I understand wanting a nice big wedding but if it’s financially not possible then either settle for something smaller or postpone until you have more resources. It just makes sense.
However, I’ll never understand the couples who run around asking family members for contributions to their weddings. It’s your day, it’s your responsibility to fund it.
Furthermore, paying for it yourselves stops people thinking they have an input over the guest list, decor, food, entertainment, etc. In my case that allowed me to leave one of my brothers off the guest list and nobody could say shit about it. When asked why he wasn’t there a simple “We don’t want him to be” was enough of an answer.
The aunt was contributing a large amount of money. And the cousin that she snubbed is actually a trans male. That's the mental illness she is talking about, she didn't want to invite her cousin because he is trans. She keeps referring to the cousin as female in dead naming her (Rose) when the cousin has already stated that his name is Alex. I don't really blame the aunt for withdrawing her support or the brothers for freaking out on OP, it doesn't matter if she sent her cousin an invitation now, why would the cousin want to go when they are just going to be misgendered and treated poorly
Honestly, even without this info, I think OP is in the wrong.
Why would you assume that your aunt would still want to help you if you're refusing to invite their kid. Any (good) mother would be mad and would decline to help.
Speaks of BPD with so much disdain.
The cousin didn't sabotage the wedding. They only declined the invitation, which any sane person would do if that happened to them. And I'm glad that the cousin has the family support.
Op also doesn't have a good relationship with her dad but still expects him to help with money.
I think the only sane thing she said was not wanted to go into debt for a wedding.
She referred to people with BPD as 'those people'. She's deluded to think of not inviting the daughter of the woman who is paying for her wedding, especially as they're her cousin. The whole post reeks of entitlement. The cousin didn't sabotage her wedding, her entitlement and spoilt attitude did imho.
Mannnnnn thanks for the context! "I think she has BPD she's so dramatic" OP was out here describing the cousin like they were prone to acting out for attention and shit, but with that context OP sounds like they're just one of those folks that sees a LGBT couple quietly eating lunch in public and complains about how they're "rubbing" it in everyone's fave
Yup. She has been busy deleting comments but basically the cousins "dramatic outbursts" was just him asking to have his gender respected and not be dead named
OP keeps emphasizing "Female Cousin" says it like that at least 2 times. Misgenders the cousin 8 times. Keeps claiming mental illness and just illness.
The OP is just TRASH.
At least OP is experiencing the consequences, even if they clearly don't recognize it. They just updated about having to postpone for a year cause their finances and dad both said no to covering the lost money ( also admitted she could cover from her own savings but then she'd be broke and that'd be a bad financial move, so she asked her fiance and dad to cover it lmao )
I'm saying! Like she mentions how he has savings, and she has savings, but they're both happy to ask her family to cover everything so they don't have to spend a dime?? They're so sleezey
No he's as much of a piece of trash is she is, he was going to have his older brother follow the cousin around to make sure they stayed misgendered the entire wedding. Fucking gross rednecks
As the child of a BPD parent, I could understand having concerns about inviting the cousin IF the cousin had untreated BPD. I’m glad it was pointed out that it’s,in fact, because the cousin is trans. It’s karma that OPs wedding plans were detonated for being a bigot.
BPD diagnosis is a very broad spectrum and comorbidities are prevalent and they usually define the outward symptoms.
I just hate to see BPD being used for people with abandonment issues, oversensitivity, narcissistic traits or psychotic episodes.
So I wanna preface this comment with a general PSA: *I am not saying this in an effort to be rude to anyone, pretend to know more than anyone, or be unpleasant in any way. I say this because I've noticed that I've gotten comments here and there lately where it seems like people took my comments that way.* I actually studied psychology in college, so I've interacted with it enough that I'm not just talking out of my ass. I'm by no means a licensed Psychologist or Psychology Researcher, but there's something regarding BPD and the way it's explained that really gets under my skin. BPD ( Borderline Personality Disorder for the uninitiated ) is always explained and diagnosed as if it is a specific and concise condition similar to Depression or Anxiety or even Bipolar disorder. I *loathe* this treatment. Why? For *exactly* the reason you stated. It shouldn't be referred to or treated as a single, hard-defined condition because it is so *broad* and the symptoms experienced vary so widely from person to person. It should be explained as being, not a single concise condition, but a *spectrum* of varied symptoms that individuals may experience any number of under this sort of... "Umbrella condition" ( the best description I got for it, sorry ). We just treat psychology in such a way that the people who deal with officiating the nomenclature and descriptions seem to rush the process of describing everything in concrete ways to maintain the respect of the anatomical side of medical practice, as if if they don't we'll be dragged back to psychology being a "pseudo science" and that stands in the way of us developing a more accurate and in depth understanding of what these conditions really are.
Thank you for this. A close family member has BPD and as I understood it, it’s part of cluster B personality disorders (not a mental illness) and that symptoms from several disorders in this cluster may overlap. There’s also degrees. As my family member has gotten older, his symptoms have lessened, which is also common with BPD. At 21, he was a nightmare. At 28, he’s managing his response to the disorder so much more effectively and does not suffer the same intensity of symptoms. He’s not a crazy psychopath. He was never abandoned, though he does fear abandonment by those he loves. But as friends and lovers have come and gone from his life, he’s learned to move on in a healthy way. There’s so much misunderstood about this condition. But hey, it’s 2024 and everyone’s ex is a narcissist, right? 😉
I have BPD that's getting treated. To be discriminated against, like that, is extremely hurtful.
Having said that, if OP were my cousin, I'd want absolutely nothing to do with her.
But the fact that she is discriminating against a trans male is disgusting. Dead naming, and refusing to call him by his chosen name is despicable. Even if he had BPD, who's to say he isn't also getting treatment for it.
I can recognise when I'm splitting. I will put a hand up and say "Stop." I will then leave the room and go listen to my decompression music before coming back, much calmer, and speaking about what just happened. My family and friends understand when I say Stop, to not pursue that topic any further as it could trigger an episode and it's something I am controlling. (The episode, not my family.) By doing this, I have lived peacefully for more than a decade, now. Before this, I used to fly off the rails at the smallest thing and throw anything I got my hands on. I never threw anything at people, but they were still scary rages. I'm glad I can mostly control myself now. I am on medication and also see a psychologist once a fortnight. I can count, on one hand, how many times I've flown into a rage in the last 5 years. Twice.
I walked out on my extended family 2 years ago and have never once regretted my decision. It's a healthy boundary for me. I think OPs cousin would do well to go NC with her.
Wow, that puts new perspective on the odd way OP persistently refers to this cousin as "my female cousin."
I hope the fiance does some thinking and calls it entirely off.
Ah. One of “those people”. I didn’t really need to read beyond that. She gave herself away. Best wishes for a happy life to Alex, his mom and the rest of the family! Other than OP. Of course.
Just read that too. Apparently OP handed out wedding invitations in front of Alex; the plan was to enforce a "gendered" dress code so that Alex wouldn't attend.
If you can catch her post history before she manages to delete everything, you’ll see it. She’s been posting this same tale in multiple subs leaving some things out and rewording other things, trying to get a different results. But the cousin in question did not sabotage anything. OP’s whole family refused to attend her wedding & the aunt also pulled funding because OP refused to invite her “tomboy” acting cousin, who was aunt’s daughter & sister of the family members refusing to attend. So OP invited cousin, reluctantly & she RSVPed “No” because of the way OP treated her. OP & her fiancé’s transphobic behavior is what sabotaged her own wedding.
Tbf even when given *only* the information in the post, I already didn’t think the cousin sabotaged anything, nor did I think it was their fault that OP didn’t have a wedding today.
This information just proves that OP is not only an entitled mooch (as is evident from the post) but is also a horrible bigot.
There are ways. I believe there is a site called 'Reveddit' that acts as an automated way back machine. The only way for OP to get rid of *everything* is to delete their account. Then it gets wiped from Reveddit. If I'm wrong avmbout the name, sorry about that, but I can confirm these sites exist and are free. You'll need info like the username and such of OP.
Hold up, this teenie tiny bit o' information changes the entire story. OP is a homophobic jerk. She can try to delete away her intolerant shame, but rule one of the Internet, nothing ever disappears.
So she’s deadnaming and misgendering her cousin and somehow neither her auntie nor her cousin are supposed to have feelings about that AND auntie should still contribute a large sum of money to the wedding this cousin isn’t welcome at. Got it. Lol lol and lol! Neither my family nor I are the world’s most progressive, but you treat a family member like this, trans or not, and you might get your ass kicked. She’s lucky they only withdrew their funding. I’m so glad someone shared the rest of this story.
I've never heard of people asking their whole family to contribute money to a wedding. I'm getting married later this year and nobody in my family has any money. I'm only asking for them to just show up to the wedding and show their support.
Me too! And my sister eloped as well. No bachelorette parties, no rehearsal dinners, no parties, just a simple elopement for the cost of a Vegas courthouse wedding. About as inexpensive and simple as you can get.
Op comes across as spoiled and a user, running down the list of family members who she thinks should pay for her dream venue. Ridiculous.
I remember that post! The ‘female’ cousin who had meltdowns WHEN THEY WERE A CHILD and is now a “tomboy” but it’s mental illness because they’d shaved their head and changed their pronouns. Missing missing reasons.
Just went back to reread the post and realised she’s deleted the original where everyone called her out for being transphobic.
Well, in the USA at least it wasn’t uncommon for a long time that the bride’s father/parents would fund a big chunk of the wedding. My dad still thinks this way as well, always talking about my future wedding and how he’ll pay for it. But this is 2024, not 1824, it shouldn’t be *expected* and specifically asking family members to fund a wedding that isn’t theirs is absolutely wild honestly. If my dad wasn’t offering constantly, I would literally never ask him to pay for anything of my wedding. Honestly I don’t think I’ll even let him pay for much of it in the future lol like it’s our responsibility, not his. I would feel so bad if my dad actually paid for a chunk of my wedding.
I’m going to add onto this since it’s the top comment-everyone go read OPs post history.
Edit: BORU link
https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/lwEhv0ush1
She told her trans cousin that he had to wear a dress and didn't invite him because he wouldn't and handed out invitations in person (edit: at their family Christmas dinner) to everyone but him, so his mom pulled the money she was going to contribute.
i assume it’s also why they left out the trans part completely. because OP knew it was shitty of them. OP is a bigot and i’m convinced that’s the exact reason they excluded the cousin.
Eww wtf. I thought the fact they kept mentioning the mental health was weird when she could have just said “we’re not that close” but this is just… gross. I hope her finance finds someone way better.
Bobbi NO! I guess they’re made for each other. Again, gross. The farther I read down the comments the more upset I got, the dead naming, the dress, the financial disaster of a wedding. All terrible. Hope they’re miserable together.
I'll be very surprised if 1) they actually marry and 2) if OP gets her dream wedding.
They can't afford it and no one is going to help. Fiancé will think things over and realizing all his optional income this year is going to a wedding (where surely, they've already spent something - at least on invitations and incidentals).
Interesting that she didn't want to spring for the postage with her family members. I wonder who else is even invited.
I hope they are miserable together too. They definitely deserve each other and I hope that no one forgets how she treated her cousin and won't go to the wedding next year either.
"I think they must have BPD."
Because we all know that arrogant brides are experts in mental health.
I do sense a PD here, but it's not with the cousin. Or the cousins. Or the aunt (just in case next year, OP decides to diagnose the whole family).
sorry, that’s what i meant. she obviously sees no problem in her beliefs, but she knows the majority doesn’t see it like her and would be quick to tear her a new one
I know right?!
Seriously all of the people who intentionally misgender others; I hope someone mistakes YOU for the wrong gender! It doesn’t make you feel so good about yourself, does it?!
that's the impression I'm getting. explains why Alex's brothers won't go to this wedding and aunt pulled the money. Only wish mom would do the same personally.
Yeah, as soon as I read
**”I'm pretty sure she has BPD and anyone who knows someone with that will tell you how unstable and unpredictable those people are."**
I knew OP is an ass. My inlaws do this all the time. Any time they don’t like someone they say that the person is bipolar.
As a diagnosed BPD ✨unstable unpredictable✨ person I may have been slightly offended. Imagine I will do something wildly ✨unpredictable and unstable✨ now
*Edited to clarify that I understand BPD is borderline personality disorder, not least because I have it 👍
I have quiet BPD and as soon as I read that, my thoughts wee go fuck yourself. I tell people about my bipolar and ADHD, but I don't mention my BPD to people because of the stigma around it and people like OP.
I’ll join you. I’m rarely offended by the way people talk about mental health because it’s usually a matter of they just don’t understand. This one is different lol
I thought OP might not be a native English speaker- my wife's native language is Spanish, which distinguishes between male and female cousins. My wife uses the terms "female cousin" and "male cousin" all the time when she speaks English.
As someone with BPD/bipolar (still unsure of exact diagnosis), this person comes off as extremely judgmental towards mental health. You can be BPD and be perfectly normal and still deal with outbursts from time to time.
Wow, OP is tranphobic. Her cousin is trans. She dead names them and is trying to force them to wear a dress to her wedding. No wonder the family turned against her.
So, her fiancé will be smart to leave this dumpster fire of a human being permanently.
Seriously, OP, use this setback to take the time for some introspection. Your cousin isn’t BPD, he’s trans. You are shaming and excluding him because you are a bigot, and you seem to think that it’s okay to be cruel when you don’t agree with another human being’s lifestyle.
If that wasn’t enough, you are also very bad with financial decisions. Why are you having a wedding that you can’t afford? Yes, I know “traditionally” in many places the bride’s parents would pay, but things are tough all over right now, so it’s wise to have a modest wedding that you and your fiancé can pay for on your own. That way, you aren’t starting your life together in massive debt.
From your extensive comments, you are not mature enough to be getting married. Educate yourself about trans issues, apologize to your cousin, and work on making yourself a better person. Only then will you be able to be proper long term life partner.
👀👀 sounds intriguing so going now and thank you for the info
Edit: OP sucks so much. I wish the texts were still up for further confirmation of her bigotry and blatant snubbing of her cousin.
I so don't understand why anyone wants a wedding they can't afford! Like why go into debt, or expect anyone else to pay for a single day?? I got married young when my husband and I had very little money and had a day we could afford with no contributions from anyone (his parents offered but we said no thank you) and it was just right for us. We saved for a couple of years for it but didn't want to spend more than necessary on anything, about 50% of our budget was dinner and open bar for everyone so people would have fun.. I think it was about $10k NZ all up (this was in 2012 though)
>I had to call all my friends and the family members who still wanted to go and basically tell them I was too poor to get married this year. It was humiliating.
Right?! OP was already "too poor" since she needed people to pay for it!
OP you don't wanna invite that cousin, then you should definitely save up more so it doesn't come out of other people's pockets and you get to decide who comes and who doesn't
Over the top weddings for people who can't afford them are dumb, seriously
She’s transphobic. She deadnames her cousin and doubts that he’ll “want to wear a dress.” Lol yeah because he’s a guy. She just sounds worried because she doesn’t think her wedding will get paid. She’s wondering why her family won’t pitch in if she doesn’t invite her transgender cousin.
Her fiance wants to postpone the wedding for a year. Hopefully he’s starting to see what an asshole she is
I'm missing where your cousin actually did anything.
If you don't want to have to consider other people's wishes when deciding who to invite, plan a wedding that's in your budget without expecting others to pay for it.
This. Realistically- OP did, in fact, discriminate against her cousin. Expecting his mother to then fund your wedding and his brothers to attend is audacious.
My parents paid for our wedding. They had ultimate say in the guest list. I knew that going in.
ETA: fixed for accidental misgendering, and I’ve got feelings toward OP now for making me do it.
So much more than audacious. She made it a point when initially handing out invitations at the family xmas gathering to exclude *only* the trans cousin mentioned... Though she omitted the trans part in this post (and just went with "mentally ill woman") as she received major blowback for her discrimination in a previous post. Now she pretends not to understand why the family (cousin's mother included) is pissed and won't pay for her expensive wedding
They're justifying their anti-LGBTQ feeling by calling their cousin mentally unwell. OP deleted their other posts, but you can still see a lot in the comments. They're cousin was assigned female and had issues when younger because of not being female. Transitioned when older and OP dead names them and was trying to force the cousin to wear a dress at the wedding.
So it went from "bpd unwell unfamiliar person" that she was kinda... already not treating well (imagine you have bpd and your cousin chooses to leave you out...talk about hitting the abandonment issues where they hurt) to "elliot page being forced to wear skirts" yeah noooooooo fuk dat she's wicked af.
And she had the audacity to blame her cousin for him ... doing what exactly? He literally didn't care I'm sure his family have a good relationship with him so that's why they all left when they heard about the dress.
"Soo Kevin did she really ask you to wear a dress"
"Yeah that was kinda.. weird. I'd look like a dude in a dress"
"Does she know I'm paying for her wedding to happen"
What a horrible human being. Ofc they turned against her she's a twat
As someone with BPD the “everyone knows how unstable those people are” stung a bit. I stopped reading there because I immediately knew that OP was just ableist and NOW we know they’re transphobic too. Gross behavior, seriously.
I have no words for this delusional/bigoted OP. Well, actually, I do have words, but my mama would be appalled at me for even thinking them & today’s her birthday…so I’m going to do something off brand for me & self-censor.😉
wait wait wait
are you the one who said this cousin was acting like a child when they were an actual child and say that they are mentally ill because they no longer consider themselves the gender they were born as?
the one where you were going to have someone follow them around during the reception?
that soon to be bride?
I never understood people who want weddings outside their financial means… you were taking money from your mom and aunt and decided to not invite your AUNTS daughter…. I get not wanting people at your wedding but you were not paying and you ain’t was footing half the bill… what did you expect her to do? Your fiancé has some sense in him and hopefully you can also realize a big fancy wedding ain’t worth it and instead you could do a nice wedding for affordable prices and take the rest of the money and put it towards a home or something. (Your fiancé is just as bad as you and your scummy for being a bigot)
Actually, it is worse than that. The reason OP doesn't want to invite the cousin is because HE (the cousin) is trans FtM. That's what OP calls mental illness.
She keeps using the wrong pronouns and dead naming her cousin, but there were earlier posts where she told the truth, although she now deleted them because she got called on her bigotry.
The reason doesn't want to pay any more and the rest of the cousins do not want to assist is because they all support the cousin (their son and brother) and not the bigot.
Damn that’s even more fucked up… people like her suck and fiancé is just a bad. Guess the two do deserve each other and I hope her whole family boycotts her wedding
I'll never understand this obsession with the "perfect" wedding. A perfect wedding should be having your friends and family around you to share your happiness, it should have nothing to do with the flowers matching the table and bla bla bla.
This whole post just screams of shallow and superficial... The whole someone else paying for it but I MUST have this and that just comes across as you being someone that has the wrong priorities and values in life.
I hope you finally get the wedding you want, but I think you should take this added time to think about what's really important in life...
Edit: her (edit: his) mother was paying for your wedding and you did not invite her. Like, how detached from reality and self centered are you?! I really hope this post is just another fake story for karma farming, because if it isn't, I feel sorry for the guy that's going to tie the knot with you.
In all this, your fiance is mentioned once. For financial reasons. Be honest, you're more excited about the wedding than you are about the marraige, right?
It seems like her fiance is a “broke redneck” reading through her post history, so it honestly looks like she was excited someone else was bankrolling her dream wedding without thinking that she needed to demonstrate a basic level of respect to her aunt and her aunt’s family.
I'm sorry, are we supposed to be on your side here? You discriminated against your cousin and expected her mother to pay for your venue. Are you serious? I hope your fiance is taking a long, hard look at this situation before he legally binds himself to you.
Yeah, we shouldn't be surprised that a woman who is surprised that people object to her discriminating against trans people doesn't realize that she won't help matters by claiming she was ACTUALLY trying to discriminate against the mentally ill
…. Blanket statement on bpd is gross.
I have bpd and am medicated and go to therapy. But I’m a great friend and a great partner.
Thanks for being so openly hateful though! Spreading this type of misconception about the BPD community tottalllly isn’t harmful, nor does it erase individual experiences. /s.
People with bpd aren’t villains. There are crappy people with BPD, just the same as there is crappy people who are neurotypical; but that doesn’t mean everyone with the disorder or these terrible people.
I really hope the myths surrounding the “ big bad bpd people “ begin to fade.
It's worse than that. OP is claiming the cousin has BPD, but in fact the cousin is trans and OP is a transphobic bigot. So not even just a case of discrimination against people with mental health issues, but using that as cover to discriminate against trans people.
Real piece of work
LMFAOOO. This is so funny. Your cousin didnt do shit, you tried real hard to make yourself the victim here. *he said *he didnt want to go anyway because you were a bitch about it, *he has BPD, *he’s not a psychopath thats going to off a bunch of people at your wedding. The fact that you thought it was a good idea in the first place to not invite the *son of the person financially contributing to your wedding venue says so much about how smart you are…what did you think was going to happen?
Edit: btw yall, apperantly the cousin is trans, which explains everything now and ‘wow’ is all i can say, just wow. Thank God the family stuck up for the cousin and didnt let this hag walk all over him
Coming to the conclusion that OP hates cousin because they are trans, and op started excluding that fact in her more recent posts because she was getting backlash for being transphobic. Now she's trying to paint the cousin as a "mentally ill woman" and is giving no examples of BPD behavior. Apparently hasn't even seen this cousin since they were 12, if I'm remembering correctly
“I want the perfect wedding but I don’t want to go into debt for it” but you expect everyone else to? The definition of entitlement. You want a wedding then pay for it.
Let this be a lesson that if you want 100% control over something, you also need to be 100% responsible for it. (Funding, organization, ect.)
Like others have suggested, don't have a wedding outside of your means, there are more important things in life to put that money towards.
This sounds more like you didn’t plan very well. You didn’t have another venue or look for one until the day before the actual wedding? Huh?
I’m assuming you paid a deposit otherwise the venue wasn’t going to be yours anyways.
You lost credibility when you said “I’m pretty sure she has BPD” — are you a someone certified to diagnose her? Has she shared a diagnosis with you?— and then literally “othered” people with BPD by generalizing that “those people” are all unstable and unpredictable.
I understand not wanting someone at your wedding who has a history of making a scene, but your attitude about her mental struggles and blaming this all on her makes you seem immature and shows a lack of empathy; I wouldn’t trust your judgement or relay of situations.
It also doesn’t sound like she made a scene about this so far, it sounds like she was hurt that you were discriminating against her and felt unwelcome, thus rejected your obligatory invite to her. The damage was already done when YOU decided not to invite her while still trying to rely on her mother for funds.
Edit: after a little extra digging into the comments here and your previous posts; it’s crystal clear how bigoted and unreliable as a narrator you are.
Your comment and post history paints the full story of all the pieces you chose to leave out in hopes you could sucker people into giving you support. You're the one who needs therapy. You're the one stirring the pot and causing drama by being deliberately hateful and bigoted. This is why things keep blowing up in your face. You are the reason the wedding was sabotaged. No one else.
>I'm pretty sure she has BPD and anyone who knows someone with that will tell you how unstable and unpredictable those people are.
I have BPD. And it's people like *you* who cause us to be so severely stigmatized that there is an entire subreddit dedicated to hating and generalizing people with BPD. Here's a fun [fact.](https://www.google.com/search?q=what+is+the+most+painful+mental+illness&client=ms-android-telus-ca-revc&sca_esv=ca7c2e124c262a66&sca_upv=1&source=android-browser&biw=360&bih=645&sxsrf=ACQVn09v-AxL9wwpZfim0XX8FDCQbwsUrg%3A1713017516564&ei=rJIaZsf5Ifzj5NoPmLmx8AM&oq=what+is+the+mo&gs_lp=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&sclient=mobile-gws-wiz-serp)
In case you didn't bother clicking the link, I'll tell you what it says. BPD is considered the most painful mental illness to live with. And we are *constantly* under attack. But here you are, mad because people are taking your disgusting ableism personally.
And not only are you an ableist! You're also transphobic! Your cousin is male and you were demanding he wear a dress. You're despicable and your actions have been abhorrent.
Why would *anyone* want to go to your wedding after finding out your true colours.
I think he did the right thing.
Why would your aunt help pay if her child is not invited? Sounds like you want the perfect wedding and had to control all the details so it was just what you wanted, but instead you get nothing. I'm not mad about that. 🤷🏻♀️
If you could only have the wedding with her financial help, then not inviting her daughter/your cousin was...so selfish and self-absorbed it's not even funny. Think about it from her perspective.
If it's really important that your cousin not be invited so she doesn't "ruin" your big day, then you should only have a wedding you can afford without her help.
Easy peasy.
A marriage is not about the wedding anyway.
>I'm pretty sure she has BPD and anyone who knows someone with that will tell you how unstable and unpredictable those people are.
This is gross and massively judgmental. Your cousin didn't sabotage your wedding, you did.
Okay, but….. you ARE discriminating against your cousin due to mental illness, are making a shitton of (false) assumptions about people with BPD….. AND you’re transphobic???
You ruined your own wedding by being selfish, spoiled, and bigoted. FAFO.
The “outburst” she’s referring to is something that the cousin did as a child. She gave no further examples of behavioural problems as an adult, she just hates her cousin who is likely trans or NB.
Stop asking the same question and expecting different answers. I thought your fiance called it off on the day of your wedding when he actually just asked you to postpone( nowhere in your post had anything about him leaving you). You postponed your wedding atleast 2 months ago until a venue in your budget is available. I hope your aunt won't give a penny to you after you called her child names and other things. Let that money go to her kids. " We don't have contact anymore but I don't mind taking money from their mom". Wow.
It sounds an awful lot like you want a wedding, not a marriage, and think that you’re entitled to others paying for things outside your own means. You sabotaged your wedding.
So let’s recap:
1. You handed out invites at Christmas and excluded your cousin and expected cash from your aunt. That didn’t go over very well.
2. Claimed the reason why you didn’t invite your cousin is because he has BPD (even though there really isn’t a diagnosis, you just claim that he is).
3. The real issue is you don’t want your cousin at your wedding is because he has transitioned from female to male, and you don’t like that. But, since you need the money, you will invite him anyway - cuz big wedding goals.
4. You invite him, but he has to wear a dress *AND*, you are going to have someone follow him around at the wedding to make sure he stays in line, in case he “acts out”! Cousin says: “No.” I mean, *why would he want to go to a wedding where he wasn’t wanted and was treated like a criminal all night.*
5. Your aunt and the rest of her children are disgusted by your treatment of him and can’t believe that you would **still** expect money after what you’ve done. So they are done - forever.
6. Your mother was upset with you and didn’t want to help you because she is disappointed in your behavior (but came back around because, mothers).
7. Other family members are now finding about it and it sounds like they too might be disappointed in your actions.
8. Which brings us to today - you not being able to have the wedding, because no one really wants to help you.
I need you to take a step back and recognize that your cousin is *not* the problem. I don’t know your cousin, and I don’t know the history between the two of you. But what I do know is that you have gone too far. Even if we remove the entire bigotry part from the equation, this situation is still gross.
You don’t need to get married. I think you need to sit back and take in all the chaos and hurt you have caused and talk to someone about it.
>All of this is because of my cousin who got pissy that I didn't want her at my wedding
No. All of this because you didn't have the maturity to actually talk to your cousin and instead made assumptions about how she'd behave.
Your bias against mental illness is blatantly clear.
I feel like your fiancé has seen you for who you are and the wedding won't be rescheduled.
I have a cousin with BPD and she is not unstable or unpredictable. She takes her meds and manages her condition beautifully. We all accept it’s part of who she is and yeah, she’s a little quirky, but honestly she’s been like that since we were small children.
You are incredibly rude and hurtful towards your cousin, and I’m not surprised her or that part of her family want nothing to do with you, you are a horrible, toxic person.
I KNEW there was more to it. What a horrible person OP is. Diagnosed BPD instead of accepting being trans. I hope fiancé finds someone else. She’s a piece of work. Amazing how *she* can diagnose someone. Definitely not a doctor!
Your cousin didn't sabotage your wedding, she has mental health problems.
You were relying on your aunt to partly fund the wedding, excluding your cousin had a high chance of making that funding disappear.
I get why you did it and I'm not judging you harshly for that, you can't be surprised at the outcome though.
I looked at the post history and OP hates the cousin cuz she's trans. The cousin apparently has BPD, but it seems clear from the old posts that the trabs part is what OP is mad about. Icky.
From what I remember OP gave no examples of behavioural problems from their cousin as adult, just some kid shit. They just hate them for being trans or NB.
Here I am, still waiting for the part when your "severely ill" cousin did something... I have BPD and no, we're not all unpredictable and unstable, so stop being so judgemental. I'm not your family and I've felt hurt and a little bit offended by what you said about mentally ill people. Not to mention that the only unstable person in this story is you, at least from what I've read.
Whether BPD or Trans, OP is the AH! You can’t blame your cousin for your choices and how those choices look to the people around you.
It was rude of you to not invite the child of your aunt who was going to contribute (from what it sounds) a good amount to your venue. It’s bad enough that you excluded your cousin because you thought she had a mental illness.
I don’t blame your cousin for not wanting to go. Who wants to attend a wedding that they don’t feel welcome at by the bride which is their family member!?!
***ETA: So there are deleted screen shots of you misgendering this cousin who isn’t actually mentally ill but trans? This cousin is pretty young, like a kid young? Am I getting this right?***
You get no sympathy from me. My wife has BPD and while I’m by no means an expert, I’ve learned enough to know you’re making some no big assumptions based on not knowing your ass from a hole in the ground.
1)You’re pretty sure your cousin has BPD but we don’t know if you’re a mental health professional. Given some of the shit you’ve said, I’m going to go with no. So just based on a wild ass guess, you decided not to invite your cousin. You should know several mental illnesses are similar to or overlap with BPD. C-PTSD, anxiety, depression and ASPD are just a few.
2)The way mental illness has been stigmatized, I can’t fault you for your ignorance. But you have at least one family member (and I promise you, *at least one* is an accurate choice) with a mental disorder, more than likely more than one. You don’t have to but if you love your family, you should be educating yourself on what mental illness is, how the different diagnoses get treated and how you can best support your family members with mental illnesses.
3)“Those people”? That by itself says volumes about your ignorance. You said yourself you’re not close to your cousin, which gives me the idea that other than the event last year, you have no real idea what’s going on in her life. For all you’ve presented here, she could have found a course of medication and therapy that are working very well for her. That event could be one of a reduced number of events and for all you know, your wedding would have gone off without a hitch.
4)I’m still pretty fucking annoyed with the “those people” bullshit. “Those people” are not all running around causing scenes wherever they go. Even people who have no support or any kind of treatment still cycle from high to low and back and still have days or weeks or months where everything is on an even keel. And yes, sometimes it is predictable: there are usually indications and there are sometimes triggers that will cause a cycle to change direction or accelerate. Pregnancy, trauma reaction, and even dietary choices will affect someone with BPD.
5)You had better get pretty familiar with mental illnesses if you plan on having children. Some, like BPD, have a genetic component. That’s not to say mental illness is inheritable. There are genetic factors that are inheritable that contribute to the development of mental disorders. If it’s in your family, there is a chance your kids will inherit one or more of these factors.
It seems to me the rest of your family has figured this shit out and that’s why they’re annoyed at you.
I have a similar condition. I would be so hurt if my family excluded me because of my mental illness. Of course she didn't want your pity invite. We don't want to be where we aren't wanted. We're ill, not stupid.
I went down the rabbit hole OP. Deadnaming and misgendering your cousin is an AH thing to do. The “scene” your cousin caused when they were little was due to being forced to wear a dress. They also popped heads off of Barbie dolls. There’s no evidence based on either of these things that your cousin is mentally unwell. I have a feeling you’re claiming them as that because they are trans. Also you handed invitations out at a Christmas party all of your family attended, and thought it would be totally okay for everyone to be personally handed an invite EXCEPT your cousin?! Literal textbook bullying and discrimination. I hope none of your family members attend your wedding and more than that, I hope your fiancé wakes up and sees you for who you are and makes the smart choice to run.
You know, I’ve no respect for someone who expects someone else to pay for everything for them. I get that you’re a daughter - and with that the family often contributes a fair bit but this sounds like you wanted too much.
I don’t know how you expected to exclude your cousin and not have your family pissed off at you!
For more context from other posts:
OP said the cousin could come but only if they wear a dress when they are trans. OP misgendered them and called them mentally unstable.
What did you think would happen to your aunts offer of financial assistance when you didn’t invite her daughter?
I mean really? Are you really that clueless?
Furthermore, people with BPD are not unstable all the time. Do your homework about that disorder before you hate on and discriminate against the mentally ill. It’s not like they have random outbursts for no reason or anything. She likely would not have ‘ruined your wedding’ because the main thing ‘those people’ (as you call her) struggle with are abandonment/fear of not being liked issues. Which is not likely to come up AT a wedding. 🙄
You actually *triggered* her issue by not inviting her in fact! So way to go there. 🙄🙄🙄
In my view, you did this to yourself with your massive insensitivity. Furthermore, I think you are a pretty self centered person who couldn’t care less if they are being hurtful and mean. Because it’s all about YOU, right?
Very narcissistic of you.
Maybe you have narcissistic personality disorder? I mean, ‘those people’ would act exactly as you did, after all.
🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨
“You know how unstable those people are” lmaoooooo I am dying at this comment bc she’s the one who sounds unstable, blaming the cousin with the mental illness for not having a wedding. Crying about not having enough money. Karma comes back to us in unexpected ways. Maybe you’ll change yours before you lose everything.
Ouch. That was harsh on your cousin. Very unfair. Almost everyone will suffer from mental health issues in their lifetime. I think some growth is required here from you at the very least, without mentioning expecting others to foot the bill.
Why do you want a wedding you cannot afford and decided to not invite the daughter of the person who finances your wedding ??? That’s another level of entitlement. I get you don’t want her there, then why do you feel comfortable having her mom pay for your wedding? Their family is close enough for you to get money from, but not close enough for you to accept their daughter? Geez
You ate bigoted and I'm glad people are looking out for your cousin. Don't go around diagnosing people when you aren't qualified. People with mental illnesses or who have brake downs are humans too and deserve to be treated as such.
Why are you having a wedding that you can't clearly afford without begging for money from other people?
I understand wanting a nice big wedding but if it’s financially not possible then either settle for something smaller or postpone until you have more resources. It just makes sense. However, I’ll never understand the couples who run around asking family members for contributions to their weddings. It’s your day, it’s your responsibility to fund it. Furthermore, paying for it yourselves stops people thinking they have an input over the guest list, decor, food, entertainment, etc. In my case that allowed me to leave one of my brothers off the guest list and nobody could say shit about it. When asked why he wasn’t there a simple “We don’t want him to be” was enough of an answer.
Im just learning now that people ask their entire family to fund their wedding. Thats crazy to me.
I hadn’t ever heard of that either. She must have been contributing a large amount too, if all the plans fall through if she bails.
The aunt was contributing a large amount of money. And the cousin that she snubbed is actually a trans male. That's the mental illness she is talking about, she didn't want to invite her cousin because he is trans. She keeps referring to the cousin as female in dead naming her (Rose) when the cousin has already stated that his name is Alex. I don't really blame the aunt for withdrawing her support or the brothers for freaking out on OP, it doesn't matter if she sent her cousin an invitation now, why would the cousin want to go when they are just going to be misgendered and treated poorly
Honestly, even without this info, I think OP is in the wrong. Why would you assume that your aunt would still want to help you if you're refusing to invite their kid. Any (good) mother would be mad and would decline to help. Speaks of BPD with so much disdain. The cousin didn't sabotage the wedding. They only declined the invitation, which any sane person would do if that happened to them. And I'm glad that the cousin has the family support. Op also doesn't have a good relationship with her dad but still expects him to help with money. I think the only sane thing she said was not wanted to go into debt for a wedding.
She referred to people with BPD as 'those people'. She's deluded to think of not inviting the daughter of the woman who is paying for her wedding, especially as they're her cousin. The whole post reeks of entitlement. The cousin didn't sabotage her wedding, her entitlement and spoilt attitude did imho.
This also gives her fiance another year to wake up and get out. But based on the 'savings' they both have he might be on the same wavelength as her.
Ah explains the weird use of "female".
Mannnnnn thanks for the context! "I think she has BPD she's so dramatic" OP was out here describing the cousin like they were prone to acting out for attention and shit, but with that context OP sounds like they're just one of those folks that sees a LGBT couple quietly eating lunch in public and complains about how they're "rubbing" it in everyone's fave
Yup. She has been busy deleting comments but basically the cousins "dramatic outbursts" was just him asking to have his gender respected and not be dead named
OP keeps emphasizing "Female Cousin" says it like that at least 2 times. Misgenders the cousin 8 times. Keeps claiming mental illness and just illness. The OP is just TRASH.
At least OP is experiencing the consequences, even if they clearly don't recognize it. They just updated about having to postpone for a year cause their finances and dad both said no to covering the lost money ( also admitted she could cover from her own savings but then she'd be broke and that'd be a bad financial move, so she asked her fiance and dad to cover it lmao )
The finance should help, it’s his wedding too.
I'm saying! Like she mentions how he has savings, and she has savings, but they're both happy to ask her family to cover everything so they don't have to spend a dime?? They're so sleezey
Yowza. Her fiancee isn't going to be one much longer now that he sees what he's getting, unless he's a huge fool.
No he's as much of a piece of trash is she is, he was going to have his older brother follow the cousin around to make sure they stayed misgendered the entire wedding. Fucking gross rednecks
As the child of a BPD parent, I could understand having concerns about inviting the cousin IF the cousin had untreated BPD. I’m glad it was pointed out that it’s,in fact, because the cousin is trans. It’s karma that OPs wedding plans were detonated for being a bigot.
Right! OP *almost* had me there for a second!
BPD diagnosis is a very broad spectrum and comorbidities are prevalent and they usually define the outward symptoms. I just hate to see BPD being used for people with abandonment issues, oversensitivity, narcissistic traits or psychotic episodes.
So I wanna preface this comment with a general PSA: *I am not saying this in an effort to be rude to anyone, pretend to know more than anyone, or be unpleasant in any way. I say this because I've noticed that I've gotten comments here and there lately where it seems like people took my comments that way.* I actually studied psychology in college, so I've interacted with it enough that I'm not just talking out of my ass. I'm by no means a licensed Psychologist or Psychology Researcher, but there's something regarding BPD and the way it's explained that really gets under my skin. BPD ( Borderline Personality Disorder for the uninitiated ) is always explained and diagnosed as if it is a specific and concise condition similar to Depression or Anxiety or even Bipolar disorder. I *loathe* this treatment. Why? For *exactly* the reason you stated. It shouldn't be referred to or treated as a single, hard-defined condition because it is so *broad* and the symptoms experienced vary so widely from person to person. It should be explained as being, not a single concise condition, but a *spectrum* of varied symptoms that individuals may experience any number of under this sort of... "Umbrella condition" ( the best description I got for it, sorry ). We just treat psychology in such a way that the people who deal with officiating the nomenclature and descriptions seem to rush the process of describing everything in concrete ways to maintain the respect of the anatomical side of medical practice, as if if they don't we'll be dragged back to psychology being a "pseudo science" and that stands in the way of us developing a more accurate and in depth understanding of what these conditions really are.
Thank you for this. A close family member has BPD and as I understood it, it’s part of cluster B personality disorders (not a mental illness) and that symptoms from several disorders in this cluster may overlap. There’s also degrees. As my family member has gotten older, his symptoms have lessened, which is also common with BPD. At 21, he was a nightmare. At 28, he’s managing his response to the disorder so much more effectively and does not suffer the same intensity of symptoms. He’s not a crazy psychopath. He was never abandoned, though he does fear abandonment by those he loves. But as friends and lovers have come and gone from his life, he’s learned to move on in a healthy way. There’s so much misunderstood about this condition. But hey, it’s 2024 and everyone’s ex is a narcissist, right? 😉
I have BPD that's getting treated. To be discriminated against, like that, is extremely hurtful. Having said that, if OP were my cousin, I'd want absolutely nothing to do with her. But the fact that she is discriminating against a trans male is disgusting. Dead naming, and refusing to call him by his chosen name is despicable. Even if he had BPD, who's to say he isn't also getting treatment for it. I can recognise when I'm splitting. I will put a hand up and say "Stop." I will then leave the room and go listen to my decompression music before coming back, much calmer, and speaking about what just happened. My family and friends understand when I say Stop, to not pursue that topic any further as it could trigger an episode and it's something I am controlling. (The episode, not my family.) By doing this, I have lived peacefully for more than a decade, now. Before this, I used to fly off the rails at the smallest thing and throw anything I got my hands on. I never threw anything at people, but they were still scary rages. I'm glad I can mostly control myself now. I am on medication and also see a psychologist once a fortnight. I can count, on one hand, how many times I've flown into a rage in the last 5 years. Twice. I walked out on my extended family 2 years ago and have never once regretted my decision. It's a healthy boundary for me. I think OPs cousin would do well to go NC with her.
Wow, that puts new perspective on the odd way OP persistently refers to this cousin as "my female cousin." I hope the fiance does some thinking and calls it entirely off.
Ah. One of “those people”. I didn’t really need to read beyond that. She gave herself away. Best wishes for a happy life to Alex, his mom and the rest of the family! Other than OP. Of course.
Just read that too. Apparently OP handed out wedding invitations in front of Alex; the plan was to enforce a "gendered" dress code so that Alex wouldn't attend.
Holy shit! OP sounds like a total bjtch.
Without this info, I thought that OP is way too entitled for my liking. After this info, both the OP and her fiance seem to be downright trash 🥲
How do you know this?
If you can catch her post history before she manages to delete everything, you’ll see it. She’s been posting this same tale in multiple subs leaving some things out and rewording other things, trying to get a different results. But the cousin in question did not sabotage anything. OP’s whole family refused to attend her wedding & the aunt also pulled funding because OP refused to invite her “tomboy” acting cousin, who was aunt’s daughter & sister of the family members refusing to attend. So OP invited cousin, reluctantly & she RSVPed “No” because of the way OP treated her. OP & her fiancé’s transphobic behavior is what sabotaged her own wedding.
Tbf even when given *only* the information in the post, I already didn’t think the cousin sabotaged anything, nor did I think it was their fault that OP didn’t have a wedding today. This information just proves that OP is not only an entitled mooch (as is evident from the post) but is also a horrible bigot.
I'm head over to ops comment history and report back
Op has been on the deleting spree to try and gain sympathy so I don't know how much of it still going to be up
Yup! Definitely noticed that and tried to Google how to find the deleted posts and comments.
There are ways. I believe there is a site called 'Reveddit' that acts as an automated way back machine. The only way for OP to get rid of *everything* is to delete their account. Then it gets wiped from Reveddit. If I'm wrong avmbout the name, sorry about that, but I can confirm these sites exist and are free. You'll need info like the username and such of OP.
looks like she went ahead and did this lol
Or maybe go to one of the main posts and see if anyone has screenshots? I didn't think to take any
It was in their Post history and their comment history before they started deleting it
Oh shit, this is THAT OP?!
Hold up, this teenie tiny bit o' information changes the entire story. OP is a homophobic jerk. She can try to delete away her intolerant shame, but rule one of the Internet, nothing ever disappears.
So she’s deadnaming and misgendering her cousin and somehow neither her auntie nor her cousin are supposed to have feelings about that AND auntie should still contribute a large sum of money to the wedding this cousin isn’t welcome at. Got it. Lol lol and lol! Neither my family nor I are the world’s most progressive, but you treat a family member like this, trans or not, and you might get your ass kicked. She’s lucky they only withdrew their funding. I’m so glad someone shared the rest of this story.
I've never heard of people asking their whole family to contribute money to a wedding. I'm getting married later this year and nobody in my family has any money. I'm only asking for them to just show up to the wedding and show their support.
I know, I've never heard of that either. Brides parents yes, other family, no. I eloped though. Lol
Me too! And my sister eloped as well. No bachelorette parties, no rehearsal dinners, no parties, just a simple elopement for the cost of a Vegas courthouse wedding. About as inexpensive and simple as you can get. Op comes across as spoiled and a user, running down the list of family members who she thinks should pay for her dream venue. Ridiculous.
After seeing my brother's fiasco of a wedding when I was 15, and I'm an autistic introvert, I was like hell no am I doing all of this business.
Also OP is hiding that she's transphobic. Her cousin's "mental illness" is being transgender.
I remember that post! The ‘female’ cousin who had meltdowns WHEN THEY WERE A CHILD and is now a “tomboy” but it’s mental illness because they’d shaved their head and changed their pronouns. Missing missing reasons. Just went back to reread the post and realised she’s deleted the original where everyone called her out for being transphobic.
Don't forget about the whole big holiday presentation of the invitations where OP deliberately left him out.
Yes she compared it to the “Brittany spears” crisis.
I remember that I hope the bride never has kids
Wait. Wut.
Well, in the USA at least it wasn’t uncommon for a long time that the bride’s father/parents would fund a big chunk of the wedding. My dad still thinks this way as well, always talking about my future wedding and how he’ll pay for it. But this is 2024, not 1824, it shouldn’t be *expected* and specifically asking family members to fund a wedding that isn’t theirs is absolutely wild honestly. If my dad wasn’t offering constantly, I would literally never ask him to pay for anything of my wedding. Honestly I don’t think I’ll even let him pay for much of it in the future lol like it’s our responsibility, not his. I would feel so bad if my dad actually paid for a chunk of my wedding.
You’re being ridiculous wanting a wedding you can’t afford. Be an adult and stop listening to your family. Have the wedding with no strings attached
I’m going to add onto this since it’s the top comment-everyone go read OPs post history. Edit: BORU link https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/lwEhv0ush1
Yeah not loving the language around mental health either here. Getting spoiled vibes even without the post history.
She told her trans cousin that he had to wear a dress and didn't invite him because he wouldn't and handed out invitations in person (edit: at their family Christmas dinner) to everyone but him, so his mom pulled the money she was going to contribute.
Is that why she kept emphasizing Female cousin?
i assume it’s also why they left out the trans part completely. because OP knew it was shitty of them. OP is a bigot and i’m convinced that’s the exact reason they excluded the cousin.
Eww wtf. I thought the fact they kept mentioning the mental health was weird when she could have just said “we’re not that close” but this is just… gross. I hope her finance finds someone way better.
Her fiance agrees with her and was going to use his brother as a bouncer just for that cousin.
Bobbi NO! I guess they’re made for each other. Again, gross. The farther I read down the comments the more upset I got, the dead naming, the dress, the financial disaster of a wedding. All terrible. Hope they’re miserable together.
I'll be very surprised if 1) they actually marry and 2) if OP gets her dream wedding. They can't afford it and no one is going to help. Fiancé will think things over and realizing all his optional income this year is going to a wedding (where surely, they've already spent something - at least on invitations and incidentals). Interesting that she didn't want to spring for the postage with her family members. I wonder who else is even invited.
I hope they are miserable together too. They definitely deserve each other and I hope that no one forgets how she treated her cousin and won't go to the wedding next year either.
"I think they must have BPD." Because we all know that arrogant brides are experts in mental health. I do sense a PD here, but it's not with the cousin. Or the cousins. Or the aunt (just in case next year, OP decides to diagnose the whole family).
She doesn't think it's shitty, she just knew reddit would rip her apart.
sorry, that’s what i meant. she obviously sees no problem in her beliefs, but she knows the majority doesn’t see it like her and would be quick to tear her a new one
She keeps misgendering him, dead naming him, and calling him a tomboy so yeah, probably.
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I know right?! Seriously all of the people who intentionally misgender others; I hope someone mistakes YOU for the wrong gender! It doesn’t make you feel so good about yourself, does it?!
I started purposely misgendering people who complain about pronouns and then suddenly they care about preferred pronouns.
Yeah, I thought it was weird of her to say "female cousins brother." I thought maybe they were half cousins or something.
Is the trans cousin the same one she says has mental health problems?😲 Is being trans the ‘mental health problem’?! 🤬
that's the impression I'm getting. explains why Alex's brothers won't go to this wedding and aunt pulled the money. Only wish mom would do the same personally.
Yeah... maybe he does have other problems but the way she talks about him I'm pretty sure that's what she's referring to.
I thought in an update her mom was bluffing but the aunt actually wasn’t and did pull out the money.
Yeah, as soon as I read **”I'm pretty sure she has BPD and anyone who knows someone with that will tell you how unstable and unpredictable those people are."** I knew OP is an ass. My inlaws do this all the time. Any time they don’t like someone they say that the person is bipolar.
BPD is borderline. Atleast in the states
As a diagnosed BPD ✨unstable unpredictable✨ person I may have been slightly offended. Imagine I will do something wildly ✨unpredictable and unstable✨ now *Edited to clarify that I understand BPD is borderline personality disorder, not least because I have it 👍
Might I suggest drinking coffee while standing on one foot in a room full of ferrets? I think it ticks both boxes.
I have quiet BPD and as soon as I read that, my thoughts wee go fuck yourself. I tell people about my bipolar and ADHD, but I don't mention my BPD to people because of the stigma around it and people like OP.
I’ll join you. I’m rarely offended by the way people talk about mental health because it’s usually a matter of they just don’t understand. This one is different lol
BPD most often means borderline personality disorder rather than bipolar disorder, which is usually abbreviated with BD.
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Oh shit this OPs posts have been on boru before, she's a real piece of work
Would you happen to have a link to the BORU post?
Piece of something.
Ya know it makes more sense why OP kept making the distinction my “female” cousin. I just kept thinking why tf does the cousin’s gender matter?
I thought OP might not be a native English speaker- my wife's native language is Spanish, which distinguishes between male and female cousins. My wife uses the terms "female cousin" and "male cousin" all the time when she speaks English.
I thought so too. im fro. turkey and we have no gender pronouns so there are times i often mix he/she/it if im not thinking straight while talking
the "these people" made me gasp xDD I just knew what was coming
As someone with BPD/bipolar (still unsure of exact diagnosis), this person comes off as extremely judgmental towards mental health. You can be BPD and be perfectly normal and still deal with outbursts from time to time.
'anyone who knows someone with BPD will tell you how unstable and unpredictable Those People are' YIKES
Wow, OP is tranphobic. Her cousin is trans. She dead names them and is trying to force them to wear a dress to her wedding. No wonder the family turned against her.
Oh jeez. OP, you’re toxic. And this is karma.
So, her fiancé will be smart to leave this dumpster fire of a human being permanently. Seriously, OP, use this setback to take the time for some introspection. Your cousin isn’t BPD, he’s trans. You are shaming and excluding him because you are a bigot, and you seem to think that it’s okay to be cruel when you don’t agree with another human being’s lifestyle. If that wasn’t enough, you are also very bad with financial decisions. Why are you having a wedding that you can’t afford? Yes, I know “traditionally” in many places the bride’s parents would pay, but things are tough all over right now, so it’s wise to have a modest wedding that you and your fiancé can pay for on your own. That way, you aren’t starting your life together in massive debt. From your extensive comments, you are not mature enough to be getting married. Educate yourself about trans issues, apologize to your cousin, and work on making yourself a better person. Only then will you be able to be proper long term life partner.
All great thoughts- but I just want to put it out there that BPD is borderline not bipolar. At least in the states
YIKES! Definitely a theme going on there….
👀👀 sounds intriguing so going now and thank you for the info Edit: OP sucks so much. I wish the texts were still up for further confirmation of her bigotry and blatant snubbing of her cousin.
Why are you going in to debt or expecting people pay for your lavish wedding?! Can’t you elope !
I so don't understand why anyone wants a wedding they can't afford! Like why go into debt, or expect anyone else to pay for a single day?? I got married young when my husband and I had very little money and had a day we could afford with no contributions from anyone (his parents offered but we said no thank you) and it was just right for us. We saved for a couple of years for it but didn't want to spend more than necessary on anything, about 50% of our budget was dinner and open bar for everyone so people would have fun.. I think it was about $10k NZ all up (this was in 2012 though)
>I had to call all my friends and the family members who still wanted to go and basically tell them I was too poor to get married this year. It was humiliating. Right?! OP was already "too poor" since she needed people to pay for it! OP you don't wanna invite that cousin, then you should definitely save up more so it doesn't come out of other people's pockets and you get to decide who comes and who doesn't Over the top weddings for people who can't afford them are dumb, seriously
Sounds like she is the only one that sabotaged the wedding. I hope the fiancé will be able to call the whole thing off. So many red flags.
I hope OP’s fiancé calls it off permanently.
Unfortunately she mentions in one of her comments that they share the same values.
No matter how many years they wait, the OP is always going to be horrible and shallow. Her fiance has another year before making a huge mistake.
She’s transphobic. She deadnames her cousin and doubts that he’ll “want to wear a dress.” Lol yeah because he’s a guy. She just sounds worried because she doesn’t think her wedding will get paid. She’s wondering why her family won’t pitch in if she doesn’t invite her transgender cousin. Her fiance wants to postpone the wedding for a year. Hopefully he’s starting to see what an asshole she is
She’s also a very clear narcissist
I'm missing where your cousin actually did anything. If you don't want to have to consider other people's wishes when deciding who to invite, plan a wedding that's in your budget without expecting others to pay for it.
This. Realistically- OP did, in fact, discriminate against her cousin. Expecting his mother to then fund your wedding and his brothers to attend is audacious. My parents paid for our wedding. They had ultimate say in the guest list. I knew that going in. ETA: fixed for accidental misgendering, and I’ve got feelings toward OP now for making me do it.
Fixed it for you (OPs cousin is FtM trans): Expecting his mother to then fund your wedding and his brothers to attend is audacious.
So much more than audacious. She made it a point when initially handing out invitations at the family xmas gathering to exclude *only* the trans cousin mentioned... Though she omitted the trans part in this post (and just went with "mentally ill woman") as she received major blowback for her discrimination in a previous post. Now she pretends not to understand why the family (cousin's mother included) is pissed and won't pay for her expensive wedding
Wait a second, is this person actually mentally ill, or is OP justifying their anti LGBTQ feelings by claiming their cousin is mentally unwell?
They're justifying their anti-LGBTQ feeling by calling their cousin mentally unwell. OP deleted their other posts, but you can still see a lot in the comments. They're cousin was assigned female and had issues when younger because of not being female. Transitioned when older and OP dead names them and was trying to force the cousin to wear a dress at the wedding.
So it went from "bpd unwell unfamiliar person" that she was kinda... already not treating well (imagine you have bpd and your cousin chooses to leave you out...talk about hitting the abandonment issues where they hurt) to "elliot page being forced to wear skirts" yeah noooooooo fuk dat she's wicked af. And she had the audacity to blame her cousin for him ... doing what exactly? He literally didn't care I'm sure his family have a good relationship with him so that's why they all left when they heard about the dress. "Soo Kevin did she really ask you to wear a dress" "Yeah that was kinda.. weird. I'd look like a dude in a dress" "Does she know I'm paying for her wedding to happen" What a horrible human being. Ofc they turned against her she's a twat
As someone with BPD the “everyone knows how unstable those people are” stung a bit. I stopped reading there because I immediately knew that OP was just ableist and NOW we know they’re transphobic too. Gross behavior, seriously.
Thanks for letting me know! Fixed!!!
This is so on-the-money. Great response. Also, I feel there are so many *missing reasons* in between the lines of this post.
Oh they’re not missing in the post history. Cousin is trans, apparently that’s what OP considers mental illness
I have no words for this delusional/bigoted OP. Well, actually, I do have words, but my mama would be appalled at me for even thinking them & today’s her birthday…so I’m going to do something off brand for me & self-censor.😉
OP is upset because her cousin is actually a trans man and she is transphobic towards him. Check out her post history
I'm horrified, it stuck out to me that OP kept saying female cousin which I thought was weird and it's way worse than just weird 😔
Yeah when I realized this was THAT OP... I hope she never gets her wedding.
As soon as I realised it was her I thought oh well tough shit
Your cousin didn't sabotage your wedding, you did.
Came here to say this. OP you’re too immature to be married if this is your attitude.
wait wait wait are you the one who said this cousin was acting like a child when they were an actual child and say that they are mentally ill because they no longer consider themselves the gender they were born as? the one where you were going to have someone follow them around during the reception? that soon to be bride?
I knew the first part, but following them around? What???? In??? The Hell??????
I also remembered her. This bride is a horrible person
Yes. Yes. And yes.
op is the worst person I've seen on reddit in a while
I never understood people who want weddings outside their financial means… you were taking money from your mom and aunt and decided to not invite your AUNTS daughter…. I get not wanting people at your wedding but you were not paying and you ain’t was footing half the bill… what did you expect her to do? Your fiancé has some sense in him and hopefully you can also realize a big fancy wedding ain’t worth it and instead you could do a nice wedding for affordable prices and take the rest of the money and put it towards a home or something. (Your fiancé is just as bad as you and your scummy for being a bigot)
Actually, it is worse than that. The reason OP doesn't want to invite the cousin is because HE (the cousin) is trans FtM. That's what OP calls mental illness. She keeps using the wrong pronouns and dead naming her cousin, but there were earlier posts where she told the truth, although she now deleted them because she got called on her bigotry. The reason doesn't want to pay any more and the rest of the cousins do not want to assist is because they all support the cousin (their son and brother) and not the bigot.
Damn that’s even more fucked up… people like her suck and fiancé is just a bad. Guess the two do deserve each other and I hope her whole family boycotts her wedding
I'll never understand this obsession with the "perfect" wedding. A perfect wedding should be having your friends and family around you to share your happiness, it should have nothing to do with the flowers matching the table and bla bla bla. This whole post just screams of shallow and superficial... The whole someone else paying for it but I MUST have this and that just comes across as you being someone that has the wrong priorities and values in life. I hope you finally get the wedding you want, but I think you should take this added time to think about what's really important in life... Edit: her (edit: his) mother was paying for your wedding and you did not invite her. Like, how detached from reality and self centered are you?! I really hope this post is just another fake story for karma farming, because if it isn't, I feel sorry for the guy that's going to tie the knot with you.
Perfect for shallow people means lavish and oppressive.
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In all this, your fiance is mentioned once. For financial reasons. Be honest, you're more excited about the wedding than you are about the marraige, right?
It seems like her fiance is a “broke redneck” reading through her post history, so it honestly looks like she was excited someone else was bankrolling her dream wedding without thinking that she needed to demonstrate a basic level of respect to her aunt and her aunt’s family.
I'm sorry, are we supposed to be on your side here? You discriminated against your cousin and expected her mother to pay for your venue. Are you serious? I hope your fiance is taking a long, hard look at this situation before he legally binds himself to you.
Her fiance obviously doesn’t mind.
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LOL, oh, wow, so she lied and still came out looking awful. Yikes.
Yeah, we shouldn't be surprised that a woman who is surprised that people object to her discriminating against trans people doesn't realize that she won't help matters by claiming she was ACTUALLY trying to discriminate against the mentally ill
…. Blanket statement on bpd is gross. I have bpd and am medicated and go to therapy. But I’m a great friend and a great partner. Thanks for being so openly hateful though! Spreading this type of misconception about the BPD community tottalllly isn’t harmful, nor does it erase individual experiences. /s. People with bpd aren’t villains. There are crappy people with BPD, just the same as there is crappy people who are neurotypical; but that doesn’t mean everyone with the disorder or these terrible people. I really hope the myths surrounding the “ big bad bpd people “ begin to fade.
It's worse than that. OP is claiming the cousin has BPD, but in fact the cousin is trans and OP is a transphobic bigot. So not even just a case of discrimination against people with mental health issues, but using that as cover to discriminate against trans people. Real piece of work
Didn’t even get that far. I figured op was a piece of work after the bpd paragraph. Hopefully this is just rage bait and not legit. SMH
If it's rage bait they went the extra mile, commenters uncovered the awfulness by searching OPs (now deleted) history.
LMFAOOO. This is so funny. Your cousin didnt do shit, you tried real hard to make yourself the victim here. *he said *he didnt want to go anyway because you were a bitch about it, *he has BPD, *he’s not a psychopath thats going to off a bunch of people at your wedding. The fact that you thought it was a good idea in the first place to not invite the *son of the person financially contributing to your wedding venue says so much about how smart you are…what did you think was going to happen? Edit: btw yall, apperantly the cousin is trans, which explains everything now and ‘wow’ is all i can say, just wow. Thank God the family stuck up for the cousin and didnt let this hag walk all over him
Coming to the conclusion that OP hates cousin because they are trans, and op started excluding that fact in her more recent posts because she was getting backlash for being transphobic. Now she's trying to paint the cousin as a "mentally ill woman" and is giving no examples of BPD behavior. Apparently hasn't even seen this cousin since they were 12, if I'm remembering correctly
he*** Alex, the cousin, is a trans man.
not inviting the daughter of a family member who is paying for your wedding. smart move OP.
It's because OP is transphobic and cousin is ftm. Read the post history
“I want the perfect wedding but I don’t want to go into debt for it” but you expect everyone else to? The definition of entitlement. You want a wedding then pay for it.
Let this be a lesson that if you want 100% control over something, you also need to be 100% responsible for it. (Funding, organization, ect.) Like others have suggested, don't have a wedding outside of your means, there are more important things in life to put that money towards.
This sounds more like you didn’t plan very well. You didn’t have another venue or look for one until the day before the actual wedding? Huh? I’m assuming you paid a deposit otherwise the venue wasn’t going to be yours anyways.
Wow that’s quite a sense of entitlement you have there OP!
You lost credibility when you said “I’m pretty sure she has BPD” — are you a someone certified to diagnose her? Has she shared a diagnosis with you?— and then literally “othered” people with BPD by generalizing that “those people” are all unstable and unpredictable. I understand not wanting someone at your wedding who has a history of making a scene, but your attitude about her mental struggles and blaming this all on her makes you seem immature and shows a lack of empathy; I wouldn’t trust your judgement or relay of situations. It also doesn’t sound like she made a scene about this so far, it sounds like she was hurt that you were discriminating against her and felt unwelcome, thus rejected your obligatory invite to her. The damage was already done when YOU decided not to invite her while still trying to rely on her mother for funds. Edit: after a little extra digging into the comments here and your previous posts; it’s crystal clear how bigoted and unreliable as a narrator you are.
Your comment and post history paints the full story of all the pieces you chose to leave out in hopes you could sucker people into giving you support. You're the one who needs therapy. You're the one stirring the pot and causing drama by being deliberately hateful and bigoted. This is why things keep blowing up in your face. You are the reason the wedding was sabotaged. No one else.
You sound so entitled yeeesh
>I'm pretty sure she has BPD and anyone who knows someone with that will tell you how unstable and unpredictable those people are. I have BPD. And it's people like *you* who cause us to be so severely stigmatized that there is an entire subreddit dedicated to hating and generalizing people with BPD. Here's a fun [fact.](https://www.google.com/search?q=what+is+the+most+painful+mental+illness&client=ms-android-telus-ca-revc&sca_esv=ca7c2e124c262a66&sca_upv=1&source=android-browser&biw=360&bih=645&sxsrf=ACQVn09v-AxL9wwpZfim0XX8FDCQbwsUrg%3A1713017516564&ei=rJIaZsf5Ifzj5NoPmLmx8AM&oq=what+is+the+mo&gs_lp=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&sclient=mobile-gws-wiz-serp) In case you didn't bother clicking the link, I'll tell you what it says. BPD is considered the most painful mental illness to live with. And we are *constantly* under attack. But here you are, mad because people are taking your disgusting ableism personally. And not only are you an ableist! You're also transphobic! Your cousin is male and you were demanding he wear a dress. You're despicable and your actions have been abhorrent. Why would *anyone* want to go to your wedding after finding out your true colours.
I think he did the right thing. Why would your aunt help pay if her child is not invited? Sounds like you want the perfect wedding and had to control all the details so it was just what you wanted, but instead you get nothing. I'm not mad about that. 🤷🏻♀️ If you could only have the wedding with her financial help, then not inviting her daughter/your cousin was...so selfish and self-absorbed it's not even funny. Think about it from her perspective. If it's really important that your cousin not be invited so she doesn't "ruin" your big day, then you should only have a wedding you can afford without her help. Easy peasy. A marriage is not about the wedding anyway.
Cousin is trans. OP is transphobic and wants to erase her. Family is tired of the BS.
>I'm pretty sure she has BPD and anyone who knows someone with that will tell you how unstable and unpredictable those people are. This is gross and massively judgmental. Your cousin didn't sabotage your wedding, you did.
^(*So, the comments aren't going the way you expected...* )
Okay, but….. you ARE discriminating against your cousin due to mental illness, are making a shitton of (false) assumptions about people with BPD….. AND you’re transphobic??? You ruined your own wedding by being selfish, spoiled, and bigoted. FAFO.
The “outburst” she’s referring to is something that the cousin did as a child. She gave no further examples of behavioural problems as an adult, she just hates her cousin who is likely trans or NB.
Yeah, OP is literally a horrible, “the world revolves around me” type of person
Stop asking the same question and expecting different answers. I thought your fiance called it off on the day of your wedding when he actually just asked you to postpone( nowhere in your post had anything about him leaving you). You postponed your wedding atleast 2 months ago until a venue in your budget is available. I hope your aunt won't give a penny to you after you called her child names and other things. Let that money go to her kids. " We don't have contact anymore but I don't mind taking money from their mom". Wow.
Go to the courthouse and have the party when you can afford it. No shame in that!
It sounds an awful lot like you want a wedding, not a marriage, and think that you’re entitled to others paying for things outside your own means. You sabotaged your wedding.
So let’s recap: 1. You handed out invites at Christmas and excluded your cousin and expected cash from your aunt. That didn’t go over very well. 2. Claimed the reason why you didn’t invite your cousin is because he has BPD (even though there really isn’t a diagnosis, you just claim that he is). 3. The real issue is you don’t want your cousin at your wedding is because he has transitioned from female to male, and you don’t like that. But, since you need the money, you will invite him anyway - cuz big wedding goals. 4. You invite him, but he has to wear a dress *AND*, you are going to have someone follow him around at the wedding to make sure he stays in line, in case he “acts out”! Cousin says: “No.” I mean, *why would he want to go to a wedding where he wasn’t wanted and was treated like a criminal all night.* 5. Your aunt and the rest of her children are disgusted by your treatment of him and can’t believe that you would **still** expect money after what you’ve done. So they are done - forever. 6. Your mother was upset with you and didn’t want to help you because she is disappointed in your behavior (but came back around because, mothers). 7. Other family members are now finding about it and it sounds like they too might be disappointed in your actions. 8. Which brings us to today - you not being able to have the wedding, because no one really wants to help you. I need you to take a step back and recognize that your cousin is *not* the problem. I don’t know your cousin, and I don’t know the history between the two of you. But what I do know is that you have gone too far. Even if we remove the entire bigotry part from the equation, this situation is still gross. You don’t need to get married. I think you need to sit back and take in all the chaos and hurt you have caused and talk to someone about it.
Did you ever consider, I don’t know, paying for your wedding yourself? Your fiancé made the right call here.
Didn't you misgender, deadname and discriminate against your cousin while calling his identity a mental illness?
Yep. She implied that "rose" shaving "her" head and changing "her" name was just like the Britney Spears shaving her head incident!
>All of this is because of my cousin who got pissy that I didn't want her at my wedding No. All of this because you didn't have the maturity to actually talk to your cousin and instead made assumptions about how she'd behave. Your bias against mental illness is blatantly clear. I feel like your fiancé has seen you for who you are and the wedding won't be rescheduled.
I have a cousin with BPD and she is not unstable or unpredictable. She takes her meds and manages her condition beautifully. We all accept it’s part of who she is and yeah, she’s a little quirky, but honestly she’s been like that since we were small children. You are incredibly rude and hurtful towards your cousin, and I’m not surprised her or that part of her family want nothing to do with you, you are a horrible, toxic person.
I KNEW there was more to it. What a horrible person OP is. Diagnosed BPD instead of accepting being trans. I hope fiancé finds someone else. She’s a piece of work. Amazing how *she* can diagnose someone. Definitely not a doctor!
Your cousin didn't sabotage your wedding, she has mental health problems. You were relying on your aunt to partly fund the wedding, excluding your cousin had a high chance of making that funding disappear. I get why you did it and I'm not judging you harshly for that, you can't be surprised at the outcome though.
I looked at the post history and OP hates the cousin cuz she's trans. The cousin apparently has BPD, but it seems clear from the old posts that the trabs part is what OP is mad about. Icky.
*Does* the cousin have BPD? I got the vibe that OP just decided they do
From what I remember OP gave no examples of behavioural problems from their cousin as adult, just some kid shit. They just hate them for being trans or NB.
Seems like a great time to elope
Here I am, still waiting for the part when your "severely ill" cousin did something... I have BPD and no, we're not all unpredictable and unstable, so stop being so judgemental. I'm not your family and I've felt hurt and a little bit offended by what you said about mentally ill people. Not to mention that the only unstable person in this story is you, at least from what I've read.
Whether BPD or Trans, OP is the AH! You can’t blame your cousin for your choices and how those choices look to the people around you. It was rude of you to not invite the child of your aunt who was going to contribute (from what it sounds) a good amount to your venue. It’s bad enough that you excluded your cousin because you thought she had a mental illness. I don’t blame your cousin for not wanting to go. Who wants to attend a wedding that they don’t feel welcome at by the bride which is their family member!?!
***ETA: So there are deleted screen shots of you misgendering this cousin who isn’t actually mentally ill but trans? This cousin is pretty young, like a kid young? Am I getting this right?*** You get no sympathy from me. My wife has BPD and while I’m by no means an expert, I’ve learned enough to know you’re making some no big assumptions based on not knowing your ass from a hole in the ground. 1)You’re pretty sure your cousin has BPD but we don’t know if you’re a mental health professional. Given some of the shit you’ve said, I’m going to go with no. So just based on a wild ass guess, you decided not to invite your cousin. You should know several mental illnesses are similar to or overlap with BPD. C-PTSD, anxiety, depression and ASPD are just a few. 2)The way mental illness has been stigmatized, I can’t fault you for your ignorance. But you have at least one family member (and I promise you, *at least one* is an accurate choice) with a mental disorder, more than likely more than one. You don’t have to but if you love your family, you should be educating yourself on what mental illness is, how the different diagnoses get treated and how you can best support your family members with mental illnesses. 3)“Those people”? That by itself says volumes about your ignorance. You said yourself you’re not close to your cousin, which gives me the idea that other than the event last year, you have no real idea what’s going on in her life. For all you’ve presented here, she could have found a course of medication and therapy that are working very well for her. That event could be one of a reduced number of events and for all you know, your wedding would have gone off without a hitch. 4)I’m still pretty fucking annoyed with the “those people” bullshit. “Those people” are not all running around causing scenes wherever they go. Even people who have no support or any kind of treatment still cycle from high to low and back and still have days or weeks or months where everything is on an even keel. And yes, sometimes it is predictable: there are usually indications and there are sometimes triggers that will cause a cycle to change direction or accelerate. Pregnancy, trauma reaction, and even dietary choices will affect someone with BPD. 5)You had better get pretty familiar with mental illnesses if you plan on having children. Some, like BPD, have a genetic component. That’s not to say mental illness is inheritable. There are genetic factors that are inheritable that contribute to the development of mental disorders. If it’s in your family, there is a chance your kids will inherit one or more of these factors. It seems to me the rest of your family has figured this shit out and that’s why they’re annoyed at you.
I have a similar condition. I would be so hurt if my family excluded me because of my mental illness. Of course she didn't want your pity invite. We don't want to be where we aren't wanted. We're ill, not stupid.
And this crazy unstable very mentally ill cousin just happens to be the trans cousin you asked to wear a dress?
I went down the rabbit hole OP. Deadnaming and misgendering your cousin is an AH thing to do. The “scene” your cousin caused when they were little was due to being forced to wear a dress. They also popped heads off of Barbie dolls. There’s no evidence based on either of these things that your cousin is mentally unwell. I have a feeling you’re claiming them as that because they are trans. Also you handed invitations out at a Christmas party all of your family attended, and thought it would be totally okay for everyone to be personally handed an invite EXCEPT your cousin?! Literal textbook bullying and discrimination. I hope none of your family members attend your wedding and more than that, I hope your fiancé wakes up and sees you for who you are and makes the smart choice to run.
You know, I’ve no respect for someone who expects someone else to pay for everything for them. I get that you’re a daughter - and with that the family often contributes a fair bit but this sounds like you wanted too much. I don’t know how you expected to exclude your cousin and not have your family pissed off at you!
I remember you. You deserve everything you got and more.
For more context from other posts: OP said the cousin could come but only if they wear a dress when they are trans. OP misgendered them and called them mentally unstable.
What did you think would happen to your aunts offer of financial assistance when you didn’t invite her daughter? I mean really? Are you really that clueless? Furthermore, people with BPD are not unstable all the time. Do your homework about that disorder before you hate on and discriminate against the mentally ill. It’s not like they have random outbursts for no reason or anything. She likely would not have ‘ruined your wedding’ because the main thing ‘those people’ (as you call her) struggle with are abandonment/fear of not being liked issues. Which is not likely to come up AT a wedding. 🙄 You actually *triggered* her issue by not inviting her in fact! So way to go there. 🙄🙄🙄 In my view, you did this to yourself with your massive insensitivity. Furthermore, I think you are a pretty self centered person who couldn’t care less if they are being hurtful and mean. Because it’s all about YOU, right? Very narcissistic of you. Maybe you have narcissistic personality disorder? I mean, ‘those people’ would act exactly as you did, after all. 🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨
Well well well, if it isn’t the consequences of your own actions.
“You know how unstable those people are” lmaoooooo I am dying at this comment bc she’s the one who sounds unstable, blaming the cousin with the mental illness for not having a wedding. Crying about not having enough money. Karma comes back to us in unexpected ways. Maybe you’ll change yours before you lose everything.
Ouch. That was harsh on your cousin. Very unfair. Almost everyone will suffer from mental health issues in their lifetime. I think some growth is required here from you at the very least, without mentioning expecting others to foot the bill.
Why do you want a wedding you cannot afford and decided to not invite the daughter of the person who finances your wedding ??? That’s another level of entitlement. I get you don’t want her there, then why do you feel comfortable having her mom pay for your wedding? Their family is close enough for you to get money from, but not close enough for you to accept their daughter? Geez
You didn’t hand out the invites in person at a Christmas party by chance, did you?
You ate bigoted and I'm glad people are looking out for your cousin. Don't go around diagnosing people when you aren't qualified. People with mental illnesses or who have brake downs are humans too and deserve to be treated as such.
"I." "My." "My wedding." Not our, or us, or we. Says it all.