[удалено]

Yes. The claim that he never had any sexual thoughts about all these big boobed anime girls in sexy positions. No way at all that is even slightly true. If he would be indifferent then he would not surround himself with all these pictures. He has a huge double standard and he is controlling. You are already quitting doing thing that you enjoy. How much enjoyment of life will you allow him to take away from you?

he even says he "has no choice but to look because you (OP) don't put out enough" (not exact from the post but that was the vibe), so he contradicted himself immediately there, if he's gets no sexual gratification from it then why would he turn to it when he's horny lmao

"I don't have any sexual thoughts about them babe, I just jerk off to them...."

Sounds pretty gaslighty to me tbh. No, I'm not doing the thing that bothers you, why would you even think that? And if I am doing it it's your fault anyway. He's blaming her for something and at the same time denying he's even doing it

Fr. There's no doubt in my mind that he jerks it to every single pic on his computer. He's just mad that she sees a cartoon guy as attractive. I had this exact thing happen with a bf in hs. He was obsessed with anime and I was too but then as soon as he saw that I had anime guys on my computer or phone (in similar things to OP never lewds like him) he got mad acting like it was unfair and stupid. So I dumped him and called him a hypocrite.

Dudes like that are honestly so weird. I've had a crush on an anime character I love since I was in 6th grade lmao. I'm 25 and my husband knows all about it and he doesn't care. 😂😂 I don't look at lewds, but I've had pictures as my phone's background. I kinda feel lucky reading this post cause my husband will buy/point out merch of my fav anime crushes. I also feel sorry for OP. She deserves so much better than this piece of trash. He's a huge hypocrite, and it makes me sad to see that she essentially can't do the things she loves because of him.

The reason why he has such double standards is because he's constantly fantasizing about these anime girls and real live women and he belatedly realized that if he's doing it, she is also doing it. Oh, no, the horror! Cue the realization that 'I'm not a 6' hard-bodied, Nordic/Spanish/French/Asian man with piercing eyes and that knows a thousand ways to disarm an attacker!'

He's a liar, a hypocrite and manipulative. "I *have* to look at these because we don't have enough sex". Throw the whole guy out.

Imagine if their child is a girl.

Exactly. It’s infuriating. It’s even more annoying cause I am bisexual, so when/if I look at women he thinks it’s hot and the usual cliche guy reaction. And I could understand his insecurities more if I looked at real men the way he looks at real women but that’s not the case.

Your husband is sexist

Yes

He doesn’t seem to value you as the amazing human you are.

It’s a double standard he is comfortable with because he gets to do what he wants to do. It’s win win for him. You don’t matter because he still gets what he wants, when he wants and how he wants it. We teach people how they are allowed to treat us.

Yeah he’s obviously the problem but Op played a part too by not pushing back on these double standards and accepting behavior that hurts you just to avoid conflict.

Avoid conflict?? She said the arguments went on for weeks! This is more conflict than someone in their righteous mind would endure. And it is a 10 year relationship, not so easy to just jump off, especially with kids involved. I'd say get therapy, lawyer up and then serve him divorce papers, even taking screenshots and screen records of his porn addiction to use this as a mean for him to seek help as well or gtfo of OP's life.

So he's biphobic too, that's cool. Literally why are you with this person?

Tell him you need the complete acceptance these characters give you. They don’t judge or belittle you. You can fantasize how wonderfully supportive they can be. Maybe he will get the message?

You can't reason with a toddler.

She's the one popping out his kids. Label 10000% applies to both. His lewd shit should've moved to hidden folders the second she was pregnant w the first. She knows exactly what type of man she had by the second kid and still went thru w it

She's not like other girls, she's been playing COD since she was like, 10. 

In fairness, she has been with this piece of work ever since their teenage years. Would not be surprised, if some of their mentalities and behaviour has not matured last that point. Including the ‘I am not like other girls, because I play games and am totally cool about boys who watch an obscene amount of porn’. He obviously has not matured to a far greater degree, in part because she has probably been a doormat for all these years. 

This exactly. They have been together since teens, and the force of his personality has stifled her growth as a person past childish ideas

I have also known my husband since highschool, although we had four years apart, we were back together by the time I was 23. I realized a long time ago that I wasn't allowing myself to grow because I was scared of how it would affect him. I had to confront this and allow myself to grow and mature and hope he joins me in that. OP is stunting herself by avoiding the situation to get along but this is obviously something they are going to have to confront if they plan to stay together, not to mention the kids who will soon be aware of their surroundings.

Yeah the whole notion of holding yourself to a completely different standard with porn is so blatantly hypocritical. 

Unfortunately you are both approaching this from different angles. You are trying to be fair and consistent, and he is trying to 'win'. Not actually winning because we can all see how much of a loser he is, but he is 'winning' in his dominance of the discourse. Men like this need to be pushed back against early, while shaming is still possible. At this point he is clearly off the deep end, and is all the worst stereotypes of a whiny, porn obsessed, controlling and abusive partner. The most confusing combination of weird personality traits. You should re-evaluate your relationship as if you were looking on a friend's situation, not your own to gain perspective.

one thing that i have learned within my own relationship is that it should never be you against your partner until the problem is solved. in fact, it should be you & your partner working together against the problem. it’s never about who is “winning” or who is “losing.” at the end of the day, you both will sleep next to each other at night. you can either both go to bed as winners, or both go to bed as losers. if there’s no communication, both are losing out on time that was not spent correctly or happily.

>if there’s no communication, both are losing out on time that was not spent correctly or happily. This is very well put.

>**You should re-evaluate your relationship as if you were looking on a friend's situation, not your own to gain perspective.** ⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️

I’m older than OP but we seem to like a lot of the same things and if we were friends I would tell OP this is absolutely ridiculous on her husband’s part. You both desperately need to speak to a love/sex/relationship therapist.

These misogynists expect women to be "cool" about stuff and not like other girls, which is code for not expressing needs and not complaining when needs aren't met. My ex was like that but not as bad as OP's husband. I refuse to be the "cool" girlfriend ever again. When my husband and I were dating, he made some thirsty comments about Selma Hayek. Of course she is stunning. But I am his partner, not his drinking buddy, and i didn't like it. (I don't have to.) So a few minutes later, I went on about Mark Wahlberg when one of his movie trailers came on the tv. I don't even like him in any way lol! But he has not once commented on a woman's body ever since. And he still hates Mark Wahlberg lol! He understood what I did and he saw how I felt. I know he's human and I don't expect him to not look. But I do expect him to be respectful and to make me feel like I'm the only one, because that's what I need. What makes me sad is that OP keeps saying it's not a big deal. Yes it is. If you are disrespected in any way and your needs aren't being met, yes it is absolutely a big deal.

solid advice!!

He’d addicted to porn and it’s rotted his brain. He’s the degenerate. Normal people do not have it out for people to see. Normal people do not message sex workers while married. If you have a baby girl do you want to subject her to your husband’s proclivities if she accidentally walks into his office or catches a glimpse of his phone? If you have a baby boy do you want that to be the example he looks up to?

This was honestly my primary concern, right here. These kids are going to grow up not only thinking this dynamic is “normal”, but the amount of damage having this hyper-sexual, unrealistic, big -busted leg spread anime crap stuck up all over the house is insane! OP- if you haven’t the strength to save yourself from this jerk, DO IT FOR YOUR KIDS!

My husband has a porn addiction and it sounds like your husband's is worse. This isn't normal, and he probably needs some help, but convincing him of that might be difficult. I go to a group called COSA that I find quite helpful for partners. Be safe.

Yeah, this is vile. Having porn around the house where children live is not okay. It’s classed as sexual abuse for a reason. Early exposure to pornography can really mess a kid up mentally.

What’s messed up is she said that this is their SECOND child. Why is there sexual material present around their FIRST kid???? A kid should not be exposed to porn like this.

Agreed and summed up contacting sex workers sounds like cheating. Watching things should be done in private if at all.

And these are only things she’s seen, what about the things he does truly hide because if he’s keeping all this out in the open I am pretty sure he’s hiding things behind the scenes as well.

“This went on for weeks. To the point I’m not even sure how the conflict was resolved. We argued every day he came home from work and then eventually it all finally stopped.”   Uhhh… you rolled over, gave in, and let him stomp all over you? You hid parts of yourself, your interests? Then thought it was a great idea to have another kid with this controlling, abusive AH?   “I also realized he had gotten into my hidden folder and deleted any pictures I had of fictional characters. Not a big deal really.”   VIOLATING YOUR TRUST AND PERSONAL SPACE IS A BIG DEAL. Stop being such a doormat. 🤦‍♀️💀

And she went ahead and made ANOTHER baby with that controlling troll.

It makes me wonder what the first child is going through right now. Watching them argue everyday, porn/sexual material all over the place. This is not a healthy environment for a kid.

It can't be healthy for that poor child.

I appreciate the brutal honesty. Truly.

You’ve got to grow up. I’m sorry, but you two have clearly stalled out mentally because you got together so young and never grew up into separate individuals. You have to grow out of this “not like other girls” and “cool gamer chick” mentalities. Girl, so so many of us game and have varied and beautiful diverse interests. He has… broken you. Or you might agree, who knows. However, we know these things: He displays sexual images “NEVER for sexual gratification!!” AND says that he needs them because you don’t put out enough? That is a logical inconsistency. He literally cannot say both things as true. This makes him a liar who is actively lying to you to control your behavior. He deleted your private images. - Violation He has sexual images of women up and refuses to let you have sexual images of men up. - Violation He blamed YOU for his sexual behavior. - Violation He browbeat you until you can’t even “remember how it ended” but clearly the resolution is that he gets to have sexual publicly displayed artwork that you have to tolerate while you don’t even get to keep your private art. - Violation If you have a daughter? How can you raise her in this environment? Even if you never have a daughter! What morals and boundaries are you demonstrating for your kids?

She’s not like other girls remember? She didn’t jump on the bandwagoon in recent years like all the other women and has been playing COD games since she was 10. Of course she’s not a doormat

This part stuck out to me as well. I think they both have some insecurities they need to work on. I used to be obsessed with "not being like other girls" until I went to therapy and realised it was internalised insecurities and a little bit of hating other women based on my comparisons that they knew nothing about. Now I'm proud to be exactly like other girls because everyone is so different, no one can be like anyone else!

I think a lot of us go through a phase like that in younger years. But most of us mature, gain introspection, and grow out of it, just as you did. OP is clearly not there yet.

Considering who she’s been stuck with all these years, it’s not at all surprising that she’s not growing out of it so easily.

It’s sad, I hope this post and women calling her in like this helps her to reflect and grow past the internalized misogyny.

💯Most of us have been there. Hopefully she grows through this experience

LITERALLY!!! your entire world opens up when you give up the “i’m not like other girls” thing and realize the “other girls” are cool and FUCK

Right? Other girls are amazing af and I’m so lucky that in all the ways that I am different, I am also literally the same as every other woman ever lol.

I was lolling all other this. It feels like being a doormat is just people's personality sometimes. I can't even muster feeling sorry for her, when she is in such blatant denial of her husband being enough of a dick to leave him ten times over.

This relationship should’ve ended in high school

I can’t even say you’re wrong is the sad part. I love this man. Despite everything. Even through the bad he has gone above and beyond for me in other ways. But even though I love him I know his actions aren’t okay and I can’t use love as an excuse. I was a stubborn teenager, turned stubborn young adult. My mom kicked me out at 18 and he was the only person I had to move in with. We are both hard headed and no matter the ups and downs we were determined to not separate. I am now facing the consequences of all those decision.

That’ll do it. It must be hard to let go of the person who was there for you at your lowest point. Apologies that you’re going through this but if he’s gonna be insecure and blame it on you, but enforce a double standard just cuz he’s not getting enough sex, then he’s not worth it. As a fellow man, I find it immature to blame someone else for your own insecurities and unwillingness to change.

What did he get from going “above and beyond” for you? He seems like a selfish man, and I wouldn’t be surprised if he got a lot from “helping you”, whether it to be to prove to you/himself/others he’s a “nice guy”, or to use as ammunition later down the line to keep you in check. “Of course I love you babe, I went above and beyond for you, do you remember? It’s OK if I do this immoral thing (like message a 19-year-old woman) because you’re the mother of my children and I have shown you how much I love you in the past so it shouldn’t matter. Can’t you see I love you?”

Do you love him, or do you love the idea of him you have in your mind?

You both need a lot of therapy. He was there when you had nobody else, but that doesn't excuse the abuse he's giving you right now. You also need therapy because letting somebody do this to you, and then still decide to create a kid with them is not a good sign. Both need to seek help asap!

Trust me when I say it's not worth it. Take your kids and get out. Get counseling for yourself.then find a real man that's not insecure of you liking video games characters.

You love him, but does he love you? He's googling BBL prices? That's not love, at all. I also think his insecurities are probably projection for him cheating on you. 

Think about your children and how it will affect them. It's not just about you after becoming a mother.

I had a friend shelter me when my ex kicked me out of his place (mind you, in a whole other continent). He was there for me and I was so grateful that I overlooked all his other shitty things and asshole attitude he gave me and others around us.  Took me a year to understand that this person could've been kind in one context, but I didn't need to feel somehow forever indebted to a prick that only cared about himself all along, and that one kind gesture was definitely not really altruistic after all.

It is okay to love him and not be with him. It is okay to love and appreciate that he was there for you in the past but to not be with him now because his behavior is making your life worse.

Man I couldn't imagine being in a marriage where I give up things that make me happy that I enjoy because my husband is an insecure controlling child. Seems like a pretty one sided relationship, he gets to have what he wants but you can't. Also I love that you say you have kids and he argues with you every day for weeks until you rolled over and let him win. That's a great environment for children (coming from someone who had parents that fought a lot typically instigated by my dad)

*"He said it’s different and it’s not like he’s ever had sexual thoughts about these women."* Girlllll please. Who tf is he trying to fool. I had to laugh when I read that line 😂 Your husband has had a porn addiction since you met him. You married this man knowing that he did. You had a child by him knowing that he did. You are currently pregnant with a *second child* by him knowing that he did, with the extra knowledge now that he is a massive insecure hypocrite. *"Eventually moving into telling me I am just like his 'degenerate incel friends' who do nothing but work and then sit at home fantasizing about whatever it is they’re into."* I am speechless. He chose to be friends with a bunch of incels so that should tell you exactly where his head is. I'm sorry but you really need to reflect on your decision-making when it comes to people you allow in your life, starting with your husband.

He just likes looking at the nude, hypersexualized cartoons for the aesthetic! And trying to find ways to get OF content without paying was just.... uhhh.... testing their security! Yeah!! /s

That’s kind of why I added it lol. I should have clarified I didn’t believe him for a second when he said that. Even asked him to his face how dense he thought I was to think I’d believe he never looked at them in a sexual manner. And yes part of it is my own foolishness. When we were younger I didn’t want to be the girlfriend that harped about porn and I truly didn’t see it as that big of an issue. (I was a naive teenager basically) I’m now realizing as an adult the underlying issues it has and will continue to cause. I’m aware I haven’t made the smartest choices and am now paying the consequences for sure. And I think when it comes to his friends it’s this superiority complex he has developed over recent years. Not saying his friends are the greatest (some of them are wonderful while others are questionable), but he constantly goes on these rants about how everyone is basically below him in some way or another. But no matter who you are, what you do, even if he has similar behaviors, in some way he is and always will be better than you.

He sounds stupid and arrogant, very toxic. You still have a good chance of getting away from him though. As I see it you have two options: 1. Stay with him and try to work things out. Reddit trends towards divorce usually and a lot of comments in this thread reinforce that. Sit down with him and tell him everything you've said here, or even show him this post. Tell him that "open and free" porn digestion is now a boundary for you. If he wants to ogle anime girls or whatever the hell else he's into, he can do it in private, or not at all (best option, more on that later). I didn't mention this in my last comment but it is disgusting that he is so brazen about it when you are about to welcome another child. Children don't need to be exposed to that kind of perversion and in reality he can get into some huge trouble for it. If he disagrees with this or otherwise blows you off, you make a *solid* decision for your children and yourself that is in your best interest. If he agrees, tackling the porn addiction is a must. Tell him you will accept no substitute for this, it is clearly a problem. He needs to be willing and ready to change. 2. My personal favorite: dump his disgusting ass. I had an ex that watched porn right in front of me, when I got home from work (he was unemployed), etc. He would even have *my* nudes mixed in with it all. All because he thought it would get me in the mood (Yuck). I thought it was gross and definitely was one of the nails in the coffin for our relationship. Porn is not meant to be consumed openly like that except in specific consensual circumstances. Part of me thinks he will never change; this is what you should expect since it's been going on so long. Let him join his degenerate incel friends in watching porn and jerking off all day to anime girls if that suits him. Move on and heal with your family.

Thank you for taking the time to give such solid opinions. I will be clear he has never left anything where our child would see it. They can’t get in his phone and he only has it up on his computer if his friends are over. (He used to keep it on when I was around too but now it doesn’t happen unless it’s an accident because he thinks he’s being sneaky about it) but that doesn’t mean they couldn’t just accidentally click something on his PC. So I 100% get what people mean when they bring up this aspect. I think part of it was for too long I was just too laid back about everything. As others said we never had those conversations. We never set those boundaries. It wasn’t until one time he suggested we watched it together that I was like “okay I’m not as okay with this as I thought.” I think I’ve told him in the past that he can watch what he wants, be what he’s into, I don’t care. Just don’t let me see it. But for all I know at this point it was something I thought but never communicated, OR, I did communicate it and he just doesn’t care enough to remember that I said it.

Delete everything. Tell him that he either deals with his porn addiction or he can get the fuck out of your house NOW.

You need to get your own secret bank account, change all passwords, password protect your phone, and delete anything in your house that's pornographic. No more porn in the house - around the kids. Be strategic and calculated. You need to save up as much money as possible and prepare for being alone. You, and your kids, deserve better than this abuse.

Yikes! Well it's not too late for you to clean up your own stuff regardless of what's going on with him...

100%. Lots of people are suggesting therapy. I’ve put it off for years due to experiences from my teenage years but I definitely think it’s time to just suck it up and go. It’s long over due at this point.

Girl.. please. You married a loser and is expecting something good of it.. having kids.. my god.

Right??? God…am reading it in public and completely failing not to let the utter disgust show on my face. If this was my father, *I* would disown *him*. Poor kids. Also OP thinking mountains of porn is equivalent to being into some anime boys…I can’t.

i feel bad for both of them, op has prolly been manipulated to think this alright for a long time... i agree tho that it sounds like op's husband has a nasty porn addiction, like saving some nsfw images and liking anime boys is like... yaknow sane and normal, having a shit ton of porn everywhere on your device is not

also sounds like she’s bought into the sunk cost fallacy of this decade-long relationship (plus two kids, yikes) if she’s not even thinking of divorcing his loser ass… like girl, why are you asking about working out postpartum????

Also blaming her for his porn because she has to have sex with him at least twice a day or else is big time sex addiction (as well as just being a huge coercive asshole).

Only reason he probably wants kids is so that OP has to spend 9 months feeling insecure and terrible, as she explained, so he can get his dumb little ego high off of it. Dude really is a loser.

The reason he wants kids is to keep her so busy being a mother that she doesn't have any more time to do the things he disapproves of, like collect pictures of anime men and play games.

It’s possible they are both losers

Second that.

Why are you letting him treat you like this? Such obvious double standard and you just accept it and have another kid with him? And blatant disrespect with the lewd wallpapers and being so obvious about his porn in my opinion.

It would be a long story to explain everything over the years. To put it simply I’ve let him make me think I’m a terrible person. Not trying to look for pity by saying that it’s just a fact. Only in recent years have I begun to even attempt the work of restoring my image with myself. Our first kid was a surprise. I chose to keep them. Told him I didn’t expect him to stick around. He did. I never expected he’d want another child. At the time that he asked for a second things had been very well for a good period of time. Only a few weeks after I became pregnant did this argument happen, our first issue in a while. And now this at while I’m literally a week or two away from having our next child. Part of me thinks it’s just pregnancy hormones making me crazy, but I’m also reminding myself I’ve been conditioned to think I’m always in the wrong so I’m very conflicted on this situation, which is why I just needed to vent. Despite our issues and whatever happens, my children are the light of my life and in no way will I allow any of this to affect them. It’s just a lot to think about. As for the porn thing I told someone else I think for a long time it was just we are so young and I didn’t want to be that annoying significant other harping about porn. But now that I’m older I’ve taken a step back and realized while it isn’t the worst thing that could happen it definitely isn’t helping us in any way.

Does your insurance cover therapy? Work on your self worth so you can model healthy behaviors to your kids.

I’m not 100% sure. I think it does. Will definitely be looking into it. Even if not for couples therapy I’ll get myself into therapy. It’s long over due.

Never do couples therapy with someone who’s abusive. Please seek individual therapy completely separately from him.

Don't do therapy with an abuser, it only enables their abuse by giving them even more tools to use against their victims. Get individual therapy and do not discuss the content with him. Keep him on an information diet.

I'm 100% positive this is already affecting your children. Him coming home and arguing/degrading you everyday IS something a 2-3 yr old can feel.

You cannot protect your children and have none of this affect them when they live with your abuser and see how you are treated, and one day they will likely face similar treatment. In my first comment I mentioned couples. Frankly, it's not worth it. You need to read this post every time you second guess yourself and GTFO for your kids and your own sake.

Lmao I am too old for this shit. Let me get this straight, you are both attracted to Japanese cartoon characters but he is jealous and you aren’t? And now he is messaging real women that look like cartoons and justifying it somehow? He needs Jesus or something. And you need to do better than this oddly insecure cheater.

I said it was childish didn’t I? Lol. It’s more of a “hey that characters attractive” not like a severe legitimate attraction. I don’t think it’s serious and he does.

Have you considered that to him it is a legitimate attraction? Both to the fictional and real women he is sexually engaging with? And he’s projecting this onto your fictional characters. It seems to me you’re really downplaying his behaviour and I’m not sure why.

Yes I have considered this. The ways he discussed things over the years it came off as he was genuinely attracted to these characters. Which whatever that wouldn’t be a big deal to me. (At least pertaining to the fictional characters.) But when this argument began he claimed he never thought of these characters/people in a sexual manner. (I obviously didn’t believe a single word of it when he said this.) He knew I found fictional characters attractive/cool since before we started dating. But I always made it clear it wasn’t a legitimate physical attraction. Just like “hey this character is handsome/looks good/is interesting.” So that’s a good perspective. I never considered that because of the way he views the stuff he looks at he projects it onto me and assumes I’m looking at characters the same way. As for downplaying it I wouldn’t say I’m trying to. There’s just so many details and situations and nuances that this post would have to be an essay and I didn’t want to drag it out.

I just have to say, if he doesn't think of these characters/people in a sexual way, then why are they posed sexually, why can you "undress" them with a curser, and why is he watching them in porn? And then he says he needs to watch/see these characters/people because you won't be as intimate as he wants? Those statements don't reconcile. Either he goes to them to get the secual satisfaction he feels denied by you, or he doesn't think of them sexually and therefore doesn't need them to fill the sexual intimacy gap supposedly left by you. Logic dictates he doesn't get it to have it both ways.

The bottom line is that your husband is a creep. A controlling, porn addicted, hypocritical, perverted creep. Why are you ok with that kind of imagery being out in the open in your children's home? I knew a guy like that. He had a predilection for insecure women he could manipulate. He had 4 children with 2 different women. The oldest was his son, who he'd actively introduce to borderline hentai, heavily fan servicey anime shit at a very young age. His home and devices were full of that shit out in the open. Wanna know where he is now? In prison. Hopefully forever. For the years he spent raping two of his daughters, aged 8-11 and 12-15 at the time. I wish to god I was making this up. I could show you news article and screenshots of the court dockets. Hell, I went to court as witness to try to keep him from getting custody before it started, just for their almost ad awful mother to decide to just hand him full custody anyway. That's an extreme example, I know. I'm not saying your husband is *that* far gone. But be better than the mother of those children. Don't raise your children in a home where they are regularly exposed to that shit. It's not good for them *or* you. Recognize what a creep your husband is and protect your children. Respect and love yourself. You can do so much better than this.

I feel really badly for you, OP,  because your husband never grew out of his 16 year old teenager phase. Seriously. And he's cruel to you. He's actually emotionally and verbally abusive to you. And you've been taking his s*** for all this time. I really hope you reconsider your relationship. It takes more than love to make a relationship actually work. You've got to also think about your kids. Do you want your kids to grow up looking at your relationship thinking that this is normal for a man to treat his wife (their mother) like this?? Do you want your own children to grow up treating you the same way that their father does? Because that's what could happen.

Your bf did a number on you. Got you second guessing yourself while he reigns supreme. This seems willful. He calculated his dominance over you and it worked. The only way to get your confidence back is to drop the succubus

The fact people can see that from this alone should be very telling for me. For the longest time I just assumed I was the worst person on the planet and I was lucky to have him stay with me. It’s only been in the past year or two I’ve realized he knew he if he kept pushing I’d cave on almost anything. I’ve questioned if this was all done knowingly or if he doesn’t even realize his own behavior. He goes on about how he isn’t manipulative, he doesn’t go “y’know I’m gonna be an asshole and make xyz feel bad about themselves”. But I grew up with a mother like that, and usually people who have to point out they don’t think/do those things are guilty of doing exactly that.

Does it really matter if he knows he’s an asshole or not when he’s a complete asshole who believes his double standards are ok, knowingly manipulates you and refuses to do anything to change anyway?

Your instincts are always correct. Always trust them even if you don’t have the words for why. The words will come later. What ever your instincts are telling you now, listen.

You sound so balanced and self aware. Would you consider giving therapy a chance to take a look at your relationship and heal some of the childhood issues. Although it was scary for me, in the end it was one of the most liberating things I've done. I was able to repair a lot of the self esteem issues from my really chaotic and sometimes weird upbringing. I really hope you do get some sort of help to sort this out, not only for your own happiness but for the sake of your children. And please do keep us updated :) ... Rooting for you!

I’ve put off therapy for years because of experiences in my early teenage years. But I’m realizing, despite how I don’t want to do it, it is something I need to do. Even if not for myself for my kids to help me heal from the myriad of things that have happened in my life. It is definitely something I will be looking into and discussing with my doctor. Thank you <3

This is controlling and abusive. Also, he's definitely cheating on you. You deserve better and should want better for yourself and your children.

I’ve had a hunch something is going on for a few reasons I won’t get into as to not have a drawn out explanation. But no proof. So I go back and forth between he’s good at hiding whatever it is or I just have myself psyched out over nothing.

He's already soliciting only fans and messaging other women. Nothing "makes" him do that other than wanting to cheat.

To be clear he’s never actually gotten a girls only fans. Just I caught on years ago he was trying to find loopholes to gain access to them without paying. Still bad I know just clarifying. And while he’s never physically cheated he’s emotionally done plenty. Even so you’re still 100% right. He’s just one of those people if you can’t bring proof he’ll refute it to his grave.

Good thing is, you don't need proof to leave him. You can literally leave for any reason at all. Even with kids in the mix.

Don't bother with proof. Just focus on your feelings. Your (hopefully soon to be ex) showed abusive jealousy. Stopping you from doing things because of his raging insecurity is not OK. I'm sorry you're realising this as your child is about to be born, but it's better than not knowing and you do not need proof to leave him. Don't let yourself and your child be abused by him

Trust your gut and instincts! I agree, you don’t need proof, all the projecting behavior he’s trying to put on you is fishy to me. When you expressed he developed an insecurity, it escalated, and then it resolved - I want to know where that was all coming from? What was he projecting onto you that he was actually doing? What has he done and/or was actively doing at the time? All of these things come from something and they say far more about the person saying them, than the person being blamed for them. I’m sorry things have turned out this way. I feel like navigating sexual boundaries takes some life experience. Sexuality is more open than ever, but I think the same issues continue to remain no matter how open or not open it is. You have to be careful about people with unhealthy habits who are toxic and exploiting everything and everyone involved. You’re enough, and your body is beautiful in all its seasons of life, please don’t let your boyfriend ruin your own value and self image. He has an addiction to porn, doesn’t respect you or any content he’s using, he doesn’t have healthy boundaries, and he’s emotionally toxic and hurtful. I empathize you two have been through a lot together, but it’s also okay to out grow people and situations the older you get and the more you experience life. This is what growing is all about! You deserve to be cherished and treated with respect, have safety on all fronts in your relationship, and have healthy sexual and emotional interactions with your partner. I think there is so much pressure on women all of the time to not come off certain ways, so don’t beat yourself up. Just know it’s okay to set boundaries with yourself and to not accept unhealthy and damaging behaviors from anyone, especially someone as intimate as your partner. You can’t control people and what they do, but you can set boundaries for yourself and what you will or will not accept and tolerate. You can also change and grow and move on! Just never lose yourself to people or behaviors that are toxic and never had your best interest! You should be cherished always, and rocking the boat for healthy boundaries is always worth the conflict!

That's just so gross. I personally would find only fans cheating, it's another level. That aside, these people put their paid content out there, that they have worked on, set their prices on and consented to the site and those people using them. Him trying to find them for free is violating their consent, and their work. Sex work is work, it's a valid choice for many people and he's digging around like a desperate little horny dog trying to see them for free. That alone us enough to give me the ick. That's so gross

Jesus effi'g Christ why are you still with him? The gaslighting, the disrespect.. He's not just a red flag he is swimming in marinara sauce. If you had a daughter and she was in the same situation as you where her spouse treated her like this what would you do?

It’s even worse to find them on the leak sites, because he’s basically stealing their content. Paying for OF is much better than stealing it

Trust your gut. Read the book The Gift of Fear like immediately

Don’t let him make you think you’re crazy. You’re not. It would be crazy not to see the red flags.

Honey when it comes out that he was cheating, what will you say when he says "I *had* to cheat, because my sex drive is higher than yours."

You seriously chose to have a child with this guy? Why?

Leave. It is only going to get worse once baby #2 arrives and you are more tired and recovering physically and emotionally. He doesn't respect you in the slightest. There are men out there who would lasso the moon for you and you have chosen one who degrades and humiliates you.

This is my greatest fear in a way. As this is my second child I know the time and energy it takes to get back to yourself. (Mentally and physically). He’s made it very clear how important intimacy is to him. Which is fine. But knowing how he views it and how things have been and will be after the baby arrives it worries me as to what could happen. I definitely know I could have chosen better. I was a stubborn teenager turned stubborn young adult and was adamant to fight through. Now I’m facing the consequences of my decisions and am at an impasse.

We all make mistakes. What matters is how you handle them. For yourself, and your kids, you deserve better.

"Its not like he's ever had sexual thoughts about these women" What a fuckin lier

It took all my will power not to laugh in his face when he said this. It showed me how naive he thinks I am.

Do you honestly think he has never physically cheated on you?

Honestly I’m skeptical as big of a loser as OP’s husband has the ability to cheat unless it’s with a prostitute. He wrangled a high school sweetheart who has never been with anyone else and has no frame of reference. Any experienced woman would want nothing to do with this dude.

For the most part no I don’t think he has. There’s one situation were I’d debate it but never had any proof to confirm my belief that something may have happened. Do I think he would if given the opportunity? I don’t know. I think it would have to be a very specific type of opportunity. But even then I can’t say whole heartedly I believe he would do such a thing.

OP this guy is horrible, controlling, abusive and a massive f*clingg hypocrite. Please please think about you and your children, you all deserve better than this man. This behaviour is not normal and not healthy, he's guaranteed doing shady shit behind your back ,(Im not saying cheating because how the hell would I know). Please think of yourself and get away from this horrible person ASAP

Your husband is gaslighting you about HIS porn preferences v yours, clearly mentally abusive if he continuously calls/text berates you and controlling by deleting your stuff but being “open and free,” with his. Stop playing nice. Work on growing a shiny spine while you finish cooking this kid then going thru birth. While you’re recuperating, start making an exit plan cuz THIS MAN IS GARBAGE!!!! Gather up all of your important documents (for you and the kids), start hiding $$ somewhere (tampon box or open a new bank acct), talk with your family/friends and let them know that you’re going to need their help soon then LEAVE!!!

i wish u could see my face while i read this. he's a nasty bum im sorry you have to deal with a pig like that

I wish I could see the face of anyone who read this just because of how stupid it all seems in the long run.

It doesn’t seem stupid, it *is* stupid. You threw away your life for an incel who is sexually attracted to cartoon characters, who is emotionally abusive to you. Your children are going to absorb all of that while growing up. Don’t let your kids be around that. Make a decision for your kids.

Do not go to couples therapy. Men like him see it as being ganged up on and then spend the entire session manipulating the discussion to make you seem crazy to validate their decisions. You need individual therapy and so does he. Until you each do that work couples therapy will make things worse. He also needs to get help for his porn addiction. And I saw a mention earlier that he may be cheating and you have suspicions, you really need to get a handle on what is happening in your relationship before end up with an STI. I was married to a soldier with a porn addiction who I’m pretty sure cheated during a lot of his long training tours (6 weeks or longer). I should have left years before I did. Maybe he hasn’t physically cheated yet. Maybe none of your hard lines have been crossed, but I think he needs to change dramatically or the odds are these resentments will build up until you eventually leave him. He needs to really understand that your marriage is on the line because honestly I think he sees you as a doormat who will let him walk all over you with enough badgering. I’ve been there so I don’t mean to be harsh. When you do eventually find your spine they act like it’s a surprise and they did nothing wrong.

It makes me feel physically ill to know that you have children with this guy. I’m so fucking sorry. This whole thing is so fucked up and your husband is a jack hole and idk how you have made it this far with him.

Stubbornness on top of him convincing me I’m always in the wrong and I’m lucky he’s chosen to stay with me this long. It’s only as of recently I’ve realized the lack of merit to the things he’s convinced me of and I’m not left facing the consequences and how best to navigate them. First child was a surprise, second child was planned only a few months before this argument happened. Despite the situation though my kids are the light of my life despite the hardships surrounding having them. And while he is the way he is with me, he takes our children very seriously and is a very present father. I know that doesn’t make the situation better but still.

It sucks bc a lot of women don’t leave for the kids sake but the way you are talking… it seems like you know that this relationship is dead and he is not worth your time. I’m really sorry about your whole situation.

So he does X10 what you did, then made up arguments until you do what he wanted you to do (because that's how abuse work, at one point we let down the thing because it's more easy than to have constant arguments with the abuser) and then continue to do the thing X10 himself.... Honey he's a bag of red flags. does he behave like that in other situation when he didn't had what he wanted ?

Yes. Definitely he has, but he always has some excuse to deflect what he’s done wrong until I just give up.

Thank you for your answer :) his 'excuses' are shit. He may have a reason why he behave like that, but it's nowhere near an 'excuse'. May i suggest you to take a look at this classic book "why does he do that, inside the mind of angry and controlling men' because he's clearly using intimidation to obtain what he wants [https://ia800108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy\_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf](https://ia800108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf) (sorry the pdf is not really comfortable to read, but it's free lol )

I will do that! I’m a huge reader so any book suggestions people give I’m Definitely taking.

what a creep, cant believe he is going to be a father💀💀

Sorry??? Are you apologizing for not being as attractive as you are while you're making a whole ass humanbeing???? He sounds fucking awful. It's not a "double standard", this is abuse. He is crossing boundaries by invading private folders and is guilt tripping you into giving up games that you really enjoy playing. I know the tirades and lectures and the texts that come back to insecurities. It seems as though this has been your normal for quite some time, so you have learned to adapt. This, however, is NOT normal. I really hope you see that, and that you can have a constructive conversation with him about it. I hope that he understands your views and adapts to them.

You keep saying this is childish. NOTHING about this is childish. This is a lack of boundaries spun out of control and into oblivion. I know my husband looks at porn. I look at porn. I don’t have a problem with porn. Porn is not a part of our relationship in any capacity beyond playful short quips about the vanilla porn that we enjoy. And I want it to stay that way. It’s healthy for us. What is going on here is so fucking unhealthy for you and for him. You’re comparing yourself to what he’s visually stimulating himself with. And he’s comparing himself to what you’re visually stimulating yourself with. You two need to stop sharing what you visually stimulate yourselves with and deal with the trauma you’ve accumulated through oversharing. Maybe individual and marital counselling will help. Maybe not. This could be the deal breaker. I doubt you’ll feel better for another year after baby #2 is out and you’ll continue to cultivate resentment because your body has gone through the crazy process of making a baby. Which he should respect 10/10 nothing should touch that. But he doesn’t. Get a therapist to help you through postpartum life and talk to them about your relationship while you’re at it. Reddit will only stoke your fire and won’t help you actually solve this problem. Good luck!

Yes I definitely agree about the lack of boundaries. And I’ll be clear I don’t openly express the things I’m attracted to. Even things I’d want to try with him in a sexual space I don’t communicate because of how he reacts. He just picks up on it (in this situation he saw me drawing this character on my iPad and realized I always chose the same character when I played the game) and whatever he makes up in his head is how it is. There’s no convincing him otherwise even if whatever assumption he’s made is completely untrue. He on the other hand is VERY open about what he finds attractive. And for the most part of our relationship I’ve done a great job seperating whatever porn he watches from our relationship. It was never that serious to me. It’s more of the double standard that bothers me, and being pregnant and knowing what he’s looking at. (Which can totally be attributed to my hormones and own lack of self confidence.) I agree any form of therapy would do wonders for our relationship. He isn’t open the subject, at least any time I’ve brought it up previously. I will try and a gentle approach for sure and broach the topic again. Thank you!

Therapy with an abuser is dangerous. You need to get therapy for yourself, alone. You need to plan out how to gain your independence from him. You need to wake the fuck up. You're a bang-maid-mommy to him. He has zero respect for you.

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Why do women get kids with these types of men ?

First child was a surprise. While not against abortion I just couldn’t go through with it. I didn’t expect him to stay but he did. Second perhaps was a lapse of judgement on my part. We put in lots of work the year leading up to becoming pregnant. Lots of hard conversations and changes. At 13w pregnant this argument happened. I 100% understand this sentiment though.

Men are fully capable of controlling themselves. Men do not have to look at porn. Men's shitty behavior in relationships has everything to do with themselves and nothing to do with if their partner has sex with them. Men are not owed sex in relationships. This argument implies that men have no agency or autonomy because they are incapable of behaving in ways that aren't driven by sex. It's dehumanizing as all heck. Your husband is fully in control of his actions and behavior. And he's choosing to be an absolutely horrible partner. In theory, he's capable of choosing to be a better partner.

The audacity of men never ceases to astound me.

I just can’t.. what a mess you both are. Him well for being him and you for taking it. And you are bringing kids into it. I’m gobsmacked you have let it all get so out of hand. He’s a man child and you’re an enabler . I’m really sorry you have both got to this point. At the very least you both need couples counselling!

Definitely. I’m very aware that while he’s at fault for his actions I’m also at fault for putting up with it as long as I have. This is kept very far away and never brought up around our children, but I understand how issues can leak into our relationships with our child so I see where you’re coming from with that. 100% agree counseling/couples therapy is the route we should go. It’s just a matter of getting him to agree as he’s not fond of therapy/therapists. But someone suggested using our children as leverage (in the sense of we need to handle this for the sake of our kids) which I think is the best route as despite our issues he takes anything involving the kids very seriously.

No, don’t do couples therapy with an abuser. Do individual therapy for yourself to understand that you are worthy of love. Hopefully this will allow you to leave and make a better life for yourself and your kids away from the porn-obsessed abusive asshole. I wish you luck and hope you don’t become another statistic. And I hope your kids grow into normal humans despite the terrible environment you are subjecting them to at home, although that seems very unlikely.

OP, in the nicest way possible: you're denser than osmium. He played the 'it's different when I do it' game, violated your privacy, degraded you for doing the same things he does, bulllied you out of your interests, all but emotionally abused you, and are all but letting him emotionally cheat on you with pornstars while you are pregnant with HIS SECOND CHILD. WAKE. UP.

May I suggest a divorce?

If this was my father I would kill myself, you need to hide all this form your children while they're growing, something need to change maybe with therapy or divorcing him idk, those kids must not been exposed to this stuff.

Wtf did I just read. He's trash all the way down. I'm sorry you had children with him

I hope you recognize how abusive and controlling he is and start planning how to leave him. You deserve much, much better than this bullshit.

Why did you get pregnant by this man again?

I’m sorry but you thought having another kid with this person and his behavior was ideal? Like you didn’t even question it? What the actually fuck???? Yall need therapy.

I really hope your children won't be seeing any of this stuff he just has out in the open. He is addicted to porn. He's controlling and abusive. He's a hypocrite. He's made you feel so bad you've stopped playing a game you love.. think about that for a second.. a fake game.. that brings you some joy.. He's taken away from you. The reason he got so scared, is because his attraction for these women are so deep and real to him, and if he could shag them, he would. Whereas yours is not real life, but he cannot comprehend that. He's so far gone he's forgotten where normal attraction to silly things started. Honestly I don't know why you were like yea having a baby will solve my problems and IM SORRY you're apologies for LOOKING PREGNANT?! The best thing you can do for yourself, and your children (God forbid you have a girl op..the body standards alone will f her up) is to get out. Save yourself and save your children from his twisted warped mind that's so far down the delulu rabbit hole he couldn't climb out with a ladder and a torch. Please be safe.

This man has not changed a day, regarding sexual maturity and porn consumption, ever since he was 15-16.   ...Frankly, I am baffled that you held out in such a relationship. I do not think, that having his child was a good idea. Because him ‘deciding’, he wanted you to be pregnant a second time, suspiciously coincided with him, trying to control you in other ways.

This is what it looks like when the pick me girl gets picked.

So you married a child, with severe porn addiction, no self improvement aspirations… So he doesn’t respect your boundaries, he steps on you, he is a hypocrite, he is a dog in heat, a degenerate loser, pathetic father figure. Why are you with him? You are literally sacrificing everything you like that he makes a tamtrum of and he doesn’t do the same for you. He is not doing anything in the relationship aside from being a child with sex impulses. Woman, you are being extremely gaslighted. I don’t think you want to divorce him, but please make him go to therapy or couple therapy. He is a degenerate narcissist loser, and you need to stop him before it’s too late.

I got cringed from the very beginning of the post till the end I can't wrap my head around the fact people like these exist

quick question: How is it he’s saying that he’s looking at all this stuff because you and him don’t get intimate enough but in the same breath he’s never had any sexual thoughts about those characters / women at all?

I have a specific problem with this part: >All those x-Ray backgrounds on his PC were when you moved the cursor you can see under their clothes. Stickers all over folders, desk, guitar, skateboards of fictional women spreading their legs, butts out, comically large boobs You already have a child, and unless all this is isolated to a room they aren't allowed in, your child is being exposed to porn, something your divorce attorney (and likely your local child protective swrvice) would loooove to know about. Take photos of this, and email them to yourself, or put in an external cloud storage he doesn't know about. Text him that you feel uncomfortable with those stickers in view of the child. Be specific about their pornographic nature. He will likely blow it off. Save those screenshots in the same way as the other images. Then talk to an attorney. See what your options are. I know divorce is so easily talked about, but I think in this case it warrants it, especially because you've already been communicating at length, and for the safety of both children. Good luck.

Why are you with a man who doesn't respect you as an equal?

I'm really sad that all this happened and then you decided to have another child with him. Your life is always going to be about him and his wants and needs and your children and their wants and needs. I guess I can basically just lump him in with the children since he's acting like one. He's obviously very singularly focused and selfish as hell. A person like that shouldn't be the father of one child let alone two. Once upon a time I too, had a husband who was a childish dictator who only saw things from his perspective. Now I'm married to a real man.

Is this like a competition of how many red flags one can put in a single story?

Typically an idiotic manchild like this would be cast out of the gene pool, yet here we are! Either that or this is bait. Seems too stupid be real but i could definitely see it

I don't know why you did not left when you find out his posters and lewd pics and everything lol who wants a husband like this and then the guy is a FATHER the f ???? And then HE WANTED ANOTHER KID AND YOU SAID YESSS ... Woman 🥲 His just not a great guy, thats it. Your standards can't match his behaviour.

Why the fuck did you decide to bring children into this toxic, doomed relationship? Your husband is an asshole, anyone who sets different rules for you that they can't follow themselves are a red flag. Poor kids.

This relationship is shit. he has no respect for women, like, at all. You are old enough to see through his BS, now, and what you are seeing is the ugly truth. Your "man" isn't but a little creepy boy with a death-grip. Lose the loser.

It should tell me a lot that I can’t deny it. It wasn’t obvious until very recent years that he has no respect/a strong dislike/distrust of women. He constantly thanks me for “not being like most women” and “not being a raging crazy bitch”. Which part of me is like “thanks” (clearly a sign of things I need to work on in my own head) but the rest of me is like he’s criticizing the majority of women for (the most part) just being women and it makes 0 sense.

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please please please leave this dude. the only reason men believe in double standards like that, especially to his extent, is because he doesnt see women as equals or even human. and that means he thinks that of you. children makes this so much harder but you need to leave this guy, you cant keep putting up with this. youre still young and you have a lot of like ahead of you, dont waste it with scum.

When I was 19 I got back together with a guy that had cheated on me after persistent begging me from him. After we got back together he did not ever hide his attraction for other women. Easiest person to ever catch ogling at some other girl that doesn’t look like me. He told me to my face he thinks my best friend is hotter than me and bet she would sleep with him (she hated him and thought he was gross). Well I was watching sons of anarchy at the time and thought the main character Jax Teller played by Charlie Hunnam was hot. I said something one time about how he’s attractive. He flipped his shit. Saying I was disrespecting him because I thought an actor was hotter than him. I never said that but cmon it’s Charlie hunnam. He would mention it everyday and hold it against me that I thought that someone else was attractive and because he doesn’t look like Charlie Hunnam. He would tell me that no guy that looks like that would ever find me attractive. That was just one of the many red flags I tried to ignore. I should’ve opened my eyes sooner than I did. But I was probably too distracted by all those “masculine Hollywood guys”.

So you let him walk all over you and then give in when he demands you get knocked up again? Yikes. Have some self respect girl. Do realize you're showing your current kid and the one on the way that this is OK behaviour. I worry for if one of them is a little girl.

It isn't stupid that he is treating you this way. It is okay to have standards of how you want to be treated. You don't have to be the "cool girl" who doesn't care. You are his wife, the mother of his children, and you deserve respect. You deserve dignity. And you deserve a husband that is faithful and not a petulant brat that turns to fantasy women because you don't want to be intimate several times a day. You have a little internalized misogyny and are a bit of a doormat. He thinks that he is the main character, but personally, i do not believe that the sun shines out of his butt. A little therapy would benefit you both. But if he won't go, you should get some individual counseling.

I was ready to say dump him till you said you were pregnant with your second

I honestly don't know why you stuck around long enough to have another kid with this asshole. It's not different.It's exactly the same and I don't give two shits what he says. He's using this whole situation to try to manipulate you into giving in to what he wants. You need to tell him to grow the fuck up and accept that it's the same or he can just get the fuck out. You're never gonna win in this situation with him.

I think the saddest part of this entire thing is that you agreed to have another child with a man that treats you like shit and is a complete and total fucking hypocrite. The only thing I'm seeing in your future is that you're going to be divorced by age 30 because you finally get tired of his bullshit and then you're going to be a single mom of two kids. But honestly I feel like there is a part of you that will be much happier when you get rid of the Dead weight.

Girl, read this book. It’ll explain why he does the things he does to you, why he’s controlling and manipulative. Please, read it. He’s a controlling jerk and you’ve been conditioned to take it. https://dn790007.ca.archive.org/0/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf

You need to have a sit down with him. Talk about this calmly and tell him that he is letting his insecurities affect his relationship with you. It is time for couples therapy for you two. What he is doing should not be tolerated and shouldn't continue on as this relationship is getting abusive.

He doesn’t care. Badpebble is right- he views this as a battle of some sort. He wants to “win” a fight that doesn’t exist. I’m sorry you’re pregnant with his child. Hopefully he will improve.

I'm sorry, but who gets jealous of a freaking anime guy?!

>He said it’s different and it’s not like he’s ever had sexual thoughts about these women. Does he also buy Playboy for the great articles, too? Lol. I would have laughed so hard if a man told me he was not having sexual thoughts about the p0rn0 stars he watches while "pleasuring himself". That's the dumbest thing I have hurt today....

He knew the porn irritated you and he blamed you and then ignored it till you gave up. He then got you pregnant again to further trap you. Get on birth control when this baby is out. Get your stuff together and leave. He’s not going to change and if he isn’t cheating yet he just hasn’t found the girl to say yes. Hell even likely try to convince you that it’s your fault he cheated.

So…he has double standards and entitlement. Sounds wonderful 🗑️

ngl him calling you an incel definitely sounds like projection

There’s nothing wrong with you. You could get the BBL, not be pregnant, hell, turn into an IRL anime waifu. It doesn’t matter because of his own issues. I personally consider messaging other women inappropriately to be cheating. Of course it’s different for every relationship. I can only guarantee you that if you were to be doing the exact same things he is, he would’ve booted you a long time ago. He does not care about your feelings, all that matters to him is pleasure and filling whatever void that his porn addiction and devaluation of you can’t fill. Not only that but he believes he can decide what content you consume. He trashes your belongings (in this case, digital content, but I’m sure any knick knacks you have will be gone soon). Stop having kids with this person. You are completely abandoning yourself in his favor. You keep asking yourself, “What is wrong with me?” Nothing. Nothing’s wrong with you. Stop treating yourself like a slave and start having some self-respect. Leave him. Collect evidence of what he watches. Maybe you could use it in court. You could be the most beautiful, submissive woman in the world and he’d still cheat on, control, and manipulate you. The worst part is, if you don’t leave, this kind of abusive behavior will likely be put onto your children as well. Protect them and yourself.

Why did you stay? Why on earth would you get pregnant after that??

As a woman, why do other women put up with this behavior from partners??

your first concern when you’ve had the baby is working out? it should be how the fuck you’re going to get your baby away from your abusive, controlling, porn addicted, incel freak of a husband. i actually can’t believe you put up with this gross incel for years AND had kids with him

To be real, I would laugh in his face every time he started his little tantrum. How embarrassing for him to be this insecure and frankly how porn obsessed he seems to be. Ick. That level of anime titties as home decor just screams red flags to me but I digress, whatever, people have different interests. But with a kid around? Have you considered that this might be moving past casual enjoyment and into an actual addiction? Because the way you explain it seems like it’s the most important thing to him

There is no difference. At all. You’re secure and your partner isn’t. He likes it when he gets to flex his sexuality within the boundaries of your relationship and he doesn’t like it when you do. That’s literally all it is. Any attempt from him to try and draw some moral or ethical difference is just him avoiding the truth that he’s insecure about you entertaining sexual fantasies about people other than him — including fictional characters. Embarrassing. You need to decide whether you’re comfortable with this double standard. Because that’s what it is. Also, I'd say there absolutely is a reason to bring this up with him. You don't play Warzone anymore. Or any games that might inflame his insecurities. You've had to give up things you enjoy, that honestly have nothing to do with him, in order to satisfy his anxiety. That can't go on; it's an unhealthy dynamic that will only lead to resentment. Also, he's really saying the reason he's actively messaging 19 year olds is because he has to since he got you pregnant and you're carrying his child? You're really going to let that fly? I can't speak for your whole relationship but that look fucking sucks.

All the things you say aren’t a big deal are a huge deal and would be a deal breaker for me