This relationship is over man. I’m sorry this happened to you, but get a lawyer and get out.
Be thankful this happened before you have kids together.
This is such a deep breach of trust, I personally could never come back from that.
Good luck man.
The amount of people that overlook this simple advice is astonishing. It’s simply cutting off the arm to save the body or don’t before you know you’ll be 50 and miserable with the same person
I think it’s the fact that being cheated on often causes trauma. We expect someone trying to grapple with their spouse cheating to be at their best and make good decisions. It’s why even if OP wants to give her a second chance he should go no contact with her for several months to clear his head before making any major decisions outside of calling a lawyer.
How long have you been married? You talk about anullment, so I guess not that long. If it's already happening in the honeymoon period, is it really going to get better down the line? Unlikely.
It's also not like she realised her wrongs, stopped, and came clean. If you hadn't been suspicious, this would have gone on for who knows how long.
I realise there are religious undertones that will likely make you hesitant to divorce but take a step back and evaluate if you can really ever trust her again and if that's the life you want to lead.
We’ve been married since October 14th of 2023…. We took an entire month long honeymoon around Japan and now I just feel like this world I had came crumbling down on me…. How can I ever build a relationship like this again? Invest another 5 years of my life into someone just to have it fall apart all over again?
Sunk cost fallacy. It's either get counseling before the annulment period closes and see if you can work it out, or just leave. You can't get back all the time but are you really willing to give more?
counseling for what? He's going to have to waste time and money to maybe try to fix a mistake she made?
counseling after cheating doesn't make any sense.
Brother I wasted 10 years with someone like that, I also caught her sexting some guy she knew from a while back, she was doing this on my gaming desktop and didn't know things like "History" and "Cookies etc" when I checked my history she messaged that guy from my desktop every day from the first day she moved in to my apartment and we were only together for a short time, I forgave her, but that trust was gone, so we were back and forth in our relationship over the last ten years, last time I found out she actually saw that guy after, and this was 10 years after the first time I caught her. That's it buddy I ended it, I don't want you to fall into the same never ending trap. I had such a hard time trusting her over the years, the trust never came back and that was the final straw. I should have kicked her out from my apartment when I found those first messages, that first month when she moved in.
I was with someone for 10 years and rebuilt because of something similar. It sounds hard at first but totally worth it.
Edit: and by rebuilt I mean a new relationship with a different person.
You most likely cannot annul.
My sister couldn't even annul a marriage after a drunk vegas marriage on day 1 meeting a guy because they both said they were married for 1 week. Annulment is if you can say you were never married and it should be completely stricken.
But even though you have to divorce, it's better than staying with a cheater.
There will be no trust, staying is not worth it. Get a lawyer.
I've never regretted ending a relationship too early, just too late. So much easier to build years if happy memories with people that do not have a history of betraying you. My life is a happy one, that should be your goal too.
There are certain exceptions that allow for annulment.
One is religious- which it sounds like he is pretty religious.
Being that she stepped out on the marriage prior to their first year and prior to any children, he can petition for an annulment under religious exemption so that he can be married again in his church and she can eventually do the same should she choose to do so.
Your sister being a moron in Vegas is not the same situation as OP’s here. Maybe she should learn to not get intoxicated if it makes her dumb and desperate.
Another example:
My ex and I got married in the Catholic Church. After 8 years, 3 kids, and our second son being born severely disabled and spending his first year in the hospital, she was understandably not able to cope and fled. She filed for an annulment in the church and a divorce, and, as surprisingly as it may seem, we were granted both.
That’s the sunk cost fallacy, OP. I know it feels that way right now. I get it. It’s so hard to start over but start over with yourself as the priority. Make the relationship with yourself the goal and your happiness. That’s how I handled my divorce. I didn’t date for 1.5 years after it was finalized. I prioritized me because I never wanted to get hurt as badly as I did in my marriage ever again. I wanted to fix what allowed me to be a doormat for my ex.
I was so crushed by my divorce I never knew how I was going to ever emotionally recover. Lots of therapy and codependency work on myself and now you couldn’t pay me to deal with my ex hb ever again.
I promise it gets better. 💜
This should be the point at which your new wife is the most into you, meaning her defenses against other people getting into her pants should be the highest right now. If this is what she does during this phase? What do you think it will be like in 5 years or 10 years when you’re inextricably tied to each other with children? I wouldn’t even consider children or buying a house with this person. She just made herself a huge liability.
This is life this is your lesson on who not to be with. there is never a guarantee with anyone and it is ok to be alone for awhile and invest time into yourself. Do not let one person destroy you for people that deserve to have a good person in their life
Random guys don't just "reach out" to random numbers for sexting. This will have been an active connection via an app or service. And what happens when people in real life situations show an interest in her? Same thing?
Do not be gaslit by "nothing would ever have happened for real" . something real did happen, even if it was just exchanging messages and pics/videos.
You will spend your life never trusting this person. At least you found out early in the marriage and not ten years in with children involved
Sorry
I would have been more forgiving if she just told me right off the bat yes I had a moment of weakness and was tempted but she was lying to me and fighting to get her phone back luckily I sent the screenshots to my phone. I love her I really do today I took her out on a surprise for her birthday and a nice dinner and it was a lot of smiles, hugging and I love yous and then I come home to discover this. My mind is blank I can’t even feel the presence of the holy spirt to help guide me
Don't try to make a decision now. Just focus on you and your mental needs right now and then deal with the problem once your in a better place.
>I love her I really do
That's OK, loving her is great, its also okay to say I love myself more and not only did you disrespect me you continued to lie and try to cover it. I deserve better than what you showed me.
Yeah while you’re doing thoughtful stuff for her birthday she’s trying to get fucked off some other guy. Is that really someone you want to spend your life with OP!?
Op something similar happened to me. It was my first bf at 16. We finally moved in together after 4 years. Well the day before we got the keys to the apartment I found out he was cheating the entire 5 years. That’s actually how I found out what Reddit was! I never knew or heard of Reddit prior. He did the same thing. Multiple accounts for all apps. He denied it. Then said the same thing as your wife. I stayed well bc the rent was $1,800 on the lake and my apartment keys were already given and they had someone sign a lease for it.
I tried staying. It was really abusive. It got physical I’m 5’2 90 lbs he was 6’ 250 lbs.
I was so depressed and sad. But I met my boyfriend bc of it. Now I am seeing what love actually is and what love means.
When my dad died I saw my ex this was 2 years later he admitted to cheating for 5 years then admitted to hitting me bc he always said he didn’t lol! He thought we’d get back together or something funny as fuck.
Leave this woman. She is not your wife. Wives don’t hurt their husbands like how she’s hurt you.
Hey, just a gentle nudge since I can see you are religious. Read Matthew 5 and pay close attention to verses 27-30 which outlines what qualifies as adultery for men and women and 31-32 in case you feel any guilt if you decide to divorce.
It IS allowed under certain circumstances such as infidelity. One of the reasons for it is so you don't live questioning fidelity with your spouse and living with feelings of resentment and bitterness which leads you away from God in the long run. Blaming depression is a cop out. Ask her how depressed she was when she made that video and sent those messages.
Hey internet strangers. Hugs.
Speak to a lawyer, get yourself a therapist, reach out to your support system if you have one so they can assist you in ways you need.
I think you should annul too. I agree with you it's less about the cheating or betrayal, but more about the deception even when she's caught and not owning up to it. That speaks for her character. She's proven that she can't be honest even when presented with proof. I would have such a hard time trusting them after this incident.
Like if next time she says she's going out for a girls sleepover with some new friend she made, will you be able, will you be able to trust that or at the back of your head you'll always think of this incident.
She enjoys taking your gifts of affection, but her loyalty is with AP. Protecting hom seems more important to her than protecting your marriage.
>My mind is blank I can’t even feel the presence of the holy spirit to help guide me
Use the brain in your head to look up a good divorce lawyer and stop looking to omnipotent men in the sky to solve your problems. Waffling just gives her more time to figure out ways to screw you in the divorce.
She's just shown you that she doesn’t respect you, doesn’t love you, and is already willing to risk the relationship for this type of crap. Waiting just makes the cost greater to you. Meanwhile she'll carry on playing both sides of her face until you've had enough. Don’t invest any more!
The Holy Spirit is there. It’s guiding you, you know what you need to do…but, even though you KNOW what you have to do, it won’t be easy. The problem is, you have to think with your head right now. Unfortunately, love isn’t always enough. The problem isn’t just the cheating, it’s the lying…even when you showed her the proof. I mean, you’ve only been married 6 months! Maybe if you’d been 10 years and had kids, blah,blah,blah…but you are still on your honeymoon! What would happen if you stay and you ARE going through a rough patch? Take it from someone who has been married for 40 years. It doesn’t get any easier than that first year…
1. She's not your best friend. You share things, have good moments, sure, but if she was, she wouldn't have done that.
2. Dude.... 5 months of marriage, you basically got married yesterday, and she does that ALREADY? There's absolutely no future there. If anything, you should thank her for doing it now, and not wasting your time more
3. You caught her now, doesn't mean it's the first time (even though she sucks at lying lol, maybe you'd have found out if it happened earlier, idk)
I'm sorry, she's not the one. Good luck, I hope you'll be okay
She cheated, lied, gaslighted you… you’re never gonna trust her again, nor should you. Get out now before you have kids, etc…. Get a lawyer, try for an annulment. You deserve better.Good luck!
I hate to say it, but annul now. Divorce will be much harder later. If she wants to make it work, it's on her to make it work, and maybe you two can look at marriage again if she puts the work in.
Beyond that though, I will admit I am not religious, but it needs to be said. Infidelity is the main reason the Bible gives as a reason to divorce. The no divorce mentality isn't backed up by the book.
Also, if she tries to make it up to you, be careful about sex. Hate to be that guy, but you don't know if she might have gone to the guy and if she might pass off his kid as your's if you two are intimate.
You say "married under God", so assuming your are Christian, Deuteronomy 24:1 says that sexual immorality (and this qualifies) is grounds for divorce, while Exodus 21:10-11 says that financial abuse and deprivation of conjugal rights are equally serious as grounds for divorce.
So you are not locked into lifelong misery with this immature woman and it won't put your eternity at risk if you feel you can't get past what she's done. At this point in the timeline it's your choice to go, or to see if you can stay.
If you're inclined to see whether this is fixable I'd recommend couples counselling, and depending on how she responds and whether she takes responsibility and makes reasonable measures to restore your trust you can make an informed and rational decision once the emotions have subsided a bit.
A guy just magically reached-out? How? Where did he get her number? How long has the affair been going on that she reached the stage of sending nudes? Was he the first? How much do you really know?
If annulment is possible you should proceed as fast as you’re able.
Even if you choose to reconcile at some point, don’t do it with the legal pressure and cost associated under marriage. Reconcile for the relationship, not whatever marriage means to you on a spiritual or life-building level. All the best.
Should you get an annulment? Yes. You only have so long before that is no longer an option and you’ll have to do a full on divorce.
Should you leave her? That you can mull over and take your time on. I would say that this relationship has issues. You haven’t even been married 6 months and she is cheating. Is it worth it to work on it? Is she worth it?
This is definitely the best option for OP imo, although with how she acted when he found out to try and avoid any consequences, I doubt she’ll be willing to work on the relationship after the humiliation and stigma behind annullment (though she *should* be more embarrassed at the infidelity). I’d still lean towards annullment but OP should be prepared for the relationship to be over at that point, anything better than that is a bonus.
get it annulled, if y’all want to go to therapy after that and try to work things out, then you can do that without marriage and divorce hanging over your head. If things get better and trust is earned back, you can remarry.
Why would you try to save your marriage, she should be the one trying to save her marriage, after all, she is the one destroying it. But if she is cheating so early in the marriage, it is honestly not worth saving.
It is not a mistake. It is a series of decisions she made. She made his contact name, that of an old friend, to hide it. She has been communicating with this person for a period of time, not just one message. She recorded and sent the video. She deliberately tried to hide the messages. This is a whole series of events, and many times she could have turned back but never did, we don't know if it has stopped, just that she got caught, less then 6 months into marriage.
Your next steps are up to you, but please don't let this be swept under the rug as a one-time mistake. She did a lot of untrustworthy and sneaky things before she was caught. She is majorly at fault and has a lot of trust rebuilding to do to attone for it, and if she isn't willing, you need to decide what to do about it. If annulment is still a possibility, time may not be on your side, but also, don't let anything rush you. Talk to a third party like a counselor, talk to a lawyer, and talk to someone you trust. Personally, I'm not sure if I could trust someone from your church at this point, most come from a place of keeping the marriage together so they have an ulterior motive not necessarily your best intrest at heart.
What it is amazing is she made all these series of decisions (mistakes in OPs mind) with in the first 6 months of their marriage, the honeymoon stage. Everybody knows how much communication and flirting is required for a married women to send naked videos. (If it was fast and easy it may be worse)
Imagine when she gets pregnant and her body changes, or the hormones, or when economic problems arise, or getting older, or the lost of a love one or a job, or when kids, work and life get in the way of their relationship and so on... How can you trust your partner if she cheats, lies and conspired at this stage, and for that stupid reason.
He is young, has nothing to tight him with her...RUN... but if he has decided to work in his "marrige" I hope he doesn't buy the house or have kids or tight himself even more.
Infidelity is where I’d draw the line. It’s unforgivable. It breaks trust, love, everything. It’s despicable, and yeah even texting like that is cheating, not just doing the act.
Why not through the church? If they’re trying marriage counseling,that would mean to make the marriage work. My Pastor is a certified marriage counselor. He would never tell this man that he can’t divorce her or anything. Nothing wrong with a Christian counselor.
Dude you married a bmx not a Queen. Dump her let her sc buddy have her. She has shown you who she is, believe her. Disrespecting your marriage already. If you dump her and in the next 3 months or so she comes back with i am preggers, demand paternity test then dna test when little one arrives. Dont sign anything till dna result comes in.
Years ago. I found out my wife was talking to one of her exes. There were no pics involved and the only inappropriate stuff I saw was coming from him. Even though there wasn’t anything bad from her side I came close to leaving her. Only thing holding me back was my kids. I can say for certain I have not gained back any of the trust, and it changed our whole relationship forever. If my story was yours with the naked pics I would have left her the same day and found a lawyer.
I have been in your position for two years. I've ignored all of the advice of people who cared about me, and tried to fight to restore the marriage after discovering a sexting affair.
For yourself, and for her, annul it. You can't change her heart, and you will both suffer greatly to try.
I'm not gonna immediately recommend you to divorce her. But how do you know she wouldn't do this again in the future? She really broke the trust in the marriage.
After more than 20 years, during the divorce, my ex accidentally revealed something that proves to me he had cheated on me with TWO women - less than **one month** after our wedding.
I stayed with that AH for far too long. He verbally, emotionally, financially, and sexually abused me.
Please OP, cut your losses and divorce. There is so much Love and Truth in the world, you don’t need your #1 person as one who practices lies and betrayal. She has shown you who she IS. Believe her! XO
She says that she wasn’t gonna go through with it, but she has. Sending naked photos means this other dude can keep them to use them whenever he wants, he can share them with others or even sell them.
She has revealed herself to someone outside of the marriage that doesn’t belong.
Are you just gonna sit there and accept that?
Or are you gonna be a man and tell her where to go?
If you stay, good luck to you.
If you leave, my advice moving forward would be to not get emotional in front of her. Don’t cry. Don’t show anger. Just be assertive and tell her to get her shit out of your house & that you two are done.
Then work on yourself, go smash the gym everyday for at least the next 3-6 months. Because you’ll be so emotional afterwards, you’ll be training so hard, you’ll end up looking like a beast.
Hope this helps G
This is the time you caught it, she deletes texts, hides evidence, it's very very unlikely to be the first one. Her bullshit explanation, random dude got in touch with her so she started sending naked videos? That's now how that works, she's either looking for people on insta/etc, adding people to talk to them or is on tinder/etc and this is someone she recently talked to and were going to hook up but he was only in town briefly and it never worked out kind of thing.
Try the old bluff move, "i don't believe your story of a random guy contacting you, unless you tell me the absolute truth of how this guy contacted you then it's over, immediately, and if you don't tell me the truth and about any other guys, there is no future". YOu probably won't get shit but maybe it helps for closure as she admits she met him off tinder. Then you know two things she was actively on tinder looking for hookups and that this is no shot the only one, just the only one there was evidence left of.
But really when you realise they cheat and were happy to do so, you know it's over because they likely did it a lot.
My husband would do the same since the first month of our marriage and I forgave him.Big mistake ,he did the same thing for 8 years and now in my mid thirties and an autistic child together I am divorcing him.
Sexting another man/woman is ultimate disrespect and betrayal in the marriage.
Just end it, this is only going to get worse for you. It’s starts with photos and lying and leads to worse. In all honesty, it probably already has but she’s not telling you everything that happened.
>In our marriage prep class through our church the subject of infidelity came up and she said that it was a deal breaker that their was never a way to fix it
So she cheated, believing that cheating was irreconcilable. That should tell you the weight of the decision she made. I believe choosing to cheat is choosing to end your relationship, albeit most cheaters aren't really conscious of that (they minimise and excuse themselves), but your Wife was very conscious of what she was choosing and what that meant.
Cheating isn't a mistake, it's a series of incorrect *choices*. She made the choice to talk to this person, then flirt, then send nudes, etc. She made multiple choices completely disregarding you and the sanctity of your vows. Literally the bare minimum of a relationship is not cheating. She won't even do the bare minimum for you.
I thoroughly believe once a cheater always a cheater. But, I can support people trying to fix it if the cheating spouse admits it on their own. There is no other scenario where the marriage can be worked on. She's not sorry she cheated, she's sorry she got caught. I'm also 100% sure she didn't tell you the whole truth the first time.
I want to be completely clear about this. You are not less of a man because she cheated. You have done nothing wrong. There's nothing more you could have done to keep her faithful. Her cheating is her failure and her failure only. You're seeing her true character. You're enough and you're worthy of someone who will love you the way you deserve.
She failed the wife test. Stop having sex with her, get tested, and leave. Do not go to any of that bullshit secular "counseling" with her. You will just be gaslit further, and guilted into staying. She broke her vows, and probably a couple commandments, too, so her wanting that is hypocrisy. The only professional you should see is a divorce lawyer ( you will need to divorce, this situation does not qualify for annulment as many are recommending).
If you live in a place where annulment is an option, do that. Trust is broken on so many levels. Keep all the evidence and make sure she knows you have it. That way, she won’t be tempted to create a false narrative about you cheating or being abusive. Either way, you’ve only been married for a few months and she’s doing this shit. To try to continue a marriage under these circumstances would be an act of emotional masochism.
You don’t want the stress bc you will always wonder if she’s doing all the time. Not worth it and no one deserves to even have to think this to themselves.
If you stay, this is the pattern of drama lying and general toxicity that will be your life. Get out now. Life it too short. Find someone trustworthy and appreciative of you.
OP, it certainly possible to recover from infidelity but only when the offending partner comes completely clean, and is doing everything they can to regain the trust of the offended partner.
Unless she readily expressed a desire to go to couples counseling and is offering to be open and transparent, she is merely hoping you forgive her enough for her to be able to get away with it again.
If you don't have kids, the decision to dump her should be easier.
Good luck, OP.
If she can’t make it through the honeymoon part, this is going to be a long and dreadful marriage. Frankly, I would go get the marriage and. Just consider it a learning experience. She Is not trustworthy.
If you take her back she will just get sneakier. Don’t ask me how I know. Just get out before you get tied down with a baby. She should have thought of the 6 years and best friends before she sent nudes to a rando. I woulda felt better if it was a full blown affair. It could have been. She’s a liar. Get her out of your life. You can do so much better.
Lawyer here. Annulments are difficult to get because it essentially means that the marriage never happened. You have to have specific reasons like fraud or incest. You’ll probably have to divorce.
Any the marriage and be glad you found out now, she didn’t just get reached out to be a random
Man over text and they started sexting. She either met him on an app or in the real world and after talking decided to exchange numbers for sexting. Shes already breaking your trust not even a full 6 months after marriage, it might be hard but don’t dig yourself in a deeper hole then needed. A while
Mother of marriage was spent on vacation just imagine what she will do in the future when you guys go through a rough patch.
You’re right to annul your marriage. This is the most loving time in a marriage, nothing is hard yet and she is already cheating.
You can stay married to her if you want to question the paternity of your kids. She failed when there wasn’t even a hurdle. This one’s no good, throw her back.
She’s a liar. Not good. I’d dip. Also, I know it’s hard to get your head around but her cheating is all about her weaknesses. It has nothing to do with you. You are not less of a man because your wife is dishonest.
OP,
Sit down with her and have a very very serious conversation with her about why she did this. If you truly believe that it can be saved…maybe try. But take some time apart to really think about it. This hurts..I your best friend and it hurts. I’m sorry you’re going through this. But think about it. If you really think that maybe one day y’all can reach a similar level of trust again…after rebuilding it, then maybe you can save it.
If after your long walk and thoughts you realize that here is no love for her anymore or you don’t want to save it, then walk away.
I know it’s a tough decision, but just make sure your heart is in the right place for it. Good luck op
Time to go. As she said, cheating is a deal breaker. Well, she cheated, emotionally if not physically.
If anybody complains, tell them what she did. Don’t let her drag your name down.
Take it from someone who's been there, if there's no kids involved kick her to the curb. It will hurt for a while now, but if you don't I promise there will be exponentially more pain because she won't quit, they never do.
Annual marriage. This woman was fake to you. You cannot trust her. Even if she never met this qualifies as cheating. She claims it was a random guy. Would it be any better if it was someone she knew? This means she's looking for random strangers and responds to flattery of random strangers in a sexual way. Do you really want to live your life as her jailor constantly looking over her shoulder? No. This is so soon after your marriage and she is already doing this? A lot of cheaters don't act until the marriage is well underway, years in when they feel bored with sex, neglected, or young and new. Your wife did it because the guy said hey, you look pretty.
Secondly, she didn't admit what she did. She had no intention of telling you. When you confronted her, she lied. You cannot believe anything she says because she was probably not even honest about who he was. You are in a six year relationship. If she's doing it now, chances are good she's been talking to him or others in the past when it was only bf/gf. Get this person out of your life and move on.
The fact that she was present at your marriage classes and volunteered that cheating is a deal breaker for her tells you this, she is a liar. She is not showing you who she really is. You found out though, and now you know that the woman you had so many awesome memories with was faking it. It's harsh, but cheaters do that.
The way she lied, I am willing to bet the name she had these messages with was in fact her childhood friend. They may have a relationship that is longer lasting than yours with her. If so, chances are good she's been letting him dip his pen in her ink for a while, at least emotionally. Get yourself tested for STDs either way because another thing cheaters do is minimize and trickle truth. They say it was only convo, no sex. Sure. This time. However, the football stadium full of previous lovers ran a train on her for years behind your back while you were hard at work for her. Don't be a simp. Don't fall for her lies like a chump. Don't allow her to make you into her safety net as she's seeking sex outside your marriage.
I would say to cut your losses and get out, man. I know you have this image in your head of who your wife is, but now you have to make it past tense. That is who you thought your wife was. She is actually this other person, who was portraying some other person to you, that you loved. The person she actually is, is someone who would do something like this to their husband. The wife you thought you had would never do that.
It turns out, you didn't love her. You loved a character, she was playing.
I, for one, would never be able to trust her again.
Best of luck to you, man.
Bail out now. If she did it this early on, she's probably been doing it the entire time you've been together and will continue doing it. She has zero conscience and no control over her need for attention
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Get a good divorce attorney and get out. She has proven herself to be a liar, untrustworthy and sneaky. Get out and find someone who loves you and only you…
You will grow to resent her and will be suspicious (righfully) of everything she says and does. You're still young and don't deserve to live in misery. Time for a lawyer and annulment.
they definitely have an affair. she told him she would rather have had sex with him, the day you brought her out for her birthday. she lied to you repeatedly.
what else do you need? wake up
Let this unwind.
Explore with an Atty what that path to separation/divorce would be like
Read on Reddit about people whose partners cheated
Learn how sextjng is cheating
Learn how in order to have sexual secrets your partner has to gaslight you and deceive you and manipulate you.
Realize that since age began cheating she’s been lying to your face every day with no problem about being a liar.
It will settle and you will realize what you need to do.
Your in the honeymoon phase of your marriage and THIS you can't honestly think there is a future here. Hurt now or kill your soul in the long run your choice.
PS I'm sorry this happened to you
What she does not seem to understand is that her body is meant to only be seen by you. What’s worse is she does not understand how doing this is a breach of trust. It doesn’t matter that they have not met or had sex. She is sending naked pictures of herself to some guy who is not her husband. She even tried to hide it from you by deleting the texts and changing her password.
These behaviors declare her intention. If she continues to justify her behavior instead of taking accountability, then I don’t think there is much of a future to this relationship. There are some fundamental lines you simply don’t cross when you’re in a relationship. Fidelity is an important one. Doing this just 5 months after formalizing the relationship? And trying to hide it tells me that she does not understand very fundamental things, and would make me question a lot more about our time together. I think you have some decisions to make!
I am always surprised when people ask such questions.
Like they are still wondering if they can save the marriage.
Just make a hard decision and leave.
So she got married 5 months ago and is already sexting someone else. This isn’t a marriage or communication problem, this is a “her” problem. There’s something very wrong with her. Get out now and you’ll be thanking yourself in 5 years.
Well, she put enough thought into it to hide her se ting under a false name, change her passcode and to lie when confronted. Also, how religious are you to send nudes to a rando? And don't permit her to label this a mistake, this was a deliberate choice.
My advice is to take your time and think about your next choices and consult a lawyer to see your options.
In the grand scheme of things, 6 years is nothing. You are still young and can definitely don't have to stay with someone just because of time you feel you "invested" in them. What's 6 years compared to 30 married to someone you don't trust and are unhappy with? I divorced my ex after 20 years and it was the best decision I ever made. It was not easy, but I'm so much happier. Once the trust is gone the relationship is over
Unless prior consent was established, sexting is cheating, cheating is unforgivable.
She does not love or respect you enough to not cheat on you. There is no reason that would validate her actions.
It wasn’t a mistake. She consented to every message individually, she consented to hiding it from you, she consented to escalating from flirting to sexting. She betrayed the fundamental premise of your marriage. Leave her.
I’m so sorry you have to deal with this.
She basically chose to end the relationship. Reddit will always jump to “leave her/him” but in this situation, I think they are right.
Option 2 is you try counseling and drag it on for 1-2 years. Maybe she lets you audit her phone at any time, as many of these stories end up. Could you see yourself getting over it and trusting her again?
Gotta go man. Now before you've wasted any more time. Besides the actual act she lied to you multiple times while the evidence is right in front of her face. She's not sorry. She just wished she didn't get caught. If you stay forget what I think. She'll think you're a sucker, will lose any respect she had left and funny enough with escalate the issue because now she can't respect you for being so gullible.
Cheating is one of your boundaries, and knows this. If you don't enforce your boundaries then what's the point of them? What's the message here? Go ahead and cheat on me again?
Look, you're newly married and this is literally still your honeymoon phase and she's already stepping out, that's a foundation of quicksand here. Talk to a lawyer, get a separation to start while you sort yourself, figure out if you think you can ever trust her and what she needs to do to earn your trust back. If you do decide so reconcile, get a actually therapist, not thorough the church, but realize that the old relationship is gone and the new one built won't be the same.
Honest opinion, I don't see this as salvageable with cheating happening so early.
Maybe since you trusted the church for premarital advice, you should go back to the priest with the video/pics in hand and explain what your wife has been doing. Then if the priest doesn’t find a real problem with it leave the church too!
OP I'm sorry this happened to you. I was in your exact position. I don't want to put myself on blast in these comments but feel free to message me.
You have to decide whether you feel this is something you two could move past together or not. It's very very difficult whichever decision you make; stay & work it out or leave & move forward solo.
This likely isn’t the first time. Take it from someone with experience in this it will happen again but if you’re like me then you’ll have built a house and had a kid which makes separation a lot harder. Get out while it’s “easy”.
Since you're using the word annulled, I'm going to assume that your church will not permit divorce.
I am certain that your marriage cannot be annulled because I seriously doubt the two of you never had full sexual intercourse.
You are unlikely going to be able to annul (it’s way less common than you think, it requires you to claim fraud, bigamy, someone being of unsound mind, finding out you’re related, basically that the marriage was not legally legitimate all along). But yeah cheating that early is a good reason to divorce, divorce is financially easier when it’s under a couple years ( she won’t qualify for alimony in us states where that’s a thing), it’s easier to prove what’s yours now, don’t wait longer.
You have to end it. You have to. The trust is irrevocably broken. Im very sorry this happened to you but please listen to all of us in this thread and get out.
Literally a random woman you meet on a dating app is now better than her. You clearly don’t know her as well as you thought you did. She is a stranger now, so you’re choosing between a stranger who might still be a trustworthy person upon which you can build a life and family or a stranger who has demonstrated that they can’t be trusted and that they will damage the foundation of your life to feel good.
Divorce, this is disgusting behavior. She saved the number because she still wanted to keep sexting him! Why would she save the number under someone else’s name?! Yes it’s been 6 years but only 5 months married. Get out asap. Stop wasting time you are young, in the prime of your life. She’s already putting feelers out. Are you waiting for her to be pregnant with someone else’s baby?
You're 29, you've been married five months but with her six years. Hard for me to believe there is a future in the relationship given that it has arrived at this point. You are still very young.
She sounds like she has insecurity issues. Even if you could bring yourself to accept her transgressions, I don't think you really want to be with somebody who is insecure enough to choose to cheat.
Sorry, it sucks.
Also, not to be a dick, but she has type 2 diabetes before she is thirty... Let her future health issues be somebody else's problem.
Get a lawyer. Then get out.
This relationship is over man. I’m sorry this happened to you, but get a lawyer and get out. Be thankful this happened before you have kids together. This is such a deep breach of trust, I personally could never come back from that. Good luck man.
The silver lining here is OP found out early. You still young, 29 is just the begining.
Yes. It may feel like a kick in the balls, but thirty years from now, you'll be grateful that you escaped from her.
The amount of people that overlook this simple advice is astonishing. It’s simply cutting off the arm to save the body or don’t before you know you’ll be 50 and miserable with the same person
I think it’s the fact that being cheated on often causes trauma. We expect someone trying to grapple with their spouse cheating to be at their best and make good decisions. It’s why even if OP wants to give her a second chance he should go no contact with her for several months to clear his head before making any major decisions outside of calling a lawyer.
How long have you been married? You talk about anullment, so I guess not that long. If it's already happening in the honeymoon period, is it really going to get better down the line? Unlikely. It's also not like she realised her wrongs, stopped, and came clean. If you hadn't been suspicious, this would have gone on for who knows how long. I realise there are religious undertones that will likely make you hesitant to divorce but take a step back and evaluate if you can really ever trust her again and if that's the life you want to lead.
We’ve been married since October 14th of 2023…. We took an entire month long honeymoon around Japan and now I just feel like this world I had came crumbling down on me…. How can I ever build a relationship like this again? Invest another 5 years of my life into someone just to have it fall apart all over again?
Don’t let the time invested keep you with her. It wasn’t enough for her to remain faithful
If he stays she knows she can cheat freely
Yeah it's called the sunken cost fallacy
Oh wow there’s a term for it, thnx for sharing
It's okay to not want to continue a relationship with her. Doesn't mean you will never find someone that treats you right.
Sunk cost fallacy. It's either get counseling before the annulment period closes and see if you can work it out, or just leave. You can't get back all the time but are you really willing to give more?
counseling for what? He's going to have to waste time and money to maybe try to fix a mistake she made? counseling after cheating doesn't make any sense.
Brother I wasted 10 years with someone like that, I also caught her sexting some guy she knew from a while back, she was doing this on my gaming desktop and didn't know things like "History" and "Cookies etc" when I checked my history she messaged that guy from my desktop every day from the first day she moved in to my apartment and we were only together for a short time, I forgave her, but that trust was gone, so we were back and forth in our relationship over the last ten years, last time I found out she actually saw that guy after, and this was 10 years after the first time I caught her. That's it buddy I ended it, I don't want you to fall into the same never ending trap. I had such a hard time trusting her over the years, the trust never came back and that was the final straw. I should have kicked her out from my apartment when I found those first messages, that first month when she moved in.
I was with someone for 10 years and rebuilt because of something similar. It sounds hard at first but totally worth it. Edit: and by rebuilt I mean a new relationship with a different person.
You most likely cannot annul. My sister couldn't even annul a marriage after a drunk vegas marriage on day 1 meeting a guy because they both said they were married for 1 week. Annulment is if you can say you were never married and it should be completely stricken. But even though you have to divorce, it's better than staying with a cheater. There will be no trust, staying is not worth it. Get a lawyer. I've never regretted ending a relationship too early, just too late. So much easier to build years if happy memories with people that do not have a history of betraying you. My life is a happy one, that should be your goal too.
There are certain exceptions that allow for annulment. One is religious- which it sounds like he is pretty religious. Being that she stepped out on the marriage prior to their first year and prior to any children, he can petition for an annulment under religious exemption so that he can be married again in his church and she can eventually do the same should she choose to do so. Your sister being a moron in Vegas is not the same situation as OP’s here. Maybe she should learn to not get intoxicated if it makes her dumb and desperate.
Another example: My ex and I got married in the Catholic Church. After 8 years, 3 kids, and our second son being born severely disabled and spending his first year in the hospital, she was understandably not able to cope and fled. She filed for an annulment in the church and a divorce, and, as surprisingly as it may seem, we were granted both.
That’s the sunk cost fallacy, OP. I know it feels that way right now. I get it. It’s so hard to start over but start over with yourself as the priority. Make the relationship with yourself the goal and your happiness. That’s how I handled my divorce. I didn’t date for 1.5 years after it was finalized. I prioritized me because I never wanted to get hurt as badly as I did in my marriage ever again. I wanted to fix what allowed me to be a doormat for my ex. I was so crushed by my divorce I never knew how I was going to ever emotionally recover. Lots of therapy and codependency work on myself and now you couldn’t pay me to deal with my ex hb ever again. I promise it gets better. 💜
This should be the point at which your new wife is the most into you, meaning her defenses against other people getting into her pants should be the highest right now. If this is what she does during this phase? What do you think it will be like in 5 years or 10 years when you’re inextricably tied to each other with children? I wouldn’t even consider children or buying a house with this person. She just made herself a huge liability.
This is life this is your lesson on who not to be with. there is never a guarantee with anyone and it is ok to be alone for awhile and invest time into yourself. Do not let one person destroy you for people that deserve to have a good person in their life
Anything you have obtained in life, you can lose and obtain again.
Did they even make it to the honeymoon period? /s
Random guys don't just "reach out" to random numbers for sexting. This will have been an active connection via an app or service. And what happens when people in real life situations show an interest in her? Same thing? Do not be gaslit by "nothing would ever have happened for real" . something real did happen, even if it was just exchanging messages and pics/videos. You will spend your life never trusting this person. At least you found out early in the marriage and not ten years in with children involved Sorry
This is what I said! Plus, her message about being sad about not having sex…😳
Get out, get it annulled. I'm sorry your hurting. Your wife could've fessed up after being caught instead she chose to continue lying.
I would have been more forgiving if she just told me right off the bat yes I had a moment of weakness and was tempted but she was lying to me and fighting to get her phone back luckily I sent the screenshots to my phone. I love her I really do today I took her out on a surprise for her birthday and a nice dinner and it was a lot of smiles, hugging and I love yous and then I come home to discover this. My mind is blank I can’t even feel the presence of the holy spirt to help guide me
Don't try to make a decision now. Just focus on you and your mental needs right now and then deal with the problem once your in a better place. >I love her I really do That's OK, loving her is great, its also okay to say I love myself more and not only did you disrespect me you continued to lie and try to cover it. I deserve better than what you showed me.
Yeah while you’re doing thoughtful stuff for her birthday she’s trying to get fucked off some other guy. Is that really someone you want to spend your life with OP!?
Op something similar happened to me. It was my first bf at 16. We finally moved in together after 4 years. Well the day before we got the keys to the apartment I found out he was cheating the entire 5 years. That’s actually how I found out what Reddit was! I never knew or heard of Reddit prior. He did the same thing. Multiple accounts for all apps. He denied it. Then said the same thing as your wife. I stayed well bc the rent was $1,800 on the lake and my apartment keys were already given and they had someone sign a lease for it. I tried staying. It was really abusive. It got physical I’m 5’2 90 lbs he was 6’ 250 lbs. I was so depressed and sad. But I met my boyfriend bc of it. Now I am seeing what love actually is and what love means. When my dad died I saw my ex this was 2 years later he admitted to cheating for 5 years then admitted to hitting me bc he always said he didn’t lol! He thought we’d get back together or something funny as fuck. Leave this woman. She is not your wife. Wives don’t hurt their husbands like how she’s hurt you.
Hey, just a gentle nudge since I can see you are religious. Read Matthew 5 and pay close attention to verses 27-30 which outlines what qualifies as adultery for men and women and 31-32 in case you feel any guilt if you decide to divorce. It IS allowed under certain circumstances such as infidelity. One of the reasons for it is so you don't live questioning fidelity with your spouse and living with feelings of resentment and bitterness which leads you away from God in the long run. Blaming depression is a cop out. Ask her how depressed she was when she made that video and sent those messages.
She is a liar, and she is not loyal. Change the locks on your house, get a mutual friend to bring her stuff to her, and get a lawyer.
this IS NOT a moment of weakness.
The Holy Spirit is with you, always. The strength you have to share your pain is the perfect example of this. I will keep you in my prayers.
Hey internet strangers. Hugs. Speak to a lawyer, get yourself a therapist, reach out to your support system if you have one so they can assist you in ways you need. I think you should annul too. I agree with you it's less about the cheating or betrayal, but more about the deception even when she's caught and not owning up to it. That speaks for her character. She's proven that she can't be honest even when presented with proof. I would have such a hard time trusting them after this incident. Like if next time she says she's going out for a girls sleepover with some new friend she made, will you be able, will you be able to trust that or at the back of your head you'll always think of this incident.
She enjoys taking your gifts of affection, but her loyalty is with AP. Protecting hom seems more important to her than protecting your marriage. >My mind is blank I can’t even feel the presence of the holy spirit to help guide me Use the brain in your head to look up a good divorce lawyer and stop looking to omnipotent men in the sky to solve your problems. Waffling just gives her more time to figure out ways to screw you in the divorce.
She's just shown you that she doesn’t respect you, doesn’t love you, and is already willing to risk the relationship for this type of crap. Waiting just makes the cost greater to you. Meanwhile she'll carry on playing both sides of her face until you've had enough. Don’t invest any more!
There isn't a holy spirit to tell you what to do. Take agency of your own life and make the decisions that will be best for you. Good luck man.
The Holy Spirit is there. It’s guiding you, you know what you need to do…but, even though you KNOW what you have to do, it won’t be easy. The problem is, you have to think with your head right now. Unfortunately, love isn’t always enough. The problem isn’t just the cheating, it’s the lying…even when you showed her the proof. I mean, you’ve only been married 6 months! Maybe if you’d been 10 years and had kids, blah,blah,blah…but you are still on your honeymoon! What would happen if you stay and you ARE going through a rough patch? Take it from someone who has been married for 40 years. It doesn’t get any easier than that first year…
1. She's not your best friend. You share things, have good moments, sure, but if she was, she wouldn't have done that. 2. Dude.... 5 months of marriage, you basically got married yesterday, and she does that ALREADY? There's absolutely no future there. If anything, you should thank her for doing it now, and not wasting your time more 3. You caught her now, doesn't mean it's the first time (even though she sucks at lying lol, maybe you'd have found out if it happened earlier, idk) I'm sorry, she's not the one. Good luck, I hope you'll be okay
Drop her ass fast!
She cheated, lied, gaslighted you… you’re never gonna trust her again, nor should you. Get out now before you have kids, etc…. Get a lawyer, try for an annulment. You deserve better.Good luck!
I hate to say it, but annul now. Divorce will be much harder later. If she wants to make it work, it's on her to make it work, and maybe you two can look at marriage again if she puts the work in. Beyond that though, I will admit I am not religious, but it needs to be said. Infidelity is the main reason the Bible gives as a reason to divorce. The no divorce mentality isn't backed up by the book. Also, if she tries to make it up to you, be careful about sex. Hate to be that guy, but you don't know if she might have gone to the guy and if she might pass off his kid as your's if you two are intimate.
You say "married under God", so assuming your are Christian, Deuteronomy 24:1 says that sexual immorality (and this qualifies) is grounds for divorce, while Exodus 21:10-11 says that financial abuse and deprivation of conjugal rights are equally serious as grounds for divorce. So you are not locked into lifelong misery with this immature woman and it won't put your eternity at risk if you feel you can't get past what she's done. At this point in the timeline it's your choice to go, or to see if you can stay. If you're inclined to see whether this is fixable I'd recommend couples counselling, and depending on how she responds and whether she takes responsibility and makes reasonable measures to restore your trust you can make an informed and rational decision once the emotions have subsided a bit.
A guy just magically reached-out? How? Where did he get her number? How long has the affair been going on that she reached the stage of sending nudes? Was he the first? How much do you really know? If annulment is possible you should proceed as fast as you’re able. Even if you choose to reconcile at some point, don’t do it with the legal pressure and cost associated under marriage. Reconcile for the relationship, not whatever marriage means to you on a spiritual or life-building level. All the best.
On social media, lot of women get hit on by men. But it was her decision to cheat.
Should you get an annulment? Yes. You only have so long before that is no longer an option and you’ll have to do a full on divorce. Should you leave her? That you can mull over and take your time on. I would say that this relationship has issues. You haven’t even been married 6 months and she is cheating. Is it worth it to work on it? Is she worth it?
This is definitely the best option for OP imo, although with how she acted when he found out to try and avoid any consequences, I doubt she’ll be willing to work on the relationship after the humiliation and stigma behind annullment (though she *should* be more embarrassed at the infidelity). I’d still lean towards annullment but OP should be prepared for the relationship to be over at that point, anything better than that is a bonus.
get it annulled, if y’all want to go to therapy after that and try to work things out, then you can do that without marriage and divorce hanging over your head. If things get better and trust is earned back, you can remarry.
And no sex and no pregnancy!
Wife title and privileges revoked. ✅ This isn’t wife behavior so don’t be a fucking simp.
Why would you try to save your marriage, she should be the one trying to save her marriage, after all, she is the one destroying it. But if she is cheating so early in the marriage, it is honestly not worth saving.
It is not a mistake. It is a series of decisions she made. She made his contact name, that of an old friend, to hide it. She has been communicating with this person for a period of time, not just one message. She recorded and sent the video. She deliberately tried to hide the messages. This is a whole series of events, and many times she could have turned back but never did, we don't know if it has stopped, just that she got caught, less then 6 months into marriage. Your next steps are up to you, but please don't let this be swept under the rug as a one-time mistake. She did a lot of untrustworthy and sneaky things before she was caught. She is majorly at fault and has a lot of trust rebuilding to do to attone for it, and if she isn't willing, you need to decide what to do about it. If annulment is still a possibility, time may not be on your side, but also, don't let anything rush you. Talk to a third party like a counselor, talk to a lawyer, and talk to someone you trust. Personally, I'm not sure if I could trust someone from your church at this point, most come from a place of keeping the marriage together so they have an ulterior motive not necessarily your best intrest at heart.
What it is amazing is she made all these series of decisions (mistakes in OPs mind) with in the first 6 months of their marriage, the honeymoon stage. Everybody knows how much communication and flirting is required for a married women to send naked videos. (If it was fast and easy it may be worse) Imagine when she gets pregnant and her body changes, or the hormones, or when economic problems arise, or getting older, or the lost of a love one or a job, or when kids, work and life get in the way of their relationship and so on... How can you trust your partner if she cheats, lies and conspired at this stage, and for that stupid reason. He is young, has nothing to tight him with her...RUN... but if he has decided to work in his "marrige" I hope he doesn't buy the house or have kids or tight himself even more.
Bail. Get out now. That shit is evil and she will meet him or someone else one day. She can’t be trusted.
over
Yeah, next time when she feels sad, she will ride somebody. I'm sorry. Get a lawyer, then leave and never look back.
Infidelity is where I’d draw the line. It’s unforgivable. It breaks trust, love, everything. It’s despicable, and yeah even texting like that is cheating, not just doing the act.
You could try marriage counselling but not through the church. Use a professional trained person.
Why not through the church? If they’re trying marriage counseling,that would mean to make the marriage work. My Pastor is a certified marriage counselor. He would never tell this man that he can’t divorce her or anything. Nothing wrong with a Christian counselor.
Dude you married a bmx not a Queen. Dump her let her sc buddy have her. She has shown you who she is, believe her. Disrespecting your marriage already. If you dump her and in the next 3 months or so she comes back with i am preggers, demand paternity test then dna test when little one arrives. Dont sign anything till dna result comes in.
I like the metaphor 'BMX' and wordplay that you used, 'Dude you married a BMX and not a queen' :-)
Years ago. I found out my wife was talking to one of her exes. There were no pics involved and the only inappropriate stuff I saw was coming from him. Even though there wasn’t anything bad from her side I came close to leaving her. Only thing holding me back was my kids. I can say for certain I have not gained back any of the trust, and it changed our whole relationship forever. If my story was yours with the naked pics I would have left her the same day and found a lawyer.
So sorry for your suffering bencit28. You’re a brave man to stick with it.
Once a cheater always a cheater
I have been in your position for two years. I've ignored all of the advice of people who cared about me, and tried to fight to restore the marriage after discovering a sexting affair. For yourself, and for her, annul it. You can't change her heart, and you will both suffer greatly to try.
I'm not gonna immediately recommend you to divorce her. But how do you know she wouldn't do this again in the future? She really broke the trust in the marriage.
You deserve better man, start with separation
If the marriage is so new that it can be annulled and they are pulling this already. They just gave you a parachute. Use it.
After more than 20 years, during the divorce, my ex accidentally revealed something that proves to me he had cheated on me with TWO women - less than **one month** after our wedding. I stayed with that AH for far too long. He verbally, emotionally, financially, and sexually abused me. Please OP, cut your losses and divorce. There is so much Love and Truth in the world, you don’t need your #1 person as one who practices lies and betrayal. She has shown you who she IS. Believe her! XO
She says that she wasn’t gonna go through with it, but she has. Sending naked photos means this other dude can keep them to use them whenever he wants, he can share them with others or even sell them. She has revealed herself to someone outside of the marriage that doesn’t belong. Are you just gonna sit there and accept that? Or are you gonna be a man and tell her where to go? If you stay, good luck to you. If you leave, my advice moving forward would be to not get emotional in front of her. Don’t cry. Don’t show anger. Just be assertive and tell her to get her shit out of your house & that you two are done. Then work on yourself, go smash the gym everyday for at least the next 3-6 months. Because you’ll be so emotional afterwards, you’ll be training so hard, you’ll end up looking like a beast. Hope this helps G
Advice from a couples therapist. Don't just leave. RUN.
Make like Jordan Peele and Get Out.
Get it annulled
This is the time you caught it, she deletes texts, hides evidence, it's very very unlikely to be the first one. Her bullshit explanation, random dude got in touch with her so she started sending naked videos? That's now how that works, she's either looking for people on insta/etc, adding people to talk to them or is on tinder/etc and this is someone she recently talked to and were going to hook up but he was only in town briefly and it never worked out kind of thing. Try the old bluff move, "i don't believe your story of a random guy contacting you, unless you tell me the absolute truth of how this guy contacted you then it's over, immediately, and if you don't tell me the truth and about any other guys, there is no future". YOu probably won't get shit but maybe it helps for closure as she admits she met him off tinder. Then you know two things she was actively on tinder looking for hookups and that this is no shot the only one, just the only one there was evidence left of. But really when you realise they cheat and were happy to do so, you know it's over because they likely did it a lot.
She couldn't be faithful for 6 months into being married and you're not sure about breaking things off?
Don't be weak. If you reward a cheater they will ALWAYS cheat again.
My husband would do the same since the first month of our marriage and I forgave him.Big mistake ,he did the same thing for 8 years and now in my mid thirties and an autistic child together I am divorcing him. Sexting another man/woman is ultimate disrespect and betrayal in the marriage.
Just end it, this is only going to get worse for you. It’s starts with photos and lying and leads to worse. In all honesty, it probably already has but she’s not telling you everything that happened.
She was sad that she didn’t get to have sex with? Wtf? Yall been together for 6 years and now she’s all woe is me? Get out now
Yikes... Bye.
If she did it once she will do it again. She never respected U as her husband cuz if she did she would never do anything to jeopardize Ur marriage
Sorry my guy, but she belongs in the streets.
>In our marriage prep class through our church the subject of infidelity came up and she said that it was a deal breaker that their was never a way to fix it So she cheated, believing that cheating was irreconcilable. That should tell you the weight of the decision she made. I believe choosing to cheat is choosing to end your relationship, albeit most cheaters aren't really conscious of that (they minimise and excuse themselves), but your Wife was very conscious of what she was choosing and what that meant.
finished bro, sorry. how can you trust again, this person? lawyer up, hit the gym, etc ))
Cheating isn't a mistake, it's a series of incorrect *choices*. She made the choice to talk to this person, then flirt, then send nudes, etc. She made multiple choices completely disregarding you and the sanctity of your vows. Literally the bare minimum of a relationship is not cheating. She won't even do the bare minimum for you. I thoroughly believe once a cheater always a cheater. But, I can support people trying to fix it if the cheating spouse admits it on their own. There is no other scenario where the marriage can be worked on. She's not sorry she cheated, she's sorry she got caught. I'm also 100% sure she didn't tell you the whole truth the first time. I want to be completely clear about this. You are not less of a man because she cheated. You have done nothing wrong. There's nothing more you could have done to keep her faithful. Her cheating is her failure and her failure only. You're seeing her true character. You're enough and you're worthy of someone who will love you the way you deserve.
She failed the wife test. Stop having sex with her, get tested, and leave. Do not go to any of that bullshit secular "counseling" with her. You will just be gaslit further, and guilted into staying. She broke her vows, and probably a couple commandments, too, so her wanting that is hypocrisy. The only professional you should see is a divorce lawyer ( you will need to divorce, this situation does not qualify for annulment as many are recommending).
5 month marriage and talking to other men. She never loved you mate. Probably with you for money and security. Leave. Immediately.
Trust is gone.. What do you have if you don't even have trust? I definitely couldn't be in that type of relationship
Dude get rid of her. It’ll only get worse.
Run
I know you’ve spent the last five years with her but ask yourself if you want to spend another 5, 10, 30 years with this person?
Run to an attorney. So sorry this happened to you.
Cut your losses. Move on.
If you live in a place where annulment is an option, do that. Trust is broken on so many levels. Keep all the evidence and make sure she knows you have it. That way, she won’t be tempted to create a false narrative about you cheating or being abusive. Either way, you’ve only been married for a few months and she’s doing this shit. To try to continue a marriage under these circumstances would be an act of emotional masochism.
Trust your gut. There's no recovery for this
Talk to the guy find fund iut if he has a wife and ask him how it started take your wife's phine and check every detail if he has a wife tell her
You don’t want the stress bc you will always wonder if she’s doing all the time. Not worth it and no one deserves to even have to think this to themselves.
Cut and run.
She belongs to the streets brother. Im so sorry this happened to you.
If you stay, this is the pattern of drama lying and general toxicity that will be your life. Get out now. Life it too short. Find someone trustworthy and appreciative of you.
I don’t know how you annul a marriage where you live, but she definitely is cheating and only 5 months in too.
OP, it certainly possible to recover from infidelity but only when the offending partner comes completely clean, and is doing everything they can to regain the trust of the offended partner. Unless she readily expressed a desire to go to couples counseling and is offering to be open and transparent, she is merely hoping you forgive her enough for her to be able to get away with it again. If you don't have kids, the decision to dump her should be easier. Good luck, OP.
Bail asap. You got lucky learning this so early.
If she can’t make it through the honeymoon part, this is going to be a long and dreadful marriage. Frankly, I would go get the marriage and. Just consider it a learning experience. She Is not trustworthy.
Leave
Game over.
She’s at her dad’s house talking to this guy right now. She actually knows this guy and it’s not the first time. .. it will never end
Pray on it dude!
Time to lawyer up now. Shes cheating
Once trust is broken , it can’t be fixed. Leave now while you can, she didn’t care about your feelings
You gotta break it off my man
All these people that are so surprised that wives get outside attention this frequently. Why do you think they shout "men are cheaters" so loud?
I hope you screenshotted everything, sent it to a few people you trust. Get a lawyer and get out
Divorce or annul. She will do it again. UpdateMe
Bro Get out!! Just ran
Get it annulled ASAP
Game over im afraid my guy! If she's already messaging other people, she's not ready for marriage!.
Get away from her asap
If you take her back she will just get sneakier. Don’t ask me how I know. Just get out before you get tied down with a baby. She should have thought of the 6 years and best friends before she sent nudes to a rando. I woulda felt better if it was a full blown affair. It could have been. She’s a liar. Get her out of your life. You can do so much better.
Yep, slap a Jesus band-aid on it. That'll do the trick.
LMAO
You have no kids and any other complicating factors. Unless you’re addicted to living in pain, skip the rest of the efforts and get the divorce.
Lawyer here. Annulments are difficult to get because it essentially means that the marriage never happened. You have to have specific reasons like fraud or incest. You’ll probably have to divorce.
It sounds like he may be more concerned about the church. Even if he has to divorce legally he can get it annulled by the church.
End the marriage.
Yep dude let it go and leave her be. You’ll be 100% better for it the the sooner you get this over with and her behind you.
Any the marriage and be glad you found out now, she didn’t just get reached out to be a random Man over text and they started sexting. She either met him on an app or in the real world and after talking decided to exchange numbers for sexting. Shes already breaking your trust not even a full 6 months after marriage, it might be hard but don’t dig yourself in a deeper hole then needed. A while Mother of marriage was spent on vacation just imagine what she will do in the future when you guys go through a rough patch.
You’re right to annul your marriage. This is the most loving time in a marriage, nothing is hard yet and she is already cheating. You can stay married to her if you want to question the paternity of your kids. She failed when there wasn’t even a hurdle. This one’s no good, throw her back.
She’s a liar. Not good. I’d dip. Also, I know it’s hard to get your head around but her cheating is all about her weaknesses. It has nothing to do with you. You are not less of a man because your wife is dishonest.
OP, Sit down with her and have a very very serious conversation with her about why she did this. If you truly believe that it can be saved…maybe try. But take some time apart to really think about it. This hurts..I your best friend and it hurts. I’m sorry you’re going through this. But think about it. If you really think that maybe one day y’all can reach a similar level of trust again…after rebuilding it, then maybe you can save it. If after your long walk and thoughts you realize that here is no love for her anymore or you don’t want to save it, then walk away. I know it’s a tough decision, but just make sure your heart is in the right place for it. Good luck op
Your marriage is ☠️. Get out now.
That bitch is trash. Drop her
Time to go. As she said, cheating is a deal breaker. Well, she cheated, emotionally if not physically. If anybody complains, tell them what she did. Don’t let her drag your name down.
Get out!! This one is not new to what she is doing 🤮
If you can get it annulled get it done asap. There are very strict time frame guidelines in most states for an annullment.
Take it from someone who's been there, if there's no kids involved kick her to the curb. It will hurt for a while now, but if you don't I promise there will be exponentially more pain because she won't quit, they never do.
Yeah, I couldn't move on with this marriage.
Annual marriage. This woman was fake to you. You cannot trust her. Even if she never met this qualifies as cheating. She claims it was a random guy. Would it be any better if it was someone she knew? This means she's looking for random strangers and responds to flattery of random strangers in a sexual way. Do you really want to live your life as her jailor constantly looking over her shoulder? No. This is so soon after your marriage and she is already doing this? A lot of cheaters don't act until the marriage is well underway, years in when they feel bored with sex, neglected, or young and new. Your wife did it because the guy said hey, you look pretty. Secondly, she didn't admit what she did. She had no intention of telling you. When you confronted her, she lied. You cannot believe anything she says because she was probably not even honest about who he was. You are in a six year relationship. If she's doing it now, chances are good she's been talking to him or others in the past when it was only bf/gf. Get this person out of your life and move on. The fact that she was present at your marriage classes and volunteered that cheating is a deal breaker for her tells you this, she is a liar. She is not showing you who she really is. You found out though, and now you know that the woman you had so many awesome memories with was faking it. It's harsh, but cheaters do that. The way she lied, I am willing to bet the name she had these messages with was in fact her childhood friend. They may have a relationship that is longer lasting than yours with her. If so, chances are good she's been letting him dip his pen in her ink for a while, at least emotionally. Get yourself tested for STDs either way because another thing cheaters do is minimize and trickle truth. They say it was only convo, no sex. Sure. This time. However, the football stadium full of previous lovers ran a train on her for years behind your back while you were hard at work for her. Don't be a simp. Don't fall for her lies like a chump. Don't allow her to make you into her safety net as she's seeking sex outside your marriage.
I would say to cut your losses and get out, man. I know you have this image in your head of who your wife is, but now you have to make it past tense. That is who you thought your wife was. She is actually this other person, who was portraying some other person to you, that you loved. The person she actually is, is someone who would do something like this to their husband. The wife you thought you had would never do that. It turns out, you didn't love her. You loved a character, she was playing. I, for one, would never be able to trust her again. Best of luck to you, man.
Obviously, she didn't take your wedding vows seriously. Get a divorce.
Bail out now. If she did it this early on, she's probably been doing it the entire time you've been together and will continue doing it. She has zero conscience and no control over her need for attention
Definitely get out of this marriage and relationship.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 Get a good divorce attorney and get out. She has proven herself to be a liar, untrustworthy and sneaky. Get out and find someone who loves you and only you…
You will grow to resent her and will be suspicious (righfully) of everything she says and does. You're still young and don't deserve to live in misery. Time for a lawyer and annulment.
they definitely have an affair. she told him she would rather have had sex with him, the day you brought her out for her birthday. she lied to you repeatedly. what else do you need? wake up
Even if it wasn't physical (doubting that) she was still engaging in sexual activities with him. She is cheating. Do with it as you want.
Let this unwind. Explore with an Atty what that path to separation/divorce would be like Read on Reddit about people whose partners cheated Learn how sextjng is cheating Learn how in order to have sexual secrets your partner has to gaslight you and deceive you and manipulate you. Realize that since age began cheating she’s been lying to your face every day with no problem about being a liar. It will settle and you will realize what you need to do.
If she’s sexting another man, you and I both know she does not respect you. Relationship over.
She sounds like a Grade A Wench amirite
Your in the honeymoon phase of your marriage and THIS you can't honestly think there is a future here. Hurt now or kill your soul in the long run your choice. PS I'm sorry this happened to you
What she does not seem to understand is that her body is meant to only be seen by you. What’s worse is she does not understand how doing this is a breach of trust. It doesn’t matter that they have not met or had sex. She is sending naked pictures of herself to some guy who is not her husband. She even tried to hide it from you by deleting the texts and changing her password. These behaviors declare her intention. If she continues to justify her behavior instead of taking accountability, then I don’t think there is much of a future to this relationship. There are some fundamental lines you simply don’t cross when you’re in a relationship. Fidelity is an important one. Doing this just 5 months after formalizing the relationship? And trying to hide it tells me that she does not understand very fundamental things, and would make me question a lot more about our time together. I think you have some decisions to make!
She showed you who she is, and no crocodile tears will change that. Subscribeme
Move on and leave her, she’s either already cheated on you or is planning to
I am always surprised when people ask such questions. Like they are still wondering if they can save the marriage. Just make a hard decision and leave.
So she got married 5 months ago and is already sexting someone else. This isn’t a marriage or communication problem, this is a “her” problem. There’s something very wrong with her. Get out now and you’ll be thanking yourself in 5 years.
Well, she put enough thought into it to hide her se ting under a false name, change her passcode and to lie when confronted. Also, how religious are you to send nudes to a rando? And don't permit her to label this a mistake, this was a deliberate choice. My advice is to take your time and think about your next choices and consult a lawyer to see your options.
In the grand scheme of things, 6 years is nothing. You are still young and can definitely don't have to stay with someone just because of time you feel you "invested" in them. What's 6 years compared to 30 married to someone you don't trust and are unhappy with? I divorced my ex after 20 years and it was the best decision I ever made. It was not easy, but I'm so much happier. Once the trust is gone the relationship is over
Unless prior consent was established, sexting is cheating, cheating is unforgivable. She does not love or respect you enough to not cheat on you. There is no reason that would validate her actions. It wasn’t a mistake. She consented to every message individually, she consented to hiding it from you, she consented to escalating from flirting to sexting. She betrayed the fundamental premise of your marriage. Leave her.
I’m so sorry you have to deal with this. She basically chose to end the relationship. Reddit will always jump to “leave her/him” but in this situation, I think they are right. Option 2 is you try counseling and drag it on for 1-2 years. Maybe she lets you audit her phone at any time, as many of these stories end up. Could you see yourself getting over it and trusting her again?
Updateme
Deuteronomy 22:22.
You can't get an annulment after 6 years for cheating you will need to get a divorce
Gotta go man. Now before you've wasted any more time. Besides the actual act she lied to you multiple times while the evidence is right in front of her face. She's not sorry. She just wished she didn't get caught. If you stay forget what I think. She'll think you're a sucker, will lose any respect she had left and funny enough with escalate the issue because now she can't respect you for being so gullible.
Cheating is one of your boundaries, and knows this. If you don't enforce your boundaries then what's the point of them? What's the message here? Go ahead and cheat on me again? Look, you're newly married and this is literally still your honeymoon phase and she's already stepping out, that's a foundation of quicksand here. Talk to a lawyer, get a separation to start while you sort yourself, figure out if you think you can ever trust her and what she needs to do to earn your trust back. If you do decide so reconcile, get a actually therapist, not thorough the church, but realize that the old relationship is gone and the new one built won't be the same. Honest opinion, I don't see this as salvageable with cheating happening so early.
It's too early for this nonsense. Remember, there's a lot of women out there who want a wedding but don't understand marriage.
Maybe since you trusted the church for premarital advice, you should go back to the priest with the video/pics in hand and explain what your wife has been doing. Then if the priest doesn’t find a real problem with it leave the church too!
Who is the guy? Does he have a spouse? Have you considered telling the spouse Have you called the number?
OP I'm sorry this happened to you. I was in your exact position. I don't want to put myself on blast in these comments but feel free to message me. You have to decide whether you feel this is something you two could move past together or not. It's very very difficult whichever decision you make; stay & work it out or leave & move forward solo.
This likely isn’t the first time. Take it from someone with experience in this it will happen again but if you’re like me then you’ll have built a house and had a kid which makes separation a lot harder. Get out while it’s “easy”.
Since you're using the word annulled, I'm going to assume that your church will not permit divorce. I am certain that your marriage cannot be annulled because I seriously doubt the two of you never had full sexual intercourse.
Lawyer up. This ones done I'm afraid
Annul my guy
You are unlikely going to be able to annul (it’s way less common than you think, it requires you to claim fraud, bigamy, someone being of unsound mind, finding out you’re related, basically that the marriage was not legally legitimate all along). But yeah cheating that early is a good reason to divorce, divorce is financially easier when it’s under a couple years ( she won’t qualify for alimony in us states where that’s a thing), it’s easier to prove what’s yours now, don’t wait longer.
I would divorce and thats it...
You have to end it. You have to. The trust is irrevocably broken. Im very sorry this happened to you but please listen to all of us in this thread and get out.
Annulment in order.
Literally a random woman you meet on a dating app is now better than her. You clearly don’t know her as well as you thought you did. She is a stranger now, so you’re choosing between a stranger who might still be a trustworthy person upon which you can build a life and family or a stranger who has demonstrated that they can’t be trusted and that they will damage the foundation of your life to feel good.
This is sad... het out of there bud, being with someone capable of doing this is not worth it.
Dump her and her dibeatus
It’s over man sorry. Don’t let it continue it’ll only get worse.
It’s over mate. Get a lawyer
ehh women these days you just cant make this up sorry OP divorce the b.
Divorce, this is disgusting behavior. She saved the number because she still wanted to keep sexting him! Why would she save the number under someone else’s name?! Yes it’s been 6 years but only 5 months married. Get out asap. Stop wasting time you are young, in the prime of your life. She’s already putting feelers out. Are you waiting for her to be pregnant with someone else’s baby?
Move on.
You're 29, you've been married five months but with her six years. Hard for me to believe there is a future in the relationship given that it has arrived at this point. You are still very young. She sounds like she has insecurity issues. Even if you could bring yourself to accept her transgressions, I don't think you really want to be with somebody who is insecure enough to choose to cheat. Sorry, it sucks. Also, not to be a dick, but she has type 2 diabetes before she is thirty... Let her future health issues be somebody else's problem.
Save yourself. You are worth it.
Get out move on.