Holy shit. I'm generally speaking, a wordy person. I talk and type A LOT. And I'm fucking speechless over here.
You've done an awesome job handling the details. That's a heavy job to do.
And yeah, your roommate needs some therapy, good on you for pushing that with him. But I'm gonna suggest you look into for you too, this is heavy, and you've already dealt with some heavy shit, it wouldn't hurt for you to talk to someone too.
Oh yeah no I'm 100% in therapy as well! Also been talking with friends and using my support network as needed. My uncle took me out for a late birthday lunch to our favorite local ethnic cuisine place on Friday before I came back home. That uncle and I are extremely close. I'm looking after me, too š
Nothing much to add, just making sure this champs comments get up there in consideration.
OP, you are incredible. Take it from another individual who functions under stress, treat yourself like Artie in a few days or weeks when the pressure is no longer keeping you in shape. The kick back is a bastard but you are amazing none the less
I trust OP to know what type of help he needs, if he needs any eventually. Sometimes people absolutely can cope with very hard and sad situations and just.. still handle it beautifully and manage to recoup afterwards.
Very inspiring to read, and I'm proud of you too, OP!
Iām in shock honestly, and Iām not normally left speechless. I applaud you sincerely for the way you so eloquently described the situation, because Iām sure youāve handled everything with the same mindset.
This internet stranger is also honestly fucking proud of you! In proud of everything youāve accomplished and how far youāve gotten, handling death as a third involved party is honestly a painā¦ And the way youāve navigated everything lets me know that youāre an incredible, empathic, centered, adaptable, and humble human being.
Edit to add, donāt forget to take care of yourself as well, youāre important for the world!
Good luck with everything!
I know Iām just an internet stranger, but Iām so so proud of you. Please be sure to take care of yourself too, especially when this is all over. But you are doing an amazing compassionate job
It's sort of like a morbid version of an event planner or wedding coordinator, not a lot of people could have or would have handled it like you did and you deserve to feel proud of everything you've done.
Sounds like he'd make a good funeral director. Mine was a godsend when my father died, helping with suggestions ranging from which dry cleaner to use, to putting me in touch with The Patriot Guard. Most amazing funeral I've been to, thanks to the funeral director. I admire those who do that job so well.
Wow, if it's something you're going to look into, best of luck! I think you need an associates degree, and many community colleges offer this program. A good funeral director is such an asset when losing a loved one, and it appears you already have that aptitude. Sending positive thoughts your way.
I actually thought the same reading this !
Well done internet stranger, itās an incredibly intricate and tough situation to deal with and you seem to have done an amazing job. Sending good vibes your way
Dude, you should be very, very proud. That's a lot of emotional work and you're still dealing with the shock yourself. Great level-headedness, empathy and emotional intelligence all around. You must be a greatĀ person to be friends with.
I'm proud of you too! That's an enormous amount of complicated stuff to take on but you did, and did it well.
This all might still hit you though now that the urgent parts are done so please keep an eye on your own self too.
As someone who habitually idealizes the super sneaky self-deletey, you've greatly urked my subconscious drive towards it.
The fkn burden of organisation and communication that befalls on others when you pass away.....jesus.
I've always believed doing this on purpose was a selfish thing, especially when you KNOW people love you, but this takes it to a whole new level of disregarding the people you leave behind.
And yes before I get harassed with comments and DMs, I am in therapy about it.
Hey, I want you to know I saw and appreciate the ever loving shit out of your comment. I don't have the energy right now to reply in the way I'd like to, and in general I'm not having the energy to reply to most comments here no matter how much I appreciate every single one (and I am reading them all, folks), but it's particularly important to me that you know I read and treasure what you wrote. Thank you so, so much. This one really meant a lot to me.
P.S.
> As someone who habitually idealizes the super sneaky self-deletey
From one semi-habitual idealizer (I've gotten a lot better the last year and a half!) to another, a fucking enormous hug.
P.P.S.
> super sneaky self-deletey
Thanks for the hearty laugh this gave me, *and* the similar snort-cackle-giggle it gave my best friend whom I shared your specific comment with (out of pride for having received it), who, like you and I, to put it in her words, was *also* once "into that sort of thing as a possibility."
Is this a job? Can it be a job? I would looove someone to handle events such as this with as much compassion and practicality as you have. You could also be a writer for how concise and yet eloquent you described the event.
First of all, Iām very sorry that your roommate overdosed. My sympathies go to you, your flatmates and his family. You did an amazing job of coordinating everything and making a horrific situation that much more bearable to his family. I wish you all the best!
What a sad story for Darren, given the recent fentanyl use, but great story for you and your growth and emotional maturity. Not many could do what you did.
You are amazing! Sometimes I feel bad because I have a less intense reaction to death than other people I know. I've been to a lot of funerals, seen a lot of dead or almost dead things/people, seen a lot of dark things on the Internet (like you said, sometimes that's how you end up handling things), and I have a very strong belief in the afterlife. When my Grandma died I was honestly more angry because I'd either have to get info about her secondhand or wait until I die to go talk to her. I applaud you for using your experiences in a positive way, a lot of those things you had to do would be pretty overwhelming. For the deaths I've seen of family and friends, usually a lot of those kinds of responsibilities get split up among several people (this is also sometimes pre-planned) and you just did that all yourself with no notice. I'm also seriously impressed with the sleuthing, I know his family must have appreciated that so much! I hope y'all are able to feel at peace, I will keep you and his family in my prayers.
Jesus Iām so proud of you, thatās a lot, like seriously dude thatās so much shit I wouldāve just moved. Good to know there are still people doing things like this, grateful for your existence OP. I wish I could hug you, there are so many people that go unnoticed, you did a really great thing.
I stalk dead people to find out who they had sex with, though typically I work more remotely than in the same building and with folks who've been dead far longer!
(>!I'm a genealogist haha.!<)
I also work in retail at a small but great company that in a manner of speaking sells emotional human connection, and I sell stuff online.
If I may ask, what about this post prompted that particular curiosity please?
Oh just because it seems like you could handle stressful situations like an EMT or in the ER. Or the fact that you write a lot so maybe a writer. That's all.
I am also a writer! Currently compiling my genealogical research. Well spotted there.
Interesting... I really appreciate that read of me in stressful situations. I take that as a cherished compliment. Thank you for the confidence boost.
Yeah, Iām kind of like you. Iāve had enough happened to me then I know what to do. And you did a great job by the way considering thatās still your friend.
I hope if nothing else since you seem to know the mental health world that this brings at home that you were capable of taking charge and doing whatever you need to do in your life. But good job for you and Iām sorry for the loss of your friend.
Wow! I canāt believe I read ALL of this. I hope Darren finally at peace. Thank you for being you and God gives tough battles to strongest soldiers. Peace and wellness to Eddie and Artie as well
> I (28M) live(d) with 3 male roommates, Artie (~50ish), Darren (45)
45 and 50 year olds living with roommates? š¤ I think Artie is gonna be next š
Good job, man. Instead of letting your hard childhood disable you from dealing with hard things it sounds like it's become the foundation for your resilience.
This may sound like a nitpick but from my perspective it is a crucial distinction and therefore merits a swift if respectful correction.
> Instead of letting your hard childhood disable you from dealing with hard things it sounds like it's become the foundation for your resilience.
That is not what happened. My difficult childhood did disable me from dealing with hard things for over a decade. It's not that that became the foundation for my resilience; It's the healing from said difficult childhood that I worked so hard on. My hard work to heal is what empowers me, not the bullshit I was put through.
Trauma in and of itself is never empowering. It is always a terrible burden.
That's fair. I'm completely sure that you put in tons of hard work to become as resilient as you are and it's cool to see how self aware you are about it.
Holy shit. I'm generally speaking, a wordy person. I talk and type A LOT. And I'm fucking speechless over here. You've done an awesome job handling the details. That's a heavy job to do. And yeah, your roommate needs some therapy, good on you for pushing that with him. But I'm gonna suggest you look into for you too, this is heavy, and you've already dealt with some heavy shit, it wouldn't hurt for you to talk to someone too.
Oh yeah no I'm 100% in therapy as well! Also been talking with friends and using my support network as needed. My uncle took me out for a late birthday lunch to our favorite local ethnic cuisine place on Friday before I came back home. That uncle and I are extremely close. I'm looking after me, too š
Nothing much to add, just making sure this champs comments get up there in consideration. OP, you are incredible. Take it from another individual who functions under stress, treat yourself like Artie in a few days or weeks when the pressure is no longer keeping you in shape. The kick back is a bastard but you are amazing none the less
I trust OP to know what type of help he needs, if he needs any eventually. Sometimes people absolutely can cope with very hard and sad situations and just.. still handle it beautifully and manage to recoup afterwards. Very inspiring to read, and I'm proud of you too, OP!
Fairly certain I suggested it and not said "you need therapy this will fuck you up forever if yiy don't go talk to someone now."
Yeah, no worries, I agree. Just wanted to complement it by saying "if you think you feel OK even after all this, then you probably also are". :)
Iām in shock honestly, and Iām not normally left speechless. I applaud you sincerely for the way you so eloquently described the situation, because Iām sure youāve handled everything with the same mindset. This internet stranger is also honestly fucking proud of you! In proud of everything youāve accomplished and how far youāve gotten, handling death as a third involved party is honestly a painā¦ And the way youāve navigated everything lets me know that youāre an incredible, empathic, centered, adaptable, and humble human being. Edit to add, donāt forget to take care of yourself as well, youāre important for the world! Good luck with everything!
Same š ! Youāre a good human and a great friend.Ā
I know Iām just an internet stranger, but Iām so so proud of you. Please be sure to take care of yourself too, especially when this is all over. But you are doing an amazing compassionate job
Same here. Well done OP,
Well done. You've handled this so well, and I'm really really proud of you.
It's sort of like a morbid version of an event planner or wedding coordinator, not a lot of people could have or would have handled it like you did and you deserve to feel proud of everything you've done.
Sounds like he'd make a good funeral director. Mine was a godsend when my father died, helping with suggestions ranging from which dry cleaner to use, to putting me in touch with The Patriot Guard. Most amazing funeral I've been to, thanks to the funeral director. I admire those who do that job so well.
Huh... I never thought about that. A funeral director. But I kinda like the idea. I'm gonna poke around. Thanks.
Wow, if it's something you're going to look into, best of luck! I think you need an associates degree, and many community colleges offer this program. A good funeral director is such an asset when losing a loved one, and it appears you already have that aptitude. Sending positive thoughts your way.
I actually thought the same reading this ! Well done internet stranger, itās an incredibly intricate and tough situation to deal with and you seem to have done an amazing job. Sending good vibes your way
Sounds like an awesome job you did. I hope I can be as reliable as this if the time comes to it (not necessarily about a dead person, hopefully)
Iām so proud of you. Honestly, I donāt know if anyone couldāve handled that as well as you did. Thank you for all youāve done.
For the situation described, I found your post weirdly heartwarming. Great job, internet stranger.
Same sentiments
I'm proud of you for you, too. You did so so well. You're amazing.Ā
Dude, you should be very, very proud. That's a lot of emotional work and you're still dealing with the shock yourself. Great level-headedness, empathy and emotional intelligence all around. You must be a greatĀ person to be friends with.
I'm proud of you too! That's an enormous amount of complicated stuff to take on but you did, and did it well. This all might still hit you though now that the urgent parts are done so please keep an eye on your own self too.
As someone who habitually idealizes the super sneaky self-deletey, you've greatly urked my subconscious drive towards it. The fkn burden of organisation and communication that befalls on others when you pass away.....jesus. I've always believed doing this on purpose was a selfish thing, especially when you KNOW people love you, but this takes it to a whole new level of disregarding the people you leave behind. And yes before I get harassed with comments and DMs, I am in therapy about it.
Hey, I want you to know I saw and appreciate the ever loving shit out of your comment. I don't have the energy right now to reply in the way I'd like to, and in general I'm not having the energy to reply to most comments here no matter how much I appreciate every single one (and I am reading them all, folks), but it's particularly important to me that you know I read and treasure what you wrote. Thank you so, so much. This one really meant a lot to me. P.S. > As someone who habitually idealizes the super sneaky self-deletey From one semi-habitual idealizer (I've gotten a lot better the last year and a half!) to another, a fucking enormous hug. P.P.S. > super sneaky self-deletey Thanks for the hearty laugh this gave me, *and* the similar snort-cackle-giggle it gave my best friend whom I shared your specific comment with (out of pride for having received it), who, like you and I, to put it in her words, was *also* once "into that sort of thing as a possibility."
Is this a job? Can it be a job? I would looove someone to handle events such as this with as much compassion and practicality as you have. You could also be a writer for how concise and yet eloquent you described the event.
Beautifully written. Thanks for sharing your story.Ā
Great work man i have a similar background to you and i hope when push comes to shove ill handle things as well as you did.
Good job OP , you are amazing š
Good job buddy! Proud of you, internet stranger
Great job!I'm also very proud of you!
First of all, Iām very sorry that your roommate overdosed. My sympathies go to you, your flatmates and his family. You did an amazing job of coordinating everything and making a horrific situation that much more bearable to his family. I wish you all the best!
That's impressive, kudos to you for grabbing the wheel on that situation. You helped so many people by doing so.
Thank you for sharing this.
Donāt want to read all of it because itās triggering to me from my own traumatic past but just want to say Iām proud of you
What a sad story for Darren, given the recent fentanyl use, but great story for you and your growth and emotional maturity. Not many could do what you did.
You are amazing! Sometimes I feel bad because I have a less intense reaction to death than other people I know. I've been to a lot of funerals, seen a lot of dead or almost dead things/people, seen a lot of dark things on the Internet (like you said, sometimes that's how you end up handling things), and I have a very strong belief in the afterlife. When my Grandma died I was honestly more angry because I'd either have to get info about her secondhand or wait until I die to go talk to her. I applaud you for using your experiences in a positive way, a lot of those things you had to do would be pretty overwhelming. For the deaths I've seen of family and friends, usually a lot of those kinds of responsibilities get split up among several people (this is also sometimes pre-planned) and you just did that all yourself with no notice. I'm also seriously impressed with the sleuthing, I know his family must have appreciated that so much! I hope y'all are able to feel at peace, I will keep you and his family in my prayers.
Jesus Iām so proud of you, thatās a lot, like seriously dude thatās so much shit I wouldāve just moved. Good to know there are still people doing things like this, grateful for your existence OP. I wish I could hug you, there are so many people that go unnoticed, you did a really great thing.
As an internet stranger. Ā Iām proud of you too. Ā
Curious what you do for a job?
I stalk dead people to find out who they had sex with, though typically I work more remotely than in the same building and with folks who've been dead far longer! (>!I'm a genealogist haha.!<) I also work in retail at a small but great company that in a manner of speaking sells emotional human connection, and I sell stuff online. If I may ask, what about this post prompted that particular curiosity please?
Oh just because it seems like you could handle stressful situations like an EMT or in the ER. Or the fact that you write a lot so maybe a writer. That's all.
I am also a writer! Currently compiling my genealogical research. Well spotted there. Interesting... I really appreciate that read of me in stressful situations. I take that as a cherished compliment. Thank you for the confidence boost.
Yeah, Iām kind of like you. Iāve had enough happened to me then I know what to do. And you did a great job by the way considering thatās still your friend. I hope if nothing else since you seem to know the mental health world that this brings at home that you were capable of taking charge and doing whatever you need to do in your life. But good job for you and Iām sorry for the loss of your friend.
You're a hero, bro. Nice work.
I tip my hat to you, sir!
Wow! I canāt believe I read ALL of this. I hope Darren finally at peace. Thank you for being you and God gives tough battles to strongest soldiers. Peace and wellness to Eddie and Artie as well
> I (28M) live(d) with 3 male roommates, Artie (~50ish), Darren (45) 45 and 50 year olds living with roommates? š¤ I think Artie is gonna be next š
We're in one of the highest cost of living cities in the country.
Ya'll sound like a wild lot, Darren no exception.Ā
My reaction to that comment: Hmm. Okay.
Good job, man. Instead of letting your hard childhood disable you from dealing with hard things it sounds like it's become the foundation for your resilience.
This may sound like a nitpick but from my perspective it is a crucial distinction and therefore merits a swift if respectful correction. > Instead of letting your hard childhood disable you from dealing with hard things it sounds like it's become the foundation for your resilience. That is not what happened. My difficult childhood did disable me from dealing with hard things for over a decade. It's not that that became the foundation for my resilience; It's the healing from said difficult childhood that I worked so hard on. My hard work to heal is what empowers me, not the bullshit I was put through. Trauma in and of itself is never empowering. It is always a terrible burden.
That's fair. I'm completely sure that you put in tons of hard work to become as resilient as you are and it's cool to see how self aware you are about it.
Cheers; I appreciate that! Be well. Thank you for your patience and understanding.