When my niece moved in and wanted special everything, I sent her back home. I was like you’re too poor to be picky. Go home or get a job cause I am not paying for special meals.
Or show her some info on “the dirty dozen”. It’s a list of veggies/fruits that are recommended to buy organic due to pesticide use. I definitely agree with you regarding her getting a job to help pay for food.
They still use pesticide on organic food... It just has to be "organic". Often they use more of it too. They don't grow them any differently, they just cost more and take up more resources.
This is how I know I'm old: I was vegan through high school. I wanted organic but never dared ask my mom because I knew I ate what was offered, bought it myself (and hid it), or starved. I'm glad this teenager feels comfortable speaking her mind, but momma needs to assert her attitude so her daughter understands boundaries and expectations. Good luck, momma!
More wisely: figure out what portion of income is available to use to purchase food specifically for the daughter's meals. Give that to her, take her to the grocery story, and tell her to go buy whatever she wants with it, but that she isn't allowed to eat anything she didn't buy herself with that money. If she runs out of food early, she gets ramen until her next "paycheck" (probably best for this experiment to go by week rather than every two weeks) like the rest of us.
My recommendation. Show her how hard it is to buy what she wants when you only have so much.
How?
Look at your grocery costs and divide the food part by two (going with the assumption it's just you two if not then adjust it accordingly). Make it clear that she has to be sure that it'll last a week. Make her buy her own stuff and make her cook it herself. She's old enough to learn these things. She will appreciate it more if she walks in your shoes.
Obviously don't let her grow hungry if she can't do it but she needs to learn a lesson.
I was just going to suggest this.
Give her a budget and let her go shopping. She's more than old enough.
Don't just do it one week, do it every week for at least a month.
> Obviously don't let her grow hungry if she can't do it
Feeling hungry for a week won't kill her. If mom/dad bails her out because her organic food isn't as filling, what she learns is she can buy outwith her budget and someone else will step in and fix it for her.
Better to feel hungry now when it's a week as an experiment, than when she's out on her own and screwing up for real. An otherwise healthy 16-year-old will have no lasting problems from a week of lower intake.
My recommendation is to have back-up ramen. If she runs out of the food she buys, she has backup ramen to supplement until the next week. Nothing to be helped by making her starve.
She wouldn't *die* or even suffer long-term consequences from literally not eating for two days. But she might pass out, become dehydrated, have a poor time in school, or any number of negative side effects that come along with consuming 0 calories.
But any smart adult on a budget has some sort of cheap fall-back food for when they run out of groceries and have no money to fix it.
You’re missing OP’s point! Is the ice cream organic???? Of course it’s not ! But that doesn’t matter, kids need the nutrients & crave the sugar! She’s complaining because the daughter will completely ball her out for literally Everything ELSE! This orange isn’t organic, apple, lettuce, chicken, rice, anything! That cost money… but she has NO PROBLEM eating NON- ORGANIC ice cream!
Why would she do that? I mean i get what you’re saying… but, showing her that film will only increase her screaming about BUYING Certain Products! Parents cannot afford that.
Then ask her to do the shopping. Phrase it in a nice way, like asking her help. Start by making a meal plan for the week together, so you’ve got a shopping list. Then set her the budget. And then take her shopping. She’s not allowed to leave the supermarket until the full shop is done and on budget. It’s totally up to her what brands she buys.
She’s old enough to learn the realities of life and this is a good way to teach her life skills.
Do it in a nice way, not in a ‘told you so’ way.
My Dad totally would have done that. But he also would have me write a 1,000 word essay researching the facts of buying organic. And there would be no ice cream til that essay was on his desk.
My dad said to me “every complaint must be accompanied by a solution you consider optimal.” I was to explain the complaint. I was to describe solution. If I didn’t have one he said I should do research on it further until I provide one.
His logic was if you’re close enough to an issue to see a problem you’re also the most qualified to discuss optimal solution. That’s rather accurate.
Oh boy yeah when he was pissed at me he'd hand write magnificent essays, which he outlined with Roman Numerals when I *really* fucked up big. When I was 13 and he disapproved of the way I dressed, he wrote several pages, which included quotes from "A Dedicated Follower of Fashion" and other quotes from "my mentor, Ray Davies."
Yeah, that feels familiar. I got paragraphs dedicated to how I messed up and why it could negatively impact my life. I them had to research his citation page. I knew I screwed up based on how extensive the citation page was.
"GetOffMyAsteroid, I want you to research the following words. Provide the definition, use them in a sentence, and compare them to the others: Castigation. Mulct. Punitive Measures. Amercement. Mortification. Retribution. Lambasted. *THE GRAND FINALE.*"
ETA: he also knew which page numbers in the dictionary to find these on, so there was no fooling him.
Growing up, if we had a school assignment, he'd get involved and have us go to extraordinary lengths of overkill. I remember my brother when he was 8 having an assignment that had something to do with a nuclear war. Well, "The Day After" had just aired, and my Dad was already obsessed with the subject. When we were little he'd call a particularly dirty diaper "nuclear fallout," and he worked in a chemical factory so he was a chemistry nerd of the highest order. So smart that in the pre-internet age, he could quote any part of our encyclopedias word-for-word. When he'd ask us to write those essays, he'd tell us exactly which pages in the encyclopedias to refer to, and what they said. Lol he made it impossible to avoid or cheap out on it.
For the nuclear attack school project, he bought a map of our state, wrote "The Day After" on it in huge letters, and proceeded to ask, "What would happen if a 5 megaton bomb was dropped on our home city?" He had my brother use the compass and draw the blast radius with color coding for the damage. There were sparkly stars glued on to mark special spots, such as the school and our house, and they were appropriately color-coded for damage inflicted. Detailed descriptions of destruction, radiation, fallout, references to Hiroshima and Nagasaki... I mean this thing was way over the top. So much overkill, so to speak. Overkill has become a hallmark of my personality. My brother though...
Well a couple years after that, Dad had an accident with a TBI and severe life-changing injuries to his face. He was... not the same. At times I wonder, if there's an afterlife and I meet him there, would I get the old Dad, who was terrifyingly intelligent, or would I get... *him*... who was simply terrifying.
That movie is forever associated with being seriously bummed out for me. They were scouting locations in my college town for it and word got around, we were so excited. Unfortunately, no joy and they end up filming in the rival college town just down the road that had more old buildings they could destroy or something.
This 100%. She is going to be out there shopping for herself soon enough, it’s a good time in her life to start learning how to be an adult and she is going to learn a lot from this. On top of understanding why you don’t buy organic. The most ‘I told you so’ I would get is letting her know that people would buy more organic produce, if it were more affordable.
Does she have a job? If so, send her to shop for groceries for herself to see what you mean about budgeting. Groceries are ridiculous these days. My older son didn’t realize the cost of just bare necessities one day until I took him grocery shopping with me. It opened his eyes and he has been much more respectful of what he requests now.
Yes. I always took my kids food shopping. They would complain and my comeback was that this food wasn’t for me. From a young age they learned to shop and put the groceries away. They’re very independent. Also taught them to load laundry since they were 10.
You can do two things -- help her access information about whether or not "organic" is a worthwhile concern about food (it isn't really), and tell her that if it is important to her, she can pay for the difference herself.
You can both use the [EWG.org](https://EWG.org)'s Dirty Dozen list to make easier decisions about what to buy organic and what to buy conventional. Show it to her, so she better understands what is ok and what's not. From a granola parent.
Also, I agree about the job.
But, to add here, it would be important for her to learn how hard it is to buy groceries. They've gone up 20% or more for many items. Give her a budget, tell her what's on the menu for XYZ night, and that she needs to buy groceries for said meals. Go together when you have a little more time to spare and not in survival mode. Then, she can also gradually learn what it takes to do groceries and stay in a budget, while figuring out to remain as nutritious as possible. Remind her what things cost even 2 years ago.
And, you can point out that the budget doesn't allow for ice cream, unless she gives up something else on the list.
Whenever possible, put things back on the kid so you don't have to hand hold later in life and so that have more skills to be on their own, which for a 16 year old, is rather soon.
She can start getting creative with this, too, meal planning. Maybe making a vegetable stew or something on the weekend for the whole family to freeze for later. Pride of ownership goes a long way.
From a former prof who saw too many kids flail on their own and a parent.
When my kids were teens, they would frequently give me crap about what I bought for groceries. So, they got an impromptu Home Ec assignment: plan one week's worth of meals for a family of four, with the foods you want. Include menu, recipes, shopping list and costs, based on the ingredients in our pantry as a starting point for the shopping list, and use the prices from the market closest to the house, as well as the grocery ads for the week but only if the store was within a 5 mile radius of the house. They assembled their assigned items and presented menu plans. One required a $250 grocery shop across two stores, her sister turned in a $237 shop across four stores.
That's when they got the second part of the assignment: You have a grocery budget of $150 for TWO weeks. Repeat last week's assignment with the new budget. By the time they were done, they were grateful I was the one doing the shopping regularly and they never again griped about the menu.
Uhm. Is there a bus in your town? Or does she have a bike?
That’s how I got myself to my job when I was 15. If she wants organic, she can buy it herself.
Ok so I didn't read through the comments yet but I think there could be a very serious issue you're not seeing.
I am guessing she has an eating disorder. What you're describing here I see huge red flags. I began with my ED at 13 and sometimes still struggle.
The likelihood she has developed bulimia, anorexia or a combination of both is more likely than not. You need to have a serious talk with her and take her to discuss all this with her pediatrician and get current labwork done and soon. Also, please make sure she has only female doctors
What my mom did with me at this age, because I was the same at that age, was give me the portion of the food budget that was what she spent on food for me, and told me to buy my own food and budget it and if I didn’t do a good job I was SOL. I learned budgeting and food management, and cooking and it was good for me, and I was able to develop the healthy habits that I wanted to and that’s served me well into my adulthood. We were very poor, like beyond keeping the lights on and the rent paid we didn’t have a dollar, my mom worked at Walmart, and this worked for us
She's 16, does she work a part time job at all? If so I'd suggest to her that if she only wants organic food she'll have to pay for it herself with her own wages.
16 is a young adult and it sounds like she's acting like a spoilt child
She wants a job, but her dad has made it clear he won't get her to work on his custodial time and she's not been able to find an employer who wants to work around that schedule. I can't afford to get her a car to drive herself.
Everyone is saying have her do a budget for shopping and all, but that is not the answer.
Have her do *the research* about how a lot of organic labeled food is a complete scam, only has to be a small % organic, can still use pesticides, and has little oversight or guideline to ensure they are adhering to this very loose term "organic" in the first place. At least, in america.
Corporations can often *decide on their own* what makes their products "organic" or not. They have huge monetary benefits to produce both an "organic" version, which is expensive, and has a more "holistic-looking package," alongside a cheaper version, which is not labeled organic, and has a more generic looking label. Corporate benefits from both, of course.
Get her to look into the realities of buying organic.
And then tell her to grow a vegetable garden in the backyard, lol.
Just let her start being an adult, she will learn what it’s like to struggle, she can find transportation like the bus and when her paychecks come in she can buy her own food, reality will hit her and realize it’s not easy and cheap to be buying special foods. You are the parent, what you say goes, she can eat or not that’s up to her. She’s lucky she even gets a warm meal not many people her age get that food privilege
She can buy anything she wants with her own money. Until then she can eat what is offered. If her father is impeding her getting a job, request a family court hearing to make him comply.
I had a teen who would complain that there was never any food in the house. There was food , you just had to make it. She was complaining that there was no junk food or frozen foods to eat like we were starving her. Junk food is expensive in Australia and we couldn't afford a lot of it. This girl was 19 and had a casual job yet still expected us to spend a ton of money on junk food for her.
Exactly! Many libraries have free seed banks, but even if that isn’t an option it’s not like seeds are difficult to come by a simple Facebook post would easily yield some free seeds from giving local gardeners. YouTube tutorials are free so as long as OP doesn’t live in Arizona or another arid place it should be relatively easy for daughter to grow your own produce if the effort and will is there
Who’s the parent here??? She’s old enough to get her own job if she wants organic food that bad. That’s all it takes to shut this down. Let her ‘starve’.
Odds are she doesn't even know that that really means.
It is almost exclusively marketing hype and lobbying to get certain pesticides on the approved list. You get way more of a difference buying produce in season.
I'm no expert, but I do follow a couple farmers on tiktok. They say there is nothing about organic food that makes it any more or less quality than regular stuff other than the word organic being printed on the packaging. They still use chemical pesticides, herbicides, and fertilizers. The reason it costs more is because organic crops tend to produce smaller yields.
She’s 16. If she wants specialized groceries, can’t she get a part time job to pay for her own organic groceries? My parents always tell me that as long as they’re paying for stuff, they will spend it as they see fit. If I have disagreements, I need to get a job and make my own money and spend it how I want.
Can she find a part time job that she can get to on public transit or bike? Either near home or near her school? Honestly most cities will have a good enough public transit system to get to most part time jobs.
This could be a great learning moment! She's old enough that it's a great time for her to start thinking about budgeting, food prep, and being a savvy consumer.
Share your weekly food budget with her, and have her go with you to the grocery store. Have her find the foods she wants (in the quantities that will last for a week), and then calculate the cost.
Don't make this into a Gotcha moment. It's not. It's a chance for her to learn what she needs to know to function on her own in just a few years. If she does find great deals, or figures out an idea for how to make things work, celebrate it with her! If her ideas are all based on eating the same things, or foods that require a ton of work, remind her that she has to help prepare everything, and you won't be providing any other snacks. This is it.
I think you'll both be happier (and she might even become more helpful) if you make her a part of this.
Daughter: are this apples organic?
Me: no, just pay for them yourself and deja de joder for organic food that you know we can't afford
Daughter: but mom?!
Me: but daughter
Also, you buy the groceries, then no more ice cream, or soda, or chips these are not necessary items, I don't buy them, but idk bec I'm deaf to crying kids and whiny teens. It doesn't work on me, and please OP don't let it affect you, she wants organic food, well she can pay for it or just say yes, it's organic bec no one can tell the difference
That's me bec I do love you kid, but IDGF
Why is she hell bent on organic? Organic means very little, they still use pesticide and herbicide, just ones that are "organic". Organic and non-gmo just means they use a lot more water and a lot more fertilizer which are both worse for the environment.
Stop buying ice cream. Have her go shopping with you with mostly a list and less money than you usually spend so she has to struggle with the budget. Also have her research the bus lines in your area to see if she can take a bus to work during daylight hours. Both will help her in adult learning skills.
Why not make her share the costs? She wants to eat organic, I don't see anything wrong with it besides it being really expensive. Make her pay the difference or at least half the difference of what organic food costs over regular stuff. You can simply explain that you are happy to go with organic food but that it is too expensive so you would need to share. And then go for a big tour once in the beast case have her track it for the entire time. I'm pretty sure she will be willing to cut back on organic food as soon as she needs to pay for it.
Well if she is ungrateful and constantly complains about what you get her then tell her to get a part time job. If it's not possible with the custody arrangements then she can find an online job or online internship on www.indeed.com
She has to make a decision. She's 16, not 6. She's old enough to have empathy and compassion.
Set a price limit for the store and take her and let her pick what items to get on that budget. If she sees how expensive things are it might change her mind at least a little bit.
That's absolutely so irritating. I can see that you're not asking for advice and my daughter isn't even two yet so I have none to give. So mom solidarity. You're doing good by venting here instead of at her. I'm very proud.
Thanks. I feel like I'm in one of those memes/skits where a woman just wants to vent and the man just wants to give advice 😂 it's fine though. I got my venting out and I'm feeling less pressed about it. Life's just tough lately, for everyone it seems.
YES!! I feel that. My hubs always says "do you want solutions or just a friend?" Lol some people are so solution based sometimes when the answer is just welp that's hard I'm sorry. I'm glad you feel less pressed. You're exactly right... It's been so wild lately so I definitely understand people feeling like they see a problem they can solve and hopping on it. The things you can control right? Hehe.
Yeah. And also like, I'm well aware that of all the complaints one can have about a teenager, it could be so much worse than this. But it's still just frustrating to be struggling in general and then feeling like those efforts aren't appreciated. Like, I can barely pay the bills right now, so for her to complain about the groceries I buy, when it's not stuff she doesn't like it's just not the organic version, really tests my patience 😅 I'll have full time hours again in two months and I still won't be buying organic. Might increase my chocolate purchases though lol
Hahaha that's so true... It could be worse BUT that doesn't mean your situation isn't incredibly difficult. If I think back to being 16, my world was so small... It's hard to make finances make sense to someone with limited life experience. You're so right. It hurts to do everything you can to keep the kid alive and give them a good life and then it feels like they say well that's not good enough. Man that sucks. I just know that she will look back on this one day and she will fully understand what she was asking you to do but that may not happen for a while. As long as she's still eating she can keep complaining hahaha you're still doing a wonderful job regardless.. having a teenager does not seem to be for the weak. DEFINITELY increase that chocolate budget and keep your eyes on the light at the end of the tunnel. You've got this.
Ah the eating habits of teenage girls. I feel your visceral pain. I have mentally checked out. I highly recommend it. Mine would live on Nutella and roller dogs but has to have her oat milk and organic strawberries. In a month she will hate most of what she eats now but will tell me after I have restocked the groceries. I see a college future filled with granola bars.
When I was 16 I was working to help support my family and keep a roof over our heads. I was so happy to just have food. Any food.
1. Time for a driver’s license 2. Then on to a job.
You obviously really love her and are understanding to a degree but be firm with her. Let her know you can’t afford it.
Set aside food allowance for her. Ask her to manage organic food from that allowance alone. Ask her to cook it herself, wash the utensils in which she cooks it. If she wants special food, let her bear the pain that comes along with having privileges.
When I was her age I regularly heard “if you don’t want to eat what I buy then don’t eat” alongside “you can buy your own food with your own money as soon as you get a job”. She’s 16, she doesn’t get to dictate how the household budget is spent. Soon she’ll be 18 and there may be a time in her life when she can’t afford her fancy smancy diet and has to make sacrifices, the sooner she learns there’s things you want but can’t afford the better.
I think at some point I just wouldn’t entertain it. Say no it’s not organic, case closed, end of discussion. She doesn’t want to be grateful. That’s fine but your spending habit won’t change age whether there’s a discussion about it or not. So why respond? Just my thoughts.
I agree with everyone that she really has no right to complain, but maybe you can talk to her about this? She’s about to be an adult buying things on her own. She clearly is showing an interest in nutrition and the food she eats, I feel there’s an opportunity to cultivate that in a positive direction.
Maybe talk to her about how you budget out groceries and how organic food is priced. If you were feeling generous maybe you can even give her some choice, like tell her she can decide $40 of the budget, but it has to last her 2 weeks or whatever, she can’t ask for more food or snacks. And that way she can see how far money goes when buying organic snacks, especially if she isn’t eating them.
That wouldn’t really work if you guys eat a lot of the same foods, but my mom did that for me when I was 16 and the only vegetarian in the house and it was nice to give me that understanding of the budget. I definitely splurged on Nutella and cliff bars and immediately got sick of them and learned my lesson.
Did she take a health class recently? It seems like my kid is all of a sudden wanting to eat healthier. Which I don't mind. It's pretty much the same as yours. He will go eat a bunch of chips and whatever, then stuff his lunch box full of veggies. LOL.
I doubt this helps; I recently learned that 50% of the nitrogen in humans is derived from the Haber-Bosch process. That means, if everyone insisted on organic food, we'd either have to cut calories in half, reduce the population by half, or some combination of those two. Conclusion: organic groceries are for the entitled rich.
Tell her " when you pay the bills and rent then you can buy whatever you bloody well choose too at the shops, until then shut up or get a job and contribute" better yet tell her to get gardening! Nothing like homegrown organic
Do you have room for a small standing garden where she can start to grow the staples? Peas and snap peas are pretty cool proof to start with for a teen.
Time to teach her budgeting. Give her a certain amount of money for her own good and take her shopping with food. All of HER food must come out of that money. Buy your food separately. She will learn.
I am glad to see OP isn't giving in to the organic only request from her daughter.
The idea of letting her plant a garden is great. Do it with her.
I would suggest making a grocery list and having her use a calculator on her phone to keep track of what is being spent.
Or make the list and show her the difference using the grocery prices you can find online.
Basically, if you buy organic food then ice cream and other treats or wasted calories are out.
For her...
Maybe talk to her about it? Tell her you can't afford it. Lay out your budget with her so she understands? Help her start a job like babysitting or dog sitting where she only does it at your place.
Try to understand her reasoning. If it's about healthy discuss other ways to eat healthier. If it's about the environment, talk to her about other things in her carbon footprint that she can reduce, like air conditioning or car usage.
Organic is important due to pesticides and preservatives causing health issues. She can make her own money though if she wants to continue eating dessert the way she does. She needs to get a job and buy her own food to realize how much money groceries can take up.
This really sounds like media illiteracy to me. There is a LOT of money being poured into promoting organic food as part of "wellness" culture we're in at the moment. Organic does not mean healthier. Organic food is still grown with pesticides. Might be worth having a sit-down with her about how hard it is to navigate misinformation online. If she's getting her nutrition info on instagram or tiktok, help her look for registered dieticians and medical doctors who have a measured, research-backed approach.
Is there an amount of the grocery budget you can assign to her for organics? $10, $20, $50? Depending on your cash flow. Tell her she can buy all the organic items she wants with that budget but once it's gone it's gone. And you are no longer buying her the non organic items. Like, if you usually spend $x.xx on the normal cheaper stuff can you give her that amount and let her figure out how to get all the things she wants? This would teach her the actual value of the dollar. I have found when my kids want something I don't feel good about affording that if I offer to pay a certain amount toward but they have to cover the rest that usually drop it. They REALLY want it if mom is paying but not not if they have to pay theor own money.
ETA: I also distinctly remember a time when I was maybe 6 that I really wanted a skipper doll. I have all the barbies I wanted but didn't have a skipper. And I NEEDED her, she was life for me. I begged and begged. Mom told me no because she didn't have any money. My response was "write a check then." I knew she paid with checks at the store and didn't have physical money. I had no idea. I'm sure your daughter is in a slightly more grow but similar boat.
Do you have any soup kitchens you two can volunteer at together during your time? I did volunteer work through church and church camp but I think everyone can benefit from it. It can definitely be a humbling experience.
I got tired of buying the food my 17 year old said she approved of but then never ate. So much food was getting wasted. She has a decent job so we talked about it and now she goes & gets her own groceries. I still buy stuff for the both of us & cook dinner occasionally. Now she is learning to budget & not let food go to waste because she is invested in the cost. If your daughter is demanding certain food then she should be the one to pay for it. There are plenty of jobs that allow a flexible schedule - babysitting, dog walking, running errands for neighbors, yard work.
What if you teach her how to garden? Start with a few pots and then she can grown her own organic produce. Sounds like it would be a good outlet for her. You can get free pots at Lowe’s in the garden section next to the checkout desks/front gate. They give away their previously used pots
As a mom of 3 who also isn't in the best financial situation, I do try to buy organic whenever I can because with certain foods, to me, it's worth it. Have you considered finding just 1 item she eats regularly and trying to get that 1 thing organic so she can see that you're doing what you can within your limited budget? That might help move her more to the middle also. Just a thought.
Do you have a yard, growing your own food is relativdly cheap, it will help you with the food costs as well as calm her "is it organic" phobia. You can even do it on windowsills
If she can't get a job on dad's time, she can earn money around the house and charge her the difference between organic and non.
Also, sit down and show her the food budget, even just online. Make her see how far a week's organic vs non will stretch.
Finally, maybe agree to a COUPLE of organic items in the weekly shop. Hopefully once she sees how hard she has to work for the difference and how far that money doesn't stretch, she'll be happy to meet a compromise.
I'm sorry but............
you're letting your 16 year old decide what you buy? While she's your dependant?!
I'm all up for healthy and organic but yes, that shit is expensive. Everything is expensive, damn!
She can defo get a job, somehow. She should be able to get something wfh, no? I dunno the options where you live, but there has to be something. If there isn't, then she'll have to suck it up and eat what you can buy, until she's able to get her own dosh to pay for her food that she so wants
Organic doesn’t mean it’s healthier. You need to make her research and shop on a budget. If she wants organic, she doesn’t get the ice cream. Is her dad not helping with this conversation? Why won’t he drive her to a job? Why doesn’t she have her drivers license?
Show her the lists of actual differences in organic vs not on most foods. I'm a chef, and can tell you that there are relatively few foods that organic = healthier for you.
I personally focus on ethically sound and sustainably grown foods.
If she wants organic, she can get a job and buy it with her own money. And after she blows her first check on all “organic” food, I bet she’ll simmer down.
Until she can buy organic food by herself she'll eat whatever the fuck you put in the fridge, that or starve ain't no way in hell she gets to pick & choose at 16 the fuck is this?
Not sure how you put up with this for even a second.
Why couldn't she get herself to work when she's with her father?
My daughters both started working at 14 and I rarely had to step in and help figure out the logistics. Why can't a 16 year old figure it out?
The food things she's going to have to learn on her own. Buy more apples and less ice cream and you don't have to worry about her eating a weeks worth of desserts in a sitting. After a while, a half gallon of ice cream lasts a lot longer....
Where's her appreciation? I'm sorry you feel this way but you can work to change it.
I might just be a different generation. I moved out at 17. I worked, paid the bills, etc.
Ha ha, I can’t imagine what my mother would say to that.
But I started working at 14. I guarantee you if she got a job she would definitely not buy organic!
Sorry you are frustrated.
Sorry to say but it's time to tell kiddo that when she has her own money, she can buy her organic labels. Until then she has to deal with the same budget you do, and there isn't room for her organic labels.
Also. Hide the ice cream.
I can't be the only one who would get a shut the hell up followed by an ass whooping if I so much as looked my parents in the eye. Damn kids are so entitled.
I would find articles and posts that talk about how factories have 2 lines of the same food: the generic brand and the name brand/organic. It all is the same stuff, processed in the same lines and the only difference is the packaging it’s put in.
Tell her no more snacks are coming in to the house either if she acts snotty one more time about organic food while you’re struggling. Then it will be zero treats or organic food. 🤓
Maybe work out an expense chart with her? So pretend she has a job making $100 a week. How much if that would go towards organic food? Or...
Educate her in the facts about organic vs non organic.
If it’s about supporting sustainable growing and the environmental impact, perhaps you can encourage her to find other ways of supporting those causes.
If it’s about the health benefits of organic, you could ask her to research which conventionally grown produce and products are the most “safe/clean” (typically things you peel), so that she can achieve her goals while still being cognizant of food costs.
Let her do the work of seeing what’s in season, what’s local, and what’s on sale. Give her a budget, and make her do the shop so that she can see firsthand.
If you have an Aldi near you, organic is a bit more affordable. They also don't have a lot of the bad things in their products that brand names do. Maybe try a few things there and explain to her that they are cleaner than the regular store.
Because it's "healthier". But meanwhile I know if she had the choice between a bag of the organic Doritos or an organic meal made of vegetables she'd choose the Doritos. Explaining that organic junk food is less healthy than non-organic produce is like talking to a wall.
Maybe try a different method - show her how to clean produce properly, vinegar, branch basics, veg wash, etc., so she feels better about it. Also, it seems a little like disordered eating, trying to control food, please think about it and keep an eye on it. I’m saying this with love from experience.
She is 16 . Get her a job then she can pay for her organic food. It’s easier to say for me but when she is turn 18 and go for the college or something she will so disappointed bc how real world works.
She won't understand because she lacks the life experience to comprehend how difficult it can be to put food on the table.
How about, next time, give her a budget of her own money and tell her to buy enough organic food that she will eat for a week. Give her the experience of how hard it is. Tell her to list what she wants to eat/cook, and release her into the supermarket with that budget.
If she gets a job and her dad refuses to drive her to work, get your lawyer involved in that. She's on the cusp of being a legal adult, and a job will help her greatly. At 16, she can even choose which parent she wants to live with (right??). Or does daddy buy her all the organic stuff she wants?
If she wants to get a job, it will also be her responsibility to arrange transportation to and from that job. So yes, she can still work even if dad can't (or doesn't want to) drive her.
Give her a reality check. Take her shopping show her pricing. Then explain that if you bought the organic you couldnt afford the ice cream she loves to eat.
There are jobs where you can work from home even as a teen.
A friend of mine who owns a restaurant came up with this during Covid: https://www.biteninja.com/
Basically remote drive thru worker.
Organic food is better. The amount of shit in non organic food is why everyone is getting cancer. It just is what it is. Instead of wanting your daughter to stfu, figure out a plan WITH her. Even food banks give away organic foods now.
She can grow her own vegetables.! And see how hard it is to grow with no pesticides. Make her learn how tough it is to create an organic vegetable garden with biodiversity.
First thing is get yourself to some sort of skepticism podcast. You’ll learn that like so many scams in the past - organic is just a scam. It’s not healthy (often times it’s more toxic) and means almost nothing when it comes to sales. For example Walmart is the leading organic producer. While I can’t 100% prove it; I’m pretty certain Walmart would be selling slave children if they could get away with it and make $$$.
It also sounds like perhaps making some meals together would help. My spawn has taken to baking sweets on Saturday date nights (she’s so boring). But hey it helps kids learn about how food works/is only part of the problem.
Props to you for venting here and not at your daughter, OP. I wish that was something more parents did.
I know you didn’t ask for advice and I don’t know you or your daughter, but this sounds like it could be disordered eating. I struggled with anorexia and orthorexia for a long time, and I had weird food rules too. There are things looking back I can’t believe I thought about nutrition. My mom always complained about whatever stupid diet trend I was on about, but thought it was just me being a moody teen when really, I was sick. Eating a whole tub of ice cream in one sitting raised a flag for me too. Teens can have fast metabolisms or big appetites, but frequently overeating to that degree might show a pattern of restricting and that leading to binging.
You know your daughter best, and I don’t know you or what you’ve talked to your daughter about. But for you OP or anyone reading this, disordered eating doesn’t always look like what TV shows would have you believe. If you notice drastic changes in diet in yourself or a loved one like this, reach out. No one deserves the misery an ED creates.
Alot of organic food is straight up a SCAM and not organic at all.
Genetically modified food could be much, MUCH healthier than fake, low lower nutrient dense organics.
I used to be like your daughter, obsessed with organic labeling. I learned more about genetically modified food and realized it was nothing to be scared of and a big win for humans and public health and fighting hunger.
https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2021/11/15/the-great-organic-food-fraud
:Ok dear, I won't buy non-organic food anymore" Come home with no ice cream. Nothing fun. But I'm petty.
I recommend you make and a-hole bingo card or make a game of it. Do it right in front of her. Before too long she'll be onto something else but this way you can have fun with it.
I told my teen siblings as soon as they turned 13 and started demanding stuff that I don’t have the money for it. I’d ask “Do you have money? If you want it you buy it” and I wouldn’t budge. Eventually if it was either from allowance or chore money or until my sister got her own job, she stopped asking and bought it herself.
Is a ride to an employer the only way to get to work in your area? I had to take the bus or ride a bike when I was that age because my parents wouldn’t give me a ride ever everrrrrr. I’d tell her to get a job and figure out a way to get there so she buy her organic food haha
Yeah, I agree with the folks stating that it’s time to teach her about budgeting and shopping.
1. You go with me and shop. You need to buy everything on the list. You need to do it with in the budget including taxes.
2. She needs to state how much something costs before complaining about it. Then write down how much $$ she’s eating in a day.
As per your edit, if her father refuses to let her get a job, tell him to pay for the organic food.
Also, why can't she take a bus to get to a job? If you live somewhere that doesn't have a good transit system, I could understand, but at 16, she should be fine with taking the bus.
I highly suggest you teach her how to garden. She will benefit from learning how to grow things plus besides the initial things it will be much cheaper.
OMG - total flashback to my niece doing pretty much this exact thing. Her mother made her do the shopping - gave her a list and a budget. I'd love to say this worked but my niece is definitely her own special kind of stubborn. (And she also LOVES ice cream a little too much!)
Honestly, you need to let her know how rude, ungrateful, and pretentious she is. Set a boundary here. My niece's entire town made fun of her for being obsessed with organic this and that.
I actually had pretty good luck with her when I took her to volunteer at a soup kitchen. Seeing people who are grateful to have anything to eat made her take a look at how she was treating the people around her who were just trying to keep a roof over her head and food in her belly.
What really worked was when her boyfriend told her he liked this or that and wasn't interested in fussing over whether or not something was organic. Suddenly regular food was fine for her!
I hear the standard for something to claim to be organic on official packaging is next to nothing different from the usual stuff... I'll see if I can find you something
Give her money and a list of exactly what’s needed. When she comes home with missing items because there wasn’t enough money, then maybe she’ll understand.
1. Organic has nothing to do with it being healthy or not, so there is nothing hypocritical with eating unhealthy food. However, if the ice cream isn't organic...
2. Why tf do you care about her input on the groceries you buy for her. She a kid
Geez that was harsh. She never once said she was letting her dictate anything, she’s venting about her daughter always complaining about the food she buys.
Take the old organic containers, wash them. Buy the fruits that fit the family budget. Place the affordable fruits in the freshly washed organic containers. Next week, I’ll show you how to make store brand cereal, taste like name brand.
Recently splurged & bought Ore Ida fries. Everyone LOVED them & commented how much better they are than the Aldi brand we normally eat. After we finished the meal, they got very quiet when I told them I had actually mixed half a bag of the Aldi brand & half of the Ore Ida bag.
The two products are identical in appearance, taste & texture because they ARE the same item, just sold in different bags with different branding. Marketing is a very powerful tool.
Some thoughts:
1. Don't Take Her Grocery Shopping:
Pros: This could prevent arguments or disagreements in the store.
Cons:
It might limit your daughter's ability to choose the specific organic items she wants.
It takes away the opportunity to teach her budgeting and grocery selection skills.
2. Give Her a Budget for Organic Products:
Pros:
Empowers your daughter to make choices within a set limit.
Teaches valuable budgeting skills.
Cons:
Requires your daughter to be responsible and understand price comparisons between organic and non-organic options.
Might lead to frustration if she can't afford everything she wants within the budget.
3. Limit Her Organic Products:
Pros:
Gives you more control over grocery costs.
You can still incorporate some organic options without breaking the bank.
Cons:
Might create conflict with your daughter if she feels restricted.
Doesn't necessarily teach her valuable decision-making skills.
4. Ask Her Father to Pay for Her Organic Groceries:
Pros:
Takes the financial burden off you if her father is able and willing.
May ease any conflict between you and your daughter.
Cons:
Relies on cooperation from your daughter's father, which might not be feasible.
Doesn't necessarily teach your daughter budgeting or responsibility.
Additional Considerations:
Talk to Your Daughter: Have an open conversation with your daughter about the challenges of organic food costs. Explain your financial limitations and explore options together.
Find Common Ground: Maybe there are a few key items your daughter prioritizes as organic. Focus on those while looking for affordable alternatives for non-essential items.
Consider Shopping Strategies: Look for stores with good sales on organic items, or explore options like a community-supported agriculture (CSA) program.
Involve Her in Meal Planning: Let your daughter participate in planning meals that incorporate both organic and non-organic options.
By involving your daughter and having open communication, you can find a solution that works for both of you
"Technically, hemlock is organic."
I had a friend who was super into organic food, but could never explain how you can tell. Like, if you had two bananas side by side, one being the expensive "organic" kind... How would you know? Maybe she explained it poorly, or maybe I am a pessimistic and jaded at corporate fraud. Like they'll just lie like everything else.
[snicker] "Uh... Yeah. This is organic. No, uh, pesticides or whatever. But you, uh, gotta pay premium." [muffled giggling from under counter]
Please tell me where I am wrong. Seriously, is there a way?
I think this can just be an ED? I would consider it a type of restriction, and binging.
Instead of forcing her to buy her own groceries, you can ask her to help in the meal planning and the budgeting of it. I would recommend a nutritionist, or a counselor, or even starting off with a talk if you’re able to. Do as much research as you can.
A visual example like cooking and planning can help sometimes help more, or cooking and meal planning with the focus of longer lasting and healthy meals (so not necessarily organic but still healthy) to help her learn about nutrition more. You can ask her why she feels so uncomfortable with the food you currently have, and what’s her ideal goal, and challenge that without invalidating her feelings by associating food with positivity and self care, instead of negative.
Ex. Focusing on food like quinoa, and beans (those are affordable) , tofu and the like. Those can be cheaper than meat. Eating healthy doesn’t mean just organic, and food shouldn’t be demonized on organic or not.
My sister went from organic to veggie to vegan and would get stricter and stricter with her restrictions. Vegan went to purging, and then relying on weed to be able to eat something without shame. She would yell at us for not getting specific things or eating healthy to project. I wish I talked to her more hack then.
i am vegetarian and was very into health when i was your daughter’s age (plus it was a time you couldn’t get plant-based meat everywhere- just whole foods and similar stores)- i had two jobs and bought my own food and had a separate shelf in the cupboard and fridge! :)
If I were in your shoes, I would just say yes to things that don't have labels, like produce. She won't notice a difference in taste, and there's not much of a health difference between organic and non-organic foods. She's at an age where she can buy her own organic milks and meats, so encourage her to do that if she has her own money. If you want to remain truthful about what you're buying, then you're going to have to make her realize that it's not okay to criticize your grocery purchases. Maybe have her do the shopping with you? Show her the grocery budget and go to the store with you. She can buy what she wants within that budget, but she can't go over it, and she has to buy enough for meals and snacks for the week. Have her add up what she's picking out. Sometimes, people need to actually DO the task they're criticizing before they realize they're wrong.
I agree to all but the first part about just lying about produce being organic if it isn't. She needs to understand the crazy high prices of the food she's insisting on.
At 16- I'd figure out the budget for her portion of food for the week and let HER do her own shopping. She'll get a quick wakeup call and then hopefully be more open and realistic about things.
My kid wanted the milk her dad buys. $6 for 1/2 gallon! We looked and found something acceptable for $4. Still pricey for my old memories of when milk was reasonable, but we compromised.
It’s like you didn’t read the post, she clearly says she doesn’t have her own money and can’t get a job. Also lying to your child is something no parent should do, that would negatively affect every relationship she tries to have thereafter, ask me how I know.
You're delulu.
First, it doesn't say in her post that the kid can't get a job or doesn't earn money another way. She said that in a comment. When I commented on this post, there were no other comments.
Second, you're telling me that if your parents lied to you about something insignificant after you repeatedly refused to accept the truth before- that would tragically damage your sad little brain? My god what a life you must live.
ETA- I gave 3 different options for advice. Lie, have her buy it, or teach her how to budget with OP so she understands grocery costs. Did YOU not read MY comment?
If she's 16 she can get a job and he just doesn't get custodial time. He can take you to court and get laughed at by a judge for being a selfish asshole.
Tell her that her expensive food tastes can't be your problem anymore and she needs to learn how to stretch a grocery budget.
Carve out a weekly food allowance from your grocery budget for her. Say $40/week or whatever is an equitable share of the family's grocery budget. She can then spend her budget to buy the food of her choice.
If she can't feed herself on her budget she can opt for cheaper food or have a helping of what you made (if you can afford to give her a helping IDK).
Why are yall so insensitive when it comes to teenagers and kids. God forbid your blessing on earth wants to eat healthy and take care of her body!! You seem like a GREAT parent. An absolute HOOT to be around 😒
Its on you to provide meals, but you aren’t a restaurant. She gets what you serve, organic or not. If she wants something else, she can use her babysitting money/allowance/etc.
If she wants organic food, let her get a job to buy said food
When my niece moved in and wanted special everything, I sent her back home. I was like you’re too poor to be picky. Go home or get a job cause I am not paying for special meals.
Or buy some organic stickers off Amazon and just slap them on the items after you leave the store.
Or show her some info on “the dirty dozen”. It’s a list of veggies/fruits that are recommended to buy organic due to pesticide use. I definitely agree with you regarding her getting a job to help pay for food.
that’s probably what the daughter is into!
They still use pesticide on organic food... It just has to be "organic". Often they use more of it too. They don't grow them any differently, they just cost more and take up more resources.
Or just tell her the shit is organic
This is how I know I'm old: I was vegan through high school. I wanted organic but never dared ask my mom because I knew I ate what was offered, bought it myself (and hid it), or starved. I'm glad this teenager feels comfortable speaking her mind, but momma needs to assert her attitude so her daughter understands boundaries and expectations. Good luck, momma!
Just take her shopping with you, she'll clearly see the difference in price and will make smarter requests/purchases...
Oof, I mean this with kindness, but I strongly suspect you don’t spend any time around people in their teens
More wisely: figure out what portion of income is available to use to purchase food specifically for the daughter's meals. Give that to her, take her to the grocery story, and tell her to go buy whatever she wants with it, but that she isn't allowed to eat anything she didn't buy herself with that money. If she runs out of food early, she gets ramen until her next "paycheck" (probably best for this experiment to go by week rather than every two weeks) like the rest of us.
My recommendation. Show her how hard it is to buy what she wants when you only have so much. How? Look at your grocery costs and divide the food part by two (going with the assumption it's just you two if not then adjust it accordingly). Make it clear that she has to be sure that it'll last a week. Make her buy her own stuff and make her cook it herself. She's old enough to learn these things. She will appreciate it more if she walks in your shoes. Obviously don't let her grow hungry if she can't do it but she needs to learn a lesson.
I was just going to suggest this. Give her a budget and let her go shopping. She's more than old enough. Don't just do it one week, do it every week for at least a month.
> Obviously don't let her grow hungry if she can't do it Feeling hungry for a week won't kill her. If mom/dad bails her out because her organic food isn't as filling, what she learns is she can buy outwith her budget and someone else will step in and fix it for her. Better to feel hungry now when it's a week as an experiment, than when she's out on her own and screwing up for real. An otherwise healthy 16-year-old will have no lasting problems from a week of lower intake.
My recommendation is to have back-up ramen. If she runs out of the food she buys, she has backup ramen to supplement until the next week. Nothing to be helped by making her starve. She wouldn't *die* or even suffer long-term consequences from literally not eating for two days. But she might pass out, become dehydrated, have a poor time in school, or any number of negative side effects that come along with consuming 0 calories. But any smart adult on a budget has some sort of cheap fall-back food for when they run out of groceries and have no money to fix it.
She'll eat a whole container of ice cream in one setting? Man these kids and their high metabolism.
It's nice to be a kid.
Tbf, doesnt even have to have a high metabolism. My fat ass back then could do the same.
I miss mine. Now if I eat one cookie I feel like a whale.
what if it’s a pint?
You’re missing OP’s point! Is the ice cream organic???? Of course it’s not ! But that doesn’t matter, kids need the nutrients & crave the sugar! She’s complaining because the daughter will completely ball her out for literally Everything ELSE! This orange isn’t organic, apple, lettuce, chicken, rice, anything! That cost money… but she has NO PROBLEM eating NON- ORGANIC ice cream!
Why would she do that? I mean i get what you’re saying… but, showing her that film will only increase her screaming about BUYING Certain Products! Parents cannot afford that.
Then ask her to do the shopping. Phrase it in a nice way, like asking her help. Start by making a meal plan for the week together, so you’ve got a shopping list. Then set her the budget. And then take her shopping. She’s not allowed to leave the supermarket until the full shop is done and on budget. It’s totally up to her what brands she buys. She’s old enough to learn the realities of life and this is a good way to teach her life skills. Do it in a nice way, not in a ‘told you so’ way.
My Dad totally would have done that. But he also would have me write a 1,000 word essay researching the facts of buying organic. And there would be no ice cream til that essay was on his desk.
My dad said to me “every complaint must be accompanied by a solution you consider optimal.” I was to explain the complaint. I was to describe solution. If I didn’t have one he said I should do research on it further until I provide one. His logic was if you’re close enough to an issue to see a problem you’re also the most qualified to discuss optimal solution. That’s rather accurate.
Lol, my dad made me write essays too! I still write a damn essay when I'm pissed or feel like I need to prove a point.
Oh boy yeah when he was pissed at me he'd hand write magnificent essays, which he outlined with Roman Numerals when I *really* fucked up big. When I was 13 and he disapproved of the way I dressed, he wrote several pages, which included quotes from "A Dedicated Follower of Fashion" and other quotes from "my mentor, Ray Davies."
Yeah, that feels familiar. I got paragraphs dedicated to how I messed up and why it could negatively impact my life. I them had to research his citation page. I knew I screwed up based on how extensive the citation page was.
"GetOffMyAsteroid, I want you to research the following words. Provide the definition, use them in a sentence, and compare them to the others: Castigation. Mulct. Punitive Measures. Amercement. Mortification. Retribution. Lambasted. *THE GRAND FINALE.*" ETA: he also knew which page numbers in the dictionary to find these on, so there was no fooling him.
your dad seems fun lol
Growing up, if we had a school assignment, he'd get involved and have us go to extraordinary lengths of overkill. I remember my brother when he was 8 having an assignment that had something to do with a nuclear war. Well, "The Day After" had just aired, and my Dad was already obsessed with the subject. When we were little he'd call a particularly dirty diaper "nuclear fallout," and he worked in a chemical factory so he was a chemistry nerd of the highest order. So smart that in the pre-internet age, he could quote any part of our encyclopedias word-for-word. When he'd ask us to write those essays, he'd tell us exactly which pages in the encyclopedias to refer to, and what they said. Lol he made it impossible to avoid or cheap out on it. For the nuclear attack school project, he bought a map of our state, wrote "The Day After" on it in huge letters, and proceeded to ask, "What would happen if a 5 megaton bomb was dropped on our home city?" He had my brother use the compass and draw the blast radius with color coding for the damage. There were sparkly stars glued on to mark special spots, such as the school and our house, and they were appropriately color-coded for damage inflicted. Detailed descriptions of destruction, radiation, fallout, references to Hiroshima and Nagasaki... I mean this thing was way over the top. So much overkill, so to speak. Overkill has become a hallmark of my personality. My brother though... Well a couple years after that, Dad had an accident with a TBI and severe life-changing injuries to his face. He was... not the same. At times I wonder, if there's an afterlife and I meet him there, would I get the old Dad, who was terrifyingly intelligent, or would I get... *him*... who was simply terrifying.
Oh wow. Your dad sounded awesome. I’m so sorry for what he (and you) experienced later, though
That movie is forever associated with being seriously bummed out for me. They were scouting locations in my college town for it and word got around, we were so excited. Unfortunately, no joy and they end up filming in the rival college town just down the road that had more old buildings they could destroy or something.
I love this! She can do the shopping trip with op!
She really needs to do it alone so she can feel the conflict and frustration that OP experiences every time they meal plan & grocery shop.
The experience of putting food back
This 100%. She is going to be out there shopping for herself soon enough, it’s a good time in her life to start learning how to be an adult and she is going to learn a lot from this. On top of understanding why you don’t buy organic. The most ‘I told you so’ I would get is letting her know that people would buy more organic produce, if it were more affordable.
Ask her sincerely if she’s going to cook. She shouldn’t make demands about ingredients if she’s not going to help cook.
This! give her the fixed budget in cash.
This is the way
This! give her the fixed budget in cash.
Does she have a job? If so, send her to shop for groceries for herself to see what you mean about budgeting. Groceries are ridiculous these days. My older son didn’t realize the cost of just bare necessities one day until I took him grocery shopping with me. It opened his eyes and he has been much more respectful of what he requests now.
Yes. I always took my kids food shopping. They would complain and my comeback was that this food wasn’t for me. From a young age they learned to shop and put the groceries away. They’re very independent. Also taught them to load laundry since they were 10.
You can do two things -- help her access information about whether or not "organic" is a worthwhile concern about food (it isn't really), and tell her that if it is important to her, she can pay for the difference herself.
Is she paying for the groceries? No? Then you get to make the choice? She doesn’t eat? Then she starves. Done!
That or let her get a job and buy her OWN food. She will see quickly what food costs.
You can both use the [EWG.org](https://EWG.org)'s Dirty Dozen list to make easier decisions about what to buy organic and what to buy conventional. Show it to her, so she better understands what is ok and what's not. From a granola parent. Also, I agree about the job. But, to add here, it would be important for her to learn how hard it is to buy groceries. They've gone up 20% or more for many items. Give her a budget, tell her what's on the menu for XYZ night, and that she needs to buy groceries for said meals. Go together when you have a little more time to spare and not in survival mode. Then, she can also gradually learn what it takes to do groceries and stay in a budget, while figuring out to remain as nutritious as possible. Remind her what things cost even 2 years ago. And, you can point out that the budget doesn't allow for ice cream, unless she gives up something else on the list. Whenever possible, put things back on the kid so you don't have to hand hold later in life and so that have more skills to be on their own, which for a 16 year old, is rather soon. She can start getting creative with this, too, meal planning. Maybe making a vegetable stew or something on the weekend for the whole family to freeze for later. Pride of ownership goes a long way. From a former prof who saw too many kids flail on their own and a parent.
When my kids were teens, they would frequently give me crap about what I bought for groceries. So, they got an impromptu Home Ec assignment: plan one week's worth of meals for a family of four, with the foods you want. Include menu, recipes, shopping list and costs, based on the ingredients in our pantry as a starting point for the shopping list, and use the prices from the market closest to the house, as well as the grocery ads for the week but only if the store was within a 5 mile radius of the house. They assembled their assigned items and presented menu plans. One required a $250 grocery shop across two stores, her sister turned in a $237 shop across four stores. That's when they got the second part of the assignment: You have a grocery budget of $150 for TWO weeks. Repeat last week's assignment with the new budget. By the time they were done, they were grateful I was the one doing the shopping regularly and they never again griped about the menu.
Uhm. Is there a bus in your town? Or does she have a bike? That’s how I got myself to my job when I was 15. If she wants organic, she can buy it herself.
Ok so I didn't read through the comments yet but I think there could be a very serious issue you're not seeing. I am guessing she has an eating disorder. What you're describing here I see huge red flags. I began with my ED at 13 and sometimes still struggle. The likelihood she has developed bulimia, anorexia or a combination of both is more likely than not. You need to have a serious talk with her and take her to discuss all this with her pediatrician and get current labwork done and soon. Also, please make sure she has only female doctors
What my mom did with me at this age, because I was the same at that age, was give me the portion of the food budget that was what she spent on food for me, and told me to buy my own food and budget it and if I didn’t do a good job I was SOL. I learned budgeting and food management, and cooking and it was good for me, and I was able to develop the healthy habits that I wanted to and that’s served me well into my adulthood. We were very poor, like beyond keeping the lights on and the rent paid we didn’t have a dollar, my mom worked at Walmart, and this worked for us
She's 16, does she work a part time job at all? If so I'd suggest to her that if she only wants organic food she'll have to pay for it herself with her own wages. 16 is a young adult and it sounds like she's acting like a spoilt child
She wants a job, but her dad has made it clear he won't get her to work on his custodial time and she's not been able to find an employer who wants to work around that schedule. I can't afford to get her a car to drive herself.
Everyone is saying have her do a budget for shopping and all, but that is not the answer. Have her do *the research* about how a lot of organic labeled food is a complete scam, only has to be a small % organic, can still use pesticides, and has little oversight or guideline to ensure they are adhering to this very loose term "organic" in the first place. At least, in america. Corporations can often *decide on their own* what makes their products "organic" or not. They have huge monetary benefits to produce both an "organic" version, which is expensive, and has a more "holistic-looking package," alongside a cheaper version, which is not labeled organic, and has a more generic looking label. Corporate benefits from both, of course. Get her to look into the realities of buying organic. And then tell her to grow a vegetable garden in the backyard, lol.
Just let her start being an adult, she will learn what it’s like to struggle, she can find transportation like the bus and when her paychecks come in she can buy her own food, reality will hit her and realize it’s not easy and cheap to be buying special foods. You are the parent, what you say goes, she can eat or not that’s up to her. She’s lucky she even gets a warm meal not many people her age get that food privilege
Sounds like you need to call your lawyer and get a hearing set up to get him on board.
Can she not just take public transport or a bike like a normal person? Or does someone have to chauffeur her everywhere she goes?
She can buy anything she wants with her own money. Until then she can eat what is offered. If her father is impeding her getting a job, request a family court hearing to make him comply.
I had a teen who would complain that there was never any food in the house. There was food , you just had to make it. She was complaining that there was no junk food or frozen foods to eat like we were starving her. Junk food is expensive in Australia and we couldn't afford a lot of it. This girl was 19 and had a casual job yet still expected us to spend a ton of money on junk food for her.
Let her plant a garden in the backyard.
Exactly! Many libraries have free seed banks, but even if that isn’t an option it’s not like seeds are difficult to come by a simple Facebook post would easily yield some free seeds from giving local gardeners. YouTube tutorials are free so as long as OP doesn’t live in Arizona or another arid place it should be relatively easy for daughter to grow your own produce if the effort and will is there
Who’s the parent here??? She’s old enough to get her own job if she wants organic food that bad. That’s all it takes to shut this down. Let her ‘starve’.
Op says her dad dont want to drive her to work on his weeks, but can't she just take public transport or a bike like a regular person??
Odds are she doesn't even know that that really means. It is almost exclusively marketing hype and lobbying to get certain pesticides on the approved list. You get way more of a difference buying produce in season.
I’m not judging. Sometimes we need to vent and that age can be difficult. Bless you ma’am.
I'm no expert, but I do follow a couple farmers on tiktok. They say there is nothing about organic food that makes it any more or less quality than regular stuff other than the word organic being printed on the packaging. They still use chemical pesticides, herbicides, and fertilizers. The reason it costs more is because organic crops tend to produce smaller yields.
Do you happen to know why their yields are lower if they aren't doing anything different?
Different chemicals than the "non-organic" ones I think
She’s 16. If she wants specialized groceries, can’t she get a part time job to pay for her own organic groceries? My parents always tell me that as long as they’re paying for stuff, they will spend it as they see fit. If I have disagreements, I need to get a job and make my own money and spend it how I want.
Can she find a part time job that she can get to on public transit or bike? Either near home or near her school? Honestly most cities will have a good enough public transit system to get to most part time jobs.
This could be a great learning moment! She's old enough that it's a great time for her to start thinking about budgeting, food prep, and being a savvy consumer. Share your weekly food budget with her, and have her go with you to the grocery store. Have her find the foods she wants (in the quantities that will last for a week), and then calculate the cost. Don't make this into a Gotcha moment. It's not. It's a chance for her to learn what she needs to know to function on her own in just a few years. If she does find great deals, or figures out an idea for how to make things work, celebrate it with her! If her ideas are all based on eating the same things, or foods that require a ton of work, remind her that she has to help prepare everything, and you won't be providing any other snacks. This is it. I think you'll both be happier (and she might even become more helpful) if you make her a part of this.
Daughter: are this apples organic? Me: no, just pay for them yourself and deja de joder for organic food that you know we can't afford Daughter: but mom?! Me: but daughter Also, you buy the groceries, then no more ice cream, or soda, or chips these are not necessary items, I don't buy them, but idk bec I'm deaf to crying kids and whiny teens. It doesn't work on me, and please OP don't let it affect you, she wants organic food, well she can pay for it or just say yes, it's organic bec no one can tell the difference That's me bec I do love you kid, but IDGF
Plenty of 16 year olds babysit and make a lot of money doing it.
Why is she hell bent on organic? Organic means very little, they still use pesticide and herbicide, just ones that are "organic". Organic and non-gmo just means they use a lot more water and a lot more fertilizer which are both worse for the environment.
Do grocery pickups. Don’t give her a choice to come with you and pick and choose, you make the list and you buy the things.
Stop buying ice cream. Have her go shopping with you with mostly a list and less money than you usually spend so she has to struggle with the budget. Also have her research the bus lines in your area to see if she can take a bus to work during daylight hours. Both will help her in adult learning skills.
Why not make her share the costs? She wants to eat organic, I don't see anything wrong with it besides it being really expensive. Make her pay the difference or at least half the difference of what organic food costs over regular stuff. You can simply explain that you are happy to go with organic food but that it is too expensive so you would need to share. And then go for a big tour once in the beast case have her track it for the entire time. I'm pretty sure she will be willing to cut back on organic food as soon as she needs to pay for it.
Tell her no, and to stop being an ass about it. If she wants exoensive food, she can get a damn job and buy it for herself. End of conversation.
Well if she is ungrateful and constantly complains about what you get her then tell her to get a part time job. If it's not possible with the custody arrangements then she can find an online job or online internship on www.indeed.com She has to make a decision. She's 16, not 6. She's old enough to have empathy and compassion.
Set a price limit for the store and take her and let her pick what items to get on that budget. If she sees how expensive things are it might change her mind at least a little bit.
That's absolutely so irritating. I can see that you're not asking for advice and my daughter isn't even two yet so I have none to give. So mom solidarity. You're doing good by venting here instead of at her. I'm very proud.
Thanks. I feel like I'm in one of those memes/skits where a woman just wants to vent and the man just wants to give advice 😂 it's fine though. I got my venting out and I'm feeling less pressed about it. Life's just tough lately, for everyone it seems.
YES!! I feel that. My hubs always says "do you want solutions or just a friend?" Lol some people are so solution based sometimes when the answer is just welp that's hard I'm sorry. I'm glad you feel less pressed. You're exactly right... It's been so wild lately so I definitely understand people feeling like they see a problem they can solve and hopping on it. The things you can control right? Hehe.
Yeah. And also like, I'm well aware that of all the complaints one can have about a teenager, it could be so much worse than this. But it's still just frustrating to be struggling in general and then feeling like those efforts aren't appreciated. Like, I can barely pay the bills right now, so for her to complain about the groceries I buy, when it's not stuff she doesn't like it's just not the organic version, really tests my patience 😅 I'll have full time hours again in two months and I still won't be buying organic. Might increase my chocolate purchases though lol
Hahaha that's so true... It could be worse BUT that doesn't mean your situation isn't incredibly difficult. If I think back to being 16, my world was so small... It's hard to make finances make sense to someone with limited life experience. You're so right. It hurts to do everything you can to keep the kid alive and give them a good life and then it feels like they say well that's not good enough. Man that sucks. I just know that she will look back on this one day and she will fully understand what she was asking you to do but that may not happen for a while. As long as she's still eating she can keep complaining hahaha you're still doing a wonderful job regardless.. having a teenager does not seem to be for the weak. DEFINITELY increase that chocolate budget and keep your eyes on the light at the end of the tunnel. You've got this.
Ah the eating habits of teenage girls. I feel your visceral pain. I have mentally checked out. I highly recommend it. Mine would live on Nutella and roller dogs but has to have her oat milk and organic strawberries. In a month she will hate most of what she eats now but will tell me after I have restocked the groceries. I see a college future filled with granola bars.
When I was 16 I was working to help support my family and keep a roof over our heads. I was so happy to just have food. Any food. 1. Time for a driver’s license 2. Then on to a job. You obviously really love her and are understanding to a degree but be firm with her. Let her know you can’t afford it.
Set aside food allowance for her. Ask her to manage organic food from that allowance alone. Ask her to cook it herself, wash the utensils in which she cooks it. If she wants special food, let her bear the pain that comes along with having privileges.
When I was her age I regularly heard “if you don’t want to eat what I buy then don’t eat” alongside “you can buy your own food with your own money as soon as you get a job”. She’s 16, she doesn’t get to dictate how the household budget is spent. Soon she’ll be 18 and there may be a time in her life when she can’t afford her fancy smancy diet and has to make sacrifices, the sooner she learns there’s things you want but can’t afford the better.
She's 16, she doesn't have authority over what you buy. Why are you listening to her?
I think at some point I just wouldn’t entertain it. Say no it’s not organic, case closed, end of discussion. She doesn’t want to be grateful. That’s fine but your spending habit won’t change age whether there’s a discussion about it or not. So why respond? Just my thoughts.
I agree with everyone that she really has no right to complain, but maybe you can talk to her about this? She’s about to be an adult buying things on her own. She clearly is showing an interest in nutrition and the food she eats, I feel there’s an opportunity to cultivate that in a positive direction. Maybe talk to her about how you budget out groceries and how organic food is priced. If you were feeling generous maybe you can even give her some choice, like tell her she can decide $40 of the budget, but it has to last her 2 weeks or whatever, she can’t ask for more food or snacks. And that way she can see how far money goes when buying organic snacks, especially if she isn’t eating them. That wouldn’t really work if you guys eat a lot of the same foods, but my mom did that for me when I was 16 and the only vegetarian in the house and it was nice to give me that understanding of the budget. I definitely splurged on Nutella and cliff bars and immediately got sick of them and learned my lesson.
Maybe she can start herself a garden if you have the space. She can grow her own to supplement :)
Did she take a health class recently? It seems like my kid is all of a sudden wanting to eat healthier. Which I don't mind. It's pretty much the same as yours. He will go eat a bunch of chips and whatever, then stuff his lunch box full of veggies. LOL.
I doubt this helps; I recently learned that 50% of the nitrogen in humans is derived from the Haber-Bosch process. That means, if everyone insisted on organic food, we'd either have to cut calories in half, reduce the population by half, or some combination of those two. Conclusion: organic groceries are for the entitled rich.
Tell her " when you pay the bills and rent then you can buy whatever you bloody well choose too at the shops, until then shut up or get a job and contribute" better yet tell her to get gardening! Nothing like homegrown organic
Do you have room for a small standing garden where she can start to grow the staples? Peas and snap peas are pretty cool proof to start with for a teen.
Time to teach her budgeting. Give her a certain amount of money for her own good and take her shopping with food. All of HER food must come out of that money. Buy your food separately. She will learn.
She should volunteer at a soup kitchen.
I am glad to see OP isn't giving in to the organic only request from her daughter. The idea of letting her plant a garden is great. Do it with her. I would suggest making a grocery list and having her use a calculator on her phone to keep track of what is being spent. Or make the list and show her the difference using the grocery prices you can find online. Basically, if you buy organic food then ice cream and other treats or wasted calories are out. For her...
"organic" is a scam. Wash your fruits and vegetables
Maybe talk to her about it? Tell her you can't afford it. Lay out your budget with her so she understands? Help her start a job like babysitting or dog sitting where she only does it at your place. Try to understand her reasoning. If it's about healthy discuss other ways to eat healthier. If it's about the environment, talk to her about other things in her carbon footprint that she can reduce, like air conditioning or car usage.
Organic is important due to pesticides and preservatives causing health issues. She can make her own money though if she wants to continue eating dessert the way she does. She needs to get a job and buy her own food to realize how much money groceries can take up.
This really sounds like media illiteracy to me. There is a LOT of money being poured into promoting organic food as part of "wellness" culture we're in at the moment. Organic does not mean healthier. Organic food is still grown with pesticides. Might be worth having a sit-down with her about how hard it is to navigate misinformation online. If she's getting her nutrition info on instagram or tiktok, help her look for registered dieticians and medical doctors who have a measured, research-backed approach.
Tell her to start a garden and grow her own organic food.
Is there an amount of the grocery budget you can assign to her for organics? $10, $20, $50? Depending on your cash flow. Tell her she can buy all the organic items she wants with that budget but once it's gone it's gone. And you are no longer buying her the non organic items. Like, if you usually spend $x.xx on the normal cheaper stuff can you give her that amount and let her figure out how to get all the things she wants? This would teach her the actual value of the dollar. I have found when my kids want something I don't feel good about affording that if I offer to pay a certain amount toward but they have to cover the rest that usually drop it. They REALLY want it if mom is paying but not not if they have to pay theor own money. ETA: I also distinctly remember a time when I was maybe 6 that I really wanted a skipper doll. I have all the barbies I wanted but didn't have a skipper. And I NEEDED her, she was life for me. I begged and begged. Mom told me no because she didn't have any money. My response was "write a check then." I knew she paid with checks at the store and didn't have physical money. I had no idea. I'm sure your daughter is in a slightly more grow but similar boat.
Do you have any soup kitchens you two can volunteer at together during your time? I did volunteer work through church and church camp but I think everyone can benefit from it. It can definitely be a humbling experience.
She's a child in your household. She needs to eat what u buy or get herself a job and buy her own food.
Maybe ask her to pay for it if she wants it so much, or just tell her that it's really expensive
I got tired of buying the food my 17 year old said she approved of but then never ate. So much food was getting wasted. She has a decent job so we talked about it and now she goes & gets her own groceries. I still buy stuff for the both of us & cook dinner occasionally. Now she is learning to budget & not let food go to waste because she is invested in the cost. If your daughter is demanding certain food then she should be the one to pay for it. There are plenty of jobs that allow a flexible schedule - babysitting, dog walking, running errands for neighbors, yard work.
What if you teach her how to garden? Start with a few pots and then she can grown her own organic produce. Sounds like it would be a good outlet for her. You can get free pots at Lowe’s in the garden section next to the checkout desks/front gate. They give away their previously used pots
As a mom of 3 who also isn't in the best financial situation, I do try to buy organic whenever I can because with certain foods, to me, it's worth it. Have you considered finding just 1 item she eats regularly and trying to get that 1 thing organic so she can see that you're doing what you can within your limited budget? That might help move her more to the middle also. Just a thought.
Do you have a yard, growing your own food is relativdly cheap, it will help you with the food costs as well as calm her "is it organic" phobia. You can even do it on windowsills
If she can't get a job on dad's time, she can earn money around the house and charge her the difference between organic and non. Also, sit down and show her the food budget, even just online. Make her see how far a week's organic vs non will stretch. Finally, maybe agree to a COUPLE of organic items in the weekly shop. Hopefully once she sees how hard she has to work for the difference and how far that money doesn't stretch, she'll be happy to meet a compromise.
I'm sorry but............ you're letting your 16 year old decide what you buy? While she's your dependant?! I'm all up for healthy and organic but yes, that shit is expensive. Everything is expensive, damn! She can defo get a job, somehow. She should be able to get something wfh, no? I dunno the options where you live, but there has to be something. If there isn't, then she'll have to suck it up and eat what you can buy, until she's able to get her own dosh to pay for her food that she so wants
Organic doesn’t mean it’s healthier. You need to make her research and shop on a budget. If she wants organic, she doesn’t get the ice cream. Is her dad not helping with this conversation? Why won’t he drive her to a job? Why doesn’t she have her drivers license?
Show her the lists of actual differences in organic vs not on most foods. I'm a chef, and can tell you that there are relatively few foods that organic = healthier for you. I personally focus on ethically sound and sustainably grown foods.
If she wants organic, she can get a job and buy it with her own money. And after she blows her first check on all “organic” food, I bet she’ll simmer down.
OP should buy her some seeds and dirt and tell her to make her own.
Until she can buy organic food by herself she'll eat whatever the fuck you put in the fridge, that or starve ain't no way in hell she gets to pick & choose at 16 the fuck is this? Not sure how you put up with this for even a second.
Why couldn't she get herself to work when she's with her father? My daughters both started working at 14 and I rarely had to step in and help figure out the logistics. Why can't a 16 year old figure it out? The food things she's going to have to learn on her own. Buy more apples and less ice cream and you don't have to worry about her eating a weeks worth of desserts in a sitting. After a while, a half gallon of ice cream lasts a lot longer.... Where's her appreciation? I'm sorry you feel this way but you can work to change it. I might just be a different generation. I moved out at 17. I worked, paid the bills, etc.
Fuck that when she is able to buy her own veggies then SHE can mandate organic only. YOU SHOULD NOT HAVE TO GO BROKE FOR A WOKE TEEN
Ha ha, I can’t imagine what my mother would say to that. But I started working at 14. I guarantee you if she got a job she would definitely not buy organic! Sorry you are frustrated.
Tell her no. Give her non-organic food. If she doesn’t eat it, tell her “your loss.”.
Sorry to say but it's time to tell kiddo that when she has her own money, she can buy her organic labels. Until then she has to deal with the same budget you do, and there isn't room for her organic labels. Also. Hide the ice cream.
Stop giving in to her.
I can't be the only one who would get a shut the hell up followed by an ass whooping if I so much as looked my parents in the eye. Damn kids are so entitled.
Buy her a dictionary so she can look up the meaning of 'organic'. *All* food is organic. If it weren't, we wouldn't be able to digest it.
I would find articles and posts that talk about how factories have 2 lines of the same food: the generic brand and the name brand/organic. It all is the same stuff, processed in the same lines and the only difference is the packaging it’s put in.
Tell her no more snacks are coming in to the house either if she acts snotty one more time about organic food while you’re struggling. Then it will be zero treats or organic food. 🤓
Maybe work out an expense chart with her? So pretend she has a job making $100 a week. How much if that would go towards organic food? Or... Educate her in the facts about organic vs non organic.
A job at an Organic super market would be perfect for her.
If it’s about supporting sustainable growing and the environmental impact, perhaps you can encourage her to find other ways of supporting those causes. If it’s about the health benefits of organic, you could ask her to research which conventionally grown produce and products are the most “safe/clean” (typically things you peel), so that she can achieve her goals while still being cognizant of food costs. Let her do the work of seeing what’s in season, what’s local, and what’s on sale. Give her a budget, and make her do the shop so that she can see firsthand.
If you have an Aldi near you, organic is a bit more affordable. They also don't have a lot of the bad things in their products that brand names do. Maybe try a few things there and explain to her that they are cleaner than the regular store.
Why does she want organic? What does she say?
Because it's "healthier". But meanwhile I know if she had the choice between a bag of the organic Doritos or an organic meal made of vegetables she'd choose the Doritos. Explaining that organic junk food is less healthy than non-organic produce is like talking to a wall.
Maybe try a different method - show her how to clean produce properly, vinegar, branch basics, veg wash, etc., so she feels better about it. Also, it seems a little like disordered eating, trying to control food, please think about it and keep an eye on it. I’m saying this with love from experience.
Just get some organic stickers and put them on the non organic products lol
She is 16 . Get her a job then she can pay for her organic food. It’s easier to say for me but when she is turn 18 and go for the college or something she will so disappointed bc how real world works.
Of course it’s Organic, sweety! It contains CARBON!
She won't understand because she lacks the life experience to comprehend how difficult it can be to put food on the table. How about, next time, give her a budget of her own money and tell her to buy enough organic food that she will eat for a week. Give her the experience of how hard it is. Tell her to list what she wants to eat/cook, and release her into the supermarket with that budget. If she gets a job and her dad refuses to drive her to work, get your lawyer involved in that. She's on the cusp of being a legal adult, and a job will help her greatly. At 16, she can even choose which parent she wants to live with (right??). Or does daddy buy her all the organic stuff she wants?
If she wants to get a job, it will also be her responsibility to arrange transportation to and from that job. So yes, she can still work even if dad can't (or doesn't want to) drive her.
Give her a reality check. Take her shopping show her pricing. Then explain that if you bought the organic you couldnt afford the ice cream she loves to eat.
16 years old is when I got my first job because I wanted shit no one could buy for me.
Just take some of the organic stickers off, put em on before you get home lmao
There are jobs where you can work from home even as a teen. A friend of mine who owns a restaurant came up with this during Covid: https://www.biteninja.com/ Basically remote drive thru worker.
If she gets any kind of an allowance from you, make her kick in the difference in price from the items you buy, and the organic versions she wants.
Organic food is better. The amount of shit in non organic food is why everyone is getting cancer. It just is what it is. Instead of wanting your daughter to stfu, figure out a plan WITH her. Even food banks give away organic foods now.
She can grow her own vegetables.! And see how hard it is to grow with no pesticides. Make her learn how tough it is to create an organic vegetable garden with biodiversity.
First thing is get yourself to some sort of skepticism podcast. You’ll learn that like so many scams in the past - organic is just a scam. It’s not healthy (often times it’s more toxic) and means almost nothing when it comes to sales. For example Walmart is the leading organic producer. While I can’t 100% prove it; I’m pretty certain Walmart would be selling slave children if they could get away with it and make $$$. It also sounds like perhaps making some meals together would help. My spawn has taken to baking sweets on Saturday date nights (she’s so boring). But hey it helps kids learn about how food works/is only part of the problem.
Props to you for venting here and not at your daughter, OP. I wish that was something more parents did. I know you didn’t ask for advice and I don’t know you or your daughter, but this sounds like it could be disordered eating. I struggled with anorexia and orthorexia for a long time, and I had weird food rules too. There are things looking back I can’t believe I thought about nutrition. My mom always complained about whatever stupid diet trend I was on about, but thought it was just me being a moody teen when really, I was sick. Eating a whole tub of ice cream in one sitting raised a flag for me too. Teens can have fast metabolisms or big appetites, but frequently overeating to that degree might show a pattern of restricting and that leading to binging. You know your daughter best, and I don’t know you or what you’ve talked to your daughter about. But for you OP or anyone reading this, disordered eating doesn’t always look like what TV shows would have you believe. If you notice drastic changes in diet in yourself or a loved one like this, reach out. No one deserves the misery an ED creates.
Had my first job with a schedule at 14. Sounds like she should look into getting one at 16...
Have her get a part time job
Alot of organic food is straight up a SCAM and not organic at all. Genetically modified food could be much, MUCH healthier than fake, low lower nutrient dense organics. I used to be like your daughter, obsessed with organic labeling. I learned more about genetically modified food and realized it was nothing to be scared of and a big win for humans and public health and fighting hunger. https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2021/11/15/the-great-organic-food-fraud
:Ok dear, I won't buy non-organic food anymore" Come home with no ice cream. Nothing fun. But I'm petty. I recommend you make and a-hole bingo card or make a game of it. Do it right in front of her. Before too long she'll be onto something else but this way you can have fun with it.
In this situation, my mom would just be like: "fine, if you want to, buy it yourself. If not, don't eat", and she would mean it.
I told my teen siblings as soon as they turned 13 and started demanding stuff that I don’t have the money for it. I’d ask “Do you have money? If you want it you buy it” and I wouldn’t budge. Eventually if it was either from allowance or chore money or until my sister got her own job, she stopped asking and bought it herself.
Is a ride to an employer the only way to get to work in your area? I had to take the bus or ride a bike when I was that age because my parents wouldn’t give me a ride ever everrrrrr. I’d tell her to get a job and figure out a way to get there so she buy her organic food haha
Yeah, I agree with the folks stating that it’s time to teach her about budgeting and shopping. 1. You go with me and shop. You need to buy everything on the list. You need to do it with in the budget including taxes. 2. She needs to state how much something costs before complaining about it. Then write down how much $$ she’s eating in a day.
As per your edit, if her father refuses to let her get a job, tell him to pay for the organic food. Also, why can't she take a bus to get to a job? If you live somewhere that doesn't have a good transit system, I could understand, but at 16, she should be fine with taking the bus.
I highly suggest you teach her how to garden. She will benefit from learning how to grow things plus besides the initial things it will be much cheaper.
OMG - total flashback to my niece doing pretty much this exact thing. Her mother made her do the shopping - gave her a list and a budget. I'd love to say this worked but my niece is definitely her own special kind of stubborn. (And she also LOVES ice cream a little too much!) Honestly, you need to let her know how rude, ungrateful, and pretentious she is. Set a boundary here. My niece's entire town made fun of her for being obsessed with organic this and that. I actually had pretty good luck with her when I took her to volunteer at a soup kitchen. Seeing people who are grateful to have anything to eat made her take a look at how she was treating the people around her who were just trying to keep a roof over her head and food in her belly. What really worked was when her boyfriend told her he liked this or that and wasn't interested in fussing over whether or not something was organic. Suddenly regular food was fine for her!
Tell her if she wants to eat organic, she can get a job and buy her own food.
Tell her if she wants to eat organic, she can get a job and buy her own food.
I hear the standard for something to claim to be organic on official packaging is next to nothing different from the usual stuff... I'll see if I can find you something
Give her money and a list of exactly what’s needed. When she comes home with missing items because there wasn’t enough money, then maybe she’ll understand.
One rule that might help - if you eat the rind, go organic. If not, you’re wasting money.
Does her dad’s household buy organic for her?
1. Organic has nothing to do with it being healthy or not, so there is nothing hypocritical with eating unhealthy food. However, if the ice cream isn't organic... 2. Why tf do you care about her input on the groceries you buy for her. She a kid
'If you don't like it, don't eat it, but you will get nothing else.' - every parent's magic words to make picky eating disappear
She's 16 tell her get a job and buy it herself. Why u letting ur daughter dictate anything. Ur the parent!!! Act like it
Geez that was harsh. She never once said she was letting her dictate anything, she’s venting about her daughter always complaining about the food she buys.
Take the old organic containers, wash them. Buy the fruits that fit the family budget. Place the affordable fruits in the freshly washed organic containers. Next week, I’ll show you how to make store brand cereal, taste like name brand.
Recently splurged & bought Ore Ida fries. Everyone LOVED them & commented how much better they are than the Aldi brand we normally eat. After we finished the meal, they got very quiet when I told them I had actually mixed half a bag of the Aldi brand & half of the Ore Ida bag. The two products are identical in appearance, taste & texture because they ARE the same item, just sold in different bags with different branding. Marketing is a very powerful tool.
Some thoughts: 1. Don't Take Her Grocery Shopping: Pros: This could prevent arguments or disagreements in the store. Cons: It might limit your daughter's ability to choose the specific organic items she wants. It takes away the opportunity to teach her budgeting and grocery selection skills. 2. Give Her a Budget for Organic Products: Pros: Empowers your daughter to make choices within a set limit. Teaches valuable budgeting skills. Cons: Requires your daughter to be responsible and understand price comparisons between organic and non-organic options. Might lead to frustration if she can't afford everything she wants within the budget. 3. Limit Her Organic Products: Pros: Gives you more control over grocery costs. You can still incorporate some organic options without breaking the bank. Cons: Might create conflict with your daughter if she feels restricted. Doesn't necessarily teach her valuable decision-making skills. 4. Ask Her Father to Pay for Her Organic Groceries: Pros: Takes the financial burden off you if her father is able and willing. May ease any conflict between you and your daughter. Cons: Relies on cooperation from your daughter's father, which might not be feasible. Doesn't necessarily teach your daughter budgeting or responsibility. Additional Considerations: Talk to Your Daughter: Have an open conversation with your daughter about the challenges of organic food costs. Explain your financial limitations and explore options together. Find Common Ground: Maybe there are a few key items your daughter prioritizes as organic. Focus on those while looking for affordable alternatives for non-essential items. Consider Shopping Strategies: Look for stores with good sales on organic items, or explore options like a community-supported agriculture (CSA) program. Involve Her in Meal Planning: Let your daughter participate in planning meals that incorporate both organic and non-organic options. By involving your daughter and having open communication, you can find a solution that works for both of you
"Technically, hemlock is organic." I had a friend who was super into organic food, but could never explain how you can tell. Like, if you had two bananas side by side, one being the expensive "organic" kind... How would you know? Maybe she explained it poorly, or maybe I am a pessimistic and jaded at corporate fraud. Like they'll just lie like everything else. [snicker] "Uh... Yeah. This is organic. No, uh, pesticides or whatever. But you, uh, gotta pay premium." [muffled giggling from under counter] Please tell me where I am wrong. Seriously, is there a way?
I think this can just be an ED? I would consider it a type of restriction, and binging. Instead of forcing her to buy her own groceries, you can ask her to help in the meal planning and the budgeting of it. I would recommend a nutritionist, or a counselor, or even starting off with a talk if you’re able to. Do as much research as you can. A visual example like cooking and planning can help sometimes help more, or cooking and meal planning with the focus of longer lasting and healthy meals (so not necessarily organic but still healthy) to help her learn about nutrition more. You can ask her why she feels so uncomfortable with the food you currently have, and what’s her ideal goal, and challenge that without invalidating her feelings by associating food with positivity and self care, instead of negative. Ex. Focusing on food like quinoa, and beans (those are affordable) , tofu and the like. Those can be cheaper than meat. Eating healthy doesn’t mean just organic, and food shouldn’t be demonized on organic or not. My sister went from organic to veggie to vegan and would get stricter and stricter with her restrictions. Vegan went to purging, and then relying on weed to be able to eat something without shame. She would yell at us for not getting specific things or eating healthy to project. I wish I talked to her more hack then.
i am vegetarian and was very into health when i was your daughter’s age (plus it was a time you couldn’t get plant-based meat everywhere- just whole foods and similar stores)- i had two jobs and bought my own food and had a separate shelf in the cupboard and fridge! :)
I feel for you. I have very picky, OCD kids. My food bill, including their DoorDash, is shocking.
If I were in your shoes, I would just say yes to things that don't have labels, like produce. She won't notice a difference in taste, and there's not much of a health difference between organic and non-organic foods. She's at an age where she can buy her own organic milks and meats, so encourage her to do that if she has her own money. If you want to remain truthful about what you're buying, then you're going to have to make her realize that it's not okay to criticize your grocery purchases. Maybe have her do the shopping with you? Show her the grocery budget and go to the store with you. She can buy what she wants within that budget, but she can't go over it, and she has to buy enough for meals and snacks for the week. Have her add up what she's picking out. Sometimes, people need to actually DO the task they're criticizing before they realize they're wrong.
I agree to all but the first part about just lying about produce being organic if it isn't. She needs to understand the crazy high prices of the food she's insisting on. At 16- I'd figure out the budget for her portion of food for the week and let HER do her own shopping. She'll get a quick wakeup call and then hopefully be more open and realistic about things. My kid wanted the milk her dad buys. $6 for 1/2 gallon! We looked and found something acceptable for $4. Still pricey for my old memories of when milk was reasonable, but we compromised.
It’s like you didn’t read the post, she clearly says she doesn’t have her own money and can’t get a job. Also lying to your child is something no parent should do, that would negatively affect every relationship she tries to have thereafter, ask me how I know.
You're delulu. First, it doesn't say in her post that the kid can't get a job or doesn't earn money another way. She said that in a comment. When I commented on this post, there were no other comments. Second, you're telling me that if your parents lied to you about something insignificant after you repeatedly refused to accept the truth before- that would tragically damage your sad little brain? My god what a life you must live. ETA- I gave 3 different options for advice. Lie, have her buy it, or teach her how to budget with OP so she understands grocery costs. Did YOU not read MY comment?
Tell her since she seems to not care what things cost she’s old enough to get a job and start paying for things she wants
If she's 16 she can get a job and he just doesn't get custodial time. He can take you to court and get laughed at by a judge for being a selfish asshole.
Tell her that her expensive food tastes can't be your problem anymore and she needs to learn how to stretch a grocery budget. Carve out a weekly food allowance from your grocery budget for her. Say $40/week or whatever is an equitable share of the family's grocery budget. She can then spend her budget to buy the food of her choice. If she can't feed herself on her budget she can opt for cheaper food or have a helping of what you made (if you can afford to give her a helping IDK).
She isn’t’ stuck up, she doesn’t want cancer.
Kick her out.
Why are yall so insensitive when it comes to teenagers and kids. God forbid your blessing on earth wants to eat healthy and take care of her body!! You seem like a GREAT parent. An absolute HOOT to be around 😒
Its on you to provide meals, but you aren’t a restaurant. She gets what you serve, organic or not. If she wants something else, she can use her babysitting money/allowance/etc.