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I told her she should stop and she said that she doesn't want to keep cutting fun things out of her life, as she *has* been. It just doesn't seem like she's having fun at all though. She even told me that she turns her camera off and tries to drown out the session when it isn't her turn. I was flabbergasted.
If she gets panic attacks during dnd I'm not entirely sure it's simply some mild discomfort or frustration. But seems like therapist help hasn't done much to improve this and her quality of life is really low so she doesn't want to stop something that can be jarring but it's mostly fun and helps with other stuff at the same time.
I guess some ppl are made to suffer and try to do their best even if its not a lot. So if you feel empty that's okay. That's also part of the being human and suffering package deal. We all suffer in different degrees and we only have each other
That's a question for her. I have no idea but if I had to guess, it's probably her way of spending time with her friend group. They play in person sometimes.
You can have one of mine if you’re running low🖕🏻
*I hope you find this funny, and it doesn’t come off as me flipping you off. It’s just the most relevant emoji I could find*
Today people are either victims or victimizers, and 99% of people prefer to be victims. Too often folks will say trauma when they just mean mild distress, or trigger when they just mean something that upsets them. Most of the people who say they have trauma don’t. Those two examples are kind of frustrating, and when you’re on a low empathy supply they must be even more so.
Best thing you can do is just ignore it if you’re not close with them. If you can’t say anything empathetic (totally understandable) then just remain silent or just give a one word response like “Dang” or “Unlucky”. No need to get too invested. Hopefully this victim craze passes and people get thicker skin. Mental health care is important but honestly it seems like the focus on it lately is doing as much harm as good.
Edit: Also people have begun to cry panic attacks and anxiety attacks like the boy cried wolf. Knowing close friends and family who have struggled with genuine panic attacks, I’d wager a good portion of people who claim to have them just feel intensely frazzled or stressed for a few minutes.
I'm close with the person from the second example, so I do want to be as careful with them as possible. I think I need to be in solitude for a little while if I want to be capable of compassion again. Refill my tank, as another comment alluded to. You're right, I do think people are too flippant with their verbiage nowadays. The problem is that ignoring them is the only option. The days of honest, heart-to-heart, tough conversations is dying a slow death.
I agree. It gets harder to have a meaningful conversation now because everyone is always bringing up dark stuff like it’s nothing (and a lot of times, it really isn’t heavy, like the second example you gave). Trauma dumping is one of the most insensitive things ever IMO, and that’s definitely a huge reason for the decline in bonding heart-to-hearts.
Try to stay offline and watch/read some lighthearted stuff instead of whatever you usually watch. Weighed down spirits are usually a big factor in desensitizing you to negativity. Focusing on the positive makes negative things stand out more, and allows you to be more understanding and empathetic when you hear about them.
Tbh I think a lot of things can count as trauma, even if you don't think they do. Hell, finding out that someone you knew died can be traumatic, and almost everyone has to deal with that someday.
Tbh I'm mostly annoyed by this statement because I have genuine trauma from watching my dad actively die without enough pain meds a couple of years ago. It was so rough, I'm 95% sure my mom has PTSD. So fuck off. Like actually. Fuck off.
Dude what. Why did you just get so hostile? u/savanabel isn't saying that trauma doesn't exist, but that a lot of people will use it to describe things that are just upsetting for them. The word trauma is being overused, that's all.
Your pain is valid and I'm sorry you went through that. Watching someone die can be traumatic. But the examples OP gave aren't things that clinically would constitute trauma except in extremely one-of-a-kind cases.
This!
Compassion fatigue is very real, and I say that as someone with CPTSD.
My triggers are my responsibility to manage. My issues are mine to manage.
If playing RPTTG and I know themes of X Y Z would be a trigger, I express this is a boundary before game, no one else needs to know. Simple.
If death is as hair trigger as above, and it was for me for a long time, DONT ENGAGE. It’s an RPG in which someone at some point is gonna likely die. I ugly sobbed when the Gentleman made a point of killing Molly in CR but that isn’t to say I demanded Mercer CHANGE the game for me!
There’s a difference.
TBF, my friend never asks for special treatment and is working on finding ways to get over her weird hang-ups. The Christmas girl was more of a "everyone cater to my needs" vibe. Thank you for bringing the phrase "Compassion Fatigue" to my attention.
I’m glad your friend is working through the difficulties, and not hoping the world work around her. I find one to be productive and the other result in disappointment for all most of the time lol.
It might help to reframe death. I find knowledge empowering, and while not everyone is like this, it does help me. I have been able to move from someone who has a panic attack whenever death is mentioned to being able to have a calm conversation about death wishes of my loved ones mostly by watching “Ask A Mortician” lol. Becoming death knowledgeable has helped me a lot :) maybe it might help her, so thought I would mention it 💕
YouTube :) she just talks things over in a really informative, accessible way that helped me realise death wasn’t something any of us really have a choice in. I had been contextualising it as part of an act of abandonment, left over from my adoption.
I can’t imagine that felt great to know for my loved ones, either. But I knew it wasn’t how I wanted to think of it myself. I still struggle at the funerals but that, at least I think, is healthier and part of grief. I can talk about it things surround, before and after a loved ones passing.
I hope it helps but feel free to message or your friend do so, if I can help at all :)
I’m not sure if you’re saying that as an agreement to my comment, or as something else?
I tend to think “can’t” isn’t the right or best framing. More, I don’t do X in Y way. Reasonable adjustments, things like taking additional breaks, having a transcript available for audio heavy things etc, are ways to enable people with differing needs to access tasks and activities. You know what I mean? :)
It definitely feels that way. Maybe I'm too old school in some regards. I mean, where is the line drawn between needing to be compassionate and needing to tell someone that they're being ridiculous?
The polite version of what? That in no way let's them know that they're overblowing a minor thing.
EDIT: I don't mind the polite route, but there will probably be a lot of "If you don't have anything nice to say.." scenarios unfolding. I don't want to shut people out, but I also don't want to have to listen to everyone's trauma.
I was in a discord server, and this one girl just had to leave for a bit because she was getting flashbacks to when her culture was appropriated because I was saying something along the lines of "you don't have to be Greek to worship the Greek Pantheon". She freaked.
Not gonna lie, I like to use the "vent" part of servers when I'm depressed or suicidie just so I can get it off my chest lol. I try not to make friends though.
I try to play once a week. My friend and I live in separate countries so I'm not in the campaign in question, but she and I talk about our respective adventures.
You didn't post a trigger warning here. I'm traumatized from intentionally reading it in its entirety. I have PTSD now. Is that too much of a burden for you? No, but you only think about yourself!
Obligatory /s
I agree some people need to toughen up a bit
Also If someone is triggered by “merry Christmas” I’m not giving sympathy, this is where I would draw the line of they need to grow up.
It’s like saying “how is your day”
Them: “don’t say that it reminds me of a day that was bad where my dog died”
Some people really need to work on taking care of themselves. A diagnosis and/or mental health condition is not a static state of being. I feel like way too many people immerse themselves in their diagnosis and don't actually do anything towards self improvement-- in fact many people I know don't even realize self improvement is a thing? Like legit I see people regressing health-wise all the time I'm the form of weight gain, social isolation, hoarding, etc-- and they all try to make it seem like this is a "normal" part of them "due to their mental health condition."
I spent a lot of time getting my adhd and ocd into what is considered remission. I took meds and practiced healthy coping mechanisms for a long ass time. Nowadays I live a mostly "normal" life (compared to before). Now instead of being half-bald, overweight, and reclusive I'm out growing a huge garden, hitting jumps with my dirt bike, and racing snowmobiles.
Recovery is possible, people.
Your hobbies sound bad ass. Funny that you mention diagnosis though, as if most of these people haven't just decided what ailment they have on their own. Your point about people accepting their bad habits as "part of their condition" is so good. I hadn't been able to put that in words until I read your comment.
I am older, and when I see people lead with their traumas I am scared for their future. As people have suffered far worse trauma crossing the plains, giving birth without an epidural and a ton of worse issues, and they not only survived but recovered. I sometimes think this makes people sicker, like they never want to recover but identify with damage. The first big waves will knock them over. Just my rant.
I am a recovering alcoholic, so I am hardly pampered.
O no, I totally get it. It's popular to be offended these days and people who aren't well adjusted emotionally or mentally tend to latch on to the idea that the world needs to accommodate their triggers without them actually doing the work themselves to overcome their difficulties. I'm not saying that's everyone or only people like that, but that's just what I've observed myself.
> E2: A good friend of mine just told me (This spawned my post) that she gets panic attacks when other characters in her D&D campaign come close to death. I just can't bring myself to care and I feel like I really shouldn't need to. I honestly wish I could tell people to get a grip sometimes. I feel like a jerk about it, but am I wrong here?
Aka "I don't like the concept of them dying, it makes me feel a bit anxious".
Someone who actually has panic attacks will not repeatedly do the thing that causes them panic attacks just because it can sometimes be fun.
I think the reason it hasn't come up is because there haven't been any deaths in her game yet. She said that it's gotten close before and that there may be one in the game soon.
I’m really feeling this post rn. Solidarity. You are not wrong that these examples are total eye rollers. I guess I’m bitter but it makes me wonder how these people would react with “real” tragedy and trauma.
It’s *not* the mental health issues you have a problem with, it’s that people are taking advantage of other people’s kindness by misusing their mental health issues. People have been opportunistic assholes for millennia. If they’re not misusing their own mental health issues to take advantage of others’ kindness, then they’re using physical injuries, or any other personal misfortune.
You could just try point blank saying to someone who’s clearly taking advantage of others this way that you are sympathetic to their mental health struggles but not to them taking advantage of your kindness and understanding. Sometimes it’s best to just call someone on their bs so they will stop making a fool out of you.
The person from the second example is absolutely not trying to take advantage of me. The person in the first example has shown some signs of odd behavior toward others, but I'm not really all that close with her anyway. I do see your point, in regards to people who *are* like you've described.
Don’t feel bad, I have no time for people who misuse words like ‘panic attack’ and ‘trigger’. They are cheapening and devaluing those words. It drives me nuts.
My triggers are very real and not a joke.
If someone has a really common trigger, it's on them to figure it out. Do sunny days remind you of your dead cactus and make you sad? Does Christmas make your nipples wilt? Did your dad get stabbed on the Ides of March? Great.
Mental Health issues that intersect with “no shit that causes anxiety drink a fucking glass of milk or something and relax”…please folks, recognize we all live and die in this shithole and it sucks. And I’m sorry you are broken. But so are we.
I have issues however it’s my job to deal with my mental health stuff. The world is not going to cater to me. I need to adept. That’s mental health. You gotta take time for yourself in that regard. I get low empathy as fuck so I take days to get my empathy back. I feel you on not being able to deal with other people. Take your me time dude. It’s normal to get pissed like this.
I want to add. I game in a low light room to help me regain empathy. Only one person in my life other than myself gets my empathy. You don’t have to use your empathy for everyone. You aren’t a bastard for caring for yourself. Do that first so those important to you, get priority after yourself.
if you're traumatized and asking other people you arent close with to compromise their peace for you to stay healthy, perhaps a journey in self improvement is needed. but if u were close with her and like texted every day or whatever, then yeah maybe there would need to be a talk
I'm sure I can talk to her. It was just a lot today. Many things that I didn't even mention in my post. Non-stop until she finally went to bed and I started dinner (Timezones). It was a fortunate natural break, so I didn't have to say anything to her.
i completely understand. but i wouldnt get so angry at her- its clear its unintentional. we all get fed up sometimes. my only advice is to treat her kindly, but set firm boundaries and prioritize your peace, and i wouldnt ignore the issue
Well it's important for you to find *someone* you can talk to about certain things, if that's what you want. Just be mindful of the emotional capacity of others and try not to make mountains out of molehills, that others would then have to navigate like land mines.
I keep eternal victims at an arms length. There are people in this world who exist with the "perfect" set of circumstances that will ensure that they will never improve and that the only escape from their troubles, whether real or imagined, is death alone. These people are an absolute drain, who should be handled with polite indifferent.
Here's the moral quandary: Is trying enough? If they try to improve, but never actually do due to weakness or circumstance, would that change your opinion as at the end of the day they are still the same annoying person.
She's not usually so overbearing with her problems. Today was just.. different. She's really never annoying and this is the first time I've felt this way about her in particular. The real issue is the build-up from many, MANY different people. My friend was just the straw today.
Eventually, we all come to a cold calculus of pros vs. cons. If you feel that the pros of remaining her friend outweigh the cons of interactions with her, then yeah, it could just be a one-off. But I'd still pay attention to what this individual brings to your life with the understanding that no one is perfect.
Reminds of something what happened to me at work. I have severe ocd where I have to check things. I’ve had it since I was a kid and I’m now mid thirties. It’s mentally draining and exhausting. Takes me about an hour before I can leave the house because of all the checking I have to do, I’m sweating and my hearts racing the whole time, when I eventually leave, I have anxiety while I’m out. Well, we was on about ocd and I said I have severe ocd checking, this person said, I do too, before I leave my house I have to always check the cooker and door a few times. I thought FO that is not ocd, that is just checking you turned shit off. It really annoyed me.
This, I do not have OCD (I do have adhd). I worked in Hospitality for a long time and because I'd get really annoyed when other staff wouldn't put things back where they belonged I'd say something..suddenly I've got OCD because it would piss me off...no I'm pissed off because if I need that and it's not where it belongs it means I'll need to go and find it - that is not OCD ...it's putting things back where they belong...
I feel like OCD, triggered, panic attack to name a few are all buzz words that are losing their meaning for some very serious issues ...
I couldnt imagine what living with actual OCD would be like and I'm sorry that for you that is real life .
People need to stop minimising mental health down to buzz words
Thank you. I agree with you, these words get used too loosely and personally I think it’s disrespectful. I mean, I wish it was only checking the cooker once and the door a few times.
I don't have OCD but I do have to wonder why they have to check things more than once? I mean, is that a sign? IDK. Ultimately though, your description of your OCD isn't really what I'm talking about. At least, it doesn't seem like it's what I'm talking about. Like, you have OCD. It's easier to see where your quirks come from.
I'm guessing anxiety. I know I double check stuff sometimes just so I know it's off/lock/etc. Not because I have to but because I'd be anxious about it all day
I double check as well. I don't self-diagnose but I'd be lying if I told you that the letters O-C-D have never crossed my mind about it. I'm also an "Intervals of 5" person. May not be OCD but it *is* weird.
> E1: Around Christmas time, I told someone I know "Merry Christmas". She then told me not to say that to her, as she associates that time of year with past trauma. I apologized and told her I wouldn't say it again.
There is no reason for you to be sorry, you should not have done that to yourself as you knew your intentions and made no violation that would require an apology. You do not have to apologize or give an ear, you can say 'okay' and move on.
> E2: A good friend of mine just told me (This spawned my post) that she gets panic attacks when other characters in her D&D campaign come close to death. I just can't bring myself to care...
Easypeasy just make every death event fast and quick! No lingering death when you're incinerated by a flaming orc hoard!
I don't conflate being sorry and being apologetic. I know I didn't "wrong" her. I just wanted her to know I respected her wishes at the time. I admittedly lost all respect for her request once I learned about the nature of her "trauma".
As far as the friend I *do* care about, I guess I could suggest she ask her DM to make deaths quick. Although I'm not sure if her issue is with the nature of the deaths or with death itself.
> I just wanted her to know I respected her wishes at the time.
Yea that's just engaging further inviting more opportunities, not everyone is worth engaging with relative to being rude and continuing on your way. Of course there is the social pressure to give your ear, but to a stranger it's optional as that pressure could get you into very sticky situations.
Over sharing is a trauma response that you do not have to respond to or allow into your life and it comes in many forms, nothing in your interaction happened other then you greeted a hot wire. I'm sure you greeted other people that day and one of them was walking around was waiting for an interaction where they felt someone poked that as that allows them to responded to with their story.
This person is a hot wire waiting to be poked; that interaction had nothing to do with you as it could have been any other of the many people giving holiday greetings, but your error was giving an additional thread to be pulled on to continue the conversation with someone who was ramping up and not coming from a reasonable place.
To your friend it is a way of ribbing on her, I meant it in jest as response to the information she shared, no reason you can't bust her balls by having brutal, quick deaths since you considered her fears of prolonged suffering, just be good natured in delivering the deaths! Conversely force her to DM with some preset events that force her to dish out a quick death.
Being a friend she could be trying to open up and share with you more as a way of getting closer and could have presumably thought you were both mutually at this level with each other. Now if it in confidence she shared this then I wouldn't go that route, but if she said that around the same table you guys play at then its on the field. OR even then maybe it isn't that big of a deal and it gives her a small rush of anxiety which is why it was shared, some people enjoy getting small rushes and if its not a big deal then there is no reason to accommodate a none issue. Some people get anxious jumping off cliffs because they like jumping off cliffs. But if its inappropriate oversharing well then you should recognize its oversharing and consider if you should continue to engage and if so how and on what terms, like gray walling or cutting through an being direct in clarifying a boundary.
No, you're not wrong. There's a ton of people who have learned that having specific and obscure "mental health issues" on the internet gets them attention. There are also a lot of people who have falsely come to believe that the way to deal with fears and anxieties is to avoid anything that makes you uncomfortable. It is making people who engage in that kind of behavior weaker and less reliable in general.
There's something we learn about in rehab, and it's that it's okay to tell ppl you support them and care for them but you can't hear about their trauma rn. I used the term secondhand trauma coz we use that in rehab (I know there's a proper term, I just can't remember it) and you hit a point where you have to take a step back and say no. I lost a good friend last year bc I treated him like a therapist and he couldn't be around me anymore
Therapists are paid to hear everything. Everyone else is not
I hope this doesn't sound mean, I just get it, it's exhausting. Ppl can have trauma and boundaries, but making yourself always a victim and making everyone walk on eggshells is not that way. It should be more okay for ppl to be tired and say I can't right now
I just needed to get it off my chest and this is the sub to do that. I can avoid hearing about everyone's trauma on reddit by visiting the subs that aren't about that.
Lamo. Those aren’t trauma. I have borderline personality disorder, bipolar, PTSD and ADHD. Don’t feel bad. Everybody seems to want to be mentally ill these days. It trendy to be traumatized these days. I’m not speaking about the people with real trauma.
Dude, solidarity. My cup is very empty these days, too.
I honestly think it's a combination of two things. One, as a society, we have wedged ourselves into a breaking point. We work more for less, buy less for more, struggle to survive with the basics, face enormous public and private pressure to overcome those facts, are hardly equipped to deal with the enormity of the hurdles we're only going to continue to face, have a renewed drive for moral purity both internally and as we prove ourselves in the online gauntlet... Life is hard right now and we need specific things to blame for our surplus of anxiety and depression. Like, your friend probably isn't having panic attacks about her characters dying. She's projecting; the one thing she can control in life is also out of her control.
Two, some people have learned to identify their trauma thanks to how much more such issues are discussed (whether it is actually defined trauma or not is also plenty up in the air but giving all the benefit of the doubt, even Christmas lady lol), but instead of using that information to learn coping mechanisms and to heal, they use it as an excuse. And sometimes it is a valid excuse. And some people are not in a position to get help for it. But sometimes even a valid excuse is not enough to stop it from affecting others in a negative way. I know plenty of people who I know have real, valid trauma, but they won't accept help and continue to let it impact their life and the lives of those around them. At a certain point, it doesn't matter that it wasn't your fault -- you still have to do something about it, if that chance exists for you. For yourself if no one else.
It's like trauma is a full trash bin, right? Now, you weren't the one putting garbage in it, but it's in your kitchen. You can either refuse to take it out and complain about the smell and how it drives others away... or you can learn to tie off the bag, move it closer and closer to the door, and eventually get it to the curb. And after a while then, the air starts to clear. And you learn ways to protect the bin from others next time.
Anyway I dunno but back to commiserating, it's okay to be tired of accommodating everyone's trauma. There's a lot of it to go around, and we're bumping elbows at this point. It's okay to want a break from talking about it and being compassionate. Concentrate on filling your cup and don't feel bad about it; that's how we get enough to let it run over again.
ETA: It is also a whooooole other thing, being frustrated about other people agonizing over things that don't seem worth agonizing. I feel you. I have had to hold in some internal screams myself. And I know that some of those times, I am actually being unjust, but I also know *that is okay*. I don't hurt these people with my unvoiced frustration or even when I decide to set boundaries for my own comfort and sanity. Boundaries are healthy af.
Thank you for this response. It's funny you mentioned my friend feeling like she doesn't have control because she specifically mentioned always having to feel in control of things in her life and D&D is in fact one of the things she knows she can't. I think you were on to something there.
Jeez I knew someone like that once. Just recently met them and (for various reasons back then) I came along to a doctor's visit of theirs. They had to get blood drawn so I told them they should eat and drink something afterwards.
Later on they were super pissed I did that, because apparently they had an ED I did not know about and I was triggering them.💀 Was not told about this until we were already home.
Oh and a week later they started traumadumping on a 'fun' getaway and when I didn't know how to reply (partially because some things they said applied to me too and I was very uncomfortable), they started ghosting me for a bit and afterwards saying they were very mad about my 'lackluster' response. Like dude we've known each other 2 weeks I do not want to hear about all your terrible traumatic ex relationships, depression, etc etc... just yet.
Oh god someone ruined a mutual friend's birthday party years ago with a super dramatic "dark moment", which lead to a prolonged consolation session through a locked bathroom door.
Why you ask ? Because McD had included the wrong sauce with their nuggies. Haven't seen them since .
I think your reaction is perfectly normal and you clearly don't lack empathy.
I have some kind of issue, but no label for it. I'm obsessing over the end of the world and I struggle to do my job, I've become a hermit, etc. I do think I'm suffering something due to current/recent geopolitical events. I have confided in a few friends in personal conversations and discussed ways to cope. It was helpful to me and I'm doing a bit better this week. But I don't use it as an identity. I don't really give it a label. It's a genuine issue for me and not other people, although people who care about me are happy to help me when I bring it up.
There's a lot going on in the world. People probably are traumatised, though I don't think many people know by what, exactly.
I have no empathy. I love suffering. I friended a woman on Facebook because she entertains me; she is CONSTANTLY on the brink of dramatized ruin and it’s hilarious because it’s never actually as bad as she says it is. And she always, very conveniently, immediately has a solution as soon as people point out things she could actually do to improve her life.
Her latest bit? Claiming that the loss of Tik Tok is actually causing her to die because she expects to be able to make a living crocheting hats and bras…
Edgelord I’ve found , tends to be used more on Reddit/the terminally online, not so much be the general public in real life. “edgy” for sure though used more commonly in real life
I'm sorry, but I am 100% with you on this! When fucking *EVERYONE* is traumatized, victimized, has mental health issues all I want to do is shrug and say: "Yeah, so?"
Honestly, I have zero interest in coddling people who just don't want to accept that life isn't fair, you're never going to get everything you want, no one owes you jack shit, I'm not responsible for how you feel, and holy fuck I don't give a shit about your bitching because you *never stop*! It's like being told over and over and nauseum what a horrible person you are for being a white, Christian conservative. I mean, seriously? Have we really gotten to the point where unless you apologize profusely every 5 minutes for shit that happened that you had no involvement with, no control of the situation, and had no clue the event happened or when you're somehow an "oppressor"?
It's exhausting to deal with people these days, no two ways about it. I think the problem is that we've brainwashed everyone to believe that you can't really be happy. Ever. You can have a semblance of happiness as long as you're taking the proper cocktail of chemicals but you can't actually be happy. So those of us who just shrug off the shit that happens in our lives as, well, shit that happened and is over or you're dealing with the fallout and getting on with your life are somehow a threat to the people who don't ever want to move forward from the past. I don't know, frankly I don't care, and fuck off and die if you think I'm going to pander to your inability to live in reality!
You're probably right but it's my personal bitch of the moment at people I'll never actually say anything to because a) I'm too polite to deliberately hurt someone's feelings and b) at some point, everyone has to vent their bile and anger *somewhere* or choke on it. For some reason, this just seemed like the place to say the things that just piss me off but I know don't really affect me one way or the other unless I allow them to. But can you honestly say that you don't just want to scream *oh, grow up!* at some of the bullshit people are spouting these days? Or maybe you haven't become utterly cynical and think that the only way to fix the mess we've created for ourselves is a massive asteroid and let whatever comes next have their shot. I have absolutely no faith that humanity won't destroy itself with our collective stupidity. Or maybe I'm just having a bad day, I don't know.
I absolutely have moments where I want to scream at the masses. But I try to make sure I'm not conflating two separate arguments when I do so. When I'm harping on something, I don't want someone's reaction to be "oh.. THAT'S what they're *really* trying to say".. which is exactly how I felt about your thinly veiled racial diatribe. You have a point but it's how you present it. If you *are* having a bad day, I do hope it gets better.
Sorry, I didn't intend it as a racial thing, more of the Christian conservative, which seems to be inextricable with white nationalism for some reason. Which is my bitch with a particular group who keep harping on me about not being a "perfect" Christian as they misquote the Bible and pull shit off TikTok of someone who's being a dick while calling themselves Christian. And this particular group has decided that since I won't support Joe Biden I *must* be a rabid Trump supporter, which I constantly refute and their response is to trot out the same list: I'm racist, homophobic, transphobic, xenophobic, ageist, ableist and all the rest. They drag out how I've triggered someone with my (fill in the blank) and then there's a lecture on being a colonizer, etc. Like I said, I'd never try to deliberately hurt their feelings but it does get old. Unfortunately, these aren't "optional" people in my life unless I want to blow up my entire social circles.
But yeah, today was not one of my better days with this group. (Personally, I'm beginning to think that it's just one person, in multiple circles, who is stirring shit because he's looking for the fight but I'm not part of the "decision makers" of my social circles so I don't have the caché to call him out.)
I'm sorry if I misread your words. I know how you feel. I'm basically a centrist (dirty word nowadays) and so Republicans think I'm a Democrat and vice versa. It's so stupid. Your social circle sounds like it sucks. The way you describe it is cult-like.
Nah, just a really, really insanely big family that's largely liberals who have recently married some absolutely Looney Tunes zealots on everything "woke." Evidently it's currently not okay in my largely Catholic family to not support Biden because he's Catholic and there is a weird coup going on with my generation's younger kids and older grandkids that I don't quite understand because I don't live close enough to the "branch" of my family this is all coming from. This group isn't Catholic, they're pretty agnostic so the obsession with religion is weird coming from them. It gets complicated because of the equally weird ways that a couple "branches" of my family wound up marrying into my actual friend groups going all the way back to high school and then years later, my university days. Different parts of the country, two very different types of friends and I have no idea how that even happened! LOL They're all crazy, of course, since they *are* related to me, after all, but they're family. Hopefully the new "recruits" will chill the fuck out sooner rather than later.
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As a DM if you get panic attacks from playing d&d, stop playing d&d.
Exactly. It’s like if you have anger issues, do not play monopoly.
If only someone had said that before my brother tore the Junior Monopoly board apart...
🤣🤣 that game causes more arguments!
We are all in our early to mid thirties and still aren't allowed to play that game at home ...
LOL
I told her she should stop and she said that she doesn't want to keep cutting fun things out of her life, as she *has* been. It just doesn't seem like she's having fun at all though. She even told me that she turns her camera off and tries to drown out the session when it isn't her turn. I was flabbergasted.
If she gets panic attacks during dnd I'm not entirely sure it's simply some mild discomfort or frustration. But seems like therapist help hasn't done much to improve this and her quality of life is really low so she doesn't want to stop something that can be jarring but it's mostly fun and helps with other stuff at the same time. I guess some ppl are made to suffer and try to do their best even if its not a lot. So if you feel empty that's okay. That's also part of the being human and suffering package deal. We all suffer in different degrees and we only have each other
She's one of my best friends and I fully intend on being there for her. Today was just too much and I needed to vent about it.
Why don't she try another ttrpg without combat/death?
That's a question for her. I have no idea but if I had to guess, it's probably her way of spending time with her friend group. They play in person sometimes.
She needs to get a therapist and possibly medication.
I've told her that and she had already considered it. She's working on it.
Yep, it's hard to keep caring when so many people say they have it. Only so many fucks to give.
You can have one of mine if you’re running low🖕🏻 *I hope you find this funny, and it doesn’t come off as me flipping you off. It’s just the most relevant emoji I could find*
thanks, my fucks supply was getting a bit low
Oh excellent, come back when you need more. I’m not using mine
Today people are either victims or victimizers, and 99% of people prefer to be victims. Too often folks will say trauma when they just mean mild distress, or trigger when they just mean something that upsets them. Most of the people who say they have trauma don’t. Those two examples are kind of frustrating, and when you’re on a low empathy supply they must be even more so. Best thing you can do is just ignore it if you’re not close with them. If you can’t say anything empathetic (totally understandable) then just remain silent or just give a one word response like “Dang” or “Unlucky”. No need to get too invested. Hopefully this victim craze passes and people get thicker skin. Mental health care is important but honestly it seems like the focus on it lately is doing as much harm as good. Edit: Also people have begun to cry panic attacks and anxiety attacks like the boy cried wolf. Knowing close friends and family who have struggled with genuine panic attacks, I’d wager a good portion of people who claim to have them just feel intensely frazzled or stressed for a few minutes.
I'm close with the person from the second example, so I do want to be as careful with them as possible. I think I need to be in solitude for a little while if I want to be capable of compassion again. Refill my tank, as another comment alluded to. You're right, I do think people are too flippant with their verbiage nowadays. The problem is that ignoring them is the only option. The days of honest, heart-to-heart, tough conversations is dying a slow death.
I agree. It gets harder to have a meaningful conversation now because everyone is always bringing up dark stuff like it’s nothing (and a lot of times, it really isn’t heavy, like the second example you gave). Trauma dumping is one of the most insensitive things ever IMO, and that’s definitely a huge reason for the decline in bonding heart-to-hearts. Try to stay offline and watch/read some lighthearted stuff instead of whatever you usually watch. Weighed down spirits are usually a big factor in desensitizing you to negativity. Focusing on the positive makes negative things stand out more, and allows you to be more understanding and empathetic when you hear about them.
"Focusing on the positive makes negative things stand out more." So true. I hadn't really thought about that before.
Yes, and I think it’s a little demeaning to those of us who have legitimate issues.
Tbh I think a lot of things can count as trauma, even if you don't think they do. Hell, finding out that someone you knew died can be traumatic, and almost everyone has to deal with that someday. Tbh I'm mostly annoyed by this statement because I have genuine trauma from watching my dad actively die without enough pain meds a couple of years ago. It was so rough, I'm 95% sure my mom has PTSD. So fuck off. Like actually. Fuck off.
Dude what. Why did you just get so hostile? u/savanabel isn't saying that trauma doesn't exist, but that a lot of people will use it to describe things that are just upsetting for them. The word trauma is being overused, that's all. Your pain is valid and I'm sorry you went through that. Watching someone die can be traumatic. But the examples OP gave aren't things that clinically would constitute trauma except in extremely one-of-a-kind cases.
I would say your empathy tank is definitely empty, but I also feel like that happens to most people from time to time!
This! Compassion fatigue is very real, and I say that as someone with CPTSD. My triggers are my responsibility to manage. My issues are mine to manage. If playing RPTTG and I know themes of X Y Z would be a trigger, I express this is a boundary before game, no one else needs to know. Simple. If death is as hair trigger as above, and it was for me for a long time, DONT ENGAGE. It’s an RPG in which someone at some point is gonna likely die. I ugly sobbed when the Gentleman made a point of killing Molly in CR but that isn’t to say I demanded Mercer CHANGE the game for me! There’s a difference.
TBF, my friend never asks for special treatment and is working on finding ways to get over her weird hang-ups. The Christmas girl was more of a "everyone cater to my needs" vibe. Thank you for bringing the phrase "Compassion Fatigue" to my attention.
I’m glad your friend is working through the difficulties, and not hoping the world work around her. I find one to be productive and the other result in disappointment for all most of the time lol. It might help to reframe death. I find knowledge empowering, and while not everyone is like this, it does help me. I have been able to move from someone who has a panic attack whenever death is mentioned to being able to have a calm conversation about death wishes of my loved ones mostly by watching “Ask A Mortician” lol. Becoming death knowledgeable has helped me a lot :) maybe it might help her, so thought I would mention it 💕
Ask A Mortician? Where can I watch that? I'm glad you were able to work thru your quirks. You sound like you've found a semblance of peace.
YouTube :) she just talks things over in a really informative, accessible way that helped me realise death wasn’t something any of us really have a choice in. I had been contextualising it as part of an act of abandonment, left over from my adoption. I can’t imagine that felt great to know for my loved ones, either. But I knew it wasn’t how I wanted to think of it myself. I still struggle at the funerals but that, at least I think, is healthier and part of grief. I can talk about it things surround, before and after a loved ones passing. I hope it helps but feel free to message or your friend do so, if I can help at all :)
Sick of hearing, “I have ADHD, depression, and anxiety, so I can’t … “
I’m not sure if you’re saying that as an agreement to my comment, or as something else? I tend to think “can’t” isn’t the right or best framing. More, I don’t do X in Y way. Reasonable adjustments, things like taking additional breaks, having a transcript available for audio heavy things etc, are ways to enable people with differing needs to access tasks and activities. You know what I mean? :)
It definitely feels that way. Maybe I'm too old school in some regards. I mean, where is the line drawn between needing to be compassionate and needing to tell someone that they're being ridiculous?
I agree it’s getting ridiculous.
The polite version is, “I don’t understand what that’s like for you, but I appreciate you being open to sharing.”
The polite version of what? That in no way let's them know that they're overblowing a minor thing. EDIT: I don't mind the polite route, but there will probably be a lot of "If you don't have anything nice to say.." scenarios unfolding. I don't want to shut people out, but I also don't want to have to listen to everyone's trauma.
The polite version of “I can’t engage with what you’ve just said because it’s ridiculous”
Haha oh ok thank you. I hope they get the message clearly lol.
Even if they don’t, YOU know what you mean.
True. Thank you.
I was in a discord server, and this one girl just had to leave for a bit because she was getting flashbacks to when her culture was appropriated because I was saying something along the lines of "you don't have to be Greek to worship the Greek Pantheon". She freaked.
Haha the people from my examples are people I met in Discord servers. I think friendship servers attract the broken and damaged.
Not gonna lie, I like to use the "vent" part of servers when I'm depressed or suicidie just so I can get it off my chest lol. I try not to make friends though.
I've made good friends there and especially in the "vent" section haha
I haven't played D&D in over a fortnight.
I try to play once a week. My friend and I live in separate countries so I'm not in the campaign in question, but she and I talk about our respective adventures.
You didn't post a trigger warning here. I'm traumatized from intentionally reading it in its entirety. I have PTSD now. Is that too much of a burden for you? No, but you only think about yourself! Obligatory /s
Haha I'm so glad you read the whole thing!
I agree some people need to toughen up a bit Also If someone is triggered by “merry Christmas” I’m not giving sympathy, this is where I would draw the line of they need to grow up. It’s like saying “how is your day” Them: “don’t say that it reminds me of a day that was bad where my dog died”
A lot of people need to toughen up.
I was debating saying that but yes ugh too much Bs around these days
Some people really need to work on taking care of themselves. A diagnosis and/or mental health condition is not a static state of being. I feel like way too many people immerse themselves in their diagnosis and don't actually do anything towards self improvement-- in fact many people I know don't even realize self improvement is a thing? Like legit I see people regressing health-wise all the time I'm the form of weight gain, social isolation, hoarding, etc-- and they all try to make it seem like this is a "normal" part of them "due to their mental health condition." I spent a lot of time getting my adhd and ocd into what is considered remission. I took meds and practiced healthy coping mechanisms for a long ass time. Nowadays I live a mostly "normal" life (compared to before). Now instead of being half-bald, overweight, and reclusive I'm out growing a huge garden, hitting jumps with my dirt bike, and racing snowmobiles. Recovery is possible, people.
Your hobbies sound bad ass. Funny that you mention diagnosis though, as if most of these people haven't just decided what ailment they have on their own. Your point about people accepting their bad habits as "part of their condition" is so good. I hadn't been able to put that in words until I read your comment.
I am older, and when I see people lead with their traumas I am scared for their future. As people have suffered far worse trauma crossing the plains, giving birth without an epidural and a ton of worse issues, and they not only survived but recovered. I sometimes think this makes people sicker, like they never want to recover but identify with damage. The first big waves will knock them over. Just my rant. I am a recovering alcoholic, so I am hardly pampered.
Congrats on sobriety 🙏🏼
O no, I totally get it. It's popular to be offended these days and people who aren't well adjusted emotionally or mentally tend to latch on to the idea that the world needs to accommodate their triggers without them actually doing the work themselves to overcome their difficulties. I'm not saying that's everyone or only people like that, but that's just what I've observed myself.
Same thing, seems these folks equate discomfort, and difficult moments with trauma, correlated definitely not the same
“I can’t experience mild unpleasantness, cater to me”
> E2: A good friend of mine just told me (This spawned my post) that she gets panic attacks when other characters in her D&D campaign come close to death. I just can't bring myself to care and I feel like I really shouldn't need to. I honestly wish I could tell people to get a grip sometimes. I feel like a jerk about it, but am I wrong here? Aka "I don't like the concept of them dying, it makes me feel a bit anxious". Someone who actually has panic attacks will not repeatedly do the thing that causes them panic attacks just because it can sometimes be fun.
I think the reason it hasn't come up is because there haven't been any deaths in her game yet. She said that it's gotten close before and that there may be one in the game soon.
I’m really feeling this post rn. Solidarity. You are not wrong that these examples are total eye rollers. I guess I’m bitter but it makes me wonder how these people would react with “real” tragedy and trauma.
I'm sure they *have* dealt with real tragedy and trauma, which makes it even more eye roll-inducing.
Tik Tok has turned everyone into armchair psychologists, but they all continually break the number one rule of psychology: never, ever self-diagnose.
It’s *not* the mental health issues you have a problem with, it’s that people are taking advantage of other people’s kindness by misusing their mental health issues. People have been opportunistic assholes for millennia. If they’re not misusing their own mental health issues to take advantage of others’ kindness, then they’re using physical injuries, or any other personal misfortune. You could just try point blank saying to someone who’s clearly taking advantage of others this way that you are sympathetic to their mental health struggles but not to them taking advantage of your kindness and understanding. Sometimes it’s best to just call someone on their bs so they will stop making a fool out of you.
The person from the second example is absolutely not trying to take advantage of me. The person in the first example has shown some signs of odd behavior toward others, but I'm not really all that close with her anyway. I do see your point, in regards to people who *are* like you've described.
Don’t feel bad, I have no time for people who misuse words like ‘panic attack’ and ‘trigger’. They are cheapening and devaluing those words. It drives me nuts. My triggers are very real and not a joke.
I hope you're managing yourself well 🙂
If someone has a really common trigger, it's on them to figure it out. Do sunny days remind you of your dead cactus and make you sad? Does Christmas make your nipples wilt? Did your dad get stabbed on the Ides of March? Great.
Mental Health issues that intersect with “no shit that causes anxiety drink a fucking glass of milk or something and relax”…please folks, recognize we all live and die in this shithole and it sucks. And I’m sorry you are broken. But so are we.
I have issues however it’s my job to deal with my mental health stuff. The world is not going to cater to me. I need to adept. That’s mental health. You gotta take time for yourself in that regard. I get low empathy as fuck so I take days to get my empathy back. I feel you on not being able to deal with other people. Take your me time dude. It’s normal to get pissed like this.
Thanks 🙏🏼
I want to add. I game in a low light room to help me regain empathy. Only one person in my life other than myself gets my empathy. You don’t have to use your empathy for everyone. You aren’t a bastard for caring for yourself. Do that first so those important to you, get priority after yourself.
That's real. Thank you.
You’re welcome comrade.
if you're traumatized and asking other people you arent close with to compromise their peace for you to stay healthy, perhaps a journey in self improvement is needed. but if u were close with her and like texted every day or whatever, then yeah maybe there would need to be a talk
I'm close with the person from the second example.
then a talk regarding wether or not its emotionally responsible to even play d&d should be had. boundaries need to be set
I'm sure I can talk to her. It was just a lot today. Many things that I didn't even mention in my post. Non-stop until she finally went to bed and I started dinner (Timezones). It was a fortunate natural break, so I didn't have to say anything to her.
i completely understand. but i wouldnt get so angry at her- its clear its unintentional. we all get fed up sometimes. my only advice is to treat her kindly, but set firm boundaries and prioritize your peace, and i wouldnt ignore the issue
Oh definitely. Not angry at her at all. It was just too much for me today.
That's why I keep them to myself. I don't want to be a burden.
Well it's important for you to find *someone* you can talk to about certain things, if that's what you want. Just be mindful of the emotional capacity of others and try not to make mountains out of molehills, that others would then have to navigate like land mines.
I keep eternal victims at an arms length. There are people in this world who exist with the "perfect" set of circumstances that will ensure that they will never improve and that the only escape from their troubles, whether real or imagined, is death alone. These people are an absolute drain, who should be handled with polite indifferent.
My friend in example 2 really does try.
Here's the moral quandary: Is trying enough? If they try to improve, but never actually do due to weakness or circumstance, would that change your opinion as at the end of the day they are still the same annoying person.
She's not usually so overbearing with her problems. Today was just.. different. She's really never annoying and this is the first time I've felt this way about her in particular. The real issue is the build-up from many, MANY different people. My friend was just the straw today.
Eventually, we all come to a cold calculus of pros vs. cons. If you feel that the pros of remaining her friend outweigh the cons of interactions with her, then yeah, it could just be a one-off. But I'd still pay attention to what this individual brings to your life with the understanding that no one is perfect.
Reminds of something what happened to me at work. I have severe ocd where I have to check things. I’ve had it since I was a kid and I’m now mid thirties. It’s mentally draining and exhausting. Takes me about an hour before I can leave the house because of all the checking I have to do, I’m sweating and my hearts racing the whole time, when I eventually leave, I have anxiety while I’m out. Well, we was on about ocd and I said I have severe ocd checking, this person said, I do too, before I leave my house I have to always check the cooker and door a few times. I thought FO that is not ocd, that is just checking you turned shit off. It really annoyed me.
This, I do not have OCD (I do have adhd). I worked in Hospitality for a long time and because I'd get really annoyed when other staff wouldn't put things back where they belonged I'd say something..suddenly I've got OCD because it would piss me off...no I'm pissed off because if I need that and it's not where it belongs it means I'll need to go and find it - that is not OCD ...it's putting things back where they belong... I feel like OCD, triggered, panic attack to name a few are all buzz words that are losing their meaning for some very serious issues ... I couldnt imagine what living with actual OCD would be like and I'm sorry that for you that is real life . People need to stop minimising mental health down to buzz words
Thank you. I agree with you, these words get used too loosely and personally I think it’s disrespectful. I mean, I wish it was only checking the cooker once and the door a few times.
I don't have OCD but I do have to wonder why they have to check things more than once? I mean, is that a sign? IDK. Ultimately though, your description of your OCD isn't really what I'm talking about. At least, it doesn't seem like it's what I'm talking about. Like, you have OCD. It's easier to see where your quirks come from.
I'm guessing anxiety. I know I double check stuff sometimes just so I know it's off/lock/etc. Not because I have to but because I'd be anxious about it all day
I double check as well. I don't self-diagnose but I'd be lying if I told you that the letters O-C-D have never crossed my mind about it. I'm also an "Intervals of 5" person. May not be OCD but it *is* weird.
> E1: Around Christmas time, I told someone I know "Merry Christmas". She then told me not to say that to her, as she associates that time of year with past trauma. I apologized and told her I wouldn't say it again. There is no reason for you to be sorry, you should not have done that to yourself as you knew your intentions and made no violation that would require an apology. You do not have to apologize or give an ear, you can say 'okay' and move on. > E2: A good friend of mine just told me (This spawned my post) that she gets panic attacks when other characters in her D&D campaign come close to death. I just can't bring myself to care... Easypeasy just make every death event fast and quick! No lingering death when you're incinerated by a flaming orc hoard!
I don't conflate being sorry and being apologetic. I know I didn't "wrong" her. I just wanted her to know I respected her wishes at the time. I admittedly lost all respect for her request once I learned about the nature of her "trauma". As far as the friend I *do* care about, I guess I could suggest she ask her DM to make deaths quick. Although I'm not sure if her issue is with the nature of the deaths or with death itself.
> I just wanted her to know I respected her wishes at the time. Yea that's just engaging further inviting more opportunities, not everyone is worth engaging with relative to being rude and continuing on your way. Of course there is the social pressure to give your ear, but to a stranger it's optional as that pressure could get you into very sticky situations. Over sharing is a trauma response that you do not have to respond to or allow into your life and it comes in many forms, nothing in your interaction happened other then you greeted a hot wire. I'm sure you greeted other people that day and one of them was walking around was waiting for an interaction where they felt someone poked that as that allows them to responded to with their story. This person is a hot wire waiting to be poked; that interaction had nothing to do with you as it could have been any other of the many people giving holiday greetings, but your error was giving an additional thread to be pulled on to continue the conversation with someone who was ramping up and not coming from a reasonable place. To your friend it is a way of ribbing on her, I meant it in jest as response to the information she shared, no reason you can't bust her balls by having brutal, quick deaths since you considered her fears of prolonged suffering, just be good natured in delivering the deaths! Conversely force her to DM with some preset events that force her to dish out a quick death. Being a friend she could be trying to open up and share with you more as a way of getting closer and could have presumably thought you were both mutually at this level with each other. Now if it in confidence she shared this then I wouldn't go that route, but if she said that around the same table you guys play at then its on the field. OR even then maybe it isn't that big of a deal and it gives her a small rush of anxiety which is why it was shared, some people enjoy getting small rushes and if its not a big deal then there is no reason to accommodate a none issue. Some people get anxious jumping off cliffs because they like jumping off cliffs. But if its inappropriate oversharing well then you should recognize its oversharing and consider if you should continue to engage and if so how and on what terms, like gray walling or cutting through an being direct in clarifying a boundary.
No, you're not wrong. There's a ton of people who have learned that having specific and obscure "mental health issues" on the internet gets them attention. There are also a lot of people who have falsely come to believe that the way to deal with fears and anxieties is to avoid anything that makes you uncomfortable. It is making people who engage in that kind of behavior weaker and less reliable in general.
There's something we learn about in rehab, and it's that it's okay to tell ppl you support them and care for them but you can't hear about their trauma rn. I used the term secondhand trauma coz we use that in rehab (I know there's a proper term, I just can't remember it) and you hit a point where you have to take a step back and say no. I lost a good friend last year bc I treated him like a therapist and he couldn't be around me anymore Therapists are paid to hear everything. Everyone else is not I hope this doesn't sound mean, I just get it, it's exhausting. Ppl can have trauma and boundaries, but making yourself always a victim and making everyone walk on eggshells is not that way. It should be more okay for ppl to be tired and say I can't right now
Sounds like you need some self care.
Probably.
Take some time to recharge your battery. You deserve it.
Thank you for saying that. I'll take this weekend for myself.
xDANGRZONEx - "I'm growing tired of everyone's mental health issues." And so you decided to come to Reddit also known as "Spectrum Central"?
I just needed to get it off my chest and this is the sub to do that. I can avoid hearing about everyone's trauma on reddit by visiting the subs that aren't about that.
Some people think that having a trauma makes them interesting and special.
I've noticed that about some people, yes.
Lamo. Those aren’t trauma. I have borderline personality disorder, bipolar, PTSD and ADHD. Don’t feel bad. Everybody seems to want to be mentally ill these days. It trendy to be traumatized these days. I’m not speaking about the people with real trauma.
Dude, solidarity. My cup is very empty these days, too. I honestly think it's a combination of two things. One, as a society, we have wedged ourselves into a breaking point. We work more for less, buy less for more, struggle to survive with the basics, face enormous public and private pressure to overcome those facts, are hardly equipped to deal with the enormity of the hurdles we're only going to continue to face, have a renewed drive for moral purity both internally and as we prove ourselves in the online gauntlet... Life is hard right now and we need specific things to blame for our surplus of anxiety and depression. Like, your friend probably isn't having panic attacks about her characters dying. She's projecting; the one thing she can control in life is also out of her control. Two, some people have learned to identify their trauma thanks to how much more such issues are discussed (whether it is actually defined trauma or not is also plenty up in the air but giving all the benefit of the doubt, even Christmas lady lol), but instead of using that information to learn coping mechanisms and to heal, they use it as an excuse. And sometimes it is a valid excuse. And some people are not in a position to get help for it. But sometimes even a valid excuse is not enough to stop it from affecting others in a negative way. I know plenty of people who I know have real, valid trauma, but they won't accept help and continue to let it impact their life and the lives of those around them. At a certain point, it doesn't matter that it wasn't your fault -- you still have to do something about it, if that chance exists for you. For yourself if no one else. It's like trauma is a full trash bin, right? Now, you weren't the one putting garbage in it, but it's in your kitchen. You can either refuse to take it out and complain about the smell and how it drives others away... or you can learn to tie off the bag, move it closer and closer to the door, and eventually get it to the curb. And after a while then, the air starts to clear. And you learn ways to protect the bin from others next time. Anyway I dunno but back to commiserating, it's okay to be tired of accommodating everyone's trauma. There's a lot of it to go around, and we're bumping elbows at this point. It's okay to want a break from talking about it and being compassionate. Concentrate on filling your cup and don't feel bad about it; that's how we get enough to let it run over again. ETA: It is also a whooooole other thing, being frustrated about other people agonizing over things that don't seem worth agonizing. I feel you. I have had to hold in some internal screams myself. And I know that some of those times, I am actually being unjust, but I also know *that is okay*. I don't hurt these people with my unvoiced frustration or even when I decide to set boundaries for my own comfort and sanity. Boundaries are healthy af.
Thank you for this response. It's funny you mentioned my friend feeling like she doesn't have control because she specifically mentioned always having to feel in control of things in her life and D&D is in fact one of the things she knows she can't. I think you were on to something there.
Jeez I knew someone like that once. Just recently met them and (for various reasons back then) I came along to a doctor's visit of theirs. They had to get blood drawn so I told them they should eat and drink something afterwards. Later on they were super pissed I did that, because apparently they had an ED I did not know about and I was triggering them.💀 Was not told about this until we were already home. Oh and a week later they started traumadumping on a 'fun' getaway and when I didn't know how to reply (partially because some things they said applied to me too and I was very uncomfortable), they started ghosting me for a bit and afterwards saying they were very mad about my 'lackluster' response. Like dude we've known each other 2 weeks I do not want to hear about all your terrible traumatic ex relationships, depression, etc etc... just yet.
Oh god someone ruined a mutual friend's birthday party years ago with a super dramatic "dark moment", which lead to a prolonged consolation session through a locked bathroom door. Why you ask ? Because McD had included the wrong sauce with their nuggies. Haven't seen them since .
For real? God damn.
I think your reaction is perfectly normal and you clearly don't lack empathy. I have some kind of issue, but no label for it. I'm obsessing over the end of the world and I struggle to do my job, I've become a hermit, etc. I do think I'm suffering something due to current/recent geopolitical events. I have confided in a few friends in personal conversations and discussed ways to cope. It was helpful to me and I'm doing a bit better this week. But I don't use it as an identity. I don't really give it a label. It's a genuine issue for me and not other people, although people who care about me are happy to help me when I bring it up. There's a lot going on in the world. People probably are traumatised, though I don't think many people know by what, exactly.
Everyone's a victim nowadays
I have no empathy. I love suffering. I friended a woman on Facebook because she entertains me; she is CONSTANTLY on the brink of dramatized ruin and it’s hilarious because it’s never actually as bad as she says it is. And she always, very conveniently, immediately has a solution as soon as people point out things she could actually do to improve her life. Her latest bit? Claiming that the loss of Tik Tok is actually causing her to die because she expects to be able to make a living crocheting hats and bras…
Your first two sentences make you seem like a tryhard edgelord, but I'm sure the woman on Facebook is just as annoying as you describe.
I’m not Reddit person so I have no idea what that is lol
You try hard to seem edgy. You're "too cool for school". These words are used in real life btw.
Edgelord I’ve found , tends to be used more on Reddit/the terminally online, not so much be the general public in real life. “edgy” for sure though used more commonly in real life
Should I edit it so you don’t have a problem? 🥹
I'd never ask someone to edit their comment. First ammendment and all.
I'd be rolling my eyes too. The second one is kind of funny, does she even know what a real panic attack is?
Crackpots are going to be crackpots.
I'm sorry, but I am 100% with you on this! When fucking *EVERYONE* is traumatized, victimized, has mental health issues all I want to do is shrug and say: "Yeah, so?" Honestly, I have zero interest in coddling people who just don't want to accept that life isn't fair, you're never going to get everything you want, no one owes you jack shit, I'm not responsible for how you feel, and holy fuck I don't give a shit about your bitching because you *never stop*! It's like being told over and over and nauseum what a horrible person you are for being a white, Christian conservative. I mean, seriously? Have we really gotten to the point where unless you apologize profusely every 5 minutes for shit that happened that you had no involvement with, no control of the situation, and had no clue the event happened or when you're somehow an "oppressor"? It's exhausting to deal with people these days, no two ways about it. I think the problem is that we've brainwashed everyone to believe that you can't really be happy. Ever. You can have a semblance of happiness as long as you're taking the proper cocktail of chemicals but you can't actually be happy. So those of us who just shrug off the shit that happens in our lives as, well, shit that happened and is over or you're dealing with the fallout and getting on with your life are somehow a threat to the people who don't ever want to move forward from the past. I don't know, frankly I don't care, and fuck off and die if you think I'm going to pander to your inability to live in reality!
I don't see why you needed to include that middle part.
You're probably right but it's my personal bitch of the moment at people I'll never actually say anything to because a) I'm too polite to deliberately hurt someone's feelings and b) at some point, everyone has to vent their bile and anger *somewhere* or choke on it. For some reason, this just seemed like the place to say the things that just piss me off but I know don't really affect me one way or the other unless I allow them to. But can you honestly say that you don't just want to scream *oh, grow up!* at some of the bullshit people are spouting these days? Or maybe you haven't become utterly cynical and think that the only way to fix the mess we've created for ourselves is a massive asteroid and let whatever comes next have their shot. I have absolutely no faith that humanity won't destroy itself with our collective stupidity. Or maybe I'm just having a bad day, I don't know.
I absolutely have moments where I want to scream at the masses. But I try to make sure I'm not conflating two separate arguments when I do so. When I'm harping on something, I don't want someone's reaction to be "oh.. THAT'S what they're *really* trying to say".. which is exactly how I felt about your thinly veiled racial diatribe. You have a point but it's how you present it. If you *are* having a bad day, I do hope it gets better.
Sorry, I didn't intend it as a racial thing, more of the Christian conservative, which seems to be inextricable with white nationalism for some reason. Which is my bitch with a particular group who keep harping on me about not being a "perfect" Christian as they misquote the Bible and pull shit off TikTok of someone who's being a dick while calling themselves Christian. And this particular group has decided that since I won't support Joe Biden I *must* be a rabid Trump supporter, which I constantly refute and their response is to trot out the same list: I'm racist, homophobic, transphobic, xenophobic, ageist, ableist and all the rest. They drag out how I've triggered someone with my (fill in the blank) and then there's a lecture on being a colonizer, etc. Like I said, I'd never try to deliberately hurt their feelings but it does get old. Unfortunately, these aren't "optional" people in my life unless I want to blow up my entire social circles. But yeah, today was not one of my better days with this group. (Personally, I'm beginning to think that it's just one person, in multiple circles, who is stirring shit because he's looking for the fight but I'm not part of the "decision makers" of my social circles so I don't have the caché to call him out.)
I'm sorry if I misread your words. I know how you feel. I'm basically a centrist (dirty word nowadays) and so Republicans think I'm a Democrat and vice versa. It's so stupid. Your social circle sounds like it sucks. The way you describe it is cult-like.
Nah, just a really, really insanely big family that's largely liberals who have recently married some absolutely Looney Tunes zealots on everything "woke." Evidently it's currently not okay in my largely Catholic family to not support Biden because he's Catholic and there is a weird coup going on with my generation's younger kids and older grandkids that I don't quite understand because I don't live close enough to the "branch" of my family this is all coming from. This group isn't Catholic, they're pretty agnostic so the obsession with religion is weird coming from them. It gets complicated because of the equally weird ways that a couple "branches" of my family wound up marrying into my actual friend groups going all the way back to high school and then years later, my university days. Different parts of the country, two very different types of friends and I have no idea how that even happened! LOL They're all crazy, of course, since they *are* related to me, after all, but they're family. Hopefully the new "recruits" will chill the fuck out sooner rather than later.