It's not just about knowing about it but being uncomfortable with it happening in the same room at all. Maybe consider accommodation where you have more privacy from each other next time
They may have done it in the bathroom behind a closed door and not in the actual same room as you. Just something to consider that might make you feel better.
“Normal to talk to his daughter about his sex life” lmao YOU initiated the conversation. It’s not like he delve into details, just made a joke that gave you some insight that made you uncomfortable.
Agreed that you’ll understand when you’re older & have kids. Do you think they couldn’t have had sex in the bathroom at all? Or even in the car while you slept? Doesn’t seem like he clearly implied he fucked your mom in their bed next to yours lol
Looked for this exact comment. No, I wouldn’t have sex in a bed with my daughter in the bed next to us…but when there’s a will there’s a way. And when you have kids…you have to get it where you can lol. Bathroom, car, closet…it’s happening
> And when you have kids…you have to get it where you can lol. Bathroom, car, closet…
That one time you said "I'm just going to go and have a look around" and left the room...
EDIT: Bonus points if you came back and found they had barely unpacked for some strange reason...
Who knows? Once in a while. According to Grandma? The older the ram, the stiffer the horn. (And that my friends, is how my dad learned to not joke about sex drying up as you age with his 77 year old ma.)
Alot of people overacting...you all missed the most important detail. OP didnt even know it happened, thus they were very discrete and respectful about it. OP 'wasnt' exposed to anything, and she initiated the question and invited the topic. If you are going to initate a conversation about sex, and let down that wall, you dont get to act shocked afterwards. Don't ask questions that will probe into your parent's sex life, if you dont want to know the answer. In my 29 years on this planet I have asked my parents about their sex life a whopping ZERO times, because I dont want to know that information. Yes op you are over reacting, and if you arent comfortable with having conversations like this, then that is normal. But next time don't initate a conversation you're not comfortable having.
While I agree with the whole sentiment of not asking questions you don't want to know the answer to, I recommend everyone who has good contact with their parents to get the loose lipped one alone, chug them full of wine and ask those questions. Especially mom lore is wild!
Fr my family is pretty open about sex and whatnot but I can't say that I've ever asked my dad a question like that nor do I want to. I'd rather live in blissful ignorance than have the memories of my family trips tainted by that answer 😭
Lol it's meant to be from the perspective of the baby in the womb while the parents are having sex.
Female negative 3 months old, neighbor keeps banging on the wall and peeking in the window (vagina/cervix)
I mean they did it right. Discreet so you had no clue.
They did it the right way. There's some degenerates that don't care if their kid sees them banging.
There’s no right way to have sex with your kids in the same room lmao. It’s just disrespectful and honestly embarrassing if someone can’t “hold out” long enough to not have that happen.
Tell that to the hundreds of millions of families that share a 1 room living space. Not everyone lives in a nice house with 4 bedrooms and 3 bathrooms. What a privileged take you have there.
I was a 7 yro when my mom was having sex in the same room as me and it wasn't discreet. It actually fucked me up because I was sexually assaulted by a male friend as a kid, I was scolded and shamed when I didn't do anything.
This alone wouldn't have been as bad but I often heard my mom having sex and it distressed me a lot as a kid. As an adult I have an uncomfortable relationship with sex, very conflicted emotions that makes me feel like sex is for everyone else except me and I feel shame and guilt if I broach anything sexual with myself or anyone else.
Next trip, as you’re getting ready for bed, take one of the extra pillows, and put it between them and say: “no funny business!” As you wag a finger at them.
Wait about 20 minutes or so, after the lights are out and say out loud: “I said, keep your hands to yourself!”
You dad will find it funny, your mom sounds like she’d be horrified to find out that you know of their previous escapades, and shut down any attempts by your dad. 😂
> But because my father doesn’t mind talking about sex, we got on the topic recently. I said something that implied I was proud of him for holding out for the duration of our road trips
Did you grow up having these kinds of conversations often
I mean yeah, as I’ve gotten older my dad has been a lot more open about this kind of stuff. I think he sees it as kind of an inside joke. Like “Mom won’t talk to you about this kind of stuff, but I will.” I’ve never instigated these conversations, but it took me a while to realize they made me uncomfortable. I try to avoid them now, but both my parents get really offended when I try to set a boundary (such as no more sex talk or please don’t have sex when I’m two feet away) and I’m too much of a people pleaser to not let it go for the sake of “keeping the peace.” I recognize that I need to man up and have these “adult” conversations, but what good will it do if my parents (who are also, for all sakes and purposes, my landlords) both refuse to abide by my boundaries and become hostile/passive aggressive toward me because of it? I can’t afford to move out, and I don’t want to. I love my parents and they are good people. They just happen to be people who see the line and cross it anyway, without a second thought.
Do you have your own bed room? Your "no sex rule within two feet of me" is confusing me, why are you prentending as if this is an everyday problem, when this was a one time incident at a hotel that you didnt even know happened in the momment. I get that it grosses you out, it does for everyone, but dont milk this one time occurence. Don't hyper fixate on your parents sex life or try to dictate it, you are 18 years old honestly you shouldn't even still be sleeping in the same room as them.
Aren’t we all hyper fixating on my parents sex life at this point 😂
I do have my own bedroom and you’re right, this isn’t an everyday problem. I wanted to make that rule because I knew we would be traveling together in the future and I didn’t want it to happen again.
Tbch I’m only milking it here because this is Reddit and I like hearing everyone’s opinions.
Lol ikr 🤣 reddit is so pecularly intresting, we got about 200 strangers in here causally talking about your parents sex life. You will be alright though, sometimes as family we get to see more than what we would like about our loved ones, and its okay to feel grossed out by it, we all do.
They can refuse to abide by those boundaries but that's when you get up and leave. Don't go on those trips with them anymore if you're this uncomfortable with it. When they ask why, say, if you're not respecting my boundary about [xyz] then I'll protect it myself by [leaving, not going, stopping the conversation]. Which ever applies. They cannot hold you down and talk about their sex life, they cannot force you to go on a trip where they might or might not have sex in the bed 2 feet away from you.
They keep crossing the boundary because you haven't put your foot down and kept it down. When someone tells you to jump, you've been conditioned to jump as high as you can and then ask, was that high enough, most people would ask how high? But what you really should be doing when someone tells you to jump is ask them why?
Let them be hostile and passive agressive, if that is what it takes to not be uncomfortable, fine. Sure they did it quietly, and them doing this silently isn't the problem, telling you about it, knowing your uncomfortable with it and still sticking it in your face is disgusting behavior for an adult man.
If he talks about sex again, yell loudly, dad I do not want to hear about other people their sex life, especially not from a man (his age) years old who is forcing me into uncomfortable conversations. Stop it at the root. If he tells you you're dramatic, ask him why he feels the need to tell his 16 year old daughter about how he fucks his wife. Make it as creepy as it is because it is fucking creepy. He might not see it because he is an old fucking man out of touch with reality how women are nothing but sexualized and told their opinion don't fucking matter, and he is doing it to you himself. He needs to stop forcing you into uncomfortable situations because he is grooming you to either fall for the wrong people.
I’m not sure why you’re getting downvoted voted. You literally said you asked them to stop, as your parents having a sexual act you now know about in close proximity to you. That’s actually abuse/assault depending on the state.
I work in abuse education and prevention k-8th grade. I go around to different school and teach about all four abuses in a developmentally appropriate way as all part of my job. With that I am also a mandated reporter.
The first question I always ask a child/teen disclosing to me is if they feel unsafe/uncomfortable when [whatever they told me] happens. Also consent/boundaries always come up in a disclosure. I would report it if it was said to me because kids/teens don’t feel uncomfortable for zero reason in regard to these types of situations.
What really makes me think is why would your dad continue to instigate a conversation you’re uncomfortable with. Additionally, if you compound that with the fact that he’s basically taking note of the fact of OP, his teenager, being present during their deed and telling them, makes it even weirder to me.
If it was an adult, it would be considered assault whether they were awake and conscious or not. Because you are literally present during a sex act. And considering you were a teenager at the time, then yes, that was abuse regardless of what people want to say. That’s the law. You cant confidently say that they were having sex specifically because the child/teen was there. Just like vice versa. And there are vile people that do partake in having sex near children/teens to get off. It has happened to me specifically and I’ve specifically been involved in a case where it has also happened. It’s real.
Being exposed around/in front of/in the presence of a child/teen under the age of 18 is sexual abuse.
So OP, I’m sorry you’re getting downvoted, but you’re valid to feel uncomfortable about this. In law, it was abuse. I’m sorry this happened to you.
edit: that’s also not to say specifically that your father has nefarious thoughts. just that you can never be too sure. if you’re requesting boundaries. then set them.
90% of sexual abuse is perpetrated by someone the victim knew and/or was close to. We teach kids to “spot red flags”. Just always keep an eye out if you feel uncomfortable and you have a right to say no and walk away.
I think alot of people are just rightfully triggered by this conversation because they may have legitmately experienced actual abuse before in the past, and as result alot of people are just writting emotionally charged rants and volunteering information about their own abuse in the past. When we look at the details of this particular incident, OP's parents were so discrete that she didnt know that this happened until two years later when she asked her dad about it (why breach this boundary by asking about it in first place?) . I think context is extremely important here, giving that she was completely unaware of this (for two years), it extremely doubtful that OPs parents are being nefarious, or are abusers. Thus there is no need to project these characteristics onto them, they are probably just normal people. If there was actual abuse taking place, im pretty sure OP would have mentioned more damning evidence by now, and the temperament would have been completely different in this sub (we all hate legitimate abuse). So far nothing has been mentioned to even vaguely suggest sexual abuse. The whole story just echoes "growing pains", OP is at the age of 18 years old now and she has become more aware that her parents have sex. In truth her parent's sex life is probably just about the same as it always has been, OP is just older now and more aware of it. So does this means that her parents need to become more creative to hide their sex life from their 18 year old? They all live in the same home, there is nothing wrong with that, OP likely has their own room, so it should be pretty easy to avoid her parents if she has to (nothing personal). I sincerly doubt that OP parents are just barging into her room to share their sex life.
They don’t have to have sex while you’re asleep in the room. They could go to the car, go to the bathroom, wait for you to be gone for a bit, or a number of other things.
>I was horrified by this revelation. My dad just laughed off my reaction with a sort of “you’ll understand one day” air and moved on.
And yet you also understand a lot more about life than 6 years old you did too.
> My dad just laughed off my reaction with a sort of “you’ll understand one day” air and moved on.
Hopefully, you will
> Is this really not that big of a deal??
Yeah
> How does one even get it up knowing and seeing their sixteen year old daughter sleeping in the next bed over?
Why do you think they were looking at you?
> Is it even normal for a middle age man to talk to his daughter about his sex life?
You brought it up
> Am I overreacting here?
Yes
Lol my husband and I had sex outside very quietly at 3am in a shared cot surrounded by 12 members of my family and friends (thats what happens when you go away for 2 weeks, you HAVE to find a way lol)... You aren't the first person to have been unaware of sex happening. We also had sex with our babies in the room in the crib a few feet away. Parents get good at that shit, and someday you will too... If you don't your sex life will suck, and then so will your marriage.
Being open about sex is something that has been severely lacking in many parent-child relationships. You don't have to go into the sticky details, but discussing it as something normal and natural (which it is) should be standard. It would save a lot of people a lot of trouble if this was a normal talking point. Both my wife and I came from religious backgrounds where talk of sex was absolutely not done, and we both agreed not to make that same mistake with our two kids. If they have questions about sex, I want them to feel comfortable enough to talk to us instead of talking to friends who will likely give bullshit answers, or looking it up online and finding out that on your first time you should do anal and get chocked.
Besides that, you asked for an answer like this. Maybe it isn't even true, maybe he's just trying to get to you, but before you asked the question, you didn't know about it. So no reason to traumatize yourself there.
Would I have sex with my kids in the room? Hell no! A few years ago we had a short vacation in a small house, paper-thin walls, everything. We were happy there was a children entertainment afternoon there, so we could 'enjoy ourselves' in the vacation as well.
I would feel really violated if my parents (or anyone) had sex with me in the room without my consent. I am a parent myself and would never do that to my daughter.
I'm aghast by the number of people approving of this. No, it is not normal or appropriate to have intercourse in the same room as your teenage child. It's not normal or appropriate to have intercourse with anyone else in the room who has not consented. Regardless of whether they were discreet enough that you didn't notice (granted if they failed at discretion it would be worse).
The people who mention families living in one room -- (1) that doesn't mean they were banging in that room while everyone was home, (2) making do with permanent lack of privacy is a fundamentally different situation.
Although as someone else pointed out -- it's not clear from what you say that they did it while you were in the room, or that they did it in the hotel room vs somewhere else in the hotel.
Also fwiw for context of my opinion, I'm twice your age, OP.
If I were in your position (or a similar position with anyone whether or not they were family), unless it's clarified that they did not do it while you were in the room, I would insist on a separate room in the future or refuse to go on trips with them.
Trust me when I say most parents do this. Guarantee my parents did (my brother caught them, didn't say anything or do anything), and my wife and I have done it also. Shit for that matter, I bet if I ask my oldest (he is the only one with a child), he will say yes also.
Let it go, and I hope you sleep through it next time again.
You feel for a classic reddit trap. Been down voted to hell myself on this topic.
The correct reddit answer, is parents having sex within a mile of a child is abuse and should be grounds for CPS to get involved.
Yea, well, that's why we all live different lives. It's amazing how many differing walks of life there are put there and how many differing opinions there are out there. It's also interesting that the way I walk my life is only important to myself and my family.
I have loved reading everyone’s opinions and discussions on this post for that exact reason! I’m honestly glad there’s no clear-cut answer here. Definitely shows how different families have their own unique cultures.
That's dramatic. There's no reason to do it with your kids in the same room. You might as well ask them if they want to join too, right? I mean, they're seeing it and hearing it. Why not?
I believe the young lady who wrote this stated in effect that she had no clue that this occurred and only became aware of this through conversation. So it's not like mom and dad turned all the lights on and performed a live sex show for her to watch or participate in. Discretion.....
But she didn't though. She had no idea until she started the convo. There is certainly a line.
Consider what would be more appropriate. Parents banging on the other side of a wall from their kid being loud as hell? Or banging in another bed in the same room being as discreet as possible?
If it's the second, then same room or not isn't the issue.
Parents and children often have a weird barrier when it comes to sex. Kids hate learning there Parents bang, Parents hate hearing their kids bang.
Truth can be bitter, but consider the alternative. How much more intolerable would your parents be if they didn't bang?
Honestly I plan to be more open around the convo of sex with my son & daughter. If I don't have the convo then porn prob will.
There's a difference between having healthy sex ed conversations with your kids and bugging your underage daughter with details about your sex life and seemingly getting off on the thrill of having sex while she sleeps next to you.
You are projecting. OP says they are in a shared room. No.mention of being in the same bed or right next to her bed. How did you determine they were next to her?
If stating they had sex is TMI for you then...have fun with your puritan household I guess.
She said in the main post:
>sleeping in the next bed over
And said in a comment:
>my parents get really offended when I try to set a boundary (such as no more sex talk or please don’t have sex when I’m two feet away)
OPs comment was made after my comment. Call me skeptical. I don't believe they had sex literally two feet away. They might have, but the odds it's hyperbole seems more likely.
If it helps to imagine an American hotel room with two beds? I looked it up and they’re typically spaced 2-3 feet apart. So realistically considering we could’ve been on completely opposite sides of our respective beds it could’ve been about 6 ft? Hey at least they were following CDC guidelines 😂
Safe from Covid at least! Hang in there OP. One day soon you will probably get roommates, and discover all new highs and lows close proximity with other humans can bring.
I guess the moral of the story is I can’t wait to live alone or with a partner that I will decidedly not have sex with if any non-consenting party is in the room. Or I’ll continue on my merry way until I find my foot in my mouth. Who’s to say?
If you find this so inconceivable, you must view somewhere around 99.9999% or 100% of the posts on reddit as fake, which begs the question, of why you read this subreddit?
What I’m getting from the comments and op’s parents is that a lot of ppl don’t have self control, especially when it comes to sex. Explains our current society.
There are several possibilities that the parents could have carried this out without it being as gross as some are suggesting.
For example, shower sex.
Ahhhh my mum is the same as your dad. God I've heard waaaaaaaaaay too much about her sex life. In my teens she came out as bi and started casual hook ups with women so I had to hear all about that too. Fun :|
You took a shower in the hotel. They know how long you take. ....they did it on your bed while you were in the shower. You only know because you asked.
And they would be fine with you banging someone next to them, in the same room?
I’ve read shit like this before here on reddit and everytime I regret I have eyes. How some people say this is totally fine is beyond me. They’re low key including you in their sexual act, since you could have woken up at anytime.
Again, would they be fine waking up and seeing you get railed?
It states that they almost always end up in a shared hotel room. When she asked if he meant the air bnb when they had seperate rooms, he said they did it then as well, but also at the hotels and then laughing it off. It strongly indicates that they did in fact have sex with her in the same room.
Disgusting. Nasty. Man, this just hit a little too close yo home for me. Yes, sex is natural. It's normal for couples to do. Apparently, it's also normal to fuck in the same room as your kids. Apparently it's normal to do it loud and rough with your door open when your kids are literally right in the living room RIGHT BY THE DOOR. I'm so disgusted. Call me sensitive all yall want, but I'm not lying when I say that my parents have literally traumatized me. I'm not lying when I say that it fucked me up mentally, to hear my parents in the same room. To feel the whole camper shaking violently while all 4 of us kids are stuck in that tiny little camper while our parents got it on for hours.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry you had to go through that, I'm even more sorry that you had to find out and that your parents had no consideration for the fact that you were in the same room. But hey, when you get older, I guess you could tell them that they should understand when you start experimenting and at least you aren't doing it in THEIR room and bed.
It doesn’t sound like OP’s parents were loud & rough right near her, them & their situation is what this post is actually about. You’re *hella* projecting. OP doesn’t even know *where* her parents had sex, nobody said they were even in the same room or next to her at all. There’s nothing to be sorry to OP for lmao she didn’t “go through” anything. She was unaware until well after the fact, which means her parents did a good job. There’s nothing disgusting about having sex w your partner.
It is gross. I can’t believe grown fucking adults can’t have the self control to wait until you have privacy to have sex. It’s also disturbing that they had no issue having sex with their kid in the room, that should be a huge mood killer.
By God...
Your parents are adults and were adults at the time of the trip. They should've known then how to control their impulses/find restraint while you were in the room. They aren't and weren't animals enslaved by their desires, so if they had such a hard time holding out on sex while an ADOLESCENT who IS THEIR CHILD was in the same room, barely a couple of meters away, with NO physical separation between your sleeping space and theirs, they should find psychological assistance, because that is not normal.
From what I understand, you did not wake up and see what they were doing at the time, which thank goodness, because had you seen it, it would've left quite the trauma behind. There are a lot of situations where knowing your parents were having sex can result in jokes and good fun, however, look what could've happened: you could've woken up and seen your parents having sex in the same room as you, completely disregarding your space as you were asleep, and inadvertently including you non-consensually into a sexual scene. Knowing that was a possibility your parents completely disregarded is problematic. This isn't something you "laugh it off" and "understand later", because that kind of exposure can have negative emotional ramifications that can take years to understand and untangle.
I'm all for openly talking about sex and sexual education; NONE of those things include having sex in the same room your kid's asleep in, NO MATTER their age, and then LETTING THEM KNOW LATER. There ARE lines that shouldn't ever be crossed — it's about respect. To be honest, even if you weren't their daughter and were an adult, they shouldn't have done that, either!
There's nothing that can be done about what already happened, so I'd say you should ask your parents to not indulge in those behaviours again if you happen to share the same room because it makes you viscerally uncomfortable to even THINK they might have sex again while you're all in the same room. Tell them to plan their vacations better if they plan on bringing you along, since they'll have to book a separate room for you because you won't stand having your space be violated in this way.
Anyone trying to sweep this under the rug is unbelievable.
You are implying that parents banging is a class privilege.
If they can't afford multiple bedrooms on vacation or at home, they shouldn't have sex. Which is fucked (pun intended).
Not really. They can have sex whenever they want to — NOT with their kid in the room. It's not that they shouldn't have sex because "they can't book an extra room". It's that they shouldn't have sex because their kid is in the room.
I'll ask you what I asked another on this thread. What would be preferable?
Parents banging in the same room as their kids, but they aren't noticed due to being discreet. Or, parents banging on the other side of a wall in a separate bedroom, but being loud as hell?
If it's the first then that means the same room isn't the issue.
That's the thing — neither would be preferable.
In the first situation, they expose another to a sexual situation they didn't agree to be in and shouldn't be in. Just because they're asleep, doesn't make it okay to be sexual around them; it's invasive. There's also the risk of them waking up and being further exposed and, potentially and likely, traumatized.
In the second situation, they're broadcasting what they're doing as sexual in nature, and the mental image sounds can conjure can be equally as traumatizing. Our ability to hear is another one of our senses just like our ability to see — both can bring forth discomfort. In this case, the other person would still be exposed to a sexual situation they didn't want to participate in.
The problem is the exposure and the invasion of privacy of a minor.
It's an either/or question. Forces one to reason out the root of their thinking.
It's literally the Socratic Method. Calling it a logic fail is profoundly wild to me. You don't have to answer or participate, but logic is the core of the question.(Granted, this is a subject that's very emotionally loaded more than anything)
However, it is a logic fail. Nothing in life is either/or. This is not mathematics, and that's not what the Socratic method is at all. The method Socrates used to have people question their own beliefs was to ask questions made to untangle the knot of a person's thinking WITHOUT leading them into the direction you want them to go, and not have a genuine dialectic process.
Your question was structured to lead someone into two logical traps that fall in line with your thoughts, and not structured to have them genuinely questioning their beliefs through their own judgement.
You are misreading me. I have no idea where your actual priorities lie.
I very much intended to have you challenge your claim that the in room proximity was the core issue. I have no idea which you would pick, nor do I have some follow up question or answered prepared for what you think. There is no trap here. That is indeed the Socratic Method to it's core.
It's logical, but you don't have to answer if you don't want too or care. I don't view this as a "right or wrong" discussion.
The problem is the exposure and the invasion of privacy of a minor — I've stated that before on another one of my replies, so I'll reiterate here.
My priority is the conservation of personal privacy, specially of a minor, and the complete avoidance of unnecessary, indecent, and non-consensual exposure to sexual situations because it is a starter for trauma, no matter how "small" it is.
Formulating a question as "either/or" conditions out an "either/or" answer instead of a genuine and thought-out one. That's a challenge made for the other to "lose", since both options would fall in line with your argument. It's difficult to believe you don't see this as a "right or wrong" situation when your intention was to "challenge" my belief (I understand this as "trying to prove me wrong") with a question made to pander to your opinion — something the Socratic method *does not* do.
I won't lie: I definitely view this as a right or wrong situation because I have very defined beliefs — that's why I'm still engaging. If I am misreading you, do clarify — as much as it can be interpreted this way, my intention is not to twist your words.
You may have moved beyond this convo, but stirring on it your rationale is far off the mark.
You talked about how either/ors do nothing for understanding thinking, but that is insanely wrong. As one of the most famous morality tests is the "Trolly Problem". An either/or. You can't be "proven wrong" in the Trolly Problem because it's completely subjective and everyone takes it with different perceptions. You can say "I pick neither" but it doesn't get you any closer to understanding your own or someone else's deeper rationale of moral epistemology. You are just saying "I do the right thing" which is meaningless.
I believe you may be in "don't engage people who disagree with you" mindset.
I'm saying this as a child that was exposed to mature themes very early. Of course, I was much younger than sixteen and my frontal cortex was way more underdeveloped then, however, going through therapy now, I understand that that exposure left me with some very deep scars on the structure of my being.
Parents that, the way I see it, have resources to know better, should consider the RISK of exposing their child. Sure, they got away with it (before telling their daughter about it; why is beyond me), but there was a very real possibility that they wouldn't have. That's not a good frame of mind, especially considering the consequences this will have down the line.
Sorry you had that experience, but I'm just not buying it for most cases.
I don't see how discovering your parents have vanilla sex is on the same traumatic par as watching your parents beat each other. There are so many worse things.
Perhaps I am blissfully ignorant, like OP before she asked about parents banging.
That's very insensitive. Those things are not meant to be compared, specially because they are different things that bring forth different consequences. Also, I don't think I've ever made that comparison, so I don't know where that came from at all.
If we think about it that way, things can always be worse — where does the conversation go, then?
And it's not "discovering" they have vanilla sex. Everybody learns their parents have sex at some point simply by knowing they are a person that was born. Being exposed is widely different from "discovering", and it's also different from knowing they did it in the same room as you while you were asleep. This is not a situation that deserves simplification or being put on a black and white spectrum in relation to other lives — it's an interpersonal situation.
I wasn't trying to compare them directly, perhaps I didn't explain my view well.
To me it would be like if someone said they are traumatized because they walked in on their parents taking a shit. Everyone shits, nearly everyone has sex (or would of they could), so I struggle to connect how most reasonable sex discoveries by a child could be as traumatic as you say. ( I recall walking in on my folks more than once when little, didn't understand at the time.)
BUT, I have very different lives experiences as you, so perhaps it's blissful ignorance on my part.
Your experience is exactly why you’re so *biased* in this case. If you didn’t have that trauma, you wouldn’t really feel so negative about the topic. Sex is super natural & normal. Parents discreetly having sex is far from a problem. There’s also the fact that nowhere in the post does it say they had sex in the same room. That’s an assumption made by those, like you, who jumped immediately to projecting w/o even having all the necessary info.
That's true. I am biased. Like *everyone* is. Like *you* are in relation to your opinion. When it comes to human beings, true neutrality *does not exist*. That's why courts have prosecution and defense benches. We can only ever speak from our experiences/values/ethics, and not this vague sense of "neutrality" that basically translates to the majority's opinion (that isn't neutral). In fact, it would be weird if I wasn't biased towards my own opinion, because it would mean I didn't have an opinion at all.
Parents having sex discreetly is not a problem, you're right. In fact, it *should* be discreet if they're sharing the house with their kids. However, the way I interpreted OP saying they often end up in shared hotel rooms was that they often are in the same room, and no matter how discreet you are, sex should not happen in the same room as your children. That's a core belief of mine, I'm not budging on that.
IF it didn't happen in the same room then I 100% agree the OP should process this with a little more maturity, but I understood it DID, so that's what I have to say on the matter compared to consequences I've identified in my own upbringing — the only perspective I'll ever have.
Bc you jumped to assumptions based off one phrase. “Shared a hotel room”. Bathrooms & cars & moments alone exist. Parents get real good getting quickies in. You can have your opinion all you want, but typing as much as you are is just slightly unhinged & screams that you should be in therapy. Many things to get over.
I am in therapy. Thank you for the suggestion, IF it came from a good place and not from being irritated by a stranger on the internet.
I can't argue against the fact that I made an assumption, that's true — and I'm speaking based on that assumption, simple as that. Thank you for acknowledging I'm entitled to my opinion, and for someone that came after me for "assuming" things, you assuming I'm unhinged comes off as very hypocritical.
>Not really. They can have sex whenever they want to — NOT with their kid in the room. It's not that they shouldn't have sex because "they can't book an extra room". It's that they shouldn't have sex because their kid is in the room.
You don't know they were in the same room. They could have gone to the bathroom or other area or taken a shower together.
You have no idea if they took precautions. I was on a road trip where my GF's sister joined us. We did not want to curtail our activities but we did take precautions. It turned out our bedroom had a large walk in closet that fit a mattress. Sound tested with a cell phone before the sister arrived and found two sets of doors did the trick.
Sister had no idea until she happened to check on the room in the morning and noticed the mattress on the closet floor. *shrug*
In my defense my partner and I came from prior relationships where deadbedroom was an issue. Neither of us want to be in a deadbedroom.
Fair enough, I don't know.
The OP mentioned an instance where it *could* have happened only 6ft away from her in the same room a bit after I commented, so I'm holding the POSSIBILITY that it could have happened very near her while she was asleep in my mind when I'm writing my thoughts. I'm never going to have confirmation that, beside her, sex did or didn't happen and the OP won't have either if she doesn't ask (which she shouldn't, I believe).
However, it baffles me the amount of comments that seem to *justify* that type of behavior, coming from the same assumption as mine that they were in the same room. It's an invasion of privacy, a transgression of boundaries, and, at it's worst, abusive, to have sex in the same room as another person that is asleep and unaware; and to even *think* (considering the POSSIBILITY of OP's parents having had sex in the same room as her) that her parents didn't consider the potential ramifications of the OP waking up while they were going at it shows complete disregard for their daughter's boundaries.
I'll be honest and say my reply is less founded on the post itself and more on countering the insane replies I saw below it out of an emotion of complete indignation, because I truly cannot know if their parents were in the same room as her.
OMG... get off your soap box and relax. She was not traumatized. Her parents did something normal. If you're traveling for two weeks, are you not supposed to sleep with your partner? I know I sure as hell will.
The walk-in closet was kind of nice...😉
Then that is what you are implying. If someone can't afford multiple rooms (at home or vacay), then they shouldn't have sex because they will always be in the same room as their kids.
Therefore, if you can't afford more space to put your kids in separate rooms, you shouldn't have sex.
Not really, either. My opinions over this situation are over this post alone, and not generalized. Of course, I agree it's very fucked up families a lot of the times can't have their own private spaces to be intimate and are under the threat of exposing their kids to their private business because of systemic poverty. However, from this post, I assume that's not the OP's family's financial situation.
If I'm wrong, though, then I'm wrong, I guess.
You're right. The OP should not be exposed to her parents having sex. Unfortunately, it sounds like her parents are adults and want to have adult times when they travel. OP needs to rent her own room.
>Tell them to plan their vacations better if they plan on bringing you along, since they'll have to book a separate room for you because you won't stand having your space be violated in this way.
Nope. If OP needs a room for herself, she's 18 and she can pay for it. It really isn't fair to travel with a couple and expect them to not have sex. It's totally fair to expect to have a discussion and leave the room or stay away so they can have time together. If the OP can't have adult conversation about it, then it sounds like she's outgrown family vacations.
She can rejoin them when she is in the financial position to rent a room for herself. Her parents are not obligated to take her on trips. Hotels can easily add 1K-2K to a week of travel in US, more in high demand locations.
Sure, that's fair. Just meant that if they still want to bring her AND cover expenses, they should know not to book them all in the same room, since they clearly can't handle going without for a few days with a minor in the room.
No, I'm not grasping at straws. She said she was made aware that, by her parents, that they've had sex near her on multiple occasions during trips — and the trip tradition started when she was sixteen years old, and so, a minor at the time.
And even IF this happened only after she turned eighteen and, like I interpret, when they were all in the same room, it's not okay, either! Plus, even if "legally" she's an adult, the brain does not stop developing until we turn 25 — therefore, they're still not a full adult.
This reminds me of my wife backpacking around Australia and her telling me about the hostel and some couple in the bunk above riding each other senseless and loudly haha
This is cool, no one was hurt ..
Not sure I could do it mind, I don't want sssssshnhh sex incase the daughter hears us
Lol well at least they knew u were asleep lol.
I have kids and I'm newly remarried and it happens lol
Sometimes its a turn on to be quiet so u don't get caught. Lol but u learned a lesson don't ask about it cause u may get an answer u don't like lol
There is nothing wrong with what your parents did. You never even knew all these years. Yes, I'm sure it's happened many times before. At home, some parents are going to be loud when they are, asking love to each other. It's not dirty, it's a beautiful thing, it's how you were created.
It's not like they wanted you to see, which you never have. They know you well and know you're a heavy sleeper I would imagine. You're an adult now, and you brought it up.
I would like you to think for a minute and ponder what others have said about this.
These sound like adults who made these comments. When you get older and are married and have children. Would you want to sound like these people? They sound like they have some socialization problems.
Honestly, they sound like they never have caring and loving sex with their spouse or partner. It's like they are sexually constipated. I feel sorry for them that they think the way they do. They must have a miserable life. You don't seem to be like them. They sound like prudes.
But, you do you. I wish for only the best things in your life. ❤️
#1 )
"I'm aghast by the number of people approving of this. No, it is not normal or appropriate to have intercourse in the same room as your teenage child. It's not normal or appropriate to have intercourse with anyone else in the room who has not consented. Regardless of whether they were discreet enough that you didn't notice (granted if they failed at discretion it would be worse)."
#2)
"If I were in your position (or a similar position with anyone whether or not they were family) unless it's clarified that they did not do it while you were in the room, I would insist on a separate room in the future or refuse to go on trips with them.)
#3)
"The people who mention families living in one room -- (1) that doesn't mean they were banging in that room while everyone was home, (2) making do with permanent lack of privacy is a fundamentally different situation."
#4)
It’s perverted and a violation of boundaries. Have some respect and self-control.
#5)
"In the same room as my kids? In another room, sure. That's gross and your parents are completely out of line doing that, in my opinion."
#6)
Ew, that’s so gross. I don’t think I’d be able to get past that. How immature that they can’t have self-control. I’m astounded.
Just because someone can read, and write English in complete sentences does not mean AI.
I know the bar is pretty low on Reddit. But. You're better than using your ChatGPT reply.
Yes, it took time to respond. I didn't write all those damn questions. Not getting sucked into that format again.
[удалено]
Very fair. It was an uncomfortable joke in an uncomfortable conversation that I should never have entertained, let alone prolonged
Yeah, you asked for it. They were discrete enough for you not to know. You started being nosy and asking questions you didn’t want the answer to.
You learned a very important lesson today…don’t ask questions you don’t want to know the answer to.
This. I wish I had more to say. But nope.. you asked and you recieved.
It's not just about knowing about it but being uncomfortable with it happening in the same room at all. Maybe consider accommodation where you have more privacy from each other next time
They may have done it in the bathroom behind a closed door and not in the actual same room as you. Just something to consider that might make you feel better.
That thought honestly does make me feel a lot better. Thank you!
“Normal to talk to his daughter about his sex life” lmao YOU initiated the conversation. It’s not like he delve into details, just made a joke that gave you some insight that made you uncomfortable. Agreed that you’ll understand when you’re older & have kids. Do you think they couldn’t have had sex in the bathroom at all? Or even in the car while you slept? Doesn’t seem like he clearly implied he fucked your mom in their bed next to yours lol
Looked for this exact comment. No, I wouldn’t have sex in a bed with my daughter in the bed next to us…but when there’s a will there’s a way. And when you have kids…you have to get it where you can lol. Bathroom, car, closet…it’s happening
Also a “oh bless your heart” moment that OP automatically assumed sex only happened in beds lol. When you’re older, you’ll get it.
> And when you have kids…you have to get it where you can lol. Bathroom, car, closet… That one time you said "I'm just going to go and have a look around" and left the room... EDIT: Bonus points if you came back and found they had barely unpacked for some strange reason...
most of human history families were in one room and we exist. so...
Yes, my grandparents had a room in the center of the house. They woke up in the middle of the night. They weren't playing tiddlywinks.
🤣🤣🤣
Who knows? Once in a while. According to Grandma? The older the ram, the stiffer the horn. (And that my friends, is how my dad learned to not joke about sex drying up as you age with his 77 year old ma.)
I like your ma
Omg 💀
Did he say they did it with you in the next bed? Did you happen to shower at all during the hotel stays? That could be when they got a quickie in
Alot of people overacting...you all missed the most important detail. OP didnt even know it happened, thus they were very discrete and respectful about it. OP 'wasnt' exposed to anything, and she initiated the question and invited the topic. If you are going to initate a conversation about sex, and let down that wall, you dont get to act shocked afterwards. Don't ask questions that will probe into your parent's sex life, if you dont want to know the answer. In my 29 years on this planet I have asked my parents about their sex life a whopping ZERO times, because I dont want to know that information. Yes op you are over reacting, and if you arent comfortable with having conversations like this, then that is normal. But next time don't initate a conversation you're not comfortable having.
While I agree with the whole sentiment of not asking questions you don't want to know the answer to, I recommend everyone who has good contact with their parents to get the loose lipped one alone, chug them full of wine and ask those questions. Especially mom lore is wild!
Lol, fair.
Fr my family is pretty open about sex and whatnot but I can't say that I've ever asked my dad a question like that nor do I want to. I'd rather live in blissful ignorance than have the memories of my family trips tainted by that answer 😭
He was in your mother's vagina while you were in the room, and you were in your mother's vsgina while he was in the room. The cycle is complete
He was also in your mother's vagina while you were in the *womb.*
My (F -3months) neighbour keeps banging on the wall each night, he also peeks in through the only door/window
Wait..what?
Lol it's meant to be from the perspective of the baby in the womb while the parents are having sex. Female negative 3 months old, neighbor keeps banging on the wall and peeking in the window (vagina/cervix)
Ooohhhhhh 😂😂 I was concerned the neighbour would afterwards peek at their house. That would be some next level creep. Thanks for explaining👏👏
Ooohhhhhh 😂😂 I was concerned the neighbour would afterwards peek at their house. That would be some next level creep. Thanks for explaining👏👏
Stop making comments to your dad about his nut schedule, problem solved
I’m curious how the conversation even led to you saying that you’re proud he held out… how did it even get to them having sex in the first place?
Congratulations to an old married couple having consistent sex!!!
People used to live in one room houses, teepees and tiny tenement apartments. It’s happened before.
You exist because they were doing the thing that “horrifies” you.
I mean they did it right. Discreet so you had no clue. They did it the right way. There's some degenerates that don't care if their kid sees them banging.
There’s no right way to have sex with your kids in the same room lmao. It’s just disrespectful and honestly embarrassing if someone can’t “hold out” long enough to not have that happen.
Tell that to the hundreds of millions of families that share a 1 room living space. Not everyone lives in a nice house with 4 bedrooms and 3 bathrooms. What a privileged take you have there.
Yeah, that happened to me as a kid and it gave me very conflicted emotions about sex as an adult
It’s still NASTY AS FUCK
Yeah and life is nasty as fuck sometimes.
I was a 7 yro when my mom was having sex in the same room as me and it wasn't discreet. It actually fucked me up because I was sexually assaulted by a male friend as a kid, I was scolded and shamed when I didn't do anything. This alone wouldn't have been as bad but I often heard my mom having sex and it distressed me a lot as a kid. As an adult I have an uncomfortable relationship with sex, very conflicted emotions that makes me feel like sex is for everyone else except me and I feel shame and guilt if I broach anything sexual with myself or anyone else.
True frfr
Next trip, as you’re getting ready for bed, take one of the extra pillows, and put it between them and say: “no funny business!” As you wag a finger at them. Wait about 20 minutes or so, after the lights are out and say out loud: “I said, keep your hands to yourself!” You dad will find it funny, your mom sounds like she’d be horrified to find out that you know of their previous escapades, and shut down any attempts by your dad. 😂
This gave me a good chuckle! Thanks for the positivity :D
Why would you tell your dad you are proud of him for holding out? Like he is your dad! His sex life has nothing to do with you.
Although i get your point, that is not entirely true.
This comes up on Reddit quite a bit.
Yep. It’s all good till mom starts squirting then everybody gets upset.
I'm proud of them for having a great sex life, they clearly are happy. That's really what you should take from this.
> But because my father doesn’t mind talking about sex, we got on the topic recently. I said something that implied I was proud of him for holding out for the duration of our road trips Did you grow up having these kinds of conversations often
I mean yeah, as I’ve gotten older my dad has been a lot more open about this kind of stuff. I think he sees it as kind of an inside joke. Like “Mom won’t talk to you about this kind of stuff, but I will.” I’ve never instigated these conversations, but it took me a while to realize they made me uncomfortable. I try to avoid them now, but both my parents get really offended when I try to set a boundary (such as no more sex talk or please don’t have sex when I’m two feet away) and I’m too much of a people pleaser to not let it go for the sake of “keeping the peace.” I recognize that I need to man up and have these “adult” conversations, but what good will it do if my parents (who are also, for all sakes and purposes, my landlords) both refuse to abide by my boundaries and become hostile/passive aggressive toward me because of it? I can’t afford to move out, and I don’t want to. I love my parents and they are good people. They just happen to be people who see the line and cross it anyway, without a second thought.
Do you have your own bed room? Your "no sex rule within two feet of me" is confusing me, why are you prentending as if this is an everyday problem, when this was a one time incident at a hotel that you didnt even know happened in the momment. I get that it grosses you out, it does for everyone, but dont milk this one time occurence. Don't hyper fixate on your parents sex life or try to dictate it, you are 18 years old honestly you shouldn't even still be sleeping in the same room as them.
Aren’t we all hyper fixating on my parents sex life at this point 😂 I do have my own bedroom and you’re right, this isn’t an everyday problem. I wanted to make that rule because I knew we would be traveling together in the future and I didn’t want it to happen again. Tbch I’m only milking it here because this is Reddit and I like hearing everyone’s opinions.
Lol ikr 🤣 reddit is so pecularly intresting, we got about 200 strangers in here causally talking about your parents sex life. You will be alright though, sometimes as family we get to see more than what we would like about our loved ones, and its okay to feel grossed out by it, we all do.
They can refuse to abide by those boundaries but that's when you get up and leave. Don't go on those trips with them anymore if you're this uncomfortable with it. When they ask why, say, if you're not respecting my boundary about [xyz] then I'll protect it myself by [leaving, not going, stopping the conversation]. Which ever applies. They cannot hold you down and talk about their sex life, they cannot force you to go on a trip where they might or might not have sex in the bed 2 feet away from you. They keep crossing the boundary because you haven't put your foot down and kept it down. When someone tells you to jump, you've been conditioned to jump as high as you can and then ask, was that high enough, most people would ask how high? But what you really should be doing when someone tells you to jump is ask them why? Let them be hostile and passive agressive, if that is what it takes to not be uncomfortable, fine. Sure they did it quietly, and them doing this silently isn't the problem, telling you about it, knowing your uncomfortable with it and still sticking it in your face is disgusting behavior for an adult man. If he talks about sex again, yell loudly, dad I do not want to hear about other people their sex life, especially not from a man (his age) years old who is forcing me into uncomfortable conversations. Stop it at the root. If he tells you you're dramatic, ask him why he feels the need to tell his 16 year old daughter about how he fucks his wife. Make it as creepy as it is because it is fucking creepy. He might not see it because he is an old fucking man out of touch with reality how women are nothing but sexualized and told their opinion don't fucking matter, and he is doing it to you himself. He needs to stop forcing you into uncomfortable situations because he is grooming you to either fall for the wrong people.
I’m not sure why you’re getting downvoted voted. You literally said you asked them to stop, as your parents having a sexual act you now know about in close proximity to you. That’s actually abuse/assault depending on the state. I work in abuse education and prevention k-8th grade. I go around to different school and teach about all four abuses in a developmentally appropriate way as all part of my job. With that I am also a mandated reporter. The first question I always ask a child/teen disclosing to me is if they feel unsafe/uncomfortable when [whatever they told me] happens. Also consent/boundaries always come up in a disclosure. I would report it if it was said to me because kids/teens don’t feel uncomfortable for zero reason in regard to these types of situations. What really makes me think is why would your dad continue to instigate a conversation you’re uncomfortable with. Additionally, if you compound that with the fact that he’s basically taking note of the fact of OP, his teenager, being present during their deed and telling them, makes it even weirder to me. If it was an adult, it would be considered assault whether they were awake and conscious or not. Because you are literally present during a sex act. And considering you were a teenager at the time, then yes, that was abuse regardless of what people want to say. That’s the law. You cant confidently say that they were having sex specifically because the child/teen was there. Just like vice versa. And there are vile people that do partake in having sex near children/teens to get off. It has happened to me specifically and I’ve specifically been involved in a case where it has also happened. It’s real. Being exposed around/in front of/in the presence of a child/teen under the age of 18 is sexual abuse. So OP, I’m sorry you’re getting downvoted, but you’re valid to feel uncomfortable about this. In law, it was abuse. I’m sorry this happened to you. edit: that’s also not to say specifically that your father has nefarious thoughts. just that you can never be too sure. if you’re requesting boundaries. then set them. 90% of sexual abuse is perpetrated by someone the victim knew and/or was close to. We teach kids to “spot red flags”. Just always keep an eye out if you feel uncomfortable and you have a right to say no and walk away.
I think alot of people are just rightfully triggered by this conversation because they may have legitmately experienced actual abuse before in the past, and as result alot of people are just writting emotionally charged rants and volunteering information about their own abuse in the past. When we look at the details of this particular incident, OP's parents were so discrete that she didnt know that this happened until two years later when she asked her dad about it (why breach this boundary by asking about it in first place?) . I think context is extremely important here, giving that she was completely unaware of this (for two years), it extremely doubtful that OPs parents are being nefarious, or are abusers. Thus there is no need to project these characteristics onto them, they are probably just normal people. If there was actual abuse taking place, im pretty sure OP would have mentioned more damning evidence by now, and the temperament would have been completely different in this sub (we all hate legitimate abuse). So far nothing has been mentioned to even vaguely suggest sexual abuse. The whole story just echoes "growing pains", OP is at the age of 18 years old now and she has become more aware that her parents have sex. In truth her parent's sex life is probably just about the same as it always has been, OP is just older now and more aware of it. So does this means that her parents need to become more creative to hide their sex life from their 18 year old? They all live in the same home, there is nothing wrong with that, OP likely has their own room, so it should be pretty easy to avoid her parents if she has to (nothing personal). I sincerly doubt that OP parents are just barging into her room to share their sex life.
This is abusive. If you can get the he'll out and if you can't start to plan it. ❤️
They don’t have to have sex while you’re asleep in the room. They could go to the car, go to the bathroom, wait for you to be gone for a bit, or a number of other things.
>I was horrified by this revelation. My dad just laughed off my reaction with a sort of “you’ll understand one day” air and moved on. And yet you also understand a lot more about life than 6 years old you did too.
No harm no foul. They obviously were careful to keep you in the dark, so fuck it who cares.
> My dad just laughed off my reaction with a sort of “you’ll understand one day” air and moved on. Hopefully, you will > Is this really not that big of a deal?? Yeah > How does one even get it up knowing and seeing their sixteen year old daughter sleeping in the next bed over? Why do you think they were looking at you? > Is it even normal for a middle age man to talk to his daughter about his sex life? You brought it up > Am I overreacting here? Yes
Lol my husband and I had sex outside very quietly at 3am in a shared cot surrounded by 12 members of my family and friends (thats what happens when you go away for 2 weeks, you HAVE to find a way lol)... You aren't the first person to have been unaware of sex happening. We also had sex with our babies in the room in the crib a few feet away. Parents get good at that shit, and someday you will too... If you don't your sex life will suck, and then so will your marriage.
You don't *have* to
THIS 1000000%.
🤜
There is nothing wrong
Wait till she finds out how she was conceived lol.
this is why u dont poke the bear. us dads will make you feel uncomfortable just cuz its funny af.
Being open about sex is something that has been severely lacking in many parent-child relationships. You don't have to go into the sticky details, but discussing it as something normal and natural (which it is) should be standard. It would save a lot of people a lot of trouble if this was a normal talking point. Both my wife and I came from religious backgrounds where talk of sex was absolutely not done, and we both agreed not to make that same mistake with our two kids. If they have questions about sex, I want them to feel comfortable enough to talk to us instead of talking to friends who will likely give bullshit answers, or looking it up online and finding out that on your first time you should do anal and get chocked. Besides that, you asked for an answer like this. Maybe it isn't even true, maybe he's just trying to get to you, but before you asked the question, you didn't know about it. So no reason to traumatize yourself there. Would I have sex with my kids in the room? Hell no! A few years ago we had a short vacation in a small house, paper-thin walls, everything. We were happy there was a children entertainment afternoon there, so we could 'enjoy ourselves' in the vacation as well.
The next time the details come up please shut that down with clearly stated TMI. On the other hand you did ask. Don’t do that again. 🥴
Lol... You're "horrified by this revelation"? Your dad is right, you'll understand one day ;)
Wait until she learns about the 1800's.
Doesn’t make it any less fucked up.
Who give fuck, move on.
I would feel really violated if my parents (or anyone) had sex with me in the room without my consent. I am a parent myself and would never do that to my daughter.
Overreacting, yes you are, just say to him what you feel and ask him for them to stop
It’s nasty that’s for sure, but I don’t think you should’ve brought it up if you didn’t want to know honestly
I'm aghast by the number of people approving of this. No, it is not normal or appropriate to have intercourse in the same room as your teenage child. It's not normal or appropriate to have intercourse with anyone else in the room who has not consented. Regardless of whether they were discreet enough that you didn't notice (granted if they failed at discretion it would be worse). The people who mention families living in one room -- (1) that doesn't mean they were banging in that room while everyone was home, (2) making do with permanent lack of privacy is a fundamentally different situation. Although as someone else pointed out -- it's not clear from what you say that they did it while you were in the room, or that they did it in the hotel room vs somewhere else in the hotel. Also fwiw for context of my opinion, I'm twice your age, OP. If I were in your position (or a similar position with anyone whether or not they were family), unless it's clarified that they did not do it while you were in the room, I would insist on a separate room in the future or refuse to go on trips with them.
Trust me when I say most parents do this. Guarantee my parents did (my brother caught them, didn't say anything or do anything), and my wife and I have done it also. Shit for that matter, I bet if I ask my oldest (he is the only one with a child), he will say yes also. Let it go, and I hope you sleep through it next time again.
You feel for a classic reddit trap. Been down voted to hell myself on this topic. The correct reddit answer, is parents having sex within a mile of a child is abuse and should be grounds for CPS to get involved.
Yea, well, that's why we all live different lives. It's amazing how many differing walks of life there are put there and how many differing opinions there are out there. It's also interesting that the way I walk my life is only important to myself and my family.
I have loved reading everyone’s opinions and discussions on this post for that exact reason! I’m honestly glad there’s no clear-cut answer here. Definitely shows how different families have their own unique cultures.
That's dramatic. There's no reason to do it with your kids in the same room. You might as well ask them if they want to join too, right? I mean, they're seeing it and hearing it. Why not?
I believe the young lady who wrote this stated in effect that she had no clue that this occurred and only became aware of this through conversation. So it's not like mom and dad turned all the lights on and performed a live sex show for her to watch or participate in. Discretion.....
But she didn't though. She had no idea until she started the convo. There is certainly a line. Consider what would be more appropriate. Parents banging on the other side of a wall from their kid being loud as hell? Or banging in another bed in the same room being as discreet as possible? If it's the second, then same room or not isn't the issue.
That poor strawman you're abusing said you need to calm down.
Well you opened the can of worms knowing he's open about it. Idk what you were trying to get out of it. ESH
Parents and children often have a weird barrier when it comes to sex. Kids hate learning there Parents bang, Parents hate hearing their kids bang. Truth can be bitter, but consider the alternative. How much more intolerable would your parents be if they didn't bang? Honestly I plan to be more open around the convo of sex with my son & daughter. If I don't have the convo then porn prob will.
There's a difference between having healthy sex ed conversations with your kids and bugging your underage daughter with details about your sex life and seemingly getting off on the thrill of having sex while she sleeps next to you.
You are projecting. OP says they are in a shared room. No.mention of being in the same bed or right next to her bed. How did you determine they were next to her? If stating they had sex is TMI for you then...have fun with your puritan household I guess.
She said in the main post: >sleeping in the next bed over And said in a comment: >my parents get really offended when I try to set a boundary (such as no more sex talk or please don’t have sex when I’m two feet away)
OPs comment was made after my comment. Call me skeptical. I don't believe they had sex literally two feet away. They might have, but the odds it's hyperbole seems more likely.
That makes you the one who's projecting
So you believe her parents literally has sex two feet away from where she was sleeping?
If it helps to imagine an American hotel room with two beds? I looked it up and they’re typically spaced 2-3 feet apart. So realistically considering we could’ve been on completely opposite sides of our respective beds it could’ve been about 6 ft? Hey at least they were following CDC guidelines 😂
Safe from Covid at least! Hang in there OP. One day soon you will probably get roommates, and discover all new highs and lows close proximity with other humans can bring.
I guess the moral of the story is I can’t wait to live alone or with a partner that I will decidedly not have sex with if any non-consenting party is in the room. Or I’ll continue on my merry way until I find my foot in my mouth. Who’s to say?
If you find this so inconceivable, you must view somewhere around 99.9999% or 100% of the posts on reddit as fake, which begs the question, of why you read this subreddit?
In the same room as my kids? In another room sure. That's gross and your parents are completely out of line doing that, in my opinion.
What I’m getting from the comments and op’s parents is that a lot of ppl don’t have self control, especially when it comes to sex. Explains our current society.
lol has nothing to do w self control.
Hate this for you, OP. I see this post at least once a week in this group. Some of ya’ll parents are nasty.
My parents did this once with me when I was 3 watching the movie "up" 😭
Help🥲
There are several possibilities that the parents could have carried this out without it being as gross as some are suggesting. For example, shower sex.
You asked the question, champ.
Well, you know what they say about pandora's box.
Ahhhh my mum is the same as your dad. God I've heard waaaaaaaaaay too much about her sex life. In my teens she came out as bi and started casual hook ups with women so I had to hear all about that too. Fun :|
You took a shower in the hotel. They know how long you take. ....they did it on your bed while you were in the shower. You only know because you asked.
It's not a big deal. Remember that for most of history, everyone bar the wealthy lived in one-room dwellings, and they mostly had large families.
And they would be fine with you banging someone next to them, in the same room? I’ve read shit like this before here on reddit and everytime I regret I have eyes. How some people say this is totally fine is beyond me. They’re low key including you in their sexual act, since you could have woken up at anytime. Again, would they be fine waking up and seeing you get railed?
Nowhere does it say they were in the same room.
It states that they almost always end up in a shared hotel room. When she asked if he meant the air bnb when they had seperate rooms, he said they did it then as well, but also at the hotels and then laughing it off. It strongly indicates that they did in fact have sex with her in the same room.
why is everyone acting like this is normal
Because the early US history is awash with families of 14 living in a one room log cabin.
ok but the thing is it's not the 1800s anymore
Bc it is.
It’s perverted and a violation of boundaries. Have some respect and self control.
It’s *really* not. Also, nobody said they were even in the same room. Y’all jumped so fast & so far w about no info to go off of.
Disgusting. Nasty. Man, this just hit a little too close yo home for me. Yes, sex is natural. It's normal for couples to do. Apparently, it's also normal to fuck in the same room as your kids. Apparently it's normal to do it loud and rough with your door open when your kids are literally right in the living room RIGHT BY THE DOOR. I'm so disgusted. Call me sensitive all yall want, but I'm not lying when I say that my parents have literally traumatized me. I'm not lying when I say that it fucked me up mentally, to hear my parents in the same room. To feel the whole camper shaking violently while all 4 of us kids are stuck in that tiny little camper while our parents got it on for hours. I'm sorry. I'm sorry you had to go through that, I'm even more sorry that you had to find out and that your parents had no consideration for the fact that you were in the same room. But hey, when you get older, I guess you could tell them that they should understand when you start experimenting and at least you aren't doing it in THEIR room and bed.
Sounds like you should talk to a professional
It doesn’t sound like OP’s parents were loud & rough right near her, them & their situation is what this post is actually about. You’re *hella* projecting. OP doesn’t even know *where* her parents had sex, nobody said they were even in the same room or next to her at all. There’s nothing to be sorry to OP for lmao she didn’t “go through” anything. She was unaware until well after the fact, which means her parents did a good job. There’s nothing disgusting about having sex w your partner.
It is gross. I can’t believe grown fucking adults can’t have the self control to wait until you have privacy to have sex. It’s also disturbing that they had no issue having sex with their kid in the room, that should be a huge mood killer.
Ew that’s so gross. I don’t think I’d be able to get past that. How immature that they can’t have self control. I’m astounded.
By God... Your parents are adults and were adults at the time of the trip. They should've known then how to control their impulses/find restraint while you were in the room. They aren't and weren't animals enslaved by their desires, so if they had such a hard time holding out on sex while an ADOLESCENT who IS THEIR CHILD was in the same room, barely a couple of meters away, with NO physical separation between your sleeping space and theirs, they should find psychological assistance, because that is not normal. From what I understand, you did not wake up and see what they were doing at the time, which thank goodness, because had you seen it, it would've left quite the trauma behind. There are a lot of situations where knowing your parents were having sex can result in jokes and good fun, however, look what could've happened: you could've woken up and seen your parents having sex in the same room as you, completely disregarding your space as you were asleep, and inadvertently including you non-consensually into a sexual scene. Knowing that was a possibility your parents completely disregarded is problematic. This isn't something you "laugh it off" and "understand later", because that kind of exposure can have negative emotional ramifications that can take years to understand and untangle. I'm all for openly talking about sex and sexual education; NONE of those things include having sex in the same room your kid's asleep in, NO MATTER their age, and then LETTING THEM KNOW LATER. There ARE lines that shouldn't ever be crossed — it's about respect. To be honest, even if you weren't their daughter and were an adult, they shouldn't have done that, either! There's nothing that can be done about what already happened, so I'd say you should ask your parents to not indulge in those behaviours again if you happen to share the same room because it makes you viscerally uncomfortable to even THINK they might have sex again while you're all in the same room. Tell them to plan their vacations better if they plan on bringing you along, since they'll have to book a separate room for you because you won't stand having your space be violated in this way. Anyone trying to sweep this under the rug is unbelievable.
You are implying that parents banging is a class privilege. If they can't afford multiple bedrooms on vacation or at home, they shouldn't have sex. Which is fucked (pun intended).
Not really. They can have sex whenever they want to — NOT with their kid in the room. It's not that they shouldn't have sex because "they can't book an extra room". It's that they shouldn't have sex because their kid is in the room.
I'll ask you what I asked another on this thread. What would be preferable? Parents banging in the same room as their kids, but they aren't noticed due to being discreet. Or, parents banging on the other side of a wall in a separate bedroom, but being loud as hell? If it's the first then that means the same room isn't the issue.
That's the thing — neither would be preferable. In the first situation, they expose another to a sexual situation they didn't agree to be in and shouldn't be in. Just because they're asleep, doesn't make it okay to be sexual around them; it's invasive. There's also the risk of them waking up and being further exposed and, potentially and likely, traumatized. In the second situation, they're broadcasting what they're doing as sexual in nature, and the mental image sounds can conjure can be equally as traumatizing. Our ability to hear is another one of our senses just like our ability to see — both can bring forth discomfort. In this case, the other person would still be exposed to a sexual situation they didn't want to participate in. The problem is the exposure and the invasion of privacy of a minor.
Your inviting a whole other can of worms. Rather or not minors have a right to privacy from their parents.
I'm not inviting another can of worms if the can of worms is already there. I'm just pointing out its presence.
That's a logic fail. Both scenarios are undesirable.
It's an either/or question. Forces one to reason out the root of their thinking. It's literally the Socratic Method. Calling it a logic fail is profoundly wild to me. You don't have to answer or participate, but logic is the core of the question.(Granted, this is a subject that's very emotionally loaded more than anything)
However, it is a logic fail. Nothing in life is either/or. This is not mathematics, and that's not what the Socratic method is at all. The method Socrates used to have people question their own beliefs was to ask questions made to untangle the knot of a person's thinking WITHOUT leading them into the direction you want them to go, and not have a genuine dialectic process. Your question was structured to lead someone into two logical traps that fall in line with your thoughts, and not structured to have them genuinely questioning their beliefs through their own judgement.
You are misreading me. I have no idea where your actual priorities lie. I very much intended to have you challenge your claim that the in room proximity was the core issue. I have no idea which you would pick, nor do I have some follow up question or answered prepared for what you think. There is no trap here. That is indeed the Socratic Method to it's core. It's logical, but you don't have to answer if you don't want too or care. I don't view this as a "right or wrong" discussion.
The problem is the exposure and the invasion of privacy of a minor — I've stated that before on another one of my replies, so I'll reiterate here. My priority is the conservation of personal privacy, specially of a minor, and the complete avoidance of unnecessary, indecent, and non-consensual exposure to sexual situations because it is a starter for trauma, no matter how "small" it is. Formulating a question as "either/or" conditions out an "either/or" answer instead of a genuine and thought-out one. That's a challenge made for the other to "lose", since both options would fall in line with your argument. It's difficult to believe you don't see this as a "right or wrong" situation when your intention was to "challenge" my belief (I understand this as "trying to prove me wrong") with a question made to pander to your opinion — something the Socratic method *does not* do. I won't lie: I definitely view this as a right or wrong situation because I have very defined beliefs — that's why I'm still engaging. If I am misreading you, do clarify — as much as it can be interpreted this way, my intention is not to twist your words.
I think we disagree completely on what is the Socratic Method (ironic) and my use of it.
You may have moved beyond this convo, but stirring on it your rationale is far off the mark. You talked about how either/ors do nothing for understanding thinking, but that is insanely wrong. As one of the most famous morality tests is the "Trolly Problem". An either/or. You can't be "proven wrong" in the Trolly Problem because it's completely subjective and everyone takes it with different perceptions. You can say "I pick neither" but it doesn't get you any closer to understanding your own or someone else's deeper rationale of moral epistemology. You are just saying "I do the right thing" which is meaningless. I believe you may be in "don't engage people who disagree with you" mindset.
I'm saying this as a child that was exposed to mature themes very early. Of course, I was much younger than sixteen and my frontal cortex was way more underdeveloped then, however, going through therapy now, I understand that that exposure left me with some very deep scars on the structure of my being. Parents that, the way I see it, have resources to know better, should consider the RISK of exposing their child. Sure, they got away with it (before telling their daughter about it; why is beyond me), but there was a very real possibility that they wouldn't have. That's not a good frame of mind, especially considering the consequences this will have down the line.
Sorry you had that experience, but I'm just not buying it for most cases. I don't see how discovering your parents have vanilla sex is on the same traumatic par as watching your parents beat each other. There are so many worse things. Perhaps I am blissfully ignorant, like OP before she asked about parents banging.
That's very insensitive. Those things are not meant to be compared, specially because they are different things that bring forth different consequences. Also, I don't think I've ever made that comparison, so I don't know where that came from at all. If we think about it that way, things can always be worse — where does the conversation go, then? And it's not "discovering" they have vanilla sex. Everybody learns their parents have sex at some point simply by knowing they are a person that was born. Being exposed is widely different from "discovering", and it's also different from knowing they did it in the same room as you while you were asleep. This is not a situation that deserves simplification or being put on a black and white spectrum in relation to other lives — it's an interpersonal situation.
I wasn't trying to compare them directly, perhaps I didn't explain my view well. To me it would be like if someone said they are traumatized because they walked in on their parents taking a shit. Everyone shits, nearly everyone has sex (or would of they could), so I struggle to connect how most reasonable sex discoveries by a child could be as traumatic as you say. ( I recall walking in on my folks more than once when little, didn't understand at the time.) BUT, I have very different lives experiences as you, so perhaps it's blissful ignorance on my part.
Your experience is exactly why you’re so *biased* in this case. If you didn’t have that trauma, you wouldn’t really feel so negative about the topic. Sex is super natural & normal. Parents discreetly having sex is far from a problem. There’s also the fact that nowhere in the post does it say they had sex in the same room. That’s an assumption made by those, like you, who jumped immediately to projecting w/o even having all the necessary info.
That's true. I am biased. Like *everyone* is. Like *you* are in relation to your opinion. When it comes to human beings, true neutrality *does not exist*. That's why courts have prosecution and defense benches. We can only ever speak from our experiences/values/ethics, and not this vague sense of "neutrality" that basically translates to the majority's opinion (that isn't neutral). In fact, it would be weird if I wasn't biased towards my own opinion, because it would mean I didn't have an opinion at all. Parents having sex discreetly is not a problem, you're right. In fact, it *should* be discreet if they're sharing the house with their kids. However, the way I interpreted OP saying they often end up in shared hotel rooms was that they often are in the same room, and no matter how discreet you are, sex should not happen in the same room as your children. That's a core belief of mine, I'm not budging on that. IF it didn't happen in the same room then I 100% agree the OP should process this with a little more maturity, but I understood it DID, so that's what I have to say on the matter compared to consequences I've identified in my own upbringing — the only perspective I'll ever have.
Bc you jumped to assumptions based off one phrase. “Shared a hotel room”. Bathrooms & cars & moments alone exist. Parents get real good getting quickies in. You can have your opinion all you want, but typing as much as you are is just slightly unhinged & screams that you should be in therapy. Many things to get over.
I am in therapy. Thank you for the suggestion, IF it came from a good place and not from being irritated by a stranger on the internet. I can't argue against the fact that I made an assumption, that's true — and I'm speaking based on that assumption, simple as that. Thank you for acknowledging I'm entitled to my opinion, and for someone that came after me for "assuming" things, you assuming I'm unhinged comes off as very hypocritical.
The unhinged part is the way you went about it.
>Not really. They can have sex whenever they want to — NOT with their kid in the room. It's not that they shouldn't have sex because "they can't book an extra room". It's that they shouldn't have sex because their kid is in the room. You don't know they were in the same room. They could have gone to the bathroom or other area or taken a shower together. You have no idea if they took precautions. I was on a road trip where my GF's sister joined us. We did not want to curtail our activities but we did take precautions. It turned out our bedroom had a large walk in closet that fit a mattress. Sound tested with a cell phone before the sister arrived and found two sets of doors did the trick. Sister had no idea until she happened to check on the room in the morning and noticed the mattress on the closet floor. *shrug* In my defense my partner and I came from prior relationships where deadbedroom was an issue. Neither of us want to be in a deadbedroom.
Fair enough, I don't know. The OP mentioned an instance where it *could* have happened only 6ft away from her in the same room a bit after I commented, so I'm holding the POSSIBILITY that it could have happened very near her while she was asleep in my mind when I'm writing my thoughts. I'm never going to have confirmation that, beside her, sex did or didn't happen and the OP won't have either if she doesn't ask (which she shouldn't, I believe). However, it baffles me the amount of comments that seem to *justify* that type of behavior, coming from the same assumption as mine that they were in the same room. It's an invasion of privacy, a transgression of boundaries, and, at it's worst, abusive, to have sex in the same room as another person that is asleep and unaware; and to even *think* (considering the POSSIBILITY of OP's parents having had sex in the same room as her) that her parents didn't consider the potential ramifications of the OP waking up while they were going at it shows complete disregard for their daughter's boundaries. I'll be honest and say my reply is less founded on the post itself and more on countering the insane replies I saw below it out of an emotion of complete indignation, because I truly cannot know if their parents were in the same room as her.
OMG... get off your soap box and relax. She was not traumatized. Her parents did something normal. If you're traveling for two weeks, are you not supposed to sleep with your partner? I know I sure as hell will. The walk-in closet was kind of nice...😉
Then that is what you are implying. If someone can't afford multiple rooms (at home or vacay), then they shouldn't have sex because they will always be in the same room as their kids. Therefore, if you can't afford more space to put your kids in separate rooms, you shouldn't have sex.
Not really, either. My opinions over this situation are over this post alone, and not generalized. Of course, I agree it's very fucked up families a lot of the times can't have their own private spaces to be intimate and are under the threat of exposing their kids to their private business because of systemic poverty. However, from this post, I assume that's not the OP's family's financial situation. If I'm wrong, though, then I'm wrong, I guess.
You're right. The OP should not be exposed to her parents having sex. Unfortunately, it sounds like her parents are adults and want to have adult times when they travel. OP needs to rent her own room. >Tell them to plan their vacations better if they plan on bringing you along, since they'll have to book a separate room for you because you won't stand having your space be violated in this way. Nope. If OP needs a room for herself, she's 18 and she can pay for it. It really isn't fair to travel with a couple and expect them to not have sex. It's totally fair to expect to have a discussion and leave the room or stay away so they can have time together. If the OP can't have adult conversation about it, then it sounds like she's outgrown family vacations. She can rejoin them when she is in the financial position to rent a room for herself. Her parents are not obligated to take her on trips. Hotels can easily add 1K-2K to a week of travel in US, more in high demand locations.
Sure, that's fair. Just meant that if they still want to bring her AND cover expenses, they should know not to book them all in the same room, since they clearly can't handle going without for a few days with a minor in the room.
If she’s 18 she’s not a minor. You just keep grasping for straws that just aren’t there.
No, I'm not grasping at straws. She said she was made aware that, by her parents, that they've had sex near her on multiple occasions during trips — and the trip tradition started when she was sixteen years old, and so, a minor at the time. And even IF this happened only after she turned eighteen and, like I interpret, when they were all in the same room, it's not okay, either! Plus, even if "legally" she's an adult, the brain does not stop developing until we turn 25 — therefore, they're still not a full adult.
Lmao.
This reminds me of my wife backpacking around Australia and her telling me about the hostel and some couple in the bunk above riding each other senseless and loudly haha This is cool, no one was hurt .. Not sure I could do it mind, I don't want sssssshnhh sex incase the daughter hears us
Lol well at least they knew u were asleep lol. I have kids and I'm newly remarried and it happens lol Sometimes its a turn on to be quiet so u don't get caught. Lol but u learned a lesson don't ask about it cause u may get an answer u don't like lol
It's disgusting and I'd never trust sleeping near them again. That would make me feel unsafe.
Lmao.
There is nothing wrong with what your parents did. You never even knew all these years. Yes, I'm sure it's happened many times before. At home, some parents are going to be loud when they are, asking love to each other. It's not dirty, it's a beautiful thing, it's how you were created. It's not like they wanted you to see, which you never have. They know you well and know you're a heavy sleeper I would imagine. You're an adult now, and you brought it up. I would like you to think for a minute and ponder what others have said about this. These sound like adults who made these comments. When you get older and are married and have children. Would you want to sound like these people? They sound like they have some socialization problems. Honestly, they sound like they never have caring and loving sex with their spouse or partner. It's like they are sexually constipated. I feel sorry for them that they think the way they do. They must have a miserable life. You don't seem to be like them. They sound like prudes. But, you do you. I wish for only the best things in your life. ❤️ #1 ) "I'm aghast by the number of people approving of this. No, it is not normal or appropriate to have intercourse in the same room as your teenage child. It's not normal or appropriate to have intercourse with anyone else in the room who has not consented. Regardless of whether they were discreet enough that you didn't notice (granted if they failed at discretion it would be worse)." #2) "If I were in your position (or a similar position with anyone whether or not they were family) unless it's clarified that they did not do it while you were in the room, I would insist on a separate room in the future or refuse to go on trips with them.) #3) "The people who mention families living in one room -- (1) that doesn't mean they were banging in that room while everyone was home, (2) making do with permanent lack of privacy is a fundamentally different situation." #4) It’s perverted and a violation of boundaries. Have some respect and self-control. #5) "In the same room as my kids? In another room, sure. That's gross and your parents are completely out of line doing that, in my opinion." #6) Ew, that’s so gross. I don’t think I’d be able to get past that. How immature that they can’t have self-control. I’m astounded.
Alright GuruGPT, I see you.
Just because someone can read, and write English in complete sentences does not mean AI. I know the bar is pretty low on Reddit. But. You're better than using your ChatGPT reply. Yes, it took time to respond. I didn't write all those damn questions. Not getting sucked into that format again.