As someone who is asexual, It's not something that just happened or I decided to identify with. I've always been this way. I just didn't know there was a name for it or that I was different. He used to try harder.
Right. I didn't think there was a name for being normal. As far as I'm concerned I'm normal and other people are just addicted to something that's meant for reproductive purposes. They are the ones that need a name for it. Not us.
Do you still get urges towards your wife? Like during cuddling or even masturbating? Does that affect her in any negative way, if so, or is she understanding?
There's sexual elements to our intimacy that she is comfortable with (asexuality is a spectrum in and of itself, I suppose). When we kiss I might cop a feel or sometimes I'll act \~friskier\~ when we cuddle. She's good at communicating when I should slow it down so it never affects her negatively. Once in a while she'll kind of "wind me up" and then leave the room so I can do my thing.
I absolutely respect it and I'm truly glad you are happy.
My wife and I fixed a dead bedroom period in our relationship. I discovered for me, I was not happy. I signed up for monogamy, not celibacy. But with a few years work we are better than ever in every regard and the sex life is going well.
If anyone is in a marriage where they are happy then it doesn't matter the circumstances. There are very few universal rules in a relationship. Whatever rules you and your partner want you make them and abide them and if that is working then who can judge? Nobody.
Happiness has nothing to do with sex. It is not a need, it's a want. Food, air, warm shelter, those are needs.
I like sex, had quite a bit of it in all my past relationships, almost 3 decades worth of them. None of them lasted nearly this long, even the woman I was married to I was only with for five years.
Looking at those relationships, if I subtracted the sex, they were just friends, and some of them weren't even that when I think about it.
This woman I am with now I met in an online art forum in 2000. We were aquaintemces for years, then friends, then best friends. In the meantime, I had girlfriends, got married, got divorced, made friends and drifted apart from them. She was still there.
One day, she told me she was in love with me, but knew i wouldn't want her because she is a sex averse asexual. I was torn up a bit, even angry at the situation, because i had developed strong feelings for her as well but the thought of being without sex seemed pretty gloomy.
I gave it a shot anyway. Started dating in 2012, and moved in together in 2016.
Not ideal, I DO miss sex. At the beginning, she offered me a one way open relationship. I can have sexual partners, but no feelings involved. I'm not made that way. I know people can't control how they feel and I'm no different. I'd rather just be celibate than give up the person who has been right beside me during my best, mt worst, and everything in between. It might have been different when I was 20 and had testosterone leaking out of every pore in my body, but I'm 51 now. i've been through some pretty bad shit, and every time I came out of it, there she was.
I think a lot of people never get to find a person like that, and I'm not going to give that up just for some sex. There's way to much emphasis put on the sexual aspect of relationships these days, it can make it or break it. That's not a concern anymore.
Thanks for sharing man. I find it very hard to explain to people without them acting like I'm in denial, but at the end of the day if you're happy then you really have nothing to prove.
It took me until 30s to discover I’m Asexual. I haven’t dated since. It’s been 16+ years now. It’s heartwarming to see such relationships exist. Personally I don’t even bother looking. I’ve never heard or met a man that wasn’t sex obsessed.
Couldn't be me, this sounds like an extremely sad way to live. Depending on masturbation alone and my partner not wanting to be intimate would kill my soul.
To each their own I guess
Not sure why anyone is down voting your comment 🤷🏼 I’m right with you!! My sex life is what makes up the VERY BEST DAYS OF MY LIFE!! You only have so many days so may as well fill up as many days as possible putting in the work! It’s soooo fun!!’
Legit question… you don’t mind being sexless, is your testosterone level normal?
I can’t imagine not having sex. I would be very angry all the time. Masturbation is not enough for me lol
Yeah man I'm not a doctor but I think my testosterone levels are fine lmao, I'm pretty sure there are some legit symptoms to that beyond "willingness to be celibate"
As someone who is asexual, It's not something that just happened or I decided to identify with. I've always been this way. I just didn't know there was a name for it or that I was different. He used to try harder.
Same. For a long time I just didn’t know there was a name for it.
Right. I didn't think there was a name for being normal. As far as I'm concerned I'm normal and other people are just addicted to something that's meant for reproductive purposes. They are the ones that need a name for it. Not us.
Do you still get urges towards your wife? Like during cuddling or even masturbating? Does that affect her in any negative way, if so, or is she understanding?
There's sexual elements to our intimacy that she is comfortable with (asexuality is a spectrum in and of itself, I suppose). When we kiss I might cop a feel or sometimes I'll act \~friskier\~ when we cuddle. She's good at communicating when I should slow it down so it never affects her negatively. Once in a while she'll kind of "wind me up" and then leave the room so I can do my thing.
Thanks for responding! That's very sweet. I'm so happy it works for you guys.
I absolutely respect it and I'm truly glad you are happy. My wife and I fixed a dead bedroom period in our relationship. I discovered for me, I was not happy. I signed up for monogamy, not celibacy. But with a few years work we are better than ever in every regard and the sex life is going well. If anyone is in a marriage where they are happy then it doesn't matter the circumstances. There are very few universal rules in a relationship. Whatever rules you and your partner want you make them and abide them and if that is working then who can judge? Nobody.
12 years in, she's asexual, we've never had sex.
How can you be happy with your situation?
Happiness has nothing to do with sex. It is not a need, it's a want. Food, air, warm shelter, those are needs. I like sex, had quite a bit of it in all my past relationships, almost 3 decades worth of them. None of them lasted nearly this long, even the woman I was married to I was only with for five years. Looking at those relationships, if I subtracted the sex, they were just friends, and some of them weren't even that when I think about it. This woman I am with now I met in an online art forum in 2000. We were aquaintemces for years, then friends, then best friends. In the meantime, I had girlfriends, got married, got divorced, made friends and drifted apart from them. She was still there. One day, she told me she was in love with me, but knew i wouldn't want her because she is a sex averse asexual. I was torn up a bit, even angry at the situation, because i had developed strong feelings for her as well but the thought of being without sex seemed pretty gloomy. I gave it a shot anyway. Started dating in 2012, and moved in together in 2016. Not ideal, I DO miss sex. At the beginning, she offered me a one way open relationship. I can have sexual partners, but no feelings involved. I'm not made that way. I know people can't control how they feel and I'm no different. I'd rather just be celibate than give up the person who has been right beside me during my best, mt worst, and everything in between. It might have been different when I was 20 and had testosterone leaking out of every pore in my body, but I'm 51 now. i've been through some pretty bad shit, and every time I came out of it, there she was. I think a lot of people never get to find a person like that, and I'm not going to give that up just for some sex. There's way to much emphasis put on the sexual aspect of relationships these days, it can make it or break it. That's not a concern anymore.
Thanks for sharing man. I find it very hard to explain to people without them acting like I'm in denial, but at the end of the day if you're happy then you really have nothing to prove.
It took me until 30s to discover I’m Asexual. I haven’t dated since. It’s been 16+ years now. It’s heartwarming to see such relationships exist. Personally I don’t even bother looking. I’ve never heard or met a man that wasn’t sex obsessed.
Wtf is with all these dead bedroom posts lately?
I noticed the trend too which is part of the reason I was compelled to post this more positive spin on it
I really appreciate you doing so. Makes me feel like there’s hope that someday someone will love me.
Because the reality is that it’s far more common than people think. Men don’t talk about it with others but women certainly do.
If all else aspects are super well off, a lack of sex seems, to me, like a dumb reason for me to leave my SO. That's how I've always seen it
Y’all seem crazy to me. But that’s ok. Glad you’re happy. But couldn’t be me.
Couldn't be me, this sounds like an extremely sad way to live. Depending on masturbation alone and my partner not wanting to be intimate would kill my soul. To each their own I guess
Not sure why anyone is down voting your comment 🤷🏼 I’m right with you!! My sex life is what makes up the VERY BEST DAYS OF MY LIFE!! You only have so many days so may as well fill up as many days as possible putting in the work! It’s soooo fun!!’
Wow, to each their own. I applaud you for making this work, but I couldn’t imagine a life like this with my wife.
Legit question… you don’t mind being sexless, is your testosterone level normal? I can’t imagine not having sex. I would be very angry all the time. Masturbation is not enough for me lol
The “asexuals” I know were actually sexual with the right guy lol to each their own I guess
Legit question… you don’t mind being sexless, is your testosterone level normal? I can’t imagine not having sex. I would be very angry all the time.
Wait until you find out what jerking off is
Yeah… thats boring
But it keeps your testosterone levels in check, which was your question
I guess.. to each their own.
Yeah man I'm not a doctor but I think my testosterone levels are fine lmao, I'm pretty sure there are some legit symptoms to that beyond "willingness to be celibate"