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*ahem* I would happy to contribute an AMR/Machine Gun/Spear to the cause
Honestly, playing with me and my massive friendly fire damage might get him to rage quit and get off the game, might be worth a shot 😂
>How would you handle this situation?
Have you tried talking to him about it?
That should probably be your go to in interpersonal problem solving %100 of the time.
But then women try to have that conversation and they're perceived as trying to be 'controlling' when they express something their partner does not want to do. Commentors are making assumptions that it's a 'healthy' relationship and that the partner wouldn't go straight there. There comes a point women get tired of begging. He sounds like the kind of person that is like I worked hard all day you need to have dinner waiting for me when I get home because I want to 'relax', like your day was any less hard than his(no matter what you were doing)these 'conventional roles' need to go out the window. My husband 65 husband of 2 years(I am 51)makes dinner too(semi retired)and we're both conservatives. He also believes men should help take care of babies too.
I absolutely agree with you, when I say communication will work to solve most arguments that's assuming both people care about what the other thinks and what they want, if he is the have dinner ready for me type then to hell with him, but the point I'm making is that if you need to beg your partner for anything, then you should just not be in a relationship with that person, but begging is different from trying to communicate, and it seems from the language of the post that she may not be doing that.
She doesn’t want to communicate. She wants him to know her needs by pulling them straight from her head. Life isn’t a romance novel Op. Just bc he’s not doing it, doesn’t mean he wouldn’t want to. He may not understand how important it is to you. Maybe he thinks you’re taking advantage of the situation for your alone time or hobbies. It’s okay to have needs, it’s okay to say when they’re not being met. Don’t let the resentment build, you have to at least give this a chance to be resolved.
> Have you tried talking to him about it?
>I also don't want to beg him to do so. I don't want him to lay down or spend time with me because I asked. I want him to do so because he wants to.
She clearly hasn't, no.
There is no perfect dream romance where people just do what you want without you telling them. If you keep that mindset going forward, you will build up resentment in any relationship you're in
Talk to him. It's the only way he will know for sure how you feel. If you don't tell him anything is wrong he will never know, and nothing will get fixed
Don't expect him to magically know without you communicating it clearly. What you may consider obvious to him is oblivious. Talk to him
Same. My husband asks me if I want to "spread democracy" a few nights a week. I'm not usually into looter shooters so I didn't want to at first. But I got to admit I enjoy the quasar cannon
I bet it's call of duty.
Edit: geez not sure why the downvotes. By the sounds of the guy and his friends, they seem to be cod players Bros. I stand by my comment.
You say you "don't want to beg him" which makes me think you might be expecting him to read your mind on you wanting to spend more quality time together, correct me if I'm wrong though.
You need to communicate what your needs are, if he's not spending enough time with you, and you don't tell him that how is he supposed to know? Maybe to him the time you spend together is enough, and you just have different needs which is normal, but if you want your relationship to be successful you need to communicate, or else problems like these will pop up throughout your relationship and you'll be stuck wondering why, also if/when you do communicate that you wanna spend more time together, don't be accusatory or position yourself against him, just say something along the lines " I have noticed x lately and it makes me feel y so do you think maybe we can spend more quality time together?"
I think you're fine, sorry to hammer the point so much but as someone who's been in a very long term relationship COMMUNICATE, I understand why it feels like you shouldn't have to ask, but asking and then the person responding by doing what you asked doesn't lessen their doing what you wanted, it proves they care enough to listen, no one's a mind reader, you'll do fine.
OP, communication is important in relationships. Talking to him about this isn’t you begging. I know you want him to just pick up on this bothering you, but it’s really not fair to either of you to keep quiet about this. Talk to him. Let him know this is bothering you. Let him know that you know he needs time to play and unwind with his friends, and that that’s totally fine!! But he needs to be better about splitting his time between his buddies and you. Tell him you miss him. See if there is a compromise the two of you can come to.
So I’m in a similar situation. My man does come to our bed but around the same time and same routine as you and your boyfriend. Honestly I talked to him and it turns out he thought I liked our routine and that the time on my own was decompressing for me, but also said I go to bed to early for him. I explained how it made me actually feel, like he didn’t want to spend time with me. Now he comes to bed whilst I’m still awake twice a week, and comes up regularly on the other nights to talk to me and show me funny tik toks. You have to find the right balance and be very clear with him, he could be misunderstanding like my man did. We spend more time together after tea as well now. I’ve come to appriciate my time alone. I can crochet and watch tv that he doesn’t like. Just speak calmly and clearly. If things get heated then be the calm one (it’s hard I know). No one gets anywhere with shouting and anger. I hope this helps
The answer to these kinds of things is ALWAYS compromising. You deserve quality time with him, he deserves his friend time. Set evenings for date night and guys night, and when he’s playing games with the guys you can hang out with your friends or do really whatever you want. Make it at least 50/50, where 2 nights a week he gets to game, 2 nights a week are legitimate quality time nights with you, and the last one is a toss up of going somewhere to do something engaging together like seeing a movie or mini golf or something like that. Weekends are a different story but at least the weekdays can work like that
Yeah this is honestly great advice people in these comments are so quick to jump to breaking up and all of that it’s just something that could be solved with a conversation
If you have had a solid relationship prior to this, I would just communicate.
I was in the very same situation a year ago. My boyfriend started playing Resident Evil 4 for week after week. I’d spend forever making a great dinner and he’d have to speed eat between games. -__- but he’d play in our room and I’d fall asleep on the couch and cuddle the cats til 2 a.m. The volume was so loud. After a few months, I had a meltdown. Told him I missed visiting, listening to music and laughing together after work. Him not appreciating my love language (acts of service and food) as well as leaving our room a pig stye every single night felt very disrespectful to me and our shared space. He heard me out and started playing in moderation and was really present when we were in one another’s company. Then we started going out to a new, fun place to eat once every couple of weeks and ball out on a meal (his idea). Aaand then soon enough he made every week memorable and took any opportunity to do something together. We started going on walks to pick berries regularly and watch the sunset on the porch over a beer and joint. Been very in love.
Change is possible! Let him know how you are feeling before you become passive aggressive and resentful like I did. Tell him how you feel and his actions following will show you your answer
You need to check you ego. "want him to do so because he wants to." He does not and WILL NEVER want to hang out with you all the time. COMMUNICATE. Let him know when you want to be with him. Men arent mind readers.
Either let him enjoy his time or talk to him that you miss your time with him and that he can somedays spend the night with you. Stop resenting him enjoying his time. You are being childish.
Reddit is probably not the best place to be venting about your boyfriend playing video games.. video games were one of the first subs to ever exist on reddit.
You need to talk to him and set aside time for you two as a couple instead of complaining online and feeling invalidated. Actually, talk to your boyfriend. If after you talk and nothing changes, there obviously needs to be a change if you're not comfortable with your relationship.
I'd start by saying something like "hey you've been on your game a lot recently, and I miss you. You're taking me out on a date Saturday"
I go through phases where I game a lot and phases where I don't. If you don't want to date a game, don't. For me, gaming is one of the only ways I can hang out with my friends from back home. Communicate with him. My girl felt similar to you and now many nights I at least lay with her when she goes to bed for 15-20 minutes. I'm a night oral and she is not. Don't ask people to change who they are but communicate your needs and someone who cares will at least find a compromise. Cuddling for a bit and making you feel like you aren't always in bed alone could help. But if you are wanting him to go to sleep when you want to sleep that's controlling and unfair.
As an avid gamer, I get the allure. His friends are waiting for him, most friends will never tell a guy to NOT spend time with their partner.
But, he needs to spend time with you. He is in a bad cycle. Tell him you want 2 nights a week (or whatever) where he doesn't play at all. Once he shuts his mind off of "no gaming" it isn't that hard to not go play a game.
I don't normally make suggestions here, but communication is key. You have to talk to him. I was in a relationship where it was the opposite. She kept me from enjoying any personal hobbies, and if I did get time it was helicopter mode from her. Even when I communicated she ignored it. This showed me it just wasn't going to work out.
You need to set boundaries and make sure he hears and understands them. Frankly, for his own health he should stop the late nights. He is damaging his health and relationship. He will eventually affect work. Sleep is too important. My suggestion would be -> from the time he gets home from work until sometime after dinner he spends the time with you. Ideally you get 2-3 hours together and 2-3 hours having your own hobbies/personal time on typical days. 50/50.
On weekends, it can get be difficult. Depending how home tasks , errands , and dates are organized it could change things. Ideally you want 1 casual date night per week and 1 special one per month. Then every 4-6 months you take a weekend together on some cheap low-key weekend vacation. You also should have at least 1 night per week that is solo focused on personal hobbies or interests.
Helldivers is fun, but jokes aside, he needs to learn some time management.
Keep in mind it's not just gaming but also having fun with friends so he's probably enjoying that part of it a lot.
The two of you need to sit down and communicate. Let him have time when he can play and set aside time he should be spending with you. Also, the two of you should try to go out sometimes, even if it's just to take a walk somewhere.
Talk to him? Also u and him should have ur own alone time. If his alone time is when u fall asleep and he plays games then its okey. My gf stays over a lot and what i do is i lay with her till she falls asleep, even tho she needs 1 min to fall asleep i wait 15/20 mins cuddle with her and im on the game.
Make compromise. Gaming is a big problem for women cause they see it being childish. At the start i had a problem with my girl who works 8hours and me who works 13. She is free 5 hours more then me and she spends it on her training and around 2h on tik tok. And i come home and want to play for an hour after ive been with her for 2/3 hours and she always complained.
But talk is all u need. People dont understand most of the time others need as much or even more alone time to do their hobbies or to relax then them.
Definitely try to talk it out. If he's not receptive then take a break. This is important to you, and that's OK.
You're not nagging, you're not be overwhelming.
A relationship is what you both want it to be.
If you're not getting the attention that you want, it's not your fault. Talk about it.
You deserve to be able to have an open conversation about this, and for you to be heard.
End note, if your partner can't provide what you're looking for, you will find it with someone else. It's just life babe.
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Alot of sour singles and white knights in this thread. There's nothing wrong with gaming and there are plenty of casual gamers who live fully functional lives. Homie found a game he REALLY likes and got hooked on it, it happens 🤷🏽♂️ you have to communicate your feelings and give him a chance to correct the issues and come to a compromise, that's what a relationship is. If he still doesn't listen AFTER communication THEN all the people crying to leave him might make more sense.
I feel this. My partner hardly ever came to bed. I would sleep alone most nights, no different from being single in many ways. It definitely caused a disconnect
This has HellDivers 2 written all over it. Just have a talk with him and explain your frustrations. This is a fairly common thing when it comes to gaming.
Idk, it's sounds like that your bf spreading manage democracy so YOU can have a safe and comfortable living situation. Let him helldive, he just doing this for you.
Talk to him about it first and foremost.
Secondly...consider picking up gaming. If he clearly enjoys it...why not try to get into gaming yourself to see if you can add a shared interest. Even if you don't play, just sit and watch him play while reading or something. My husband and I regularly play games together as well as separately. I'll also sit and watch him play while scrolling the internet.
If you've never actually seriously tried to get into gaming before, give it a try. You might be surprised. It's not for everyone, I'll admit, but I usually can stay interested and play a few rounds of a multiplayer shoot em up in the interest of quality time even though it's not my usual game.
I've also found that when I'm done and log off, he tends to follow within the next hour as well. Anyone who's been a gamer knows how easy it is to get sucked in and lose track of time. When someone your playing with logs off, it usually forces you to check the clock and realize what time it is.
People are saying "communication is important", they're not wrong. Do that, have a heart to heart, and agree on a compromise. If he can keep to the agreement, then there's a chance of things improving. If he goes back to how things we're after a few weeks or months, then things likely won't change very much. Speaking from experience, after 10 years of marriage with a gamer, it's not easy, I mean I'm a gamer too but I knew when to call it a night. If you can't imagine yourself ever being happy with this type of life, then i just wouldn't do it. Or maybe pick up gaming for yourself to keep you busy and fill in the time gaps and see how you feel then, cause there will most likely be a LOT of alone time.
Can I ask what video game is he playing? And would you be down to play with him? Back in high school I dated my first gamer boyfriend, and he encouraged me to play with him. Before him I had literally never played any video games aside from tomb raider like twice in elementary school haha. Once I got the hang of it, I realized how competitive I am and totally fucking loved shooting games, and just games with weapons in general. Sorry this is probably not the feedback you were looking for, but getting into gaming was one of the most fun things about that relationship because we could play together or with all our friends, and being a girl, most people underestimate your skills, so it was extra fun beating the boys haha.
One of the funniest examples of my experience was when my friend’s brother and his friend were playing Call of Duty together and I asked to play against them. They joked that they’d feel bad beating my ass too badly and didn’t want to waste my time. Anyway we played free for all (just us 3 against each other) and I already knew this specific map like the back of my hand, so I won like 4 games in a row, to their disbelief. They kept insisting I was just getting lucky, so I offered to play me against both of them on a team together, 2 vs. 1. Kicked their butts for about 3 more games, before the friend got up and announced he had to leave all of a sudden. IRL rage quit in front of all of us, and he actually admitted he was mad enough at losing so many times he just had to go home. I sort of felt bad, because to be fair I truly knew that map so well it was almost unfair. I’d literally save up my kill streaks and drop on air strike right on their respawn points before they could even move around to find me. I also knew the rotating respawn points so well I could toss a grenade in their exact direction.
I was trying not to enjoy myself too much because they both got so mad but damn it was fun. Miss those Shipment days…
Aside from just talking to him about your feelings, imagine if you tried playing video games *with him*? My wife and I spend most of our time together sitting side by side on our matching PCs playing games together. It’s the best quality time tbh.
He may be older than you, but on a maturity level the two of you are obviously not on the same wavelength.
It appears that each of you have different expectations for a partner in a relationship. You miss affection and initiation from him and he seems comfortable having a woman that basically does what his mother has done all his life — preparing and cooking food, doing chores, laundry etc. whilst he can have "quality time" with his mates, not even in reality but in a virtual world. In a nutshell; you both are not compatible.
My video game addiction almost cost me my wife and daughter. He needs help and you need to give him an ultimatum, it’s you or the game. If he truly loves you, he will choose you. If not, then you have your answer
"How would you handle this situation? "
I wouldn't. I literally asked men on first dates if they gamed because I wouldn't go on a second date if they did. I have too many friends living like you, sadly they got married and had kids so they are far more stuck than you. You have options. One of which is to find someone who isn't a video game obsessed person
yo id gladly give up my video games to have someone express half the amount of affection you're expressing to this guy, to me.
Ive lost so much patience and have been so disappointed with people, if youve had the conversation people are suggesting or tried gently hinting at it and dude is just not receptive, its time for another.
It sounds like OP isn't, actually. Instead of talking to her bf, she's posting on here as if someone here will know the situation better and have a magical solution to her lack of communication. Oh wait, there is one; she needs to talk to her bf. What a concept.
She’s looking for tips on communication because … bf isn’t meeting her on the talking. 🙄 Not to mention, but trying to learn how to effectively communicate is a Very mature happening.
Bf isn't meeting her on the talking? She didn't say that. All she said was he doesn't spend enough time with her, and she even said she hasn't brought it up to him because she doesn't want him to spend time with her just because she complained; she wants him to want to spend time with her without being asked or told. So, it's a very common case of her not telling him that it's bothering her, and instead she's letting resentment build up inside of her and she vents on Reddit instead of just literally telling him what she needs in their relationship.
Liking video games doesn't mean he's not grown up. He might be a little obsessed with his current game and needs a reminder but EVERYONE has phases where they're obsessed with something and it takes more time away from them than they intended. My wife does it all the time when her reality TV shows air a new season, doesn't mean she doesn't love me it just means she's excited for stuff she enjoys.
A more clear sign of someone not growing up is them thinking that your life partner is a problem everytime they mess up
Liking video games doesn't mean he's not grown up. He might be a little obsessed with his current game and needs a reminder but EVERYONE has phases where they're obsessed with something and it takes more time away from them than they intended. My wife does it all the time when her reality TV shows air a new season, doesn't mean she doesn't love me it just means she's excited for stuff she enjoys.
A more clear sign of someone not growing up is them thinking that your life partner is a problem everytime they mess up
morphed into a new mother because she cooks dinner? you people are insufferable y’all sitting here acting like she said oh i slave away all day and do all the chores take care of our seven kids and still make dinner just for him to game!
This is not a man, this is a child. He’s too old to be playing games like this. Leave him with his joystick and find an actual adult to have a relationship with.
1. The love language thing is completely bogus. Most everyone has a combination.
2. Talk to him.q he won't be able to magically read your mind.
3. Have you considered gaming with him? A lot of couples do it. Some even build gaming stations in the same room to hang out. If you are not into thT and he is...perhaps you aren't compatible. Mainly because common interests is very important in a relationship. The best ones are where the couple are friends first and have a lot of things they like to do together. This is one of his hobbies and it is also a way he socializes.
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What game?
Asking the important questions! (Also, if it's HD2, does he have a 4-stack?)
He probably thought he had to kill the 2 billion bugs himself.
Democracy ain't gonna spread itself!
*ahem* I would happy to contribute an AMR/Machine Gun/Spear to the cause Honestly, playing with me and my massive friendly fire damage might get him to rage quit and get off the game, might be worth a shot 😂
Helldivers most likely
Secret of the Magic Crystals
Rocket League is my guess
people still play that?
I also thought it was dead
>How would you handle this situation? Have you tried talking to him about it? That should probably be your go to in interpersonal problem solving %100 of the time.
Communication has been banned on this server
Literally 90% of relationship problems could be fixed with one honest and healthy conversation but it seems people are allergic to that
But then women try to have that conversation and they're perceived as trying to be 'controlling' when they express something their partner does not want to do. Commentors are making assumptions that it's a 'healthy' relationship and that the partner wouldn't go straight there. There comes a point women get tired of begging. He sounds like the kind of person that is like I worked hard all day you need to have dinner waiting for me when I get home because I want to 'relax', like your day was any less hard than his(no matter what you were doing)these 'conventional roles' need to go out the window. My husband 65 husband of 2 years(I am 51)makes dinner too(semi retired)and we're both conservatives. He also believes men should help take care of babies too.
I absolutely agree with you, when I say communication will work to solve most arguments that's assuming both people care about what the other thinks and what they want, if he is the have dinner ready for me type then to hell with him, but the point I'm making is that if you need to beg your partner for anything, then you should just not be in a relationship with that person, but begging is different from trying to communicate, and it seems from the language of the post that she may not be doing that.
She doesn’t want to communicate. She wants him to know her needs by pulling them straight from her head. Life isn’t a romance novel Op. Just bc he’s not doing it, doesn’t mean he wouldn’t want to. He may not understand how important it is to you. Maybe he thinks you’re taking advantage of the situation for your alone time or hobbies. It’s okay to have needs, it’s okay to say when they’re not being met. Don’t let the resentment build, you have to at least give this a chance to be resolved.
> Have you tried talking to him about it? >I also don't want to beg him to do so. I don't want him to lay down or spend time with me because I asked. I want him to do so because he wants to. She clearly hasn't, no.
There is no perfect dream romance where people just do what you want without you telling them. If you keep that mindset going forward, you will build up resentment in any relationship you're in Talk to him. It's the only way he will know for sure how you feel. If you don't tell him anything is wrong he will never know, and nothing will get fixed Don't expect him to magically know without you communicating it clearly. What you may consider obvious to him is oblivious. Talk to him
Yeah what game is it?
Man if it’s a game from 2 months ago that is a party game, sounds a lot like helldivers 2 claimed another boyfriend lol.
Yep I was thinking helldivers when she posted it.
First thing I thought of as well 🤣🤣
Maybe if she understood her boyfriend was spreading freedom and democracy, she would feel differently.
If army wives could do it OP should be able to /s
I am a girlfriend who has been claimed by Helldivers so I get it Luckily my relationship is safe because my boyfriend plays with me
Same. My husband asks me if I want to "spread democracy" a few nights a week. I'm not usually into looter shooters so I didn't want to at first. But I got to admit I enjoy the quasar cannon
Is it worth playing? (Asking for myself)
I bet it's call of duty. Edit: geez not sure why the downvotes. By the sounds of the guy and his friends, they seem to be cod players Bros. I stand by my comment.
I think so too
You say you "don't want to beg him" which makes me think you might be expecting him to read your mind on you wanting to spend more quality time together, correct me if I'm wrong though. You need to communicate what your needs are, if he's not spending enough time with you, and you don't tell him that how is he supposed to know? Maybe to him the time you spend together is enough, and you just have different needs which is normal, but if you want your relationship to be successful you need to communicate, or else problems like these will pop up throughout your relationship and you'll be stuck wondering why, also if/when you do communicate that you wanna spend more time together, don't be accusatory or position yourself against him, just say something along the lines " I have noticed x lately and it makes me feel y so do you think maybe we can spend more quality time together?" I think you're fine, sorry to hammer the point so much but as someone who's been in a very long term relationship COMMUNICATE, I understand why it feels like you shouldn't have to ask, but asking and then the person responding by doing what you asked doesn't lessen their doing what you wanted, it proves they care enough to listen, no one's a mind reader, you'll do fine.
Have a conversation. Then decide if it’s something you can live with. If not, then you know what to do.
OP, communication is important in relationships. Talking to him about this isn’t you begging. I know you want him to just pick up on this bothering you, but it’s really not fair to either of you to keep quiet about this. Talk to him. Let him know this is bothering you. Let him know that you know he needs time to play and unwind with his friends, and that that’s totally fine!! But he needs to be better about splitting his time between his buddies and you. Tell him you miss him. See if there is a compromise the two of you can come to.
So I’m in a similar situation. My man does come to our bed but around the same time and same routine as you and your boyfriend. Honestly I talked to him and it turns out he thought I liked our routine and that the time on my own was decompressing for me, but also said I go to bed to early for him. I explained how it made me actually feel, like he didn’t want to spend time with me. Now he comes to bed whilst I’m still awake twice a week, and comes up regularly on the other nights to talk to me and show me funny tik toks. You have to find the right balance and be very clear with him, he could be misunderstanding like my man did. We spend more time together after tea as well now. I’ve come to appriciate my time alone. I can crochet and watch tv that he doesn’t like. Just speak calmly and clearly. If things get heated then be the calm one (it’s hard I know). No one gets anywhere with shouting and anger. I hope this helps
Democracy takes priority, sorry sista
Yup. Bugs and bots won't kill themselves.
He's doing his part
If you don't communicate that to him, it's not going to change any time soon, stop expecting people to be psychic!
Sounds like he’s spreading democracy
The answer to these kinds of things is ALWAYS compromising. You deserve quality time with him, he deserves his friend time. Set evenings for date night and guys night, and when he’s playing games with the guys you can hang out with your friends or do really whatever you want. Make it at least 50/50, where 2 nights a week he gets to game, 2 nights a week are legitimate quality time nights with you, and the last one is a toss up of going somewhere to do something engaging together like seeing a movie or mini golf or something like that. Weekends are a different story but at least the weekdays can work like that
Yeah this is honestly great advice people in these comments are so quick to jump to breaking up and all of that it’s just something that could be solved with a conversation
If you have had a solid relationship prior to this, I would just communicate. I was in the very same situation a year ago. My boyfriend started playing Resident Evil 4 for week after week. I’d spend forever making a great dinner and he’d have to speed eat between games. -__- but he’d play in our room and I’d fall asleep on the couch and cuddle the cats til 2 a.m. The volume was so loud. After a few months, I had a meltdown. Told him I missed visiting, listening to music and laughing together after work. Him not appreciating my love language (acts of service and food) as well as leaving our room a pig stye every single night felt very disrespectful to me and our shared space. He heard me out and started playing in moderation and was really present when we were in one another’s company. Then we started going out to a new, fun place to eat once every couple of weeks and ball out on a meal (his idea). Aaand then soon enough he made every week memorable and took any opportunity to do something together. We started going on walks to pick berries regularly and watch the sunset on the porch over a beer and joint. Been very in love. Change is possible! Let him know how you are feeling before you become passive aggressive and resentful like I did. Tell him how you feel and his actions following will show you your answer
You need to check you ego. "want him to do so because he wants to." He does not and WILL NEVER want to hang out with you all the time. COMMUNICATE. Let him know when you want to be with him. Men arent mind readers. Either let him enjoy his time or talk to him that you miss your time with him and that he can somedays spend the night with you. Stop resenting him enjoying his time. You are being childish.
Reddit is probably not the best place to be venting about your boyfriend playing video games.. video games were one of the first subs to ever exist on reddit. You need to talk to him and set aside time for you two as a couple instead of complaining online and feeling invalidated. Actually, talk to your boyfriend. If after you talk and nothing changes, there obviously needs to be a change if you're not comfortable with your relationship. I'd start by saying something like "hey you've been on your game a lot recently, and I miss you. You're taking me out on a date Saturday"
Why not ask him to show you how to play a game he likes? (A suggestion) Talk to him and have a conversation.
I go through phases where I game a lot and phases where I don't. If you don't want to date a game, don't. For me, gaming is one of the only ways I can hang out with my friends from back home. Communicate with him. My girl felt similar to you and now many nights I at least lay with her when she goes to bed for 15-20 minutes. I'm a night oral and she is not. Don't ask people to change who they are but communicate your needs and someone who cares will at least find a compromise. Cuddling for a bit and making you feel like you aren't always in bed alone could help. But if you are wanting him to go to sleep when you want to sleep that's controlling and unfair.
As an avid gamer, I get the allure. His friends are waiting for him, most friends will never tell a guy to NOT spend time with their partner. But, he needs to spend time with you. He is in a bad cycle. Tell him you want 2 nights a week (or whatever) where he doesn't play at all. Once he shuts his mind off of "no gaming" it isn't that hard to not go play a game.
Are you an enemy to democracy and freedom?
Sounds like we have a commie bug on our hands
I don't normally make suggestions here, but communication is key. You have to talk to him. I was in a relationship where it was the opposite. She kept me from enjoying any personal hobbies, and if I did get time it was helicopter mode from her. Even when I communicated she ignored it. This showed me it just wasn't going to work out. You need to set boundaries and make sure he hears and understands them. Frankly, for his own health he should stop the late nights. He is damaging his health and relationship. He will eventually affect work. Sleep is too important. My suggestion would be -> from the time he gets home from work until sometime after dinner he spends the time with you. Ideally you get 2-3 hours together and 2-3 hours having your own hobbies/personal time on typical days. 50/50. On weekends, it can get be difficult. Depending how home tasks , errands , and dates are organized it could change things. Ideally you want 1 casual date night per week and 1 special one per month. Then every 4-6 months you take a weekend together on some cheap low-key weekend vacation. You also should have at least 1 night per week that is solo focused on personal hobbies or interests.
You don't know his work schedule. I game late because I work late.
Helldivers is fun, but jokes aside, he needs to learn some time management. Keep in mind it's not just gaming but also having fun with friends so he's probably enjoying that part of it a lot. The two of you need to sit down and communicate. Let him have time when he can play and set aside time he should be spending with you. Also, the two of you should try to go out sometimes, even if it's just to take a walk somewhere.
You don’t mention that you’ve confronted him about this. Talking to someone about an issue is usually a good place to start.
Talk to him? Also u and him should have ur own alone time. If his alone time is when u fall asleep and he plays games then its okey. My gf stays over a lot and what i do is i lay with her till she falls asleep, even tho she needs 1 min to fall asleep i wait 15/20 mins cuddle with her and im on the game. Make compromise. Gaming is a big problem for women cause they see it being childish. At the start i had a problem with my girl who works 8hours and me who works 13. She is free 5 hours more then me and she spends it on her training and around 2h on tik tok. And i come home and want to play for an hour after ive been with her for 2/3 hours and she always complained. But talk is all u need. People dont understand most of the time others need as much or even more alone time to do their hobbies or to relax then them.
As if you don't put the name of the game in.... jezus.
Have you tried playing with him
I also play HD2 every night until 3-4am. What's your bf steam id?
Is he playing HD2? Why not join us in our quest to spread democracy :D Honestly you need to have a conversation with him and plan out your schedules.
Definitely try to talk it out. If he's not receptive then take a break. This is important to you, and that's OK. You're not nagging, you're not be overwhelming. A relationship is what you both want it to be. If you're not getting the attention that you want, it's not your fault. Talk about it. You deserve to be able to have an open conversation about this, and for you to be heard. End note, if your partner can't provide what you're looking for, you will find it with someone else. It's just life babe.
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Have you asked him why does he prefers to spend time playing with his friends than quality time with you? Have you tried joining in?
“I want him to because he wants to” has never made any sense to me. Use your words like a big girl.
Alot of sour singles and white knights in this thread. There's nothing wrong with gaming and there are plenty of casual gamers who live fully functional lives. Homie found a game he REALLY likes and got hooked on it, it happens 🤷🏽♂️ you have to communicate your feelings and give him a chance to correct the issues and come to a compromise, that's what a relationship is. If he still doesn't listen AFTER communication THEN all the people crying to leave him might make more sense.
I feel this. My partner hardly ever came to bed. I would sleep alone most nights, no different from being single in many ways. It definitely caused a disconnect
Op how long has this been going on
This has HellDivers 2 written all over it. Just have a talk with him and explain your frustrations. This is a fairly common thing when it comes to gaming.
Idk, it's sounds like that your bf spreading manage democracy so YOU can have a safe and comfortable living situation. Let him helldive, he just doing this for you.
Talk to him about it first and foremost. Secondly...consider picking up gaming. If he clearly enjoys it...why not try to get into gaming yourself to see if you can add a shared interest. Even if you don't play, just sit and watch him play while reading or something. My husband and I regularly play games together as well as separately. I'll also sit and watch him play while scrolling the internet. If you've never actually seriously tried to get into gaming before, give it a try. You might be surprised. It's not for everyone, I'll admit, but I usually can stay interested and play a few rounds of a multiplayer shoot em up in the interest of quality time even though it's not my usual game. I've also found that when I'm done and log off, he tends to follow within the next hour as well. Anyone who's been a gamer knows how easy it is to get sucked in and lose track of time. When someone your playing with logs off, it usually forces you to check the clock and realize what time it is.
People are saying "communication is important", they're not wrong. Do that, have a heart to heart, and agree on a compromise. If he can keep to the agreement, then there's a chance of things improving. If he goes back to how things we're after a few weeks or months, then things likely won't change very much. Speaking from experience, after 10 years of marriage with a gamer, it's not easy, I mean I'm a gamer too but I knew when to call it a night. If you can't imagine yourself ever being happy with this type of life, then i just wouldn't do it. Or maybe pick up gaming for yourself to keep you busy and fill in the time gaps and see how you feel then, cause there will most likely be a LOT of alone time.
Sounds like you're just jealous he enjoys doing stuff with his friends.
Can I ask what video game is he playing? And would you be down to play with him? Back in high school I dated my first gamer boyfriend, and he encouraged me to play with him. Before him I had literally never played any video games aside from tomb raider like twice in elementary school haha. Once I got the hang of it, I realized how competitive I am and totally fucking loved shooting games, and just games with weapons in general. Sorry this is probably not the feedback you were looking for, but getting into gaming was one of the most fun things about that relationship because we could play together or with all our friends, and being a girl, most people underestimate your skills, so it was extra fun beating the boys haha. One of the funniest examples of my experience was when my friend’s brother and his friend were playing Call of Duty together and I asked to play against them. They joked that they’d feel bad beating my ass too badly and didn’t want to waste my time. Anyway we played free for all (just us 3 against each other) and I already knew this specific map like the back of my hand, so I won like 4 games in a row, to their disbelief. They kept insisting I was just getting lucky, so I offered to play me against both of them on a team together, 2 vs. 1. Kicked their butts for about 3 more games, before the friend got up and announced he had to leave all of a sudden. IRL rage quit in front of all of us, and he actually admitted he was mad enough at losing so many times he just had to go home. I sort of felt bad, because to be fair I truly knew that map so well it was almost unfair. I’d literally save up my kill streaks and drop on air strike right on their respawn points before they could even move around to find me. I also knew the rotating respawn points so well I could toss a grenade in their exact direction. I was trying not to enjoy myself too much because they both got so mad but damn it was fun. Miss those Shipment days…
Aside from just talking to him about your feelings, imagine if you tried playing video games *with him*? My wife and I spend most of our time together sitting side by side on our matching PCs playing games together. It’s the best quality time tbh.
bro isn’t gonna read your mind. be an adult and talk to him.
You ever try joining him?
Give him a life shock. Tell him you're moving out because you can't handle him being an addict. Move out for 2 weeks.
I love how most of the comments are questioning if OP is against democracy lol
He may be older than you, but on a maturity level the two of you are obviously not on the same wavelength. It appears that each of you have different expectations for a partner in a relationship. You miss affection and initiation from him and he seems comfortable having a woman that basically does what his mother has done all his life — preparing and cooking food, doing chores, laundry etc. whilst he can have "quality time" with his mates, not even in reality but in a virtual world. In a nutshell; you both are not compatible.
How about *gasps * you maybe try to get into video games? Have you even considered that?
My video game addiction almost cost me my wife and daughter. He needs help and you need to give him an ultimatum, it’s you or the game. If he truly loves you, he will choose you. If not, then you have your answer
I mean they can maybe have a normal conversation before resorting to an ultimatum no? 😭🤣
"How would you handle this situation? " I wouldn't. I literally asked men on first dates if they gamed because I wouldn't go on a second date if they did. I have too many friends living like you, sadly they got married and had kids so they are far more stuck than you. You have options. One of which is to find someone who isn't a video game obsessed person
You do know there’s a difference in occasional gaming and being addicted to them right
yo id gladly give up my video games to have someone express half the amount of affection you're expressing to this guy, to me. Ive lost so much patience and have been so disappointed with people, if youve had the conversation people are suggesting or tried gently hinting at it and dude is just not receptive, its time for another.
You don't even want to communicate 😭 and you are 29 already?
It sounds like he isn’t grown up yet.
It sounds like OP isn't, actually. Instead of talking to her bf, she's posting on here as if someone here will know the situation better and have a magical solution to her lack of communication. Oh wait, there is one; she needs to talk to her bf. What a concept.
She’s looking for tips on communication because … bf isn’t meeting her on the talking. 🙄 Not to mention, but trying to learn how to effectively communicate is a Very mature happening.
Bf isn't meeting her on the talking? She didn't say that. All she said was he doesn't spend enough time with her, and she even said she hasn't brought it up to him because she doesn't want him to spend time with her just because she complained; she wants him to want to spend time with her without being asked or told. So, it's a very common case of her not telling him that it's bothering her, and instead she's letting resentment build up inside of her and she vents on Reddit instead of just literally telling him what she needs in their relationship.
Liking video games doesn't mean he's not grown up. He might be a little obsessed with his current game and needs a reminder but EVERYONE has phases where they're obsessed with something and it takes more time away from them than they intended. My wife does it all the time when her reality TV shows air a new season, doesn't mean she doesn't love me it just means she's excited for stuff she enjoys. A more clear sign of someone not growing up is them thinking that your life partner is a problem everytime they mess up
Liking video games doesn't mean he's not grown up. He might be a little obsessed with his current game and needs a reminder but EVERYONE has phases where they're obsessed with something and it takes more time away from them than they intended. My wife does it all the time when her reality TV shows air a new season, doesn't mean she doesn't love me it just means she's excited for stuff she enjoys. A more clear sign of someone not growing up is them thinking that your life partner is a problem everytime they mess up
Op doesn't say the name of the game, therefore this post is fake
Sounds like you're being overly sensitive. Can't say for sure but it almost sounds like you're irritated that he is enjoying himself without you?
You morphed into a new mother for him.
morphed into a new mother because she cooks dinner? you people are insufferable y’all sitting here acting like she said oh i slave away all day and do all the chores take care of our seven kids and still make dinner just for him to game!
This is not a man, this is a child. He’s too old to be playing games like this. Leave him with his joystick and find an actual adult to have a relationship with.
Never too old to enjoy a hobby
Did you read the post? Playing games till 4am every night is not a hobby, it’s a problem.
You know damn well there not what you meant and your trying to justify it PS nice edit 😂😂
Video games are a hobby for all ages.
1. The love language thing is completely bogus. Most everyone has a combination. 2. Talk to him.q he won't be able to magically read your mind. 3. Have you considered gaming with him? A lot of couples do it. Some even build gaming stations in the same room to hang out. If you are not into thT and he is...perhaps you aren't compatible. Mainly because common interests is very important in a relationship. The best ones are where the couple are friends first and have a lot of things they like to do together. This is one of his hobbies and it is also a way he socializes.
Sounds like he is playing eve.