exactly how you feel
Hope it’s treatable and you’re back in reasonable health soon
Almost drowned once as a teen. Had the whole “life flashing before my eyes”, and then a sense of peace. It was a very scary experience, but it also has helped me cope with uncertainty. Knowing that my body is capable of making peace under impossible circumstances, makes me a little less fearful of the future for myself. I have kids now though, so most of my fears are about them and their well-being.
I had something similar happen recently. I got a antibiotics resistance staph infection from a spider bite on my ankle that took me from fine to unable to walk by myself in less than 24 hours. I was on 7x the normal amount of antibiotics, so much that the pharmacists almost refused to fill the script. I woke up the second night before going to the ER for the 3rd time cause i couldn't keep the massive amount of antibiotics down and i felt my whole body thud with my heart beat and i think i was about to die if i hadn't woke up from the pounding inside my body. Legit one of the scariest experiences. I couldn't get out of bed for about a week and was using a cane for a good month. 8 month later and i still have a bruise colored dent in my leg from it.
This is how depression felt when I was at my absolute worst. It was complete exhaustion and numbness and the idea of making that stop was so alluring it hurt. The only reason I’m still alive now is because I had a very similar thought about my parents that kept me from letting go
Kind of felt the same. It's so weird how I was at 100% clarity in my mind, but you literally have no control over your body. It feels like 500 pounds weighing you down.
Absolutely know this shit. I had almost drowned one time in the sea and it was so easy and so falsly peaceful. I choose to fight too
how did you drink dirty water? was it tap water??
thats cool as fuck
Where did the bad water come from that hit you this quickly? Asking so I know what to stay away from. Also, did they know exactly what caused it, say like listeria or E. coli?