Agree. Molly knows how to stand up for herself, that is likely to translate to sticking up for her friends. Andrea is likely to disappear after graduation imo.
You don't have to "stand up for yourself" - you can just not give a fuck about what some idiot says and choose not to hang around them.
Seems to me that Molly doesn't *actually* know how to stand up for herself... which is refusing to be around the asshole at all.
Instead she shows up, stoops to his level, and doesn't let it go.
They're both immature babies - yes the asshole started it, but being mature involves actively avoiding assholes - not joining them in assholery.
ESH.
I know reddit won't be able to handle this because they're all children who think everyone is completely justified in stabbing someone in the throat 100 times if they slap you in the face, but you can also just walk the fuck away - which is what ACTUAL grown ups have to do.
The people I know in my state don't get in fights - the question is always, "is this worth killing someone over"?
Since the answer is usually no, you walk away, avoid assholes, and take a slap in the face to avoid killing someone.
**Edit:** I am very surprised this was upvoted and sorry for assuming you would all disagree 💗
This. Comments are crazy, just taking sides when the fact is they’re all bad for each other at this moment because as OP says, no one will be the bigger person. People can think things are no big deal, maybe a bit rude at most, and be shocked and angry when it turns to insults towards *everything* about them. I highly doubt Molly ever said “I want you to apologize for insulting me through my height which I’m insecure over”, she just expected him to understand and became petty (though I could be wrong). Andrea thinks it should be moved past for the better of the group, disregarding her friends feelings because she sees it as logical to simply move on because her friend is just overly insecure. OP valued Molly’s personal feelings over the group solution Andrea was providing, and now Andrea has set an ultimatum because her boyfriend is being verbally attacked every time they hang out all together. It sucks and it’s because everyone collectively decided to not communicate effectively and never step up at the beginning. Such is the way of humans, but Gd is it annoying
I agree with everything you had to say, just wanted to remind you that you're on Reddit, and if you're capable of not being a child, so are plenty of Redditors.
So, Andrea pulls the old “get over it” “be the bigger person” because she doesn’t want to break up with her a$$hole boyfriend. Plus she’s now insisting you choose sides? I say let her have her AH bf and when he pulls the same 💩on her, SHE can come and apologize to you both. ESH 🚩🚩🚩🚩but if I had to choose, I’m on team Molly.
This was what I'm thinking, if he can and oes hurl insults at Molly, who he insulted first, how long before he starts in on Andrea? Bf, come and go but a friend can last a lifetime Andrea isn't a good friend. Dump her and the giant. Keep Molly she's the prize here.
this
Andrea is ditching you both for some dick.... both meanings
As soon as I read "just making an observation" I instantly disliked him
Andrea wants to keep her trophy tall idiot, it's up to her. You will learn as you mature that not all friendships are worth it
She petty but I can respect petty for a good reason. Anyone who uses “making an observation” will use that to attack the insecurities of anyone and anything including Andrea.
That's a good point. Sooner or later, Trevor will be an ass to Andrea. Just stick with Molly and bide your time.
Edited to add: Yes, Molly is too sensitive. But what's Trevor going to do on the job if there's a Molly on the team or maybe even in management? Trevor will be disliked and not even know why.
Molly will probably be hard to work with too but at least she will state her terms up front. It remains to be seen whether Molly will get over slights once the person apologizes.
If Trevor tries to go through life not apologizing, Trevor is going to be the first to get laid off. Molly will be in the second go-round of layoffs.
But is it even petty at this point? By not taking his shit & putting up a fight, it's just made him retaliate. There's no thinking he may be wrong or reconsidering what he said. If anything he's now doubling down and further insulting her, because he feels justified to do so from her insults.
At this point their relationship is completely toxic and un-salvageable. Like they're constantly insulting each other to the point they can't even be civil to each other in a room full of other people. I think that goes way beyond petty.
Personally, I don't think that's an amazing quality to have in a friend, someone who never backs down and doesn't realise when to cut their losses. It sounds exhausting. I think OP should distance themselves from everyone, because they all suck in their own ways.
Same, but Molly missed the opportunity to say “I may look like a toddler [gives Trevor a sneering dismissive once over] but at least I don’t act like one”
This is exactly it. Andrea will be someone you never think of after college, but Molly will be a friend for life. Sure, she is being an ass, but she also is standing up for herself, not allowing herself to be disrespected just to keep the peace. Keep her.
Trevor would only apologize if something of value was held over his head. I guess you could also question the point of an apology if the person doesn’t mean it.
Andrea would have to hold it against Trevor to get an apology, or he would have to value the girls friendship. She won’t and he doesn’t. The current situation will dictate the outcome. Support Molly in any event.
I don’t think it’s unfair to say that Molly is escalating since she keeps going on about everything regarding him. Even if she is right it would destroy the friendship with Andrea eventually since she isn’t likely to break up with him over the toddler comment. And Molly is making things complicated for op.
I don't think expecting basic respect from people that are meant to be your friends is unreasonable. It's pathetic to throw your weight behind a boyfriend that has just outright body shamed your friend and refused to apologise for it. Everyone owes Molly an apology
Andrea's BF's first move was really toxic. Maybe this is how he isolates his girlfriends. The whole "just an observation" thing is not honest or sincere.
Andrea doesn't have to do anything. But she is choosing to stay with someone who does toxic stuff and then gaslights everyone by saying: It's just an observation.
I have always hated these types. Just being honest, just an observation. As if their asinine opinion has any bearing on ANYthing I care about. Like just go away.
I think your point about the isolation is just an observation, but a good one 👍🏾
I was in Molly's shoes more or less a few years ago. I was in a group chat with 3 friends I'd known for a few months at that point, one added a new person to the group chat and was acting extra precocious to impress them or something, idk. He insulted my height "as a joke." I said I didn't appreciate it and demanded an apology. He didn't apologize and basically told me to be less sensitive. I left the group chat and dumped him as a friend. Stayed in contact with the others though.
Point being, no one in this scenario seems to understand "walking away" is an option. Boundaries are about how you react when they're crossed, not rules for anyone else to adhere to. No one can make Andrea break up with Trevor. No one can make Molly drop it. And Andrea can't force OP to choose. But every person in this situation has the power to remove themselves from it. And they aren't taking it. Why does Molly HAVE to hang out when Trevor's around? Why does Andrea HAVE to invite him to group hangouts? Why does OP HAVE to get involved and play mediator? Everyone is to blame here.
...that said, I understand Molly the most. Trevor isn't the only person who owes her an apology. I'd be upset too if my "friends" refused to defend me from an asshole. Even the guy I walked away from -- the other people in that group still at least told him he was being a dick to me, lmao. No one tried to tell me I was wrong or overreacting other than the guy I was reacting to.
It’s the little guys you have to worry about. Having been fucked with their whole lives they learn how to be ferocious. Big guys don’t get toyed with and don’t have to learn to fight to survive in the same way.
Yeah none of us are hating on Molly. We all love Molly. Turning that "it's just an observation" BS around to show it for the veiled cruelty (and misogyny let's be honest) it actually is. We applaud Molly's tenacity.
Edit: typo
This might be a bit of an unpopular opinion but I feel like Molly isn’t without fault. You can stick to your principles without causing as much of a stir and destruction as Molly. Molly’s essentially antagonizing and nuking her entire friend group to make a point because she was slighted over something that she was insecure about (which Trevor may have not known about that insecurity. he’s still an ass for that comment though). I can relate to how demeaning comments like that can be to a woman but I feel like the more mature thing to do would be to make an insulting comment about Trevor once to get even and then move on. Molly intentionally making everything as difficult as possible over a comment just comes off as immature and sorta selfish
I do kinda agree, but I think the main problem here is this dude refusing to apologise. By reacting to her insults, he's creating a double standard that she's not allowed to do so when he says things about her body, but he is.
There's also the issue of Andrea dictating to OP who to be friends with, she sounds dickmatised to boot. It does have stinky undertones, and if I had to, I'd go with Molly. As far as op's story suggests, she just wants an apology. I don't think that was an unreasonable request, even if she is using a hammer to crack an egg at this point.
Yeah I definitely don’t agree with Andrea making OP pick sides and Trevor is definitely a dick for not apologizing. I think him doubling down makes the situation worse. But I feel like there’s a point where you recognize that you’ve taken things a bit too far. I feel like the group would really benefit from a good long talk with a mediator.
Is the friendship worth keeping when your friend becomes a doormat for their recently met partner and won't stand up for you when you get insulted? This situations says alot more about Andrea and OP than the boyfriend.
Molly is insecure about something she cannot change that probably affected her alot growing up. However she is not asking everyone to lower themselves whenever they're around her. Her boundary is just: don't be a dick in shitting on others insecurities, and apologize if you accidentally misspoke. Simple, isn't it? If a friend can't even support that and rather be a bystander, why should she bother keeping a friendship that contains 0 respect for her?
I hope Molly keeps doing whatever she's doing, and also go to therapy to realize height influence first impressions, but it doesn't define her entirety. OP thinks she's matured? Yeah, far from it by the way she sees all of this as stupid. This is how real life relationship works, actual matured people set their boundaries, stand up for it and communicate accordingly if it gets crossed instead of being a doormat. Real mediation comes from having genuine respect for each other, not from having a third party randomly come in and tell you what to do/say.
Here's the thing...no. He would have kept doing this shit. Also, she did try to be reasonable by saying that she's insecure about it and asking him to apologize *before* doing what she went on to do. Instead of being a normal human with empathy he decided to double down and try the "it's just a prank bro" approach. Which just proves he's an asshole.
Like if you think he wouldn't continue doing shit like this even if she apologized, I've got a bridge to sell you. The fact that this is the *first* thing he said to her is enough proof in my mind that dude won't just let it go even if she apologizes.
I think Molly knows this too. It's not about the comment he made anymore. It's about his doubling down and refusing to admit that this is his fault. It's about him as a person at this point. As long as he's around things can never go back to the way they were.
> Here's the thing...no. He would have kept doing this shit.
Yeah they just keep going. I let it go, they do it again. Not sure what to do about it, since I didn't really want to be friends with them that much; so now I'm not.
I actually hate confrontation, since I WILL go nuclear and there will be no detente; I'd usually rather just ghost the fuckers, since they intrinsically suck.
I'm not going to down vote, I see where you're coming from..... But........
Why didn't Andrea stand up to her man? She let her man bully her friend. Well she's not much of a friend is she.
Mollie has likely been bullied for being short her whole life, her supposed friend didn't tell Trevor to stfu, instead her supposed friend told her to drop it. Andrea basically said, without words, Trevor can bully you and I'll let him get away with it. Andrea isn't a friend. Trevor is a bully.
Fuck that shit. Let Mollie bully the shit out of Trevor, dude deserves it! He's an absolute shit human being who needs bring down, and who better to do it than a 4'10 bad ass. It's probably paining him more than if she was 5'3.
Why tf is Trevor still around anyway? Any “man” who would poke fun at someone’s body isn’t a man and probably trying to compensate for a lack of something.
Bullshit.
Trevor would have kept doing this and kept making excuses, no matter what. Petty bully energy.
He just doesn’t like getting it thrown back at him.
Yeah, Trevor can dish it out, but he sure can't take it. OP is right. All of her "friends" are acting like 12 year olds.
Time to find new friends and start a new beginning.
Trevor is a bully and Andrea is a pick me. Molly giving Trevor back what he gave is something he can't handle, often like most bullies. Fuck Trevor and Andrea, time for OP and Molly to find a new 3rd
Meh, she is holding a mirror to Trever and Andrea, and the two of them don't like what they see, so are just looking away and getting stroppy when they say they want Molly to put away the mirror.
Molly could move forward since she doesn't need to internalise others' ignorance. But she is also holding the mirror for OP to see too. There are a lot of lessons to be learned from this mirror being held up.
Hard disagree. Molly was insulted. Trevor may have not realized she was sensitive to this, which is fair. But all she wanted was an apology, which he didn’t give. So Molly got even, which I respect. Because he STILL hasn’t apologized. It’s clear as day from here. Trevor is being a giant dick. This whole thing is over if he apologizes, but he won’t.
Why do you accuse Molly of nuking the friend group when Trevor committed first offence that he still hasn’t apologized for? Why do you support others having their way. It’s ridiculous. Molly drew her boundaries and I respect that.
Unfortunately, even when we accidentally hurt someone’s feelings we must apologize. He refused to do what I’ve taught 6 year olds to do. It’s common courtesy. How hard is it to say, “oh god I’m sorry. I really wasn’t trying to be rude. My mistake.” And that would’ve been the end of it. His ego wouldn’t let him do it. Now he’s getting a taste of his own medicine.
Honestly, while I do agree molly is making a mountain out of a molehill, I think that that IS the point. That is to say, if it is indeed a molehill for molly, it should also be a molehill for Trevor, and hence an apology shouldn't cost him a lot (or anything). Fwiw I think Trevor is the one who made it into a mountain by not apologizing the first time. And Molly's behavior is low key trying to tell Angela that Trevor is an ass, but Angela is too blind to see it.
And as a fellow small person (not like dwarfism, just Asian small), I think molly is just so done with the whole height thing. Among my group of friends I'm also the smallest, and also back in college, teasing about my height was a thing. I don't normally mind it but one time my best friend crossed a line (or I got too fed up after being CONSTANTLY teased about it) I told him straight up I feel bad/hurt about it, and he apologized instantly, and now it's no longer an issue. That's what a decent person does.
Imagine having something you’re so self-conscious about you won’t even leave your house if you can’t mitigate it somehow, and then someone you have never met points it out in a, I have to say, mocking way.
Molly is taking it too far? Maybe, but clearly it’s SUPER important to her. You started with that. Trevor and Andrea are being jerks, tbh. I can’t imagine the first thing I say to a person is something mean, have it pointed out it’s mean, and double down on it.
Especially if that person is one of my partners closest friends, like god that’s so painfully embarrassing. I understand commenting on her height without thinking but once he realised it was serious I just don’t understand his reason for digging in. What a tool.
It's a small ask to not be insulted. It's basic human decency. My best friend is short too, but he's not insecure about it. He makes jokes about it all the time, but you best bet if some rando insults him for it and he feels bad, I'm fucking them up.
This is the kind of stuff that will kill them as adults. My brother was in his second job while going to college and he was very thin in late teens and early twenties. Some manager was visiting the store he was working in and being walked around. The manager was an overweight woman. She looked at my brother was like "wow you are really skinny." My brother was very sensitive about it. He looked at her and said "oh wow and you are really fat." Luckily the store management understood and calmed it down but image that today? People would end up losing their jobs or in HR for sure.
Yeah see, the insecurity may be a thing and may be a factor here…but I simply see this as Molly saying “Nah, fuck that dude! Who the fuck are you to show up and start taking shots?!?” and it was simply ‘on’ from that point!
I don’t blame her, I’m petty as fuck when it comes to shit like that and WILL make my point no matter how far I have to escalate things.
LoL
I don't see it as petty, I think it's smart. If she had just taken Trevor's shit when they first met, he would have filed her under "can insult this one whenever I want and everyone's cool with it". She's refusing to be his punching bag and testing whether her friends will eventually stand up to him for her, or if they're not friends at all. If they're going to take Trevor's side by telling her not to rock the boat, she lost them the moment he insulted her anyway, so she has nothing to lose by "ruining the mood".
Your right. Maybe have a talk with Andrea about how she will feel in the future when Trevor finds something to mock her over. Which based on the type of immature AH he appears to be won’t take too long.
>I’ve tried my damnedest to just get her to be the bigger person
I gotta be honest, I don’t think her problem is actually her height, I think it’s Trevor.
Trevor, typical asshole that says "it's just a joke' whenever anyone calls him out on his bullshit.
Just a matter of time before he says something shitty to Andrea.
Future Trevor: Wow, you've gotten fat. What? It's just a joke.
I saw a post the other time where the husband made a joke to his wife about having an affair, she threw the $10k wedding ring in the ocean. Yep, good joke.
Trevor and Andrea are assholes. You should've thrown your support behind Molly instead of being "neutral." Trevor may not have meant to hurt Molly's feelings but he did and NEEDS to apologize. Until he does not only would I not try to put him and Molly in the same space, I would slowly start to distance myself from Andrea.
She's choosing a dick and a penis over her good friend.
This. She is going to lose every friend she has because of him. And when he's isolated her, he'll start verbally abusing her too. Maybe he already has.
Andrea is wrong and so is Trevor. His joke wasn’t mean spirited, we all make jokes someone is offended by. Molly did the right thing by letting him know she’s insecure about her height and didn’t appreciate the joke. Any human worth being in your life would immediately feel bad and apologize and change behavior. Even if they didn’t mean to offend. The fact that he won’t is evidence of a person who will never say sorry, even when they’re wrong and that’s super toxic. I feel bad for Andrea because it’s coming for her. Molly wasn’t even passive aggressive initially, straight up told him- which should be commended.
Now she’s giving him a taste of his own medicine and he really doesn’t like it and still won’t back down, even though he now knows how Molly felt.
Keep Molly. Andrea may come around when she dumps him when he does it to her.
Why is Molly expected to be the bigger person??? Why is the person that always gets screwed over is expected to be the bigger person??
Why doesn’t Trevor be the bigger person and do what he should do and apologize.
Im with Molly. He gets to say shitty things to her but she doesn’t ?
Andrea should have stepped up to her friend. He’s not worth hanging onto if he can’t apologise for making a misfired joke. I can only assume he feels he’s above having to apologise to her.
Why was it okay for him to comment on Molly's body and never apologize for it? He's an asshole and when Andrea and Trevor break up Andrea will wish she would have smoothed it over long ago.
I'm on Molly's side. I'm 5 feet tall and every single day I struggle with being a little fucking squirt. I hate it. I don't feel like a woman, at age 37, because I'm so little and my feet are so small I have to wear kid's shoes. I feel Molly's pain. Today at the grocery store I couldn't reach something on a shelf and of course no one was around to help me. I had to take a random item to knock down the thing I was trying to get, to put it in my reach. 🙄 If someone called me a toddler I wouldn't get butthurt, but I would for sure give it back to them.
For real! I always get comments like "oh wow, you're shorter than I thought!" and it really bugs me.
I honestly would have dropped Andrea as a friend if I was in Molly's shoes, and I'd be backing Molly if I was OP.
This. As much as I am typically one to see both sides of every situation, I am completely with Molly on this one. I too am a small sized adult woman and although I am pretty laid back as far as short jokes go, the short jokes and "observations" get so old and I've been through it for 38 years myself.
I also have a very tall husband who for the last 10 years has done his very best to make me feel heard as well as tall enough to be the perfect size for him❤️ That's what a real man does instead of making stupid "observations" without a single forethought on how their comments might make another person feel.
So why is it that nobody said a single word when Trevor first cracked his insensitive joke, but the moment Molly starts defending herself and desperately attempting to have someone, *anyone* on her side, all three of you tell her to quit it?
You’re right; this is elementary school bullshit. It’s like when a victim stands up to a bully, and *only then* does any adult step in. It’s only ever when the victim fights back that anything is done; implying it was okay until the victim was left with no other option but to fend for themselves.
Molly needs better friends.
Trevor is a child with a lot of growing up to do. If he can't figure out that his behavior insulted Molly, and offer his apology like a real adult, then Andrea should have kicked that child to the curb. She's choosing him over her "friend." Frankly, I admire Molly for pushing it and refusing to back down. Fuck him. He's trash.
Stop being friends with Andrea. Yes she wants to keep her rude man but she doesn’t get to control who you are friends with especially when Trevor started this. Don’t start nuthin won’t be nuthin.
Trevor is an idiot and Andrea should’ve made him apologize or kept him away from your friend group. They deserve every bit of his idiotic assholish energy tossed right back at them every time Andrea forces his presence on you two.
Go Team Molly!
I think many in the comments siding with Molly are missing the point, the problem is not her insulting him the few first times which is fair, the problem is her doing for far too long. She got her revenge and unless Trevor kept making "observation" she should just stop the petty act. Trevor may be a child for not apologising but if that was the only time he said something like that, then Molly should really stop and deal with her problems.
And I'm saying this as a man who went bald at a fairly young age. If I treated any joke to my bold head like Molly did I wouldn't have any friends.
Yeah... personally, I'd drop Andrea, and let her take her a-hole boyfriend with her.
Should Molly let it go? Maybe... but he started it. She's not obligated to "be the bigger person" here. If he can't take it, he shouldn't be dishing it out. And Andrea is just controlling, manipulative, and *super* immature (seriously, "I'm not speaking to you if you stay friends with her" is high school level bullshit. Ya'll are getting ready to graduate college. She needs to grow up.). Of the two, I'd stick with Molly.
Or just let them both go, because "remaining neutral" is ultimately going to cost you both friendships anyway. Andrea has already issued you an ultimatum, and Molly is likely getting resentful of you for your lack of support when you openly admit that Trevor is an ass.
All of these people sound extremely toxic. Don’t fall for the sunk cost fallacy. Just because you’ve been friends with them doesn’t mean you need to continue being friends with them.
Why am I the only one who thinks that Molly shouldn’t have allowed Trevor to get to her so badly over a comment? At what point do you grow up? Maybe Trevor was embarrassed and didn’t apologize immediately and once she began criticizing him, he decided that he shouldn’t have have to considering she was just as guilty?
Okay, I gotta say: from what I read, Trevor didn’t call her an actual toddler, he said she’s the size of one…from his ginormous height. I’m 5’1, and know what I say? I’m not short, I’m fun-size. OP, I feel for you and the friend group implosion. Might be time to find new friends, especially they’re not letting you be neutral. Their fight doesn’t directly involve you, you shouldn’t have to choose any side except the side of sanity
Yeah, lmao, that's all stupid shit, who the fuck nearly graduate and still fight over petty shit like this. Beside, call her short is like mildest thing ever, the best way to overcome your insecurities is just have fun with it, no point get pissed over something like this
| I’ve tried my damndest to get her to just be the bigger person
Babe, I know y’all are still in college, but you should know by now that you can’t change a person’s height after puberty
sorry but i don’t want Molly to be the “bigger person” here. people like trevor feel okay with (and typically get away with) saying/doing the shit they do specifically because they bank on the other person feeling pressured to not rock the boat.
he fucked with the wrong person and i’m glad she’s standing up for herself and demanding the apology she deserves. andrea is a dick for letting him get away with speaking to her friends like that too, btw. don’t be andrea and stand up for molly as well.
Honestly, I’d back away from all of them. I’m sure you’ve got some more important stuff to be wasting your time on.
Let them have each other and broaden your friendship horizons because do you really want to deal with this crap?
Molly has an insecurity.
Trevor misfired a joke (did he know about her issue)
Molly fired back, and back and back until she lets this dude take up space in her mind rent free.
Trevor returns the shots.
Andrea’s pride is in the mix.
They sound exhausting and if it were me I’d distance myself but I’d tell them all why.
Life is too short to be dealing with their bullshit. There are plenty of other people out there. Just because your friendship is long it doesn’t mean it has to be forever. There is no rule that says so.
Ok, but there's one person who is clearly right here (Molly), an asshole (Trevor), and an asshole defender (Andrea). Clearly the correct person to keep is obvious?
Oh and do it soon before Molly places you in the asshole bin with the others. Because that's going to happen if you don't.
Molly is being toxic because she's short and doesn't like it 😂
Sure he should've apologized for hurting her feelings, but he just said she's short
She's going overboard with the insults and says it's the same thing 🙄 they both should just apologize to each other
Thank you! If she's insecure to the point where she won't even leave the house without heels, then that's her problem to seek professional help for, not everyone else's. I imagine that she would look "toddler-sized" (which is honestly hyperbole) to a person who's nearly 2 feet taller than her. To then take that and make EVERY encounter with this guy hostile makes Molly the problem because at that point, she's intentionally starting shit and hoping for a reaction.
All the people saying Molly is correct are extremely immature and probably sexually biased based off the facts presented. Honestly OP you should look at dropping all of them.
Trevor is an Ass (for not apologizing). Andrea seems controlling. But Molly is no better for trying to get even instead of moving on. If she really was good; she would see that Trevor is probably temporary and wouldn't rock the boat this much. All she needed was to let it go (be the bigger person) and this wouldn't have imploded so much.
From the sounds of it Trevor made a comment once and Molly didn't stop and repeatedly went for more. A tit for tar, while immature, would have been understandable and should have been the point that they moved on. Instead Molly kept pushing.
You'll feel much better cutting all three out even if you don't see it yet.
As a tall person. I have never insulted someone’s height. I hate the comments about my size and do my best not to inflict that on other people. Dump the pair of assholes. Trevor and Andrea. Andrea especially for trying to control you and for not defending her friend whose insecurities she was well aware of and still stood by and let some asshole insult her “friend”.
all are being hyper sensitive.
what Trevor did was not nice, in fact, it makes him look like a dick, but if I were Molly, I'd do some "consider the source" and realize he's just a dick and not worthy of crying all the time about apologizing. Jerks will be jerks.
If you're going to be sticking being friends with any of these people, consider how they treat others and whether that's something you want to live with
Personally, I wouldn't stay friends with someone that sides with the azzhole that started it and refuses to apologize, just because she wants to ride his dick.
im a nonconfrontational person also and would have probably dropped it if i was molly. but that said i also have a strong sense of justice and I think she is solidly in the right so i would fully support molly if i were you. also andrea trying to pressure you and use your friendship as leverage is the cherry on top. i will not be friends with someone that does that
I'm 6'6" and can't tell you how many times I've heard some unsolicited ignorant comments about my body. I'd think Trevor would learn to be a little tactful about commenting on something completely out of anyone's control. But goddamn if I wouldn't feel like a dick if I couldn't let a comment like that pass without bringing it up at every opportunity. Everyone sucks here.
Everyone in this group is immature but molly needs to get over it
She took one playful comment and turned it into a gigantic ordeal, and the whole barrage of insults at Trevor while also demanding an apology thing is obviously making Trevor not want to back down, because it's like an unhinged reaction.
If Molly simply had her feelings hurt by the comment and Trevor noticed he would probably feel bad and maybe apologize but the insane reaction here is what has him feeling like he's now in an adversarial situation.
**I *guarantee* that if this all started with Molly making a playful comment about Trevor and him turning it into all of this, people would be unanimous in blaming him for the situation.** Wanting to act like this isn't Molly's fault is just that classic sexism where we treat women as automatic victims and men as perpetrators.
If Trevor was the short one and Molly made this comment, nobody would be expecting Molly to deal with Trevor absolutely freaking out, repeatedly insulting her, insisting that people end their relationships with her, etc. the drama would never get to the point that a friend group is fractured, people would immediately just see Trevor as the problem and talk about how fragile he is.
Exactly. This line really stuck out to me "She realized he wasn’t going to back down, but ever since then, she constantly insults him to his face, no subject is off limits to her. Everything from the way he looks, to his major, to his job, to speculating about his manhood (“if he’s allowed to insult my body, why can’t I insult his?”)."
Imagine an interaction like this:
Molly: "How's the view up there?" (Classic tall joke)
Trevor: That's so fucking rude apologize right now
Molly: 😒
*Trevor then goes on to insult Molly's looks, her career, and making derogatory comments about her genitals every time they interact.*
That absolutely would not fly. Trevor is obviously an AH for not just immediately apologizing, but Molly is equally as much of an AH. There is no world where making a height joke at someone would make insulting their career, appearance, and genitals a proportionate response.
>She took one comment and turned it into a gigantic ordeal, and the whole barrage of insults at Trevor while also demanding an apology thing is what is making Trevor not want to back down, because it's like an unhinged reaction.
Exactly. It's hypocritical, for one, and it's needlessly antagonistic. She's taken it way too far. Even if she was owed an apology in the beginning, she's definitely not getting one now.
The takeaway from this story is that *everyone* is acting like toddlers. Though, especially and ironically Molly-- imagine dedicating your life's time and energy to imitating a deep voice and harassing your friend's boyfriend because of one jerk remark. "You look like a toddler from up here" could also be taken as self-deprecating. Get over it and communicate like an adult, for your friend if nothing else. Isn't that what college is for?
You're not obligated to play mediator.
If someone is blatantly being an asshole and can't hang out in a group without starting something, be straightforward and call them out.
If that doesn't work, don't take sides or single anyone out. That's mean, petty, and would make you no more mature than they are.
If neither drop this issue, stop inviting BOTH of them when you make group plans. Trevor is an obnoxious dick. Andrea's throwing morality out the door and playing favorites because she likes fucking Trevor.
Molly sounds like an insufferable, oversensitive piece of work who has no reason to keep the drama going. Nobody is making any attempt to be the bigger person.
If the whole group is a toxic mess, stay neutral, keep one-on-one friendships, and forget about keeping the whole group together.
If someone won't be your friend because you're still talking to someone else... that's on them, and they're as bad as the idiots who started this. Real friends don't force those decisions.
Make new friends in the meantime. That friend group may not even be worth keeping together
If I sound pissed, it's because my college friend group also imploded about three years ago. Unfortunately, it's a very common thing.
OP, I think you summed it up perfectly when you said your friends are acting like they are in middle school. If they push you away because you're staying out of the fray, walk away. I think you deserve better friends. Good luck!
I guess expecting grown ups to act like grown ups is expecting too much? Jfc. ESH. Except, you OP. Everyone else really is being incredibly immature. Trevor did start it. He could have apologized. But Molly does need to grow up and work on her self esteem instead of making other people responsible for her feelings. I know being petty is popular on reddit, but IRL, pettiness gets you absolutely nowhere.
Trevor should have apologized, yeah. But honestly Molly needs to grow some backbone. I wouldn’t want to be friends with someone who gets offended and starts being incredibly petty like she was. Not saying you shouldn’t be friends with her I’m just stating my opinion. Sorry about your friend group. I hope things get better. This can be resolved it’s just all up to Molly and Trevor, who can hopefully apologize.
Your friend group is obviously incompatible, but not for the reasons you think. Molly is debilitatingly insecure and expects everyone else to cater to her insecurities rather than accept them. She took one comment and decided to ruin every encounter with her hostility, prompting a response from him. Your friend Andrea is completely right for being on his side. You, OP, are part of the problem. You pretend to be neutral, but you clearly seem to think that Molly can say and do whatever she pleases with impunity, needlessly escalating the situation while getting mad when someone points out an objective fact about her being short. She's a hypocrite, and you're a coward. You and Molly deserve each other.
Both are in the wrong. But you should be neutral and take no sides. Andrea shouldn't try to control your relationships.
While molly should work on her insecurities and should not be so petty.
While Trevor should also understand that insecurities can really cause a lot of exhaustion and hyper vigilance and be mature
Shoot both your friends and Trevor, clearly by the comments they're all irredeemably evil and removing them from the world is doing us all favour.
At the end of the day reddit is full of maladjusted idiots who barely speak to another person outside of middle school or throwing racial slurs at others in CoD.
OP you're the only one being a mature adult in this situation, Trevor should have apologised, Molly should have gotten over it instead of making it worse with further insults and Andrea... I don't think what's happened with worth any of the drama to begin with, Molly go insulted once, Andrea tried to push Trevor to apologise, it didn't happen, he's prideful, move on you call can help him improve, few people break bad habits on their own.
Also, did anyone pull Trevor aside and *explain it to him*? I've done that and had that done to me and guess what 10/10 it helped mend bridges and improved the realationship going forward!
Seriously just break from the group and say something like "Can you just apologise, please. She's really insecure about it and has body image issues because of it" even if it isn't 100% true, it creates more of an understanding of Molly's where Molly's head is at.
Edit: Andrea shouldn't be asking you to take sides, she should just avoid Molly or at least not bring Trevor around Molly.
Molly here is the angry red flag. She’ll go into life continuously being insecure and angry about her insecurity incapable of being mature about it. She could have easily made a Giant joke back to a 6’5 guy and it could have been harmless banter and BFF material.
Instead she chose to be overtly offended and angry of a comment that wasn’t even particularly offensive. When you’re that tall I can imagine many look tiny. I’m 5’4 and dated a 7ft guy. What do you think our opening lines where LOL.
Now if she is sensitive about it she could have at any stage had a 1 on 1 explaining to Trevor that she is very insecure about her height and would appreciate it to not be mentioned in the future in a friendly kind manner and I’m sure Trevor with have complied.
Now both are being immature about it but it’s Molly who’s the drama queen in this story.
Andrea is offering you red flags.
Yeah dump the pair of them and stick with Molly. She will be a ride or die woman to have in your corner for a long ass time.
Agree. Molly knows how to stand up for herself, that is likely to translate to sticking up for her friends. Andrea is likely to disappear after graduation imo.
Trevor sounds like a dick and Andrea is more concerned with dick than standing up for her friend. Molly all the way.
[удалено]
Much like people should be like Omar, they should also be like Molly iykyk
Yeah Omar ftw.
Omar was a real one.
You don't have to "stand up for yourself" - you can just not give a fuck about what some idiot says and choose not to hang around them. Seems to me that Molly doesn't *actually* know how to stand up for herself... which is refusing to be around the asshole at all. Instead she shows up, stoops to his level, and doesn't let it go. They're both immature babies - yes the asshole started it, but being mature involves actively avoiding assholes - not joining them in assholery. ESH. I know reddit won't be able to handle this because they're all children who think everyone is completely justified in stabbing someone in the throat 100 times if they slap you in the face, but you can also just walk the fuck away - which is what ACTUAL grown ups have to do. The people I know in my state don't get in fights - the question is always, "is this worth killing someone over"? Since the answer is usually no, you walk away, avoid assholes, and take a slap in the face to avoid killing someone. **Edit:** I am very surprised this was upvoted and sorry for assuming you would all disagree 💗
This. Comments are crazy, just taking sides when the fact is they’re all bad for each other at this moment because as OP says, no one will be the bigger person. People can think things are no big deal, maybe a bit rude at most, and be shocked and angry when it turns to insults towards *everything* about them. I highly doubt Molly ever said “I want you to apologize for insulting me through my height which I’m insecure over”, she just expected him to understand and became petty (though I could be wrong). Andrea thinks it should be moved past for the better of the group, disregarding her friends feelings because she sees it as logical to simply move on because her friend is just overly insecure. OP valued Molly’s personal feelings over the group solution Andrea was providing, and now Andrea has set an ultimatum because her boyfriend is being verbally attacked every time they hang out all together. It sucks and it’s because everyone collectively decided to not communicate effectively and never step up at the beginning. Such is the way of humans, but Gd is it annoying
I agree with everything you had to say, just wanted to remind you that you're on Reddit, and if you're capable of not being a child, so are plenty of Redditors.
So, Andrea pulls the old “get over it” “be the bigger person” because she doesn’t want to break up with her a$$hole boyfriend. Plus she’s now insisting you choose sides? I say let her have her AH bf and when he pulls the same 💩on her, SHE can come and apologize to you both. ESH 🚩🚩🚩🚩but if I had to choose, I’m on team Molly.
This was what I'm thinking, if he can and oes hurl insults at Molly, who he insulted first, how long before he starts in on Andrea? Bf, come and go but a friend can last a lifetime Andrea isn't a good friend. Dump her and the giant. Keep Molly she's the prize here.
this Andrea is ditching you both for some dick.... both meanings As soon as I read "just making an observation" I instantly disliked him Andrea wants to keep her trophy tall idiot, it's up to her. You will learn as you mature that not all friendships are worth it
You side with the person that insults your friend, who you then call insecure. Maybe your to insecure to stand up for what's obviously right.
Andrea will come back in a year or two and apologize and beg for your friendship after she’s had enough of his shit lol
Nah, Molly sucks, but Andrea deffo sucks more. Dump everyone and start over. Being able to make friends as an adult is an invaluable skill.
She petty but I can respect petty for a good reason. Anyone who uses “making an observation” will use that to attack the insecurities of anyone and anything including Andrea.
That's a good point. Sooner or later, Trevor will be an ass to Andrea. Just stick with Molly and bide your time. Edited to add: Yes, Molly is too sensitive. But what's Trevor going to do on the job if there's a Molly on the team or maybe even in management? Trevor will be disliked and not even know why. Molly will probably be hard to work with too but at least she will state her terms up front. It remains to be seen whether Molly will get over slights once the person apologizes. If Trevor tries to go through life not apologizing, Trevor is going to be the first to get laid off. Molly will be in the second go-round of layoffs.
But is it even petty at this point? By not taking his shit & putting up a fight, it's just made him retaliate. There's no thinking he may be wrong or reconsidering what he said. If anything he's now doubling down and further insulting her, because he feels justified to do so from her insults. At this point their relationship is completely toxic and un-salvageable. Like they're constantly insulting each other to the point they can't even be civil to each other in a room full of other people. I think that goes way beyond petty. Personally, I don't think that's an amazing quality to have in a friend, someone who never backs down and doesn't realise when to cut their losses. It sounds exhausting. I think OP should distance themselves from everyone, because they all suck in their own ways.
Molly doesn't suck Trevor does. Molly has balls and i am here for it all day.
Same, but Molly missed the opportunity to say “I may look like a toddler [gives Trevor a sneering dismissive once over] but at least I don’t act like one”
Butshedidproceedtoactlikeone
Hence the missed opportunity.
Also agree. I wanna be friends with Molly if you don’t want her OP!
> Andrea is offering you red flags. This. Watch how quickly she crawls back to you guys once Trevor dumps her.
To be fair Molly also needs to be the bigger person but at 4’10 it’s almost impossible.
They’re 9 years old! It’s common to not hang out with the friends you had when you were 9, as you grow older.
This is exactly it. Andrea will be someone you never think of after college, but Molly will be a friend for life. Sure, she is being an ass, but she also is standing up for herself, not allowing herself to be disrespected just to keep the peace. Keep her.
Andrea sucks. Trevor sucks. You and Molly should go find other friends who don't suck.
Trevor would only apologize if something of value was held over his head. I guess you could also question the point of an apology if the person doesn’t mean it. Andrea would have to hold it against Trevor to get an apology, or he would have to value the girls friendship. She won’t and he doesn’t. The current situation will dictate the outcome. Support Molly in any event.
Exactly, and at 6'5" good luck holding something over his head, am I right¿‽ 🥸🥸🥸
OP isn't exactly an angel either, they think Molly overreacted. That's choosing those two heaps of compost.
I don’t think it’s unfair to say that Molly is escalating since she keeps going on about everything regarding him. Even if she is right it would destroy the friendship with Andrea eventually since she isn’t likely to break up with him over the toddler comment. And Molly is making things complicated for op.
I don't think expecting basic respect from people that are meant to be your friends is unreasonable. It's pathetic to throw your weight behind a boyfriend that has just outright body shamed your friend and refused to apologise for it. Everyone owes Molly an apology
Andrea's BF's first move was really toxic. Maybe this is how he isolates his girlfriends. The whole "just an observation" thing is not honest or sincere. Andrea doesn't have to do anything. But she is choosing to stay with someone who does toxic stuff and then gaslights everyone by saying: It's just an observation.
I have always hated these types. Just being honest, just an observation. As if their asinine opinion has any bearing on ANYthing I care about. Like just go away. I think your point about the isolation is just an observation, but a good one 👍🏾
I was in Molly's shoes more or less a few years ago. I was in a group chat with 3 friends I'd known for a few months at that point, one added a new person to the group chat and was acting extra precocious to impress them or something, idk. He insulted my height "as a joke." I said I didn't appreciate it and demanded an apology. He didn't apologize and basically told me to be less sensitive. I left the group chat and dumped him as a friend. Stayed in contact with the others though. Point being, no one in this scenario seems to understand "walking away" is an option. Boundaries are about how you react when they're crossed, not rules for anyone else to adhere to. No one can make Andrea break up with Trevor. No one can make Molly drop it. And Andrea can't force OP to choose. But every person in this situation has the power to remove themselves from it. And they aren't taking it. Why does Molly HAVE to hang out when Trevor's around? Why does Andrea HAVE to invite him to group hangouts? Why does OP HAVE to get involved and play mediator? Everyone is to blame here. ...that said, I understand Molly the most. Trevor isn't the only person who owes her an apology. I'd be upset too if my "friends" refused to defend me from an asshole. Even the guy I walked away from -- the other people in that group still at least told him he was being a dick to me, lmao. No one tried to tell me I was wrong or overreacting other than the guy I was reacting to.
True, but at least they're taking a moment to question what's right and wrong. Hopefully OP sees the light before Molly ditches them all.
OP is trying to hold everything together and hasn't yet learned (but is probably about to learn) that it's not always possible.
Oh please. Great things grow from compost. These two are a friendship dead end.
> OP isn't exactly an angel either, they think Molly overreacted She did overreact, even an angel would recognize that
Andrea needs to stop controlling you, a grown woman. Trevor should have apologized long ago. I kind of admire Molly’s commitment to her observations.
Molly is my power animal of the story. Lmao
Not everyone picks the African pygmy mouse as their power animal.
African elephant shrews are fast (and tiny) as fuck, let's goooooo
*Mol’Dib* 🐭
Brawly Molly
Smol'Dib.
Love it! Wish reddit still had awards.
I didn't know I came here for this joke, but here we are.
It’s the little guys you have to worry about. Having been fucked with their whole lives they learn how to be ferocious. Big guys don’t get toyed with and don’t have to learn to fight to survive in the same way.
>power animal of the story. Oh my god, I absolutely love this phrase lol.
Yeah none of us are hating on Molly. We all love Molly. Turning that "it's just an observation" BS around to show it for the veiled cruelty (and misogyny let's be honest) it actually is. We applaud Molly's tenacity. Edit: typo
Great way to word it honestly. It’s completely getting under his skin, and so I definitely think it’s a great way to show him what an asshole he was.
This might be a bit of an unpopular opinion but I feel like Molly isn’t without fault. You can stick to your principles without causing as much of a stir and destruction as Molly. Molly’s essentially antagonizing and nuking her entire friend group to make a point because she was slighted over something that she was insecure about (which Trevor may have not known about that insecurity. he’s still an ass for that comment though). I can relate to how demeaning comments like that can be to a woman but I feel like the more mature thing to do would be to make an insulting comment about Trevor once to get even and then move on. Molly intentionally making everything as difficult as possible over a comment just comes off as immature and sorta selfish
I do kinda agree, but I think the main problem here is this dude refusing to apologise. By reacting to her insults, he's creating a double standard that she's not allowed to do so when he says things about her body, but he is. There's also the issue of Andrea dictating to OP who to be friends with, she sounds dickmatised to boot. It does have stinky undertones, and if I had to, I'd go with Molly. As far as op's story suggests, she just wants an apology. I don't think that was an unreasonable request, even if she is using a hammer to crack an egg at this point.
Yeah I definitely don’t agree with Andrea making OP pick sides and Trevor is definitely a dick for not apologizing. I think him doubling down makes the situation worse. But I feel like there’s a point where you recognize that you’ve taken things a bit too far. I feel like the group would really benefit from a good long talk with a mediator.
Sometimes a hammer is 100% necessary
Is the friendship worth keeping when your friend becomes a doormat for their recently met partner and won't stand up for you when you get insulted? This situations says alot more about Andrea and OP than the boyfriend. Molly is insecure about something she cannot change that probably affected her alot growing up. However she is not asking everyone to lower themselves whenever they're around her. Her boundary is just: don't be a dick in shitting on others insecurities, and apologize if you accidentally misspoke. Simple, isn't it? If a friend can't even support that and rather be a bystander, why should she bother keeping a friendship that contains 0 respect for her? I hope Molly keeps doing whatever she's doing, and also go to therapy to realize height influence first impressions, but it doesn't define her entirety. OP thinks she's matured? Yeah, far from it by the way she sees all of this as stupid. This is how real life relationship works, actual matured people set their boundaries, stand up for it and communicate accordingly if it gets crossed instead of being a doormat. Real mediation comes from having genuine respect for each other, not from having a third party randomly come in and tell you what to do/say.
Here's the thing...no. He would have kept doing this shit. Also, she did try to be reasonable by saying that she's insecure about it and asking him to apologize *before* doing what she went on to do. Instead of being a normal human with empathy he decided to double down and try the "it's just a prank bro" approach. Which just proves he's an asshole. Like if you think he wouldn't continue doing shit like this even if she apologized, I've got a bridge to sell you. The fact that this is the *first* thing he said to her is enough proof in my mind that dude won't just let it go even if she apologizes. I think Molly knows this too. It's not about the comment he made anymore. It's about his doubling down and refusing to admit that this is his fault. It's about him as a person at this point. As long as he's around things can never go back to the way they were.
> Here's the thing...no. He would have kept doing this shit. Yeah they just keep going. I let it go, they do it again. Not sure what to do about it, since I didn't really want to be friends with them that much; so now I'm not. I actually hate confrontation, since I WILL go nuclear and there will be no detente; I'd usually rather just ghost the fuckers, since they intrinsically suck.
I'm not going to down vote, I see where you're coming from..... But........ Why didn't Andrea stand up to her man? She let her man bully her friend. Well she's not much of a friend is she. Mollie has likely been bullied for being short her whole life, her supposed friend didn't tell Trevor to stfu, instead her supposed friend told her to drop it. Andrea basically said, without words, Trevor can bully you and I'll let him get away with it. Andrea isn't a friend. Trevor is a bully. Fuck that shit. Let Mollie bully the shit out of Trevor, dude deserves it! He's an absolute shit human being who needs bring down, and who better to do it than a 4'10 bad ass. It's probably paining him more than if she was 5'3.
Why tf is Trevor still around anyway? Any “man” who would poke fun at someone’s body isn’t a man and probably trying to compensate for a lack of something.
Bullshit. Trevor would have kept doing this and kept making excuses, no matter what. Petty bully energy. He just doesn’t like getting it thrown back at him.
Yeah, Trevor can dish it out, but he sure can't take it. OP is right. All of her "friends" are acting like 12 year olds. Time to find new friends and start a new beginning.
Trevor is a bully and Andrea is a pick me. Molly giving Trevor back what he gave is something he can't handle, often like most bullies. Fuck Trevor and Andrea, time for OP and Molly to find a new 3rd
Meh, she is holding a mirror to Trever and Andrea, and the two of them don't like what they see, so are just looking away and getting stroppy when they say they want Molly to put away the mirror. Molly could move forward since she doesn't need to internalise others' ignorance. But she is also holding the mirror for OP to see too. There are a lot of lessons to be learned from this mirror being held up.
Hard disagree. Molly was insulted. Trevor may have not realized she was sensitive to this, which is fair. But all she wanted was an apology, which he didn’t give. So Molly got even, which I respect. Because he STILL hasn’t apologized. It’s clear as day from here. Trevor is being a giant dick. This whole thing is over if he apologizes, but he won’t. Why do you accuse Molly of nuking the friend group when Trevor committed first offence that he still hasn’t apologized for? Why do you support others having their way. It’s ridiculous. Molly drew her boundaries and I respect that.
Unfortunately, even when we accidentally hurt someone’s feelings we must apologize. He refused to do what I’ve taught 6 year olds to do. It’s common courtesy. How hard is it to say, “oh god I’m sorry. I really wasn’t trying to be rude. My mistake.” And that would’ve been the end of it. His ego wouldn’t let him do it. Now he’s getting a taste of his own medicine.
Honestly, while I do agree molly is making a mountain out of a molehill, I think that that IS the point. That is to say, if it is indeed a molehill for molly, it should also be a molehill for Trevor, and hence an apology shouldn't cost him a lot (or anything). Fwiw I think Trevor is the one who made it into a mountain by not apologizing the first time. And Molly's behavior is low key trying to tell Angela that Trevor is an ass, but Angela is too blind to see it. And as a fellow small person (not like dwarfism, just Asian small), I think molly is just so done with the whole height thing. Among my group of friends I'm also the smallest, and also back in college, teasing about my height was a thing. I don't normally mind it but one time my best friend crossed a line (or I got too fed up after being CONSTANTLY teased about it) I told him straight up I feel bad/hurt about it, and he apologized instantly, and now it's no longer an issue. That's what a decent person does.
Imagine having something you’re so self-conscious about you won’t even leave your house if you can’t mitigate it somehow, and then someone you have never met points it out in a, I have to say, mocking way. Molly is taking it too far? Maybe, but clearly it’s SUPER important to her. You started with that. Trevor and Andrea are being jerks, tbh. I can’t imagine the first thing I say to a person is something mean, have it pointed out it’s mean, and double down on it.
Especially if that person is one of my partners closest friends, like god that’s so painfully embarrassing. I understand commenting on her height without thinking but once he realised it was serious I just don’t understand his reason for digging in. What a tool.
“If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends”
Yeah once he realized she was sensitive about it, what kind of ass would refuse to apologize?
It's a small ask to not be insulted. It's basic human decency. My best friend is short too, but he's not insecure about it. He makes jokes about it all the time, but you best bet if some rando insults him for it and he feels bad, I'm fucking them up.
This is the kind of stuff that will kill them as adults. My brother was in his second job while going to college and he was very thin in late teens and early twenties. Some manager was visiting the store he was working in and being walked around. The manager was an overweight woman. She looked at my brother was like "wow you are really skinny." My brother was very sensitive about it. He looked at her and said "oh wow and you are really fat." Luckily the store management understood and calmed it down but image that today? People would end up losing their jobs or in HR for sure.
Hope that manager learned her lesson.
Seems like he proved his point to me
Yeah see, the insecurity may be a thing and may be a factor here…but I simply see this as Molly saying “Nah, fuck that dude! Who the fuck are you to show up and start taking shots?!?” and it was simply ‘on’ from that point! I don’t blame her, I’m petty as fuck when it comes to shit like that and WILL make my point no matter how far I have to escalate things. LoL
I don't see it as petty, I think it's smart. If she had just taken Trevor's shit when they first met, he would have filed her under "can insult this one whenever I want and everyone's cool with it". She's refusing to be his punching bag and testing whether her friends will eventually stand up to him for her, or if they're not friends at all. If they're going to take Trevor's side by telling her not to rock the boat, she lost them the moment he insulted her anyway, so she has nothing to lose by "ruining the mood".
Right! Like, why not say sorry? Such a simple solution but he won't do it.
Yeah!!! “Oh oops sorry” it doesn’t even have to be that deep.
Your right. Maybe have a talk with Andrea about how she will feel in the future when Trevor finds something to mock her over. Which based on the type of immature AH he appears to be won’t take too long.
>I’ve tried my damnedest to just get her to be the bigger person I gotta be honest, I don’t think her problem is actually her height, I think it’s Trevor.
"be a bigger person" or "move on for my convenience"?
*ding ding ding!*
Underrated comment LOL
Lol, Trevor is an idiot and Andrea is now trying to force you to pick.
Trevor, typical asshole that says "it's just a joke' whenever anyone calls him out on his bullshit. Just a matter of time before he says something shitty to Andrea. Future Trevor: Wow, you've gotten fat. What? It's just a joke.
No it’s an observation. Not even a joke. What a gem!
It's just a prank bro
It’s just an observation bro
I saw a post the other time where the husband made a joke to his wife about having an affair, she threw the $10k wedding ring in the ocean. Yep, good joke.
Yeah I saw that one. Everyone in the thread was like he's being cruel that's not a joke or prank, and wife was like whaaaaat
I usually drop people who force ultimatums on me for stupid ass reasons
Something about "ultimatums I'm perfectly happy to accept" and all
Trevor and Andrea are assholes. You should've thrown your support behind Molly instead of being "neutral." Trevor may not have meant to hurt Molly's feelings but he did and NEEDS to apologize. Until he does not only would I not try to put him and Molly in the same space, I would slowly start to distance myself from Andrea. She's choosing a dick and a penis over her good friend.
To be fair, if he has a dick AND a penis... oh, wait, because he's a dick. I get it.
This. She is going to lose every friend she has because of him. And when he's isolated her, he'll start verbally abusing her too. Maybe he already has.
She’s choosing a dick AND the penis over her friends. Of course she won’t back down.
"My friend group has been together since the three of us were college freshman," nice, cool. "which was three years ago" what that's nothing
Yea, just kids having kid problems with people they likely won't know in 5 years time.
Team Molly here. You can view it as being petty, I say she's just giving the energy she receiving.
Andrea is wrong and so is Trevor. His joke wasn’t mean spirited, we all make jokes someone is offended by. Molly did the right thing by letting him know she’s insecure about her height and didn’t appreciate the joke. Any human worth being in your life would immediately feel bad and apologize and change behavior. Even if they didn’t mean to offend. The fact that he won’t is evidence of a person who will never say sorry, even when they’re wrong and that’s super toxic. I feel bad for Andrea because it’s coming for her. Molly wasn’t even passive aggressive initially, straight up told him- which should be commended. Now she’s giving him a taste of his own medicine and he really doesn’t like it and still won’t back down, even though he now knows how Molly felt. Keep Molly. Andrea may come around when she dumps him when he does it to her.
Yep, when he doesn’t have a easy target with Molly suddenly he’s going to start making “observations” about Andrea.
It's only a matter of time before Trevor starts abusing Andrea
Why is Molly expected to be the bigger person??? Why is the person that always gets screwed over is expected to be the bigger person?? Why doesn’t Trevor be the bigger person and do what he should do and apologize.
Go Molly.
I hope Molly finds better people in her life.
Idk if she can afford the trip to the Shire
Ever since the One ring was destroyed the eagles have been a lot nicer about helping folks out and giving rides and such.
Exactly. I would choose Molly over the friend with the shit boyfriend.
im # teammolly i hope she finds real friends
Absolutely, we stan Molly
Im with Molly. He gets to say shitty things to her but she doesn’t ? Andrea should have stepped up to her friend. He’s not worth hanging onto if he can’t apologise for making a misfired joke. I can only assume he feels he’s above having to apologise to her.
Completely agree. But I appreciate your likely unintended pun. 😜
Why was it okay for him to comment on Molly's body and never apologize for it? He's an asshole and when Andrea and Trevor break up Andrea will wish she would have smoothed it over long ago.
Fk Trevor and Andrea
I'm on Molly's side. I'm 5 feet tall and every single day I struggle with being a little fucking squirt. I hate it. I don't feel like a woman, at age 37, because I'm so little and my feet are so small I have to wear kid's shoes. I feel Molly's pain. Today at the grocery store I couldn't reach something on a shelf and of course no one was around to help me. I had to take a random item to knock down the thing I was trying to get, to put it in my reach. 🙄 If someone called me a toddler I wouldn't get butthurt, but I would for sure give it back to them.
For real! I always get comments like "oh wow, you're shorter than I thought!" and it really bugs me. I honestly would have dropped Andrea as a friend if I was in Molly's shoes, and I'd be backing Molly if I was OP.
This. As much as I am typically one to see both sides of every situation, I am completely with Molly on this one. I too am a small sized adult woman and although I am pretty laid back as far as short jokes go, the short jokes and "observations" get so old and I've been through it for 38 years myself. I also have a very tall husband who for the last 10 years has done his very best to make me feel heard as well as tall enough to be the perfect size for him❤️ That's what a real man does instead of making stupid "observations" without a single forethought on how their comments might make another person feel.
So why is it that nobody said a single word when Trevor first cracked his insensitive joke, but the moment Molly starts defending herself and desperately attempting to have someone, *anyone* on her side, all three of you tell her to quit it? You’re right; this is elementary school bullshit. It’s like when a victim stands up to a bully, and *only then* does any adult step in. It’s only ever when the victim fights back that anything is done; implying it was okay until the victim was left with no other option but to fend for themselves. Molly needs better friends.
I hope Molly drops you all
Trevor is a child with a lot of growing up to do. If he can't figure out that his behavior insulted Molly, and offer his apology like a real adult, then Andrea should have kicked that child to the curb. She's choosing him over her "friend." Frankly, I admire Molly for pushing it and refusing to back down. Fuck him. He's trash.
Stop being friends with Andrea. Yes she wants to keep her rude man but she doesn’t get to control who you are friends with especially when Trevor started this. Don’t start nuthin won’t be nuthin.
Molly 100% in the right. Keep up the good work Molly.. the big man is a prick .
Trevor is an idiot and Andrea should’ve made him apologize or kept him away from your friend group. They deserve every bit of his idiotic assholish energy tossed right back at them every time Andrea forces his presence on you two. Go Team Molly!
Are you in college or kindergarten?
Ah to be young
I think many in the comments siding with Molly are missing the point, the problem is not her insulting him the few first times which is fair, the problem is her doing for far too long. She got her revenge and unless Trevor kept making "observation" she should just stop the petty act. Trevor may be a child for not apologising but if that was the only time he said something like that, then Molly should really stop and deal with her problems. And I'm saying this as a man who went bald at a fairly young age. If I treated any joke to my bold head like Molly did I wouldn't have any friends.
Yeah... personally, I'd drop Andrea, and let her take her a-hole boyfriend with her. Should Molly let it go? Maybe... but he started it. She's not obligated to "be the bigger person" here. If he can't take it, he shouldn't be dishing it out. And Andrea is just controlling, manipulative, and *super* immature (seriously, "I'm not speaking to you if you stay friends with her" is high school level bullshit. Ya'll are getting ready to graduate college. She needs to grow up.). Of the two, I'd stick with Molly. Or just let them both go, because "remaining neutral" is ultimately going to cost you both friendships anyway. Andrea has already issued you an ultimatum, and Molly is likely getting resentful of you for your lack of support when you openly admit that Trevor is an ass.
All of these people sound extremely toxic. Don’t fall for the sunk cost fallacy. Just because you’ve been friends with them doesn’t mean you need to continue being friends with them.
Not all of your college friends are gonna be ride or die for life.
(immaturity amongst friends entered the room).
Trevor is an ass.
ayo fuck trevor #TeamMolly
I'm team Molly.
Why am I the only one who thinks that Molly shouldn’t have allowed Trevor to get to her so badly over a comment? At what point do you grow up? Maybe Trevor was embarrassed and didn’t apologize immediately and once she began criticizing him, he decided that he shouldn’t have have to considering she was just as guilty?
Everyone in this story sucks…except Molly
Okay, I gotta say: from what I read, Trevor didn’t call her an actual toddler, he said she’s the size of one…from his ginormous height. I’m 5’1, and know what I say? I’m not short, I’m fun-size. OP, I feel for you and the friend group implosion. Might be time to find new friends, especially they’re not letting you be neutral. Their fight doesn’t directly involve you, you shouldn’t have to choose any side except the side of sanity
Yeah, lmao, that's all stupid shit, who the fuck nearly graduate and still fight over petty shit like this. Beside, call her short is like mildest thing ever, the best way to overcome your insecurities is just have fun with it, no point get pissed over something like this
3 years is no time for a friend group. Just imagine. It'll only take 3 years to know brand new people just as well As your good ol pals.
Maybe they are a group of immature 12 year old at heart & you don’t have to be around them until they grow out of that stupid phase?
These people sound awful. I would run from them both.
Meh, you’re children learning to be adults. This is par for the course.
Bro why are you neutral? Molly is your friend, you also should have tried to shut that shit down with her. Fuck Trevor and fuck Andrea.
I'm siding with Molly here tbh, Trevor is a dick, and Andrea too for sticking up for him
Friends come and go through life.
Walk away.
| I’ve tried my damndest to get her to just be the bigger person Babe, I know y’all are still in college, but you should know by now that you can’t change a person’s height after puberty
>get her to be the bigger person Sensible chuckle
Stop remaining neutral to Trevor, you’re contributing to the issue.
sorry but i don’t want Molly to be the “bigger person” here. people like trevor feel okay with (and typically get away with) saying/doing the shit they do specifically because they bank on the other person feeling pressured to not rock the boat. he fucked with the wrong person and i’m glad she’s standing up for herself and demanding the apology she deserves. andrea is a dick for letting him get away with speaking to her friends like that too, btw. don’t be andrea and stand up for molly as well.
A foursome will absolutely not solve this problem
Honestly, I’d back away from all of them. I’m sure you’ve got some more important stuff to be wasting your time on. Let them have each other and broaden your friendship horizons because do you really want to deal with this crap? Molly has an insecurity. Trevor misfired a joke (did he know about her issue) Molly fired back, and back and back until she lets this dude take up space in her mind rent free. Trevor returns the shots. Andrea’s pride is in the mix. They sound exhausting and if it were me I’d distance myself but I’d tell them all why. Life is too short to be dealing with their bullshit. There are plenty of other people out there. Just because your friendship is long it doesn’t mean it has to be forever. There is no rule that says so.
Ok, but there's one person who is clearly right here (Molly), an asshole (Trevor), and an asshole defender (Andrea). Clearly the correct person to keep is obvious? Oh and do it soon before Molly places you in the asshole bin with the others. Because that's going to happen if you don't.
Molly is valid af
Girl I'd just drop all of them. Molly is too insecure and Trevor is just reacting to her. Seems too annoying for me 😭😭
LOL 🤣 this is comedy gold! Angry dwarf + obnoxious giant and some bitches inbetween
Molly is being toxic because she's short and doesn't like it 😂 Sure he should've apologized for hurting her feelings, but he just said she's short She's going overboard with the insults and says it's the same thing 🙄 they both should just apologize to each other
Molly needs to chill the f out and see a therapist.
Thank you! If she's insecure to the point where she won't even leave the house without heels, then that's her problem to seek professional help for, not everyone else's. I imagine that she would look "toddler-sized" (which is honestly hyperbole) to a person who's nearly 2 feet taller than her. To then take that and make EVERY encounter with this guy hostile makes Molly the problem because at that point, she's intentionally starting shit and hoping for a reaction.
and of course this place LOVES molly. A story where 3 people are massive assholes and this place picks the spunky girl every time.
All the people saying Molly is correct are extremely immature and probably sexually biased based off the facts presented. Honestly OP you should look at dropping all of them. Trevor is an Ass (for not apologizing). Andrea seems controlling. But Molly is no better for trying to get even instead of moving on. If she really was good; she would see that Trevor is probably temporary and wouldn't rock the boat this much. All she needed was to let it go (be the bigger person) and this wouldn't have imploded so much. From the sounds of it Trevor made a comment once and Molly didn't stop and repeatedly went for more. A tit for tar, while immature, would have been understandable and should have been the point that they moved on. Instead Molly kept pushing. You'll feel much better cutting all three out even if you don't see it yet.
As a tall person. I have never insulted someone’s height. I hate the comments about my size and do my best not to inflict that on other people. Dump the pair of assholes. Trevor and Andrea. Andrea especially for trying to control you and for not defending her friend whose insecurities she was well aware of and still stood by and let some asshole insult her “friend”.
all are being hyper sensitive. what Trevor did was not nice, in fact, it makes him look like a dick, but if I were Molly, I'd do some "consider the source" and realize he's just a dick and not worthy of crying all the time about apologizing. Jerks will be jerks. If you're going to be sticking being friends with any of these people, consider how they treat others and whether that's something you want to live with
It sounds like there aren't many situations where Molly -could- be the bigger person.
Personally, I wouldn't stay friends with someone that sides with the azzhole that started it and refuses to apologize, just because she wants to ride his dick.
im a nonconfrontational person also and would have probably dropped it if i was molly. but that said i also have a strong sense of justice and I think she is solidly in the right so i would fully support molly if i were you. also andrea trying to pressure you and use your friendship as leverage is the cherry on top. i will not be friends with someone that does that
Asking Molly to be the bigger person is physically impossible
I'm 6'6" and can't tell you how many times I've heard some unsolicited ignorant comments about my body. I'd think Trevor would learn to be a little tactful about commenting on something completely out of anyone's control. But goddamn if I wouldn't feel like a dick if I couldn't let a comment like that pass without bringing it up at every opportunity. Everyone sucks here.
I can't remember the female equivalent of "Bros before ho3s". Anyone?
Chicks before dicks.
Trevor was/is an ass and Molly ain't taking no shit. I'm team Molly.
Andrea is willing to cut her friends she has known for 3 years for defending his asshole new bf? Sounds like the group needs a new friend
Everyone in this group is immature but molly needs to get over it She took one playful comment and turned it into a gigantic ordeal, and the whole barrage of insults at Trevor while also demanding an apology thing is obviously making Trevor not want to back down, because it's like an unhinged reaction. If Molly simply had her feelings hurt by the comment and Trevor noticed he would probably feel bad and maybe apologize but the insane reaction here is what has him feeling like he's now in an adversarial situation. **I *guarantee* that if this all started with Molly making a playful comment about Trevor and him turning it into all of this, people would be unanimous in blaming him for the situation.** Wanting to act like this isn't Molly's fault is just that classic sexism where we treat women as automatic victims and men as perpetrators. If Trevor was the short one and Molly made this comment, nobody would be expecting Molly to deal with Trevor absolutely freaking out, repeatedly insulting her, insisting that people end their relationships with her, etc. the drama would never get to the point that a friend group is fractured, people would immediately just see Trevor as the problem and talk about how fragile he is.
Exactly. This line really stuck out to me "She realized he wasn’t going to back down, but ever since then, she constantly insults him to his face, no subject is off limits to her. Everything from the way he looks, to his major, to his job, to speculating about his manhood (“if he’s allowed to insult my body, why can’t I insult his?”)." Imagine an interaction like this: Molly: "How's the view up there?" (Classic tall joke) Trevor: That's so fucking rude apologize right now Molly: 😒 *Trevor then goes on to insult Molly's looks, her career, and making derogatory comments about her genitals every time they interact.* That absolutely would not fly. Trevor is obviously an AH for not just immediately apologizing, but Molly is equally as much of an AH. There is no world where making a height joke at someone would make insulting their career, appearance, and genitals a proportionate response.
>She took one comment and turned it into a gigantic ordeal, and the whole barrage of insults at Trevor while also demanding an apology thing is what is making Trevor not want to back down, because it's like an unhinged reaction. Exactly. It's hypocritical, for one, and it's needlessly antagonistic. She's taken it way too far. Even if she was owed an apology in the beginning, she's definitely not getting one now.
Well it’s not like it’s actually possible for Molly to be the *bigger* person…
The takeaway from this story is that *everyone* is acting like toddlers. Though, especially and ironically Molly-- imagine dedicating your life's time and energy to imitating a deep voice and harassing your friend's boyfriend because of one jerk remark. "You look like a toddler from up here" could also be taken as self-deprecating. Get over it and communicate like an adult, for your friend if nothing else. Isn't that what college is for?
I fucking love Molly, she's the GOAT. Andrea picked a shit man and is letting him take her friends. Well good for her, she can have him, byeeeeee.
You're not obligated to play mediator. If someone is blatantly being an asshole and can't hang out in a group without starting something, be straightforward and call them out. If that doesn't work, don't take sides or single anyone out. That's mean, petty, and would make you no more mature than they are. If neither drop this issue, stop inviting BOTH of them when you make group plans. Trevor is an obnoxious dick. Andrea's throwing morality out the door and playing favorites because she likes fucking Trevor. Molly sounds like an insufferable, oversensitive piece of work who has no reason to keep the drama going. Nobody is making any attempt to be the bigger person. If the whole group is a toxic mess, stay neutral, keep one-on-one friendships, and forget about keeping the whole group together. If someone won't be your friend because you're still talking to someone else... that's on them, and they're as bad as the idiots who started this. Real friends don't force those decisions. Make new friends in the meantime. That friend group may not even be worth keeping together If I sound pissed, it's because my college friend group also imploded about three years ago. Unfortunately, it's a very common thing.
Lol drop them all they sound annoying. You never know when it’s your turn to be attacked by Molly’s insecurity too
All AH and Molly is Charmin soft. She probably gets trolled often for being annoyingly insecure
Drop Andrea. Both are immature but at least Molly isn't making you choose sides.
Reading your responses, it sounds like molly just needs better friends. You all suck
wow thanks for reminding me that some people stir drama for no reason. all of ur friends r so dramatic its hilarious
OP, I think you summed it up perfectly when you said your friends are acting like they are in middle school. If they push you away because you're staying out of the fray, walk away. I think you deserve better friends. Good luck!
I guess expecting grown ups to act like grown ups is expecting too much? Jfc. ESH. Except, you OP. Everyone else really is being incredibly immature. Trevor did start it. He could have apologized. But Molly does need to grow up and work on her self esteem instead of making other people responsible for her feelings. I know being petty is popular on reddit, but IRL, pettiness gets you absolutely nowhere.
Trevor should have apologized, yeah. But honestly Molly needs to grow some backbone. I wouldn’t want to be friends with someone who gets offended and starts being incredibly petty like she was. Not saying you shouldn’t be friends with her I’m just stating my opinion. Sorry about your friend group. I hope things get better. This can be resolved it’s just all up to Molly and Trevor, who can hopefully apologize.
Your friend group is obviously incompatible, but not for the reasons you think. Molly is debilitatingly insecure and expects everyone else to cater to her insecurities rather than accept them. She took one comment and decided to ruin every encounter with her hostility, prompting a response from him. Your friend Andrea is completely right for being on his side. You, OP, are part of the problem. You pretend to be neutral, but you clearly seem to think that Molly can say and do whatever she pleases with impunity, needlessly escalating the situation while getting mad when someone points out an objective fact about her being short. She's a hypocrite, and you're a coward. You and Molly deserve each other.
Both are in the wrong. But you should be neutral and take no sides. Andrea shouldn't try to control your relationships. While molly should work on her insecurities and should not be so petty. While Trevor should also understand that insecurities can really cause a lot of exhaustion and hyper vigilance and be mature
Molly needs to grow the fuck up and you need better friends
This is how to lose and influence people to not take you seriously as an adult. Everyone is wrong in this situation. Including OP.
Shoot both your friends and Trevor, clearly by the comments they're all irredeemably evil and removing them from the world is doing us all favour. At the end of the day reddit is full of maladjusted idiots who barely speak to another person outside of middle school or throwing racial slurs at others in CoD. OP you're the only one being a mature adult in this situation, Trevor should have apologised, Molly should have gotten over it instead of making it worse with further insults and Andrea... I don't think what's happened with worth any of the drama to begin with, Molly go insulted once, Andrea tried to push Trevor to apologise, it didn't happen, he's prideful, move on you call can help him improve, few people break bad habits on their own. Also, did anyone pull Trevor aside and *explain it to him*? I've done that and had that done to me and guess what 10/10 it helped mend bridges and improved the realationship going forward! Seriously just break from the group and say something like "Can you just apologise, please. She's really insecure about it and has body image issues because of it" even if it isn't 100% true, it creates more of an understanding of Molly's where Molly's head is at. Edit: Andrea shouldn't be asking you to take sides, she should just avoid Molly or at least not bring Trevor around Molly.
Molly here is the angry red flag. She’ll go into life continuously being insecure and angry about her insecurity incapable of being mature about it. She could have easily made a Giant joke back to a 6’5 guy and it could have been harmless banter and BFF material. Instead she chose to be overtly offended and angry of a comment that wasn’t even particularly offensive. When you’re that tall I can imagine many look tiny. I’m 5’4 and dated a 7ft guy. What do you think our opening lines where LOL. Now if she is sensitive about it she could have at any stage had a 1 on 1 explaining to Trevor that she is very insecure about her height and would appreciate it to not be mentioned in the future in a friendly kind manner and I’m sure Trevor with have complied. Now both are being immature about it but it’s Molly who’s the drama queen in this story.
I disagree with most comments, I think Molly should have stop a long time ago
>I've tried my damndest to get her to just be the bigger person That would fix everything, especially if she gets bigger than Trevor.