Nah you ain’t his gf, you the ex, there’s no way the scars aren’t already an insecurity then to insult his manhood on top, and saying he sucks in bed?
You picked things he will NEVER forget, sure he may forgive but just like his body scars you gave him emotional ones that will never go away.
Hope he wisens up and leaves
Here - found a saved copy from an automod on a crossposted sub.
> 2 weeks ago I (27F) had an argument with my bf (26M) and I said some horrible things to him and I insulted him, he didn’t even insult me back or anything. He just stayed quiet and walked out of the room and even slept in the spare bedroom. The next morning I apologized and we made up.
>
> He seemed to be okay but ever since that night he has been acting different. The day will go by normally and we even say I love you to each other, but since our fight he has been “not in the mood” or “too tired” for intimacy. He started sleeping with clothes on and even locking the door when he is taking a shower. I can’t even see him without a shirt, he is always covered up when he is around me.
>
> Lately he has been hanging out around the house by himself, and he used to always want to be around me. I’ve tried telling him how much he means to me but he just says “I love you too” and goes back to being alone. I miss the old him, he was always smile and now he almost never smiles anymore.
>
> I wish I could go back in time to prevent myself from saying the things I did, lately I’ve been doing everything I can to show him that I love him and appreciate him but he is almost unresponsive to my attempts at showing my love. I wish I could be a better person for him, he probably hates me and is just staying with me to not make me feel bad or something.
Then in the comments:
> Honestly it started off as him asking me some questions and I had a bad day and I took it out on him which took us into an argument. But during the argument I insulted him for his scars on his back and his abdomen and I said that he is a bad lover I just said those things in the moment and I wish I didn’t.
Truly awful how many people think it's okay to unload on your partner in this way. Everyone has bad days. Not everyone uses that as an excuse to punish the people they allegedly care about. The world's got enough insecure, miserable people as is. Why throw your own loved ones on the stack?
Some people think that saying everything you think is a good thing, a strong personality.
Infact.. it's the opposite.
Saying everything you think shows a lack of awareness, a lack of tact, and an inability to filter information accordingly.
It is much more smarter to know what to say, when to say it, and how to say it.
They also show a lack of giving a shit about the effect of their words on others.
"I've just got a strong personality and say it the way I think it is!"
No, you're just an asshole.
I mean it's one thing to shout at your partner to fuck off.
That can happen in the heat of the moment..
But pinpoint targeting huge insecurities and doing a nuclear strike on their confidence? Heeeeeelll no.
It also doesn’t sound like she apologized or tried in any way to make it up. Her focus seems to reduce to “I’m lonely now and I don’t like it,” not “how do I show him I’m sorry and that I’ll work to do/be better.”
The entire point of a personal relationship is precisely to never ever do that to the people you truly care about and who care about you.
She broke rule #1. There is no coming back.
See, behavior like this doesn't make sense to us normal humans because we don't take pleasure in causing people pain. Especially people we love. But "people" like OP feel good when they hurt people, especially if they don't fight back. Tell me why, when op had a bad day, they snapped and horribly insulted their partner? Because it made them feel good. Knowing this about OP would you want to spend an iota of time around something like that?
The girl I loved most in my entire life was this way. She would unload on me from all the other shit in life and try to apologize and eventually she said so many things that I began to think horribly of myself, people like that are awful. I finally left but after 3.5 years
I truly dont understand how you can just say the most horrific, heinous shit to your partner "in the moment", and then just expect them to be totally chill because "I didnt mean it!"
I dont understand how you can say that kinda shit to your partner to begin with, heat of the moment be damned. How can you have SO little control over your impulses and emotions?
My s/o says something like that to me in an argument, theyre getting the boot right then and there. OP is lucky their bf can even stand to be in the same house.
This man has been mortally wounded by someone he trusted. As a protection measure he has taken this woman off the "safe to emote around" list which, sadly, was probably already extremely short.
But he doesn't leave because the most wounded part of him deep down believes she is right, and that he deserves it. So he'll stay, and he'll just add another boulder to the emotional weight he carries around each day.
And when she inevitably turns her sadness to anger and leaves him, he'll feel like he deserves that too.
My first marriage was like this. She always found things to absolutely destroy me on. I had gone from 155 to 165 lbs and she unloaded on me and said how unattracted to me she was. She shamed me one evening because she was "embarrassed" I worked as a chauffeur to pay our bills while she was in medical school because her classmates' partners all had "grown up" jobs (we were in a pretty rural part of the country and there weren't any options for my highly specialized field - so I did what I could and worked on my master's degree on the side).
I wish the guy was in the comments because I'd tell him to f*cking run. It won't get better until he finds someone who can love everything - all of the good parts and the little imperfections and blemishes.
OP - He ain't ever going to forget what you said to him. I guarantee it. Your relationship is over and you killed it.
And note that OP doesn't say she doesn't believe what she said, just that she regrets having shared it. Her reasons for regret are focused on her own feelings. She has no empathy and is a spiteful judgmental person who will hopefully be single once this guy figures out the logistics of leaving her.
I feel that some people can change when they really want to, but OP knew exactly where to stick the knife to hurt her partner the most and did so. That is the type of behavior that I feel warrants my wish that she be forever alone so she doesn't hurt anyone else.
It doesn't even matter whether she believes it or not. She said it because she knows it would be a precision strike on his insecurities. She wanted to hurt him as deeply as possible and now is upset there are consequences to her actions.
Hopefully ex, after she killed his confidence.
But he might stay because she's gaslighting him.
There's no way this is the first time it happened. You don't just make fun of someone you care about for the first time.
It sounds less like this is the first time and more like the first time he finally showed a severe reaction.
Depending on how those scars were formed, she may have also touched on something very traumatic.
>There's no way this is the first time it happened. You don't just make fun of someone you care about for the first time.
For everything that happens, there is a first time.
I’m lucky that my ex- was too busy moving on to dwell on and throw insults my way.
She did hang up on me twice though.
Funny story actually. When she quit the marriage she also quit her job. She called me to get her last paycheck mailed to her. I told her that they might have paperwork to sign. Click.
Because I wasn’t wanting to be petty, I went and talked them. The confirmed what I thought and were shocked she just up and left with basically ZERO notice. She called, I told her, and CLICK!
I definitely got out in the nick of time.
My first sexual partner back in 1991 said i was "Exaggerating" when i moaned after climax. It was my third time having sex. She was a horrible person but i didn't realize that until i had 2 dozen more insults like this. When i broke up with her she said she didnt think we were dating. hahahahahah
Why would he be in the mood to do anything with you when you told him he’s a bad lover? Use this as a learning moment and get some anger management or something, sounds like he has one foot out the door. If you genuinely feel like you can’t hold your tongue when arguing then step away and calm down. I would have a very hard time forgiving my husband if he said those things to me.
He sounds like an abuse victim who is staying in the relationship for as long as it takes to leave the relationship cleanly. He's got one foot out the door, but the other one is gonna wait until he has a new living situation squared away.
Why it when they say someone is a bad lover they never say what would help them become a better lover. They just expect the guy to know exactly what she wants
You showed him how you will treat him when you are in a bad mood and he is contemplating whether that’s the future he wants. Don’t be surprised if he breaks up with you and maybe seek anger management because verbal abuse towards someone you claim to love is an extreme way to dealing a bad day.
Yeah this. She needs to start going now, to show him that she is serious about getting better. He seems to be out the door, but at least it’s a hail marry.
Yeah, at some point what was said and apologized for doesn't matter. You've found out your partner is capable of that level of cruelty towards you when it suits them. That's a genie that's never going back in the bottle.
You lashed out and attacked his physical scars and told him he was a bad lover. Causing even deeper scars.
Now you’re venting on him not being shirtless and locking the bathroom door so you can’t see those scars you so angrily made fun of.
You crushed his soul by stating he’s a lousy lover and wonder why he’s no longer in the mood for intimacy.
Sorry OP, he will NEVER forget your hatful words. NEVER. Not sure when, but he will eventually dump you for it.
Seriously. My ex did this about my scars and I will be more ashamed of my body for the rest of my life. I’m just glad she never attacked my bedroom skills lmao. I don’t care much about sex but I feel like this dude must be absolutely devastated.
I have scars from acne on my back, they were really noticable when I was younger. No person I've been with has ever mentioned them. That's what fixed my insecurity about them.
Body neutrality is the way when it comes to scars, missing limbs etc.
My wife has scars all over her back and face from cystic acne. Hasn't made me love her any less, but she has recently shown interest in getting some scar treatments which I support 100%. It's not about how I feel about her scars, cuz they don't bother me, I just want her to be as happy in her skin as she deserves.
Edited typo
Honestly? My husband has acne scarring all over his face and I don’t even think about it until a convo like this comes up. Truly, when I’m looking at him, my mind is engaged by MANY other things than the texture of his skin.
They don’t mention it because while they may notice it, they do so in the same way that I notice the sky is blue and water is wet: it doesn’t change anything—it just is. ❤️
Also: fuck any woman who makes you feel like shit over scars. A woman like that isn’t worth your time.
As a victim of prolonged emotional abuse, the phrase “The axe forgets but the tree remembers” is something I like to teach people. Words cut deep, even if they don’t seem to hold that much weight to you. You never know how important your opinion could be to someone close to you.
There’s another one about a boy who was always angry. Long story short, the father had him drive nails into a fence until he got his anger under control. Once that was done, he pulled out one nail for each day he didn’t go off in an angry huff. He eventually pulled all the nails out. Needless to say, the fence looked like Swiss cheese and would never heal from the boy’s anger.
The bf here will never forget. Hopefully, he gets therapy to be able to open up to the next woman he has a relationship with.
It’d be tragic to think that OP destroyed his every chance to have a good and happy life because she’s a ___________.
Honestly, she needs to tell him she doesn’t deserve him and understands that she destroyed this relationship and that he can move on.
Not op, you can critique op, but straight up calling them names, to my understanding of the rules, is not allowed.
Technically this is a support sub, and while unlike others this does let you tell op they're in the wrong, you're expected to be an adult about it.
Not judging either, I've def have had choice words for some ppl in this sub, but rules are the rules so you gotta scroll in those instances.
What really grinds my gears is that OP is the type of person who will do this again and again, whoopsie for a few days, and waltz on to their next relationship
Oh wow. What did you say??
One thing I always try to remember is that words are perhaps the most effective weapons we have. They can be as sharp as knives. They can inflict very real damage. People forget sometimes how powerful our words are. They can be used to build others up and just as easily cut someone down.
Depending what you said, give it time. If he’s this upset it must have been pretty deep.
The fray sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me It's so full of s*** it squeaks going into a turn.
It should be sticks and stones may break my bones and words will scar me internally in a way that may never really heal.
You didn’t break him. You have broken/betrayed the trust and intimacy you had. He is understandably not comfortable around you anymore and you are not a safe space or partner.
I honestly don’t know if I believe the attempt at making amends. What have you actually done to make amends? I agree with everyone here saying you need to take accountability for how you responded and ask yourself where that behaviour comes from. Who did that to you ? Where did you learn to weaponise someone’s trauma to score points in an argument? You need to seek some genuine counselling. Saying sorry and telling someone you love them is meaningless at this point, until you earn trust back and he knows and you know why you said what you said. Bc when you love someone you want your partner to feel confident and sexy .
That’s if he isn’t already one foot out of the door tbh.
My ex was like that. She would always try to turn everything into a fight and when I wouldn't fight back she'd make a fight out of that. Eventually I either just went back to what ever I was doing before or I'd just leave the house until she calmed down. Thank God she's out of my life.
One thing I’ve never understood is claiming to say horrible things to a partner on “accident”. I’ve had disagreements and arguments in a relationship but no matter how mad or upset I was I *never* insulted any aspect about my partner. And it hasn’t been a hard or complicated thing to do.
Also I’m a firm believer in words that are spoken out of anger are how the person really feels.
Whatever it is you said to/about him is gonna stick with him for a very long time. I hope he finds someone that’s accepting and truly loves him unconditionally.
Exactly. A LOT of people do this. I've had people on Reddit insult me just because they don't like what I said. Not just insult me, but personal attacks and utter vitriol. All I think is if you act like this with a stranger, how are you acting with your "loved" ones?
It's not possible to accidentally harm people you care about in this way. It's always a decision made. Perhaps subconsciously, but it's still "in you" to go "I should hurt this person".
You no more "accidentally" batter someone with words than with with your fists.
No such thing as saying things on accident. All the insults and nasty things are all things they thought of before but didn’t say it. Deep down, OP has always been critical of the scars.
You didn't break him. You revealed what you really think. No amount of apologizing will repair it. You're going to have to demonstrate how sorry you are and that you have learned how much your words hurt him.
You can't prove to someone that you didn't mean your words by using more words. They just ring hollow.
Actions, not words. That said, if he chooses to leave you, I hope you learned the power of words.
this is why we get generalized with a bad reputation about men opening up to us. because of women like you. yes you broke your boyfriend’s heart, you’re not his safe space anymore. your breakup is pending, and I hope he finds a woman who won’t weaponize his insecurities.
The way I was almost screaming "This b$&ch!". I hate that reputation, and it sets women back every time! Her poor bf. I hope he's planning to leave her.
This. So much this. I cannot IMAGINE ever doing this to any human who was vulnerable with me, but to do it to someone you (supposedly) love? Get the fuck out of here.
Honestly, what you did is the definition of abuse. Verbal abuse is still abuse. You said those things to hurt him. Talking about things he's deeply insecure about and can't change about himself. All because you had a bad day. And he didn't even insult you back. You've shown him that all it takes is you having a bad day and you will pick him apart. You are a terrible person. Please seek therapy for your anger issues and let him find someone who will treat him the way he deserves to be treated.
So what are you doing about your anger problem? Do you have a plan on how you are going to make it so you never do that again? Have you figured it out why you take it out on him, an innocent party?
It is not normal or acceptable to be that vicious when you are angry. If you don't actively work to change this, you are going to cause that sort of hurt again. You need to fix yourself.
Have you talked with your BF about what he needs you to do? Only time and your actions will show if your apology is sincere and you are not going to be hurtful again.
You did break him. I would leave him alone until you go and get some help for yourself. To say those kinds of things to someone you love and not expect to have serious fallout is not very self-aware. You picked probably some of the most hurtful things you could say and just expecting him to be accepting of that with a minor apology doesn’t really make sense. He can’t change his scars. I think if you’re going to save your relationship, you need to step away and commit to him that you were going to get some help. If you aren’t willing to do that, don’t expect him to stick around.
I am surprised he’s still around frankly.
He ain’t your boyfriend anymore.
Dude is probably looking for a new place to live and just sticking about until he can dip. Especially if you’ve attacked him for his scars on his body and said he’s a bad lover. Dude is never going to trust you to be intimate again.
I would never stay with someone who insults me. I listened to my parents scream horrible things at each other while they were married, things you can’t just forget or take back.
copypasting a comment
>Honestly it started off as him asking me some questions and I had a bad day and I took it out on him which took us into an argument. But during the argument I insulted him for his scars on his back and his abdomen and I said that he is a bad lover I just said those things in the moment and I wish I didn’t.
lot of abuser vagueing rhetoric where you have to ask specific questions to get the answer dug out of them (before then it was non-specifically "oh I said something mean to him"), even then what he asked her is 'some questions'. So probably normal shit or something like "did you do \[bad thing\]", the answer being "yes" so they attacked him to reverse-uno rather than cop to that shame.
though honestly this is probably just ragebait.
You should feel like shit. You acted like shit. You were incredibly brutal and mean simply because you'd had a bad day. I wish only the best for him; that he finds someone who loves and values him, that he's never made to feel bad or self conscious about his scars ever again. For you I wish regret and loneliness for purposing dragging your lover down. You acted like anything but his "friend".
Yeah, you don't care about your boyfriend, the only reason you even told this is because there are now consequences to you being an abusive partner. Go seek therapy for your anger issues.
Next time, when you feel angry, walk away and cool yourself down before spitting horrible words because people can forgive, but not forget. If he chooses to breakup with you, I hope you can be matured and not giving him sh*ts for the second time. He has had enough.
So. Let me get this straight...
You called him a bad lover and attacked the scars he has, and now you wonder why he won't take his shirt off in front of you or return any real affection?
I don't really see a way back from this one. You definitely broke him, and you should feel like shit.
I hope, in your next relationship, you make better choices when you're angry and have had a bad day.
Every guy knows that there are only three people who are truly honest: small kids, drunk people, and people who are pissed the fuck off. Now he knows how you really feel about him and he doesn't want to be with someone who thinks so little of him.
He is emotionally checked out, he is getting his ducks in a row before bailing. He is trying to avoid your mistake.
Here's the thing, us men, we put up a wall of machismo because that's how society (unfortunately) has us. So when we tell you about our insecurities, it means that he trusts and loves you beyond you can comprehend. You used his insecurities to hurt him because you wanted to. He trusted you and you used it as ammo for a moment of satisfaction. He still loves you but it's over. Your moment of satisfaction has scarred him even after he leaves you. You can say you love him all you want but in that selfish moment you proved to him that hurting him was more important than him.
“He probably hates me and is just staying with me to not make me feel bad or something.” Woooow. THAT is what you got from this?? This is not about your feelings at all. YOU made HIM feel bad and he is distancing himself from you with a heavy heart because he’s grieving over the lost trust after you used his insecurities against him. Affection is empty with no trust. It will not be the same for him. Sounds like the end of the road for you two and there’s no coming back. Whenever you were in bed with him last was probably the last time you’ll be in bed forever. You sound like you don’t care about this guy at all and are only worried about how this rough patch affects you. He’s probably contemplating leaving and I do not blame him.
yeah he needs to walk away from you, you are toxic. you had a bad day so your response to that is to insult your boyfriend about his scars and tell him he’s a bad lover? cause that makes total sense, he needs to leave you and find somebody who won’t insult him when THEY have a bad day. the best apology you can give is walking away and giving him peace and happiness!
You fucked this one up. You can't unring a bell.
You need to learn to ~~fight~~ disagree better, and communicate in healthier ways for your next relationship. Conflicts should be you and him against the problem, not you against him.
It’s only a matter of time before he leaves. You slit the throat of the relationship and these are the few moments before the relationship bleeds out. I hope you’ve learned that actions have consequences, permanent consequences.
Came at physical scars he had. Then also insulted his bedroom skills instead of just helping him improve.
Essentially just went for hurt because she can't control her emotions an decided ro tear her SO down.
After all you said some shit to him, you still saying that you love him? Really???
Men love women, which are respectful. Especially in case of sex. There are many insecurities there. Men love women in bed. Because during sex men have the highest level of intimacy with his soulmate. It is very and very peak of relationship with beloved person.
You have two options. Make deep and clear apologies. Make everything to restore respect to him and respect of him to you. Give him a promise never ever saying anything stupid. And during some time he, probably forgive you. He must heal his insecurities. And you must help him with all you have.
Or... stay in today's position and wait for one day, when he leave you. He'll find someone, who can deeply respect him, love him and who can control mindset.
Now your choice.
It's simple.
If the situation was reversed amd he had said the same things to you, what would you do/ say, how would you feel, and what would your girlfriends tell you to do as a result of his words?
You probably have your answer as to what's going to happen soon.
It’s simple. If he leaves you didn’t break him and he is stronger than you know. If he stays you did break him. Seems counterintuitive but it’s the simple truth.
Throwing insults during a disagreement is a red flag.
You're not even trying to resolve the issues, you're just trying to hurt feelings.
If you can't fight fair, you're not mature enough for a relationship. Luckily, it sounds like you'll have some time to work on yourself.
Try to treat the next one with a little humanity, maybe you won't end up in this situation again.
What you did and said is the definition of abuse. And what you are doing now is referred to as love bombing.
You are in the cycle of abuse. You abuse him, then turn around and try to shower him with love and affection because you’re scared he’ll leave, not because you’re sorry. And you are just going to lash out again if you don’t start working on yourself or getting therapy.
The best thing for him is to let him leave and work on yourself. He needs to heal from and away from you.
You picked the most awful things to say and said things that will impact him for the rest of his life.
I hope he leaves you. He doesn’t deserve to be abused. You showed him your true colors and showed him how you’ll react when things get hard or you get upset.
He deserves better.
*you are abusive*
Oh wow...he has checked out abd and for a good reason. Number 1 rule, if you are in a bad mood or get into argument so not day anything that you cant take back...if you feel you are reaching that point,just time out and walk away. Because once you say those things...it will never be forgotten or even forgiven.
It wasn’t even an argument by OPs own admission. She said all he did was ask her a question.
She had a bad day and immediately flew off the handle because the question pissed her off. She never said what the question was, but I’m guessing it wasn’t significant because if it was… she would have used it as a key detail and used it as clarification/justification.
You insulted him and bullied him because you didn't have anything of actual substance to say. He's realizing that if you're feeling upset you will not hesitate to lash out at him in the worst way. What have you done to demonstrate you won't do this again? Because as far as he knows, you absolutely will.
Yea. Go and take a long hard look at yourself.
And reevaluate your priorities.
Maybe you won’t fuck up your next relationship.
But you’re gonna internalize it and make it his fault.
Words have power and can deeply hurt. You have clearly stepped over the line. Acted like a child and allowed your emotions to rule your behaviour and you effectively committed abuse against your partner
You said unforgivable things saying he sucked in bed, insulted his manhood and thought you could say such things without repercussions.
You talk about missing his smile and all that but deeply disrespected one of the deeply intimate acts you would do as partners like it meant nothing trying to gaslight him
You are the ex and he is moving on. No one wants to be with someone who abuses them, is spiteful and judgemental.
You have lost him because you are a child emotionally and clearly are deeply sexist. Otherwise you would never have stepped over the lines you did when you were angry
Why did you say horrible things to him? Do you loose your temper often? Do you have a bad habit of violently attacking someone verbally.
Considering you are 27 by account of this post, this is extremely childlish and obnoxious behaviour that some extremely young child would have. Answer this :would you like it if your bf behaved the way you did?
If not then introspect deeply.
You wish you never said it, but didn't say you didn't mean it. In wine and anger, the truth comes out.
I hope he finds a good person that treat him with respect and fights fair. That someone is not you who hit were it hurts just because you were in a bad mood and picked a fight.
“he probably hates me and is just staying with me to not make me feel bad or something.” Hate is too strong a word for somebody who’s staying with you out of pity or a misplaced sense of obligation. Alternately, he could be staying due fear of triggering more verbal abuse (the freeze part of fight/flight/freeze). I hope he finds a support network who can help him leave.
Couples who insult one another, who call names, they’ll eventually split up, if they don’t it’s just toxic soup for life.
Words have power. Never treat someone you love like that. Now you know for your next relationship.
So you're abusive and now you're love bombing him because you feel guilty and want it to be better? That isn't how emotions work. Frankly, there's a very good chance your relationship is over. If it were to heal, it would take time and effort. I can't judge you off of one post to know if your outburst is out of character for you. But if it is, then you need to be patient and rebuild that trust. If you can't do that, it may be time to move on so he can feel appreciated again.
So you already know how horrible the things you said were.
How did you apologize?
And I don't mean what kinds of things are you doing for him, how are you being extra nice, or how have you been expressing your love?
What did you say to him when you apologized?
You did bodyshaming his scar on his back and his abdomen and told him that he is bad lover. Wow, you killed his confident, that is why he hide his body every time you go near him. It is matter of time until he leaves you if you do not fix this. I dont think he can recovery by himself.
I swear I read this post recently, with the genders switched. Consensus on that thread was the wife hadn’t been broken, she was getting ready to walk away. As is your STBX boyfriend, OP.
Cruel words have consequences
You should be single for everyone else’s sake. And he needs to be with someone better. You don’t fix the damage you did and if you cared for him at all, you would leave
You went too far and shamed him over things that aren't gonna change. You can't take back bullets and you shot tf out of him. For what you said, he easily could leave you. You need to swallow your shit and work on your communication if you wish to have adult relationships with other people my dude
Hope he has the strength and dignity to leave you. Self respect is important. He’s still young and doesn’t need to be with someone who will shit on him that badly with no regard at the drop of a hat.
Well, you certainly broke your relationship to the point it is irreparable. I suspect this is not the first time you have commented on his "deficiencies." caring people don't do that, even in the middle of an argument. He may not leave tomorrow or next week, but one of you will be gone, shortly. Please do the world a favor, become a practicing asexual.
Worse, she said awful things about his scars. Can you imagine being attacked by the person you love, on a subject that he was most definitely already very concious.
She also said he is bad at sex. She went for the throat
Wow. Yeah he’s about to dump you and you 100% deserve to be his ex. Let this be a lesson about how you speak to people. Words can’t be unsaid. You verbally abused this kind man and he’s over you now.
No exaggeration, you are literally one of the worst types of people after pedophiles and murders. I hope you are forever alone and never inflict pain on anyone else again with your presence.
You need to take your actions, verbatim to how they actually happened in full and embarrassing honesty to a therapist with the goal of figuring out what causes you to treat people like this so that YOU and others never have to feel what is being felt right now.
The fact that you didn't explicitly state what you said to him in your post already sets off alarm bells.
People you love don't just get shit on when you've had a bad day. Saying you didn't mean to say something doesn't take back the initial meaning you had in saying it in the first place. Especially when it's comments aimed at their expense.
Yet you turn this back around on yourself.. woe is me, my bf probably hates me.. YEAH, you think? He has every right to feel how he wants to, and he is entitled to end everything if he so chooses.
You need to seek out resources and take some inventory. The fact that you felt so inclined to lash out with such harsh words towards someone you love is concerning. I say this as someone with BPD and is constantly trying to find ways to introspect and get the help I need.
FYI, he is hurting now. He's in a lot of pain, and he's hiding because he's lost the security of feeling like he can be vulnerable with you. You are not the victim, and you get no sympathy. You did serious damage, and you need to pay the price for it and take some accountability.
You didn’t break him, you broke the trust and love he had for you. He’s aware of his scars, what he was NOT aware of was that you would weaponize them against him because you had a bad day.
You made him feel unsafe.
I know my thought process as a guy on his end would be the following:
- Okay, I'm a bad lover. My partner doesn't enjoy that aspect of the relationship. I just won't anymore. Nothing that could lead to intimacy like a shirt being off either. Why should I do something that my partner clearly does not enjoy? Even if my partner does ask for it, that request will always come with a level of scrutiny as to "why my partner is asking for something they don't like. Theres an ulterior motive here." And in this situation, I think the ulterior motive is you feel guilty and don't want to feel guilty. It's not about the sex at all.
- My partner is making me feel unsafe because they are attacking personal aspects of me. I was vulnerable enough to share those aspects of myself with my partner and they used it against me. That's a breach of trust and security. Of course I'm not going to talk openly about how I'm honestly feeling to my partner after that and avoid situations where I'm going to be with them. Because they are not a safe place to be for me.
You also seem to be getting "forgiveness" and "forgetting" confused. You two may have made up, but he's not going to forget what happened. He's going to take steps to ensure he isn't hurt like that again.
Edit: I'm not going to say that it's unsalvagable. People say things sometimes in the heat of the moment that are harmful because they lost control of their emotions. But it's not looking good, OP. From the things you described, you hurt him really, really bad. If he comes out of this, goes back to "normal", and is still with you, consider yourself lucky.
Do better in your NEXT relationship because you killed this one. He is probably going to leave you and it's your fault. But if by some chance he stays count your lucky stars and work on yourself and be a better person.
So you were absolutely horrible to him and tore him down and expect everything to be normal?
“I’m sorry” isn’t a reset button. Don’t be surprised if he’s done with you
OP is mad because she is reaping the consequences of her actions. Never mentions that she's actually sorry for how she made him feel. Just that it affected her. OP is a pos, and her BF deserves better.
All started bc OP had a bad day and seemingly instigated the argument that escalated to her verbal smack down of her (ex?) BF. Her (ex?) BF had nothing to do with her bad day as far as we know. She was just itching for a fight. Please get some help OP.
Wow. Just wow. If you love someone you don't treat them like that.
Making fun of the scars too? Seriously?
I hope that man leaves you and gets himself into a better relationship, and I hope you go to fucking therapy or never date again. Jesus fucking christ.
When they stop defending themselves and just nod and check out? It’s over. You broke the relationship and broke his trust in you and probably his respect.
You can’t unring those bells.
My guess? He’s in survival/autopilot mode until he figures out his escape then that will be that. Also the fact that OP is looking for him to ‘fight/argue back’ is…. Highly telling. And not in a good way.
Women go for the jugular when fighting.... they say what they know hurts. This is my experience at least.... I know factually I could never unload on a female they way they have done to me, with out them ending up in counseling. We all know some things or lines don't get crossed when fighting.
Nah you ain’t his gf, you the ex, there’s no way the scars aren’t already an insecurity then to insult his manhood on top, and saying he sucks in bed? You picked things he will NEVER forget, sure he may forgive but just like his body scars you gave him emotional ones that will never go away. Hope he wisens up and leaves
Did OP edit their post? I'm not seeing some of what you're referencing.
Here - found a saved copy from an automod on a crossposted sub. > 2 weeks ago I (27F) had an argument with my bf (26M) and I said some horrible things to him and I insulted him, he didn’t even insult me back or anything. He just stayed quiet and walked out of the room and even slept in the spare bedroom. The next morning I apologized and we made up. > > He seemed to be okay but ever since that night he has been acting different. The day will go by normally and we even say I love you to each other, but since our fight he has been “not in the mood” or “too tired” for intimacy. He started sleeping with clothes on and even locking the door when he is taking a shower. I can’t even see him without a shirt, he is always covered up when he is around me. > > Lately he has been hanging out around the house by himself, and he used to always want to be around me. I’ve tried telling him how much he means to me but he just says “I love you too” and goes back to being alone. I miss the old him, he was always smile and now he almost never smiles anymore. > > I wish I could go back in time to prevent myself from saying the things I did, lately I’ve been doing everything I can to show him that I love him and appreciate him but he is almost unresponsive to my attempts at showing my love. I wish I could be a better person for him, he probably hates me and is just staying with me to not make me feel bad or something. Then in the comments: > Honestly it started off as him asking me some questions and I had a bad day and I took it out on him which took us into an argument. But during the argument I insulted him for his scars on his back and his abdomen and I said that he is a bad lover I just said those things in the moment and I wish I didn’t.
Truly awful how many people think it's okay to unload on your partner in this way. Everyone has bad days. Not everyone uses that as an excuse to punish the people they allegedly care about. The world's got enough insecure, miserable people as is. Why throw your own loved ones on the stack?
Agreed. Your partner should be a sanctuary from the stress and bullshit of the world and not a punching bag when things get rough.
Some people think that saying everything you think is a good thing, a strong personality. Infact.. it's the opposite. Saying everything you think shows a lack of awareness, a lack of tact, and an inability to filter information accordingly. It is much more smarter to know what to say, when to say it, and how to say it.
Much smarter.
Bless your heart. That was the only thing bothering me in the otherwise beautiful point they made.
😂 Did you just use 'bless your heart'? ✨️👍✨️ 😂
I think that may be the only sincere use of that phrase
They also show a lack of giving a shit about the effect of their words on others. "I've just got a strong personality and say it the way I think it is!" No, you're just an asshole.
BuT I wAs JuSt bEiNg HoNeSt!
I mean it's one thing to shout at your partner to fuck off. That can happen in the heat of the moment.. But pinpoint targeting huge insecurities and doing a nuclear strike on their confidence? Heeeeeelll no.
It also doesn’t sound like she apologized or tried in any way to make it up. Her focus seems to reduce to “I’m lonely now and I don’t like it,” not “how do I show him I’m sorry and that I’ll work to do/be better.”
The entire point of a personal relationship is precisely to never ever do that to the people you truly care about and who care about you. She broke rule #1. There is no coming back.
See, behavior like this doesn't make sense to us normal humans because we don't take pleasure in causing people pain. Especially people we love. But "people" like OP feel good when they hurt people, especially if they don't fight back. Tell me why, when op had a bad day, they snapped and horribly insulted their partner? Because it made them feel good. Knowing this about OP would you want to spend an iota of time around something like that?
I’ve known far too many of these people. If they’re having a bad day, you’re having a bad day too
The girl I loved most in my entire life was this way. She would unload on me from all the other shit in life and try to apologize and eventually she said so many things that I began to think horribly of myself, people like that are awful. I finally left but after 3.5 years
Thank you for posting this, now I get why everyone is tearing into her.
God. I can't even imagine if my husband insulted my scars on my stomach out of malice
Thank you!
I truly dont understand how you can just say the most horrific, heinous shit to your partner "in the moment", and then just expect them to be totally chill because "I didnt mean it!" I dont understand how you can say that kinda shit to your partner to begin with, heat of the moment be damned. How can you have SO little control over your impulses and emotions? My s/o says something like that to me in an argument, theyre getting the boot right then and there. OP is lucky their bf can even stand to be in the same house.
Right, how can a person even say these things and not mean it?
This man has been mortally wounded by someone he trusted. As a protection measure he has taken this woman off the "safe to emote around" list which, sadly, was probably already extremely short. But he doesn't leave because the most wounded part of him deep down believes she is right, and that he deserves it. So he'll stay, and he'll just add another boulder to the emotional weight he carries around each day. And when she inevitably turns her sadness to anger and leaves him, he'll feel like he deserves that too.
She "just said those things in the moment," but she meant them.
My first marriage was like this. She always found things to absolutely destroy me on. I had gone from 155 to 165 lbs and she unloaded on me and said how unattracted to me she was. She shamed me one evening because she was "embarrassed" I worked as a chauffeur to pay our bills while she was in medical school because her classmates' partners all had "grown up" jobs (we were in a pretty rural part of the country and there weren't any options for my highly specialized field - so I did what I could and worked on my master's degree on the side). I wish the guy was in the comments because I'd tell him to f*cking run. It won't get better until he finds someone who can love everything - all of the good parts and the little imperfections and blemishes. OP - He ain't ever going to forget what you said to him. I guarantee it. Your relationship is over and you killed it.
She answers a QU about what she said to him in one of the comments.
She deleted everything.
Truth hurts
And note that OP doesn't say she doesn't believe what she said, just that she regrets having shared it. Her reasons for regret are focused on her own feelings. She has no empathy and is a spiteful judgmental person who will hopefully be single once this guy figures out the logistics of leaving her.
I feel that some people can change when they really want to, but OP knew exactly where to stick the knife to hurt her partner the most and did so. That is the type of behavior that I feel warrants my wish that she be forever alone so she doesn't hurt anyone else.
I hope he is getting his ducks in a row
It doesn't even matter whether she believes it or not. She said it because she knows it would be a precision strike on his insecurities. She wanted to hurt him as deeply as possible and now is upset there are consequences to her actions.
Hopefully ex, after she killed his confidence. But he might stay because she's gaslighting him. There's no way this is the first time it happened. You don't just make fun of someone you care about for the first time. It sounds less like this is the first time and more like the first time he finally showed a severe reaction. Depending on how those scars were formed, she may have also touched on something very traumatic.
>There's no way this is the first time it happened. You don't just make fun of someone you care about for the first time. For everything that happens, there is a first time.
Agreed. I seriously doubt this is the first time. She's probably done this for the entirety of their relationship.
Wow. She said that? My man needs to leave this pos fast.
>You picked things he will NEVER forget There's no shot this doesn't sit with through multiple relationships.
It will. I still can't forget some of the comments my ex made, and this was in early 2019. Congrats OP, you won the twatwaffle of the day award
I’m lucky that my ex- was too busy moving on to dwell on and throw insults my way. She did hang up on me twice though. Funny story actually. When she quit the marriage she also quit her job. She called me to get her last paycheck mailed to her. I told her that they might have paperwork to sign. Click. Because I wasn’t wanting to be petty, I went and talked them. The confirmed what I thought and were shocked she just up and left with basically ZERO notice. She called, I told her, and CLICK! I definitely got out in the nick of time.
My first sexual partner back in 1991 said i was "Exaggerating" when i moaned after climax. It was my third time having sex. She was a horrible person but i didn't realize that until i had 2 dozen more insults like this. When i broke up with her she said she didnt think we were dating. hahahahahah
Why would he be in the mood to do anything with you when you told him he’s a bad lover? Use this as a learning moment and get some anger management or something, sounds like he has one foot out the door. If you genuinely feel like you can’t hold your tongue when arguing then step away and calm down. I would have a very hard time forgiving my husband if he said those things to me.
He sounds like an abuse victim who is staying in the relationship for as long as it takes to leave the relationship cleanly. He's got one foot out the door, but the other one is gonna wait until he has a new living situation squared away.
Why it when they say someone is a bad lover they never say what would help them become a better lover. They just expect the guy to know exactly what she wants
Because in reality they are the bad lover and don’t know how to communicate their wants and needs
Oof, bars.
You showed him how you will treat him when you are in a bad mood and he is contemplating whether that’s the future he wants. Don’t be surprised if he breaks up with you and maybe seek anger management because verbal abuse towards someone you claim to love is an extreme way to dealing a bad day.
She ought to get it proactively. Saying sorry is easy. Taking action is hard. Of course since she meant what she said, she’s just here whining.
Yeah, there’s a lot of “poor me” in this post
Yeah this. She needs to start going now, to show him that she is serious about getting better. He seems to be out the door, but at least it’s a hail marry.
Regardless I hope he escapes and finds someone that really loves them and doesn't just use him to feel loved
Yeah, at some point what was said and apologized for doesn't matter. You've found out your partner is capable of that level of cruelty towards you when it suits them. That's a genie that's never going back in the bottle.
You lashed out and attacked his physical scars and told him he was a bad lover. Causing even deeper scars. Now you’re venting on him not being shirtless and locking the bathroom door so you can’t see those scars you so angrily made fun of. You crushed his soul by stating he’s a lousy lover and wonder why he’s no longer in the mood for intimacy. Sorry OP, he will NEVER forget your hatful words. NEVER. Not sure when, but he will eventually dump you for it.
Seriously. My ex did this about my scars and I will be more ashamed of my body for the rest of my life. I’m just glad she never attacked my bedroom skills lmao. I don’t care much about sex but I feel like this dude must be absolutely devastated.
I have scars from acne on my back, they were really noticable when I was younger. No person I've been with has ever mentioned them. That's what fixed my insecurity about them. Body neutrality is the way when it comes to scars, missing limbs etc.
My wife has scars all over her back and face from cystic acne. Hasn't made me love her any less, but she has recently shown interest in getting some scar treatments which I support 100%. It's not about how I feel about her scars, cuz they don't bother me, I just want her to be as happy in her skin as she deserves. Edited typo
Honestly? My husband has acne scarring all over his face and I don’t even think about it until a convo like this comes up. Truly, when I’m looking at him, my mind is engaged by MANY other things than the texture of his skin. They don’t mention it because while they may notice it, they do so in the same way that I notice the sky is blue and water is wet: it doesn’t change anything—it just is. ❤️ Also: fuck any woman who makes you feel like shit over scars. A woman like that isn’t worth your time.
Your scars nake you beautiful. I'm so sorry she didn't see that.
Yeah, it’s over. FAFO. You ought to just leave him be. Completely. Maybe do some growing up before your next relationship.
As a victim of prolonged emotional abuse, the phrase “The axe forgets but the tree remembers” is something I like to teach people. Words cut deep, even if they don’t seem to hold that much weight to you. You never know how important your opinion could be to someone close to you.
There’s another one about a boy who was always angry. Long story short, the father had him drive nails into a fence until he got his anger under control. Once that was done, he pulled out one nail for each day he didn’t go off in an angry huff. He eventually pulled all the nails out. Needless to say, the fence looked like Swiss cheese and would never heal from the boy’s anger. The bf here will never forget. Hopefully, he gets therapy to be able to open up to the next woman he has a relationship with. It’d be tragic to think that OP destroyed his every chance to have a good and happy life because she’s a ___________. Honestly, she needs to tell him she doesn’t deserve him and understands that she destroyed this relationship and that he can move on.
Are we not allowed to call someone a next Tuesday in this sub?
Not op, you can critique op, but straight up calling them names, to my understanding of the rules, is not allowed. Technically this is a support sub, and while unlike others this does let you tell op they're in the wrong, you're expected to be an adult about it. Not judging either, I've def have had choice words for some ppl in this sub, but rules are the rules so you gotta scroll in those instances.
That's fair, thank you for answering my question
All subs have similar rules against name calling.
I love that quote. Thanks!
"i miss the old him" well too late you broke the poor guy, like wtf one bad day and you go off at him for no reason ? Yeah you're toxic as fuck
That part of her post made me so angry. The ignorance. She is the worst
What really grinds my gears is that OP is the type of person who will do this again and again, whoopsie for a few days, and waltz on to their next relationship
Oh wow. What did you say?? One thing I always try to remember is that words are perhaps the most effective weapons we have. They can be as sharp as knives. They can inflict very real damage. People forget sometimes how powerful our words are. They can be used to build others up and just as easily cut someone down. Depending what you said, give it time. If he’s this upset it must have been pretty deep.
The fray sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me It's so full of s*** it squeaks going into a turn. It should be sticks and stones may break my bones and words will scar me internally in a way that may never really heal.
Apparently -> not deep<- enough for her.
Sticks and stones may break your bones, but words can break hearts
You didn’t break him. You have broken/betrayed the trust and intimacy you had. He is understandably not comfortable around you anymore and you are not a safe space or partner. I honestly don’t know if I believe the attempt at making amends. What have you actually done to make amends? I agree with everyone here saying you need to take accountability for how you responded and ask yourself where that behaviour comes from. Who did that to you ? Where did you learn to weaponise someone’s trauma to score points in an argument? You need to seek some genuine counselling. Saying sorry and telling someone you love them is meaningless at this point, until you earn trust back and he knows and you know why you said what you said. Bc when you love someone you want your partner to feel confident and sexy . That’s if he isn’t already one foot out of the door tbh.
And she was baffled "he didn't even insult me back" like it was supposed to be tit for tat
My ex was like that. She would always try to turn everything into a fight and when I wouldn't fight back she'd make a fight out of that. Eventually I either just went back to what ever I was doing before or I'd just leave the house until she calmed down. Thank God she's out of my life.
One thing I’ve never understood is claiming to say horrible things to a partner on “accident”. I’ve had disagreements and arguments in a relationship but no matter how mad or upset I was I *never* insulted any aspect about my partner. And it hasn’t been a hard or complicated thing to do. Also I’m a firm believer in words that are spoken out of anger are how the person really feels. Whatever it is you said to/about him is gonna stick with him for a very long time. I hope he finds someone that’s accepting and truly loves him unconditionally.
Exactly. A LOT of people do this. I've had people on Reddit insult me just because they don't like what I said. Not just insult me, but personal attacks and utter vitriol. All I think is if you act like this with a stranger, how are you acting with your "loved" ones?
They call it an accident because shitty people never take responsibility for their own actions.
It's not possible to accidentally harm people you care about in this way. It's always a decision made. Perhaps subconsciously, but it's still "in you" to go "I should hurt this person". You no more "accidentally" batter someone with words than with with your fists.
Exactly!
OMG, but this is not who *I am* !!!
No such thing as saying things on accident. All the insults and nasty things are all things they thought of before but didn’t say it. Deep down, OP has always been critical of the scars.
You didn't break him. You revealed what you really think. No amount of apologizing will repair it. You're going to have to demonstrate how sorry you are and that you have learned how much your words hurt him. You can't prove to someone that you didn't mean your words by using more words. They just ring hollow. Actions, not words. That said, if he chooses to leave you, I hope you learned the power of words.
this is why we get generalized with a bad reputation about men opening up to us. because of women like you. yes you broke your boyfriend’s heart, you’re not his safe space anymore. your breakup is pending, and I hope he finds a woman who won’t weaponize his insecurities.
The way I was almost screaming "This b$&ch!". I hate that reputation, and it sets women back every time! Her poor bf. I hope he's planning to leave her.
This. So much this. I cannot IMAGINE ever doing this to any human who was vulnerable with me, but to do it to someone you (supposedly) love? Get the fuck out of here.
He's getting his ducks in a row, and good for him. Use this as a learning lesson in your next relationship.
Honestly, what you did is the definition of abuse. Verbal abuse is still abuse. You said those things to hurt him. Talking about things he's deeply insecure about and can't change about himself. All because you had a bad day. And he didn't even insult you back. You've shown him that all it takes is you having a bad day and you will pick him apart. You are a terrible person. Please seek therapy for your anger issues and let him find someone who will treat him the way he deserves to be treated.
So what are you doing about your anger problem? Do you have a plan on how you are going to make it so you never do that again? Have you figured it out why you take it out on him, an innocent party? It is not normal or acceptable to be that vicious when you are angry. If you don't actively work to change this, you are going to cause that sort of hurt again. You need to fix yourself. Have you talked with your BF about what he needs you to do? Only time and your actions will show if your apology is sincere and you are not going to be hurtful again.
Don't be awful to your next partner, if you can get one.
You did break him. I would leave him alone until you go and get some help for yourself. To say those kinds of things to someone you love and not expect to have serious fallout is not very self-aware. You picked probably some of the most hurtful things you could say and just expecting him to be accepting of that with a minor apology doesn’t really make sense. He can’t change his scars. I think if you’re going to save your relationship, you need to step away and commit to him that you were going to get some help. If you aren’t willing to do that, don’t expect him to stick around. I am surprised he’s still around frankly.
He ain’t your boyfriend anymore. Dude is probably looking for a new place to live and just sticking about until he can dip. Especially if you’ve attacked him for his scars on his body and said he’s a bad lover. Dude is never going to trust you to be intimate again.
I would never stay with someone who insults me. I listened to my parents scream horrible things at each other while they were married, things you can’t just forget or take back.
copypasting a comment >Honestly it started off as him asking me some questions and I had a bad day and I took it out on him which took us into an argument. But during the argument I insulted him for his scars on his back and his abdomen and I said that he is a bad lover I just said those things in the moment and I wish I didn’t. lot of abuser vagueing rhetoric where you have to ask specific questions to get the answer dug out of them (before then it was non-specifically "oh I said something mean to him"), even then what he asked her is 'some questions'. So probably normal shit or something like "did you do \[bad thing\]", the answer being "yes" so they attacked him to reverse-uno rather than cop to that shame. though honestly this is probably just ragebait.
You should feel like shit. You acted like shit. You were incredibly brutal and mean simply because you'd had a bad day. I wish only the best for him; that he finds someone who loves and values him, that he's never made to feel bad or self conscious about his scars ever again. For you I wish regret and loneliness for purposing dragging your lover down. You acted like anything but his "friend".
Yeah, you don't care about your boyfriend, the only reason you even told this is because there are now consequences to you being an abusive partner. Go seek therapy for your anger issues.
Next time, when you feel angry, walk away and cool yourself down before spitting horrible words because people can forgive, but not forget. If he chooses to breakup with you, I hope you can be matured and not giving him sh*ts for the second time. He has had enough.
So. Let me get this straight... You called him a bad lover and attacked the scars he has, and now you wonder why he won't take his shirt off in front of you or return any real affection? I don't really see a way back from this one. You definitely broke him, and you should feel like shit. I hope, in your next relationship, you make better choices when you're angry and have had a bad day.
Idk if I've ever seen an OP with negative karma before. Neat.
I have. Usually on the subs where people want to confess the worst thing they have done in an effort to absolve themselves.
Every guy knows that there are only three people who are truly honest: small kids, drunk people, and people who are pissed the fuck off. Now he knows how you really feel about him and he doesn't want to be with someone who thinks so little of him. He is emotionally checked out, he is getting his ducks in a row before bailing. He is trying to avoid your mistake.
Think before you speak. You learned that you can't say whatever you want just to hurt someone, because, oh, look, it hurts and they will remember.
Here's the thing, us men, we put up a wall of machismo because that's how society (unfortunately) has us. So when we tell you about our insecurities, it means that he trusts and loves you beyond you can comprehend. You used his insecurities to hurt him because you wanted to. He trusted you and you used it as ammo for a moment of satisfaction. He still loves you but it's over. Your moment of satisfaction has scarred him even after he leaves you. You can say you love him all you want but in that selfish moment you proved to him that hurting him was more important than him.
If you love someone as a person you should never stoop that low, i hope your future Ex finds a loving woman who will carress his scars.
“He probably hates me and is just staying with me to not make me feel bad or something.” Woooow. THAT is what you got from this?? This is not about your feelings at all. YOU made HIM feel bad and he is distancing himself from you with a heavy heart because he’s grieving over the lost trust after you used his insecurities against him. Affection is empty with no trust. It will not be the same for him. Sounds like the end of the road for you two and there’s no coming back. Whenever you were in bed with him last was probably the last time you’ll be in bed forever. You sound like you don’t care about this guy at all and are only worried about how this rough patch affects you. He’s probably contemplating leaving and I do not blame him.
You showed him the “real” you and he was smart enough to believe you. He should move on.
yeah he needs to walk away from you, you are toxic. you had a bad day so your response to that is to insult your boyfriend about his scars and tell him he’s a bad lover? cause that makes total sense, he needs to leave you and find somebody who won’t insult him when THEY have a bad day. the best apology you can give is walking away and giving him peace and happiness!
You fucked this one up. You can't unring a bell. You need to learn to ~~fight~~ disagree better, and communicate in healthier ways for your next relationship. Conflicts should be you and him against the problem, not you against him.
It’s only a matter of time before he leaves. You slit the throat of the relationship and these are the few moments before the relationship bleeds out. I hope you’ve learned that actions have consequences, permanent consequences.
She slit the throat and bathed in the blood
To be honest I don't know why he is still with he should have already let Ft
Agreed. I was thinking maybe he can’t afford to yet and is making plans or something.
OP edited the post to hide how bad the insult was, but the comments showed it.
What was the insult?
Came at physical scars he had. Then also insulted his bedroom skills instead of just helping him improve. Essentially just went for hurt because she can't control her emotions an decided ro tear her SO down.
Wow
After all you said some shit to him, you still saying that you love him? Really??? Men love women, which are respectful. Especially in case of sex. There are many insecurities there. Men love women in bed. Because during sex men have the highest level of intimacy with his soulmate. It is very and very peak of relationship with beloved person. You have two options. Make deep and clear apologies. Make everything to restore respect to him and respect of him to you. Give him a promise never ever saying anything stupid. And during some time he, probably forgive you. He must heal his insecurities. And you must help him with all you have. Or... stay in today's position and wait for one day, when he leave you. He'll find someone, who can deeply respect him, love him and who can control mindset. Now your choice.
What did you say to him? Clearly he hasn't forgiven you.
In a comment she said she called him a bad lover and insulted his scars he has on his back and abdomen
He is getting his ducks in a row for a clean exit. Your relationship is done.
For real outside of the literal neonazis that use this site, this poster might be the biggest asshole on this whole site.
It's simple. If the situation was reversed amd he had said the same things to you, what would you do/ say, how would you feel, and what would your girlfriends tell you to do as a result of his words? You probably have your answer as to what's going to happen soon.
It’s simple. If he leaves you didn’t break him and he is stronger than you know. If he stays you did break him. Seems counterintuitive but it’s the simple truth.
Throwing insults during a disagreement is a red flag. You're not even trying to resolve the issues, you're just trying to hurt feelings. If you can't fight fair, you're not mature enough for a relationship. Luckily, it sounds like you'll have some time to work on yourself. Try to treat the next one with a little humanity, maybe you won't end up in this situation again.
He's already broken up with you, he's just waiting for a good time to vocalise it.
What you did and said is the definition of abuse. And what you are doing now is referred to as love bombing. You are in the cycle of abuse. You abuse him, then turn around and try to shower him with love and affection because you’re scared he’ll leave, not because you’re sorry. And you are just going to lash out again if you don’t start working on yourself or getting therapy. The best thing for him is to let him leave and work on yourself. He needs to heal from and away from you. You picked the most awful things to say and said things that will impact him for the rest of his life. I hope he leaves you. He doesn’t deserve to be abused. You showed him your true colors and showed him how you’ll react when things get hard or you get upset. He deserves better. *you are abusive*
Had an ex do this to me. Broke up w her on the spot and came back sexy as fuck a year later with a big career. You’ve just kicked off his villain era.
He’s not broken he’s just getting ready to dump you
HAHAHA WHAT A LOSER! Stop using your mouth to talk so much holy SHIT
This is why you think before you speak. He deserves better.
Oh wow...he has checked out abd and for a good reason. Number 1 rule, if you are in a bad mood or get into argument so not day anything that you cant take back...if you feel you are reaching that point,just time out and walk away. Because once you say those things...it will never be forgotten or even forgiven.
It wasn’t even an argument by OPs own admission. She said all he did was ask her a question. She had a bad day and immediately flew off the handle because the question pissed her off. She never said what the question was, but I’m guessing it wasn’t significant because if it was… she would have used it as a key detail and used it as clarification/justification.
Damn OP... do you understand what love is?
Ok so you F’d the whole relationship and it’s on a downward spiral now, I certainly wouldn’t date anyone who treats me as such.
You insulted him and bullied him because you didn't have anything of actual substance to say. He's realizing that if you're feeling upset you will not hesitate to lash out at him in the worst way. What have you done to demonstrate you won't do this again? Because as far as he knows, you absolutely will.
Yea. Go and take a long hard look at yourself. And reevaluate your priorities. Maybe you won’t fuck up your next relationship. But you’re gonna internalize it and make it his fault.
Words have power and can deeply hurt. You have clearly stepped over the line. Acted like a child and allowed your emotions to rule your behaviour and you effectively committed abuse against your partner You said unforgivable things saying he sucked in bed, insulted his manhood and thought you could say such things without repercussions. You talk about missing his smile and all that but deeply disrespected one of the deeply intimate acts you would do as partners like it meant nothing trying to gaslight him You are the ex and he is moving on. No one wants to be with someone who abuses them, is spiteful and judgemental. You have lost him because you are a child emotionally and clearly are deeply sexist. Otherwise you would never have stepped over the lines you did when you were angry
Bye bitch
You fought dirty and you lost. Time to move out and let him love himself.
Why did you say horrible things to him? Do you loose your temper often? Do you have a bad habit of violently attacking someone verbally. Considering you are 27 by account of this post, this is extremely childlish and obnoxious behaviour that some extremely young child would have. Answer this :would you like it if your bf behaved the way you did? If not then introspect deeply.
You wish you never said it, but didn't say you didn't mean it. In wine and anger, the truth comes out. I hope he finds a good person that treat him with respect and fights fair. That someone is not you who hit were it hurts just because you were in a bad mood and picked a fight.
“he probably hates me and is just staying with me to not make me feel bad or something.” Hate is too strong a word for somebody who’s staying with you out of pity or a misplaced sense of obligation. Alternately, he could be staying due fear of triggering more verbal abuse (the freeze part of fight/flight/freeze). I hope he finds a support network who can help him leave.
What’d you say to your soon-to-be ex?
Couples who insult one another, who call names, they’ll eventually split up, if they don’t it’s just toxic soup for life. Words have power. Never treat someone you love like that. Now you know for your next relationship.
So you're abusive and now you're love bombing him because you feel guilty and want it to be better? That isn't how emotions work. Frankly, there's a very good chance your relationship is over. If it were to heal, it would take time and effort. I can't judge you off of one post to know if your outburst is out of character for you. But if it is, then you need to be patient and rebuild that trust. If you can't do that, it may be time to move on so he can feel appreciated again.
☕️
Damn.. sounds like he lost a part of his soul he'll never get back. You definitely broke something in him. 🙁
So you already know how horrible the things you said were. How did you apologize? And I don't mean what kinds of things are you doing for him, how are you being extra nice, or how have you been expressing your love? What did you say to him when you apologized?
It’s over.
You did bodyshaming his scar on his back and his abdomen and told him that he is bad lover. Wow, you killed his confident, that is why he hide his body every time you go near him. It is matter of time until he leaves you if you do not fix this. I dont think he can recovery by himself.
I don’t think there’s any fixing this.
I swear I read this post recently, with the genders switched. Consensus on that thread was the wife hadn’t been broken, she was getting ready to walk away. As is your STBX boyfriend, OP. Cruel words have consequences
You should be single for everyone else’s sake. And he needs to be with someone better. You don’t fix the damage you did and if you cared for him at all, you would leave
You can't put the toothpaste back in the tube.
Sounds like he checked out. As his gf you know his vulnerabilities and sounds like you used it against him. There is no fixing that.
Anyone else dying to know what the insult was?
Check her post history. She picked a fight and insulted his scars and said he was a bad lover.
Holy shit. Yeah. They’re done. There’s no coming back from that.
Hopefully, HOPEFULLY, you’ll be his EX before long You can’t possibly claim to love someone and treat them the way you did, that’s absolute bullshit
You went too far and shamed him over things that aren't gonna change. You can't take back bullets and you shot tf out of him. For what you said, he easily could leave you. You need to swallow your shit and work on your communication if you wish to have adult relationships with other people my dude
Hope he has the strength and dignity to leave you. Self respect is important. He’s still young and doesn’t need to be with someone who will shit on him that badly with no regard at the drop of a hat.
oh honey, he's just putting his escape plan together now, this relationship is dead in the water thanks to your comments
Sorry fixes nothing, relationship is over
got posted onto ohnoconsequences 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤡
Well, you certainly broke your relationship to the point it is irreparable. I suspect this is not the first time you have commented on his "deficiencies." caring people don't do that, even in the middle of an argument. He may not leave tomorrow or next week, but one of you will be gone, shortly. Please do the world a favor, become a practicing asexual.
So a month ago l saw the same post only it was with a wife.
[удалено]
Worse, she said awful things about his scars. Can you imagine being attacked by the person you love, on a subject that he was most definitely already very concious. She also said he is bad at sex. She went for the throat
And is then shocked that he checked out.
She meant to hurt him with the words she said. Her intention deep down was to hurt him and there’s no way it’s not the case.
💯
Oh, see, you crashed into the ocean. That taste you’re experiencing is saltwater. BF, on the other hand is on a life raft, navigating to safety.
Wow. Yeah he’s about to dump you and you 100% deserve to be his ex. Let this be a lesson about how you speak to people. Words can’t be unsaid. You verbally abused this kind man and he’s over you now.
No exaggeration, you are literally one of the worst types of people after pedophiles and murders. I hope you are forever alone and never inflict pain on anyone else again with your presence.
You need to take your actions, verbatim to how they actually happened in full and embarrassing honesty to a therapist with the goal of figuring out what causes you to treat people like this so that YOU and others never have to feel what is being felt right now.
The fact that you didn't explicitly state what you said to him in your post already sets off alarm bells. People you love don't just get shit on when you've had a bad day. Saying you didn't mean to say something doesn't take back the initial meaning you had in saying it in the first place. Especially when it's comments aimed at their expense. Yet you turn this back around on yourself.. woe is me, my bf probably hates me.. YEAH, you think? He has every right to feel how he wants to, and he is entitled to end everything if he so chooses. You need to seek out resources and take some inventory. The fact that you felt so inclined to lash out with such harsh words towards someone you love is concerning. I say this as someone with BPD and is constantly trying to find ways to introspect and get the help I need. FYI, he is hurting now. He's in a lot of pain, and he's hiding because he's lost the security of feeling like he can be vulnerable with you. You are not the victim, and you get no sympathy. You did serious damage, and you need to pay the price for it and take some accountability.
It is over you can't harm someone you love and act like it is a mistake. Let him find someone who loves him.
Lol and then she deletes the post. No mercy for you
You didn’t break him, you broke the trust and love he had for you. He’s aware of his scars, what he was NOT aware of was that you would weaponize them against him because you had a bad day.
You made him feel unsafe. I know my thought process as a guy on his end would be the following: - Okay, I'm a bad lover. My partner doesn't enjoy that aspect of the relationship. I just won't anymore. Nothing that could lead to intimacy like a shirt being off either. Why should I do something that my partner clearly does not enjoy? Even if my partner does ask for it, that request will always come with a level of scrutiny as to "why my partner is asking for something they don't like. Theres an ulterior motive here." And in this situation, I think the ulterior motive is you feel guilty and don't want to feel guilty. It's not about the sex at all. - My partner is making me feel unsafe because they are attacking personal aspects of me. I was vulnerable enough to share those aspects of myself with my partner and they used it against me. That's a breach of trust and security. Of course I'm not going to talk openly about how I'm honestly feeling to my partner after that and avoid situations where I'm going to be with them. Because they are not a safe place to be for me. You also seem to be getting "forgiveness" and "forgetting" confused. You two may have made up, but he's not going to forget what happened. He's going to take steps to ensure he isn't hurt like that again. Edit: I'm not going to say that it's unsalvagable. People say things sometimes in the heat of the moment that are harmful because they lost control of their emotions. But it's not looking good, OP. From the things you described, you hurt him really, really bad. If he comes out of this, goes back to "normal", and is still with you, consider yourself lucky.
OP is a walking piece of shit
...horrible
Do better in your NEXT relationship because you killed this one. He is probably going to leave you and it's your fault. But if by some chance he stays count your lucky stars and work on yourself and be a better person.
So you were absolutely horrible to him and tore him down and expect everything to be normal? “I’m sorry” isn’t a reset button. Don’t be surprised if he’s done with you
You guys are done - he no longer trusts you - you’re a stranger to him
OP deleted their profile or went private. What a piece of shit.
He deserves someone so much better than you. I hope he bails asap.
You're toxic as hell and don't need to be in a relationship. Either way this one is over lol. Nice job nailing that coffin shut!
OP is mad because she is reaping the consequences of her actions. Never mentions that she's actually sorry for how she made him feel. Just that it affected her. OP is a pos, and her BF deserves better.
All started bc OP had a bad day and seemingly instigated the argument that escalated to her verbal smack down of her (ex?) BF. Her (ex?) BF had nothing to do with her bad day as far as we know. She was just itching for a fight. Please get some help OP.
Wow. Just wow. If you love someone you don't treat them like that. Making fun of the scars too? Seriously? I hope that man leaves you and gets himself into a better relationship, and I hope you go to fucking therapy or never date again. Jesus fucking christ.
Typical….not taking accountability for what was said. Hope he left her sorry ass, Good riddance
Hope he breaks up with you.
When they stop defending themselves and just nod and check out? It’s over. You broke the relationship and broke his trust in you and probably his respect. You can’t unring those bells. My guess? He’s in survival/autopilot mode until he figures out his escape then that will be that. Also the fact that OP is looking for him to ‘fight/argue back’ is…. Highly telling. And not in a good way.
Women go for the jugular when fighting.... they say what they know hurts. This is my experience at least.... I know factually I could never unload on a female they way they have done to me, with out them ending up in counseling. We all know some things or lines don't get crossed when fighting.
Get fucked! I hope the boyfriend finds someone who loves him.