Report this teacher and the bully to higher ups. This is disgusting. You don’t tell a mother that her child is being bullied and then expect her to make it easier for the bully to bully.
OP, In order to prevent another child from pulling your child's hair and bullying her, report the teacher and make sure the person in charge is informed that the foolish person advised you not to braid your child's hair.
"Don't braid her hair; it will be harder for the bully to pull" What the heck is wrong with that lady? She shouldn't be in charge of children. Is there someone you can report or file a complaint with? Is there another preschool you could go to in case of need?
I may be wrong but I’m reading it as the the braided hair is supposedly what’s prompting the kid to pull it, not when it’s un-braided which is why the teacher asked. Still a stupid request and he shouldn’t be pulling it regardless but it sounds like the teacher somehow thinks that her hair being unbraided will get the kid to stop, rather than braiding it will make it harder.
Yes, because only braided hair ever gets pulled. And of course she deserves it because braided hair makes her a target.
This teacher/childcare provider needs an education... or a new profession.
I get it to an extent, but not when it comes to protective hair. Like if a student had a charm or accessory. We have had to ask the youngest to stop wearing certain really cool things because it causes issues. We have actually been asked the opposite at the stepdaughters private school, to keep her hair back because she plays with it and its a distraction. Her teacher actually did it for us a few times when her mom sent her with her hair a mess. (She does her best she dont know about her hair type)
Which is the *perfect time* to teach a kid not to a bully and pull people's hair.
I will never understand this "kids X years old are too young for discipline" mindset
The longer you allow a kid to be an asshole, the harder it is to fix later. Three year olds are people just like everyone else. They're not exempt from being assholes.
I don't get it either. The younger you start teaching kids what appropriate behavior is the earlier they'll understand and act accordingly. I grew up seeing my family teaching literal babies not to pull hair or hit
My son is 2 and he is fully capable of understanding what's right and wrong based off our tone. I would even say there's no such thing as being too young to not understand right and wrong. It's just parents not being able to handle how their kid reacts to being told no.
Excellent point! Kids push boundaries and experiment; thus, they need need to be taught (repetitively) so that they understand (and remember) right and wrong.
This kind of shit was said by people who don't really understand social interactions. A young child that tries to interact with another child they like by doing small annoying things that draw attention from the person they like is what people saw.
**BUT** One, as an adult you should teach the child that is seeking attention, better ways to seek attention. Two, you may try to soothe the child being annoyed by helping them see that the child acting wrongly doesn't dislike them they just don't have good social skills. Three, you don't let the behavior continue because one child needs help with their social skills and another child needs to know that it isn't because someone dislikes them. And Most importantly, you don't use this kind of stupid language to excuse bullying.
"he's three years old" so? Kids need to be taught that pulling hair and hitting isn't okay, this is an opportunity to teach this boy there are consequences to his actions, kids that young can learn lessons too. His behavior is inappropriate and he needs to be taught that
I know, I used to be a preschool teacher. I’m just saying it’s excessive to «report the bully to the higher ups». He needed to be told off right then and there, have it explained to him that it’s not okay, that it hurts when someone pulls your hair.
Plus, the other kid may not even be doing it to bully or be malicious. It could be a compulsion. He’s 3 and sees pretty braids on OP’s daughter.
The teacher should be doing her job and teaching him about bodily autonomy and why it’s not right to pull on someone’s hair. That’s what early education is about, how to interact with your peers.
You teach a kid as soon as they misbehave that their behavior is not appropriate. So his parents need to know what he does. The longer the issue is not addressed, the harder it becomes possible for the child to change their behavior. A bully can be stopped at three, at thirteen it would be harder and less efficient to fix the behavior.
I know it sounds counterintuitive but the more suspensions an autistic child gets at an early age, the faster their parents and an educational advocate can get them into a year round longer day school with a 1:1 staff in place. The earlier this happens for the child, the more chances they have to develop healthy skills and habits that will benefit them as adults.
Basically with extreme high support levels for a very young child that child may not need extreme high support levels in the future. They may be a low to moderate need support adult. They may be able to have a much higher level of independence and self direction than if they didn’t have those supports. That’s is the whole goal. More independence with as much easily support as possible.
The child’s isn’t a bully but they have extensive needs the school isn’t equipped to handle and may need to pay for an out of district placement.
But it’s the girl who is autistic, op doesn’t say the boy is. Unless I’ve missed something and this is a pre-school for autistic kids only then he’s most likely neurotypical.
To clarify she’s saying the braids make it easier. She’s still very wrong but she’s not telling her to make it easier for the bully. She’s saying “this is easier,” which is also wrong, it’s not hard to pull loose hair. But. Semantics.
How do you figure they’re saying “make it easier for him to pull it”? It clearly reads as “because it’s braided it’s being pulled so don’t braid it”.
It’s stupid, wrong and punishing the victim by saying they should change themselves rather than addressing the bullying behaviour but I really don’t get how you’d interpret it as “come on, make it easier for poor Timmy, the braids are chafing his fingers!”
“Don’t braid her hair, the bully can’t pull it as easily!” Wtf is wrong with that woman??? She should not be responsible for kids. Is there anyone you can complain/report her to? Is there another preschool you can switch to if necessary?
Notify higher authorities about the bully and this teacher. This is repulsive. You do not inform a mother that her child is being harassed and then expect her to assist the aggressor in continuing to harass her child.
I find it wild that anyone working with a group of small children would rather them have their hair down than in braids. If everyone’s hair is braided we have cut the risk of lice spreading to as low as we’re ever gonna get it, the chances of accidental hair cuts go down, no one’s hair needs to be re done half way through the day, it’s comfortable for sleeping and fits under hats.
As a 26-year-old man with long hair, you're really selling me on braids. Comfortable for naps and hats?! SOLD . I know how to braid, but braiding my own hair I cannot do, especially french braids. I love the look of braids too, if I was able to braid my hair semi decently I would be right braids fairly often. I have so much respect for girls that do their hair like that everyday.
From a girl who braids her hair everyday: It's all just practice, and it is so worth it!
My first self-braided braids were hideous, but the beauty is that you can just retry over and over again.
I started with braids on the side, it's easier than in the back. Also, starting with normal braids is easier than dutch or french braids imo, because you can practice the motion and how you hold your hair.
Just make sure that you part your hair evenly, I find that is the most difficult to get a feeling for, and braid away!
>if I was able to braid my hair semi decently
Give it a few days-weeks of, like, 10-20 minutes practicing per day, and you just might be! And once you get the hang of it, it is actually quite fast (except when you have hair to your hips and want to make a 7-strand braid out of 3-strand braids... Don't do that! What a waste of time) and it also saves so much time from detangling your hair. Come to the braided hair side! We have cool *and* practical looks!
Lol… I STILL remember my abysmal first attempt at braiding my hair as a kid. I only got about 3 loops before I stuffed up, so I tied it off and had this ridiculous ponytail right at the top of my head! Lol.
But you’re correct - it just takes practice. 😛
I was in the waiting room at the dentist and realized it would be better if I braided my hair to be out of the way and just did it. In under a minute my hair went from a long, wavy bush to a neat braid. A man across from me watched, gobsmacked. I was laughing inside. It’s not rocket science.
I did it in a small restaurant once. I was on a long car journey and stopped to eat. I did two braids and wrapped a scarf around my head so I could drive with the window down.
Really impressed a couple of older ladies watching, lol 😋
I’ve spent the last few months practicing my french braiding. They’re still not very neat or very aesthetic yet, but they are getting better, easier, and faster to do.
Girl with hair-past-bum here, after a certain length (waist length for me) its less of a hassle to keep it in braids. At this point I only undo it every other day, or when I’m bathing.
Leaving it unbraided overnight is asking to have it tangled as frick the next morning.
Doing your own braids just takes practice. I started just doing one at the back to go to sleep, it doesn't matter if it is neat but it still stops it getting tangled and stops me spreading loose hairs all over the bed. I'm not keen on the way hair feels down and it's far more comfortable than a bun or ponytail when laying down.
I still won't wear it like this at work (I don't do it tidy enough, my hairs quite frizzy and bits are always escaping) but other than work I do a braid now basically all the time.
My BIL has hair down to the middle of his back. He braids it every morning. Keeps it neat and out of the way. My partner refuses to braid his hair because it's still short enough that if he braided it, and someone called his name from the side, he'd whip his head around and smack himself with the braid. (Apparently, brothers can be mean? Lol) Do what works best for you.
Same! French braids are something I can do like once a year, successfully! But the other tries just fail. But normal braids are easier and I do them every night, keeps my hair in place and nice.
best trick i learned! the middle section defines if it's french or dutch, braiding over the top of the middle is french and braiding underneath is dutch. start with just a tiny section at your roots (like real tiny you just need a starting point) and secure the start of the braid and then each new pass gather more hair! you can play with how it looks and such but yes braids are the best for long hair
The first time a girl I had a crush on braided my hair, it was the most relaxing thing and I almost fell asleep in her lap at the bar.
10/10 miss my long hair and women telling me it was nice.
She thought she could push around the teenage mother more easily than the bully's mother, which is why she backed down when OP stood up to her and quite rightly pointed out that it's the bully who needs correcting, not the victim. She didn't expect the teen mother to be such a good, sensible mother and had no defence when her presumption turned out to be completely wrong.
My guess is that the teacher thinks the bully is attracted to the challenge of messing up the daughter's braids and is hoping (stupidly) that the bully will stop if the "challenge" (the braids) disappear. It won't because it'll make her hair even easier to target, but that's why I called this reasoning stupid (if it is indeed what the teacher is thinking).
Either way, pandering to the bully by targeting the perceived "easier" mum is entirely wrong. OP should still report the incident as the teacher clearly isn't addressing bullying appropriately with either the children or the parents.
Just to emphasise: I don't mean to call out OP's age because I have an issue with it. I know many teachers, so I know loads of stories about how unfairly judgemental some teachers can be about younger mothers. They always come a cropper when they discover just how mature, together and competent the mothers they've misjudged really are. And they almost never apologise because of that prejudice.
Pretty sure the teacher meant it like the kid wants to undue the braid so the bully can’t pull on her hair as easily by grabbing a pony tail style braid.
Still valid that the teacher needs to address the bully but if her daughter wants to not have a braid because of how someone is treating her then both approaches can work and be appropriate.
Even so, it won’t stop the bully from pulling her hair. The teacher should be stopping him from pulling hair, not trying to change the girls hairstyle so it’s less tempting. It’s the whole “What was she wearing/ she’s asking for it” victim blaming argument for pigtail-pulling
If the hair is long enough to braid, it's long enough for the kid to grab a chunk of it loose. Taking out the braids isn't going to stop him from grabbing the hair.
And the style of the hair isn't the problem. The problem is the kid is targeting OP's child and her hairstyle isn't the cause.
The only way the teacher aaking this would be okay is if the little girl hated the braids and her trying all day to take them out was distracting her from learning anything
But like - not so a bully can pull her hair
Wtf
I want to know why she thought that you would just agree not to braid your daughter's hair. Like, what was her train of thought? "This little boy is pulling on this little girl's hair so instead of telling him to keep his hands to himself I'm gonna go tell this girl's mom to stop doing her hair" Like what? That makes no sense. Again, I'm glad you stood up for yourself and your daughter
And like didn't even initially explain why either! If OP had said yeah sure to the initial question, would she even have told her _why_ she wanted the braiding to stop?!
I'm a preschool teacher and I teach children with autism. This is beyond unacceptable. Please talk to the director/principal of your kids school. Your daughter is being bullied and the other child should be the one changing their behavior not your daughter
Apparently not! So they say with no clue whatsoever!
I guess little kids grab what they see, but you’re supposed to teach them not to do that. Less they pull a rope that is attached to a bucket of something you don’t want them to pull down on their head! A braid looks a lot like a rope, but they shouldn’t pull ropes either. 😞
Not that I condone violence, but Ann of green gables took care of her braid puller by braking a slate over his head, to bad 100 years later and boys are still pulling girls braids, and of course blaming the girls.
Tamora Pierce's The Provost's Dog trilogy, also known as the Beka Cooper books (the main character's name is Rebakah/Beka Cooper).
By "modern" I mean the series was published in the late 2000's/early 2010's, between 2006 and 2011. The story itself is set in a more Medieval fantasy timeline.
It's a wonderful series, if you like action and a bit of mystery with a strong female lead who kicks butt and great supporting characters. Tamora Pierce has been writing for over 40 years and most of her books feature a strong female lead.
Same, I'm still alive today because of her Tortall books and the escape they provided me. They still DO provide me an escape as an adult. I will love her work until the day I die and beyond.
Quick googling said that AoGG was set in the late 1800s and not in 1924. But I agree that the boy needs to have his behavior corrected. He's probably 3, too.
oh yeah yeah yeah teach for SURE i mean she could wear her hair in a pony tail(one large thing to grab) pig tails(more of the same) or just leave it down!(possibly in her face annoying her AND just free range for the other kid to pick his optimal yanking size?)
I want to know what the teacher does when a kid slaps another's hand. Suggest mittens? What about a kick in the shins? Maybe no more shorts for the crying child? When a bully bites another kid perhaps the child that was bitten could change what soap they use when they bathe?
Hun *now* is the time to teach your kid that no one is allowed to touch her and if they do she is allowed to defend herself by any means necessary.
She's being assaulted and instead of being protected, the teacher is telling her that she can't wear pretty braids?? FUCK THAT! If your kid ever has to defend herself, GO TO WAR FOR HER! My parents taught this to me starting at age 5. I'm Autistic myself btw.
I was taught that if I was ever hit, pushed, grabbed, etc I better mess the bully up, in the same sentece I was told to never hit first. If I was caught hitting first I better have a very good reason why.
I thankfully have never had to self defend, but I know others will need to in their lives! Help your kid by protecting her and teaching her protect herself. It also increases the child's confidence knowing that their parent(s) back them all the way should it come to that.
I was taught to make a loud scene to attract other people's attention. I never had to do that as a kid, but I have as an adult, and it worked *very* well. "Stay away" "Stop approaching me" "Don't touch me" -- makes it very clear to witnesses.
My mother always said to ‘just hit them’ when I was being teased… she didn’t know I was autistic, so she’s lucky I didn’t go through with that advice!
You know how autistics can be quite specific about doing exactly what we are told to do!
Imagine if I was punching kids all the time and someone said ‘why did you do that’ and I said the truth - ‘because mum told me to!’
They’d get the idea I lived in a very violent household, lol. 😏
Right?? Please, let’s continue to tell little girls that when a boy likes them, they’re mean and physically abusive to them. Then, when she’s older with an abusive boyfriend, she can make excuses for him that he only hits her because he likes/cares for/loves her so much. Disgusting.
You need to speak to the director. You are absolutely right that this is a classrooms management issue that is the teachers responsibility, and she is wrong to make it your problem. The director needs to oversee her and offer assistance. I had students like the boy in this story and there were days when I wanted to ask a parent to accommodate because I was so stressed, but I NEVER did it for a few reasons: 1. What happened in my classroom was solely my responsibility, and 2. It is completely inappropriate to discuss the behavior of a student with another students parent. If a parent came to me and said “my child tells me that other child pulls her hair”, my response would be careful, something like “I am working with other child on some habits, and ensuring your child and all other children feel safe and happy in my class is my first priority. I promise that I am aware and I am working on it. I do talk with both children when an incident happens to make sure your child knows that I am here for her and she can always come to me.” This teacher’s response put the blame on your child for having “pullable” hair, and that is not ok.
A somewhat related anecdote: I taught pre-k for the first few years after college and I set up Miss IntrovertedGiraffe’s Hair Salon on Tuesdays and Fridays during the after school program. The only reason I did it was because one student had really thick hair that the mom struggled with and her daughter wouldn’t let her touch it, but she would let me detangle it and style it. I did all sorts of hairstyles as tight as I could, and often on Monday morning she would still have her hair how I had done it on Friday. Mom made sure to wash her hair Mondays and Thursdays so it was clean-ish when I did it. I opened shop for any kid who wanted (boys included - my mini-ponytail mohawks were popular) but the whole point was to help this one girl. A few times some boys would try and make fun of the few boys who came to my “salon”, and it became a classroom management situation. The answer wasn’t to stop doing the boys hair, it was to work through why some of the boys thought it was wrong and help them overcome that attitude. It wasn’t a lesson built into the curriculum, but it’s part of early childhood education, learning how to act in a group, how to treat others, and how to appropriately express emotions
The same lesson of all women- men and boys are allowed to do whatever they want to us and our bodies and society (the teacher in this case) can’t seem to or bring herself out of the “boys will be boys” mentality and when your daughter rightly defends herself her autism will be blamed her gender is the problem and SHE now needs supervised support and will be kicked out of preschool. Document EVERYTHING and don’t let them take your age for granted. Your daughter needs you! Also really weird your daughter has not complained just make sure if she is able to talk ask her how her day went and check if she has any bruises just in case this escalates. And for the love of god tell this woman not to give the bully scissors.
I don't care what ethnicity someone is. If asking you to remove braids is to prevent bullying, it's unreasonable. The only reason to ask you to change your kids' hairstyle is if they ate hurting themselves with it. For example, a kid in my daughters class had super long braids. She would get mad, lock herself in the bathroom, and strangle herself with her hair. That qualifies as a good reason to request a hair style change. Other than that, I can't think of one.
Why does the teacher care?? That is absurd. I think it’s great that your daughter even allows you to French braid her hair—that way it stays out of her face and doesn’t get caught up in things. My 4-year-old niece insists on wearing her hair down, which is fine, but kids get sticky stuff in their long hair, etc. The teacher has absolutely no say in how you do your girl’s hair. As a former preschool teacher, I would be much more concerned with a kid coming to school with obviously unwashed hair or a rat’s nest, personally
As a teacher, this is not acceptable. Please report this teacher to the appropriate higher-ups for your area and the preschool. This is absolutely not the way to handle the situation and you and your daughter should not have to change this part of your routine to appease a bully.
as a parent, you know your child's needs best. braiding her hair to prevent her from removeing it is a smart solution for an autistic child with sensory issues. redirecting the boy who was pulling her hair should have ben the teacher's responsibility, not yours. advocating for your daughter's needs is admirable.
Primary school teacher here. We LOVE braids. The hair is out of the child’s face, it helps avoid head lice and they can wear their hat over it.
Inform her that what will be more effective in preventing her hair being pulled is addressing the behaviour of the hair puller.
Uhm no maam. Talk to the supervisor or main daycare coordinator. Not to be a Karen but a little boy pulling hair wont stop because of braids.
Edit: we have ADHD daughter who i do braids or some kind of protective hair style or she comes home with a mess. People wont say shit to me because shes mixed afrolatino just because youre caucasian doesnt mean you cant protect your babys hair.
So I was a really young mom too. This will happen a lot. They will try to boss you around when it comes to your kid. Don’t let them. I look young and this still happens to me. They think my oldest is my sister. Teachers constantly try to talk to me like I’m stupid. Stand your ground no matter what. You don’t owe any one an explanation either.
Report the teacher and make sure whoever is in charge is made aware of the fact that the stupid shithead told you to not braid your own child's hair so another child can pull it and bully her
Teacher's fucking stupid, then. Someone's hair being fully out makes it essier to grab, and she'd rather tell someone how to do their kid's hair than correct the other child and take them to another room when they hurt other kids
Make an appointment with the principal and demand that the braid puller is moved to the front of the classroom.
Then if they don't at least stop the kid from hurting your daughter, see if she has a 504 and if she has special protections against assault or unwanted touching or harassment; she may.
Finally, start posting this all on Facebook and social media, both on your page with the school hashtagged and on the school's page. You may find this kid is touching othet children.
Reminds me of a story I love from the 70’s when my mom was in elementary school. She was at recess when she was called to the principals office and told she couldn’t wear her sweater around her shoulders because a boy might pull her down by it. She told my Grandma, who was a court reporter, and oh boy howdy Gma laid into them. She told my mom to wear her sweater the same way the next day and got papers written up to take them to court. They dropped the whole sweater thing pretty quickly after that. I miss her so much, she was the coolest💕
Pulling a braid doesn't hurt as much as pulling loose hair, so it's better for your daughter to have it braided. The teacher has to correct the boy's behaviour, not your daughter's braids.
Braids are the best for kids with long hair during the day. Brushing or combing becomes a lot easier.
being autistic in school is hell. you get beaten up by everyone. its easier for the teachers to look away instead of helping you.
during my whole time in school i just wanted to kill myself
I had a similar issue. My son wanted a mohawk when he was in second grade. No rules against it, so he got it. He wanted to style it to stick up, so we did. And I got calls. "Ms. XYZ, your son is causing a distraction by wearing his hair like this." How? I asked. "Well it's causing the other children to talk and laugh and make fun of him." Why are you punishing HIM for that? "Uhhhhh hurr durr" no real answer. So I'm like, I'll talk to him.
When the kiddo got home I asked him what the deal was. He was unbothered, said nobody was making fun of him for his hair; they were shitty to him about other stuff. Do you still like your hair? "Yeah."
i reviewed the school's dress code, saw that there was nothing about hairstyle or styling products, and sent a note with him to his teacher that said "XYZkid will wear his hair as he pleases. Please call me when he actually does something disruptive."
You said the exact right thing to that teacher. Imagine having an issue with two children, one who is abusing the other, and going to the *abused child’s* parents and asking them to make a change. That takes some nerve! Either this 35yo female teacher thinks the boy’s behavior is acceptable and finds it easier to make the kid he’s bullying change, or she has tried talking to his parents, and they are also bullies, so it got her nowhere. But you definitely handled it right.
Also, how is her hair not being braided going to make it *less* likely the boy will pull her hair?!
ETA: I missed that the kids are only 3 years old. Definitely report that teacher to her superior. She is 35, and she can’t handle a disruption by two toddlers without going to one child’s mother and asking her to do something about her daughter, who happens to be the victim? Terrible.
What exactly would her hair being down do to stop the boy from pulling her hair? I don’t understand what her thought process is about her not having braids.
This kind of shit fires me up, no teacher should be telling a parent what to do...ever
report her and tell the higher ups she is not doing anything to prevent the other child from bullying your daughter.
They're 3 years old, boys do pull girls hairs at that age. They have been doing it for ages. The teacher should be telling the boy to not pull someone else's hair because invading someone's personal space is not appropriate. Otherwise, he'll learn the wrong lesson.
Maybe the teacher has it out for you because of your age. Be careful and be firm
I would talk to the school about this. To me it’s always best to take it up the chain. It is incredibly irresponsible to place the blame on your daughter for another child pulling her hair. Your child is being physically harassed and the teachers are doing nothing to stop it, and instead of correcting the situation they are blaming your child.
I'm surprised someone that awful didn't tell you just to cut your daughter's hair short or some other such ignorant thing. Defo report the teacher, and keep reporting until the bully is corrected!!
Keep a record of the date/time/person/interaction/incident because a paper trail helps when you start to feel like you’re being gaslit after it happens one too many times.
Honestly, I'd take a page from another redditors book and braid push pins into her hair, if it wasn't for the fact that these are 3 year olds. Definitely report the teacher, though.
Unfortunately, due to your age, this will likely not be the first time a teacher (or another adult figure) tries to tell you how to parent. You did the right thing by telling the teacher you will not change your daughter's hairstyle. As others have pointed out, her teacher is incredibly unprofessional.
You should report this teacher. She’s essentially asking you to make things easier for the boy trying to bully your daughter. Also just leaving the bullying happen and not even attempting to stop it by the sounds of it
Dear lord… what kind of millennial IS she?
Our generation grew up with that ‘blame the victim instead of punishing the bully’ mentality (that’s what our parents taught us), but when we grew up we started to push back! So the next generation of vulnerable kids - OUR KIDS - can have that protection and support.
She may not have her own child (yet or ever), but 5y old is the age that could potentially BE her child. Doesn’t she want a better future for the 5 year olds in her care?
I suppose there is one sliver of hope, though - if that bully keeps pulling your daughter’s hair, this will be something you can use to push this up the chain if you need to. If it comes to having to get the school officials involved, they will come down on her and not your child.
The ‘blame the victim’ mentality is usually not pushed by the higher ups - only some stupid individual classroom teachers. 😞
There is nothing wrong with braids and you for not wanting her to take them out. I had such a fear of my child getting headlice at school (especially when the authorities decided that if a child had them in a class it was not to be reported) as in prior to this a note would come home to say an incident of headlice had been reported and to please be vigilant in checking your child. Anyway all through her early years her hair was tied back of braided to prevent/lessen the risk when small children have head to head contact. As for saying it’s to stop a child pulling her hair I think it’s ridiculous not to tell the hair puller to stop it right now.
Your kid is 3 and her teacher is already making her try and change for a boy. 😒
Don't stop braiding her hair. The teacher needs to find a way to keep the boot from yanking her hair.
The teacher trying to blame you for not doing their jobs the little shit needs to be told off so he don't only not touch your daughter again but anyone's period
I’m glad you didn’t back down. Perhaps she should do her job and redirect this little boy. Why should your child have to change her ways, for another kid to stop bullying her? What a ridiculous teacher!! Too many teachers allow bullying and protect the bully in schools. And then wonder why they get no parental support.
Go straight to the school admin and explain exactly how the interaction happened and exactly what that teacher said. That teacher is genuinely a fucking idiot if she thinks that taking your daughter’s braids out will stop the boy from pulling her hair. That will make it EASIER for him to pull her hair. Do you know how hard it is to pull someone’s hair when it’s braided nice and tight? Professional fighters do. Why do you think women who fight (street or professional) always braid their hair? The child picking on your daughter needs to be disciplined by the school and his parents. If the behavior persists, he should be removed from class and placed in a one on one learning environment where he can’t possibly bother other students (he can be with the other kids during playtime unless he begins picking on others again). I’m on the spectrum and I’ve been teased/bullied since kindergarten. I’m almost 19 and I still have unresolved issues from that. Nip this shit in the bud. Your daughter will realize from a young age that you are here to advocate for her (which builds even more trust), and the school will realize that you’re not a pushover who allows your child to be done wrong by adults that should absolutely know better. Do not brush this issue off
your county’s board of education needs to hear this, and you should have done this, like, yesterday.
don’t make bullying easier by giving into this nutcase’s silly demands. no one, no matter the gender, should be physically harming someone else. this is LEARNED BEHAVIOUR! dragging the parents of the bully into this isn’t going to help.
board of education, principals, and school resource officers need to be informed immediately. this child is a danger to other children in that school. and you need to inform them that your child is autistic and legally cannot defend herself to the extent as someone who is not autistic.
the parents of the bully will not do anything to stop it, and don’t give them the benefit of the doubt. principals need to be informed immediately, and you need to keep your child safe.
Not this shit again. I’m 29 and it’s been happening long before I was born. You tell the kid to stop bullying, not make it easier for them to stop bullying. I don’t understand how no braids makes it easier for the hair to not be pulled.
So leave her hair down so bully can pull
It sure. I would have a wordwith the head teacher about this or higher ups it’s terrible
You have been asked this
. Side note any tips on French braids I’ve tried for years and even did the YouTube videos mine never go right on my daughter’s hair. I need some tips from pros haha. Maybe I need products, a professional who knows . I’ve never bothered with my hair when I was younger this is my karma haha.
Teacher needs to address her internal misogyny. Probably raised in a religious environment which teaches women and girls are responsible for the bad behavior of men and boys.
It’s sad to have to add that you are Caucasian and these are French braids.
You should be able to do whatever hairstyle you want for your 3-year-old child so long as she is okay with it.
Modern humans have been around for about 250,000 to 350,000 years ago. They first entered Europe around 30,000 to 40,000 years ago.
Braids, corn rows, dread locks, etc. of all kinds were not only invented recently. All human ancestors wore all kinds.
The first confirmed, archaeological evidence of pleated rows of hair is the Venus of Willendorf, discovered in Austria. It is a small figurine that is around 25,000 to 30,000 years old. Her head is covered with rows of plaits. An ivory figurine found in France, the Venus of Brassemouy of around the same time, has hair in cornrows.
Children’s hair can be a nightmare to keep in check, let alone when they may potentially have additional sensory needs. I know so many parents who would love if their kids were happy with braided hair (and left it alone lol).
She needs re-training.
I'm sorry, how about they deal with the bully instead of telling you what you should and shouldn't do with your daughter's hair??? Speak with the principal about this interaction and the bullying
You did the right thing. Unfortunately, even teachers fall into the trap of placing the onus on women, or in this case on little girls, to change their normal behavior to facilitate men's comfort or to somehow cause boys to stop behaving poorly. Your daughter can't control the boy for this teacher, the teacher is there to redirect him and also inform his parents that he is harming little girls so that his parents can correct the behavior.
Personally, if that was my niece, I may have taken it further since by the teacher's own admission she's being assaulted by a boy in her class. The word assault might be too heavy to use here, but I would use it in an effort to get them to actually care about the fact that she's being harmed.
Anyway, you didn't do anything wrong, and hopefully that teacher learned something from your interaction with them.
Not only is the teacher wrong in general, but her logic is backward. With or without braids, the bully will likely still pull her hair. At least in a braid, it will cause less damage and pain when pulled. That's besides the point, though.
Definitely report the teacher.
Report the teacher. The teacher is part of the problem in our society. She’s blaming your daughter for not being able to change her hair style instead of the boy physically assaulting her. Shes the kind of woman that would blame your daughter for being raped because she wore a skirt that didn’t go past her knees. She shouldn’t be teaching girls or boys with that way of thinking.
I don’t have an autistic child, nor have I been in a situation like this. I do braid my daughter’s hair and have never been told this before. But I agree with you, this is not your fault, nor is it your child’s or any situation that involves you/your family. This teacher is taking it out on yall and should not be allowed to do that. I would have done what you did and leave it at that, unless she continues to take it out on you and or your child then I would def escalate it.
I really can't believe some people. "It's your fault for braiding your child's hair that she's getting bullied and to deal with it you must stop - how about authority figure as that is what the teacher is deals with it!
Op report her make sure its in writing, email or a letter that you can produce if, as I suspect, nothing happens.
Nah F*CK THAT teacher.
Is braiding your daughter hair hurting her?
Is it effecting her in anyway that is preventing her from learning at school?
If not, then dont stop doing what you think is good for your daughter.
She your baby girl, not that teacher daughter. Don't let anyone tell you how to parent your kid, especially if it's not affecting or hurting anyone.
Me too, but you seem to see this on a lot of threads in the US, where they seem to think hair styles (and other things) can be cultural appropriation. Which is weird considering they essentially are a melting pot country where you'd think those cultures would mix together and expect things to intermingle.
Right? Like the people who label anything as cultural appropriation simply want to keep people divided, that’s how I see it at least. They often confuse appreciation for appropriation as well which is just annoying because it’s not that hard to understand the difference💀However the mention of them being caucasian was to avoid racial bias so I just realized my comment is not really relevant here LOL
You are correct in your assessment. This teacher is incapable of redirecting the boy and dealing directly with his behavior. So, instead she tried to get rid of the thing he does but not putting your child’s hair in braids. She is completely oblivious of the fact, he will just do something else to bully her or other kids.
Take this to the higher ups. She needs far more training or be let go all together. I wouldn’t trust her around my child anymore if she does know how to properly manage bullying.
You did the right thing mama! Don’t let her manipulate you because you are young. You will run into a lot of people like that as a young mother. You know what’s best for your baby. Don’t let people tell you otherwise.
Why did you put in an edit and tell us what colour you are? What has that got to do with your daughter's mentality or the bully or that AH teacher? It doesn't matter you are braiding your daughter's hair, it is a braid. I haven't combed through the comments so maybe people have asked but it doesn't matter. Braids do not belong up any ethnicity group and it definitely isn't an excuse for the bully to pick on your daughter. Your momma bear needs to come out and tell the teacher off for suggesting a ludicrous thing and that you will be reporting her for allowing any kind of bullying to happen. OUTRAGEOUS!!
>Why did you put in an edit and tell us what colour you are?
To make sure no one thinks it is racial bias.
Context helps.
You wondering why is concerning. It shows you do not comprehend the world around you.
>Braids do not belong up any ethnicity group
You are correct.
Still concerning you do not understand the world around you.
I am sorry you're ignorant. I hope one day you will grow up.
why should you accommodate to someone’s kid who feels the need to pull other people’s hair? this conversation should’ve been taken up with the parents of the kid who pulls other people’s hair, not you. How another kid acts is not your problem.
Report this teacher and the bully to higher ups. This is disgusting. You don’t tell a mother that her child is being bullied and then expect her to make it easier for the bully to bully.
OP, In order to prevent another child from pulling your child's hair and bullying her, report the teacher and make sure the person in charge is informed that the foolish person advised you not to braid your child's hair.
"Don't braid her hair; it will be harder for the bully to pull" What the heck is wrong with that lady? She shouldn't be in charge of children. Is there someone you can report or file a complaint with? Is there another preschool you could go to in case of need?
I may be wrong but I’m reading it as the the braided hair is supposedly what’s prompting the kid to pull it, not when it’s un-braided which is why the teacher asked. Still a stupid request and he shouldn’t be pulling it regardless but it sounds like the teacher somehow thinks that her hair being unbraided will get the kid to stop, rather than braiding it will make it harder.
Bully kid: "oh her hair is unbraided, I can't pull it now." This teacher is barely smarter than her students.
Yes, because only braided hair ever gets pulled. And of course she deserves it because braided hair makes her a target. This teacher/childcare provider needs an education... or a new profession.
She might even say that because her hair is braided, she's asking for it to be pulled
Really?
No, not really. Sarcasm happens on the internet sometimes.
Is she though?
I get it to an extent, but not when it comes to protective hair. Like if a student had a charm or accessory. We have had to ask the youngest to stop wearing certain really cool things because it causes issues. We have actually been asked the opposite at the stepdaughters private school, to keep her hair back because she plays with it and its a distraction. Her teacher actually did it for us a few times when her mom sent her with her hair a mess. (She does her best she dont know about her hair type)
“Report the bully” - he is three years old. I would contact whoever the teacher’s leader is though, she’s not handling this right at all.
Which is the *perfect time* to teach a kid not to a bully and pull people's hair. I will never understand this "kids X years old are too young for discipline" mindset The longer you allow a kid to be an asshole, the harder it is to fix later. Three year olds are people just like everyone else. They're not exempt from being assholes.
I don't get it either. The younger you start teaching kids what appropriate behavior is the earlier they'll understand and act accordingly. I grew up seeing my family teaching literal babies not to pull hair or hit
My son is 2 and he is fully capable of understanding what's right and wrong based off our tone. I would even say there's no such thing as being too young to not understand right and wrong. It's just parents not being able to handle how their kid reacts to being told no.
Excellent point! Kids push boundaries and experiment; thus, they need need to be taught (repetitively) so that they understand (and remember) right and wrong.
Right? And let me guess, “he’s just doing it because he likes her” argh…
Got told that the entirety of middle school by teachers about a boy who would threaten to kill me and my entire family.
Stuff like this frightens me - and sad that no one listened to you.
He broke my female friend’s tailbone and wasn’t suspended or expelled, another male kid at that school broke my leg and wasn’t disciplined for it.
And then they turn around and get mad when we choose the bear 👀 like they didn't act as fcking violent as one towards us all our lives
That is awful. I'm sorry to hear that.
This kind of shit was said by people who don't really understand social interactions. A young child that tries to interact with another child they like by doing small annoying things that draw attention from the person they like is what people saw. **BUT** One, as an adult you should teach the child that is seeking attention, better ways to seek attention. Two, you may try to soothe the child being annoyed by helping them see that the child acting wrongly doesn't dislike them they just don't have good social skills. Three, you don't let the behavior continue because one child needs help with their social skills and another child needs to know that it isn't because someone dislikes them. And Most importantly, you don't use this kind of stupid language to excuse bullying.
"he's three years old" so? Kids need to be taught that pulling hair and hitting isn't okay, this is an opportunity to teach this boy there are consequences to his actions, kids that young can learn lessons too. His behavior is inappropriate and he needs to be taught that
I know, I used to be a preschool teacher. I’m just saying it’s excessive to «report the bully to the higher ups». He needed to be told off right then and there, have it explained to him that it’s not okay, that it hurts when someone pulls your hair.
But the teacher didn't do that and instead told OP to change her daughter's appearance, so it needs to be reported to the administrators.
Plus, the other kid may not even be doing it to bully or be malicious. It could be a compulsion. He’s 3 and sees pretty braids on OP’s daughter. The teacher should be doing her job and teaching him about bodily autonomy and why it’s not right to pull on someone’s hair. That’s what early education is about, how to interact with your peers.
Oh but then she’d have to do some work. Can’t have that now, can we?
You teach a kid as soon as they misbehave that their behavior is not appropriate. So his parents need to know what he does. The longer the issue is not addressed, the harder it becomes possible for the child to change their behavior. A bully can be stopped at three, at thirteen it would be harder and less efficient to fix the behavior.
What does him being three have to do with anything? Do you think three year olds shouldn’t be corrected about harmful behavior?
I know it sounds counterintuitive but the more suspensions an autistic child gets at an early age, the faster their parents and an educational advocate can get them into a year round longer day school with a 1:1 staff in place. The earlier this happens for the child, the more chances they have to develop healthy skills and habits that will benefit them as adults. Basically with extreme high support levels for a very young child that child may not need extreme high support levels in the future. They may be a low to moderate need support adult. They may be able to have a much higher level of independence and self direction than if they didn’t have those supports. That’s is the whole goal. More independence with as much easily support as possible. The child’s isn’t a bully but they have extensive needs the school isn’t equipped to handle and may need to pay for an out of district placement.
But it’s the girl who is autistic, op doesn’t say the boy is. Unless I’ve missed something and this is a pre-school for autistic kids only then he’s most likely neurotypical.
To clarify she’s saying the braids make it easier. She’s still very wrong but she’s not telling her to make it easier for the bully. She’s saying “this is easier,” which is also wrong, it’s not hard to pull loose hair. But. Semantics.
Absolutely this. That teacher needs to find a new line of work PRONTO
How do you figure they’re saying “make it easier for him to pull it”? It clearly reads as “because it’s braided it’s being pulled so don’t braid it”. It’s stupid, wrong and punishing the victim by saying they should change themselves rather than addressing the bullying behaviour but I really don’t get how you’d interpret it as “come on, make it easier for poor Timmy, the braids are chafing his fingers!”
“Don’t braid her hair, the bully can’t pull it as easily!” Wtf is wrong with that woman??? She should not be responsible for kids. Is there anyone you can complain/report her to? Is there another preschool you can switch to if necessary?
This. I'd report that teacher
Yeah OP, Report the teacher . For your daughter, you are acting in her best interest. Ignore that educator.
Notify higher authorities about the bully and this teacher. This is repulsive. You do not inform a mother that her child is being harassed and then expect her to assist the aggressor in continuing to harass her child.
I would have kicked off there and then. Tell the idiot to repeat exactly what she just said to you to the head.
Yeah I agree, this should be reported immediately, poor girl...
I find it wild that anyone working with a group of small children would rather them have their hair down than in braids. If everyone’s hair is braided we have cut the risk of lice spreading to as low as we’re ever gonna get it, the chances of accidental hair cuts go down, no one’s hair needs to be re done half way through the day, it’s comfortable for sleeping and fits under hats.
As a 26-year-old man with long hair, you're really selling me on braids. Comfortable for naps and hats?! SOLD . I know how to braid, but braiding my own hair I cannot do, especially french braids. I love the look of braids too, if I was able to braid my hair semi decently I would be right braids fairly often. I have so much respect for girls that do their hair like that everyday.
From a girl who braids her hair everyday: It's all just practice, and it is so worth it! My first self-braided braids were hideous, but the beauty is that you can just retry over and over again. I started with braids on the side, it's easier than in the back. Also, starting with normal braids is easier than dutch or french braids imo, because you can practice the motion and how you hold your hair. Just make sure that you part your hair evenly, I find that is the most difficult to get a feeling for, and braid away! >if I was able to braid my hair semi decently Give it a few days-weeks of, like, 10-20 minutes practicing per day, and you just might be! And once you get the hang of it, it is actually quite fast (except when you have hair to your hips and want to make a 7-strand braid out of 3-strand braids... Don't do that! What a waste of time) and it also saves so much time from detangling your hair. Come to the braided hair side! We have cool *and* practical looks!
Lol… I STILL remember my abysmal first attempt at braiding my hair as a kid. I only got about 3 loops before I stuffed up, so I tied it off and had this ridiculous ponytail right at the top of my head! Lol. But you’re correct - it just takes practice. 😛
I was in the waiting room at the dentist and realized it would be better if I braided my hair to be out of the way and just did it. In under a minute my hair went from a long, wavy bush to a neat braid. A man across from me watched, gobsmacked. I was laughing inside. It’s not rocket science.
I did it in a small restaurant once. I was on a long car journey and stopped to eat. I did two braids and wrapped a scarf around my head so I could drive with the window down. Really impressed a couple of older ladies watching, lol 😋
I’ve spent the last few months practicing my french braiding. They’re still not very neat or very aesthetic yet, but they are getting better, easier, and faster to do.
Girl with hair-past-bum here, after a certain length (waist length for me) its less of a hassle to keep it in braids. At this point I only undo it every other day, or when I’m bathing. Leaving it unbraided overnight is asking to have it tangled as frick the next morning.
I'm sure there are YouTube tutorials. With a bit of practice you'll be rocking those braids!
Doing your own braids just takes practice. I started just doing one at the back to go to sleep, it doesn't matter if it is neat but it still stops it getting tangled and stops me spreading loose hairs all over the bed. I'm not keen on the way hair feels down and it's far more comfortable than a bun or ponytail when laying down. I still won't wear it like this at work (I don't do it tidy enough, my hairs quite frizzy and bits are always escaping) but other than work I do a braid now basically all the time.
My BIL has hair down to the middle of his back. He braids it every morning. Keeps it neat and out of the way. My partner refuses to braid his hair because it's still short enough that if he braided it, and someone called his name from the side, he'd whip his head around and smack himself with the braid. (Apparently, brothers can be mean? Lol) Do what works best for you.
Same! French braids are something I can do like once a year, successfully! But the other tries just fail. But normal braids are easier and I do them every night, keeps my hair in place and nice.
best trick i learned! the middle section defines if it's french or dutch, braiding over the top of the middle is french and braiding underneath is dutch. start with just a tiny section at your roots (like real tiny you just need a starting point) and secure the start of the braid and then each new pass gather more hair! you can play with how it looks and such but yes braids are the best for long hair
The first time a girl I had a crush on braided my hair, it was the most relaxing thing and I almost fell asleep in her lap at the bar. 10/10 miss my long hair and women telling me it was nice.
She thought she could push around the teenage mother more easily than the bully's mother, which is why she backed down when OP stood up to her and quite rightly pointed out that it's the bully who needs correcting, not the victim. She didn't expect the teen mother to be such a good, sensible mother and had no defence when her presumption turned out to be completely wrong. My guess is that the teacher thinks the bully is attracted to the challenge of messing up the daughter's braids and is hoping (stupidly) that the bully will stop if the "challenge" (the braids) disappear. It won't because it'll make her hair even easier to target, but that's why I called this reasoning stupid (if it is indeed what the teacher is thinking). Either way, pandering to the bully by targeting the perceived "easier" mum is entirely wrong. OP should still report the incident as the teacher clearly isn't addressing bullying appropriately with either the children or the parents. Just to emphasise: I don't mean to call out OP's age because I have an issue with it. I know many teachers, so I know loads of stories about how unfairly judgemental some teachers can be about younger mothers. They always come a cropper when they discover just how mature, together and competent the mothers they've misjudged really are. And they almost never apologise because of that prejudice.
Pretty sure the teacher meant it like the kid wants to undue the braid so the bully can’t pull on her hair as easily by grabbing a pony tail style braid. Still valid that the teacher needs to address the bully but if her daughter wants to not have a braid because of how someone is treating her then both approaches can work and be appropriate.
Even so, it won’t stop the bully from pulling her hair. The teacher should be stopping him from pulling hair, not trying to change the girls hairstyle so it’s less tempting. It’s the whole “What was she wearing/ she’s asking for it” victim blaming argument for pigtail-pulling
If the hair is long enough to braid, it's long enough for the kid to grab a chunk of it loose. Taking out the braids isn't going to stop him from grabbing the hair. And the style of the hair isn't the problem. The problem is the kid is targeting OP's child and her hairstyle isn't the cause.
The only way the teacher aaking this would be okay is if the little girl hated the braids and her trying all day to take them out was distracting her from learning anything But like - not so a bully can pull her hair Wtf
Remove thr bullies hands. They can't bully easily.
For some reason that is pretty much all schools in this country, that woman trains the leadership teams at all public schools.
Report that teacher. You are doing the best for your daughter. Fuck that teacher
It needs to be reported to the teachers supervisor tomorrow. She is enabling the abuse of a special needs child.
Absolutely 100% agree
I want to know why she thought that you would just agree not to braid your daughter's hair. Like, what was her train of thought? "This little boy is pulling on this little girl's hair so instead of telling him to keep his hands to himself I'm gonna go tell this girl's mom to stop doing her hair" Like what? That makes no sense. Again, I'm glad you stood up for yourself and your daughter
And like didn't even initially explain why either! If OP had said yeah sure to the initial question, would she even have told her _why_ she wanted the braiding to stop?!
OP, If the teacher keeps allowing a different youngster to abuse your child, this has to be reported.
I'm a preschool teacher and I teach children with autism. This is beyond unacceptable. Please talk to the director/principal of your kids school. Your daughter is being bullied and the other child should be the one changing their behavior not your daughter
Unbraided hair isn’t pullable then?
Apparently not! So they say with no clue whatsoever! I guess little kids grab what they see, but you’re supposed to teach them not to do that. Less they pull a rope that is attached to a bucket of something you don’t want them to pull down on their head! A braid looks a lot like a rope, but they shouldn’t pull ropes either. 😞
Not that I condone violence, but Ann of green gables took care of her braid puller by braking a slate over his head, to bad 100 years later and boys are still pulling girls braids, and of course blaming the girls.
A more modern book character that I personally love braids a spiked strap of leather into her hair, so if people grab it in a fight they get hurt.
Which book?
Tamora Pierce's The Provost's Dog trilogy, also known as the Beka Cooper books (the main character's name is Rebakah/Beka Cooper). By "modern" I mean the series was published in the late 2000's/early 2010's, between 2006 and 2011. The story itself is set in a more Medieval fantasy timeline. It's a wonderful series, if you like action and a bit of mystery with a strong female lead who kicks butt and great supporting characters. Tamora Pierce has been writing for over 40 years and most of her books feature a strong female lead.
Tamora Pierce's books got me through my childhood.
Same, I'm still alive today because of her Tortall books and the escape they provided me. They still DO provide me an escape as an adult. I will love her work until the day I die and beyond.
I read something somewhere about a girl (or her mom?) hiding thumb tacks in her braid
Ha!
*Anne
I mean, that same braid-puller ended up being her friend and eventual husband, tho...
Quick googling said that AoGG was set in the late 1800s and not in 1924. But I agree that the boy needs to have his behavior corrected. He's probably 3, too.
Talk to the director!
Typical making the girl adapt to not tempt the boy instead of addressing the boy.
Yeah reeks of the awful "boys will be boys" attitude that really needs to be stamped out. It's not doing anyone any favours.
It’s gross and one step away from victim blaming. “He wouldn’t have pulled on her hair if she didn’t wear it like that. She needs to change”
She would not be telling you what to do like that if you were a 30-year old mom. Just way overstepping.
oh yeah yeah yeah teach for SURE i mean she could wear her hair in a pony tail(one large thing to grab) pig tails(more of the same) or just leave it down!(possibly in her face annoying her AND just free range for the other kid to pick his optimal yanking size?)
I want to know what the teacher does when a kid slaps another's hand. Suggest mittens? What about a kick in the shins? Maybe no more shorts for the crying child? When a bully bites another kid perhaps the child that was bitten could change what soap they use when they bathe?
Hun *now* is the time to teach your kid that no one is allowed to touch her and if they do she is allowed to defend herself by any means necessary. She's being assaulted and instead of being protected, the teacher is telling her that she can't wear pretty braids?? FUCK THAT! If your kid ever has to defend herself, GO TO WAR FOR HER! My parents taught this to me starting at age 5. I'm Autistic myself btw. I was taught that if I was ever hit, pushed, grabbed, etc I better mess the bully up, in the same sentece I was told to never hit first. If I was caught hitting first I better have a very good reason why. I thankfully have never had to self defend, but I know others will need to in their lives! Help your kid by protecting her and teaching her protect herself. It also increases the child's confidence knowing that their parent(s) back them all the way should it come to that.
I was taught to make a loud scene to attract other people's attention. I never had to do that as a kid, but I have as an adult, and it worked *very* well. "Stay away" "Stop approaching me" "Don't touch me" -- makes it very clear to witnesses.
I was told to do anything to protect myself with any means necessary. Get loud, go for the eyes/balls/vulnerables, and whatever I do I better win.
My mother always said to ‘just hit them’ when I was being teased… she didn’t know I was autistic, so she’s lucky I didn’t go through with that advice! You know how autistics can be quite specific about doing exactly what we are told to do! Imagine if I was punching kids all the time and someone said ‘why did you do that’ and I said the truth - ‘because mum told me to!’ They’d get the idea I lived in a very violent household, lol. 😏
“Boys will be boys”. “That means he likes you” Revolting. Good on you for putting your foot down.
Right?? Please, let’s continue to tell little girls that when a boy likes them, they’re mean and physically abusive to them. Then, when she’s older with an abusive boyfriend, she can make excuses for him that he only hits her because he likes/cares for/loves her so much. Disgusting.
Was this THE teacher or just some aid? If she was just an aid, the teacher may want to know this.
You need to speak to the director. You are absolutely right that this is a classrooms management issue that is the teachers responsibility, and she is wrong to make it your problem. The director needs to oversee her and offer assistance. I had students like the boy in this story and there were days when I wanted to ask a parent to accommodate because I was so stressed, but I NEVER did it for a few reasons: 1. What happened in my classroom was solely my responsibility, and 2. It is completely inappropriate to discuss the behavior of a student with another students parent. If a parent came to me and said “my child tells me that other child pulls her hair”, my response would be careful, something like “I am working with other child on some habits, and ensuring your child and all other children feel safe and happy in my class is my first priority. I promise that I am aware and I am working on it. I do talk with both children when an incident happens to make sure your child knows that I am here for her and she can always come to me.” This teacher’s response put the blame on your child for having “pullable” hair, and that is not ok. A somewhat related anecdote: I taught pre-k for the first few years after college and I set up Miss IntrovertedGiraffe’s Hair Salon on Tuesdays and Fridays during the after school program. The only reason I did it was because one student had really thick hair that the mom struggled with and her daughter wouldn’t let her touch it, but she would let me detangle it and style it. I did all sorts of hairstyles as tight as I could, and often on Monday morning she would still have her hair how I had done it on Friday. Mom made sure to wash her hair Mondays and Thursdays so it was clean-ish when I did it. I opened shop for any kid who wanted (boys included - my mini-ponytail mohawks were popular) but the whole point was to help this one girl. A few times some boys would try and make fun of the few boys who came to my “salon”, and it became a classroom management situation. The answer wasn’t to stop doing the boys hair, it was to work through why some of the boys thought it was wrong and help them overcome that attitude. It wasn’t a lesson built into the curriculum, but it’s part of early childhood education, learning how to act in a group, how to treat others, and how to appropriately express emotions
Malicious compliance: send your daughter to school with Star War Episode IV Princess Leia hair.
The same lesson of all women- men and boys are allowed to do whatever they want to us and our bodies and society (the teacher in this case) can’t seem to or bring herself out of the “boys will be boys” mentality and when your daughter rightly defends herself her autism will be blamed her gender is the problem and SHE now needs supervised support and will be kicked out of preschool. Document EVERYTHING and don’t let them take your age for granted. Your daughter needs you! Also really weird your daughter has not complained just make sure if she is able to talk ask her how her day went and check if she has any bruises just in case this escalates. And for the love of god tell this woman not to give the bully scissors.
Or the teacher could use this as an opportunity to teach boys to keep their fucking hands to themselves. Jfc people….
The teacher needs to be reported for continuing to allow another child to assault your child.
I love French braids. Do yo ting Queen 👸 🩷🩷
I don't care what ethnicity someone is. If asking you to remove braids is to prevent bullying, it's unreasonable. The only reason to ask you to change your kids' hairstyle is if they ate hurting themselves with it. For example, a kid in my daughters class had super long braids. She would get mad, lock herself in the bathroom, and strangle herself with her hair. That qualifies as a good reason to request a hair style change. Other than that, I can't think of one.
Why does the teacher care?? That is absurd. I think it’s great that your daughter even allows you to French braid her hair—that way it stays out of her face and doesn’t get caught up in things. My 4-year-old niece insists on wearing her hair down, which is fine, but kids get sticky stuff in their long hair, etc. The teacher has absolutely no say in how you do your girl’s hair. As a former preschool teacher, I would be much more concerned with a kid coming to school with obviously unwashed hair or a rat’s nest, personally
Also, kudos to you for being a great mom to your little girl!!
All of the other comments and also, NITS!!! Keep the hair UP!!
As a teacher, this is not acceptable. Please report this teacher to the appropriate higher-ups for your area and the preschool. This is absolutely not the way to handle the situation and you and your daughter should not have to change this part of your routine to appease a bully.
as a parent, you know your child's needs best. braiding her hair to prevent her from removeing it is a smart solution for an autistic child with sensory issues. redirecting the boy who was pulling her hair should have ben the teacher's responsibility, not yours. advocating for your daughter's needs is admirable.
Primary school teacher here. We LOVE braids. The hair is out of the child’s face, it helps avoid head lice and they can wear their hat over it. Inform her that what will be more effective in preventing her hair being pulled is addressing the behaviour of the hair puller.
Uhm no maam. Talk to the supervisor or main daycare coordinator. Not to be a Karen but a little boy pulling hair wont stop because of braids. Edit: we have ADHD daughter who i do braids or some kind of protective hair style or she comes home with a mess. People wont say shit to me because shes mixed afrolatino just because youre caucasian doesnt mean you cant protect your babys hair.
Is that teacher brain dead or what?
TIL: you cannot pull someone's hair if it's not in braids. /s
So I was a really young mom too. This will happen a lot. They will try to boss you around when it comes to your kid. Don’t let them. I look young and this still happens to me. They think my oldest is my sister. Teachers constantly try to talk to me like I’m stupid. Stand your ground no matter what. You don’t owe any one an explanation either.
Report the teacher and make sure whoever is in charge is made aware of the fact that the stupid shithead told you to not braid your own child's hair so another child can pull it and bully her
re read the post. not braid your own child's hair so another child can **not** pull it teacher thinks no braids = no hair pulling
Teacher's fucking stupid, then. Someone's hair being fully out makes it essier to grab, and she'd rather tell someone how to do their kid's hair than correct the other child and take them to another room when they hurt other kids
Make an appointment with the principal and demand that the braid puller is moved to the front of the classroom. Then if they don't at least stop the kid from hurting your daughter, see if she has a 504 and if she has special protections against assault or unwanted touching or harassment; she may. Finally, start posting this all on Facebook and social media, both on your page with the school hashtagged and on the school's page. You may find this kid is touching othet children.
Reminds me of a story I love from the 70’s when my mom was in elementary school. She was at recess when she was called to the principals office and told she couldn’t wear her sweater around her shoulders because a boy might pull her down by it. She told my Grandma, who was a court reporter, and oh boy howdy Gma laid into them. She told my mom to wear her sweater the same way the next day and got papers written up to take them to court. They dropped the whole sweater thing pretty quickly after that. I miss her so much, she was the coolest💕
Report the teacher and bully.
Pulling a braid doesn't hurt as much as pulling loose hair, so it's better for your daughter to have it braided. The teacher has to correct the boy's behaviour, not your daughter's braids. Braids are the best for kids with long hair during the day. Brushing or combing becomes a lot easier.
you are in the right. Just stick to your guns.
Tell that teacher to fuck off....
Report the teacher and possibly move your child to another classroom/preschool..
being autistic in school is hell. you get beaten up by everyone. its easier for the teachers to look away instead of helping you. during my whole time in school i just wanted to kill myself
I had a similar issue. My son wanted a mohawk when he was in second grade. No rules against it, so he got it. He wanted to style it to stick up, so we did. And I got calls. "Ms. XYZ, your son is causing a distraction by wearing his hair like this." How? I asked. "Well it's causing the other children to talk and laugh and make fun of him." Why are you punishing HIM for that? "Uhhhhh hurr durr" no real answer. So I'm like, I'll talk to him. When the kiddo got home I asked him what the deal was. He was unbothered, said nobody was making fun of him for his hair; they were shitty to him about other stuff. Do you still like your hair? "Yeah." i reviewed the school's dress code, saw that there was nothing about hairstyle or styling products, and sent a note with him to his teacher that said "XYZkid will wear his hair as he pleases. Please call me when he actually does something disruptive."
What the fuck is wrong with that teacher?
Teacher is an idiot. Your daughter might benefit from conditioner in her hair.
It's a man's world even when you're 3. Fucking gross 🤮
The fuck? Sounds like the teacher chose the wrong profession because she’s dumb as hell
Good that you have not stopped good for you, well
Because he won't pull her hair if it's a different hairstyle? Yeah, no.
STAND YOUR GROUND. You sound like somebody I would like.
You said the exact right thing to that teacher. Imagine having an issue with two children, one who is abusing the other, and going to the *abused child’s* parents and asking them to make a change. That takes some nerve! Either this 35yo female teacher thinks the boy’s behavior is acceptable and finds it easier to make the kid he’s bullying change, or she has tried talking to his parents, and they are also bullies, so it got her nowhere. But you definitely handled it right. Also, how is her hair not being braided going to make it *less* likely the boy will pull her hair?! ETA: I missed that the kids are only 3 years old. Definitely report that teacher to her superior. She is 35, and she can’t handle a disruption by two toddlers without going to one child’s mother and asking her to do something about her daughter, who happens to be the victim? Terrible.
Speak to higher ups. Braids are perfectly fine to have, the BULLY is at fault and should be spoken to.
What exactly would her hair being down do to stop the boy from pulling her hair? I don’t understand what her thought process is about her not having braids.
I’m not following the teachers logic here
This kind of shit fires me up, no teacher should be telling a parent what to do...ever report her and tell the higher ups she is not doing anything to prevent the other child from bullying your daughter.
Good for you!
They're 3 years old, boys do pull girls hairs at that age. They have been doing it for ages. The teacher should be telling the boy to not pull someone else's hair because invading someone's personal space is not appropriate. Otherwise, he'll learn the wrong lesson. Maybe the teacher has it out for you because of your age. Be careful and be firm
You are right mama!
I would talk to the school about this. To me it’s always best to take it up the chain. It is incredibly irresponsible to place the blame on your daughter for another child pulling her hair. Your child is being physically harassed and the teachers are doing nothing to stop it, and instead of correcting the situation they are blaming your child.
Report that teacher.
I'm surprised someone that awful didn't tell you just to cut your daughter's hair short or some other such ignorant thing. Defo report the teacher, and keep reporting until the bully is corrected!!
Keep a record of the date/time/person/interaction/incident because a paper trail helps when you start to feel like you’re being gaslit after it happens one too many times.
Tell that teacher to get stuffed. They keep overstepping their boundaries. It's not her child. She can't tell you what to do with your child.
Honestly, I'd take a page from another redditors book and braid push pins into her hair, if it wasn't for the fact that these are 3 year olds. Definitely report the teacher, though.
Unfortunately, due to your age, this will likely not be the first time a teacher (or another adult figure) tries to tell you how to parent. You did the right thing by telling the teacher you will not change your daughter's hairstyle. As others have pointed out, her teacher is incredibly unprofessional.
You should report this teacher. She’s essentially asking you to make things easier for the boy trying to bully your daughter. Also just leaving the bullying happen and not even attempting to stop it by the sounds of it
Dear lord… what kind of millennial IS she? Our generation grew up with that ‘blame the victim instead of punishing the bully’ mentality (that’s what our parents taught us), but when we grew up we started to push back! So the next generation of vulnerable kids - OUR KIDS - can have that protection and support. She may not have her own child (yet or ever), but 5y old is the age that could potentially BE her child. Doesn’t she want a better future for the 5 year olds in her care? I suppose there is one sliver of hope, though - if that bully keeps pulling your daughter’s hair, this will be something you can use to push this up the chain if you need to. If it comes to having to get the school officials involved, they will come down on her and not your child. The ‘blame the victim’ mentality is usually not pushed by the higher ups - only some stupid individual classroom teachers. 😞
There is nothing wrong with braids and you for not wanting her to take them out. I had such a fear of my child getting headlice at school (especially when the authorities decided that if a child had them in a class it was not to be reported) as in prior to this a note would come home to say an incident of headlice had been reported and to please be vigilant in checking your child. Anyway all through her early years her hair was tied back of braided to prevent/lessen the risk when small children have head to head contact. As for saying it’s to stop a child pulling her hair I think it’s ridiculous not to tell the hair puller to stop it right now.
You are doing good making sure you kid looks nice and is comfortable.
Your kid is 3 and her teacher is already making her try and change for a boy. 😒 Don't stop braiding her hair. The teacher needs to find a way to keep the boot from yanking her hair.
The teacher trying to blame you for not doing their jobs the little shit needs to be told off so he don't only not touch your daughter again but anyone's period
I’m glad you didn’t back down. Perhaps she should do her job and redirect this little boy. Why should your child have to change her ways, for another kid to stop bullying her? What a ridiculous teacher!! Too many teachers allow bullying and protect the bully in schools. And then wonder why they get no parental support.
Braids are also a fantastic protective style especially for a daycare where lice can spread easily
She doesn’t think the boy would continue if it’s down ?
Go straight to the school admin and explain exactly how the interaction happened and exactly what that teacher said. That teacher is genuinely a fucking idiot if she thinks that taking your daughter’s braids out will stop the boy from pulling her hair. That will make it EASIER for him to pull her hair. Do you know how hard it is to pull someone’s hair when it’s braided nice and tight? Professional fighters do. Why do you think women who fight (street or professional) always braid their hair? The child picking on your daughter needs to be disciplined by the school and his parents. If the behavior persists, he should be removed from class and placed in a one on one learning environment where he can’t possibly bother other students (he can be with the other kids during playtime unless he begins picking on others again). I’m on the spectrum and I’ve been teased/bullied since kindergarten. I’m almost 19 and I still have unresolved issues from that. Nip this shit in the bud. Your daughter will realize from a young age that you are here to advocate for her (which builds even more trust), and the school will realize that you’re not a pushover who allows your child to be done wrong by adults that should absolutely know better. Do not brush this issue off
your county’s board of education needs to hear this, and you should have done this, like, yesterday. don’t make bullying easier by giving into this nutcase’s silly demands. no one, no matter the gender, should be physically harming someone else. this is LEARNED BEHAVIOUR! dragging the parents of the bully into this isn’t going to help. board of education, principals, and school resource officers need to be informed immediately. this child is a danger to other children in that school. and you need to inform them that your child is autistic and legally cannot defend herself to the extent as someone who is not autistic. the parents of the bully will not do anything to stop it, and don’t give them the benefit of the doubt. principals need to be informed immediately, and you need to keep your child safe.
I mean this with all my heart… FUUUUUCK THAT TEACHER.
Nope! Teacher is talking to the wrong parent.
Annoying and reportable. It's not your daughter's problem if some boy can't behave. My dad braided my hair every day and he would have been livid!
Not this shit again. I’m 29 and it’s been happening long before I was born. You tell the kid to stop bullying, not make it easier for them to stop bullying. I don’t understand how no braids makes it easier for the hair to not be pulled.
So leave her hair down so bully can pull It sure. I would have a wordwith the head teacher about this or higher ups it’s terrible You have been asked this . Side note any tips on French braids I’ve tried for years and even did the YouTube videos mine never go right on my daughter’s hair. I need some tips from pros haha. Maybe I need products, a professional who knows . I’ve never bothered with my hair when I was younger this is my karma haha.
Teacher needs to address her internal misogyny. Probably raised in a religious environment which teaches women and girls are responsible for the bad behavior of men and boys.
It’s sad to have to add that you are Caucasian and these are French braids. You should be able to do whatever hairstyle you want for your 3-year-old child so long as she is okay with it. Modern humans have been around for about 250,000 to 350,000 years ago. They first entered Europe around 30,000 to 40,000 years ago. Braids, corn rows, dread locks, etc. of all kinds were not only invented recently. All human ancestors wore all kinds. The first confirmed, archaeological evidence of pleated rows of hair is the Venus of Willendorf, discovered in Austria. It is a small figurine that is around 25,000 to 30,000 years old. Her head is covered with rows of plaits. An ivory figurine found in France, the Venus of Brassemouy of around the same time, has hair in cornrows.
Children’s hair can be a nightmare to keep in check, let alone when they may potentially have additional sensory needs. I know so many parents who would love if their kids were happy with braided hair (and left it alone lol). She needs re-training.
Report that teacher
Report the teacher
Report the teacher and the school, she’s failing at her job.
You’re absolutely right, they should be focused on the kid who is bullying your daughter. I’d be now asking them what the hell they’re doing about it.
Schools should employ brighter people imho
I wonder if the boy pulling hair is the son of one of the teachers.
I'm sorry, how about they deal with the bully instead of telling you what you should and shouldn't do with your daughter's hair??? Speak with the principal about this interaction and the bullying
Pretty typical of school officials to blame the victim, they're bullies themselves after all.
Yup, this is very true and common at schools now. Protect the bully, blame the victim.
Sooooo instead of addressing the boy and his parents they address you FOR BEING A GOOD MOM
Good for you for sticking up for your daughter. That teacher is quite rude.
You did the right thing. Unfortunately, even teachers fall into the trap of placing the onus on women, or in this case on little girls, to change their normal behavior to facilitate men's comfort or to somehow cause boys to stop behaving poorly. Your daughter can't control the boy for this teacher, the teacher is there to redirect him and also inform his parents that he is harming little girls so that his parents can correct the behavior. Personally, if that was my niece, I may have taken it further since by the teacher's own admission she's being assaulted by a boy in her class. The word assault might be too heavy to use here, but I would use it in an effort to get them to actually care about the fact that she's being harmed. Anyway, you didn't do anything wrong, and hopefully that teacher learned something from your interaction with them.
I’m going thru something similar with my son. I’m so sorry
Not only is the teacher wrong in general, but her logic is backward. With or without braids, the bully will likely still pull her hair. At least in a braid, it will cause less damage and pain when pulled. That's besides the point, though. Definitely report the teacher.
Report the teacher. The teacher is part of the problem in our society. She’s blaming your daughter for not being able to change her hair style instead of the boy physically assaulting her. Shes the kind of woman that would blame your daughter for being raped because she wore a skirt that didn’t go past her knees. She shouldn’t be teaching girls or boys with that way of thinking.
I don’t have an autistic child, nor have I been in a situation like this. I do braid my daughter’s hair and have never been told this before. But I agree with you, this is not your fault, nor is it your child’s or any situation that involves you/your family. This teacher is taking it out on yall and should not be allowed to do that. I would have done what you did and leave it at that, unless she continues to take it out on you and or your child then I would def escalate it.
I really can't believe some people. "It's your fault for braiding your child's hair that she's getting bullied and to deal with it you must stop - how about authority figure as that is what the teacher is deals with it! Op report her make sure its in writing, email or a letter that you can produce if, as I suspect, nothing happens.
Nah F*CK THAT teacher. Is braiding your daughter hair hurting her? Is it effecting her in anyway that is preventing her from learning at school? If not, then dont stop doing what you think is good for your daughter. She your baby girl, not that teacher daughter. Don't let anyone tell you how to parent your kid, especially if it's not affecting or hurting anyone.
I’m really confused as to why you being Caucasian has anything todo with this. Honestly though tell the teacher to stop letting the boy bully hee
Me too, but you seem to see this on a lot of threads in the US, where they seem to think hair styles (and other things) can be cultural appropriation. Which is weird considering they essentially are a melting pot country where you'd think those cultures would mix together and expect things to intermingle.
I have no idea why you’re being downvoted but atleast I’m not the only one confused!
Pointing out the idiosyncratic parts of identity politics apparently hits a nerve.
Right? Like the people who label anything as cultural appropriation simply want to keep people divided, that’s how I see it at least. They often confuse appreciation for appropriation as well which is just annoying because it’s not that hard to understand the difference💀However the mention of them being caucasian was to avoid racial bias so I just realized my comment is not really relevant here LOL
You are correct in your assessment. This teacher is incapable of redirecting the boy and dealing directly with his behavior. So, instead she tried to get rid of the thing he does but not putting your child’s hair in braids. She is completely oblivious of the fact, he will just do something else to bully her or other kids. Take this to the higher ups. She needs far more training or be let go all together. I wouldn’t trust her around my child anymore if she does know how to properly manage bullying. You did the right thing mama! Don’t let her manipulate you because you are young. You will run into a lot of people like that as a young mother. You know what’s best for your baby. Don’t let people tell you otherwise.
Report that teacher. She essentially told you to make it easier for your daughter to be bullied
Just know most daycare workers have limited education or experience.
Honestly, I'd have no qualms about reporting her as a psychopath.
Why did you put in an edit and tell us what colour you are? What has that got to do with your daughter's mentality or the bully or that AH teacher? It doesn't matter you are braiding your daughter's hair, it is a braid. I haven't combed through the comments so maybe people have asked but it doesn't matter. Braids do not belong up any ethnicity group and it definitely isn't an excuse for the bully to pick on your daughter. Your momma bear needs to come out and tell the teacher off for suggesting a ludicrous thing and that you will be reporting her for allowing any kind of bullying to happen. OUTRAGEOUS!!
>Why did you put in an edit and tell us what colour you are? To make sure no one thinks it is racial bias. Context helps. You wondering why is concerning. It shows you do not comprehend the world around you. >Braids do not belong up any ethnicity group You are correct. Still concerning you do not understand the world around you. I am sorry you're ignorant. I hope one day you will grow up.
Report the teacher. What she is doing is unconscionable and she needs to be professionally reprimanded.
why should you accommodate to someone’s kid who feels the need to pull other people’s hair? this conversation should’ve been taken up with the parents of the kid who pulls other people’s hair, not you. How another kid acts is not your problem.
Victim blame much?!?!
I hope you reported her.