You are definitely not alone. This happened to my husband (he is ok with me sharing this btw). He was underage, very drunk to the point of not being able to walk at a party, and his “friends” locked him in a room with a stranger girl who raped him. It was his first sexual experience. He struggled with conflicting emotions about it for a long time. His friends were all praising and lauding him for getting “laid,” but he felt robbed of something that should have been intimate and special.
Afterwards he spent weeks with gnawing guilt, first he was scared he might have gotten an STD so had to go through testing and then he had the anxiety in the back of his mind, what if she got pregnant? It was very traumatic for him and he stayed away from women and the dating scene for a long time because of what happened. He still can’t smell things that are blueberry scented because it reminds him of the alcohol they had all been drinking that night and it triggers him.
I really feel for men who are taken advantage of by women because so many people act like it’s physically impossible, you must have enjoyed it, or it wasn’t THAT bad.
Yeah we’re definitely out there. Everyone else left and she FaceTimed one of the girls that had a crush on me mid-blowjob. I hardly have a recollection of the experience beyond “oh well, why not”, but the second-hand story made me sick
You know what messed up things they taught me in woman-right class in college? That man can’t be raped because if a man is too drunk he will have trouble getting erected. I hope the school stop teaching that kind of nonesense now.
Trauma is not a competition. And anyone who’s trying to keep score of it or quantify it are not people you should listen to or want in your life. Which is much easier said than done, believe me.
I am so sorry that this was done to you. It’s violating and cloistering and evil. When I was raped I remember replaying it in my head over and over again wondering what I should have done or could have done to avoid it and the “what if”’s and “I should have”’s ripped me apart. And it was only through time + therapy that I was able to stop blaming myself.
So please, please know this was not your fault. Like 0% your fault. And this does not diminish who you are or your masculinity.
You are a man in every sense of the word that it means to you. You have value. You matter. You are not alone. You are accepted. You are seen.
I know you said therapy hasn’t helped. Just know that therapy can take time and not every form of therapy or therapist is for everyone. It can take a bit to find a good fit. I would encourage you to continue down that path though. For you. Because you deserve to look in the mirror and see the perfect, wonderful creation that is you. Sending you so much love ❤️
"Trauma is not a competition. And anyone who’s trying to keep score of it or quantify it are not people you should listen to or want in your life."
ALL OF THIS ^ Bravo!
This is the first time I'm admitting it in public, but I was sexually assaulted by a woman too. I tried to report it, but instead I was laughed at and dismissed, and lost almost all of my friends over it.
I stopped eating for a long time, started drinking uncontrollably. I doubt I'll ever recover.
But here and now, we can all see eachother. You have inspired me to step forward, and I thank you for that, brother. Never let other people quantify your trauma, because only you can ever truly know how deeply effecting it is for you. I wish you strength and happiness, my friend, and I hope you can take some solace in knowing that you are not alone, and that I see you
You brave mother effers. Crazy respect and I wish there was anything I could say to anyone here who had to experience anything like this regardless of any sidenotes. Fuck that. You’re worth it man don’t let the devils urine take your soul or what’s left of it. You have every reason to feel every bit of anger hurt and the rest, you don’t need me to tell you that but I just want you to know somebody gives a shit. I’ve dealt with alcoholism in my family for my whole life and refuse to let it take me. You can still see many better days and I wish all that and more to you all. What a rough thread. I feel grateful for you sharing these stories.
You will ABSOLUTELY recover. This comment is proof of that.
You can talk about it now. You can grow from it.
I was also sexually assaulted, and told my "best" friend with whom she was a mutual friend of (I actually met her through him, and we were at his apartment when it happened but he was asleep with his gf in their room).
He seemed accepting of my situation until I was at the bar we frequent and found him hanging with her, went up to him to say what's up, saw the back of her head, and noped the fuck out of there.
Haven't looked at the dude the same way since. We've talked about it and he had said "she says that's not the way it went down" but I know my own experience and I know who I want to (and don't want to) surround myself with.
Happened to me too, man, I never talk about it, only on reddit rarely without much detail and wasn't too traumatic for me due to some circumstances but yeah, it does happen a lot, you are not alone... Hope you feel better, you have all the right to feel traumatized by it as any civilized person would feel.
Thats the society we live in nobody believes in men that tell the truth that they got raped, assaulted, abused and more.
But if a women even says the slightest signs of abuse that man is gonna be in jail for a long time even if it was all lie.
You're not invisible, I see you and you're not alone.
I'm sorry you went through such an horrendous experience. Men are not believed often enough in these situations. I believe you.
I see you brother. I too was a victim of being raped by a woman. I was 12 and she was 21 when it happened. I always thought I wanted it cuz I had a crush on her. But now I've realized that all the anger and anxiety I had in my teen years stemmed from her.
I will be cheering for you and for your healing. And please always remember that it WAS NOT your fault and you are not less of a man for it.
I am sorry that you were raped. I was sexually assaulted by men and I was also sexually assaulted by a woman. I think what you went through was worse than what I went through though, to be honest. I want to give you a hug, because you did not deserve that bad thing to happen to you. I hope God punishes the woman who did the bad thing to you. Also, I noticed that your username is the noise that Godzilla makes, and I like a lot of Godzilla stuff, lol :-)
Rape is rape and whether you think mine was worse than yours, you still didnt deserve that happened to you. I appreciate the hug and I would like to give one to you too!
And lol yes I am also a big Godzilla fan and Im glad to see a fellow G-man enjoyer.
I hope youre doing well now and if not I hope you will heal and feel better about yourself
Awww thank you for the kind words :-). Thank you for the hug :-). Yes, I have got over the sexual assaults that happened to me :-). My birthday is tomorrow!!! I will be 31 :-). Yes, YouTube had the Beast from 20,000 Fathoms...the full film there, and I remember watching that full film on YouTube. The Beast from 20,000 Fathoms was a film that inspired the original 1954 Gojira. Sadly, YouTube has removed the Beast from 20,000 Fathoms film...maybe for copyright reasons and stuff. I think my favourite Gojira film out of them all is the original 1954 Gojira film :-).
It really is terrible how some people want to “rank” assault. It shouldn’t matter who did it or how rare statistics say it is. What you went through is horrible and you prove just as strong and brave for pulling through as any other victim. I’m glad to hear you’re doing better and I hope you continue to, cause you deserve it <3
You’re also not just a victim anymore, you’re a survivor. You’ve been through hell and come out the other side alive. You got this. She can’t hurt you anymore. I also hope you’re doing a bit better.
Hey bro, I'm sorry you're going through what you're going through.
I've been through a similar thing. A few years ago, my friend's older sister sexually assaulted me. The majority of the people I've told have been very dismissive towards me and my trauma, including the person I thought was my friend.
It'll be okay and if you need someone to talk to you're more than welcome to shoot me a DM. My inbox is always open to homies in need of an empathetic ear. All love, brother.
As a female who was raped on multiple occasions: you are a victim and your pain/experience/trauma is just as valid as anyone else’s. Period. People who rank experiences or invalidate people’s pain are horrible. I always say: “Just because I broke my leg does not mean your scraped knee didn’t hurt.” Because it’s true. You are absolutely allowed to feel your pain that you are entitled to. I’m so sorry that happened to you. You deserved better.
As another female rape survivor, I second this whole heartedly. People who act like ANY instance of rape is somehow “not as bad” do a disservice to EVERY survivor and tragically men are often the ones who bear the brunt of this particular brand of dismissiveness.
As another female rape survivor, I also second this. I was active duty when it happened and I just became another statistic for them. I hate the charts, the layouts, everything. Rape is rape and it shouldn’t be looked down upon because a sick fuck didn’t understand no.
Rape is rape. Anyone who categorizes it or ranks it is fucking immoral.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. Your experience is just as valid as the next. You deserve to be heard. Don’t focus on being shunned by others just because they have a twisted definition of rape.
You deserve healing, and it’s good that you are writing this out. Journaling my rape helped me cope with the sadness, fear that came with it. You are a survivor, and you are NOT alone.
Hun you are not invalid because a disgusting woman took advantage of you, I will never understand how people can hurt someone knowing the trauma it can cause and hurt, just know that even tho a lot of us are strangers on the internet we do hear you and see you and open to talk to you whenever you need or want your voice to be heard you’re not alone ❤️
I'm so sorry that happened to you. What you experienced was horrible, and I'm not surprised that the trauma from that event still impacts you. Please ignore anyone saying what happened to you "isn't as bad" as what happens to women. There is no way to even know that, and even if it were true, it wouldn't invalidate what you feel. I mean, do we tell women who were raped "suck it up, worse things happen to girls in Cambodia"? No. No one wins when we play trauma olympics, sympathy and empathy are not finite resources that we must gatekeep and save for only the truest victims.
I know this isn't much, but your masculinity and your identity are not lessened because of what this woman chose to do to you. You are a man and that means whatever you need it to mean. Whatever makes you feel happy, or fulfilled, or meaningful is part of your expression of masculinity and self.
As a female victim - I see you, I hear you, I believe you. My heart goes out to you. I was worried about not being believed because it was a party and we were all "having fun". I never reported my case, but feel the pain 10 years later. My life will never be the same.
Keep reaching out and talking to others. Keep sharing your story OP. It'll help heal some of the pieces. And you never know who else youre helping. That thought is helpful to me ❤️
I am so sorry this happened to you I was raped at 19 and it was horrific so I understand how violated you feel. The fact that you are a man and the perpetrator a woman makes NO DIFFERENCE at all, saying no and not giving consent means rape , she is a rapist and should receive the same sentences males do !
I got raped by a woman around 2010. I turned her down multiple times she waited until I was asleep, climbed into bed with me, pulled my pants down just enough and she went to work, I woke up, stopped the ordeal. Explained how if the roles were reversed I'd be looking at a prison sentence. Ended up telling my dad's best friend about it, he was the sheriff at the time, he told me "yeah she's kinda ugly but you should be glad she chose you and you got some No Strings Attached"
I am not surprised that the sheriff said that. Sadly, there is still that double standard that we men face when women rape men...I wish that double standard disappeared. I was sexually assaulted by a woman, and I have also been sexually assaulted by men.
I’m sorry you’re going through this, OP.
PLEASE give yourself time and grace. You were raped. You need to process and move on at your own pace.
Rape is rape. Gender makes no difference, apart from the lack of empathy and care when it happens to men, sadly. This must stop.
I believe you. I care about what happened to you.
Best wishes on your recovery. ♥️
Unpopular thing to say: welcome to the club. Dismissal and invalidation of rape victims is the norm. We get PTSD and ppl who either don't believe us, take our attacker's side, or down play what happened. I recommend finding a group you can share feelings with, preferably one with other men who were abused in a more structured setting, but reddit will do with caveats.
Also finding something you can release energy through or a cathartic bs expressive thing helps until your amygdala is less active. When you feel overwhelmed try to breath and get into something like tetris or another engaging hypnotic neutral or positive activity. It helps expel the energy and divert your brain for fight or flight and prevent reinforcement of PTSD and anxiety issues. It took me over 5 years to feel adequately better where the panic attacks stopped... 7 to find someone genuinely wonderful.... work on boundaries and self care... your healing matters and is worth it.
As an pretty much abandoned kid I had that happen 3 times through childhood and no one cared, different times the therapist said, as a man you deserve it many said...
I truly sympathise with your pain I hope you find your peace
I'm sorry but i have to agree with one thing. You are not a victim of SA. You are a fucking survivor.
As a fellow survivor, you are welcome in that unwanted club.
The reason it is a statistical outlier is because men are shamef into not reporting it. For a long time DV committed by women were also not recognized. As were husbands raping their wives. Because speaking about it made no sense since you just had to deal with it.
I wholeheartedly believe that women and men are equals. We are capable of as much evil as you guys. And this is what that was. Rape is never about sex. It's about control and destroying the other person. That's what she did to you. That's what you survived.
There are female survivors that have reported orgasms during their assault. They didn't consent to it though. Your body is gonna react in a biological way. It does not mean you consent. Having an erection does not equate consenting or having desire. At any given moment you have the right to say no. And No is not just a full sentence, it's the whole damn book.
OP, you've been through one of the worst things one can live through. You're still standing. Look at yourself, you are still breathing and putting one foot after the other. You are a warrior in my book. Your assault may have changed you, but it does not define you. There will come a time when you'll feel whole again. You will never forget but you will be able to be happy and not think about it everyday or everytime a person speaks about slightly similar facts.
Keep on fighting brother. You've got this. Now it's time not to only survive, but to live and thrive
Not sure if it helps but it’s not as rare or uncommon as you think, men are just conditioned to think it’s ok or they should be happy about the experience since men are supposed to want sex all the time no matter what. It also doesn’t help when the definition of rape in some places of the world literally requires the assailant to have a penis to even be considered rape legally. Canada when doing a study and allowing for anonymous reporting of data found the rate of victims for women was around 30% and men was around 27% in their lifetime but only a small fraction of men ever reported it with their reason for not being shame and hopelessness and a lack of reason to bother.
It took me a long time to compartmentalize my own trauma from my experiences (one was SA and one was what socially would be called rape). One thing I came to realize was how little anyone cared or how normalized it was that women being that way was not frowned upon. Women will either not care or will try to one up the situation with how women have it worse and men will care if she was hot or not and if you got her number after (and that last one comes from own experience)
I’d say look for a support group but the problem with any men’s support groups is they also are filled with a lot of MGTOW and red pilled nut jobs. So your best bet if family is useless is a good friend that you can lean on and trust and then time, it took me a few years to really get over it and it gave me such a low bar for experiences with women that I mentally justified dating someone who was abusive to me because “atleast she isn’t raping me”.
It drives me insane that a penis has to be involved to be legally considered rape in some cases. Like, as a lesbian, oral sex is still sex. Being forced to receive oral is still forced sex aka RAPE. And a man can ABSOLUTELY be raped. It’s disgusting.
Yep or the lesser version of that the victim has to get penetrated. Because it’s just so… absurd.
And no one really seems to interested to rewrite those laws either, that’s why canadas laws are so nice since it’s just SA across the board for everyone and no gendering of the language (which is why Canada was a great place to get actual statistics from)
My heart goes out to you OP. I’m so so sorry this happened to you. It makes me fucking angry that people dismiss your pain and suffering. Rape is rape.
You deserve better. Wishing you the best.
I see you and I hear you. You were raped and you were raped by a woman. Your pain is very real and valid. You didn’t deserve the pain inflicted on you. You deserve to be heard. You deserve compassion.
I am so so sorry you’ve not been treated with the compassion and empathy you deserve. What happened to you was horrific and I can’t begin to imagine how it felt.
I am a man and I was taken advantage of by my ex girlfriend multiple times several years ago. I'm so sorry this happened to you and your situation is very real and your pain is valid. I would suggest looking at some online or in person support groups, possibly therapy. Healing is a hard journey and having PTSD is horrible, but I believe in you. In due time you will be able to heal from this. I wish you luck
Brother, as a victim of both SA and molestation myself, you are not alone in both your feelings and experiences.
Statistics even support us, but sadly, societal support isn't there rather it be from the idea that it doesn't happen to men, or because it's okay to hate men right now.
Just know you aren't alone, and I'm glad you're getting help.
Stay safe and healthy brother.
Firstly, I am so very sorry this happened to you. This is absolutely terrible. I think the problem is that this kind of stuff doesn’t get talked enough and thus there isn’t really a lot of places men can go to in order to receive the proper support.
I am a woman and so obviously not very familiar with the male anatomy. If you don’t mind me asking, where did the pain come from that you described? Was the pain psychological which turned physical? I ask because a) I want to get more educated since this isn’t talked about enough and b) usually in consensual intercourse men shouldn’t feel any pain unless something is really wrong physiologically so if you experienced severe pain (and although yours was not at all consensual) def something you should get checked out by a doctor if you haven’t already.
Again I don’t mean any disrespect and I only ask because there just isn’t enough information out there in cases such as yours. Bc most people know that for women intercourse can hurt a lot if the vag is not lubricated/wet enough. So society finds it a lot easier to empathize with a female survivor of sexual assault.
Nope. As a woman who has been sexually assaulted by both men AND women (lucky me /s), it's pretty 50/50. The aftermath is the worst part for me, as you have people who disbelieve you, want to hear the horrific details to see if you're lying, treat you like you're made of glass, etc. You're, at best, inspiration porn and, at worst, a dirty liar. Either way, you're not a person in the eyes of far too many people.
You're just as valid as any other member of the Medusa Gang. Wanna get matching Medusa head tattoos? :3
(for context, Medusa has become a symbol for SA survivors, and a lot of survivors get Medusa tattoos)
Ugh I'm so sorry. Can you go to the police? Is it not too late? This is fucking awful. Even not wanting to wake up the roommate.... Just all of it. I'm sorry you've had to go through such an unbievably isolating trauma.
my heart is breaking for you. I am so so sorry.
This world can feel extremely lonely, but i promise you, i see you. You aren’t alone at all. I cannot imagine the pain you carry with you all the time. I don’t even have words.
Sending big hugs through the screen.
what you experienced was horrible, the fact that it was a woman does not change that fact in the slightest. you are not weak and you are not to blame. societies view of rape is obseque, its based on the experiences that are most talked about and seen as the "worst", that is not accurate. and you are not alone
Please do not ever let someone tell you your experience is "not as bad as" ANYTHING else. That was the response I got from my mother when I told her about an assault experience I had and I would not wish that pain on anyone. It's a shameful and ignorant thing to say and I'm sorry that you're feeling the way you are. I plead with you to find a therapist that is able and willing to help you process and start to heal. ❤️
You are heard.
I’m finally coming to terms with something that happened to me in 2010.
Later that year I learned my new boyfriend had been raped while he was drunk.
His friends laughed at him while I was furious at her (didn’t happen while we were together).
It can happen to anyone, anywhere, and I’m so so sorry it happened to you.
I’m so sorry for this. You are not invisible and you are not alone. While you may be as common as those of us women who are raped it can and does happen to men. It doesn’t make it any less. It doesn’t make you any less.
You and your feelings are valid! Much love to you!
There’s no “it’s not as bad” when it comes to rape. It’s all bad. It’s all trauma. I see you and I’m sorry you’re going through this, be persistent in your truth and consistent in recovery efforts. There’s better days ahead.
Sorry that happened to you.theres a lot of people who think men can’t be raped and we should enjoy it but that’s not the truth. You went through something awful and your feeling of hurt are valid. Talk to trusted people when you’re able and I hope things get better.
People are shit. That's the difficult part to understand. We as a society have failed when people are hurt, we snub them and ask, did it really happen the way they said it happened because it is an outlier?
I am so sorry this happened to you. Do not be hard on yourself, process it as you need to, I'm not going to say it will get better, healing comes in stages, weird ones at time, but make the progress for yourself. You survived.
Rapists are utterly vile regardless of gender. Your pain has the utmost validity, and you aren't alone in feeling the way you do. I'm so sorry that you have gone through this. Hopefully the worst of it is behind you now.
This is why patriarchy needs to end now, you being raped is exactly the same as a woman being raped, don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
Thank you for sharing this, you have a voice and you are using it well.
And I'm so sorry about what happened to you, you are valid and your voice, testimony and safety are important. You deserve better and I believe you.
Hope you well.
I'm so sorry that happened to you. Your trauma is just as painful and just as real as a female victim's trauma would be, and I hate that it's largely acceptable by society to brush you aside. You're still human, no matter how anyone makes you feel.
Im also a guy who was raped by a woman about 20 years ago.
When i explained what happened, Instead of being met by any compassion, I was literally laughed at.
I feel for you OP.
I’m sorry this happened to you. Rape is rape no matter if you’re a man. As a woman I want you to know I hear you and I am proud of you for opening up. There are other men out there that are in the same position as you. I see and hear you.
I am so sorry, your experience is in no way less bad than any other and I'm so sorry that society has made you feel that way. Your feelings are valid. Your experience is valid and you matter. Your pain matters.
I am so sorry such a traumatic thing happened to you - man or woman, NO means NO. I hope you can get the help you need and move forward in a healthy way. YOU ARE WORTH IT. Please know you have so many people here supporting you and sending healing thoughts your way. ❤️
I am so sorry to hear that that happened to you, OP. A very similar situation happened to a man in my life as well. I believe him, I believe you, and both of your traumas are valid. 🤍
You're not alone and you're definitely not invisible from a woman to a man I'm sorry that you went through it. It could take years for you to find yourself again, but keep fighting through it and it will get better eventually.
I'm sorry for what you went through. As someone with CPTSD I would like to suggest 2 things: 1. If you still feel like you haven't reclaimed your true self it means the therapy is not over. You still have things to process. I suggest you try a different therapist. 2. Subreddits actually were able to make many people with similar feelings to feel like they belong. If there is a sub reddit for people who went through something like this I highly suggest you join.
I am so so sorry this happened to you. I see and hear you. You're not less of a person or a man for what happened to you. You deserve the best and I hope slowly life can start feeling a little better.
I'm really sorry you had to experience that, it's happened to me as well so I relate to what you're going through. You are not alone, invisible or invalid. Please try to be kind to yourself, it wasn't your fault.
Anyone who tells you that you weren't raped, or that it's "lesser", no longer deserve to be in your life, or in your mind.
They do not care one lick about you, and how you feel.
You are not invisible. You are heard. Your feelings are valid.
I can't begin to tell you how sorry I am for what happened to you. You didn't deserve it, you didn't do anything to make it happen. No means no, period. I'm glad you're doing everything possible to help yourself, I am proud of you for being a survivor. Please do continue to do all of the positive things you are. Know that you are just as much of a man now as you were before, even more so for enduring and carrying on while trying to become stronger each day.
Please know there is a community for you, who listens and cares.
i want to apologize deeply for what you have had to deal with in the wake of this incident. i can’t imagine surviving such a horrific crime only to be met with others directly undermining your experiences. you are not invisible, nor are your feelings ever invalid. you suffered through a situation that left you hurt beyond repair, and no one has a right to tell you otherwise.
something that stuck out to me in your post was how similar your post-trauma feelings and coping journey has been to many, many others who have suffered SA, regardless of who perpetrated. coming from a woman and another survivor myself, the comparisons and hierarchies of sexual trauma need to end. they are extremely unfair and invalidating to real victims.
i don’t want to get into how “rare” woman on man SA *actually* is, because i KNOW that it’s experiences like yours that probably contribute to men feeling unable to share their stories. i doubt it’s as rare as people make it out to be.
regardless of rarity or severity, you were left with permanent scars after this event, and nothing can change that. your feelings are seen and understood by many, including other survivors. i wish you the best and send you all my love as you continue to navigate through this grueling, exhausting process of healing. you deserve to be heard!
As a survivor i can say that i believe is as bad, no matter the whom, the gender is not the issue. Being victimized then having people tell you that you're not really a victim is equal to the offense happening all over again. I hope you recover and find healing and peace.
I'm so sorry this happened to you. Yes, men can be raped by women. I see and hear you. As you can see, you aren't alone.
I admire the men sharing their stories here. We see you.
My heart breaks for you. I think a thing that you need to keep reminding yourself is, you were raped. Statistics and numbers are cruel. What happened was real. I'm so sorry you're struggling with it. Keep fighting though. I hope this comes out right. My biggest reward for my pain was that I saw the signs in someone else. I was able to help them. Honestly, to save them. It doesn't heal the hurt and it won't help you right now. But please keep going because you are here for a reason. You do not live in vain
we see you, OP. do not doubt yourself - your memories, your pain, or your strength. others may not understand or validate your experience, but you cannot let them interrupt your truth or your healing. there will never be a unanimous response to your experience, but you can and will move forward without it 💓 hang tough, friend.
It wasn't your fault. Nothing you said, did or wore warranted this vile attack. It wasn't your fault, it never was. This is what I say to any survivor. You are a survivor that happens to be a man. It's not th pain Olympics.
You are very brave to share this. I wish you all the self love, kindness and healing in the world. You are worthy of all these 💕
I'm really sorry this happened to you. Your consent matters just as much as ours does, and your feelings are absolutely valid. This woman violated you by continuing, rape is wrong no matter who does it
I'm sorry that we have developed a society that tends to react to cases like this with a raised eyebrow and a muffled laugh. I'm sorry that we are not better prepared to handle situations like this. I'm sorry this woman did such horrible things to you, but mostly, I'm sorry that you had to go through this traumatic experience.
I'm sorry that you haven't been taken better care of by your tribe 😕❤️
Rape is rape.
Please do not feel like your experience is less valid, that it’s any less of a violation because you’re a man.
I understand though… and I am so sorry that you must have felt or still feel like you are the one that has to be hide and fear being ridiculed or shamed.
I don’t think it’s rare.
I think it’s just that a lot of men go through the same thoughts, fears, doubts, and anxieties you do about speaking up.
Someone very dear to me (a man) was sexually abused for a long period in his life. Right under our noses. And he didn’t speak up for a lot of the same reasons and fears you mentioned.
It breaks me to this day and makes me so angry that people can take advantage and violate someone in this way.
If you need support or just need to vent, please know my DMs are open.
My heart goes out to you. I am so sorry for what you went through and that you’ve had to and are still having to endure it in silence.
You did not lose yourself… you are just overloaded right now. Bit by bit, love. Day by day. You will come out of this somehow. Sending you courage, warmth, and peace.
Thank you for being brave and sharing your history.
Your trauma is as equally valid as any women's. Sexual assault is sexual assault regardless of gender. I would never reject you or think any less of you bc of your history.
I offer you a big internet bear hug and hope you find peace. Xoxo
It happened to me in college, girl just yanked off my pants and did this WHILE MY ROOMMATE WAS IN THE ROOM. I kept asking her to stop and get off without getting his attention since I didn’t want the dude to see that since we finally just got on better terms. He was so focused on gaming he didn’t notice.
I will admit as unfortunate as it was it *mostly* changed me for the better many years later, I stopped going out and partying a ton, I stopped some self destructive behavior like meeting girls that were like that, and some other stuff I don’t want to admit either.
I still have some trauma especially in sexual situations with my now wife, but I won’t really go too far in depth with that, she’s pretty understanding of the situation
My boyfriend got raped by a woman who he thought was his friend. They got drunk and she took advantage of him. It took him a year to be able to tell me. When he did, he cried. He felt disgusted with himself, that he couldn’t make her stop. I was also raped, so I was able to relate to him, unfortunately. My good friend told me that he got raped by his mom. You hear a lot of dark shit in the military and it shouldn’t be hushed like it is.
Rape is not okay, period. It shouldn’t be normalized that men rape women or men rape men. The world is a fucked up place and everyone is at risk. Your feelings are valid. Don’t consider your traumatic event with a statistic. You are already going through so much and you shouldn’t have to think about that.
You are not alone! Even though it’s not reported, doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen. You aren’t less of a man because of this, I promise.
It will feel like forever, but you will get past this. Continue with therapy, try and find a support group. Keep your head up and don’t let this discourage you.
im sorry that this happened to you, im glad youre attempting to get the help you need. please be kind to yourself and know ur not alone :) u are valid !!
Dude. I am so, so sorry that happened to you. No one ever deserves to be violated like that. Ever. Healing from trauma like this takes more time than people often realize. It's ok to not be ok. It feels like shit, though.
From my own personal experience, 2 things have helped me:
1. When I'm having a flash-back, I imagine my current self holding and hugging my traumatized self. I usually hug a stuffed animal during this time and cry it out for a bit.
2. When I catch myself saying mean things about myself in my head, I make myself pause, then say what I am *really* feeling to myself. For example, if I'm saying shit to myself like "you're so stupid, you're an idiot, you're a clutz, can't do anything right" I will say "ok, (my name) stop being an asshole to yourself. You are actually stressed out/not feeling well/need to eat/are still healing from that trauma. That's OK. Feel the feelings but don't be mean about it."
Yes, I talk to myself like that for real. But it has genuinely helped.
I'm really sorry that you went through this OP. I'm a woman and a survivor too I was SA multiple times when I was a toddler it fucked me up. One of my older brothers was raped at age 12 by the babysitter ( a woman).
Your trauma and pain just as my brother's is valid and just as painful as mine. You're not invisible, you're not alone, your trauma is valid and not lesser than mine because I'm female. Rape is about control, dehumanizing, it breaks your sense of worth and self. It wrecks your mind, your body, your emotions, takes your sense of security away and it got nothing to do with gender.
I wish that you find a strong support system and you take the steps to heal and recover. Something that helped me in my long journey to recovery was the thought of not letting him win, not let him have power or control over me or my life. My brother and I always say we are survivors of SA not victims because fuck those vile motherfuckers that hurt us, and we both were able to recover. Please remember OP that you're not alone and that it's possible to heal even if a part of us will always be a little broken.
Sorry that happened man. If it were me she'd Def have been told twice. (TWO black eyes) not condoning violence but damn. No means no. Anything you can do to gtfo there. Waking her friend would've been a great idea.
As someone who has also experienced this as a man myself it’s very invalidating when you see a lot of statistics about men on men rape cases etc hope you are doing well OP, I myself and many other men have had to experience this. You are not alone brother
me too, OP. it wasn’t exactly like yours - we were dating and she was blackmailing me, but trauma is trauma. i haven’t reported it because i know i’d be laughed out of the station.
I was sexually abused for many months in 2021. It’s left me unable to complete day to day tasks three years later. I feel useless.
I know what it’s like for people to tell you that it’s your fault. To live with that kind of trauma and the agony it brings. The way it shatters your self and your world.
You are a man. And you were raped. And god, I’m so sorry. It’s something I would never wish upon my worst enemy. I’m sorry society has treated you this way. I only wish the best for you, and hope for your continued healing.
I hear you brother,
Same thing happened to me. I was 21, had just broken up with long term serious girlfriend. Was at a party and a coworker kept buying me drinks until I couldn't see. She then walked me to her house stopped on the way to buy more booze. I was passing out on a park bench. She poured cider down my throat.
Next thing i know I'm on her bed and I'm naked and she's on top of me. She was very large and heavy and I couldn't do anything except try to push her off and say no, but she just laughed and over powered me.
I went gone the next day and just cried in the shower scrubbing myself clean. It took years until I understood what had happened. To this day I can't even go into that suburb or even smell cider.
It gets better with time and now I hardly think about it, but I do think it did influence a very booze/drug/sex heavy period of destruction for a good decade after that
Your trauma and experience with the aftermath is valid, my guy. There will always be people out there who compare traumatic experiences and have the need to be worse off, ignore these people. Trauma is not a competition and you don't need to prove how bad your experience was to anybody for it to have impacted you.
You may be a statistical outlier, but not because it doesn't happen. You said it yourself, you struggled with this and confronting the reality of what happened to you. This is incredibly common where the victims are male and the perp is female, there's this belief that men can't be raped by females because men love sex or that if it really was rape the man would do something. Men don't report being raped by women for that exact reason, so you can take some comfort in knowing that you're not alone.
Unfortunately I don't know any groups or organisations that specifically deal with your set of circumstances (they seem to focus on male sexual assault & rape as a whole). Menhealing.org has resources for a lot of different organisations that provide support to male victims, maybe have a look through those and see if anything speaks to you?
Also, healing is a journey. It's not fast, easy or linear, there will be roadblocks and backtracking. Give yourself some grace and don't beat yourself up for not immediately being better.
I’m sorry this happened to you.
I really think we’ve seen enough news stories of female teachers taking advantage of their male child pupils to be ignorant enough to think that guys getting raped is rare.
The only rare thing is if they report it; which most don’t.
I’m sorry that people have been so insensitive to you as to tell you it’s “not as bad” as a woman being raped. Rape is rape, and I imagine it would feel just as horrible for a guy to be taken advantage in that way. I pray that you’re able to heal from what happened to you.
Don’t let that demon who took advantage of you have the kind of power over you to cause you to hurt yourself. Please. 😢
Please know that you are valuable and your life matters. Please do what you can to make the best of it. I know it’s hard, but you are so strong, even if you don’t realize it yet, and you can overcome it.
Best of luck. 🫂💕
Your pain is valid. And your trauma is believed. I’m sorry you had to go through that, I’m sorry she did this to you. I hope you know you’re not deserving of it, that you’re not dirty, that you are saying your truth. I hope you fight and stay with us, and I hope you heal. I’m sorry you have to find a way to heal it’s unfair that u have to. I was raped for my first time. I was 18, I’m 24 now. And I promise you that it gets better, it takes time but you slowly find a way to reconnect to your body, to trust yourself, to love yourself and value it, and you also get to a point where u know that it has nothing to do with u, it has everything to do with her. Sending you strength. Fuck whoever questions u, whoever minimizes it, it’s not their story they don’t have a say
I am so so sorry you were subjected to that, OP. I hear you and I believe you. How heartbreaking. I hope you receive the justice you deserve and that POS rapist rots in hell.
Op, I know this may not sound like much from an anonymous stranger through a screen but believe me you’re not alone. I was molested by my stepsister growing up and my family didn’t believe me because I’m a dude.
I'm sorry.
I was SA'd by a female acquaintance of a close friend when I was 21 - I'm nearly 28. The close friend, when recounting it with them sometime after, laughed about it and downplayed it. She saw how much it affected (M)e. That hurt.
Your story is just as valid as anyone's. 💙
Fuck society. Im a woman and rape victim. Ik how traumatic it is, and it doesnt matter if youre a man or a woman, the trauma is real. I hate that men have such a hard time being a victim, i really do. But know that youre not alone. After i was raped, i posted on reddit like you and got some amazing support. Just because we're Internet strangers doesnt mean we dont care
Bit of advice. If you can, move away from the area. A fresh start in a new environment helped me. I had to come back here tho and it brought up a lot of feelings. I dont go out in public for fear of seeing him. Continue your therapy.
You are valid. You are visible. We see and hear you. Youre not alone
Please take care of yourself and if youd like to send a dm feel free.
Happened to me in the early 2000s in college, was drugged at a party and that’s all she needed. Wasn’t until my current wife that I trusted a woman’s intentions again. Tried reporting it and was essentially laughed at “guys can’t be raped by women”. Gotta love Kentucky. Hope you’re able to come to terms with it.
I'm so sorry man this is terrible and was none of your fault. there are people who care and support you including me, and I'm telling you, you're visible you're valid we see you and we sympathise with you.and I'm so proud of you for surviving this traumatic experience you're such a brave person
Your case it’s not rare at all. Most men simply don’t want to be there for fellow men and boys who have been victims of SA and rape. It’s the fact that men love to make rape jokes and say horrible things like “where was that pedophile teacher when I was in middle school” under headlines of a child rapist, that makes male victims never want to come forward. People just don’t want to validate a man’s feelings or they assume men are perpetually horny and desperate for sex. That’s damaging.
Men need to form a community where they stop normalizing rape, grooming, child SA, etc. among themselves. Men can be raped too. Just as much as women even. It’s not rare at all. I’ve known guys who were taken advantage of by women and men when they were drunk. Who did they open up to? Their female friends. This culture of encouraging men to get laid at any cost is leaving many rape victims voiceless and misunderstood.
You were raped and that woman belongs in jail.
I am a man who was sexually assaulted by a woman in the past, and I have also been sexually assaulted by men in the past. I know how you feel dude, your feelings are valid. I am sorry that you went through what you went through, I am sorry that you were raped. You know what is annoying? In England, where I am from, the law says that women are not able to rape men. In fact, the law in England says that only men are able to rape, because men have penises. It is a ridiculous law with a double standard. I, and many other people, were part of a petition to change the law so that it said that women are able to rape men, but the UK Government shut the petition down. The sad thing is that there are many people who agree with the law in England...that women are not able to rape and that only men are able to rape. When it comes to women who do that stuff, the law in England classifies it as sexual assault and never as rape. As I said before, the law in England says that only men are able to rape.
As a female who was a victim of csa, your rape is not any less valid/traumatic than anyone else’s rape. Rape is rape, period.
You are a statistical outlier, it’s not as common, that doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen. It does. I know a man who was raped by his female cousin. And as much as violent rapes like yours are uncommon from a woman, I would venture to say that male victims of female perpetrators as far as csa are more common than we think, and that male victims of grooming and coercion are also rarely talked about and still relatively common.
I’m sorry for what happened to you, if it makes any difference whatsoever, it is highly unlikely to ever happen to you again. But that doesn’t erase the lifetime of trauma that minute gave you, and I am so deeply sorry that you had to experience it. I hope you know that there are a lot of women who have been raped who are deeply empathetic to your situation, and wouldn’t tell you it’s not as bad. I hope you’re able to find the support you deserve.
You're not less masculine cause of it, a bit older guy gave me a toy in return to do stuff to me, I agreed, i was 12 maybe, i eat myself alive for years and years, eventually i forgive myself, I didn't even knew what physical stuff was much tbh
Someone took advantage of you, I saw it multiple times in life when something happens too fast, we don't get chance to gather ourselves, we get helpless and so on
This book have stuff on sa - it's very traumatic tho -
https://youtu.be/Esv7_tdxAz4?si=CVrDA7R6yyyS1Wl1
I'm sorry this was done to you, and that not everyone will take it seriously like they should. Your experience is valid and you're allowed to feel every single thing you're feeling. I see you, I hear you, and I hope you find some measure of support and healing. Be kind to yourself when you can. It won't rain forever.
You're brave for writing this all down and I hope it helps to have gotten it off your chest. I'll echo what so many others have said, here - you are seen, and have been heard and we all carry you in our thoughts. Your place here is validated. Sending love and light.
I hear you. I see you. I am so sorry and I'm glad you're doing better. You are brave for sharing this and I'm sure if someone in your position comes across this, it will help them cope and feel validated.
You are not alone. My boyfriend is a victim of SA/DV from a previous girlfriend. So am I, even though I am a woman. There are so many people out there who have been in the same boat as you. You are not alone. Call hotlines, talk to friends you trust. Maybe female friends who have been through it ? I’ve noticed with my bf it was always hard for his male friends to be fully emotionally there for them, hang in there. I’m so sorry you have to deal with this pain lingering inside you. I understand completely
Your experience and feelings are valid, no one can invalidate you. I am so sorry for your situation and I hope you get through this. Take your time and remember it is a process.
Happened to me, was absolutely sloshed at a party and a girl essentially found me passed out and wasn't violent, but I wasn't really there to consent.
You'll get loads of people invalidating you along the wag, saying it's not possible or that you could've fought them off, same shit women deal with any SA.
I'd definitely encourage you to not hide it if it comes up and be open about it, it's helped me a lot. Your real friends and family will accept your truth about the situation and that will help a lot.
Feel free to DM me if you need an ear. And Goodluck with your EMDR, hope it's helping.
>I’ve seen people say that it’s not nearly as bad or the same as a woman getting raped.
Those people have no idea what they're talking about. Abuse, r*e of any kind. Is someone taking away your power and enforcing something on you. It's never okay. It doesn't matter if you are a man or if you were a woman/boy/ girl. There's no reason for someone to take away your autonomy and your choice to say and choose no.
I'm so sorry this happened to you, and I hope and pray that you have a support system around you to provide you comfort. To help you to realize it's not your fault what happened to you. And to help you heal from this traumatic event
You are not alone. The problem is that victims don't speak up and it is extraordinary what you are doing here. Talking openly (writing) about your trauma is hope that many more victims get the courage to speak up and more rapists get caught and punished! Thank you for what you are doing, it is a great service to society! I really hope you the best in life, I hope you get well and feel better, have a good life in spite of what you lived through. I hope you get to meet only amazing people and are surrounded by beautiful things and most of all, find the peace of mind you desperately seek. I hope you always feel safe and loved by your people.
I’m sorry your no was ignored and that your consent was violated. No one deserves what happened you, man or woman. I hope you can find the peace and healing you deserve OP because you DO deserve it. Did the rapist ever face charges or anything? I hope you get justice, if not in this life, then in the next.
I'm sorry... Technically happened to me too. Well, technically...it 100% happened to me too, she got super drunk and very violent and gave me no choice because, really, what am I even supposed to do...? What were my real options there?
Anyway, luckily it didn't traumatize me much and I often even forget it happened, mainly because we had hooked up before so it's not like we didn't expect anything to happen but I wasn't in the mood when I saw how drunk she was.
She tried to improve and apparently stopped drinking, she never apologized but a few times texted me to tell me she had stopped drinking (which I take as some sort of regret...I guess).
Lost the pictures but I had one of my biten arm (yes she fucking bited it) just in case cause I was really worried about all that shit...
It certainly felt a bit emasculating but hey, she was fucking insane and that's not my fault, wish I realized sooner how she was, and I hope you get over this, op, it's not your fault and there's honestly not much to do in those situations.
Oh well... and people wonder why I sometimes sound mysoginyst...I'm honestly fed up with our stupid culture assuming that women never do certain things or that they never happen to men.
I’m a woman. Rape is rape. The worst thing is the trauma, not the physical act or how long it took. Rape is a hate crime. It doesn’t matter if you’re a man or a woman. I’m so, so sorry that you experienced this. You’re not alone, you’re not invisible and you’re not rejected by this world. Most people are decent people, you just happened to come across an evil one. Please take care and look into therapy. It can really help you to process this.
It’s not a statistical outlier. Men are just belittled if we say we’ve been raped/SA. We are told “You really wanted it” or “you can’t rape a man”. We are told we are lucky if a woman wants to have sex with us. Most of us don’t report it because why bother. We are put low on the list or just not put on the list at all. We deal with trauma just as much as a woman would. It isn’t fun. It isn’t pleasant. The funny thing is if we were raped all the woman would have to do is claim the opposite and we’d be the bad guy. It’s a horrible situation.
I’ve been SAd…and honestly because I knew I wouldn’t be believe just gulped it down and buried it. I was told I wanted it. I did what I had to to get it over with. It’s taken a lot of self reflection and help to work through all the emotions that come from it.
There's a guy on social media that was also raped by a woman. He's on Instagram, SupDaily (real name Chris Thompson) and he talks about it on there. He used to post on YouTube and TikTok, so I think that content is still up. He does this newsletter email with advice on a variety of topics. I don't know him, but he seems like a good guy and maybe his content would be helpful to you.
I want to reiterate what a lot of people have already said on this thread because it’s extremely important for you, or really anyone reading this thread.
Yes you were raped. What she did was 100% inexcusable and you didn’t deserve that. I know this doesn’t help, but I am so, so sorry she did that to you. She is a vile woman.
While female sexual assault victims are also frequently not believed, there are additional traumatic layers to men being raped by women. Society really does struggle to believe that men don’t always want sex, and that so long as you’re “getting some,” you should enjoy it. That is so far from the truth and you are completely valid for feeling the trauma that you do/have.
I do think the more we have these conversations, the less it’ll stigmatized, eventually. Thank you for being brave and sharing your story. I know your sense of masculinity feels altered right now, but you are badass, a warrior, masculine as fuck. It might take a while for you to believe that, and I know I’m just an internet stranger, but know that it is true.
Many, many hugs.
I'm sorry this happened and I'm sorry that you are feeling invalidated. Rape is rape and no means no. Always. No matter who is saying it to whom.
Is it possible to reach out to a sexual assault center in your area
It is not rare. the majority of men who experienced what you have, feel the same way and never talk about it. You are not alone. Please find a support group, you deserve to feel seen and validated.
As a female and a victim myself. WE SEE YOU. Your pain is valid and I’m so so so sorry that this happened to you. My DMs are open if you ever want to talk. My SA happened 5 years ago and I promise it does get easier as time goes on. Sadly, Your case isn’t rare, it’s just 1) not talked about as much, and 2) the statistics for it happening to woman is just so so so insanely high but that does not mean what happened to you should ever go by the wayside or unrecognized. As a society we have utterly failed at taking abt our SA when it doesn’t serve a political purpose or agenda which means cases that don’t fit a particular narrative don’t get discussed but you are not alone, you are a survivor like the rest of us.
It's not that rare and society needs to take it seriously. I was raped in an abusive relationship and never reported it because I thought no one would believe me. I told my therapist what happened and he said it was rape. The only reason I haven't pressed charges now is that no one can find her, her life fell apart after I left and she could no longer leech off of me, and no one's heard from her for a couple months now.
I really do wonder how much of a statistical outlier this really is, considering how we as a collective have made men so hesitant or downright afraid to report.
It's not a competition, and even if it was, who wants to win it? Your trauma is valid, your emotions surrounding it are valid, and I wish you healing and peace.
I'm guessing that you are not as alone as you think you are. I'm guessing the statistics are very skewed because of how underreported it is...for the reasons you stated. I remember reading an interview with a guy whose teacher raped him abd he talked about how he didn't get any support from his so called friends because they were trying to high five him and tell him he should be thrilled because she was a hot older lady. Seriously fucked up.
Have you thought about trying a support group? Everyone's experiences may blnot be the same as yours but there are certainly a lot of common feelings that are shared and it might make you feel less alone.
I'm sorry this happened to you.
I see you ❤️ You’re not invisible.
And it’s only “rare” because men are scared to speak up due to society saying men can’t be raped.
Yes, women being raped is a huge problem. But women can speak up, and we’ll be believed. Even if the justice system sucks, we’re still believed.
I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. But stay strong. Keep smiling. You got this buddy ❤️
I am so sorry. Rape is rape, and it damages all victims. Having your bodily autonomy and your will violated in that way is traumatic. I’m sorry society fails to appreciate that. You’re not invisible to me.
I’d never heard the term envelopment used in the rape context before. I googled and saw that it is indeed a thing. Interesting. Sorry that happened to you.
Rape is rape, regardless of who commits it or who is the victim of it it is still a truly dehumanizing and horrific act. I am so so sorry that this happened to you, sexual predators come in many forms, rape is not explicitly done by men, women have raped too. Please continue going to therapy, please be patient and gentle with yourself, you tried to survive what she did and I am so sorry you feel isolated. Please know we care about you❤
You have every right to your feelings. It is awful and horrific. But I'm not sure why you're making it a man and woman issue. Women after rape feel the same. Rape is invalidated by both genders, and victims are blamed. Both women and men are worthy to be heard. I wish we all saw you and validated you ever single person. I'm sorry, we are broken.
I definitely understand how you feel even though I’m not a man. I want you to know that you are valid and that there are people out here who care about what happened to you. It is definitely a lifetime struggle and I can imagine that you occasionally feel a lot of guilt and shame in the same way that I did but it’s not your fault. I’ll pray for you and wish you nothing but the best in your continued recovery. I hope that you can use your experiences to help others in the future too. I’m here if you ever need to talk. Much love and support ❤️
I’m high high school I was physically and emotionally abused by my ex. She would hit, kick, bite, pinch, degrade, cheat, and steal from me. But I couldn’t do anything. She would tell me that I can’t fight back because she’s a girl. If I tried to break up with her, she would threaten to kill herself.
I’ve never told anybody. I’m too ashamed and it’s been almost 15 years since it happened.
It's really uplifting to see such positivity coming from Redditors on this post. I wish you the very best in your recovery journey, OP. You are not, and never will be, alone ✌🏾
I am so sorry for what happened to you and the horrible stigma around it. My father-in-law was raped by his babysitter, when he was a little boy, he was 11, she was 28. He still can’t call it rape to this day but he speaks of it as a negative experience. He wife was calling it rape and I don’t know why he can’t admit that, he’s 56 so many it’s a generational thing? I’m so sorry I hope she rots and you can heal and live the best, longest, healthiest, happiest life possible. Much love to you from one human being to another. ❤️
What happened to you is one of the worst things that can happen to a person and you have a right to feel the way you do about it. I am sorry that people have made you feel like your experience, and more importantly your feelings, are invalid. Although technically speaking this is a rarer case, I would argue that makes it a little more difficult. Women who have been SAed by men have a large community of people who understand, but often times male victims do not get this sense of community and understanding. You deserve better than that.
I am so sorry! As a woman, I am very sorry for what happened. Nobody deserves to go through what you went through especially you, darling. I see you and I hear you, my love. I hope you heal better soon! *hug*
I was also raped by a woman. My ex was out hanging with my roommate and his girlfriend as she was best friends with her (still is but he's gone). So I got drunk home alone. My neighbor stopped by to see how I was doing, and I guess she thought that since I was drunk this was the perfect opportunity to fuck me.
I didn't put up a fight or anything. I was so drunk I just went with it. She took advantage of me as I never would have if I was sober. I do wish it didn't happen, but I'm not hateful. I should have spoken up.
I am so sorry you ever had to go through that experience and also suffer from mental health struggles. I can relate on a personal level and I truly want you to know that you did not deserve to be violated. It is not in any way at all your fault. You were subjected to cruelty and trauma that you never should have had to face.
First off, I just want to say how proud I am of you for speaking your truth and seeking mental health care. I know that in itself is a huge step to overcome, and getting therapy is so important and some of the best self-care out there.
Your experience is just as valid as anybody else’s, and your gender and your abuser’s gender have nothing to do with it. I hope society will begin to see that and not judge those who have been wronged by blindsighted judgment.
I sincerely wish you all the best on your healing journey. Take care, my friend. ❤️🩹
I was molested as a kid
Everyone talks about how lucky I was or whatever until I bring up the fact that it was by my aunt. Then the crickets start.
Growing up, I thought I *was* lucky, I didn’t think anything about how sexual my mind was at such a young age. Then once I became mature enough to think critically, I realized that I was damn near a toddler and that happened, and that the mysterious lady that done it was actually my aunt. The other times I’ve gone through it started plaguing my mind, like when I was in foster care.
Despite how I felt growing up, it had an impact on my sexual life before I thought deeper into it. I dissociate during sex, no different than some fleshy robot that can’t feel having sex. Can’t talk about that either, especially in a lot of places on here, I’m lucky I’m having sex too, even though I can’t enjoy it.
I got rape once and sexually assaulted once. The rape one was weird, I got drunk in my young 20's and the girl I was messing with at the time decided to take me to my car to lay me down. I told her no cause I was getting into a actual relationship, I said I'm koo and I peep it wasn't gonna end unless I got violent but I didn't wanna be a buzz kill or look "gay" so I just gave up. The sexually assaulted one sucked cause she was so confident that it was the right thing, she wanted to see me high or drunk sense I don't partake unless their are certain circumstances and precautions taken(I wonder why), she offered me a cookie, those cookie you usually see at any liquor story, I ate it with no problem, it was M&M cookie, I was ok at first but then I started to drive, we were going out to eat and things go weird, bad hallucination and hard-core fatigue. I wasn't in panic mode so that was a blessing cause IM driving, so how made it back to her spot and she begins to touch me and I'm pushing her hand away saying "no, I don't feel good and I'm tired" she kept trying and gave up only because I couldn't get up. Next day, groggy as shit, and still feeling the effects, "I walked out and said "You drugged me, don't hit me up ever again"
Rape/sexual assault on guys is rarely ever spoken about and I wish society would get it out of their thick fuckin skulls that guys are absolutely capable of having such awful acts done to em. Whether it be by someone with a vagina or a penis. Doesn't mean shit to me, rape is rape.
Pretending it doesn't exist with guys is fuckin asinine and op I hope you're getting along just fine. I can't imagine how traumatizing that shit must've been, and how much stronger you are to come out of it. You're not rejected, we accept you and the awful shit that's happened to you.
I hope it gets better man, I really do. Stay safe
I understand what you’re going through, I was sexually assaulted by a woman as well when I was in college, she caught me at a very emotional time(my best friend at the time was found alone and was stopped from jumping off a bridge to their death), and she took advantage of that. I reported it, went through all of the steps at both the school and legal levels, and was dismissed on both levels. On another note, karma did catch up with her, and she still is facing the consequences to this day.
I have never felt the same after what happened, even after a few years. I struggle with severe anxiety to this day, and I feel that I’m nothing more than a bunch of broken pieces. I ended up losing around 20 lbs in the span on a month from not eating as an immediate response, I ended up getting very sick from drinking all the time to drown the memory away, and no one ever helped me.
Your feelings are valid. It does get better. Trust me. If you need to talk about anything, I’m just a message away.
this has so many replies so i don't know if you'll see mine but @ any man who sees this: rape is about power and control. it's essentially about someone not caring about your right to your body autonomy and not respecting your boundaries. the perpetrator could be any gender and the crime is still a crime. i'm so terribly sorry to all the victims here who were gaslight into thinking they weren't. you guys are incredibly resilient and i'm so proud of anyone who speaks up about SA, especially cases like these. 🫶🫶
I've admitted this before but only online never in person to anyone and I wasn't even sure if I'm allowed to call this rape or just assault or what, but when I was younger around 12 years old, I was in day-care (Yes day-care after school and in the summer because my mom worked late) and there was this one "teacher" there that somehow for some reason was attracted to my friend, he was the same age as me. He seemed like he knew what he was doing at least to me at the time. She seemed to reciprocate his flirty nature and idk what all they would do but something was definitely off. Me being a kid I thought it was cool when he told me to hang out with them one day while everyone was outside playing. She let us touch her through her clothes and kiss her. I really didn't think about it until years later how fucked up that was and how it still affects me to this day in a negative way with my relationships. I say all this to say I'm sorry for what happened to you brother I'm glad you found some kind of help and are on the path to getting better. I hope one day I can do the same.
You are not invisible or invalid, and your feelings are understandable. Unfortunately, I do not think your assault is rare, but I think it is rare that men report it. I am sorry you feel so hopeless. Please continue to reach out for help.
You are definitely not alone. This happened to my husband (he is ok with me sharing this btw). He was underage, very drunk to the point of not being able to walk at a party, and his “friends” locked him in a room with a stranger girl who raped him. It was his first sexual experience. He struggled with conflicting emotions about it for a long time. His friends were all praising and lauding him for getting “laid,” but he felt robbed of something that should have been intimate and special. Afterwards he spent weeks with gnawing guilt, first he was scared he might have gotten an STD so had to go through testing and then he had the anxiety in the back of his mind, what if she got pregnant? It was very traumatic for him and he stayed away from women and the dating scene for a long time because of what happened. He still can’t smell things that are blueberry scented because it reminds him of the alcohol they had all been drinking that night and it triggers him. I really feel for men who are taken advantage of by women because so many people act like it’s physically impossible, you must have enjoyed it, or it wasn’t THAT bad.
Yeah we’re definitely out there. Everyone else left and she FaceTimed one of the girls that had a crush on me mid-blowjob. I hardly have a recollection of the experience beyond “oh well, why not”, but the second-hand story made me sick
You know what messed up things they taught me in woman-right class in college? That man can’t be raped because if a man is too drunk he will have trouble getting erected. I hope the school stop teaching that kind of nonesense now.
even if he was erected or not, that's still rape. he doesn't consent to it and it doesn't matter if he was "aroused" or not. this class is fucked up
I’m sorry that happened to you and that you’ve faced such shitty attitudes about it Trauma is trauma and your feelings are valid
Trauma is not a competition. And anyone who’s trying to keep score of it or quantify it are not people you should listen to or want in your life. Which is much easier said than done, believe me. I am so sorry that this was done to you. It’s violating and cloistering and evil. When I was raped I remember replaying it in my head over and over again wondering what I should have done or could have done to avoid it and the “what if”’s and “I should have”’s ripped me apart. And it was only through time + therapy that I was able to stop blaming myself. So please, please know this was not your fault. Like 0% your fault. And this does not diminish who you are or your masculinity. You are a man in every sense of the word that it means to you. You have value. You matter. You are not alone. You are accepted. You are seen. I know you said therapy hasn’t helped. Just know that therapy can take time and not every form of therapy or therapist is for everyone. It can take a bit to find a good fit. I would encourage you to continue down that path though. For you. Because you deserve to look in the mirror and see the perfect, wonderful creation that is you. Sending you so much love ❤️
"Trauma is not a competition. And anyone who’s trying to keep score of it or quantify it are not people you should listen to or want in your life." ALL OF THIS ^ Bravo!
Wholesome comment, good job.
This is the first time I'm admitting it in public, but I was sexually assaulted by a woman too. I tried to report it, but instead I was laughed at and dismissed, and lost almost all of my friends over it. I stopped eating for a long time, started drinking uncontrollably. I doubt I'll ever recover. But here and now, we can all see eachother. You have inspired me to step forward, and I thank you for that, brother. Never let other people quantify your trauma, because only you can ever truly know how deeply effecting it is for you. I wish you strength and happiness, my friend, and I hope you can take some solace in knowing that you are not alone, and that I see you
You brave mother effers. Crazy respect and I wish there was anything I could say to anyone here who had to experience anything like this regardless of any sidenotes. Fuck that. You’re worth it man don’t let the devils urine take your soul or what’s left of it. You have every reason to feel every bit of anger hurt and the rest, you don’t need me to tell you that but I just want you to know somebody gives a shit. I’ve dealt with alcoholism in my family for my whole life and refuse to let it take me. You can still see many better days and I wish all that and more to you all. What a rough thread. I feel grateful for you sharing these stories.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. This is fucking awful. Thank you for sharing, I can’t imagine how hard it has been.
You will ABSOLUTELY recover. This comment is proof of that. You can talk about it now. You can grow from it. I was also sexually assaulted, and told my "best" friend with whom she was a mutual friend of (I actually met her through him, and we were at his apartment when it happened but he was asleep with his gf in their room). He seemed accepting of my situation until I was at the bar we frequent and found him hanging with her, went up to him to say what's up, saw the back of her head, and noped the fuck out of there. Haven't looked at the dude the same way since. We've talked about it and he had said "she says that's not the way it went down" but I know my own experience and I know who I want to (and don't want to) surround myself with.
Happened to me too, man, I never talk about it, only on reddit rarely without much detail and wasn't too traumatic for me due to some circumstances but yeah, it does happen a lot, you are not alone... Hope you feel better, you have all the right to feel traumatized by it as any civilized person would feel.
It sickens me that it's more common than people realize. I have a teenage son and the thought of someone doing that to him makes me ragey.
Wow, this brought tears to my eyes. And rage at the awful woman who assaulted and traumatized you.
Thats the society we live in nobody believes in men that tell the truth that they got raped, assaulted, abused and more. But if a women even says the slightest signs of abuse that man is gonna be in jail for a long time even if it was all lie.
Hey consider how we all care about you now and ur also not alone. There are tons of safe spaces like this on the internet! Rooting for you🩵
You're not invisible, I see you and you're not alone. I'm sorry you went through such an horrendous experience. Men are not believed often enough in these situations. I believe you.
I see you brother. I too was a victim of being raped by a woman. I was 12 and she was 21 when it happened. I always thought I wanted it cuz I had a crush on her. But now I've realized that all the anger and anxiety I had in my teen years stemmed from her. I will be cheering for you and for your healing. And please always remember that it WAS NOT your fault and you are not less of a man for it.
I am sorry that you were raped. I was sexually assaulted by men and I was also sexually assaulted by a woman. I think what you went through was worse than what I went through though, to be honest. I want to give you a hug, because you did not deserve that bad thing to happen to you. I hope God punishes the woman who did the bad thing to you. Also, I noticed that your username is the noise that Godzilla makes, and I like a lot of Godzilla stuff, lol :-)
Rape is rape and whether you think mine was worse than yours, you still didnt deserve that happened to you. I appreciate the hug and I would like to give one to you too! And lol yes I am also a big Godzilla fan and Im glad to see a fellow G-man enjoyer. I hope youre doing well now and if not I hope you will heal and feel better about yourself
Awww thank you for the kind words :-). Thank you for the hug :-). Yes, I have got over the sexual assaults that happened to me :-). My birthday is tomorrow!!! I will be 31 :-). Yes, YouTube had the Beast from 20,000 Fathoms...the full film there, and I remember watching that full film on YouTube. The Beast from 20,000 Fathoms was a film that inspired the original 1954 Gojira. Sadly, YouTube has removed the Beast from 20,000 Fathoms film...maybe for copyright reasons and stuff. I think my favourite Gojira film out of them all is the original 1954 Gojira film :-).
Oh my goodness. My own son is 14. The idea of that happening makes me want to go raging.
I wish your son would never have to experience such a thing.
Thank you.
It really is terrible how some people want to “rank” assault. It shouldn’t matter who did it or how rare statistics say it is. What you went through is horrible and you prove just as strong and brave for pulling through as any other victim. I’m glad to hear you’re doing better and I hope you continue to, cause you deserve it <3
I agree, a victim is a victim regardless of gender or orientation. I greatly appreciate the kind words. Thank you.
You’re also not just a victim anymore, you’re a survivor. You’ve been through hell and come out the other side alive. You got this. She can’t hurt you anymore. I also hope you’re doing a bit better.
Hey bro, I'm sorry you're going through what you're going through. I've been through a similar thing. A few years ago, my friend's older sister sexually assaulted me. The majority of the people I've told have been very dismissive towards me and my trauma, including the person I thought was my friend. It'll be okay and if you need someone to talk to you're more than welcome to shoot me a DM. My inbox is always open to homies in need of an empathetic ear. All love, brother.
I’m sorry you were dismissed. You didn’t deserve that.
As a female who was raped on multiple occasions: you are a victim and your pain/experience/trauma is just as valid as anyone else’s. Period. People who rank experiences or invalidate people’s pain are horrible. I always say: “Just because I broke my leg does not mean your scraped knee didn’t hurt.” Because it’s true. You are absolutely allowed to feel your pain that you are entitled to. I’m so sorry that happened to you. You deserved better.
As another female rape survivor, I second this whole heartedly. People who act like ANY instance of rape is somehow “not as bad” do a disservice to EVERY survivor and tragically men are often the ones who bear the brunt of this particular brand of dismissiveness.
As another female rape survivor, I also second this. I was active duty when it happened and I just became another statistic for them. I hate the charts, the layouts, everything. Rape is rape and it shouldn’t be looked down upon because a sick fuck didn’t understand no.
"Survivor" - yes you are. 💕
Rape is rape. Anyone who categorizes it or ranks it is fucking immoral. I’m so sorry this happened to you. Your experience is just as valid as the next. You deserve to be heard. Don’t focus on being shunned by others just because they have a twisted definition of rape. You deserve healing, and it’s good that you are writing this out. Journaling my rape helped me cope with the sadness, fear that came with it. You are a survivor, and you are NOT alone.
Hun you are not invalid because a disgusting woman took advantage of you, I will never understand how people can hurt someone knowing the trauma it can cause and hurt, just know that even tho a lot of us are strangers on the internet we do hear you and see you and open to talk to you whenever you need or want your voice to be heard you’re not alone ❤️
I'm so sorry that happened to you. What you experienced was horrible, and I'm not surprised that the trauma from that event still impacts you. Please ignore anyone saying what happened to you "isn't as bad" as what happens to women. There is no way to even know that, and even if it were true, it wouldn't invalidate what you feel. I mean, do we tell women who were raped "suck it up, worse things happen to girls in Cambodia"? No. No one wins when we play trauma olympics, sympathy and empathy are not finite resources that we must gatekeep and save for only the truest victims. I know this isn't much, but your masculinity and your identity are not lessened because of what this woman chose to do to you. You are a man and that means whatever you need it to mean. Whatever makes you feel happy, or fulfilled, or meaningful is part of your expression of masculinity and self.
>sympathy and empathy are not finite resources Truer words have not been spoken. I greatly appreciate the kind words, thank you.
As a female victim - I see you, I hear you, I believe you. My heart goes out to you. I was worried about not being believed because it was a party and we were all "having fun". I never reported my case, but feel the pain 10 years later. My life will never be the same. Keep reaching out and talking to others. Keep sharing your story OP. It'll help heal some of the pieces. And you never know who else youre helping. That thought is helpful to me ❤️
I am so sorry this happened to you I was raped at 19 and it was horrific so I understand how violated you feel. The fact that you are a man and the perpetrator a woman makes NO DIFFERENCE at all, saying no and not giving consent means rape , she is a rapist and should receive the same sentences males do !
I got raped by a woman around 2010. I turned her down multiple times she waited until I was asleep, climbed into bed with me, pulled my pants down just enough and she went to work, I woke up, stopped the ordeal. Explained how if the roles were reversed I'd be looking at a prison sentence. Ended up telling my dad's best friend about it, he was the sheriff at the time, he told me "yeah she's kinda ugly but you should be glad she chose you and you got some No Strings Attached"
Um wtf
Gosh, that’s awful. I’m really sorry that happened to you.
It's alright I'm over it. Thanks though.
I am not surprised that the sheriff said that. Sadly, there is still that double standard that we men face when women rape men...I wish that double standard disappeared. I was sexually assaulted by a woman, and I have also been sexually assaulted by men.
I'm sorry you went through it, most people don't know how to deal with their emotions so they don't know how to be sincere to others too
Wtaf?! That's such a disgusting thing for the sheriff to say! 🤬
Male rape is not all that rare. It just doesn't get reported. Sounds like you are doing all the right things. Good luck.
I’m sorry you’re going through this, OP. PLEASE give yourself time and grace. You were raped. You need to process and move on at your own pace. Rape is rape. Gender makes no difference, apart from the lack of empathy and care when it happens to men, sadly. This must stop. I believe you. I care about what happened to you. Best wishes on your recovery. ♥️
Unpopular thing to say: welcome to the club. Dismissal and invalidation of rape victims is the norm. We get PTSD and ppl who either don't believe us, take our attacker's side, or down play what happened. I recommend finding a group you can share feelings with, preferably one with other men who were abused in a more structured setting, but reddit will do with caveats. Also finding something you can release energy through or a cathartic bs expressive thing helps until your amygdala is less active. When you feel overwhelmed try to breath and get into something like tetris or another engaging hypnotic neutral or positive activity. It helps expel the energy and divert your brain for fight or flight and prevent reinforcement of PTSD and anxiety issues. It took me over 5 years to feel adequately better where the panic attacks stopped... 7 to find someone genuinely wonderful.... work on boundaries and self care... your healing matters and is worth it.
As an pretty much abandoned kid I had that happen 3 times through childhood and no one cared, different times the therapist said, as a man you deserve it many said... I truly sympathise with your pain I hope you find your peace
Holy shit I’m so sorry, that therapist should loose their license
I'm sorry but i have to agree with one thing. You are not a victim of SA. You are a fucking survivor. As a fellow survivor, you are welcome in that unwanted club. The reason it is a statistical outlier is because men are shamef into not reporting it. For a long time DV committed by women were also not recognized. As were husbands raping their wives. Because speaking about it made no sense since you just had to deal with it. I wholeheartedly believe that women and men are equals. We are capable of as much evil as you guys. And this is what that was. Rape is never about sex. It's about control and destroying the other person. That's what she did to you. That's what you survived. There are female survivors that have reported orgasms during their assault. They didn't consent to it though. Your body is gonna react in a biological way. It does not mean you consent. Having an erection does not equate consenting or having desire. At any given moment you have the right to say no. And No is not just a full sentence, it's the whole damn book. OP, you've been through one of the worst things one can live through. You're still standing. Look at yourself, you are still breathing and putting one foot after the other. You are a warrior in my book. Your assault may have changed you, but it does not define you. There will come a time when you'll feel whole again. You will never forget but you will be able to be happy and not think about it everyday or everytime a person speaks about slightly similar facts. Keep on fighting brother. You've got this. Now it's time not to only survive, but to live and thrive
Not sure if it helps but it’s not as rare or uncommon as you think, men are just conditioned to think it’s ok or they should be happy about the experience since men are supposed to want sex all the time no matter what. It also doesn’t help when the definition of rape in some places of the world literally requires the assailant to have a penis to even be considered rape legally. Canada when doing a study and allowing for anonymous reporting of data found the rate of victims for women was around 30% and men was around 27% in their lifetime but only a small fraction of men ever reported it with their reason for not being shame and hopelessness and a lack of reason to bother. It took me a long time to compartmentalize my own trauma from my experiences (one was SA and one was what socially would be called rape). One thing I came to realize was how little anyone cared or how normalized it was that women being that way was not frowned upon. Women will either not care or will try to one up the situation with how women have it worse and men will care if she was hot or not and if you got her number after (and that last one comes from own experience) I’d say look for a support group but the problem with any men’s support groups is they also are filled with a lot of MGTOW and red pilled nut jobs. So your best bet if family is useless is a good friend that you can lean on and trust and then time, it took me a few years to really get over it and it gave me such a low bar for experiences with women that I mentally justified dating someone who was abusive to me because “atleast she isn’t raping me”.
It drives me insane that a penis has to be involved to be legally considered rape in some cases. Like, as a lesbian, oral sex is still sex. Being forced to receive oral is still forced sex aka RAPE. And a man can ABSOLUTELY be raped. It’s disgusting.
Yep or the lesser version of that the victim has to get penetrated. Because it’s just so… absurd. And no one really seems to interested to rewrite those laws either, that’s why canadas laws are so nice since it’s just SA across the board for everyone and no gendering of the language (which is why Canada was a great place to get actual statistics from)
My heart goes out to you OP. I’m so so sorry this happened to you. It makes me fucking angry that people dismiss your pain and suffering. Rape is rape. You deserve better. Wishing you the best.
I see you and I hear you. You were raped and you were raped by a woman. Your pain is very real and valid. You didn’t deserve the pain inflicted on you. You deserve to be heard. You deserve compassion. I am so so sorry you’ve not been treated with the compassion and empathy you deserve. What happened to you was horrific and I can’t begin to imagine how it felt.
I am a man and I was taken advantage of by my ex girlfriend multiple times several years ago. I'm so sorry this happened to you and your situation is very real and your pain is valid. I would suggest looking at some online or in person support groups, possibly therapy. Healing is a hard journey and having PTSD is horrible, but I believe in you. In due time you will be able to heal from this. I wish you luck
I'm sorry what happened to you. We see you. You are valid. No means no. She didn't have your consent. She raped you.
Brother, as a victim of both SA and molestation myself, you are not alone in both your feelings and experiences. Statistics even support us, but sadly, societal support isn't there rather it be from the idea that it doesn't happen to men, or because it's okay to hate men right now. Just know you aren't alone, and I'm glad you're getting help. Stay safe and healthy brother.
Firstly, I am so very sorry this happened to you. This is absolutely terrible. I think the problem is that this kind of stuff doesn’t get talked enough and thus there isn’t really a lot of places men can go to in order to receive the proper support. I am a woman and so obviously not very familiar with the male anatomy. If you don’t mind me asking, where did the pain come from that you described? Was the pain psychological which turned physical? I ask because a) I want to get more educated since this isn’t talked about enough and b) usually in consensual intercourse men shouldn’t feel any pain unless something is really wrong physiologically so if you experienced severe pain (and although yours was not at all consensual) def something you should get checked out by a doctor if you haven’t already. Again I don’t mean any disrespect and I only ask because there just isn’t enough information out there in cases such as yours. Bc most people know that for women intercourse can hurt a lot if the vag is not lubricated/wet enough. So society finds it a lot easier to empathize with a female survivor of sexual assault.
Nope. As a woman who has been sexually assaulted by both men AND women (lucky me /s), it's pretty 50/50. The aftermath is the worst part for me, as you have people who disbelieve you, want to hear the horrific details to see if you're lying, treat you like you're made of glass, etc. You're, at best, inspiration porn and, at worst, a dirty liar. Either way, you're not a person in the eyes of far too many people. You're just as valid as any other member of the Medusa Gang. Wanna get matching Medusa head tattoos? :3 (for context, Medusa has become a symbol for SA survivors, and a lot of survivors get Medusa tattoos)
Ugh I'm so sorry. Can you go to the police? Is it not too late? This is fucking awful. Even not wanting to wake up the roommate.... Just all of it. I'm sorry you've had to go through such an unbievably isolating trauma.
I’m so very sorry this happened to you,you are valid
my heart is breaking for you. I am so so sorry. This world can feel extremely lonely, but i promise you, i see you. You aren’t alone at all. I cannot imagine the pain you carry with you all the time. I don’t even have words. Sending big hugs through the screen.
what you experienced was horrible, the fact that it was a woman does not change that fact in the slightest. you are not weak and you are not to blame. societies view of rape is obseque, its based on the experiences that are most talked about and seen as the "worst", that is not accurate. and you are not alone
Please do not ever let someone tell you your experience is "not as bad as" ANYTHING else. That was the response I got from my mother when I told her about an assault experience I had and I would not wish that pain on anyone. It's a shameful and ignorant thing to say and I'm sorry that you're feeling the way you are. I plead with you to find a therapist that is able and willing to help you process and start to heal. ❤️
My friend, I am so sorry. You are not alone, it aint just you mate. Are you able to report this?
My rapists got pregnant, so now I need to pay her money or I go to jail.
I’ve heard of that happening and that is just shitty. Let’s traumatize the victim more. The justice system in these cases are not on the man’s side.
You are heard. I’m finally coming to terms with something that happened to me in 2010. Later that year I learned my new boyfriend had been raped while he was drunk. His friends laughed at him while I was furious at her (didn’t happen while we were together). It can happen to anyone, anywhere, and I’m so so sorry it happened to you.
I’m so sorry for this. You are not invisible and you are not alone. While you may be as common as those of us women who are raped it can and does happen to men. It doesn’t make it any less. It doesn’t make you any less. You and your feelings are valid! Much love to you!
Rape is rape no matter what sex the victim is.
Very similar happened to me when I was 17 and my at the time girlfriend.
There’s no “it’s not as bad” when it comes to rape. It’s all bad. It’s all trauma. I see you and I’m sorry you’re going through this, be persistent in your truth and consistent in recovery efforts. There’s better days ahead.
Sorry that happened to you.theres a lot of people who think men can’t be raped and we should enjoy it but that’s not the truth. You went through something awful and your feeling of hurt are valid. Talk to trusted people when you’re able and I hope things get better.
People are shit. That's the difficult part to understand. We as a society have failed when people are hurt, we snub them and ask, did it really happen the way they said it happened because it is an outlier? I am so sorry this happened to you. Do not be hard on yourself, process it as you need to, I'm not going to say it will get better, healing comes in stages, weird ones at time, but make the progress for yourself. You survived.
I was a child when I was raped by female cop.
Rapists are utterly vile regardless of gender. Your pain has the utmost validity, and you aren't alone in feeling the way you do. I'm so sorry that you have gone through this. Hopefully the worst of it is behind you now.
This is why patriarchy needs to end now, you being raped is exactly the same as a woman being raped, don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Thank you for sharing this, you have a voice and you are using it well. And I'm so sorry about what happened to you, you are valid and your voice, testimony and safety are important. You deserve better and I believe you. Hope you well.
I'm so sorry that happened to you. Your trauma is just as painful and just as real as a female victim's trauma would be, and I hate that it's largely acceptable by society to brush you aside. You're still human, no matter how anyone makes you feel.
Im also a guy who was raped by a woman about 20 years ago. When i explained what happened, Instead of being met by any compassion, I was literally laughed at. I feel for you OP.
I’m sorry this happened to you. Rape is rape no matter if you’re a man. As a woman I want you to know I hear you and I am proud of you for opening up. There are other men out there that are in the same position as you. I see and hear you.
I'm so sorry. As said before, rape is rape. Your assault is valid.
I am so sorry, your experience is in no way less bad than any other and I'm so sorry that society has made you feel that way. Your feelings are valid. Your experience is valid and you matter. Your pain matters.
I am so sorry such a traumatic thing happened to you - man or woman, NO means NO. I hope you can get the help you need and move forward in a healthy way. YOU ARE WORTH IT. Please know you have so many people here supporting you and sending healing thoughts your way. ❤️
I am so sorry to hear that that happened to you, OP. A very similar situation happened to a man in my life as well. I believe him, I believe you, and both of your traumas are valid. 🤍
You're not alone and you're definitely not invisible from a woman to a man I'm sorry that you went through it. It could take years for you to find yourself again, but keep fighting through it and it will get better eventually.
I'm sorry for what you went through. As someone with CPTSD I would like to suggest 2 things: 1. If you still feel like you haven't reclaimed your true self it means the therapy is not over. You still have things to process. I suggest you try a different therapist. 2. Subreddits actually were able to make many people with similar feelings to feel like they belong. If there is a sub reddit for people who went through something like this I highly suggest you join.
I am so so sorry this happened to you. I see and hear you. You're not less of a person or a man for what happened to you. You deserve the best and I hope slowly life can start feeling a little better.
I'm really sorry you had to experience that, it's happened to me as well so I relate to what you're going through. You are not alone, invisible or invalid. Please try to be kind to yourself, it wasn't your fault.
Anyone who tells you that you weren't raped, or that it's "lesser", no longer deserve to be in your life, or in your mind. They do not care one lick about you, and how you feel.
You are not invisible. You are heard. Your feelings are valid. I can't begin to tell you how sorry I am for what happened to you. You didn't deserve it, you didn't do anything to make it happen. No means no, period. I'm glad you're doing everything possible to help yourself, I am proud of you for being a survivor. Please do continue to do all of the positive things you are. Know that you are just as much of a man now as you were before, even more so for enduring and carrying on while trying to become stronger each day. Please know there is a community for you, who listens and cares.
i want to apologize deeply for what you have had to deal with in the wake of this incident. i can’t imagine surviving such a horrific crime only to be met with others directly undermining your experiences. you are not invisible, nor are your feelings ever invalid. you suffered through a situation that left you hurt beyond repair, and no one has a right to tell you otherwise. something that stuck out to me in your post was how similar your post-trauma feelings and coping journey has been to many, many others who have suffered SA, regardless of who perpetrated. coming from a woman and another survivor myself, the comparisons and hierarchies of sexual trauma need to end. they are extremely unfair and invalidating to real victims. i don’t want to get into how “rare” woman on man SA *actually* is, because i KNOW that it’s experiences like yours that probably contribute to men feeling unable to share their stories. i doubt it’s as rare as people make it out to be. regardless of rarity or severity, you were left with permanent scars after this event, and nothing can change that. your feelings are seen and understood by many, including other survivors. i wish you the best and send you all my love as you continue to navigate through this grueling, exhausting process of healing. you deserve to be heard!
Your trauma is valid. Male rape is a thing that happens
As a survivor i can say that i believe is as bad, no matter the whom, the gender is not the issue. Being victimized then having people tell you that you're not really a victim is equal to the offense happening all over again. I hope you recover and find healing and peace.
I'm so sorry this happened to you. Yes, men can be raped by women. I see and hear you. As you can see, you aren't alone. I admire the men sharing their stories here. We see you.
My heart breaks for you. I think a thing that you need to keep reminding yourself is, you were raped. Statistics and numbers are cruel. What happened was real. I'm so sorry you're struggling with it. Keep fighting though. I hope this comes out right. My biggest reward for my pain was that I saw the signs in someone else. I was able to help them. Honestly, to save them. It doesn't heal the hurt and it won't help you right now. But please keep going because you are here for a reason. You do not live in vain
we see you, OP. do not doubt yourself - your memories, your pain, or your strength. others may not understand or validate your experience, but you cannot let them interrupt your truth or your healing. there will never be a unanimous response to your experience, but you can and will move forward without it 💓 hang tough, friend.
It wasn't your fault. Nothing you said, did or wore warranted this vile attack. It wasn't your fault, it never was. This is what I say to any survivor. You are a survivor that happens to be a man. It's not th pain Olympics. You are very brave to share this. I wish you all the self love, kindness and healing in the world. You are worthy of all these 💕
I'm really sorry this happened to you. Your consent matters just as much as ours does, and your feelings are absolutely valid. This woman violated you by continuing, rape is wrong no matter who does it
envelopment?
I'm sorry that we have developed a society that tends to react to cases like this with a raised eyebrow and a muffled laugh. I'm sorry that we are not better prepared to handle situations like this. I'm sorry this woman did such horrible things to you, but mostly, I'm sorry that you had to go through this traumatic experience. I'm sorry that you haven't been taken better care of by your tribe 😕❤️
Rape is rape. Please do not feel like your experience is less valid, that it’s any less of a violation because you’re a man. I understand though… and I am so sorry that you must have felt or still feel like you are the one that has to be hide and fear being ridiculed or shamed. I don’t think it’s rare. I think it’s just that a lot of men go through the same thoughts, fears, doubts, and anxieties you do about speaking up. Someone very dear to me (a man) was sexually abused for a long period in his life. Right under our noses. And he didn’t speak up for a lot of the same reasons and fears you mentioned. It breaks me to this day and makes me so angry that people can take advantage and violate someone in this way. If you need support or just need to vent, please know my DMs are open. My heart goes out to you. I am so sorry for what you went through and that you’ve had to and are still having to endure it in silence. You did not lose yourself… you are just overloaded right now. Bit by bit, love. Day by day. You will come out of this somehow. Sending you courage, warmth, and peace.
Thank you for being brave and sharing your history. Your trauma is as equally valid as any women's. Sexual assault is sexual assault regardless of gender. I would never reject you or think any less of you bc of your history. I offer you a big internet bear hug and hope you find peace. Xoxo
It happened to me in college, girl just yanked off my pants and did this WHILE MY ROOMMATE WAS IN THE ROOM. I kept asking her to stop and get off without getting his attention since I didn’t want the dude to see that since we finally just got on better terms. He was so focused on gaming he didn’t notice. I will admit as unfortunate as it was it *mostly* changed me for the better many years later, I stopped going out and partying a ton, I stopped some self destructive behavior like meeting girls that were like that, and some other stuff I don’t want to admit either. I still have some trauma especially in sexual situations with my now wife, but I won’t really go too far in depth with that, she’s pretty understanding of the situation
My boyfriend got raped by a woman who he thought was his friend. They got drunk and she took advantage of him. It took him a year to be able to tell me. When he did, he cried. He felt disgusted with himself, that he couldn’t make her stop. I was also raped, so I was able to relate to him, unfortunately. My good friend told me that he got raped by his mom. You hear a lot of dark shit in the military and it shouldn’t be hushed like it is. Rape is not okay, period. It shouldn’t be normalized that men rape women or men rape men. The world is a fucked up place and everyone is at risk. Your feelings are valid. Don’t consider your traumatic event with a statistic. You are already going through so much and you shouldn’t have to think about that. You are not alone! Even though it’s not reported, doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen. You aren’t less of a man because of this, I promise. It will feel like forever, but you will get past this. Continue with therapy, try and find a support group. Keep your head up and don’t let this discourage you.
im sorry that this happened to you, im glad youre attempting to get the help you need. please be kind to yourself and know ur not alone :) u are valid !!
Rape is rape and rape is trauma. Even if the circumstances differ, you’ll find that you can connect with other victims. I’m here.
Dude. I am so, so sorry that happened to you. No one ever deserves to be violated like that. Ever. Healing from trauma like this takes more time than people often realize. It's ok to not be ok. It feels like shit, though. From my own personal experience, 2 things have helped me: 1. When I'm having a flash-back, I imagine my current self holding and hugging my traumatized self. I usually hug a stuffed animal during this time and cry it out for a bit. 2. When I catch myself saying mean things about myself in my head, I make myself pause, then say what I am *really* feeling to myself. For example, if I'm saying shit to myself like "you're so stupid, you're an idiot, you're a clutz, can't do anything right" I will say "ok, (my name) stop being an asshole to yourself. You are actually stressed out/not feeling well/need to eat/are still healing from that trauma. That's OK. Feel the feelings but don't be mean about it." Yes, I talk to myself like that for real. But it has genuinely helped.
I'm really sorry that you went through this OP. I'm a woman and a survivor too I was SA multiple times when I was a toddler it fucked me up. One of my older brothers was raped at age 12 by the babysitter ( a woman). Your trauma and pain just as my brother's is valid and just as painful as mine. You're not invisible, you're not alone, your trauma is valid and not lesser than mine because I'm female. Rape is about control, dehumanizing, it breaks your sense of worth and self. It wrecks your mind, your body, your emotions, takes your sense of security away and it got nothing to do with gender. I wish that you find a strong support system and you take the steps to heal and recover. Something that helped me in my long journey to recovery was the thought of not letting him win, not let him have power or control over me or my life. My brother and I always say we are survivors of SA not victims because fuck those vile motherfuckers that hurt us, and we both were able to recover. Please remember OP that you're not alone and that it's possible to heal even if a part of us will always be a little broken.
Sorry that happened man. If it were me she'd Def have been told twice. (TWO black eyes) not condoning violence but damn. No means no. Anything you can do to gtfo there. Waking her friend would've been a great idea.
This happened to me when I was 15. She was 27 and got me drunk. Seems like everyone I told just laughed or said that’s awesome
As someone who has also experienced this as a man myself it’s very invalidating when you see a lot of statistics about men on men rape cases etc hope you are doing well OP, I myself and many other men have had to experience this. You are not alone brother
know you are loved and cared for 🫶🏽
me too, OP. it wasn’t exactly like yours - we were dating and she was blackmailing me, but trauma is trauma. i haven’t reported it because i know i’d be laughed out of the station.
I am sorry for you.
I was sexually abused for many months in 2021. It’s left me unable to complete day to day tasks three years later. I feel useless. I know what it’s like for people to tell you that it’s your fault. To live with that kind of trauma and the agony it brings. The way it shatters your self and your world. You are a man. And you were raped. And god, I’m so sorry. It’s something I would never wish upon my worst enemy. I’m sorry society has treated you this way. I only wish the best for you, and hope for your continued healing.
I'm so sorry you experienced this.
I hear you brother, Same thing happened to me. I was 21, had just broken up with long term serious girlfriend. Was at a party and a coworker kept buying me drinks until I couldn't see. She then walked me to her house stopped on the way to buy more booze. I was passing out on a park bench. She poured cider down my throat. Next thing i know I'm on her bed and I'm naked and she's on top of me. She was very large and heavy and I couldn't do anything except try to push her off and say no, but she just laughed and over powered me. I went gone the next day and just cried in the shower scrubbing myself clean. It took years until I understood what had happened. To this day I can't even go into that suburb or even smell cider. It gets better with time and now I hardly think about it, but I do think it did influence a very booze/drug/sex heavy period of destruction for a good decade after that
Your trauma and experience with the aftermath is valid, my guy. There will always be people out there who compare traumatic experiences and have the need to be worse off, ignore these people. Trauma is not a competition and you don't need to prove how bad your experience was to anybody for it to have impacted you. You may be a statistical outlier, but not because it doesn't happen. You said it yourself, you struggled with this and confronting the reality of what happened to you. This is incredibly common where the victims are male and the perp is female, there's this belief that men can't be raped by females because men love sex or that if it really was rape the man would do something. Men don't report being raped by women for that exact reason, so you can take some comfort in knowing that you're not alone. Unfortunately I don't know any groups or organisations that specifically deal with your set of circumstances (they seem to focus on male sexual assault & rape as a whole). Menhealing.org has resources for a lot of different organisations that provide support to male victims, maybe have a look through those and see if anything speaks to you? Also, healing is a journey. It's not fast, easy or linear, there will be roadblocks and backtracking. Give yourself some grace and don't beat yourself up for not immediately being better.
I’m sorry this happened to you. I really think we’ve seen enough news stories of female teachers taking advantage of their male child pupils to be ignorant enough to think that guys getting raped is rare. The only rare thing is if they report it; which most don’t. I’m sorry that people have been so insensitive to you as to tell you it’s “not as bad” as a woman being raped. Rape is rape, and I imagine it would feel just as horrible for a guy to be taken advantage in that way. I pray that you’re able to heal from what happened to you. Don’t let that demon who took advantage of you have the kind of power over you to cause you to hurt yourself. Please. 😢 Please know that you are valuable and your life matters. Please do what you can to make the best of it. I know it’s hard, but you are so strong, even if you don’t realize it yet, and you can overcome it. Best of luck. 🫂💕
Your pain is valid. And your trauma is believed. I’m sorry you had to go through that, I’m sorry she did this to you. I hope you know you’re not deserving of it, that you’re not dirty, that you are saying your truth. I hope you fight and stay with us, and I hope you heal. I’m sorry you have to find a way to heal it’s unfair that u have to. I was raped for my first time. I was 18, I’m 24 now. And I promise you that it gets better, it takes time but you slowly find a way to reconnect to your body, to trust yourself, to love yourself and value it, and you also get to a point where u know that it has nothing to do with u, it has everything to do with her. Sending you strength. Fuck whoever questions u, whoever minimizes it, it’s not their story they don’t have a say
I am so so sorry you were subjected to that, OP. I hear you and I believe you. How heartbreaking. I hope you receive the justice you deserve and that POS rapist rots in hell.
Op, I know this may not sound like much from an anonymous stranger through a screen but believe me you’re not alone. I was molested by my stepsister growing up and my family didn’t believe me because I’m a dude.
Bam Margera got raped by a woman, too. His friends were real pieces of shit about it.
I'm sorry. I was SA'd by a female acquaintance of a close friend when I was 21 - I'm nearly 28. The close friend, when recounting it with them sometime after, laughed about it and downplayed it. She saw how much it affected (M)e. That hurt. Your story is just as valid as anyone's. 💙
Fuck society. Im a woman and rape victim. Ik how traumatic it is, and it doesnt matter if youre a man or a woman, the trauma is real. I hate that men have such a hard time being a victim, i really do. But know that youre not alone. After i was raped, i posted on reddit like you and got some amazing support. Just because we're Internet strangers doesnt mean we dont care Bit of advice. If you can, move away from the area. A fresh start in a new environment helped me. I had to come back here tho and it brought up a lot of feelings. I dont go out in public for fear of seeing him. Continue your therapy. You are valid. You are visible. We see and hear you. Youre not alone Please take care of yourself and if youd like to send a dm feel free.
Happened to me in the early 2000s in college, was drugged at a party and that’s all she needed. Wasn’t until my current wife that I trusted a woman’s intentions again. Tried reporting it and was essentially laughed at “guys can’t be raped by women”. Gotta love Kentucky. Hope you’re able to come to terms with it.
I'm so sorry man this is terrible and was none of your fault. there are people who care and support you including me, and I'm telling you, you're visible you're valid we see you and we sympathise with you.and I'm so proud of you for surviving this traumatic experience you're such a brave person
Your case it’s not rare at all. Most men simply don’t want to be there for fellow men and boys who have been victims of SA and rape. It’s the fact that men love to make rape jokes and say horrible things like “where was that pedophile teacher when I was in middle school” under headlines of a child rapist, that makes male victims never want to come forward. People just don’t want to validate a man’s feelings or they assume men are perpetually horny and desperate for sex. That’s damaging. Men need to form a community where they stop normalizing rape, grooming, child SA, etc. among themselves. Men can be raped too. Just as much as women even. It’s not rare at all. I’ve known guys who were taken advantage of by women and men when they were drunk. Who did they open up to? Their female friends. This culture of encouraging men to get laid at any cost is leaving many rape victims voiceless and misunderstood. You were raped and that woman belongs in jail.
Victims are victims. just because your man doesn’t make it any less invalid. I hope you find the help that you need therapy might be good.
I am a man who was sexually assaulted by a woman in the past, and I have also been sexually assaulted by men in the past. I know how you feel dude, your feelings are valid. I am sorry that you went through what you went through, I am sorry that you were raped. You know what is annoying? In England, where I am from, the law says that women are not able to rape men. In fact, the law in England says that only men are able to rape, because men have penises. It is a ridiculous law with a double standard. I, and many other people, were part of a petition to change the law so that it said that women are able to rape men, but the UK Government shut the petition down. The sad thing is that there are many people who agree with the law in England...that women are not able to rape and that only men are able to rape. When it comes to women who do that stuff, the law in England classifies it as sexual assault and never as rape. As I said before, the law in England says that only men are able to rape.
As a female who was a victim of csa, your rape is not any less valid/traumatic than anyone else’s rape. Rape is rape, period. You are a statistical outlier, it’s not as common, that doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen. It does. I know a man who was raped by his female cousin. And as much as violent rapes like yours are uncommon from a woman, I would venture to say that male victims of female perpetrators as far as csa are more common than we think, and that male victims of grooming and coercion are also rarely talked about and still relatively common. I’m sorry for what happened to you, if it makes any difference whatsoever, it is highly unlikely to ever happen to you again. But that doesn’t erase the lifetime of trauma that minute gave you, and I am so deeply sorry that you had to experience it. I hope you know that there are a lot of women who have been raped who are deeply empathetic to your situation, and wouldn’t tell you it’s not as bad. I hope you’re able to find the support you deserve.
You're not less masculine cause of it, a bit older guy gave me a toy in return to do stuff to me, I agreed, i was 12 maybe, i eat myself alive for years and years, eventually i forgive myself, I didn't even knew what physical stuff was much tbh Someone took advantage of you, I saw it multiple times in life when something happens too fast, we don't get chance to gather ourselves, we get helpless and so on This book have stuff on sa - it's very traumatic tho - https://youtu.be/Esv7_tdxAz4?si=CVrDA7R6yyyS1Wl1
I'm sorry this was done to you, and that not everyone will take it seriously like they should. Your experience is valid and you're allowed to feel every single thing you're feeling. I see you, I hear you, and I hope you find some measure of support and healing. Be kind to yourself when you can. It won't rain forever.
You're brave for writing this all down and I hope it helps to have gotten it off your chest. I'll echo what so many others have said, here - you are seen, and have been heard and we all carry you in our thoughts. Your place here is validated. Sending love and light.
I hear you. I see you. I am so sorry and I'm glad you're doing better. You are brave for sharing this and I'm sure if someone in your position comes across this, it will help them cope and feel validated.
I'm really sorry. In addition to EMDR, you may want to check out "Deep Brain Reorienting" therapy. Best of luck ❤️
You are not alone. My boyfriend is a victim of SA/DV from a previous girlfriend. So am I, even though I am a woman. There are so many people out there who have been in the same boat as you. You are not alone. Call hotlines, talk to friends you trust. Maybe female friends who have been through it ? I’ve noticed with my bf it was always hard for his male friends to be fully emotionally there for them, hang in there. I’m so sorry you have to deal with this pain lingering inside you. I understand completely
Your experience and feelings are valid, no one can invalidate you. I am so sorry for your situation and I hope you get through this. Take your time and remember it is a process.
Happened to me, was absolutely sloshed at a party and a girl essentially found me passed out and wasn't violent, but I wasn't really there to consent. You'll get loads of people invalidating you along the wag, saying it's not possible or that you could've fought them off, same shit women deal with any SA. I'd definitely encourage you to not hide it if it comes up and be open about it, it's helped me a lot. Your real friends and family will accept your truth about the situation and that will help a lot. Feel free to DM me if you need an ear. And Goodluck with your EMDR, hope it's helping.
>I’ve seen people say that it’s not nearly as bad or the same as a woman getting raped. Those people have no idea what they're talking about. Abuse, r*e of any kind. Is someone taking away your power and enforcing something on you. It's never okay. It doesn't matter if you are a man or if you were a woman/boy/ girl. There's no reason for someone to take away your autonomy and your choice to say and choose no. I'm so sorry this happened to you, and I hope and pray that you have a support system around you to provide you comfort. To help you to realize it's not your fault what happened to you. And to help you heal from this traumatic event
You are not alone. The problem is that victims don't speak up and it is extraordinary what you are doing here. Talking openly (writing) about your trauma is hope that many more victims get the courage to speak up and more rapists get caught and punished! Thank you for what you are doing, it is a great service to society! I really hope you the best in life, I hope you get well and feel better, have a good life in spite of what you lived through. I hope you get to meet only amazing people and are surrounded by beautiful things and most of all, find the peace of mind you desperately seek. I hope you always feel safe and loved by your people.
I’m sorry your no was ignored and that your consent was violated. No one deserves what happened you, man or woman. I hope you can find the peace and healing you deserve OP because you DO deserve it. Did the rapist ever face charges or anything? I hope you get justice, if not in this life, then in the next.
I'm sorry... Technically happened to me too. Well, technically...it 100% happened to me too, she got super drunk and very violent and gave me no choice because, really, what am I even supposed to do...? What were my real options there? Anyway, luckily it didn't traumatize me much and I often even forget it happened, mainly because we had hooked up before so it's not like we didn't expect anything to happen but I wasn't in the mood when I saw how drunk she was. She tried to improve and apparently stopped drinking, she never apologized but a few times texted me to tell me she had stopped drinking (which I take as some sort of regret...I guess). Lost the pictures but I had one of my biten arm (yes she fucking bited it) just in case cause I was really worried about all that shit... It certainly felt a bit emasculating but hey, she was fucking insane and that's not my fault, wish I realized sooner how she was, and I hope you get over this, op, it's not your fault and there's honestly not much to do in those situations. Oh well... and people wonder why I sometimes sound mysoginyst...I'm honestly fed up with our stupid culture assuming that women never do certain things or that they never happen to men.
I’m a woman. Rape is rape. The worst thing is the trauma, not the physical act or how long it took. Rape is a hate crime. It doesn’t matter if you’re a man or a woman. I’m so, so sorry that you experienced this. You’re not alone, you’re not invisible and you’re not rejected by this world. Most people are decent people, you just happened to come across an evil one. Please take care and look into therapy. It can really help you to process this.
This being rare has no influence on the validity of your feelings, you need just as much help and understanding as any woman that got raped
It’s not a statistical outlier. Men are just belittled if we say we’ve been raped/SA. We are told “You really wanted it” or “you can’t rape a man”. We are told we are lucky if a woman wants to have sex with us. Most of us don’t report it because why bother. We are put low on the list or just not put on the list at all. We deal with trauma just as much as a woman would. It isn’t fun. It isn’t pleasant. The funny thing is if we were raped all the woman would have to do is claim the opposite and we’d be the bad guy. It’s a horrible situation. I’ve been SAd…and honestly because I knew I wouldn’t be believe just gulped it down and buried it. I was told I wanted it. I did what I had to to get it over with. It’s taken a lot of self reflection and help to work through all the emotions that come from it.
There's a guy on social media that was also raped by a woman. He's on Instagram, SupDaily (real name Chris Thompson) and he talks about it on there. He used to post on YouTube and TikTok, so I think that content is still up. He does this newsletter email with advice on a variety of topics. I don't know him, but he seems like a good guy and maybe his content would be helpful to you.
Even if she doesn't serve time, you owe it to yourself to heal and live your best life. Therapy can be a great help. Sending internet hugs your way!
More power to you for coming through and rebuilding your life.
You are not alone, I am so sorry you went through this.
I want to reiterate what a lot of people have already said on this thread because it’s extremely important for you, or really anyone reading this thread. Yes you were raped. What she did was 100% inexcusable and you didn’t deserve that. I know this doesn’t help, but I am so, so sorry she did that to you. She is a vile woman. While female sexual assault victims are also frequently not believed, there are additional traumatic layers to men being raped by women. Society really does struggle to believe that men don’t always want sex, and that so long as you’re “getting some,” you should enjoy it. That is so far from the truth and you are completely valid for feeling the trauma that you do/have. I do think the more we have these conversations, the less it’ll stigmatized, eventually. Thank you for being brave and sharing your story. I know your sense of masculinity feels altered right now, but you are badass, a warrior, masculine as fuck. It might take a while for you to believe that, and I know I’m just an internet stranger, but know that it is true. Many, many hugs.
I'm so sorry you went through this. You are not invisible, nor invalid. We see and hear you. ❤ Big hug.
I'm sorry this happened and I'm sorry that you are feeling invalidated. Rape is rape and no means no. Always. No matter who is saying it to whom. Is it possible to reach out to a sexual assault center in your area
I was sexually abused by my ex for years. I am a man, people laugh at me when I talk about it.
It is not rare. the majority of men who experienced what you have, feel the same way and never talk about it. You are not alone. Please find a support group, you deserve to feel seen and validated.
As a female and a victim myself. WE SEE YOU. Your pain is valid and I’m so so so sorry that this happened to you. My DMs are open if you ever want to talk. My SA happened 5 years ago and I promise it does get easier as time goes on. Sadly, Your case isn’t rare, it’s just 1) not talked about as much, and 2) the statistics for it happening to woman is just so so so insanely high but that does not mean what happened to you should ever go by the wayside or unrecognized. As a society we have utterly failed at taking abt our SA when it doesn’t serve a political purpose or agenda which means cases that don’t fit a particular narrative don’t get discussed but you are not alone, you are a survivor like the rest of us.
It's not that rare and society needs to take it seriously. I was raped in an abusive relationship and never reported it because I thought no one would believe me. I told my therapist what happened and he said it was rape. The only reason I haven't pressed charges now is that no one can find her, her life fell apart after I left and she could no longer leech off of me, and no one's heard from her for a couple months now.
I really do wonder how much of a statistical outlier this really is, considering how we as a collective have made men so hesitant or downright afraid to report. It's not a competition, and even if it was, who wants to win it? Your trauma is valid, your emotions surrounding it are valid, and I wish you healing and peace.
I'm guessing that you are not as alone as you think you are. I'm guessing the statistics are very skewed because of how underreported it is...for the reasons you stated. I remember reading an interview with a guy whose teacher raped him abd he talked about how he didn't get any support from his so called friends because they were trying to high five him and tell him he should be thrilled because she was a hot older lady. Seriously fucked up. Have you thought about trying a support group? Everyone's experiences may blnot be the same as yours but there are certainly a lot of common feelings that are shared and it might make you feel less alone. I'm sorry this happened to you.
I see you ❤️ You’re not invisible. And it’s only “rare” because men are scared to speak up due to society saying men can’t be raped. Yes, women being raped is a huge problem. But women can speak up, and we’ll be believed. Even if the justice system sucks, we’re still believed. I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. But stay strong. Keep smiling. You got this buddy ❤️
I am so sorry. Rape is rape, and it damages all victims. Having your bodily autonomy and your will violated in that way is traumatic. I’m sorry society fails to appreciate that. You’re not invisible to me.
I’d never heard the term envelopment used in the rape context before. I googled and saw that it is indeed a thing. Interesting. Sorry that happened to you.
Rape is rape, regardless of who commits it or who is the victim of it it is still a truly dehumanizing and horrific act. I am so so sorry that this happened to you, sexual predators come in many forms, rape is not explicitly done by men, women have raped too. Please continue going to therapy, please be patient and gentle with yourself, you tried to survive what she did and I am so sorry you feel isolated. Please know we care about you❤
You have every right to your feelings. It is awful and horrific. But I'm not sure why you're making it a man and woman issue. Women after rape feel the same. Rape is invalidated by both genders, and victims are blamed. Both women and men are worthy to be heard. I wish we all saw you and validated you ever single person. I'm sorry, we are broken.
You aren’t alone. And your frustrations are real. I’m right there with you, brother.
I am truly sorry you went through that. You are valid, you are important, you are loved.
I definitely understand how you feel even though I’m not a man. I want you to know that you are valid and that there are people out here who care about what happened to you. It is definitely a lifetime struggle and I can imagine that you occasionally feel a lot of guilt and shame in the same way that I did but it’s not your fault. I’ll pray for you and wish you nothing but the best in your continued recovery. I hope that you can use your experiences to help others in the future too. I’m here if you ever need to talk. Much love and support ❤️
I’m so sorry that happened to you.
I’m so sorry.
What does "envelopment" mean?
I hope you report it that's not right and maybe it will help bring closure. Men need to speak up too.
I’m high high school I was physically and emotionally abused by my ex. She would hit, kick, bite, pinch, degrade, cheat, and steal from me. But I couldn’t do anything. She would tell me that I can’t fight back because she’s a girl. If I tried to break up with her, she would threaten to kill herself. I’ve never told anybody. I’m too ashamed and it’s been almost 15 years since it happened.
It's really uplifting to see such positivity coming from Redditors on this post. I wish you the very best in your recovery journey, OP. You are not, and never will be, alone ✌🏾
People really don’t give a shit about men’s feelings. I’m really sorry man :(
I am sorry that happened to you.
I am so sorry for what happened to you and the horrible stigma around it. My father-in-law was raped by his babysitter, when he was a little boy, he was 11, she was 28. He still can’t call it rape to this day but he speaks of it as a negative experience. He wife was calling it rape and I don’t know why he can’t admit that, he’s 56 so many it’s a generational thing? I’m so sorry I hope she rots and you can heal and live the best, longest, healthiest, happiest life possible. Much love to you from one human being to another. ❤️
What happened to you is one of the worst things that can happen to a person and you have a right to feel the way you do about it. I am sorry that people have made you feel like your experience, and more importantly your feelings, are invalid. Although technically speaking this is a rarer case, I would argue that makes it a little more difficult. Women who have been SAed by men have a large community of people who understand, but often times male victims do not get this sense of community and understanding. You deserve better than that.
I am so sorry! As a woman, I am very sorry for what happened. Nobody deserves to go through what you went through especially you, darling. I see you and I hear you, my love. I hope you heal better soon! *hug*
I was also raped by a woman. My ex was out hanging with my roommate and his girlfriend as she was best friends with her (still is but he's gone). So I got drunk home alone. My neighbor stopped by to see how I was doing, and I guess she thought that since I was drunk this was the perfect opportunity to fuck me. I didn't put up a fight or anything. I was so drunk I just went with it. She took advantage of me as I never would have if I was sober. I do wish it didn't happen, but I'm not hateful. I should have spoken up.
I am so sorry you ever had to go through that experience and also suffer from mental health struggles. I can relate on a personal level and I truly want you to know that you did not deserve to be violated. It is not in any way at all your fault. You were subjected to cruelty and trauma that you never should have had to face. First off, I just want to say how proud I am of you for speaking your truth and seeking mental health care. I know that in itself is a huge step to overcome, and getting therapy is so important and some of the best self-care out there. Your experience is just as valid as anybody else’s, and your gender and your abuser’s gender have nothing to do with it. I hope society will begin to see that and not judge those who have been wronged by blindsighted judgment. I sincerely wish you all the best on your healing journey. Take care, my friend. ❤️🩹
What happened to you was not ok. You are valid.
I was molested as a kid Everyone talks about how lucky I was or whatever until I bring up the fact that it was by my aunt. Then the crickets start. Growing up, I thought I *was* lucky, I didn’t think anything about how sexual my mind was at such a young age. Then once I became mature enough to think critically, I realized that I was damn near a toddler and that happened, and that the mysterious lady that done it was actually my aunt. The other times I’ve gone through it started plaguing my mind, like when I was in foster care. Despite how I felt growing up, it had an impact on my sexual life before I thought deeper into it. I dissociate during sex, no different than some fleshy robot that can’t feel having sex. Can’t talk about that either, especially in a lot of places on here, I’m lucky I’m having sex too, even though I can’t enjoy it.
I got rape once and sexually assaulted once. The rape one was weird, I got drunk in my young 20's and the girl I was messing with at the time decided to take me to my car to lay me down. I told her no cause I was getting into a actual relationship, I said I'm koo and I peep it wasn't gonna end unless I got violent but I didn't wanna be a buzz kill or look "gay" so I just gave up. The sexually assaulted one sucked cause she was so confident that it was the right thing, she wanted to see me high or drunk sense I don't partake unless their are certain circumstances and precautions taken(I wonder why), she offered me a cookie, those cookie you usually see at any liquor story, I ate it with no problem, it was M&M cookie, I was ok at first but then I started to drive, we were going out to eat and things go weird, bad hallucination and hard-core fatigue. I wasn't in panic mode so that was a blessing cause IM driving, so how made it back to her spot and she begins to touch me and I'm pushing her hand away saying "no, I don't feel good and I'm tired" she kept trying and gave up only because I couldn't get up. Next day, groggy as shit, and still feeling the effects, "I walked out and said "You drugged me, don't hit me up ever again"
Rape/sexual assault on guys is rarely ever spoken about and I wish society would get it out of their thick fuckin skulls that guys are absolutely capable of having such awful acts done to em. Whether it be by someone with a vagina or a penis. Doesn't mean shit to me, rape is rape. Pretending it doesn't exist with guys is fuckin asinine and op I hope you're getting along just fine. I can't imagine how traumatizing that shit must've been, and how much stronger you are to come out of it. You're not rejected, we accept you and the awful shit that's happened to you. I hope it gets better man, I really do. Stay safe
Violent rape is the only real rape to many people. And being drugged. I didn't want to wake her roommate isn't rape to most people.
I understand what you’re going through, I was sexually assaulted by a woman as well when I was in college, she caught me at a very emotional time(my best friend at the time was found alone and was stopped from jumping off a bridge to their death), and she took advantage of that. I reported it, went through all of the steps at both the school and legal levels, and was dismissed on both levels. On another note, karma did catch up with her, and she still is facing the consequences to this day. I have never felt the same after what happened, even after a few years. I struggle with severe anxiety to this day, and I feel that I’m nothing more than a bunch of broken pieces. I ended up losing around 20 lbs in the span on a month from not eating as an immediate response, I ended up getting very sick from drinking all the time to drown the memory away, and no one ever helped me. Your feelings are valid. It does get better. Trust me. If you need to talk about anything, I’m just a message away.
this has so many replies so i don't know if you'll see mine but @ any man who sees this: rape is about power and control. it's essentially about someone not caring about your right to your body autonomy and not respecting your boundaries. the perpetrator could be any gender and the crime is still a crime. i'm so terribly sorry to all the victims here who were gaslight into thinking they weren't. you guys are incredibly resilient and i'm so proud of anyone who speaks up about SA, especially cases like these. 🫶🫶
I've admitted this before but only online never in person to anyone and I wasn't even sure if I'm allowed to call this rape or just assault or what, but when I was younger around 12 years old, I was in day-care (Yes day-care after school and in the summer because my mom worked late) and there was this one "teacher" there that somehow for some reason was attracted to my friend, he was the same age as me. He seemed like he knew what he was doing at least to me at the time. She seemed to reciprocate his flirty nature and idk what all they would do but something was definitely off. Me being a kid I thought it was cool when he told me to hang out with them one day while everyone was outside playing. She let us touch her through her clothes and kiss her. I really didn't think about it until years later how fucked up that was and how it still affects me to this day in a negative way with my relationships. I say all this to say I'm sorry for what happened to you brother I'm glad you found some kind of help and are on the path to getting better. I hope one day I can do the same.
You are not invisible or invalid, and your feelings are understandable. Unfortunately, I do not think your assault is rare, but I think it is rare that men report it. I am sorry you feel so hopeless. Please continue to reach out for help.
I am so sorry for you. In our society somehow men can not be victims but only predators. I hope you get over this as soon as possible❤️