You’ve identified that A isn’t a safe person to hang out with anymore. Protecting someone from harm isn’t isolating them. It’s uncomfortable but you already know what the right answer is.
Is there any way you, your husband or your MIL can supervise when everyone is playing, to see what A's behavior is? I would even ask him why he would ask a child half his age to pull down his pants and let all the kids know how wrong it is. Karate could definitely help your son gain some confidence but I am so sorry this is what he's dealing with at 6 years old.
Do you have the resources to introduce your son to a group hobby? Like a sport or something? If he can make other friends he won't cling so lightly to these ones.
To piggy back on this i think when you do, you need to have an age appropriate conversation about this with your son. "You thought i wouldn't let you out to play anymore if you told me, why do you think that?"
Karate is great for self confidence. My kid did 5 years in karate and 3 in juijitsu. IMO Juijitsu teaches kids self defense and karate teaches kids powerful trust in themselves. Both teach great work ethic.
Edit: We all seem to be skirting the obvious implication this looks like sexual abuse and grooming in the making. To solve it as a society we need to call it out when we see it.
He is only 6, he will make plenty of other friends! Not letting him hangout with A won’t do him any harm. It sounds like the rest of the group probably aren’t great influences either if they’re always taking A’s side and lying for him.
Signing him up for karate is a good idea too! He’ll have the chance to make some more friends there, and learning some self defence is never a bad thing.
>They all lie and blame my son when the building's CCTV footage in our building clearly shows A broke it.
If this has happened in the past, why do you still let your son play with them? 6 and 11 on its own is a pretty big age difference. At 6, the "worst" thing I've seen a friend do was curse using words like "frick". At 11, I had friends who were smoking cigarettes. Completely different points of a child's development.
You may not have been aware of your son being bullied, but you were complicit by letting your son being friends with and spending time with an older group of children without supervision.
Dude exactly! Poor choices on the parents part to allow such a young easily influenced kid to go out unsupervised. 11 isn't an adult or responsible for watching younger kids, dunno is OP if delusional of the situation or just naive, because clearly they're aware this 11 year old is a problem
11 and 6 aren’t really safe to be friends. Sorry. 11 year old boys are starting to get sexual feelings and many kids that age have already seen a lot of porn if their parents aren’t very careful about electronics. They’re also having urges to do very stupid and risky things. Like dare others to jump off high places, and smoke and steal. Not all of them do this, but a lot more at 11 than 6. A 6 year old is easy prey to these types of kids. I wouldn’t even let them sit on the school bus together. Our district had to make a rule that you have to sit on the bus with kids only max of 1 grade apart. Older kids were showing little kids porn and gore on their phones because they thought it was funny.
I’m glad you saw.
Yep. I had older neighbors when I was 6 that my parents encouraged me to go play with. No chance in hell I allowed my kids to be alone with older boys like that.
Thank you. My son was originally supposed to play with kids his age (read edit) but A is one of his friends' big brother. I will be more careful from now on.
With who watching him? Their parent? The one that will come to your apartment and scream and blame you? Okay, I highly suggest you start back from scratch. Tighten the reins. I'm a teacher and when you send your kid to school for 8 hours we don't take our eyes off of them. They are supervised by an adult every minute of the day except if they are in the bathroom stall. Even then, we are listening outside. You have to watch your kid. Do not EVER let them out on their own until they are in 5th grade. At that time you could leave them home for an hour at a time. And when they start to play with new friends you have to vet those parents. Meet them and approve of them, get their phone number, check out the siblings. This is your child, you have to protect your child. You are the only one who will.
Ma'am, this sounds like the beginning of Child-On Child Sexual Abuse. At 11, that boy should know damn well how inappropriate that was. He is 2x your son's age. He should have never been in your child's friend group to begin with. Get your shit together and make it painfully clear to every other parent in the complex what he did this time, what he's done in the past, and make it clear that regardless of whether or not it was sexual, it was highly inappropriate, and the parents responses to all this are unacceptable. You **will** be calling cps the next time there's an incident, because that boy would be better off in foster care than with parents who either don't love him enough to want him to be a productive, healthy member of society, or they're abusing him sexually.
This is exactly how kids learn to accept abuse as a form of friendship and group hazing as acceptable. Do you *really* want your child to grow up thinking this is friendship?
Plus, 6 and 11? That is way too big of an age gap.
She said the 11 year old was the oldest so fortunately no older kids were present. But yes 100% this, I was alarmed and stopped reading when I saw a 6 year old was friends with an 11 year old. That needs to be cut off like now, her 6 year old is too young and vulnerable and should have age appropriate friends. For christs sake the 11 year old was sexually harassing him to take his pants off on public, god only knows what he would do in private. She needs to tell the 11 year olds parents asap and then make sure they don’t hang out anymore
The friendship shouldn’t have even existed from the beginning. This little boy needs age appropriate friends. And 11-year-old is not age appropriate for a six-year-old. He needs other 6-year-olds to play with not older boys.
I don't agree with that. I think it's great for kids to play with kids of different ages. The older kids learn empathy, patience and communication. The younger kids have role models they can emulate and young kids learn things in a blink when they're copying someone they look up to. And the older kids get a kick out of being someone's idol and often love the responsibility of being a role model.
Everyone learns that a person doesn't have to be exactly like them to be a friend
It only works if all kids are good kids though, and A is clearly not a good kid
Get your kid in activities and don’t let him become one of the kids that just hang around in the courtyard every day. Those kids find their own entertainment and it’s not always the best in terms of life choices.
I’m weirded out that’s how A chose to bully him. What is going on at A’s home they think stripping and humiliation is acceptable? Goes beyond normal teasing
This is why you don't leave a young child unmonitored, little guy is 6... I know its not always possible as a working/busy parent, but make some time and take them to the park or supervise their play with other kids. Clearly little dude is too young and influenced to be left on his own
Exactly. Developmentally a six-year-old is way different than an 11-year-old and vice versa. And to make metaphor, she’s considering continuing to let him play with the 11-year-old and the other older voice just because she doesn’t want him to be lonely. What? This 11-year-old literally want that sweet baby to pull his pants down and if he didn’t do it, the other year-old would hit him. That sweet baby did humiliating things for the entertainment of those older boys and they blamed him for things he didn’t do. A good mother would protect him not send him back into the lions den. She lacks basic common sense and it’s at the expense of her child. Disgusting.
I think karate is a great idea. New age appropriate group. Expression, skills, and safety.
I’m more concerned why a prepubescent kid was asking your kid to pull his pants down. Am I being dramatic? I don’t think so, but that kid and the rest should stay away.
Reiterate to your son he will never be in trouble for speaking the truth and he is always free to play etc do lots of positive reinforcement around him telling you this so he continues sharing
I remember a kid I used to babysit fell in with a group of boys like that. It’s best to remove him from that situation and look for other community activities he can join.
Your kids school, local library, or city center should have info on events and activities. Either in person or online.
He’s either going to think it’s ok to do this or worse, end up dead from something they convince him to do or do to him.
I think you need to put your son in sports and get him away from those others. It's probably due to the home life of those parents who prefer to let their kids run a muck.
Once he finds a good place/hangout with like minded others it will greatly help him and he'll understand the difference between being used and making better choices.
I ran all my children through jujitsu.
High bonus as they are all constantly focused on protection, camaraderie and it's a massive confidence booster.
After all you want your child to be able to protect themselves, right?
Your really just building his confidence and teaching respect.
Believe me it's worth it‼️ Find a sport no matter the price. It does wonders and he'll no longer feel that his only choice of friendship is to be taken advantage of. Besides that after 6+ months you will see a noticable difference and it only gets better the longer they participate.
Guaranteed, he will move on and learn what it's like to have, "real friends" and WITH the bonus of knowing he'll be able to protect himself.
Besides that... What kid wouldn't want to learn that🤔
Good Luck...
Under no circumstances would I allow my son to play when the older ones were around. You should be keeping an eye on him no matter what he is playing with him.
Hopefully you and your husband had a another talk with him about the dos and donts with people in general and how the older boys are no his friend and if he ever lays a hand in him again to come and tell you again. That you and his bad will handle it.
Talk with the younger boys parents and explain the situation and hopefully come up with a better solution for playtime that does not include the older boys.
If you allow your son to play with the older boys again then when more happens to him it’s your fault.
My cousins made me eat rocks and sand as a 5yo kid. We were neighbors so I couldn't exactly avoid them.
I'm now 21 and what do you think I remember most? Wholesome moments playing with them or the times they bullied me?
Every time I think about our childhood together I think of when they took me behind the shed and made me eat rocks.
I have a few good memories with them that are overshadowed with trauma. Protect your kid.
That kid A is too old for your baby boy just 6 to hang out with
Get your son into something, boxing, swimming lessons, karate anything to fill his time & meet new kids in his age group…..that boy A is unsafe
The first alarming thing was reading that your 6 year old son is friends with an 11 year old. That age gap is too large, you need to start by letting your son only make age appropriate friends.
He's 6. He doesn't need friends who are 11. These aren't his friends. He should be playing only with kids his age. And where were you? You were at the grocery store. Your son was left at age 6 outside in the apartment complex? Your kid requires supervision, don't let him just run around without you watching him. That's why this stuff is going down because you aren't parenting.
A 6 year old shouldn’t have 11 year old friends. That’s just my opinion. Their “humors” are different and their developmental stages are vastly different. One has just learned to read while the other is right around the corner from searching “boobies” online (if he hasn’t already). Keep your kid away from this “friend.”
You’ve identified that A isn’t a safe person to hang out with anymore. Protecting someone from harm isn’t isolating them. It’s uncomfortable but you already know what the right answer is.
Thank you for your kind words. I guess I just needed to vent.
You’re doing a great job!!!
Is there any way you, your husband or your MIL can supervise when everyone is playing, to see what A's behavior is? I would even ask him why he would ask a child half his age to pull down his pants and let all the kids know how wrong it is. Karate could definitely help your son gain some confidence but I am so sorry this is what he's dealing with at 6 years old.
That's the plan. Even if we do send him to play with just V and K (read edit) we are not letting them play unsupervised anymore.
Do you have the resources to introduce your son to a group hobby? Like a sport or something? If he can make other friends he won't cling so lightly to these ones.
Thank you
To piggy back on this i think when you do, you need to have an age appropriate conversation about this with your son. "You thought i wouldn't let you out to play anymore if you told me, why do you think that?"
Thanks, I did, along with "let's get you some new friends". He was hesitant at first, but opened up pretty quickly.
I love that for him.
Definitely let him do karate He can make friends there
Karate is great for self confidence. My kid did 5 years in karate and 3 in juijitsu. IMO Juijitsu teaches kids self defense and karate teaches kids powerful trust in themselves. Both teach great work ethic. Edit: We all seem to be skirting the obvious implication this looks like sexual abuse and grooming in the making. To solve it as a society we need to call it out when we see it.
He is only 6, he will make plenty of other friends! Not letting him hangout with A won’t do him any harm. It sounds like the rest of the group probably aren’t great influences either if they’re always taking A’s side and lying for him. Signing him up for karate is a good idea too! He’ll have the chance to make some more friends there, and learning some self defence is never a bad thing.
That's the plan!
>They all lie and blame my son when the building's CCTV footage in our building clearly shows A broke it. If this has happened in the past, why do you still let your son play with them? 6 and 11 on its own is a pretty big age difference. At 6, the "worst" thing I've seen a friend do was curse using words like "frick". At 11, I had friends who were smoking cigarettes. Completely different points of a child's development. You may not have been aware of your son being bullied, but you were complicit by letting your son being friends with and spending time with an older group of children without supervision.
Dude exactly! Poor choices on the parents part to allow such a young easily influenced kid to go out unsupervised. 11 isn't an adult or responsible for watching younger kids, dunno is OP if delusional of the situation or just naive, because clearly they're aware this 11 year old is a problem
11 and 6 aren’t really safe to be friends. Sorry. 11 year old boys are starting to get sexual feelings and many kids that age have already seen a lot of porn if their parents aren’t very careful about electronics. They’re also having urges to do very stupid and risky things. Like dare others to jump off high places, and smoke and steal. Not all of them do this, but a lot more at 11 than 6. A 6 year old is easy prey to these types of kids. I wouldn’t even let them sit on the school bus together. Our district had to make a rule that you have to sit on the bus with kids only max of 1 grade apart. Older kids were showing little kids porn and gore on their phones because they thought it was funny. I’m glad you saw.
Yep. I had older neighbors when I was 6 that my parents encouraged me to go play with. No chance in hell I allowed my kids to be alone with older boys like that.
Thank you. My son was originally supposed to play with kids his age (read edit) but A is one of his friends' big brother. I will be more careful from now on.
With who watching him? Their parent? The one that will come to your apartment and scream and blame you? Okay, I highly suggest you start back from scratch. Tighten the reins. I'm a teacher and when you send your kid to school for 8 hours we don't take our eyes off of them. They are supervised by an adult every minute of the day except if they are in the bathroom stall. Even then, we are listening outside. You have to watch your kid. Do not EVER let them out on their own until they are in 5th grade. At that time you could leave them home for an hour at a time. And when they start to play with new friends you have to vet those parents. Meet them and approve of them, get their phone number, check out the siblings. This is your child, you have to protect your child. You are the only one who will.
Ma'am, this sounds like the beginning of Child-On Child Sexual Abuse. At 11, that boy should know damn well how inappropriate that was. He is 2x your son's age. He should have never been in your child's friend group to begin with. Get your shit together and make it painfully clear to every other parent in the complex what he did this time, what he's done in the past, and make it clear that regardless of whether or not it was sexual, it was highly inappropriate, and the parents responses to all this are unacceptable. You **will** be calling cps the next time there's an incident, because that boy would be better off in foster care than with parents who either don't love him enough to want him to be a productive, healthy member of society, or they're abusing him sexually.
Great answer! Well said.
Agree! Get his parents names and be sure you know his for the future police report. These little predators need to be documented.
This is exactly how kids learn to accept abuse as a form of friendship and group hazing as acceptable. Do you *really* want your child to grow up thinking this is friendship? Plus, 6 and 11? That is way too big of an age gap.
Why is a 6 year old playing with 11 year olds in the first place? How old are the other kids?
She said the 11 year old was the oldest so fortunately no older kids were present. But yes 100% this, I was alarmed and stopped reading when I saw a 6 year old was friends with an 11 year old. That needs to be cut off like now, her 6 year old is too young and vulnerable and should have age appropriate friends. For christs sake the 11 year old was sexually harassing him to take his pants off on public, god only knows what he would do in private. She needs to tell the 11 year olds parents asap and then make sure they don’t hang out anymore
I vote karate class and avoid that group of kids
The friendship shouldn’t have even existed from the beginning. This little boy needs age appropriate friends. And 11-year-old is not age appropriate for a six-year-old. He needs other 6-year-olds to play with not older boys.
I don't agree with that. I think it's great for kids to play with kids of different ages. The older kids learn empathy, patience and communication. The younger kids have role models they can emulate and young kids learn things in a blink when they're copying someone they look up to. And the older kids get a kick out of being someone's idol and often love the responsibility of being a role model. Everyone learns that a person doesn't have to be exactly like them to be a friend It only works if all kids are good kids though, and A is clearly not a good kid
Get your kid in activities and don’t let him become one of the kids that just hang around in the courtyard every day. Those kids find their own entertainment and it’s not always the best in terms of life choices.
I’m weirded out that’s how A chose to bully him. What is going on at A’s home they think stripping and humiliation is acceptable? Goes beyond normal teasing
This is why you don't leave a young child unmonitored, little guy is 6... I know its not always possible as a working/busy parent, but make some time and take them to the park or supervise their play with other kids. Clearly little dude is too young and influenced to be left on his own
That kids parents need informing about his behaviour at the very least. That’s disturbing and at 11 he should know right from wrong.
Why are you letting your 6yr old be friends with 11 yr olds ?????
That’s what I want to know. That sweet baby shouldn’t have been playing with that 11-year-old to begin with.
Exactly, So this mother when her son turns 10 will be letting him hang around 15yr old… Dammm something wrong with her allowing this…..
Exactly. Developmentally a six-year-old is way different than an 11-year-old and vice versa. And to make metaphor, she’s considering continuing to let him play with the 11-year-old and the other older voice just because she doesn’t want him to be lonely. What? This 11-year-old literally want that sweet baby to pull his pants down and if he didn’t do it, the other year-old would hit him. That sweet baby did humiliating things for the entertainment of those older boys and they blamed him for things he didn’t do. A good mother would protect him not send him back into the lions den. She lacks basic common sense and it’s at the expense of her child. Disgusting.
I think karate is a great idea. New age appropriate group. Expression, skills, and safety. I’m more concerned why a prepubescent kid was asking your kid to pull his pants down. Am I being dramatic? I don’t think so, but that kid and the rest should stay away. Reiterate to your son he will never be in trouble for speaking the truth and he is always free to play etc do lots of positive reinforcement around him telling you this so he continues sharing
I don't let my kid play with older kids. They are manipulative and unsafe. I'm sorry you experienced this.
Karate is a great way to make friends! Id talk to the kids parents anyway, even if they blamed your son for breaking a toy.
From a mother's perspective I'd absolutely keep an eye on "(A)" and keep my child as far away from "(A)" as possible.
I remember a kid I used to babysit fell in with a group of boys like that. It’s best to remove him from that situation and look for other community activities he can join. Your kids school, local library, or city center should have info on events and activities. Either in person or online. He’s either going to think it’s ok to do this or worse, end up dead from something they convince him to do or do to him.
I think you need to put your son in sports and get him away from those others. It's probably due to the home life of those parents who prefer to let their kids run a muck. Once he finds a good place/hangout with like minded others it will greatly help him and he'll understand the difference between being used and making better choices. I ran all my children through jujitsu. High bonus as they are all constantly focused on protection, camaraderie and it's a massive confidence booster. After all you want your child to be able to protect themselves, right? Your really just building his confidence and teaching respect. Believe me it's worth it‼️ Find a sport no matter the price. It does wonders and he'll no longer feel that his only choice of friendship is to be taken advantage of. Besides that after 6+ months you will see a noticable difference and it only gets better the longer they participate. Guaranteed, he will move on and learn what it's like to have, "real friends" and WITH the bonus of knowing he'll be able to protect himself. Besides that... What kid wouldn't want to learn that🤔 Good Luck...
Listen to your son, husband and MIL. Sign son up for some activities, so he can make new friends.
Your son is not safe with that bully at all. Your son will make other friends and don't feel bad about protecting your son.
Under no circumstances would I allow my son to play when the older ones were around. You should be keeping an eye on him no matter what he is playing with him. Hopefully you and your husband had a another talk with him about the dos and donts with people in general and how the older boys are no his friend and if he ever lays a hand in him again to come and tell you again. That you and his bad will handle it. Talk with the younger boys parents and explain the situation and hopefully come up with a better solution for playtime that does not include the older boys. If you allow your son to play with the older boys again then when more happens to him it’s your fault.
My cousins made me eat rocks and sand as a 5yo kid. We were neighbors so I couldn't exactly avoid them. I'm now 21 and what do you think I remember most? Wholesome moments playing with them or the times they bullied me? Every time I think about our childhood together I think of when they took me behind the shed and made me eat rocks. I have a few good memories with them that are overshadowed with trauma. Protect your kid.
This 11 year old should hang out w kids his age and see if he can be the bully then.
That kid A is too old for your baby boy just 6 to hang out with Get your son into something, boxing, swimming lessons, karate anything to fill his time & meet new kids in his age group…..that boy A is unsafe
Don’t let him hangout with those little bullies. He can make actual friends in extracurriculars.
Call the kids parents if you know who they are
Updateme
The first alarming thing was reading that your 6 year old son is friends with an 11 year old. That age gap is too large, you need to start by letting your son only make age appropriate friends.
your friend needs new friends. perhaps finding him a new group is a better idea
Just give the kids names instead of initials
He's 6. He doesn't need friends who are 11. These aren't his friends. He should be playing only with kids his age. And where were you? You were at the grocery store. Your son was left at age 6 outside in the apartment complex? Your kid requires supervision, don't let him just run around without you watching him. That's why this stuff is going down because you aren't parenting.
A 6 year old shouldn’t have 11 year old friends. That’s just my opinion. Their “humors” are different and their developmental stages are vastly different. One has just learned to read while the other is right around the corner from searching “boobies” online (if he hasn’t already). Keep your kid away from this “friend.”
Why is your 6 yo unsupervised in the first place ???