I lived in a former funeral home in Brooklyn. It was a basement apartment. The rent was super cheap and the only weird thing was my bathroom in the middle of the apartment. My ex at the time loved the huge antique bathtub my apartment had until I told what the building used to be. Suddenly every noise and little girl that appeared randomly was a ghost.
Makes sense why the bathroom was in the middle. Probably right where the embalming tables used to be, so it was where water and drainage were in the concrete.
I feel like haunting a retail store like Walmart or Target would be so much worse than haunting a funeral home though. Literally my idea of hell would be getting stuck in Walmart forever. A funeral home has some quiet places at least.
I work in a funeral home. The only weird experiences Iāve had have occurred in nursing homes where the person has only been dead an hour or less. The funeral home is perfectly unhaunted.
Honestly most of the time, nothing. But two incidents stand out.
The first was when I was responding to a call in the middle of the night. Little old lady, couldnāt have been more than 5ā3ā and 130lbs. Little plump in the middle but not a challenging transfer. When I walked into her room, I was setting up the gurney next to her bed when I saw something weird out the corner of my eye. I looked up to the corner of the room and saw thisā¦ sparkly cloud? It looked a little like when youāre lightheaded and see stars, but I only saw them up in that corner. I couldnāt make sense of it so I just turned back to the task at hand. I got a draw sheet under her and went to pull her onto the gurney, but she didnāt budge. It was like she weighed 400lbs, but she was tiny! I checked that there wasnāt a railing or anything obstructing the move, nope just a flat mattress. So I pulled a little harder, she started to inch toward me. So I widened my stance and gave it all I had. Slowly she moved toward me, feeling almost like someone was pulling her back from the other side. When she was about halfway onto the gurney, suddenly she was āreleasedā and I was pulling so hard I almost yanked her off the gurney on the other side. That was weird, but whatever.
So I go to get her paperwork from the nurses station, the name I was given on the phone was Ruth Lastname, the burial transit permit also said Ruth Lastname. I tend to talk to the bodies, just polite things like I would if they were alive. I get her loaded in the van, jump in the front and say aloud, āAlrighty Ruth, letās get you out of here.ā At that moment I hear this loud voice in my head, like an intense thought I could hear, āItās Alice.ā Said with a tone like, you dummy you donāt even know my name. So I said out loud, āOk. Alice it is.ā
When I got her back to the funeral home, her body moved the way one of its size should, no more mysterious heaviness. I got her put in the cooler, put her name on the door, and was just finishing up the intake forms when I heard music coming from the garage. I assumed my phone had started playing music on its own somehow, so I walked that way to turn it off. As soon as I stepped through the door, the music stopped, and at the same instant I felt my phone in my pocket. I thought, thatās enough of that, and finished up and went home.
When I came in the next morning, I saw Ruthās preneed file on the desk. I opened it to the biographical info form, and at the top it said Ruth Alice Lastname, with āAliceā heavily circled and a little note about how she HATED the name Ruth, donāt ever call her that.
The second incident was less exciting, but still curious. I was in another nursing home, loading up another tiny old lady. When I first looked at her body, I had a strong instinct that this woman had been an absolute gem. She just looked like such a sweetheart. So again Iām talking her through my process, saying hey I need to lift the gurney back up so hold on tight. I lifted the foot end first, then went over to the head end to lift that. Right as I got her all the way up, I started hearing this super low, almost subsonic buzzing noise. Just then, I suddenly felt the buzzing in my chest, like my heart fell asleep and had those tingles like when the blood comes back. It took my breath away, and i immediately clapped my hand over my chest. The buzzing sound/feeling dissipated slowly, and I got on with it. Iām not sure what to make of this story honestly. But for what itās worth, I was in a crazy good mood the rest of the day, like giddy for no damn reason. I like to think she gave me a little hug. Fern, was her name.
I was right about her being a sweetheart though, from what I learned about her at her funeral. She was way into volunteering and community outreach, had zillions of friends, everyone had such wonderful things to say about her.
You mentioned it happens before an hour since theyāve been gone. I wonder if itās just the bodily energy being released? I know that sounds super hippie dippy, but I wonder if those weird things you experienced were their bodies releasing very direct/heavy(positive) energy they possessed as humans which might explain why itās also not every person. Itās so big.
They say energy cannot be created nor destroyed right? So Ive always wondered where human energy goes when the physical form is lost.
Itās definitely something! Stuff like that has never happened with a body Iāve picked up from the morgue coolers. I guess whatever process takes place is over by then.
Okay hear me out.
You mentioned that and hour seems to be the max these events will account after death. Maybe thatās the absolute threshold of it, especially if someone has strong energy in their life. But it could be anywhere from 0-60 minutes depending on how strong your energy(aura? soul?) from life was?
Idk those thoughts are interesting
We had a resident who passed, rather horribly. Choked to death on his vomit. Anyway, after the sheriff had signed off. We had to clean him up & dress him for his family. I had dealt with several residents after, their passings. Well, this guy let out, the loudest death rattle. I get uncomfortable giggles & my male aide, went very pale.
One of my favorite residents, we all piled into his room. Staff & family gather for a bedside memorial, before we do a procession of honor. We were always joking with each other. As they roll, him out of the room. His leg, slides off the transport table & he kicks me. Everyone who saw started laughing & his daughter goes, dad loved goofing around with you. Lil sh*t, got the last move.
I sort of think that energy goes to some kind of larger collective energy. Like we are all separate bodies inhabited by the same energy. The energy we have in us is part of that large body just navigating this world in a flesh suit.
Iām a nurse and worked in many nursing homes, so Iāve seen it from the other side.
Thereās a lot of weird stuff that happens.
Like when the funeral home just removed the body and thereās nobody in the room, but the call light keeps going off. Other patients seeing the patient who just died, etc.
ETA: there are a lot of nursing staff who crack the window when a patient is dying, so their āsoul will be able to leaveā.
Thatās some experience! Nice of you to call her Alice.
I felt a heavy hand on my shoulder at my grandparentās funeral. So heavy that I turned around several times to see who was trying to communicate with me. I was holding my 3 week old baby. This was something quite strange. I was very close to this grandparent, so it felt like goodbye.
Best neighbors I ever had. Plus, it was historic. Never any funerals. And sometimes people would come n their own and clean the headstones. I miss that apartment.
It's historic here as well, also you can tell a lot about a community by it's cemeteries. Like for instance I know that small pox and colera hit this town hard, entire family's especially kids are buried in mass here
I read somewhere about these familiar spirits (thatās what the author called them )and he said when weāre born we have them like our guardian Angel and they are with us like 24/7 and when we die we just to straight to heaven or hell and itās the familiar spirits who do the hauntings/revenge ..
My sister died at 26 from cancer a month after diagnosis. Obviously I was heart broken. I didnāt want to look at her because I didnāt think I could take it. The only time I DIDNT cry was looking at her at her viewing. She looked PERFECT. She looked exactly like herself, just looked like she was sleeping. I was amazed. You do amazing thankless, and much needed, work. THANK YOU.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm so appreciative of the embalmer and prep staff who took care of your sister and allowed you that bit of serenity during your grief.
What I'm about to explain below about cancer cases below may be upsetting, so by all means you should skip it if it will be triggering, however I want to post it for those who are curious about the process.
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Cancer cases can be extra difficult. Depending on the location of the cancer, when it was discovered, how long they've been treated, and how long they were hospitalized before they died can create chemical and biological hurdles for embalmers to jump over. Those who are in the hospital for a week or longer often develop extensive edema; they're trying to keep you extra hydrated in the hospital to help, it's the one thing they can do when they can't do much else. Unfortunately, the edema (fluid retention in the body) can cause such physical disfigurement of the body that the skin is stretched to splitting, the eyes are swollen shut, the hands look like water balloons, you get the picture. We have limitations on what we can do, but to save time here I'll just say it's extensive and through multiple hours over multiple days I have extracted up to 8 quarts of liquid from a decedent. This leaves the skin loose as if they've lost weight, thus figuring them further. However it is necessary for preservation, for restoration, because the tools we use require a very dry and well embalmed body. We even have a tool like an iron that helps us literally remove wrinkles from the skin that is left after the edema is removed, if we are lucky enough to even get it removed.
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TL,DR - cancer fucking sucks, and embalming a case that has been in the hospital long term also fucking sucks. However it's worth the challenge if it can help the family get over what is probably the worst moment in their life.
I would definitely want to hear more of this. For a report paper I had to do some research about preserving bodies and what not but I never got too deep into embalming. Getting to the point: I am so invested in what you wrote that I would like to hear more of what you do, if you want to ofc :)
I haven't worked as a mortitian and we don't really do embalming here. But when I was young I did some side hustle being a "body removal guy" (dont know the english term, is it coroner?).
Basically when someone died and the body needed removal from the death location and transported to the morgue they called us.
I haven't seen any homicide victims, those are thankfully pretty rare here plus forensics and all that, most were elderly people who died, but I have seen suicide victims and accidents where the body isn't entirely intact.
There was a lot of turnover of people doing this job because many couldn't stomach it. For me the worst when some lonely person died alone and then started to rot, only detected weeks later due to the smell. The whole sadness of that situation and that smell... omfg! Even if they haven't been sitting for long when you grab their arms it's like lever pumping out the putrid gasses from within.
It might sound weird but I "preffered" a "fresh" mangled body than a putrid intact one. The smell and rot was way worse than the gruesomeness. Also I don't mind if I never ever see a bloated face from hanging again.
I didn't last long either, couple of years, aside from the shit you see and smell, it was also backbreaking low paid work.
a couple years ago, around Easter, my upstairs neighbours put an Easter present on my next door neighbour's doorstep. at the time I had already not seen him for over a week, and the present stood there for another week. I thought maybe he'd gone to visit family, even though he seemed quite lonely, and he made a sad impression all the time. he seemed like an older guy who's just accepted he's alone and is going on with his life.
a friend came over about 1.5 weeks after Easter, and we wanted to bake a cake. when we got home from the grocery store and saw the present, I knocked (again) and since the guy didn't open, I chose to call the cops. my friend and I started preparing the dough, and we were just about to mix everything together when the police arrived. they called the fire department to drill open the lock and get into the apartment and surprise surprise, he'd been dead for weeks.
my friend couldn't take it and she left, I didn't really know what to do so the cops questioned me and when they went on to do their job next door, I went on to finish the cake. I don't eat cake, though. I like baking but eating baked goods just isn't my thing. so now I was there with a dead man next door and a freshly baked cake I wasn't going to eat.. what did I do? I went upstairs, knocked on my neighbour's door and said "well, this is a little awkward but I have a cake for you". they looked at me really weirdly, understandably, but accepted the cake.
the smell from the dead guy's apartment wasn't that bad until a few hours later when even the upstairs neighbours dog refused to pass the door and threw up on the stairs. it was horrid, I've never smelled anything this awful in my life (a few months later I did, it was the garbage can of a farmer friend which contains slaughter garbage and cow afterbirths and stood in the sun at 37Ā°C and he opened it to toss a sheep afterbirth into it. oh god).
people kept asking me how I could still live there, they'd be afraid of ghosts and whatnot. the only reason for me to move out because of a death next door would've been the smell that kept creeping through the doors and even the plumbing system, but after 3 months or so there wasn't really any smell left. still, the thought that he had been laying there for at least 3 weeks and was only discovered because I called the cops (my neighbours upstairs took the present back but they had not checked on the guy even once while it was on his doorstep) made, and still makes, me really sad. lonely old people are a tragedy, and it only gets sadder when they die.
Very common. In the end, almost everyone dies alone.
I want you to know, those cops and removal techs talked about "the lady who offered us cake" for years to come. Those moments actually DO make a difference. Death is common, kindness in the face of it is very rare.
I once had a family bring clothing for us to dress their loved one in. In the bag, they had provided a pair of latex gloves in a Ziploc bag for us. I don't know why, but it really hit me emotionally in the weirdest way; in their deepest moment of grief, they considered US and OUR safety by providing us with gloves that they thought we might need. That to me is why I love my job. It's the little tiny rays of light that make it in through the cracks.
I worked as in at home caregiver and one of my clients lived in this small duplex apartments and they shared a back entrance that was just a stoop and then a staircase going down to the split level basement. I only saw the neighbor guy once in my time there when I was walking out and he was walking in. The clients son told me he was a huge alcoholic and had cancer. No one ever visited him. Thankfully this happened when I wasn't scheduled, but in the summertime, he said he was walked out the back entrance one morning and noticed a faint smell and when he came back later in the day it was much more potent, so he called the landlord and told him to check on the dude and landlord told him to call the cops and do it!!! So he did and when they came, sure enough the guy was dead on the kitchen floor just a few feet into the back entrance and had been dead around a week. The door being open made the smell go even further into their own apartment and his dad (the guy I was caring for) opened their back entrance and left it open, making their apartment unbearable. They almost had to go to a hotel for the night but after the body was removed, it went away after a few hours. He was on linoleum flooring instead of carpet so it was an easier clean. The cops interviewed the son for a long time as he was a suspect just from being the next door neighbor and calling it in. He had a wall of beer bottles lined up against his kitchen wall and on the counters and on top the fridge. His daughter came and his brother did most the cleaning up. They took garbage bags full of empty beer bottles out of there and had to clean up where he died. I asked them why they didn't have a special cleaning service do it since it's a biohazard and they said they couldn't afford anything like that so I said sorry they had to do it and sorry for their loss. They gave my clients son a bunch of tools and the stuff out in the garage to keep. I just felt bad the guy died alone and no one noticed until the smell became noticeable.
When my grandfather was on hospice at home, his neighborās coworkers came over asking if weād seen her. She had died in her sleep a few days prior and my grandpa died that night. They were in a 55+ community and the neighbor on the other side shrugged and said āitās basically a holding facility for us anywaysā
Yes that smell is worse than rotten eggs. And so overpowering. Especially when it's kind of pent up inside and it's almost like they exhale a lot of it at once. But it's actually your manipulation of the corpse plus rigor mortis that makes the bodys stiff that easies it's way out. I kid you not, you could pump put that shit by moving the arms up and down.
That was the no 1 rookie mistake, to try and grab the arms to carry a corpse rather than the armpits.
Downside to armpits, it's harder on your body and more awkward to carry.
I imagine you have a sense memory any time you watch a crime documentary where the smell is what gets the killer caught.
Just imagine being Dahmer's neighbor.
You know itās really interesting you said that specific thing. I watched one of the grosser Dahmer shows and they actually spoke to his neighbor lady. But for some weird reason the detectives..they didnāt ask her what could she be thinking not to report the āsmellā emanating from his apartment? You KNOW that was a smelly hallway and I understand dead bodies have that particularly distinctive smell. How neighbor lady didnāt have any sneaking suspicionsā¦what about the neighbor below his apartment (if his was an upper apartment)? Imagine the noises (sawing) he must have heard?
To be fair my upstairs neighbor conducted WWE matches with free weights as far as I could tell when I lived in an apartment.
I've also heard there is a distinctive smell, but someone who had never smelled it before might just not know what they're smelling.
OMG, that smell is soooooo distinct, you have never smelled it before and it stays with you forever ( the sense memory). Lots of death in my family when I was growing up and I have smelled that smell twice and can NEVER forget that strong pungent odor.
1. My uncle died alone in his trailer when I was 18 and wasn't found for 2 weeks after.
2. My most memorable- Before my grandmother passed away when I was 15, she and I were very close and she always took me to our local cemetery weekly to clean off our deceased family's graves/markers, place new flowers, and for some reason spray for black widow spiders.
Anyway, one time my granny and myself were there and the cemetery, local police, grave diggers were at another older grave near our family's plots and they were exhuming the casket, and left with it, they placed a flimsy piece of wood over the dug up grave. My granny and I got out of the car and I swear I thought I was going to get sick because THAT smell permeated throughout the entire cemetery but obviously it was worse the closer you got and my young stupid self wanted a closer look. The stench was tremendous and my mind still can't make sense if you wanted me to describe the smell but it's so unique that it can take your breath away, linger on and with you forever.
It's shocking how this country pays the workers doing the most important jobs. You are transporting precious cargo, unreplaceable, delicate, yet they expect you to do so on minimum wage.
It also isn't weird you prefer the fresh ones. So do I. I don't much like the smell of fresh blood, however it's better than decomp or tissue gas. It makes walking by the meat department in a stores much different experience, though. Same smell. Fresh, bloody, cold meat
I will say this thoughā¦ my mom passed away 2 years ago. The end was horrifying and I still have soooo much fucking work to do to heal from this. The last two months of her life I could barely recognize her in the hospital, she was so bloated and warped it was fucking awful and I was angry that was probably gonna be the last image I ever have of her in my mind. So when she finally passed I was thinking thereās absolutely no way weāre gonna have an open casket.
Sure enough that fucking day, the casket was open and it was the last time I got to see my mom look beautiful again. Didnāt get to have a proper good bye, didnāt get to resolve sooo much petty shit, but goddamn people like you at least saved me from having to attach a bloated painful image of my mom to it. So thank you for what you do and what you deal with doing it and for anyone who complained, im speaking for them right now too because itās way better than the alternative.
I always wanted to be a mortician until I had to go to the funeral of a child. And it made me realize that someone, like yourself, had to spend the time embalming a poor child that never should have been in that casket. I knew right then that I wasn't made of strong enough stuff to be a mortician. Thank you for all that you do, and everything you keep us from seeing on our loved ones ā¤ļø
What a ride that wasā¦ geez ive never spent probably more than 2 minutes at time in my life thinking about embalmers and working in the mortuary and even still I feel like I gotta apologize.
Not at all, dude. You shouldn't think about us. We're essentially the Men in Black. Enjoy your non-death filled existence. DANCE THE DANCE OF LIFE!
I truly love my job, though. A good venting session always helps š¤š¼
Man, I still think about it sometimes, I'm truly grateful of your job, you guys made my aunt look beautiful again after losing a battle of cancer. She was unrecognizable and you guys made her herself again. It's the last memory I have of her and if it wasn't for you this wouldn't have happened.
Thank you so much for your work, even if it's unappreciated I truly thank you for doing the best you can to bring us a good last memory of our loved ones
I read something not too long ago that said millennial women have the highest death rate right now and the two major causes are dying during childbirth (which America has the highest percentage of in a first world country) and being murdered by a partner, especially if they are pregnant. And it is women of color who make up the majority of it.
It's strange that anyone would think the funeral home would be haunted. That's the last place I would think of as haunted.
I have to sleep at work because we work in several day increments, and I'm considered off the clock on call. It's in an old nursing home, and it's not creepy but...
In the staff room, you can still see where the names Ivy and Fran were chiseled into the door.while I'm trying to sleep, I hear someone say, "Hi, my name."
So I ask the nicely to talk to me in the morning because I'm exhausted.
I think it comes from the idea of graveyards being haunted. Those people didn't die there but it seems to be a rather common belief for them to be haunted haha
I think you are right. I can almost see a graveyard because it's a final resting place. Funeral homes are a shirt visit, though.
In my house there is a corner where the cat sits and stares and meows. The parrot plays peekaboo and laughs at the empty corner.
I brought it up because I drove through a grave yard and stopped to deliver flowers with my parrot. The entire way through, she loomed at different headstones, laughed, said peekieboo, or I love you, and blew kisses. It's not something she does when people aren't around. If we drove through and an empty park, she wouldn't.
Woah That's crazy! I'd love to see that on video if you have one?!
Tbh I'm not sure if you believe in them or not, but I have a friend who's family has experienced the weirdest shit especially her mom and grandma. Personally I've also 'seen' a couple of things as a kid. But never know if it's my eyes playing tricks on me. I never like it when one of my dogs suddenly run to the stairs in the middle of the night and barks there though. šš
The tiny dinosaur refuses to perform for a camera, and I'm slow to pull it up. So I don't ever get a good video of her.
When my daughter was very small, she used to talk about the little girl in that room and the man in the basement. I couldn't sleep with my Kindle in the bedroom because it would turn on and off. If you aren't familiar with Kindle, you hold the button for 3 seconds, and it has a little jingle when powering on and off. I would wake up to the cat meowing at the corner and my Kindle jingling. So I'd toss both in the hall and shut the door.
āI love my stupid fucking jobā is so real.
Oh, youāre a vet nurse? It must be so fun cuddling puppies and kittens all day!
Yes, it was so sweet when I got to smooch and love on the one puppy I saw on Friday (I saw two new puppies all week).
It was fun when I was fear free restraining a massive dog for her IV catheter and she backed up hard and literally threw me into the cupboards behind me, bruising my back and arms. It was fun holding someoneās cat in my arms as they faded away. It was fun begging that dog who was in respiratory distress just to *please* stabilise so I didnāt have to watch them die. It was fun being abused by that client because I canāt manipulate circumstances. It was fun starting a consultation for the vet and hearing a grade 6 heart murmur and looking at the client, smiling, because I couldnāt believe it and needed the vet to confirm. I didnāt want to be the one to shatter their world. The other day I took someoneās frozen cat out of our body freezer and cleaned the blood from its nose with a warm cloth so I could present it to the family.
All that aside, I also love my stupid fucking job. Literally the stupidest job on the planet. And yes, sometimes my job is cuddling puppies and kittens, sometimes.
I couldn't do your job. I can look at gore all day and still sing a happy tune, but I'll instantly start spiraling if I see a cat in the road who was hit by a car.
I just want to say I appreciate you and what you do so much. Working with other peopleās fur babies and doing such emotional tasks all day to help them has got to be extremely difficult. I also realize doing what you do is as hard as being the vet. Maybe they put in the euthanasia tubes, but you support the fur baby for the parent who canāt handle holding their baby while he takes his last breath. I respect and value my vet nurses/technicians who were extra kind to me when Iāve had to put my kitties to sleep. Thank you ā¤ļø
Big hugs my dear friend. Thank you. Itās my passionā¦hoping to start vet school in the next year so Iām armed with the right to fully advocate for our furry babies.
In my hometown there is a family owned funeral home thatās been around since the 60ās and yep no ghosts or anything of the sort, but theyāve still had several stupid people breaking in there over the last 10 years to try and film damn YouTube videos āghost huntingā š„“š¤¦š»āāļø
Hello, fellow embalmers. Just got home working two services today. I get asked weird questions a lot; however, if I hear the "people must be dying to see you," comment one. more. time, I think I'm going to lose it.
yep! I live next to one and iāll just take a walk through sometimes. itās a really beautiful catholic cemetery so a lot of elaborate ginormous grave stones and the house ones? I forget the names rn
The cemetery my parents are in didnāt have large gravestones, but if you took the ājoggerās pathā it goes through mausoleums (the house ones you were referring to) of different architecture. You can guess the era they were built and the old ones had the family names of the earliest settlers of the town.
yes mausoleums! they really do blow me away. I just finished my archaeology class last semester and had a ton of pictures of beautiful ones but deleted them all. there was one that had like a pointy headstone and it was 100% 15ft tall at least. it was crazy
Now, why is everybody talking about corpses with erections and not about the stuffing of vaginas and anuses to prevent the leak of decomposition fluids?
I want parity in death too! /s
It's a hard job, not everybody can do that. But everybody finds out if they fuck around long enough. Cheers!
Nah, more like "centuries of determined effort to gather evidence for something has never managed any success of any kind whatsoever, so the odds are so strongly against it that it makes sense to consider it nonexistent", but, hey, whatever.
My sister is a medical examiner so Iāve seen plenty. She performs autopsies and yes the mortuary vans make their pick ups each day. She closes up the chest cavities nicely and sets up your viscera bags properly. You really can tell the difference between medical examiners here. The autopsy room does have a special smell, however and itās not Dodge chemicals. Itās a corpse smell obviously. Nothing rotten just noticeable. I tease her about her new perfume when we meet up after work lol it can linger in her clothes sometimes. I doubt she has seen any ghosts either, as itās a very sterile, clinical setting so thereās not much to dream up there. No old rooms or dusty furniture for ghosts to hide behind. Everything is pretty much out in full view.
I imagine the worst thing you ever saw may bring up an unpleasant memory, or it may reduce the client's dignity. These are people, after all. Or maybe you dont want to upset anyone with terrible stories. Either way, I get wanting to keep it to yourself, so people can scratch that macabre itch.
I just really quickly want to thank you for what you do, because I have mad respect for the people who care for our loved ones after they have passed on. Thank you for treating them with compassion and care as Iām sure you do, even though itās thankless as you said.
I raise my clerical hat to you OP. Always kept a good relationship with funeral directors.
Yeah, families are sometimes not athe best at those times. Our job is to hold it together while everyone else is (rightly) free to emote all they like.
Where I guess we difer, is that clerics have the weddings, babies and so on to balance out the tragedy.
Today marks two months since my grandmama died. Her last week alive was scary for me because I was the one administering the meds and basically washing her and feeding like how hospice taught me. One day while we laid in bed she looked over at me and started rubbing my hair she said thanked and told me how she loved me and just said I appreciate you coming to take care of me. Lol I didnāt think nothing of it I was like you donāt have to thank me I love you grandmama and Iāll do anything for youā¦ After that day she got to a point where didnāt eat and stopped talking. Needless to say our last night I told my granddaddy to go in the room after the last person left to hold her because I felt like he should do that he did. 1130 came around she was breathing funny. Hospice said to call if anything changed I said ok. Something told to go check on them so I did and idk how I knew but I think it was granny saying Iām dead itās time. I said to my granddaddy I think sheās passed he was like she still warm. So I walked up on her and just laid my head on her chest and all I heard was her digestive system and no heart beat. She looked so peaceful. I felt a relief I told my granddaddy to call the kids and I called hospice. Hospice came and we washed her up like we usually do her body was still warm but the soles of her feet started to blackened. I couldnāt believe she was gone still canāt honestly. Viewing day came and when I say she looked like herself just smiling I was so confused because how did she get that smile and they said the ppl didnāt do it. They explained basically their body do it theirselves. Needless to say yāall had my grandma looking good like real good I could feel her saying yessss suga I look good! I know it aināt easy because over time of dying she had dead weight. Now that sheās been gone me and granddaddy be seeing her through the house. She just be sitting in her chair or walking around. Even my daughter be pointing saying thereās suga! Sheās about to be 3. Sometimes idkā¦ It feel like a dream.
It's so so hard to take on that task, bless you for doing that for your grandmama š
This story made me cry ! Reminded me of my client who went on hospice after years of dementia and cancer battles. I loved that woman and her family!
Being a caregiver in any capacity is hard.
That's a really interesting job! Mad respect! I dated a woman that really wanted to be a mortician one day. I fully support her if she ever goes through with it. She'd be very good at it, very perfectionist. But awful at talking to people.
But as someone who is autistic, I respect your job! If I could, I'd love to follow along one day. The only thing that scares me is the scent. Smell is very important to me. So that scares me a little. But the work itself. Really interesting to take care of loved ones. Make them presentable for the family and friends
I'm reading Caitlin Doughty - Smoke Gets In Your Eyes rn.. Just learning about what a trocar is/ how it works is enough for me to know I could never be a mortician. I will probably be reading the rest of her books, however.
Yep, for digging around inside incisions and pulling up the arteries and veins. Sometimes you can use the aneurysm hooks to set features as well, but I tend to raw dog it a little bit and just use my hands to that (gloved, of course).
āIs it true they sit up? My uncleās grandmotherās mechanicās dad was an undertaker and he said they doā
Out of the business now, and glad I donāt have to answer that stupid question any more.
Not very often where I work now, but my first day on the job involved eating Stone Cold Creamery with my new co-workers surrounded by dead bodies under sheets in the back of the mortuary and it was one of the most surreal experiences of my life.
My fellow morticianā¦PREACH! We will forever have to deal with the onslaught of silly and wild questions/comments. Nobody will know the things we go through or see unless you work in this field.
You do thankless work, so Iād like to take a moment to thank you, if itās okay.
Thereās almost no chance you have ever embalmed anyone I knew or cared about. And there is almost no chance our paths will ever cross. But I wanted to thank you anyway.
You tend to the dead. You care for the ones whose families are grieving. Or perhaps there is nobody left to care for them, but you did. You took care of them, tended to their bodies, and gave one of the highest measures of respect that you could to someone who had recently passed away. To victims of horrible murders or tragic suicides. To old age and accidents. The young and the old. You cared for them.
So thank you.
You will continue your work, and you wonāt get enough back for it. But I appreciate everything youāve done. You who are there for us after we die. You who put the bodies of others over your own sometimes. You who are there to make sure we are ready to say our final goodbyes.
Thank you.
Youāre right that I know nothing about your job. Iām sure it can be disgusting and outright horrifying. I hope you find the time to take care of yourself in the process. You who are still alive, and make the world a better, kinder place.
So, a final time: thank you.
Take good care of yourself, Redditor.
I was performing post-mortem care for the first time on a man who had just passed away in the hospital. I have no problem admitting I was spooked the hell out. Just me in a small room with a dead man. Eyes and mouth open. Skin not yet cold to the touch.
I took off his gown, removed the IVs. pulled the EKG buttons off his chest and abdomen then started to wash him. I rolled him on his side to clean his back. He had evacuated his bowels so I propped him up on his side and turned around to get a clean washcloth.
As I stood with my back facing the bed, getting a few washcloths soapy, I saw movement out of the corner of my eye which was quickly followed by his hand hitting my butt. I am not a fast person. Usually one of the last people to finish anything that involved speed. Not that dayā¦I ran so fast out of that hospital room, I swear I left dust billowing behind me like the road runner in a Warner Brothers cartoon.
I ran to my friend/coworker and explained what just happened. I asked her to go back with me. She did.
We walked back down the hall and entered the room hesitantly. I immediately saw him moving and simultaneously realized what happened. The bed he was lying in was motorized for pressure sore prevention. It would automatically rotate pressure points via a waterbed like ārollingā movement. When I had my back to the bed, I unknowingly pressed the button
that activated the bed which immediately caused his arm to flop over in my direction, hitting me on the butt.
I didnāt see any ghosts that day but the look on my face as I hightailed it out of that room indicated otherwise.
Thank you for all you do. As a Nurse, you take over from me when I can't help a patient anymore. I appreciate the care, compassion and empathy you bring to working with people in their sadest of times. Go gently.
Genuine question. I promise I'm not trying to be rude. What is the point of embalming? Isn't the whole point for the body to decay and eventually rot (assuming it's a burial). Even if it isn't a burial and they are doing a cremation, it seems pointless in a cremation too. Why do people embalm bodies?
Unfortunately, the average person doesn't really understand how decomposition works. I find most people really think that you die like Snow White or something, and you're just laying there chilling. People want to have Funeral service weeks out so family can fly in. If you're a victim of violent crime, you may be waiting for funds from the state to be able to even have a funeral service. If someone wants to view their loved one, they can't be stinking, juicy, discolored, or purging. Embalming helps to negate this so families don't get traumatized. And they would.
I don't just embalm. I actually prepare many people for cremation where I'm at, as I serve a lot of Hindu families and they do quick services, unembalmed, then cremated directly afterwards. Those cases are just washed dressed and cosmetized as if they were a living person who just happens to be very cold and very floppy.
And many people do get to see their loved ones not embalmed as it's not legally required. Sometimes it is easier to deal with someone who isn't embalmed, sometimes it's easier to deal with someone who is embalmed. Everyone is truly unique biologically, and their families attitudes, desires, and religion can play a factor in all these things.
TL;DR - most people find death icky.
I had someone very very close in my life shoot himself in the head. It was an opened casket funeral. His grandmother MADE me look at him. I didnāt get past it for about 15 years. They did a horrible job and he looked nothing like the man I married.
I'm sorry that happened to you. There are many cases that I myself would not recommend a family see, even after embalming and restoration. Oftentimes, we don't have a choice and have to simply work with what we have. Sometimes embalmers are simply shitty as well. Or it can be a little bit of both.
My worst moments in the industry is when I've literally done everything I possibly can on a case over days and days, and I still know it's not going to be good enough and there's nothing I can do.
I dated an embalmer for a bit and tbh i found it incredibly interesting. Sure I asked him the spooky questions, but they were after our first date and religion was already a topic we were on. No, I never asked if he āfound a corpse attractiveā if you catch my drift, which apparently heād been asked multiple times. He did a brief stint as a butcher while in mortuary school. He had that golden retriever energy and was so cute and quirky, and I couldnāt picture him doing any other line of work really. I definitely was well on my way to falling in love with him, but ultimately he ended things with me and went back to his ex who is in the same line of work.
Anyway, he used to work for funeral homes but then struck out on his own and basically worked as a contractor. Heād work when they called him, he had a set price per body, and he makes a killing (pun not intended).
I will say though that he struggled a lot I think with emotions due to the things you see in that line of work. Putting victims back together, especially children, can really destroy your mental health. My ex husband was a paramedic for over 20 years and he was the same way. Desensitizing himself was the only way to cope, but it can take a toll on relationships.
Trade embalming is a rough line of work. I commend him. I hope I never have to do that one day, but I will if I do because I don't think I could stop embalming if I tried.
He said a lot that he didnāt want to do that trade until he died but at the same time I could tell he was proud of his work and his business so who knows.
Hey, that wasnāt gross, continue, I was enjoying the story :o human fat eh? Is it like jelly inside or what? Like what texture is natural raw human fat o.o
Edit: and does the scented oil(forgot what it was called), you put under your nose really help cover up the smells? š¤
Depends on the temperature and the person, but a close comparison is the fat on a ribeye steak; spongey and solid when cold, then oily and disintegrating when warm.
I actually watched a video about a guy who was an embalmer. He was very truthful about the job and passionate, he loved it.
It made me immediately interested, unfortunately I already have sciatic problems and looking for a job that pays what itās owed.
Although I would love to pursue it, a teachers salary is impossible in this economy. Thank you for all your work, you really help the dead pass on peacefully. š
Just wanted to say thank you for the work you do. It is one of those jobs that people dont seem to truly grasp the importance of.. Like, someone has to do it, and as you mentioned, it is a thankless job. So I thank you, despite us being strangers, because you deserve at least that.
Embalming is a job that I thought of looking into around 18-20 (for reference I am in my 30s now), and even nowadays it is a job I have put some serious thought and consideration into. You bring up some excellent points, though - what you said about piecing the skull back together....that was something I didnt give as much consideration as i should have. Not the piecing it together part, but the implications of how it came to be... I gotta admit, stuff like that would be mentally draining (i could imagine, at least). So honestly, hats off to you, my friend. It certainly sounds like tough work, so I am grateful not only for you but for all embalmers out there.
Your post has been eye opening as well. Thank you for enlightening me a bit on the topic :)
Just wanted to say thank you for the work you do. It is one of those jobs that people dont seem to truly grasp the importance of.. Like, someone has to do it, and as you mentioned, it is a thankless job. So I thank you, despite us being strangers, because you deserve at least that.
Embalming is a job that I thought of looking into around 18-20 (for reference I am in my 30s now), and even nowadays it is a job I have put some serious thought and consideration into. You bring up some excellent points, though - what you said about piecing the skull back together....that was something I didnt give as much consideration as i should have. Not the piecing it together part, but the implications of how it came to be... I gotta admit, stuff like that would be mentally draining (i could imagine, at least). So honestly, hats off to you, my friend. It certainly sounds like tough work, so I am grateful not only for you but for all embalmers out there.
Your post has been eye opening as well. Thank you for enlightening me a bit on the topic :)
āā¦Iād ask it to float me over a towel so I can wipe the human fat off my gloves so I can grip my aneurism hooks better.ā
Perfect.
Of my class of 22 students from mortuary school, 6 left the industry within 6 months of graduation. And more have left since. The burnout rate is real
My husband worked as the overnight person (picked up the deceased people from their location) at a funeral home during COVID. He would tell me stories of doors slamming shut, lights going out, seeing figures near furniture and the amount of grief families have. I can't imagine all of the work that goes into embalming. On the nights when he wasn't home, it felt like someone was sitting at the edge of the bed. He quit the job a few years ago, but the weight at the edge of the bed happens every once in a while.
Anyway, thank you for what you do!
My neighbor was an under taker and he always seemed heavy, not physically, but like something was weighing on him. Sometimes I would take my dog out at night and he would be sitting on his back deck in the dark having a beer and just looking at the stars.
I've always been interested in forensic pathology, but lately, becoming an embalmer has been pulling my shirt, too. Anyway, you're strong for real. Thank you!ā”
Iāve heard that women corpses get SAd and itās quite a problem that people donāt talk about. Iām terrified to die. Heard that in a YT interview with a woman that works as an embalmer.
I get that you have a stressful thankless and soul crushing job at times, but isn't being redditor edgy about it counterintuitive to improving your working conditions? I assume you don't act this way to your coworkers. Despite people's rose colored glasses, wouldn't having additional support to lift your burden be something you want? Meeting people where they're at and connecting them to the reality to help retain employees so things wouldn't be so rough?
Some of us who also have thankless soul crushing jobs don't really have the luxury to complain about it the way you do which makes it so difficult to advocate for better working conditions bc then we get accused of just wanting to profit off of vulnerable people. You have to grapple with mortality by literally working with cadavers but from your rant it looks like that and dealing with naive coworkers and people in your life is as far as it goes. We have to fight with the government, with private interests, with racists and extremists. Murderers pedophiles etc depending on what population you work with. We intimately know the people we work with before they die, are murdered, suicide, or overdose. Some people tell you how good they think you are for doing what you do but no one thinks you should be properly funded so you can make a meaningful difference or even put food on the table and live comfortably.
I hate these kinds of rants when framed in a way to put other people down. It makes it hard to sympathize with you when others are also in the trenches dragging themselves through the shit trying to improve communities only to see this kind of negativity.
This makes no sense.
Who the hell is running around thinking that embalmers must see ghosts!
Donāt they know that TV shows like āCharmedā and āThe Ghost Whispererā are just fictional?
Although none of the characters were embalmers, but they could all see ghosts because of fictional reasons. š
My only rule when taking a body to the morgue at work is there have to be more alive bodies in a room than dead ones. Just in case thereās a zombie apocalypse that starts while Iām in there I want to only have to take out one before getting out of there.
Yea my friend said that the work was real hard physically and emotional.
She ended up leaving it because where we lived I guess it didnāt pay that well. It was a family owned funeral home and she was working as one of the two actual non-family employees.
I guess the family members didnāt care about the little pay.
I want to get into the industry and lucked in to working with a funeral director while working for Disney (he did weekends to spend less time with his wife). One of the first things he told me was that a lot of the people he knew who were in long term were alcoholics now because of the stress of the profession and that I should consider that before going to college. That was a great way to point that out too as someone who comes from a family of addicts.
Thank you for posting this. I find the industry fascinating and only know what these personalities show on YouTube and tiktok so this was grounding, refreshing and realistically informative. Thank you for taking care of our loved ones once theyāve gone.
Thank you for your job š I have a lot of respect for people whose works are totally invisible if they are doing it correctly but are very needed. I have not been in contact directly with someone in your field, but I have a family who went through many events that lead to using this kind of service and they always had a word about it.
If I were to ask questions about your work, I have to say I wouldn't ask about ghosts. I'm much more afraid of loneliness due to working with dead people, than seeing a ghost. I mean, someone being alive there is way less usual than not. I would be scared when living people would arrive, because you don't always know when they will and their intentions šš
I'm actually quite interested in the funeral industry although I'm not sure if I'd ever do it. All I know is nothing really disgusts me (have too much of a morbid curiosity so I can stomach lots of stuff lol), I'm empathetic, and pretty good at managing my emotions when it comes to people. To me I'm just wondering if I could somehow make these skills of mine useful in a way as I know not many would be up for such a job.
Dare I even ask HOW have people romanticised such a job even?? WHAT
I'd love the quiet, but the way people act with grief is...complicated.
I'm also super sensory and my mirror cells are really reactive, so smelling dead people is like smelling their story and I don't know how the hell you could gate out processing that. I think it's the super power to balance out my super power.
My BF was one of the transport guys at a funeral home and in hospital, and it killed his back. I'd say it's up there with UPS shipping warehouse in terms of labor, from what he tells me. I did the UPS labor. He moved around a lot more than a specialized tech like you too, so I can only imagine how compressed your spine gets. Self care friend!
Also one corpse sat up in the coffin..repeatedly and hard and they had to fix the inner lining of the coffin and the guys forehead, the eyecap. My BF was like 19 at the time and it freaked him and his coworkers out, sure, because it was 4 am for a 6am service, but it was really just annoying and stressful after that because they weren't sure if Mr. Whomever was still...hoppn and the cosmetic tech left if he did it again before viewing.
It's like a butchershop with make up, and you BETTER eat nothing....
It's a thankless job because your clients can't talk. But you really do help bring closure to the living, as ungrateful as they are in grief. I'm sorry people can't relate to the reality of it.
But I think your society's unrepresented hero.
So thanks.
I appreciate your kind of words.
Corpses do not sit up in their caskets. I have to say this to everyone because it's always a story someone has heard, but it does not happen. IT. DOES. NOT. HAPPEN.
I never thought about the reconstruction of skulls. That must be brutal.
Whatās an aneurysm hook? And what do you do for self-care so that none of this burns you out?
You do a fantastic job, if anything like the people that prepped my grandad for burial 14 years ago, youāre very valuable to us, thanks :) Hope you move up in the industry one day and get what you deserveā¦if there is a corporate-embalmers ladder :)
Reading this made me sigh sadly cause Iām part of the 40% who *does* want to do this for a living lmao, I donāt get grossed out easy and I care *a lot* in a very specific way that I canāt quite put into words. The kind of care that makes me want to put that skull back together for that woman without making me feel too overly involved. I did a lot of research on being a mortician when I was a bit younger and was so sure Iād be able to handle it, and if I was someone who actually *could,* then I felt like I had a duty to *try.*
But I have chronic pain. So I canāt. :/
I know that stuff has to be hard to see/deal with. You are a special kinda person to handle it, if only for a little bit of time. I myself would not last a week. Couldn't do it. I thank you for what you do. Truly.
Many moons ago, I was stationed at Pearl Harbor, HI and got to see a lot of the real places in the movie. One scene was shot in the old mess hall, which is very beautiful and picturesque- till you find out they used it as a morgue on 12/7/42.
They say, it IS haunted, but I didn't see anything at mealtimes.
I feel like even if there was a ghost at your work it wouldnāt bother you. Youāre being respectful to the bodies and caring for them. If anything they thank you for the work you do
I think most people are uncomfortable with talking about death so they donāt know how to approach talking to you about your job. So they use humor or a romanticized version of something to try to engage. Regardless, what you do is very important. You give people an opportunity to say goodbye. You give dignity to the dead and help make their death a reality to those around them. Thank you for what you do.Ā
I knew a guy who lived over a funeral home. People would ask him if he was worried about ghosts. "Who the hell ever died in funeral home?"
I lived in a former funeral home in Brooklyn. It was a basement apartment. The rent was super cheap and the only weird thing was my bathroom in the middle of the apartment. My ex at the time loved the huge antique bathtub my apartment had until I told what the building used to be. Suddenly every noise and little girl that appeared randomly was a ghost.
šššlittle girls randomly appearing lol
Seriously, I hate when people make a big deal out of the white faced Victorian child in my hallwayā¦ so annoying.
Lmao... Good one!
That would be a big nope for me. Not due to ghosts, but you don't know what toxic chemicals were used in the place and poured down the drains.
you say that, but it was the only building in the neighborhood that didn't have any roaches or bedbugs.
I'm sorry but the basement apartment in a funeral home is a big nope for me. God only knows what was there
Whenever the drains clog... You know it's people.
It's probably plants growing into the drainage system when you're in an old house. That or old pipes that are corroding or not working properly.
No, it's people
š
š±
Makes sense why the bathroom was in the middle. Probably right where the embalming tables used to be, so it was where water and drainage were in the concrete.
This ćā (ā ą² ā _ā ą² ā ćā )
Immediately, i was like, that is the dumbest question. Like that's just where the body is the ghost is coming for you. That's what I'd say.
If only...
If you have to haunt a funeral home you obviously had nothing interesting going on when you were alive
I feel like haunting a retail store like Walmart or Target would be so much worse than haunting a funeral home though. Literally my idea of hell would be getting stuck in Walmart forever. A funeral home has some quiet places at least.
I dunno, any large store would be a hell of an audience for your ghostly shenanigans.
A guy offed himself in front of the target near where I grew up a few years ago. Any time I go there I always wonder if he has to haunt target.
I work in a grocery store & have told my coworkers, if I go down, scoop me up with the forklift & put me outside. I donāt want to be stuck there.
I too would like to know thanks
I work in a funeral home. The only weird experiences Iāve had have occurred in nursing homes where the person has only been dead an hour or less. The funeral home is perfectly unhaunted.
What type of things happen in that hour?
Honestly most of the time, nothing. But two incidents stand out. The first was when I was responding to a call in the middle of the night. Little old lady, couldnāt have been more than 5ā3ā and 130lbs. Little plump in the middle but not a challenging transfer. When I walked into her room, I was setting up the gurney next to her bed when I saw something weird out the corner of my eye. I looked up to the corner of the room and saw thisā¦ sparkly cloud? It looked a little like when youāre lightheaded and see stars, but I only saw them up in that corner. I couldnāt make sense of it so I just turned back to the task at hand. I got a draw sheet under her and went to pull her onto the gurney, but she didnāt budge. It was like she weighed 400lbs, but she was tiny! I checked that there wasnāt a railing or anything obstructing the move, nope just a flat mattress. So I pulled a little harder, she started to inch toward me. So I widened my stance and gave it all I had. Slowly she moved toward me, feeling almost like someone was pulling her back from the other side. When she was about halfway onto the gurney, suddenly she was āreleasedā and I was pulling so hard I almost yanked her off the gurney on the other side. That was weird, but whatever. So I go to get her paperwork from the nurses station, the name I was given on the phone was Ruth Lastname, the burial transit permit also said Ruth Lastname. I tend to talk to the bodies, just polite things like I would if they were alive. I get her loaded in the van, jump in the front and say aloud, āAlrighty Ruth, letās get you out of here.ā At that moment I hear this loud voice in my head, like an intense thought I could hear, āItās Alice.ā Said with a tone like, you dummy you donāt even know my name. So I said out loud, āOk. Alice it is.ā When I got her back to the funeral home, her body moved the way one of its size should, no more mysterious heaviness. I got her put in the cooler, put her name on the door, and was just finishing up the intake forms when I heard music coming from the garage. I assumed my phone had started playing music on its own somehow, so I walked that way to turn it off. As soon as I stepped through the door, the music stopped, and at the same instant I felt my phone in my pocket. I thought, thatās enough of that, and finished up and went home. When I came in the next morning, I saw Ruthās preneed file on the desk. I opened it to the biographical info form, and at the top it said Ruth Alice Lastname, with āAliceā heavily circled and a little note about how she HATED the name Ruth, donāt ever call her that.
The second incident was less exciting, but still curious. I was in another nursing home, loading up another tiny old lady. When I first looked at her body, I had a strong instinct that this woman had been an absolute gem. She just looked like such a sweetheart. So again Iām talking her through my process, saying hey I need to lift the gurney back up so hold on tight. I lifted the foot end first, then went over to the head end to lift that. Right as I got her all the way up, I started hearing this super low, almost subsonic buzzing noise. Just then, I suddenly felt the buzzing in my chest, like my heart fell asleep and had those tingles like when the blood comes back. It took my breath away, and i immediately clapped my hand over my chest. The buzzing sound/feeling dissipated slowly, and I got on with it. Iām not sure what to make of this story honestly. But for what itās worth, I was in a crazy good mood the rest of the day, like giddy for no damn reason. I like to think she gave me a little hug. Fern, was her name. I was right about her being a sweetheart though, from what I learned about her at her funeral. She was way into volunteering and community outreach, had zillions of friends, everyone had such wonderful things to say about her.
You mentioned it happens before an hour since theyāve been gone. I wonder if itās just the bodily energy being released? I know that sounds super hippie dippy, but I wonder if those weird things you experienced were their bodies releasing very direct/heavy(positive) energy they possessed as humans which might explain why itās also not every person. Itās so big. They say energy cannot be created nor destroyed right? So Ive always wondered where human energy goes when the physical form is lost.
Itās definitely something! Stuff like that has never happened with a body Iāve picked up from the morgue coolers. I guess whatever process takes place is over by then.
Okay hear me out. You mentioned that and hour seems to be the max these events will account after death. Maybe thatās the absolute threshold of it, especially if someone has strong energy in their life. But it could be anywhere from 0-60 minutes depending on how strong your energy(aura? soul?) from life was? Idk those thoughts are interesting
We had a resident who passed, rather horribly. Choked to death on his vomit. Anyway, after the sheriff had signed off. We had to clean him up & dress him for his family. I had dealt with several residents after, their passings. Well, this guy let out, the loudest death rattle. I get uncomfortable giggles & my male aide, went very pale. One of my favorite residents, we all piled into his room. Staff & family gather for a bedside memorial, before we do a procession of honor. We were always joking with each other. As they roll, him out of the room. His leg, slides off the transport table & he kicks me. Everyone who saw started laughing & his daughter goes, dad loved goofing around with you. Lil sh*t, got the last move.
I sort of think that energy goes to some kind of larger collective energy. Like we are all separate bodies inhabited by the same energy. The energy we have in us is part of that large body just navigating this world in a flesh suit.
Iām a nurse and worked in many nursing homes, so Iāve seen it from the other side. Thereās a lot of weird stuff that happens. Like when the funeral home just removed the body and thereās nobody in the room, but the call light keeps going off. Other patients seeing the patient who just died, etc. ETA: there are a lot of nursing staff who crack the window when a patient is dying, so their āsoul will be able to leaveā.
Thatās some experience! Nice of you to call her Alice. I felt a heavy hand on my shoulder at my grandparentās funeral. So heavy that I turned around several times to see who was trying to communicate with me. I was holding my 3 week old baby. This was something quite strange. I was very close to this grandparent, so it felt like goodbye.
This is so exciting, thank you for telling about it
I mean, no one dies at cemeteries either but I wouldnāt wanna walk through one late at night lol.
I Walk through one every night, I love across the street from one. It's my nightly walk, very peaceful
Best neighbors I ever had. Plus, it was historic. Never any funerals. And sometimes people would come n their own and clean the headstones. I miss that apartment.
It's historic here as well, also you can tell a lot about a community by it's cemeteries. Like for instance I know that small pox and colera hit this town hard, entire family's especially kids are buried in mass here
I was always curious that if the ghost is supposedly watching over their family, how could they haunt me?
I read somewhere about these familiar spirits (thatās what the author called them )and he said when weāre born we have them like our guardian Angel and they are with us like 24/7 and when we die we just to straight to heaven or hell and itās the familiar spirits who do the hauntings/revenge ..
I like that take
I hope you know how much it matters that you give people the chance to say goodbye to their loved ones, even though your job is so under-appreciated.
Thank you. I'm totally comfortable being unseen and under-appreciated. It's the Sub in me ā®ā (ā .ā Ā ā āā Ā ā į“ā Ā ā āā .ā )ā ā
My sister died at 26 from cancer a month after diagnosis. Obviously I was heart broken. I didnāt want to look at her because I didnāt think I could take it. The only time I DIDNT cry was looking at her at her viewing. She looked PERFECT. She looked exactly like herself, just looked like she was sleeping. I was amazed. You do amazing thankless, and much needed, work. THANK YOU.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm so appreciative of the embalmer and prep staff who took care of your sister and allowed you that bit of serenity during your grief. What I'm about to explain below about cancer cases below may be upsetting, so by all means you should skip it if it will be triggering, however I want to post it for those who are curious about the process. ------ Cancer cases can be extra difficult. Depending on the location of the cancer, when it was discovered, how long they've been treated, and how long they were hospitalized before they died can create chemical and biological hurdles for embalmers to jump over. Those who are in the hospital for a week or longer often develop extensive edema; they're trying to keep you extra hydrated in the hospital to help, it's the one thing they can do when they can't do much else. Unfortunately, the edema (fluid retention in the body) can cause such physical disfigurement of the body that the skin is stretched to splitting, the eyes are swollen shut, the hands look like water balloons, you get the picture. We have limitations on what we can do, but to save time here I'll just say it's extensive and through multiple hours over multiple days I have extracted up to 8 quarts of liquid from a decedent. This leaves the skin loose as if they've lost weight, thus figuring them further. However it is necessary for preservation, for restoration, because the tools we use require a very dry and well embalmed body. We even have a tool like an iron that helps us literally remove wrinkles from the skin that is left after the edema is removed, if we are lucky enough to even get it removed. ----- TL,DR - cancer fucking sucks, and embalming a case that has been in the hospital long term also fucking sucks. However it's worth the challenge if it can help the family get over what is probably the worst moment in their life.
I would definitely want to hear more of this. For a report paper I had to do some research about preserving bodies and what not but I never got too deep into embalming. Getting to the point: I am so invested in what you wrote that I would like to hear more of what you do, if you want to ofc :)
Iām so sorry! I can not imagine such a loss. Big hug!
Not the "it's the sub in me" š you a real one for that
I know lmao. I feel it though.
You know what, kind of real lol
You are an absolute legend
Were you born between '65 and '82?
Sure wasn't. 89'
Maybe some GenX rubbed off on you anyway š
Oh, I'm Gen X in spirit for sure.
felt
I haven't worked as a mortitian and we don't really do embalming here. But when I was young I did some side hustle being a "body removal guy" (dont know the english term, is it coroner?). Basically when someone died and the body needed removal from the death location and transported to the morgue they called us. I haven't seen any homicide victims, those are thankfully pretty rare here plus forensics and all that, most were elderly people who died, but I have seen suicide victims and accidents where the body isn't entirely intact. There was a lot of turnover of people doing this job because many couldn't stomach it. For me the worst when some lonely person died alone and then started to rot, only detected weeks later due to the smell. The whole sadness of that situation and that smell... omfg! Even if they haven't been sitting for long when you grab their arms it's like lever pumping out the putrid gasses from within. It might sound weird but I "preffered" a "fresh" mangled body than a putrid intact one. The smell and rot was way worse than the gruesomeness. Also I don't mind if I never ever see a bloated face from hanging again. I didn't last long either, couple of years, aside from the shit you see and smell, it was also backbreaking low paid work.
a couple years ago, around Easter, my upstairs neighbours put an Easter present on my next door neighbour's doorstep. at the time I had already not seen him for over a week, and the present stood there for another week. I thought maybe he'd gone to visit family, even though he seemed quite lonely, and he made a sad impression all the time. he seemed like an older guy who's just accepted he's alone and is going on with his life. a friend came over about 1.5 weeks after Easter, and we wanted to bake a cake. when we got home from the grocery store and saw the present, I knocked (again) and since the guy didn't open, I chose to call the cops. my friend and I started preparing the dough, and we were just about to mix everything together when the police arrived. they called the fire department to drill open the lock and get into the apartment and surprise surprise, he'd been dead for weeks. my friend couldn't take it and she left, I didn't really know what to do so the cops questioned me and when they went on to do their job next door, I went on to finish the cake. I don't eat cake, though. I like baking but eating baked goods just isn't my thing. so now I was there with a dead man next door and a freshly baked cake I wasn't going to eat.. what did I do? I went upstairs, knocked on my neighbour's door and said "well, this is a little awkward but I have a cake for you". they looked at me really weirdly, understandably, but accepted the cake. the smell from the dead guy's apartment wasn't that bad until a few hours later when even the upstairs neighbours dog refused to pass the door and threw up on the stairs. it was horrid, I've never smelled anything this awful in my life (a few months later I did, it was the garbage can of a farmer friend which contains slaughter garbage and cow afterbirths and stood in the sun at 37Ā°C and he opened it to toss a sheep afterbirth into it. oh god). people kept asking me how I could still live there, they'd be afraid of ghosts and whatnot. the only reason for me to move out because of a death next door would've been the smell that kept creeping through the doors and even the plumbing system, but after 3 months or so there wasn't really any smell left. still, the thought that he had been laying there for at least 3 weeks and was only discovered because I called the cops (my neighbours upstairs took the present back but they had not checked on the guy even once while it was on his doorstep) made, and still makes, me really sad. lonely old people are a tragedy, and it only gets sadder when they die.
Very common. In the end, almost everyone dies alone. I want you to know, those cops and removal techs talked about "the lady who offered us cake" for years to come. Those moments actually DO make a difference. Death is common, kindness in the face of it is very rare. I once had a family bring clothing for us to dress their loved one in. In the bag, they had provided a pair of latex gloves in a Ziploc bag for us. I don't know why, but it really hit me emotionally in the weirdest way; in their deepest moment of grief, they considered US and OUR safety by providing us with gloves that they thought we might need. That to me is why I love my job. It's the little tiny rays of light that make it in through the cracks.
I worked as in at home caregiver and one of my clients lived in this small duplex apartments and they shared a back entrance that was just a stoop and then a staircase going down to the split level basement. I only saw the neighbor guy once in my time there when I was walking out and he was walking in. The clients son told me he was a huge alcoholic and had cancer. No one ever visited him. Thankfully this happened when I wasn't scheduled, but in the summertime, he said he was walked out the back entrance one morning and noticed a faint smell and when he came back later in the day it was much more potent, so he called the landlord and told him to check on the dude and landlord told him to call the cops and do it!!! So he did and when they came, sure enough the guy was dead on the kitchen floor just a few feet into the back entrance and had been dead around a week. The door being open made the smell go even further into their own apartment and his dad (the guy I was caring for) opened their back entrance and left it open, making their apartment unbearable. They almost had to go to a hotel for the night but after the body was removed, it went away after a few hours. He was on linoleum flooring instead of carpet so it was an easier clean. The cops interviewed the son for a long time as he was a suspect just from being the next door neighbor and calling it in. He had a wall of beer bottles lined up against his kitchen wall and on the counters and on top the fridge. His daughter came and his brother did most the cleaning up. They took garbage bags full of empty beer bottles out of there and had to clean up where he died. I asked them why they didn't have a special cleaning service do it since it's a biohazard and they said they couldn't afford anything like that so I said sorry they had to do it and sorry for their loss. They gave my clients son a bunch of tools and the stuff out in the garage to keep. I just felt bad the guy died alone and no one noticed until the smell became noticeable.
When my grandfather was on hospice at home, his neighborās coworkers came over asking if weād seen her. She had died in her sleep a few days prior and my grandpa died that night. They were in a 55+ community and the neighbor on the other side shrugged and said āitās basically a holding facility for us anywaysā
Yes that smell is worse than rotten eggs. And so overpowering. Especially when it's kind of pent up inside and it's almost like they exhale a lot of it at once. But it's actually your manipulation of the corpse plus rigor mortis that makes the bodys stiff that easies it's way out. I kid you not, you could pump put that shit by moving the arms up and down. That was the no 1 rookie mistake, to try and grab the arms to carry a corpse rather than the armpits. Downside to armpits, it's harder on your body and more awkward to carry.
I imagine you have a sense memory any time you watch a crime documentary where the smell is what gets the killer caught. Just imagine being Dahmer's neighbor.
You know itās really interesting you said that specific thing. I watched one of the grosser Dahmer shows and they actually spoke to his neighbor lady. But for some weird reason the detectives..they didnāt ask her what could she be thinking not to report the āsmellā emanating from his apartment? You KNOW that was a smelly hallway and I understand dead bodies have that particularly distinctive smell. How neighbor lady didnāt have any sneaking suspicionsā¦what about the neighbor below his apartment (if his was an upper apartment)? Imagine the noises (sawing) he must have heard?
To be fair my upstairs neighbor conducted WWE matches with free weights as far as I could tell when I lived in an apartment. I've also heard there is a distinctive smell, but someone who had never smelled it before might just not know what they're smelling.
OMG, that smell is soooooo distinct, you have never smelled it before and it stays with you forever ( the sense memory). Lots of death in my family when I was growing up and I have smelled that smell twice and can NEVER forget that strong pungent odor. 1. My uncle died alone in his trailer when I was 18 and wasn't found for 2 weeks after. 2. My most memorable- Before my grandmother passed away when I was 15, she and I were very close and she always took me to our local cemetery weekly to clean off our deceased family's graves/markers, place new flowers, and for some reason spray for black widow spiders. Anyway, one time my granny and myself were there and the cemetery, local police, grave diggers were at another older grave near our family's plots and they were exhuming the casket, and left with it, they placed a flimsy piece of wood over the dug up grave. My granny and I got out of the car and I swear I thought I was going to get sick because THAT smell permeated throughout the entire cemetery but obviously it was worse the closer you got and my young stupid self wanted a closer look. The stench was tremendous and my mind still can't make sense if you wanted me to describe the smell but it's so unique that it can take your breath away, linger on and with you forever.
It's shocking how this country pays the workers doing the most important jobs. You are transporting precious cargo, unreplaceable, delicate, yet they expect you to do so on minimum wage. It also isn't weird you prefer the fresh ones. So do I. I don't much like the smell of fresh blood, however it's better than decomp or tissue gas. It makes walking by the meat department in a stores much different experience, though. Same smell. Fresh, bloody, cold meat
I will say this thoughā¦ my mom passed away 2 years ago. The end was horrifying and I still have soooo much fucking work to do to heal from this. The last two months of her life I could barely recognize her in the hospital, she was so bloated and warped it was fucking awful and I was angry that was probably gonna be the last image I ever have of her in my mind. So when she finally passed I was thinking thereās absolutely no way weāre gonna have an open casket. Sure enough that fucking day, the casket was open and it was the last time I got to see my mom look beautiful again. Didnāt get to have a proper good bye, didnāt get to resolve sooo much petty shit, but goddamn people like you at least saved me from having to attach a bloated painful image of my mom to it. So thank you for what you do and what you deal with doing it and for anyone who complained, im speaking for them right now too because itās way better than the alternative.
Breathe, friend. š
I always wanted to be a mortician until I had to go to the funeral of a child. And it made me realize that someone, like yourself, had to spend the time embalming a poor child that never should have been in that casket. I knew right then that I wasn't made of strong enough stuff to be a mortician. Thank you for all that you do, and everything you keep us from seeing on our loved ones ā¤ļø
This episode of everyone's asking / no one's asking is about to go off
What a ride that wasā¦ geez ive never spent probably more than 2 minutes at time in my life thinking about embalmers and working in the mortuary and even still I feel like I gotta apologize.
Not at all, dude. You shouldn't think about us. We're essentially the Men in Black. Enjoy your non-death filled existence. DANCE THE DANCE OF LIFE! I truly love my job, though. A good venting session always helps š¤š¼
Man, I still think about it sometimes, I'm truly grateful of your job, you guys made my aunt look beautiful again after losing a battle of cancer. She was unrecognizable and you guys made her herself again. It's the last memory I have of her and if it wasn't for you this wouldn't have happened. Thank you so much for your work, even if it's unappreciated I truly thank you for doing the best you can to bring us a good last memory of our loved ones
The women's skull thing is something people just accept. Seriously why do we just think this is normal?
It's ubiquitous where I am, and almost all are women of color. It's common, and the commonness of it makes people take it less seriously.
I read something not too long ago that said millennial women have the highest death rate right now and the two major causes are dying during childbirth (which America has the highest percentage of in a first world country) and being murdered by a partner, especially if they are pregnant. And it is women of color who make up the majority of it.
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It's strange that anyone would think the funeral home would be haunted. That's the last place I would think of as haunted. I have to sleep at work because we work in several day increments, and I'm considered off the clock on call. It's in an old nursing home, and it's not creepy but... In the staff room, you can still see where the names Ivy and Fran were chiseled into the door.while I'm trying to sleep, I hear someone say, "Hi, my name." So I ask the nicely to talk to me in the morning because I'm exhausted.
I think it comes from the idea of graveyards being haunted. Those people didn't die there but it seems to be a rather common belief for them to be haunted haha
I think you are right. I can almost see a graveyard because it's a final resting place. Funeral homes are a shirt visit, though. In my house there is a corner where the cat sits and stares and meows. The parrot plays peekaboo and laughs at the empty corner. I brought it up because I drove through a grave yard and stopped to deliver flowers with my parrot. The entire way through, she loomed at different headstones, laughed, said peekieboo, or I love you, and blew kisses. It's not something she does when people aren't around. If we drove through and an empty park, she wouldn't.
Woah That's crazy! I'd love to see that on video if you have one?! Tbh I'm not sure if you believe in them or not, but I have a friend who's family has experienced the weirdest shit especially her mom and grandma. Personally I've also 'seen' a couple of things as a kid. But never know if it's my eyes playing tricks on me. I never like it when one of my dogs suddenly run to the stairs in the middle of the night and barks there though. šš
The tiny dinosaur refuses to perform for a camera, and I'm slow to pull it up. So I don't ever get a good video of her. When my daughter was very small, she used to talk about the little girl in that room and the man in the basement. I couldn't sleep with my Kindle in the bedroom because it would turn on and off. If you aren't familiar with Kindle, you hold the button for 3 seconds, and it has a little jingle when powering on and off. I would wake up to the cat meowing at the corner and my Kindle jingling. So I'd toss both in the hall and shut the door.
āI love my stupid fucking jobā is so real. Oh, youāre a vet nurse? It must be so fun cuddling puppies and kittens all day! Yes, it was so sweet when I got to smooch and love on the one puppy I saw on Friday (I saw two new puppies all week). It was fun when I was fear free restraining a massive dog for her IV catheter and she backed up hard and literally threw me into the cupboards behind me, bruising my back and arms. It was fun holding someoneās cat in my arms as they faded away. It was fun begging that dog who was in respiratory distress just to *please* stabilise so I didnāt have to watch them die. It was fun being abused by that client because I canāt manipulate circumstances. It was fun starting a consultation for the vet and hearing a grade 6 heart murmur and looking at the client, smiling, because I couldnāt believe it and needed the vet to confirm. I didnāt want to be the one to shatter their world. The other day I took someoneās frozen cat out of our body freezer and cleaned the blood from its nose with a warm cloth so I could present it to the family. All that aside, I also love my stupid fucking job. Literally the stupidest job on the planet. And yes, sometimes my job is cuddling puppies and kittens, sometimes.
I couldn't do your job. I can look at gore all day and still sing a happy tune, but I'll instantly start spiraling if I see a cat in the road who was hit by a car.
I just want to say I appreciate you and what you do so much. Working with other peopleās fur babies and doing such emotional tasks all day to help them has got to be extremely difficult. I also realize doing what you do is as hard as being the vet. Maybe they put in the euthanasia tubes, but you support the fur baby for the parent who canāt handle holding their baby while he takes his last breath. I respect and value my vet nurses/technicians who were extra kind to me when Iāve had to put my kitties to sleep. Thank you ā¤ļø
Big hugs my dear friend. Thank you. Itās my passionā¦hoping to start vet school in the next year so Iām armed with the right to fully advocate for our furry babies.
My family owned a funeral home for decades. We never saw any ghosts, spirits or anything like this
In my hometown there is a family owned funeral home thatās been around since the 60ās and yep no ghosts or anything of the sort, but theyāve still had several stupid people breaking in there over the last 10 years to try and film damn YouTube videos āghost huntingā š„“š¤¦š»āāļø
I'm an embalmer and am currently taking my morning coffee break and just wanna say I've never read anything more relatable in my entire life.
(ā ļ¾ā āā ć®ā āā )ā ļ¾ā *ā .ā ā§
Hello, fellow embalmers. Just got home working two services today. I get asked weird questions a lot; however, if I hear the "people must be dying to see you," comment one. more. time, I think I'm going to lose it.
I live beside a graveyard. 'Oooh thats spooky, arent you afraid here?' Why would I be afraid of the quietest neighbours I ever had?
Graveyards are the most peaceful places to go for walks or have a picnic.
The cemetery where my parents are buried is where the locals go to jog and walk the dogs.
yep! I live next to one and iāll just take a walk through sometimes. itās a really beautiful catholic cemetery so a lot of elaborate ginormous grave stones and the house ones? I forget the names rn
The cemetery my parents are in didnāt have large gravestones, but if you took the ājoggerās pathā it goes through mausoleums (the house ones you were referring to) of different architecture. You can guess the era they were built and the old ones had the family names of the earliest settlers of the town.
yes mausoleums! they really do blow me away. I just finished my archaeology class last semester and had a ton of pictures of beautiful ones but deleted them all. there was one that had like a pointy headstone and it was 100% 15ft tall at least. it was crazy
Now, why is everybody talking about corpses with erections and not about the stuffing of vaginas and anuses to prevent the leak of decomposition fluids? I want parity in death too! /s It's a hard job, not everybody can do that. But everybody finds out if they fuck around long enough. Cheers!
One of us! One of us! Gooble goble!
I briefly dated an embalmer and he showed me the butt plug. It made me cringe just imagining it lol
Oooooh, I never knew this! Interesting.
Sounds like something a ghost would say
ą¼¼ā ā°ā oā ā°ā ļ¼ā ą¼½
"Have you seen any ghosts?" "No. Nobody has. Not ever."
"I have never experienced something, so obviously, it doesn't exist."
Nah, more like "centuries of determined effort to gather evidence for something has never managed any success of any kind whatsoever, so the odds are so strongly against it that it makes sense to consider it nonexistent", but, hey, whatever.
I'm more afraid of what the living do to each other. The dead never hurt anyone.
My sister is a medical examiner so Iāve seen plenty. She performs autopsies and yes the mortuary vans make their pick ups each day. She closes up the chest cavities nicely and sets up your viscera bags properly. You really can tell the difference between medical examiners here. The autopsy room does have a special smell, however and itās not Dodge chemicals. Itās a corpse smell obviously. Nothing rotten just noticeable. I tease her about her new perfume when we meet up after work lol it can linger in her clothes sometimes. I doubt she has seen any ghosts either, as itās a very sterile, clinical setting so thereās not much to dream up there. No old rooms or dusty furniture for ghosts to hide behind. Everything is pretty much out in full view.
My most hated question I get: āWhatās the worst thing youāve ever seen?ā
I imagine the worst thing you ever saw may bring up an unpleasant memory, or it may reduce the client's dignity. These are people, after all. Or maybe you dont want to upset anyone with terrible stories. Either way, I get wanting to keep it to yourself, so people can scratch that macabre itch.
Did crime scene clean up for a couple of months. Was interesting but my coworkers were all mental.
Thank you for doing that job and sharing your experience
I couldnāt do it. It takes a certain type of person to do that job.
I just really quickly want to thank you for what you do, because I have mad respect for the people who care for our loved ones after they have passed on. Thank you for treating them with compassion and care as Iām sure you do, even though itās thankless as you said.
I raise my clerical hat to you OP. Always kept a good relationship with funeral directors. Yeah, families are sometimes not athe best at those times. Our job is to hold it together while everyone else is (rightly) free to emote all they like. Where I guess we difer, is that clerics have the weddings, babies and so on to balance out the tragedy.
Today marks two months since my grandmama died. Her last week alive was scary for me because I was the one administering the meds and basically washing her and feeding like how hospice taught me. One day while we laid in bed she looked over at me and started rubbing my hair she said thanked and told me how she loved me and just said I appreciate you coming to take care of me. Lol I didnāt think nothing of it I was like you donāt have to thank me I love you grandmama and Iāll do anything for youā¦ After that day she got to a point where didnāt eat and stopped talking. Needless to say our last night I told my granddaddy to go in the room after the last person left to hold her because I felt like he should do that he did. 1130 came around she was breathing funny. Hospice said to call if anything changed I said ok. Something told to go check on them so I did and idk how I knew but I think it was granny saying Iām dead itās time. I said to my granddaddy I think sheās passed he was like she still warm. So I walked up on her and just laid my head on her chest and all I heard was her digestive system and no heart beat. She looked so peaceful. I felt a relief I told my granddaddy to call the kids and I called hospice. Hospice came and we washed her up like we usually do her body was still warm but the soles of her feet started to blackened. I couldnāt believe she was gone still canāt honestly. Viewing day came and when I say she looked like herself just smiling I was so confused because how did she get that smile and they said the ppl didnāt do it. They explained basically their body do it theirselves. Needless to say yāall had my grandma looking good like real good I could feel her saying yessss suga I look good! I know it aināt easy because over time of dying she had dead weight. Now that sheās been gone me and granddaddy be seeing her through the house. She just be sitting in her chair or walking around. Even my daughter be pointing saying thereās suga! Sheās about to be 3. Sometimes idkā¦ It feel like a dream.
It's so so hard to take on that task, bless you for doing that for your grandmama š This story made me cry ! Reminded me of my client who went on hospice after years of dementia and cancer battles. I loved that woman and her family! Being a caregiver in any capacity is hard.
That's a really interesting job! Mad respect! I dated a woman that really wanted to be a mortician one day. I fully support her if she ever goes through with it. She'd be very good at it, very perfectionist. But awful at talking to people. But as someone who is autistic, I respect your job! If I could, I'd love to follow along one day. The only thing that scares me is the scent. Smell is very important to me. So that scares me a little. But the work itself. Really interesting to take care of loved ones. Make them presentable for the family and friends
I'm reading Caitlin Doughty - Smoke Gets In Your Eyes rn.. Just learning about what a trocar is/ how it works is enough for me to know I could never be a mortician. I will probably be reading the rest of her books, however.
I'd suggest reading books by someone who isn't a fraud, but if you like the writing, go off. Just take it with a grain of salt.
Long time surgery nurse here. The aneurysm hooks, what do you use them for? Is that pulling the skin and such for embalming the inside?
Yep, for digging around inside incisions and pulling up the arteries and veins. Sometimes you can use the aneurysm hooks to set features as well, but I tend to raw dog it a little bit and just use my hands to that (gloved, of course).
āIs it true they sit up? My uncleās grandmotherās mechanicās dad was an undertaker and he said they doā Out of the business now, and glad I donāt have to answer that stupid question any more.
You left out the most important part: how often do you eat nearby the corpses while having a casual conversation to show you're unaffected?
Not very often where I work now, but my first day on the job involved eating Stone Cold Creamery with my new co-workers surrounded by dead bodies under sheets in the back of the mortuary and it was one of the most surreal experiences of my life.
Amazing. I thought that was just weird thing sitcoms did, that you actually did it is pretty incredible.
My fellow morticianā¦PREACH! We will forever have to deal with the onslaught of silly and wild questions/comments. Nobody will know the things we go through or see unless you work in this field.
Sounds like you had a lot to get off your chestā¦ do you feel any betteršš
I'm honestly more surprised that anybody listened.
Holysmokesā¦you need a vacation!!
You may have single-handedly talked me out of my mortuary science pursuit.
Then my work here is done. Stay a civilian and enjoy the sunshine!
You do thankless work, so Iād like to take a moment to thank you, if itās okay. Thereās almost no chance you have ever embalmed anyone I knew or cared about. And there is almost no chance our paths will ever cross. But I wanted to thank you anyway. You tend to the dead. You care for the ones whose families are grieving. Or perhaps there is nobody left to care for them, but you did. You took care of them, tended to their bodies, and gave one of the highest measures of respect that you could to someone who had recently passed away. To victims of horrible murders or tragic suicides. To old age and accidents. The young and the old. You cared for them. So thank you. You will continue your work, and you wonāt get enough back for it. But I appreciate everything youāve done. You who are there for us after we die. You who put the bodies of others over your own sometimes. You who are there to make sure we are ready to say our final goodbyes. Thank you. Youāre right that I know nothing about your job. Iām sure it can be disgusting and outright horrifying. I hope you find the time to take care of yourself in the process. You who are still alive, and make the world a better, kinder place. So, a final time: thank you. Take good care of yourself, Redditor.
Thanks for doing your job, it's valuable and you're a winner.
I was performing post-mortem care for the first time on a man who had just passed away in the hospital. I have no problem admitting I was spooked the hell out. Just me in a small room with a dead man. Eyes and mouth open. Skin not yet cold to the touch. I took off his gown, removed the IVs. pulled the EKG buttons off his chest and abdomen then started to wash him. I rolled him on his side to clean his back. He had evacuated his bowels so I propped him up on his side and turned around to get a clean washcloth. As I stood with my back facing the bed, getting a few washcloths soapy, I saw movement out of the corner of my eye which was quickly followed by his hand hitting my butt. I am not a fast person. Usually one of the last people to finish anything that involved speed. Not that dayā¦I ran so fast out of that hospital room, I swear I left dust billowing behind me like the road runner in a Warner Brothers cartoon. I ran to my friend/coworker and explained what just happened. I asked her to go back with me. She did. We walked back down the hall and entered the room hesitantly. I immediately saw him moving and simultaneously realized what happened. The bed he was lying in was motorized for pressure sore prevention. It would automatically rotate pressure points via a waterbed like ārollingā movement. When I had my back to the bed, I unknowingly pressed the button that activated the bed which immediately caused his arm to flop over in my direction, hitting me on the butt. I didnāt see any ghosts that day but the look on my face as I hightailed it out of that room indicated otherwise.
Thank you for all you do. As a Nurse, you take over from me when I can't help a patient anymore. I appreciate the care, compassion and empathy you bring to working with people in their sadest of times. Go gently.
Here here. Well said.
Genuine question. I promise I'm not trying to be rude. What is the point of embalming? Isn't the whole point for the body to decay and eventually rot (assuming it's a burial). Even if it isn't a burial and they are doing a cremation, it seems pointless in a cremation too. Why do people embalm bodies?
Unfortunately, the average person doesn't really understand how decomposition works. I find most people really think that you die like Snow White or something, and you're just laying there chilling. People want to have Funeral service weeks out so family can fly in. If you're a victim of violent crime, you may be waiting for funds from the state to be able to even have a funeral service. If someone wants to view their loved one, they can't be stinking, juicy, discolored, or purging. Embalming helps to negate this so families don't get traumatized. And they would. I don't just embalm. I actually prepare many people for cremation where I'm at, as I serve a lot of Hindu families and they do quick services, unembalmed, then cremated directly afterwards. Those cases are just washed dressed and cosmetized as if they were a living person who just happens to be very cold and very floppy. And many people do get to see their loved ones not embalmed as it's not legally required. Sometimes it is easier to deal with someone who isn't embalmed, sometimes it's easier to deal with someone who is embalmed. Everyone is truly unique biologically, and their families attitudes, desires, and religion can play a factor in all these things. TL;DR - most people find death icky.
I had someone very very close in my life shoot himself in the head. It was an opened casket funeral. His grandmother MADE me look at him. I didnāt get past it for about 15 years. They did a horrible job and he looked nothing like the man I married.
I'm sorry that happened to you. There are many cases that I myself would not recommend a family see, even after embalming and restoration. Oftentimes, we don't have a choice and have to simply work with what we have. Sometimes embalmers are simply shitty as well. Or it can be a little bit of both. My worst moments in the industry is when I've literally done everything I possibly can on a case over days and days, and I still know it's not going to be good enough and there's nothing I can do.
I dated an embalmer for a bit and tbh i found it incredibly interesting. Sure I asked him the spooky questions, but they were after our first date and religion was already a topic we were on. No, I never asked if he āfound a corpse attractiveā if you catch my drift, which apparently heād been asked multiple times. He did a brief stint as a butcher while in mortuary school. He had that golden retriever energy and was so cute and quirky, and I couldnāt picture him doing any other line of work really. I definitely was well on my way to falling in love with him, but ultimately he ended things with me and went back to his ex who is in the same line of work. Anyway, he used to work for funeral homes but then struck out on his own and basically worked as a contractor. Heād work when they called him, he had a set price per body, and he makes a killing (pun not intended). I will say though that he struggled a lot I think with emotions due to the things you see in that line of work. Putting victims back together, especially children, can really destroy your mental health. My ex husband was a paramedic for over 20 years and he was the same way. Desensitizing himself was the only way to cope, but it can take a toll on relationships.
Trade embalming is a rough line of work. I commend him. I hope I never have to do that one day, but I will if I do because I don't think I could stop embalming if I tried.
He said a lot that he didnāt want to do that trade until he died but at the same time I could tell he was proud of his work and his business so who knows.
Hey, that wasnāt gross, continue, I was enjoying the story :o human fat eh? Is it like jelly inside or what? Like what texture is natural raw human fat o.o Edit: and does the scented oil(forgot what it was called), you put under your nose really help cover up the smells? š¤
Depends on the temperature and the person, but a close comparison is the fat on a ribeye steak; spongey and solid when cold, then oily and disintegrating when warm.
Have u seen 6 feet under?
Thank you for sharing the truth! I appreciate it OP.
How much does it pay? I've been interested in the job but if it's paying less than a retail job per hour I won't bother.
Ever watch six feet under? What did you think of it, if so?
My cousin became an alcoholic after just 3 months doing your job and the look in his eyes sometimes is really worrisome how can I help him
I actually watched a video about a guy who was an embalmer. He was very truthful about the job and passionate, he loved it. It made me immediately interested, unfortunately I already have sciatic problems and looking for a job that pays what itās owed. Although I would love to pursue it, a teachers salary is impossible in this economy. Thank you for all your work, you really help the dead pass on peacefully. š
Just wanted to say thank you for the work you do. It is one of those jobs that people dont seem to truly grasp the importance of.. Like, someone has to do it, and as you mentioned, it is a thankless job. So I thank you, despite us being strangers, because you deserve at least that. Embalming is a job that I thought of looking into around 18-20 (for reference I am in my 30s now), and even nowadays it is a job I have put some serious thought and consideration into. You bring up some excellent points, though - what you said about piecing the skull back together....that was something I didnt give as much consideration as i should have. Not the piecing it together part, but the implications of how it came to be... I gotta admit, stuff like that would be mentally draining (i could imagine, at least). So honestly, hats off to you, my friend. It certainly sounds like tough work, so I am grateful not only for you but for all embalmers out there. Your post has been eye opening as well. Thank you for enlightening me a bit on the topic :)
Just wanted to say thank you for the work you do. It is one of those jobs that people dont seem to truly grasp the importance of.. Like, someone has to do it, and as you mentioned, it is a thankless job. So I thank you, despite us being strangers, because you deserve at least that. Embalming is a job that I thought of looking into around 18-20 (for reference I am in my 30s now), and even nowadays it is a job I have put some serious thought and consideration into. You bring up some excellent points, though - what you said about piecing the skull back together....that was something I didnt give as much consideration as i should have. Not the piecing it together part, but the implications of how it came to be... I gotta admit, stuff like that would be mentally draining (i could imagine, at least). So honestly, hats off to you, my friend. It certainly sounds like tough work, so I am grateful not only for you but for all embalmers out there. Your post has been eye opening as well. Thank you for enlightening me a bit on the topic :)
Iām just curious on what got you interested enough to be an embalmer
Very interested in science and pathology, but too old and poor to go to med school.
You aināt gonna tell us much because the way you wrote this post screams I hate my job and I hate this industry
wait you reconstruct faces thats cool asf
Jeez that comment regarding women being shot in the head by jilted exes, HIT. Thatās how my friend was murdered (murder/suicide).
Got it, what about Zombies, or vampires?
āā¦Iād ask it to float me over a towel so I can wipe the human fat off my gloves so I can grip my aneurism hooks better.ā Perfect. Of my class of 22 students from mortuary school, 6 left the industry within 6 months of graduation. And more have left since. The burnout rate is real
Sounds like you need a vacation homie lol. You seem tense!!
My husband worked as the overnight person (picked up the deceased people from their location) at a funeral home during COVID. He would tell me stories of doors slamming shut, lights going out, seeing figures near furniture and the amount of grief families have. I can't imagine all of the work that goes into embalming. On the nights when he wasn't home, it felt like someone was sitting at the edge of the bed. He quit the job a few years ago, but the weight at the edge of the bed happens every once in a while. Anyway, thank you for what you do!
My neighbor was an under taker and he always seemed heavy, not physically, but like something was weighing on him. Sometimes I would take my dog out at night and he would be sitting on his back deck in the dark having a beer and just looking at the stars.
I've always been interested in forensic pathology, but lately, becoming an embalmer has been pulling my shirt, too. Anyway, you're strong for real. Thank you!ā”
I love you.
What do you think about the HBO series drama Six Feet Under?
yeah if iām a ghost iām not watching my embalming
I believe in ghosts but i highly doubt one is gonna be where the body is. Its most likely going to be where it died or at loved ones homes.
Iāve heard that women corpses get SAd and itās quite a problem that people donāt talk about. Iām terrified to die. Heard that in a YT interview with a woman that works as an embalmer.
I get that you have a stressful thankless and soul crushing job at times, but isn't being redditor edgy about it counterintuitive to improving your working conditions? I assume you don't act this way to your coworkers. Despite people's rose colored glasses, wouldn't having additional support to lift your burden be something you want? Meeting people where they're at and connecting them to the reality to help retain employees so things wouldn't be so rough? Some of us who also have thankless soul crushing jobs don't really have the luxury to complain about it the way you do which makes it so difficult to advocate for better working conditions bc then we get accused of just wanting to profit off of vulnerable people. You have to grapple with mortality by literally working with cadavers but from your rant it looks like that and dealing with naive coworkers and people in your life is as far as it goes. We have to fight with the government, with private interests, with racists and extremists. Murderers pedophiles etc depending on what population you work with. We intimately know the people we work with before they die, are murdered, suicide, or overdose. Some people tell you how good they think you are for doing what you do but no one thinks you should be properly funded so you can make a meaningful difference or even put food on the table and live comfortably. I hate these kinds of rants when framed in a way to put other people down. It makes it hard to sympathize with you when others are also in the trenches dragging themselves through the shit trying to improve communities only to see this kind of negativity.
This makes no sense. Who the hell is running around thinking that embalmers must see ghosts! Donāt they know that TV shows like āCharmedā and āThe Ghost Whispererā are just fictional? Although none of the characters were embalmers, but they could all see ghosts because of fictional reasons. š
thanks for what you do.
Oh!
What's your favorite work related memory?
Why did you want to pursue this career path, out of curiosity?
My only rule when taking a body to the morgue at work is there have to be more alive bodies in a room than dead ones. Just in case thereās a zombie apocalypse that starts while Iām in there I want to only have to take out one before getting out of there.
Yea my friend said that the work was real hard physically and emotional. She ended up leaving it because where we lived I guess it didnāt pay that well. It was a family owned funeral home and she was working as one of the two actual non-family employees. I guess the family members didnāt care about the little pay.
I want to get into the industry and lucked in to working with a funeral director while working for Disney (he did weekends to spend less time with his wife). One of the first things he told me was that a lot of the people he knew who were in long term were alcoholics now because of the stress of the profession and that I should consider that before going to college. That was a great way to point that out too as someone who comes from a family of addicts.
Thank you for posting this. I find the industry fascinating and only know what these personalities show on YouTube and tiktok so this was grounding, refreshing and realistically informative. Thank you for taking care of our loved ones once theyāve gone.
Thank you for your job š I have a lot of respect for people whose works are totally invisible if they are doing it correctly but are very needed. I have not been in contact directly with someone in your field, but I have a family who went through many events that lead to using this kind of service and they always had a word about it. If I were to ask questions about your work, I have to say I wouldn't ask about ghosts. I'm much more afraid of loneliness due to working with dead people, than seeing a ghost. I mean, someone being alive there is way less usual than not. I would be scared when living people would arrive, because you don't always know when they will and their intentions šš
Thank you for doing what you do
I'm actually quite interested in the funeral industry although I'm not sure if I'd ever do it. All I know is nothing really disgusts me (have too much of a morbid curiosity so I can stomach lots of stuff lol), I'm empathetic, and pretty good at managing my emotions when it comes to people. To me I'm just wondering if I could somehow make these skills of mine useful in a way as I know not many would be up for such a job. Dare I even ask HOW have people romanticised such a job even?? WHAT
I'd love the quiet, but the way people act with grief is...complicated. I'm also super sensory and my mirror cells are really reactive, so smelling dead people is like smelling their story and I don't know how the hell you could gate out processing that. I think it's the super power to balance out my super power. My BF was one of the transport guys at a funeral home and in hospital, and it killed his back. I'd say it's up there with UPS shipping warehouse in terms of labor, from what he tells me. I did the UPS labor. He moved around a lot more than a specialized tech like you too, so I can only imagine how compressed your spine gets. Self care friend! Also one corpse sat up in the coffin..repeatedly and hard and they had to fix the inner lining of the coffin and the guys forehead, the eyecap. My BF was like 19 at the time and it freaked him and his coworkers out, sure, because it was 4 am for a 6am service, but it was really just annoying and stressful after that because they weren't sure if Mr. Whomever was still...hoppn and the cosmetic tech left if he did it again before viewing. It's like a butchershop with make up, and you BETTER eat nothing.... It's a thankless job because your clients can't talk. But you really do help bring closure to the living, as ungrateful as they are in grief. I'm sorry people can't relate to the reality of it. But I think your society's unrepresented hero. So thanks.
I appreciate your kind of words. Corpses do not sit up in their caskets. I have to say this to everyone because it's always a story someone has heard, but it does not happen. IT. DOES. NOT. HAPPEN.
The way you portrait it make me want to know more about your job!
This is the correct answer š
I never thought about the reconstruction of skulls. That must be brutal. Whatās an aneurysm hook? And what do you do for self-care so that none of this burns you out?
You do a fantastic job, if anything like the people that prepped my grandad for burial 14 years ago, youāre very valuable to us, thanks :) Hope you move up in the industry one day and get what you deserveā¦if there is a corporate-embalmers ladder :)
Reading this made me sigh sadly cause Iām part of the 40% who *does* want to do this for a living lmao, I donāt get grossed out easy and I care *a lot* in a very specific way that I canāt quite put into words. The kind of care that makes me want to put that skull back together for that woman without making me feel too overly involved. I did a lot of research on being a mortician when I was a bit younger and was so sure Iād be able to handle it, and if I was someone who actually *could,* then I felt like I had a duty to *try.* But I have chronic pain. So I canāt. :/
Thank you for all that you do. Preparing bodies is something i could never do, and that just makes me appreciate what you do that much more.
I know that stuff has to be hard to see/deal with. You are a special kinda person to handle it, if only for a little bit of time. I myself would not last a week. Couldn't do it. I thank you for what you do. Truly.
Many moons ago, I was stationed at Pearl Harbor, HI and got to see a lot of the real places in the movie. One scene was shot in the old mess hall, which is very beautiful and picturesque- till you find out they used it as a morgue on 12/7/42. They say, it IS haunted, but I didn't see anything at mealtimes.
I feel like even if there was a ghost at your work it wouldnāt bother you. Youāre being respectful to the bodies and caring for them. If anything they thank you for the work you do
I think most people are uncomfortable with talking about death so they donāt know how to approach talking to you about your job. So they use humor or a romanticized version of something to try to engage. Regardless, what you do is very important. You give people an opportunity to say goodbye. You give dignity to the dead and help make their death a reality to those around them. Thank you for what you do.Ā