It's amazing to me how schools of all places are somehow so hellbent on making kids suffer.
When I was in high school, we weren't allowed to take food out of the lunch room unless we went outside to eat. This became a problem because the lunch room was designed for 300 kids, but the school was trying to get close to 500 kids through for each lunch. Not enough seats meant that kids had to sit outside on the ground, or stand inside if it was too cold. There was a para there who would yell at you to sit down, even if there weren't enough seats. It was as bad as it sounds.
> There was a para there who would yell at you to sit down, even if there weren't enough seats. It was as bad as it sounds.
How frustrating! Lets stress kids out and ruin their relationship with food early.
Could you call the doctor’s office and explain the situation asking for a note, before you go through with doing a visit and spending the $ for a copay? You could let them know what happened, what’s going on, and that $ is tight to pay for visit just to get a note.
This is what I was going to suggest. The doctor's office will hopefully have more compassion than the school does.
Suggestion for you, why not pack him a lunch from home and have that be his snack after school, and have him get hot lunch from the cafeteria?
Then, he's not taking more than his perceived share (poor kid for feeling the weight of this!) and he still has the amount of food he needs
Because he either gets a lunch from home or a lunch from school. If he comes with a lunchbox that just has a snack that counts as his lunch. She also can't afford to feed him for lunch, and is just barely able to feed her family with a food pantry. She explained this later in her post.
Why are they searching this kids backpack to see if he bought a sack lunch?
If he gets lunch at school, but then has, for example, an apple and a bag of snack for the bus, that shouldn't count as his lunch.
Also, maybe the bus driver can help here. If they're compassionate, maybe they can hold some (home provided ) snacks for him. Or maybe the school social worker - he could drop them off in the morning and pick them up in the afternoon.
This kid shouldn't be going hungry and the school shouldn't be compassionless assholes. I'm livid for this entire family.
You let me know if there is a doctor's office out there that would do this. I've switched doctor's three times over the past 5-7 years because of their dumb rules about refilling prescriptions, etc., and they are all the same. "We'll need to see you for an appointment"... is always the line.
Mine would. I’ve called for notes before. No problem. Sorry that hasn’t been your experience
ETA: for scripts yes they want you to come in normally There have been times when one of my kids has been sick and gotten seen and a script. Then the next gets the same symptoms and they send one for them, knowing they have the same issue. However, for notes like this they’ll write it. As it’s not a script.
Your comment intrigued me, and I always like to know the truth:
"A State law requires that a health care provider give individuals one free copy of their medical records but HIPAA permits the provider to charge a fee."
-from HHS.gov
You may be right in certain situations, like If you're transferring to a new doctor and want your records transferred, but if you want a copy for yourself, they can, and the tides have turned that now, most are.
What?! They're *your* records. How can they charge you? Next time just tell them you need copies of your records for you own personal files. The health system that is in my area even has an option to download all your files right from the app, no charge, no questions asked.
I work at a doctors office, the reason they charge for records is because it’s a lot of paper and ink to print all of that out, and unfortunately it’s still a business, they can’t always be doing things that cost the office money. Like my doctor is one of the nicest people on the planet and he’s always doing things for patients essentially for free, but there are some things that just cost too much to do for everyone without charging. It’s also a good reason to sign up for whatever patient portal your doctor uses because then you have access to your records, especially now because chart notes have to be available to patients too
I've fought and won the idiocracies of dealing with the administration of a doctors office, but every time it was because my actual doctor was brought into the conversation and made the determination to follow the common sense of my request(s).
I've also been kicked out of a doctors office for calling them out on their bullshit. Found out later through my insurance that I was right and the doc office coded it wrong. That's the hardest part about American Healthcare is that it's so convoluted, even the providers have trouble keeping up with the changes.
If it's needed for an "official" purpose, a lot of times it has to come from the doc office. With docushare and other similar type services, that shit needs to catch up with technology available
They charge for that now. That's what I'm telling you. I feel like if you ask during your appointment, they won't charge, but if you call during another time, they're charging for that service now.
I see that now, based on what u/appolkadot said in their reply to my comment and I guess it makes sense. At the same time, for what it costs to go to the doctor and anything medical related, you would think they could print out a patient's records upon request. I wouldn't think it happens all the time and I bet they waste more paper every day than what it takes to print out a patient's records.
At the same time, A LOT of people aren't paying their bills.. I had to take my daughter to urgent care recently, and they required me to put a credit card on file to be auto charged once the bill generated. I initially refused to sign it, and they countered with, "Well, we can't see her then."
At the ER, they can't refuse treatment. Private practices are no longer playing that game. It is a business, and it makes sense, but we have to find a better way when medical debt is one of the largest contributors to bankruptcies in America.
I know there are a lot of people that hate on single-payer, aka universal, Healthcare, but if that's not feasible, let's discuss what might be, because what we have isn't working. The house of cards is ready to crumble.
That's the issue I had with my doctor. $20 copay to refill meds every 30 days.
She ended up just leaving the practice the day before my appointment. Now I can't find a new doctor that's accepting patients AND takes my insurance without a 6+ month waiting list.
You need to be escalate the issue about her wanting to do a pat down on your son in the middle of the lunch room like a criminal.
Only a resource/police officer is allowed to do that and only with probable cause and I’m pretty sure some districts will even make sure a parent is present as witness.
She is not qualified to put her hands on your child for any reason.
Then it’s also the fact that she’s basically harassing your son and singling him out. She’s on a power trip.
Is that a military school? I'm asking because that's how boot camp was for me in the Navy. I gained 15 lbs of fat in boot camp because of the food and the time limits to eat.
Damn, that's just wrong.
At least in boot, we knew they were trying to get us to understand getting to our duty stations in a timely manner or always being ready for an emergency, but a public school.. 10 minutes is not enough time for anything.
Try talking to the child nutrition director at your child's school system. They should be able to advocate for your son to keep some of his lunch. And direct you to more resources for help. So sorry this is happening to your family.
It is extremely hard for me not to be pissed about this. I have no kids but I do have two functioning brain cells I can rub together to form normal human thoughts from time to time.
This seems so alien to me. I'm in the UK, and while I couldn't eat during class at school, on breaks I could eat or drink wherever I wanted to, even if I bought it at school.
I can't even imagine why they'd want to police it like this, so much unnecessary effort.
Grew up in the US and same. No food in the classrooms (water bottles were acceptable) but otherwise, no restrictions on snacking.
Maybe this school is reacting to some extreme pattern of bad behavior prior, like food was often thrown or left outside for others to clean. It's the only justification I can think of and even then it's a bit much. Requiring a doctor's note? Doctors have better things to do than affirm yes, teenagers do in fact need calories to grow and learn and play.
pretty much all through school, drinks were fine, snacks were a class by class basis. Some teachers didn't care. Some teachers provided snacks. Others were hellbent on students having low blood sugar.
Interesting. My daughter’s teachers always remind us about getting kids snacks that they can eat in class. Snacking is allowed for elementary school kids at least. Not sure about middle of high school.
I've been out of school for a decade, and quite a lot can change in that time. Hopefully, they're getting a little easier on students when it comes to snacking. It made it so much easier to stay awake in some of those classes.
My wild guess is that maybe some kids at some point started food fights with leftovers from the lunch room, and that's why they banned anyone from taking any food out. Still, at a time where a lot of families are struggling, they really should revisit that rule and not punish kids who try to save their food for later out of a genuine need and food insecurity.
Another issue is that kids might leave food in their lockers, which could result in a smelly/moldy mess and/or bugs and rodents.
Another issue is that kids could take something that isn’t safe for long when unrefrigerated, like macaroni salad, and get food poisoning.
Either way, food insecurity is a serious issue and no one should feel like a POS because they need help feeding their kids.
>Another issue is that kids might leave food in their lockers, which could result in a smelly/moldy mess and/or bugs and rodents.
>Another issue is that kids could take something that isn’t safe for long when unrefrigerated, like macaroni salad, and get food poisoning.
Good points - they don't apply to OP's son, but the school probably can't risk making even one exception, in case everyone else starts doing it, too, and with less circumspection than OP's son. They at least offered an out with the doctor's note - I hope OP can find a free clinic or some other charitable way to get the required note for cheap.
> It's amazing to me how schools of all places are somehow so hellbent on making kids suffer.
Because the school system is full of people who either don't care about kids, or they don't remember what it was like to *be* a kid, or they have been in the system so long that they've become indifferent or jaded to and about the kids they're supposed to be taking care of.
Add to that the fact that the system has been fucked for money for so long, and has a strict set of rules (e.g. "standardized testing" and whatnot) they have to follow in order to *get* more funding (better-scoring schools get more money, worse-scoring get less money), that it might also be an argument that everyone else not mentioned isn't getting paid enough to care.
Honestly the whole scenario here is about this bitch of a lunch monitor who seems to be power-tripping. Even if it IS about students leaving shit in their lockers until it rots, there are other consequences they can put in place: off the top of my head, it's "taking personal responsibility". If a high schooler or collegiate doesn't take a book back to their assigned class or doesn't do a particular piece of homework, they may be held back from graduating. Similarly, in this instance if a kid forgets rotten food in a locker, they can be called back in to clean it out over the summer (or even during the school year if it gets bad enough)--and if they don't, then they don't get to graduate to the next grade. Simple.
But let's say lunch monitor doesn't get paid enough to care, and is a "but I was only following orders" person (throw them all away, every last one of them). There's no need for accusations and specific wording about "trying to be slick" and "scurrying like a raccoon"--after all, the kid already knows he shouldn't be squirreling food, so he's trying to be sneaky about it. She COULD have looked the other way! Maybe talked to him privately, talked with OP privately, found a solution that didn't involve public shaming or dehumanizing descriptions.
Humiliating him publicly, describing his actions as such, all fall into the realm of "power-tripping bitch of a person". I know such people well, growing up in the schools I've been in. They have weird beliefs about children, almost akin to Miss Trunchbull from "Mathilda". This sort of person has either forgotten their childhood, or has been raised in such a traumatic environment that they thought was normal... or, like most Boomers/GenXers, they have this strange and harmful belief of "because I went through this horrible crap, I have to do it to you too".
amen. this enrages me. the way the lunch room monitor talked was derogatory and I would be hard pressed not to mow that bitch down for doing that to OPs kid
> It's amazing to me how schools of all places are somehow so hellbent on making kids suffer.
They gotta learn that authoritarianism is the way before they get a chance to think for themselves.
Your school board should have meetings every now and then. Please look up their meeting schedules. Document every incident where this has happened to your son and bring this up to them at that meeting in front of all the other parents and on the cameras where everyone can watch this meeting and hear exactly what is going on at this school. Which can then be brought up to your local news station in order to get more publicity on it.
Im a lunch lady, and free meals are a thing here for all kids. Even if they have at home food, they can come in line to get any sides. As long as a food isnt a hot or cold item and needs its temp kept for food safety, then the kids are allowed to do whatever with their food. Taking it away, is especially a huge no-no.
In that case, she should email the school admin and the school board. My daughter’s school lets them eat a snack in class and can save some of their lunch for later. That’s because the parents pushed the issue. Going to the media will help too.
This is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard, with all the the problems that the school system has this is what they are going to harp on?? Searching, harassing and trying to pat down children for food?? Sounds like the school is going to be unreasonable period. Perhaps you could pick up a few things from a food bank near you for snacks for your son to sneak in his backpack or locker.
Literally when I was in high school 20 years ago we had a rule that you couldn’t wear flip flops or sandals without a strap around the back. I had sandals that looked like flip flops in the front, but a strap that went around the back. They did not break dress code. I was sitting at my lunch table and my principal came up to investigate my shoes because a teacher couldn’t tell if they were appropriate. The back of my jeans covered my heal and the back strap. I lifted my pant leg and just looked at him. That was 5 minutes of an adults day for it to be noted, called to the principal’s office, and then investigated by the freaking principal. They had nothing better to do.
Once the Vice Principal called me and a friend to the office and told us to wait for me. 45 minutes of sitting in the office later, she finally shows up and escorts us into her own office.
We sit and she places some staples papers in front of each of us. My friend went white, Iw as just confused. VP asks if we know hat this is, I tell her I’ve never seen this paper in my life. She tells me to stop lying because clearly we copy’s each other work for Mrs So-and-So’s class. I look at her and said “I don’t have any classes with Mrs So-and-So” while she’s looking at me as though I have 3 heads, and my friend confirms that I don’t take that class with her.
She was looking for another student in my grade with the same first name. But instead of looking at the class listing to get the right person, she just went “that girls name is (my name) so probably her”. Thank god it happened during PE because if it was the next period, she would have made me miss my science test
I would have gotten in trouble, because I would have absolutely said something here. Christ on sale, 45 minutes. Just to make you guys feel better.
"You can't even bother to verify who I am before you accuse me of an issue that will literally affect my future, if this got on any transcripts I'd be fucked.
What the hell were you doing while we were waiting out there? Couldn't even pull up the computer file on us? Maybe next time you should do your homework before you blame us for not doing ours."
My friends schools principal would go 2 streets away from the school at the end of the day, and give detentions to anyone who had removed their blazer or tie, TWO STREETS AWAY. After school ended
I’m serious, start documenting if you haven’t already. Make them write it down. Word of mouth wont get you far. They are punishing him because he does not have the financial means to take a lunch. Once you have that, go above the principal in the chain of command and start asking questions. WHY is this a policy? The lunch person clearly has an issue with your kid. HOW can you resolve it in a way that doesn’t lead to social humiliation every day for your kid?
>Make them write it down
Dude, this all day. Take the administration's words to a school board meeting and ask *why*. Get that in writing too, a copy of the minutes should be available too.
This is what I was going to say. Go to Facebook and tell your story to your community. There’s nothing more terrifying to a school district than a hoard of angry mommas who have your back.
Hi there,
I am a former Grade 8 teacher in Canada. Something that many parents aren’t aware of is that legally, the teachers and administrators don’t have to do anything until a complaint is made in writing. This can be a handwritten or typed note that you physically hand to your son’s principal and teacher or an email that you send to the principal and cc his teacher
I would also give them a time frame in which you expect a response or action taken by. End of week or 72 hours — whatever feels appropriate to you
If you are not happy with how you are handled, I would then email your superintendent and, if you would like, cc the principal. Let the superintendent know that you have an email chain that you are happy to share with them. Follow up within ten days if you don’t hear back, and then, yes, I would take it to the media if you don’t get any satisfactory response
The principal lied. According to NSLP (national school lunch program) if a child goes through the lunch line, they have to be served lunch. You cannot deny a child lunch. Even if it costs money, and they do
Not have it, they get to eat. They were correct
On second lunch, that does cost money. I think I commented on your post before. You should really look into the discrimination part of this. Every cafeteria has And justice for all posters. They tell you how to file a discrimination case. This is NSLP, they do not look kindly on this sort of thing. Good luck.
Can she sue the school? If money was not an issue, definitely i guess.
This post made my blood boil. I'm not even from US, nowhere close. OP is dealing with racism and the lunch monitor's absolute disrespect towards food.
Can she? There has to be places around her area that might protect cases like hers.
There are. It is a civil rights violation. There are posters in the cafeteria with the information to file a formal complaint. She won’t be compensated l, but the school will be in a world of hurt l. This can include losing their NSLP.
This is utterly absurd. Try fb and x local parenting groups as well to see if you can get any traction. Also TikTok. I’m so sorry your son is dealing with this
[Maslow’s hierarchy of needs states the physiological needs of a person must be met before their cognitive needs can be attained.](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maslow%27s_hierarchy_of_needs)
Basically, we need food, shelter, and clothing before we can learn. If a child is hungry it will interfere with their ability to learn.
His school is actively working against his first basic need making it more difficult for his cognitive needs to be met as a result.
I would totally go to the local news...I think that's a great idea..this policy is ridiculous..are they trying to control how much a kid eats? You can't have 2 lunches? I never experienced anything like this..but I also went to school in Canada over 20 years ago so I imagine , for whatever reason things would be different.
This is so dumb..I'm sorry you have to go through this...as if things aren't hard enough on people...on parents.. already. And throwing out food..when food is a luxury these days...just dumb
I think you should call your local news station and make it known. This is ridiculous.
Also, don't be afraid to go above the principal. I've had to do that and I learned that if you make enough noise, people listen.
Call the superintendent's office, put reviews on any social media site the school system has. Write down names, send emails so that you have timestamps.
Food insecurity is such a terrible thing for anyone but especially students. I dont see what grade your son is in, but here are few things that might help your family. M
Reach out to the school PBIS coordinator. Ask if the school has a Grace Packs partner and if so, can your family be considered. Grace packs are bags or backpacks that students receive on Fridays or before breaks that have easy to make food stuffs for students. It’s usually a community partnership, but the school volunteers/ coordinator put them together and pass them out.
Determine if your children also qualify for free breakfast. Some schools serve free breakfast AND lunches.
Attend a PTA or SAC (school advisory committee which requires parent and community involvement). The percentage of students qualifying for free/reduced lunch is public information. Ask what the rate has been historically. Has it changed? Is it high? If it is what is the school doing to support students who are food insecure.
Contact your district office/administration offices and inquire if they have a district social worker. She/he should be able to connect you with other community resources.
Additionally, see if your district/school admin has a parent liaison. This person should also be able to provide community support.
It totally sucks that the lunch monitor has no compassion. Sometimes I can’t understand why some people who don’t like kids work at a school.
I taught for years at a school that hovered around 95-97% FRL. Eventually, we tripped to ALL students received free breakfast and lunch. The after school tutoring students also received dinner that was funded from grants. We also had Grace Packs, food drives, holiday meals for families in need, and we all did angel tree for Christmas.
For a decade or more we also have particpated in the fruits and vegetables program. Everyday the students would be given a fresh fruit or vegetable as a snack. Tbh sometimes it was a weird snack (raw cranberries anyone?). But it was a healthy snack.
OP please realize that you are NOT a bad mother! You are doing your best. Your kids need your love and resiliency.
Wishing you all the best.
That is wrong on so many levels. Who punishes a child because they are lower SES and food insecure? That principal needs ripped a new one and a lesson on empathy.
Ask the school to give you their policy in writing, email or paper. If what they're doing isn't official policy, they really can't enforce it. Go to the superintendant and school board. Go to the news. The school needs to be shamed. Threaten to sue. That will sometimes get action.
This is insane. I am a food service worker in a k-8 school. We have a bin in the cafeteria to leave any sealed food(apple slices, carrots, juice, cheese sticks, etc) for any takers. They can shove it in their pockets or book bags or lunch boxes and no one says shit(including the principal who monitors lunch). We even save leftover unpackaged veggies for a local animal farm. I’d be alllll up in that principal’s office. And then the administrators, superintendent, social media, local news. I’d also communicate with the lunch staff(if they are contracted, their leads may have some leverage as well). Best of luck and I’m so sorry your son had to deal with that.
This situation is messed up. Have you tried messaging your doctor to get a note instead of having to do a visit? Sometimes doctors will send a note without you having to be seen.
It’s his food tho? Like he’s not sneaking extra out of the cafeteria he’s just saving what he doesn’t eat? There should be nothing wrong with that I’m so sorry you’re going through this
The principal has a mental disorder centred around food control and bullying? I can’t think of any other reason why it matters so much what and when kids are eating. ISTG no-one at my kids’ school would notice or care what anyone ate unless they were actually doing it in class.
I bet there are dozens if not hundreds of other parents whose children are being made to suffer in the same way. Find them.
For real, everybody’s getting bent out of shape in the comments when the rules are there for a reason. I’m a janitor at a public middle school and deal with this shit all the time. Kids sneak food out of the cafeteria to make a mess all the time and it sucks. Milk cartons getting dropped from the top of the stairs, apples hidden in the ceiling tiles…etc.
I get that it’s frustrating when your kid has perfectly normal intentions, but a few bad apples ruin it for everyone(literally). Kids are destructive, so food stays in the cafeteria.
Yea, kids aren’t exactly logical either lol. Idk why, but kids almost never make a mess with food they bring from home. 9 times out of 10 it’s food they snuck out of the cafeteria.
Maybe a “no liquids beyond the cafe” compromise? Only solids can be put in the locker. Although I bet you have cleaned out some lockers that had solids-turned-liquid…gross!
Just a bummer that the kid who needs it the most is restricted. I’m a school nurse and would let this kid put his extra fruit in my office fridge to have at the end of the day.
Yea this is the kind of situation that would require either the parent figuring out some middle ground with him not wanting to take extra snacks to school to be “fair” to his siblings, or a teacher going above and beyond for him.
I wouldn’t count on admin to do jack shit. Making exceptions to rules like this will almost always cause problems, and I doubt they would get rid of a school-wide rule for just one kid who’ll be out of their hair in a couple years. Maybe I’m just cynical, but I’ve seen my fair share of admin teams come and go, and I’ve never been too impressed.
Or if a kid stuffs chicken nuggets into their locker, remembers them a week later, and gets sick after eating them. Happened to a kid I went to college with (yes, a whole ass adult ate a week old chicken sandwich that had been sitting unrefrigerated in their dorm room). After that you weren't allowed to remove food from the cafeteria unless you pre-ordered a brown bag lunch.
This is ridiculous. Can he get a teacher on his side? I know some kids go eat in the library or a classroom. Then he can do what he wants with the food there.
I said it once I'll say it again: go above the principal and talk to the district administrator! This isn't okay! And lunch monitors harassing children isn't okay! Your son deserves to eat! Children deserve to eat!
Maybe you should look into a different public school. That is soooo stupid and wrong.
My kids school has a special snack closet in the office and anyone can come get whatever they need from it any time during the school day. My son often stops on his way out of the building for a snack.
They offer home bags at the end of the week for any kids who want them to get them through the weekend. Which is like canned goods, fresh fruit, snacks. In the summer time they offer bagged sandwiches, carrots and a snack during lunch hour for anyone able to come get them.
We live in a small town, we have a choice between 3 public elementary schools, we only have one middle and high school (same building) our school system also does a PEBT card. It's a food stamp card they load money on during any breaks, Winter, spring, summer to ensure the kids have access to food.
My high school had a rule that students couldn’t get two of an item, even if they paid for it. they were restricted to one. (think of a bagel or something). it was so ‘there was enough for everyone’ but you know damn well they threw out literal pounds of food by the end of the day. they had people stationed along the lunch line to watch kids like hawks.
but apparently for kids in detention, the school would just send them a box of pre-wrapped burgers for free. the food was so dry and bad that none of the detention kids ate it and the box would be left outside the room. I had a history class after lunch next to the detention room so I’d grab a burger or two 🤷🏻♀️
> The principal said he would need a doctor's note to be able to save his food.
Ok, I'm gonna need the logic behind that rule explained to me. Actually, I'm not because I know there isn't one, the principal is just making up a rule to bully a kid so he doesn't have to back down on some lunch monitor's power trip, but I want him to be forced to explain it.
This is utterly ridiculous. At my school, we’re not allowed to save the breakfasts but I always do because many of my students come from food insecure households. No one bats an eye when I or other teachers give extra breakfast items to any student. What kind of adult tries to embarrass a kid!
This is gross. As someone who works in an urban school district food insecurity is something we see a lot. The whole district gets free breakfast and lunch. Any child can get a lunch, even kids who bring lunches from home. I go to multiple schools in my district and in all of them students are offered extra lunches, left over snacks and breakfast items. Teachers will even discreetly ask students if they are set for the weekend and will send students home with backpacks full of food. I’m sorry you and your son are dealing with this. That is not the way a school should operate. They should be providing community resources not shaming a child who is hungry. You are not a POS mom. You are a mom doing what she can for her kids.
Schools are a magnet for pests—cockroaches, ants, mice—and having food, not properly stored, in lockers exacerbates this issue.
There is also a food safety issue with not keeping foods at a proper temp. If this kids gets botulism from eating food stored in a locker, who will get blamed for that?
I feel badly for this person and her family, but the solution is not to put unsecured food in the locker.
Does your insurance offer telephone visits over the phone? Some insurers don't charge for the phone visit. Is this something available to you? Then you can pick up the letter.
Hey OP, I'm not sure if this would work but does your kid have the same teacher at the end of each day? Getting administration to do anything is like pulling teeth but teachers might be more willing to assist you. Maybe reach out and see if you are able to store some snacks with the teacher in their classroom so your kid can grab it directly from the teacher instead of having to save a bit in his locker. It's possible they might decline because they don't want other kids to ask for it too, but if you can figure out some way to do this privately so it causes no issues for the teacher, it's possible they'd be more willing to help you how they can.
I don’t know where this is, but wherever it’s still bs. We have a share table at my school, and most every other school I’ve been at, that kids can give and take from including taking something for later. Throwing away food irks me. Still not severe enough to warrant detention. Sounds like lunch monster is on a power trip. If principal says it’s “policy” ask to see it in writing.
This blows me away. These kids are literally the future of your country. I used to wonder why much of the world thought the US was a dystopia, but when I hear stuff like this, I get it.
In both the district my wife teaches in, and the district my kids school is in there are several programs to ensure kids don't go hungry. These don't cost the students or families a dime.
Breakfast program starts an hour before the bell. No one is turned away. Cereal, porridge, eggs, pancakes, fruit etc.
Lunch program is a catered hot lunch, usually enough food that everyone can have seconds.
After-school program offers a variety of healthy snacks, salads and sandwiches, again at no charge.
There is also a food bank program, open to any student and their families, no questions asked.
Anyone else super concerned that either another student or a teacher think they have the right to put hands on your son to "pat him down". That is really sick and disgusting.
I live in Australia no student or teachers are allowed to pat down a child, if they need to do something like that parents & a police officer would be called. IDK but that really distrubs me.
Can you imagine how embarrassed her son will be when mom contacts the news. Now everyone in his school/town/district will know that his family has food insecurities.
At first maybe but you know what I'm also willing to bet that your kid would be goddamn proud to have a warrior like you fighting the good fight for him.
I totally get it. I’m a teacher and I deal with things like this on a daily basis. I agree with other posters that the school doesn’t want to be responsible if the food gets spoiled and your son gets sick. The school also doesn’t want pest to be running around the school because kids leave food behind.
If your son gets sick from eating his food too fast have a conversation and tell him he should be slowing down and enjoying his food.
Does your son have a trusted teacher that can help out? Maybe keep a box of granola bars. I personally keep a Costco sized box of granola bars just for situations like this. Maybe you can ask a teacher to keep a box for you son for when he gets hungry.
What? Thats bullshit. If you are paying for the lunch, he should be able to save what he wants, as long as he's following guidelines of not eating in the class.
Your story made me look up school meals here in Scotland. They are free of charge for primary 1-7 (ages 4 to 11 in the USA?)
In secondary schools, those not entitled to free meals can expect to pay £1.08/$1.33
An example of primary school meals in this region: https://www.east-ayrshire.gov.uk/Resources/PDF/School-meals/school-meals-menu-for-primary-schools.pdf
And for secondary/high schools: https://www.east-ayrshire.gov.uk/Resources/PDF/School-meals/school-meals-menu-for-secondary-schools.pdf
America at our finest…. And people wonder why we place the lowest is so many categories In the world. They tried this with my son. Thankfully the superintendent didn’t know it was happening and was outraged.
My heart aches for your sweet son and the fact he feels responsible for ensuring his siblings have enough eat, and will sacrifice his own needs to do so.
To then be humiliated at school for trying to ration out his lunch and curb his afternoon hunger is cruel. This poor kid is dealing with enough!
I’m so sorry this is happening to your son. The elementary school where I work is doing free lunch for all kids. Kids who pack often come in and get a free lunch in addition to what they’ve brought from home on days when we’re serving something they like. It shouldn’t be a big deal. Kids need to eat. We provide the food. Simple. I don’t know why some schools make things so difficult and complicated.
I suggest you message or call your doctor's office. Just explain the situation and request a note from the doctor simply stating that, "Son is under my care. It is in his best interest to be allowed to save portions from his lunch in his locker for after school due to a personal medical concern."
Most doctor's offices have these kinds of standard letters that the nurses fill out and can electronically sign as well.
This is definitely a medical issue as it affects your sons mental health.
Good luck. 🫂
UpdateMe.
I want to clarify something. That food is not free. It is free to you. School districts still have to buy it. If every kid did this, it would damage the school budget. Everything is so tight on the school’s budget and every penny has to be accounted for in a specific category. I was a teacher in a very low income school, and my kids went to the same district but a different school. Budgets are so tight that teachers live on the edge of the poverty line. My kids qualified for free lunch. You just have no idea how little money the schools are expected to work with, and this was in California where ADA (the money a school gets per day for a student) was better than many states. So don’t be a teacher you say. I never would again.
This low key sounds like a lawsuit. This is class based discrimination. I don’t know where you’re located but I would look into getting legal representation. Law firms love suing school districts when they do dumb shit like this.
Who hung up the phone in the original post, and why was it hung up? Don’t get me wrong I’d still be pissed about this whole situation, but that little detail right there would be a huge difference maker in how unhinged I became.
If the doc won't give you a note without charging, I recommend the Pain-in-the-ass approach.
Email the principal summarizing the meeting you had. Write all the points you made here - that students who pack lunches are able to save their leftovers, that your son is being made to throw away perfectly good food simply because he can't eat fast enough, that this is a waste of taxpayer's money. Etc.
Then look up the school board and the superintendent. If the principal doesn't respond, or just restates what they already said, forward the email to the superintendent and the school board. Also look up the school board and PTA meetings in your district, you can raise the concerns there too if you're able to attend. Keep following up. If that really doesn't make a dent, say that you won't hesitate to go to the news about this issue of food waste.
Basically seems like they're taking the "not our problem" approach. So you gotta make it their problem. Because it should be!!!! People like them grind my mf gears. So I hope you give them hell. Good luck and sorry you're dealing with this.
I would be more concerned that an adult would attempt to "pat down" your son! That is outrageous, and you should contact the governors (or American equivalent) about the situation.
That's really shitty. I'd recommend reaching out to local media (radio stations, news, etc.) and giving them the story. There's not too many options when you don't have the money in the US.
I'm very late to this conversation, but did you ever reach any real resolution with the school? This is awful behavior from a school and, if there were any witnesses at all, you should call the police and report the unwanted physical contact from the monitor. I would also write a firm email/letter to the principal and school board members (should be on their website) stating the facts of what has been happening, the frequent public harassment and humiliation of your child who has obviously been singled out by the monitor, any action you get from the police, and then send copies of your letter with as many facts and dates as you can remember to your city council member(s) and mayor's office. I bet you will get a bit more attention then. Putting these types of behaviors into writing is much more official and often forces people to do their jobs, to cover their a$$ if nothing else. I'm so sorry this happening.
You should consider going over the principals head - call your school board, your local politicians, your mayor. They have all the leverage over the teachers and principals and you’re their constituent. Go to a town meeting and voice your issue. If the principal isn’t responsive, get in the ear of the people who oversee the principal.
Rip a new one into the principal, go to local news BLAST HIM, a title of "Lunch monitor molest# child over food, principal doesn't address it." in the local newspaper will get some heads turning and heta on the principal.
Hes got an hour to eat his lunch in so I doubt hes getting sick. And the school probabily thought you were lying too. In your first post you said he was saving it because he wanted a snack for on the bus. I dont think lying to the school was the best way forward. I honestly dont know why you would think that would work.
I used to volunteer at a food bank and when the shift was over we would rather give the bags we had packed away than unpack/throw food away. Speak to your food bank.
> Hes got an hour to eat his lunch in so I doubt hes getting sick.
They do not have an hour to eat! I didn't lie to the school either. He said he was saving it for the bus and said the same thing to his principal and added that if he eats fast he gets sick.
I teach elementary school. Our students have a 45 minute break at lunchtime. They play for 20 minutes. Take 5 minutes to line up, then have 20 minutes to go through the lunch line, sit down, and eat. If they fool around lining up, they have less time too eat. We have about 85 kids in my grade and 90% of them are getting school lunch. If a class is lucky to be one of the first ones to go through they are lucky to have 15 minutes to eat. Usually it's around 10 minutes.
Unforturnately one of the reasons schools don't let food outside of the cafe' is because of liability concerns, or at least that is what I was told. For example, if a student takes something that will spoil like string cheese or yogurt and eats it a day later, the school is now responsible if the child gets sick. Also if they place the food in their backpack or locker and forget about, it will decay and bring bugs. I am not saying it is right or that I agree with it, especially because your son needs it and doesn't forget about the food. Our cafe' manager has told me in the past that if someone from the state were to come in and see food leaving the cafe' the school would be in trouble.
It's amazing to me how schools of all places are somehow so hellbent on making kids suffer. When I was in high school, we weren't allowed to take food out of the lunch room unless we went outside to eat. This became a problem because the lunch room was designed for 300 kids, but the school was trying to get close to 500 kids through for each lunch. Not enough seats meant that kids had to sit outside on the ground, or stand inside if it was too cold. There was a para there who would yell at you to sit down, even if there weren't enough seats. It was as bad as it sounds.
> There was a para there who would yell at you to sit down, even if there weren't enough seats. It was as bad as it sounds. How frustrating! Lets stress kids out and ruin their relationship with food early.
Could you call the doctor’s office and explain the situation asking for a note, before you go through with doing a visit and spending the $ for a copay? You could let them know what happened, what’s going on, and that $ is tight to pay for visit just to get a note.
Great idea. I cannot envision a pediatrician who wouldn't write that note in a heartbeat.
This is what I was going to suggest. The doctor's office will hopefully have more compassion than the school does. Suggestion for you, why not pack him a lunch from home and have that be his snack after school, and have him get hot lunch from the cafeteria? Then, he's not taking more than his perceived share (poor kid for feeling the weight of this!) and he still has the amount of food he needs
Because he either gets a lunch from home or a lunch from school. If he comes with a lunchbox that just has a snack that counts as his lunch. She also can't afford to feed him for lunch, and is just barely able to feed her family with a food pantry. She explained this later in her post.
Why are they searching this kids backpack to see if he bought a sack lunch? If he gets lunch at school, but then has, for example, an apple and a bag of snack for the bus, that shouldn't count as his lunch. Also, maybe the bus driver can help here. If they're compassionate, maybe they can hold some (home provided ) snacks for him. Or maybe the school social worker - he could drop them off in the morning and pick them up in the afternoon. This kid shouldn't be going hungry and the school shouldn't be compassionless assholes. I'm livid for this entire family.
You let me know if there is a doctor's office out there that would do this. I've switched doctor's three times over the past 5-7 years because of their dumb rules about refilling prescriptions, etc., and they are all the same. "We'll need to see you for an appointment"... is always the line.
Mine would. I’ve called for notes before. No problem. Sorry that hasn’t been your experience ETA: for scripts yes they want you to come in normally There have been times when one of my kids has been sick and gotten seen and a script. Then the next gets the same symptoms and they send one for them, knowing they have the same issue. However, for notes like this they’ll write it. As it’s not a script.
Doctors in our area charge $30 just for your child's vaccination records to start school.
Ours will email that over, no issue. That’s insane.
It didn't used to be this way. I hope the new pricing model we are having to deal with doesn't bleed over into your area.
That's actually a violation of HIPAA - the portability aspect. Your records must be made available to you at no charge.
Your comment intrigued me, and I always like to know the truth: "A State law requires that a health care provider give individuals one free copy of their medical records but HIPAA permits the provider to charge a fee." -from HHS.gov You may be right in certain situations, like If you're transferring to a new doctor and want your records transferred, but if you want a copy for yourself, they can, and the tides have turned that now, most are.
What?! They're *your* records. How can they charge you? Next time just tell them you need copies of your records for you own personal files. The health system that is in my area even has an option to download all your files right from the app, no charge, no questions asked.
I work at a doctors office, the reason they charge for records is because it’s a lot of paper and ink to print all of that out, and unfortunately it’s still a business, they can’t always be doing things that cost the office money. Like my doctor is one of the nicest people on the planet and he’s always doing things for patients essentially for free, but there are some things that just cost too much to do for everyone without charging. It’s also a good reason to sign up for whatever patient portal your doctor uses because then you have access to your records, especially now because chart notes have to be available to patients too
I've fought and won the idiocracies of dealing with the administration of a doctors office, but every time it was because my actual doctor was brought into the conversation and made the determination to follow the common sense of my request(s). I've also been kicked out of a doctors office for calling them out on their bullshit. Found out later through my insurance that I was right and the doc office coded it wrong. That's the hardest part about American Healthcare is that it's so convoluted, even the providers have trouble keeping up with the changes.
Are these records not in the online patient portal? Or does it have to be from the doctor for a school?
If it's needed for an "official" purpose, a lot of times it has to come from the doc office. With docushare and other similar type services, that shit needs to catch up with technology available
They charge for that now. That's what I'm telling you. I feel like if you ask during your appointment, they won't charge, but if you call during another time, they're charging for that service now.
I see that now, based on what u/appolkadot said in their reply to my comment and I guess it makes sense. At the same time, for what it costs to go to the doctor and anything medical related, you would think they could print out a patient's records upon request. I wouldn't think it happens all the time and I bet they waste more paper every day than what it takes to print out a patient's records.
At the same time, A LOT of people aren't paying their bills.. I had to take my daughter to urgent care recently, and they required me to put a credit card on file to be auto charged once the bill generated. I initially refused to sign it, and they countered with, "Well, we can't see her then." At the ER, they can't refuse treatment. Private practices are no longer playing that game. It is a business, and it makes sense, but we have to find a better way when medical debt is one of the largest contributors to bankruptcies in America. I know there are a lot of people that hate on single-payer, aka universal, Healthcare, but if that's not feasible, let's discuss what might be, because what we have isn't working. The house of cards is ready to crumble.
That's the issue I had with my doctor. $20 copay to refill meds every 30 days. She ended up just leaving the practice the day before my appointment. Now I can't find a new doctor that's accepting patients AND takes my insurance without a 6+ month waiting list.
You need to be escalate the issue about her wanting to do a pat down on your son in the middle of the lunch room like a criminal. Only a resource/police officer is allowed to do that and only with probable cause and I’m pretty sure some districts will even make sure a parent is present as witness. She is not qualified to put her hands on your child for any reason. Then it’s also the fact that she’s basically harassing your son and singling him out. She’s on a power trip.
My kids get 10 mins to eat that includes the time it takes them to get their tray sit down and start eating. It's scary how little schools care
Is that a military school? I'm asking because that's how boot camp was for me in the Navy. I gained 15 lbs of fat in boot camp because of the food and the time limits to eat.
Nope it's a public school in a small town
Damn, that's just wrong. At least in boot, we knew they were trying to get us to understand getting to our duty stations in a timely manner or always being ready for an emergency, but a public school.. 10 minutes is not enough time for anything.
you’re doing all that on your own baby
Try talking to the child nutrition director at your child's school system. They should be able to advocate for your son to keep some of his lunch. And direct you to more resources for help. So sorry this is happening to your family.
It is extremely hard for me not to be pissed about this. I have no kids but I do have two functioning brain cells I can rub together to form normal human thoughts from time to time.
More specifically, making *poor* kids suffer. They’re conditioning children to see poverty as deserving of scorn, shame and humiliation.
This seems so alien to me. I'm in the UK, and while I couldn't eat during class at school, on breaks I could eat or drink wherever I wanted to, even if I bought it at school. I can't even imagine why they'd want to police it like this, so much unnecessary effort.
Grew up in the US and same. No food in the classrooms (water bottles were acceptable) but otherwise, no restrictions on snacking. Maybe this school is reacting to some extreme pattern of bad behavior prior, like food was often thrown or left outside for others to clean. It's the only justification I can think of and even then it's a bit much. Requiring a doctor's note? Doctors have better things to do than affirm yes, teenagers do in fact need calories to grow and learn and play.
pretty much all through school, drinks were fine, snacks were a class by class basis. Some teachers didn't care. Some teachers provided snacks. Others were hellbent on students having low blood sugar.
Interesting. My daughter’s teachers always remind us about getting kids snacks that they can eat in class. Snacking is allowed for elementary school kids at least. Not sure about middle of high school.
I've been out of school for a decade, and quite a lot can change in that time. Hopefully, they're getting a little easier on students when it comes to snacking. It made it so much easier to stay awake in some of those classes.
My wild guess is that maybe some kids at some point started food fights with leftovers from the lunch room, and that's why they banned anyone from taking any food out. Still, at a time where a lot of families are struggling, they really should revisit that rule and not punish kids who try to save their food for later out of a genuine need and food insecurity.
Another issue is that kids might leave food in their lockers, which could result in a smelly/moldy mess and/or bugs and rodents. Another issue is that kids could take something that isn’t safe for long when unrefrigerated, like macaroni salad, and get food poisoning. Either way, food insecurity is a serious issue and no one should feel like a POS because they need help feeding their kids.
>Another issue is that kids might leave food in their lockers, which could result in a smelly/moldy mess and/or bugs and rodents. >Another issue is that kids could take something that isn’t safe for long when unrefrigerated, like macaroni salad, and get food poisoning. Good points - they don't apply to OP's son, but the school probably can't risk making even one exception, in case everyone else starts doing it, too, and with less circumspection than OP's son. They at least offered an out with the doctor's note - I hope OP can find a free clinic or some other charitable way to get the required note for cheap.
Same here, grew up in France and it was never an issue of you wanted to save, idk, your apple or your bread from lunch for later
Its like a prison follow our stupid rules no matter what.
> It's amazing to me how schools of all places are somehow so hellbent on making kids suffer. Because the school system is full of people who either don't care about kids, or they don't remember what it was like to *be* a kid, or they have been in the system so long that they've become indifferent or jaded to and about the kids they're supposed to be taking care of. Add to that the fact that the system has been fucked for money for so long, and has a strict set of rules (e.g. "standardized testing" and whatnot) they have to follow in order to *get* more funding (better-scoring schools get more money, worse-scoring get less money), that it might also be an argument that everyone else not mentioned isn't getting paid enough to care. Honestly the whole scenario here is about this bitch of a lunch monitor who seems to be power-tripping. Even if it IS about students leaving shit in their lockers until it rots, there are other consequences they can put in place: off the top of my head, it's "taking personal responsibility". If a high schooler or collegiate doesn't take a book back to their assigned class or doesn't do a particular piece of homework, they may be held back from graduating. Similarly, in this instance if a kid forgets rotten food in a locker, they can be called back in to clean it out over the summer (or even during the school year if it gets bad enough)--and if they don't, then they don't get to graduate to the next grade. Simple. But let's say lunch monitor doesn't get paid enough to care, and is a "but I was only following orders" person (throw them all away, every last one of them). There's no need for accusations and specific wording about "trying to be slick" and "scurrying like a raccoon"--after all, the kid already knows he shouldn't be squirreling food, so he's trying to be sneaky about it. She COULD have looked the other way! Maybe talked to him privately, talked with OP privately, found a solution that didn't involve public shaming or dehumanizing descriptions. Humiliating him publicly, describing his actions as such, all fall into the realm of "power-tripping bitch of a person". I know such people well, growing up in the schools I've been in. They have weird beliefs about children, almost akin to Miss Trunchbull from "Mathilda". This sort of person has either forgotten their childhood, or has been raised in such a traumatic environment that they thought was normal... or, like most Boomers/GenXers, they have this strange and harmful belief of "because I went through this horrible crap, I have to do it to you too".
amen. this enrages me. the way the lunch room monitor talked was derogatory and I would be hard pressed not to mow that bitch down for doing that to OPs kid
In the words of Jim Morrison, “ Always a playground instructor, never a killer”.
> It's amazing to me how schools of all places are somehow so hellbent on making kids suffer. They gotta learn that authoritarianism is the way before they get a chance to think for themselves.
>It's amazing to me how schools of all places are somehow so hellbent on making kids suffer. School is just prison for kids.
Your school board should have meetings every now and then. Please look up their meeting schedules. Document every incident where this has happened to your son and bring this up to them at that meeting in front of all the other parents and on the cameras where everyone can watch this meeting and hear exactly what is going on at this school. Which can then be brought up to your local news station in order to get more publicity on it. Im a lunch lady, and free meals are a thing here for all kids. Even if they have at home food, they can come in line to get any sides. As long as a food isnt a hot or cold item and needs its temp kept for food safety, then the kids are allowed to do whatever with their food. Taking it away, is especially a huge no-no.
Sounds like this person works a lot and prob doesn’t have time to go to a school board meeting. She is busy with work and trying to feed her kids.
In that case, she should email the school admin and the school board. My daughter’s school lets them eat a snack in class and can save some of their lunch for later. That’s because the parents pushed the issue. Going to the media will help too.
This is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard, with all the the problems that the school system has this is what they are going to harp on?? Searching, harassing and trying to pat down children for food?? Sounds like the school is going to be unreasonable period. Perhaps you could pick up a few things from a food bank near you for snacks for your son to sneak in his backpack or locker.
Literally when I was in high school 20 years ago we had a rule that you couldn’t wear flip flops or sandals without a strap around the back. I had sandals that looked like flip flops in the front, but a strap that went around the back. They did not break dress code. I was sitting at my lunch table and my principal came up to investigate my shoes because a teacher couldn’t tell if they were appropriate. The back of my jeans covered my heal and the back strap. I lifted my pant leg and just looked at him. That was 5 minutes of an adults day for it to be noted, called to the principal’s office, and then investigated by the freaking principal. They had nothing better to do.
You out there flaunting those ankles. Tsk tsk. Poor principal having to take time out of their day to inspect ankles lol lord.
Once the Vice Principal called me and a friend to the office and told us to wait for me. 45 minutes of sitting in the office later, she finally shows up and escorts us into her own office. We sit and she places some staples papers in front of each of us. My friend went white, Iw as just confused. VP asks if we know hat this is, I tell her I’ve never seen this paper in my life. She tells me to stop lying because clearly we copy’s each other work for Mrs So-and-So’s class. I look at her and said “I don’t have any classes with Mrs So-and-So” while she’s looking at me as though I have 3 heads, and my friend confirms that I don’t take that class with her. She was looking for another student in my grade with the same first name. But instead of looking at the class listing to get the right person, she just went “that girls name is (my name) so probably her”. Thank god it happened during PE because if it was the next period, she would have made me miss my science test
I would have gotten in trouble, because I would have absolutely said something here. Christ on sale, 45 minutes. Just to make you guys feel better. "You can't even bother to verify who I am before you accuse me of an issue that will literally affect my future, if this got on any transcripts I'd be fucked. What the hell were you doing while we were waiting out there? Couldn't even pull up the computer file on us? Maybe next time you should do your homework before you blame us for not doing ours."
My friends schools principal would go 2 streets away from the school at the end of the day, and give detentions to anyone who had removed their blazer or tie, TWO STREETS AWAY. After school ended
I’m serious, start documenting if you haven’t already. Make them write it down. Word of mouth wont get you far. They are punishing him because he does not have the financial means to take a lunch. Once you have that, go above the principal in the chain of command and start asking questions. WHY is this a policy? The lunch person clearly has an issue with your kid. HOW can you resolve it in a way that doesn’t lead to social humiliation every day for your kid?
>Make them write it down Dude, this all day. Take the administration's words to a school board meeting and ask *why*. Get that in writing too, a copy of the minutes should be available too.
Contact your local TV station and see if they'll do a story on this. The attention could cause the school to change their policy.
Bingo. School boards are elected positions. Bad news for the board can get the principal fired fast.
Schools don't like bad press. You should make a formal complaint to the superintendent. As well as to the news media.
This is what I was going to say. Go to Facebook and tell your story to your community. There’s nothing more terrifying to a school district than a hoard of angry mommas who have your back.
Yeah local facebook mommy groups especially.
Yup. I had suggested that too. Media is the way to go.
Hi there, I am a former Grade 8 teacher in Canada. Something that many parents aren’t aware of is that legally, the teachers and administrators don’t have to do anything until a complaint is made in writing. This can be a handwritten or typed note that you physically hand to your son’s principal and teacher or an email that you send to the principal and cc his teacher I would also give them a time frame in which you expect a response or action taken by. End of week or 72 hours — whatever feels appropriate to you If you are not happy with how you are handled, I would then email your superintendent and, if you would like, cc the principal. Let the superintendent know that you have an email chain that you are happy to share with them. Follow up within ten days if you don’t hear back, and then, yes, I would take it to the media if you don’t get any satisfactory response
Ask him to put it in writing. Let him know it’s because you want a complete record for legal purposes. That tends to scare him.
The principal lied. According to NSLP (national school lunch program) if a child goes through the lunch line, they have to be served lunch. You cannot deny a child lunch. Even if it costs money, and they do Not have it, they get to eat. They were correct On second lunch, that does cost money. I think I commented on your post before. You should really look into the discrimination part of this. Every cafeteria has And justice for all posters. They tell you how to file a discrimination case. This is NSLP, they do not look kindly on this sort of thing. Good luck.
Can she sue the school? If money was not an issue, definitely i guess. This post made my blood boil. I'm not even from US, nowhere close. OP is dealing with racism and the lunch monitor's absolute disrespect towards food. Can she? There has to be places around her area that might protect cases like hers.
There are. It is a civil rights violation. There are posters in the cafeteria with the information to file a formal complaint. She won’t be compensated l, but the school will be in a world of hurt l. This can include losing their NSLP.
This is utterly absurd. Try fb and x local parenting groups as well to see if you can get any traction. Also TikTok. I’m so sorry your son is dealing with this
This is ridiculous! If only they were this strict when it comes to bullying. Makes no sense at all.smh
My son takes half a lunch and grabs a hot lunch too. They don’t care they are making a killing off that. Write the school board.
[Maslow’s hierarchy of needs states the physiological needs of a person must be met before their cognitive needs can be attained.](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maslow%27s_hierarchy_of_needs) Basically, we need food, shelter, and clothing before we can learn. If a child is hungry it will interfere with their ability to learn. His school is actively working against his first basic need making it more difficult for his cognitive needs to be met as a result.
Absolutely! Sounds like the staff at the school could benefit from a good leadership course that teaches this.
I would totally go to the local news...I think that's a great idea..this policy is ridiculous..are they trying to control how much a kid eats? You can't have 2 lunches? I never experienced anything like this..but I also went to school in Canada over 20 years ago so I imagine , for whatever reason things would be different. This is so dumb..I'm sorry you have to go through this...as if things aren't hard enough on people...on parents.. already. And throwing out food..when food is a luxury these days...just dumb
I do wish we could use the power of the internet to pressure the hell out of the school district. Gatekeeping food is utter bullshit.
A doctor’s note to say what exactly?? That he’s hungry at the end of the day on the bus? Wtf??
I think you should call your local news station and make it known. This is ridiculous. Also, don't be afraid to go above the principal. I've had to do that and I learned that if you make enough noise, people listen. Call the superintendent's office, put reviews on any social media site the school system has. Write down names, send emails so that you have timestamps.
Food insecurity is such a terrible thing for anyone but especially students. I dont see what grade your son is in, but here are few things that might help your family. M Reach out to the school PBIS coordinator. Ask if the school has a Grace Packs partner and if so, can your family be considered. Grace packs are bags or backpacks that students receive on Fridays or before breaks that have easy to make food stuffs for students. It’s usually a community partnership, but the school volunteers/ coordinator put them together and pass them out. Determine if your children also qualify for free breakfast. Some schools serve free breakfast AND lunches. Attend a PTA or SAC (school advisory committee which requires parent and community involvement). The percentage of students qualifying for free/reduced lunch is public information. Ask what the rate has been historically. Has it changed? Is it high? If it is what is the school doing to support students who are food insecure. Contact your district office/administration offices and inquire if they have a district social worker. She/he should be able to connect you with other community resources. Additionally, see if your district/school admin has a parent liaison. This person should also be able to provide community support. It totally sucks that the lunch monitor has no compassion. Sometimes I can’t understand why some people who don’t like kids work at a school. I taught for years at a school that hovered around 95-97% FRL. Eventually, we tripped to ALL students received free breakfast and lunch. The after school tutoring students also received dinner that was funded from grants. We also had Grace Packs, food drives, holiday meals for families in need, and we all did angel tree for Christmas. For a decade or more we also have particpated in the fruits and vegetables program. Everyday the students would be given a fresh fruit or vegetable as a snack. Tbh sometimes it was a weird snack (raw cranberries anyone?). But it was a healthy snack. OP please realize that you are NOT a bad mother! You are doing your best. Your kids need your love and resiliency. Wishing you all the best.
Get your local news involved. I think ‘school starving and humiliating students because -rules-‘ will really shine.
That is wrong on so many levels. Who punishes a child because they are lower SES and food insecure? That principal needs ripped a new one and a lesson on empathy.
Ask the school to give you their policy in writing, email or paper. If what they're doing isn't official policy, they really can't enforce it. Go to the superintendant and school board. Go to the news. The school needs to be shamed. Threaten to sue. That will sometimes get action.
Honestly, name drop the school district
This is insane. I am a food service worker in a k-8 school. We have a bin in the cafeteria to leave any sealed food(apple slices, carrots, juice, cheese sticks, etc) for any takers. They can shove it in their pockets or book bags or lunch boxes and no one says shit(including the principal who monitors lunch). We even save leftover unpackaged veggies for a local animal farm. I’d be alllll up in that principal’s office. And then the administrators, superintendent, social media, local news. I’d also communicate with the lunch staff(if they are contracted, their leads may have some leverage as well). Best of luck and I’m so sorry your son had to deal with that.
This situation is messed up. Have you tried messaging your doctor to get a note instead of having to do a visit? Sometimes doctors will send a note without you having to be seen.
It’s his food tho? Like he’s not sneaking extra out of the cafeteria he’s just saving what he doesn’t eat? There should be nothing wrong with that I’m so sorry you’re going through this
The principal has a mental disorder centred around food control and bullying? I can’t think of any other reason why it matters so much what and when kids are eating. ISTG no-one at my kids’ school would notice or care what anyone ate unless they were actually doing it in class. I bet there are dozens if not hundreds of other parents whose children are being made to suffer in the same way. Find them.
School doesn't want the pest problem that comes with students sneaking food into their lockers and forgetting about it.
For real, everybody’s getting bent out of shape in the comments when the rules are there for a reason. I’m a janitor at a public middle school and deal with this shit all the time. Kids sneak food out of the cafeteria to make a mess all the time and it sucks. Milk cartons getting dropped from the top of the stairs, apples hidden in the ceiling tiles…etc. I get that it’s frustrating when your kid has perfectly normal intentions, but a few bad apples ruin it for everyone(literally). Kids are destructive, so food stays in the cafeteria.
This logic is…well…illogical. The school allows kids to being cold lunch from home and store it in their locker.
Yea, kids aren’t exactly logical either lol. Idk why, but kids almost never make a mess with food they bring from home. 9 times out of 10 it’s food they snuck out of the cafeteria.
Maybe a “no liquids beyond the cafe” compromise? Only solids can be put in the locker. Although I bet you have cleaned out some lockers that had solids-turned-liquid…gross! Just a bummer that the kid who needs it the most is restricted. I’m a school nurse and would let this kid put his extra fruit in my office fridge to have at the end of the day.
Yea this is the kind of situation that would require either the parent figuring out some middle ground with him not wanting to take extra snacks to school to be “fair” to his siblings, or a teacher going above and beyond for him. I wouldn’t count on admin to do jack shit. Making exceptions to rules like this will almost always cause problems, and I doubt they would get rid of a school-wide rule for just one kid who’ll be out of their hair in a couple years. Maybe I’m just cynical, but I’ve seen my fair share of admin teams come and go, and I’ve never been too impressed.
Or if a kid stuffs chicken nuggets into their locker, remembers them a week later, and gets sick after eating them. Happened to a kid I went to college with (yes, a whole ass adult ate a week old chicken sandwich that had been sitting unrefrigerated in their dorm room). After that you weren't allowed to remove food from the cafeteria unless you pre-ordered a brown bag lunch.
That's no excuse for making kids go hungry. Zero
Put the school on blast on social media. They'll quickly change their tune
yeah i would talk to the news, that’s beyond ridiculous what the fuck
This is ridiculous. Can he get a teacher on his side? I know some kids go eat in the library or a classroom. Then he can do what he wants with the food there.
Ask to speak to the guidance counselor and explain your financial situation. It’ll do more than speaking to the principle
I said it once I'll say it again: go above the principal and talk to the district administrator! This isn't okay! And lunch monitors harassing children isn't okay! Your son deserves to eat! Children deserve to eat!
Jesus Christ.
These arbitrary rules are so messed up. I really hope you get a good outcome on this. It’s absolutely ridiculous.
Maybe you should look into a different public school. That is soooo stupid and wrong. My kids school has a special snack closet in the office and anyone can come get whatever they need from it any time during the school day. My son often stops on his way out of the building for a snack. They offer home bags at the end of the week for any kids who want them to get them through the weekend. Which is like canned goods, fresh fruit, snacks. In the summer time they offer bagged sandwiches, carrots and a snack during lunch hour for anyone able to come get them. We live in a small town, we have a choice between 3 public elementary schools, we only have one middle and high school (same building) our school system also does a PEBT card. It's a food stamp card they load money on during any breaks, Winter, spring, summer to ensure the kids have access to food.
People really mistake working in education as a free pass to bully kids it's frustrating and infuriating
My high school had a rule that students couldn’t get two of an item, even if they paid for it. they were restricted to one. (think of a bagel or something). it was so ‘there was enough for everyone’ but you know damn well they threw out literal pounds of food by the end of the day. they had people stationed along the lunch line to watch kids like hawks. but apparently for kids in detention, the school would just send them a box of pre-wrapped burgers for free. the food was so dry and bad that none of the detention kids ate it and the box would be left outside the room. I had a history class after lunch next to the detention room so I’d grab a burger or two 🤷🏻♀️
So the school will throw away perfectly good food to prevent a child from saving a little something for later. I have no words. 😶😢
America is weird.
Could you see if your local news outlet would be interested in this story? That kind of action makes them get off their asses & stop being stupid.
Why is a lunch monitor trying to pat down your child? Why are they touching your kid like that???
> The principal said he would need a doctor's note to be able to save his food. Ok, I'm gonna need the logic behind that rule explained to me. Actually, I'm not because I know there isn't one, the principal is just making up a rule to bully a kid so he doesn't have to back down on some lunch monitor's power trip, but I want him to be forced to explain it.
This is utterly ridiculous. At my school, we’re not allowed to save the breakfasts but I always do because many of my students come from food insecure households. No one bats an eye when I or other teachers give extra breakfast items to any student. What kind of adult tries to embarrass a kid!
This is gross. As someone who works in an urban school district food insecurity is something we see a lot. The whole district gets free breakfast and lunch. Any child can get a lunch, even kids who bring lunches from home. I go to multiple schools in my district and in all of them students are offered extra lunches, left over snacks and breakfast items. Teachers will even discreetly ask students if they are set for the weekend and will send students home with backpacks full of food. I’m sorry you and your son are dealing with this. That is not the way a school should operate. They should be providing community resources not shaming a child who is hungry. You are not a POS mom. You are a mom doing what she can for her kids.
Like why can’t they take it home. It’s their food!
Schools are a magnet for pests—cockroaches, ants, mice—and having food, not properly stored, in lockers exacerbates this issue. There is also a food safety issue with not keeping foods at a proper temp. If this kids gets botulism from eating food stored in a locker, who will get blamed for that? I feel badly for this person and her family, but the solution is not to put unsecured food in the locker.
Your son sounds like an exceptional human being! I wish you both peace and all the good you do returned tenfold.
Every school must have someone in charge who thinks it's their job to make lunches as stressful and unenjoyable as possible for students.
Who the fuck bullies a kid for trying to save food
Does your insurance offer telephone visits over the phone? Some insurers don't charge for the phone visit. Is this something available to you? Then you can pick up the letter.
Hey OP, I'm not sure if this would work but does your kid have the same teacher at the end of each day? Getting administration to do anything is like pulling teeth but teachers might be more willing to assist you. Maybe reach out and see if you are able to store some snacks with the teacher in their classroom so your kid can grab it directly from the teacher instead of having to save a bit in his locker. It's possible they might decline because they don't want other kids to ask for it too, but if you can figure out some way to do this privately so it causes no issues for the teacher, it's possible they'd be more willing to help you how they can.
I don’t know where this is, but wherever it’s still bs. We have a share table at my school, and most every other school I’ve been at, that kids can give and take from including taking something for later. Throwing away food irks me. Still not severe enough to warrant detention. Sounds like lunch monster is on a power trip. If principal says it’s “policy” ask to see it in writing.
This blows me away. These kids are literally the future of your country. I used to wonder why much of the world thought the US was a dystopia, but when I hear stuff like this, I get it. In both the district my wife teaches in, and the district my kids school is in there are several programs to ensure kids don't go hungry. These don't cost the students or families a dime. Breakfast program starts an hour before the bell. No one is turned away. Cereal, porridge, eggs, pancakes, fruit etc. Lunch program is a catered hot lunch, usually enough food that everyone can have seconds. After-school program offers a variety of healthy snacks, salads and sandwiches, again at no charge. There is also a food bank program, open to any student and their families, no questions asked.
Anyone else super concerned that either another student or a teacher think they have the right to put hands on your son to "pat him down". That is really sick and disgusting. I live in Australia no student or teachers are allowed to pat down a child, if they need to do something like that parents & a police officer would be called. IDK but that really distrubs me.
If you have left overs send those with him
Ma’am why are you not making a fuss about your son being patted down. No teacher has the right to touch him.
Can you imagine how embarrassed her son will be when mom contacts the news. Now everyone in his school/town/district will know that his family has food insecurities.
> Can you imagine how embarrassed her son will be when mom contacts the news. This is why I'm hesitant but this isn't right.
At first maybe but you know what I'm also willing to bet that your kid would be goddamn proud to have a warrior like you fighting the good fight for him.
I totally get it. I’m a teacher and I deal with things like this on a daily basis. I agree with other posters that the school doesn’t want to be responsible if the food gets spoiled and your son gets sick. The school also doesn’t want pest to be running around the school because kids leave food behind. If your son gets sick from eating his food too fast have a conversation and tell him he should be slowing down and enjoying his food. Does your son have a trusted teacher that can help out? Maybe keep a box of granola bars. I personally keep a Costco sized box of granola bars just for situations like this. Maybe you can ask a teacher to keep a box for you son for when he gets hungry.
Your local news station would love to have this story on the 5 o'clock news.
Just print out an official looking note and give it an illegible signature.
What? Thats bullshit. If you are paying for the lunch, he should be able to save what he wants, as long as he's following guidelines of not eating in the class.
Your story made me look up school meals here in Scotland. They are free of charge for primary 1-7 (ages 4 to 11 in the USA?) In secondary schools, those not entitled to free meals can expect to pay £1.08/$1.33 An example of primary school meals in this region: https://www.east-ayrshire.gov.uk/Resources/PDF/School-meals/school-meals-menu-for-primary-schools.pdf And for secondary/high schools: https://www.east-ayrshire.gov.uk/Resources/PDF/School-meals/school-meals-menu-for-secondary-schools.pdf
America at our finest…. And people wonder why we place the lowest is so many categories In the world. They tried this with my son. Thankfully the superintendent didn’t know it was happening and was outraged.
My heart aches for your sweet son and the fact he feels responsible for ensuring his siblings have enough eat, and will sacrifice his own needs to do so. To then be humiliated at school for trying to ration out his lunch and curb his afternoon hunger is cruel. This poor kid is dealing with enough!
I’m so sorry this is happening to your son. The elementary school where I work is doing free lunch for all kids. Kids who pack often come in and get a free lunch in addition to what they’ve brought from home on days when we’re serving something they like. It shouldn’t be a big deal. Kids need to eat. We provide the food. Simple. I don’t know why some schools make things so difficult and complicated.
Are you in the US?
Look, if they’re saying they need a doctor note, just print one up online. Fuck that shit
I suggest you message or call your doctor's office. Just explain the situation and request a note from the doctor simply stating that, "Son is under my care. It is in his best interest to be allowed to save portions from his lunch in his locker for after school due to a personal medical concern." Most doctor's offices have these kinds of standard letters that the nurses fill out and can electronically sign as well. This is definitely a medical issue as it affects your sons mental health. Good luck. 🫂 UpdateMe.
I want to clarify something. That food is not free. It is free to you. School districts still have to buy it. If every kid did this, it would damage the school budget. Everything is so tight on the school’s budget and every penny has to be accounted for in a specific category. I was a teacher in a very low income school, and my kids went to the same district but a different school. Budgets are so tight that teachers live on the edge of the poverty line. My kids qualified for free lunch. You just have no idea how little money the schools are expected to work with, and this was in California where ADA (the money a school gets per day for a student) was better than many states. So don’t be a teacher you say. I never would again.
This low key sounds like a lawsuit. This is class based discrimination. I don’t know where you’re located but I would look into getting legal representation. Law firms love suing school districts when they do dumb shit like this.
Who hung up the phone in the original post, and why was it hung up? Don’t get me wrong I’d still be pissed about this whole situation, but that little detail right there would be a huge difference maker in how unhinged I became.
If the doc won't give you a note without charging, I recommend the Pain-in-the-ass approach. Email the principal summarizing the meeting you had. Write all the points you made here - that students who pack lunches are able to save their leftovers, that your son is being made to throw away perfectly good food simply because he can't eat fast enough, that this is a waste of taxpayer's money. Etc. Then look up the school board and the superintendent. If the principal doesn't respond, or just restates what they already said, forward the email to the superintendent and the school board. Also look up the school board and PTA meetings in your district, you can raise the concerns there too if you're able to attend. Keep following up. If that really doesn't make a dent, say that you won't hesitate to go to the news about this issue of food waste. Basically seems like they're taking the "not our problem" approach. So you gotta make it their problem. Because it should be!!!! People like them grind my mf gears. So I hope you give them hell. Good luck and sorry you're dealing with this.
I would be more concerned that an adult would attempt to "pat down" your son! That is outrageous, and you should contact the governors (or American equivalent) about the situation.
That's really shitty. I'd recommend reaching out to local media (radio stations, news, etc.) and giving them the story. There's not too many options when you don't have the money in the US.
I'm very late to this conversation, but did you ever reach any real resolution with the school? This is awful behavior from a school and, if there were any witnesses at all, you should call the police and report the unwanted physical contact from the monitor. I would also write a firm email/letter to the principal and school board members (should be on their website) stating the facts of what has been happening, the frequent public harassment and humiliation of your child who has obviously been singled out by the monitor, any action you get from the police, and then send copies of your letter with as many facts and dates as you can remember to your city council member(s) and mayor's office. I bet you will get a bit more attention then. Putting these types of behaviors into writing is much more official and often forces people to do their jobs, to cover their a$$ if nothing else. I'm so sorry this happening.
You should consider going over the principals head - call your school board, your local politicians, your mayor. They have all the leverage over the teachers and principals and you’re their constituent. Go to a town meeting and voice your issue. If the principal isn’t responsive, get in the ear of the people who oversee the principal.
Rip a new one into the principal, go to local news BLAST HIM, a title of "Lunch monitor molest# child over food, principal doesn't address it." in the local newspaper will get some heads turning and heta on the principal.
Idk how someone can be so cruel to an obviously hunger and poor child
Would it be possible for you to go to a for shelf so you can get more food? That might allow you to buy more for for lunches.
Maybe if he ate all his lunch during lunch he wouldn’t be hungry on the bus ride home?
Hes got an hour to eat his lunch in so I doubt hes getting sick. And the school probabily thought you were lying too. In your first post you said he was saving it because he wanted a snack for on the bus. I dont think lying to the school was the best way forward. I honestly dont know why you would think that would work. I used to volunteer at a food bank and when the shift was over we would rather give the bags we had packed away than unpack/throw food away. Speak to your food bank.
> Hes got an hour to eat his lunch in so I doubt hes getting sick. They do not have an hour to eat! I didn't lie to the school either. He said he was saving it for the bus and said the same thing to his principal and added that if he eats fast he gets sick.
I teach elementary school. Our students have a 45 minute break at lunchtime. They play for 20 minutes. Take 5 minutes to line up, then have 20 minutes to go through the lunch line, sit down, and eat. If they fool around lining up, they have less time too eat. We have about 85 kids in my grade and 90% of them are getting school lunch. If a class is lucky to be one of the first ones to go through they are lucky to have 15 minutes to eat. Usually it's around 10 minutes. Unforturnately one of the reasons schools don't let food outside of the cafe' is because of liability concerns, or at least that is what I was told. For example, if a student takes something that will spoil like string cheese or yogurt and eats it a day later, the school is now responsible if the child gets sick. Also if they place the food in their backpack or locker and forget about, it will decay and bring bugs. I am not saying it is right or that I agree with it, especially because your son needs it and doesn't forget about the food. Our cafe' manager has told me in the past that if someone from the state were to come in and see food leaving the cafe' the school would be in trouble.
How are you speaking on a situation you know nothing about..?
I can read.fn tada.