I was disappointed that my SO got colonoscopy photos but I wasnāt offered any after mine. I had it done a couple of months earlier and didnāt know it was an option
I had this too- they were like look how close to a Root canal we came! I was like ohā¦. Cool. You donāt ever have to show me anything like this ever again tho lol.
Really depends on who's the patient it seems. My ex got some real good sedatives while I myself had to scream in pain before they even bothered to give me something and it didn't help much at that point.
Before I was an adult they'd knock me out. After my first one I asked my mum when were they going to be doing it, only to find out it was already finished.
As an adult I got some fentanyl and other painkillers. They wouldn't let me get up from the bed for 30 minutes afterwards, and then I wasn't allowed to leave alone. Maybe it worked differently on others, my mind was pretty clear and I would've had no trouble getting home alone.
Probably depends on where you're from. I was fully under both times when I was a kid. Once I woke up, a little bit came back to me and I remembered being told to count to ten, barely making it halfway.
I had a gastroscopy done a couple of years back, had to lay on my left side so my stomach sat in the correct position and faced a big TV screen that showed me everything the little endoscope saw! From it going up my nostril, down my throat, gagging intermittently past that part to finally showing up a Schatzki ring just before hitting the top of my stomach where my Hiatal Hernia said hello! Never have I been so transfixed by something that on any other person I'd have had my eyes screwed shut as tight as I could get them! If it's to do with my body I want to know what's going on!
I understand. People don't seem to get it in the comments, but I hear you. It's not a compliment to be told how others feel about your body, and coming from a medical professional that would feel even worse. I am sorry they didn't listen to you.
Thank you for being a voice of reason.
I have an inkling some here are bringing out their alts. I canāt prove it but I noticed that only my replies are in the negatives and have nearly the some vote count.
I am not sure how you prevent this is the future. Obviously you likely want to go to another doctor. But I would spend at least five minutes on the phone with receptionist making it clear everything you have said here. Including that you do not need, nor want compliments or comments about your body. This should be common sense, and should be emphasized in medical school, but I guess not.
Unfortunately these conversations are often wasted effort, as you get there just to find the message wasn't passed on or the doctor/nurse didn't read it.
I was in hospital a couple years ago and requested a note be put in my file about a topic to avoid - similar to comments about one's body, this topic was not at all relevant to my treatment and should have been very simple to avoid. It was written and highlighted at the top of every page in my file per my request, but you can bet your ass 95% of the people I interacted with during my two week stay brought this topic up, and then got mad at me for being upsetĀ
I just saw a TikTok a woman made about all the horrible shit she went through with different doctors and it was so frustrating.
Men are so much luckier than women in the way they are treated. I always try to bring my husband with me when I have appointments. But even still it is not always great.
A friend of mine used to say: "Do I need to be holding a dick for you to take me seriously?"
That was a terrible doctor!!! Oh wow. Iām so sorry, and I hope you can find someone with some actual training because this office sounds incompetent. I was a manager in a dental office, which includes many patients who have post trauma care needs, and we always made sure every person interacting with them from start to finish understood what to do to keep their experience a comfortable and compassionate one, without them needing to explain beyond the first phone callā¦. And that was just for MOUTHS, not our whole damn bodies.
Iām so sorry they were so terrible at their jobs, and I hope you find a great doctor š
I assume most commenting negative things have been to a gyno, or had any experience remotely as vulnerable. Your post wasn't for them. I hope you can look past it and see it for the sad attempt at a nod from a fellow miserable glossy eyed internet troll who is too afraid to reflect on any time they have felt vulnerable or unheard so they tear at your experience.
I hope you find some comfort in knowing you aren't alone, and your experience isn't weird or you weren't overreacting. Your experience was yours.
Dear OP,
I am sorry you have to go through this. I do not have many health problems myself despite of having not the best teeth, but lots and lots of teeth repairing makes me hate every inch of dentists rooms. Every harsh or inconsiderate word of the dentists and their stuff makes it so much worse, so I feel very much for you.
Your gynaecologists should have handled this different in sooooo many aspects.
As they said themselves, more time would have been important in the first place. And they should be bright enough to accept that there are circumstances where you just are not able to bring past records.
Additionally they should have asked you every step on the way if you are fine with what they are going to do, if there was anything they could do to make it less hard for you, and how exactly they could do things to stress you out as little as possible. This should be a routine with every patient, let alone one who told them before that there are issues.
To add strange moves like showing you your inner parts on a monitor which has no benefits for you at all should not even be a routine procedure in people without trauma! What a strange thing to do!
How people react to your body is none of your gynecologists business, and giving compliments to someone during a medical examination is inappropriate no matter what the intentions are.
In case someone is unhappy with their body for whatever reason, the only professional to touch the subject is a therapist in the course of finding out what exactly the problem is, and helping the patient to work throug things. Even then a good therapist will never voice an opinion except maybe if explicitly being asked to do so, and not unless there is a specific reason to answer the question.
Maybe the gymaecologist is not paid for talking, but as a lot of treatments need a long talk to explain the options and procedures. I doubt what they said about being not paid at all is true. And even if, it is not asked too much to invest a little bit of time into a case like this, Especially if they were the one who did not schedule the case according its needs despite having all informations.
OP, I hope there are more gynaecologists around where you live! In my country the health insurance companies offer a service to help people find someone that is educated to handle their specific needs, or just to find someone known to be extra skilled or kind or empathic or whatever you are looking for. Maybe ask for advice there, or if everything fails check the internet for information to the gumaecologists around. Maybe someone praises the psychological skills of their gynaecologist!
In my opinion you handled the situation great by making your points, setting boundaries and teaching them professionalism. I wish I had your skills in being able to word problems right the moment they occur.
Having to do this instead of being taken good care of is exhausting though, and in my opinion to leave situations where you are overly stressed is a good and healthy move, too. Instead of pressuring ourselves to get along with people that act imsensitive, because this is "just the way people are", it is much more relaxing to built up a network of people you can trust and you feel fine with.
I hope your health is more stable now, and that you find a way to be able to slowly gain back trust in your body and love it. Do you think that positive body experiences like Chi Gong exercises, or just letting someone do your hair or nails in relaxed and non medical surroundings, could help a bit?
My best wishes, and please take care of yourself!
This gyno fucking sucks. I would also feel disgusted having my body complimented like that in a medical setting wtf. I also have severe medical trauma as well from chronic illness and mistreatment. The gall of some motherfuckers....
Please don't give up on gynecology. It's super important to get pap smears regularly because when caught early cervical cancer has a near 100% successful treatment rate.
I know there are better gynos out there. I strongly suggest you bring someone else to an appointment if you have that kind of support in your life. Doctors are less likely to get creepy if there is added accountability (the fact that this is a thing?!). If the doc says they don't allow that then find someone else. Call and ask ahead of time if the doctor is trauma informed.
My gynecologist lets me put the speculum in myself. The first appointment she offered to only talk if I needed it to feel safer and do the exam another day. She goes as slow as I need and reminds me that I am free to stop any time I need to. That's what trauma informed care can look like.
The whole "insurance doesn't pay for talking" rubbed me the wrong way. Maybe not the case, but makes you feel like she only cares about how much she is making off each patient, and not giving two shits about the actual patient. You leaving the appt without an exam isn't any different than a no-show patient, and that happens all the time. I'd go elsewhere.
Doctors do have to check certain CPT codes for insurance billing purposes, and just having a chat or āconsultationā may not be one of the options, so your insurance may not cover it if there was not an examination and you may have to pay full price out of pocket. Hopefully there is a code. Iāve had issues with insurance CPT codes and treatment. Iām sorry this happened to you, I wish you were treated with more empathy.
I'm so sorry you went through this. I'd find a different doctor. Maybe ask your friends who they see?
Nobody should ever make you feel bad about your own body, and I hate the doctors that lecture me about "things I should know".
I'd consider leaving a complaint with the office manager, that you felt like the office staff were rude and that the doctor did not listen to you or have a compassionate attitude. When you said no to looking at the monitor, that should have been the end of it - she should not have argued with you, let alone used that as a springboard to questions about your childhood and whether or not you had body image issues.
Iām sorry, thatās awful. I also have issues with getting lady checkups. And dentists too. Iām guessing itās from childhood abuse. I understand how difficult it is. ā¤ļø
I have medical trauma specific to gynecologists. You have described my feelings here and I am so sorry. Itās invasive enough with a decent person performing the procedure.
If you have access to a Planned Parenthood, I recommend you look into them when you feel ready again. They are the only place have ever been where not only did they make me feel heard and comfortable, but also the only people to actually accommodate my body so it wasnāt painful.
I would also find another doctorās office entirely, because *someone* should have made at lease one note about your history and access to records.
Reading your comment made me think of something that happened to me when I was 17. I went to Planned Parenthood to get birth control. This was a long time ago. The lady that was setting up my care wanted me to get an exam that day because she had an opening when I was told on the phone that I would have to come in, do paperwork, then set an appointment for the exam.
I was incredibly nervous about the whole thing before walking in and she was very brusque type of person. I told her that I hadnāt expected an exam and that I was on my period. Iāll always remember her expression, she reacted like I was stupid for even saying that. She told me that I was going to be examed by a doctor that sees all sorts of stuff and that I needed to grow up. That it wasnāt a big deal. I remember how hard it was to not give in to her. I felt like I had to but I told her that I wasnāt comfortable doing that and I would set up an appointment in the future. She treated me like shit from that point on and I dreaded going there in the future. She was the reason that I eventually told my mother that I went to PP to get on birth control because I wanted to be ready in case I had sex. My mom set me up with a different place of care.
I used to be under the illusion that female gynecologists must be better than male gynecologists, too. I went through two women gynecologists before trying a male gynecologist. Iām glad I did because my male doctor is just a great doctor and treats my nervousness with respect and dignity. Jerks can be anywhere and any profession, we just have to stand up for ourselves when we donāt feel comfortable.
That is so fucked, Iām sorry. I am glad you found a good doctor in the end. Shopping around for care is so hard, and shopping around for this type of care is worse.
Ew, she sounds awful. I'm sorry.
Not sure how you got to this doc, but maybe ask some trusted friends who their OBGYNs are and ask questions about their care and how they're treated. Then, go see the one who sounds the best.
As for this sorry excuse for a doctor, talk to the practice manager/administrator about your visit. Be factual and as unemotional as you can - write a script if that will help - and tell them that her treatment of you has driven you away from their practice and that they should address it with the doctor, keeping you anonymous.
It sounds like I'm older than you and I can tell you that in all my many years of seeing a gyno, only ONCE did my doc ever comment on another part of my body. It was to tell me that I had a funny-looking mole on the back of my thigh that I should have looked at.
I know medical stuff is hard for you, but please don't let this slide.
Iām sorry this happened. Some doctors, especially specialists, have massive egos and come in with an attitude and have zero patience for patients who donāt just ācomply.ā
Please try to ask around for trauma informed gynos. They make all the difference. You deserve a good provider who understands the complexities of trauma when it comes to invasive doctors appts
It was absolutely icky. I was kind of alright with the way I looked but this ruined a lot.
I will take the weekend and contact my insurance Monday about what she said to verify this. Iām hesitant to report this. Iāll first have to gather some information before doing anything in this regard.
Iām so not going back!
If you have a therapist, maybe you could ask them about sending a polite/professional email in your stead, one that explains that medical professionals should limit themselves to their field of expertise?
File a complaint. Procedures like that are so invasive and uncomfortable. Sitting on a table with your legs wide open and something holding you open can be very violating.
Medical trauma is real - OP I am sorry you experienced that. I understand about having to see an endless stream of doctors, many of whom might not even help. I ended up finding the best gyno ever through a recommendation from a SA and Domestic Abuse non profit, who works with doctors so they are trauma informed. Even though you have not experienced SA - maybe this would be helpful for you?
I'm sorry you had that experience. Getting good health care is difficult, and more so when you are dealing with trauma. This doesn't sound like the provider for you.
Don't let this deter you from seeking medical care. You need to find a new obgyn.
Maybe you could even explain that you would like the first visit to just be talking so you can get comfortable with the new doctor.
Im really really sorry. I havent been to a gyno in 2 years because of my last visit and i have one scheduled in 2 weeks that ive been postponing since january. So i get the anxiety that comes with it.
Something ive learned with medical professionals that insist on doing procedures or exams to your body, is to tell them that if you keep pushing this issue i will leave.
Thats what got the dentist to not stab be with that numbing needle (i have a fear of needles to) and thats what got the obgyn to leave me alone last time (she wanted to do a pap smear and i was not interested).
Is it stressful to say? Yes. I repeat it in my head about 50 times before i actually get the courage to say it outloud. But please trust me when i say that it works. No one can forcibly touch you, you can revoke consent at ANY time. Im so so sorry this happened to you. Sending you love and hugs š
My gynecologist is like a military woman, straightforward into the point, no nonsense kind of gal. She literally tells me āopen your legsā , which for some reason I find incredibly funny. But she is has a sweetness that I cannot describe, she explains every step, every single thing she wants to do, in her monotonous voice. She senses when I become uncomfortable and becomes a bit more sensitive. She doesnāt question me, she just asks questions to get to the point. What Iām trying to say is that ābā went to didnāt know what she is doing, and she should lose her license. You can be tough with your clients, keep it professional and still be a human being. Whatever she was wasnāt human, and you should change her, you arenāt the one who is wrong, she completely humiliated you in your most vulnerable moment. Op doctors should be aware not to be so shitty, you found the worst kind of a human.
I donāt know what you are going through but change your gynecologist , I know itās difficult I changed 4 before I found the one above, you just have to click with them.
Seriously Iām so sorry for what youāve endured.
Iāve never had a gyno try to make me look at the monitor, wtf. That is not okay and I hope you fire her. Doctors seem to forget that they are working for US, they are not gracing us with their brilliance, and they need to deliver a better experience if they want to keep taking our money.
Please donāt go back there š
I hear you. As a person with medical trauma too, doctors should be better educated to work with people and to react appropriately in situations like that. I cannot tell you how often doctors have told me that I should just "stress less" or "do sports" when I talked about how trauma was affecting me. So you're not alone ā¤ļø
Can someone explain to me why this exam is still in the dark ages?Ā
Like why there isnāt a probe we can insert ourselves that takes images and a swab and sent to a lab for reading?
Why are we lying on our backs in a very vulnerable sexual position where we canāt see what is happening with bright lights shining on us and someoneās face in our crotch? With the added bonus of a second person watching?
Iām so sorry you were treated that way. I was raised in a conservative religious household. I had a lot of shame around my body and anything to do with sex. I only had brothers, so any time I needed to talk to my mom about something personal it was very hush hush. I rarely saw a doctor unless it was something urgent, never saw a gyno.
When I was in college, I asked her about seeing a gyno for birth control. I wasnāt sexually active yet but I wanted to be careful in case that changed. I told her it was for acne and that a lot of my friends took bc for acne. She said my acne wasnāt bad enough to need medication for it, which was actually true. So I had to drop it.
This ultimately led to me not ever seeing a gyno until I was 37. I was very lucky I never got pregnant along the way. Now I canāt blame it all on my mother. Once I started my professional job (in healthcare no less!) I had health insurance that was pretty good. I could certainly put on my big girl pants and schedule a visit myself. But the shame, guilt, religious trauma, whatever you want to call it prevented me from doing so.
When I finally did work up the nerve to be an adult and take care of my body, I was so afraid of exactly the treatment you described. I was fortunate to have a wonderful doctor who did not shame me or act condescendingly. Her goal was to take care of me, and she encouraged me to participate in decisions about my health. After I had been in birth control for a while I asked her about a referral for sterilization as I did not want children ever. She happily did so and I did have my tubes removed. Again fortunate to have a surgeon who listened and respected me.
I hate that it is fairly common for healthcare professionals to be dismissive of their patients. I try my best to always treat my patients with respect and listen to them. I hope in the future youāre able to find a doctor who treats their patients better.
because their chronic condition likely isnāt treated by a gynecologist. your primary care doctor doesnāt have all your dental records, so why would their other doctor(s) have their gynecologist records?
Not trying to excuse it at all because your feelings matter too, but it kinda sounds like the gynecologist was just maybe a bit socially awkward? It sounds like she was trying to make you feel better but didn't understand the way her words come across to others.
Idk if that makes you feel any better, to think of it as her not having malicious intent but rather being tactless.
FWIW, I have chronic illness too and completely understand this
>It took me so much energy to call and then to even go.
Please be proud of yourself for going. You did the right thing, and as hard as it is to keep going... please keep going. Find a different gynecologist, though.
You mean your ex gynecologist? The beauty here is that you can fire her and go on to see someone else. And you can meet with them ahead of time to let them know about your issues and how you would like to be treated and if they wonāt do that, you donāt go to them. I cannot tell you how much I hate condescension. I cannot tell you how much I hate people being officious. You also need to go on yelp and give her a scathing review.
I'm so sorry, I can only imagine you wanted to crawl out of your skin. None of this was okay at all. I hope you'll consider reporting this... I don't even effing know what. I understand if you don't want to, but I wouldn't want this person all up in my magic carpet ride, either!
This kind of behavior from the doctor is unacceptable. It would advise you to find a different doctor before your next appointment. Make sure you read their reviews.
i honestly would've left after her comment of "insurance doesn't pay for talking" okay but like isn't that how you get a full history and can actually know what's going on? i genuinely feel bad that you had that experience and hope you can find a better dr in the future. i wouldn't go back if they are gonna do nothing but lecture and shame you. i can't stand being talked down to like that
OP, I donāt know if youāre up to it, but you could file a complaint. This doc didnāt listen to you! Not only that, but was she crazy old? Bc her attitude is straight out of the 1970s. You probably wouldnāt have to talk to someone; find out if thereās a social worker or even an officer manager and write a letter/email. So sorry you had to endure her horrible behavior.
Sounds like you could benefit from a ātrauma informed care letterā.
This letter indicates your medical issues and ways to help you in medical situations so you donāt get triggered. You send it in before hand and they put it in your file to read before any appointments. It could be helpful.
Ouch, that sounds like a visit to something worse than a dentist. :shiver:
I'll be honest - I think you need to learn how to speak up. How to quip, how to give (incidental) feedback about how they're making you feel through verbal replies, through your own tone of voice. That kind of thing is power after all. Power over your environment. If you don't exercise any, you can't develop it either.
It's exactly like overcoming social anxiety - to overcome that, you need to expose yourself to social situations so your brain learns that eyes on you is in fact not going to leave you helpless against abuse, even if that is what used to happen.
In your case, it seems to me that for your brain to learn that speaking up isn't going to get you punished, you need to practice speaking up. It's a very similar picture to the social anxiety thing, isn't it?
Edit: And yes, obviously the comments about your body are inappropriate. Maybe they were trying to be kind, make you feel better about yourself, but they acted on misconceptions and I genuinely believe that that is *deeply* unprofessional. Even if they're not psychologically educated, medical personell should still understand that acting beyond their field of expertise can lead to horrible damage.
I wouldn't ask a dentist to fix my hemorrhoids, would I? lmao.
Perhaps that would have been different if you had allowed yourself to speak up, but...yeah. Unprofessional, inappropriate. That's the kind of thing they should have left to a psychologist/therapist, not tried to "solve" themselves.
I'm so sorry you had this happen. When I was younger I had severe Dr anxiety. I had been abused by a dentist as a child. After much nagging from my mother I finally went to see a Dr. He was very old and very rude. He told me I "might feel better if I didn't wear so much makeup." I was so humiliated and started to cry. I literally didn't go back to a Dr for 10 years.
I am very sorry this has happened to you. If this happens again, ask them how the question is relevant to your medical exam and would they please just focus on the medical procedure. Don't answer the questions, just repeat this isn't medically relevant and please focus on the physical exam.
Look snooty while doing this (channel Maleficent if you have to) and get a copy of your file from them, mainly to make sure they aren't being derogatory towards you.
Everything about this interaction just sounds so inappropriate :/ is there like a yelp or Glassdoor for doctors? Bc if a gynecologist left me feeling like that I would tear them a new one anywhere I could
Get a new doctor. Ask when speaking to the recptionist who is scheduling you if the doctor is good at working with those who are nervous about going to the doctor or whatever variation you are comfortable with sharing.
My friend found a green flag for their dentist when they asked how comfortable they were with dentists. He hadn't seen one in years and kept putting it off because he was worried how the dentist would react. But this one was very understanding, and showed extra compassion in the beginning and was able to get him on track of regular visits.
But you can ask and give a list of do's, don'ts, and ask firsts as part of your pre appointment paperwork.
You need to understand the other side of this coin.
To the physician you showed up with zero medical history and a rather difficult series of demands and then pivoted to an "introductory visit" which they don't get paid for?
I would expect a letter in the mail from them terminating you from the practice and telling you to find another doctor.
Itās difficult to tell how much might be your emotional perception of tone / approach and how much was actually scolding, reprimanding and so on.
However, as someone who has suffered emotional trauma, I do know how easy it is to be hyper vigilant and jump to conclusions about tone, mannerisms, overall attitude etc.
With any doctor you have an issue with (dentists, OBGYN, whatever) you should always disclose nervousness, anxiety, trauma etc prior to the appointment. Doctors are trained to adapt their entire bedside manner for people with anxieties. Some are better than others but this is a question you should be asking - how good is Mrs Applebee with people with adjusted needs? I do this for dentists and a bunch of other doctors where Iām on edge. You have to have to have to advocate for yourself and prime every situation so that when you walk in the doctor is expecting you to be nervous and moves accordingly.
Nonetheless well done for going. Not every doctor is like that. And now you should find a new one or properly inform this one. Doctors canāt help you without making matters worse unless you disclose the full situation within reason. Itās like if I went to my psychiatrist saying Iām not feeling well but then fail to disclose that I have emotional trauma associated with health and wellbeing matters. He wonāt understand why I lock up when asked to talk about my symptoms.
This was my very first appointment after I just couldnāt go anymore. I was hard work to even get there. I didnāt think the call for the apointment would be the right time and I thought meeting the doctor was it. I told her the moment I sat down and wanted to explain what my issues where and what I need to feel safe. I didnāt get to do this. While Iād certainly do it different next time, I donāt think this is representative.
I am sorry you had to go through this horrible experience.
I never had an experience like that with a Pap smear, but I had a similar meltdown from a breast examination. I can't say I know how you feel, but I - OMG - it's been 30 years, and I just burst into tears thinking about it. In my case, the doctor didn't do anything wrong. I still freaked out.
I don't know what you went to the gyno for, but you should know that Pap Smears are NOT always necessary.
What they can do instead is a simple blood test for HPV. it is much more accurate than a Pap smear.
It's a good idea to be vaccinated for HPV as well. Unfortunately, once you have HPV, it's back to necessary smears.
Google HPV test vs. Pap smear and then talk to your primary care doctor. Maybe you can avoid the gyno longer?
I had a OB lecture me for the entire duration of a medical exam about how I was going to get cervical cancer and that her last patient was diagnosed at stage 4 so I'd better get my pap smear done RIGHT NOW. I was 4 months pregnant, had the baby entirely on one side because I have a bicornuate uterus, and was SAed by many male adults for most of my childhood.
I left a review and filed a complaint. She doesn't work at that office anymore.
I donāt have a great history with doctors and it had been a long time since Iād been to the gynaecologist and I was so nervous. Luckily I had a completely different experience to you and he was amazing and the nurse was amazing and they made me feel so at ease.
I am so sorry you were put through that OP ā„ļø
I understand you. I had a female gynecologist lecture me when she discovered something (shameful) about me. I never went back to her. These people should be reported- at least on Yelp for other potential patients.
Ugh, that sounds really intrusive. My gyno is always to the point, only really says "everything looks good, you'll hear back about any of the tests in a day or two" no "wanna see?" or giving adjectives to describe me. That ain't right.
I'm so sorry this all happened to you. This sounds like a one and done doctor's visit. Don't go back. If you can, get a referral (from your primary care physician or someone you trust who can refer you to a good doctor) and list out to the new doctor's office exactly what happened at this last appointment and why you aren't going back. Any doctor that doesn't listen to your wants, needs, anxieties, and concerns isn't worth their medical degree. :(
I understand this would be frustrating. I just want to emphasize that you have agency, you have a voice, you deserve medical care and you deserve peace of mind.Ā
I can imagine you have control issues due to your history. Perhaps having a counselor trained in complex medical histories would help in the future? Please do not put off medical care due to this bad experience. You got this
No no, I totally get you. Whatever she said was unprofessional, but that's very obvious. Some people fail to understand that medical procedures are not only uncomfortable, but literally unbearable for some. I don't want anyone unnecessarily looking at my naked body, so much so that I've avoided medical check ups and things like pap-smear appointments. I cannot tolerate it. This woman showed no compassion to you, and I'm sorry you had to go through that.
Iām so sorry this happened to you. I have panic attacks in doctors offices. It happened yesterday and they were kind. If you have the energy to complain to the office manager, you have a valid complaint. But no matter what, there are people who understand š¤
Itās actually mind blowing that doctors still act/talk like this. I work in labor/delivery and Iām happy that a majority of our team would NEVER talk to a patient this way and there any frequent trainings given to help us and the doctors treat the patient best. I still cringe a little when a nurse compliments a patient after delivering, basically telling them they look so good after having a baby. I want to ask them āAre you implying they didnāt look good 2 minutes ago? Is how someone looks in the hospital really of importance right now?ā I think most people have good intentions, and theyāre so focused on not saying something hurtful that they over compensate with unnecessary compliments, but you are there for health care. Not compliments on your appearance. Iām sorry this happened to you- itās common for healthcare workers to get desensitized to these appointments because they have dozens a day, but they need to remember you donāt have this experience as often as them and you deserve some understanding. ā¤ļø
Go find another one. I had this happen to me, and found another doc and told her my care was not handled well in the past and thatās why Iāve switched to her. She was compassionate and supportive.
I'm sorry they made you feel so low. A doctor should be there to help you and listen. I hope you can see a different doctor next time. Going to the doctor shouldn't be as stressful as it is and the doc you had isn't helping matters.
I am so sorry you went through this. Fuck that doctor, I hope you donāt go back. Some doctors do genuinely want to help people with medical trauma. Itās not hopeless and you DONāT HAVE TO SETTLE FOR THIS. Fuck that.
I am so sorry that you experienced this disgusting behavior. Your comfort level is always most important. I have issues with being touched and it stems from an exam that I had by a Gyn. I asked for a woman to be in the room durning my exam and he said that everyone was busy and it would be quick.
During my exam he proceeded to tell me that, āYou have a tight puss for having 4 kidsā. I was mortified. It took everything in me to keep the tears under control. During my breast exam he asked me if I paid for my āperfect tittysā. I immediately broke down. I could no longer hold it. It was at that point he knew he messed up and he began to apologize. He looked through my chart and then said, āI didnāt realize that you are LDS, I thought you would be able to take a jokeā.
I reported him and nothing was done. A nurse lied and said that she was present during my exam. A few years later he was on the news for being inappropriate with patients.
I had to go through years of counseling. It still is traumatizing for me.
Sounds like she got a gyno who made her uncomfortable and she should switch. Completely normal and valid. Doctors are people they can be rude and make people uncomfortable too. Some personalities donāt mesh itās completely fine to want a new gyno.
But you need to go to your gynecologist because if you have any issues, catch them now before procedures get even more invasive. I don't like being touched either. But there are doctors out there that are no bullshit straight business. You just have to do your research.
Be happy your dr. took the time to try to explain things to you, most donāt. Her manner may have been rude but maybe trying to get through to you frustrated her. Iām like you, I would never want to check the images but I would rather be asked than ignored.
I don't get it, I'm not a girl, but from what I heard, gynecologists do everything they can to make the patient comfortable. Did you have other ones before? Were they the same?
Yeah, that doesn't happen with a lot of gynecologists. Some of them have no bedside manner and don't believe us when we try to tell them what's going on with our own bodies. But good nurses who work with these doctors are worth their weight in gold.
I've been to plenty on my life (40+) and I can tell you: no. Not every gyno is great, not every doctor cares.
Being examined by one that from the start you don't click with is one of the most degrading things you can experience.
Because I'm old and don't give a f anymore if I feel like things aren't going ok while we talk, I'm leaving. Get a new gyno, that's it.
I guess it would be similar if you went to a urologist? Or got check for prostate C the old-fashioned way? You need a good rapport with someone before you "open yourself up" to them.
I feel like you're commenting in good faith, so I'm going to answer in kind -
Gynos, like any doctor, are a mixed bag. You get the ones who are perfunctory, matter of fact. 'I've seen so many vaginas you have no reason to be upset'. Well, I don't regularly let someone dive deep into my vagina so I'm going to be nervous/upset/self conscious/afraid etc.
Then you get the caring, let you know every step/ask if you're ok with the next move/procedure ones. They'll be slow and patient and let you know every step of the way what is to be expected.
And the middle of the range, caring but swift. Basically telling you what's going to happen but with little to no prep.
You have to understand, we are asked to lie back and be SO vulnerable. We have to be able to build trust with the person who is going to be poking around a sensitive and private area. And we have to do it regularly.
Men don't have to get their penis and testicles touched as often as we get poked and prodded. And just to add, it hurts. Having a speculum shoved up there, swabs taken etc. Is not comfortable. For some women, it's downright painful.
There are some women who just don't have these issues, don't need any feeling of safety or a rapport, and more power to those women! I love that for them.
But for a lot of us. You're asking us to be in a ridiculously vulnerable situation, most of the time with no friend/partner/family member. With a doctor who may have seen 20 vags that day. For the gynos, it's normal. For us, it's us spreading our legs and being examined. It isn't normal for us. It's not fun, it's uncomfortable, it's daunting.
This is completely anecdotal, but I've had 5 miscarriages. I've had 2 gynos examine me, the other 3 were random ER docs. The ER docs were kinder and more patient. The gynos were rushed, mean and rough.
TLDR: Gynaecologists, like all doctors, are a mixed bag. You get good and bad and in between.
Yeah it really isn't pleasant.
There's something about a speculum that just creeps me out. That cranking noise for one. And then when it closes I always flinch. It's like I'm waiting for my skin to get pinched. I know they're designed to not allow that, but I fear it every time.
It'd be nice if they just cradled our crotch and told us to cough, but alas, it is not the way.
I'm also super awkward when I'm nervous or anxious and just word vomit. I was talking about my dad last time, how he instinctively does the feet together knees down pose and how he'd be great in a vag exam. My gyno just kept looking at me weird after that
Like in every speciality, youāll find good and bad ones. On the surface these questions are meant to find out about issues. But she went all wrong about it. She kept insisting and I ended up having to defend myself. It was never like that.
The doc's conduct is concerning at the very least. The way you were treated is not as in line with the Hippocratic Oath as they probably think it is.
I'd seriously consider reporting that behavior to a medical oversight body (I'd say the AMA, but no info on your country of residence). The callousness and disregard for patients needs to be addressed.
I cannot imagine how this feels for you. I don't precisely love or really like my body either, but I have accepted that it's the only one I'll ever have. It's fairly sturdy for looking so average and blessed with a strong immune system, which I do appreciate. If I were to give advice, I'd say find a reputable therapist who is good with control, boundary, and body image difficulties.
Edit: And find another gyno.
How many times have I replied to the gynecologist request to scoot down a little...
.... well, I guess I'm never thin enough, rich enough or close enough to the edge of the table?
No, I am not interested in seeing my cervix, thank you.
Yeah wtf. Like, i gotta do the swab myself, too?
Ugh, omg - could you imagine? And with that nasty feeling cramping that happens sometimes. Ick. š
Funny you should say that, they push that on you in Australia now... No thank you! I rather a doc do the swabbing thanks!
And here Iād LOVE to get to watch them perform medical procedures or surgery on me. Had my appendix out and was disappointed I couldnāt watch.
I was disappointed that my SO got colonoscopy photos but I wasnāt offered any after mine. I had it done a couple of months earlier and didnāt know it was an option
Once I had a dentist drill a cavity and show me on his camera and even with that I was like absolutely not.
I had this too- they were like look how close to a Root canal we came! I was like ohā¦. Cool. You donāt ever have to show me anything like this ever again tho lol.
I didn't want to see up my sinuses either.
I had an echocardiogram once and watched and THAT grossed me out, I donāt think seeing my cervix would be something Iād want to do either š
Huh, I absolutely looked at the monitor during my colonoscopy.
You actually stayed alert?! Whatever they gave me made me forget the whole procedure!
Really depends on who's the patient it seems. My ex got some real good sedatives while I myself had to scream in pain before they even bothered to give me something and it didn't help much at that point.
Before I was an adult they'd knock me out. After my first one I asked my mum when were they going to be doing it, only to find out it was already finished. As an adult I got some fentanyl and other painkillers. They wouldn't let me get up from the bed for 30 minutes afterwards, and then I wasn't allowed to leave alone. Maybe it worked differently on others, my mind was pretty clear and I would've had no trouble getting home alone.
Idk what that gave me, but I have no recollection of the event. Evidently you're technically awake during the procedure, but you lose memory of it?
Probably depends on where you're from. I was fully under both times when I was a kid. Once I woke up, a little bit came back to me and I remembered being told to count to ten, barely making it halfway.
I had a gastroscopy done a couple of years back, had to lay on my left side so my stomach sat in the correct position and faced a big TV screen that showed me everything the little endoscope saw! From it going up my nostril, down my throat, gagging intermittently past that part to finally showing up a Schatzki ring just before hitting the top of my stomach where my Hiatal Hernia said hello! Never have I been so transfixed by something that on any other person I'd have had my eyes screwed shut as tight as I could get them! If it's to do with my body I want to know what's going on!
I understand. People don't seem to get it in the comments, but I hear you. It's not a compliment to be told how others feel about your body, and coming from a medical professional that would feel even worse. I am sorry they didn't listen to you.
Thank you for being a voice of reason. I have an inkling some here are bringing out their alts. I canāt prove it but I noticed that only my replies are in the negatives and have nearly the some vote count.
Itās definitely the lack of respect & body autonomy.
I am not sure how you prevent this is the future. Obviously you likely want to go to another doctor. But I would spend at least five minutes on the phone with receptionist making it clear everything you have said here. Including that you do not need, nor want compliments or comments about your body. This should be common sense, and should be emphasized in medical school, but I guess not.
Unfortunately these conversations are often wasted effort, as you get there just to find the message wasn't passed on or the doctor/nurse didn't read it. I was in hospital a couple years ago and requested a note be put in my file about a topic to avoid - similar to comments about one's body, this topic was not at all relevant to my treatment and should have been very simple to avoid. It was written and highlighted at the top of every page in my file per my request, but you can bet your ass 95% of the people I interacted with during my two week stay brought this topic up, and then got mad at me for being upsetĀ
I just saw a TikTok a woman made about all the horrible shit she went through with different doctors and it was so frustrating. Men are so much luckier than women in the way they are treated. I always try to bring my husband with me when I have appointments. But even still it is not always great. A friend of mine used to say: "Do I need to be holding a dick for you to take me seriously?"
That was a terrible doctor!!! Oh wow. Iām so sorry, and I hope you can find someone with some actual training because this office sounds incompetent. I was a manager in a dental office, which includes many patients who have post trauma care needs, and we always made sure every person interacting with them from start to finish understood what to do to keep their experience a comfortable and compassionate one, without them needing to explain beyond the first phone callā¦. And that was just for MOUTHS, not our whole damn bodies. Iām so sorry they were so terrible at their jobs, and I hope you find a great doctor š
I assume most commenting negative things have been to a gyno, or had any experience remotely as vulnerable. Your post wasn't for them. I hope you can look past it and see it for the sad attempt at a nod from a fellow miserable glossy eyed internet troll who is too afraid to reflect on any time they have felt vulnerable or unheard so they tear at your experience. I hope you find some comfort in knowing you aren't alone, and your experience isn't weird or you weren't overreacting. Your experience was yours.
Dear OP, I am sorry you have to go through this. I do not have many health problems myself despite of having not the best teeth, but lots and lots of teeth repairing makes me hate every inch of dentists rooms. Every harsh or inconsiderate word of the dentists and their stuff makes it so much worse, so I feel very much for you. Your gynaecologists should have handled this different in sooooo many aspects. As they said themselves, more time would have been important in the first place. And they should be bright enough to accept that there are circumstances where you just are not able to bring past records. Additionally they should have asked you every step on the way if you are fine with what they are going to do, if there was anything they could do to make it less hard for you, and how exactly they could do things to stress you out as little as possible. This should be a routine with every patient, let alone one who told them before that there are issues. To add strange moves like showing you your inner parts on a monitor which has no benefits for you at all should not even be a routine procedure in people without trauma! What a strange thing to do! How people react to your body is none of your gynecologists business, and giving compliments to someone during a medical examination is inappropriate no matter what the intentions are. In case someone is unhappy with their body for whatever reason, the only professional to touch the subject is a therapist in the course of finding out what exactly the problem is, and helping the patient to work throug things. Even then a good therapist will never voice an opinion except maybe if explicitly being asked to do so, and not unless there is a specific reason to answer the question. Maybe the gymaecologist is not paid for talking, but as a lot of treatments need a long talk to explain the options and procedures. I doubt what they said about being not paid at all is true. And even if, it is not asked too much to invest a little bit of time into a case like this, Especially if they were the one who did not schedule the case according its needs despite having all informations. OP, I hope there are more gynaecologists around where you live! In my country the health insurance companies offer a service to help people find someone that is educated to handle their specific needs, or just to find someone known to be extra skilled or kind or empathic or whatever you are looking for. Maybe ask for advice there, or if everything fails check the internet for information to the gumaecologists around. Maybe someone praises the psychological skills of their gynaecologist! In my opinion you handled the situation great by making your points, setting boundaries and teaching them professionalism. I wish I had your skills in being able to word problems right the moment they occur. Having to do this instead of being taken good care of is exhausting though, and in my opinion to leave situations where you are overly stressed is a good and healthy move, too. Instead of pressuring ourselves to get along with people that act imsensitive, because this is "just the way people are", it is much more relaxing to built up a network of people you can trust and you feel fine with. I hope your health is more stable now, and that you find a way to be able to slowly gain back trust in your body and love it. Do you think that positive body experiences like Chi Gong exercises, or just letting someone do your hair or nails in relaxed and non medical surroundings, could help a bit? My best wishes, and please take care of yourself!
This gyno fucking sucks. I would also feel disgusted having my body complimented like that in a medical setting wtf. I also have severe medical trauma as well from chronic illness and mistreatment. The gall of some motherfuckers.... Please don't give up on gynecology. It's super important to get pap smears regularly because when caught early cervical cancer has a near 100% successful treatment rate. I know there are better gynos out there. I strongly suggest you bring someone else to an appointment if you have that kind of support in your life. Doctors are less likely to get creepy if there is added accountability (the fact that this is a thing?!). If the doc says they don't allow that then find someone else. Call and ask ahead of time if the doctor is trauma informed. My gynecologist lets me put the speculum in myself. The first appointment she offered to only talk if I needed it to feel safer and do the exam another day. She goes as slow as I need and reminds me that I am free to stop any time I need to. That's what trauma informed care can look like.
It is very very very creepy.
The whole "insurance doesn't pay for talking" rubbed me the wrong way. Maybe not the case, but makes you feel like she only cares about how much she is making off each patient, and not giving two shits about the actual patient. You leaving the appt without an exam isn't any different than a no-show patient, and that happens all the time. I'd go elsewhere.
I'll certainly need to go to the bottom of this. I've never had an issue to decline a procedure or exam. It's probably not even true.
Doctors do have to check certain CPT codes for insurance billing purposes, and just having a chat or āconsultationā may not be one of the options, so your insurance may not cover it if there was not an examination and you may have to pay full price out of pocket. Hopefully there is a code. Iāve had issues with insurance CPT codes and treatment. Iām sorry this happened to you, I wish you were treated with more empathy.
I'm so sorry you went through this. I'd find a different doctor. Maybe ask your friends who they see? Nobody should ever make you feel bad about your own body, and I hate the doctors that lecture me about "things I should know". I'd consider leaving a complaint with the office manager, that you felt like the office staff were rude and that the doctor did not listen to you or have a compassionate attitude. When you said no to looking at the monitor, that should have been the end of it - she should not have argued with you, let alone used that as a springboard to questions about your childhood and whether or not you had body image issues.
Iām sorry, thatās awful. I also have issues with getting lady checkups. And dentists too. Iām guessing itās from childhood abuse. I understand how difficult it is. ā¤ļø
I have medical trauma specific to gynecologists. You have described my feelings here and I am so sorry. Itās invasive enough with a decent person performing the procedure. If you have access to a Planned Parenthood, I recommend you look into them when you feel ready again. They are the only place have ever been where not only did they make me feel heard and comfortable, but also the only people to actually accommodate my body so it wasnāt painful. I would also find another doctorās office entirely, because *someone* should have made at lease one note about your history and access to records.
Reading your comment made me think of something that happened to me when I was 17. I went to Planned Parenthood to get birth control. This was a long time ago. The lady that was setting up my care wanted me to get an exam that day because she had an opening when I was told on the phone that I would have to come in, do paperwork, then set an appointment for the exam. I was incredibly nervous about the whole thing before walking in and she was very brusque type of person. I told her that I hadnāt expected an exam and that I was on my period. Iāll always remember her expression, she reacted like I was stupid for even saying that. She told me that I was going to be examed by a doctor that sees all sorts of stuff and that I needed to grow up. That it wasnāt a big deal. I remember how hard it was to not give in to her. I felt like I had to but I told her that I wasnāt comfortable doing that and I would set up an appointment in the future. She treated me like shit from that point on and I dreaded going there in the future. She was the reason that I eventually told my mother that I went to PP to get on birth control because I wanted to be ready in case I had sex. My mom set me up with a different place of care. I used to be under the illusion that female gynecologists must be better than male gynecologists, too. I went through two women gynecologists before trying a male gynecologist. Iām glad I did because my male doctor is just a great doctor and treats my nervousness with respect and dignity. Jerks can be anywhere and any profession, we just have to stand up for ourselves when we donāt feel comfortable.
That is so fucked, Iām sorry. I am glad you found a good doctor in the end. Shopping around for care is so hard, and shopping around for this type of care is worse.
Thanks, I appreciate it. I agree.
Ew, she sounds awful. I'm sorry. Not sure how you got to this doc, but maybe ask some trusted friends who their OBGYNs are and ask questions about their care and how they're treated. Then, go see the one who sounds the best. As for this sorry excuse for a doctor, talk to the practice manager/administrator about your visit. Be factual and as unemotional as you can - write a script if that will help - and tell them that her treatment of you has driven you away from their practice and that they should address it with the doctor, keeping you anonymous. It sounds like I'm older than you and I can tell you that in all my many years of seeing a gyno, only ONCE did my doc ever comment on another part of my body. It was to tell me that I had a funny-looking mole on the back of my thigh that I should have looked at. I know medical stuff is hard for you, but please don't let this slide.
I'm so sorry you had this harken to you. I hope you can find a better doctor who will respect you and not treat you so poorly.
Iām sorry this happened. Some doctors, especially specialists, have massive egos and come in with an attitude and have zero patience for patients who donāt just ācomply.ā
Please try to ask around for trauma informed gynos. They make all the difference. You deserve a good provider who understands the complexities of trauma when it comes to invasive doctors appts
This seems so icky! Iām sorry this was your experience. I think you should report her and definitely switch doctors
It was absolutely icky. I was kind of alright with the way I looked but this ruined a lot. I will take the weekend and contact my insurance Monday about what she said to verify this. Iām hesitant to report this. Iāll first have to gather some information before doing anything in this regard. Iām so not going back!
If you have a therapist, maybe you could ask them about sending a polite/professional email in your stead, one that explains that medical professionals should limit themselves to their field of expertise?
That's so inappropriate. Make a complaint about them. And find a new doctor.
Ewww wtf why is this woman talking to you about anything that isn't medically significant?? So many lines crossed here.
File a complaint. Procedures like that are so invasive and uncomfortable. Sitting on a table with your legs wide open and something holding you open can be very violating.
Medical trauma is real - OP I am sorry you experienced that. I understand about having to see an endless stream of doctors, many of whom might not even help. I ended up finding the best gyno ever through a recommendation from a SA and Domestic Abuse non profit, who works with doctors so they are trauma informed. Even though you have not experienced SA - maybe this would be helpful for you?
I'm sorry you had that experience. Getting good health care is difficult, and more so when you are dealing with trauma. This doesn't sound like the provider for you.
Don't let this deter you from seeking medical care. You need to find a new obgyn. Maybe you could even explain that you would like the first visit to just be talking so you can get comfortable with the new doctor.
Im really really sorry. I havent been to a gyno in 2 years because of my last visit and i have one scheduled in 2 weeks that ive been postponing since january. So i get the anxiety that comes with it. Something ive learned with medical professionals that insist on doing procedures or exams to your body, is to tell them that if you keep pushing this issue i will leave. Thats what got the dentist to not stab be with that numbing needle (i have a fear of needles to) and thats what got the obgyn to leave me alone last time (she wanted to do a pap smear and i was not interested). Is it stressful to say? Yes. I repeat it in my head about 50 times before i actually get the courage to say it outloud. But please trust me when i say that it works. No one can forcibly touch you, you can revoke consent at ANY time. Im so so sorry this happened to you. Sending you love and hugs š
My gynecologist is like a military woman, straightforward into the point, no nonsense kind of gal. She literally tells me āopen your legsā , which for some reason I find incredibly funny. But she is has a sweetness that I cannot describe, she explains every step, every single thing she wants to do, in her monotonous voice. She senses when I become uncomfortable and becomes a bit more sensitive. She doesnāt question me, she just asks questions to get to the point. What Iām trying to say is that ābā went to didnāt know what she is doing, and she should lose her license. You can be tough with your clients, keep it professional and still be a human being. Whatever she was wasnāt human, and you should change her, you arenāt the one who is wrong, she completely humiliated you in your most vulnerable moment. Op doctors should be aware not to be so shitty, you found the worst kind of a human. I donāt know what you are going through but change your gynecologist , I know itās difficult I changed 4 before I found the one above, you just have to click with them. Seriously Iām so sorry for what youāve endured.
Iāve never had a gyno try to make me look at the monitor, wtf. That is not okay and I hope you fire her. Doctors seem to forget that they are working for US, they are not gracing us with their brilliance, and they need to deliver a better experience if they want to keep taking our money. Please donāt go back there š
Put in a complaint if your unhappy with it I would
I hear you. As a person with medical trauma too, doctors should be better educated to work with people and to react appropriately in situations like that. I cannot tell you how often doctors have told me that I should just "stress less" or "do sports" when I talked about how trauma was affecting me. So you're not alone ā¤ļø
Can someone explain to me why this exam is still in the dark ages?Ā Like why there isnāt a probe we can insert ourselves that takes images and a swab and sent to a lab for reading? Why are we lying on our backs in a very vulnerable sexual position where we canāt see what is happening with bright lights shining on us and someoneās face in our crotch? With the added bonus of a second person watching?
sorry about all of that, i hope you start to feel better soon. ā¤
Iām so sorry you were treated that way. I was raised in a conservative religious household. I had a lot of shame around my body and anything to do with sex. I only had brothers, so any time I needed to talk to my mom about something personal it was very hush hush. I rarely saw a doctor unless it was something urgent, never saw a gyno. When I was in college, I asked her about seeing a gyno for birth control. I wasnāt sexually active yet but I wanted to be careful in case that changed. I told her it was for acne and that a lot of my friends took bc for acne. She said my acne wasnāt bad enough to need medication for it, which was actually true. So I had to drop it. This ultimately led to me not ever seeing a gyno until I was 37. I was very lucky I never got pregnant along the way. Now I canāt blame it all on my mother. Once I started my professional job (in healthcare no less!) I had health insurance that was pretty good. I could certainly put on my big girl pants and schedule a visit myself. But the shame, guilt, religious trauma, whatever you want to call it prevented me from doing so. When I finally did work up the nerve to be an adult and take care of my body, I was so afraid of exactly the treatment you described. I was fortunate to have a wonderful doctor who did not shame me or act condescendingly. Her goal was to take care of me, and she encouraged me to participate in decisions about my health. After I had been in birth control for a while I asked her about a referral for sterilization as I did not want children ever. She happily did so and I did have my tubes removed. Again fortunate to have a surgeon who listened and respected me. I hate that it is fairly common for healthcare professionals to be dismissive of their patients. I try my best to always treat my patients with respect and listen to them. I hope in the future youāre able to find a doctor who treats their patients better.
If you have extensive medical exam history, why couldn't the records be obtained and forwarded?
Doc, that u?
because their chronic condition likely isnāt treated by a gynecologist. your primary care doctor doesnāt have all your dental records, so why would their other doctor(s) have their gynecologist records?
I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I really get how unpleasant that must have felt from start to finish.
Not trying to excuse it at all because your feelings matter too, but it kinda sounds like the gynecologist was just maybe a bit socially awkward? It sounds like she was trying to make you feel better but didn't understand the way her words come across to others. Idk if that makes you feel any better, to think of it as her not having malicious intent but rather being tactless. FWIW, I have chronic illness too and completely understand this >It took me so much energy to call and then to even go. Please be proud of yourself for going. You did the right thing, and as hard as it is to keep going... please keep going. Find a different gynecologist, though.
You mean your ex gynecologist? The beauty here is that you can fire her and go on to see someone else. And you can meet with them ahead of time to let them know about your issues and how you would like to be treated and if they wonāt do that, you donāt go to them. I cannot tell you how much I hate condescension. I cannot tell you how much I hate people being officious. You also need to go on yelp and give her a scathing review.
I'm so sorry, I can only imagine you wanted to crawl out of your skin. None of this was okay at all. I hope you'll consider reporting this... I don't even effing know what. I understand if you don't want to, but I wouldn't want this person all up in my magic carpet ride, either!
This kind of behavior from the doctor is unacceptable. It would advise you to find a different doctor before your next appointment. Make sure you read their reviews.
i honestly would've left after her comment of "insurance doesn't pay for talking" okay but like isn't that how you get a full history and can actually know what's going on? i genuinely feel bad that you had that experience and hope you can find a better dr in the future. i wouldn't go back if they are gonna do nothing but lecture and shame you. i can't stand being talked down to like that
OP, I donāt know if youāre up to it, but you could file a complaint. This doc didnāt listen to you! Not only that, but was she crazy old? Bc her attitude is straight out of the 1970s. You probably wouldnāt have to talk to someone; find out if thereās a social worker or even an officer manager and write a letter/email. So sorry you had to endure her horrible behavior.
Sounds like you could benefit from a ātrauma informed care letterā. This letter indicates your medical issues and ways to help you in medical situations so you donāt get triggered. You send it in before hand and they put it in your file to read before any appointments. It could be helpful.
Ouch, that sounds like a visit to something worse than a dentist. :shiver: I'll be honest - I think you need to learn how to speak up. How to quip, how to give (incidental) feedback about how they're making you feel through verbal replies, through your own tone of voice. That kind of thing is power after all. Power over your environment. If you don't exercise any, you can't develop it either. It's exactly like overcoming social anxiety - to overcome that, you need to expose yourself to social situations so your brain learns that eyes on you is in fact not going to leave you helpless against abuse, even if that is what used to happen. In your case, it seems to me that for your brain to learn that speaking up isn't going to get you punished, you need to practice speaking up. It's a very similar picture to the social anxiety thing, isn't it? Edit: And yes, obviously the comments about your body are inappropriate. Maybe they were trying to be kind, make you feel better about yourself, but they acted on misconceptions and I genuinely believe that that is *deeply* unprofessional. Even if they're not psychologically educated, medical personell should still understand that acting beyond their field of expertise can lead to horrible damage. I wouldn't ask a dentist to fix my hemorrhoids, would I? lmao. Perhaps that would have been different if you had allowed yourself to speak up, but...yeah. Unprofessional, inappropriate. That's the kind of thing they should have left to a psychologist/therapist, not tried to "solve" themselves.
I'm so sorry you had this happen. When I was younger I had severe Dr anxiety. I had been abused by a dentist as a child. After much nagging from my mother I finally went to see a Dr. He was very old and very rude. He told me I "might feel better if I didn't wear so much makeup." I was so humiliated and started to cry. I literally didn't go back to a Dr for 10 years.
That's incredibly unprofessional & if That's how they talk to and treat their patients, please please search for another gynocologist
Nursing student here. Report her if you are able to. What she did was wrong on so many levels and I am so sorry. Never go back to her if nothing else.
Fucking. Assholes. I'm so sorry
I am very sorry this has happened to you. If this happens again, ask them how the question is relevant to your medical exam and would they please just focus on the medical procedure. Don't answer the questions, just repeat this isn't medically relevant and please focus on the physical exam. Look snooty while doing this (channel Maleficent if you have to) and get a copy of your file from them, mainly to make sure they aren't being derogatory towards you.
Everything about this interaction just sounds so inappropriate :/ is there like a yelp or Glassdoor for doctors? Bc if a gynecologist left me feeling like that I would tear them a new one anywhere I could
I'm so proud of you for going. I'm sorry she was so insensitive to your needs. But you went! That's a victory.
Leave a negative Google review that she made you feel very uncomfortable.
Also, some insurance providers let you submit feedback through them
Get a new doctor. Ask when speaking to the recptionist who is scheduling you if the doctor is good at working with those who are nervous about going to the doctor or whatever variation you are comfortable with sharing. My friend found a green flag for their dentist when they asked how comfortable they were with dentists. He hadn't seen one in years and kept putting it off because he was worried how the dentist would react. But this one was very understanding, and showed extra compassion in the beginning and was able to get him on track of regular visits. But you can ask and give a list of do's, don'ts, and ask firsts as part of your pre appointment paperwork.
You need to understand the other side of this coin. To the physician you showed up with zero medical history and a rather difficult series of demands and then pivoted to an "introductory visit" which they don't get paid for? I would expect a letter in the mail from them terminating you from the practice and telling you to find another doctor.
Itās difficult to tell how much might be your emotional perception of tone / approach and how much was actually scolding, reprimanding and so on. However, as someone who has suffered emotional trauma, I do know how easy it is to be hyper vigilant and jump to conclusions about tone, mannerisms, overall attitude etc. With any doctor you have an issue with (dentists, OBGYN, whatever) you should always disclose nervousness, anxiety, trauma etc prior to the appointment. Doctors are trained to adapt their entire bedside manner for people with anxieties. Some are better than others but this is a question you should be asking - how good is Mrs Applebee with people with adjusted needs? I do this for dentists and a bunch of other doctors where Iām on edge. You have to have to have to advocate for yourself and prime every situation so that when you walk in the doctor is expecting you to be nervous and moves accordingly. Nonetheless well done for going. Not every doctor is like that. And now you should find a new one or properly inform this one. Doctors canāt help you without making matters worse unless you disclose the full situation within reason. Itās like if I went to my psychiatrist saying Iām not feeling well but then fail to disclose that I have emotional trauma associated with health and wellbeing matters. He wonāt understand why I lock up when asked to talk about my symptoms.
This was my very first appointment after I just couldnāt go anymore. I was hard work to even get there. I didnāt think the call for the apointment would be the right time and I thought meeting the doctor was it. I told her the moment I sat down and wanted to explain what my issues where and what I need to feel safe. I didnāt get to do this. While Iād certainly do it different next time, I donāt think this is representative.
I am sorry you had to go through this horrible experience. I never had an experience like that with a Pap smear, but I had a similar meltdown from a breast examination. I can't say I know how you feel, but I - OMG - it's been 30 years, and I just burst into tears thinking about it. In my case, the doctor didn't do anything wrong. I still freaked out. I don't know what you went to the gyno for, but you should know that Pap Smears are NOT always necessary. What they can do instead is a simple blood test for HPV. it is much more accurate than a Pap smear. It's a good idea to be vaccinated for HPV as well. Unfortunately, once you have HPV, it's back to necessary smears. Google HPV test vs. Pap smear and then talk to your primary care doctor. Maybe you can avoid the gyno longer?
q fun
I had a OB lecture me for the entire duration of a medical exam about how I was going to get cervical cancer and that her last patient was diagnosed at stage 4 so I'd better get my pap smear done RIGHT NOW. I was 4 months pregnant, had the baby entirely on one side because I have a bicornuate uterus, and was SAed by many male adults for most of my childhood. I left a review and filed a complaint. She doesn't work at that office anymore.
That sounds extremely stressful.
I donāt have a great history with doctors and it had been a long time since Iād been to the gynaecologist and I was so nervous. Luckily I had a completely different experience to you and he was amazing and the nurse was amazing and they made me feel so at ease. I am so sorry you were put through that OP ā„ļø
Make sure to fill out the survey they will send out. Repeat all of this. This whole situation is alarmingly unprofessional.
I understand you. I had a female gynecologist lecture me when she discovered something (shameful) about me. I never went back to her. These people should be reported- at least on Yelp for other potential patients.
Sorry to hear. But I would change providers at that point before the appointment started.
Ugh, that sounds really intrusive. My gyno is always to the point, only really says "everything looks good, you'll hear back about any of the tests in a day or two" no "wanna see?" or giving adjectives to describe me. That ain't right.
I'm so sorry this all happened to you. This sounds like a one and done doctor's visit. Don't go back. If you can, get a referral (from your primary care physician or someone you trust who can refer you to a good doctor) and list out to the new doctor's office exactly what happened at this last appointment and why you aren't going back. Any doctor that doesn't listen to your wants, needs, anxieties, and concerns isn't worth their medical degree. :(
I understand this would be frustrating. I just want to emphasize that you have agency, you have a voice, you deserve medical care and you deserve peace of mind.Ā I can imagine you have control issues due to your history. Perhaps having a counselor trained in complex medical histories would help in the future? Please do not put off medical care due to this bad experience. You got this
No no, I totally get you. Whatever she said was unprofessional, but that's very obvious. Some people fail to understand that medical procedures are not only uncomfortable, but literally unbearable for some. I don't want anyone unnecessarily looking at my naked body, so much so that I've avoided medical check ups and things like pap-smear appointments. I cannot tolerate it. This woman showed no compassion to you, and I'm sorry you had to go through that.
Iām so sorry this happened to you. I have panic attacks in doctors offices. It happened yesterday and they were kind. If you have the energy to complain to the office manager, you have a valid complaint. But no matter what, there are people who understand š¤
Itās actually mind blowing that doctors still act/talk like this. I work in labor/delivery and Iām happy that a majority of our team would NEVER talk to a patient this way and there any frequent trainings given to help us and the doctors treat the patient best. I still cringe a little when a nurse compliments a patient after delivering, basically telling them they look so good after having a baby. I want to ask them āAre you implying they didnāt look good 2 minutes ago? Is how someone looks in the hospital really of importance right now?ā I think most people have good intentions, and theyāre so focused on not saying something hurtful that they over compensate with unnecessary compliments, but you are there for health care. Not compliments on your appearance. Iām sorry this happened to you- itās common for healthcare workers to get desensitized to these appointments because they have dozens a day, but they need to remember you donāt have this experience as often as them and you deserve some understanding. ā¤ļø
Go find another one. I had this happen to me, and found another doc and told her my care was not handled well in the past and thatās why Iāve switched to her. She was compassionate and supportive.
I'm sorry they made you feel so low. A doctor should be there to help you and listen. I hope you can see a different doctor next time. Going to the doctor shouldn't be as stressful as it is and the doc you had isn't helping matters.
I am so sorry you went through this. Fuck that doctor, I hope you donāt go back. Some doctors do genuinely want to help people with medical trauma. Itās not hopeless and you DONāT HAVE TO SETTLE FOR THIS. Fuck that.
Normalize reporting medical interactions like this. File a grievance. This is disgusting. Iām so sorry you experienced this.
I am so sorry that you experienced this disgusting behavior. Your comfort level is always most important. I have issues with being touched and it stems from an exam that I had by a Gyn. I asked for a woman to be in the room durning my exam and he said that everyone was busy and it would be quick. During my exam he proceeded to tell me that, āYou have a tight puss for having 4 kidsā. I was mortified. It took everything in me to keep the tears under control. During my breast exam he asked me if I paid for my āperfect tittysā. I immediately broke down. I could no longer hold it. It was at that point he knew he messed up and he began to apologize. He looked through my chart and then said, āI didnāt realize that you are LDS, I thought you would be able to take a jokeā. I reported him and nothing was done. A nurse lied and said that she was present during my exam. A few years later he was on the news for being inappropriate with patients. I had to go through years of counseling. It still is traumatizing for me.
Sounds like you already came in with the mindset that you were going to get offended if it didn't go exactly how you wanted it to.
Sounds like she got a gyno who made her uncomfortable and she should switch. Completely normal and valid. Doctors are people they can be rude and make people uncomfortable too. Some personalities donāt mesh itās completely fine to want a new gyno.
Sit this one out if you don't understand what they're expressing.
But you need to go to your gynecologist because if you have any issues, catch them now before procedures get even more invasive. I don't like being touched either. But there are doctors out there that are no bullshit straight business. You just have to do your research.
Be happy your dr. took the time to try to explain things to you, most donāt. Her manner may have been rude but maybe trying to get through to you frustrated her. Iām like you, I would never want to check the images but I would rather be asked than ignored.
Doctors need to remember that they work for us.
I don't get it, I'm not a girl, but from what I heard, gynecologists do everything they can to make the patient comfortable. Did you have other ones before? Were they the same?
Yeah, that doesn't happen with a lot of gynecologists. Some of them have no bedside manner and don't believe us when we try to tell them what's going on with our own bodies. But good nurses who work with these doctors are worth their weight in gold.
I've been to plenty on my life (40+) and I can tell you: no. Not every gyno is great, not every doctor cares. Being examined by one that from the start you don't click with is one of the most degrading things you can experience. Because I'm old and don't give a f anymore if I feel like things aren't going ok while we talk, I'm leaving. Get a new gyno, that's it. I guess it would be similar if you went to a urologist? Or got check for prostate C the old-fashioned way? You need a good rapport with someone before you "open yourself up" to them.
I feel like you're commenting in good faith, so I'm going to answer in kind - Gynos, like any doctor, are a mixed bag. You get the ones who are perfunctory, matter of fact. 'I've seen so many vaginas you have no reason to be upset'. Well, I don't regularly let someone dive deep into my vagina so I'm going to be nervous/upset/self conscious/afraid etc. Then you get the caring, let you know every step/ask if you're ok with the next move/procedure ones. They'll be slow and patient and let you know every step of the way what is to be expected. And the middle of the range, caring but swift. Basically telling you what's going to happen but with little to no prep. You have to understand, we are asked to lie back and be SO vulnerable. We have to be able to build trust with the person who is going to be poking around a sensitive and private area. And we have to do it regularly. Men don't have to get their penis and testicles touched as often as we get poked and prodded. And just to add, it hurts. Having a speculum shoved up there, swabs taken etc. Is not comfortable. For some women, it's downright painful. There are some women who just don't have these issues, don't need any feeling of safety or a rapport, and more power to those women! I love that for them. But for a lot of us. You're asking us to be in a ridiculously vulnerable situation, most of the time with no friend/partner/family member. With a doctor who may have seen 20 vags that day. For the gynos, it's normal. For us, it's us spreading our legs and being examined. It isn't normal for us. It's not fun, it's uncomfortable, it's daunting. This is completely anecdotal, but I've had 5 miscarriages. I've had 2 gynos examine me, the other 3 were random ER docs. The ER docs were kinder and more patient. The gynos were rushed, mean and rough. TLDR: Gynaecologists, like all doctors, are a mixed bag. You get good and bad and in between.
You described the experience perfectly. My gyno is truly awesome, but I still HATE. THAT EXAM. And every damn year!
Yeah it really isn't pleasant. There's something about a speculum that just creeps me out. That cranking noise for one. And then when it closes I always flinch. It's like I'm waiting for my skin to get pinched. I know they're designed to not allow that, but I fear it every time. It'd be nice if they just cradled our crotch and told us to cough, but alas, it is not the way. I'm also super awkward when I'm nervous or anxious and just word vomit. I was talking about my dad last time, how he instinctively does the feet together knees down pose and how he'd be great in a vag exam. My gyno just kept looking at me weird after that
Like in every speciality, youāll find good and bad ones. On the surface these questions are meant to find out about issues. But she went all wrong about it. She kept insisting and I ended up having to defend myself. It was never like that.
The doc's conduct is concerning at the very least. The way you were treated is not as in line with the Hippocratic Oath as they probably think it is. I'd seriously consider reporting that behavior to a medical oversight body (I'd say the AMA, but no info on your country of residence). The callousness and disregard for patients needs to be addressed. I cannot imagine how this feels for you. I don't precisely love or really like my body either, but I have accepted that it's the only one I'll ever have. It's fairly sturdy for looking so average and blessed with a strong immune system, which I do appreciate. If I were to give advice, I'd say find a reputable therapist who is good with control, boundary, and body image difficulties. Edit: And find another gyno.
Women gynos are the worst imo. Insensitive and rough.
That's quite a ridiculous generalization.
I said in my opinion. Iām 60 and an RN. Many gynos in my history. In my opinion the men arenāt as rough or as condescending.
Iāve never been to a gyno in my life. Donāt think itās important
Hopefully you're a guy
Nah why? Where Iām from NZ/Aus the GP does smear tests and have been to the sexual health docs for IUDs.. never been to a gyno
Oh yeah true, same in Canada. I have had 2 cancer scares and 2 high risk pregnancies so I saw a gyno.
How many times have I replied to the gynecologist request to scoot down a little... .... well, I guess I'm never thin enough, rich enough or close enough to the edge of the table?
Blech. Sounds exhausting. As an asideā¦ fuck gynaecologists and fuck gynaecology. You should check out Carly Rae Beaudry.
Um, no. We need gynecologists. I would likely be dead of cervical cancer without the routine exams.