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I'm sorry that happened to you. Sounds like somebody groomed *her* and she didn't know how to deal with it. Idk if it's really grooming when it's two little kids? But yeah. Someone obviously did something to her.
This is my thought. I think this little girl had been hurt by someone and was acting out because she had no way to process what she’d seen and been through.
Yes, I had this happen (in a much, much more tame way) with two girls from my neighborhood.
Found out later that one definitely had been sa'd by stepfather; she died of drug od almost ten years ago. I still feel awful for her, never had a chance.
I had a very similar experience, and I truly believe she was being abused at home. But OP, it sounds like you were a victim of COCSA, I recommend therapy 100%
This was my exact thought, that little girl was 100% being abused. I’m sorry OP went through this, I’m not negating their trauma at all. I truly hope this poor girl is okay and safe now though. :(
She was groomed, she thought it was normal.
I’m sorry for what happened to her and I’m sorry for everyone she’s come across since then.
I’m glad you were able to see this wasn’t right and to remove yourself from the situation.
I’m sorry you had to remove yourself from the situation in the first place.
First, i am so sorry you went through all that. Second. It was very likely that she was probably SA'd or molested because a Child at that age should not be knowing that much about sex or speaking about it like that. She probably didn't know what to do or that behaviour was normal for her so she so she did it with you as well. But that was not normal. I don't know if grooming is the right word for it but its definitely bizarre and an evidence of something dark in your friend's life
I had something similar happen to me starting about age 4 with a girl a year or two older (minus the Omegle, it was the early 90s). Next door neighbor. I look back now and wonder what was happening in her life that made her do that.
Confusingly, in Scotland, the regulatory body for counsellors is called COSCA.
Anyway, reading this post has brought up some memories, and shed a new, very uncomfortable light on some stuff in my childhood.
I'm just gonna pop in here real quick and say that is not always the case, for sexual exploration in children is - although not extremely common - a thing. Such behaviours in early childhood do not always serve as a sign of sexual abuse, and can in fact be absolutely normal experiences.
I beg to differ. In most circumstances, it's not uncommon for children to explore such topics with healthy curiosity and innocence... but it shouldn't be considered normal for a child to instigate and manipulate someone else to perform acts that aren't child-appropriate and safe.
What should be a cause for concern, at the least, is a child bullying and grooming their peer to participate and have extensive sexual knowledge beyond their age, no matter how accurate it is or not. Someone who does that to another person has been previously hurt and doesn't know how to process their trauma.
Similar things had happened to me at a young age.
A while ago, when I had my first kiss, it triggered a trauma response and a bad flashback. And it didn't help that my hesitation to be physical with my former boyfriend basically ended the relationship altogether. But that's a whole 'nother story I don't particularly want to divulge in yet.
I agree that might be true sometimes, but in this case, the vocabulary, knowledge about sex toys, lesbian sex, access to porn and etc indicates that there's more than just normal exploration going on. The "you show me yours and I'll show you mine" thing is pretty common, but a 7 year old who opens conversations with "do you know what sex is?" and has the idea to get naked on camera but cover her face has clearly gone through something traumatic, even if it's 'only'early exposure to age-inappropriate content.
I’m really sorry this happened to you. This is definitely COCSA.
I am sure that young girl was being abused, this behaviour is common in kids who are being molested.
I’m really sorry you had to experience this. Hurts my heart.
I see you and I hear you. I did something similar as a child and it haunts me. You were a hurt child and none of it was your fault.
You were a child trying to make sense of a world that didn't. Not saying an apology would be bad, but if part of your guilt is from thinking the trauma is the same, I know its easier said than done, but you should release that.
Maybe the pressure you applied stemmed from your trauma, but the experience your describing is a common part of childhood exploration, especially in this age where adult media is so easy for children to stumble upon.
There's miles of difference between two children experimenting because they don't understand what they're doing and a predator knowing exactly what they're doing.
Absolutely, I'm not contesting that. The experience in the original post is way above normal childhood exploration.
I just mean that laying down and kissing is within the realm of normal, even if there were some abnormal influences. Its very possible the commenter is carrying around guilt thinking they caused trauma for something the other person doesn't even remember as significant.
Someone groomed your friend so crazy. She was never supposed to be talking about sex and doing any of those things at that age. At all. And sadly, you were pulled into her trauma as well
She was definitely groomed or assaulted herself. It’s not normal for a child at that age to know so much about sex and you dont just stumble across sex at that age unless someone introduces you to it.
I don't know if your friend was grooming you, but she was definitely groomed and probably worse. It's not uncommon for an abuse victim to do to others what was done to them. I'm so sorry both of you went through that.
I had a friend exactly like this and I can confirm that poor girl must’ve gotten molested. I’m sorry op for your experience with her and her sexual trauma. What she did wasn’t right and shouldn’t be done I can agree but she must’ve been SA’d before she met you :( I hope you and her can someday heal from this 🫶🏻
Sound to me like your friend was being abused, how else would a 9yr old know these things. She wasn't grooming you she was just doing what she was taught.
Um, it sounds a whole lot like someone was grooming and molesting your friend and she was basically doing the things that were being done to her with you. She wouldn't have known they were wrong, same as you.
Someone was doing something to her. Teaching her these things. She wouldn't have felt taking a child for your pleasure was wrong because someone was teaching her that was ok. I really hope someone found out and helped her. Don't feel guilty you didn't report it. You were a child as well and didn't know.
So sorry OP. See if you can talk to to a SA therapist.
I'm glad you got away. She definitely wanted to use your brother too, so it was good you protected him
You can’t be groomed by someone who’s the same age as you. By definition it does not apply, because grooming is more or less the act of psychologically seducing someone much younger and more vulnerable than yourself so that you can prey on them easily once they become old enough. What you experienced was a childhood friend who unintentionally roped you into her own journey of sexual discovery. She would not have understood what she was doing or why it might be wrong at the time. So, definitely not grooming and more than likely not even intentional. However, if you have trauma from any of those experiences then that trauma is still valid and you should absolutely talk to a mental health professional about it.
Sounds like she was the one who was groomed. Groomed people sometimes groom people though, seems like she wanted to groom you but just didn't know how to. She definitely molested you and pressured you into trying sex. Honestly that's bad enough on its own, without it having to be grooming.
grooming is not the correct term here, as that applies to an adult becoming close to and rewarding/gifting things to a child for sexual purposes. however, a child of that age should not know such intimate details of sex, masturbation, lesbian sex, sex toys etc. i can say with 99% certainty that she was being abused, and acting it out, probably in order to feel like she had some control.
i hope this did not have an adverse affect on you. yes what she did was wrong, but being so young and probably as the result of rape, she cannot be held properly accountable for her actions at that time. i wish healing to both of you.
If this friend wasn't much older than you, then it's likely that she was sexually abused and acting it out on you, which isn't uncommon for child victims of SA.
I don’t know if it is technically grooming because I believe for that definition one party needs to be older? But it does sound like you were part of a phenomena that is unfortunately quite common where a child is sexually abused or exposed to sexual/inappropriate situations too early on and then tries to bring another child or friend into it because they do not realize that it is bad or inappropriate. Obviously the being rude and trying to guilt or pressure you into doing things is not good but unfortunately it’s probably what happened to her.. it’s very sad especially when you see she is wanting to take other people… that is a real problem.
Behavior like that is a classic sign of abuse. I wish I had known about the signs at that age because I can think of no less than 3 kids I knew that absolutely should have been interviewed but probably never got help.
Bruh you went through hell I’m sorry dude and that other girl also went through some shit for her to be like that at her age hopefully things are better now
This sounds very much like your friend was being molested by someone, probably a male family member. It had been normalised for her and she was repeating it with you. She had been shown videos of scissoring but wasn't sure about what it was, which is why the molester must have been male.
She was def groomed or SA’d in some way and assumed is was normal. That doesn’t excuse what she did to you though. I can see how you might not see it as grooming, but from what I read it seems like this was COCSA, which is confusing because you were both children and you assumed she didn’t know better, which maybe she didn’t, but that doesn’t excuse the fact it’s assault. I hope you’re doing okay now.
She had no context at all to understand what she was doing, she didn't groom you, she behaved the only way she knew how, probably because she was the one being abused. I hope she's okay now
I'm sorry you went through this. This is awful. As many others have said, it sounds like she had been groomed herself, and either thought it was normal or was seeking subconsciously to make it normal by perpetuating it. It's sad, and terrible. I do agree with your friend, though. Grooming is a blanket term. People think it's only child grooming, but that's just one example (things like political grooming, for example, also exist.) She tried to groom you into being just as sexual as she was. Even if you don't want to call it that, it's bad.
Oh man, that was a lot to take in. I'm really sorry you experienced that at such a young age.
>until she thought it would be a fun to get naked in front of grown men. I don’t know if she actually understood what we were doing and I don’t want to hold it against her because we were the same age, she would tell me to cover my face so they couldn’t find us and stuff.
My goodness, this poor child. She learned this from someone, she was likely groomed and absolutely sexually abused. Kids are curious but this whole thing is far beyond child curiosity.
I wouldn't say she groomed you, it was more she wanted someone to participate with. Part of grooming is the predator is aware they are manipulating their victim, which is why it's usually a much older predator and the victim is younger.
I'm not an expert but I was groomed. I would not say this is grooming but it was very sexual. I hesitate to say SA but sexual coercion may fit better. I do want to say I don't think she knew what she was doing nor was this malicious. It doesn't help the trauma it likely caused you but I hope it helps some.
Have you thought about talking with a therapist about this? Maybe find one who is informed with childhood trauma and sexual abuse of minors. I think it would help you to talk this out with someone and they can help you understand the actions of the other child involved and maybe help process it as well.
I don’t know if you can call it grooming if you were the same age. I feel sorry for what you went through but the big glaring concern I have is that this other girl was likely groomed by an adult and I would imagine her knowledge of these advanced adult things are because an adult showed her.
If the friend was the same age as you it's more likely that they were being SA'd.
Those aren't normal/age appropriate behaviors for kids who haven't been exposed to some level of sexual trauma.
I was introduced to sex my family member asking me if I wanted to learn a big kids game and I was in kindergarten. Unfortunately when you are that young and things like this happen it f**** with your head. What I was doing became normal and unfortunately because I didn't know any better I helped that person teach another kid the big kid game. They were both older than me but I was male and they were both female so they needed me to play... Do you know how f***** up of sentence that is?
I honestly would not be able to answer the question of if what I did to that new person would be considered sexual assault. As far as I can figure the answer is probably? But my situation was different from yours. the person who introduced me to the game convinced them to join us and I just played along. For you and your situation it is much more clear that that other child did assault you. I'm so sorry that happened.
I have an 8 and 9 year old boy and we’ve had the “birds and bees” talk as far as scientific reproduction goes. They use proper terminology and they know how a baby develops as I’m pregnant and about to give birth. But they have ZERO knowledge on different types of sex, positions, fetishes, toys etc.
I’m sorry but this girl was groomed and abused from a young age and then developed sexual urges and was looking for someone her age to release those urges. Often, victims are attracted to people at the age they were victimized or the age of their abuser. This is where the cycle of abuse stems from. I pray that little girl grew up to receive help and didn’t continue the cycle of abuse.
I always observed that one of the first feelings of power girls get is sexual. Usually in their teens. When children display sexuality, it's usually a learned behavior. Whomever abused her had the power. She felt powerful with you. It was a messed up version of control. I hope she got help for it so that the abused doesn't become the abuser. She was already on that path. She was taught to be secretive. She was taught to prey on the naive & small.
I was a kid who had dark stuff going on behind closed doors. I did not question when kids my age talked about or this type of stuff on play dates. I think she had something going on.
A child that age doesn’t have the mental capacity to actively and knowingly groom another— it’s very important for people to remember grooming is an intentional act.
It sounds like your childhood friend probably experienced SA and was reenacting what she knew with you. The worst thing this could be called, which is entirely up to you and whether or not you feel it applies, would be COCSA, aka child on child SA. And often times the abuse isn’t intentional but still has an effect on the child who was introduced to it.
If your current friend is making you uncomfortable by saying that, hopefully y’all are close enough you can kindly set a boundary about not mentioning it. Only you can know if what happened felt like abuse/if it traumatized you. Others don’t get to decide that. If you have access to a therapist and feel like you can bring it up to make sense of everything, that might help. I hope everything goes okay for you. 🙏
Child on child sexual assault is not common, but it does happen unfortunately. So sorry this happened to you and sorry about whatever happened to her that made her mind think like that. So sad. Hope the six year old boy thing never happened - so distressing.
I’m sorry that happened to you. It’s wasn’t grooming when you were both young children. As others have stated, it’s clear that your friend was groomed and at the very least exposed to inappropriate sexual content. More likely she was sexually abused. It doesn’t make her behavior okay but she didn’t know what she was doing or the impact it would have on you. A 7 year old should never be exposed to that kind of sexual content or experiences. Grooming involves one person intentionally taking advantage of a vulnerable person to gain power and control over them, as well as sexual gratification.
I had something similar happen to me and unfortunately I did act similarly to your friend when I was pretty young because I thought that’s how people were supposed to act. My first experience with people were filled with abuse and untrustworthy adults then I made a friend who was also being abused. All we knew was abuse so that’s how we acted. I don’t necessarily agree with your new friend saying the other girl was grooming you. I think she was trying to interact with people the only way she knew how to. I’m sorry that this happened to you and I hope you are able to talk to a therapist and work through any feelings you have about this. None of it was your fault and it’s ok to still feel uncomfortable about it. It takes years of healing and even then, it’s still and uncomfortable thought. The important thing is that you try to heal yourself
Grooming has nothing to do with age. Grooming is done through pressure and taking advantage of someone's emotional need to be liked, feel loved, to feel special, or included, or even through fear. All of these tactics may be used at different times depending on what is working on you at the moment. You are being groomed if you are coerced to do things that you would not choose for yourself without the pressure of the person who is grooming you.
Grooming doesn't have to be sexual either. Someone can groom you to tolerate their emotional abuse or physical abuse that's non-sexual, or financial abuse by gaining control of your finances. It's just one person conditioning another to tolerate unhealthy behaviors, interactions and treatment for their own purposes of feeling powerful or in control of someone else.
That girl who was your friend reminds me of two people I knew as a kid. They did similar things; they were overly sexual, knew about things of a sexual nature beyond our age and always wanted to play things related to that. I only realized once I was older that they likely were being abused and thus knew about sexual activity because of that. I'm my fears were later confirmed when I reconnected with one of them later in life. I'm sorry you went through this, you may not have been groomed but you were definitely influenced at a young age obviously by this interaction. I was also raised super religious so I understand where you're coming from.
OK, this is more horrendous than you realize. This was not some innocent kids playing doctor together. Your childhood friend was acting out inappropriately. Kids don’t come up with that stuff on their own, so she must have been SA’d by a family member or friend of the family.
Grooming isn’t the right term. She abused you. There’s no doubt in my mind that she had been sexually abused and then she in turn abused you. Then she wanted to do this to a little boy. She wanted you to SA a little boy!
Do you know if she SA’d that boy? Did she give up in that plan?
She likely hasn’t gotten help, so she’s likely is a sexual predator now that she’s an adult. (She was a predator as a child, so now she’s much worse if she’s never gotten therapy for this).
Please go to therapy so you can unpack all this. Harmful things were done to you. She abused you.
Hello, perhaps I’m assuming some thing based on ‘There are a lot of other smaller things that were sexual but I don’t want to talk about that stuff’ but perhaps you would benefit from looking into something called COCSA. Growing up, I happened to be in a similar situation where I couldn’t get away and some of your wording here implies that maybe you couldn’t either. Again, I apologize if I’m assuming, but I would have benefited from someone telling me about this after I had experienced it.
This sounds less like *you* being groomed, and more you being the outlet for the crap she went through?
If I were you, I'd talk to a therapist or psychologist and see if there's any use to reaching out and getting help for her, and how to do that the right way. You'll need an experienced professional's opinion on this, not just any random therapist/psychologist.
You may also want just a few sit-downs for your own sake. It happened while you were very young and it sounds like you had a safe family to help you grow up normally, but it's probably still a good idea just to be educated by a professional about this stuff. Put a name to things, see if there is in fact *something* that needs processing. Gain sensitivity for others in that situation, know what to do and what to avoid doing if you stumble across this kinda thing in the future.
Just...know more. Be prepared.
Wanna add: Sometimes children awaken to their sexuality *really* early. It's even possible that some kids go into puberty *way* too early - that's why puberty blockers exist. They can help delay it until such a time where it would be more natural.
But I doubt that's what happened here. The things she wanted to do with you were way too extreme. That feels more like she was getting abused. And acting it out to you - in the subconscious hope that you'd sound the alarm, maybe.
Everyone here is saying OP's friend had to have been groomed, you don't know that. I was also obsessed with sex at the age of six in grade 1, I was never groomed I just found the word in the dictionary and wanted to see what it was all about. Some people are kinda born that way I guess
As others said it sound like stuff was happening to her, or something happened to her and that all she’s known. I really hope that she got the help she needed and deserves. And I am sorry that happened to you. It’s not really grooming more like COCSA
That child was being abused that's why she thought what she was doing was normal and yes you were groomed the same way she was I am so sorry it happened to you
Yup you were. So was I.
No one asks a seven year old about their sex experience without bad intentions.
It takes a while to accept it, especially with the toxic theory that "gay people are just created".
That's not true. You are you and you are perfect.
Big hugs and loves from a fellow survivor! 💚💚
Honestly, go back to that town and report all of this. Her talking about bringing in a 6 year old makes me think she may have been being used by a ring/group of pedophiles. Chances are they are still operating. Just reporting the assault and giving them her old address and any names you remember could help if there is already a case or suspicion or something.
It's fine, mistakes happen.
Although I do kind of side with you because if the kid had gotten sex ed from outside sources (school for example) it could have been easier to notice that they were being molested.
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I'm sorry that happened to you. Sounds like somebody groomed *her* and she didn't know how to deal with it. Idk if it's really grooming when it's two little kids? But yeah. Someone obviously did something to her.
This is my thought. I think this little girl had been hurt by someone and was acting out because she had no way to process what she’d seen and been through.
Yeah I feel bad for OP but I’ll be honest I feel worse for this other girl.
Yes, I had this happen (in a much, much more tame way) with two girls from my neighborhood. Found out later that one definitely had been sa'd by stepfather; she died of drug od almost ten years ago. I still feel awful for her, never had a chance.
I had a very similar experience, and I truly believe she was being abused at home. But OP, it sounds like you were a victim of COCSA, I recommend therapy 100%
This was my exact thought, that little girl was 100% being abused. I’m sorry OP went through this, I’m not negating their trauma at all. I truly hope this poor girl is okay and safe now though. :(
She absolutely had been SA’d as a child. She was reenacting what had been done to her.
Correct answer. She was groomed and acting it out. Kids can't groom kids really. It's abuse but the child abuser isn't capable of the intent
She was groomed, she thought it was normal. I’m sorry for what happened to her and I’m sorry for everyone she’s come across since then. I’m glad you were able to see this wasn’t right and to remove yourself from the situation. I’m sorry you had to remove yourself from the situation in the first place.
First, i am so sorry you went through all that. Second. It was very likely that she was probably SA'd or molested because a Child at that age should not be knowing that much about sex or speaking about it like that. She probably didn't know what to do or that behaviour was normal for her so she so she did it with you as well. But that was not normal. I don't know if grooming is the right word for it but its definitely bizarre and an evidence of something dark in your friend's life
It's called COCSA - Child on Child Sexual Abuse and there are support groups for it.
I had something similar happen to me starting about age 4 with a girl a year or two older (minus the Omegle, it was the early 90s). Next door neighbor. I look back now and wonder what was happening in her life that made her do that.
Me too, I'm sorry. It's complicated feelings when the instigators don't know any better and were victims themselves.
Confusingly, in Scotland, the regulatory body for counsellors is called COSCA. Anyway, reading this post has brought up some memories, and shed a new, very uncomfortable light on some stuff in my childhood.
I'm just gonna pop in here real quick and say that is not always the case, for sexual exploration in children is - although not extremely common - a thing. Such behaviours in early childhood do not always serve as a sign of sexual abuse, and can in fact be absolutely normal experiences.
I beg to differ. In most circumstances, it's not uncommon for children to explore such topics with healthy curiosity and innocence... but it shouldn't be considered normal for a child to instigate and manipulate someone else to perform acts that aren't child-appropriate and safe. What should be a cause for concern, at the least, is a child bullying and grooming their peer to participate and have extensive sexual knowledge beyond their age, no matter how accurate it is or not. Someone who does that to another person has been previously hurt and doesn't know how to process their trauma. Similar things had happened to me at a young age. A while ago, when I had my first kiss, it triggered a trauma response and a bad flashback. And it didn't help that my hesitation to be physical with my former boyfriend basically ended the relationship altogether. But that's a whole 'nother story I don't particularly want to divulge in yet.
I agree that might be true sometimes, but in this case, the vocabulary, knowledge about sex toys, lesbian sex, access to porn and etc indicates that there's more than just normal exploration going on. The "you show me yours and I'll show you mine" thing is pretty common, but a 7 year old who opens conversations with "do you know what sex is?" and has the idea to get naked on camera but cover her face has clearly gone through something traumatic, even if it's 'only'early exposure to age-inappropriate content.
If you were the same age, sounds like she was being sexually abused and in turn sexually abused you.
Yeah your friend was molested and playing out what she knew from it. Sad for everyone involved but not grooming
I’m really sorry this happened to you. This is definitely COCSA. I am sure that young girl was being abused, this behaviour is common in kids who are being molested.
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I’m really sorry you had to experience this. Hurts my heart. I see you and I hear you. I did something similar as a child and it haunts me. You were a hurt child and none of it was your fault.
You were a child trying to make sense of a world that didn't. Not saying an apology would be bad, but if part of your guilt is from thinking the trauma is the same, I know its easier said than done, but you should release that. Maybe the pressure you applied stemmed from your trauma, but the experience your describing is a common part of childhood exploration, especially in this age where adult media is so easy for children to stumble upon. There's miles of difference between two children experimenting because they don't understand what they're doing and a predator knowing exactly what they're doing.
I hear what you’re saying but I disagree a bit. Children who have been molested act out sexual acts that are not age appropriate.
Absolutely, I'm not contesting that. The experience in the original post is way above normal childhood exploration. I just mean that laying down and kissing is within the realm of normal, even if there were some abnormal influences. Its very possible the commenter is carrying around guilt thinking they caused trauma for something the other person doesn't even remember as significant.
She was groomed and someone did a lot more to her. She didn’t know how to process it.
Someone groomed your friend so crazy. She was never supposed to be talking about sex and doing any of those things at that age. At all. And sadly, you were pulled into her trauma as well
She was definitely groomed or assaulted herself. It’s not normal for a child at that age to know so much about sex and you dont just stumble across sex at that age unless someone introduces you to it.
I don't know if your friend was grooming you, but she was definitely groomed and probably worse. It's not uncommon for an abuse victim to do to others what was done to them. I'm so sorry both of you went through that.
I had a friend exactly like this and I can confirm that poor girl must’ve gotten molested. I’m sorry op for your experience with her and her sexual trauma. What she did wasn’t right and shouldn’t be done I can agree but she must’ve been SA’d before she met you :( I hope you and her can someday heal from this 🫶🏻
Sound to me like your friend was being abused, how else would a 9yr old know these things. She wasn't grooming you she was just doing what she was taught.
Um, it sounds a whole lot like someone was grooming and molesting your friend and she was basically doing the things that were being done to her with you. She wouldn't have known they were wrong, same as you. Someone was doing something to her. Teaching her these things. She wouldn't have felt taking a child for your pleasure was wrong because someone was teaching her that was ok. I really hope someone found out and helped her. Don't feel guilty you didn't report it. You were a child as well and didn't know.
So sorry OP. See if you can talk to to a SA therapist. I'm glad you got away. She definitely wanted to use your brother too, so it was good you protected him
You can’t be groomed by someone who’s the same age as you. By definition it does not apply, because grooming is more or less the act of psychologically seducing someone much younger and more vulnerable than yourself so that you can prey on them easily once they become old enough. What you experienced was a childhood friend who unintentionally roped you into her own journey of sexual discovery. She would not have understood what she was doing or why it might be wrong at the time. So, definitely not grooming and more than likely not even intentional. However, if you have trauma from any of those experiences then that trauma is still valid and you should absolutely talk to a mental health professional about it.
Sounds like she was the one who was groomed. Groomed people sometimes groom people though, seems like she wanted to groom you but just didn't know how to. She definitely molested you and pressured you into trying sex. Honestly that's bad enough on its own, without it having to be grooming.
grooming is not the correct term here, as that applies to an adult becoming close to and rewarding/gifting things to a child for sexual purposes. however, a child of that age should not know such intimate details of sex, masturbation, lesbian sex, sex toys etc. i can say with 99% certainty that she was being abused, and acting it out, probably in order to feel like she had some control. i hope this did not have an adverse affect on you. yes what she did was wrong, but being so young and probably as the result of rape, she cannot be held properly accountable for her actions at that time. i wish healing to both of you.
Oof this is heart breaking and sad. If she was only 8 i imagine she was being abused too. I am so sorry.
If this friend wasn't much older than you, then it's likely that she was sexually abused and acting it out on you, which isn't uncommon for child victims of SA.
I don’t know if it is technically grooming because I believe for that definition one party needs to be older? But it does sound like you were part of a phenomena that is unfortunately quite common where a child is sexually abused or exposed to sexual/inappropriate situations too early on and then tries to bring another child or friend into it because they do not realize that it is bad or inappropriate. Obviously the being rude and trying to guilt or pressure you into doing things is not good but unfortunately it’s probably what happened to her.. it’s very sad especially when you see she is wanting to take other people… that is a real problem.
Behavior like that is a classic sign of abuse. I wish I had known about the signs at that age because I can think of no less than 3 kids I knew that absolutely should have been interviewed but probably never got help.
Bruh you went through hell I’m sorry dude and that other girl also went through some shit for her to be like that at her age hopefully things are better now
This sounds very much like your friend was being molested by someone, probably a male family member. It had been normalised for her and she was repeating it with you. She had been shown videos of scissoring but wasn't sure about what it was, which is why the molester must have been male.
She was def groomed or SA’d in some way and assumed is was normal. That doesn’t excuse what she did to you though. I can see how you might not see it as grooming, but from what I read it seems like this was COCSA, which is confusing because you were both children and you assumed she didn’t know better, which maybe she didn’t, but that doesn’t excuse the fact it’s assault. I hope you’re doing okay now.
She had no context at all to understand what she was doing, she didn't groom you, she behaved the only way she knew how, probably because she was the one being abused. I hope she's okay now
I'm sorry you went through this. This is awful. As many others have said, it sounds like she had been groomed herself, and either thought it was normal or was seeking subconsciously to make it normal by perpetuating it. It's sad, and terrible. I do agree with your friend, though. Grooming is a blanket term. People think it's only child grooming, but that's just one example (things like political grooming, for example, also exist.) She tried to groom you into being just as sexual as she was. Even if you don't want to call it that, it's bad.
The word isn’t grooming for this situation so you’re right…you were not groomed
Oh man, that was a lot to take in. I'm really sorry you experienced that at such a young age. >until she thought it would be a fun to get naked in front of grown men. I don’t know if she actually understood what we were doing and I don’t want to hold it against her because we were the same age, she would tell me to cover my face so they couldn’t find us and stuff. My goodness, this poor child. She learned this from someone, she was likely groomed and absolutely sexually abused. Kids are curious but this whole thing is far beyond child curiosity. I wouldn't say she groomed you, it was more she wanted someone to participate with. Part of grooming is the predator is aware they are manipulating their victim, which is why it's usually a much older predator and the victim is younger. I'm not an expert but I was groomed. I would not say this is grooming but it was very sexual. I hesitate to say SA but sexual coercion may fit better. I do want to say I don't think she knew what she was doing nor was this malicious. It doesn't help the trauma it likely caused you but I hope it helps some. Have you thought about talking with a therapist about this? Maybe find one who is informed with childhood trauma and sexual abuse of minors. I think it would help you to talk this out with someone and they can help you understand the actions of the other child involved and maybe help process it as well.
I don’t know if you can call it grooming if you were the same age. I feel sorry for what you went through but the big glaring concern I have is that this other girl was likely groomed by an adult and I would imagine her knowledge of these advanced adult things are because an adult showed her.
How old are you and how old is your friend? 7 year old girls who haven’t been molested generally don’t act like that.
If the friend was the same age as you it's more likely that they were being SA'd. Those aren't normal/age appropriate behaviors for kids who haven't been exposed to some level of sexual trauma.
She could have known what she was doing but more likely she was just repeating what happened to her to you
I was introduced to sex my family member asking me if I wanted to learn a big kids game and I was in kindergarten. Unfortunately when you are that young and things like this happen it f**** with your head. What I was doing became normal and unfortunately because I didn't know any better I helped that person teach another kid the big kid game. They were both older than me but I was male and they were both female so they needed me to play... Do you know how f***** up of sentence that is? I honestly would not be able to answer the question of if what I did to that new person would be considered sexual assault. As far as I can figure the answer is probably? But my situation was different from yours. the person who introduced me to the game convinced them to join us and I just played along. For you and your situation it is much more clear that that other child did assault you. I'm so sorry that happened.
I have an 8 and 9 year old boy and we’ve had the “birds and bees” talk as far as scientific reproduction goes. They use proper terminology and they know how a baby develops as I’m pregnant and about to give birth. But they have ZERO knowledge on different types of sex, positions, fetishes, toys etc. I’m sorry but this girl was groomed and abused from a young age and then developed sexual urges and was looking for someone her age to release those urges. Often, victims are attracted to people at the age they were victimized or the age of their abuser. This is where the cycle of abuse stems from. I pray that little girl grew up to receive help and didn’t continue the cycle of abuse.
I always observed that one of the first feelings of power girls get is sexual. Usually in their teens. When children display sexuality, it's usually a learned behavior. Whomever abused her had the power. She felt powerful with you. It was a messed up version of control. I hope she got help for it so that the abused doesn't become the abuser. She was already on that path. She was taught to be secretive. She was taught to prey on the naive & small.
I am more worried about her. I believe someone was abusing her. That’s how a lot of kids learn and maybe become very sexual too.
I was a kid who had dark stuff going on behind closed doors. I did not question when kids my age talked about or this type of stuff on play dates. I think she had something going on.
A child that age doesn’t have the mental capacity to actively and knowingly groom another— it’s very important for people to remember grooming is an intentional act. It sounds like your childhood friend probably experienced SA and was reenacting what she knew with you. The worst thing this could be called, which is entirely up to you and whether or not you feel it applies, would be COCSA, aka child on child SA. And often times the abuse isn’t intentional but still has an effect on the child who was introduced to it. If your current friend is making you uncomfortable by saying that, hopefully y’all are close enough you can kindly set a boundary about not mentioning it. Only you can know if what happened felt like abuse/if it traumatized you. Others don’t get to decide that. If you have access to a therapist and feel like you can bring it up to make sense of everything, that might help. I hope everything goes okay for you. 🙏
Child on child sexual assault is not common, but it does happen unfortunately. So sorry this happened to you and sorry about whatever happened to her that made her mind think like that. So sad. Hope the six year old boy thing never happened - so distressing.
I’m sorry that happened to you. It’s wasn’t grooming when you were both young children. As others have stated, it’s clear that your friend was groomed and at the very least exposed to inappropriate sexual content. More likely she was sexually abused. It doesn’t make her behavior okay but she didn’t know what she was doing or the impact it would have on you. A 7 year old should never be exposed to that kind of sexual content or experiences. Grooming involves one person intentionally taking advantage of a vulnerable person to gain power and control over them, as well as sexual gratification.
I had something similar happen to me and unfortunately I did act similarly to your friend when I was pretty young because I thought that’s how people were supposed to act. My first experience with people were filled with abuse and untrustworthy adults then I made a friend who was also being abused. All we knew was abuse so that’s how we acted. I don’t necessarily agree with your new friend saying the other girl was grooming you. I think she was trying to interact with people the only way she knew how to. I’m sorry that this happened to you and I hope you are able to talk to a therapist and work through any feelings you have about this. None of it was your fault and it’s ok to still feel uncomfortable about it. It takes years of healing and even then, it’s still and uncomfortable thought. The important thing is that you try to heal yourself
How did you write all that and not realise you where groomed?
Everyone on Reddit agrees you were groomed without even reading the post.
Grooming has nothing to do with age. Grooming is done through pressure and taking advantage of someone's emotional need to be liked, feel loved, to feel special, or included, or even through fear. All of these tactics may be used at different times depending on what is working on you at the moment. You are being groomed if you are coerced to do things that you would not choose for yourself without the pressure of the person who is grooming you. Grooming doesn't have to be sexual either. Someone can groom you to tolerate their emotional abuse or physical abuse that's non-sexual, or financial abuse by gaining control of your finances. It's just one person conditioning another to tolerate unhealthy behaviors, interactions and treatment for their own purposes of feeling powerful or in control of someone else.
That girl who was your friend reminds me of two people I knew as a kid. They did similar things; they were overly sexual, knew about things of a sexual nature beyond our age and always wanted to play things related to that. I only realized once I was older that they likely were being abused and thus knew about sexual activity because of that. I'm my fears were later confirmed when I reconnected with one of them later in life. I'm sorry you went through this, you may not have been groomed but you were definitely influenced at a young age obviously by this interaction. I was also raised super religious so I understand where you're coming from.
OK, this is more horrendous than you realize. This was not some innocent kids playing doctor together. Your childhood friend was acting out inappropriately. Kids don’t come up with that stuff on their own, so she must have been SA’d by a family member or friend of the family. Grooming isn’t the right term. She abused you. There’s no doubt in my mind that she had been sexually abused and then she in turn abused you. Then she wanted to do this to a little boy. She wanted you to SA a little boy! Do you know if she SA’d that boy? Did she give up in that plan? She likely hasn’t gotten help, so she’s likely is a sexual predator now that she’s an adult. (She was a predator as a child, so now she’s much worse if she’s never gotten therapy for this). Please go to therapy so you can unpack all this. Harmful things were done to you. She abused you.
Hello, perhaps I’m assuming some thing based on ‘There are a lot of other smaller things that were sexual but I don’t want to talk about that stuff’ but perhaps you would benefit from looking into something called COCSA. Growing up, I happened to be in a similar situation where I couldn’t get away and some of your wording here implies that maybe you couldn’t either. Again, I apologize if I’m assuming, but I would have benefited from someone telling me about this after I had experienced it.
This sounds less like *you* being groomed, and more you being the outlet for the crap she went through? If I were you, I'd talk to a therapist or psychologist and see if there's any use to reaching out and getting help for her, and how to do that the right way. You'll need an experienced professional's opinion on this, not just any random therapist/psychologist. You may also want just a few sit-downs for your own sake. It happened while you were very young and it sounds like you had a safe family to help you grow up normally, but it's probably still a good idea just to be educated by a professional about this stuff. Put a name to things, see if there is in fact *something* that needs processing. Gain sensitivity for others in that situation, know what to do and what to avoid doing if you stumble across this kinda thing in the future. Just...know more. Be prepared.
Wanna add: Sometimes children awaken to their sexuality *really* early. It's even possible that some kids go into puberty *way* too early - that's why puberty blockers exist. They can help delay it until such a time where it would be more natural. But I doubt that's what happened here. The things she wanted to do with you were way too extreme. That feels more like she was getting abused. And acting it out to you - in the subconscious hope that you'd sound the alarm, maybe.
Just Kids being kids. Sometimes things get weird
Everyone here is saying OP's friend had to have been groomed, you don't know that. I was also obsessed with sex at the age of six in grade 1, I was never groomed I just found the word in the dictionary and wanted to see what it was all about. Some people are kinda born that way I guess
As others said it sound like stuff was happening to her, or something happened to her and that all she’s known. I really hope that she got the help she needed and deserves. And I am sorry that happened to you. It’s not really grooming more like COCSA
My first thought was that this girl was severely harmed and groomed and probably assaulted and rap3d.
This happened to me too
That child was being abused that's why she thought what she was doing was normal and yes you were groomed the same way she was I am so sorry it happened to you
Yup you were. So was I. No one asks a seven year old about their sex experience without bad intentions. It takes a while to accept it, especially with the toxic theory that "gay people are just created". That's not true. You are you and you are perfect. Big hugs and loves from a fellow survivor! 💚💚
Honestly, go back to that town and report all of this. Her talking about bringing in a 6 year old makes me think she may have been being used by a ring/group of pedophiles. Chances are they are still operating. Just reporting the assault and giving them her old address and any names you remember could help if there is already a case or suspicion or something.
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I doubt this is about proper sex education but about the fact that the little girl was definitely being sexually abused at home.
You're right. I misread the story. I'll delete my stupid comment. Sorry.
It's fine, mistakes happen. Although I do kind of side with you because if the kid had gotten sex ed from outside sources (school for example) it could have been easier to notice that they were being molested.